Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide 1x10

Directed by Paul Hoen

Don Creech as Mr. Sweeney • Spencer Locke as Bitsy Johnson • Willie Gault as Sportscaster #2 • Rob Pinkston as Coconut Head • Meshach Taylor as Mr. Wright

Notes: Bitsy has Ned pass a note and Sweeney catches him, now he must pay. He has to write an essay along with everyone else so they plot revenge. Cookie finds joy in forging notes, but danger comes when he leads the teachers to the forgers "domain". Best Friends: Moze continues her search for a new best friend with a quiz and whoever matches up closely is meant for her. But Moze ends up joining the Huge Crew. The Killer Bees recruit Cookie which puts Ned and Cookie's friendship to the test. Ned tries to find a new best friend in place of Cookie.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. IN A MIDDLE SCHOOL FULL OF BULLIES,

2. INSANE TEACHERS,

3. AND GROSS SCHOOL LUNCHES,

4. NED BIGBY—THAT'S ME— AND MY TWO BEST FRIENDS

5. CREATE A GUIDE THAT WILL HELP YOU SURVIVE SCHOOL.

6. "NED'S DECLASSIFIED SCHOOL SURVIVAL GUIDE."

7. YOUR RESULTS MAY VARY.

8. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND NICKELODEON

9. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO TELL YOUR FRIEND SOMETHING

10. AND IT CANNOT WAIT TILL AFTER CLASS,

11. SO YOU PASS THEM A NOTE.

12. NED, PASS THIS NOTE TO SUZIE.

13. HERE ARE SOME TIPS ON THE BEST WAY TO PASS A NOTE AND NOT GET CAUGHT.

14. DON'T PHYSICALLY PASS THE NOTE.

15. USE A FOOT NOTE INSTEAD.

16. IF YOU GO PAPERLESS AND TEXT MESSAGE YOUR NOTE,

17. MAKE SURE YOUR RINGER IS TURNED OFF.

18. NOW, I'M NOT TELLING YOU TO PASS NOTES,

19. BUT IF YOU DO, BE CAREFUL.

20. PASS THIS TO SUZIE.

21. HAND IT OVER, MR. BIGBY.

22. NO NOTES IN MY CLASS, MR. BIGBY!

23. NOW YOU OWE ME A 1,000-WORD PAPER ON CELL DIVISION.

24. BUT I DIDN'T WRITE IT.

25. WELL, THEN, WHO DID?

26. THANKS A LOT.

27. NOW I HAVE TO WRITE A 1,000-WORD REPORT ON CELL DIVISION.

28. AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?

29. NEXT TIME, DON'T GET CAUGHT.

30. - I GOT A LOVE NOTE! - I NEED A LATE NOTE.

31. YOU GO FIRST.

32. SOMEONE WROTE ME A SECRET LOVE NOTE.

33. IT'S A LITTLE SAPPY, BUT IT'S REALLY NICE, TOO.

34. AND IT'S WRITTEN IN CALLIGRAPHY.

35. YEAH, ON SECOND THOUGHT, YOU GO FIRST.

36. I WAS LATE FOR GYM, AND NOW DIRGA WANTS A NOTE.

37. WHY WERE YOU LATE?

38. YEAH! OH, YEAH! WHOO!

39. HA HA HA!

40. MOP BUCKET CHICKEN.

41. IF I DON'T GET DIRGA A NOTE FROM A TEACHER

42. EXPLAINING WHY I WAS LATE,

43. I'LL OWE HER 1,000 PUSH-UPS.

44. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

45. HAVE YOU HEARD OF LE FORGER?

46. LE FORGER? WHO'S THAT?

47. HE'S A MYSTERIOUS FIGURE WHO IS THE BEST NOTE FORGER IN SCHOOL.

48. NOBODY KNOWS HIS TRUE IDENTITY.

49. HOW DO I MEET HIM?

50. GET A BOX OF COCONUT MACAROONS.

51. THAT'S HOW HE LIKES TO BE PAID.

52. GO TO THE LUNCHROOM BULLETIN BOARD AND LEAVE A NOTE.

53. THEN HE'LL CONTACT YOU.

54. HEY, NED, COULD YOU PASS THIS NOTE TO YOURSELF?

55. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE THE RAP FOR BITSY

56. AND WRITE THAT REPORT.

57. I HAVE TO WRITE THE REPORT.

58. WHAT ELSE AM I GOING TO DO? BE A RAT?

59. I GOT ANOTHER LOVE NOTE.

60. SOMEBODY WROTE YOU A LOVE NOTE?

61. YEAH. I FOUND IT TODAY AND—

62. WHY AM I TELLING YOU?

63. YOU WOULD NEVER UNDERSTAND.

64. ANYWAY, I THINK SETH WROTE THEM.

65. ORANGE... ORANGE... ORANGE!

66. YEAH, HE'S CLEARLY A DEEP THINKER.

67. HE'S CLEARLY A HOTTIE,

68. AND HE'S IN MY HISTORY CLASS,

69. WHICH IS WHERE I FOUND THE FIRST NOTE.

70. IT'S GOT TO BE SETH.

71. OK, YOUNG PEOPLE.

72. PLEASE PUT YOUR PROJECTS ON THE TABLE IN THE BACK.

73. I'LL GET TO THEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

74. OK. NEEDS TO BE SUBTLE.

75. WORK THE LOVE NOTE INTO THE CONVERSATION

76. AND GET HIM TO ADMIT HE WROTE IT.

77. DID YOU WRITE THIS LOVE NOTE?

78. NO. THIS IS SO SAPPY.

79. I WRITE POEMS.

80. DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ONE?

81. ROSES ARE RED, BASKETBALLS ARE ORANGE.

82. I'M KIND OF STUCK AFTER THAT.

83. DO YOU KNOW A WORD THAT RHYMES WITH ORANGE?

84. CHANDRA, DO YOU KNOW WHOSE PROJECT THIS IS?

85. I THINK IT'S LOOMER'S.

86. LOOMER'S?

87. ENTER.

88. I NEED A NOTE.

89. SHH!

90. THE COCONUT MACAROONS?

91. MMM.

92. HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

93. OK, COOK. NOTE ACCEPTED, SO NO PUSH-UPS.

94. HEY. HOW'S THE 1,000-WORD REPORT COMING?

95. ONLY 1,000 WORDS TO GO.

96. HOW'S YOUR SUPERSAPPY SECRET LOVE NOTE WRITER SEARCH GOING?

97. I THINK IT WAS WRITTEN BY LOOMER.

98. EXCUSE ME.

99. LOOMER?

100. DO YOU THINK THERE'S A ROMANTIC DEEP INSIDE LOOMER?

101. NO, BUT THERE'S DAISIES.

102. LE FORGER'S NOTE WORKED!

103. AND FOR ONLY 20 BOXES OF COCONUT MACAROONS,

104. HE'LL GIVE ME HIS PERSONAL PAGER NUMBER.

105. I'LL HAVE ACCESS 24/7.

106. I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT, AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME.

107. YEAH, I'M SURE THAT'LL GO WELL.

108. THIS IS KILLING ME.

109. I NEED TO GET A SAMPLE OF LOOMER'S HANDWRITING

110. AND FIND OUT IF HE WROTE THESE LOVE NOTES.

111. YEAH, I SHOULD GET BACK TO WORK ON MY PROJECT.

112. DID I MENTION IT HAS TO BE 1,000 WORDS?

113. NO!

114. A 1,000-WORD REPORT.

115. I DON'T EVEN KNOW 1,000 WORDS.

116. TELL ME ABOUT IT.

117. I OWE A 5-PAGE REPORT ON THE PYTHAGOREAN THEOREM.

118. I CAN'T STAND BITSY.

119. LET ME GUESS.

120. SHE ASKED YOU TO PASS A NOTE,

121. AND YOU GOT NABBED.

122. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.

123. ME, TOO!

124. I SAY WE GIVE BITSY A TASTE OF HER OWN MEDICINE.

125. YEAH!

126. I SAY WE COME UP WITH A DIABOLICAL PLAN

127. TO GET BITSY IN TROUBLE.

128. YEAH!

129. I SAY WE FINISH OUR PROJECTS FIRST

130. SO WE DON'T GET IN MORE TROUBLE.

131. YEAH.

132. THIS IS IT. I'M GOING IN.

133. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS.

134. I KNOW YOU WROTE THESE.

135. DID YOU LIKE THEM?

136. ACTUALLY, YEAH.

137. I DON'T GET IT.

138. YOU BEAT PEOPLE UP AND THEN YOU WRITE BEAUTIFUL LOVE NOTES?

139. I'M A COMPLEX INDIVIDUAL.

140. WHAT ARE THESE?

141. OOH, SAPPY LOVE NOTES. WHO WROTE THESE?

142. I DON'T WRITE LOVE NOTES.

143. I EAT THEM.

144. SHE'S JUST KIDDING AROUND.

145. RIGHT, JENNIFER?

146. TELL THEM YOU'RE JUST KIDDING AROUND.

147. RIGHT, I'M JUST KIDDING AROUND.

148. OH, MAN!

149. MAN, WE WERE SCARED FOR A SECOND. HA HA!

150. WE KNEW THESE NOTES WERE FORGED, COOK.

151. WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO NAB LE FORGER ALL YEAR,

152. SO WE FOLLOWED YOU.

153. YOUR NOTE PASSING DAYS ARE OVER!

154. AND NOW YOU'VE LED US RIGHT TO LE FORGER'S LAIR.

155. YOUR PAPER, MR. BIGBY?

156. BITSY, COULD YOU PASS THIS NOTE TO COCONUT HEAD?

157. BITSY, COULD YOU PASS THIS NOTE ALONG?

158. UH, I...

159. UH, I... I... I... I MEAN...

160. BUT I... BUT...

161. BITSY GOT BUSTED WITH SO MANY NOTES,

162. SHE HAS TO WRITE SWEENEY A 10,000-WORD REPORT ON CHLOROPHYLL.

163. LOOMER WROTE ME A LOVE NOTE, AND THEN HE ATE IT.

164. AND I HAVE TO GET A NOTE EXPLAINING EVERYTHING I DID SIGNED BY MY MOTHER.

165. I'M DEAD MEAT.

166. AT LEAST LE FORGER GOT AWAY.

167. MMM.

168. BEST FRIENDS.

169. THEY KEEP EACH OTHER'S SECRETS,

170. UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER'S PROBLEMS,

171. AND SOMETIMES HACK INTO THE SCHOOL'S SERVER

172. AND CHANGE THE LUNCH MENU

173. BECAUSE YOU HATE BRUSSELS SPROUTS.

174. DONE. CANDY CORN.

175. NOW FOR TOMORROW'S...

176. AND BEST FRIENDS ALWAYS LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER,

177. EVEN THOUGH SOMETIMES THEY DO BUTT HEADS.

178. HELMETS!

179. GOOD MORNING, LOSERS. HA HA HA!

180. AND BEST FRIENDS ALWAYS STAND TOGETHER.

181. HEY, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A KILLER B-E-E?

182. AND GET THIS SUPERCOOL K. B. J-A-C-K-E-T?

183. YOU WANT COOKIE AND ME TO BE KILLER BEES?

184. JUST COOKIE, NOT YOU.

185. YOU ARE SO C-O-O-L.

186. YEAH!

187. YEARBOOK SURVEY. PASS THEM BACK.

188. YEARBOOK SURVEY. PASS THEM BACK.

189. YEARBOOK SURVEY. PASS THEM BACK.

190. YEARBOOK SURVEY. PASS THEM BACK.

191. YOU'RE NOT ON THE YEARBOOK,

192. WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

193. YOU KNOW HOW YOU AND COOKIE

194. ALWAYS COME UP WITH THESE PLANS

195. THAT I SAY ARE REALLY CRAZY,

196. BUT THEN THEY WORK OUT IN THE END?

197. I'M FAMILIAR WITH THE PROCESS.

198. "DO YOU LIKE VOLLEYBALL? YES OR NO?

199. IS MATH YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT? YES OR NO?"

200. THIS IS JUST A YES OR NO QUIZ ON THINGS YOU LIKE.

201. YES, I KNOW.

202. I PASS IT OUT, AND THE GIRL WHO SCORES THE HIGHEST

203. BECOMES MY NEW BEST FRIEND.

204. IT'S CRAZY, RIGHT?

205. OH, YEAH.

206. BUT NOT AS CRAZY AS THE WHOLE COOKIE/ KILLER BEE THING.

207. E-E.

208. YOU'RE THE DUDE, MAN!

209. THEY'RE UP TO SOMETHING.

210. DON'T SWEAT IT.

211. COOKIE IS NOT DUMB ENOUGH

212. TO GET MIXED UP WITH THOSE MEAN SPELLING JERKS.

213. YO, NED, WHAT DO YOU T-H-I-N-K?

214. I THINK THE KILLER BEES ARE EVIL.

215. I THOUGHT SO, TOO, UNTIL THEY STARTED BEING REALLY NICE TO ME.

216. WHY WOULD THE KILLER BEES WANT YOU TO BE WITH THEM?

217. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

218. WHAT, YOU DON'T THINK

219. I'M TOUGH, COOL, OR SMART ENOUGH TO BE A BEE?

220. NO, NO, YOU'RE... SMART.

221. BUT NOT COOL OR TOUGH ENOUGH.

222. SO I'M JUST SOME BIG OLD DIGITAL FREAK

223. NOT WORTHY OF THE K. B. J-A-C-K-E-T.

224. DON'T SPELL AT ME.

225. ALL I'M SAYING IS THEY'RE UP TO SOMETHING.

226. NED'S JUST JEALOUS HE WASN'T ASKED TO JOIN,

227. AND NOW HE'S L-O-N-E-L-Y.

228. I AM NOT... LONELY.

229. IN FACT, I'M HANGING WITH THE COOLEST GUY IN SCHOOL.

230. SETH! SHOOTING HOOPS LATER?

231. ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE THE BEST, DUDE!

232. LATER.

233. AW, YEAH, MAN! YOU'RE THE COOLEST! HA HA!

234. DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND SKIP THE CHOPPED CHUCK ON MASH.

235. WHY?

236. TRY THE CANDY CORN.

237. SO, HOW'S YOUR CRAZY FIND-A-BEST-GIRLFRIEND PLAN GOING?

238. GRADING THEM AS WE SPEAK.

239. BOY. BOY.

240. EWW, CRABGRASS.

241. DON'T WORRY ABOUT COOKIE.

242. HE JUST WANTS THE JACKET.

243. I'M NOT WORRIED.

244. EVEN IF YOU HATE THE BEES,

245. YOU GOT TO LOVE THOSE JACKETS.

246. AAH!

247. SOMEBODY JUST SCORED 100 ON MY SURVEY!

248. AAH!

249. AAH!

250. DORIS TREMBLY?

251. OH, YOU'RE NOT GOING OVER THERE, ARE YOU?

252. I HAVE TO.

253. SHE SCORED 100.

254. ALL RIGHT. I'M HERE IF YOU NEED ME.

255. BUT PLEASE DON'T NEED ME.

256. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

257. I SWEAR I FOUND IT!

258. YOU CAN'T PROVE A THING! IT WAS HER!

259. NO, I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI,

260. AND MAYBE SOMETIME WE COULD TALK.

261. WHAT'S NED LIKE? WILL HE GO OUT WITH ME?

262. YOU ARE THE M-A-N!

263. YOU ARE SO C-O-O-L.

264. AH, THAT WAS SWEET!

265. AND SOON YOU WILL BE A B-E-E.

266. OH!

267. HEY, LOSERS!

268. WHERE'S THE OTHER LOSER HEAD?

269. HE'S A BEE? I HATE THE BEES!

270. NICE JACKETS, THOUGH.

271. ORANGE...

272. HA HA HA HA!

273. THAT'S HILARIOUS, SETH!

274. OH, AND I'LL SEE YOU AT MY PARTY TONIGHT.

275. HA HA! YOU'RE HILARIOUS!

276. HA HA HA HA HA!

277. MAN, IT'S GREAT TO BE BUDDIES.

278. HA HA. GOTTA GO. BYE.

279. FORGET NED.

280. YOU'RE A BEE NOW.

281. WHEN DO I GET THE JACKET?

282. SOON. S-O-O-N. SOON.

283. NOW AS AN OFFICIAL MEMBER OF THE CREW,

284. TELL US MORE ABOUT NED!

285. DOES HE LIKE TO SWIM?

286. OR, OR, OR... COULD WE DO SOMETHING ELSE?

287. WELL... WE COULD REARRANGE YOUR FACE.

288. BABY INSPECTION!

289. REMEMBER, THIS WEEK'S ASSIGNMENT WAS TREATING DIAPER RASH.

290. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WASH AND POWDER YOUR BABY.

291. OH, TELL ME YOU WASHED THE BABY!

292. OHH!

293. I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU BOYS.

294. WOW, SHE'S GOING TO NEED SOME HEAVY-DUTY SOAP TO CLEAN HER UP.

295. I'LL BE BACK IN 5 MINUTES.

296. DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK.

297. I WAS B-U-S-Y.

298. DON'T SPELL AT ME.

299. I HATE IT WHEN YOU SPELL AT ME.

300. IT WAS YOUR TURN TO WASH THE BABY. SO WASH IT!

301. WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR NEW BEST BUDDY SETH TO WASH THE BABY?

302. "OH, SETH, PARTY AT MY HOUSE.

303. GREAT. LOVE YA. BYE!"

304. WHO NEEDS YOU, ANYWAY?

305. FIGHT! FIGHT!

306. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

307. HELLO, EVERYBODY!

308. ALONG WITH MY PARTNER, OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALLIST WILLIE GAULT,

309. I'M VAN EARL WRIGHT WELCOMING YOU TO

310. NED AND COOKIE'S FIRST BIG FIGHT EVER.

311. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

312. NEW TIP FOR YOUR

313. BACK OFF, 'CAUSE I'M A BAD MAN!

314. YOU MEAN YOU'RE A DIGITAL DORK AND SO NOT A CYBORG, EVER!

315. OHH!

316. SO, WILLIE, WHO DO YOU LIKE IN THIS FIGHT?

317. NOBODY.

318. AND I'M NOT SURE IF THESE GUYS COULD EVEN BEAT UP A THIRD-GRADER.

319. YOU DO NOT WANT SOME OF THIS!

320. OH, YOU DO NOT WANT ANY OF THIS!

321. SOMEBODY HIT SOMEBODY!

322. WILLIE, WHAT KIND OF ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO FRIENDS WHO FIGHT?

323. MY ADVICE IS DON'T FIGHT. TALK IT OUT.

324. BECAUSE THINGS COULD GET UGLY QUICK,

325. AND THIS THING IS UGLY IN ALL KIND OF WAYS.

326. OH, I'M WAITING!

327. ME, TOO!

328. US, TOO!

329. COOKIE!

330. WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU. COME ON.

331. UH-OH. IT LOOKS LIKE THE KILLER BEES

332. ARE HERE TO BACK UP COOKIE.

333. I THINK THIS FIGHT THAT NEVER REALLY WAS A FIGHT,

334. MORE LIKE A TOUGH POSE CONTEST, IS OVER.

335. WANNA HIT THE CAFETERIA?

336. - LET'S DO IT. - YOU'RE BUYING.

337. EXCUSE ME WHILE I BUZZ O-F-F.

338. FINE. LEAVE ME HERE WITH THE BABY

339. WHILE YOU GO HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS!

340. WE HAVE YOUR JACKET.

341. OH, BUT THERE'S ONE LITTLE THING YOU HAVE TO DO

342. BEFORE YOU CAN BECOME AN OFFICIAL KILLER BEE.

343. WHAT?

344. YOU HAVE TO HACK INTO THE SCHOOL'S COMPUTER SYSTEM

345. AND CHANGE OUR MATH GRADES FROM Cs TO As.

346. CHANGE YOUR MATH GRADES?

347. NO WAY! I'LL GET EXPELLED.

348. NED WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU GUYS.

349. HEY, COOK.

350. WE TRIED BEING NICE TO YOU,

351. AND WE TRIED GIVING YOU THIS NICE JACKET.

352. BUT NOW WE'RE TELLING YOU.

353. NO. I WON'T.

354. CHANGE OUR MATH GRADES, OR YOU'RE GOING D-O-W-N.

355. THE CYBORG SAID NO.

356. NED, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

357. I DON'T KNOW.

358. I SAW IT IN A MOVIE,

359. BUT NOW IT SEEMS REALLY, REALLY WRONG.

360. I'M SORRY. THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

361. I SHOULD'VE WASHED THE BABY.

362. NO, I'M SORRY. I FELT LEFT OUT.

363. YOU'RE TOTALLY COOL AND TOUGH.

364. HEY! QUIT THE SWEET BUDDY-BUDDY TALK

365. AND SAVE IT FOR THE HOSPITAL.

366. HEY! DO YOU KIDS HAVE HALL PASSES?

367. OK, GREAT.

368. NOW IT'S TIME TO KICK SOME B-U-T-T.

369. BACK OFF, OR I'LL MAKE YOU BACK OFF.

370. AAH!

371. OH, YEAH, MOSLEY?

372. YOU AND WHAT ARMY?

373. OH, RIGHT, THAT ARMY.

374. HA HA HA!

375. YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW WHO YOUR TRUE FRIENDS ARE

376. UNTIL YOUR BACK'S TO THE WALL.

377. SHE HELPED ME SAVE YOU GUYS' BUTTS,

378. BUT I HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH DORIS.

379. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW SHE ACED MY FAKE YEARBOOK SURVEY.

380. SURVEY?

381. THAT WASN'T A STUDY HALL QUIZ I CHEATED ON?

382. CHEATED ON?

383. YEAH. I COPIED ALL THE ANSWERS FROM CRABGRASS.

384. CRABGRASS?

385. SUZIE CRABGRASS SCORED 100% ON MY BEST FRIEND QUIZ?

386. SHE'S REALLY SCARED OF US.

387. THAT'S IT. I'M OUT. SORRY.

388. FINE.

389. YOU'RE ALL WRONG FOR THE CREW, ANYWAY.

390. TO WEAR THIS JACKET, YOU HAVE TO LOVE BEING TOUGH

391. AND LOVE TALKING ABOUT NED.

392. SO THEN WHAT DID NED DO?

393. THEN NED RAN INTO THE GIRLS' ROOM... ACCIDENTALLY!

394. SO, IF YOU HIT A BEST FRIEND ROUGH SPOT,

395. TALK IT OUT, 'CAUSE ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN FIGHTING.

396. SO THINGS WITH YOU AND COOKIE ARE COOL?

397. OH, YEAH.

398. HE GOT A NICE JACKET EVEN THOUGH

399. HE DIDN'T JOIN THE BEES.

400. SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?

401. OH, I DON'T KNOW.

402. HEY, NED.

403. I'M PSYCHED FOR YOUR PARTY TONIGHT.

404. I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND, BUT I INVITED A FEW FRIENDS.

405. SEE YOU TONIGHT, NED!

406. I THINK I'M HAVING A PARTY.

407. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND NICKELODEON

408. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE —www.ncicap.org—