Mythic Quest 2x2

1. What's up, Snack Pack? Main man SnickrSnack here,

2. ready to Snack Attack into this Gamaron Vault. Yeah!

3. What are you guys up to today? I'm going to my grandma's house later.

4. She has a really cool dog, and I like him. His name's Carl.

5. - See that, Jo? This kid's the new Pootie. - What a piece of shit.

6. No. He's a piece of gold.

7. SnickrSnack has a massive following,

8. and I want it.

9. I gotta go pee, so I'll be back.

10. Walk with me.

11. Jo, MMOs are the dinosaurs of the gaming world.

12. We can't get stuck in the past. We gotta go mobile.

13. - Because mobile's the future. - No, mobile's the present.

14. The future is a VR full-mobility S and M sex rig,

15. but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

16. I wanna launch a mobile game.

17. - I can assist with that. - Unfortunately, Jo, you can't.

18. Mobile games always have a dash of millennial stink on them,

19. which despite your age, you are severely lacking.

20. I can get you stink.

21. Should we be holding hands?

22. I don't know.

23. But I do know we didn't do anything wrong. Right?

24. Of course not.

25. We just gotta be careful about how we tell people.

26. Right, yeah. Okay…

27. Do you think we should make a big announcement?

28. Or… No, okay.

29. Maybe we should tell people individually.

30. - And then they can spread the word. - Right.

31. - That way everybody feels included. - Yeah.

32. I just wanna make sure we handle this delicately.

33. Busted.

34. Shit. Okay.

35. - Jo. Jo! Wait. - We had a plan to tell everyone.

36. Look, sleeping with people in the office is a sensitive issue.

37. I was talking about you being late.

38. Well, in that case,

39. this might be a great time to tell you, actually, that—

40. Rachel and I are together now.

41. So?

42. - So we thought you should know. - Why?

43. Because it seems like an important thing to let the office know?

44. The testers fucked.

45. - Jo! - Jo!

46. News flash, ladies. Whatever clambake bubble you've been living in has burst,

47. and no one cares.

48. Now, let's get to work.

49. Thanks for popping by. Had a quick question for ya.

50. - What's your take on mobile games? - They suck.

51. Yeah. They're not games.

52. They're bullshit apps made to distract people while they poop.

53. I suppose you love them because you can cram them full of microtransactions

54. to scam middle-aged women.

55. Hey, have some respect, tester.

56. Jo, she's right. I do love them, and for exactly that reason.

57. Which is why I need a simple mobile game, and I want you two to design it.

58. - You want us to design our own game? - I'm gonna give you three seconds

59. to reconcile your ethics with your ambition. Three, two—

60. - We'll do it. - Yes! We'll do it.

61. Great! Jo, you're the producer.

62. I need a concept and basic gameplay design by EOW.

63. What? No. I don't want to work with these morons.

64. I'm supposed to be learning from you.

65. And you will be. Working with these morons is all a part of your training.

66. - Fine. - Okay.

67. Well, this is all very exciting, Brad,

68. but in the interest of full disclosure,

69. you should know that Dana and I are together now.

70. - So? - That's what I said.

71. We just thought that might be something that concerns you.

72. Absolutely nothing you do concerns me.

73. Your personal affairs have zero consequence

74. in the operations of this studio.

75. The fact that you think they do is hilarious and upsetting.

76. Yet, I'm not laughing, nor getting upset,

77. which only further demonstrates how little I care.

78. Okay. That's good. I guess?

79. - Why are you still here? - Right. Let's go, ladies.

80. We've got a game to make.

81. Move, move, move. Get out!

82. I won't let you down, boss.

83. It's more of a feeling than anything else.

84. I'm seeing moss-covered fortresses.

85. Cities shimmering with silver and gold.

86. I'm seeing castles dripping in antiquity.

87. What does that even mean?

88. Something can't drip in antiquity.

89. The castle's either old or it isn't.

90. - Like this? - Yes! Yes!

91. - That's exactly what I have in my head. - How did you—

92. God, you guys are absolutely incredible.

93. I come up with these crazy ideas, and you just whip 'em up.

94. Well, producing a full high-quality render

95. would require significantly more time.

96. Yeah, definitely. So, let's get on it.

97. Are you sure? No notes before we begin?

98. No, no. It's perfect, and if it isn't, we'll just fix it later.

99. Right. But if you give us the notes now,

100. we won't have to fix it later, and we've never nailed it on our first try.

101. Don't be so modest. You guys got the goods.

102. I'm going to yield the floor to Poppy.

103. She's gonna take it away from here. Poppy.

104. Hey, guys. So what I'm most excited about with the new expansion

105. is that we're now gonna have player-driven persistent environmental changes.

106. So, in a way,

107. the players will now be the artists.

108. It's kind of a strange thing to say to the art team, isn't it?

109. Yeah. Well, no, because we're still gonna need art obviously.

110. We're gonna need heaps of art.

111. Most importantly, we're gonna need you to design the building materials.

112. So I'm thinking bricks.

113. I'm thinking cement.

114. I'm thinking… caulk.

115. You want us to draw caulk?

116. Yes. Caulk. Draw caulk.

117. Draw whatever I say, guy.

118. - What's your name again? - His name's Phil.

119. I can't keep track of every middle-aged white dude this place burns through.

120. I've worked here for ten years.

121. - This is going great, Pop. - Just draw what I said, okay?

122. Draw the stuff and the building stuff and whatever.

123. I wanna see it by tomorrow, Phil.

124. - Which one should we focus on? - You better do both.

125. It's better to have too much than not enough.

126. If we don't like one or the other, we'll just scrap it later.

127. Hey, guys, great work. Seriously, incredible work.

128. I can't believe we're here.

129. Imagine how many legendary characters Ian dreamed up in this room.

130. I know.

131. And I have to say, I feel pretty relieved no one seems to care we're dating.

132. I was thinking the same thing. We just gotta live our truth.

133. Well, my truth is that you look very cute in that mo-cap suit.

134. - This mo-cap suit? - That mo-cap suit.

135. - With the yellow dots? - Yeah.

136. - You like this one? - Yeah.

137. Okay. Let me show it off a little bit.

138. Hey! We're not here for you two to bump muffs.

139. We're here to work. Just pick out a character or something.

140. Okay.

141. What if the game's about a knight.

142. A female knight. That could be cool,

143. playing as an empowered female warrior.

144. I don't know. A mobile game should be simple, right?

145. Like, maybe it should be about an animal?

146. - An animal? - Yeah.

147. Hey, do you have any animals back there?

148. Pig, chicken, fox, horse, goat, kangaroo, snail—

149. Goat. Yes. I wanna be a goat.

150. Oh, yes. My cousins back home in Compton,

151. they had a goat, and that thing did some crazy-ass shit.

152. And it walked like this.

153. We named him RuPaul.

154. - That's adorable, dude. - You look like an asshole.

155. Maybe I shouldn't be adorable. Maybe I'm more like Jo.

156. Oh, yeah. You're grouchy.

157. Hi, I'm Jo, and I'm a grouchy-ass goat.

158. Dude, grouchy goat.

159. - That's a great title. - That's a great title!

160. Grouchy Goat!

161. Grouchy Goat, Grouchy Goat, Grouchy Goat, Grouchy Goat,

162. Grouchy Goat, Grouchy Goat, Grouchy Goat.

163. I'm gonna blow my fucking brains out.

164. David, I need a new team of programmers.

165. - No, she doesn't. - Yes, I do.

166. Everyone working on the new expansion listens to Ian and not me.

167. Because I know how to command a room.

168. No, it's because they're used to you being the boss.

169. I need a new team of people that will look up to me

170. as a godlike figure that inspires awe and fear.

171. Give her three teams, David, it's gonna be exactly the same thing.

172. I'm not gonna give you anything because that's not why I called you in here.

173. - You called us in? I don't remember that. - No, I don't either.

174. That's because David is an ineffective leader who has no charisma.

175. - Is that what you want, Poppy? - Of course not.

176. Okay, can I speak? Or let me speak.

177. I shall speak! I called you in about Friday.

178. What's Friday?

179. Friday. You're speaking at the Women In Gaming luncheon.

180. Oh, yeah. I'm not doing that.

181. What? Yes, you are.

182. Look, it is an opportunity

183. to recognize and celebrate women in gaming, which I think is an important—

184. Please don't do that— Issue to Montreal and to me and to my job.

185. So you are gonna do it, woman, or Poppy.

186. You're gonna tell women how they're empowered,

187. and I'm telling you to do it. So do it.

188. Yeah, you know what, Pop? In this instance, David is right.

189. And it could be a good opportunity for you to showcase your new skills.

190. Poppy, I'm going to teach you how to inspire a room.

191. No, thanks. You have your way of leading, and I have mine.

192. Yeah, but mine actually works.

193. The point is what you are describing is more exciting.

194. Mine is more technical.

195. You can't inspire people by describing building materials.

196. Really?

197. Like life, it changes.

198. It gets harder,

199. but it holds with the strength that can withstand all elements.

200. Ice, wind, fire, water.

201. But it doesn't just hold a house together.

202. It holds us all together.

203. That is

204. caulk.

205. - Oh, come on! - Like this?

206. Yes! Yes! Kevin, you nailed it.

207. God, you just always— You can just get it perfectly.

208. - Pop, what do you think? - I think it's bullshit.

209. Really? Why do you have goose bumps?

210. I don't have goose—

211. This is an involuntary reaction to—

212. - Being inspired? - No, no.

213. I wasn't inspired. I was emotionally manipulated.

214. What's the difference?

215. Ian, just so I'm clear,

216. you want us to work on all this new stuff

217. in addition to the stuff we're already working on?

218. Yeah, man. Work your magic. Do your thing.

219. Again, it's not magic.

220. It's a team of skilled artists

221. putting in long hours on complex designs.

222. Yeah, I don't really need to hear how the sausage gets made.

223. It's not sausage. I'm not a butcher.

224. I have a master's in fine arts.

225. Wow. He didn't ask for a podcast. Get to work, Phil.

226. That's what I was gonna say.

227. - "I don't need a podcast." - So much information.

228. - Feel like we're on the same page, vibing. - Kind of are.

229. You want me to—

230. All right. Teach me how to inspire people.

231. Cool. Let's do it.

232. Do I need a toothpick?

233. No, the toothpick's my thing. You don't really—

234. Hey, I'm gonna go FaceTime my kids.

235. Okay. So I'm the farmer, right? And then I catch the goat,

236. and then I take it back to my farm, and then I slaughter it for its meat.

237. It's like a metaphor about capitalism.

238. - Yeah, it's great. - Cool. Okay.

239. Maybe we could start with that and then move on from there?

240. Sure.

241. - That's a good starting point, right? - Yeah, it's a starting point.

242. - Hey. - Hey, there you are.

243. I've been looking all over for you. Can I show you something?

244. - Yeah. - Okay. So,

245. I stayed up all night, and I built this.

246. What do you think?

247. It's really good. Yeah, it's cool.

248. - Is it a dog? - It's a goat.

249. It's terrible.

250. Hey, no. I mean, you did that overnight.

251. That's super impressive.

252. I just see it.

253. Does that make sense? I know what it should be.

254. I just don't know how to make it.

255. Yes, totally. That's why I think we should keep workshopping.

256. I feel like there could be some really socially relevant elements in this.

257. It's a mobile game. Shouldn't it be simple?

258. I mean, simple in its complexity, right?

259. I don't know what that means.

260. Oh, my God. Are you having your first fight?

261. We're not fighting. We're collaborating.

262. Yeah.

263. There's just something missing. That's all.

264. There is?

265. Well, with Ian and Poppy at this point, there's always something missing.

266. I feel like we should keep noodling.

267. It's a goat that does crazy shit. What more is there?

268. Oh, my God! Just get to work!

269. You get to work, you sour bitch!

270. - That was a little harsh. - That was too much. I'm sorry.

271. I'm sorry. That wasn't cool.

272. I've just sort of had enough of your negative attitude, Jo. Okay?

273. Because this is a big opportunity for us,

274. and it could be for you too if you would actually help us.

275. I'm sorry.

276. I just want to help produce the game.

277. Well, stop shitting on what we're doing and back us up.

278. Right. You're right.

279. Stupid idiot asshole! Fuckface! Jerk-off!

280. Come up with a fix, you stupid head, asshole, fuckface!

281. You're not a producer. You're trash.

282. You're a toilet! Just like they all said!

283. Hey, Jo?

284. You straight?

285. Yes, I'm straight. You're the lesbians.

286. I am a straight producer, and I'm going to make the call.

287. Rachel's right. Something is missing.

288. And I know what it is.

289. - What? - Backstory.

290. She is alone, bereft of all hope.

291. Abandoned by the gods to a dismal and agonizing fate.

292. Her indomitable form roams the lands

293. feasting, feeding, but never filling.

294. And so is born the Grouchy Ghost!

295. - Ghost? - It's Grouchy Goat, C.W.

296. It is? I heard "ghost"!

297. That changes everything.

298. Could the goat be dead?

299. No. People don't wanna play as a dead goat.

300. I'm sorry, guys. I blew it.

301. This was a total waste of our time. I am useless.

302. I'm just a fucking asshole!

303. Okay, Jo, it's okay.

304. You're not useless. It's just—

305. This is all part of the creative process, right?

306. - Yeah. - Yeah?

307. Yeah. Except for this part with the 80-year-old guy over the Internet.

308. - That part's weird. - Yeah, that's kinda weird.

309. And we don't need a backstory. The goat is grouchy.

310. It eats tin cans because that's what goats do.

311. It should be a simple gameplay loop.

312. Just a loop.

313. Right, except that the goat should say something. Something important.

314. - Right. - It can't say anything. It's a goat.

315. - Wait, are you two fighting? - No.

316. Okay, great! This is great.

317. This is just back and forth, and back and forth.

318. All part of the creative process.

319. You throw out ideas, then you throw ideas back.

320. You catch 'em. You throw 'em back.

321. This is great, just diving right into the mind of the creatives.

322. Whatever you guys need, I'll make it happen.

323. I'll show you. I'll show them all.

324. Jo, I'm beginning to think you need this more than we do.

325. 'Kay, sidebar. Look, Dana, I know that we can make this game great.

326. We just can't settle. We have to keep pushing.

327. - Do you trust me? - I trust you.

328. Okay.

329. Trust.

330. What? This is okay, right?

331. Yeah.

332. How I wish I could be with you to press flesh against flesh.

333. Could you angle the laptop down just a tad?

334. - Gross. - Okay. Nope.

335. It's better that he's remote. I'ma hang up.

336. Hey, Linda. Good to see ya. You look great.

337. Thanks.

338. Yo.

339. Where's Poppy? This thing's about to start.

340. She's feeling self-conscious about the way she looks.

341. - Be supportive. - I don't wanna do this.

342. Come on, Poppy. You look great. Come on out.

343. You look incredible, Poppy.

344. I feel like an asshole.

345. It's okay to accentuate the way you look.

346. People follow good-looking leaders.

347. It may be sad, but it's just human nature. Lean into it.

348. Yeah, I'm afraid that if I lean into anything, you'll see my whole ass.

349. Wait. What is that? What is she doing?

350. She's doing jokes. Do not do jokes.

351. Under no circumstances should you be doing jokes.

352. - You are not funny. - Whatever. This is bullshit.

353. "Women In Gaming"? This event is one big wig.

354. It's a fake cover that the industry puts on to hide the ugly truth.

355. Hey, hey. Hey, would you take this seriously, please?

356. Not everyone gets to be honored. You think I'm ever gonna get an honor? No.

357. My time's up. That's fine. Look, it's good.

358. We're honoring women. It's great and everything. But it's just—

359. Is there no room left for men?

360. Oh, my God. David, shut up.

361. - This is Poppy's big day, so… - Yeah, I know.

362. - Poppy, what are you doing? - Crab toast.

363. Do not eat crab toast. They will make you gassy.

364. - God, you eat like a child. - No, I don't.

365. - It's like a Halloween bag. - This is disgusting!

366. Look, I'm a boss. I can eat what I want.

367. No, you can't. You need to keep both your mind and your body sharp.

368. You think I like putting in the work to look like this? No.

369. But I'm an alpha, and that's part of being a boss.

370. It's just the way it's always been done.

371. Maybe I don't wanna do it the way it's always been done.

372. Great. We'll call up old Doc Brown, have him pull up the DeLorean.

373. We'll go back in time to change human nature.

374. Who's Doc Brown?

375. It's a joke! I'm joking. I'm good at jokes.

376. That's what I'm saying. The jokes don't play.

377. - Poppy. - I didn't get it.

378. You're getting called. Time to go.

379. Okay, now remember, this is your moment. Act natural.

380. But remember, go against all of your instincts.

381. Just read from the teleprompter, okay? I worked all night on that copy.

382. Yeah. Wait, you—

383. - You wrote her speech? - Yeah, he's good at speeches.

384. I'm good at other stuff. Not, like, talking stuff.

385. But other non-, like, word-related stuff for the job.

386. Dear God. Do not deviate from that teleprompter.

387. And don't forget to smile. We need you to be accessible.

388. - David, shut up. She's got this. - Yeah.

389. - I got this. - But definitely smile.

390. Yes. But not like that.

391. A little bit more. Okay, that's good. Keep that.

392. - Great. - You look great.

393. - Come on. Let's go. - Good luck.

394. Get out there. Work it, girl.

395. - Yeah, woman. - Woman.

396. Okay, I'll lead him in with the big picture stuff.

397. - Do you have the updated PowerPoint? - Yep.

398. Great. And, C.W.,

399. are you sure you don't want me to take them through the new backstory?

400. Might be a little less strange.

401. Nonsense. I'm hungry to contribute.

402. I shall deliver it with complete conviction.

403. Holy shit! Jo, this looks amazing.

404. I had the art department whip it up. It was easy.

405. Actually, it wasn't easy. And we didn't just whip it up.

406. We worked through the night trying to make everyone's projects and deadlines.

407. I mean, you really stepped up and got the job done.

408. Thank you.

409. Sorry. I was talking to Jo.

410. Well, I just wanted to say—

411. Excuse me.

412. Like, thank you,

413. or whatever, for,

414. like, bringing out the best in me, or whatever.

415. What is happening? Are you being sincere?

416. Yes.

417. No, shut up.

418. Ladies, BTW,

419. heard you two are dating.

420. - Very groovy. - Awesome.

421. Should we mute him?

422. Shit. He's coming.

423. I'm here.

424. - Go. - This is Grouchy Goat.

425. Slaughter.

426. Greenhouse gases.

427. Caged life, starving for air.

428. The farming industry—

429. Nah. Nope. Shut it down.

430. - What? - Grouchy Goat is dead.

431. - Wait. You're killing our game? - No, no. You killed it

432. when you overcomplicated a simple, money-grab piece of shovel-ware.

433. I told them to keep it simple.

434. But they just had to ruin it with their lefty, dick-hating agenda.

435. What the fuck, Jo? I thought we were on a team.

436. We did this together. She's totally selling us out.

437. Is that true, Jo?

438. Yes.

439. You jumped ship the second you saw it was sinking?

440. You took the credit and not the blame?

441. Nice work, Jo.

442. That is a valuable lesson. Okay. See ya.

443. Later, losers.

444. Sorry.

445. Rach, it's fine. It's totally cool.

446. We'll navigate this.

447. Right. We'll navigate it. It's not a big deal.

448. Indeed. It'll take more than that to break us up.

449. We're a threesome, aren't we?

450. Okay.

451. Please welcome to the stage

452. the co-creative director of Mythic Quest, Poppy Li.

453. Thank you, Tracy.

454. It is an honor to be here

455. amongst women who are leading our industry.

456. But what makes a great leader? Leadership is—

457. Wow, that teleprompter's far away.

458. Sorry.

459. Just need to… Sorry.

460. That's my candy.

461. Okay, now I can see…

462. …that you're all looking at me.

463. Okay.

464. Leadership is…

465. Wow.

466. This dress is tight.

467. Sorry. I gotta…

468. Okay, now I can relax.

469. Oops. I tooted.

470. Did you hear that? Maybe not. That's the crab toasts.

471. Damn it.

472. Sorry, I suck at this.

473. I'm not an alpha.

474. I don't give people goose bumps, and I'm not always smiling.

475. And sometimes at work I cry for no reason

476. other than that I start thinking about crying.

477. And then it starts to happen,

478. and I can feel that it's starting to happen now.

479. So I'm gonna go ahead and speed through this.

480. I'm not tall, or a runway model.

481. Here come the waterworks. I don't know why.

482. Maybe it's the estrogen. I don't know.

483. Look.

484. I can't promise that I'm always gonna live up to the standard

485. of other people's expectations.

486. But I can promise that I'm gonna lead with everything that I am,

487. which means that it might be like this sometimes.

488. But I'm not gonna apologize,

489. because I'm sick of apologizing.

490. All the time.

491. No, I'm gonna do everything that I can to be the best boss that I can be.

492. And you know why?

493. 'Cause I don't really— I don't know— Fuck everyone else.

494. Why did you let me do this speech?

495. I shouldn't have a platform. I don't know what I'm talking about.

496. I don't know what women want. I don't know what I want.

497. I guess I wanna be a boss. It's just—

498. I feel like I'm up here and rambling on and farting.

499. It's happened again, by the way.

500. I think I might be allergic to crab.

501. Thank you.

502. Holy shit. She did it.

503. I guess she can inspire. Hey, and she didn't even need your help.

504. What do you mean? I wrote the speech for her. I told you.

505. But she couldn't read the teleprompter.

506. Oh, yeah. That was all part of it. Look.

507. "Pretend not to be able to see. Put on glasses.

508. Start with 'I'm not an alpha.'"

509. But she cried.

510. Yeah. "I'm not a runway model.

511. Start to cry here. Blame estrogen."

512. - How'd you know she'd be gassy? - The crab toast?

513. No, I had those planted.

514. I knew she would eat them even though she's allergic to them

515. 'cause she's a fucking mess.

516. - Damn. - Yeah.

517. She did it. I guess I owe her the new programming team now too.

518. Yeah.

519. - Wait, what? - Yeah. She called me last night.

520. Said she was super nervous about the speech

521. and would not do it unless I gave her the new team.

522. And then she called me,

523. and she told me she was super excited about giving a speech,

524. but only if I wrote it for her.

525. She played us to get what she wanted.

526. Oh, my God. I got goose bumps. She inspired us.

527. No, she didn't. She emotionally manipulated us.

528. What's the difference?

529. That little mess of a human being is a boss.