Nathan For You 1x7

1. - GOOD EVENING.

2. WE'RE COMING TO YOU FROM THE HISTORIC ELYSIAN PARK

3. IN LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA.

4. NOW, EVERY WEEK ON MY SHOW, I CHALLENGE PEOPLE

5. TO TAKE BIG RISKS.

6. BUT SOME HAVE BEEN CRITICAL THAT I NEVER TAKE RISKS MYSELF.

7. WELL, TONIGHT, THAT'S ALL GONNA CHANGE.

8. OVER THE PAST MONTH, I'VE BEEN LEARNING

9. HOW TO PICK THE LOCK ON THESE POLICE-GRADE HANDCUFFS.

10. "WHY?" YOU ASK.

11. BECAUSE TONIGHT I'M GONNA TAKE A BIGGER RISK

12. THAN ANYONE HAS EVER TAKEN ON TELEVISION BEFORE.

13. IN JUST A FEW MOMENTS, I'M GOING TO BE HANDCUFFED

14. TO THIS SOLID STEEL FRAME,

15. AND I'LL HAVE EXACTLY 90 SECONDS TO FREE MYSELF

16. BEFORE THE CLAW ON THIS ROBOTIC ARM

17. UNDOES MY PANTS,

18. EXPOSING ME TO AN AUDIENCE OF CHILDREN.

19. IF THAT HAPPENS, AN L.A.P.D. OFFICER

20. IS STANDING BY TO ARREST ME FOR INDECENT EXPOSURE.

21. WE'VE ALL SEEN ESCAPE ARTISTS RISK DEATH BEFORE.

22. BUT TONIGHT, I'M GOING TO RISK

23. BECOMING A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER FOR LIFE.

24. AND WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SEE TONIGHT IS 100% REAL.

25. WELCOME TO NATHAN FOR YOU.

26. THIS IS THE CLAW OF SHAME.

27. - NOW, YOU KNOW THIS IS CONTROVERSIAL, RIGHT?

28. - WHAT DO I GAIN BY DOING THIS? - NOTHING.

29. - IF HE'S GONNA ESCAPE, IF HE'S GONNA GO TO JAIL.

30. - I MIGHT NOT EVEN ATTEMPT IT.

31. HE'S TAKING A BIG RISK.

32. - IF YOU'VE SEEN MY SHOW BEFORE,

33. YOU KNOW I USUALLY FOCUS ON HELPING SMALL BUSINESSES

34. BY BRINGING THEM BIG IDEAS.

35. BUT TONIGHT'S EPISODE IS GOING TO BE A BIT DIFFERENT.

36. RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE SEEING MY FINAL PRACTICE RUN,

37. MY LAST CHANCE TO GET THE ESCAPE RIGHT

38. BEFORE RISKING LIFE AS A SEX OFFENDER.

39. BUT TO GET TO THIS POINT,

40. IT TOOK MONTHS OF PLANNING AND PREPARATION.

41. FIRSTLY, I AM NOT AN ESCAPE ARTIST.

42. AND THOUGH I HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE DOING MAGIC

43. AS A TEENAGER...

44. THERE'S NOTHING IN THE BAG, RIGHT?

45. - YEAH.

46. - BAG IS COMPLETELY EMPTY.

47. YOU CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH IT.

48. I QUIT PERFORMING YEARS AGO

49. AND HAVE NEVER DONE AN ESCAPE BEFORE.

50. SO I BOOKED A TRAINING SESSION

51. WITH ESCAPE MASTER MARK PASKELL

52. SO I COULD LEARN HOW TO PICK THE LOCKS ON A PAIR OF CUFFS.

53. HOW DO I ESCAPE FROM HANDCUFFS?

54. - A SHIM. - OH.

55. - IF YOU HAVE A SHIM, YOU CAN—

56. - IS THAT A HAIR CLIP? - THIS IS A HAIR CLIP,

57. BUT IT'S— IT'S ADAPTED A LITTLE BIT.

58. YOU GET IN THERE...

59. AND PUSH.

60. - RIGHT. - THEN YOU CAN GET OUT.

61. - EVEN AFTER HE TAUGHT ME, IT TOOK ME

62. OVER 30 MINUTES TO PICK THE LOCK.

63. I HAD A LOT OF WORK AHEAD OF ME TO GET MY TIME DOWN

64. TO 90 SECONDS.

65. AND AFTER SOME PRACTICING, I TOLD MARK MY IDEA

66. TO HAVE TWO STAGEHANDS PULLING DOWN MY PANTS WITH ROPES,

67. EXPOSING ME TO THE PUBLIC.

68. AND SINCE MARK WAS CLEARLY AN EXPERT ON THIS STUFF,

69. I WAS HOPING TO HAVE HIM AS AN OFFICIAL ADVISOR

70. ON THE ESCAPE.

71. I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

72. - MM, I DON'T KNOW.

73. IT'S MOVING A LITTLE BIT OUT OF MY FIELD.

74. - I GUESS I COULD SAY

75. YOU'RE A CONSULTANT ON THE ESCAPE.

76. MM, I DON'T KNOW. I'LL HAVE TO GET BACK TO YOU.

77. - WOULD YOU WANT THAT?

78. - I'LL HAVE TO GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT, THINK ON IT.

79. - WE'LL JUST CREDIT YOU AS A CONSULTANT ON THE ESCAPE.

80. - I APPRECIATE THAT. - IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

81. WE'LL JUST GIVE IT TO YOU. - APPRECIATE THAT, BUT—

82. - IT'S DONE. IT'S AS GOOD AS DONE.

83. - I APPRECIATE IT, BUT WHAT I'M SAYING IS,

84. I WILL GET BACK TO YOU.

85. - YOU'LL GET BACK TO ME ABOUT THE CREDIT?

86. - YEAH.

87. - WELL, WE'LL JUST PUT IT IN ANYWAYS.

88. JUST, WE'LL PUT IT IN THE CREDITS OF THE SHOW.

89. I NEVER HEARD BACK FROM MARK,

90. BUT AT LEAST I KNEW HOW TO PICK HANDCUFFS.

91. WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW WAS THE LEGAL REQUIREMENT

92. FOR BECOMING A SEX OFFENDER.

93. SO I FOUND AN ACTUAL CALIFORNIA JUDGE

94. THAT WOULD AGREE TO ADVISE ME ON THE ESCAPE ON CAMERA,

95. THE HONORABLE ANTHONY FILOSA.

96. SO IF I DON'T ESCAPE IN 90 SECONDS,

97. I'LL BE EXPOSED TO SOME PEOPLE.

98. - WHAT ARE "SOME PEOPLE"?

99. - JUST, LIKE, ADULTS OR SOMETHING?

100. I DON'T KNOW. - CHILDREN? ADULTS?

101. - IS CHILDREN BETTER?

102. - INTERESTING QUESTION.

103. BOTH COULD BE OFFENDED.

104. MORE LIKELY CHILDREN,

105. INSOFAR AS THAT IT'S OFFENSIVE, PERIOD.

106. - SO YOU'RE SAYING IT'S BETTER TO USE CHILDREN?

107. - I-I DON'T REALLY THINK IT'S MY PLACE

108. TO SUGGEST IT.

109. - OKAY. SURE. - ALL RIGHT?

110. YEAH, I REALLY DON'T.

111. - I TOOK THE JUDGE'S SUGGESTION

112. THAT I SHOULD EXPOSE MYSELF TO CHILDREN,

113. AND ON TOP OF THAT,

114. HE WAS A TREASURE TROVE OF INFORMATION

115. ON HOW TO BECOME A SEX OFFENDER.

116. - THERE WOULD HAVE TO BE THE ELEMENT

117. OF WILLFULNESS PROVEN.

118. - SO WOULD IT HELP IF, RIGHT BEFORE I DID IT,

119. I SAID, "I'M DOING THIS ON PURPOSE TO EXPOSE MYSELF"?

120. - WELL, YOU JUST ABANDON ANY PRECAUTION.

121. "YOU KNOW, FOLKS, SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN,

122. "YOU KNOW, AND IF IT DOES,

123. SO WHAT?"

124. SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

125. - SO IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, IF THIS GOES WRONG,

126. I DON'T REALLY CARE.

127. - TOO BAD, 'CAUSE I— - TOO BAD.

128. I'M GONNA— - TOO BAD, I—

129. - I'M GONNA GET OFF. IT'S GONNA MAKE ME HORNY.

130. - WELL, WHATEVER.

131. - THE MOST TROUBLING THING I LEARNED FROM HIM, THOUGH,

132. WAS THAT IF ANYONE HELPED ME PULL MY PANTS DOWN,

133. THEY COULD GO TO JAIL TOO.

134. - THAT PERSON IS AS GUILTY AS YOU ARE.

135. - SO I CAN'T HAVE ANY HELPERS.

136. - RIGHT. - I DIDN'T WANT TO PUT

137. ANYONE AT RISK BESIDES MYSELF.

138. SO IF NO HUMAN COULD DO IT,

139. I WAS GONNA HAVE TO USE A ROBOT.

140. AND THE SEARCH TOOK MONTHS, WITH EVERYONE

141. FROM U.S. DEFENSE COMPANIES TO NASA TELLING US

142. THE TECHNOLOGY DIDN'T EXIST TO HAVE A ROBOT

143. PULL DOWN SOMEONE'S PANTS.

144. BUT I DIDN'T GIVE UP, AND EVENTUALLY,

145. I FOUND A COMPANY THAT SAID THEY COULD DO IT.

146. - SO THIS IS IT.

147. THIS IS A KUKA-ROBOTICS K.R. 15-2.

148. - AFTER JOHN SHOWED ME THE ROBOT,

149. I EXPLAINED TO HIM SPECIFICALLY WHAT I NEEDED IT TO DO.

150. THEN, ONCE THE PANTS ARE DOWN,

151. I WANT IT TO COME UP HERE,

152. HOOK ONTO THE BOXERS, AND PULL THOSE DOWN.

153. JOHN SUGGESTED MAKING CUSTOM-DESIGNED PANTS

154. WITH LOOPS THAT WOULD MAKE IT EASIER FOR THE ROBOT

155. TO REMOVE THEM,

156. SO I HIRED A TAILOR TO MAKE THE PANTS

157. TO JOHN'S SPECIFICATIONS.

158. AND OVER THE WEEK THEY WERE BEING MADE,

159. HE INFORMALLY BECAME MY PRACTICE PARTNER.

160. I BORROWED A PAIR OF HIS UNDERWEAR

161. SO WE COULD PULL DOWN MY PANTS ALL THE WAY

162. WITHOUT SEEING MY PENIS.

163. - 90.

164. - THE PANTS BEING TAKEN OFF WAS DEFINITELY DISTRACTING,

165. BUT I WAS GETTING CLOSER TO MY 90-SECOND GOAL.

166. TIME, TIME, STOP IT. WHAT DO I GOT?

167. - OKAY, 150.

168. - AND AFTER GETTING AN HOUR OR SO

169. OF TRAINING IN, THE COMPLETED PANTS

170. WERE PACKAGED UP AND DELIVERED TO REEL EFX

171. SO THE ROBOT COULD BEGIN BEING PROGRAMMED.

172. IN THE MEANTIME, I WANTED TO FIND OUT

173. THE REAL CONSEQUENCES OF GOING TO PRISON

174. AS A SEX OFFENDER, SO I MET UP

175. WITH JIMMY MURPHY, WHO'S SERVED OVER 11 YEARS

176. FOR A VARIETY OF VIOLENT CRIMES.

177. - I'LL TELL YOU THIS.

178. IN THERE, IT'S THE LAST THING YOU WANT TO BE.

179. IT'S THE LOWEST.

180. - WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME IN THERE?

181. - WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU'D PROBABLY, UH, GO—

182. GO TO YOUR CELL, AND YOU'D FIND

183. A COUPLE OF SNICKERS BARS ON YOUR PILLOW.

184. - OH, WOW. - AND THEN—

185. - SO THIS DOESN'T SOUND THAT BAD AT ALL.

186. - NO, YOU'D GO IN THERE,

187. AND YOU'D SAY, "OH, WOW, WHAT A GIFT."

188. YOU KNOW, AND YOU'D EAT THE STUFF.

189. WELL, SOMEONE'S GONNA COME AND SAY, "HEY.

190. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CHOCOLATE?"

191. AND YOU'RE GONNA GO, "OH, I, UH, I ATE THAT."

192. AND THEN THEY'RE GONNA GO,

193. "WELL, YOU NEED TO PAY FOR THAT."

194. - YEAH, HOW? I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.

195. - WELL, THEN YOU MIGHT FIND YOUR HEAD BOUNCING

196. OFF SOMEBODY'S BELT BUCKLE.

197. - I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

198. - NO, OF COURSE YOU DON'T.

199. 'CAUSE THERE'S A LOT OF BELT BUCKLES IN THERE.

200. - REALLY? - OH, YEAH, YOU'LL GROW TIRED.

201. - THEY ALLOW YOU TO WEAR BELTS IN PRISON?

202. - NO, IT'S A— - SO HOW WOULD IT WORK?

203. THEY JUST GIVE YOU THE BUCKLE?

204. - WELL, NO, I, UH—

205. - SO THERE'S NO BELT BUCKLE. - WELL, NO, NOT REALLY.

206. I MEANT— - SO MY HEAD WOULDN'T BE

207. BOUNCING AROUND ANY BELT BUCKLES.

208. - SO, IN OTHER WORDS, YOU'D HAVE A IN YOUR MOUTH.

209. - I MEAN, IT PROBABLY WOULDN'T BOUNCE, TOO,

210. BECAUSE I WOULD STOP WHEN I GOT TO THE BALLS

211. BEFORE I GOT IN.

212. - I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT.

213. - WELL, THAT'S HOW I WOULD.

214. I'D NEVER REALLY BEEN FORCED TO PICTURE

215. HOW I'D GIVE ORAL SEX TO A MAN,

216. BUT AFTER VISUALIZING IT, I BEGAN TO QUESTION

217. IF THIS ENTIRE STUNT WAS ACTUALLY WORTH IT.

218. MY CONCERNS WERE HEIGHTENED WHEN I RETURNED TO REEL EFX

219. TO FIND THE ROBOT ACTING UNPREDICTABLY.

220. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, I FOUND OUT

221. THAT THE ROBOT WHOSE PRECISION WOULD DETERMINE MY FATE

222. RAN ON WINDOWS 95. - IT'S AS GOOD—

223. - YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

224. MY PARENTS THREW OUT THEIR COMPUTER

225. THAT RAN WINDOWS 95, LIKE, SEVEN YEARS AGO

226. BECAUSE MINESWEEPER WASN'T WORKING PROPERLY.

227. - IT'S OKAY. 'CAUSE WHAT HAPPENS—

228. - HONESTLY, LIKE, MY LIFE, LIKE—

229. THIS IS MOVING WITHIN AN—

230. - RIGHT. - MILLIMETERS OF MY BODY.

231. I WAS MAINLY CONCERNED BECAUSE ON THE DAY OF THE ESCAPE,

232. JOHN WOULD HAVE TO STEP AWAY FROM THE CONTROLS

233. AND LET THE PROGRAM RUN AUTOMATICALLY.

234. BUT HE ASSURED ME THE SOFTWARE WOULD WORK.

235. SO THE ROBOT WAS TRANSPORTED TO ELYSIAN PARK,

236. WHERE A CREW OF OVER 50 PEOPLE WORKED

237. FOR TWO STRAIGHT DAYS TO PREPARE

238. FOR TONIGHT'S HISTORIC STUNT.

239. male announcer: TONIGHT, NATHAN FIELDER

240. RISKS THE ULTIMATE SHAME,

241. FACING A HEARTLESS ROBOT THATS ONLY MISSION

242. IS TO EXPOSE HIS PRIVATE PARTS.

243. - THIS MIGHT BE THE MOST DANGEROUS STUNT

244. EVER IMAGINED.

245. CHILDREN WATCHING...

246. L.A.P.D. PRESENT...

247. AND ALL IN THE DARK OF NIGHT.

248. - YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN PUT ON EARTH FOR A REASON,

249. AND I BELIEVE THIS IS GOD'S PLAN FOR ME.

250. THE WORLD IS WATCHING.

251. WILL HE INSPIRE MILLIONS

252. AND HONOR HIS HOME COUNTRY OF CANADA

253. OR END UP BEHIND BARS AND RISK DEPORTATION?

254. NEVER BEFORE ATTEMPTED IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION...

255. - I MEAN, THIS IS A COMEDY CENTRAL SHOW.

256. I MEAN, THIS IS— IT'S CRAZY WHAT WE'RE DOING.

257. WILL HE ESCAPE, OR WON'T HE?

258. NATHAN FIELDER TAKES ON...

259. - WE'RE JUST MOMENTS AWAY FROM THE ESCAPE,

260. AND TONIGHT, I CANNOT RISK FAILURE.

261. BUT ONE THING I'VE LEARNED OVER THE YEARS IS THAT

262. YOU CAN'T BE AFRAID OF FAILING.

263. IN FACT, ON MY SHOW, WHEN I HELP BUSINESSES,

264. I FAIL ALL THE TIME.

265. AND I'M NORMALLY SHY TO SHOW THOSE MOMENTS,

266. BUT TONIGHT, I'M GOING TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION.

267. SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK NOW AT SOME OF MY GREATEST FAILURES.

268. ONE OF MY LEAST POPULAR IDEAS

269. WAS FOR A COMPLETELY GERM-FREE HOT DOG STAND.

270. AT OUTDOOR FOOD CARTS, IT'S EASY FOR GERMS

271. TO TRANSFER FROM MONEY TO YOUR FOOD,

272. SO TO COMPLETELY ELIMINATE THIS,

273. I DESIGNED A HANDS-FREE METHOD

274. TO APPLY CONDIMENTS TO THE WIENER.

275. ALSO, THERE WOULD BE A SECOND EMPLOYEE

276. WHOSE ONLY JOB IS TO HANDLE THE MONEY.

277. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE WALLET?

278. - WE'RE DOING A GERM-FREE EXPERIENCE,

279. SO YOU DON'T HANDLE YOUR OWN MONEY.

280. - OH, REALLY?

281. - BUT PEOPLE WERE A BIT ANNOYED WITH THE MONEY HANDLING PART.

282. - CAN I HAVE MY WALLET BACK?

283. - AND THE HANDS-FREE ONION DISPENSER

284. PROVED TO BE PROBLEMATIC AS WELL.

285. SO YOU HAVE TO UP— ONE UP, ONE DOWN.

286. WHEN IT HITS THE TABLE, THE ONIONS WILL FALL.

287. - AND DROP IT. KEEP DROPPING IT.

288. UP AND DOWN, DROP IT.

289. - FAST.

290. - OOPS.

291. - OH. - UGH.

292. - THIS IS NOT GONNA WORK. IT'S NOT GONNA WORK.

293. - THAT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CONTRAPTION.

294. IF YOU DROP A HOT DOG, YOU DROP A HOT DOG.

295. THE PUBLIC JUST WASN'T READY

296. FOR THE GERM-FREE HOT DOG EXPERIENCE,

297. SO I LAID THE CONCEPT TO REST.

298. NEXT, I HAD AN IDEA FOR A TEARLESS WAY

299. TO TELL A CHILD THAT THEIR PET HAS DIED,

300. TO BE AN UP-SELL SERVICE FOR AN ANIMAL HOSPITAL.

301. THE CONCEPT WAS TO MAKE A VIDEO

302. OF THE PET WHILE IT'S STILL ALIVE,

303. TELLING THE CHILD IT'S IN ANIMAL HEAVEN NOW.

304. I HIRED THE ONLY VOICE ACTOR THAT RESPONDED

305. TO MY CRAIGSLIST AD TO BE THE DOG.

306. BUT WHEN WE SHOWED IT TO THE OWNER'S CHILD...

307. OH, IT'S ME, MADI.

308. I'M IN HEAVEN NOW.

309. SO SORRY I DIED.

310. I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

311. I'M HAPPY HERE, SO I'M NOT COMING HOME.

312. - NO, SHE DOESN'T. - NO.

313. - WHAT—AW.

314. IT'S OKAY.

315. - HE HATED HIS DOG'S VOICE.

316. ANOTHER FLUBBED IDEA.

317. AND LASTLY, MY FAVORITE IDEAS

318. DON'T JUST HELP WITH BUSINESS.

319. THEY'RE GOOD FOR THE COMMUNITY AS WELL.

320. SO I APPROACHED A BAR WITH AN INNOVATIVE WAY

321. TO STOP DRUNKS FROM GETTING BEHIND THE WHEEL.

322. THE CONCEPT WAS TO HAVE A STREET MAGICIAN

323. STATIONED OUTSIDE THE BAR,

324. PERFORMING A MAGIC TRICK THAT ALLOWS HIM

325. TO SECRETLY TEST THE BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVELS

326. OF PATRONS AS THEY LEAVE.

327. AND WITH MY BACKGROUND IN MAGIC, I OFFERED TO TEST IT OUT.

328. FOR MY FINAL TRICK, I'M GOING TO NEED YOUR KEYS.

329. - MY KEYS? - YES.

330. GREAT. GIVE THE WAND A BLOW.

331. OKAY, A LITTLE BIT HARDER, RIGHT INTO THE TOP.

332. OKAY, AND YOU ARE OVER THE LEGAL LIMIT.

333. - OKAY. - BLOOD ALCOHOL.

334. SO YOUR KEYS ARE GONE. - OH!

335. - AND I CANNOT GIVE THEM BACK TO YOU.

336. - OKAY. - SORRY.

337. BUT THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED THE FLAW IN MY IDEA.

338. IF I HELD ON TO HIS KEYS AND HE TOOK A CAB,

339. THE GUY COULDN'T GET INTO HIS APARTMENT.

340. - COULD I GET MY KEYS, PLEASE?

341. - I CAN'T, BECAUSE YOU'RE DRUNK.

342. - PLEASE GIVE ME MY KEYS.

343. - AND THE ONLY SOLUTION AT THAT POINT

344. WAS TO DRIVE HIM HOME.

345. YOU LIVE FAR.

346. - I KNOW I DO.

347. - ALSO, ONCE I GOT HIM HOME,

348. I REALIZED I COULDN'T JUST GIVE HIM HIS KEYS

349. UNTIL HE WAS ASLEEP, OR ELSE HE MIGHT GO OUT

350. AND DRIVE AGAIN.

351. - YOU NEED TO SEE ME SLEEPING?

352. - I NEED TO SEE YOU FALL ASLEEP BEFORE I LEAVE YOUR KEYS,

353. OR ELSE YOU MIGHT TAKE THEM AND GO OUT AGAIN.

354. YOU DON'T BRUSH YOUR TEETH BEFORE BED?

355. - USUALLY NOT.

356. I USUALLY BRUSH MY TEETH IN THE MORNING.

357. - REALLY? - YEP.

358. I KNOW IT'S KIND OF GROSS,

359. BUT NOBODY ELSE IS REALLY PAYING ATTENTION

360. TO THE WAY MY BREATH SMELLS.

361. - SO I HAD TO PUT HIM TO BED AND MAKE SURE

362. HE WENT TO SLEEP...

363. BEFORE I LEFT HIS KEYS.

364. SO, AS YOU CAN SEE,

365. EVEN THE GREATEST MINDS FAIL SOMETIMES.

366. - OHH!

367. - BUT FAILING TONIGHT IS NOT AN OPTION.

368. BESIDES THE RISK TO ME,

369. THERE ARE TEN INNOCENT CHILDREN

370. PARTICIPATING IN TONIGHT'S EVENT,

371. AND I DON'T TAKE THAT LIGHTLY.

372. SO EARLIER TODAY, I SPOKE WITH THEIR PARENTS

373. TO ASSURE THEM THEY HAD NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

374. HEY, GUYS. HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?

375. - GREAT, THANK YOU. - GREAT.

376. - GOOD.

377. SO, BEFORE WE BEGIN, I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU

378. SOME ASSURANCE.

379. UH, WE'RE GONNA BE BLURRING ALL YOUR FACES,

380. SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY

381. ABOUT, YOU KNOW, COWORKERS BEING LIKE,

382. "WHY DID YOU LET YOUR KID DO THAT FOR $100?"

383. YOU KNOW, OR QUESTIONS LIKE THAT

384. FROM, YOU KNOW, THE COMMUNITY OR ANYTHING.

385. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.

386. OKAY, GREAT. WISH ME LUCK.

387. OKAY.

388. SO I NOW HAVE ON THE CUSTOM-MADE PANTS

389. THAT THE ROBOT WILL BE REMOVING.

390. UM, YOU KNOW, WE'RE GONNA GIVE THESE KIDS

391. A BIT OF A BATHROOM BREAK BEFORE I BEGIN,

392. BUT WHEN WE RETURN, IT WILL BE THE ESCAPE.

393. - ALL RIGHT, SO WE'RE ABOUT READY TO BEGIN.

394. EVERYONE HAS BEEN CLEARED OUT OF THE ESCAPE AREA

395. BESIDES THE NECESSARY PEOPLE.

396. OFFICER BILLY SMALLING IS HERE,

397. OBVIOUSLY THE CHILDREN,

398. AND JUDGE ANTHONY FILOSA

399. TO DO SOME FINAL CHECKS.

400. I'M NOW GOING TO HAND OVER THE REINS

401. TO MATT "MONEY" SMITH, NATIONAL SPORTSCASTER,

402. WHO'LL BE CALLING THE EVENT.

403. MATT, THANKS FOR DOING THIS.

404. - WELL, THANKS FOR HAVING ME, NATHAN.

405. - AND DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS FOR ME?

406. - WELL, I THINK THE OBVIOUS ONE IS,

407. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

408. - YOU KNOW, FOR— FOR THE SHOW AND STUFF.

409. - YEAH.

410. WELL, I-I JUST GET THE SENSE THAT PERHAPS—

411. I MEAN, YOU KNOW THIS IS CONTROVERSIAL, RIGHT?

412. - YEAH, YEAH. YEAH.

413. - OKAY. GOOD LUCK. - ALL RIGHT.

414. - ALL RIGHT. - THANKS, MATT.

415. - AND WITH THAT, THE ESCAPE IS JUST MOMENTS AWAY,

416. SO LET'S LEARN A LITTLE MORE ABOUT NATHAN FIELDER.

417. NATHAN WAS BORN IN 1983,

418. THE ONLY SON OF TWO CANADIAN CIVIL SERVANTS,

419. ERIC AND DEBORAH.

420. WHICH BRINGS US TO TONIGHT.

421. AND WE ARE MINUTES AWAY FROM THE BIG ESCAPE,

422. AND RIGHT NOW, IT LOOKS LIKE NATHAN IS HAVING

423. SOME FINAL WORDS WITH THE HONORABLE JUDGE FILOSA,

424. SO LET'S LISTEN IN.

425. - SO DOES EVERYTHING LOOK GOOD IN TERMS OF THE SETUP

426. FOR AN INDECENT EXPOSURE CONVICTION IF I—

427. IF I FAIL TONIGHT TO ESCAPE?

428. - UH, APPARENTLY IT DOES.

429. UM—

430. - GOOD. THAT'S ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW.

431. THANK YOU. AND, OFFICER SMALLING...

432. - AND NOW NATHAN'S STEPPING OVER TO OFFICER SMALLING,

433. AND HE IS GOING TO GO AHEAD AND INSPECT THOSE HANDCUFFS

434. AND MAKE SURE THEY ARE UP TO STANDARD.

435. - DOUBLE-LOCKED...

436. SMITH & WESSON POLICE HANDCUFFS,

437. JUST LIKE WE WERE ISSUED IN THE POLICE ACADEMY.

438. - OKAY, GREAT, AND HERE IS THE KEY.

439. - WELL, EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE IN ORDER,

440. AND NOW NATHAN IS STEPPING OVER TO A LAPTOP,

441. WHERE HIS MOM AND DAD ARE STANDING BY VIA SKYPE.

442. AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT NATHAN HAS PLANNED TONIGHT.

443. - HI, GUYS. - BUT HE WANTED

444. TO HEAR THEIR VOICES BEFORE STEPPING TO THE STAGE.

445. - I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN HEAR ME,

446. BUT, UH, I'M ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING VERY RISKY,

447. UM, SO THE NEXT TIME I TALK TO YOU

448. MIGHT BE BEHIND BULLETPROOF GLASS.

449. - OH, WOW. - WHY?

450. - I CAN'T REALLY GET INTO IT RIGHT NOW.

451. I DON'T HAVE TIME. BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY

452. THAT I LOVE YOU GUYS.

453. AND, YOU KNOW, WISH ME LUCK, OKAY?

454. - WELL, NATHAN, WHAT ARE YOU— WHAT ARE YOU—

455. - WHAT'S GOING ON?

456. - YOU GUYS? CAN YOU HEAR ME?

457. HELLO?

458. - WELL, APPARENTLY A LACK

459. OF AN INTERNET CONNECTION UP HERE.

460. DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT THEY HEARD THAT MESSAGE.

461. BUT HEARTFELT, NONETHELESS.

462. AND IT'S TIME NOW FOR NATHAN

463. TO MAKE HIS WAY TO THE STAGE.

464. YOU KNOW, YOU WONDER WHAT'S GOING ON

465. IN NATHAN'S MIND RIGHT NOW AND IF ANY AMOUNT

466. OF PREPARATION IS ENOUGH...

467. - ALL RIGHT. - FOR THE PRESSURE

468. THAT HE'S FACING HERE TONIGHT.

469. NATHAN NOW MAKING HIS WAY INTO POSITION.

470. YOU CAN SEE OFFICER SMALLING LOCKING HIM

471. INTO THAT LOOP, AND THAT IS A SOLID STEEL FRAME.

472. - PUT THIS AROUND MY WRIST.

473. - CERTAINLY AN ADORABLE GROUP OF KIDS

474. BROUGHT IN TONIGHT.

475. CERTAINLY HOPE THE NIGHT DOESN'T END

476. WITH THEM SEEING A MAN EXPOSE HIMSELF TO THEM.

477. WELL, NOW THAT NATHAN'S LOCKED IN,

478. THE CREW GONNA DO ONE LAST LOOK-OVER,

479. SO WE'LL STEP AWAY FOR A COMMERCIAL,

480. AND WHEN WE RETURN, THE ESCAPE.

481. - ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK, AND THIS IS IT.

482. THE STAGE IS SET.

483. NATHAN HAS 90 SECONDS TO FREE HIMSELF

484. FROM THOSE CUFFS AND HIT THAT RED BUTTON

485. TO HIS RIGHT.

486. THE BUTTON IS A KILL SWITCH.

487. IT IS THE ONLY THING THAT CAN STOP

488. THE PROGRAMMED MOTION OF THE ROBOT

489. FROM TAKING OFF NATHAN'S PANTS IN FRONT OF THESE KIDS.

490. AND NOW HE WILL DELIVER THE LINE

491. GIVEN TO HIM BY JUDGE FILOSA.

492. - SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN HERE,

493. AND IF IT DOES, SO WHAT?

494. - AND WITH THAT,

495. HE HAS ESTABLISHED WILLFUL INTENT.

496. SO IF HE EXPOSES HIMSELF TONIGHT,

497. IN THE EYES OF THE LAW,

498. IT WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED AN ACCIDENT.

499. - READY!

500. - GO!

501. - AND WE ARE UNDERWAY NOW.

502. HMM, STRUGGLING. LOOKED AS THOUGH HE—

503. HE PULLED A PICK STRAIGHT FROM HIS HAIR.

504. NATHAN WORKING ON THOSE HANDCUFFS.

505. WE ARE 80 SECONDS AWAY

506. FROM A LIFETIME OF SCORN

507. FOR NATHAN.

508. NOW THE ROBOT GOING TO THAT—

509. THAT FLY. THE FLY IS DOWN.

510. AND WHILE HE'S WORKING

511. ON THE HANDCUFFS, THE ROBOT

512. CONTINUES TO WORK ON THE PANTS.

513. APPEARS AS THOUGH HE'S TAUNTING.

514. NO, HE'S GOING FOR THAT LOOP.

515. NOW HAS THE BUTTON UNDONE.

516. AND THE KIDS LAUGHING ALONG

517. WITH THE ROBOT'S ANTICS.

518. NATHAN STRUGGLING WITH THAT PICK.

519. HE DROPPED THE PICK.

520. IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S CAUGHT ON HIS CLOTHING,

521. AND NOW HE'S TRYING TO RETRIEVE IT,

522. AND HE'S GOT IT.

523. GOT IT WITH HIS— WHAT A CLOSE CALL,

524. AS HE RETRIEVES THE PICK WITH HIS TONGUE.

525. HAD THAT FALLEN TO THE GROUND,

526. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ALL OVER.

527. NEXT IS GOING TO BE THOSE LOOPS

528. ON THE HIP.

529. THIS IS GETTING TIGHT HERE.

530. THE ROBOT NOW HAS BOTH PANT LEGS DOWN,

531. IS ABOUT TO SECURE

532. THE LOOP ON THE UNDERPANTS,

533. AND NATHAN'S STILL WORKING ON THOSE CUFFS.

534. WE ARE JUST 20 SECONDS AWAY.

535. NATHAN WORKING THOSE HANDCUFFS.

536. AND NOW IT LOOKS AS THOUGH, WITH THE PANTS DOWN,

537. THE ROBOT GOING FOR THAT UNDERWEAR LOOP.

538. WE ARE NOW AT TEN SECONDS AND COUNTING.

539. WE HAVE JUST A COUPLE SECONDS LEFT.

540. OH, NO, WE ARE SEEING PUBIC HAIR.

541. BUT HE HAS ESCAPED.

542. NATHAN FIELDER HAS MANAGED TO ESCAPE

543. AND SAVE HIMSELF FROM A LIFETIME OF SHAME.

544. THERE'S THE REPLAY.

545. THE MOMENT WHERE HE WAS ABLE TO PICK THE CUFFS,

546. HIT THE BUTTON JUST IN TIME.

547. AND YOU CAN SEE THE RELIEF ON HIS FACE.

548. WELL, THERE YOU SEE IT.

549. HE TOOK ON GREAT RISK,

550. AND NOW THIS, HIS REWARD.

551. CONGRATULATIONS FROM THE JUDGE AND OFFICER.

552. - GOOD JOB. - THANK YOU.

553. - UM, SO THE ROBOT

554. PULLED HIS PANTS DOWN.

555. BUT HE WON.

556. SO—

557. - IT WAS REALLY FUNNY.

558. I REALLY WANTED HIS PANTS TO FALL DOWN

559. 'CAUSE IT'S HILARIOUS.

560. - I WOULD HAVE BEEN SORT OF OFFENDED

561. IF IT—IF HIS UNDERWEAR FELL DOWN,

562. BUT NOT THAT MUCH.

563. - HE PRESSED THE BUTTON, AND THEN IT DIDN'T FALL DOWN.

564. I WAS LIKE, "YES!"

565. I WAS LIKE, "HALLELUJAH."

566. - OKAY, BEFORE YOU GUYS— BEFORE YOU GUYS LEAVE,

567. REMEMBER TO ALWAYS TAKE BIG RISKS

568. AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

569. AND FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, JUST LIKE I DID.

570. I DRE—WELL, YEAH, I DID.

571. IT WAS— IT WAS A DREAM OF—

572. YOU KIND OF TALKED OVER MY SPEECH.

573. OKAY. FINE. - LET'S GO. LET'S GO.

574. - I MADE SO MANY NEW FRIENDS UP THERE.

575. HOWEVER, I THINK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME.

576. GOOD-BYE. I LOVE YOU.

577. I WISH I COULD DO MORE FOR YOU.