Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide 1x9

Directed by Fred Savage

Daran Norris as Gordy • Spencer Locke as Bitsy Johnson • Rob Pinkston as Coconut Head • Meshach Taylor as Mr. Wright • Dave Allen as Mr. Kwest

Computer Lab: Ned and Moze are banned from the computer lab. Cookie learns about life away from technology thanks to Lisa Zemo. Ned and Moze disguise themselves to get back in the lab. Backpack: Ned needs a new backpack after his breaks so he goes to Backpack Boy for help. Moze loses her backpack so she needs to find it before somebody reads her personal diary. Cookie creates the "bodypack" so he doesn't need a backpack, but it backfires on him due to Loomer.

Request examples:

!req Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide 1x9 [02:32]
!req Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide 1x9 [Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide 1x9]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide 1x9 [10-11]; !req Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide 1x9 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. IN A MIDDLE SCHOOL FULL OF BULLIES,

2. INSANE TEACHERS,

3. AND GROSS SCHOOL LUNCHES,

4. NED BIGBY—THAT'S ME— AND MY TWO BEST FRIENDS

5. CREATE A GUIDE THAT WILL HELP YOU SURVIVE SCHOOL.

6. "NED'S DECLASSIFIED SCHOOL SURVIVAL GUIDE."

7. YOUR RESULTS MAY VARY.

8. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND NICKELODEON

9. THE COMPUTER LAB—

10. YOUR SCHOOL'S ONRAMP TO THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

11. IT'S TECHNOLOGY THAT IS TOTALLY HELPFUL.

12. BUT BE CAREFUL NOT TO GROW TOO COMPUTER DEPENDENT.

13. LOCATING LOCKER.

14. LOCATE—NOT YOURS, NOT YOURS.

15. LOCKER LOCATED!

16. BEGIN COMBINATION SEQUENCE.

17. 36-02-12.

18. 8:45— MATHEMATICS.

19. 216.

20. CLOSE LOCKER, CLOSE LOCKER, CLOSE LOCKER.

21. HOW'S IT GOING, COOKIE?

22. I DON'T KNOW.

23. LET ME CHECK.

24. RUN SYSTEM CHECK.

25. RESULTS IN 3 MINUTES.

26. WE'LL HAVE AN ANSWER IN 3 MINUTES.

27. GOOD WORK, LISA.

28. I TOLD YOU KIDS THIS COMPUTER GRAPHING PROJECT

29. WOULD BE EXCITING.

30. IF HE LIKES THAT,

31. I'M GONNA GET AN "A PLUS PLUS."

32. WHERE'S COOKIE?

33. HE PROMISED TO PRINT OUT MY PROJECT.

34. I'M WORRIED ABOUT COOKIE.

35. HE'S BEEN DEPENDING ON HIS COMPUTER

36. FOR EVERYTHING LATELY.

37. MR. WRIGHT'S GRAPH ASSIGNMENT?

38. THAT'S DUE TODAY?

39. UH, YEAH!

40. HOW FAR DID YOU GET?

41. YOU WERE IN THE COMPUTER LAB ALL WEEK.

42. WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

43. OH, YEAH.

44. TRY TO REMEMBER TO USE YOUR COMPUTER LAB TIME WISELY.

45. I STILL HAVE ONE MORE HOUR RESERVED IN THE COMPUTER LAB.

46. I CAN STILL GET IT DONE BEFORE MR. WRIGHT'S CLASS.

47. COOKIE'S PRINTING MY 15 MEGABYTE 3-D MASTERPIECE

48. ON POSTER PAPER.

49. IT'S GONNA ROCK!

50. YOU KNOW, IN A GRAPH KIND OF WAY.

51. THERE'S MY FAVORITE CYBORG.

52. WHERE ARE MY GRAPHS?

53. PRINTING THEM AS WE SPEAK.

54. WHOO!

55. EVERYTHING'S WORKING PERFECTLY.

56. YOU CAN RELAX.

57. MORNING, LOSERS!

58. YEAH, MAN!

59. EVERYTHING'S NOT WORKING PERFECTLY!

60. YOU CAN PANIC.

61. DON'T TELL ME YOU LOST MY GRAPH.

62. OK. I WON'T.

63. BUT IF I RUN DIAGNOSTICS FROM THE COMPUTER LAB,

64. I CAN RESCUE THEM.

65. I AM RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

66. 'CAUSE I GOTTA FINISH THAT PROJECT

67. THAT I STARTED AND DIDN'T FINISH,

68. AND IT LOOKS REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW.

69. SO, I'M GONNA—

70. HEY, WAIT FOR ME.

71. YON SIGNUP LIST DETERMINES WHO SHALL ENTER.

72. NED BIGBY.

73. YOU MAY ENTER MY DOMAIN.

74. WE'RE WITH HIM.

75. NO PIGGYBACKS. YOU MUST SIGN UP.

76. OK.

77. WE'LL SIGN UP.

78. THERE'S NO MORE SPOTS ON THE LIST!

79. MAKE SURE YOU SIGN UP AHEAD OF TIME.

80. IF YOU DON'T, TRY GOING DURING OFF HOURS—

81. LIKE BEFORE OR AFTER SCHOOL.

82. THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE YOU'LL FIND AN OPEN STATION.

83. IF YOU DO COME EARLY...

84. MAKE SURE YOU GET A GOOD REST.

85. DON'T WASTE VALUABLE COMPUTER TIME

86. TRYING TO FIX A COMPUTER YOURSELF.

87. ASK YOUR TEACHER FOR HELP.

88. MY ENTIRE SYSTEM'S FAILING.

89. EMERGENCY!

90. LET'S GO, R2.

91. SYSTEM CRITICAL, NO TIME LEFT.

92. HELP! HELP!

93. GIVE US YOUR SPOT.

94. COOKIE'S CRASHING,

95. AND HE'S GOTTA SAVE MY PROJECT.

96. I HAVE TO DO MY PROJECT.

97. YOU HAVE TO WAIT YOUR TURN.

98. YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

99. SO, BYE!

100. GET OUT! HELP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

101. GET OUT! STOP IT.

102. NO ROWDINESS IN MY DOMAIN.

103. OUT—ALL OF YOU.

104. MR. KWEST, I'M REALLY SORRY, BUT I—

105. YEAH, TAKE YOUR SORRY BUTT

106. INTO THE HALL.

107. I BANISH YOU FOR...

108. 7 SOLAR CYCLES.

109. 7 SOLAR CYCLES?

110. THAT'S A WEEK.

111. NOW I'M GONNA FAIL.

112. THANKS, NED.

113. ME? YOU PULLED THE CHAIR.

114. "YOU PULLED THE CHAIR!"

115. I STILL BLAME YOU.

116. ME? OH, GEE, CRY ME A RIVER.

117. ARGUING WILL GET US NOWHERE.

118. I WILL COME UP WITH A SURE-FIRE PLAN

119. THAT WILL GET US ALL BACK INTO THE COMPUTER LAB.

120. FINE. LET'S MEET AT LUNCH.

121. I NEED THOSE GRAPHS BY SIXTH PERIOD.

122. ARE YOU OK?

123. I DON'T KNOW MY SCHEDULE.

124. I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO.

125. YOUR SCHEDULE IS THE SAME AS MINE.

126. COME WITH ME.

127. I'LL HELP YOU.

128. YOU'RE A NICE LADY.

129. OH, WAIT. IT'S THAT WAY.

130. IT'S CORN.

131. YOU LIKE CORN.

132. IS HE OK?

133. HE JUST FORGOT HE LIKES CORN.

134. WE'RE TOAST.

135. COME ON.

136. HOW UPSET CAN MR. WRIGHT GET

137. IF WE AREN'T FINISHED?

138. HI, GUYS.

139. JUST DROPPED BY TO SAY I'LL BE VERY UPSET

140. IF YOU HAVEN'T COMPLETED YOUR ASSIGNMENTS.

141. ANYWAY, ENJOY YOUR LUNCH.

142. WE HAVE GOT TO GET INTO THE COMPUTER LAB!

143. YOU GOTTA GET INTO THE COMPUTER LAB?

144. I SIGNED UP, AND MY WORK'S ALL DONE.

145. YOU CAN USE MY TIME.

146. MINE, TOO.

147. PROBLEM SOLVED!

148. EXCEPT WE'RE BANNED.

149. MR. KWEST WON'T LET US IN.

150. EXACTLY.

151. MR. KWEST WON'T LET US IN.

152. IN A WORLD WHERE YOU'RE BANNED FROM COMPUTER LAB,

153. TWO HEROES WILL RISE ABOVE THE REST.

154. JENNIFER MOSELY IS LISA ZEMO...

155. AND NED BIGBY IS COCONUT HEAD...

156. IN...

157. THANKS, MR. KWEST.

158. OH! OH!

159. IF I DID THIS RIGHT,

160. I AM ABOUT TO WEB CHAT

161. WITH 6,000 TEACHERS

162. FROM OVER 127 COUNTRIES!

163. THAT CAN'T BE GOOD.

164. LISA.

165. LISA, WHAT DID YOU PLUG IN—

166. YOU'RE NOT LISA.

167. YES, I AM.

168. OW!

169. AH!

170. OH! OH!

171. OH!

172. SO MANY COLORS.

173. NO NUMBERS OR READOUTS.

174. PRETTY.

175. WE'RE ALLOWED OUTSIDE DURING LUNCH.

176. MAYBE THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN COMPUTERS.

177. I BANISH YOU, AND YOU SNEAK BACK

178. TO WORK WREAK HAVOC UPON MY DOMAIN!

179. CAN'T YOU JUST REBOOT THE ROOM OR SOMETHING?

180. OF COURSE!

181. I JUST REWIRE THE FIRE WIRE,

182. AND THEN REBOOT THE BOOT.

183. AND THE USB...

184. LONG, YOU KNOW, THE WIRE...

185. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING, DO YOU?

186. NO.

187. AND THE SCHOOL'S GONNA FIND OUT,

188. AND I'M GONNA LOSE MY JOB.

189. COOKIE COULD FIX IT,

190. BUT YOU'D HAVE TO UNBANISH HIM.

191. I-I CAN DO THAT.

192. COOKIE!

193. MR. KWEST WILL LET US BACK INTO THE LAB!

194. NED, LISA'S SHOWING ME

195. HOW TO WATCH THE CLOUDS, HEAR THE BIRDS,

196. SMELL THE FLOWERS.

197. EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T SMELL THEM MYSELF.

198. SMELL THIS!

199. THE LAB CRASHED. YOU CAN FIX IT.

200. YOU PROMISED TO HAVE MY PROJECT READY.

201. NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT BUT YOU.

202. BUT, NED,

203. I'VE NEVER STOPPED TO SMELL THE ROSES.

204. OK, DONE IT.

205. LISA...

206. I MUST HELP MY FRIENDS.

207. I UNDERSTAND.

208. IT'S PROBABLY A SIMPLE OVERLOAD

209. OF THE INTERNAL SHARE BUSSES.

210. THAT, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

211. HA HA.

212. GOOD-BYE, SWEET, SWEET SIMON!

213. YOU CAN COME WITH US.

214. OK!

215. THE COMPUTER LAB IS A COMPLEX PLACE.

216. SO, IT HELPS TO HAVE AT LEAST ONCE PERSON

217. WHO KNOWS HOW IT WORKS.

218. THE CRASH WAS CAUSED BY SOMEONE

219. DEDICATING TOO MUCH RAM TO AN INTERNATIONAL WEB CAM.

220. SO,

221. MOZE GOT HER GRAPHS,

222. AND AN "A PLUS."

223. COOKIE NOW HAS A PERMANENT RESERVATION

224. FOR TEACHING MR. KWEST HOW TO DO HIS JOB.

225. AND ME, I HAD TO GET AN EXTENSION

226. TO FINISH MY PROJECT.

227. AND MR. WRIGHT IS PERSONALLY MAKING SURE

228. I DON'T WASTE COMPUTER LAB TIME.

229. BACK TO WORK, MR. BIGBY.

230. USE YOUR TIME WISELY.

231. MR. WRIGHT—

232. NOT ON MY LIST.

233. BE GONE!

234. SERIOUSLY.

235. GET OUT.

236. GO.

237. DON'T WORRY.

238. I THINK I CAN HELP.

239. SOMETIMES YOUR BEST FRIEND IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

240. DOESN'T ALWAYS HAVE A BRAIN—

241. OR ANY BONES—

242. BUT THEY ALWAYS HAVE YOUR BACK.

243. SO, TAKE CARE OF YOUR PACK

244. AND FILL IT WITH THE RIGHT STUFF.

245. ALWAYS PACK AN EXTRA SHIRT,

246. BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU

247. OR A FRIEND MIGHT NEED ONE.

248. PACK TISSUES FOR ALL THE OBVIOUS REASONS.

249. AND ALWAYS KEEP A BACKPACK LOADED

250. WITH LOTS OF SHARPENED PENCILS.

251. BUT NOT TOO SHARP.

252. AND IF MOM HASN'T ALREADY DONE IT,

253. PUT YOUR NAME AND PHONE NUMBER IN IT.

254. MY BACKPACK.

255. I CAN'T FIND MY BACKPACK.

256. RELAX.

257. IT'LL TURN UP.

258. YOU NAME IS IN IT, RIGHT?

259. YEAH.

260. AND SO WAS MY DIARY!

261. DON'T PANIC.

262. WE'LL FIND IT.

263. THERE IT IS.

264. HERE'S MY SCIENCE BOOK...

265. AND MY RETAINER...

266. AND MY—

267. TIGHTY-WHITIES.

268. AND THAT'S NOT YOUR PACK.

269. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

270. THERE ARE VARIOUS STAGES ONE GOES THROUGH

271. WHEN LOSING A BACKPACK.

272. DENIAL.

273. THERE'S NO WAY I LOST MY BACKPACK.

274. IT'S PROBABLY IN THE BATHROOM.

275. THIS FELL OUT OF YOUR PACK.

276. OH, THANKS.

277. ANGER.

278. DON'T WORRY.

279. WE'LL FIND IT.

280. YEAH, AFTER SOMEONE READS MY DIARY.

281. IT'S FULL OF MY DEEPEST THOUGHTS.

282. ON THOSE PAGES, I OPENED MY HEART.

283. IT'S A REAL PAGE-TURNER.

284. EH, I THOUGHT IT DRAGGED IN SPOTS.

285. YOU READ MY DIARY?

286. I'M KIDDING! KIDDING.

287. I KNOW, I KNOW.

288. IT FELL OUT OF MY PACK. THANKS.

289. THE GOOD NEWS IS...

290. IS THAT ONCE YOU'VE REACHED THE STAGE OF HOPELESSNESS...

291. THAT'S IT!

292. MY LIFE IS OVER.

293. ACCEPTANCE.

294. I WILL NOT ACCEPT THAT MY BACKPACK IS GONE!

295. OR, SOMETIMES,

296. THE NEXT STAGE IS JUST MORE ANGER.

297. YOU NEED A NEW BACKPACK.

298. I CAN'T GET RID OF EARL.

299. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU NAMED YOU BACKPACK.

300. AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE STILL USING BACKPACKS.

301. COOKIE, TELL ME YOU'VE SEEN MY BACKPACK

302. WITH MY DIARY IN IT.

303. AND WHAT IS THAT YOU'RE WEARING?

304. SAY HELLO TO THE BODYPACK.

305. JUST MY LATEST INNOVATION

306. TO SCHOOL SURVIVAL TECHNOLOGY.

307. WE'LL FIND IT.

308. YOU CHECK THE LOST AND FOUND.

309. COOKIE, CHECK THE GYM.

310. I'LL PICK UP MY STUFF

311. AND THEN GO CHECK THE CAFETERIA.

312. DEAL.

313. NED.

314. A GUY LIKE YOU CAN'T BE DROPPING THINGS

315. ALL OVER SCHOOL.

316. I THINK I CAN HELP.

317. BUT I DON'T WANT A NEW BACKPACK.

318. HA! OF COURSE YOU DON'T.

319. DOES THE SCHOOL KNOW ABOUT THIS?

320. NOPE.

321. AND NEITHER DO YOU.

322. EARL'S NOT LOOKING SO GOOD NOW, IS HE?

323. DON'T GO TO A PARTY...

324. BE THE PARTY.

325. ISN'T IT A LITTLE LOUD?

326. THE GUMMY-PACK.

327. TOTALLY EDIBLE.

328. CHEWY!

329. THIS ONE'S GREAT FOR SCHOOL...

330. AND THE POOL.

331. WHOA!

332. WHAT'S THAT ONE?

333. THE BEHEMOTH.

334. DOUBLE WIDE AND CUSTOM MADE

335. BY A 92-YEAR-OLDSPECIALIST IN SWITZERLAND.

336. HE'S CRANKY AT TIMES,

337. BUT HE MAKES A GREAT PACK.

338. I'LL TAKE IT.

339. YOU'RE NOT READY FOR IT YET.

340. I'M NOT EVEN READY.

341. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'M READY.

342. I'M READY!

343. HEY.

344. HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN MOZE'S BACKPACK?

345. WHAT ARE YOU DRESSED AS?

346. IT'S THE BODYPACK—

347. MADE OF VELCRO,

348. SO SCHOOL STUFF STICKS.

349. COOL.

350. HEY!

351. NO! HEY!

352. OH! MY BOOK!

353. NO! I NEED THAT FOR CLASS.

354. MY MOM GAVE THAT TO ME!

355. NO!

356. DON'T DO THIS TO ME!

357. STOP! PLEASE!

358. HA HA HA!

359. JOKE'S ON YOU NOW,

360. 'CAUSE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO THROW.

361. HERE YOU GO.

362. GORDY, THIS LOOKS LIKE THE SAME STUFF

363. THAT'S BEEN IN THE LOST AND FOUND ALL YEAR.

364. THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS THE SAME STUFF.

365. WHERE'S ALL THE OTHER STUFF?

366. BURNED IT.

367. WHAT?

368. YEAH, I KNOW IT'S A LITTLE HARSH.

369. BUT ONE TIME THERE WAS THIS REALLY SMELLY PAIR OF SNEAKERS

370. THAT I HAD TO BURN,

371. AND, OH, IT WAS AWESOME.

372. DID YOU BURN MY BACKPACK?

373. OH! I DON'T BURN BACKPACKS!

374. OOH! BUT WOULDN'T THAT BE SOMETHING?

375. WHY DIDN'T YOU BURN ANY OF THIS STUFF?

376. OH, I CAN'T BURN THAT STUFF.

377. THAT'S THE DISPLAY.

378. BUT, THIS FORGOTTEN "C MINUS" SOCIAL STUDIES PROJECT...

379. HA HA HA.

380. YOU KNOW, MOZE, VIKINGS DIDN'T BURY THEIR LEADERS

381. WHEN THEY DIED.

382. THEY PUT THEM IN LONG WOODEN SHIPS

383. AND CREMATED THEM AT SEA—

384. LIKE THIS!

385. HELLO! HELLO! HELLO!

386. I NEED TO FIND MY BACKPACK.

387. MY DIARY IS IN IT.

388. OUCH!

389. ALL RIGHT, MOZE,

390. I'LL HELP YOU PUT UP "LOST BACKPACK" POSTERS.

391. WE'LL FIND IT.

392. GORDY, YOU'RE AWESOME.

393. TAKE IT.

394. OOH!

395. HA HA HA!

396. OH, MAN, I'M HOT.

397. MAN, I'M THIRSTY.

398. AND I'VE GOT SPRING WATER.

399. OH!

400. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND NOBODY REMEMBERED.

401. THANKS, NED!

402. CHECK IT OUT!

403. MOSLEY LEFT HER BACKPACK IN THE LOCKER ROOM.

404. NOW WE CAN TEASE HER ABOUT

405. ALL THE DUMB STUFF SHE CARRIES AROUND.

406. HEY, THIS IS THE SAME STUFF

407. YOU CARRY AROUND.

408. OH, NO.

409. JACKPOT!

410. HER DIARY!

411. THIS IS GONNA BE SWEET!

412. OH!

413. I BELIEVE YOU HAVE SOMETHING

414. THAT DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU.

415. WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?

416. I'M EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE—

417. SOMETIMES AT THE SAME TIME,

418. SOMETIMES ONE AFTER ANOTHER.

419. HA HA!

420. ALL RIGHT, GUYS, GAME OVER.

421. DID YOU FIND MY PACK?

422. I KIND OF GOT SIDETRACKED.

423. BUT I FOUND MY PACK.

424. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

425. WOW!

426. THAT MUST WEIGHT A TON.

427. I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS, BUT, HEY!

428. IT'S GOT A MICROWAVE.

429. OOH!

430. QUESADILLA!

431. OW! OOH!

432. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING FOR MY BACKPACK!

433. I PROMISE YOU I WILL FIND IT.

434. GUYS!

435. I FOUND IT. COOKIE'S GOT IT.

436. AND EVERYTHING'S THERE—

437. INCLUDING YOUR UNREAD DIARY.

438. COOKIE, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

439. SO, AS YOU CAN SEE,

440. THIS IS WRAPPING UP QUITE NICELY.

441. BUT THERE'S STILL ONE THING I HAVE TO DO.

442. ALTHOUGH I DID NOT KNOW...

443. EARL.

444. EARL PERSONALLY,

445. I KNOW THAT IT'S NEVER EASY TO SAY GOOD-BYE.

446. BUT, MAN, THIS IS GONNA BE REALLY COOL!

447. NED, YOU REMEMBERED TO EMPTY OUT ALL YOUR STUFF, RIGHT?

448. DON'T FORGET TO EMPTY YOUR BACKPACK

449. BEFORE GIVING IT A VIKING FUNERAL.

450. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND NICKELODEON

451. YOU'RE NOT REALLY GONNA KEEP THAT THING, ARE YOU?

452. I DON'T THINK I'M READY.

453. WELL, I'M NOT CLEANING THAT UP.

454. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE —www.ncicap.org—