Mystery Science Theater 3000 6x4

1. - Yes

2. - Okay Tommer, looks like he's ready to roll,

3. why don't you go get Joel?

4. - Okie.

5. Hey Joel!

6. - Criminy Servo!

7. I could've done that.

8. - Hi one and all, welcome

9. to the satellite of love.

10. Hey fellas, what up?

11. - Oh we only built the most sophisticated

12. robotistical invention ever!

13. - Yeah, his name is Minsky.

14. Now just push that button on the top Joel, to fire him up.

15. - Alright.

16. - Get this, get this, get this.

17. Here it comes.

18. - I am the Atomic Alan Robot!

19. Please give my best wishes to everybody!

20. - Oh that's nice.

21. I imagine it's just one of the really neat things he does.

22. - Oh, what do you mean?

23. - I am the Atomic Alan Robot!

24. Please give my best wishes to everybody!

25. - Oh I get it, you installed that annoying phrase

26. to balance out the truly cool things he does, right?

27. - No, it just does the friendly voice.

28. - Yeah, we thought it kind of distills our own lives

29. quite well.

30. - Wait, here it comes again!

31. - Yeah.

32. - I am the atomic Alan robot!

33. Please give my best wishes to everybody.

34. - 15 seconds to commercial sign,

35. and keep that thing out of my hair!

36. - Okay.

37. - I am the atomic Alan robot!

38. Please give my best wishes to everybody!

39. - Guys, do you think we could turn that off now?

40. I'm kind of getting a headache.

41. - Nope, he's a new form of life

42. and he doesn't have an off switch.

43. - It's yours now, Joel.

44. To steward, to nurture.

45. - I love doing good things for people.

46. - Oh, me too.

47. - We'll be right back.

48. - He has your eyes.

49. - He has your head.

50. - Oh he does!

51. Nice pooper on him, too.

52. - So I think he was just,

53. how are you two getting along in here?

54. Hey!

55. - Nothing! Noth—

56. - Oh, you were too!

57. - Nancy and Sluggo are calling on the phone.

58. - Oh, hi Joel.

59. That was really something.

60. Eheheh.

61. Well anyway, Dr. Forrester's been away since last Tuesday.

62. I finally convinced him to go to one of his class reunions.

63. He's got nothing to be ashamed of.

64. So I've taken it upon myself to develop

65. this week's invention exchange.

66. Now, we've all heard of virtual reality right?

67. The gloves, the goggles, the wires?

68. Well I've come up with a similar concept that allows

69. the average person to achieve that universal goal,

70. becoming a stand-up comedian.

71. It actually puts you inside the total comedy club

72. environment with the laughter, the clinking glasses,

73. the waitresses, the overpriced drinks.

74. It's something I like to call virtual comedy

75. and I think it just might go a little something like this.

76. Oh thank you, thank you, thank you.

77. You guys are a great crowd thank you for coming out tonight.

78. Well, what can I tell you about myself?

79. Well, I'm single.

80. Big surprise there, huh?

81. Oh thanks, you guys are great.

82. Give yourselves a round of applause for coming out

83. and supporting live comedy.

84. - All this adulation can't be too good for Frank,

85. let's see how he deals with a couple of drunken hecklers.

86. - Oh what else?

87. Oh I well went to visit my mother.

88. That's always a good thing to do.

89. On the way there, I got pulled over by some cops—

90. - You suck. - God I hate.

91. Huh?

92. - You're not funny!

93. - Well you're...

94. pretty ugly, is what you are.

95. Well I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply.

96. - It's almost too easy.

97. Your turn, Joel.

98. - I tell ya what,

99. I'm gonna bring out your headliner right now.

100. - Well sirs, we've all played miniature golf into the

101. small hours and it presents quite a few nagging questions.

102. - Like is it really golf?

103. - No, it's not.

104. - And is it really miniature?

105. - Oh not at all, it takes up a heck of a lot of space.

106. - Hence this week's invention.

107. - Not only have we taken golf

108. and turned it truly microscopic.

109. - Witness the microscope.

110. - But microgolf really is actual golf.

111. Here's how it works.

112. On each of these slides is an entire golf course.

113. Combining the technical know-how of biologists like

114. Alexander Fleming, with the impeccable course design

115. acumen of Jack Nicklaus, and Chai Trirodiguys

116. - Each course is constructed of lush E. Coli,

117. partimen specimen, and the finest subcutaneous basha.

118. - Okay, now I use this paramecium for a seven iron right?

119. - Right Joel, but I'd consider the euglena niblick

120. on this shot, and try to put some spin on it.

121. - In keeping with the grandeur of micro golf,

122. let us speak In hushed tones.

123. - Alright, and uh!

124. - Robinson teed off moments ago on the

125. short par five eleventh, normally considered a birdie hole.

126. He really let fly using a medium-shafted mitochondria,

127. his Golgi body sitting a neat

128. .07 micromillimeters from the flag.

129. - Robinson really needs a birdie

130. because the wheels have been coming off.

131. - This shot is a bit trickier than it looks,

132. what with the lymphatic plasma to the left,

133. and the green sloping towards the nucleoli.

134. - Alright I'm lining the pernicious anemia culture,

135. I'm gonna use my pitching wedge to loft it.

136. - Oh, the wheels really are coming off.

137. - There they go!

138. - Whaddya think, sirs?

139. - All in all I'm glad I went, Frank.

140. I think I came off rather well.

141. - I didn't mean anything by that.

142. Actually your wife is very lovely, sir.

143. No, please sit down, it was all in good humor.

144. You're a really nice audience.

145. - Frank really does stink, you know?

146. Anyway Joel, your experiment this week has a dual purpose.

147. Oh, it'll hurt like always, but my little trip to the

148. Alma mater reminded me that I had done some undergrad study

149. in the field of supervillanry.

150. I'll be conducting a little seminar after

151. the film, taking some questions.

152. In the meantime, please enjoy Secret Agent Superdragon.

153. - Security, security!

154. No, no, no.

155. - Shh!

156. - Joel's teeing off!

157. - .004!

158. Ah, we got movie sign!

159. Hey looks kind of like a Micky Spaleen still-life.

160. - Oh it's called Secret Agent-

161. Hey!

162. - Dig the tunes.

163. - One of these things is not like the other,

164. one of these things just.

165. - Someone left a crayon burning, I hate that!

166. - By special arrangement?

167. What, did they have to get her out of the fourth grade?

168. - Sir, you have a call on chamber four.

169. - And of course, technicolor as himself.

170. - You know I'm gonna sue this movie

171. for secondhand smoke.

172. - Suggested by?

173. "Hey why don't you guys write a screenplay

174. "but give me credit for it okay?"

175. - Boy I bet the hero of this film is really cool.

176. He smokes, he carries a gun

177. and he makes a lot of phone calls.

178. - Brought to you by Firestone!

179. - Where the rubber meets the road.

180. - Oh, J. Edgar Hoo Hoo Hoover.

181. - Secret Agent Mary Kay!

182. - Oh man, she doesn't have any blushers, forget it.

183. - Oh damn these things,

184. which key is it I can never remember.

185. Too many, I have to get rid of a couple of these.

186. Oh, watch this.

187. They're gonna pan up, and it's gonna be John Cleese.

188. Say.

189. - You know eventually this is gonna get annoying.

190. - Eventually?

191. - Oh no, it's a Hercules film!

192. I hope that's not the secret agent dragon man there.

193. - Hey who pulled William Holden out of the pool?

194. - That they did.

195. - Oh you can tell by

196. the lawn furniture that he's a secret agent.

197. - Oh no, she's gonna open letters!

198. - We now return to I, Claudius.

199. - Oh that's more pink than I would ever wear.

200. - Well, he's done on that side.

201. - Hey, look how far you can see into his nose.

202. - Secret Agent Super Booger.

203. - Pepper, you're going undercover!

204. - Oh no, Madame Sousatzka was here!

205. - Hey I hope she's speeding up the film.

206. - Ladies and gentlemen, Joey Heatherton!

207. - What is this, a Bergman film?

208. - It's 10:30, do you know where your hot chick is?

209. - Oh, I gotta remember to write that dream down!

210. - Wait a minute, I'm Scott Baio!

211. - Oh, buffalo shot, sorry about that.

212. - Comfort, how'd you ever find me here, huh?

213. - Do your horrible yoga exercises permit you to kiss me?

214. - Oh not exactly.

215. This is for comfort.

216. And this.

217. - Is for grandma.

218. - Let me go, Bryan!

219. - Boy, relationships with secretaries

220. were a lot different back then.

221. - Already I'm a dickweed.

222. - Hey got any gum?

223. - That's a nice way to here.

224. Come on, pull me out of here you big oaf!

225. I'm not agent Fulton, I'm not on duty.

226. - The boss sent you, didn't he?

227. - No, Coleman didn't send me, it was my idea.

228. I thought you'd be pleased to see me,

229. but I see I was wrong.

230. - C'mon tell me, why did you come, really.

231. - I thought you were Matt Helm.

232. - Alright.

233. Coleman did send me out on assignment.

234. We need Super Dragon.

235. - Oh no no no.

236. Super Dragon no longer exists. - Oh, no, no, no.

237. - I'm just plain Bryan Cooper, now.

238. But I'm listening.

239. Go ahead.

240. - Have you ever heard of Fremont, Michigan?

241. - Yeah, it's a little college town, isn't it?

242. - That's right.

243. Just an ordinary college town,

244. til strange things started to happen.

245. - Like what?

246. - Two healthy students suddenly die of heart failure.

247. - Oh I've heard this one.

248. - Four others strangely collapse from

249. an unknown nervous disorder.

250. Fights break out for no reason, and no one can explain

251. how all this insanity has overtaken the whole student body.

252. - It's college, lighten up.

253. - The local doctors and police don't have any connection.

254. But Coleman smells something burning.

255. - Well they makes stoves.

256. - And you want me to put out the fire,

257. well not on your life, I've got my firemen's suit

258. hanging up in the closet there.

259. - You could cancel your resignation.

260. - Not on your life.

261. - He has no batch!

262. He's perfectly smooth! - Really?

263. - That's the story, except for agent Wilson who was

264. sent to investigate.

265. He was found dead after four days at the

266. bottom of an elevator shaft.

267. - He worked with me for ten years.

268. If anything's wrong in Fremont,

269. he should be able to handle it.

270. Don't you worry about it.

271. No no no, you let me handle this.

272. Even Coleman hasn't got the right

273. to interrupt a man's privacy.

274. - Oh, that's my Super Dragon.

275. - Fred Winston, WLS Chicago.

276. - Hello?

277. - Oh Cooper?

278. - Yes it's me, Bryan Cooper talking.

279. How are you, I'm fine, never felt better!

280. - Agent Fulton there?

281. - That's right, agent Fulton's right here.

282. But it won't do you any good, I'm not leaving the place.

283. - Jackson's dead.

284. - What?

285. - His car plunged into the river

286. and he was killed instantly.

287. Two or three miles outside of Fremont.

288. - How are you?

289. - We're not convinced it was an accident.

290. - If Fritz Hollings were supermarionation.

291. - You were very good friends

292. and so I wanted to tell you right away.

293. - Coleman?

294. Coleman, are you there?

295. - Hello Mr. Coleman, I seem cut off from you,

296. hello, hello?

297. - Why he hung up on me, that son of a.

298. - I'm gonna go lay on the lawn again, this place.

299. - Did you hear about Jackson?

300. - What happened to him?

301. - He's dead.

302. - Jim.

303. - You better get dressed.

304. - Bert Convy, PI.

305. - I'm going to Fremont.

306. - Your friend's death was an accident.

307. The trouble is, if one doesn't know that canyon road,

308. it can pretty dangerous.

309. - But Jackson was a very good driver.

310. - Sure, but folks saw him pick up a good looking girl.

311. - Oh look, they're in America cause there's a flag.

312. - My guess he took his eyes off the road for an instant.

313. Those things can happen.

314. - Who was the girl?

315. - Christine Brueder, a girl from Amsterdam.

316. She's a friend of Mr. Ross, who owns

317. the bowling alley on Marlboro street.

318. - Oh, where the flavor is.

319. - But her body wasn't found.

320. - That's a little strange, don't you think?

321. - Not at all, it was probably washed downstream.

322. - Wonder if he's smooth too.

323. - That's a brilliant explanation.

324. - This is everything Jackson had with him.

325. - Personal effects make me happy.

326. - These are the keys to his apartment.

327. I know my job, eh?

328. - I hope you're saving your money.

329. - Well, sure, I've got a six month CD

330. and an IR, hey.

331. - Do, do, do, do.

332. Hi, honey, I'm smooth.

333. - Ethel?

334. Yes.

335. Yes.

336. Yes.

337. - Oh, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar.

338. - Hm.

339. Wait a minute I broke into my own place.

340. - Well that's a weird switch.

341. - Light doesn't travel as fast in his world.

342. - Now it's time for my kooky slides.

343. - Hm?

344. - Oh, this is before they had Post-It notes.

345. - Oh.

346. - This is gonna be

347. even more private than I thought.

348. Heh, heh, heh.

349. He's got DNA up on the wall.

350. It's time for the Banana Split Show.

351. - I'm cuckoo for Coco Puffs.

352. Cuckoo for Coco Puffs, woo hoo.

353. - I wanna beer back.

354. Oh wait man, this is like Pee Wee's Playhouse.

355. - Congratulations on your purchase

356. of a black forest cuckoo clock.

357. - Hm.

358. Ross Perot, the early years.

359. - Ross.

360. - It is Ross.

361. I hope you're not in any hurry to close up.

362. I'd like to have a few words with you.

363. - What do you want?

364. - I want a Snickers now.

365. - There's only $10 in the cash drawer.

366. - I don't want any money, I'll settle for

367. a lot less than that.

368. Just some of this gum and not this stuff either,

369. but the stuff you give to kids.

370. Stay there.

371. 'Atta boy.

372. - But I've got a Charlie Callas audition to,

373. uh, uh, go to.

374. - What's um,

375. what's so special about this?

376. - Nothin'.

377. It's just a different brand, that's all.

378. - You're working for the Wrigley company,

379. aren't you?

380. - Now let's talk some more.

381. What do you know about Christine Brueder?

382. - She chews Juicyfruit, okay?

383. What do you want from me?

384. - I don't know anything.

385. She came here from Amsterdam about a year ago

386. and now she's—

387. - And now she's dead.

388. - Yes. - Yes, yes.

389. - Do you believe that?

390. - Um, no?

391. - Why not? - Uh, yes!

392. - I don't believe that either.

393. - Don't hit my sore ear again, Mr. Gowa, please.

394. - Would you like a stick of chewing gum?

395. - No, please.

396. - Come on, take it. - No, no, no.

397. - No, I've got dental work.

398. - Chew it, chew it.

399. - It's funny joke garlic gum.

400. - All right, I'll tell you about her.

401. - All right.

402. Let's see what you have to say, huh.

403. - She came from Amsterdam.

404. I met her.

405. - It was P.K. Wrigley himself.

406. - A drive by snack bar assault.

407. - I think you should talk to your delivery man.

408. - Twin Peaks.

409. Slapped him a little too hard.

410. - Oh.

411. The delicious fruit flavor burst right through his skull.

412. - Tonight,

413. who wants gum?

414. - He did, he did.

415. Dun dun ding ding dun dun dun dun.

416. Hm?

417. - The thin blue lines.

418. - Right above the massage parlor.

419. - That's convenient.

420. Oh, I get it.

421. He's an undercover agent for the apartment guy.

422. - Ah, get that wind ensemble out of here.

423. - Oh, hello.

424. Nice but not my color.

425. Have you got it in salmon pink?

426. Mm, hm.

427. - Well, what do ya',

428. super neat, he's got a puppet stage

429. right here in his room.

430. - Mm, this place is nook crazy,

431. I don't know.

432. - Dust, need to get Hazel in here to clean.

433. - Diamonds on my windshield,

434. and they're tears from heaven.

435. I'm rollin' into town on the interstate.

436. Only to find Gideon's Bible.

437. - I may be a secret agent but there are places

438. even I won't look.

439. Mm, mm.

440. I'll just take this.

441. I take one thing from each apartment I break into.

442. I figure that's fair.

443. - Andre Gregory?

444. But why?

445. - Should be Wally Shawn on the other one.

446. - Oh so that's where

447. he keeps his aunt and uncle, huh?

448. - I know Ron Carter's around here somewhere.

449. - Hm?

450. Hello Uhura.

451. - Ooh.

452. Ooh, quick get it under cold water!

453. - You've been eating french fries

454. with Maury Mascovitz, haven't you?

455. Oh, he didn't flush.

456. - Ooh. - Ooh.

457. - I hope you're satisfied.

458. Jeez, that hurts.

459. - Oh,

460. shot him with a knife.

461. Oh, this car has that neat pasta maker option.

462. - It's WWalter Winchell.

463. - Yes, what is it?

464. - It's me Super Dragon.

465. - Super Dragon, who?

466. - How did you enjoy your trip?

467. - Well they gave me a warm welcome.

468. I've made my mind up.

469. - I'm gonna keep my baby.

470. - I'm gonna take Jackson's assignment.

471. I'll need an assistant.

472. How 'bout Babyface?

473. - Babyface?

474. - But he's three.

475. - You want a gangster?

476. But he's in Sing Sing serving time

477. on a sentence as big as an encyclopedia.

478. - Well that means he knows a lot.

479. Get him out.

480. - Hm? - It's impossible.

481. - Oh, all tangled up, agh.

482. - Analyze it?

483. There's absolutely nothing in that stick of chewing gum.

484. Our scientists haven't been able to find

485. the smallest trace of drug in it.

486. - And it just bothers me, that's all.

487. It's just-

488. - If there is one,

489. it's tasteless,

490. odorless

491. and leaves no trace in the human body.

492. - Velveeta?

493. - How many have taken a dose of this poison

494. without knowing it?

495. And why is the drug being handed out among minors?

496. Cooper, why is the drug being circulated gratis?

497. That's what I wanna know.

498. There's no profit in it.

499. There must be an ulterior motive.

500. - Is this part of my review?

501. - That's what we've got to find out.

502. What is it?

503. And who are the distributors?

504. What are they after?

505. - Uh, delicious fruit flavor, sir.

506. - Don't know that yet.

507. But it must be pretty important if they're willing

508. to leave behind them a string of corpses.

509. We have one clue.

510. Christine Brueder

511. and she seems to have escaped.

512. All the import documents,

513. all the Ming vases found in Ross' room.

514. They all seem to point to one city.

515. - Circle Pines.

516. - Amsterdam.

517. - Oh.

518. - When to leave?

519. - Now.

520. - From the line of secret agent Super Dragon toys.

521. - Andy Devine.

522. - Baby.

523. - Here I am.

524. - Baby, you old warhorse, how are ya' huh?

525. - A brother's touch.

526. - Hey you're uh,

527. you're getting a little fat living upstate,

528. aren't ya' huh?

529. - You know how it is,

530. you go soft up in Sing Sing.

531. I need a vacation.

532. - Things may get hot.

533. - It's better than being on ice.

534. - Hm.

535. - Remember he's not a permanent gift.

536. You will return him at the end of the assignment

537. and don't forget it.

538. - Okay.

539. - Okay.

540. - Good luck to both of you.

541. - Thanks.

542. - Uh, what was our assignment again?

543. - Hey speaking of gifts,

544. and you don't have to return that one.

545. - And you?

546. - I got the twin.

547. - They're not hot are they?

548. - I built it with my own hand.

549. I got a patent on it.

550. - Mm, same pink, different day.

551. - Everything's inside,

552. passports, money,

553. identification of the agents in Amsterdam.

554. Officially, you're a lawyer looking for

555. Christine Brueder concerning an inheritance.

556. - Well, well done agent Popel.

557. - Agent Popo?

558. - Do not worship false eyelashes.

559. - Bryan,

560. I had a dream.

561. I dreamt I was in a field of tulips with you.

562. - Sometimes dreams—

563. - Ah! - Gah!

564. - Well what do ya',

565. only the Dutch.

566. - Excuse me, do you speak English?

567. - Perhaps some French, no?

568. - Nay.

569. - Italian? - Nay.

570. - Some other time.

571. - Nay.

572. - Hey, does anybody else hear these bells?

573. - No, this town can get pretty annoying.

574. - The prison.

575. - They got kind of a weird

576. miniature golf course on the second floor up there.

577. - It's called The Family Circus,

578. see Billy drew this strip, that's...

579. - Hm.

580. - Boy I sure would like to tilt at that, huh?

581. - Hm.

582. - Man, I don't know, Tom,

583. this Secret Agent Super Dragon music

584. that you turned into a song

585. doesn't look that commercial to me.

586. - It ain't supposed to be commercial man,

587. it's jazz.

588. - Well how would you describe jazz anyway, Tom?

589. - Oh man,

590. if you have to ask, you'll never know.

591. - Yeah, whatever.

592. Let's go, let's wail!

593. - Right, Daddy.

594. One, two,

595. one, two, three, four.

596. Take it Crow Daddy.

597. - Yeah grab an eight, Joel.

598. - Look at me now.

599. - Uh, wait a second.

600. I mean it just goes on like that, huh?

601. - Uh, oh,

602. Crow takes a trumpet solo now.

603. - Uh, I only picked up the trumpet a few minutes ago.

604. I only know two notes.

605. - Well, it's not my fault if your chops ain't together.

606. - Hey chop on this pal.

607. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

608. - Oh, how'd you like a marimba up yours huh?

609. - Wait a second, wait a second,

610. cut it out guys.

611. Listen I've got an idea.

612. Just keep playing and singing like you were

613. and I'll add some spice, trust me.

614. - Okay, from the top babies.

615. - Yeah with action.

616. - With romance.

617. - Intrigue.

618. - With boats.

619. - Oh baby, baby, baby, baby,

620. I killed that fat barkeep,

621. baby, baby, baby.

622. Oh sorry guys, I—

623. - Joel man, you are really out there.

624. It took courage to do what you did, baby.

625. You took a risk, you stepped out there

626. on the cutting edge

627. and you failed miserably.

628. Now could we please do it the way I wrote it, please?

629. - My bots are terminally hip

630. but I love 'em anyway.

631. We'll be right back, man.

632. - Look at it closely.

633. - Look at it.

634. - No doubt about it.

635. - It's a photograph.

636. - He's been following me for days.

637. - Uh can I come in?

638. - What is it?

639. - I want to show you these little toys I—

640. - No! - No!

641. - Oh but if I'm in the way—

642. - No, no, stay, stay, stay.

643. - Introduce the bodyguard.

644. - Mhm, this is Babyface.

645. This is Charity Farrel.

646. Elias Rembrandt 13.

647. - Oh well that, huh?

648. - Our man in Holland.

649. - Say.

650. - Ah, well,

651. I see we're in good shape, um,

652. how are you, Charity?

653. Well how are things?

654. - Like the country.

655. - Huh? - Flat.

656. - Well I don't think you'll be bored with us.

657. - It's a joke, forget it.

658. - What do you know about Christine Brueder?

659. - Secret agent Superrude if you ask me.

660. - Been to see her?

661. - Yes but nobody answers there.

662. - Porter?

663. - There are no porters in Holland.

664. - Well that's a good thing to know.

665. - Oh shut up M. Emmet Walsh.

666. - Excuse me.

667. - Neighbors?

668. - They don't know anything.

669. - Men in her life?

670. - Mennonites? - Quite a few.

671. - Most important?

672. - Lamas. - Fernando or Lorenzo?

673. - A venerable millionaire, mad for her.

674. The mask you sent me was the one that

675. Christine wore at his masked ball last year.

676. - Good.

677. We'll start with him.

678. - It's already done.

679. Senor Lamas is receiving attorney Bryan Cooper

680. tomorrow at 10.

681. - Fine.

682. I think we'll get along all right.

683. - Anything else?

684. - Yes, one little thing.

685. Are you a natural redhead?

686. - Are you a natural blackhead?

687. - You'll have to take my word for it.

688. For now.

689. - Wait are you saying,

690. does that mean I'm,

691. uh, bye.

692. - Oh flat, I get it.

693. - You know what I always said,

694. dames are like safes,

695. some guys know their secrets

696. and some guys don't.

697. - Is that what you've always said?

698. - Yeah.

699. - I think you've spent too much time cracking safes.

700. (Tom mimics drumbeat

701. - Why there's Amsterdam.

702. - Hey Maury!

703. Oh, oh.

704. - Hey his eyes have a zoom feature.

705. - I think it's time we made a couple of social calls.

706. Let's start with Christine Brueder.

707. - All right.

708. - Now why did he bring this guy?

709. - I made you an outfit special for the occasion.

710. - It's a bulletproof teddy.

711. - It's the coolest thing going and absolutely bulletproof.

712. - This won't go with my black skirt.

713. - Well what did you want, huh?

714. Buttons and bows?

715. - Oh there's a satin tap pant that goes with it.

716. - Ah and while we're on the subject of buttons—

717. - They shoulda brought Jack Weston.

718. - Looks just like the others.

719. - He's kind of a white trash Q, isn't he?

720. - Yeah.

721. It's ingenious, it closes your jacket.

722. - All right.

723. - Okay now,

724. I'm the escaped convict

725. and you're the warden's wife.

726. - Perfect fit, huh?

727. - It's a little tight in the busom.

728. - And what's this for?

729. - This

730. is the safety.

731. - Are they going steady now?

732. - That's it.

733. - It seems to work all right.

734. - Hey, now tell me I'm not a genius.

735. - All right.

736. You're not a genius.

737. - Hey I walked right into that one.

738. - Ba boom.

739. - Well now he's secret agent Superloiterer.

740. - There you are.

741. - Laramie, is that you?

742. - Andy Capp's gained weight.

743. - Is it busted?

744. - No it isn't.

745. - I know what you're wearing.

746. - Boy, they've seen a lot of apartments

747. on this trip, haven't they?

748. - Hey it's Rula Lenska's place.

749. - I hope this isn't like a John Waters film

750. and they lick all the furniture.

751. - Tub Taylor on vibes.

752. - Hm, Broytans.

753. - Here, try opening the top.

754. Gimme that.

755. - Well I,

756. I loosened it for ya'.

757. - Oh I didn't get you anything.

758. - He's wearing the Phil Harris collection.

759. - Oh no, it's grandma's brag book.

760. - Here, you keep the picture of Vic Tayback.

761. - I'm just gonna freshen up in here, okay?

762. - I enjoy being a girl.

763. Huh, oh.

764. - Ladies and gentlemen, Mother Teresa.

765. - Hey. - Maybe not.

766. - Are you looking for somewhere to sleep,

767. or something else?

768. - No, I was feeling a little bit lonely, that's all.

769. - Did you think I would keep you company?

770. - Something like that, yes.

771. - Do you have a towel I can borrow?

772. - That might have been your idea

773. but you've come to the wrong address.

774. Give me my robe.

775. - Oh, sure.

776. - Stay where you are.

777. - Lay down.

778. - Would you turn your face to the wall please?

779. - Oh no, I don't mind turning.

780. I like all kinds of games.

781. - Oooh pretty lady.

782. - And who is this?

783. - Who him?

784. Why I never saw that man before in my life.

785. You should be ashamed of yourself.

786. What do you think you're doing in this

787. nice lady's bedroom?

788. Why don't you get out of here, you stupid oaf?

789. Get out of here.

790. - Okay, okay, I'm going.

791. I got the wrong door.

792. - Allen and Rossi, ladies and gentlemen,

793. Allen and Rossi. - With Julie Budd.

794. - And you, what are you waiting for?

795. - Well, a little information if you don't mind.

796. Do you uh,

797. happen to know this girl, hm?

798. - Why yes, it's Christine Brueder,

799. she's living here with me.

800. What do you want to know for?

801. - I happen to be a lawyer.

802. I'm here on a very important inheritance problem.

803. My name is Bryan Cooper.

804. - Cooper like the hockey equipment.

805. - I'm sorry but Christine's not in Amsterdam.

806. She's away with some friends.

807. - Do you happen to know when she'll be getting back?

808. - I imagine if she's having fun,

809. it will be a while.

810. - Well I'd like to see her some day when she's

811. not so busy amusing herself.

812. - But please, next time ring the bell.

813. Leave me your address in case my friend returns.

814. - They talk like a Speed Racer cartoon.

815. - Sure, sure, here you are.

816. Hope I see you again, hm?

817. - Hey, secret agent's crossed out

818. and lawyer's written in.

819. Hm.

820. - You're on Larry King Live,

821. Europe, you're on the air.

822. - Please Alex,

823. you've got to listen carefully.

824. - Yeah, I know, I look like Spike Jonze.

825. - You must do it.

826. He's very dangerous.

827. That's right, just do what I tell you.

828. - Go to the window.

829. - Yes you must.

830. - Increase your bust.

831. - Oh enough spy crap,

832. time to see Amsterdam.

833. Brideshead revisited.

834. To the manor Borne.

835. Upstairs, downstairs,

836. the magician with Bill Bixby.

837. - Huh?

838. - That's the last picture of her

839. over a year ago.

840. - She has a beard now.

841. - Mario Cuomo?

842. - Christine and I were very good friends.

843. - Nobody in this movie knows

844. when to stop decorating.

845. - Uh, you got any art here?

846. - Then all of a sudden-

847. - Kablooey.

848. - The girl I thought I knew became a stranger.

849. Moody, withdrawn.

850. I found out she'd begun to drug herself.

851. I tried to get her to stop it.

852. She wouldn't.

853. She booked passage for America.

854. Now you say that she's returned.

855. - But good luck with your pledge drive.

856. - I'd have expected her to telephone.

857. - Wanna give this a try?

858. - Are you having an auction masquerade this year?

859. - Yes, I wouldn't miss it for anything.

860. - Except cheese.

861. - This year I'm offering a canvas

862. that's rather extraordinary.

863. You're a lover of the arts, aren't you?

864. - Well I'm afraid all I can afford is to look.

865. - Get out!

866. - May I show you my lute player by Franz Haus?

867. - No, no, no, no, please.

868. - It's the prize of the entire collection.

869. - Emo avec lute.

870. - It's worth over a million Dutch florins.

871. But I expect it to raise considerably more.

872. No, it'll all be for charity.

873. I think you'll find this interesting.

874. - But stupid.

875. - Over here.

876. - Get in this.

877. - It's an international hospital for babies

878. with malnutrition.

879. - And pancakes.

880. - Art is a marvelous thing.

881. But saving lives,

882. children's lives especially—

883. - It's not that good.

884. - Is more important.

885. That's why I always try to make my auctions spectacular.

886. It appeals to everyone's vanity.

887. - And Apollonia too.

888. - Generosity, as you know, is rare.

889. Vanity on the other hand,

890. is a rather common trait.

891. - Yes, but the vain like to be seen

892. and your parties are masquerades, aren't they?

893. - That makes it a little more exciting.

894. The losers can remain anonymous.

895. - And the winners remain bottomless.

896. - And when the winner removes his mask,

897. there is usually applause

898. and his vanity is satisfied completely.

899. - Oh that's most ingenious,

900. but I'm afraid we've taken up too much of your time.

901. - Not at all.

902. Very grateful to you for your visit.

903. - Um, what else, oh.

904. - We're all anxious to locate Christine.

905. I've every hope we can.

906. We'll keep in touch.

907. - You've been most kind.

908. - And thank you.

909. - Oh and let us know when the Pavarotti comes in.

910. - There's a famous hotel in Wallendam.

911. - Called the Shady Rest.

912. - Christine used to go there frequently, I recall.

913. You might try that.

914. - Thank you.

915. - But don't eat the almonds in the bar,

916. they charge you 10 bucks for them.

917. - You look a little discouraged.

918. - Looks like I brought you on a wild goose chase.

919. - Oh there's nothing to worry about.

920. - I like geese, uh oh.

921. - Christine was pretty well known at Lamas' place,

922. I suppose.

923. - Fernando or Lorenzo?

924. - Why don't you pick up four tickets to the fair, huh?

925. - Four?

926. You plan to bring a friend?

927. - Sure, the joker.

928. When I play,

929. you see?

930. I always have one up my sleeve.

931. - The joker?

932. - You'd better reserve a room for tonight

933. in a quiet hotel someplace out of the city.

934. I'm taking a little trip to Volendam.

935. I could get lucky.

936. Lucky, get it?

937. That was a joke.

938. - Allow me. - I better get going.

939. - I'll see you tonight?

940. - See you at my place.

941. Before your joker arrives.

942. - Oh boy, that kid's got personality plus.

943. - Picture, picture's showing us Holland.

944. - Pannekoeken.

945. - Uh, excuse me?

946. - Hi, do you have any dolls or postcards?

947. - Hotel Spander is?

948. - Thanks a lot.

949. - Souvenir of Volendam?

950. - You want me so bad.

951. - Damn secret super jerk if you ask me.

952. - Here give this to Audrey Hepburn.

953. - Oh, I'm so embarrassed,

954. she wore the same thing as me.

955. - Hi, do you know where I could find some knick knacks

956. or curios with kind of a Holland theme?

957. - Cheese.

958. - Oh somebody put me up to this.

959. I hate this.

960. - Tonight, music box danger.

961. - Christine Brueder?

962. Yes,

963. she was one of my best customers.

964. She came here almost every night

965. and brought her whole crowd with her.

966. - Well uh,

967. did you ever happen to see this man in the group?

968. - Hey that's dirty.

969. - Well I'm not sure.

970. No, I don't know him.

971. There were always so many of them.

972. Since they stopped coming,

973. this place has been like a morgue.

974. - Except for all those customers.

975. - Don't you worry honey.

976. I think maybe you got yourself a live one, hm?

977. Can I use the phone?

978. - Help yourself.

979. Marika.

980. - Now what? - Ya, Miss Truda?

981. - Please help this gentleman to find the phone.

982. - Ya this way please.

983. - Don't forget to come and see me again.

984. - How could I forget?

985. - Well, you're a secret agent.

986. You have a lot on your mind.

987. - Hey anywhere I can go to soak up the local color?

988. - There you are.

989. - I gotta drain the superdragon.

990. - Och mein God, he's smooth.

991. - American embassy?

992. Let me have 223.

993. - Yes.

994. - Cooper speaking.

995. Send the following cable,

996. Derrick-

997. - It's a Franco-American flag.

998. - Fulton's presence required for Brueder heir, stop.

999. Cooper.

1000. - Yes, okay Mr. Cooper, right away.

1001. - I still got it.

1002. - Uh, hey you're out of paper there.

1003. - Hm, uh,

1004. oh well, here goes.

1005. - I know somebody who borrowed a pants suit

1006. from Hope Lange.

1007. Oh.

1008. - I hope Mr. Cooper will excuse me for keeping him waiting.

1009. I just threw on a little something

1010. to make myself presentable.

1011. - Well I really don't mind waiting at all

1012. as long as I think the results are good but um,

1013. I was expecting Rembrandt 13.

1014. - But it's Ms. Farrow who's receiving tonight.

1015. Please, will you come in?

1016. - Hangin' with Mr. Cooper.

1017. - Oh you should've seen all the quaint stuff

1018. I saw today.

1019. Boy that Holland.

1020. - Did you catch anything in Volendam?

1021. - I think I caught a little bit of a cold.

1022. - Get ready, he's gonna steal her cigarette.

1023. - You're not going to talk about work now?

1024. - I'm afraid we're going to have to.

1025. - Well Bernice in the cube next to me

1026. is such a gossip.

1027. - All right I'll get you the file.

1028. Would you get us some drinks, please?

1029. - Yup, he did it again.

1030. - I'll take a bourbon.

1031. - Uh, me too thanks, oh.

1032. - Ew, tastes like catnip.

1033. - He's putting it out on the couch.

1034. - Hey, uh, got any magazines?

1035. - I'm gonna bend at the waist someday, I know it.

1036. - Uh, Christmas time, slaughterhouse friend

1037. dime arrears?

1038. - He's a slow reader.

1039. - I'm the best thing in this message.

1040. - Man, I'm smug.

1041. - Hey, how much longer are you gonna be?

1042. What'd you fall in?

1043. - Anybody know what's going on?

1044. - Boy this really ties into the whole

1045. chewing gum thing.

1046. - Maybe I should open a curio shop.

1047. - 'Bout time.

1048. - I wasn't doin' nothin'.

1049. - You know in that light she looks just like

1050. Geddy Lee.

1051. - I thought you were gonna change, what gives?

1052. - Should a gentleman offer a lady

1053. a Tiparillo?

1054. - She got tall all of a sudden.

1055. - Bet she can probably really feel

1056. the smoothness now.

1057. Never mind.

1058. - Boy she must be getting paid a lot of money.

1059. - Something intoxicating happens when Brylcreem

1060. and white shoulders meet, you know?

1061. - Oh that happens to everyone now and again.

1062. - Oh.

1063. - Oh he should follow through on something for once.

1064. - We gotta go.

1065. - This happens very often in this district.

1066. I'll get a flashlight.

1067. - People, places.

1068. Oh good.

1069. Uh well if you've all had a chance to look over the script,

1070. let's start on—

1071. - Crow this better not be another stupid

1072. Earth versus soup type of spec script, buddy.

1073. - Tom, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

1074. I've streamlined, chopped

1075. and channeled the spy movie genre

1076. to reflect nineties sensibilities.

1077. - Well you know, Crow, that sounds really interesting.

1078. - Thank you, Joel.

1079. The market demands it you know.

1080. Tom, you'll be reading the part of Sandy Wyndhamhill,

1081. the good looking in an androgynous way,

1082. super spy who is in touch with his feminine side.

1083. I realize I'm asking you to play against type but I think-

1084. - Gee that sounds really,

1085. stupid Crow.

1086. I can't foil the evil forces trying to conquer the world

1087. if I'm a dumb old sissy britches.

1088. - Wait a minute.

1089. Servo, let's just give it a chance.

1090. We'll just read Crow's treatment, okay?

1091. - The Spy Who Hugged Me.

1092. Joel, you'll be reading a couple of parts if you would.

1093. Sandy's love interest, Holly Affirmations

1094. and the bad guy,

1095. Gary Diabolique.

1096. - For god's sake man.

1097. I wanna drink martini's in Istanbul

1098. and order glib in Moscow

1099. and drive with my feet while escaping thugs

1100. in Monte Carlo and meet girls in Ipanema.

1101. The kind of things a super secret super spy

1102. is supposed to do.

1103. - I support your owning those feelings.

1104. - Yeah support this.

1105. - Top of page 12, Joel,

1106. you're Holly.

1107. - Okay.

1108. You understand, Mr. Wyndamhill,

1109. that even though we are sharing a sexual tension

1110. between us, I must kill you.

1111. - Um, Holly, thank you for being honest.

1112. Let me say that I think you're a really terrific

1113. dynamite lady but right now I'm in a

1114. committed relationship with someone

1115. who is very special to me?

1116. I don't believe this.

1117. - Okay, Holly pulls a gun out of her purse,

1118. I'll use my hand

1119. and says,

1120. then you understand, Mr. Wyndhamhill,

1121. nothing personal.

1122. - Uh, boundaries, Holly, boundaries.

1123. Crow, I'm supposed to be a man who

1124. leads a life of danger.

1125. - Servo, the only way around it

1126. is through it.

1127. - Oh brother.

1128. - Okay,

1129. let's jump ahead a few pages.

1130. Sandy has carpooled with Gary Diabolique

1131. to the world domination headquarters

1132. and Joel

1133. you're Gary and you're going to

1134. shame the world

1135. with your specially invented anti-Bradshaw device.

1136. So top of page 26

1137. and Thomas.

1138. - Okay.

1139. Mr. Diabolique if you have a few minutes

1140. I need to confront you

1141. on your shaming behavior.

1142. - Oh Mr. Big Wyndhamhill,

1143. thinks he's going to save the world.

1144. Well who do you think you are, mister?

1145. - Um, Gary, I feel you're upset with me.

1146. I know it's not about me

1147. but about issues in your family of origin.

1148. You have got to be kidding me, Crow.

1149. - Uh, so you think you know everything

1150. Mr. Namby Pamby Damby butt.

1151. Gonna cry now, huh?

1152. Gonna cry?

1153. - Um, I have to ask you to respect my boundaries.

1154. - You don't get it, do you?

1155. You stupid moron idiot.

1156. I'm going to control how people respond to me.

1157. I am going to rule the world.

1158. - Gary, that's really codependent.

1159. I can't believe I just said codependent!

1160. That's it.

1161. You completely defiled a revered film archetype

1162. and you made me feel like a total buffoon.

1163. I'm out of here.

1164. - Well, really only Tom can make Tom feel like

1165. a total buffoon.

1166. - Ah, bite me.

1167. - Ah, we got movie sign!

1168. - Oh there he is.

1169. Oh good an action sequence!

1170. - Finally.

1171. - And it's over.

1172. - There he goes,

1173. and a classic Jackie Chan disarm.

1174. - All right, now who sent you, huh?

1175. - Oh right, your bourbon.

1176. Does this answer your question?

1177. - You take it easy.

1178. - I take it anyway I can.

1179. - He hasn't talked yet.

1180. - Hey that's my gum.

1181. - Oh no, now we'll never know

1182. if Razzles are candy or gum.

1183. - Cyanide.

1184. - It's like poison or something.

1185. - Everybody dies too quickly in this mess.

1186. I'd better get rid of him.

1187. - Do you have a garbage bag or somethin'?

1188. - Hey, he's a lot lighter than I thought.

1189. - He's hollow.

1190. - Uh, just set him anywhere.

1191. - Going down, Mr. Interloper?

1192. - Hey, he made the pool.

1193. - It's so convenient to have a river so close.

1194. - Oh yeah.

1195. Well back at it.

1196. - Amsterdam I'm good.

1197. - Hm, yeah,

1198. now, where were my lips?

1199. Oh yeah, huh.

1200. - You know, I don't think I could go back

1201. to kissing after someone just died in my apartment.

1202. - Yeah, I'd need a while to pull myself together.

1203. - Sure, a couple of days.

1204. - No, a couple of minutes.

1205. - Well he seems to be taking it all right.

1206. - So does she.

1207. - You still afraid?

1208. - Yes, no, pass.

1209. - Oh no I hope their chins don't lock.

1210. - Oh I get it, the car,

1211. a brick road.

1212. Driving.

1213. - Sonny Corleone, watch out.

1214. - Hello, any talent to declare?

1215. - Huh, he seemed nice.

1216. - Plastiface, a division of Cumhugecone.

1217. - Strangely enough,

1218. it's an unfinished furniture place.

1219. - Oh.

1220. I think you need to take a rest in Ward E.

1221. - Oh this thing.

1222. - Oh it tickles.

1223. - Oh, ha, that's my zucchini wrapped in foil.

1224. - I'm an actuary

1225. and I still have to go through this thing.

1226. - There, happy?

1227. Now I'm sterile again.

1228. - Ah, good morning Mr. Solo.

1229. - All this to get to the vending machines.

1230. - Looks like he only has one message.

1231. - Come on, come on!

1232. - Oh it's Jack Lord again.

1233. - It's Herb from Burger King.

1234. - Could something please just happen?

1235. - Oh, can't get out now.

1236. - Aw, I just forgot something, okay?

1237. - Don't sit down yet, Alex.

1238. - The chair's still wet.

1239. - Do you realize how many times you've failed

1240. in your mission?

1241. - 12?

1242. Oh it's rhetorical.

1243. - Uh, does this have to be an all staff sir?

1244. - Hm, oh what's that?

1245. Didn't know about that.

1246. - Would somebody answer the table please?

1247. I'll get it.

1248. - Pretty cool, huh?

1249. I just had that put in.

1250. - What's it take? Couple of nine-volts?

1251. - Professor Kruger,

1252. I read your report and I am satisfied

1253. with the results obtained so far.

1254. - Remind your engineers to use coasters on me.

1255. - But we must make more rapid progress.

1256. - Pick up the pace, chop, chop.

1257. - Doctor Misimoto.

1258. - Oh sorry, I wasn't listening.

1259. - You have not yet succeeded

1260. in perfecting a universal catalyst

1261. for Synchron 2.

1262. - Well, it's hard.

1263. - I'll give you four days more.

1264. - Study now, or lat, oh.

1265. - Alex.

1266. - What's with your hair?

1267. - A third American spy

1268. is arriving in Amsterdam.

1269. I should be sorry to have to replace you

1270. but if you fail me again

1271. I shall have no choice.

1272. Regarding Christine Bruder,

1273. she has served her purpose.

1274. - That table's really callin' him on the carpet.

1275. - All right, I won't fail you.

1276. - Leonard Cohen at home.

1277. - Agent Fulton at your service.

1278. Something I can do for you?

1279. - Yeah, comb your hair.

1280. - You can make out my will.

1281. - First tell me that you're glad to see me.

1282. - I'm thrilled to see you.

1283. - Once again, very nicely.

1284. - Here, let me unbunch you.

1285. - Wow, looks like they're making out

1286. in Peter Brady's room.

1287. - So when's my review?

1288. - Wow, she's responsive.

1289. - Hello.

1290. - You'd better come down.

1291. We found Christine, I'll be in the bar.

1292. - Huh, okay, okay.

1293. I'm sorry sweetheart.

1294. - Business or pleasure?

1295. - It's Rembrandt 13 calling.

1296. - Then it's business.

1297. - You haven't seen Rembrandt 13.

1298. - She looks like a white member of the Supremes.

1299. - Who's Comfort?

1300. - A real luscious blonde.

1301. - Oh, that's the joker.

1302. - Joker?

1303. - Well.

1304. - Looking for Mr. Goodbar?

1305. - She's at the central clinic.

1306. They called Lamas and he let me know immediately.

1307. - We better get there right away, come on.

1308. - Come on.

1309. - Fashions from the Lollipop Guild collection.

1310. - Not bad huh?

1311. - If you like that sort of thing.

1312. - Bet that red hair came out of a bottle.

1313. - Ha, look who's talking.

1314. - A martini, please.

1315. - Now that comes out of a bottle.

1316. - Two martinis.

1317. - I don't wanna die, help me.

1318. You've got to.

1319. - I don't want to die, I don't want to die.

1320. Look I've got problems too.

1321. - Hin Kron,

1322. hurry.

1323. - Please bring me a pizza.

1324. This hospital food's crap.

1325. - Very comforting.

1326. - Yeah, he's got a good deadside manner.

1327. - There's no way to save her.

1328. - Okay bye.

1329. - We don't even know what killed her.

1330. - Gum?

1331. - Well there's some

1332. things that I have to attend to,

1333. that I have to do, the things, bye.

1334. Science!

1335. - Yes, what have you come for?

1336. - Pencils?

1337. - Christine is dead.

1338. You killed her by refusing her the antidote.

1339. After all she had done for you

1340. and the same will happen to me.

1341. - You seem upset.

1342. - Yes it could.

1343. Super Dragon is not yet eliminated.

1344. - Ew!

1345. - Because you failed.

1346. - I don't want to kill anybody.

1347. Until now, I've done everything for you.

1348. Even against my will.

1349. You have got to keep your promise

1350. and free me from this drug.

1351. - Hey how'd they do that?

1352. - Impressionable.

1353. - They're both doing Shelly Birman routines.

1354. - I saw that man again.

1355. Yes.

1356. - What's that lump on his chest?

1357. - So you followed him.

1358. - Of course but he managed to get away.

1359. - I'm not that good at following yet.

1360. - His being at the clinic makes me believe

1361. that this girl didn't die a natural death.

1362. What's more, they're going to bury her tomorrow.

1363. - Don't that beat all?

1364. - They're a little bit too much in a hurry,

1365. don't you think?

1366. - Well maybe we'll beat them to it.

1367. - Looks great from this angle.

1368. - I think I'll take a look around the clinic tonight.

1369. - Tell him your volleyball practice is running late.

1370. - The service entrance is the Prinzenhoc 16.

1371. - Yes, I think I can find that all right.

1372. You're always right on the ball,

1373. aren't you sweetheart, huh?

1374. - Yes, I'm in a Howard Johnson.

1375. - God, I'm good.

1376. - Oh terrific, this guy's back.

1377. - Excuse me sir, uh, where you going?

1378. Uh, sir, I have to stamp your hand sir.

1379. Sir.

1380. - Could you explain again why I do all the work?

1381. - This was too easy.

1382. - Then what took you so long?

1383. - Hey why can't you ever support me?

1384. - Have a good time.

1385. - I'm gonna make the deposit,

1386. I'll be right back.

1387. - Hm, 200 a month plus utilities, huh?

1388. - A screen gems presentation.

1389. - You know, the other apartments I've snooped

1390. around are much nicer than this.

1391. - Wow, this is a swingin' boiler room.

1392. - Yeah, it's cool.

1393. Dig it.

1394. - Oh there it is.

1395. The lugen, look...

1396. - Hooray I'm super clown!

1397. - I paid to see the Likenkelder

1398. and I'm not leaving 'til I do.

1399. - Jim West.

1400. - Babyface, I'm being beat up by longshoremen.

1401. - Well this isn't bad, we'll be home in, hey!

1402. - This looks like the end of Romancing the Stone.

1403. It's not funny, I'm just pointing it out.

1404. - Looks like a Crosby family outing.

1405. - Man, whatever likenkelder is

1406. it must be pretty good.

1407. - Took the Nestea plunge.

1408. - It was my punch, you know.

1409. - Yeah, well I made him woozy.

1410. - Oh, he needs a shovel proof vest there.

1411. - Oh, great.

1412. - Taken care of the one outside.

1413. Good, now we'd better get moving.

1414. - Yes it's Lech Walesa and Billy Pilgrim.

1415. - Ha, fooled ya.

1416. Maybe not.

1417. - Stay still.

1418. - Boy it's a good thing that 24 hour mortuary

1419. is just around the corner.

1420. - Now give me a hand with it.

1421. - Boy he sure is smooth, boss.

1422. - Hey he fits, last time we had to cut the feet off.

1423. - Screw the lid down.

1424. - If you wanna lock in deadness.

1425. - His chin looks like a Parker House roll.

1426. - Not dead yet, hey I'm feeling better.

1427. - You know someday we should all go in

1428. and buy a Makita.

1429. - Uh guys, this isn't funny.

1430. Man I hate hell week.

1431. - You better telephone the boss.

1432. - Right.

1433. - Borrow me a quarter.

1434. - Hey he's gonna show himself a Linda Hunt movie.

1435. - Good morning Mr. Phelps.

1436. Morning Mr. Phelps, morning Mr. Phelps, morning Mr. Phelps.

1437. - Hello?

1438. This is Valiki.

1439. - That's a great dead tires plus.

1440. - He's ready for ya.

1441. Yeah, ready for the burial, what?

1442. Okay good idea.

1443. Right boss.

1444. - Guy's actually pretty funny.

1445. - Okay guys I give.

1446. Fun's over guys, fun's over.

1447. - What are you doin'?

1448. - The boss has had a brilliant idea

1449. of dropping it into the canal

1450. where it's gonna disappear without leaving a trace.

1451. - I heard that, it's not funny.

1452. - It'll all be over in an hour.

1453. - Uh guys,

1454. guys it's really hot in here.

1455. Oh screw ya then.

1456. - Gonna time how long I live.

1457. That'll show 'em.

1458. - One.

1459. - Mississippi.

1460. - Hour.

1461. - Father.

1462. - Hey what do you know,

1463. something's connecting with something else in the family.

1464. - Okay, take that in.

1465. - Lift with the legs.

1466. Good, good.

1467. - Oh I get it, he's gonna lower his metabolism

1468. like James Coburn in In Like Flynn.

1469. Come on guys let's do the song.

1470. Come on.

1471. - Okay, okay, lean your end a little.

1472. There you go, grab that end.

1473. Okay, good, good.

1474. - Oh my knees.

1475. - You know you find yourself doing the weirdest

1476. things in this business.

1477. - Ain't that the truth.

1478. - Right into the lake..

1479. - Oh and this guy's dead,

1480. we don't gotta buy him no ticket.

1481. - But there was no monster.

1482. - Here at Gordon DeGlosta we bury our corpses fresh.

1483. Never expected this to happen.

1484. - Oh you mean he's still alive?

1485. Wow.

1486. - Hey what's he doin'?

1487. Stop that.

1488. - He's bad. - Naughty.

1489. - Old Dutch, the snappy chip.

1490. Crispy, crunchy, light and.

1491. - Windmills were held stationary today

1492. in tribute to the death of secret agent Super Dragon.

1493. - They are so incredibly in Holland, man.

1494. - Mhm.

1495. Well they shouldn't have taken the harbor excursion

1496. boat to do this.

1497. - We commit the body to the deep, dump him.

1498. - Okay boys there he goes.

1499. - Ha, fooled ya,

1500. I wasn't breathing, whoa, whoa,

1501. just filling the lungs up with water.

1502. I'm in for it now,

1503. didn't wanna do that.

1504. - Bon voyage.

1505. - Charlie Brown.

1506. - I'm tired.

1507. Think I'll sleep with the fishes.

1508. - Ouch, owie.

1509. - Heh, only way he could foil us

1510. is if he reduced his breathing.

1511. - Oh don't even think about, heh, about doing that.

1512. - Yeah, you're right,

1513. let's go have a Grolsch.

1514. - Ah, sure sounds good.

1515. - At least he has his cash card.

1516. - Conrad Pooh and his inflatable knees.

1517. - He is George Jetson.

1518. - I see their white belly.

1519. - Oh no, I'm gonna, ow!

1520. - Oh this must be in the Brookstone

1521. hard to find tool catalog.

1522. Ah, that noise.

1523. - A fork on a plate.

1524. - Free, it's me,

1525. what's my time on this one?

1526. - They're doing all this in front of

1527. a starving artist's painting here.

1528. Back there, yup.

1529. - Did you sleep well Bryan?

1530. - Oh very frigging funny, Tom Wicker.

1531. - The bedding was a bit damp

1532. and the service was lousy but

1533. it could've been a lot worse if it hadn't been

1534. for your help.

1535. - And now everybody thinks we're dead.

1536. - That might work out

1537. better than you think.

1538. - Thanks peanut.

1539. - April 11th,

1540. dear diary, he's dead.

1541. I can now love Stan.

1542. Finally came to terms with the hair.

1543. Oh, and I found the perfect clown suit

1544. to wear around the house.

1545. - Carmen to Bryan Cooper.

1546. Conditions in Fremont worse.

1547. Hundreds of students taken to psychiatric clinics, stop.

1548. - Don't stop.

1549. - So far, impossible to hold— - Stop.

1550. - Sickness progress, stop.

1551. Ming vases found Ross home false and fabricated

1552. with unknown substance, stop.

1553. Absolutely urgent, learn drug formula for antidote.

1554. - Is it a humorous antidote?

1555. Hey anybody wanna go bowlin'?

1556. Or somethin'?

1557. - I don't wanna die, help me.

1558. You've got to, please.

1559. - Mary had a little lamb.

1560. Her fleece.

1561. - Hurry.

1562. - Hey it's Donna Summer.

1563. - Hm, what do you know.

1564. - Probably uses his reel-to-reel

1565. to light his cigarette.

1566. - Anti-synchron.

1567. That's the antidote.

1568. Anti-synchron.

1569. Christine was drugged by the same drug the kids

1570. in Fremont got.

1571. - But who's got this anti-synchron?

1572. - Yeah let's drop this and bowl a few frames.

1573. - This should tell us.

1574. Page,

1575. four.

1576. - And huzzah it's gone.

1577. - Three,

1578. two,

1579. zero, dial it.

1580. - Me?

1581. - Yeah go ahead, we're supposed to be dead.

1582. - Who do I ask for?

1583. - Ah just whoever answers is fine.

1584. - Charity Farrel.

1585. - And then just hang up quick.

1586. - It might really help if they'd let us in

1587. on the plot.

1588. Don't you think?

1589. - Could you stand a little closer, please?

1590. - She's modeling the

1591. Florence Henderson collection, I see.

1592. - Uh, your pen is ringing, sir.

1593. - My table's a guy, my pen is a phone, I'm nuts.

1594. - Yes, who's there?

1595. - I'd like to speak to Charity Farrel please.

1596. - It's an office,

1597. why does he have to disguise the phone?

1598. - There isn't anyone here called Charity,

1599. you have the wrong number.

1600. - Uh, am I on speakerpen?

1601. - Okay, now call on Mrs. Gleiss,

1602. use the introduction we agreed upon, call.

1603. Three, six.

1604. - Tell anybody about my pen

1605. and I'll have to kill you.

1606. - Did you give her this number?

1607. - No, never.

1608. - Answer the chaffing dish.

1609. - Uh, it's a great day at House of Art.

1610. - Star's house.

1611. Come for 10?

1612. - Oh that's for me,

1613. I'll take it on the pencil sharpener.

1614. - Yes.

1615. - Yes, yes I'm wearing a sleeveless tank top.

1616. - Just a moment please.

1617. - Rod!

1618. Oh, you're right there.

1619. - Her American friends, Cooper and the other one,

1620. promised her an invitation at the auction

1621. and now she can't find them anywhere.

1622. - Oh and friends are visiting from Europe.

1623. - Good morning, yes?

1624. - Yes.

1625. - Yes, my secretary mentioned it.

1626. - Yes, just a burgundy sweater with a tie.

1627. - Very well, I'll send you an invitation.

1628. Hotel Rutake.

1629. Splendid.

1630. I'm looking forward to it.

1631. I think you'll like our entertainment,

1632. so goodbye.

1633. - That's how you handle a superdragon.

1634. - Our friend is in for a surprise.

1635. - Only after we learn where she got that number.

1636. - Well from here on out sweetheart,

1637. I'm afraid they're going to put the finger on you.

1638. - Like a cigarette, boss?

1639. - You seem to be the only surviving American agent

1640. who knows who Lamas is.

1641. - Thanks a lot.

1642. - Yeah but you'll have us two covering you from behind.

1643. - Ah, you've been in prison too long.

1644. - In other words, I have to serve as bait.

1645. - That's right

1646. and I hope you try to be very attractive bait.

1647. - I'll try. - Ms. Collagen Lips.

1648. - Welcome to the Fred Murtz Mystery Cafe.

1649. - See, they told me it was a costume ball, that's why.

1650. - Oh, you see really,

1651. they told me it was a costume ball.

1652. Boy, aren't I the perfect ass?

1653. - Hey looks like it's snowin' upstairs.

1654. - One word, Ben, plastics.

1655. - Hey, someone's gotta make a keg run.

1656. - Okay, well just shoot down to Belgium, man.

1657. They're open later.

1658. - Yeah get the French ambassador to go.

1659. - Oh no that wild man Rainier wants to

1660. put the new riders on again.

1661. - Whoo!

1662. - Hey come on.

1663. Hey everybody stay out of my parent's room.

1664. Come on.

1665. - 8,000 once,

1666. 8,000 twice,

1667. sold for 8,000 florins.

1668. - She pulled in a good price.

1669. - I never knew that Chinese Ming vases

1670. could bring such a high price.

1671. - It's a game of vanity for a worthy cause.

1672. - Would you step up here, sir?

1673. - Number 73,

1674. a date with Prince Phillip.

1675. Prince Phillip.

1676. - Hm, sorry sir, Telecheck says no way.

1677. - Would you please?

1678. - Beautiful vases, authentic Ming.

1679. - Yeah just like the ones in Fremont.

1680. - Oh that was low.

1681. - Have you noticed how all four vases have been bought

1682. by men in oval masks?

1683. - Don't you hate that?

1684. - You're a fortunate man.

1685. - Thank you.

1686. - Find out where he's going.

1687. - Got a big ol' hole in his head.

1688. - Now ladies and gentlemen,

1689. we offer the next to last Ming vase.

1690. The artist who spent his life in creating these

1691. has evidently excelled himself in this allegory of spring.

1692. - How much?

1693. - Starting price, a mere 3,000 florins.

1694. - All right then, 2,000.

1695. - 3,500.

1696. - 5,000.

1697. - 5,500.

1698. - I've got some lupins.

1699. - Nine.

1700. - Seven I bid.

1701. - 8,000 I bid.

1702. - Eight five I bid.

1703. - 9,000.

1704. - They're all dressed as Mexican wrestlers.

1705. - El Santo.

1706. - You know, he should put eye holes in that thing.

1707. - Oh this is the nicest voting booth I've seen.

1708. Oh and it feels good too.

1709. - Time to go.

1710. - Hey Joel,

1711. I've got a pretty good handle on what's cool, right?

1712. - That's right, you do.

1713. - And your average spy movie is generally pretty high

1714. on the cool scale?

1715. - Oh absolutely, there's nothing cooler

1716. than being a secret agent super spy.

1717. - Well then would you say that this guy while lame,

1718. is typical of most spy guys in most spy movies?

1719. - Yeah, well, yeah.

1720. - Well then I have a question.

1721. - I was hoping this was headed somewhere.

1722. - How come this guy keeps saying confusing stuff like,

1723. the time he gets jumped,

1724. which is obviously a bad thing,

1725. he said, "They gave me a real warm reception."

1726. - Oh well they all go to super secret spy school,

1727. that's where they learned to hone their precise skills

1728. like how to simultaneously

1729. attract and repel the opposite sex.

1730. The virtues of doing espionage in Monte Carlo

1731. as opposed to Littleshoot, Wisconsin,

1732. what makes turtlenecks so darn cool

1733. and most importantly,

1734. they take a course called

1735. post-kill puns

1736. and that's where you learn to say things like,

1737. we went for a little swim,

1738. which means,

1739. they tried to drown me.

1740. - Oh now that's a cool class, tell me more.

1741. - Oh yeah they've got one hard and fast rule there,

1742. is you can't kill anyone unless you got a pun.

1743. Shooting someone is out.

1744. Instead it'd be more apropos to like

1745. push someone into the lion's den and say,

1746. he went out for a bite, see?

1747. - Oh, or run someone over with a steamroller and say,

1748. he was pressed for time.

1749. - Right, like that.

1750. - Or, or how 'bout um,

1751. push a gal out of a plane and then say,

1752. oh she just stepped out.

1753. - Right and then there's always the classic,

1754. I was all tied up, which means,

1755. - I was all tied up.

1756. - Right.

1757. - You know guys, I just realized that being a spy

1758. is one of the only times when a pun is actually acceptable.

1759. - Yeah, ironically, death

1760. actually softens the blow of the pun.

1761. - True.

1762. - You know, I think I'd like to be a secret agent

1763. just for the pun of it.

1764. - Oh Tom,

1765. I'm gonna rip your inoperable little arms off

1766. and jettison them into space.

1767. - Oh Crow, you're so disarming.

1768. - D'oh.

1769. Let me at him, let me at him.

1770. - Okay, we'll be right back.

1771. - I really gotta hand it to ya.

1772. - That's it, that-

1773. - You're going out on a limb.

1774. Boy, we're having thumb fun, huh?

1775. - Just watch the movie.

1776. - Here I'll get my own tip.

1777. - The guy's got Snoopy checks.

1778. - See what else, here, harmonica?

1779. I just rolled Toots Thielemans.

1780. - Oh no, he's gonna wheelbarrow him.

1781. - Now he's a fajita.

1782. - Oh boy, huh.

1783. There's an episode of Skinny and Fatty

1784. that's just like this.

1785. - Hey, real comfortable confessional suite.

1786. Feels good, too.

1787. Hey that was a lucky guess.

1788. - Oh, come in,

1789. we were just about to float the table.

1790. - Et monsieur, place your bet.

1791. - Hey, he's disguising his throat.

1792. - Oh boy, this has all the markings

1793. of a Clay Shaw party.

1794. - Whoo!

1795. - Ladies and gentlemen, Sandler and Young.

1796. - The gentlemen now retire to the back room

1797. to play Rack-O.

1798. - Murray, use a coaster.

1799. - Earth.

1800. Luna.

1801. Pluto.

1802. - Goofy, Scrooge McDuck.

1803. - Mars.

1804. Saturn.

1805. Jupiter.

1806. - Secret agent Superdragon in a deadly game of

1807. Hungry, Hungry Hippo.

1808. - And uh, this one

1809. I don't think I need to tell you guys what it is.

1810. - I'm glad to see you gentlemen.

1811. - Charmed.

1812. - The meeting of the society of guys

1813. who can make a W will now begin.

1814. - Watch your fingers guys.

1815. - Oh I love it when the table talks,

1816. this is great, watch this, watch, watch.

1817. - The little town of—

1818. - Bethlehem.

1819. - Fremont,

1820. has witnessed the success of our experiment.

1821. I must impress upon you.

1822. - Me?

1823. - The importance of this success for us all.

1824. - Come on boss, can't the table talk now?

1825. - You will also be glad to learn the we have liquefied

1826. Synchron 2.

1827. - Lickified.

1828. - This means that our opportunities of

1829. administering it are limitless.

1830. I'll give you an example.

1831. - I'll perform a puppet show to demonstrate.

1832. - Ze booger! - It is the booger.

1833. - That is not my booger.

1834. - You are looking directly into room 212.

1835. - And now your General Cinema feature presentation.

1836. - Hi.

1837. - Hey everybody, look at the guys in the mirror.

1838. - And now ladies and gentlemen,

1839. before the piece de resistance of the evening,

1840. Senor Lamas invites all of you to drink to the success

1841. of this benefit auction.

1842. - And really drink, down 'em, shooters, whoo!

1843. - Petticoat Junction.

1844. - Cigars, cigarettes, Tiparillos?

1845. - Blonde on blonde on blonde on blonde on blonde.

1846. - It's the Edie Adams gang, ooh.

1847. - In the champagne,

1848. there's a carefully balanced dose of Synchron 2.

1849. - That makes your hair bouncy, right?

1850. - Just enough of it to amuse us.

1851. In half an hour, they will remember nothing.

1852. - In another half an hour,

1853. they'll be hungry for Chinese.

1854. - Oh wow, so this is what the other half does, hm?

1855. - Thank you, here we go.

1856. - It's booze call.

1857. - Here's to those big brown eyes.

1858. - Yeah, here's to your death big guy.

1859. - Waitress, there's a squeeze toy in my drink.

1860. - Miss, miss!

1861. I just remembered, I don't drink.

1862. - Whoa, close one.

1863. - And now the most precious treasure of the collection.

1864. The magnificent lute player by Franz Haus.

1865. I ask you ladies and gentlemen to open the bidding

1866. at one million five hundred thousand florins.

1867. - Two million.

1868. - Lower.

1869. - Ah two million.

1870. I'm offered two million once, two million twice and—

1871. - Three million.

1872. - I'll offer you three and a half.

1873. - Anyone top three and a half?

1874. - Six million.

1875. - A bajillion.

1876. - A kazillion, jillion,

1877. upteen berdillion.

1878. - That sir, I consider a personal insult.

1879. - Hi.

1880. - Oh yeah?

1881. - Teach you a lesson.

1882. - Oh that sir, I consider a personal punch.

1883. - Oh they've been given a drink that turns

1884. them into shriners.

1885. - Oh how horrible.

1886. - Will you look at that?

1887. - Hoohoo!

1888. - Hey everybody, let's boink.

1889. - It's a good night at Eau Bar.

1890. - Ah, Louis the 14th, good one.

1891. That's two or three mil.

1892. - They're all just behaving like animals.

1893. - Hey bring back the funny pictures.

1894. - What you have seen is only an example of the

1895. efficiency of Synchron 2.

1896. Whenever we choose to use it,

1897. then victory will be ours.

1898. - Victory over what?

1899. - Yes, gentlemen,

1900. the victory will indeed be ours.

1901. - Ours the victory will be.

1902. - We are going to change the course of human life.

1903. The antidote, Anti-Synchron

1904. is known to us and to us alone.

1905. - Oh and I told my brother

1906. but he said he wouldn't tell anyone.

1907. - And with it we shall gain world mastery.

1908. Foreign agents have tried to stop us,

1909. notably the invincible Super Dragon.

1910. They have been killed.

1911. The false Ming vases are now in our possession.

1912. The vases have been sent here

1913. from our factories in India.

1914. - We have factories in India?

1915. - The drug is mixed with a porcelain in such a way

1916. that no one could ever detect it.

1917. - But still it's delicious and low cal.

1918. - In six of them, there is a sufficient quantity of the drug

1919. to bring to a conclusion

1920. the first phase of the operation.

1921. - Phase 1,

1922. swingin' sixties style party.

1923. - Whoo!

1924. - You're on.

1925. - Oh nothing, nothing.

1926. - That's odd,

1927. they're playing Twister where there ain't no Twister board.

1928. - Doris Day, no!

1929. - It's Sarina.

1930. - I'll fix that, Samantha.

1931. - Hello, I am Louis Jordan.

1932. I turn ague,

1933. I walk, I have a gun

1934. and still I am Louis Jordan.

1935. Pardon me while I hit the snack table.

1936. I'm Louis Jordan.

1937. - Don't make a sound, get moving.

1938. - Beep.

1939. - Brilliant.

1940. Our compliments.

1941. - Mother always calls during these meetings, sorry.

1942. - I can at last announce to you that

1943. Professor Kruger has been able to find a—

1944. - A what? - In one hour we will have it.

1945. Gentlemen, await instructions.

1946. - Uh, can I ask why we're at this meeting?

1947. - We will adjourn.

1948. - Let's get some of that kooky champagne, huh?

1949. - Ah, crimeny,

1950. Dave's doing his human cake roll thing again.

1951. You gotta jump on him and squirt the jelly out.

1952. - I'm a naughty little cheesy blintz.

1953. - Cut it out, Dave.

1954. - Get to the embassy right away, contact Coleman.

1955. The Ming vases are leaving tonight

1956. and must be stopped

1957. and the names and addresses of all the buyers

1958. investigated, I'll take care of Comfort.

1959. - Oh, um, oh I, oh yeah.

1960. - Hi, where you goin'? What are you doin'?

1961. Just wanna walk with you is all.

1962. Nice dress.

1963. - Comfort?

1964. - Comfort me.

1965. - Those guys are still hopped up on vase.

1966. - It was just a case of mistaken identity, sorry.

1967. - Heck of a ride, huh?

1968. Oof!

1969. - Well at least this vicious beating

1970. has a cool accompaniment.

1971. - This'll teach you to make blintzes

1972. out of super criminals.

1973. - Now, let's begin with Lamas' number.

1974. - Fernando or Lorenzo?

1975. - I'd like to know how you got hold of it.

1976. - But I've told you it was Cooper.

1977. - Oooh!

1978. - The dead don't talk.

1979. - You should see this place around quittin' time.

1980. - You are very beautiful.

1981. - She's sure wearing a funny bathing suit.

1982. - And it would be a pity to have to put you in our tub.

1983. - For you see, the Mr. Bubble may give you

1984. a urinary infection.

1985. - Tell me have you ever had a bath in electricity?

1986. - Well once I saw a bear eating a doughnut.

1987. - Hey George Wendt.

1988. - Went where?

1989. Ha, another one, thank you.

1990. - D'oh, Servo.

1991. - Da-da-da-dum!

1992. - This is like The Quiet Man only it takes place

1993. in a mansion in Holland with a couple of spies.

1994. Sorry.

1995. - Now, now Gary, this is the last time

1996. you goin' to come home late.

1997. - Hey, he's got him in a secret agent full dragon.

1998. - Sisyphus, what's he doing here?

1999. - All right.

2000. Time to play the little blintz game, mister.

2001. - Stop.

2002. - You boys stop roughhousing in there.

2003. - Wants him alive.

2004. I thought you were 10 feet under, Bryan.

2005. - 10 feet under Bryan?

2006. - Well you were wrong.

2007. - Dennis James?

2008. - Like always.

2009. - Not anymore.

2010. Hands up.

2011. - Now Simon says put 'em down.

2012. - See, she wants me alive, told ya.

2013. You would've gotten into a lot of trouble.

2014. Live?

2015. - Oh come to think of it, I did

2016. have a bath like that once, thanks though.

2017. - This oughta refresh your memory.

2018. - And your pores.

2019. - Coward.

2020. - Oh all of a sudden they're at the Alamo.

2021. - You'll pay for this.

2022. We'll get even with you.

2023. - Uh, gee, can I have that cell?

2024. - Oh, right in the cummerbund.

2025. - Um, I'm with a client.

2026. Sir, we don't take walk ins.

2027. - Ooh.

2028. - Whoa ho he ho.

2029. - It's my groommaid's dress.

2030. - Wait, wait, wait, who's alive?

2031. Let's count off here.

2032. - Hey it's not my gun,

2033. check the powder burns, I didn't do it.

2034. - One last kiss would be nice.

2035. - You got a big ball of wax in there.

2036. - He must tell you.

2037. Everything depends on it.

2038. - It's alright, it's alright now,

2039. don't speak anymore, don't speak anymore.

2040. - Alright?

2041. You shot me, you jerk.

2042. - I can't believe I ever liked you.

2043. - I couldn't help myself.

2044. - I ate the last

2045. - It was the drug.

2046. - I know.

2047. I always knew.

2048. - I knew it was the drug,

2049. you said it was the drug, I knew it.

2050. - Know what, it'd be really bad if you died

2051. while I was kissing you right now.

2052. Now how does that make me feel?

2053. - He had to get every last drop of love out of her.

2054. - Well,

2055. I could still hug her,

2056. that's not that weird, is it?

2057. - No.

2058. - Dead, huh?

2059. Well, heh, best untie the other one.

2060. - I just let myself out.

2061. - The haunting Herb Alpert death theme here

2062. on the music of your life.

2063. - Hey now wait a second,

2064. two wrongs aren't gonna make a right.

2065. - Well, I'll do the honors.

2066. Super Dragon worked the deep fryers at Arby's.

2067. He knows what he's doin.

2068. - They're gonna rust proof him.

2069. - Now would you guys scrub my back?

2070. Oh, and there's a bottle of Sardo someplace.

2071. - Well.

2072. - Well.

2073. - What have do you have to say to me, huh?

2074. - I got nothing to say.

2075. Just go to hell.

2076. - That's very rude of you.

2077. Comfort?

2078. Teach him some manners.

2079. - Well the small fork is for the shrimp

2080. and keep your head below the queen.

2081. - No comfort.

2082. - You won't make me talk.

2083. - All right.

2084. - This'll be a shocking experience.

2085. Watts for dinner?

2086. - Oh, Servo.

2087. - Oh I love it, increase the amps.

2088. Come on.

2089. - You have a beautiful voice, Salas.

2090. Have you ever thought about going on the stage?

2091. - You'll both die for this.

2092. - Although I was in Oliver in senior sketch night

2093. and I had this little-

2094. - Make her stop it, I'll talk.

2095. - Hey it's Frank the bodyguard's apartment.

2096. - What are they in Filene's Basement

2097. all of a sudden?

2098. - Jeez, he should put a fence around that thing,

2099. he might run into problems when he has a lot of people over,

2100. they could get their head crushed in or something.

2101. - Oh, it's still working anyway.

2102. I haven't been home in a while.

2103. - Used to have handles on it.

2104. You could just open it.

2105. It was actually more convenient.

2106. Same deal here, pretty much.

2107. More for show really, I can get you one if you want one.

2108. - Boy, you're really proud of that

2109. clay squirrel, aren't ya?

2110. - I'm very happy to see you again.

2111. - I was being facetious.

2112. - Can I give you a hand?

2113. - Why sure, you can help us.

2114. - Just come right in Ray.

2115. - He said can I give you a hand.

2116. - He was the only one left who could tell you the formula

2117. for Anti-Synchron.

2118. - Did it have mushroom soup in it?

2119. - Now your mission is failed, Cooper.

2120. Failed totally.

2121. As for me, I couldn't tell you now, even if I wanted to.

2122. - This is my headshot you know?

2123. - You hear that Elizabeth?

2124. I'm coming to join you, honey.

2125. - I don't need the formula.

2126. I already photographed it in your office

2127. with this camera, look.

2128. See, huh, huh?

2129. - So you're killing yourself for nothing.

2130. Na, na, na, na, na, na.

2131. - What a jerk,

2132. he just wanted to get the guy's goat

2133. right before he died.

2134. - The boys at Fremont are saved

2135. and there's loads of decorations pouring in for you.

2136. We're just waiting for you to get back.

2137. - Yeah, well when are you expecting me?

2138. - Senator Hawlings, get off the line.

2139. - Right away of course.

2140. - Well don't hold your breath.

2141. - What?

2142. I don't understand.

2143. - Yeah you heard me all right.

2144. I'm taking a little vacation.

2145. - Why?

2146. - Why?

2147. - I had the time comin'.

2148. - Holland is beautiful in the fall.

2149. - What about Babyface?

2150. - Oh Babyface?

2151. - He's beautiful anytime.

2152. - Yeah, I know I gotta send him right back to Sing Sing,

2153. but I'm afraid I can't do that right now.

2154. He seems to be very, very busy

2155. absorbing the local color.

2156. - Appears he's adopted a Dutch family.

2157. - Now listen, you made a deal with Coleman

2158. to bring him back now.

2159. You can't break your word.

2160. A deal is a deal, do you hear?

2161. Now you and Babyface get on the first plane—

2162. - Flint!

2163. - Well I'm very sorry

2164. but there's nothing I can do about that.

2165. - I'm going to be very busy too.

2166. Studying the local customs.

2167. - How about a little Dutch treat, huh?

2168. - At least the movie had a good payoff.

2169. - Yeah.

2170. Okay, no, no, no, it's very simple.

2171. - Simple. - Secret.

2172. - Secret simple - Agent.

2173. - Agent thing. - Super Dragon.

2174. - Secret Super Dragon lady thing.

2175. - Alright, knock it off you mutton heads.

2176. We gotta do that super villain conference call

2177. with Dr. Forrester.

2178. - Super villain deal, aw forget it.

2179. - Come in, your surliness.

2180. - Sing, sing, sing.

2181. Oh hi Joel.

2182. Dr. Forrester'll be with you in one minute.

2183. - Ah Mr. Robinson,

2184. why don't you introduce your colleagues?

2185. - Well sirs, pretty much the same colleagues

2186. as I always have.

2187. Uh, Tom Servo,

2188. Crow T. Robot,

2189. Gypsy couldn't make it.

2190. - Hi.

2191. - Well thank you for coming by today.

2192. Our topic is super villains

2193. and I think I'd like to open it up to

2194. question and answer.

2195. Well thank you, Frank.

2196. - Whatever.

2197. - Can I get some cream?

2198. - No.

2199. - Great, Joel?

2200. - Well I think the question our field reps ask most

2201. at this week's movie meeting was,

2202. why the super villain in today's film

2203. failed to make any kind of an impression, gentlemen?

2204. - Right, pretty much, no impression at all.

2205. - Ah very good.

2206. Well perhaps one reason why this super villain failed

2207. and I believe the 1971 Dr. No monograph

2208. will back me up here,

2209. is that he did not possess

2210. a strange or rare animal.

2211. I can't be too strong on this point.

2212. Either four legs or two.

2213. Every super villain must have an animal.

2214. Frank, I believe you had a question.

2215. - Oh yeah.

2216. Eagerly,

2217. I've always thought it would be easy and fun to start up

2218. a super villain franchise, is that true?

2219. - Ah, excellent question, very good.

2220. Uh no, no,

2221. it is

2222. not

2223. easy

2224. to set up a super villain franchise.

2225. You see today's super villain,

2226. is in essence the small business owner of his franchise.

2227. He does the purchasing,

2228. the hiring, the firing,

2229. plus must maintain medical and dental and benefits for

2230. an unstable and terribly dishonest group of henchmen.

2231. But if you are dedicated

2232. and are not afraid of a little hard work,

2233. then you'll find that the field of super villainry

2234. can be very rewarding indeed.

2235. Yes, next question.

2236. - Well the only thing we wanted to ask

2237. and I think we're all in agreement on this is-

2238. - What do ya think sirs?

2239. - Good question.

2240. Push the button Frank.

2241. What the, hey.