Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide 1x11

Directed by Joe Menendez

Don Creech as Mr. Sweeney • Spencer Locke as Bitsy Johnson • Rob Pinkston as Coconut Head • Meshach Taylor as Mr. Wright • Loni Love as Rose, the Lunch Lady

Daydreams: Ned daydreams in Science class. Sweeney challenges the class to answer a riddle before they can go to lunch. Fairly Odd Parents lend Ned a hand, along with super agent Moze and Tech Wizard Cookie. Gym: Moze and Ned spar in martial arts and Ned gets thrown for a loop. So now Ned practices to beat Moze, after being humiliated by being beaten by a girl. Cookie must pass Derga's gym requirements so he does Seth's homework in return for Seth to do Cookie's laps for him.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. IN A MIDDLE SCHOOL FULL OF BULLIES...

2. INSANE TEACHERS...

3. AND GROSS SCHOOL LUNCHES...

4. NED BIGBY—THAT'S ME— AND MY TWO BEST FRIENDS

5. CREATE A GUIDE THAT WILL HELP YOU SURVIVE SCHOOL.

6. "NED'S DECLASSIFIED SCHOOL SURVIVAL GUIDE."

7. YOUR RESULTS MAY VARY.

8. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND NICKELODEON

9. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

10. STOP IT! STOP!

11. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

12. - YOU GONNA CRY? - I'M NOT GONNA CRY.

13. LOOMER.

14. GIVE HER BACK HER BACKPACK. BACK.

15. GET HIM.

16. MY HERO!

17. HEROES...

18. I HELPED TOO, YOU KNOW.

19. - MR. BIGBY. - AH!

20. STOP DAYDREAMING OR YOU CAN KISS

21. YOUR GRADE GOOD-BYE.

22. WE'VE ALL HEARD IT

23. "STOP DAYDREAMING AND PAY ATTENTION!"

24. BUT IF YOU'RE A DAYDREAMER LIKE ME,

25. LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE AND DON'T BE TOO OBVIOUS.

26. YOU'RE SURE TO GET BUSTED.

27. AND TEACHERS HATE THE STARING- OUT-THE-WINDOW DAYDREAM.

28. WAY TOO OBVIOUS.

29. EYES FRONT, MISS CRABGRASS.

30. TRY YOUR BEST TO STARE AT AN EDUCATIONAL ITEM

31. IN THE FRONT OF THE CLASS.

32. THAT WAY YOU CAN COVER YOURSELF IF YOU GET NAILED.

33. STILL DAYDREAMING, MR. COCONUT HEAD?

34. I-I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT

35. HOW YOU MADE THIS CLASS SO SCIENCE-Y.

36. OH, UH..

37. YES. THANK YOU.

38. LUNCH TIME, WHOA!

39. NOT SO FAST.

40. SINCE MOST OF YOU WASTED MY CLASS-TIME DAYDREAMING,

41. I CAN WASTE SOME OF YOUR LUNCH TIME

42. WITH A SCIENCE WORD PUZZLER. WHOO!

43. BUT IT'S PIZZA DAY!

44. AND YOU CAN ALL GO GET YOUR PIZZA

45. AS SOON AS SOMEBODY IN THIS CLASS

46. TELLS ME WHY THESE WORDS ARE TOGETHER.

47. WATER, WOLF, AND TRAPDOOR.

48. THEY'RE TOGETHER BECAUSE YOU WROTE THEM THAT WAY.

49. YEAH!

50. - WRONG. AW!

51. IT'S YOUR LIST FOR SANTA.

52. YEAH!

53. YOU'RE NOT EVEN CLOSE.

54. BUT I'LL GIVE YOU ALL A HINT.

55. THE ANSWER IS IN THIS ROOM.

56. THIS IS A CHANCE FOR ONE OF YOU TO BE A HERO.

57. SO DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME DAYDREAMING.

58. DAYDREAMING, DAYDREAMING.

59. MAN, WHAT A COOL CAR!

60. AGENT BIGBY, AGENT MOSELY,

61. YOU KNOW YOUR MISSION.

62. THE EVIL DR. SWEENEY IS HOLDING THE SCIENCE CLASS HOSTAGE

63. WITH A GOOFY WORD PUZZLER.

64. AND ONLY YOU CAN SAVE THEM,

65. SO THEY CAN GET SOME PIZZA.

66. - GOT IT. - GOT IT.

67. CAN I DRIVE?

68. NO.

69. AGENT BIGBY, LOOK TO WRIST.

70. I'M A COOL WATCH, TOO.

71. BECAUSE...

72. BEATS ME. IT'S YOUR DAYDREAM.

73. SO, AGENT BIGBY

74. THINKS HE CAN DEFEAT ME!

75. WELL, WE'LL SEE IF HE CAN DEFEAT

76. THE DEADLY EVIL NINJAS OF DEATH.

77. WE'VE GOT TROUBLE.

78. I'M ON IT.

79. NOW CAN I DRIVE?

80. OH!

81. NO!

82. WHY DIDN'T I HIRE THE WATERPROOF DEADLY NINJAS OF DEATH?

83. STILL, AGENT BIGBY WILL NEVER FREE THE CLASS.

84. AAH!

85. MR. BIGBY, YOU'LL NEVER FREE THE CLASS FOR LUNCH BY DAYDREAMING.

86. GIVE US ANOTHER HINT. WE'RE HUNGRY.

87. THEY'RE GONNA RUN OUT OF PIZZA.

88. ALL RIGHT, FINE.

89. THE ANSWER IS IN THIS ROOM

90. AND IT SPINS.

91. IT SPINS.

92. A TORNADO? A TOP?

93. MY HEAD AFTER ONE OF YOUR LECTURES?

94. NO, NO, AND CUTE.

95. IT'S THE EARTH. IT SPINS, HAS WATER,

96. WOLFS, AND TRAPDOORS.

97. - NO! OH!

98. BUT NICE TRY.

99. SPIN, IT SPINS.

100. SOLVE IT, BIGBY, OR WE'LL BE EATING YOU FOR LUNCH.

101. REALLY? 'CAUSE I WAS KIND OF COUNTING ON THE PIZZA.

102. NO, NOT REALLY.

103. - OK. - IT SPINS.

104. SPINS...

105. IT SPINS.

106. I'M DRIVING A CAR!

107. NED, THE EVIL SCIENCE ROOM IS COMING UP ON YOUR LEFT.

108. NED, HELP! WE'RE TRAPPED AND HUNGRY.

109. AND WE WANT PIZZA.

110. IT'S LOCKED.

111. COOKIE, HACK INTO THE SCHOOL SYSTEM'S

112. INTERNAL AUTOMATED DOOR SYSTEM AND OPEN THAT DOOR.

113. NO PROBLEM.

114. I'M IN. AND THAT DOOR WILL BE OPEN

115. IN 3, 2, 1!

116. THAT DIDN'T GO AS PLANNED.

117. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW?

118. WISH THERE WAS A WAY INTO THAT ROOM.

119. HEY, WANDA, I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

120. HOW ABOUT WE HELP OUT SECRET AGENT NED?

121. THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS?

122. HEY, IT'S MY DAYDREAM.

123. NOW, LET'S GO OVER SOME OF COSMO'S WISH SUGGESTIONS.

124. THERE'S SNOCONES, POOF INTO SWEENEY'S EVIL SCIENCE ROOM

125. SO YOU CAN RESCUE THE CLASS SO THEY GET SOME PIZZA.

126. OR SNOCONES.

127. LET'S GO WITH POOF INTO THE EVIL SCIENCE ROOM.

128. ONE LITTLE SCHOOL DAYDREAM WISH COMING UP.

129. PERSONALLY, I WOULD HAVE WISHED FOR THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE.

130. THAT WASN'T ONE OF THE OPTIONS.

131. OH, THOSE WERE JUST THE ONLY GUIDES I BROUGHT.

132. YOU COULD HAVE WISHED FOR ANYTHING, SECRET AGENT NED.

133. GOOD LUCK, AGENT NED!

134. YEAH, YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT.

135. WELL, AGENT BIGBY, YOU'VE COME VERY FAR.

136. BUT YOU'LL NEVER SET THE CLASS FREE

137. UNLESS YOU CAN ANSWER THE SCIENCE PUZZLER PUZZLY WORD GAME.

138. HA HA HA!

139. NED, HELP!

140. NED, HELP. COME ON, HELP.

141. NED, HELP! YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE

142. STARING AT THE GROUND.

143. I THINK I SMELL MELTED CHEESE.

144. OH, COME ON, GIVE US ANOTHER HINT.

145. ALL RIGHT.

146. I'LL GIVE YOU ALL ONE MORE HINT.

147. THE ANSWER IS IN THIS ROOM.

148. IT SPINS,

149. AND YOU CAN EASILY FIND IT ON THE WEB.

150. SO CAN WE USE YOUR COMPUTER?

151. NO.

152. BUT YOU DO SMELL MELTED CHEESE.

153. HEH HEH HEH HEH!

154. EITHER HE'S LOST HIS MIND,

155. OR THAT'S A REALLY FUN CHAIR.

156. NED, I'VE GOT GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS.

157. THE BAD NEWS IS SWEENEY'S JAMMED ALL WEB ACCESS,

158. SO I CAN'T HELP YOU.

159. WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?

160. I'M STILL A COOL WATCH.

161. LET THEM GO, SWEENEY! THEY'RE HUNGRY.

162. THEY SMELL MELTED CHEESE, AND... I'VE GOT MOZE POWER!

163. GO GET HIM!

164. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL.

165. WHAT? HE'S EVIL.

166. YOUR MOZE POWER IS NOTHING COMPARED TO MY POWERS!

167. AAH!

168. NO FAIR! YOU SHOOT WEBS?

169. HEY, IT'S YOUR DAYDREAM.

170. OH, WE SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN THE CAR.

171. A WEB, WAIT A MINUTE! THAT'S IT!

172. THE ANSWER IS IN THIS ROOM...

173. IT SPINS...

174. YOU CAN EASILY FIND IT ON THE WEB...

175. I KNOW THE ANSWER.

176. I KNOW THE ANSWER.

177. I KNOW THE ANSWER!

178. OH, THIS SHOULD BE GOOD.

179. THOSE WORDS ARE TOGETHER BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL SPIDERS.

180. HA HA HA HA!

181. THAT'S RIGHT.

182. HOW DOES HE DO IT?

183. MY HERO!

184. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

185. UH, NOTHING.

186. MR. BIGBY,

187. HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO FIGURE OUT THE PUZZLE?

188. WHEN YOU TRAPPED ME IN YOUR EVIL WEB POWERS,

189. IT ALL BECAME CLEAR.

190. OH. RIGHT.

191. WELL DONE.

192. DAYDREAMING IS MORE THAN TAKING A FIELD TRIP IN YOUR HEAD.

193. IT'S A WAY YOUR BRAIN FIGURES OUT PROBLEMS

194. AND COMES UP WITH SOLUTIONS TO STUFF.

195. IT'S HOW INVENTORS INVENT. IT'S HOW SCIENTISTS DO SCIENCE.

196. AND IT'S HOW NEW IDEAS ARE BORN.

197. LAST SLICE!

198. AND SOMETIMES...

199. A DAYDREAM'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED.

200. IF ONLY LIFE WERE LIKE THIS!

201. GYM IS THE ONLY TIME

202. YOU'RE ENCOURAGED TO RUN AROUND LIKE A MANIAC

203. AND BLOW OFF SOME STEAM.

204. THE PROBLEM IS YOU GO BACK TO CLASS ALL SWEATY AND...

205. A LITTLE STINKY.

206. SO HERE ARE SOME TIPS TO AVOID

207. THAT STICKY-SOGGY-AFTER-GYM FEELING.

208. Ned, LEAVE THE SHAGGY SWEATS AT HOME.

209. YOU'LL LOOK COOL, BUT YOU'LL BE HOT.

210. MAKE SURE YOU WASH YOUR GYM CLOTHES ONCE A WEEK.

211. OR THEY WILL HURT YOU.

212. AND IF YOU'RE NOT A FAN OF THE SCHOOL SHOWER,

213. KEEP YOURSELF FRESH AND COOL WITH A SINK SHOWER.

214. AND ALL SWEATING ASIDE, GYM IS GREAT.

215. THERE'S NO TEST, NOW HOMEWORK, YOU JUST GET TO KICK BACK.

216. HI-YAH!

217. HEY, NED GOT BEAT UP BY A GIRL.

218. I'M NED BIGBY, AND I GOT BEAT UP BY A GIRL.

219. STRANGE BOY.

220. AHEM. AH, UM.

221. HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?

222. GREAT, YOU KNOW,

223. AND EVERYONE IS JUST SAYING I GOT BEAT UP BY A GIRL.

224. YOU DID. I REALLY KICKED YOU ON YOUR BUTT.

225. I WAS DEEP IN THOUGHT. IT WAS A WAY LUCKY KICK. I COULD SO TAKE YOU.

226. TAKE IT EASY, CROUCHING WEASEL.

227. I WAS JUST KIDDING.

228. OH, YEAH, ME, TOO. HA HA!

229. AND I HAVE BEEN BEATING YOU UP SINCE PRE-K. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL NOW?

230. IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

231. ESPECIALLY AFTER I DESTROY YOU IN GYM TOMORROW.

232. HEY, GUYS, HOW IS IT GOING?

233. MAN, YOU'RE SWEATY. BULLIES? POP QUIZ?

234. GYM.

235. YOU KNOW I HAVE ANTI-SWEATY-STICKY GYM TIPS?

236. NO, I DON'T NEED THEM.

237. I'VE GOT MY OWN PLAN.

238. I'M JUST NOT GONNA SWEAT IN GYM ANYMORE.

239. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

240. I DON'T KNOW THE MEANING

241. OF THE WORD IMPOSSIBLE.

242. AND I'M NOT GONNA LOOK IT UP.

243. ISH... YAH!

244. WOOSH!

245. DON'T FIGHT THE POWER.

246. BE THE POWER. BECOME ONE WITH THE POWER.

247. OH!

248. A BALL OF GLASS WILL BOUNCE HIGHER

249. THAN A BALL OF RUBBER. GOT IT?

250. YEAH.

251. I GET IT.

252. RIGHT ON.

253. THERE'S AN ODD NUMBER OF BOYS AND GIRLS,

254. SO ONE GIRL WILL HAVE TO PAIR UP WITH A BOY AND SPAR.

255. OK?

256. BREAK!

257. SIZE DOES NOT MATTER IN MARTIAL ARTS.

258. BRUCE LEE WAS 5'7", 135 POUNDS.

259. SPAR.

260. I'M ONLY 8 INCHES AND 50 POUNDS AWAY

261. FROM MAXIMUM BUTT-KICKING ABILITY

262. MARTIN, I'M JUST TRYING TO GET TO MOZE.

263. OH, OK.

264. MIND IF I CUT IN?

265. ACTUALLY, I WANTED TO SPAR WITH MOZE.

266. ALL RIGHT, MOZE.

267. YOU READY TO GET STOMPED?

268. ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS?

269. YOU LOOK A LITTLE OUT OF IT.

270. OH, GETTING SCARED, HUH?

271. SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU MESS WITH NED!

272. IT'S THE 21st CENTURY. GIRLS ARE TOUGH.

273. OH, YEAH, SURE. UH-HUH.

274. BRING IT ON.

275. HEY, LOOK, BIGBY GOT BEAT UP BY A GIRL... AGAIN!

276. HA HA HA!

277. WHOA!

278. HA HA HA!

279. SO, DO WE HAVE A DEAL?

280. IT'LL COST YOU A WEEK OF MATH HOMEWORK.

281. DEAL.

282. YOW!

283. MOVE IT, MOVE IT!

284. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? GET DOWN OFF THE WALL!

285. I DON'T SEE ANYBODY LAUGHING. ISN'T IT FUN? GOOD JOB!

286. WHOO!

287. SO YOU FINALLY BROKE DOWN

288. AND TOOK A SHOWER AFTER GYM?

289. NOPE. I USED MY MIND INSTEAD OF MY BODY.

290. AND I CAME OUT SMELLING LIKE A ROSE.

291. GO ON, SMELL ME. SMELL ME!

292. I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT.

293. YOU WOULD THINK WATCHING A GUY

294. GET HIS BUTT KICKED BY A GIRL EVERY DAY WOULD GET BORING...

295. BUT THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER.

296. I WAS TIRED BY THE TIME WE SPARRED.

297. THAT'S WHY YOU FLIPPED ME SO EASY.

298. ARE YOU STILL WORRYING ABOUT THAT?

299. SOME OF THE TOUGHEST PEOPLE IN HISTORY WERE WOMEN.

300. JOAN OF ARC, AMELIA EARHART—

301. WONDER WOMAN.

302. MOZE, YOU AND I ARE BEST FRIENDS,

303. AND I LIKE YOU A LOT.

304. BUT TOMORROW, I'M GONNA FLIP YOU FASTER THAN A PANCAKE

305. AT A FLAPJACK BREAKFAST. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

306. I THINK YOU DO.

307. YEAH.

308. YOU'RE DOOMED.

309. NED BIGBY, PLEASE REPORT TO THE JANITOR'S CLOSET.

310. NED BIGBY, TO THE JANITOR'S CLOSET, PLEASE.

311. SO, I HAPPENED TO OVERHEAR YOUR PROBLEM,

312. WHICH IS EASY WHEN YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE.

313. LOOK, FIGHTING A GIRL IS A NO-WIN SITUATION.

314. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

315. WELL, IF YOU LOSE, YOU GOT BEAT UP BY A GIRL.

316. BUT WHAT IF I WIN?

317. THEN YOU JUST BEAT UP A GIRL!

318. NOW, HAVING SAID THAT, I RECOMMEND FLIPPING HER, BIG TIME.

319. IN A MEETING!

320. I MEAN, SENSELESS VIOLENCE

321. IS THE LAST THING WE MEN HAVE LEFT.

322. IF WOMEN TAKE THAT AWAY...

323. YEAH, WORKING WITH TOXIC CHEMICALS IN HERE.

324. NEDDIE, REMEMBER, WE'RE MEN,

325. AND WE MUST REMAIN MANLY.

326. DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO CLEAN UP THE KITCHEN?

327. OH, YEAH, I'M GONNA HAVE THE NIGHT GUY DO IT.

328. NO, GORDY, YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT NOW.

329. COME ON!

330. OW, OW!

331. STAND FIRM, NED!

332. BE A WARRIOR! AH!

333. A WARRIOR!

334. COACH STAX, I WANT TO BE A WARRIOR.

335. WARRIORS ARE NOT MADE. THEY ARE BORN.

336. ARE YOU A WARRIOR?

337. UH, I THINK SO.

338. WARRIORS DON'T THINK.

339. THEY KNOW.

340. ARE YOU A WARRIOR?

341. YES, YES, I AM A WARRIOR.

342. HYAH!

343. BUT YOU HAVE A LOT TO LEARN.

344. MOVE IN CIRCULAR MOTION, LIKE SO.

345. SO, WAS THIS EXERCISE TO BUILD MY UPPER-BODY STRENGTH?

346. NO, GORDY NEVER CLEANS THESE FLOORS.

347. THEY WERE FILTHY.

348. I JUST WANTED TO LEARN HOW TO FLIP SOMEBODY.

349. I CAN DO THAT.

350. REMEMBER WHAT I TAUGHT YOU NOW.

351. THERE'S MANY WAYS TO TAKE DOWN AN OPPONENT.

352. FIND THE RIGHT MOMENT AND MOVE IN.

353. WHAA!

354. YES! WATCH OUT, MOZE,

355. 'CAUSE NO GIRL'S EVER GONNA FLIP ME AGAIN.

356. WHAT? YOU MEAN, ALL THIS IS OVER A GIRL FLIPPING YOU?

357. YOU SOUND LIKE A FLIPPING FOOL.

358. JENNIFER'S YOUR FRIEND, RIGHT?

359. - YEAH? - YOU RESPECT HER, RIGHT?

360. YEAH.

361. SO THERE'S NO SHAME IN YOU LOSING TO HER, RIGHT?

362. RIGHT.

363. OF COURSE I'M RIGHT. I'M COACH STAX.

364. YOU GUYS DID GOOD YESTERDAY.

365. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF YOU, COOK.

366. YOU DID GREAT.

367. GIVE ME 50 SPEED PUSH-UPS.

368. I KNEW YOU WERE SCAMMING ME, COOK,

369. BUT I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BREAK THAT FAST.

370. I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO SWEAT.

371. OH, COOK, A SMART KID LIKE YOU SHOULD KNOW

372. THAT EXERCISE SHARPENS THE MIND

373. AND MAKES YOU A BETTER LEARNER.

374. NOW, GET OUT THERE AND RUN TWO MILES.

375. TWO MILES?

376. ALL RIGHT...

377. JUST RUN UNTIL YOU PUKE!

378. HEY, KUNG FU, WHY DON'T YOU LAY DOWN ON THE MAT

379. AND SAVE JENNIFER SOME TROUBLE?

380. YEAH, TAE KWON DORK.

381. ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, THIS IS THE LAST DAY OF SELF-DEFENSE.

382. NOW SHOW ME WHAT YOU'VE LEARNED.

383. GET TO SPARRING.

384. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? JUST FLIP ME.

385. WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO FLIP YOU?

386. I SAW LOOMER TAUNTING YOU, SO IT'S OK. FLIP ME.

387. THANKS, BUT I DON'T CARE HOW MANY TIMES YOU FLIP ME.

388. I REALIZE NOW THAT A RUBBER CHICKEN

389. BOUNCES HIGHER THAN A GLASS MENAGERIE.

390. COME ON, JENNIFER.

391. I WANT TO SEE LOSER GET HIS BUTT FLIPPED.

392. YOU GOT IT.

393. OW.

394. HOW DID SHE DO THAT?

395. IT'S EASY.

396. UH? OH!

397. YEAH, MAN.

398. BUT HE STILL NEEDS TO WORK AT IT.

399. AND THANKS TO COACH STAX...

400. RIGHT ON.

401. AND MOZE'S FLIPPING POWER,

402. ME, LOOMER, AND CRONY ENTERED THE 21st CENTURY THE HARD WAY.

403. OH!

404. YOU REALLY ENJOY HURTING ME, DON'T YOU?

405. RIGHT ON.

406. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND NICKELODEON

407. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE —www.ncicap.org—