Mystery Science Theater 3000 6x16

1. - Well, hi there, howdy do.

2. - Hi.

3. - Mike Nelson here with my friends Tom Servo

4. and Crow T. Robot.

5. And today we're glad you stopped by today

6. because we've got a special treat,

7. Lisa Lobe! - Lisa Lobe?

8. - Is gonna stop by and do a song.

9. I don't know, the kids seem to like Lisa Lobe.

10. - Lisa Lobe?

11. I thought she was Courtney Hole.

12. - No, Courtney Hole is with - A lemon holes

13. - Her hole. - No.

14. - We'll be right back.

15. - Garnishing pumpkin. - Pumpkin holes.

16. - Come on, come. - Let me up.

17. - Come on.

18. Oh we hurt your feelings?

19. Good!

20. - Oh come on Crow I mean she's all right.

21. I mean so she's really annoying we'll just stop that,

22. oh the bads are calling. - Oh there they are.

23. What?

24. - Have, have you been helped?

25. - No as a matter of fact, we haven't.

26. - Well, what are you,

27. Frank, could you just step back just a bit please.

28. Frank, who are these people, how did they get in here?

29. - I don't know, have you been helped?

30. - No in fact we haven't.

31. - Frank we have got to start using the security system!

32. Mike, have you had any problems with security up there?

33. - No, no, everything's— - What about Lise Hole?

34. - Oh oh yeah right, Lisa Lobe stopped by earlier but,

35. - Oh, you see what I mean Frank?

36. We've got these idiots down here,

37. they got Lisa Lobe running around, oh, sorry.

38. - Have you been helped? - Frank!

39. No I'm gonna go outside to check this out.

40. And when I tell you, hold this button down

41. and buzz me in, all right?

42. - All right Frank, it's me, buzz me in.

43. - Hi welcome to Bargain Clown, can I take your order please?

44. - Very funny Frank, would you buzz me in?

45. - I'm sorry, that's not on the menu sir!

46. - Frank I will kill you so bad.

47. - Uh that's $4.99 please!

48. - Shut up!

49. Well Mike, because of our little security problem,

50. we're going to have to communicate

51. via closed circuit intercom.

52. Check, check,

53. okay Mike, is this thing on?

54. Can you hear me?

55. - No I'm sorry Dr. F we can't hear you.

56. - [Dr. F] Oh what the heck,

57. I must have crossed those wires coming out of the...

58. How about now?

59. - Uh, nope, still nothing on this end.

60. - [Dr. F] Well son of a...

61. Do you happen to have channel A?

62. - Which channel would you like us to have it on?

63. - [Dr. F] Channel A.

64. - Uh, we have it on channel A, we just can't hear you.

65. - Well all right all right,

66. turn it off, turn it off.

67. I'll just have to describe your movie

68. using semifour flags.

69. I've got a treat coming up for you.

70. It's a short subject called.

71. Are you ready for marriage?

72. Hope you enjoy and good sailing!

73. - Okay then, thanks a lot hey,

74. and sorry this thing didn't work.

75. - Hey! - Oh, we have moving sides!

76. - [Dr. F] Face!

77. - Ha ha ha face. - Total face.

78. - Um, yeah I'm sick of sex anyway.

79. - Yes it's my long-time bachelor Reuben Hill.

80. I have to wear this dress, it's part of my family research.

81. - All stress.

82. - Oh, Professor Hill, sir.

83. - Say, nice front porch.

84. - Um, mom, I need to get to school.

85. - The tepid embrace tells me they're ready for marriage.

86. - Welcome to as far as you're gonna get.

87. - Oh you're so suitable.

88. - Goodnight sweetheart. - Goodnight darling.

89. - I touched your vitalis, I'm gonna go wash my hands.

90. - Larry, isn't exciting about our getting married.

91. - What, yeah, what!

92. Yeah, what?

93. Oh, oh, oh, could you grab me a cold shower

94. while you're in there?

95. Thank you.

96. - Uh, you still didn't pay your grid bill ma'am.

97. - I hope Leopold doesn't find out about this.

98. - Um, I'm pretty sure this is my house but, you know...

99. - Walking on a pink cloud.

100. So I asked her last night at a graduation prom

101. and she said yes.

102. We're going to be married, in August!

103. - Wow, married? - Sly.

104. - She's just finishing high school

105. and you still have two years of University.

106. - And what about me? - That's a tough road Larry.

107. What are you going to use for money?

108. - Well, Sue's folks were gonna pay something

109. to put her in junior college here in town for two years,

110. so we'll have that.

111. But instead of going to college

112. she'll get a full-time job in Campustown.

113. - It's just Campustown Jake.

114. - Says she doesn't care anymore about education.

115. So with that, and my part time job, we'll get by.

116. - We'll be selling plasma!

117. Uh oh, here's Sue now.

118. You two probably want to me alone.

119. - Oh why are you still wearing a headdress?

120. - Why Sue honey. - Oh Larry.

121. - Well what's the matter?

122. - It's the folks they,

123. we had a terrible scene.

124. - I got kicked out of L7. - I couldn't keep a wink.

125. They don't approve, they say I'm too young!

126. They want me to finish two more years of schooling

127. before I even get engaged.

128. Oh Larry. - Oh Rob.

129. - Buck up sweetheart, they can't stop me!

130. - I'm mighty boy. - Relax,

131. and act normal 'till after your graduation next week.

132. - I'll contact the underground.

133. - And I can borrow Phil's car, we'll go down to Greeneville,

134. there's a Justice of the Peace down there.

135. - I'll marry him. - We'll elope honey!

136. - But married, I wanted a church wedding

137. and all the parties and showers for me too and—

138. - And the annulment.

139. - My folks, that would break mom's heart.

140. - Well we're the ones that are getting married,

141. not your folks. - I hate you.

142. - I don't know Larry. - I'm really mousey.

143. - I read somewhere that a marriage without parents approval

144. has two strikes on it from the start.

145. - I think it was from humor and uniform.

146. - But if eloping is the only way.

147. - No.

148. Maybe it isn't.

149. - I could have my chin smallered.

150. - Maybe you could convince your folks

151. that you should get married.

152. - But how Larry, how? - Tell them we're Pixies.

153. - I'm sitting in a puddle.

154. - I bet we could get some advice

155. from the marriage counselor over at the church.

156. His name is Hall. - Hunce Hall?

157. - Phil told me about him.

158. He teaches a course on marriage and family living

159. at the college.

160. - You think he could help me with my folks?

161. - No.

162. - It's worth a try, isn't it?

163. - Visit your government church.

164. - First federal church, member of FDIC.

165. - My folks don't understand the way I feel.

166. - They feel like rhino hide.

167. - But that's the story Mr. Hall.

168. - Do you think you can help us get married?

169. - Pair Oburst!

170. - Why I'm in favor of marriage.

171. In fact, I spent a good deal of my time

172. helping people to get ready for marriage.

173. - And I'm in the concrete business.

174. - Now let's see, you've know each other for,

175. - Three months, one week two days and, 17 hours.

176. - Oh boy, one of these.

177. - And you're 18 Sue? - Si.

178. - And 19 Larry? - Thank you.

179. - Have either of you ever been in love before?

180. - Well, - Does my uncle count?

181. - But not like this, this is the real thing.

182. - Yes.

183. - Ha ha, no it isn't.

184. - I had a chum in college who had the real thing

185. with eight successive girls.

186. - Wilt Chamberlain?

187. - Boy it's all right if you have it, fine,

188. it's a very important factor in building a happy marriage.

189. - I found that out to late but—

190. - How do you know it's real love?

191. The kind you can get married on?

192. - Why, ever since I first met Larry

193. I haven't wanted to date anyone else.

194. - Except Dwight Eisenhower.

195. - A whole three months now.

196. And besides I haven't even had one quarrel with him.

197. - In the car Sue! - No quarrels, why not?

198. No differences of opinion,

199. or no opinion?

200. - Objection, he's leading the witness.

201. - What do you talk about on your dates?

202. - Oh, movies and popular songs.

203. - Orchestras and dancing. - Popular songs.

204. - Larry, chosen profession, engineering?

205. - No I don't understand any of it.

206. - It's gross.

207. - I don't like to hear about it.

208. - Sue honey, I didn't know you felt that way.

209. - That's because you never listen!

210. - Larry you're a dollard.

211. - Well it seems you two may have some things

212. to talk over and settle. - Idiots.

213. - Might well ask yourself some questions

214. before you get too serious about marriage..

215. - Well what do you mean? - What sort of questions?

216. - Well, questions for cupid.

217. Might say he should ask them before he fires those arrows.

218. - Are you licensed sir?

219. - We call this Cupid's checklist.

220. - And we have entered your fantasy kingdom.

221. - Do you have similar backgrounds, similar bases

222. for your ideals and standards?

223. - Pure bloodlines.

224. - Second, - Cupid is anal..

225. - Second, are you real friends, comrades, pals,

226. through thick and thin.

227. - Third—

228. - Are you from the same family?

229. - You both understand marriage.

230. - Huh? - Well, not the kind

231. in most movies or most popular songs.

232. - We love popular songs.

233. - But the real everyday kind of marriage

234. between real people, do you understand?

235. - Well golly Mr. Hall I don't know the answers

236. to all those questions,

237. I just know that I'm in love with Sue, is that bad?

238. - No that's good. - Shut up Iris.

239. - You're right, and it's good when you recognized

240. that you don't know what the answer is, it's a good sign.

241. - I don't know. - Anything!

242. - I think we're friends.

243. And maybe we can understand marriage but,

244. backgrounds, how do they affect getting married?

245. - Well, come over here a minute.

246. Perhaps I can show you what I mean.

247. - Put these on. - What's that?

248. - I call it a marriage development board.

249. - Pat and pending.

250. - It represents the psychological distance

251. between a husband and a wife

252. from the time they are born until they die.

253. - Bobby Orr's electric marriage, real marriage action.

254. - What does it all mean?

255. - Well let's set it up for you and Sue.

256. When you are born, you inherit

257. a great many differences from your parents.

258. That's part of your background.

259. - That makes sense all right.

260. - Now, as you grow up,

261. you each develop separate and unique personalities.

262. - Unless your Finnish.

263. - Your mental growth— - Represented by Tom Duey.

264. - Your emotional hub. - It's a little Hitler baby.

265. - Your standards and ideals.

266. - Your Zephon Wars from Beta Three.

267. - Larry your distinctly masculine outlook on life.

268. - Thank you. - Sue your feminine way

269. of looking at things. - Is wrong.

270. - Your capacities to love, be loved.

271. - Are all missing. - These and many other ways,

272. you each require a background

273. so when you first met, you were probably farther apart.

274. Probably more distinct individuals

275. then when you were born.

276. - But I don't want to marry a girl like me.

277. I want to marry a man like him.

278. - Ha ha ha no you don't.

279. - But even though we're close together here,

280. we don't know how far apart we are there.

281. - That's right.

282. - When you two met, there was probably

283. an early physical reaction. - Oh yeah.

284. - A romantic attraction that pulls you together.

285. A love appeal that hits you sort of,

286. boing, - You saw my boing?

287. - How did you know?

288. - Well it happened to me.

289. It happened to some degree to most couples

290. who become happily married

291. but it takes more than this boing.

292. - Sometimes there's a schplurt!

293. - You're too far apart psychologically.

294. - If one of you is cuckoo.

295. - If you're backgrounds are not similar enough.

296. It can cause a great deal of argument and unhappiness

297. until—

298. - It's gone. - Where'd it go?

299. - We're gonna die! - That's what you'll be saying

300. about your romantic love if these other things

301. cause a break up. - But where's the rubber band!

302. - This is forever with Larry and me.

303. - Fine, I hope so.

304. But, don't you think it's wise to take time

305. to find out how much strain these differences

306. might put on your romantic love.

307. - But there isn't any time.

308. Larry's going away in a couple of months.

309. - I am? - Yes.

310. Did you two ever see figures on length of engagement

311. and how it relates to your chances

312. for happiness in marriage.

313. - It's too technical sir.

314. - Two separate studies show the chance for happiness

315. improves with a longer engagement.

316. - You color good sir.

317. - It's fair for six months, better for a year,

318. or two years. - And so on into infinity.

319. - Is that because there's a better chance

320. to find out some of these differences

321. and become real friends?

322. - Yes, the chance to find out if your relationship

323. will wear well.

324. - Yes but can't we settle these differences

325. after we're married? - Honey this is man talk.

326. - And if you aren't successful?

327. - We'll there's drinking and porno.

328. - Before you become too deeply involved,

329. find out of the distance might turn out to be too great.

330. - I've asked King Vitaman to join us.

331. - Here's another angle that should interest you both.

332. How age when married can effect the chance for happiness.

333. - Can I see the raw data?

334. - You can see that the chances are better

335. after the man reaches 21 or so.

336. - Remember I made this all up.

337. Here we have the frequency response of the JBL.

338. - And the same studies show that the woman

339. must be 19 or 20 before the chances for happiness

340. begin to be good.

341. - But why?

342. What's the difference between 19 and 21 or so.

343. - Don't sass me son.

344. - The difference is you the next few years.

345. You Larry, and you Sue.

346. And young people seem to change and mature in these years

347. from 18 to 21 and even later. - I'm not mature?

348. - The person you might marry at 18 or so,

349. will seem like quite a difference person to you

350. a few years later. - Is that like Transformers?

351. - Gee hun. - Guess I don't like you.

352. - Doesn't take an engineer to see—

353. - I'm not listening.

354. Dum dum dum dum, not listening!

355. Dum-de dum dum dum.

356. - All of them. - Yeah.

357. - Gee Bullwinkle.

358. - I see our chances aren't so good now.

359. What are we going to do?

360. I thought you were going to help us get married.

361. - Well frankly neither of you has a chance for love ever.

362. - So, you're available soon?

363. - I believe I can.

364. I think you two have a lot of what it takes

365. to build a successful marriage.

366. Yet, you wouldn't try to plan

367. and build a house in three months will you?

368. - Sure why not?

369. - Shouldn't a marriage have better planning?

370. - On belay!

371. - If you two are going to build a successful family team

372. that will last for 40 or 50 years,

373. - Suddenly their marriage is the Igersanction.

374. - How long do you think it should take to get ready?

375. - It's approaches engineering, look out!

376. - All right. - You wanna play rough?

377. - How do we know when we've done it?

378. - Oh boy, back to the dolls!

379. - When the two of you are ready for marriage,

380. you sense a new feeling between you.

381. The two of you united as a pair.

382. Thinking as one unit, acting as one unit

383. in the building of a marriage and a new family.

384. - Form all commando units. - Your essential parents

385. shows up in the way in which you consider

386. what's best for the pair of you, or,

387. what you want individually for yourself.

388. Think of how often you speak of things

389. from my point of view. - Oh I know.

390. Marines, we are leaving!

391. - Sorry back in Danang there for a minute.

392. - I guess it wasn't my folks that needed convincing,

393. it's me, I mean it's us, isn't it Larry?

394. - Yeah, we'll say.

395. - And so in terms of the checklist for Cupid,

396. Larry and Sue began to examine

397. their readiness for marriage.

398. - They were horrified by what they found.

399. - Do we have similar backgrounds?

400. - Do we have any pryers?

401. - Do we agree on our religious beliefs?

402. - I worship Cthulhu.

403. - And have the same feelings about religion in general.

404. - You know, God and stuff.

405. - Do we have the same ideals and standards

406. and pace?

407. So give to me your leather take from me my lace.

408. It's the Hitlers!

409. - Do we enjoy the same friends?

410. - Hi we're running for congress.

411. - Do we share the same interests?

412. I like stuff too.

413. And what about Sue and Me? - She's suing him?

414. - Are we real friends? - I never had a friend.

415. - Do we have a real happiness in being together,

416. talking. - Boinging.

417. - Or just doing nothing together?

418. - To the point that we're sick of each other.

419. - Does each of us really want to make the other one happy?

420. - Well I can tell mayonnaise from salad dressing.

421. - No you cannot. - It's easy, come on,

422. just get, get some...

423. - Do we have a real interest in each other

424. and a sense of pride in each other?

425. - Hi Roy, who's the beard?

426. Oh oh, sorry.

427. I decided not to jump.

428. - Do we know each other's peculiarities?

429. - I like to sleep with my head in a catchers mitt.

430. - Do we both have the spirit of give and taken?

431. - Well my lips are all numb.

432. - Can we quarrel and,

433. and come out of it with something better than before.

434. - Your breath is really bad.

435. Know what I mean, it's really pungent.

436. - Oh.

437. - Do we really understand marriage?

438. - That's the breaded thing with the mayonnaise right?

439. Do we understand the social aspects of marriage?

440. - I'm not doing that.

441. - Could we in understanding about money matters

442. and how important it is

443. to have enough money to do more than just get by.

444. - Here's a good one son.

445. - Do we understand the physical aspect

446. and the family side of marriage.

447. - Yes dad that is a doggy, good.

448. - Do we know how much work there is to a marriage.

449. - Yeah got anymore of these books son?

450. - And overall, do we have a feeling of paired unity.

451. - Hair unity?

452. - Those questions were helping us to find out

453. just how strong our relationship was.

454. And helping us to strengthen it.

455. - Let's get out of here I need you now.

456. So the next time we called on Mr. Hall,

457. we realized how much he had been helping us.

458. He had been talking for some time with our parents

459. and there seemed to be general agreement that Sue and I.

460. - Should be kept far apart. - Now have a much better idea

461. of just how much psychological distance still separated us.

462. - If you want to Sue,

463. your mother and I, we can make arrangements

464. for you to begin school at State U this fall with Larry.

465. To stay with the junior college.

466. - With a new car! - If we want to,

467. - And if you two get along, in school that is,

468. - I made a little funny there.

469. - If you continue to reduce the psychological distance,

470. then perhaps at Christmas vacation or at Easter vacation,

471. we'll be glad to announce the engagement.

472. - Oh Larry!

473. - College is gonna change everything!

474. - And then we can be married

475. when Larry graduates in two years.

476. I mean, one year and,

477. ten months and,

478. three days.

479. - God that bugs me when you do that!

480. - Yes.

481. If the engagement period gives you two the opportunity

482. to work things out together. - Ill be shocked.

483. - If you both still want it.

484. - I guess you might say, we're engaged to be engaged.

485. - What are you doing, stop that, get your hand off me!

486. - Mr. Hall, I. - I love you.

487. - We both want to thank you.

488. Now do you think we have anything more than—

489. - Boing? - Why yes I think

490. you've made a good start towards getting ready for marriage.

491. - But never make light of boings son.

492. - Boing everybody! - Boings all around.

493. - Oh ah, ah Mike!

494. I would like to ask you for Servos' hand in marriage.

495. - Sure, I don't see why not.

496. No, what?

497. Did I hear you right, you wanna marry—

498. - Tom Servo. - Wuh, why?

499. - Well I'm not getting any younger.

500. - Did he say yes?

501. Please tell me he said yes, please say

502. that we can be joined together

503. and ride on a magic carpet

504. to a land of whimsical enchantment.

505. Do we have our answer? - He didn't say.

506. - What a boner man, geez.

507. - You guys, getting married isn't about

508. just settling for who's ever there,

509. there's the whole question of compatibility.

510. You know as a matter of fact

511. there's a compatibility quiz in this month's Cosmo,

512. why don't we start there?

513. - A quiz in Cosmo?

514. How unusual.

515. - All right, here it is, okay.

516. Which, who do you admire more as a father figure,

517. Bill Cosby or Marvin Gaye Sr.?

518. - Bill Cosby. - Marvin Gaye Sr.

519. Okay admittedly he was a little strict.

520. - In matters of the heart,

521. which of the three stooges do you base your decisions on?

522. - Joe Boeser. - Curly Joe Dorito.

523. - Really? - Yeah.

524. - That's weird man, God, that is strange.

525. - Okay last one, this one is kind of important,

526. do you want to get married.

527. - No. - No.

528. - Well okay, I add 'em up there,

529. I guess that last one puts you over the edge.

530. Helen Curly Brown gives you her blessing.

531. - All right all right all right.

532. - Mmmmmmm.

533. - No no no, don't you don't you, get away, get!

534. - Ha ha, I kissed him.

535. - Dreamy, come here you.

536. - Marriage, hah!

537. What would you know about marriage.

538. - Well I know that if a marriage is stretched too much,

539. it can snap!

540. - It's gone, where did it go!

541. - Be careful! I gotta send you your feature presentation,

542. racket girls.

543. - Well I know that if the movie is too long it can snap!

544. - Where did it go? - He's a sorcerer!

545. - Woo. - Whoa, a screen classics,

546. we'll decide if it's a screen classics, all right?

547. - Boy that music draws you in.

548. - Oh!

549. I guess it's any given day at Madonna's house.

550. - Wow, what if you saw your grandma in the ring?

551. - Sir, please get back to your seat sir.

552. - This is amazing, can you just keep doing this?

553. - Folks we'll be starting our movie in a minute

554. but first enjoy this.

555. - Is there a midway nearby?

556. Two dominant male women fight for supremacy.

557. - Boy these Eastern European lingerie shows, I tell ya.

558. - Boing, boing,

559. - Amanda Pearson, Sandra Burnhardt go at it.

560. - Dis, mountain!

561. Girls, you're both pretty!

562. - Uh Susan, you could have at least shaved you legs.

563. - Uh, Elvis throws another party.

564. Bob Crane's private video collection.

565. Ah, they're wrestlers!

566. - Ah, that's Clara's wrestling name.

567. Her real name is Savage Venus.

568. Apples, peaches, pages pie.

569. By the way the referee is Charlie Watts,

570. in case you're wondering.

571. - Oh dear I just need to ask you,

572. where are the keys to the other...

573. - She's doing a fish flop again.

574. - I'd say the DRA fundraiser is going quite well!

575. - Mike is this the thrilla from Manila?

576. - Uh, no it's the Snooze in Santa Cruz.

577. - And four hours later,

578. - Boy continental sound really came through.

579. No wonder people went nuts over The Beatles,

580. this is all there was!

581. - We salute you George Weiss

582. for the courage to put your fantasies on screen.

583. - Fanta-screen.

584. - You know Derteno is an effective denta-frist.

585. - Come on, get some jello or mud or oil or something.

586. - Honey, which can't you just to go bridge club

587. or have coffee with the neighbor ladies?

588. I demand that recipe Sherry!

589. - The audience is expecting a Jim Fowler travel log.

590. - Wayne Newton!

591. Yo 11,

592. danke shen, right, thank you.

593. - There's some guys so ugly they have to become thugs.

594. Plays of the Week!

595. You supposed they're all on the same cycle?

596. - Uh, could you, move your leg,

597. just a little, move the leg.

598. Uh uh, oh, wait.

599. - Here I'll get it.

600. Boy this thing is really stuck, ow, oh!

601. - Mother start fighting!

602. - I knew if baseball went on strike,

603. other sports would take over.

604. - Tonight, we dance.

605. - Wait a minute, is this gonna be about wrestling?

606. - So they have 40 minute rounds in women's wrestling.

607. Mary McCarthy and Lillian Helmond have it out.

608. Hard to remember when this was a Saturday morning tradition.

609. - Those ringside seats are worth the $700 aren't they?

610. - Remember when Bobby Riggs wrestled Billy Jeane King?

611. - Oh yeah.

612. Well, this is the singing nun in their declining years.

613. - Here, does that feel good,

614. I'll just lay it gently against that.

615. - No. - Ah, ah.

616. Peloma Polkowska's enjoying it.

617. - You want ju ju bees or jersey for me?

618. - Uh, ju ju bee's fine.

619. - You want ju ju fruit? - No ju ju beans.

620. - Ju ju beans or ju ju fruit?

621. - Ju ju beans. - I'll get 'em.

622. He had his hat in his lap for a reason.

623. - Linda, do you just wanna knock off and go get some coffee?

624. - I saw this match on Lifetime.

625. - Hey it's Harpo!

626. - I prefer the traditional Hamlet.

627. - Hey it's Fran Liebowitz!

628. Not writing...

629. - Of course.

630. Well they're trying to spice up this production

631. of St. Jone and it's just not working.

632. - Well this is just the pro am,

633. there's four rounds over the weekend.

634. Sometimes it's hard to be a woman!

635. I'll pin it on my sweater!

636. - Scene is cut from the turning point.

637. - Thank you thank you,

638. come and see me in Hell Italian,

639. damn the question.

640. - I had $20 bucks on you!

641. - Geez her breasts are on her shoulders.

642. - Don't talk about her son mother.

643. - Not yet, later, later, please.

644. - Ah the fun marriage

645. of Sharon Doeherty and Ashley Hamilton.

646. - Are they getting turned on?

647. Timothy Busfield.

648. Hey look it's Timothy Busfield,

649. yeah it is, it's Timothy Busfield.

650. Okay, ju ju bee's it is, come on let's go.

651. - Yeah men always have to go the bathroom in pairs.

652. - Oh boy those guys are slippery, they almost got away.

653. - Tenth time I said no, you stay right here.

654. - You cannot wrestle in satin tap pants.

655. - Misses Oh-hooeygins.

656. - The girls show up yet?

657. - Quit worrying, she's waiting right outside.

658. - Well send her in.

659. Peaches, you know we signed up the arena the other night?

660. - Oh yeah. - Peaches, mhm.

661. - Welcome Peaches, can I call you Peaches?

662. - You sure can Mr. Gally.

663. - This is Joe. - How do you do Joe?

664. - How do you do? - Peaches and Regalia.

665. - Peach is your real name? - Oh yes!

666. - Is 4'9" your real height?

667. - I can see I don't have to be reminded.

668. - Shut up Joe. - Why don't you sit down?

669. - Thank you. - Thank you.

670. - Her next guest Dagmar ladies and gentleman.

671. - I was certainly happy I was able to purchase

672. your contract from Herman,

673. now that you have no objections to the deal.

674. - Nice hand. - Why should I?

675. I hope to be a champ, with your help.

676. - I'll do all I can, I promise you then.

677. - You're very kind Mr. Scalli.

678. - We'll do all we can to make you happy.

679. You'll see that all your needs are taken care of.

680. - All he can. - Thank you Mr. Scalli.

681. - I'm very grateful for you kindness and help Mr. Scalli.

682. - And now let me tell you about plans for you.

683. - Ah!

684. Whoa is this me in my head trying to cope with this movie

685. or is this actually happening on the screen?

686. - No I'm I'm, I'm seeing it too.

687. - Oh me too, this would turn Katie Langheader on.

688. Sorry, little fantasy there.

689. - I think it's a wonderful idea.

690. - No that we've become friends, why don't you drop

691. the Mr. Scalli, just call me Scalli.

692. - Felonuis Hebadies Scalli.

693. - Fine Scalli.

694. - Hey and don't forget me, I'm Joe!

695. - Oh Joe, you're cute.

696. - I get it, anything that is small is cute!

697. Well, that's me! - He's from Barcelona.

698. - Don't you know the best things come in small packages.

699. - Not my way of thinking.

700. - I always am fast sized, the wrong word.

701. - And how about showing you the gym.

702. You're gonna be spending most of your time there anyways.

703. - It's a good idea.

704. - Peaches, you're the good idea.

705. Never saw my grandma naked

706. but this will do.

707. - Shh, people are wrestling!

708. - This is back when undergarments had no erotic appeal.

709. - Ruby, I want you to meet Miss Page.

710. - How do you do?

711. - Hello.

712. - Visiting our gym?

713. - No I purchased Peach, Miss Page's contract.

714. She's now a member of our gym.

715. - Well I'm delighted to hear that.

716. - You have a nice place here.

717. - Oh we're all just members of one big happy family.

718. So the saying goes.

719. - I have a suggestion Miss Page,

720. why don't you change to gym tards

721. and spend a few minutes getting acquainted with our gym?

722. - But Mr. Scalli I have no gym tards with me.

723. - I'm sure Ruby can help. - Why yes,

724. I'm sure we can borrow something out of the locker room,

725. I'll be glad to help.

726. - Why don't you Peaches?

727. I mean Miss Page.

728. - Okay if you say so Scalli.

729. - Follow me Peaches.

730. - Are you a good witch of a bad witch?

731. - It's that guy's seventh year

732. in an unpaid internship.

733. - Hey Joe.

734. - Where you going with that gun in your hand?

735. - Oh lubricious Mediterranean guys, they're always so cute.

736. - Where you going?

737. - Force of habit boss. - Well change your habit.

738. Come on I want to talk to you in the office.

739. - Nahhh.

740. - Let me see,

741. yes we can use these trunks and this bra

742. and you're all set. - Bra?

743. - If I'd know that they wanted me to work out

744. in the man I would have brought my own gym tards along.

745. - Oh don't worry, somebody's old

746. something around this dressing room

747. and it won't hurt to borrow it.

748. - I believe this is not gratuitous.

749. - Here's my bungy cord.

750. Give me that leg.

751. - That's it you're all set,

752. now we can go to the gym.

753. - Meanwhile Audrey Hepburn was making "Roman Holiday."

754. New girls got an odd can.

755. - Did you notice that new girl Scalli dragged in?

756. - Yeah I heard he just picked up her contract.

757. - Oh Jethro! - She's up to something

758. no good if you ask me.

759. - Bet you he gave her the same line he gave me

760. when I first came here.

761. - Yeah he's full of big promises.

762. - Kind of like looking at an erotic cave painting.

763. Ooh she moves fast for a lineman.

764. - Don't tell me you fell for his lie.

765. - Well, didn't you.

766. - What's that gunk on her towel?

767. - Yes, I guess that makes us birds of a feather.

768. Well come on, let's go to the showers.

769. - So the shower is a formal high helic Asian.

770. - Oh yeah yeah.

771. - Those of you who never associated sexuality

772. with your great aunt, here it is.

773. My mats are so dingy.

774. - Oh that one was personal.

775. - You know Peach's bikini sold at Softy's for $50,000?

776. Just trying to get a workout here,

777. just trying to get my heart rate up a little, thank you.

778. - I can see that no one asked too many questions

779. about Peaches. - Joe is shrinking.

780. - Word will get around fast enough

781. when they find out I bought her contract.

782. - Don't worry boss, I know how to play dumb.

783. - Now that you don't have to tell me.

784. What I want you to do is shadow her at all times

785. but don't let her know about it.

786. - Leave it to me boss.

787. I used to work for Frednose Flynn, remember?

788. - I didn't ask for references,

789. just follow my instructions. - Okay boss.

790. - I'm practically putting her in your charge.

791. She's our new star wrestler.

792. - Leave everything to me boss.

793. This is one job I won't fall down on.

794. - You better not. - Baravelli.

795. - Now I'll phone and see that she moves

796. into our same apartment house.

797. - See how I'm calling here?

798. You can watch it if you want.

799. - He's got a Hal Linden look. - Hello Johnson?

800. Scalli.

801. Listen I want you to do me a little favor.

802. - Here's a clean towel.

803. You can use it to dry yourself with

804. after you've had your shower in the next room.

805. - Thanks, thanks a lot.

806. - Oh, I'm going over to Mr. Scalli's office,

807. but I'll be back in a few minutes.

808. - Put in a good word for me, huh?

809. - I don't think I'll have to. - How does the towel work?

810. - Wuh? - Ah.

811. I love the rings, woopee!

812. - Well, she has the build and the strength.

813. Something like a fifth avenue bus.

814. - I bought her contract.

815. She'll bring a lot of extra business for the gym.

816. How about taking her out for some road work tomorrow?

817. - Well that's an excellent idea, I'll go back and tell her.

818. - I'll have her fill some potholes!

819. You know when Ed Wood saw this

820. it was like when Trufoe saw Citizen Kane.

821. Oh, it's so hot out today.

822. Prelude to the afternoon for a hot fawn.

823. - This is in danger of being confiscated while we watch it.

824. - It could be,

825. now that bra's about as sexy as a concrete a button it.

826. - You're really good at that, you're so smart.

827. - Well, Heidi's all frown up!

828. - Okay, Shmele's gonna hit you hot,

829. think body body!

830. - Child avern. - Chow Shirley.

831. - One two 12, 25, eleventy-two, 63, 98, 12,

832. four, - Well where's Benny Hill

833. when you need him huh?

834. - Hey, you look like a swell dish to me.

835. - Chaplin speaks!

836. Murlese Brom is playing on the car radio.

837. Hey, why don't we do it in the road?

838. No one will be watching us.

839. - And the point of this is...

840. 'Cause it's the annual running of the breasts.

841. - Ah, just breathe the fumes in, it's good for ya.

842. - This movie is refreshingly itself.

843. - Usually when I run with a big breath of jogger,

844. I'm shy and awkward.

845. - Posture Scalli.

846. Late last night or night before,

847. 24 rappers came knocking at my door.

848. And, uh, uh.

849. - Sure hope she's not in a fault line.

850. - Wow! - Duh duh sss!

851. - So when Joe went into the employment agency,

852. did he say I like driving women wrestlers to the country

853. and looking at their breasts.

854. - I'm getting a really good workout.

855. - So is Joe.

856. - Boss.

857. - There were three men that were looking for you yesterday

858. are here. - Where?

859. - They're in your office.

860. - And so student, just plug in the quadratic formula

861. and excuse us.

862. - Hey you catch the live Riley last night?

863. Pretty good.

864. Hi we're here to do greater tuna.

865. - We've been waiting to see you Scalli.

866. - So I had a stand.

867. - Radio free up! - I figured you'd be

868. showing up anyway.

869. - You guessed it right, what's on your chest?

870. - Just a rash.

871. - Mr. Big's got an idea.

872. You've been bucking a lot of dough.

873. - Yeah you're short on kicking in.

874. - I've bucketed nothing, you've got the wrong information.

875. - It isn't what we heard, you might as well level.

876. - We've got a way of finding things out Steve.

877. Your boy Jimmy ratted.

878. - Jimmy ratted?

879. Why that— - Jimmy is working

880. for Mr. Big now. - Nah.

881. - Sort of personal, you can't touch him.

882. - Okay.

883. - Good Fred bigger willing pig.

884. - Who would you figure he's got coming?

885. - You got a nail clipper?

886. - $35,000 grand, and he wants it now.

887. Mr. Big ain't a patient man Scalli.

888. - I haven't got that much right now.

889. Painted my rug.

890. - Yeah, my heart bleeds for you Scalli.

891. When?

892. - Give me 30 days or so.

893. - Is he kiddin'?

894. We gotta have some security.

895. - Nevermind, it's a lot of time.

896. I'll speak to Mr. Big and see how he feels about it.

897. - He's the big from Big and Tall fame.

898. - Kinda nice to be alive, isn't it Scalli.

899. - Is it the boss? - Yeah.

900. - We'll be seeing you.

901. - You know all the old familiar, well you know.

902. - Let's go back to Rockville!

903. - Should have put up chips and dip.

904. - It's this punk, Scalli's confidential bookkeeper.

905. - Well, well.

906. - He's kinda cooked up.

907. - I've been looking forward to meeting you.

908. Come closer I wanna take a good look at you.

909. - I just got contacts.

910. - Yeah you look smug, just right.

911. - He's one of the undead boss.

912. - Lucky I've known luck for a long time, he's okay chief.

913. He and I did time together up the river.

914. - Good enough. - Can you wake him up?

915. - Well Monk, you're in my pay now,

916. but you still work for Scalli too.

917. - Glad to be of service.

918. - He looks like a bush baby.

919. - Just keep an eye on Scalli.

920. I want you to report to me every move he makes,

921. especially the amount of money he buckets.

922. He does it regularly doesn't he?

923. - Well I'm his confidential bookkeeper.

924. - Hoo hoo! - Don't be afraid,

925. speak up, you're amongst friends.

926. - Yes. - Whoa ho ho ho!

927. - He does bucket bets, almost daily.

928. He keeps the money in his office safe.

929. - That's enough.

930. We'll just nurse Scalli along for the present.

931. Just keep your mouth good and tight.

932. - Don't worry about me boss, I know my business.

933. - Okay, Connie will show you the way out.

934. - Boy I can't believe how small Mr. Big is.

935. - Yeah.

936. - It's— - Fun, fun.

937. - Well what do you say buddy,

938. I think it's abut time for the, entertainment?

939. - Entertainment.

940. - Well yeah what's a swinging Bachelor party without,

941. entertainment, hit it boys!

942. Woohoo, oh yeah baby take it off, woo hoo hoo!

943. Hey Mike, put a dollar in her bandage

944. and show the lady a care, woohoo, all the way

945. for Crow T.'s bride groom, woohoo!

946. Hot sing, hot sing.

947. - Oh come on, stop the music. - Look at that action,

948. look at that neck. - Hey Crow, Crow,

949. - What, what? - Come on, this is wrong.

950. Think about it, geez.

951. - Yeah, you know, you're right Mike,

952. what was I thinking?

953. I should be thinking about my own sweet Servo.

954. You know why?

955. I'll tell you why, 'cause Servo is beautiful.

956. Servo is so beautiful man.

957. Servo is like a, like a precious little flower.

958. - Right on.

959. You know what Crow, your Bachelor party

960. is the most depressing thing of my entire life.

961. - Really?

962. Well thanks man!

963. Coming from you that'd be the last,

964. honest to God man, I love you.

965. - Ow, ow, get,

966. we got movies, we gotta go.

967. - Love you man. - Not again,

968. - Hey boss, here's the telegram

969. that got delivered to the apartment.

970. - Now let's see.

971. - Ah hell I've been traded to the St. Louis mob.

972. - A hot tip. - That's what we need.

973. - Passenger boy in the fifth at high aliea.

974. AH I want no part of it.

975. Who ever heard of a fast messenger boy.

976. Go on, get outta here.

977. - So discover Cher.

978. - Hello Americans.

979. - Our dice are painstakingly carved

980. by old world craftsmen.

981. Sounds like FDR is announcing the eighth at aquaduct.

982. - Dice crafters, new dice in about an hour!

983. - Well that scene cleared up a lot of questions.

984. - I'm enjoying delicious soups, broths and coffees.

985. - Boss, did you hear about the six at high aliea?

986. - What about it? - Messenger boy came in first.

987. - Messenger boy?

988. What do you know.

989. - Maybe the guy had something.

990. - Who? - The one who sent you

991. the white? - God get out of sight.

992. - Boy that's not hard,

993. go sit down or...

994. - It's helps a little.

995. - Consider that paper cup my resignation.

996. - God even the mob obeys the clean air act.

997. - Boy when they go outside, the film really lightens up.

998. - Now Clara Barton Hooks hits the waterfront.

999. - Hello Jackie, where ya going?

1000. - Home of course, where do you think?

1001. - Just a minute, I wanna talk to you.

1002. - About new Tide.

1003. - Well make it fast, I'd like to get home.

1004. - I know something about you. - You like Tommy in homeroom.

1005. - Do tell, I'd love to hear. - I hate to say this,

1006. but you haven't been turning in all the bets you collect.

1007. - You think you know don't you.

1008. - Yes I do.

1009. Six months ago when you first started to work with us,

1010. you turned in more bets than you do now.

1011. Well times have changed. - I'll say they have.

1012. You lived in a cheap hotel room,

1013. now you have a nice apartment.

1014. - I know Schnieder. - I can add things up.

1015. I'm a bookkeeper, remember?

1016. - You're nothing but a snake. - Of course I could keep

1017. my mouth shut.

1018. - Or I could go tell it on the mountains.

1019. - Want a price? - Yeah.

1020. Half the bets you bucket.

1021. - This thing really needs panavision.

1022. - You got any money. - No I don't.

1023. Well let's see, tic tac and an old kleenex

1024. and there's a picture of my grandmother.

1025. - Occasion scout had his hands full didn't he.

1026. - I can let you have $20, it's all I can spare.

1027. - Maybe you can do better tomorrow.

1028. - Tomorrow? - Now don't get sore Jackie.

1029. - Take your hands off me.

1030. - They were off a while ago actually.

1031. - Why don't you crawl into the sewer

1032. with the rest of the rats.

1033. - You'll be sorry you said that.

1034. - Although I am gonna crawl in the sewer

1035. but that's a complete coincidence.

1036. - Hi boss, I had to find Jan.

1037. - Yeah?

1038. What is it now?

1039. - I got a choice bit of information for you.

1040. Nothing extra special, but I though you might be interested.

1041. - It better be good.

1042. Go on.

1043. - Well, you know the girl Jackie, the girl bookie

1044. that works for us? - I'm listening.

1045. - I thought you might like to know

1046. that her hands are like flipey.

1047. - Your lips are like wine.

1048. - You mean she's holding out on us?

1049. - She buckets better than half the bets.

1050. - How do you know?

1051. - Well that's easy, I can show you by the books.

1052. - At first, I'll ready you the very hungry caterpillar.

1053. - Look here,

1054. when she first started to work for us six months ago,

1055. she turned in twice the number of bets she does today.

1056. - I think you got something.

1057. She used to live in a cheap hotel room.

1058. Now she has a swank apartment.

1059. - I resent that apartment! - You're all right Monk.

1060. You'll closely watch my interest and you'll go places.

1061. - Thanks boss.

1062. I always like to be of help, even if it is

1063. in a small way.

1064. Of course, this shadow work involves a little expense.

1065. - I know her apartment move really hurt you.

1066. - You did well Monk.

1067. And— - Here's 300 J.

1068. - I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate it.

1069. - Well thanks a lot boss.

1070. - As I said I, always like to help you run a clean

1071. and upright business.

1072. - Mhm. - Ah, Joe's getting his

1073. five dollars worth.

1074. - Hey Joe.

1075. - I heard you shot your woman down.

1076. - Come here.

1077. - Oh she, she crazy she flipped me over.

1078. - What's up dad?

1079. - Why is it every time I watch you,

1080. you're in the gym with one of the girls?

1081. - Because it's an easier place to find me.

1082. - Come in my office, I wanna talk to you.

1083. - Okay.

1084. - Joe paved the way for Herbe Villages.

1085. - She used to live in a cheap hotel,

1086. now she lives in a swank apartment.

1087. I can't get over that!

1088. - Cards clean and pressed while you wait.

1089. - I want you to go to the stables.

1090. - My pet rock. - What again?

1091. But boss that will make it three times this week.

1092. - You should complain, you're eating regularly aren't ya?

1093. - You but it's— - Do tell.

1094. - Maybe for seven or eight years.

1095. - Maybe you'll be lucky and get a shady cell.

1096. - Ah, I'm gon' quit this business.

1097. - Well I could always put you back selling peanuts

1098. at the arena. - Oh no, not that,

1099. anything but that!

1100. - It was probably a very good peanut seller though.

1101. - All right, what's name of the horse.

1102. - Puncture proof, you know what to do.

1103. - Puncture him. - Okay.

1104. I know my stuff. - I gey my partner Rusty.

1105. Hey Rusty!

1106. - Get new Italian sidekick.

1107. - Hey boss, there's a heavy play on Golden Boy

1108. in the fourth of pilico.

1109. We've got over five G's on him,

1110. should we lay some of it off.

1111. - Sure, who are you?

1112. - Take a chance on two G's.

1113. Spread the other three on Mow and Hiney.

1114. - Okay boss.

1115. - Oh say, did you get hold of Told Ya.

1116. - I sure did boss, she's outside now.

1117. - Nice, ew.

1118. To you.

1119. - What does Scalli want me for?

1120. - I don't know, he wouldn't say a word to me.

1121. - You wouldn't— - Partners aren't we?

1122. - Oh kiss an itch.

1123. - The boss wants to see you now, in his office.

1124. - Would you take off the rubber nose and glasses please?

1125. - So you got an filing you need done or not or...

1126. - You may think you're smart,

1127. but you can't outsmart an old timer like me.

1128. - You don't know what you're talking about.

1129. - That you're bucketing most of the bets you collect.

1130. You're nothing but a cheap chizzler.

1131. - You can't talk to me that day.

1132. - You needn't deny anything.

1133. Monk has clearly shown me every detail.

1134. - Monk. - That surprises you?

1135. - You mean you believe him?

1136. - Yeah.

1137. - He's nothing but a sewer rat.

1138. You forget, Monk is working for me

1139. and has been for a long time.

1140. He's been checking on you

1141. and shadowing you for the past few weeks.

1142. - I may be a sucker but I, you and Monk

1143. are made of the same filth.

1144. - Hey. - Hey.

1145. - Especially for you to get out of town

1146. or get all facts. - Save her Peaches!

1147. - If I catch you hanging around again,

1148. I'll have you beaten up, now get out of here.

1149. - Well actually he's a pretty lenient mobster.

1150. - As they go.

1151. - Ah, the fertile breeding stables

1152. of Pelomed chicken farms. - With champion stud chicken

1153. Manowar.

1154. - Wow, that's a really big sports car.

1155. - Did you have location scouting ever come up?

1156. - Why doesn't he just walk backwards?

1157. - You know it's the music

1158. that makes this scene come to life.

1159. - Morning sir, welcome to Diamond Star Ranch.

1160. - Well.

1161. - Whoa Joe, you've returned!

1162. - And I, I know it's not much

1163. but I got you this ring.

1164. - Anyone see a horse around here?

1165. Ooh, professor Firefly!

1166. - I'm sorry I thought you were coming on to me,

1167. I'm sorry I misread the singles.

1168. - All right, give me some. - Woohoo, woohoo!

1169. - Yum yum yum yum yum. - Cafeteria ladies

1170. on their off hours.

1171. Here at futon galleries we're having the best sale ever.

1172. Wrestling for the ladies and hot dogs for the kids.

1173. A Bob Hope entourage prepares for another USO tour.

1174. Pantyliner has wings!

1175. - If Russ Myers had direction Clare Booth loses the women.

1176. - I don't feel fresh today.

1177. - I'll show you fresh.

1178. - This is all for the first ladies medal

1179. in physical fitness.

1180. - If you thought Eunice Kennedy Schriver wasn't sexy,

1181. mmm, wow.

1182. - Hey the movie's back on track!

1183. - What are you thinking about? - Playdoh.

1184. - Oh just thinking Mr. Scalli

1185. is such a wonderful gentleman.

1186. - Hmm, I could tell you a thing or two

1187. about your Mr. Scalli.

1188. - You don't seem to like him. - I'm so dumb.

1189. - Well, let me tell you what happened

1190. when my best friend applied to him for a job.

1191. - Come in. - That's right,

1192. just keep coming in, you've got it, yes.

1193. - Mr Scalli, I'm afraid I don't have the money

1194. I promised you today.

1195. But if you'd only give me a little more time.

1196. - Listen I'd get all upset Beverly,

1197. I'll give you all the time you need.

1198. - Time's up! - You have a job?

1199. - Well I had one, but I'm gonna get another one soon.

1200. - Did you get fired. - Yes,

1201. they said I was drunk.

1202. - I was so high I wouldn't have known!

1203. - That's funny isn't it? - Go on girl.

1204. - I wish I could get drunk instead of—

1205. - These pills you're taking are quite expensive Beverly.

1206. An expense I'm afraid I can't handle myself at the moment.

1207. - I need my Tagamats! - Please don't cut me off

1208. Mr. Scalli, please. - I'm Bonnie Bedelia.

1209. - I'll get another job soon, I've been promised.

1210. - What Beverly, a job?

1211. Doing what?

1212. You're in no shape to work right now.

1213. Are you still living at home?

1214. Maybe your folks could— - Home,

1215. I haven't got a home, and I haven't gotten any folks either.

1216. Would you call a drunken father and mother folks?

1217. - Sure. - I don't.

1218. No Mr. Scalli, I'm on my own.

1219. I can't remember when I haven't been.

1220. - Wait a minute,

1221. there just may be a way to help you out?

1222. - Do you think so Mr. Scalli?

1223. I'd do anything to pay you what I owe.

1224. I'll take any kind of a job, washing dishes,

1225. doing laundry, anything.

1226. - Well that isn't exactly what I had in mind

1227. but you might be able to do my a favor.

1228. - My basement needs drywall. - A favor?

1229. - Yes, a certain friend of mine, Mr. Gomez has a place

1230. not far from here. - I want you to rough him up.

1231. - A little cabaret you know, dining, dancing,

1232. a little drinking, that sort of thing.

1233. - I'd make a very good waitress now.

1234. - Well, not exactly what I had in mind my dear.

1235. - You see Mr. Gomez is a business man.

1236. He caters to a very fine class of people.

1237. - Uh oh. - Of course,

1238. some of his customers drop in without a date.

1239. - Oh boy. - And come girls

1240. act as hostesses to make them feel more at home.

1241. - Oh I see.

1242. Well, just how much at home do they have to feel?

1243. - Well said my dear.

1244. You understand, keep them company,

1245. have a few drinks and then...

1246. - Oh no Scalli, I couldn't do that.

1247. I couldn't be a— - An actress!

1248. - I've sunk pretty low but doing that,

1249. - To the Vedder Amway! - Oh no!

1250. - Oh come now Beverly you're much too pretty a girl to cry,

1251. it's really not that bad.

1252. It would give you a chance to get back on your feet,

1253. a little money to buy, well, whatever you might want,

1254. understand?

1255. Whatever you need.

1256. - Yes. - Ew boogers.

1257. - I understand Mr. Scalli.

1258. I understand.

1259. I don't suppose there's any reason why I shouldn't,

1260. is there?

1261. - That's the spirit we need in our hookers!

1262. - I have no bad attitude do I?

1263. Just myself, isn't that right?

1264. I can do anything I please.

1265. - Maybe I'll protract this scene a little longer.

1266. - It will be nice to have a little money again

1267. to buy whatever I like. - Toast.

1268. - Yes it would be nice.

1269. - There's some heroin I've had my eye on.

1270. - All right Mr. Scalli, I'll see your Mr. Gomez.

1271. - And I'll raise you a Gonzalez.

1272. - Maybe I'll... get a chance to forget a lot of things.

1273. - All this for a car loan.

1274. - Maybe after I get a little money I could go away

1275. and maybe start over again. - I don't see that happening.

1276. - Ill see him Mr. Scalli, what's the address?

1277. - Oh, it's my turn to act, oh,

1278. seven, one, six, pimp circle.

1279. - Did he really do that?

1280. - He's just playing no good if you ask me.

1281. He's a sort of a guy who would change a girls evening stroll

1282. from a recreation to an occupation.

1283. - Ooh, Miss Metaphor.

1284. - But he wants me to be his girl.

1285. - I am a girl aren't I? - His girl is a lot of girls.

1286. And you happen to be only one of them.

1287. - I don't understand, he treats me so nice.

1288. - Listen kid, a lustful look to that guy

1289. is like a bugle call to a cavalry mount.

1290. - But he said he'd help me.

1291. And I want to be a champ like Clare Mortensen.

1292. - Idiot. - I know you mean well kid,

1293. I used to believe his lies and sometimes I still do.

1294. But take my advice, - Wear socks.

1295. - I never saw any good come out of him, and I never will.

1296. - Miss Manners in Personal Best.

1297. - Say boss, you know that horse called Puncture Proof?

1298. - What about him?

1299. - He dropped dead this afternoon at the starting gate.

1300. - Well.

1301. - You're right I had that coming.

1302. - Quick Joe, think of something cute and ethnic!

1303. - Just what did you do out there at the track anyway?

1304. - Just what you told me boss.

1305. - I didn't tell you to kill a horse.

1306. - Maybe the horse was weak, how should I know?

1307. Or maybe it had the flu or something?

1308. - You're trying to be funny? - Listen boss,

1309. I'll make it up to you.

1310. - No you don't, go on, get outta here

1311. 'till I send for ya. - The one minute mafia.

1312. - His mustache is like little windshield wipers, cute.

1313. - It's about time you go over and call on Scalli.

1314. There has been too much silence.

1315. - How's Monk doing?

1316. - Monk's been doing a fine job of checking for me,

1317. but I want you to drop in and refresh his memory

1318. after that $35 grand he owes me.

1319. - Ill make it a point to drop in on him today.

1320. - Boy the Mr. Big scenes really rescue the movie.

1321. - Oh you bet.

1322. - Whoa, Peaches and Herb.

1323. - Oh it still fits fine!

1324. - I'd rather see Bob Hoskins in that sweater.

1325. - Am I intruding? - No protruding.

1326. - Oh, come right in.

1327. - Sorry, Peaches is getting kinda clingy.

1328. - And she's a beautiful and a wonderful, ah!

1329. - That's all right, I guess I'm old enough to take a hint.

1330. It doesn't seem so long ago that I too believed your lies

1331. but I guess it won't be long

1332. until I'm not even wanted around here.

1333. - You know she doesn't mean anything to me.

1334. - Sure, I can believe that.

1335. It's the very same lie you give her about me.

1336. - It's always awkward

1337. when you have to break up with your grandma.

1338. - What am I gonna do with you anyway?

1339. - Dove tears. - Oh, take your hands off me.

1340. - This is Orlan! - I can still remember

1341. your lies about all the wonderful things

1342. you were gonna do for me.

1343. Sure, look at me now.

1344. Picking up towels in a gym locker room.

1345. - I tell ya, with me it's strictly business.

1346. - Sure I can see that.

1347. You and her, some business.

1348. - To shame a mob guy.

1349. - I'm sorry boss.

1350. - I killed that horse again. - I, I didn't mean

1351. to break up any conference.

1352. - By coming in here, you did my a favor.

1353. Oh say, don't forget tonight we're gonna see

1354. the leopard woman wrestle the panther woman, same seat.

1355. Don't forget. - I won't boss.

1356. - Yeah same seats so we don't have to shoot anymore footage.

1357. - Now Calvin Coolage refereed.

1358. - Oh it's Sean Young after another part.

1359. - Mmmm let me get unbunched here, there.

1360. - The embarrassing thing is she had to ride the bus

1361. to get here.

1362. - Ladies and gentlemen,

1363. this is the feature bout of the evening.

1364. - Hubba hubba. - In this corner,

1365. weighing 108 pounds, the leopard lady.

1366. - Alf Landin ladies beat all men.

1367. - And at 110 pounds, the famous panther woman.

1368. - Oui, I am that person.

1369. - Crowd's enthusiasm is quickly dimmed.

1370. - Okay ladies, no spraying.

1371. - Their hands are so nice and smooth,

1372. you can't tell which one is the mother!

1373. - All right we're gonna meet back here

1374. and go to Chili's right?

1375. You can drive?

1376. No I can drive, I can drive, it will be okay, okay.

1377. - All right the victor will drag half of the loser

1378. back to her front porch

1379. and present it to her owner.

1380. - What's new pussycat, whoa wow wow wow wow.

1381. Okay you can borrow my eyeliner.

1382. You have to wonder what the rejected footage looked like.

1383. - What rejected footage?

1384. Oh I should have anticipated that.

1385. - Oh we're seeing him so happy.

1386. - You know I like the idea of two women

1387. dressed like cats and fighting but I don't know,

1388. the execution or something.

1389. - Well perhaps women dressed like a peckerie

1390. and the other dressed like parrot playing Majan.

1391. - Ah, that's got something. - Spit it out.

1392. - Cathy and Moe split up.

1393. Cut off from the National Treasury,

1394. Princess Ann and Princess Margaret

1395. are forced to earn their keep.

1396. - Ooh.

1397. - Women on the verge of a three point takedown.

1398. I'll snap your bra, I will!

1399. - Well the wrestling match has an infinite variety

1400. of moves, huh?

1401. - Oh wait, this isn't working, here try this,

1402. oh sorry, sorry here wait,

1403. how many of God's laws does this violate?

1404. - It's like a very awkward pickpocketing.

1405. - Everything okay here ladies,

1406. anything I can do to help or not, or...

1407. - Uncle, uncle!

1408. I said uncle about a million times Vicky God,

1409. don't you listen to me?

1410. - I don't like the new models ink plotline.

1411. - Ah!

1412. Ah!

1413. - Whee, ow!

1414. - Womanex!

1415. - Someone left their lasagna in the corner.

1416. Hey, it's that women right over there

1417. who's making all the noise!

1418. - Ma'am we'll have to ask you to settle down.

1419. Ah!

1420. - Strictly ballroom two.

1421. - Uh Rene, I can see your underpants, Vick,

1422. - Yes, I want Joe Fraser!

1423. - The trumming Zoe Calbo ladies and gentlemen,

1424. Zoe Calbo. - Thank you thank you.

1425. - Well, that's our shift, see you tomorrow at seven then.

1426. - Hi, we're here for the file clerk position.

1427. - Here again? - We're on tomorrow.

1428. - Yeah, Mr. Big just asked me to drop in

1429. to give you his regards.

1430. - Well how nice. - He's real interested in you.

1431. - Little old me? - Quit kiddin'.

1432. - He must know when he means business.

1433. He wants that money, his patience is running out.

1434. - Ah, remind me to murder you later.

1435. - Swell looking bunch of things you got out there.

1436. Even Mr. Big says it's a smart cover up you got.

1437. Plenty of clean sports like lady wrestling front for you.

1438. - Why don't you dry up?

1439. - Well see what Lucy and Ethel are up to.

1440. - A glance says so much with those two.

1441. - What is that, play school's my first desk?

1442. - Just walked off the set there, sorry.

1443. - Are you Umberto Scalli?

1444. - That's what everybody calls me.

1445. - Well then this is for you Mr. Scalli.

1446. - Thanks Bob.

1447. - Bob, Bob.

1448. - Don't get excited, the same way the girls did,

1449. through the front entrance. - Ha ha, Joe...

1450. - What is it boss?

1451. - It's a coupon for a happy meal.

1452. - It's a subpoena to appear before

1453. the crime investigating committee.

1454. - Oh for fun! - That's nice.

1455. - He wouldn't do any singing would you?

1456. - I do a talking blues that's pretty good.

1457. - I could of course.

1458. But I don't think will.

1459. That is if Mr. Big will cooperate let us say

1460. in this little matter between us?

1461. - You've got a point there, I'll speak to him about it.

1462. But remember, Mr. Big's first love is money.

1463. - I thought his first love was the theater.

1464. - Now boss, I don't wanna get mixed up

1465. in this investigating business.

1466. Now remember I don't speak English.

1467. - Oh no, that's the senate!

1468. We will now break from our regularly scheduled wrestling

1469. to bring you, wrestling.

1470. - These are just the compulsories so...

1471. - I'd rather see gold in my ear in that getup.

1472. - Peaches is definitely champion material.

1473. - I want to shout words of encouragement.

1474. - Ah,

1475. that move, that established Peaches reputation

1476. as an innovator.

1477. - It's like a stag film produced

1478. by the League of Women voters.

1479. - Trent Williams!

1480. - This film awakened Eleanor Roosevelt's sexuality.

1481. - Ah, the cleavage monitor!

1482. - Someone's learning typing in the next room.

1483. - I wanna join them so badly!

1484. - Hey Ralphie Boy!

1485. - She looks like a leatherback turtle.

1486. - One thing that really comes through

1487. is the filmmakers love for the subject.

1488. - Yes, give generously to the US Olympic committee.

1489. - Tastes great, must feel like stuffing,

1490. - Potatoes. - Lincoln.

1491. - Douglas!

1492. I think maybe a second draft

1493. might have helped this movie.

1494. - Yes, the forbidden secret backroom of your aunt's house.

1495. - Uh girls I have to take the mat in for cleaning.

1496. If I could just, oh...

1497. - Well she could have worn clothes for this,

1498. it wouldn't have hurt the scene.

1499. - Oh man, crotch slapping.

1500. That's below the belt!

1501. - She's got a frontal bike rack!

1502. She looks like a ramulen!

1503. - She has a little bit of Yogi Berra in her too.

1504. Ride along with me,

1505. under the sea— - By being turned on

1506. by a woman who is long dead.

1507. Ah cripes,

1508. we haven't sold a single car yet.

1509. - Say Munch, pick up my tickets

1510. for tonight's wrestling bout?

1511. - Sure, same year round.

1512. - Same seats, same gestures.

1513. - Great match tonight.

1514. Champion Clara Mortenson versus Rita Martinez.

1515. - We read the credits, you know.

1516. - Oh so you wanna bet? - Quit kidding,

1517. bookkeepers aren't supposed to bet.

1518. - Just checking.

1519. - I've been listening to that same gay

1520. from you ever since I worked for you.

1521. - Scalli's way around the office is legendary.

1522. - Mosey on down to the war room and see what's happening.

1523. - I want you to understand that is to be

1524. a very private conversation. - Pat Nixon!

1525. - Anything we say will not go beyond these four walls.

1526. - Joe needs a tutor. - I understand.

1527. - I was wondering if you'd be interested

1528. in a little piece of business,

1529. strictly business you understand.

1530. - Wrestling me. - That depends

1531. on the business.

1532. - Well,

1533. I'll be frank with you. - I have no bladder control.

1534. - How'd you like to throw your bout with Rita Martinez?

1535. - I could make it very interesting.

1536. Say, $1,000 - Throw a wrestling match?

1537. No. - No.

1538. - I'm surprised to hear you talk that way.

1539. I really don't know how to take it.

1540. - As I say it's business. - It's fun sometimes.

1541. - I'm sorry Mr. Scalli, I'm not interested.

1542. Wrestling is one of the few remaining clean sports.

1543. - That and cockfighting.

1544. - We who make our living at it

1545. intend to keep it that way.

1546. I'm not interested in that kind of money.

1547. Not even for one, two, five or $10,000.

1548. - Well I didn't mean to offend you.

1549. - It's scum like you that not only ruin the sport

1550. but the athletes in public as well.

1551. Good day.

1552. - How about prostitution, drugs?

1553. You can get back to me.

1554. - I've been looking for you. - What is it Clare?

1555. - Get your things out of your locker.

1556. You're leaving Scalli's gym at once.

1557. This place is a hotbox!

1558. - What about my contract?

1559. - I know what I'll tell Mr. Scalli with it

1560. and I'm gonna do all I can

1561. to run him out of this profession.

1562. - You don't seen to like Scout.

1563. I hope he dies with a fishbone in his throat.

1564. Come on, let's go.

1565. - You know Peaches has a fresh natural stupidness

1566. that isn't forced or contrived or...

1567. - I don't want you to be offended,

1568. 'cause I say it's strictly business.

1569. - You think because I'm Mexican,

1570. you can take advantage of me

1571. but I am no fool. - Zelda!

1572. - I thought you'd understand.

1573. - You forget that I am the champion of all Mexico.

1574. - 'Cause I am Mexican!

1575. - In this sport it takes hard work to get there

1576. and guts to stay there.

1577. - Well you're right but after all.

1578. - Goodbye Mr. Scalli.

1579. - Scalli sadly misread the motivations

1580. of his women wrestlers.

1581. Tonight at the Corn Palace, five time winner, Sawyer Brown.

1582. - Uh regular or unleaded ma'am.

1583. - Congratulations Clara and Rita on your wedding.

1584. - I love you guys.

1585. - Thank you, thank you.

1586. Now we are gathered here today

1587. to get through this thing called life.

1588. Electric word life it means forever

1589. and that might, excuse me wrong speech,

1590. ah here we are, yes, marriage.

1591. The coming together of two to make one.

1592. Two people, two separate perfectly happy people

1593. who haven't been held down by life until now

1594. but no, some lame brain gets in his head

1595. that he can't make it alone.

1596. I'm too weak, I need a hand to hold!

1597. Suddenly the idiot gets married and all hell breaks loose

1598. but we're in love, ah!

1599. - Sir do you think maybe we should.

1600. Oh think maybe this.

1601. - You broke the broke—

1602. - Wrestling!

1603. Oh you, oh, oh oh.

1604. Oh, oh— - Oh blow my head,

1605. oh no oh no,

1606. - Hey you let go of...

1607. No, no I got shoulder out no,

1608. you didn't send me you'll never pass.

1609. No, get off, ah maybe I'm not ready for marriage.

1610. - Hope we're done with that.

1611. - Geez I just got out of bed and now I have to wrestle.

1612. - In this corner in the house coat,

1613. - Gentlemen, this is the main event of the evening.

1614. Introducing at 134 pounds. - 132.

1615. - The champion of Mexico, Rita Martinez.

1616. - Go home everybody, go home.

1617. - And weighting 130 pounds. - I'm so fat.

1618. - World champion, Clara— - Peller!

1619. - Mortenson.

1620. - Also know as the tough, old broad.

1621. - I thought we were meeting at Chee Chee's,

1622. - No I thought we said Chili's.

1623. Are you mad? - You're mad.

1624. - Oh no it's just that I thought—

1625. - Let's talk about it tonight att Antigo, I'll drive.

1626. - Okay, fair enough. - Okay.

1627. - Now, have you been biting your cuticles gain Sherry,

1628. what about you?

1629. - This is gonna be so great, this is what it's all about.

1630. Yes yes yes, ah! - Ah, it's Iggy Pop!

1631. - Jesus, she's too mannish for Alice B. Tokeless.

1632. - You know it really is a shame

1633. so few girls thought this was opinion back then.

1634. - Ladies and gentlemen I cannot condone women wrestling.

1635. I would be provericating if I said it was a valid sport.

1636. - Hold still we'll get out of here sooner.

1637. - So everyday I just can't find your earring!

1638. - Can't we just throw a dropcloth over them?

1639. - Uh, uh pardon, me, you shouldn't do that.

1640. All I can say is that it must have been

1641. much easier to get turned on back then.

1642. - No Lupita,

1643. - Oh the bad spot, the bad spot, ow!

1644. - Your thigh is not the best smelling you know.

1645. - Boy if ever a movie needed El Santo.

1646. - This is so wrong.

1647. - This movie has taken the joy

1648. out of looking at someone's hinder.

1649. - My loins will never stir again.

1650. - You don't have loins.

1651. - You know maybe this is titillating

1652. to some of the lower animals.

1653. - So just otters or Vikings?

1654. - Wrestling is very glamorous.

1655. You know Clara Mortenson does so much more than wrestle,

1656. she does so much for the community.

1657. - When women try to figure out the lunch tab, thank you!

1658. - Just think if this match were on interactive video,

1659. we'd be able to smell it too!

1660. Gilda Radner and Carol Leafer in a grudge match.

1661. Ah, got it, ah Rite honey, you got a big pimple back here,

1662. want me to pop it for ya?

1663. - Take it easy Clara,

1664. I'm supposed to be in a wedding tomorrow!

1665. - My hair extensions!

1666. - Not many professional sports people

1667. just flat out scream during a match.

1668. Yes wrestling, a clean sport.

1669. - Raw Lakosta, out loud.

1670. - Can I get some help here please?

1671. - It would appear to me that they are wrestling

1672. hence this match is in stark contrast

1673. to the previous matches.

1674. - Ref I call, she's not Mexican.

1675. I hate it when my mom dressed up like that to do yard work.

1676. - Ah yes that's it, let it out Rita that's right.

1677. Wrestling is frustrating isn't it.

1678. - Okay, come here, come here,

1679. what were you screaming about earlier?

1680. Ah! - Ah, oh.

1681. - Stop it.

1682. - That's called the croppy isn't it.

1683. - She's got the best leg flop thing in the business.

1684. - Ah, ah. - Ah.

1685. This is the pilot for the better sex videos.

1686. - Ah. - Ah.

1687. Tony Orlando and Don in their most provocative show ever.

1688. - Ah. - Ah!

1689. - Oh lava, just about all of this leg

1690. could possibly stand

1691. and I don't think I could see anymore.

1692. - Ah! - Ah!

1693. - Sorry I turned into the devil for a sec.

1694. - Maybe this movie has deep meaning

1695. in some whorey dreamworld somewhere.

1696. - Oh Rita, your deoderant has turned all white and flakey,

1697. oh flep!

1698. - Ah when you wrestle Clara Mortenson,

1699. you're gonna get whisker burns.

1700. - I had to do this in theater class once.

1701. - On purpose?

1702. - I don't think Rita has any idea how do to the Heimlach.

1703. - Ah. - Ah!

1704. The Beatles! - Ah!

1705. - Ah!

1706. - Ah, no points for that, it's just plain fun.

1707. - There can be only one!

1708. - I guess if you were a gay guy who liked truckers

1709. you might find these women attractive.

1710. - You know there's thousands of Clara's army

1711. who show up for every match?

1712. - Yeah they camp out at Tickettron outlets

1713. to get tickets to each match.

1714. - Ah another sellout crowd.

1715. This could be a setback for pasty white skin.

1716. - I think Clara's overdependent on the floppy thing.

1717. - This is really expanding my notion of womanhood.

1718. I think that ref likes me, he keeps looking at me!

1719. - Do you know George Well reveres this sport?

1720. - Good.

1721. This is where Forrest Gump shows up.

1722. Rita this has been fun, we gotta get ready

1723. for Stacey's lingerie party.

1724. - Ah Harry Dean Stanton.

1725. - Is this the induction film when you go to hell?

1726. - I think it might be.

1727. - You know frankly I wasn't prepared for so much wrestling,

1728. I thought there'd be more racketeering.

1729. - Oh stop it I get airsick!

1730. - Oh boy that is— - Oh that is sure awesome,

1731. I love that stuff. - Sure love it.

1732. This bug you huh, this bug you huh?

1733. This bug you at all, this bug you?

1734. - Early Charlie Horse research.

1735. - Ah hah, ah, the leg is on the other thigh now.

1736. - I think they're gonna wrap it up,

1737. they don't wanna miss Regis and Kathy Lee.

1738. - Ooh. - Ah, ah.

1739. - Ah!

1740. - Max Lonsito!

1741. - Whoa I'd like to get in on that!

1742. Wow, yeah. - Rita please,

1743. I'm still in my child bearing years.

1744. - So 6:30 and Sin Tito's right, right?

1745. Okay.

1746. - Andy did you hear about Elvis?

1747. - Oh that'll induce labor.

1748. Oh wait, are they using stuntman now?

1749. - Ah. - Ah, ah!

1750. - Uh pardon me, did you drop your wrestler?

1751. - This is like an infomercial for Doan's pills.

1752. - I think the editor went on a lunch break.

1753. - Ah. - Ah!

1754. - It's like a tilt-a-whirl.

1755. - Ah oh oh Clara your hand is freezing.

1756. - I don't think I much like the new start search category.

1757. - I don't think I could ever date a woman

1758. who could bench press me.

1759. - Oh come here my sweet little baby, look at her!

1760. - That's for making the scene go on so long!

1761. Ah she's got kind of a Purnell Roberts strut.

1762. - She could take Purnell. - Oh yeah.

1763. - We're still on for Santigo's right?

1764. Huh?

1765. - Okay I've got it.

1766. - They want us to do the scene over again.

1767. - Honey said Scalli's to take the stand in a few minutes.

1768. - Just one wrong word from Scalli

1769. and he won't live to say another one.

1770. - I know a quick drying cement we can pack him in.

1771. - Did I ask you anything?

1772. - But Chief I just wanna help!

1773. - I'll call for you when I need you.

1774. Now set up all of you

1775. so I can hear the investigation over the radio.

1776. - Ah the combination wall safe and radio.

1777. - First off I would remind you Mr. Scalli

1778. that you're under oath. - Gold and silver shine!

1779. - Perjery.

1780. - Now—

1781. - Does this clip need any set-up?

1782. - What is your business?

1783. - And I'll look at you and my doppleganger.

1784. - I'm a promoter of women wrestlers.

1785. - You make a lot of money at that business don't you?

1786. - This director is outwooded Ed Wood.

1787. - I have my income tax records to show.

1788. - You're not answering the question.

1789. You do make a lot of money in that business don't you!

1790. - Uh it keeps me in weird ties.

1791. - Depends on what you mean by a lot.

1792. - Is the women's wrestling business

1793. your only source of income Mr. Scalli?

1794. - Uh I'm a nude model for art students too.

1795. - Yes.

1796. Woman wrestling business is my only source of income.

1797. - Geez how long has this been here?

1798. - It's a clean sport. - Lucky bastard.

1799. - That's why they go make money on it.

1800. - How about horse racing Mr. Scalli.

1801. - Oh he's really got his teeth into him.

1802. - It's out of my line.

1803. - You mean to tell this committee

1804. that you never bet on horse races?

1805. - I'm a wrestling promoter, I'm not interested in horses.

1806. - Do you know any bookmakers Mr. Scalli?

1807. - Well, Simon and Schuster, Hoden Miffilin.

1808. - I know a lot of people.

1809. I don't ask a man his business.

1810. - I wonder what country this is taking place in?

1811. - Seven years ago you were arrested in New York

1812. for making book.

1813. - Ah those were our solid days.

1814. - Do you deny that Mr. Scalli.

1815. - There's a frame up, I've never made a book in my life.

1816. - Yes you have.

1817. And before this committee is through with you,

1818. we're going to prove it!

1819. - You haven't anything on me.

1820. - That's what you'd like to think isn't it Scalli.

1821. - We'll be right back with our next guest,

1822. - After we're through with this investigation,

1823. we're going to know all about you.

1824. - Your turn ons and your turn offs.

1825. - And about a man who is known as Mr. Big.

1826. - My parking meter!

1827. - They just lost their audience.

1828. - That'll be all for the present,

1829. we'll send for you again soon.

1830. - And you'll be appearing at the Westwood Hoe next weekend,

1831. is that right?

1832. Well thanks again Scalli buh bye, we'll be right back.

1833. No I don't see any nose hairs.

1834. - You here again?

1835. Come here.

1836. - Joe was the Brian Benben of his day.

1837. - Oh I can never have any fun.

1838. - Come on I wanna talk to you again.

1839. - All right.

1840. - About this phony Italian accent of yours.

1841. - Say Chief, Monk's here. - Bring him in.

1842. - All right stand in the place where you live.

1843. - What is it Monk?

1844. - Things look pretty suspicious Chief.

1845. Scalli sent me down to the bank twice today

1846. and I've drawn out large sums of money.

1847. - Yeah. - He's got it all

1848. in the office safe.

1849. - Go on, go on, what else?

1850. - Well he asked me three times what I was doing tonight.

1851. It looks as if he doesn't want me

1852. or anyone else in the place.

1853. - You mean there's no one at the gym tonight?

1854. - I'm pretty sure.

1855. - That isn't enough, call up and check.

1856. - Would you please clean your nails elsewhere?

1857. - I gotta call and get my bank balance first.

1858. I better check on mother as well.

1859. - Strut pout put it out, that's what you want from grandma!

1860. - Hello.

1861. - Hello Ruby this is Monk.

1862. - What do you want?

1863. - Any of the boys around?

1864. - No everyone's gone home but me

1865. and I'm leaving in about five minutes.

1866. - That was Ruby, she's leaving in five minutes,

1867. there isn't a soul in the place.

1868. - How do we get in?

1869. - Let me go ahead, I'll open the back door for you,

1870. I'll even await until you arrive.

1871. - All right boys, give Monk a 20 minute start

1872. and go to Sculley's office and hijack that safe.

1873. I want my $35 grand and I want it now.

1874. - It's a valuable tip.

1875. - Did you also hear about the Dane

1876. that used to live in a cheap hotel.

1877. Now she's got a swank apart— - Will you knock it off?

1878. There, go buy yourself something pretty.

1879. - Why, thanks Chief.

1880. - Mr. Big is a chilling presence in this film.

1881. - See, I knew it was in effeisions.

1882. - What are you doing here this hour of the night,

1883. expecting someone?

1884. - No boss, I was just leaving.

1885. - Well get out of here.

1886. - Oh someone's a bitch

1887. and it's not me and it's not Joe.

1888. - He's gotta erase the chalkboard

1889. so don't be suspicious.

1890. - Music, why here, why now?

1891. Why us!

1892. - Okay people we've completely lost the lights,

1893. let's roll film.

1894. - Well at least we didn't have to see these guys

1895. wrestle in little outfits, huh?

1896. - Well, then again.

1897. - Sorry, I mean like I told you.

1898. - Yes boss.

1899. - I parked it in a clear spot

1900. just so that we can get out in a hurry.

1901. - Plat, this is my super cool fort,

1902. just make sure my sister doesn't see us.

1903. - Well let's hurry up a little faster.

1904. - Oh no the second act is starting!

1905. - Somebody just came in, they must have take

1906. the back door unlocked!

1907. - They should make deposits more often.

1908. - Get out of here in a hurry.

1909. - All right give it to me.

1910. - Maybe a class in small business administration would help.

1911. - All right hold up guys,

1912. we have to let the other caper play through.

1913. - Boss not to pay you cash,

1914. what about the donuts for the staff?

1915. - I close it.

1916. - No. - Oh.

1917. - Today the sidekick community mourned the loss

1918. of one of it's greats.

1919. - Oh he's Hindu!

1920. - Give me sport coat to Al Pacino.

1921. - This is Quentin Tarantino's most shocking film.

1922. - The mob squad.

1923. - It's the contract parking gang.

1924. - Have you been noticing many odd occurrences lately.

1925. Oh it's true.

1926. - Hey tin machine. - Yeah.

1927. - You know, I never thought I'd be sorry

1928. to see them lose the whole wrestling angle.

1929. - Quick, let's follow, let's start out high speed chase.

1930. - There we go. - If we, yeah, you there?

1931. Okay there we go. - Zoom.

1932. And at night, the town of Menaqua comes alive

1933. with entertainment, recreation and great food.

1934. They shouldn't have let Eric Rommer

1935. direct a high speed chase sequence.

1936. - Ooh, I'm dying, still I better watch my driver.

1937. Oh.

1938. - I'm dying in a rush.

1939. - Ha ha, must be the same magic bullet

1940. that got Connolly.

1941. - Packed with cops, this movie really satisfies.

1942. - Ooh, you should never bit a hangnail.

1943. - Police cars not dissimilar to these

1944. were called to the scene.

1945. - This is the narrative approximation of something

1946. that may or may not have happened.

1947. - Why is there a French Horn on top of his car?

1948. It's neat how one senate hearing can wipe out

1949. all of organized crime.

1950. - Look it's Herbie the cop car!

1951. Sounds like the Ukrainian national anthem.

1952. - Ukraine, yeah, Ukraine, yeah,

1953. oh hey you, Ukrainia, my bitter homeland.

1954. Your straight minds, your big reactors,

1955. so the message is tampering with rest

1956. from delivering punishments swift and short.

1957. - This movie needs another big bowl of fresh Peaches.

1958. Where we are is anybody's guess.

1959. - I think these shots are rejected from Monster A-go-go.

1960. - Ironically, well actually there is no irony.

1961. - What's that, do you recognize that sound?

1962. - Sir have you seen anyone

1963. who may have tampered with ladies wrestling?

1964. - Told ya we shouldn't have teepeed that house.

1965. Oh you call that a mustache?

1966. - Maybe they're here at the imagitoriam sir.

1967. - Ukraine, yeah.

1968. - Quick, through the wardrobe.

1969. Oh no, that's us in the corner, that's us in the spotlight!

1970. - Ukraine, yeah,

1971. my sweet Ukraine yeah.

1972. - Ah hell with is, let's just shoot.

1973. This is the sequence John Woo directed.

1974. Ah poopy.

1975. - Where's Mr. Big when they need him, huh?

1976. - Well they'll all be sentenced to 20 years

1977. of looking at Clara Mortenson.

1978. - And once again the world is saved

1979. from ladies wresting.

1980. - Ah, what a powerful ending.

1981. This movie was the "Jaws" of its day.

1982. People were afraid to go to ladies wrestling.

1983. - Ukraine yeah!

1984. My home yeah! - Ukraine, yeah!

1985. - Boy oh boy,

1986. there sure was a lot of wrestling in this movie,

1987. hey professor Hurts?

1988. - Seemed like a lot of wrestling to me Count Deala Pain,

1989. maybe too much wrestling.

1990. Do you agree sir Slams-a lot?

1991. - Oh definitely Professor Hurts, too much wrestling.

1992. Heck even too much slamming and I'm sir Slams-a lot!

1993. - Yeah you know what I feel the same way about the pain

1994. and I'm Count Deala Pain.

1995. - Oh well, gotta let it air Mr. Deala Pain.

1996. - Oh yeah, yes I do.

1997. I have a letter, it's Count Deala Pain.

1998. - Sorry. - Did you say that?

1999. All right, here we go,

2000. this one is from Preston Enright.

2001. - Ooh. - Ooh.

2002. Betcha I could slam Preston a lot.

2003. - Take it easy, Preston Enright sends in a lecture here

2004. from Noam Chomsky fellow.

2005. - Hey Count Deala Pain,

2006. my name is Professor Hurts and Professor Hurts

2007. is not into lectures!

2008. How about you Slams?

2009. - I'm not a bright guy, pretty much born to slam!

2010. - All right fine, I got another letter here

2011. from David Sharer, age five. - Perfect!

2012. - And he says, why don't you put that

2013. on still story there Cambot?

2014. - Oh nice drawing! - Very nice.

2015. - Isn't that great?

2016. He says I laugh during movie time.

2017. - Well that speaks volumes doesn't it.

2018. - Look at that picture there.

2019. David Sherer, for all your insurance needs.

2020. - Three locations.

2021. - Well I guess that's about it Dr. F.

2022. - Hey Forester, hey buddy, less wrestling

2023. and the pain and slamming next time, okay?

2024. - Yeah! Yeah,

2025. oh he doesn't even care.

2026. Come on, ready?

2027. - Gotta slam him down. - Shoulder to elbow hook up.

2028. - Come on! - Wrestle.

2029. - Well Mike,

2030. we finally got security all beefed up down here,

2031. even got rid of that weird-ass family.

2032. So I don't think you'll be seeing any

2033. breaches of security anytime soon.

2034. - Frank!

2035. We'll just thank you, listen, a little bit over.

2036. Frank we gotta do something,

2037. we can't even keep Lisa Lobe outta here!

2038. - Oh but Clay, I really go for that thoughtful,

2039. sensitive cigarette smoking, intelligent, artistic

2040. type of coffee shop girl.

2041. - Frank I got reason to believe that you're Lisa

2042. dating Ethan Hawke.

2043. - Trip!

2044. Horrid!

2045. She's a man, be gone with you!

2046. Be gone!

2047. - It's gone. - Where'd it go?