Norm Macdonald Live 2x2

1. - Welcome

2. to Norm Macdonald Live.

3. Very excited about tonight.

4. Big, big name as our guest.

5. Alongside me, of course, my trusty sidekick, Adam Eget.

6. - How are ya, Norm?

7. I noticed you're dressed as Don King.

8. - Don King, yeah.

9. You know, I do an impression of Don King.

10. - I didn't know that at all.

11. - Yeah, I've done it in my act

12. for the past five years or so,

13. to highly mixed reactions.

14. And here's how it goes.

15. I'm gonna do it for this camera right here.

16. This is Don King, were he living in Japan.

17. Don King, if he were a Japanese citizen.

18. Don King if he lived in a tiny island nation

19. known as Japan.

20. Here it is.

21. "Only in Japan, yo.

22. "Only in Japan.

23. "Only in Japan.

24. "Only in Japan."

25. Isn't that funny?

26. - Yeah.

27. So he lived in Japan?

28. - Yeah. Yeah.

29. You are right.

30. breath.

31. Okay, so we will be back with the amazing Don King.

32. Right after this.

33. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

34. We don't have...

35. It's Adam Sandler.

36. - Adam Sandler?

37. - Adam Sandler.

38. - He's not doing the show.

39. - Yes, he is.

40. He's in the dressing room.

41. - I thought it was Don King.

42. - No, where did you—

43. - This week is Don King.

44. - Where did you even hear that?

45. - Because I've been trying to get Don King forever.

46. I asked Brent, did I not say to you,

47. "Do we have Don King this week?"

48. - Yeah, Norm, I said no.

49. - You said no.

50. I thought you were being sarcastic.

51. - I said no repeatedly.

52. - I thought it was a running joke, Brent.

53. When you say no, and you think it's sarcastic,

54. it means yes.

55. - Right.

56. - So I kept asking him.

57. Do we—

58. This is what I would say.

59. You say what you would say.

60. "Do we have Don King?"

61. - "No."

62. - "So we have Don King?"

63. - "No, we don't."

64. - "We have Don King?"

65. - "We don't have Don King."

66. - And then I would laugh.

67. Oh, well.

68. Whatever.

69. But it's exciting we have Sandler.

70. - Yeah.

71. - Wait a minute.

72. It took me three hours to get this wig on.

73. - You're gonna look ridiculous.

74. You can't interview him like this.

75. - Of course I can't interview him like this.

76. - You're gonna look stupid.

77. - It's gonna take me three hours to get the wig off now.

78. - Oh, shit.

79. What do we do now?

80. - Alright, I thought of an idea.

81. Don't worry about it.

82. Calm down.

83. - What are we gonna do?

84. - I thought of an idea, just relax.

85. - Alright.

86. - Go to the dressing room.

87. Is Sandler in the dressing room?

88. - Yeah, he's in the dressing room.

89. - Go to the dressing room and tell him

90. that we're gonna do the show in three hours.

91. Yeah.

92. - I don't wanna do that.

93. Don't make me tell him.

94. - He's a good guy.

95. Tell him three hours,

96. and then we'll be ready for him.

97. - Good, God.

98. - Thank you, Adam.

99. I'll get this wig off.

100. - Yeah, okay.

101. Three hours?

102. - Gala.

103. Gala.

104. We have to take the wig off now,

105. because it's not Don King.

106. It's Adam Sandler, who I love.

107. - Okay.

108. - So now I have to go through this process again.

109. - I know.

110. Okay, ready?

111. - Yes, go ahead.

112. - Okay.

113. - That's it?

114. - Well, yeah.

115. - It took three hours to get that on.

116. - Well, it's harder to get, you know.

117. - Did you just look me in the eye?

118. She just looked me in the eye, Brent.

119. - I'm sorry, Norm, I've been talking to her.

120. - Yeah, well, that's, didn't that memo get out?

121. Thank you, Gala.

122. Do you have a mirror?

123. - Yep.

124. - You have a fuckin' mirror?

125. - Yes, Norm.

126. - I love mirrors.

127. You're probably not too fond of 'em.

128. Should charge more for mirrors for fellows like me, Gala.

129. - Yes, they should, Norm.

130. Sorry.

131. - You weren't being sarcastic, were you?

132. - No, I would never be sarcastic.

133. - Hey.

134. - Hey, how are ya?

135. It's great to meet you.

136. - It's nice to see you.

137. - I just, uh, I feel awful.

138. It's an honor to have you here.

139. - Thank you.

140. - But unfortunately we're running a few hours behind.

141. - A few hours?

142. - Yeah, just a few hours.

143. We're having a little bit of a technical problem.

144. - Yeah, wow.

145. I wish somebody would have told me that.

146. - Um, yeah, again I'm sorry, you know.

147. If you could just bear with us, I, we really—

148. - Got you, got you.

149. I just kinda, just gotta do something, though.

150. - Okay, what?

151. You have, like, somewhere to be?

152. - No, no, no, I just gotta do something.

153. - Oh, good Christ almighty!

154. That is a lot of pain!

155. Oh, God, you're kicking me in the belly!

156. Why?

157. Oh, please, stop.

158. Okay, fair enough.

159. Just don't kick me in the face.

160. I need to work on televi—

161. Oh, my God!

162. Now you're kicking me exclusively in the face!

163. Oh, God, please!

164. What have I done to deserve—

165. Oh, God, thank God.

166. Oh, you stopped.

167. Oh, thank you, Lord.

168. Oh. Oh, no, you returned.

169. What's in your hand?

170. It looks like a skillet.

171. It is! It is a skillet!

172. Where did you even obtain a skillet?

173. - That's enough.

174. You're excused.

175. - Can I have my mirror?

176. - No, you cannot have your mirror.

177. Get Adam Eget in here.

178. - Yes, Norm.

179. - Hmph.

180. Both sides are the same.

181. Some fellows are blessed.

182. Adam Eget, where have you been?

183. Turns out I, uh, in a jiffy, the wig came off.

184. He could have—

185. By the way, why the hell did it take you so long?

186. I had to talk to Gala for 10 minutes.

187. You got...

188. Well, that was, that was entertaining.

189. Gala!

190. Adam Eget decided it would be funny to spit blood

191. on the desk.

192. Will you please wipe that off?

193. Ed McMahon, big sidekick,

194. Joey Bishop, Hugh Downs, Andy Richter.

195. Don't recall any of them ever spitting up blood.

196. Know why?

197. Not funny.

198. - Sandler wasn't happy.

199. - Sandler wasn't happy.

200. Well, I'm not happy,

201. 'cause I had to talk to Gala for 10 minutes.

202. Jesus Christ.

203. Where is he?

204. He's supposed to be sitting in this chair.

205. Can you get him?

206. Can you get him?

207. Can you get him?

208. Can you get him?

209. Can you get him?

210. Can you get him?

211. I apologize, ladies and gentlemen.

212. When we return,

213. Adam Sandler.

214. For the full hour, our guest,

215. Hollywood's biggest star.

216. You've seen him in films like Billy Madison,

217. Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer, rather,

218. Punch-Drunk Love, and many more.

219. You loved him on Saturday Night Live.

220. - You sure did.

221. - And his double-platinum comedy albums,

222. They're All Gonna Laugh at You

223. and What the Hell Happened to Me?

224. With us, for the full hour

225. - Whoa.

226. - Is Adam Sandler.

227. Adam.

228. - Normy boy.

229. - How are ya, buddy?

230. - I already like it here.

231. Hi, Adam. - How are ya?

232. - Thank you, guys.

233. - I know, it's almost better

234. to have no response than that.

235. - Ah, that's fine.

236. You're right.

237. - But it's sort of like—

238. It's reminds me of Tom Snyder.

239. Do you remember him in the old days?

240. - Fantastic.

241. - Yeah, it'd be in the middle of the night.

242. - Yeah.

243. - Small crowd of people,

244. and then a big swirl of smoke around him.

245. - No kidding.

246. He looked like a real man, like you.

247. - He was a man's man.

248. - You could take over that spot, brother.

249. - What spot?

250. - The Snyder spot.

251. - Oh. Well, I've never thought of that.

252. - Don't you think?

253. Don't you think people should get together

254. and demand that?

255. Normy boy.

256. That would be great, though.

257. You'd be the best at that.

258. - It would be fun.

259. - It would, you know, bring a whole new light to—

260. Your guests would be stronger.

261. - Yes. Tougher.

262. - Reveal more.

263. - More eclectic guests,

264. and then we'd get inside their head more.

265. - You would get a lot of things out of them.

266. - Like we're gonna do with you.

267. Didn't you have the—

268. Oh, you put the New York symbol on there.

269. - Well, I was afraid no one was going to see it

270. if it was facing that way.

271. - Oh, man.

272. - I needed to show respect.

273. - You're the king of the meeting.

274. - They're in first place right now.

275. - I know they are, yes.

276. - They could be going away today.

277. - Who are you a fan of, Adam?

278. This is my trusty sidekick, Adam Eget.

279. - Absolutely.

280. I used to be a huge Dodgers fan.

281. - What happened?

282. - Well, I, uh, I've been so busy, I haven't—

283. - You can't get Dodgers games now, in Los Angeles.

284. - Well, yeah.

285. - It's an odd thing.

286. - Yeah.

287. Can't you pay for it?

288. - Perhaps.

289. - I mean, poor Vin Scully, too.

290. - What happened to Vince?

291. - Well, I'm just saying—

292. No, I'm just saying, well, it's probably his last year.

293. - I've never heard—

294. - Vince?

295. - Yeah, yeah, I called him "Vince" growing up, too.

296. Vince Ully, I called him.

297. Vince Ully.

298. And then I found out it was, it was when I met him.

299. I said, "Yo, what's up, Ully?"

300. And he goes...

301. - Did you ever make—

302. 'Cause one time they forced me to do Marv Albert.

303. - Love that guy.

304. - He's the greatest.

305. And so I'm on the show, I can't say no.

306. It was my first year on the show,

307. and he was in a little trouble,

308. and I was forced to do it with an unfunny sketch.

309. - Oh, you had to do him on the show?

310. - Yeah.

311. - Oh, alright.

312. - So, first of all, it's a bad impression.

313. - That hurts, that hurts, yeah.

314. - And then I meet him, and I forgot, you know.

315. - Oh, and he kinda stared you down?

316. - Yeah, well, he was nice, but he had to have seen it.

317. - I hate that.

318. - Has that ever happened to you?

319. You've never really taken on anybody.

320. - When I was on SNL, yeah, I would do people,

321. and I didn't even know I was hurting their feelings,

322. because I was too young, and I didn't really get it.

323. - Yeah.

324. - I remember I did David Brenner.

325. And I did David Brenner,

326. and I sat next to him at a Knicks game,

327. and I love David Brenner.

328. And I was like, "Oh, David,"

329. and he was like, "Hey, how's it going?"

330. I was like, "What's happening?

331. "He doesn't like me?"

332. Oh, and then somebody told me.

333. - But he's passed away now,

334. so you can do him.

335. - No. No, you know what?

336. He was cool.

337. He came and saw me at The Comic Strip,

338. and he gave me advice.

339. - Really?

340. - I was friends with—

341. His buddy managed me,

342. and he brought David Brenner in to see me at the Strip,

343. and he told me to stop cursing so much.

344. - Really?

345. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

346. Everybody told me to stop cursing.

347. Who told you to stop cursing?

348. - Uh...

349. - When you first started?

350. - I was super clean when I started.

351. - You were.

352. You were cleaner.

353. - I was very clean, yeah.

354. - You were solid, though.

355. - I got dirtier later.

356. But you know, Fred Stoller told me,

357. he got advice from Rodney.

358. And Rodney said, "Kid, you're taking

359. "too many liberties, okay?"

360. - Oh, really?

361. - And the idea was, he was pausing too much.

362. He was like, "Get to the fuckin' joke.

363. "You're takin' too many liberties."

364. - Oh, that's so funny, man.

365. Rodney told me, he goes,

366. "Hey, man, don't tell people you're a Jew.

367. "Don't do that.

368. "I can't believe you did that."

369. I was like, "Well, it's too late now, Rodney."

370. But I swear to God, the Marv Albert thing

371. I remember the most.

372. So, on Saturday Night Live, okay?

373. You remember how during the show,

374. in the daytime they would show the feed?

375. - Mm-hmm.

376. - And one time they had the feed on a Knicks game,

377. and Marv Albert, it would go to commercial,

378. and Marv Albert, I hear talking—

379. I don't know who he was with,

380. but somebody kept going, "What time's your flight?"

381. And it's still going.

382. He goes, "Oh, 7:20, I believe.

383. "What a game, though."

384. He's babbling about the game.

385. He's going, "This is tighter than I thought it would be."

386. And the other guy goes, "Yeah, they, you know,

387. "did they put you, what hotel is that?"

388. And he's like, "Well, I believe, uh, you know, uh,

389. "Holiday Inn.

390. "But I'll tell you what.

391. "Did not think—"

392. And he's just discussing the game.

393. The other guy was so like, "I don't care about the game,"

394. and Marv Albert couldn't stop.

395. - Who would have believed Johnson would be a factor?

396. - Exactly.

397. Oh, it was beautiful.

398. - That's pretty incredible.

399. That's pretty great for him, though, huh?

400. - Yeah, he's a true fan.

401. - So he's, yeah, he's a fan.

402. When he got, unfortunately, taken out of the thing,

403. it was a blow, because I look—

404. Sometimes they'll show clips of Jordan,

405. and it will be of Marv Albert's voice the whole time.

406. - Right, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

407. It was everything.

408. - It's just, uh, it just went with basketball.

409. - His son's good, too.

410. - I didn't know he had a son.

411. - Yeah, Marv Albert's kid.

412. - Not Kenny Albert?

413. - Yeah.

414. - Is it Kenny Albert?

415. - Hey, you wanna do him too and hurt his feelings?

416. - No, I'd never...

417. I don't like hurting people's feelings.

418. You told me that.

419. You said, "Don't hurt people's feelings."

420. - Yeah, I said quit it.

421. - When I was, when I did the news.

422. Because sometimes you forget that a person is a person.

423. - Spade.

424. Spade used to—

425. Spade and Smigel

426. don't realize they're hurting people's feelings.

427. They're like, "I was at dinner,

428. "and he came at me really aggressively."

429. I was like, "Well, don't you remember

430. "all the sick things..."

431. - Now, Spade, of course, it's famous that,

432. a famous story that, you know.

433. - Eddie.

434. - Eddie won't do the show 'cause of Spade.

435. He won't host the show.

436. - Yeah, I bet he let it go by now, but yeah.

437. - Well, why won't you host the show?

438. - Why should I?

439. - Huh?

440. - I don't know how good it would be.

441. I'm slow now.

442. - Well, it never looks good for the host.

443. - There are guys who love doing it,

444. who are great at doing it.

445. I just don't know how good I'd be doing it,

446. and I did what I could do on that show.

447. - He says—

448. - I could never understand—

449. Oh, I'm sorry.

450. - Go. I just pointed at you.

451. - I could never understand—

452. I thought you were gonna say something else.

453. I'm paid very little for this.

454. I don't know what I'm doing.

455. I'm curious, why did you get, you got fired?

456. - It's something like that, alright.

457. - It doesn't make any sense to me.

458. Why would you—

459. - You did, too right?

460. - You never know with SNL.

461. - I don't know what happened.

462. - With me, it was clear that I was fired.

463. - But they had to fire you or something like that.

464. - But usually people didn't quite know.

465. - We didn't know.

466. It was me and Farley.

467. - You and Farley?

468. Isn't that amazing?

469. - It was in '95.

470. Like, you guys were...

471. - He remembers it as the Golden Age,

472. but I was there,

473. and everybody fuckin' hated it.

474. - They were yelling about the ratings all the time,

475. yelling how bad we were.

476. - All my favorite sketches were from that era.

477. - What was your favorite sketch?

478. - My favorite sketch of all time

479. you were actually in,

480. was the Mr. Belvedere Fan Club.

481. The great—

482. - Oh, yeah, that was good.

483. Fred Wolf.

484. That was a good one.

485. - The other one you were also in,

486. I always loved Sabra Price is Right.

487. And both Tom Hanks, which is actually...

488. - Smigel wrote that one.

489. - Yeah, those were my, those were my favorite.

490. - You were talking about—

491. - Hey, that was my first skit ever!

492. - Oh, the—

493. - Sabra.

494. - Yeah, Mr. Belvedere.

495. - No, Sabra.

496. - Sabra Price is Right.

497. - Is that what that is?

498. Oh, okay.

499. - This is your greatest instrument, this right here.

500. I just keep trying to tell him.

501. I'd yell it, so that he'll try, you know.

502. - He's got a, he—

503. You have a Farley-esque kind of feel to you.

504. Like a sweetness.

505. - You mean like a Chris Farley?

506. - Yeah, Johnny, more like Johnny Farley.

507. Am I right, though?

508. A little bit.

509. - He does have a Johnny Farley...

510. But you mentioned earlier that you thought

511. the movie was a little bit of Sabra Price is Right.

512. - Oh, yeah.

513. I definitely saw that.

514. Loved it.

515. - Thanks, buddy.

516. - Your favorite Adam Sandler film?

517. - Villain? - Billy Madison.

518. - Film, film, film.

519. - Film.

520. - Yeah, Billy.

521. Billy Madison's my favorite.

522. - How did you know that he was gonna say that?

523. - Well, I know another guy who was in it,

524. Old Mark Beltzman.

525. - And Larry Hankin.

526. - Schlock!

527. - Yeah, Larry Hankin said,

528. "It was no Raging Bull."

529. - He didn't agree with the script.

530. Not 100%.

531. But, Normy boy, do you remember falling asleep?

532. In the middle of that shot?

533. - Yes, I do.

534. 'Cause they threw a bunch of ice on me.

535. - They had to wake you, yeah.

536. - Yeah, because they get freaked out

537. if someone dies on a movie set.

538. - Yeah, yeah.

539. - So they tossed a bunch of ice on my face.

540. But the problem was,

541. I was supposed to be drunk,

542. and I didn't want to come off like Foster Brooks.

543. - Oh, right, so you played it past that.

544. - So I just drank, and drank, and drank,

545. and I have a very low tolerance for alcohol.

546. - And it was sunny.

547. - And it was super hot.

548. But, you know, I didn't want to come out like.

549. You know, I didn't want to be like, "Bill, Bill, Bill.

550. "Mr. Madison."

551. Remember Foster Brooks?

552. - Oh, yeah, the best.

553. - He was great, 'cause he was on those, uh—

554. - Roasts.

555. - Roasts.

556. But Dean Martin was the host.

557. A huge drunk.

558. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, he kept saying,

559. "You're steppin' on me.

560. "Tone it down, Dean."

561. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

562. - And Dean Martin'd go, "Our next guest."

563. One time they had Mickey Mantle.

564. He goes, "Our next guest, Mickey Mantle.

565. "Wasn't always in the big leagues, as a matter of fact."

566. And he would just, like, dribble off, you know.

567. He'd go, "Our next guest—

568. "Not always in the big leagues.

569. "Minor—

570. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Foster Brooks."

571. And then he'd come out with the thing.

572. But I saw him one time, he completely bailed on a joke.

573. He said—

574. - Foster Brooks, or Deano?

575. - Deano. He said, "Our next guest—"

576. Sammy was the next guest.

577. He goes, "Our next guest, I don't wanna say

578. "he has a lotta gold jewelry,

579. "but as time, Mr. Sammy Davis."

580. We were speaking earlier, Adam,

581. about your incredible Bill Cosby impression

582. on Saturday Night Live.

583. I was speaking with, uh...

584. - Who, O'Donnell?

585. - Steve, right?

586. Wasn't it you?

587. - Yeah, Stevie, that was Smigel wrote it, though.

588. I can't take credit for it.

589. He told me to do it like that.

590. - He did?

591. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

592. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

593. And you never heard from him?

594. But that was the idea, what was the idea?

595. - It was just—

596. - Just broken down to its essence.

597. - The Cos not talking, saying any words,

598. just all rhythm.

599. Something like that.

600. But it wasn't all...

601. I was doing Smigey, baby.

602. I knew the Cos, though.

603. I was on the Cosby Show.

604. Norm, do you know that?

605. - I knew it.

606. I'd never seen it.

607. - My first show.

608. - But somebody told me that you booked it

609. while you were in college.

610. Is that possible?

611. - NYU boy.

612. - You were in college?

613. - Your brother was my teacher when it happened.

614. And I got—

615. - Steve O'Donnell, the remarkable writer

616. from Late Night with David Letterman.

617. - Genius man.

618. - And his brother, a brilliant—

619. - Fellow genius.

620. - Brilliant playwright.

621. - You were the only guy in the class

622. that was, uh, of interest.

623. - Yes.

624. - He was the best of me.

625. And he came and saw and helped me with my stand up, too.

626. - He's not telling you this.

627. He said you were a little coarse.

628. - I was coarse.

629. He gave me the same advice David Brenner gave me.

630. Stop cursin' so much.

631. Yeah, yeah, he'd say, "I think you could say that

632. "a little subtler."

633. - A little subtler.

634. - Right.

635. - So you never heard back from Cosby?

636. - I don't think so.

637. I saw the Cos—

638. No, the Cos was nice to me, honestly.

639. And I played, uh, basketball with the Cos's son, Ennis.

640. Who, by the way, could slam.

641. Was great.

642. - Really?

643. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was a great kid.

644. - I thought, yeah, well, he played basketball, too,

645. Bill Cosby did.

646. - The Cos is an athlete.

647. - Big, strong.

648. - Strong, he could knock you out.

649. Wanna hear a funny one on the Cos?

650. - Yes. Yes.

651. - Yes.

652. So I see the Cos at, I was shooting Big Daddy

653. with Buscemi.

654. - Yeah.

655. - We're on a street corner.

656. And we're on West Fourth Street.

657. Cos pulls up in a Cadillac, kinda.

658. He's in the front seat of a, like a,

659. I forget what it was.

660. Something, just like, a truck, little Cadillac truck.

661. He's in the front seat,

662. and he looks at the camera crew shooting.

663. He has about a 12-inch cigar going,

664. and he goes...

665. And he does the roll.

666. And we were all like, "Yeah, the Cos doin' the roll."

667. And the light was about a minute and a half long,

668. and he kept going.

669. The whole time, and everybody was on the floor.

670. Buscemi, we're all.

671. He just kept it going, then finally bzzzzt.

672. - Didn't you tell me a story once

673. about when you were on the set.

674. Milton Berle visited the set?

675. - I was in a movie that Milton Berle was in.

676. - Oh, well, he was in the movie?

677. He performed in the film?

678. - He was in—

679. My first movie ever was originally called

680. The Unsinkable Shecky Moskowitz.

681. - He was.

682. - And then they called Babes Ahoy now.

683. - He was a, the ghost?

684. No, he just showed up.

685. - No, he's like—

686. I'm not sure.

687. I think he's a ghost.

688. He was giving me advice, how to be a good comedian.

689. And he had a huge.

690. - What?

691. - Huge.

692. - He did?

693. - Milty. Everybody knew that.

694. - I know, but he showed it to you?

695. - It tinkered out in the—

696. Gave it a little fall.

697. It fell out.

698. - There's always that story.

699. - Fell out?

700. - Fell out, yeah.

701. - Now there's lots of stories about the—

702. They seem almost the same story,

703. about a guy'll have his robe on.

704. - Right, right, right, yeah, right.

705. - And, uh, Rodney, did that ever happen to you with Rodney?

706. - I think I saw Rodney's testicles, yeah.

707. Everybody, a lot of comedians saw them.

708. He used to come down to Catch A Rising Star.

709. I didn't see him there,

710. but I think I saw him after a Vegas show.

711. Spreadeagled, bathroom.

712. He was spreadeagled and gave us the Rodney.

713. - The only guy I ever saw was the golfer, John Daly.

714. - You saw him naked?

715. - No, not naked, but he came back

716. and I was talking to him,

717. and this was a couple of years after he won.

718. And, you know, he was—

719. This was before Tiger, you know, he was—

720. - Yeah, he was the big.

721. - The big guy.

722. - Great man, too.

723. I played with him.

724. - You did?

725. - Yeah.

726. - You played golf with him?

727. - Me and Daly.

728. He taught me how to hit a little longer.

729. - Wow.

730. - Yeah.

731. What is it, grip it and rip it?

732. - Grip it and rip it.

733. - Yeah.

734. - Yeah, he would, uh, I followed him on the whole

735. Followed him at Riviera, playing,

736. and throw the cigarette down, hit it.

737. Pick up the cigarette, you know?

738. But, yeah, he came back stage at the House of Blues

739. where I was playing,

740. and he's like, "Hey, Norm, I understand you like me,

741. "or something like that?"

742. I said, "Oh, yeah, yeah.

743. "You're the greatest."

744. And he said, "Yes, yes, it's true,"

745. and then he pulled out his cock.

746. I didn't know what he was talking about.

747. He says, "It's true," as if I knew that.

748. - Oh, wow, you heard.

749. - And then it was the most insane thing

750. I've ever seen.

751. It looked like it had its own liver.

752. I'm sorry.

753. - What were you, drunk?

754. I would hope he has it.

755. - Did you have a question?

756. I think you had a question for Adam.

757. - Uh, yeah, I've been dying to know,

758. where do you get your ideas from?

759. Norm, Norm made me ask that.

760. - That's a good one.

761. - I really, uh...

762. I really did actually have a question, though.

763. - Go ahead.

764. - You ever think about revisiting some of your old roles?

765. - You're sweating like a...

766. Sweating like a whore in church, Adam.

767. - They cut the budget on the show.

768. We don't have air conditioning anymore.

769. - Ask your question.

770. - You think about revisiting—

771. - Everything's gonna be okay, buddy.

772. He's very nervous.

773. - Good man.

774. Good man, Adam.

775. - I've loved Adam for a long time.

776. I'm very nervous.

777. - It's slowly getting bigger.

778. - Rip Taylor is next.

779. - Naaah.

780. - Yes. - That's right.

781. - And then we're trying to get—

782. - Didn't you do Rip Taylor?

783. - I did not.

784. - Did Farley do—

785. Who did Rip Taylor on the show?

786. - "Hello? Operator?"

787. That's me doing a joke, doesn't work.

788. "Hello? Hello, operator, we've been disconnected.

789. "Hello?"

790. Anyway, he's gonna be on the show next.

791. But do your question.

792. And please, we'll get you some makeup.

793. Good lord, God.

794. - Yeah, I got the old sweatband out.

795. - Okay, should have brought the sweatband.

796. You ever thought about revisiting some of the old roles?

797. Like Billy Madison or Happy Gilmore?

798. Maybe doing a sequel?

799. - Uhhh, not really, not really.

800. - Fair enough.

801. - Adam grew up in his movies.

802. - Yeah, I sure did, man.

803. - Yeah.

804. Was that a strategy you had?

805. - No, I lucked into it all.

806. I kept...

807. I did my Billy and my Happy and my Wedding Singer,

808. and then I just started randomly going,

809. "Alright, what else we got?"

810. I had a little strategy going for a while,

811. and then I started going, "Come on, let's go.

812. "Let's do it.

813. "What do we got?"

814. You know what I'm saying?

815. - I remember on Grown Ups, Adam was going,

816. "Okay, you stand over in the basketball scene,

817. "and you stand over here, you stand over there,

818. "you get over here.

819. "Timmy, you come around, you take the ball from Rocky,

820. "you give it to—

821. "Will somebody yell 'Shoot'?

822. "Somebody yell 'Action'!"

823. Said, "Somebody yell 'Action,'"

824. and then it was like, "Action."

825. Nah, nah, nah.

826. Dugan directed the movie,

827. but he was a good guy.

828. - Yes, he is.

829. Norm, you were good showing the buttocks?

830. - That wasn't me.

831. I think that was my stunt double's ass.

832. I was afraid to go down the thing.

833. - Oh, that's right.

834. - Yes.

835. I was cut from the movie,

836. but my stunt double wasn't.

837. - Yeah, he stayed in,

838. but we kept—

839. He had great—

840. - I realized—

841. You know what I realized with that movie,

842. as I was doing it?

843. 'Cause the movie is Grown Ups,

844. and I, in the movie, kept going, like,

845. every time they were at a scene,

846. I kept walking up and going, "Hey, guys, can I be in it?"

847. And they go, "No."

848. - Oh, yeah, it was at the beginning and end

849. of every scene.

850. - So I realized, halfway through,

851. "Wait a minute."

852. - Damn nose.

853. It's the best.

854. You killed the hardest set read-through, too.

855. - This feels like a guy trying to get into a movie.

856. It was like I had shown up, on the set.

857. But when we come back, we're going to have questions

858. from the internet.

859. - Yeah, yeah.

860. - My Twitter followers.

861. My loyal Twitter followers.

862. - Covert loves your Twitter followers.

863. He's always talking about what Norm did.

864. - The Great Covert.

865. I wanted to ask you a question about, uh,

866. maybe we'll do it right now.

867. About your strategy of using your friends.

868. Not only your actor friends,

869. but your friends that aren't actors,

870. in your films.

871. - Yeah, my films.

872. - Your motion pictures.

873. - Yeah?

874. - And how that came about.

875. Is that to make you comfortable?

876. - You know what's funny?

877. Billy Madison, we wrote it for you and Covert.

878. Can I tell this story?

879. - Yeah, I don't care.

880. - And then it was you and Covert,

881. gonna be best friends,

882. and he came in, and then I had no juice

883. back in the day.

884. When I showed up him I wanted Covert and Norm,

885. they were like, "Yeah, we love that Norm guy,

886. "and who's the other one you said?"

887. I'm like, "My buddy, Covert.

888. "He's really funny."

889. And then they made him audition,

890. and then they said he had dead eyes.

891. Right?

892. And I was like, 'No, he doesn't.

893. "He's great."

894. And they're like, "Nah, we want a fat guy."

895. Remember? The guy kept saying, "We need a fat guy.

896. "He's not fat enough."

897. I was like, "He'll eat, let him eat."

898. And then that was it.

899. - Dead Eye Covert.

900. I wonder how he got his nickname.

901. Dead Eye, that's not a good...

902. - He does the same thing Daly does.

903. He always goes, "You know, what they said."

904. And I was like, "What?"

905. He's like...

906. - That's an odd note, though, Allen.

907. - Yeah.

908. - Did it make you feel self—

909. - Tell him who said it to ya.

910. - Who said it?

911. - Sandy came back with, "It's true.

912. "He's got dead eyes."

913. - It's true, he does!

914. - "He does, there's no life there.

915. "It's a board."

916. - I have never noticed that, but it's been off—

917. - Beltzman was great, though.

918. We got to be friends with Beltzman.

919. - Beltzman, yeah, Beltzman was awesome.

920. But using your actual civilian friends,

921. Allen's a comedian—

922. - Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.

923. - But Dante, and...

924. - But Dante, you know, he came out—

925. - He's hysterical.

926. - He came out here to be an actor.

927. - Oh, did he?

928. - All these guys wanted to be actors.

929. I didn't force anybody.

930. Only one, on occasion—

931. - Betsy Hammer.

932. - Betsy Hammer, no, she wants to be an actress.

933. - She does?

934. - I do stuff some family members in there,

935. and they hit the floor, usually.

936. They don't make the final cut.

937. - What about your mom?

938. - She's just so funny in real life,

939. and then when they call "Action,"

940. it goes terrible, it's terrible.

941. I was yelling at my mother, in Blended, we did Blended.

942. She does a scene with my daughter.

943. All she had to do, it was a little league, like,

944. she, my little daughter, says, "Now batting—"

945. - Sadie.

946. - Sadie, exactly.

947. She says, "Now batting number six," blah, blah, blah,

948. and my mother says, "Oh, he's good,"

949. or whatever, like that.

950. My mother was so bad, and I want her to be in the movie,

951. so I kept going, "Ma!

952. "Let's go!

953. "You know, you gotta pretend it's real."

954. - That's not good.

955. - I'm yelling, and the other crew members are like,

956. "My God, he's nasty to his mother."

957. But I was screaming because I was like,

958. "I'm gonna have to cut you out again, Ma.

959. "Ma!"

960. "Don't say that.

961. "Don't yell at me."

962. I go...

963. - But could your mother actually hurt the money

964. at the box office?

965. - No, yeah, yeah, that's true.

966. I'm trying to protect her with her friends

967. at the, you know, the big temple meetings.

968. Yeah, you were horrible.

969. - Scorcese's mom wasn't.

970. She wasn't always.

971. - She's solid.

972. But she seemed real, though.

973. - She did seem a little real.

974. But she would look at the camera a couple of times.

975. - Oh, she did?

976. That's funny.

977. - Or not?

978. - Goodfellas.

979. - Scorcese's mother was in Goodfellas.

980. - Yeah.

981. - Good God.

982. - I didn't know.

983. I'm not a cinephile.

984. I've been accused of it,

985. and I've gone to arbitration and paid a large settlement,

986. but turns out I am not a cinephile.

987. - You'd be a gentle one, if you were.

988. - Yeah.

989. That's right.

990. - Normy boy.

991. - I—

992. What?

993. - We do have to take a break.

994. - We have to take a break.

995. Coming up: questions from the Twitter-verse.

996. - We had to do it.

997. We couldn't, we had a lot left to go, right?

998. Lot of neat things.

999. - Questions for Adam Sandler,

1000. who is in the new film, Blended,

1001. costarring your old friend, Drew Barrymore.

1002. - You know Drew?

1003. - Oh, I love Drew.

1004. - Remember—

1005. Were you there at that crazy party I had?

1006. - Yes, I was.

1007. - 20 years?

1008. Yeah, that was a good one.

1009. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1010. - Drew was there.

1011. Farley was there.

1012. Remember how it ended?

1013. - No.

1014. I remember craziness.

1015. - It was a good one.

1016. I think they get crazier now, though.

1017. - I'm thinking of one thing

1018. but you should probably tell your thing,

1019. 'cause my thing might be unsayable.

1020. But no, go, how did it end?

1021. - Damon Wayans flushed the toilet, and it broke,

1022. and the whole house was covered in feces.

1023. Right?

1024. And then we all had to pull the plug at five in the morning.

1025. But what was yours?

1026. - Eh, no, that was it.

1027. - Maybe we shouldn't.

1028. - That was it, but I didn't know it was—

1029. - It was the same?

1030. - Yeah.

1031. I never know what a guy wants to say, right?

1032. - Maybe "feces" ain't that bad.

1033. I was definitely nervous.

1034. There's so many things you could have said.

1035. I was like, "Uh-oh."

1036. - But no, Drew was—

1037. I have my theory on why you and Drew

1038. are so great together.

1039. - What is it?

1040. - Romcoms.

1041. - What is it?

1042. - That you are both children.

1043. That you are both ageless,

1044. and so you seem like a little boy,

1045. and she seems like a little girl.

1046. - That's, I mean, I'm pushin' it.

1047. I'm pushin' it.

1048. - It's wonderful.

1049. - She's definitely cute still.

1050. - Yeah, no—

1051. - I saw what was happening, though, today.

1052. I actually, this weekend, I went to Disneyland,

1053. with the kids?

1054. Took 'em for their birthday,

1055. and I was in this nice room,

1056. and I looked in the mirror,

1057. I had the shirt off and the face out,

1058. and it wasn't the cute, young Adam Sandler I once knew.

1059. I was like, "Whoa.

1060. "Sandman, takin' it on the chin a little bit in that shot."

1061. - Don't you think he looks cute?

1062. - Yeah, right now.

1063. Adam, you think I'm alright?

1064. - Of course.

1065. - You said I was half Dean, half Jerry!

1066. - That's right, I did say that.

1067. - That's right.

1068. - Gosh, how do you remember that?

1069. - Because they wrote some article on me one time

1070. when I was doing well,

1071. and then they said, "Adam's friend, Norm Macdonald,

1072. says he's half—"

1073. - Half Dean Martin, half Jerry Lewis.

1074. - I loved it.

1075. - Oh, I could see that, absolutely.

1076. - I took it.

1077. I ran with it.

1078. - Questions from the internet.

1079. "As a kid, what TV shows were you crave—

1080. "What any favorite cartoon—"

1081. This comes from...

1082. Comes from NINJABEN55.

1083. "Any favorite—"

1084. Well, I have to say it, because they're from the internet.

1085. "Any favorite cartoon characters?"

1086. - When I was a kid?

1087. - Yes.

1088. Because you remind me of a cartoon character.

1089. - Who?

1090. Was it this guy or you?

1091. - Should I say it?

1092. - Yeah.

1093. Deputy Dog?

1094. - Bugs Bunny.

1095. - Yeah, maybe.

1096. A little bit.

1097. - He was my favorite.

1098. I thought he was the funniest person ever.

1099. - You love all those guys.

1100. You know that world.

1101. - I know all the Looney Tunes.

1102. But, so, you didn't watch cartoons?

1103. Is that what you're saying?

1104. - I loved the car—

1105. No, I loved them.

1106. - Deputy Dog was your favorite?

1107. - Deputy Dog was up there.

1108. I liked Scooby, of course.

1109. I loved Bugs.

1110. - Top Cat?

1111. - Top Cat?

1112. Yeah, T. C.?

1113. T. C., yeah.

1114. I can do, "Uh, gee, T. C.

1115. "What are we gonna do?"

1116. And Officer Dibble was cool.

1117. And then I liked, I used to love Tennessee Tuxedo.

1118. - Oh, my gosh.

1119. - "Phineas J. Whoopee."

1120. I never could do them perfect.

1121. Spade's good at that.

1122. - So definitely Hanna Barbera.

1123. - Oh, yeah, those were the best.

1124. - I can do Scooby's laugh pretty good.

1125. - Oh.

1126. - You guys wanna hear it?

1127. - Sure, absolutely. - Oh, yeah.

1128. - That's pretty good.

1129. - Thank you.

1130. - That's pretty damn good.

1131. - Thanks a lot.

1132. - I like Snagglepuss.

1133. - Snagglepuss was good, yeah, yeah.

1134. - "Stage right, even."

1135. - Yeah, yeah.

1136. - "Heavens to Murgatroyd."

1137. He was a little...

1138. - Adam Eget gets involved!

1139. - Way to go, baby.

1140. - It's the post.

1141. - From SAMMYSAM145—

1142. I did not read these before.

1143. That's why I stumble over them sometimes.

1144. "You've said in interviews that you got fired

1145. "from Saturday Night Live.

1146. "What—"

1147. Oh, I see.

1148. "What kind of complete idiot

1149. "gets himself fired from that show?"

1150. - This is big.

1151. - This is a joke.

1152. They were being funny in the question,

1153. so then there's no answer.

1154. - Did it hurt your feelings when you got fired?

1155. - No, because I've been fired from every job

1156. I've ever had.

1157. - Exactly.

1158. - Were you fired from Roseanne?

1159. - No.

1160. That was the only—

1161. Because she let me go for—

1162. - To SNL.

1163. - To do the show.

1164. But she's fantastic.

1165. My goodness gracious.

1166. - Oh, man.

1167. - What a tremendously funny person.

1168. - Yeah, she—

1169. When she hosted, she murdered.

1170. She murdered.

1171. - Oh, she was good.

1172. - She killed.

1173. - Just solid, easy up there.

1174. You know what?

1175. A lot of people who are good on their TV shows

1176. come on SNL and crush the hardest.

1177. - Yeah.

1178. - You know, they just—

1179. TV doesn't scare 'em.

1180. They boom.

1181. They memorize their lines by the end of the week.

1182. Yeah, she was a toughie.

1183. - Roseanne, uh, you know, I was talking to what's his name.

1184. Chappelle, who I love.

1185. And he said his career got killed

1186. by the term "crazy."

1187. They started calling him crazy,

1188. and he said, "It's very dismissive, you know.

1189. "And it doesn't mean anything, really.

1190. "Or difficult, or crazy."

1191. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

1192. - "It sticks with ya,

1193. "and then, so somebody's gonna hire you,

1194. "and somebody goes, 'Well, he's crazy.'"

1195. - Oh, right, right, right, yeah.

1196. - And Roseanne's probably an example of that.

1197. Here's Roseanne not working,

1198. Tom Arnold works every...

1199. - Uh-huh, uh-huh.

1200. - One time I had a TV program,

1201. and so they had a boss.

1202. We had to get the boss.

1203. Some people came in to read for the boss.

1204. One of them was Tom Arnold.

1205. So, I guess you're supposed to go through your agent,

1206. but Tom phones me the next day.

1207. He's like, "Hey, buddy, how 'bout that boss job?"

1208. I'm like, "I don't know how it works."

1209. I'm trying to distance myself from him.

1210. I'm like, "I don't know how it works, Tom.

1211. "I have no idea.

1212. "It's out of my hand."

1213. He goes, "I'll take half!"

1214. He goes, "Tell 'em I'll take half!"

1215. So that's a pretty good strategy, I guess.

1216. - Who got it?

1217. - Um, Max Wright, from ALF.

1218. - Oh, yeah.

1219. - The dad.

1220. Did you ever watch ALF?

1221. - Sure.

1222. - He played the dad.

1223. What was his name?

1224. Tat Danny, no.

1225. Not Danny.

1226. - Willie.

1227. - Willie.

1228. - Willie.

1229. - Oh, he looks kind of like Joe Lieberman, you know?

1230. Very funny guy.

1231. Oh, here's a g—

1232. I'm a read ahead here.

1233. My hands are shaking, like...

1234. I don't wanna say like who,

1235. because I'll get in trouble.

1236. But, um.

1237. Oh, this an interesting, this is kind of—

1238. "In what ways was the Trivia Delinquent

1239. "inspired by Arthur Fonzarelli?"

1240. - Oh, a 100%.

1241. - Was it?

1242. - Sure.

1243. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1244. - The leather jacket.

1245. I mean they let me.

1246. That was a thing I did on MTV.

1247. I wore a leather jacket.

1248. I had a tattoo on my neck.

1249. - No, it was hilarious.

1250. - It was good.

1251. Quinn got me all that stuff.

1252. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1253. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1254. - Quinn was great.

1255. - Quinn was the only reason I got on MTV.

1256. One, 'cause he was a powerhouse at MTV.

1257. - Oh, my God.

1258. - And, uh, Remote Control was his show, and he, he, uh,

1259. when I first started stand up,

1260. he was the guy who used to bring me out there,

1261. and he said, "I'm tellin' ya, this Adam kid's funny."

1262. I don't think they liked me that much,

1263. but he, he forced me on them.

1264. - Yeah, Quinn was the king then.

1265. Still is, really.

1266. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1267. - In New York.

1268. - He's pretty good on the Twitter, too, eh?

1269. - He's hilarious on Twitter.

1270. - Yeah.

1271. - But Quinn and, uh, Attell still kinda rule

1272. the, the New York scene.

1273. - Ah, yeah, yeah.

1274. - You know, there's the young people, but, um—

1275. - Sure.

1276. - There's the ladies.

1277. - Heh, yeah, yeah, yeah?

1278. They ruling, too?

1279. - And they got the, uh, they have a big advantage,

1280. because they're both comedians,

1281. and they're ladies.

1282. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1283. Funny ladies.

1284. - So...

1285. So they get, so then people go, "Well, who do you want?"

1286. "Well, there's that one, uh, uh, comedian.

1287. "She's a comedian, and she's also a lady."

1288. - Yeah.

1289. - And then it gets—

1290. - It's more common, though.

1291. - Huh?

1292. - Well, it's more—

1293. - Well, it's common now.

1294. - SNL is very—

1295. - They rule.

1296. - They rule the SNL.

1297. - Look, who is bigger than Tina Fey?

1298. - She's strong.

1299. - Too big to fail.

1300. Here's a question.

1301. "You cast a bunch of professional wrestlers

1302. "in your remake of The Longest Yard.

1303. "Are they better actors than Norm Macdonald?"

1304. That's probably pretty close.

1305. - Similar. Similar.

1306. You always had that thing, remember,

1307. I used to tell you, you're kinda doing a

1308. George "The Animal" Steele.

1309. - I was, uh, more like Dick the Bruiser.

1310. The, uh—

1311. - You told me when I first met you,

1312. "I wanna be the Freddie Blassie of comedy."

1313. - When I was a kid, my, uh, guy was a guy named, uh,

1314. Édouard Carpentier.

1315. - Was he French Canadian?

1316. - He was French Canadian, and he was, he was the good guy.

1317. And the bad guy was "Mad Dog" Vachon.

1318. So one time,

1319. we saw, the greatest thing I ever saw, was, well, what—

1320. Here was Carpentier's big move,

1321. because it was much less athletic back then.

1322. He would get up on the rope,

1323. do a backwards flip onto the thing,

1324. then do a backwards somersault,

1325. and then punch the guy in the face.

1326. But the guy was so impressed by the athleticism

1327. of what he'd just seen, he was like, "Alright."

1328. - "Alright, overwhelmed, buddy."

1329. - That's great, man.

1330. - But one time, uh,

1331. the greatest thing I ever saw was in the Verdun arena,

1332. in the middle of the ice, the had, uh, set up, uh,

1333. 'cause they had a, uh, an ice hockey game that night—

1334. Canadians don't say "ice hockey," but—

1335. So, uh, uh, Carpentier threw Vashon over the,

1336. over the net, onto the ice.

1337. So Vashon hit his keister onto the ice, and down he slid.

1338. - Oh, oh, the wrestling?

1339. They brought it onto the—

1340. - They brought it onto the middle of the ice.

1341. - That's incredible, dude.

1342. - He slid down the ice, and into the goal.

1343. The goal light went on,

1344. and then you looked up,

1345. and there was Carpentier.

1346. He had hit the goal light.

1347. - Oh, man.

1348. - That was some moment.

1349. - The place went bananas.

1350. - Holy crow.

1351. - Hey, I saw—

1352. - Place went—

1353. - Fuji and Tanaka.

1354. - Ooh.

1355. - At our, uh, in Manchester, New Hampshire.

1356. - They were violent.

1357. - Those two, it's Fuji and Tanaka

1358. against Andre the Giant.

1359. - Ho. - Oh, wow.

1360. - I was at that.

1361. - Wow.

1362. - And Andre the Giant went bananas on him.

1363. And he locked old Tanaka.

1364. He put him on the turnbuckle, the highest one,

1365. took the middle rope, put it over his leg,

1366. so he was kinda like stuck in there,

1367. and Tanaka started crying like a baby.

1368. Pretty good.

1369. - He was a big man.

1370. He couldn't fall down.

1371. - Andre?

1372. - No, 'cause he wouldn't be able to get up.

1373. - Yeah, that would be tough.

1374. - And then they had—

1375. He couldn't be beat, you know?

1376. - Yeah, and you can't take—

1377. - Gotta do that slappin',

1378. and that's where they came up with,

1379. "The only thing that frightened him.

1380. "No man frightened the Giant.

1381. "A snake."

1382. - Ooh, ooh, ooh, and they brought one in.

1383. - Jake the Snake.

1384. - Yeah, Jake the Snake Roberts.

1385. - Oh, that's who beat him?

1386. - Yeah.

1387. - Whoa.

1388. I forgot.

1389. I didn't know that.

1390. - Yeah, yeah. - Pretty cool, dude.

1391. - Not afraid of—

1392. "Would you ever go on a tour?" Says BETTYBOOP88.

1393. - That's a good idea.

1394. - Yeah?

1395. - I don't know.

1396. - Get a bus.

1397. - Yeah, I would do it if I, uh, down the line.

1398. I gotta write an act.

1399. - You were a hell of a stand up.

1400. I opened for you, I don't even remember...

1401. I guess probably one of your last tours as a stand up,

1402. when you were at SNL.

1403. We went somewhere.

1404. - In Boston or something?

1405. - And I just remember the Bruce Springsteen

1406. forgetting his lines.

1407. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1408. That was the greatest.

1409. Remember, we all used to go on tour together?

1410. - Yeah, it was so much fun, by golly.

1411. - I gotta get an act again.

1412. You still doing it?

1413. - Yes, yes, yes.

1414. - Oh, you're doing—

1415. - I have too much material.

1416. - Oh, yeah, I bet.

1417. You don't wanna get off.

1418. - I start down just talking to the audience.

1419. - Oh, yeah, that's cool.

1420. - Talking to the crowd,

1421. and then whatever they bring up.

1422. - You do jokes on it?

1423. - I pretty well have a joke on every subject.

1424. - That's pretty great.

1425. - Here's a question.

1426. - Go, baby.

1427. - This is an interesting question,

1428. because, you know, for a regular person,

1429. this would be something,

1430. but for a person with as much fame as you've accrued,

1431. this is interesting.

1432. "Who is the most famous person you have ever met?"

1433. - Whoa.

1434. McCartney.

1435. - Oh, wow.

1436. - You, too, I'm sure.

1437. - I didn't, I wasn't there.

1438. - You didn't get to meet him?

1439. - I remember that story about Franken.

1440. - Oh, that was George Harrison.

1441. - Oh, was that George Harrison?

1442. - When he slammed the piano on his hands?

1443. - How'd that story go?

1444. - I think George was up visiting the writing room,

1445. and he started tinkering down at the piano,

1446. and as a joke, Franken slammed down the keys,

1447. almost hit his fingers, and just said,

1448. "We're writing in here."

1449. - We're writing, yeah.

1450. - As a joke, as a joke.

1451. - As a joke, but—

1452. - We got better things to do.

1453. - But then it kinda ruined the whole...

1454. - Oh, yeah, and I think, yeah, right, exactly.

1455. Everyone was upset they didn't get to hear the jam session.

1456. - Instead of the jam session,

1457. they heard a Franken joke.

1458. Senator Al Franken.

1459. - Did you ever have a bit

1460. that didn't make it to air

1461. that you were always like, "God, I wish that one made it"?

1462. - Probably, yeah.

1463. I had a few that I forced, tried to force.

1464. Downey eventually would get my stuff on.

1465. If I told Downey, if I begged him.

1466. I'd say, "You gotta let me try that one thing."

1467. And he would take a few tries,

1468. and then I'd get a—

1469. I don't remember any in particular, but—

1470. - Sax Jocks—

1471. SAXJOCKEY657.

1472. - Sax Jockey?

1473. - SAXJOCKEY657.

1474. - Gotcha.

1475. - Not to be confused.

1476. "You had to turn down Inglorious Bastards

1477. "due to a scheduling conflict.

1478. "Is that true?"

1479. - I was a, um, I know Tarantino,

1480. and he would tell me for years

1481. he was writing that movie and he had a part for me.

1482. - Really?

1483. - But at that time they were shooting,

1484. I shot Funny People with Apatow.

1485. So I had to stay around.

1486. Yep.

1487. - Another interesting confluence of events

1488. happened recently.

1489. - What happened?

1490. - With the Tarantino movie.

1491. He had this movie that was—

1492. - The Magnificent Eight?

1493. - The Amazing Eight or something like that,

1494. based on The Magnificent Seven.

1495. Pardon me? - The Hateful Eight.

1496. - The Hateful Eight.

1497. - The Hateful Eight

1498. was a parody or—

1499. All his movies are sort of comedies, I think.

1500. And at the same time,

1501. you were planning The Ridiculous 6.

1502. - Still going, buddy.

1503. - And it's still going.

1504. - You're in it.

1505. - And I'm in it.

1506. Who do I play?

1507. - You'll see.

1508. You wear a cowboy hat, though.

1509. - I can do—

1510. - You always liked Slim Pickens.

1511. - I can do Slim Pickens.

1512. - I feel like the Ridiculous 6 are doing what they're doing,

1513. and you just keep going,

1514. "What are you guys doing?"

1515. - I might do that.

1516. - He buttons every scene.

1517. At the end of it, he's like,

1518. "Was it wide enough to cut out?"

1519. "Yeah."

1520. - History calls him the Human Button.

1521. - I think it would be better with seven.

1522. "I think it would be better with seven."

1523. That's Andy Divine.

1524. Alright.

1525. Oh, this is—

1526. I'm not sure.

1527. Oh, yes, I do know this game.

1528. GELATINOUS3 says that there's a game called

1529. Fuck, Marry, Kill.

1530. - I don't know it.

1531. Oh, who would I rather fuck,

1532. who would I—

1533. - Yeah, who would you choose to fuck,

1534. who would you choose to marry,

1535. and who would you choose to kill?

1536. "Rob Schneider, Davide Spade, Norm Macdonald?"

1537. - You wanna kill Spade.

1538. - Kill Spade.

1539. - So simple.

1540. - So now, who now—

1541. - No fighting back.

1542. - Now it's down to Schneider and me,

1543. and it's for fuck or marry.

1544. I know which one I want.

1545. - We'll take it.

1546. I'll marry you.

1547. And I'll go hairless on the bucket.

1548. - Have you seen Rob lately?

1549. - I saw him a couple months ago.

1550. Yes, I hung out with him.

1551. He's doing good.

1552. He's happy.

1553. He's doing stand up all the time.

1554. - He looks strong, he does stand up,

1555. and he has...

1556. He phoned me, and he goes,

1557. "I'll get you a Gulf Stream Jet,

1558. "fly you to Miami,

1559. "I have a TV show, and you'll be on it,

1560. "and then later you'll have your own TV show."

1561. And I was like, "Yeah, I'll do anything."

1562. And then three weeks went by, and I haven't heard from him.

1563. But he's a, boy, what do you call 'em?

1564. A scrambler.

1565. - Oh, he's funny.

1566. - Oh, he's hilarious.

1567. - He is pure crazy and funny.

1568. And he has a hardworking board.

1569. - I see him in the script of the Ridiculous 6,

1570. which I have read.

1571. - Yeah, you're in it.

1572. - Don't leak it.

1573. - And I see who's who.

1574. I can see it.

1575. - Yeah, Schneider's a—

1576. - Schneider's hilarious.

1577. - Schneider's out there doing it, yeah, yeah.

1578. - Schneider is gonna kill it out there.

1579. - He's very happy now with his little baby

1580. and his good-looking, nice wife.

1581. - She is nice.

1582. I've met her.

1583. - Oh, yeah, you know him.

1584. You know him from The Comic Strip Club?

1585. - Tempe.

1586. The Improv, yeah.

1587. - He used to—

1588. This was probably—

1589. Did you ever do The Tempe Improv?

1590. Or was that after you?

1591. - I did it.

1592. I did it.

1593. That was a great one.

1594. No, I did it, like, 20 years or something.

1595. 15 years ago.

1596. - Now, I thought you had a story—

1597. - I did have an actual question, though.

1598. - Yeah, Norm's ready and prepared for his next one.

1599. - No, go to it, go to it.

1600. - Alright, go ahead.

1601. - Do you have a—

1602. - Go to it, go to it.

1603. - Well, I, uh, my favorite song was

1604. At a Medium Pace, and I thought it was kind of

1605. in the vein of, like, Nazarus cover of Love Hurts.

1606. And then you tackled Reggae with Piece of Shit Car,

1607. and Techno with Secret.

1608. Are there any other genres that you haven't done

1609. that you, maybe—

1610. - I don't know, you know.

1611. I always believe that I would like to do them all.

1612. I don't think I—

1613. - Well, you haven't done Country.

1614. - I did one.

1615. I did this thing called Zittly Van Zittles.

1616. - Oh, that's right.

1617. - It was about a guy who had a pimple

1618. in the middle of his back.

1619. It was Country.

1620. - On which album?

1621. - It didn't go anywhere.

1622. It's on one of 'em.

1623. What's it on?

1624. One of em.

1625. - Uh, What's Your Name?

1626. - What's Your Name?

1627. - Really?

1628. - Yeah, I did one album all songs,

1629. and that was one.

1630. How's your album doing?

1631. How's Brooks?

1632. "We're gonna release it in four months."

1633. Normy had that album cooking for about seven years.

1634. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1635. - Ridiculous?

1636. - Yeah, longer than Thriller, it took.

1637. But the problem is,

1638. you're more common with yourself.

1639. Every time I'd go in,

1640. I'd think, "Oh, there's a way to change it."

1641. Every time I'd listen, I'd go,

1642. "I can change this.

1643. "I can make it better.

1644. "I can change it, I can change it."

1645. And then, yeah, and apparently so much money

1646. went into sushi.

1647. I didn't realize it was coming out of the budget

1648. of the album.

1649. - They don't tell you that!

1650. And you're like, "Man, they give you free sushi."

1651. And you're like, "I gotta pay for that?"

1652. I know.

1653. It's so funny.

1654. You know what happened one time?

1655. - Did you ever make any money from that, from your—

1656. Your albums were giant.

1657. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, eventually.

1658. But when we were makin' 'em,

1659. I remember I had loads of friends

1660. that would come by and visit, right?

1661. And I'd say, "Let's take a break, Brooks.

1662. "Come on, let's take 'em out to dinner."

1663. And then we'd go out to dinner,

1664. and he'd go, "The label has it, man.

1665. "The Label."

1666. And then we'd go to The Palm.

1667. There'd be like 20 of us chowing down

1668. at The Palm.

1669. And they're like, "Sandman?"

1670. I said, "Hey, baby, the label."

1671. And then at the end, I'd see my budget blown up.

1672. I'd be all, "What happened?"

1673. He be, "Well, all of the Palm visits."

1674. And I'd be like, "I paid for that?"

1675. And Brooks—

1676. And meanwhile Brooks was saying "you're welcome"

1677. to everybody.

1678. They'd go, "Hey, thanks."

1679. He'd go, "Not a problem."

1680. - You're the label.

1681. - Exactly.

1682. - You seem to be a guy that would be big internationally.

1683. - I do alright over there.

1684. - You do? Okay.

1685. - Some places pretty good.

1686. Yeah.

1687. Brazil.

1688. Sandman is happening in Brazil.

1689. - Really?

1690. - Yeah.

1691. - You wish you were doing good in Brazil.

1692. This guy loves the Brazilian ladies.

1693. - Oh, you like the Brazilian ladies?

1694. - Absolutely.

1695. They're gorgeous.

1696. - Tell him what you like about 'em.

1697. - They have—

1698. You know, you mean, their backsides?

1699. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1700. - Yeah.

1701. No, come on, man.

1702. - No reason for filth.

1703. - Hey, man.

1704. - Not gonna win a fucking Peabody for that fucking shit.

1705. I'm reading ahead.

1706. - They have nice figures.

1707. - I'm reading ahead.

1708. - Well, we do have to take a break.

1709. - Don't do it.

1710. Don't look at the sign, Normy.

1711. - Yeah, okay, we won't.

1712. - Normy's stays down and focused.

1713. - I'm trying to—

1714. - Pretends he doesn't see the teacher going,

1715. "You have 30 seconds."

1716. - Okay.

1717. Oh, here's an interesting question.

1718. I did not know this.

1719. "Siskel and Ebert were not big fans of you."

1720. I didn't know it.

1721. - I didn't know it, either.

1722. - If I had to make a guess.

1723. - Yeah, yeah, they came at me.

1724. - Siskel and Ebert, not big fans of yours,

1725. but by gosh, you can't not like Gene and Siskel.

1726. Er, uh, Ebert for his incredible courage throughout the end.

1727. Good lord God.

1728. You know, he kept happy.

1729. He stayed happy.

1730. - And focused.

1731. - And focused.

1732. And he talked about the transformative power of films.

1733. Didn't help to transform him that much.

1734. But mentally, you know what I mean,

1735. it swept him away from his, from the cage

1736. that had become his life.

1737. Anyways.

1738. Siskel and Ebert.

1739. It says here, FOGHORNLEGHORN67 says,

1740. "Siskel and Ebert were not big fans of yours

1741. "at first in '95,

1742. "but said you may have a great career as a villain.

1743. "Have you ever thought of playing a villain?"

1744. - Yes.

1745. - You have?

1746. - No, but I would do it.

1747. - Yeah, that would be pretty cool.

1748. - That would be fun.

1749. - In a serious movie.

1750. - You should write a serious movie

1751. that I'm the villain in.

1752. You would write a great serious movie.

1753. - Yeah, yeah, and you'd be the villain?

1754. - Yeah, I would do it.

1755. - What about this for an idea?

1756. A feller like you.

1757. You go into a psychiatrist.

1758. I'm just giving away this film,

1759. if anybody's listening.

1760. You go into a psychiatrist,

1761. and you tell him many things,

1762. and then all of a sudden,

1763. session 66, you tell the psy—

1764. That's the same of the film.

1765. In session 66, you tell the psychiatrist

1766. that you murdered a girl when you were young

1767. and buried her in the woods of Manchester.

1768. - Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

1769. And he can't say nothin'.

1770. - Then you vanish.

1771. - Ahh.

1772. - And then he's plagued by it.

1773. - He's gotta tell somebody.

1774. - Yeah, so he goes, and he investigates,

1775. and indeed he finds out—

1776. - Oh, man.

1777. - There was a girl slain.

1778. - Oh, that's good.

1779. - Yeah, so he goes to—

1780. And then he goes crazy.

1781. The nightmares that you should have, he has.

1782. Starts doing cocaine and—

1783. He gets disbarred, but he's on a mission,

1784. he has to find you.

1785. And he does find you.

1786. - Uh-huh, uh-huh.

1787. - But you have been forgiven by God.

1788. - And he doesn't know this.

1789. - Yeah, and when he reaches you,

1790. you're there with your family, happy,

1791. and you're a villain.

1792. - Wow, and he's plagued.

1793. - He's plagued, and he tries to get you, you know.

1794. And you're a happy family man at this point,

1795. forgiven by God himself.

1796. Huh?

1797. - Ah, that's not bad.

1798. - That's a good one.

1799. - That's pretty fresh, man.

1800. - He's the villain.

1801. And who would be the—

1802. - Pretty fresh, except for one thing.

1803. - What's that?

1804. - Exact plot of The Water Boy, buddy,

1805. and you know it.

1806. And you know it, Normy.

1807. - The Water Boy was my favorite Sandler movie.

1808. Well, it was until another movie came out.

1809. - You're in The Water Boy, aren't ya?

1810. - No, I'm not.

1811. - What, no, you're in The Animal,

1812. and I did the...

1813. - Click became my favorite movie.

1814. My favorite.

1815. But before that, it was Water Boy.

1816. Then it was Click.

1817. What do you think of Click?

1818. - Yeah, yeah.

1819. I like it.

1820. I love that one.

1821. - That may go down as one of those

1822. "It's a Wonderful Life" movies.

1823. - I don't think Siskel and Ebert would put it up there,

1824. but I love it.

1825. But Steve Koren, buddy.

1826. - That was Koren?

1827. - Mm-hmm.

1828. - And I remember he was, I think he's,

1829. you know how he's always self-effacing, Koren?

1830. He's afraid, you know?

1831. "Ooh, I don't know."

1832. Too sentimental.

1833. - He was cocky on that one.

1834. - Was he?

1835. - No, no, no.

1836. - But it was, uh, it seems to me that movie

1837. will become like an "It's a Wonderful Life."

1838. - I do get people who say they saw it

1839. and, like, they got teary eyed

1840. and yell at me and stuff.

1841. - It was a very sweet movie.

1842. - I got teary eyed at it.

1843. - Yep, I'm with ya.

1844. I like that one.

1845. - And I only get teary eyed

1846. usually for the National Anthem.

1847. - Which one?

1848. - Uh?

1849. - Which one.

1850. - En Francais?

1851. S'il vous plait?

1852. Come on, bud.

1853. - Well, how about this for a French song?

1854. This is how, you know, listen.

1855. I grew up, my dad hated the French.

1856. In Canada.

1857. Because the English generally hate the French.

1858. - I see.

1859. - So my dad, one time, he gets the, uh,

1860. there's a song.

1861. Okay.

1862. So, my dad, who's bilingual,

1863. he told me, he said, "Sit down, son."

1864. And I sat down.

1865. And he goes, "Here's what the French are all about."

1866. And then he, uh, translated it.

1867. And the translation is, "Lark."

1868. "I will pluck you, lark.

1869. "I will pluck you, lark."

1870. - Geez.

1871. - Whoa.

1872. - Yeah.

1873. - You know what you got right there?

1874. - Oh, yeah?

1875. - You got the, uh, the shrink?

1876. That's his final monologue.

1877. - Are you talking about Session 66?

1878. - Yes, I am.

1879. Session 66.

1880. - Alright, maybe we should go.

1881. - We should go.

1882. - And when we come back, we do jokes.

1883. - Let's do it.

1884. - When we return.

1885. We are back with the only Adam Sandler.

1886. - Yep.

1887. - I knew they were confused,

1888. but I didn't say "one and only."

1889. - Why should you?

1890. - So they—

1891. But I figure "only."

1892. - You don't need one.

1893. - You don't need one.

1894. Alright.

1895. Adam Sandler's here.

1896. We're going to do jokes.

1897. On this show,

1898. we actually provide the guests with jokes.

1899. - Oh, good, good, good.

1900. - So you don't have to think about it.

1901. - Who wrote 'em?

1902. - Funny stuff.

1903. Oh, we don't like to say,

1904. because, uh, you cannot—

1905. Also, you have the option to pass.

1906. - Oh.

1907. But I can put this in my act if I want to?

1908. - It's like Jimmy Fallon.

1909. Yes.

1910. - Alright.

1911. - It's a game.

1912. Okay, ready?

1913. I'll do the first joke to show you how they go.

1914. So you can do it to the camera,

1915. or you can do it to me.

1916. It doesn't matter who you do it to.

1917. "Michigan man Curtis Peterson

1918. "received a 15-year prison sentence

1919. "for having sex with his pet Pitbull.

1920. "What's that, Lassie?

1921. "Woof, woof?

1922. "Grandpa got stuck in a well?

1923. "Woof woof?

1924. "Oh, you got raped?"

1925. So I didn't I want to say, you know,

1926. but that's just a—

1927. Now this is, to me, a perfect Sandler joke.

1928. Here, you try that one.

1929. - Okay.

1930. "A new study found that men with beards

1931. "are more attractive.

1932. "More great work from the University of Bob Zeiger."

1933. That was a good one.

1934. That's great.

1935. - We always give one to Eget, you know.

1936. - Let's go, baby.

1937. - Alright.

1938. - Eg-man.

1939. - Sometimes he gets nothing.

1940. - "Growing up, I never would have believed

1941. "that one day I'd need a computer

1942. "just to masturbate."

1943. - That's not bad, it's not bad.

1944. - Did they have computers when you grew up?

1945. - Uh, yeah, I had a—

1946. - Yeah, TRS-80.

1947. - Apple IIGS.

1948. Apple IIGS.

1949. - No, really?

1950. See, when I was young, Radio Shack TRS-80.

1951. We're older than you, huh, buddy?

1952. - I don't remember computers.

1953. When I was young,

1954. the computers were so big,

1955. they'd fill up a whole room.

1956. But the good thing is,

1957. you could ask them a specific question,

1958. and then it would come out, yes or no.

1959. Unless you asked them an imponderable,

1960. and then smoke would spit out.

1961. Then they'd say, "This does not compute."

1962. Okay, here, what about this joke?

1963. "Call me an old softy,

1964. "but I'd prefer if you'd call me

1965. "a distinguished gentleman with a flagging erection."

1966. Hey, you got the New York things on,

1967. so here's a New York joke.

1968. - Alright, alright.

1969. - New York sports joke.

1970. - "Tim Tebow's time in New York wasn't a total loss.

1971. "He had a monument built to him in Central Park.

1972. "A bench."

1973. - A bench.

1974. - A bench.

1975. - "In my opinion, if you're going to

1976. "fight the war on terror,

1977. "good place to start would be this nation's

1978. "haunted houses."

1979. They're terrifying.

1980. - That's a good one.

1981. - You know, when I was a boy, my dad,

1982. he was a—

1983. I guess he was a frugal fella.

1984. - Yes, yes.

1985. - You know, he was a double generation.

1986. - He had a big family he had to take,

1987. have money for, you know.

1988. - Yeah.

1989. And he was the age of my grandpa.

1990. He had me when he was 50.

1991. So he had lived in the Depression.

1992. So, anyway, the point of the thing is this.

1993. We're at the exhibition,

1994. and there's the haunted house.

1995. So me and my brothers all want to go

1996. in the haunted house,

1997. and my dad says, "Well, goddamn, that's not haunted house.

1998. "That can't be a haunted house."

1999. "Why not?"

2000. "Well, it has wheels.

2001. "The ghosts would come right out of it."

2002. - That's funny, man.

2003. - So he wrecked it.

2004. "Catherine Zeta Jones has been diagnosed

2005. "with Bipolar Disorder.

2006. "Turns out half the time she's Zeta..."

2007. - Ahh, that's good.

2008. - Here's one for you, Adam.

2009. - "If you were a Russian prostitute

2010. "on a date with serial killer Andrei Chikatilo,

2011. "a.k.a. The Rostov Ripper,

2012. "and he couldn't achieve an erection,

2013. "this was not your lucky day."

2014. - Oh, goodness.

2015. Well, things happen in this world, you know.

2016. Here's one.

2017. This actually is from my home country.

2018. - You wrote this?

2019. Oh, okay.

2020. - Canada. - Yeah.

2021. - "Self-described Canadian porn star

2022. "Luka Rocco Magnotta

2023. "heading to court soon for the grizzly murder

2024. "of his Chinese boyfriend.

2025. "Magnotta allegedly killed Lin Yun on videotape.

2026. "He started by cutting Yun's penis off,

2027. "leading to his lover bleeding out live on videotape.

2028. "Magnotta then went to his kitchen

2029. "and placed his boyfriend's penis into a skillet,

2030. "frying it until it was golden brown.

2031. "While taking his last breath,

2032. "Yun witnessed his supposed soul mate

2033. "feast on his genitals.

2034. "After Yun had perished,

2035. "Magnotta began dismembering him,

2036. "sending packages of his—"

2037. I mean, this guy was a real jerk.

2038. You wanna do that one?

2039. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, Adam.

2040. - "One day in the hopefully not-too-distant future,

2041. "North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un

2042. "is going to hear a loud popping sound.

2043. "The sound of his head coming out of his ass."

2044. - That was very—

2045. - I just read it.

2046. - Adam's the kindest guest to you so far.

2047. - Yeah, by far.

2048. - Just in case he's still booking Tempe.

2049. Gotta get in there.

2050. - Super Dave Osborne stared Adam

2051. for a full 25 seconds.

2052. - Oh, yeah!

2053. He's tough.

2054. He's a strong man, yeah.

2055. - "Where did you find this guy?"

2056. - That guy is funny, though, eh?

2057. - Here's one.

2058. Okay, Adam?

2059. A Jill joke.

2060. - "'There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's,'

2061. "says the guy who didn't shove a bunch of Reese's

2062. "up his ass."

2063. That's good.

2064. Very good, very good.

2065. This is very—

2066. Remember how hard you used to kill on SNL, by the way?

2067. - What?

2068. - You, with these things.

2069. Jokes, and remember you had to bring me out?

2070. - Yeah.

2071. - I'd be next to you.

2072. - It was always fun to bring Sandler out.

2073. - Oh, God.

2074. I didn't make you do—

2075. - I could kill.

2076. - Oh, no, you would interview Cajun man.

2077. - Yeah?

2078. No, no, no, no.

2079. No, no, no.

2080. - No, that was Kevin.

2081. - Nealon.

2082. - No, Nealon.

2083. Nealon was perfect at that.

2084. - But what did you used to?

2085. I mean, you used to—

2086. - I just sat there while you did the Chanukah Song.

2087. - Ohhh.

2088. - Yeah.

2089. - Yeah, but you were a rock.

2090. - I remember helping to write that Chanukah Song.

2091. By golly, it was fun.

2092. - Yeah, we all did it together.

2093. - And then, uh, it was before the computers.

2094. - It was when Roseanne was host.

2095. We were all, you, they loved you.

2096. - It was before computers.

2097. - Right.

2098. - So, Laurie Joe, who was at that time

2099. the writer's assistant,

2100. you would have to go,

2101. "Laurie Joe, find out if this guy's a Jew."

2102. - That's right!

2103. That's right.

2104. It would be, like, a day later.

2105. I don't think so.

2106. What rhymes with...

2107. - And then at the end,

2108. all I remember is at the end,

2109. I said, "There is Adam Sandler, not too shabby."

2110. - Oh, wow.

2111. - Okay, what is your joke?

2112. - Uh, hold on a second.

2113. "The Octo Mom has reportedly been evicted

2114. "from her California home.

2115. "The mother of 14 children packed up

2116. "and left her property in Palmdale

2117. "after being asked to leave

2118. "for not paying her rent for the month of April.

2119. "The single parent, who's real name is Nadia Suleman,

2120. "exited leaving a huge mess and the stench of urine

2121. "inside the pad."

2122. Wait, it says here the urine has been traced back

2123. to Adam Eget.

2124. Which is me.

2125. - It's a self-effacing joke.

2126. - Tricked you there, Adam.

2127. - Here's one for Adam.

2128. It reminds me of, um,

2129. this reminds me of a Dangerfield joke,

2130. so I'm going to give it to Adam.

2131. For his long-standing respect and love

2132. for the great Rodney.

2133. - He's my favorite stand up.

2134. - "Alright, baby, okay, give me this."

2135. - Alright, okay.

2136. - "Alright, my brother-in-law is so stupid,

2137. "you kiddin' me?

2138. "The first thing on his bucket list was suicide.

2139. "Alright, baby, okay."

2140. That was a good one.

2141. - That is a very good Rodney joke.

2142. That sounds like a Rodney.

2143. "Okay, fine."

2144. - I remember at the end,

2145. I saw him a couple times at the Improv,

2146. and at the end, he'd say,

2147. "Thanks for the use of the hall."

2148. - Oh, yeah, the hall.

2149. - I wish we had the Gardner joke

2150. that he made him tell Rodney.

2151. - Was it, remember, uh, Bob Woods?

2152. Used to open for Buddy Hackett?

2153. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

2154. - And he used to, uh, on the first night,

2155. he said to Buddy when he got off,

2156. "Hey, man, that was a great set."

2157. He'd go, "They're not sets, they're shows."

2158. And then Bob would stand up.

2159. He did a whole tour with him,

2160. and he on purpose did it every night.

2161. He would come off, he would go,

2162. "Whoa, man, that was quite a set."

2163. "They're not sets, they—"

2164. Yeah, alright.

2165. "Alright, baby, thanks for the hall.

2166. "You're alright, you're okay."

2167. Kevin James does a smooth Rodney, by the way.

2168. - Oh, he does a good one?

2169. - Unbelievable Rodney.

2170. - Really?

2171. - "Yeah, okay."

2172. He gets deeper.

2173. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

2174. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

2175. Hangin' out with Rodney, by the way,

2176. was that not the craziest?

2177. - Oh, my God, he...

2178. It's funny that he thought he—

2179. He didn't know he was funny or something, you know?

2180. - Everything he said was funny, yeah.

2181. - Yeah, everything was funny,

2182. but he kinda, he didn't know if you

2183. were making fun of him, or—

2184. - Yeah, yeah.

2185. "They think I'm a square or something."

2186. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

2187. But everybody worshiped him.

2188. - Everyone loved him.

2189. - And he didn't understand it.

2190. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

2191. - Are there any good stories from when you knew him?

2192. - Well, that one time Josh Gardner was, uh,

2193. he used to do this joke all the time,

2194. and I'd make him do it.

2195. It just was a retarded joke

2196. where he go, like, he'd go,

2197. "There's these two gay guys,

2198. "and one guy says to the other, he says—"

2199. This is how Josh talks, he goes,

2200. "One gay guys says to the other,

2201. "'Let's play a game called Hide and Go Seek.

2202. "'And I will hide.

2203. "'You try to seek me, and if you find me,

2204. "'you get to fuck my ass.

2205. "'I'll be behind the couch.'"

2206. So I said, "You gotta tell that to Rodney, you know?"

2207. And so Rodney came,

2208. and then they were in that hallway,

2209. down by the makeup, where it's super thin?

2210. - Uh-huh.

2211. - You know?

2212. The, the...

2213. Farley used to have his dressing room.

2214. It's that super thin hall.

2215. And so I said, "Go tell him the joke."

2216. And he got stuck there with Rodney,

2217. real close, you know?

2218. And he told the joke to Rodney,

2219. and then big silence,

2220. and then Rodney said, "I'll tell ya somethin', kid.

2221. "I'm not much for jokes, okay?"

2222. The guy most for jokes ever.

2223. - "I hate one-liners, baby, alright?"

2224. - We're gonna end the entire broadcast now.

2225. - Yep.

2226. - It's time.

2227. - Thank you, Adam.

2228. - It's time, Normy.

2229. Let's do it again.

2230. It's great being with you, buddy.

2231. - We're gonna give you two jokes to do, though.

2232. To end the show.

2233. - Okay.

2234. - And here's the first joke.

2235. Now you can read ahead.

2236. There's nothing wrong—

2237. There's no shame in reading ahead.

2238. - Okay, so I can deliver it a little stronger?

2239. - No, no, you've been delivering them great.

2240. I'm just saying.

2241. No shame in reading ahead.

2242. - "I think there's nothing cooler

2243. "than being a lone wolf,

2244. "except at wolf picnics,

2245. "when you don't have a partner

2246. "for the wolf wheelbarrow race."

2247. - Okay, you know what?

2248. - "Alright, baby, okay."

2249. - I'm gonna give you two more jokes.

2250. You can read ahead, but I think this one

2251. is perfect Sandler.

2252. Off-stage Sandler.

2253. - That's a good one.

2254. - We're gonna end, we should end at—

2255. Here, I tell ya what,

2256. we'll end with that one.

2257. - Alright.

2258. - You do that one.

2259. You can read ahead.

2260. - "Porn actor Ron Jeremy is back at work

2261. "after having open-heart surgery.

2262. "The name of his next feature:

2263. "I'll Have to Sit Down for Most of This."

2264. - Okay, so this is gonna end the broadcast,

2265. and then we'll say goodnight.

2266. The perfect Adam Sandler, off-stage Adam Sandler joke.

2267. - This is good.

2268. - And here it is.

2269. - "Thomas Edison invented the light bulb,

2270. "but I invented the light bulb up my ass."

2271. - Alright, Adam Sandler, everybody.

2272. - Thank you.

2273. - Thank you, buddy.

2274. Alright, not too shabby.

2275. - Way to go, Adam.

2276. - You're very welcome.

2277. - My hero.