Mystery Science Theater 3000 6x6

1. In the not too distant future, next Sunday,

2. A.D., there was a guy named Joel,

3. not too different from you or me.

4. He worked at Gizmonic Institute, just another face

5. in a red jumpsuit.

6. He did a good job cleaning up the place,

7. but his bosses didn't like him, so they shot him into space.

8. We'll send him cheesy movies, the worst we can find.

9. La-la-la.

10. He'll have to sit and watch them all,

11. and we'll monitor his mind.

12. La-la-la.

13. Now keep in mind Joel can't control when the movies begin

14. or end, because he used those special parts to make his robot

15. friends.

16. Robot roll call.

17. Cambot!

18. Pan left.

19. Gypsy!

20. Hi, girl.

21. Tom Servo.

22. What a cool guy?

23. Crow!

24. He's a wisecracker.

25. If you're wondering how he eats and breathes

26. and other science facts.

27. La-la-la.

28. Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a show.

29. I should really just relax for Mystery Science Theater 3000."

30. - Well, Crow, you're not quite zero Kelvin,

31. but still, it's going to be pretty cold in there, huh?

32. - Aw, this is nothing!

33. Give me the deep freeze, Tom.

34. - All right!

35. Woo!

36. - Hey, hi, Tom.

37. Hi, Crow.

38. Hi, everybody.

39. Welcome to the Satellite of Love.

40. I'm Joel Ro— hey, wait a minute.

41. What's with the Crow in the box?

42. - Oh, we're bringing his temperature

43. down to absolute zero.

44. Seems like it might be kind of fun.

45. - Wait a minute, you can't do that!

46. If you go to absolute zero, there'll

47. be no molecular motion.

48. It'll start a chain reaction and kill us all.

49. - Yeah, that's kind of how it played out in our scenario,

50. too.

51. Well, wait a minute.

52. That's kind of stupid, isn't it?

53. - Yeah, it's stupid.

54. We've gotta get him out of there.

55. - Oh, good one, Joel.

56. - Oops.

57. Uh, we'll be right back.

58. - I'm not putting him back together, either.

59. - I'm shattered!

60. - OK, there you go.

61. Good as new.

62. - Sure, if you ignore the massive structural damage

63. and my complete lack of any re-resale value.

64. - Yeah, I was ignoring that.

65. - Oh.

66. Oh, hi.

67. Say, would you guys hurry up with that glue?

68. It's really starting to affect me.

69. - Yeah, OK.

70. and Sloppy are calling.

71. Ah!

72. - Oh.

73. Joel.

74. I was just—

75. - Doctor?

76. Have you seen my long underwear?

77. I'm late for my ice dancing lesson.

78. - No, I haven't seen your long underwear, Frank.

79. And to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't

80. wear your long underwear even— oh.

81. Joel.

82. Invention exchange.

83. Um, I've got a nutty idea.

84. But, uh, be a dear and go first?

85. Uh, I need a couple of minutes.

86. - Sure, if you're not ready to go, we'll go.

87. No problem.

88. Geez.

89. Anyway, my good friend Crow locked up

90. the deal to do the music for the "Beverly Hillbillies" movie.

91. - Yeah!

92. Well, we're hammering out a deal memo.

93. - And it led to an amazing discovery.

94. - Right.

95. Now, remember "The Beverly Hillbillies"

96. was part of the Paul Henning Hooterville trilogy?

97. - Right.

98. That was "The Beverly Hillbillies,"Green Acres,"

99. and "Petticoat Junction."

100. - Right right right.

101. Now, they all had this really cool incidental music.

102. - Yeah.

103. It was music that went.

104. - No no no.

105. If I may, Joel, it was more like— .

106. - The point is, I didn't know how to make that

107. music until we came up with—

108. - The porkarina!

109. Now, don't worry, all you pig lovers.

110. We didn't use a real pig.

111. - We didn't?

112. - No, we just reinvented the instrument

113. that made the original incidental music.

114. The original was lost in the tragic Universal fire.

115. Here comes Mr. Haney, pulling another hilarious flim-flam!

116. - Well, Mr. Douglas, that there is a genuine dirtbirger.

117. - That's not a dirtbirger.

118. - And there's the efficient Miss Hathaway!

119. - Oh, Jethro!

120. - And there's Uncle Joe.

121. He's moving kinda slow.

122. - At the Junction.

123. - Well, pretty hot.

124. Kinda tired.

125. Was gonna go fishing, but it's too damn hot.

126. - Better sit down for a little while.

127. Yep, yep.

128. When's that government check coming in?

129. Pretty hot.

130. Kinda bloated.

131. - Gonna die soon.

132. - You're up, sirs.

133. - Joel.

134. The human body.

135. Unattractive?

136. Sure.

137. Even worse, it's inefficient.

138. Especially Frank's human body.

139. - I'm late for my ice dancing lesson.

140. - That's why I've drained Frank's blood.

141. - You what?

142. You can't do that!

143. - Don't worry.

144. I replaced it.

145. With propylene glycol.

146. Radiator fluid.

147. I even surgically implanted a radiator,

148. so Frank won't overheat this summer

149. and won't freeze up in the winter.

150. And you act like I'm the jerk!

151. - I'm so cold.

152. - Granted, uh, Frank's new system does

153. need to be flushed nightly.

154. But once you get the hang of it, it's not quite as tricky

155. as it seems, and can even be done on an outpatient basis.

156. - Well, wait a minute.

157. Why don't you just leave Frank with his own blood?

158. That way he could wear a jacket and scarf and stuff.

159. - And since Frank's blood was a previously unknown type,

160. the money that that brings in should— why?

161. Because it's science, that's why!

162. Frank, here.

163. Why don't you run on to your lesson now?

164. Come on.

165. Go ahead.

166. Scoot.

167. Scoot.

168. Joel, speaking of unattractive human bodies,

169. your movie this week, "Eegah," has

170. got Richard Kiel and not much else.

171. Look, Frank signed all the forms.

172. It's an improvement.

173. He even likes it.

174. Why, he's probably out there right now

175. skating his little heart out.

176. "Eegah."

177. Oh, God.

178. - Ready?

179. Holiday for pigs.

180. - Augh, we got movie sign!

181. - I'm Charles Kuralt, and we're going

182. to leave you with this shot of a flower.

183. - "Cactus Flower," with Goldie Hawn.

184. - Huh?

185. - Huh?

186. - Hey, it's Scattergories!

187. - Ugh, look.

188. The sign is leaking.

189. - Ick.

190. - Oh, that was Art Clokey's first study of Gumby there.

191. - Oh, Eegah.

192. - Yes, you too can learn how to play

193. the guitar in two easy lessons.

194. - Oh, I'm a Eegah-fied man.

195. - Oh, this must be that grunge look from Seattle.

196. It— it's from Seattle, I've heard.

197. - Mm-hmm.

198. - Is that a real poncho or a Sears poncho?

199. - Richard Kiel is Eegah Templar, the saint.

200. - Um, focus.

201. Uh, focus this, please.

202. H-hello?

203. With the smokers over— over—

204. - Harriet, the cattle are smoking again.

205. - I'm dead.

206. Don't smoke.

207. - Oh, Eegah.

208. Oh—

209. - Wait a minute.

210. They've got demons flipping us off here.

211. Hey, back at you, Clyde.

212. - Otis Nixon!

213. - He looks like a thin William Hickey.

214. - Shaking the bush, boss.

215. Well, actually, it seems to be exhibiting a sort

216. of ineluctable defenestration character.

217. - Poppies will make us sleep.

218. Baby.

219. - Welcome to the crypt!

220. We've dug something up for you!

221. Why not stick around and watch "Dream On"?

222. It's the breast show on TV! Kill me.

223. - Stop it.

224. - Boy, this looks like it's really going to be scary,

225. what with the smoke and flowers and everything.

226. - And framing effects.

227. - Circle Pines after dark.

228. - It's Frederick's of Maplewood.

229. - The Loretta Young Show!

230. - I'm young and free and feeling fresh!

231. - Taxi!

232. Oh, I drove.

233. - Now, I forget.

234. Can I drive a stick?

235. Oh.

236. - It's the flying Saab!

237. - I think it's a bug eyed sprite.

238. - Oh, and so is she.

239. - Honk if you love Eegah!

240. - Hi, Roxy!

241. - Sorry about my face.

242. - Thought I was supposed to meet you up at the club.

243. - Well, you still are.

244. I just bought myself a new swimming suit tonight.

245. - Can I wear it?

246. - Oh?

247. - Yes.

248. See?

249. - Ew!

250. - That?

251. - Sex appeal!

252. - I get off work in 10 minutes.

253. - Follow me out, then.

254. - Follow you?

255. - Sex appeal.

256. - Listen, I can change clothes and beat you out there.

257. - Again, sorry about the face!

258. - That's my girl.

259. Her father's Robert I. Miller.

260. - Yeah, just pump my gas, butthead.

261. - I saw this venture boat.

262. You oughta see her swim.

263. - Hey!

264. - You're putting that in the wayback!

265. My kids are back there!

266. - I don't know why, but I wish he'd pistol whip him.

267. - Gee, I sure am sorry, sir.

268. - But I'm sort of an idiot.

269. - Guess I was thinking about having dinner with my girl.

270. She lives up at the club.

271. - Yeah, with Robert I. Miller.

272. 77 Sunset Strip.

273. How will you make it on your own?

274. I've got a new swimsuit, everybody!

275. - Oh no!

276. She's chasing down Emmett Kelly!

277. - Suddenly, she began to doubt the whole bathing suit

278. purchase.

279. - Eegah!

280. - Whoa.

281. - My fault.

282. Sorry.

283. All my fault.

284. - I'm with Allstate.

285. Who are you with?

286. - Which way to bly workshop?

287. - You know, I heard Kiel ad-libbed this entire scene.

288. - Hey, funny.

289. I was driving a stick, too.

290. - Ugh, damn foreign cars.

291. - Well, there's something you don't see every day.

292. - It's the hose clamp.

293. Uh, you'll want to get that checked

294. when you get back to town.

295. - Oh, forget it.

296. I'm going back to sleep.

297. - Uh, found this in your grill.

298. Probably what was causing all the trouble.

299. - So, uh, you had a root beer and a side of fries with that?

300. - Mm, nah.

301. Eegah can't go with that.

302. Not much leg room.

303. Huh-uh.

304. - Say, could you give me a lift to Stephen J. Gould's house?

305. - Jim Morrison, the Paris years.

306. - Oh, he's doing Tai Chi on her.

307. - I'm still making payments!

308. - Busted!

309. - Saved by the Vette.

310. - Hey, Eegah!

311. How you doing, buddy?

312. - Roxy!

313. It's me, Tom!

314. - That's why I'm screaming!

315. - Oh, Tommy!

316. - What's the matter?

317. What happened?

318. - There was a Poco song on the radio.

319. - Oh, is he gone?

320. - Who?

321. - Is he?

322. - Disney?

323. - Huh?

324. - I don't see anybody.

325. Just take it easy and tell me what happened.

326. - Uh, is she really going out with him?

327. - I did!

328. Honest, I saw a giant!

329. - Ooh, that face.

330. I feel handsome in comparison.

331. - You know, the nice thing about this car

332. is that she can fold it up and put it in her purse.

333. - It's a compact.

334. - Yeah.

335. - Crate and Barrel?

336. - Hey?

337. - No, it was right in the middle of the road.

338. Not a half a mile from here.

339. - William Faulkner!

340. - He doesn't believe me.

341. - You didn't really expect anyone to, did you, Miss Miller?

342. - Why not?

343. It's the truth.

344. - Ooh, good comeback.

345. - Honey, a, uh, prehistoric monster

346. is a rather large order to swallow.

347. - Dad, I didn't say he was a monster.

348. He was a giant.

349. - It's a big difference.

350. - You know, a caveman.

351. Club and all, eh?

352. - Yes.

353. - What my daughter saw, she saw.

354. Now let's just let it go at that.

355. - Could you just take our order, please?

356. - Well, if you see your giant again,

357. let me know in time to take some pictures?

358. - Come to Eegah Retirement Village, for the good life.

359. - Town caves and slag heaps starting at $100,000.

360. - Couldn't you have imagined the whole thing?

361. - No.

362. - Now, let's be realistic about this.

363. You said yourself that you fainted.

364. Isn't it possible that you dreamed this whole idea?

365. - No, Dad.

366. I didn't.

367. There was a giant.

368. - Oh, she's got a neat shape.

369. - Now, I don't want to call this story

370. of yours a lot of foolishness, and I haven't so far, have I?

371. - No.

372. - But if there were a giant, if anyone at all had been here—

373. - Mr. Miller!

374. Come here!

375. - My neck snapped!

376. - What did you find?

377. - I don't know.

378. It sure looks like a footprint, though.

379. - Let me see.

380. - It's dirt!

381. - Yes, look.

382. There's the heel, and there's the toes.

383. - That's an ant colony, you idiot!

384. - Look at the size of him.

385. - Glen was 50 feet tall.

386. - It must have been made by a—

387. - Say it.

388. - A giant.

389. - What did I tell you?

390. - Hooray, I won!

391. - And that's for finding it.

392. - I'll find the big boy himself for you, if you feel like that.

393. - He left the road right here.

394. - Watch out for snakes.

395. - Who said that?

396. - Uh, let's not forget where we parked Super Car.

397. - Better go back to the car.

398. - No!

399. He's my giant.

400. - Holy cow, he was standing right here watching us.

401. - Playing bass.

402. - Then he turned and took off for—

403. - There?

404. - Shadow Mountain.

405. Do you suppose that's where he lives?

406. Oh, to live on Shadow Mountain.

407. - That would account for his never having been seen before.

408. - It's too bad we didn't bring the dune buggy.

409. We could go after him.

410. - What for?

411. - Well, to get some pictures.

412. Maybe even to bring him back.

413. A lot of people aren't going to believe this giant jazz.

414. - No.

415. We're not to say anything about this, you understand?

416. - Why not?

417. After the way everyone laughed at me.

418. - Your turn will come.

419. - He's got third degree burns!

420. - Third degree sideburns.

421. - Are you gonna write a book about giant, Mr. Miller?

422. - That's the idea, Tommy.

423. - I'll take you up there.

424. My dune buggy's all ready to go.

425. - No thanks.

426. - It is!

427. I just gave it the works!

428. - There's no offense, son.

429. - Dammit, son.

430. - But I'd like to take this trip in something

431. a little bit safer.

432. - More stylish.

433. He resents my dune buggy!

434. - Watch out for snakes.

435. - Whirlybirds!

436. - Blue Thunder!

437. - MASH!

438. - Apocalypse Now!

439. - Dispatches!

440. - Because, you see, it's a helicopter.

441. And all of those elements.

442. - It looks like I got a flat tire here.

443. - I'll see you in about two days at the most.

444. - Oh, please take care of yourself.

445. - Now, my credit cards are in the desk drawer.

446. You make sure you leave them there.

447. - Dad's fun.

448. - This thing's supposed to be safer than my dune buggy?

449. - Oh, shut up about your dune buggy, you little twerp.

450. - I like them.

451. Yeah.

452. - Uh, got my shoe trees in here.

453. - Ouch!

454. My hand!

455. - Richard Nixon leaving the White House.

456. - I thought we promised never to do that again.

457. - Oh, sorry.

458. - Oh.

459. I had my fingers crossed.

460. - Look at those legs.

461. - Boy, they're really hitting it off.

462. - Hey, Skipper, look at this thing on my leg here.

463. It's like a mole, but it keeps flaking off.

464. See that?

465. - I want that!

466. - Now, there should be a Ram Charger up there.

467. - Oh, for a shoulder mounted anti-aircraft gun.

468. - Oh, you mean a stinger.

469. - Whatever.

470. - Commute to work or play in your own personal helicopter.

471. Miracle Acrylic Bubble makes it possible.

472. - Eegah drives a tank?

473. - Well, uh, I don't really know what to say, Roy.

474. Look, this isn't good bye, really.

475. There are other helicopter rides.

476. - So, you got everything?

477. Surprise.

478. I am Jose Greco.

479. - Now, don't you forget.

480. I want you to meet me at the mouth of Deep Canyon tomorrow

481. at 4:00.

482. Sure.

483. 4:00.

484. Whatever.

485. - Sure hope it doesn't get hot.

486. - Jeez, that helicopter took off fast.

487. Where'd he go?

488. - Hey, to the left.

489. That— yeah.

490. Yeah.

491. There.

492. - Hey, that's my daughter!

493. - See, those are his contact lenses.

494. He's quite nearsighted, actually.

495. - Meet him at Deep Mouth Canyon tomorrow at 4:00.

496. What the hell was I thinking?

497. Jeez.

498. - Oh, yeah.

499. You can tell he's an experienced mountaineer.

500. - The hell?

501. Is that a Bell Huey?

502. Whoa, flashbacks kicking in.

503. Danang.

504. - Ugh!

505. Better tell others!

506. Oh, wait, there are no others.

507. - The Old Indiana Jones Chronicles.

508. - Watch out for snakes!

509. - It's Lawrence of Pasadena.

510. - Oh, man, look.

511. He's wearing corrective shoes with black socks.

512. - He's wearing corrective everything.

513. - Oh, this is a Kodak moment.

514. - OK, say embers.

515. They took the whole Cherokee nation.

516. - This is going to prove a lot to the Royal Geographic Society.

517. - Howard Hughes?

518. - Victim of his own fashion sense.

519. - No!

520. - No means no, Eegah.

521. - No, no!

522. No!

523. No!

524. - It's under a big W.

525. - Eee!

526. - What?

527. - Oh, it's a Tampax commercial.

528. - Augh!

529. - You know, maybe you should move those amps away from the pool.

530. - He's surrounded by adoring housewives.

531. - G7, D Major, D— uh, G.

532. !

533. Vicky.

534. - What?

535. Oh, Vicky.

536. - What?

537. Shut up.

538. You're embarrassing me.

539. - Uh, would the gentleman by the side of the pool

540. please discontinue the song?

541. Um, but watch out for snakes.

542. - Johnny Winter and—

543. - Look, Mom!

544. Watch me!

545. - Man, it looks like it hurts to be him.

546. - Whoa, I bet people in those rooms

547. are calling the management right now.

548. - No, that comes right from the sewage system!

549. - I'm so naughty.

550. I'm such a little brat, mm-hmm.

551. - Like a Cabbage Patch Elvis.

552. - Oh, there you are.

553. - Ooh, did you enjoy my frolicking?

554. I'm naughty, you know.

555. - I'm just going to drink you in.

556. So naughty.

557. - Ow!

558. - Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, pal.

559. I've been so distracted.

560. I just keep thinking about that slick gas

561. station in today's movie.

562. Did you notice how sleek and beautiful it was?

563. - Uh, gee, no, Joel, I can't say as I did.

564. Cuckoo.

565. Cuckoo.

566. - Hey, come on.

567. I'm serious.

568. There existed a time when our nation took pride

569. in its service stations.

570. They gleamed like a beacon of hope from coast to coast.

571. Then, one day, kablooey.

572. You know, Sky Chief Super Service

573. turned into the Tank and Tummy.

574. I don't mind telling you guys, the day this country went

575. self service was the day that hell began

576. to bubble up and flood the earth.

577. - You know, I hate to burst your bubble, Joel,

578. but, uh, what about the bubonic plague?

579. World War?

580. Stalin?

581. - Oh, come on.

582. Those are all big things.

583. You know, hell it works better when it's a lot more subtle.

584. Here.

585. I'll give you an example.

586. OK, Crow, uh, what do you think of Adolf Hitler?

587. - Well, I hate him, naturally.

588. - Right.

589. Now, uh, what do you think of the band Styx?

590. - Well, you know, they had one or two decent— oh my god,

591. you're right!

592. - I get it now, Joel!

593. Now, I'm not certain when hell started for me,

594. but I think it has something to do with Christopher Cross.

595. - Yeah.

596. Yeah.

597. Well, remember the time that Charlie Weaver died

598. and it wasn't even in the papers?

599. - Yeah.

600. - Or when they 86ed jarts.

601. - I think the first time Flo said "kiss my grits,"

602. something inside all of us withered and died.

603. - Using Joe Camel to sell cigarettes to kids

604. seems like a pretty ripe slice of hell.

605. - Yeah, I agree with that.

606. And then there was the time Denis Leary released

607. "No Cure for Cancer" as an album.

608. And then the time Vicki Lawrence won a Grammy for "The Night

609. the Lights Went Out in Georgia."

610. - I know I stand alone on this, but the day

611. "Blansky's Beauties" got canceled.

612. - Yeah, you stand alone on that.

613. - Yeah, pretty much.

614. - Sinbad's pretty icky.

615. - Yeah.

616. What about the Charlene Tilton workout video?

617. - Joel, what chance do we have in a world that

618. keeps presenting us with vivid images of hell?

619. - Well, there's personal liberty, strength of conviction.

620. Those have been known to work.

621. Then there's the time the country rallies together

622. to beat back hell, like the time we

623. as a nation said no to Yahoo Serious.

624. - I remember that.

625. All of us together, drawn inexplicably

626. to the slobbering mouth of hell.

627. And then suddenly, somehow, by some unknown force,

628. rescued in the nick of time like Moses and the Israelites.

629. - Now, who in creation is powerful enough to do that?

630. - Gee, Davey, do you think it was God?

631. - We'll be right back.

632. - Ow.

633. - Ooh, look.

634. She's dressed for a Benny Hill audition.

635. - Harry Connick, Jr.?

636. - Hello.

637. - Yes?

638. - Dad will understand.

639. - Eew!

640. - It's one of those things.

641. - Jonny Quest.

642. - Just a minute, please.

643. - What?

644. - Do you know where Deep Canyon is?

645. - Are you sure?

646. - Sure I'm sure.

647. I've been there lots of times.

648. Why?

649. - Don't worry, Mr. Kreuger.

650. I'll take care of it.

651. - Can I have some money for some Chuckles?

652. - Yes.

653. Thanks for calling.

654. Good bye.

655. - What's up?

656. - That was Mr. Krueger from the airport.

657. The helicopter blew a gasket or something.

658. He won't be able to pick Dad up.

659. - I pledge allegiance.

660. - Yes.

661. - To your dad.

662. - No problem.

663. We'll get the dune buggy and we'll whiz right out there.

664. - I got it.

665. He looks like the bat from "Fern Gully."

666. - Oh.

667. - Rat Patrol, in three or four colors.

668. - This is whizzing?

669. - Wait til we get off the highway.

670. - Joel, do you ever whiz out in the desert?

671. - Hey, it's Schlop Car.

672. - Hang onto your garter belt.

673. - But there's no road here.

674. - This is what the buggy was made for.

675. - It's swell for tearing up fragile ecosystems!

676. Watch!

677. - Looks like Sheltering Sky meets the Archies.

678. - On their way to Thunderdome.

679. Welcome to the jungle!

680. - Ooh, I gotta go!

681. Ooh.

682. - We sure bounce.

683. - My tires are filled with water.

684. - To keep them cool?

685. - No, for weight!

686. Gives me traction in the sand.

687. Watch this.

688. - Huh.

689. - Oh yeah.

690. That really is something.

691. Would you just drive, please?

692. - I think she's in pain.

693. - Put a wallet under her tongue.

694. - Dad can wait!

695. This is a blast!

696. - Whee!

697. Whee!

698. - Stop that!

699. Don't do that!

700. - Whee!

701. - Ugh, are they carrying a pig?

702. - Come on, dad's waiting.

703. - Oh, forget dad.

704. We're young.

705. What about us?

706. - We have to talk about our relationship.

707. - Whee!

708. - Stop saying whee!

709. Nobody says whee!

710. - Oh, this is a real Lucy and Viv situation right here.

711. - Uh, we?

712. - You know, they should throw some snow

713. under those tires— it's a switcheroo!

714. - Fun's over.

715. We're gonna die now.

716. - Ah.

717. - I was afraid we were going to have to neck for a minute.

718. - Hey, neat.

719. The music got us out of trouble.

720. Got a groovy thing going, baby.

721. - Hey, you know, if this was a Mountain Dew ad,

722. wouldn't they be waterskiing on rollerskates

723. being pulled by horses off of cliffs?

724. - Whee.

725. - Welcome to Death Valley Days.

726. - There you are.

727. Deep Canyon.

728. - I don't see dad anyplace.

729. - OK, let's go.

730. - The endless bummer.

731. - It's past 4:30.

732. - See?

733. - I wonder whose hand that was.

734. - I don't know.

735. - To be with the human.

736. To live like the human.

737. Just making a place to set your dad's body once we

738. find the remains.

739. - Hey, take it easy on that water.

740. - Well, I don't want us to dry out before dad gets here.

741. And don't you eat anymore.

742. - And don't touch my soup starter.

743. It's gotta cook for a while.

744. - Do you think we'll freeze to death

745. before the jackals get us?

746. - What do you suppose happened?

747. - He died.

748. - Oh, nothing happened.

749. He's not coming on a bus, you know.

750. You can't can expect him to be right on the dot.

751. - Don't make me think so much.

752. - I know, but he should have made it before dark.

753. - Don't worry about it.

754. He'll see the campfire and come walking in on us any minute

755. now.

756. - That's what you said two hours ago.

757. - Well, he will.

758. - Well, if you believe that, what's

759. the idea with the bed roll?

760. - Look, I carry all this junk in the buggy

761. anyway, so you might as well get some use out of it.

762. - I'm not sleepy.

763. - I'm petulant.

764. - When Edward Albee dabbles in beach movies.

765. - Lie down.

766. Take a rest for a while.

767. I'll keep the fire going.

768. - I'll just break off a pound of my hair at a time and burn it.

769. - Hey, what are you doing with that?

770. - I always carry a gun in the desert.

771. There's coyotes around the camp.

772. - Put it away.

773. We're not playing cowboy.

774. - You know, there's mountain lions around here, too.

775. - And elephants and stuff.

776. - Well, they won't come near a fire.

777. I know that much.

778. And I'm not going to have you take a shot at something that

779. turns out to be dad.

780. - OK, OK.

781. I'll put it away on one condition.

782. That you crawl in and get some rests.

783. - OK.

784. - I won't shoot your dad, OK?

785. Jeez.

786. - Uh, Roxy?

787. I'm gonna sing myself to sleep.

788. - He borrowed that top from Audrey Hepburn.

789. - Arch, no.

790. No, Arch.

791. No, please.

792. No.

793. Please.

794. - She's packed to move and can be drop shipped to your home

795. overnight.

796. - Fortunately, he remembered to bring the Isley Brothers.

797. - It's kind of like a Mitty Silverton working there, huh?

798. - Went on to do music for Sergio Leone.

799. - I'm Death, and I have visited upon you.

800. If I had 1,000 paintings.

801. - Well, you don't.

802. In a marble gallery.

803. - This should keep the wolves away.

804. - I'd be in the Museum of Modern Art.

805. What the hell was that?

806. - Hey, stop smiling.

807. He's smiling!

808. - That's nice.

809. Honey, where's your 12 gauge?

810. - I've heard enough.

811. I'll go beat him senseless.

812. - Shouldn't he be moving his lips?

813. - No, I'm not gonna kill him right away.

814. I'll let him linger.

815. If I had a billion dollars.

816. - They'd raise my taxes.

817. - He makes Debbie Boone sound like Hound Dog Taylor.

818. - I figured out.

819. He's a cyst with teeth and hair.

820. To give to—

821. - I demand you stop smiling.

822. - Now, is she Billie Jo, Betty Jo, or Bobby Jo.

823. - Please! Come on, Eegah!

824. Hurry up!

825. Where's that club?

826. Eegah, Eegah, bonk bonk on the head.

827. Archie's here.

828. - One way or the other.

829. What do you think?

830. - I don't know.

831. - I've never thought before.

832. - I'll climb up there a ways and see

833. if the buggy can get through.

834. - Or a shovel.

835. Didn't ask to be in this movie.

836. - No, you better stay here.

837. - No!

838. - There's no reason for both of us going.

839. We gotta come back for the buggy anyway.

840. - Well then we'll come back.

841. I'm not going to sit here doing nothing.

842. - Oh, women.

843. - Let's see.

844. What did I mean by that?

845. - You stay here with the buggy.

846. - Nope.

847. - And drive it up to meet me when I give you the signal.

848. That'll save us both a trip.

849. Come on.

850. - I'm whining you!

851. Please!

852. - Well, OK.

853. - Aw, the gun.

854. Toss it.

855. - Now your lunch.

856. Toss it.

857. - Oh, I can see it coming.

858. A tragic accident.

859. Come on, come on— aww.

860. - Damn.

861. - Give me a blast from that horn if you see anything.

862. - Don't worry about that.

863. - Oh, you know, he's built for child bearing, isn't he?

864. - Serpentine!

865. Serpentine!

866. - I see a cactus!

867. Honk!

868. I see a lizard!

869. Honk!

870. - Keep going, you sap!

871. Just over that ridge!

872. That's it!

873. I'm out of here.

874. - Stay alive!

875. Whatever may come, I will find you!

876. - See?

877. I told you so.

878. Watch out for snakes.

879. - Come on, boy.

880. Just a little closer.

881. Mm, smooth, pink meat.

882. Wearing shorts, too.

883. Mm, nothing but meat on that boy.

884. Oh, I do want to look good for Eegah.

885. - Why am I losing my hair in big chunks?

886. Oh, nice steering wheel.

887. I don't know about all this.

888. It's sunny.

889. My dress is blue.

890. Oh, nice shovel. What about my nose hairs?

891. - You're here, and he's got the traveler's checks there.

892. - Archie's in the Gaza Strip!

893. - This is my country!

894. - What was I looking for again?

895. Sky?

896. No, woman.

897. I should have wrote that note to myself.

898. It's weird the way it's so blue.

899. Why are those buzzards circling?

900. Huh.

901. Neat.

902. Born free!

903. - What— what's that smell?

904. Is that me?

905. Oh.

906. No?

907. - Don't hit!

908. - Oh, he knows women, and she's going to want that purse.

909. - Mm-hmm.

910. - Uh, this— this is really hard, finding the— ow, caveman.

911. Owie.

912. - Oh, my girlish hips.

913. Ow.

914. - Huh? - Roxy!

915. - Music!

916. - Roxy!

917. - And elsewhere!

918. - Oh, I let another one.

919. - Roxy!

920. Roxy, where are you?

921. - I'm being abducted!

922. - You know, Eegah should have taken two trips.

923. First the purse and the club, then the girl.

924. Would've been easier.

925. - Oh, boy.

926. I made good time.

927. - Oh no.

928. He's got people stacked like cord wood in there!

929. - He is this close to being Dom DeLuise.

930. - Well, I see you've met Eegah.

931. He'll spoil you.

932. I'm spent.

933. - Visit Cave of the Mounds, Dodgeville.

934. - That's OK.

935. Don't help.

936. Yep, yep.

937. This looks much better over here by the lime deposit.

938. - Eegah, I woke up.

939. You weren't here.

940. I hate that.

941. - Eegah, you said you lived alone!

942. - There.

943. Play nice.

944. - Roxy.

945. You finally break up with that weird faced kid?

946. - Roxy.

947. - I got it.

948. Don't worry.

949. - Roxy?

950. - Oopie.

951. - Roxy!

952. - Dad!

953. - Wow.

954. She can snap in and out of consciousness, can't she?

955. - Oh, dad.

956. - Oh.

957. - Oh, are you hurt?

958. - No, I wear this thing for effect, you doorknob.

959. - Here.

960. Let me help you.

961. - Ow!

962. That's OK.

963. - How did you get here?

964. - Well, we came looking for you, and— and we

965. were both so worried that we didn't know what to do.

966. - No, no.

967. No.

968. No, no.

969. - No, just the check.

970. - No, no.

971. She is mine.

972. The doggone girl is mine.

973. - She's mine.

974. - He understands you.

975. - Oh, we've got a beautiful friendship going.

976. - Is that irony, dad?

977. - What's he saying?

978. Shimmy shimmy cocoa pop?

979. - Take it easy.

980. - Dad!

981. - Oh, no.

982. This guy went to the Torgo School of Fondling.

983. - Me?

984. Scare him?

985. - Smile.

986. - Mm, smell Love's Baby Soft.

987. - Now you smell him, honey.

988. - Scent of a Woman.

989. - He likes your perfume.

990. - Smell all you want.

991. - But take all you smell.

992. - What became of the others?

993. - What others?

994. - Keep smiling.

995. You didn't come out here alone, did you?

996. - No.

997. - Tish, that's French.

998. - Tom's with me.

999. I mean, he's out there someplace.

1000. - Oh.

1001. He's just curious.

1002. Hold still.

1003. - Aw, he's pawing me, daddy.

1004. - That's OK, precious.

1005. - Eegah like get caught in rain.

1006. - It's real, see?

1007. - Honey, I've been telling him about you.

1008. How do you do, ooh?

1009. - What's he doing?

1010. - Looking for lice, I believe.

1011. - Ugh.

1012. - Ugh.

1013. - Careful, honey.

1014. Take it easy.

1015. He won't hurt you.

1016. - He hurt you!

1017. - No, I did that myself when I fell on the camera.

1018. - What a great dad.

1019. - Dad, I think you'd better break this up before I scream!

1020. - Tell him you're hungry.

1021. - I'm not.

1022. - Well, think of the alternative.

1023. - That's it.

1024. I'm leaving.

1025. - I'm hungry.

1026. - Because I thought of the alternative.

1027. - Yes.

1028. Hungry.

1029. - Uh, I have ramen noodles and brown mustard.

1030. That's it.

1031. - Well, uh, go ahead.

1032. Just tell me.

1033. - Two words.

1034. Uh, movie.

1035. Uh, sounds like, uh— uh, no.

1036. - Would you like to see the titles again?

1037. - I'll just have a salad.

1038. - What are those?

1039. - Those are his relatives.

1040. - Well, they're really lame.

1041. - I am William Burroughs.

1042. - I am William Burroughs.

1043. - I am William Burroughs.

1044. - I'm Rose Kennedy.

1045. - They're dead.

1046. - Yes, apparently for some time.

1047. - It's always so awkward meeting the family.

1048. - Vowels, Eegah!

1049. We need vowels!

1050. - I'll make the daiquiris.

1051. - Come on, dad.

1052. Let's make a run for it.

1053. Here.

1054. - That won't work.

1055. The entrance is blocked.

1056. - Oh, what are we going to do?

1057. - I don't know.

1058. - First of all, you could quit leaning

1059. on my broken collarbone.

1060. - Oh, great.

1061. Dinner's a Duraflame log.

1062. - He's telling his family all about you.

1063. - He's actually a pretty funny guy.

1064. - He told them about me last night.

1065. - You should have been there.

1066. We really got the giggles.

1067. We cried.

1068. - Think how lonely he must be.

1069. - Yeah.

1070. He should get into league bowling.

1071. - I know whatever he is, he's a human being.

1072. - Norman?

1073. Who's the girl, Norman?

1074. Who is she?

1075. - It's Wilfrid Hyde-White.

1076. - No, it's— yes, yes, indeed.

1077. A very nice girl. Yes, capital.

1078. Yes, smashing.

1079. - Uh-huh.

1080. Yes, uh, she's Catholic.

1081. Mm-hmm.

1082. - It's either German or he's burping.

1083. - My Three Skulls.

1084. - What'll I do?

1085. - It'll be all right.

1086. Play it by ear.

1087. Don't let him—

1088. - So, you have designs after my son?

1089. - He's telling them he has guests for dinner.

1090. - Literally!

1091. - How do you do?

1092. - I'm really, really dead.

1093. - And there's Red.

1094. - Well.

1095. That one looks like a very important ancestor.

1096. Shake hands with him, Roxy!

1097. - Oh, Dad!

1098. - I'm kidding, of course.

1099. - Pleased to meet you.

1100. - Doesn't he know they're dead?

1101. - He suspects.

1102. - I think so.

1103. He just can't make himself accept it.

1104. - I'm not having any trouble.

1105. - Make his mouth move, sweetie.

1106. I'll make the funny voice.

1107. - Oh, that's fine.

1108. - Oh, I know.

1109. I know.

1110. - Why not try two hands on the club?

1111. - OK, you guys.

1112. I'm all set up in this

1113. What was it for again?

1114. - If you must know, Joel, we're going to surgically alter

1115. your face so you look just like Arch Hall, Jr.

1116. - Wait a minute.

1117. Who's Arch Hall, Jr.?

1118. - Oh, you know.

1119. Arch Hall, Jr., the butt ugly teen star in today's movie.

1120. Now, this might hurt a bit.

1121. - Oh, Dr. Gypsy, patient needs gas.

1122. - And how are we today?

1123. Hmm?

1124. Oh, what a nice, big boy you are.

1125. He's toast.

1126. See you guys in post-op.

1127. - Yes, uh, let's get cracking, Dr. Tom.

1128. Once that gas wears off, I don't know

1129. how long those restraints will hold.

1130. - Don't give it another thought, Dr. Crow.

1131. By the time Joel comes to, he'll have no recourse but to take up

1132. a career as a wimpy B-movie actor!

1133. - You know, Dr., I have a mad posh

1134. to start with the Arch hair.

1135. - Switching on Arch hair!

1136. Ah, and it smells bad, too.

1137. Now, quickly, Dr. Tom, let's smush his face up

1138. to look like a sunburned baby.

1139. - Smushed sunburned baby Arch Hall, Jr. face coming up.

1140. - Ooh, looking good, Dr. Tom.

1141. But he needs that inhuman Play-Doh color skin.

1142. But how?

1143. - Don't fret, Dr. Crow.

1144. The pigment's on its way.

1145. Watch, Doctor.

1146. - Haha, yes.

1147. - Ah, the sleeper awakens!

1148. Hurry, he's almost complete.

1149. I'll give him the Arch Hall nose,

1150. and let's get the hell out of here.

1151. - But I don't wanna look like Arch Hall, Jr.!

1152. - Alas, Babylon.

1153. Quick, Gypsy.

1154. Hit him with the fixative!

1155. It's almost—

1156. - It is—

1157. - Movie sign!

1158. - Oh my God!

1159. Malpractice sign!

1160. - Ugh.

1161. Ow.

1162. You know, that really hurt?

1163. - Sorry.

1164. - Wait, who am I?

1165. What am I?

1166. Why am I?

1167. Who am I looking for?

1168. - Welp, about that time, old coyote

1169. had a hankering for some grubs.

1170. - Aw, this old desert stinks.

1171. I can't find one clean spot.

1172. Mmm, I smell something oily and pink!

1173. - I can't eat any more of this.

1174. - Fake it.

1175. - That's what I've been doing.

1176. Now I'm getting sick.

1177. - And talking like Loretta Lynn.

1178. - Eegah.

1179. - Is that his name?

1180. - It might be.

1181. That's the word he says most of the time.

1182. Eegah.

1183. - He also says the word Rayon, which is weird.

1184. - Oh, Dad, no.

1185. - Uh, want aperitif?

1186. - That's all I need now is a good drink of sulfur water.

1187. - Ew.

1188. I don't see how anybody could drink that horrible stuff.

1189. - Yeah, have you tried Crystal Pepsi?

1190. Some people will drink anything.

1191. - Put lime in coconut.

1192. Drink all up.

1193. - I guess it can't hurt me.

1194. It hurt me!

1195. - Make it last as long as you can.

1196. He won't hurt you if you're doing something.

1197. - A prehistoric gentleman, huh?

1198. Thank you.

1199. - It's a sipping drink.

1200. - Well, here's to you.

1201. - Up yours.

1202. - Thanks.

1203. - Ugh.

1204. - She's gonna get the Eegah trots for sure.

1205. - Make you strong?

1206. You have to be strong to drink it in the first place.

1207. Can I get a beer back with this?

1208. - No, no.

1209. I'm still thirsty.

1210. Thank you.

1211. - That does it.

1212. Ugh.

1213. - Come on, soup good food!

1214. - Sarah T., the portrait of a teenage alcoholic.

1215. - No, no no, honey.

1216. I need some Renew.

1217. My contacts are killing me.

1218. - What is it?

1219. - Believe it or not, Dad, I'm going to look at his etchings.

1220. - No!

1221. - Ew!

1222. - Ugh.

1223. - This is nice.

1224. No, no, no.

1225. This is.

1226. - Oh, you like that one?

1227. I don't even like to show it.

1228. Yes, the—

1229. - This cubist.

1230. Heavy Braque influence.

1231. - I see what you mean.

1232. - Look.

1233. There's a ripple on that rock.

1234. - Apparently Eegah covered the cave with muslin.

1235. - Oh, wait, wait.

1236. This one really good.

1237. See?

1238. - In time before born, lived man sail sea.

1239. - Dad?

1240. - What is it?

1241. - This guy's good.

1242. - Look at this drawing.

1243. It's me in my car.

1244. - Oh, it is her.

1245. This one.

1246. It's me!

1247. - That's what she thinks.

1248. It's actually Sandra Dee.

1249. - Roxy!

1250. Roxy!

1251. - Hey, maybe you should move around a little bit, Arch.

1252. - If Eegah makes me drink any more of this sulfur water,

1253. I'll die.

1254. - We've got to keep him busy.

1255. - I know.

1256. - Barkeep.

1257. - And as a matter of fact.

1258. Little bitter.

1259. But it seems to have a certain quality that's good for you.

1260. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if the sulfur in these walls

1261. isn't what's kept these giants alive all these years.

1262. - You mean—

1263. - You know, even in crisis, these two are dull.

1264. - Where have you seen those before?

1265. - A Keith Haring exhibit.

1266. - In that cave in France.

1267. - Exactly.

1268. - Yes.

1269. - Yes!

1270. - Same style, same everything.

1271. - Same Bat channel.

1272. - Definitely prehistoric.

1273. - No duh.

1274. - Yes, I'd say that he and his tribe have always been here.

1275. - Are there others?

1276. - No.

1277. He's the last one?

1278. - Then where will his seed find purchase?

1279. - How can you be sure?

1280. - Take a good look at his family.

1281. From the condition of the shrouds,

1282. I'd say the last one died 50 or 100 years ago.

1283. - How come this clown knows more than Richard Leakey?

1284. - How old does that make him?

1285. - Oh, I wouldn't even guess.

1286. Eegah with the laughing face.

1287. - Today, ladies and gentlemen, Eegah's 400 years young.

1288. - Shh.

1289. - He's been there since the beginning of time,

1290. and he's only drawn three pictures?

1291. - Here.

1292. Uh, you take the couch.

1293. - Here it comes.

1294. - Wait for it.

1295. - Oh, shtemlo.

1296. Oh.

1297. - This is the dark ritual of primitive mating.

1298. You'll get used to it.

1299. - Crimetime After Primetime is on.

1300. Can we watch it?

1301. - No.

1302. - Oh, we get it, Eegah.

1303. We're just not tired.

1304. - Uh, uh, "The Big Sleep."

1305. No, "Six Pack."

1306. Uh, "Long Day's Journey Into—" oh, pass.

1307. - I want to sleep with the woman.

1308. Get it?

1309. Do I have to put on my Marvin Gay album, or what?

1310. - I don't know, honey, he didn't do this with me.

1311. - What are they doing?

1312. - They're telling secrets, honey.

1313. - Oh.

1314. - Oh, Ted, someone's watching!

1315. - What?

1316. Can I help you?

1317. - Roxy?

1318. Roxy!

1319. - Band practice! Oh, man, how long have I been oily?

1320. - I think he's nesting.

1321. - Oh, god.

1322. He's sick.

1323. - Oh, yuck.

1324. He's grooming himself.

1325. - Ew.

1326. - How?

1327. - Well, back to another day of whining.

1328. - OK, get out hair oil.

1329. - I feel like I'm getting closer to nature.

1330. Mm.

1331. - Hey!

1332. - Bingo.

1333. - Basic H from Shaklee, for all your liquid needs.

1334. - Well, day's getting away from me. Roxy!

1335. Roxy!

1336. Roxy!

1337. - Watch out for snakes.

1338. Uh, good morning, good morning.

1339. We've talked the whole night through.

1340. - This movie isn't healthy for children and other living

1341. things.

1342. - Roxy?

1343. - Honey?

1344. You're sleeping on the commode, honey.

1345. - Roxy?

1346. - Arch Hall, Jr.!

1347. Get away!

1348. - It's you, dad.

1349. - Go see if the rock's in place.

1350. He's gone.

1351. Now's our chance.

1352. - I'm up, dad.

1353. Guy.

1354. - They should take a knife and cut through the canvas.

1355. - It's there.

1356. What are we going to do?

1357. - They're in a saggy cave that leaks.

1358. - What can I do?

1359. - Help me back.

1360. I've gotta sit down.

1361. No, no.

1362. Don't touch it.

1363. - It's mine.

1364. - It's got to be tied up or something, doesn't it?

1365. - There's some aspirin in my gear bag.

1366. - I don't see it.

1367. - He brought it here.

1368. It must be around someplace.

1369. - It's the red thing that's not prehistoric.

1370. - Why don't you ask Uncle Dave over there?

1371. - Keep looking.

1372. He probably hid it somewhere.

1373. - It's a cave.

1374. How hard you have to look?

1375. - Oh, here it is.

1376. - It was over here in his armoire.

1377. - Hey, I got a crazy idea.

1378. Let's rearrange his family while he's away.

1379. - The aspirin's in that small pocket.

1380. - Uh, dad, why did you bring your bowling ball?

1381. - I'm sick.

1382. - Give me two.

1383. - Oh, no, no.

1384. Keep them coming.

1385. Come on.

1386. Come on.

1387. - The classic aspirin scene.

1388. - Drink a lot of water.

1389. It'll give you strength.

1390. - And there's hardly any rat in it.

1391. - It won't knit bones, honey.

1392. - It's got to be tied up or something, doesn't it?

1393. - No, it feels pretty good now.

1394. - Liar.

1395. - That's no way to talk to your father.

1396. - The trouble with you is I spoiled you.

1397. - You sure did.

1398. - God, what have I—

1399. - Hollywood Hot Tubs Three, with Kelly Monteith.

1400. - What can I do?

1401. - Nothing.

1402. I'll just sit here.

1403. - How about if I washed your face?

1404. Or gave you a shave?

1405. It'll make you feel better.

1406. You've got all your junk here.

1407. - I know it's weird, but I'm into weird.

1408. - OK.

1409. - A shave it is.

1410. - Sad, really.

1411. - Say, isn't it about time Tom got back to the gas station?

1412. - Uh, he's on sabbatical.

1413. - Oh.

1414. - Patience, my ass.

1415. I'm going to kill something.

1416. - Is this some kind of a weird biathlon or something?

1417. - Roxy!

1418. Roxy!

1419. Roxy!

1420. - Ew, no.

1421. - Joel, I'm going to slap this movie so hard.

1422. - Shave down.

1423. - Ugh.

1424. Ugh.

1425. Ew.

1426. - This is so sick.

1427. - Oh, please become Sweeney Todd.

1428. Please, please become the demon barber of Fleet Street

1429. right now.

1430. - Have you seen "Andalusian Dog"?

1431. - Oh, yeah.

1432. I have often walked down the street before.

1433. - Well, we're on a collision course with wackiness!

1434. - Roxy, Roxy, I got swimming suit rash!

1435. - There goes one stupid young man.

1436. Red roses for a blue lady.

1437. Eegahchaka, Eegah, Eegah, Eegahchaka.

1438. I can't stop this feeling.

1439. - Aww.

1440. - Oh, it's just Eegah.

1441. - Look, before he has a chance to block the entrance,

1442. I'll get his attention.

1443. You run out.

1444. - And leave you?

1445. - Do as I tell you.

1446. - Not this time, dad.

1447. - Papa don't preach.

1448. - You were lucky last night.

1449. He's had time to think about you.

1450. - Ew!

1451. - I'm not going to let you get your head bashed in.

1452. My father didn't raise me that way.

1453. - Nah-nah-nah.

1454. - Hm?

1455. - He's covered with foam again.

1456. Continuity!

1457. - Eegah, honey, father's here for dinner.

1458. One, two, party at the county jail.

1459. - Honey, did you bring home some milk and bread?

1460. - A poem by Henry Gibson.

1461. - He brought me flowers.

1462. - We've got to get his mind on something else.

1463. Make a production out of it.

1464. Sing, hum, whistle.

1465. Come on.

1466. - Oh, jeez.

1467. - Oh.

1468. Oh.

1469. Oh, I'm being punished for something, I know I am.

1470. What could I have done?

1471. I didn't ask to see this movie!

1472. - Uh, honey.

1473. When's your dad moving out?

1474. - Uh, kind of weird shaving your dad, isn't it?

1475. - Strauss?

1476. - He's interested.

1477. He almost forgot to shut the door.

1478. - Well, that doesn't say much for my sex appeal.

1479. - Stop singing.

1480. Stop singing!

1481. - First blade lift hair, second one cut clean.

1482. - Aha.

1483. - Now I suppose he wants a shave.

1484. - Good.

1485. Give it to him.

1486. - Anything to please the customers.

1487. - Does anybody else think this show is sick?

1488. Just say Eegah.

1489. - Eegah.

1490. - Ugh.

1491. - Just use some spirit gum remover.

1492. - Why don't you just cut the string

1493. that holds that beard on?

1494. - Try these.

1495. - They're toasted.

1496. - Oh, we've got a Flowbee in here, too.

1497. - I know what let's do.

1498. Let's feather it.

1499. - Oh, baby.

1500. Oh, yes.

1501. You know what I like.

1502. - Roxy, where are you?

1503. - It's a giant gila monster!

1504. - He's starting to look like Markie Post.

1505. - Roxy!

1506. - Oh, he's calling all the animals to help him.

1507. - Hey, I got a message from Roxy.

1508. She said to hang on.

1509. - Oh, boy.

1510. This is one of Eegah's problem areas there.

1511. - Eegah like so much he buy company.

1512. - Better watch him with that shaving balm.

1513. - Eegah's gonna do whip-its.

1514. - It's perfect.

1515. - So, who do you like in the big game tonight?

1516. - I am big game.

1517. - Eew.

1518. - Yuck.

1519. - Make him stop!

1520. - That's not a tongue!

1521. It's a Muskie Leech!

1522. - Well, for once, I'm glad to see him.

1523. - Roxy!

1524. - You don't have to wear that dress tonight!

1525. - She shaved his chest!

1526. - You did a better job of shaving him, Roxy.

1527. - Ew.

1528. - Thanks.

1529. - There's no way of telling how old that fella is.

1530. - Look.

1531. I like Ike.

1532. - Mm, me look like Anthony Michael Hall.

1533. - Hm, no, more like Sandra Bernhardt.

1534. - This could be a real cute engagement photo.

1535. - No, try parting it on the left.

1536. - Dad, were you talking?

1537. - You're handsome.

1538. - Well, I wouldn't go that far.

1539. - Set the hook, Roxy.

1540. - Foam side, edge side.

1541. - I warn you, Roxy, don't upset him.

1542. - Tell me some more about your etchings.

1543. - Oh, man.

1544. - Oh, boo.

1545. - Boo!

1546. - Uh, you like the pretty smell?

1547. Here.

1548. This is loaded with perfume.

1549. - Yeah, that's probably Giorgio.

1550. - What a femme.

1551. - This impostor fragrance!

1552. - I'm gonna try and get him to move the rock.

1553. - Between love and Fred Flintstone lies Obsession.

1554. - These smell pretty too.

1555. Where did you get them?

1556. Out there?

1557. - On the exit ramp?

1558. - Yep, I really think you should put them in water.

1559. - Don't patronize me.

1560. - I guess you're right.

1561. There are plenty more out there!

1562. - I didn't know Senator Packwood was so tall.

1563. - See?

1564. Take it.

1565. I'll bet you haven't see anything like that before.

1566. Pretty.

1567. - Don't you think it's pretty?

1568. - Um, I'm bunching.

1569. Do you mind?

1570. - Oh!

1571. - Give him something else.

1572. - Oh, ew!

1573. - Dad!

1574. - What?

1575. - I haven't got anything else.

1576. - Except for some cheese filled combos.

1577. - Here, here.

1578. - OK, you drive a hard bargain, lady.

1579. - That was a mistake.

1580. - Turn it off!

1581. - I hate to think what Camille Polly would say about this.

1582. - Don't get the idea I don't like you, but my father—

1583. - Might shout something at you!

1584. - He can see us.

1585. He.

1586. - Yes, that's the idea.

1587. - That's exactly what I've been saying.

1588. - We can go outside.

1589. - What a dope.

1590. - Oh.

1591. No!

1592. No!

1593. - Didn't you say take out dad?

1594. - No, Eegah.

1595. Outside.

1596. - So, how you kids getting along?

1597. - Boo!

1598. - You brute.

1599. I'll— I'll kick you.

1600. - My collarbone!

1601. Watch the collar— oof!

1602. - Calling all units.

1603. Domestic in progress by the canyon.

1604. - She's showing more courage than her dad.

1605. - Who did that?

1606. - Help me, Spock.

1607. - Oh, it's this clown.

1608. Uh-huh.

1609. - Nah, he wouldn't fit in the den.

1610. Too much meat on him.

1611. - Aw, the Chianti is gone.

1612. - Would someone help me with the door, please?

1613. Ragdoll, daddy's little cutie!

1614. - Owie, owie, sting.

1615. Oh, oh, ouchie, my pants.

1616. - Ow, the collarbone!

1617. The collarbone!

1618. Oh, don't you know first aid?

1619. - Go get after them.

1620. - The dune buggy, just down the canyon.

1621. - Oh!

1622. - I can do it.

1623. Go on.

1624. - Uh, don't forget your little satchel.

1625. Good.

1626. - That purse will be the death of him.

1627. The dingos took my baby!

1628. - Eh, I could've just carried my wallet in my pocket, I suppose.

1629. - Surprise!

1630. Happy birthday.

1631. - All part of his Drop Your Guns program.

1632. - Ew, I don't want to do that again.

1633. - You hurt Eegah's feelings.

1634. - Oh, poopy.

1635. - Oh, double poopy.

1636. - Yes!

1637. Yes!

1638. - He's resting comfortably now.

1639. - Yes!

1640. - Huh?

1641. - Hm.

1642. You want another shot at me, Eegah, you big femme?

1643. - Come on, you stupid zinge.

1644. - I'll throw this grapefruit at you.

1645. - Ooh, right in the area.

1646. - Oh, Eegah.

1647. I thought you were Arch Hill—

1648. - Tom!

1649. - Cool it, Roxy.

1650. Everything's all right.

1651. - Tom, I want to start seeing guys from other eras.

1652. - Dad!

1653. - He's OK.

1654. He's waiting for us.

1655. - You got a chorus pedal in that purse?

1656. - Gary.

1657. - Can't keep a good Eegah down.

1658. - Aww.

1659. It's a paper cut.

1660. - Most embarrassing day of my life.

1661. - If you prick Eegah, do he not bleed?

1662. - Well, I pretty much saved the day there.

1663. Mm-hmm.

1664. - Well, got the bag all bungeed down.

1665. That's not going anywhere.

1666. Ah, the good life.

1667. - Huh?

1668. - Hi, kids!

1669. - Hi, chicken dad!

1670. - Dad!

1671. - Bill Clinton legs.

1672. - Take off the pith helmet.

1673. - Run, kids, run!

1674. - But Dad, don't layer your voice like that!

1675. - Oh, yeah, I see what you mean!

1676. - Top of the dune, ma!

1677. - Shovel's safe.

1678. - Dad, quit wriggling in my seat like that!

1679. - Oh, no.

1680. The oldest cliche in the movie.

1681. They're doomed.

1682. - It won't start.

1683. - Let me.

1684. - Hello, Hall family?

1685. I'm not letting you leave without some

1686. of this yummy hot dish.

1687. - Hurry!

1688. - What's wrong with it?

1689. - I rigged it so nobody could steal it.

1690. - Out here?

1691. - At least take some of these nummy caramel rolls!

1692. - Aw, you're supposed to drive away from him!

1693. - Couldn't catch up with that one. .

1694. Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang,

1695. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, we love you.

1696. - Gol darn smoochers on my property!

1697. - What's this?

1698. Eegah ogling our allies?

1699. Callous Cro-Magnon conniptions!

1700. - Uh, is it OK if we still go whee?

1701. - Well, let's wait until we outrun him first.

1702. - OK.

1703. - What about this three bean salad?

1704. It'll go bad!

1705. - What?

1706. What?

1707. OK, bye.

1708. - Wait, Eegah's got my purse.

1709. We have to go back.

1710. - Over to your right, the "Robot Monster" set.

1711. - Dead end!

1712. - (SINGING TO THE "PINK PANTHER" THEME) Dead end, dead end,

1713. dead end dead end dead end dead end dead end.

1714. - What's with the whimsical sitcom music?

1715. - Hey, hey, stupid caveman dude!

1716. Read between the lines, man!

1717. Woo!

1718. - Run Von Ryan!

1719. - Uh, bye bye, then.

1720. Don't— don't forget to stay in touch!

1721. Bye.

1722. OK.

1723. - Which way?

1724. - Well, start with away from him.

1725. - That way.

1726. - Hey, did I tell you my tires are filled with water?

1727. My tires are filled with water.

1728. - Look!

1729. - Hi, I'm back!

1730. - Oh, now where are you?

1731. - You know, goodbyes are hard for Eegah.

1732. - Here, have some Irish soda bread!

1733. - I thought for sure that would hit them.

1734. - Hey, you're going the wrong way!

1735. - Are you OK, honey?

1736. - Just fine, dad.

1737. - Wowee, there he is.

1738. - Yep, pretty much.

1739. - So long, high pockets.

1740. - The tall jokes are funny, but they hurt.

1741. Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool.

1742. - Stay alive, whatever may occur!

1743. I—

1744. - I covered that one earlier.

1745. - And as we left the clam-flowage desert,

1746. somehow we knew that we would return,

1747. hunting for the mighty drecks.

1748. - Well, back to the cave.

1749. Lost my girlfriend, got my Eegah crushed.

1750. Been working on my beard since 3,000 BC, and boom, it's gone.

1751. Eegah have bad day.

1752. - Mm, mm, mm, mm.

1753. This is going to be good.

1754. You know, it's as much fun to make as it is to eat.

1755. - Well, I hope it tastes good, because the as much fun to make

1756. part just isn't happening for me.

1757. - Oh, say, Joel, I got a question about today's experiment.

1758. - Mmhmm?

1759. - You know, that Roxy chick hangs out with her dad a lot,

1760. but where's her mom?

1761. - Oh, well, I'm sure her dad's a widower.

1762. - Well, how do you know he wasn't divorced?

1763. - Well, because the movie took place in the '60s, and back

1764. then, divorce was considered socially unacceptable.

1765. And so the entertainment industry's elegant solution

1766. was the untimely death of a spouse.

1767. - You know, you're right, Joel.

1768. Now that I think of it, the families on TV

1769. back then were mostly run by widowers.

1770. I mean, think of it, guys.

1771. "The Andy Griffith Show,"Mayberry RFD,"

1772. "Courtship of Eddie's Father," oh,

1773. "My Three Sons,"Flipper," even "The Beverly Hillbillies."

1774. The list goes on and on.

1775. - Yeah.

1776. The only normal family back then was the Munsters.

1777. - So, uh, what happened to all those spouses on all those

1778. '60s shows?

1779. I mean, jeez, back then, marrying a good natured

1780. suburban guy with cute, precocious kids

1781. was like buying a one way ticket to an early grave.

1782. - Right.

1783. Well, I know that on "My Three Sons," Steve Douglas's wife's

1784. untimely death had something to do

1785. with Secret Project X-15, yeah.

1786. - Oh.

1787. So how about Uncle Charlie?

1788. Did he have a dead wife?

1789. - Well, he was secretly married to Bub,

1790. who died under mysterious circumstances that

1791. were hushed up by the government.

1792. - Now you're making stuff up.

1793. - Just push the corn.

1794. - So, uh, what about Mr. Eddie's father's wife, Wahappa?

1795. - Oh, you mean Mrs. Livingston?

1796. Uh, she tragically died leaving the Earth's atmosphere

1797. running away with "My Favorite Martian."

1798. It's sad, really.

1799. - Oh, now you're making stuff up.

1800. - Yeah, I am.

1801. - When you come right down to it, what we're really

1802. talking about here, guys, is a cheap plot device

1803. that enables young, swinging bachelors to mix it up

1804. with a hot young lady and still have adorable kids that they

1805. can dispense folksy, homespun advice to.

1806. - Yeah, I guess it was all pretty harmless.

1807. - Now, wait a minute.

1808. What do you mean, harmless?

1809. An entire generation grow up watching

1810. shows run by single parents.

1811. No wonder the nuclear family has exploded in recent years.

1812. - Hey!

1813. I just thought of something!

1814. We don't have a mom, either.

1815. - Well, hey, yeah!

1816. We're latchkey bots!

1817. - Oh, come on, you guys.

1818. Give me a break.

1819. Come on.

1820. I'm stranded in space.

1821. And besides, when I was a kid, I saw the ABC movie of the week

1822. with Herschel Bernardi, "But I Don't Want To Get Married,"

1823. and it had a profound effect on me.

1824. - Oh, don't worry, Joel.

1825. We both know we have a lot to be grateful for.

1826. We have you, we have Gypsy.

1827. - Jiffy Pop.

1828. - Cambot.

1829. - Jiffy Pop.

1830. - Magic Voice.

1831. - Jiffy Pop.

1832. - But most importantly, we have lots and lots of love.

1833. And that's something you just don't

1834. get in a two parent household.

1835. - This thing wasn't even on.

1836. - Doh!

1837. - It's— we'll be right back.

1838. - What is this?

1839. A prehistoric "Endless Love"?

1840. - Criminy, I lived next to Palm Springs all this time

1841. and didn't even know it.

1842. - Eegah.

1843. - Wait a minute.

1844. Why do they have a statue of Pat Nixon in there?

1845. - Oh, what's he gonna do?

1846. Match the swatch?

1847. - We're closed, sir.

1848. - Oh, man.

1849. I gotta get a hold of myself.

1850. I'm getting hot over a mannequin.

1851. - She's cold and distant.

1852. - Aw, well, jeez.

1853. Aw, the heck with her.

1854. Taxi!

1855. - Look out!

1856. There's a Foley artist!

1857. - Watch out for snakes.

1858. - Econo Lodge?

1859. But why?

1860. - Roxy!

1861. - Honey, why do we have an oven in the living room?

1862. - I'm ready, Dad.

1863. - Well, I'm not.

1864. You're gonna have to help me.

1865. I can't manage the tie.

1866. - Here.

1867. I'll do it.

1868. Does it have to be this one?

1869. - Young lady, that happens to be one of my favorite ties.

1870. - But the color.

1871. - You gave it to me.

1872. Four years ago.

1873. - Boing!

1874. - Why, it's lovely.

1875. - Jerry Garcia designed it.

1876. - Dad, whatever happened to mom?

1877. - Are you sure you're feeling well enough to go out tonight?

1878. - Honey, we've got to go out.

1879. - Well, it's not anything special.

1880. It's just a party.

1881. - Your whole gang will be there.

1882. - Yeah.

1883. - You can't avoid them forever.

1884. - But you should.

1885. - Some of them will laugh a little.

1886. - Well, if I know Agnes Henderson, she'll laugh a lot.

1887. - Hello!

1888. I've got your Girl Scout cookies!

1889. - Oh, this is some of his best acting right here.

1890. - What will happen to him?

1891. - I don't know, but I'm certain we're doing the right thing.

1892. If we were to reveal that a giant actually exists,

1893. there'd be a whole army out there tracking him down

1894. like an animal.

1895. - No, they wouldn't.

1896. We wouldn't let them.

1897. - Honey, he's from another age.

1898. Another eon.

1899. - Like me.

1900. - Come in.

1901. - Hi.

1902. It's me, Eegah.

1903. Say, my hands are full.

1904. Can you grab something for me?

1905. - Hello, Mr. Miller.

1906. - Ew!

1907. - Wow-de-wow-wow.

1908. - Ugh.

1909. - Oh, I can feel his eyes on me.

1910. - You sure look swell, Roxy.

1911. - Thank you.

1912. - Looks like Stockard Channing.

1913. - I'll only be a minute.

1914. - Is something wrong, Mr. Miller?

1915. - Sit down, pieface.

1916. It's a long list.

1917. - We're just talking about our little adventure.

1918. - Oh, I see.

1919. - You do?

1920. - Well, sure.

1921. A girl like Roxy don't get over a thing like that right away.

1922. - Doesn't.

1923. - That's what I say.

1924. - I'm gonna puke.

1925. - She's gotta get her mind off it.

1926. And this hop tonight will help.

1927. - Hop?

1928. - Yeah.

1929. My combo's going to be there, and they swing.

1930. - I'd like to meet your combo.

1931. - I'm ready.

1932. - Wowee wow wow— oh.

1933. - Let's split, then.

1934. - Uh, sir, uh, why do you have an oven in your living room?

1935. - Uh, Mr. Miller, I got my dad's wheels tonight.

1936. - Really?

1937. Do they fit on your car?

1938. - You're funny, Mr. Miller.

1939. Real funny.

1940. - I'm going to kill you last.

1941. - Grr.

1942. - Sure, whatever.

1943. Let's go.

1944. - There's not even any glass there.

1945. - Eegah.

1946. - Wow.

1947. This place is a piece of cake.

1948. - Oh.

1949. - Eegah.

1950. - Where's their collection of dead people?

1951. - Eegah.

1952. - Man, these people live like pigs.

1953. - Hey, check it out.

1954. There's an oven in the living room.

1955. - Paneling go long way.

1956. - Looks like Gregg Toland photographed this.

1957. - Oh, that smell again?

1958. Oh, yeah.

1959. - I missed them.

1960. I'll leave a note.

1961. - Um, I'm in here!

1962. - Wow, he's really gotta go.

1963. - Uh, how do these work again?

1964. Twist or pull or p-push?

1965. - Here's Johnny!

1966. Hey.

1967. - Oh, it's a US Homes home.

1968. - What, are there 50 women in there?

1969. - Hey, it's an all meat buffet.

1970. - Yep, that's right.

1971. No decorations.

1972. No plush seating.

1973. Just meat and meat setups.

1974. - Sir, the horseradish is on the side.

1975. - Whoa, who?

1976. - Whoa, look at that!

1977. - Let's get out of here!

1978. - Boy, let me tell you.

1979. - Call the police!

1980. - Ray Bolger?

1981. No!

1982. - Ooh, seconds.

1983. - Hey, wait a minute, friend!

1984. What is this, a masquerade?

1985. - That is Miller's giant, darling.

1986. - Yes it is.

1987. - Aw, come on.

1988. You can talk plainer than that.

1989. - I'm sorry, sir.

1990. Take that outside.

1991. - He's real.

1992. - What did he say?

1993. - He's real.

1994. - Of course he— he's real?

1995. - Hey, no horseplay on deck!

1996. - Quick, call the police.

1997. There's a giant here.

1998. - Take one caveman, a buffet, and a swimming pool,

1999. and you've got caveman-a-go-go!

2000. - Hey, the lifeguard saw you, you know.

2001. - Adlai Stevenson!

2002. - Large man or giant creating disturbance.

2003. Proceed with extreme caution.

2004. - I have no idea why I started the car.

2005. - The dumb blue line.

2006. - So, uh, when does that combo that really swings show up?

2007. - Ready, steady, bite me!

2008. - Excuse me.

2009. Thanks.

2010. - I just wanted some fresh air, that's all.

2011. - Is it, honey?

2012. - Fresh, I mean.

2013. - I'll go to the papers, daddy.

2014. - No.

2015. Dad, I've got the funniest feeling.

2016. - Downstairs.

2017. - What is it?

2018. - You know, stuff.

2019. - I can't describe it.

2020. But I just know something's happened to him.

2021. - Him?

2022. - Eegah.

2023. - Who's Eegah?

2024. - The giant.

2025. - Oh, yeah.

2026. - Or whatever he is.

2027. Something's happened to him.

2028. - Roxy, look at me.

2029. I love you very much.

2030. - I wish I could return the sentiment.

2031. - Every living thing was her personal concern,

2032. and she worried about them.

2033. - I gotta go tan now.

2034. - That's just it, dad.

2035. But you see, worry isn't the feeling that I have.

2036. - It's more nausea.

2037. - I don't know what it is.

2038. He's a creature.

2039. Why, you just have to look at him to see that.

2040. He even tried to kill us.

2041. - But basically, he's a good egg.

2042. - But just—

2043. - You can't get him out of your mind.

2044. - Bonk!

2045. - Is this is "The Third Man" all of a sudden?

2046. - Oh, Eegah's a mall walker.

2047. Oh, that's cheap.

2048. But I gotta go now.

2049. - You can always go back for it.

2050. - That's my job for about two more years.

2051. If I can hold onto you that long.

2052. Then it'll be up to somebody else.

2053. - Hey, Richard Speck is there.

2054. - Maybe him, huh?

2055. - No!

2056. - Hey.

2057. Where you been?

2058. I was belting out a tune just for you in there.

2059. I look up, and you're gone.

2060. - We could hear every word, Tom.

2061. I said hear, not understand.

2062. - You're funny, Mr. Miller.

2063. Really funny.

2064. - I'm being sarcastic.

2065. - Come on, Roxy.

2066. Let's dance.

2067. - Wait a minute.

2068. - What's the matter?

2069. - I thought I heard sirens.

2070. - Aw, that's Dino's sax.

2071. It leaks.

2072. - It looks like "The Grifters" meets "Quest for Fire."

2073. - Snoop Sisters.

2074. Me hate 'em.

2075. Mildred Natwick.

2076. Bah.

2077. - And hate George Gobel.

2078. Ugh.

2079. - Don't.

2080. - Oh, boy, that was close.

2081. - Hey, it's Wilma Flintstone's mom.

2082. - Let's sneak another peek, Ethel.

2083. - Hello, Mr. Giant?

2084. Sir, with the stick upstairs.

2085. Hel-hello?

2086. Hello?

2087. - Oh, crap.

2088. My room's always by the ice machine.

2089. Ugh.

2090. - I'm sorry, Gary.

2091. I had the wrong page of the Hudson Street Map.

2092. - Hey, generic cops!

2093. - They're cheaper than the regular cops.

2094. - Hm?

2095. Oh, the sheriff's barking out orders.

2096. - Charlie!

2097. Look out!

2098. - You two are on your own.

2099. - Bunny slippers?

2100. - Oh, don't do that!

2101. - Abner, I saw a giant!

2102. - Don't shoot, Charlie.

2103. - Huh.

2104. I guess she's working through her grief.

2105. Looky, looky, looky, look at my thorax.

2106. Looky, looky, looky, look at my thorax.

2107. Looky, looky, looky, look at my torso.

2108. - Tequila.

2109. - He walked out on his own song.

2110. - Tequila.

2111. - This band has more personnel changes than Menudo.

2112. - It's a tag team band.

2113. - Tequila.

2114. Oops.

2115. - If I didn't know they were dancing,

2116. I'd swear this was a fight.

2117. - What?

2118. - I say, it looks like a fight.

2119. - My boy is a good dancer.

2120. - I'm bogarting that joint, Floyd.

2121. - Where'd my date go?

2122. Oh, there you are.

2123. My torso.

2124. - Well, shall we?

2125. - You asking?

2126. - Come on, you clown.

2127. - I'm with you, bud.

2128. Together forever and ever with—

2129. - Wait a minute.

2130. Something's wrong here.

2131. Where's my girlfriend?

2132. - Tequila.

2133. - Tequila.

2134. - Can I have my date back, please?

2135. Thank you.

2136. Not as strong as I used to be.

2137. - Tequila.

2138. - I'm gonna get you!

2139. - Hey, how come I don't get Foley?

2140. - Knock it off!

2141. She's my girl!

2142. - I'm gonna smash—

2143. - You!

2144. - Hi, everybody.

2145. - The Hat Squad.

2146. - Party crashers!

2147. - Well, invitation didn't say where or when, actually.

2148. I didn't get one.

2149. Hope it's OK I crashed.

2150. - Eegah!

2151. Eegah!

2152. - Ooh, it's looking like Altamata all over again.

2153. - No!

2154. Don't!

2155. - Don't drink the last beer!

2156. - No!

2157. No!

2158. - No!

2159. - Just push him in the pool.

2160. He's probably got tubes in his ears.

2161. - Man, she gets picked up so much she should have a handle.

2162. - There he is!

2163. - Halt!

2164. Halt or I'll fire!

2165. - The guy looks like a toy.

2166. - No!

2167. Don't shoot!

2168. He doesn't understand!

2169. - Oops.

2170. Too late.

2171. - Roxy!

2172. - At your Lincoln Mercury dealer.

2173. - We're all out of Chex Mix!

2174. - Bummer.

2175. - That's a strange thing to wield.

2176. - Hey, mom!

2177. Watch me, mom! [MIMICS BUBBLING] Watch me!

2178. - Yeah, we're going to need a really big skimmer.

2179. - Oopsie daisy.

2180. - Ugh!

2181. - He's an evil specter.

2182. - So, how about that drink?

2183. - Mood's gone, Floyd.

2184. - Poor devil.

2185. - He tampered in God's domain.

2186. - Boy.

2187. Ironic.

2188. Bastard never saw an in ground pool before.

2189. - Remember, I love you.

2190. - Who said that?

2191. - Where'd he come from?

2192. - Is he real?

2193. - Who is he?

2194. - His tail.

2195. - Yes, he was real.

2196. - What's that?

2197. - It says so in the Book of Genesis.

2198. - By Phil Collins?

2199. - There were giants in the earth in those days.

2200. Chapter 4, verse 32.

2201. - Oh, that's totally out of context.

2202. - Hm.

2203. - Oh.

2204. - Ugh.

2205. Ick.

2206. - Oh, gee.

2207. - Oh, I feel sticky and dirty.

2208. - Oh, Joel, I feel filthy.

2209. My very soul is defiled by this movie.

2210. - That's OK, guys.

2211. We'll get you all cleaned up, OK?

2212. - OK.

2213. I gotta go.

2214. Help, Joel.

2215. - Oh!

2216. - Hurry up, Joel!

2217. Turn the water on!

2218. I gotta wash Eegah off me!

2219. I'm naked and afraid.

2220. Hey, don't look!

2221. - Joel, Joel, Joel, I can feel that slimy movie all over me.

2222. Ugh, it's like wearing an Orlon sweater

2223. soaked in cod liver oil.

2224. Say, would you be a dear

2225. and turn the shower massage head on pulsate for me?

2226. - Got it.

2227. Yeah.

2228. - Thank you.

2229. - Hey, uh, pass me a Fels Naptha, would you?

2230. - OK, got it.

2231. Here it comes.

2232. - Thanks.

2233. Hey!

2234. There's a hair on this.

2235. - Um, we don't have hair.

2236. - Anyway, you guys, we could just, uh, get nice and clean,

2237. and I'll read this nice letter, and, uh, that'll be nice, OK?

2238. - OK. - OK.

2239. - And this comes from Lynn and Nancy Payton.

2240. Let's put that on still store, and the picture on still store.

2241. And it says, "Dear Joel and the bots,

2242. this missive is winging its way to you

2243. from two of your very devoted fans.

2244. We recently watched "The Day the Earth Froze,"

2245. where the search for a Sampo was pivotal to the movie.

2246. You expressed a desire to know what a Sampo was,

2247. so we felt obliged to send photos of an actual Sampo.

2248. See enclosed."

2249. OK.

2250. And, uh, there's the picture with us right on the Sampo.

2251. And that comes from Lynn and Nancy Payton.

2252. - Oh, boy.

2253. I feel like a new man.

2254. I washed that movie right off of me.

2255. - It's amazing what a little soap and water can do.

2256. - OK, what do you think, sir?

2257. - Oh, not now, Joel.

2258. Daddy forgot Frank's regularly scheduled maintenance.

2259. All the coolant leaked out.

2260. Seized right up.

2261. Just got the thing paid for, too.

2262. - Say, do you think maybe I could possibly get my blood back,

2263. please?

2264. - Oh, you want your blood back?

2265. Fine, baby, baby, baby.

2266. I'll put your blood back in.

2267. I'll put it right back in.

2268. Come on!

2269. Come on, Frank!

2270. - No, no, no! You know what?

2271. I don't— I don't even want it anymore.

2272. You take it. - Yeah?

2273. - You take it.

2274. - Yeah, no, no.

2275. I insist. - No, you take it.

2276. - Have your precious blood. Here, baby!

2277. - You— you take it, you big stupidy bully blood!

2278. You take it!

2279. You know what?

2280. I'm gonna push the button.

2281. - Oh, you're gonna push the button?

2282. - I'm pushing it.

2283. - OK, push it, then.

2284. I dare you.

2285. You need your mommy?

2286. - I'm pushing the button.

2287. - Oh.

2288. - Fake it.

2289. - That's what I've been doing.

2290. Now I'm getting sick.