Neon Genesis Evangelion 1x26

Directed by Kazuya Tsurumaki • Masayuki

Junko Iwao as Hikari Horaki (voice) • Tomokazu Seki as Touji Suzuhara (voice) • Tetsuya Iwanaga as Kensuke Aida (voice) • Takehito Koyasu as Shigeru Aoba (voice) • Hiro Yuuki as Makoto Hyuuga (voice)

Instrumentality continues. The focus is primarily on Shinji now, as he learns to accept the individual’s ability to shape their world, and how the self cannot exist without others to define it.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Like a cruel angel

2. Become a legend, young boy

3. When a blue wind Knocks on the door to your heart

4. You just gaze back at me And smile oh so gently

5. So eager for something You touch so softly

6. Those innocent eyes Know nothing of the fate that awaits

7. But one day, you will realize That upon your back

8. You have wings You can fly to the faraway future

9. The cruel angel's thesis

10. One day, you'll take off through a window

11. If your overflowing pathos

12. Leads you to betray your memories

13. Then embrace the heavens and shine bright

14. Become legend, young boy

15. IN THE YEAR 2016 A.D.

16. THE INSTRUMENTALITY

17. OF WHAT PEOPLE HAD LOST, THAT IS, OF THE HEART, WAS UNDERWAY

18. HOWEVER, IT WOULD TAKE FAR TOO LONG TO DEPICT ALL SUCH EVENTS

19. WE WILL THEREFORE FOCUS ON THE INSTRUMENTALITY OF

20. THE HEART BELONGING TO THE BOY SHINJI IKARI

21. THE CASE OF SHINJI IKARI

22. TERROR

23. Terror that I'll disappear.

24. But I also feel like it would be fine if someone like me disappeared.

25. Why's that?

26. Because I'm a human being that nobody wants.

27. I knew it, I'm an unwanted child.

28. I don't matter at all!

29. You're running away by thinking you don't matter, aren't you?

30. You're afraid of failing, aren't you?

31. You're afraid of being hated, aren't you?

32. You're afraid to look at your weak self, aren't you?

33. But you do exactly the same thing, Ms. Misato!

34. That's right. We're all like that.

35. Something inside our hearts is missing.

36. - It terrifies us. - It makes us anxious.

37. That's why we're trying to merge into one now.

38. We're trying to make each other whole.

39. That's what the Instrumentality Project does.

40. People can't survive unless they're part of a group.

41. People cannot live all on their own.

42. Even though, in the end, we are all alone.

43. That's why life is painful.

44. That's why life is lonely.

45. That's what drives us to embrace another heart, another body.

46. We want to become one.

47. Man is made of weak, fragile stuff.

48. Our hearts and bodies are made of weak, fragile stuff.

49. So we must make each other whole using instrumentality.

50. WHY?

51. Because if we don't, we won't be able to survive.

52. IS THAT TRUE?

53. Why are you alive?

54. I DON'T KNOW.

55. Because I want to find out why, I guess.

56. Who do you live for?

57. For myself, of course.

58. Probably for myself.

59. IS THAT TRUE?

60. Are you happy to be alive?

61. I don't know.

62. Are you happy to be alive?

63. Of course I'm happy!

64. Are you happy to be alive?

65. I only want to do things that I enjoy.

66. Do you hate being lonely?

67. I don't like it.

68. You don't like being hurt?

69. I don't like it.

70. That's why you run away?

71. That's right. What's wrong with running away from hurt and pain?

72. Don't run away.

73. Why shouldn't you run away?

74. It hurts when you run away.

75. Even though you ran away from painful things?

76. It was painful!

77. If you've figured out what's painful, that's a win, right?

78. Right. If something is painful, it's okay to run away.

79. If you really don't want to do something, it's okay to run away.

80. But I don't want to! I'm sick of running!

81. Right... I shouldn't run away.

82. That's because you sense that running away will only bring even more pain.

83. You learned how much it hurts to run.

84. That's why you don't want to run away, isn't it?

85. Well, if I run away, no one will talk to me anymore.

86. Don't abandon me! I'm begging you, don't abandon me!

87. He does whatever he's told. That's how he makes his life easier.

88. That's right! If I don't, I'll be abandoned again.

89. You're afraid that you'll be hurt, aren't you?

90. You've just gotten that into your head, haven't you?

91. You're not the only one who gets hurt, Shinji.

92. You think you're the only one with problems?

93. You just think that way because it makes things easier for you.

94. Shut up! That has nothing to do with this!

95. I don't matter to anyone or anything!

96. There you go again, denying your own worth right off the bat.

97. Because I don't have any.

98. There you go again, telling yourself that you're worthless!

99. If you think that way and do nothing, you won't be hurt.

100. You keep yourself going by being praised by others!

101. Nobody accepts me...

102. You just tell yourself that, that's all.

103. That's why I need to pilot the Eva.

104. You just convinced yourself that you've never had any worth from the very get-go!

105. But I have to do that!

106. That's not true.

107. You just tell yourself that, man!

108. No. I'm worthless. I don't have anything to be proud of.

109. That's why I pilot the Eva!

110. Piloting the Eva lets me stay who I am.

111. Piloting the Eva lets me stay who I am.

112. Before I piloted my Eva, there was nothing special about me.

113. I can only stay here because I pilot my Eva!

114. Because I don't have anything else!

115. Because I don't have anything else.

116. I don't have anything. Nothing at all.

117. MY LIFE'S VALUE

118. Is zero.

119. THAT'S WHY

120. I hate myself.

121. I hate you! I hate you! I hate your guts!

122. I can't freaking stand you!

123. I hate you, man.

124. I'm sorry, but I hate you.

125. I hate you.

126. I hate you.

127. I hate you.

128. I hate you. So very much.

129. I hate you, you know that?

130. I can't stand you!

131. See? That's what everybody thinks.

132. I'm sure they're thinking that!

133. Aren't you just convincing yourself that they do?

134. No! I know they are, because I even hate myself!

135. So you assume that everyone else does, too.

136. I hate you! I hate you! I hate your guts!

137. But they praise me!

138. When I pilot the Eva, they praise me!

139. People praised me!

140. THAT MAKES ME HAPPY

141. They praised me!

142. BUT I'M NOT HAPPY

143. Which one is how you really feel?

144. I don't know.

145. No, they're both how I really feel.

146. So that's why you pilot the Eva.

147. Because all I have right now is the Eva.

148. You have no identity outside of being a pilot, do you?

149. It's true, Eva-01 is a part of your heart.

150. But if you become dependent on it, the Eva will dictate who you are.

151. Your identity will be defined entirely in terms of the Eva.

152. Who you really are will fade away and disappear.

153. That's fine! I never had anything else to begin with!

154. I mean, all that cello practice didn't lead to anything.

155. You never did anything on your own initiative, that's all!

156. But right now, I can pilot an Eva!

157. Before long, you'll find yourself being unable to do anything without it.

158. Just like me.

159. WHY DO YOU PILOT THE EVA?

160. Because that's all there is to me.

161. Rain.

162. A melancholy feeling. Just like how I feel right now.

163. I don't like it.

164. The setting sun.

165. Fading life. I wish for that.

166. I don't like it.

167. Morning.

168. The beginning of today. The beginning of an awful day.

169. I don't like it.

170. A blue sky.

171. Something that's warm. Something that's unfamiliar.

172. Something that scares me. Something I don't want.

173. I don't like it.

174. I hate everybody! I hate you all!

175. What do you wish for?

176. YOU'RE AFRAID OF ANXIETY?

177. What do you want?

178. YOU WANT SOLACE?

179. What are you looking for?

180. Don't hate me!

181. I'm afraid of...

182. REJECTION

183. What I want is...

184. CONTACT AND ACCEPTANCE

185. Is it okay for me to stay next to you?

186. It is okay for me to be here?

187. Do you love me?

188. DO YOU LOVE

189. YOUR MOTHER?

190. Do you want to go see Mommy?

191. I don't want to go.

192. Aren't you going to go see Father?

193. I don't want to go.

194. Why not?

195. I'M AFRAID

196. Because I'm afraid of being hated.

197. Because I might cease to exist.

198. THAT'S WHY?

199. What do you wish for?

200. RELIEF FROM ANXIETY

201. What are you looking for?

202. RELIEF FROM LONELINESS

203. You aren't wishing for happiness?

204. Before I can be happy, I want something.

205. I want to be valuable!

206. So valuable that no one will abandon me, and everyone will take care of me!

207. I WANT VALUE

208. That's something that only you can give yourself.

209. Your own worth.

210. SO I PILOT THE EVA

211. I have no worth.

212. I'm not valuable enough to go on living.

213. What are you, then?

214. What am I, then?

215. What the hell am I?

216. This... it's me!

217. The shape that I show to others.

218. The symbol for me.

219. So is this, and this, and this!

220. They're all just things that represent me!

221. Nothing but things that let people recognize me!

222. What am I, then?

223. WHERE AM I?

224. This is me. The real me?

225. The false me?

226. You are you.

227. But there is a boundary between you and the scope of what it means to be you.

228. That's right!

229. My clothes. My shoes.

230. My room.

231. They're all elements of who I am.

232. They're all things that are connected to your consciousness.

233. The thing I perceive to be myself is me.

234. In the end, am I nothing but myself?

235. But I don't know who I am.

236. Where am I?

237. What am I?

238. What the hell am I?

239. AND SO, YOU WISH TO CLOSE OFF YOUR HEART

240. Nobody understands me!

241. Are you stupid or something? Of course they don't!

242. Nobody can possibly understand you!

243. The only person who can console you and truly understand you

244. is you yourself.

245. So you need to take care of yourself.

246. You say that, but there's no real me!

247. I don't understand myself!

248. So how can I take care of myself?

249. YOU'RE ANXIOUS

250. I can see that you're anxious.

251. About who you are now.

252. About the people around you.

253. About the environment that surrounds you.

254. But none of those things last forever.

255. Time is endlessly flowing onwards.

256. Your world is made up of continuous change.

257. Most importantly, the world can change at any moment

258. based on what you're feeling.

259. What's this?

260. A blank world? A world with no one in it?

261. A world of freedom!

262. Freedom?

263. A world of freedom where there is nothing to restrain you.

264. This is freedom?

265. That's right. A free world.

266. But that means it is completely empty.

267. Unless I think of something?

268. Yes. Unless you think of something.

269. But that's... I don't know what I should do!

270. - It makes you uneasy, doesn't it? - You can't visualize yourself.

271. It's all too vague.

272. It's a world that's completely undefined.

273. THAT IS FREEDOM

274. It's a world where you can do anything.

275. But you're filled with anxiety.

276. You don't know what to do, is that it?

277. What should I do?

278. I'll give you a constraint.

279. There. Now you have up and down.

280. But you've lost one degree of freedom.

281. You have to stand on the ground now.

282. But you feel safer.

283. Because your heart feels a little more at ease.

284. So you try walking.

285. You're willing this to happen.

286. Me? I'm willing this?

287. This world where the ground exists is the world around you.

288. But the thing is, you can still move around however you want.

289. If you wanted to, you could change the orientation of the world.

290. And at the same time, the orientation of the world isn't constant.

291. It changes along with the passage of time.

292. You yourself are also capable of changing.

293. Because what gives you shape is your own heart and the world around you.

294. After all, this is your world.

295. This is the shape of reality as perceived by you.

296. THAT IS REALITY

297. This... is an empty space.

298. A world that's empty.

299. A world that's empty of everything but me.

300. I'm starting to become indistinct.

301. I feel myself disappearing.

302. The being that is me is fading away.

303. "WHY?"

304. That's because no one is here but you.

305. Because I'm alone.

306. If nothing exists outside of yourself, you can't determine your own shape.

307. My own shape...

308. MY SELF IMAGE?

309. Yes. You learn your own shape by observing the shapes of others.

310. You visualize your own shape by seeing the wall between "self" and "other".

311. You can't see yourself unless others are there with you.

312. But that means it's other people that let me be myself!

313. If a person is alone, they're alone no matter where they go!

314. The whole world is just me!

315. You take shape through recognizing how you are different from others.

316. The first "other" is your mother.

317. Your mother is a person who is not you.

318. Right... I'm me.

319. But at the same time, it's true that other people make up parts of my heart!

320. That's right, Shinji Ikari.

321. So you finally figured it out?

322. Idiot Shinji!

323. So you're finally awake, Idiot Shinji?

324. Oh, it's just you, Asuka...

325. What do you mean "just me"?

326. I come over every morning to wake you so you won't be late for school!

327. Is that how you thank your childhood friend?

328. Sure, thanks...

329. So just let me sleep a little while longer...

330. Don't be such a slacker!

331. Get your butt out of bed this instant!

332. Pervert! Jerk! Sleazebag! I can't believe you!

333. I can't help it! It's morning!

334. Honestly, that Shinji...

335. Asuka is so thoughtful, coming over every morning.

336. He should show some appreciation.

337. Mm.

338. And you! Put down that paper and get ready for work!

339. Mm.

340. For Heaven's sake, you're a grown man, and you're no different from Shinji!

341. Are you ready to go?

342. Yes, I'm waiting on you.

343. Look, I'm the one that Prof. Fuyutsuki scolds when we're late for meetings!

344. Because you're so irresistible.

345. Enough with the nonsense! Go get changed!

346. Mm.

347. Whatever you say, Yui.

348. Come on, hurry it up!

349. Okay, okay! Geez, you're such a nag, Asuka!

350. What did you call me?

351. Okay, Mrs. Ikari! We're off to school!

352. See you tonight, Mom.

353. Sure! Have a nice day at school!

354. Honey! Get your nose out of that newspaper!

355. Mm. Whatever you say, Yui.

356. They say another transfer student is starting today!

357. No surprise!

358. This city's gonna be the new capital starting next year, after all.

359. More and more people will be coming.

360. I guess you're right.

361. I wonder what she'll be like. I hope she's cute!

362. I'm late, I'm late!

363. I'll be in the doghouse forever if I'm late on my first day!

364. Ow!

365. Ow...

366. Sorry! I was in a big hurry!

367. Honest, I'm real sorry!

368. What? So you got a look at this chick's panties?

369. It wasn't really a look. More of a glimpse.

370. The day's just started, and you're lucking out already!

371. Ow!

372. What's the big idea, Class Rep?

373. Suzuhara! The day's just started, and you're already spouting garbage!

374. Go change the water in the vase! You're on duty this week, remember?

375. - Geez, you're such a nag! - What did you call me?

376. Tohji's totally the type who's gonna be whipped.

377. Like you're any different.

378. What makes you say I'm the type who will be whipped?

379. All I did was lay out the truth.

380. - Come on, why? - Have you looked in the mirror?

381. You're always like this, Asuka!

382. Ah... Life is peaceful.

383. It's Miss Misato!

384. Man, is Miss Misato a babe or what?

385. Just look at the Idiot Trio! They act like idiots!

386. All rise! Bow!

387. Be seated!

388. Rejoice, boy students!

389. Here is the new transfer student everyone's been talking about!

390. I'm Rei Ayanami! Nice to meet you!

391. You! You're that panty peeper from this morning!

392. Hey! Enough with the false accusations! You deliberately gave Shinji a peep show!

393. What's your deal? How come you're jumping to his defense?

394. You two an item or something?

395. We're childhood friends, that's all! You're got a big mouth, you know that?

396. Hey, class has started! Be quiet!

397. Actually, this looks like fun! I want to see how this plays out!

398. Feel free to continue!

399. I get it, this is another possible world.

400. A possibility that's inside me.

401. The me that I am now isn't the entirety of what I am.

402. Different versions of me might exist.

403. Oh, right! There could even be a me that isn't an Eva pilot!

404. If you think of it that way, this real world isn't such a bad place.

405. The real world might not be so bad. But I do hate myself.

406. It's your heart that perceives reality as being ugly and painful.

407. Your heart, which is interpreting reality as being the truth.

408. How you see reality, how you interpret it...

409. The slightest changes in those leads to huge changes in your heart.

410. There are as many truths as there are people.

411. But there's only one truth for you.

412. Built from a myopic worldview using information altered to protect yourself...

413. It's a contrived truth.

414. A worldview that one person can hold in their head don't amount to much.

415. But people can only measure things based on their own little yardstick.

416. People try to see the world using only truths that have been handed to them.

417. Sunny days are cheerful.

418. Rainy days are depressing.

419. You start to assume that's the case because others tell you so.

420. But fun things can also happen on rainy days.

421. A change in how one small detail is interpreted can transform everything.

422. The truth within each of us is a fragile thing.

423. That's pretty much all that human truth amounts to.

424. That's what drives us to seek out a deeper truth.

425. You're simply not used to being liked by others.

426. So you don't have to worry about what others think all the time.

427. But... doesn't everybody hate me?

428. What are you, an idiot? You've just gotten that into your head on your own!

429. But I really do hate myself.

430. People who hate themselves

431. can never be capable of loving or trusting others.

432. I'm a sneak. And a coward.

433. And dishonest. And a weakling.

434. If you understand yourself, you can be kinder to yourself, right?

435. I hate who I am.

436. But maybe I can learn to like myself one day!

437. Maybe it's okay for me to be here!

438. Right... The only person I can be is me.

439. I'm me. I want to be myself!

440. I want to be here!

441. It's okay for me to be here!

442. Congratulations!

443. Congratulations!

444. Congratulations.

445. Congratulations.

446. Congratulations!

447. Congratulations!

448. Congrats, buddy!

449. Way to go, man!

450. Congratulations!

451. Congratulations!

452. Congratulations!

453. Congratulations!

454. Congratulations.

455. Thank you.

456. TO FATHER, THANK YOU

457. TO MOTHER, GOODBYE

458. AND TO ALL THE CHILDREN,

459. CONGRATULATIONS

460. Dan Kanemitsu Subtitle Editor: David Fleming