1. Neo Yokio is the greatest city
in the world.Copy !req
2. It is the most populous
urban agglomeration in North America,Copy !req
3. but its prestige does not merely stem
from its size.Copy !req
4. From Bronx prefecture
to the aquatic elegance of Battery Park,Copy !req
5. Neo Yokio is a diverse labyrinthCopy !req
6. of cultural and architectural innovation.Copy !req
7. No wonder we play hostCopy !req
8. to many
of the planet's most prestigious events.Copy !req
9. Of course, whenever a city
becomes the envy of the world,Copy !req
10. problems are bound to arise.Copy !req
11. In the 18th century,Copy !req
12. the first wave
of demonic attacks wreaked havocCopy !req
13. on Neo Yokio.Copy !req
14. From origins unknown,Copy !req
15. hateful creatures sought
to destroy the city on a mass scale.Copy !req
16. In a stroke of genius,Copy !req
17. Neo Yokio's then mayor, Theodore Corelli,Copy !req
18. invited the exorcists of the old world,Copy !req
19. peasant practitioners of the dark arts,Copy !req
20. colloquially known as Rat Catchers
to become citizens.Copy !req
21. In exchange for their citizenship,Copy !req
22. these exorcists used their talents
to save the city.Copy !req
23. Many of the descendants
are now part of Neo Yokio high society,Copy !req
24. adding to our rich cultural tapestry.Copy !req
25. Although demonic threats have been
greatly minimized,Copy !req
26. you will still be subject to search
and questioning at our discretion.Copy !req
27. Please have your documents ready
and welcome to Neo Yokio.Copy !req
28. Sir, I almost forgot.Copy !req
29. Your watch is fixed.Copy !req
30. I picked it up this afternoon.Copy !req
31. It's been three weeks,Copy !req
32. and I still can't believe
she's really gone.Copy !req
33. My one true love
is now living the glamorous lifeCopy !req
34. of an investment banker in San Francisco,Copy !req
35. while I remain in Neo Yokio haunted
by her memory.Copy !req
36. In happier times,
I watched her play on this very court.Copy !req
37. No doubt she's found
a new tennis club by now.Copy !req
38. Sir, I understand that matters
of the heart are mysterious and profound,Copy !req
39. but destroying a 1919 Cartier Tank
is a bit, well... imprudent.Copy !req
40. Hell, yeah, it is.
That's a dope-ass watch.Copy !req
41. Hey, Lexy. Hey, Gottlieb.Copy !req
42. - You gotta sack up.
- Tonight's the big field hockey matchCopy !req
43. against the East Side Gentlemen.
You're out here like a pound puppy.Copy !req
44. Sorry, guys, but I can barely navigate
the hellish vortexCopy !req
45. between breakfast and dinner,Copy !req
46. let alone the labyrinth
of the field hockey field.Copy !req
47. - What are you saying, dawg?
- I'm sayingCopy !req
48. I'm not playing
in tonight's field hockey championship.Copy !req
49. The whole season's been building up
to this match!Copy !req
50. We gotta teach those old money fuckboys
a lesson!Copy !req
51. You can't give Arcangelo
the satisfaction, B.Copy !req
52. Win, lose...
we'll all be equal in the grave.Copy !req
53. Sir, we really should get going.Copy !req
54. I told you to clear my schedule.
I'm grieving the death of a relationship.Copy !req
55. I understand,
but the reservation is in 15 minutes.Copy !req
56. I'm simply too blue for lunch.Copy !req
57. I would strongly advise against
incurring the wrath of Aunt Agatha, sir.Copy !req
58. Fine. Let's go.Copy !req
59. See you, Lexy. See you, Gottlieb.Copy !req
60. So, we'll see you at the game?
We're counting on you, Kaz!Copy !req
61. God, I miss Cathy.Copy !req
62. - She loved ice cream.
Come, sir.Copy !req
63. There's always a silver lining.Copy !req
64. Now that you're single,
your name's officiallyCopy !req
65. on the Bachelor Ranking Board
in Times Square.Copy !req
66. It's an honor to top the Bachelor Board,
but it's an honor I dream not of.Copy !req
67. Well, sir, you're not quite at the top.Copy !req
68. I'm number two?Copy !req
69. Two is a rather prestigious number.Copy !req
70. Two is the loneliest number, Charles.Copy !req
71. Especially when you're second
to a jackass.Copy !req
72. Why are you late?Copy !req
73. Don't you have a watch?Copy !req
74. Who cares what time it isCopy !req
75. when the future's an interminable abyss
of wackness?Copy !req
76. Kaz, you're not a gentleman of leisure
like those other uptown buffoons.Copy !req
77. You can't just drink Americanos
and watch tennis all day.Copy !req
78. - You have work to do.
- Aunt Agatha, I'm well aware that I'm—Copy !req
79. We are members of the magistocracy.Copy !req
80. You are a magistocrat.Copy !req
81. You have a sacred duty to protect the city
as well as our family name.Copy !req
82. Never forget the tremendous odds
your ancestors overcameCopy !req
83. to establish the family in Neo Yokio.Copy !req
84. Aunt Agatha, Cathy left me.Copy !req
85. And I'm sorry if I'm disgracing
the family, but I'm depressed.Copy !req
86. Did you really think it would work out
with an East Side girl?Copy !req
87. Well, why wouldn't it?Copy !req
88. Because however many times
we save the city,Copy !req
89. however elegant we become,Copy !req
90. in their eyes,
we will always be neo riche,Copy !req
91. just a bunch of Rat Catchers.Copy !req
92. Don't say that, Aunt Agatha.Copy !req
93. Oh, grow up. You're old enough
to see the world as it really is.Copy !req
94. Now, listen,
I've heard some wonderful newsCopy !req
95. from Lady Three Jane this morning.Copy !req
96. Helena Saint Tesoro is possessed!Copy !req
97. Helena Saint Tesoro? The fashion blogger?Copy !req
98. - Perhaps the greatest of the modern era.
- Damn, I haven't see herCopy !req
99. since Freddie Miles threw that crazy party
out in the Hamptons. She's possessed?Copy !req
100. That sucks.Copy !req
101. Focus, Kaz.
Her family's in dire need of our help.Copy !req
102. I have arranged for you to go exorcise her
this afternoon.Copy !req
103. Aunt Agatha,
I don't have the emotional energyCopy !req
104. to do anything tonight.Copy !req
105. Even if I did, the guys are expecting me
at the field hockey match.Copy !req
106. - Wicked boy, don't you understand?Copy !req
107. If you refuse to perform your duties,Copy !req
108. there is no field hockey,
no more gentleman's club dues,Copy !req
109. no more extravagant rent.Copy !req
110. You need to work
to support your wretched lifestyle.Copy !req
111. Now, eat your tiramisu.Copy !req
112. I've lost my appetite.Copy !req
113. You know, Charles,Copy !req
114. buying a new suit is the only good thing
about having to work.Copy !req
115. You are a true master, sir.Copy !req
116. Watching you shop purely by touch
is inspiring.Copy !req
117. Welcome back, Mr. Kaan.
So good to have you in the store.Copy !req
118. And congratulations
on your recent appearanceCopy !req
119. - on the Bachelor Board.
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req
120. How are the new suits feeling?
Anything else I can help you with?Copy !req
121. New pair of Margiela field hockey trainers
for the big match?Copy !req
122. Actually,
I don't think I'll be playing tonight.Copy !req
123. What? I've been waiting
for this game all season.Copy !req
124. Sorry to disappoint you, salesclerk,Copy !req
125. but the universe is dictated by forces
far greater than field hockey.Copy !req
126. I'm sorry, I'm—
I'm just such a sports nut.Copy !req
127. Well, you're in luck, my friend,Copy !req
128. because a real sportsman
has just entered Bergdorf's.Copy !req
129. Oh, Arcangelo.Copy !req
130. I'd recognize your shitty voice anywhere.Copy !req
131. Oh, look.Copy !req
132. It's Neo Yokio's
second most eligible bachelor.Copy !req
133. Look at you, trying to class yourself up
with a new suit?Copy !req
134. You'll need more than that
to take the top spot from me.Copy !req
135. You can keep the top spot.Copy !req
136. I honestly couldn't care less
about that stupid list.Copy !req
137. Gentlemen, please don't fight.Copy !req
138. It is an honor to have the number one
and number two bachelorsCopy !req
139. in our store today.Copy !req
140. You are both elegant gentlemen
and excellent field hockey players.Copy !req
141. Please, allow me to show you
to your dressing rooms.Copy !req
142. So, I hear you're gonna chicken out
on the game tonight.Copy !req
143. Fuck the game.Copy !req
144. I have a lot more on my mind these days.Copy !req
145. In fact, I have a very high profile
and lucrative job tonight.Copy !req
146. Job? You mean, like, work?Copy !req
147. I am a magistocratic exorcist,
and it's my sacred duty, you jackass.Copy !req
148. Sacred duty, what a joke.Copy !req
149. No wonder Cathy left you.Copy !req
150. You're just a neo riche loser.Copy !req
151. I am not neo riche!Copy !req
152. You know what, Arcangelo?
I will see you at that game tonight.Copy !req
153. And, salesclerk, I'll take the suit.Copy !req
154. Sir, I don't see how you can
make it to the job and the game.Copy !req
155. A teen exorcism can take all night.Copy !req
156. Didn't you see me back there?
This exorcism will be a walk in the park.Copy !req
157. The Sea Beneath 14th Street
brings back a lot of memories.Copy !req
158. Some happy... but others, quite sad.Copy !req
159. Mr. Kaan,
we've been expecting you.Copy !req
160. Right this way.Copy !req
161. Charles, who are these girls?Copy !req
162. These are Helena's biggest fans.Copy !req
163. - We're called Helenists, you herb.
- She's our queen.Copy !req
164. Her blog is our bible.Copy !req
165. Neo Yokio's second most eligible bachelor
in our home.Copy !req
166. Thank you for coming.Copy !req
167. I'm so sorry to hear about Helena.
How is she?Copy !req
168. Well, it's a tad awkward to talk about it
because she seems a bit possessed.Copy !req
169. It's so out of character for her.Copy !req
170. She never cavorts with wraiths or demons.Copy !req
171. When did it start?Copy !req
172. Two days ago, she took a trip uptown
with her friendsCopy !req
173. to get a preview of the fall collections.Copy !req
174. The prime minister of Chanel presented her
with a custom suit.Copy !req
175. What an honor.Copy !req
176. I know. But when she got home,
she started feeling unwell.Copy !req
177. And the next day, she had become
an entirely different person.Copy !req
178. We've always kept her so well-guarded.Copy !req
179. I can't imagine
how this could've happened.Copy !req
180. Rest assured, your family's nightmare
will be over in no time.Copy !req
181. Now, where is she?Copy !req
182. She's floating up in her bedroom.Copy !req
183. Hey, Helena, what's up?Copy !req
184. It's me, Kaz Kaan.Copy !req
185. So, this is kind of awkward.Copy !req
186. I haven't seen you since that party
in the Hamptons at Freddie Miles' place.Copy !req
187. You know, when we hooked up.Copy !req
188. Uh, anyway, that's a dope Chanel suit.Copy !req
189. What's it made of, tweed?Copy !req
190. I'm a huge fan of fabrics.Copy !req
191. You mind if I touch it?Copy !req
192. Ow!Copy !req
193. Okay. Enough small talk.Copy !req
194. Let's do this.Copy !req
195. What happened? Is she cured?Copy !req
196. I'm sorry. No.Copy !req
197. She was totally immune to my charms.Copy !req
198. Well, get back in there and try again.Copy !req
199. There's nothing I can do.
She's too powerful.Copy !req
200. This is outrageous.Copy !req
201. - I'm calling your aunt.
- Could we leave Aunt Agatha out of this?Copy !req
202. Leave this townhouse at once.Copy !req
203. I don't get it.Copy !req
204. Why didn't my powers work on Helena?Copy !req
205. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, sir,
but it has taken a toll on your ranking.Copy !req
206. I'm behind Luke Silver-Greenberg?Copy !req
207. That's horrendous.Copy !req
208. It's always darkest before the dawn, sir.Copy !req
209. Shall we get you a giant Toblerone?
Chocolate always cheers you up.Copy !req
210. No, Charles, I wanna visit the grave.Copy !req
211. You've designed yourself
a beautiful grave, sir.Copy !req
212. I'm gonna rest for a bit.Copy !req
213. I recognize that scent.Copy !req
214. Excuse me, old man,
but what are you doing over there?Copy !req
215. Oh. I'm just tending to my wife's grave.Copy !req
216. Tending it with perfume? How odd.Copy !req
217. Might seem strange,Copy !req
218. but Babylon N°5
was her favorite perfume in the universe.Copy !req
219. Hmm. It's really not
a very elegant perfume.Copy !req
220. It achieved global success,Copy !req
221. but in a marketplace
far less crowded than today's.Copy !req
222. I believe a classic is a classicCopy !req
223. when talking about clothes, cars
or watches,Copy !req
224. but scents need to change with the times,
don't you agree?Copy !req
225. I never thought about it like that.Copy !req
226. Don't get me wrong.Copy !req
227. I'm very touched by your dedication
to your dead wife,Copy !req
228. but perhaps her spirit would be cheered
by a newer, more youthful perfume.Copy !req
229. Santal 33 perhaps?Copy !req
230. I could have my mecha
whip you up a sample.Copy !req
231. I have full fabrication abilities.Copy !req
232. Thank you,
but she just loves her Babylon.Copy !req
233. You old folks are funny like that.Copy !req
234. You don't have the same understanding
of style.Copy !req
235. The girls of my generation
would never wear Babylon N°5.Copy !req
236. They prefer a less mainstream fragrance.Copy !req
237. Helena Saint Tesoro once wrote an essay
about this.Copy !req
238. I'm not familiar with her work.Copy !req
239. She's the greatest teen fashion blogger
of the modern era.Copy !req
240. With her, everything has to be unique.
Even her Chanel suit is a custom job.Copy !req
241. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
242. In fact, she only received it a week ago.Copy !req
243. It wasn't subject
to the same security proceduresCopy !req
244. as other luxury items.Copy !req
245. It was open, it was vulnerable...Copy !req
246. The perfect place for a demon to hide!Copy !req
247. Could it really be?Copy !req
248. Yes, Charles.Copy !req
249. The reason I couldn't exorcise Helena
was because it wasn't her,Copy !req
250. but rather her suit that was possessed.Copy !req
251. Brilliant, sir.Copy !req
252. I know what to do now.Copy !req
253. Let's head downtown. There's still time!Copy !req
254. Sir, at this hour,
the bubble traffic is horrendous.Copy !req
255. It could take us hours.Copy !req
256. To hell with it. Let's go express.Copy !req
257. Look who's back.Copy !req
258. Very clever, possessing a Chanel suit.Copy !req
259. You knew a bespoke item
was your only shot at getting to Helena.Copy !req
260. It was too easy.Copy !req
261. You fools will never be safe.Copy !req
262. Your vanity ensures it.Copy !req
263. Karl Lagerfeld said vanity
is the healthiest thing in life.Copy !req
264. God, you really are a herb.Copy !req
265. Behold the pale horseCopy !req
266. and prepare to meet the dark forces
that lie beneath your precious city.Copy !req
267. Demon, be gone from the Chanel suit!Copy !req
268. Coco Chanel, may her memory be blessed.Copy !req
269. Helena, are you okay?Copy !req
270. Wake up! Wake up!Copy !req
271. Ha! You may have destroyed
the suit, but you haven't destroyed me.Copy !req
272. Oh, no! No!Copy !req
273. Helena!Copy !req
274. Kaz Kaan?
- Hey, Helena.Copy !req
275. Oh, my God.Copy !req
276. I haven't seen you since Freddie Miles'
party out in the Hamptons.Copy !req
277. That was a crazy night.Copy !req
278. Yeah, we had fun.Copy !req
279. I know. How come you never called me
when we got back to the city?Copy !req
280. Well, you started dating Cathy.Copy !req
281. She actually just broke up with me.Copy !req
282. That's a shame.Copy !req
283. Yeah, it is.Copy !req
284. Well, maybe now I'll call you.Copy !req
285. That would be sick.Copy !req
286. The West Side Gentlemen
are getting killed.Copy !req
287. If I was you, I'd pack it up and go home,
West Side wimps.Copy !req
288. - Time out!Copy !req
289. This is impossible, man.Copy !req
290. - Where's Kaz?
- He didn't show up.Copy !req
291. He doesn't even care
about field hockey anymore.Copy !req
292. - Wait.Copy !req
293. Is that him?Copy !req
294. I can't believe it!Copy !req
295. It's Kaz Kaan!Copy !req
296. Kaz, homey, you made it!Copy !req
297. Gentlemen, I'm sorry I'm late.Copy !req
298. As you know, I've been really depressed,Copy !req
299. and it's affected my attitude
toward field hockey,Copy !req
300. but I'm here now,
and I know we can beat these bastards.Copy !req
301. Yo, flagrant foul, man! Flagrant!Copy !req
302. It's a penalty shot for Kaz!Copy !req
303. This is a field for gentlemen.Copy !req
304. You should be selling popcorn
in the stands, you peasant.Copy !req
305. A true gentleman excels
in both work and leisure.Copy !req
306. Heavens to Betsy,
they're bringing in a ringer.Copy !req
307. You see how diesel this goalie is?
This shit is impossible.Copy !req
308. - No way the ball's getting past him.
- No way.Copy !req
309. Good luck, Rat Catcher.Copy !req
310. I love sports!Copy !req
311. Charles, play Vivaldi's concerto.Copy !req
312. In D minor, sir?Copy !req
313. No. In E-flat major.Copy !req
314. Ah! Very good, sir.Copy !req
315. I am Neo Yokio's
most eligible bachelor.Copy !req
316. I am the proud scion
of a storied and powerful family.Copy !req
317. This is my city,
and I'm sworn to protect it.Copy !req
318. Yes, my girlfriend broke up with me
to take a finance job in San Francisco,Copy !req
319. but I am still here
in the greatest city in the world.Copy !req
320. Tomorrow, the cherry blossoms will bloom,Copy !req
321. the sun will shine.Copy !req
322. It is springtime in Neo Yokio,
and life is worth living.Copy !req