1. In the not
too distant future—Copy !req
2. next Sunday AD— there
was a guy named Joel,Copy !req
3. not too different
from you or me.Copy !req
4. He worked at Gizmonic
Institute, just another faceCopy !req
5. in a red jumpsuit, he did a
good job cleaning up the place,Copy !req
6. but his bosses didn't like him,
so they shot him into space.Copy !req
7. We'll send him cheesy movies,
the worst we can find.Copy !req
8. He'll have to sit
and watch them all,Copy !req
9. and we'll monitor his mind.Copy !req
10. Now keep in mind,
Joel can't controlCopy !req
11. where the movies begin
or end, because heCopy !req
12. used those special parts
to make his robot friends.Copy !req
13. Robot Roll Call— Cambot!Copy !req
14. Gypsy!Copy !req
15. Tom Servo!Copy !req
16. Croooow!Copy !req
17. If you're wondering how
he eats and breathesCopy !req
18. and other science facts,
then repeat to yourself,Copy !req
19. it's just a show, I
should really justCopy !req
20. relax for Mystery
Science Theater 3000!Copy !req
21. - Crow, look, here he comes!Copy !req
22. It's Joel!Copy !req
23. - Joel!Copy !req
24. It's Joel, Joel, Joel!Copy !req
25. - Hi, you guys.Copy !req
26. How you doing?Copy !req
27. - Oh, you know,
it's just like youCopy !req
28. to think of us
instead of yourself.Copy !req
29. - That's what separates
you from us measly bots.Copy !req
30. - Thanks.Copy !req
31. Hi, everybody.Copy !req
32. Welcome to the
Satellite of Love.Copy !req
33. I'm Joel Robinson
and these are—Copy !req
34. - Oh, ya see?Copy !req
35. He introduced himself.Copy !req
36. What a perfectly
thoughtful thing to do.Copy !req
37. - Oh yes, thoughtful.Copy !req
38. - These are my robots
Tom Servo and Crow.Copy !req
39. And I've installed in them
a protocol module thatCopy !req
40. makes them believe
everything I think, say or doCopy !req
41. is utterly brilliant.Copy !req
42. - Oh, and it is, Joel.Copy !req
43. God, yes.Copy !req
44. Oh ho ho, joy!Copy !req
45. - Roger Penrose on his best
day isn't half as brilliantCopy !req
46. or as charming as
you, I might add.Copy !req
47. - Commercial sign in 15 seconds.Copy !req
48. Of course, every
blissful second with youCopy !req
49. is like an apple of gold, Joel.Copy !req
50. - Ah!Copy !req
51. - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
52. - You know, I'm starting to have
second thoughts about this.Copy !req
53. I don't know what I think.Copy !req
54. - Oh, Joel!Copy !req
55. I've wiped away every
bit of hesitationCopy !req
56. I had about this project.Copy !req
57. - Not that we'd take issue
with anything you'd think.Copy !req
58. - Oh, no no no no.Copy !req
59. - No no no.Copy !req
60. - It does make it
easier to work with.Copy !req
61. - Oh yes yes, easy as pie!Copy !req
62. Brilliant, brilliant.Copy !req
63. - More Evian, Mr. Miller?Copy !req
64. - It leaves me feeling
kind of hollow.Copy !req
65. - Wow.Copy !req
66. How insightful of you to
find that in yourself.Copy !req
67. - You always cut right to
the heart of things, Joel.Copy !req
68. - Ah, yeah.Copy !req
69. - Yeah, I'm going to
remove those modules.Copy !req
70. - Oh, no no.Copy !req
71. No, just, just, just, just
shut me down completely.Copy !req
72. - Oh!Copy !req
73. Uh, jettison me
into space, please!Copy !req
74. - Oh, yes, disconnect
with extreme prejudice.Copy !req
75. - You see this butt?Copy !req
76. Kick this butt.Copy !req
77. - We'll be right back.Copy !req
78. All right, there's
the protocol module.Copy !req
79. - Don't touch me.Copy !req
80. Don't ever touch me.Copy !req
81. - This is painful.Copy !req
82. That— ah!Copy !req
83. Ungh.Copy !req
84. - Jeez, Joel.Copy !req
85. Some small animal crawl
inside your jumpsuit and die?Copy !req
86. - There's the bots
I know and love.Copy !req
87. Uh-oh, fasten your seatbelts.Copy !req
88. Crate & Barrel are calling.Copy !req
89. - Huh?Copy !req
90. Oh, Joel.Copy !req
91. A hearty hello to you and yours.Copy !req
92. Let me just say this about
today's invention exchange—Copy !req
93. let them eat chocolate.Copy !req
94. - That's right, J—
That's right, Joel.Copy !req
95. Our invention this week is based
on one's natural inclinationCopy !req
96. to bite the heads off
of chocolate bunnies.Copy !req
97. - That's right, Frank.Copy !req
98. That's why we've invented the
chocolate bunny guillotine.Copy !req
99. Eliminate the guesswork in
biting the heads off bunnies.Copy !req
100. Uh, ready, Mr. Executioner?Copy !req
101. - Yes, my liege.Copy !req
102. - You have stolen painted
eggs in a time of famine.Copy !req
103. Uh, off with her head, Frank.Copy !req
104. And no chocolate mess.Copy !req
105. Well, poopsies?Copy !req
106. - What about the pardon
from Fanny Farmer?Copy !req
107. - Yeah.Copy !req
108. His only crime was
being born delicious!Copy !req
109. - It's OK, you guys.Copy !req
110. There, there.Copy !req
111. It's all right.Copy !req
112. Let's show them our invention
exchange, all right?Copy !req
113. Our invention exchange
is called the Cartuner.Copy !req
114. Have you ever noticed
that funnies justCopy !req
115. aren't funny anymore?Copy !req
116. The Cartuner takes
stodgy, ambiguous cartoonsCopy !req
117. like Mark Trail and mixes
them with stiflingly unfunnyCopy !req
118. cartoons like Blondie, puts them
together and makes them funny.Copy !req
119. Check it out.Copy !req
120. Well, look at this.Copy !req
121. Huh.Copy !req
122. Let's see what happened.Copy !req
123. Well, OK.Copy !req
124. And here's Dagwood, and he's
eating a giant sandwich madeCopy !req
125. out of twigs, grubs,
and a tufted titmouse.Copy !req
126. - That's pretty funny.Copy !req
127. - Hey, that's funny.Copy !req
128. - Oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
129. Now do the Lockhorns and Cathy.Copy !req
130. - Ooh, yeah.Copy !req
131. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
132. - OK, Lockhorns and Cathy.Copy !req
133. Put them in the Cartuner.Copy !req
134. - It goes round and round.Copy !req
135. - Yes, and it comes out here.Copy !req
136. - Ah, let me see.Copy !req
137. Ah— Oh ho, hey.Copy !req
138. Mrs. Lockhorn accidentally
crashed her car into the storeCopy !req
139. where Cathy was
trying on a swimsuit!Copy !req
140. - OK.Copy !req
141. - Hey, Joel.Copy !req
142. Uh, let's try a panel of Bil
Keane's heartwarming FamilyCopy !req
143. Circus with Gary Larson's
off-center The Far Side.Copy !req
144. - OK, put them together, mix them
up, and we can— and then, see,Copy !req
145. here it is.Copy !req
146. Huh.Copy !req
147. - Oh, let me see there.Copy !req
148. A dotted trail showing where
anthropomorphic jackals haveCopy !req
149. chased little Billy!Copy !req
150. - It's a hoot!Copy !req
151. - Ah, the carnage!Copy !req
152. - What do you think, sirs?Copy !req
153. - Ahh— my ribs.Copy !req
154. - I don't think, I get even.Copy !req
155. Dig this, mes amis.Copy !req
156. Your average Joe has never seen
a film like today's experiment.Copy !req
157. Your average person
on the streetCopy !req
158. has not even begun to
conceptualize the horror whichCopy !req
159. is your experiment
today, Mr. Joel Average.Copy !req
160. I give to you, "Manos—
The Hands of Fate."Copy !req
161. Served with a short, the
stirring conclusion to "Hired."Copy !req
162. Hit the button, Frank.Copy !req
163. - Yes.Copy !req
164. Oh, Fluffy, you're so—Copy !req
165. - Frank!Copy !req
166. —Oh, Fluffy, here.Copy !req
167. Here, you take him.Copy !req
168. - Push the button, Frank!Copy !req
169. - Ziggy had Garfield neutered?Copy !req
170. Now that's funny!Copy !req
171. - Ah, look.Copy !req
172. "Hired 2— Electric Boogaloo."Copy !req
173. - A Jam Handy to the rescue.Copy !req
174. - My Jam Handy.Copy !req
175. - No employees were killed
during the making of this film.Copy !req
176. - Young fellas today won't work
the way we did 11 years ago.Copy !req
177. - Previously, on "Hired."Copy !req
178. - Maybe not, son.Copy !req
179. And then again, maybe they're
working harder than you think.Copy !req
180. - I may be wonderful but
I think you're wrong.Copy !req
181. - You were a pretty
good man when you firstCopy !req
182. started in this business.Copy !req
183. And you probably were, but
you owe a lot of your successCopy !req
184. to the way Harry
Carpenter worked with youCopy !req
185. - Give 'em hell, Harry.Copy !req
186. - He used to tell me about
the mistakes you made.Copy !req
187. You may not have known
it, but you reallyCopy !req
188. served am apprenticeship.Copy !req
189. - Work, booze, work—Copy !req
190. - In every business.Copy !req
191. - Yeah, I suppose so.Copy !req
192. - Remember how closely he
worked with you the first year?Copy !req
193. Heh.Copy !req
194. He used to tell me about it.Copy !req
195. - He ripped you a
new one everyday.Copy !req
196. - Yeah, I remember how he used to
talk to me about my prospects.Copy !req
197. - Your prostate?Copy !req
198. - How I was to
handle some of them.Copy !req
199. But you know, I always
thought that thatCopy !req
200. was because he knew you so well.Copy !req
201. Maybe he had more of a
personal interest in me.Copy !req
202. - Nonsense.Copy !req
203. - He hated you.Copy !req
204. - Not Harry.Copy !req
205. - Oh, he's having an episode.Copy !req
206. - He worked that hard with
every man he ever hired.Copy !req
207. - He got sent to jail for it.Copy !req
208. - He was smart enough to
realize that he knew moreCopy !req
209. about selling cars than
any man on his sales force.Copy !req
210. And that it took his
direction and leadershipCopy !req
211. to get the most out of his men.Copy !req
212. - Ah!Copy !req
213. Flying elves are back.Copy !req
214. - And I don't believe men
have changed much since then.Copy !req
215. - Aah!Copy !req
216. - How about this Jimmy?Copy !req
217. Doesn't he work?Copy !req
218. Doesn't he get in for the
morning sales meetings?Copy !req
219. - Oh yeah, he's always punctual.Copy !req
220. He never misses.Copy !req
221. But take his
prospects, for example.Copy !req
222. - Please.Copy !req
223. - Why, I looked them
over the other day,Copy !req
224. and it's just about the
poorest list I've ever seen.Copy !req
225. I remember one of
the first thingsCopy !req
226. that Harry drilled in to me—Copy !req
227. - Was Harry!Copy !req
228. - The importance of having
a good list of prospects.Copy !req
229. - Yes?Copy !req
230. - Then he showed me how
to go about getting it.Copy !req
231. How to keep it up.Copy !req
232. How to cover the list.Copy !req
233. And how often.Copy !req
234. - Yeah, he performed
puppet shows for me.Copy !req
235. - I had the importance
of prospects drilledCopy !req
236. into me from the
very first day ICopy !req
237. - Whoa!Copy !req
238. - Aah!Copy !req
239. - He's evil!Copy !req
240. - Mhm.Copy !req
241. - Has Jimmy?Copy !req
242. - Has Jimmy what?Copy !req
243. - Had the importance of
prospects pounded into himCopy !req
244. since the first day
he started to work?Copy !req
245. - Well, I've told him
how important they are.Copy !req
246. - Yeah, but have
you shown him how,Copy !req
247. when and where to get them?Copy !req
248. Have you checked
on him every dayCopy !req
249. to see that he did it right?Copy !req
250. - Have you hugged him?Copy !req
251. - Dad, I've got other work to do.Copy !req
252. - Harry wasn't too busy to
make a good man out of you.Copy !req
253. - Ah, you still got
a little— eh— hmm.Copy !req
254. - Say, I think I'm beginning
to see what you mean.Copy !req
255. - I'm beginning to sober
up and you're scaring me.Copy !req
256. - I wonder.Copy !req
257. - (SINGING) I wah,
wah, wah, wah, wonder.Copy !req
258. - Say, maybe that's
the reason I haven'tCopy !req
259. had very much luck with Jimmy.Copy !req
260. - I'm gonna dance!Copy !req
261. - Or with Henderson, that other
fellow I hired last year.Copy !req
262. You know, he looked
pretty good to me, too,Copy !req
263. Dad, when I first hired him.Copy !req
264. - Heh, who doesn't?Copy !req
265. - Certainly would be worth a try.Copy !req
266. - Yes, sir.Copy !req
267. - Don't hit me!Copy !req
268. - Come to think of it, the time
I'm spending on other thingsCopy !req
269. right now might be costing me
a whole lot more than I think.Copy !req
270. Men need leadership.Copy !req
271. Leadership is important.Copy !req
272. Oh, I've always known
that, Dad, but I neverCopy !req
273. thought about in connection
with my own business.Copy !req
274. But starting Monday morning,Copy !req
275. - Don't touch me!Copy !req
276. - I'm gonna stir things up a bit.Copy !req
277. I'm going to show these fellas
what leadership really means.Copy !req
278. - And then we'll see.Copy !req
279. - We're going to have leadership
the way my old man told me.Copy !req
280. You, put a handkerchief
on your head!Copy !req
281. You, swat at imaginary elves!Copy !req
282. You, rock on the
porch all night!Copy !req
283. - Sales are the most important
thing in this business.Copy !req
284. - Seeing as how we're
salesmen and all.Copy !req
285. - We're going to work
closer together than weCopy !req
286. have in the past in
order to get more sales.Copy !req
287. - But first, martinis!Copy !req
288. - Well, that's all
for this meeting,Copy !req
289. but I want to check
with each one of youCopy !req
290. personally before you
go out this morning.Copy !req
291. Jimmy, I'll talk with you first.Copy !req
292. - Because you've got
the most problems.Copy !req
293. - The meeting's adjourned.Copy !req
294. Jimmy, from what you say,
I'd put these two awayCopy !req
295. for two weeks.Copy !req
296. - Whack 'em.Copy !req
297. Whack 'em good.Copy !req
298. - Your time is too valuable to
be spending on them right now.Copy !req
299. - Yeah, mhm.Copy !req
300. - And then I'd take these
four in this order.Copy !req
301. - Uh, boss, will you help
me with my soapbox racer?Copy !req
302. - It'll save you time
in covering them.Copy !req
303. Now have you got any others
up in this end of townCopy !req
304. when you get up there?Copy !req
305. - Uh, no sir.Copy !req
306. I don't believe I have.Copy !req
307. - All right.Copy !req
308. - Here's a lollipop, Jimmy.Copy !req
309. - I'll give you the names
of three Chevrolet ownersCopy !req
310. who live up that way.Copy !req
311. - Crush 'em.Copy !req
312. - And all three of them
should be about ready to buy.Copy !req
313. - Meanwhile, Eliot Ness
and his UntouchablesCopy !req
314. head for a speakeasy in Berwin.Copy !req
315. - Sintar gets the most sales
because he's a shape shifter.Copy !req
316. - Harry, I don't think you
drove quite far enoughCopy !req
317. with that prospect before
you let him take the wheel.Copy !req
318. - Yes Mr. Warren, but
he bought the car.Copy !req
319. - I know, I know,
but I'm speakingCopy !req
320. about your demonstrations
in general.Copy !req
321. - But he bought the flippin' car!Copy !req
322. - You like to turn the
wheel over to your prospectCopy !req
323. pretty early in the
demonstration ride.Copy !req
324. - I know, but—Copy !req
325. - Now, you know, of course
that when you drive first,Copy !req
326. - Yeah, but—Copy !req
327. - The prospect almost invariably
drives back over the same routeCopy !req
328. that you took.Copy !req
329. - Yeah, but he bought the car!Copy !req
330. - And if you'd driven on
to that rough stretchCopy !req
331. up on Summit
Avenue, you wouldn'tCopy !req
332. have to direct
him over it later.Copy !req
333. - He bought the car.Copy !req
334. - That'll give you a chance to
have him keep his mind moreCopy !req
335. on the car than on the road.Copy !req
336. - Uh, you got a
nice office, boss.Copy !req
337. - It's usually best to—
I'll go along with you againCopy !req
338. this morning, Jimmy, on
these first two calls.Copy !req
339. - Gee, that'll be
swell, Mr. Warren.Copy !req
340. I'll sure appreciate your help.Copy !req
341. I always learn something
too, when we go out together.Copy !req
342. - Yeah, maybe I can kiss your
butt on the way out, hmm?Copy !req
343. How about that?Copy !req
344. Heh?Copy !req
345. He he.Copy !req
346. - Uh, just gotta push my
family out of the way.Copy !req
347. I kinda live out
of my car, if youCopy !req
348. know what I mean, there, just—Copy !req
349. - So, that's when I got into
commemorative spoon collecting.Copy !req
350. You?Copy !req
351. - Why don't you punch it, Jimmy.Copy !req
352. I wanna be in Tijuana by
8 o'clock or you're fired.Copy !req
353. - Oh, they're meeting
with Floyd the Barber.Copy !req
354. - (IMITATING FLOYD) Oh, oh, the
car is so wonderful, oh, oh!Copy !req
355. - Now listen, I said
no you two yesterday.Copy !req
356. - But ma'am, do you
know that ChevroletCopy !req
357. has a wonderful
plan for your life?Copy !req
358. - Why'd you bring the greasy guy?Copy !req
359. - Better see them again tomorrow.Copy !req
360. And be sure to have Mrs. Beckham
into the showroom tonightCopy !req
361. with her husband.Copy !req
362. - OK, I'll sure do it.Copy !req
363. Thanks again for your
help, Mr. Warren.Copy !req
364. - Uh, may I call you?Copy !req
365. I'd like to see
ya again sometime.Copy !req
366. - Are you now, or have you
ever been, a Ford owner?Copy !req
367. - I wouldn't buy a car from
you if you were the last manCopy !req
368. on Earth, you sorry sack of—Copy !req
369. - That's where your truck
data book comes in.Copy !req
370. - Drug data?Copy !req
371. - You'll find the information you
want on that special equipmentCopy !req
372. right back here.Copy !req
373. - Uh, somewheres.Copy !req
374. - Now, show this information
to your prospect, too.Copy !req
375. Just don't keep glancing at it
and then telling them about it.Copy !req
376. Let them read it.Copy !req
377. Very often, the printed word is
a big help in closing the sale.Copy !req
378. - Oh, look, it's
salesman-parent conferences.Copy !req
379. - Well, my life is a hollow lie.Copy !req
380. - Just too many of them
on hand now, George.Copy !req
381. That's the reason
we couldn't affordCopy !req
382. to offer a higher appraisal.Copy !req
383. - Yeah, I can see your
side of the picture.Copy !req
384. - Yes, but there's a
good side too, George.Copy !req
385. For example, right now we
haven't a single '39 PlymouthCopy !req
386. four-door on the lot.Copy !req
387. And that means we can
afford to make somebodyCopy !req
388. a pretty good offer.Copy !req
389. - Say, I've got a prospect
downtown with one of those.Copy !req
390. - Not too hot, but I was
going to get too himCopy !req
391. again in the next few days.Copy !req
392. - Fine, get him in here today.Copy !req
393. And I'm sure we can make
them an offer that'llCopy !req
394. close a deal for you.Copy !req
395. Besides, we can use—Copy !req
396. - Mr. Milton, you can depend
on what our Mr. Hill hereCopy !req
397. has just told you.Copy !req
398. And I'll give you my
own personal word,Copy !req
399. too, that if you have any
trouble along that line,Copy !req
400. we'll make it good.Copy !req
401. - Well, I don't know.Copy !req
402. The last two cars I bought,
when they had trouble,Copy !req
403. it was always my
fault, never the car's.Copy !req
404. - We want you to be
just as satisfiedCopy !req
405. with your new Chevrolet
next year, Mr. Milton,Copy !req
406. as you will be next week.Copy !req
407. - That's exactly right.Copy !req
408. - Just buy the car!Copy !req
409. - We couldn't have afforded to
make the investment we haveCopy !req
410. here unless we gave the
kind of satisfaction thatCopy !req
411. make our customers come
back to us year after year.Copy !req
412. We want you to be a regular
customer, too, Mr. Milton.Copy !req
413. In fact, we hope you'll buy
your next ten cars from us.Copy !req
414. - Ten cars?Copy !req
415. - That's why we'll give
you the kind of serviceCopy !req
416. it takes on this one to bring
you back for the next one.Copy !req
417. And the next, and
the next, so on.Copy !req
418. You see, that's the only
way we can hope to—Copy !req
419. - How can I keep
this from Gladys?Copy !req
420. - Adlai Stevenson buys a car.Copy !req
421. - Good salesman.Copy !req
422. - Bad salesman.Copy !req
423. - (IMITATES JIMMY DURANTE)
Inka dinka do, ha ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
424. - Now, if you want to
see your daughter again,Copy !req
425. you'll do what I—Copy !req
426. - And now let us pray.Copy !req
427. Lord!Copy !req
428. - Huh?Copy !req
429. - You could hurt me?Copy !req
430. - (ANGRILY) Would you sign it?Copy !req
431. Just sign it!Copy !req
432. Sign it!Copy !req
433. - Well, can I keep the pen?Copy !req
434. - I was kidding.Copy !req
435. I was going to sign when I
walked in here, ha, you nuts.Copy !req
436. - Christy ahead at the break,
Dunn and Stewart close behind.Copy !req
437. - Huh?Copy !req
438. - Believe me, leadership pays.Copy !req
439. - Is he talking to us?Copy !req
440. - Mhm.Copy !req
441. - Yeah.Copy !req
442. - First, hire good men.Copy !req
443. - Make sure they're clean.Copy !req
444. - Then see that they're well
trained on their own productCopy !req
445. and on competitive products.Copy !req
446. Second,Copy !req
447. - Check their teeth.Copy !req
448. - Be sure they have
all the equipmentCopy !req
449. and selling helps they need
and know how to use them.Copy !req
450. - Fifth—Copy !req
451. - Third,Copy !req
452. - Oh, right, third.Copy !req
453. - Help them plan
their work to makeCopy !req
454. the most effective
use of their time.Copy !req
455. Fourth,Copy !req
456. - Live at home until you're 40.Copy !req
457. - Stay in close touch
with every man.Copy !req
458. Know what each one is doing.Copy !req
459. Work with them.Copy !req
460. - Name names.Copy !req
461. - And fifth, keep up
their enthusiasm.Copy !req
462. - En-too-zee-az-um.Copy !req
463. - Encourage every man every day.Copy !req
464. - Give 'em backrubs.Copy !req
465. - And never forget,Copy !req
466. - I love you.Copy !req
467. - As I did, that people
who represent you—Copy !req
468. - It's Dr. Giggles!Copy !req
469. - Need your help.Copy !req
470. - Goodnight.Copy !req
471. Stay pink, soft and oily.Copy !req
472. - (SINGING) We're hired!Copy !req
473. - Hired!Copy !req
474. - Yes, it's Manos,
the Hands of Fate.Copy !req
475. - You know, this is the slowest
car chase scene I've ever seen.Copy !req
476. - Like father, like son.Copy !req
477. Think about it, won't you?Copy !req
478. - This is where you
get out, honey.Copy !req
479. - We're almost there, honey.Copy !req
480. Just a little while longer
and your vacation starts.Copy !req
481. - I've been cold, Mother.Copy !req
482. - Visit beautiful ground zero.Copy !req
483. - Hey, look.Copy !req
484. Poodle bites, poodle chews.Copy !req
485. - (IN CHILD'S VOICE) His
heartbeat's irregular.Copy !req
486. - We should be pretty
close right now.Copy !req
487. The agent said it was about
12 miles from Highway 10Copy !req
488. and that was Highway
10 back there.Copy !req
489. - But you know, we
should've askedCopy !req
490. for better directions
at the last gas station.Copy !req
491. - Listen, I've never
gotten us lost before.Copy !req
492. - Have I?Copy !req
493. Honey?Copy !req
494. - Mommy, I'm cold.Copy !req
495. - (IN CHILD'S VOICE)My core
temperature's dropped.Copy !req
496. - OK, Debbie.Copy !req
497. I'll put the top up.Copy !req
498. - Nevermind, Mike.Copy !req
499. Debbie can come
up sit between us.Copy !req
500. - You can have the top up
or a birthday present.Copy !req
501. It's your choice, honey.Copy !req
502. - Ah, what do you
want, a hug next?Copy !req
503. Jeez, kids.Copy !req
504. - Cousin Itt!Copy !req
505. - Why don't we sing a song
to help pass the time?Copy !req
506. - (IN CHILD'S VOICE)Let's sing
something from Pearl Jam.Copy !req
507. - (SINGING) Row,
row, row your boat.Copy !req
508. Gently down the steamCopy !req
509. - Row, row, row your boat— come
on, sing, sing, sing, damn it,Copy !req
510. sing!Copy !req
511. Row, row, row your
boat, that's it, sing!Copy !req
512. Down the stream, yes!Copy !req
513. Row—Copy !req
514. - (SINGING AS A DOG)
Ruff, ruff, rowr ra rowrCopy !req
515. - Gently down the stream—Copy !req
516. - Merrily, merrily,
merrily, merrily—Copy !req
517. - Maryland, Maryland—Copy !req
518. - Our Man From UNCLE
will return after this.Copy !req
519. - Slug bug!Copy !req
520. - Ow!Copy !req
521. Jeez.Copy !req
522. - Well, you know, "Manos."Copy !req
523. - Right, right not
in so many words.Copy !req
524. - You know, "Manos."Copy !req
525. - Oh, yeah.Copy !req
526. I hear ya.Copy !req
527. - Tonight, Manos gets caught in
a deadly game of cat and mouse.Copy !req
528. - Ah, sorry, but you're not
filming "Manos— Hands of Fate"Copy !req
529. in our town.Copy !req
530. - Mm-mm.Copy !req
531. - Maybe it's a hot poodle.Copy !req
532. - (IRISH ACCENT) All right,
nothing to see here,Copy !req
533. show's over.Copy !req
534. I love that one.Copy !req
535. - Cover me, Ron.Copy !req
536. Check this out.Copy !req
537. - You have any idea how you
were framing back there?Copy !req
538. - All right, Mister.Copy !req
539. I see you have a
tail light problem.Copy !req
540. No excuse.Copy !req
541. Running late, first vacation,
kid getting tired— too bad.Copy !req
542. - Can't you give us a break?Copy !req
543. - This is just one guy talking.Copy !req
544. Just one guy.Copy !req
545. - All right.Copy !req
546. - Sure do appreciate it.Copy !req
547. We are running kind of late.Copy !req
548. - Just one guy.Copy !req
549. - If you're running late, you
should've started earlier.Copy !req
550. - Is it Jeffrey Zaslow?Copy !req
551. - Anyhow, no tail light.Copy !req
552. Have it fixed.Copy !req
553. - Thank you, officer.Copy !req
554. - Thank God he didn't
search the trunk, honey.Copy !req
555. - You know, that was just one
guy doing all those voices.Copy !req
556. I can't believe it.Copy !req
557. - So, what are we, about
half hour into this movie?Copy !req
558. - No, I'm afraid not.Copy !req
559. It's more like a minute.Copy !req
560. - No.Copy !req
561. - Yeah.Copy !req
562. - Huh.Copy !req
563. - If you lived here,
you'd be home by now.Copy !req
564. - Look, pigs, lies and videotape.Copy !req
565. - Joel, this is going to
turn into a snuff film.Copy !req
566. - Oh, the Mads wouldn't do
this, this is not a snuff film,Copy !req
567. I guarantee it.Copy !req
568. - Hey look, them Blue
Kentucky Hills of Tennessee.Copy !req
569. - All right, a little Manos,
taking us up to news time here.Copy !req
570. Manos—Copy !req
571. - Honey, please.Copy !req
572. Not while I'm driving!Copy !req
573. - Valley Loo-gee?Copy !req
574. - Ugh.Copy !req
575. - Luge.Copy !req
576. K. What about the Valley Lodge?Copy !req
577. - Now, just ten miles—Copy !req
578. - No!Copy !req
579. Now they're going
back the other way!Copy !req
580. - Just a few minutes, now.Copy !req
581. - Hey, let's just
pretend we're watchingCopy !req
582. "Trip To Bountiful," hmm?Copy !req
583. - Guess they picked up
Shirley Bassey hitch hiking.Copy !req
584. - In summary, "Manos—
the Hands of Fate."Copy !req
585. - "Manos— the Hands of Fate."Copy !req
586. - Manos.Copy !req
587. Ooh.Copy !req
588. - Oh, honey.Copy !req
589. - What's gotten into you?Copy !req
590. - You.Copy !req
591. - Oh, sure, they dissolve
to the same scene.Copy !req
592. See?Copy !req
593. - Anybody have any Dramamine?Copy !req
594. - (SINGING) It's Robin
Stone, the Love Machine.Copy !req
595. - Hey!Copy !req
596. Manos takes it up a notch.Copy !req
597. - Uh, Mr. Unser,
we're ready for ya.Copy !req
598. Mr. Unser?Copy !req
599. - Go, Speed Racer.Copy !req
600. - So, Worcestershire, honey?Copy !req
601. - Yes, it's Hawaiian Tropic,
for that savage buzz.Copy !req
602. - Oh, you're getting
cuter and funnierCopy !req
603. and I'm liking
you more and more.Copy !req
604. - So, ahem, hmm, uh— what do you
want to talk about n— Mmf, mm.Copy !req
605. - Yuck, it sounds
like Jerry Reed, ugh!Copy !req
606. - Way to go, Steve!Copy !req
607. - Ugh.Copy !req
608. Tastes like cherry Robitussin.Copy !req
609. - I wonder where they're going.Copy !req
610. - Man, like, there's
nothing up that road.Copy !req
611. - Well, back at it.Copy !req
612. Break's over.Copy !req
613. - You are the driver.Copy !req
614. What would you do if
this happened to you?Copy !req
615. Manos.Copy !req
616. - Hmm.Copy !req
617. Gotta keep an eye on my widow's
peak, in the mirror there.Copy !req
618. - Boy, this is a
taut thriller, huh?Copy !req
619. - "Manos— the Hands of Fate."Copy !req
620. - Mhm.Copy !req
621. - Manos.Copy !req
622. - What?Copy !req
623. It— This isn't Wacker Drive,
we're nowhere near Chicago.Copy !req
624. - Now, look.Copy !req
625. The sign pointed this way.Copy !req
626. - Mike, let's go back
to the crossroads—Copy !req
627. - Hey, dialogue.Copy !req
628. - And ask those kids we saw.Copy !req
629. - OK, OK.Copy !req
630. But I know we can't be wrong.Copy !req
631. Look, the sign pointed this way!Copy !req
632. - The sign pointed this way!Copy !req
633. Admit I'm right!Copy !req
634. Admit I'm right!Copy !req
635. - Hm.Copy !req
636. - So, once again, in
case you forgot—Copy !req
637. "Manos— the Hands of Fate."Copy !req
638. - Sure is a quiet ride.Copy !req
639. Hey, Mister.Copy !req
640. Get those hands at 10
o'clock at 2 o'clock, now.Copy !req
641. - Pretty soon, now,
I'm guessing we'llCopy !req
642. find "Manos— The
Hands of Fate."Copy !req
643. - Look, can we drop
off Tim Weisberg, now?Copy !req
644. - And now, "Herbie Manos—
the Hands of Fate."Copy !req
645. - "Manos!"Copy !req
646. - "The Hands of Fate"?Copy !req
647. - Yes.Copy !req
648. - Mhm.Copy !req
649. - Hoomph.Copy !req
650. Good thing they got a roll bar.Copy !req
651. - (IRISH ACCENT) All
right, shove over, kid.Copy !req
652. - Have to chase you kids.Copy !req
653. - Oh, sheesh.Copy !req
654. Holy cow, man.Copy !req
655. You'd think we're
doing something wrong.Copy !req
656. - No, you got it all wrong.Copy !req
657. Love should be
musty and hurtful.Copy !req
658. - Whatever it is
you're not doing,Copy !req
659. go don't do it somewhere else.Copy !req
660. - Why don't you guys
leave us alone?Copy !req
661. - Will I have a bad rep?Copy !req
662. - Come on, now.Copy !req
663. No wisecracks.Copy !req
664. - No more brittle bons mots.Copy !req
665. - OK.Copy !req
666. - Get going.Copy !req
667. Get going.Copy !req
668. - That means us.Copy !req
669. - Well, you don't
have to go away mad.Copy !req
670. - Well, kids, it's
time for us to goCopy !req
671. on our motor tour of the
southwestern states featuringCopy !req
672. many sites of
historical interest.Copy !req
673. - Oh, this is really nice!Copy !req
674. Hey, look, there's a field.Copy !req
675. And another field.Copy !req
676. And another field.Copy !req
677. - Oh, yes.Copy !req
678. It's very scenic.Copy !req
679. It's just like a scene
from— (STARTS TO BREAK DOWN)Copy !req
680. "Manos— the Hands of Fate."Copy !req
681. - You said Manos!Copy !req
682. - Uh, Tom you're
breaking character.Copy !req
683. - Well, I know but you're
using footage from the film.Copy !req
684. It makes me want to
blow my brains out!Copy !req
685. - Uh, that's nice, dear.Copy !req
686. Look, there are many other
points of scenic enjoymentCopy !req
687. to be viewed with
bemused interest.Copy !req
688. Why there's the ma—
corn palace over there.Copy !req
689. - Oh, my.Copy !req
690. It is the man.Copy !req
691. I hope we don't get
carted to the big house.Copy !req
692. - My, my, my.Copy !req
693. What do we have here?Copy !req
694. - Ick.Copy !req
695. Look-y like we got us
some Yankee troublemakers.Copy !req
696. I'm-a gonna have
to bring you in.Copy !req
697. - Uh, aren't you gonna
read us our rights?Copy !req
698. - He wants me to
read him his rights.Copy !req
699. Wah ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
700. - Hey, listen, man.Copy !req
701. We don't have to take any—Copy !req
702. - (WHISPERING) Crow.Copy !req
703. Crow, look.Copy !req
704. - Oh, je— geeze, Cambot!Copy !req
705. You were supposed to stop the
footage on the blue screenCopy !req
706. when Gypsy pulled us over!Copy !req
707. How are we supposed to do a
sketch when we have to watch—Copy !req
708. (STARTS WHIMPERING) Ma-
Manos the Hands of Fate?Copy !req
709. - Oh, god.Copy !req
710. - We're never gonna make it!Copy !req
711. This is a bug hunt, man!Copy !req
712. A bug hunt!Copy !req
713. - Game over, man!Copy !req
714. Game over!Copy !req
715. - Listen, you guys, come on.Copy !req
716. Shh.Copy !req
717. Hey, stay frosty.Copy !req
718. Come on, we survived "Monster
A-Go-Go," we can survive this.Copy !req
719. - Well!Copy !req
720. My big scene— ruined!Copy !req
721. I've never seen such
unprofessionalism.Copy !req
722. - Uh, guys, uh, I know this is
not normal procedure for meCopy !req
723. to do this, but, uh—Copy !req
724. DR. FORRESTER
(OFFSCREEN): Frank?Copy !req
725. I'm out of the shower!Copy !req
726. I need you to towel me off.Copy !req
727. - Uh, coming, sir!Copy !req
728. Uh, I just wanted to
say how really sorryCopy !req
729. I am about "Manos—
the Hands of Fate."Copy !req
730. I mean, I know it's our job
to send you really bad movies,Copy !req
731. but this time even I have to
admit— we really went too far.Copy !req
732. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
733. Now— now, now, now that,
that sketch you were doing,Copy !req
734. that was really funny.Copy !req
735. N- now, go on.Copy !req
736. Continue on with that.Copy !req
737. Go on, go on.Copy !req
738. - (STUTTERING) Na na Now,
come on, Crow, Servo.Copy !req
739. I, I— I told you
to keep playing.Copy !req
740. Now come on.Copy !req
741. Uh, uh, play!Copy !req
742. - (DISTRAUGHT) Oh, Daddy!Copy !req
743. - Oh, look, haven't you
done enough damage already?Copy !req
744. Unfortunately,
we'll be right back.Copy !req
745. - "Manos— the Hands of Fate."Copy !req
746. - Mhm. "Manos—
the Hands of Fate"Copy !req
747. was filmed on location
in a vacant lot.Copy !req
748. - Still holding.Copy !req
749. Adorn.Copy !req
750. - Where did this place come from?Copy !req
751. Wasn't here a few minutes ago.Copy !req
752. - I don't care.Copy !req
753. Let's see if we can
get some directions.Copy !req
754. - Maybe it's Brigadoon.Copy !req
755. - There's someone at the door.Copy !req
756. - The hell?Copy !req
757. - Uh, you're rolling.Copy !req
758. Mister—Copy !req
759. - You know, every
frame of this movieCopy !req
760. looks like someone's
last known photograph.Copy !req
761. - On second thought, let's
go back and ask him.Copy !req
762. I'm lost.Copy !req
763. - Shot on location in
Spooner, Wisconsin.Copy !req
764. - Uh, are you part of
the movie we're in?Copy !req
765. - I wet 'em!Copy !req
766. - Guy looks like a
chainsaw sculpture.Copy !req
767. - Tom Cruise is Dr. John.Copy !req
768. - He seems tame enough.Copy !req
769. - Hey, you're nothin'
special, either, you guys.Copy !req
770. - Um, could somebody
break the ice, please?Copy !req
771. - Well, this does look inviting.Copy !req
772. - Uh— honey.Copy !req
773. Why don't you talk
to the hairy man?Copy !req
774. You're good with people.Copy !req
775. There's a good girl.Copy !req
776. - Uh, you two stay
with the nice man.Copy !req
777. I'm going to go find a Ramada.Copy !req
778. - OK, we brought the kid.Copy !req
779. Now give us the negatives.Copy !req
780. - Oo, buh, I don't feel so good.Copy !req
781. Bluh.Copy !req
782. - I am Torgo.Copy !req
783. I take care of the place
while the Master is away.Copy !req
784. - The Master?Copy !req
785. Bobby Fischer?Copy !req
786. - How proud your parents must be.Copy !req
787. - But the child.Copy !req
788. I'm not sure the
Master would approve.Copy !req
789. Or the dog.Copy !req
790. The Master doesn't
like children.Copy !req
791. - Hey, he's W.C. Fields.Copy !req
792. - We only want to know
where Valley Lodge is.Copy !req
793. - Which way do we go?Copy !req
794. - There is no place
like that around here.Copy !req
795. - Oh, there, better.Copy !req
796. Ahem.Copy !req
797. Ahh.Copy !req
798. - Mike, I'm scared.Copy !req
799. - Of what?Copy !req
800. - It's getting dark.Copy !req
801. - Sure, he is from
the edge of Hell.Copy !req
802. - Which way is out of here?Copy !req
803. - Look, lady, I have
that effect on people,Copy !req
804. but I'm not a bad guy.Copy !req
805. - There is no way out here.Copy !req
806. It will be dark soon.Copy !req
807. There is no way out of here.Copy !req
808. - It'll be dark soon.Copy !req
809. - No way out?Copy !req
810. - Well, you know, we, we could
spend the night here and thenCopy !req
811. tomorrow—Copy !req
812. - I-I don't want to
spend the night here.Copy !req
813. I don't like the
look of the place.Copy !req
814. - Well, it seems we
have no alternative.Copy !req
815. Well, how about it, Torgo?Copy !req
816. Can we spend the night here?Copy !req
817. - Look, we got a convention
in town, I'm sorry.Copy !req
818. - I don't know what
else we can do.Copy !req
819. - Mike, I don't
want to stay here.Copy !req
820. - A-and the Master
wouldn't approve.Copy !req
821. - Don't worry about it.Copy !req
822. We're here now, and I'm sure
the master won't throw us out.Copy !req
823. Well?Copy !req
824. How about it, Torgo?Copy !req
825. - I don't want to
stay, let's leave.Copy !req
826. - The guy buys right into
the whole Master thing.Copy !req
827. - I don't know about it.Copy !req
828. I just don't know.Copy !req
829. - I'll have to run it
by my sales manager.Copy !req
830. - And the negotiations
continued into the night.Copy !req
831. - Ambiguity is scary.Copy !req
832. - Boy, I'm torn.Copy !req
833. Torgo?Copy !req
834. My wife?Copy !req
835. Hmmm.Copy !req
836. - What is this, Final Jeopardy?Copy !req
837. - Now, look.Copy !req
838. I've got some beans
going back there, I—Copy !req
839. - The rod of my
staff discomfort me.Copy !req
840. - He's the guy you used to know
who works at a Kinney's ShoesCopy !req
841. and won't leave you alone.Copy !req
842. - Man, pillow pants.Copy !req
843. - You can vacation
with Torgo but don'tCopy !req
844. bring your American
Express card.Copy !req
845. - Very well.Copy !req
846. The Master will
be very disturbed.Copy !req
847. - Here, go chat with the
Master, honey, there.Copy !req
848. - Heh, heh, kids.Copy !req
849. You got family, Torgo?Copy !req
850. - I'll get the luggage.Copy !req
851. - Uhh— that's not how you
wear your Depends, Torgo.Copy !req
852. - Been hittin' the
Thighmaster, Torgo?Copy !req
853. - Torgo, we'll stay tonight
and then tomorrow—Copy !req
854. - You must leave.Copy !req
855. You cannot stay.Copy !req
856. The Master would
not, uh, approve.Copy !req
857. - Oh, what does the
Master approve?Copy !req
858. - Uh.Copy !req
859. Heh.Copy !req
860. Uh, the door's over
that way, Torgo.Copy !req
861. - I'm losing it.Copy !req
862. Left— oh, there I go,
I'm going left, help.Copy !req
863. I'm— oh, ohh.Copy !req
864. - It's like having Joe
Cocker as your bellhop.Copy !req
865. - Uh, careful, honey, Torgo's
been marking his territory.Copy !req
866. - Oh, look, honey.Copy !req
867. Torgo has a little
altar to Ba'al.Copy !req
868. - Looks like they had a little
problem with the last fireCopy !req
869. there.Copy !req
870. Yule log got out of hand.Copy !req
871. - See, you're feeling
better already.Copy !req
872. - Rolling in filth
will do that for you.Copy !req
873. - Look at this.Copy !req
874. - What the—?Copy !req
875. What— oh.Copy !req
876. - The haunting "Torgo Theme."Copy !req
877. - Well, it's almost
as if you don'tCopy !req
878. want him to carry
your luggage, dear.Copy !req
879. - Hey, Torgo, gotta match?Copy !req
880. Heh, just kidding.Copy !req
881. - I swear I know that guy.Copy !req
882. - Heh, it's fun.Copy !req
883. Heh, fun.Copy !req
884. - Never seen her so happy, dear.Copy !req
885. - I'm bemused by this
plucky painting.Copy !req
886. - It's a, uh, Frank Frazetta
of a, uh, of Frank Zappa.Copy !req
887. - I'm thinking of having that
tattooed on my face, dearest.Copy !req
888. - Tonight, on "Night Gallery."Copy !req
889. - OK, so, should we
head down to the bar?Copy !req
890. - Must be the Master, himself.Copy !req
891. - Yeah, he just exudes
authority, he does.Copy !req
892. Oh, Mike, I'm scared.Copy !req
893. He has the meanest look.Copy !req
894. - Yeah, and it won't go
with your sofa, either.Copy !req
895. I'd hate
to run up on him in the dark,Copy !req
896. or even in the light,
for that matter.Copy !req
897. - Honey, uh, should we
be in a cut away here?Copy !req
898. - Um— next slide, please.Copy !req
899. Next slide.Copy !req
900. - Hey, look at those lamprey
eels on the wall back there.Copy !req
901. - I left a piece of chewed
gum on your pillow.Copy !req
902. - Oh, that's the playful
side of Torgo, right there.Copy !req
903. He has fun.Copy !req
904. - He's the clown that makes the
dark side fun. (SINGING) Torgo.Copy !req
905. - Uh, the dog is
sharp again, Mommy.Copy !req
906. See?Copy !req
907. That must be your Master.Copy !req
908. Where did you say he was?Copy !req
909. - He's in Houston this week.Copy !req
910. - But he is with us always.Copy !req
911. No matter where we
go, he is with us.Copy !req
912. - You know, I bet the Master
and I would really get along.Copy !req
913. I'd like to think that.Copy !req
914. - What?Copy !req
915. - No matter where he goes?Copy !req
916. What does that mean?Copy !req
917. And that dog.Copy !req
918. It's the most vicious-looking
animal I've ever seen.Copy !req
919. - Well, I, hope he goes
where the Master goes.Copy !req
920. - There is nothing
to fear, madam.Copy !req
921. The Master likes you.Copy !req
922. Nothing will happen to you.Copy !req
923. He likes you.Copy !req
924. - Likes me?Copy !req
925. I thought you said he was dead.Copy !req
926. - Honey!Copy !req
927. You're embarrassing Torgo.Copy !req
928. - Dead?Copy !req
929. No, madam, not dead
the way you know it.Copy !req
930. - Uh, look, it's
kinda complicated.Copy !req
931. But I can show you to your room.Copy !req
932. - Not dead the way you know it.Copy !req
933. He is with us always.Copy !req
934. - Makes sense to me, honey.Copy !req
935. What's your problem?Copy !req
936. - Mike, I don't like this.Copy !req
937. - Nothing to worry about.Copy !req
938. It's only your imagination.Copy !req
939. - Can Scruffy eat
this silverfish?Copy !req
940. - Well, then.Copy !req
941. So, Master, uh, pay
ya pretty well, huh?Copy !req
942. - Man, that poor kid.Copy !req
943. - Mhm.Copy !req
944. - Gee.Copy !req
945. - I think that it's best that I
show you to the bedrooms now.Copy !req
946. - Oh, you'd like
that, wouldn't you?Copy !req
947. - Hmm.Copy !req
948. Nice guy.Copy !req
949. - Oh my God!Copy !req
950. Mike, what was that?Copy !req
951. - It's Howlin' Wolf.
(SINGING) GonnaCopy !req
952. womp that wang dang
doodle all night long.Copy !req
953. - Hey, look, I know you're
an evil hell beast,Copy !req
954. but could you hold it down?Copy !req
955. It's after nine and we got kids!Copy !req
956. - I'll go check this out.Copy !req
957. Haha!Copy !req
958. Fifi to the rescue!Copy !req
959. - That's it.Copy !req
960. Mix it up, Fifi.Copy !req
961. Go.Copy !req
962. Go.Copy !req
963. Go neck, Fifi.Copy !req
964. Neck.Copy !req
965. - What happened?Copy !req
966. I heard—Copy !req
967. - Stay here.Copy !req
968. Get back into the house.Copy !req
969. - Someone left a cake
out in the rain.Copy !req
970. - Sounds like Gene
Krupa's out here.Copy !req
971. - OK, let's see here.Copy !req
972. Wet naps, flashlight,
revolver, good.Copy !req
973. - Finally, my chance to
get rid of that damn dog.Copy !req
974. - Ugh, look at the pile he left.Copy !req
975. - Petrified poodle.Copy !req
976. - Uh, good news honey.Copy !req
977. We can get that Rottweiler.Copy !req
978. - Get back in the house, damn it!Copy !req
979. - My God, Mike.Copy !req
980. What happened?Copy !req
981. - He's dead.Copy !req
982. Peppy's been killed.Copy !req
983. - But who's Peppy?Copy !req
984. - Get in the house, honey.Copy !req
985. - Mike, what kind
of place is this?Copy !req
986. My God, what kind
of place is this?Copy !req
987. - I'll take care of everything.Copy !req
988. Honey, get back in the house.Copy !req
989. - Oh, and don't slam— bang!Copy !req
990. —the screen door.Copy !req
991. - Come on, fling her.Copy !req
992. Side arm, go for distance, woo!Copy !req
993. Sorry, Fluffy.Copy !req
994. - Well, I don't know
what she got into,Copy !req
995. but she's been out
cold for hour— oh.Copy !req
996. - Uh, hi, dear the dog's dea—
oh, that came out all wrong.Copy !req
997. - Mike.Copy !req
998. Oh, Mike, what could've done it?Copy !req
999. - Ozzy Osbourne?Copy !req
1000. - What are you guys
talking about?Copy !req
1001. Where's my dog?Copy !req
1002. - Honey, it was probably
some animal from the desert.Copy !req
1003. This place must be full of them.Copy !req
1004. - Are you talk—
talking about my dog?Copy !req
1005. Where's my dog?Copy !req
1006. - Peppy?Copy !req
1007. - Yeah, well, listen,
you've never had a dog.Copy !req
1008. Never.Copy !req
1009. I want you to stop this
foolishness about a dog!Copy !req
1010. - Mike, I want to
leave this place.Copy !req
1011. Now!Copy !req
1012. - Aw, come on.Copy !req
1013. We haven't seen the pool yet.Copy !req
1014. - Where the hell
is that caretaker?Copy !req
1015. Torgo!Copy !req
1016. - No dog, honey.Copy !req
1017. Never.Copy !req
1018. No dog.Copy !req
1019. - Man, I can't help but
wonder what this castCopy !req
1020. party was like when
they shot this.Copy !req
1021. - I got your magic fingers going.Copy !req
1022. - Did you want me?Copy !req
1023. - We're leaving.Copy !req
1024. Would you mind putting the
luggage back in the car?Copy !req
1025. - Look, sir, could you do it?Copy !req
1026. - As you wish.Copy !req
1027. - Right now.Copy !req
1028. Fast, damn it, fast!Copy !req
1029. - Yeah, here I go.Copy !req
1030. Vrooom!Copy !req
1031. - Sounds like he's got a
humpback whale under the hood.Copy !req
1032. - When is this guy going
to start demonstratingCopy !req
1033. some simple competence?Copy !req
1034. Jeez.Copy !req
1035. - What is he expecting,
a big on/off switch?Copy !req
1036. - Wish that Master
fellow was here.Copy !req
1037. He could fix it.Copy !req
1038. - Uh, I like your dress.Copy !req
1039. I could introduce
you to the Master.Copy !req
1040. My name actually is Roger.Copy !req
1041. - Van Gogh's
self-portrait, really.Copy !req
1042. - Well, I've got to get going.Copy !req
1043. - We got some poodle meat
in the freezer for ya.Copy !req
1044. - I'll be glad to leave.Copy !req
1045. I've had all of
this place I want.Copy !req
1046. - Uh, fill out your comment card.Copy !req
1047. - The Master wants you.Copy !req
1048. - Wants me?Copy !req
1049. What kind of talk is that?Copy !req
1050. - Why, it's oily, sleazy talk.Copy !req
1051. - He wants you for his wife.Copy !req
1052. He loves beautiful women.Copy !req
1053. - And he likes to wear mittens.Copy !req
1054. - Look, I may have
spoken out of turn.Copy !req
1055. Ah.Copy !req
1056. - You're coming on a
little strong, Torgo.Copy !req
1057. - She's just not into
dating right now.Copy !req
1058. - Hmm, now some highlights
right here would look good.Copy !req
1059. I think bangs and an off
the shoulder look for you.Copy !req
1060. - When carnies flirt.Copy !req
1061. - Torgo, you're
coming dangerouslyCopy !req
1062. close to crossing the line.Copy !req
1063. - Kind of a clumsy pass there.Copy !req
1064. - (SINGING) I want a
lover with a slow hand.Copy !req
1065. - You led me on.Copy !req
1066. You gave me mixed signals.Copy !req
1067. - Well, I did it.Copy !req
1068. I don't regret it.Copy !req
1069. Here's the toast you ordered.Copy !req
1070. Jam?Copy !req
1071. - Don't you ever try that again!Copy !req
1072. You— beast!Copy !req
1073. - I'm just as God made me, ma'am.Copy !req
1074. - But he can't have you.Copy !req
1075. I want you!Copy !req
1076. - Stop that talk this
instant, you hear?Copy !req
1077. - He wants you, but
he can't have you.Copy !req
1078. - Mike!Copy !req
1079. Mike!Copy !req
1080. - Hey, why don't you
visit with Torgo a while?Copy !req
1081. I'll be right in there, dear!Copy !req
1082. - (MUTTERING) Ugh, driving
halfway over hell in Texas.Copy !req
1083. Stupid brat kid and rat
dog, I'm glad he's dead.Copy !req
1084. - Turn it off.Copy !req
1085. Turn it off!Copy !req
1086. - God, I look like Jack Klugman.Copy !req
1087. - Where in the world could he be?Copy !req
1088. Mike!Copy !req
1089. Mike!Copy !req
1090. - I might have gone out with you,
but you were just too pushy.Copy !req
1091. - Let me out of here.Copy !req
1092. Let me out of here now!Copy !req
1093. Do you hear?Copy !req
1094. Now!Copy !req
1095. - Look, lady, I got the
moves of a wallaby.Copy !req
1096. - Forgive me, madam.Copy !req
1097. - Ho ho, it's Senator Packwood.Copy !req
1098. - I meant no harm.Copy !req
1099. - She's a Breck girl.Copy !req
1100. - Forgive you?Copy !req
1101. Just wait'll I tell my husband!Copy !req
1102. - Well, I must go cut
off my left ear now.Copy !req
1103. - I meant no harm,
madam, I'll protect you.Copy !req
1104. - Because there's some
weird people around here.Copy !req
1105. - Very well.Copy !req
1106. I won't tell my husband.Copy !req
1107. Now let me out.Copy !req
1108. - And I have my answer.Copy !req
1109. I'm walking on air.Copy !req
1110. - Oh, I'm beat.Copy !req
1111. I'm hittin' the stain.Copy !req
1112. - Hey, Maggie, the
damn car won't start.Copy !req
1113. - Yeah, that's a
real bitch, Daddy.Copy !req
1114. - Margaret?Copy !req
1115. - Damn car won't start.Copy !req
1116. - Well, that really fixes things.Copy !req
1117. What are we gonna do now?Copy !req
1118. - I don't know.Copy !req
1119. And I couldn't find anything
wrong with it, either.Copy !req
1120. Hey, Torgo.Copy !req
1121. Where's the phone?Copy !req
1122. - Oh, these two.Copy !req
1123. Yes, Alexander Graham Bell.Copy !req
1124. You know, telephone?Copy !req
1125. - Don't patronize me, sir.Copy !req
1126. - There is none, sir.Copy !req
1127. The Master doesn't approve
of, uh— such— eh, devices.Copy !req
1128. - Th— then where is
the nearest phone?Copy !req
1129. The nearest phone is
at the crossroads.Copy !req
1130. - And that's 10 miles.Copy !req
1131. - 10 miles?Copy !req
1132. Might as well be 10,000 miles.Copy !req
1133. - Easy, honey.Copy !req
1134. It won't help to get mad.Copy !req
1135. - Get Glad!Copy !req
1136. - The Master won't mind
you staying tonight.Copy !req
1137. - He has no choice.Copy !req
1138. We can't leave, we
can't walk out of here,Copy !req
1139. and the damn car won't start.Copy !req
1140. - I'll just bring the
bags back to the room.Copy !req
1141. - You know, uh, Torgo wobbles,
but he won't fall down.Copy !req
1142. - You know, he can fill out
jodhpurs like regular pants.Copy !req
1143. - Mommy, didn't I have a poodle?Copy !req
1144. - You never had a poodle!Copy !req
1145. - Oh!Copy !req
1146. - Sinister isn't
descriptive enough.Copy !req
1147. - Honey, we'll leave
in the morningCopy !req
1148. and soon this place
will be forgotten.Copy !req
1149. - Forgotten?Copy !req
1150. I'll never forget.Copy !req
1151. - I'll always have Torgo!Copy !req
1152. - Peppy's gone.Copy !req
1153. I just hope Debbie
will understand.Copy !req
1154. - She'll understand.Copy !req
1155. She's my baby.Copy !req
1156. She'll understand.Copy !req
1157. - Play what?Copy !req
1158. Debbie's outta here!Copy !req
1159. - I hope so, darling.Copy !req
1160. I sure hope so.Copy !req
1161. - She's my baby.Copy !req
1162. She'll understand.Copy !req
1163. - Didn't he just say that?Copy !req
1164. - Say, where is she?Copy !req
1165. - Oh my god!Copy !req
1166. Michael!Copy !req
1167. Don't get rawed out.Copy !req
1168. She's probably
playing hide and seek.Copy !req
1169. - Rawed out?Copy !req
1170. - OK, Debbie.Copy !req
1171. We see you.Copy !req
1172. Come out, come out,
wherever you are.Copy !req
1173. - Maybe she slipped
into one of the rooms.Copy !req
1174. - Debbie?Copy !req
1175. - Debbie!Copy !req
1176. - Debbie!Copy !req
1177. - Ah.Copy !req
1178. After a thorough search
of the first room.Copy !req
1179. - Debbie!Copy !req
1180. - Torgo, have you seen Debbie?Copy !req
1181. - No.Copy !req
1182. - She's gone.Copy !req
1183. Help us find her.Copy !req
1184. - Could you page her for us?Copy !req
1185. - She couldn't have gone outside.Copy !req
1186. The door is bolted.Copy !req
1187. - For God's sake, don't panic.Copy !req
1188. She's got to be in here.Copy !req
1189. - Maybe she tunnelled out.Copy !req
1190. - Is there another
exit to the outside?Copy !req
1191. - In the kitchen.Copy !req
1192. - Don't touch the oatmeal
cookies in there.Copy !req
1193. - That door's bolted, too!Copy !req
1194. - We gotta go.Copy !req
1195. - These two!Copy !req
1196. - She's got to be outside.Copy !req
1197. - All right, we'll
look outside for her.Copy !req
1198. - Ohh.Copy !req
1199. Ohh.Copy !req
1200. Yeah!Copy !req
1201. Woo!Copy !req
1202. I owe ya one, buddy.Copy !req
1203. - Pretty lame monster in
this movie today, ah?Copy !req
1204. - Yeah-heh.Copy !req
1205. Wow.Copy !req
1206. Typical.Copy !req
1207. What monster?Copy !req
1208. - You know, Torgo.Copy !req
1209. Real lame monster?Copy !req
1210. - Torgo's a monster?Copy !req
1211. What do you think, Tom?Copy !req
1212. - Well, uhh— think
that, uh, sure.Copy !req
1213. Yeah.Copy !req
1214. Seems to me that— yeah.Copy !req
1215. Uh, exaggerated
physical attribute—Copy !req
1216. in this case, the knees—
used to induce, umm— terror.Copy !req
1217. Yeah, I guess he's a monster.Copy !req
1218. Yeah.Copy !req
1219. - Oh, now I really
hate this movie!Copy !req
1220. How long did that decision
take the director?Copy !req
1221. A tenth of a second?Copy !req
1222. Big knees!Copy !req
1223. Good!Copy !req
1224. Let's go with it!Copy !req
1225. - Yeah, you're right.Copy !req
1226. I mean, there's got be a ton
of other exaggerated physicalCopy !req
1227. attributes that'd be
a whole lot scarier.Copy !req
1228. Like if I wanted
to scare people,Copy !req
1229. I'd have really huge forearms.Copy !req
1230. - Well, ya— kinda do.Copy !req
1231. What I'd do, see, get this—
I'd have one big droopy pinky.Copy !req
1232. - And I'd drag it
behind me, hahaha!Copy !req
1233. - Hey, what if you had
one buttcheek thatCopy !req
1234. was way bigger
than the other one?Copy !req
1235. - Hoo!Copy !req
1236. - Ugh!Copy !req
1237. - My head, a canker.Copy !req
1238. - Ugh!Copy !req
1239. - A big, giant canker.Copy !req
1240. Nothing but.Copy !req
1241. - I'd have one really
big flared nostril.Copy !req
1242. And inside would be lots
of red, matted hair.Copy !req
1243. - I'd have an ear that would
cover me like a shroud.Copy !req
1244. And a thumb the size
of a juggling pin.Copy !req
1245. - Yah!Copy !req
1246. - But not on my hand.Copy !req
1247. - Nipples— many
sizes, many shapes.Copy !req
1248. Some on my back.Copy !req
1249. - A tongue the size
of a sleeping bag.Copy !req
1250. And my fingers would
fold the other way.Copy !req
1251. Think about it.Copy !req
1252. - On my face, everything
normal except no nose.Copy !req
1253. - Nothing?Copy !req
1254. - Nope, not even holes.Copy !req
1255. Think how disturbing
that would be.Copy !req
1256. Aah!Copy !req
1257. - My intestines on
top of my head!Copy !req
1258. - No!Copy !req
1259. - Where I'd have to
keep them greased.Copy !req
1260. - I'd remove my skin, re-stitch
it, and wear it as a cardigan.Copy !req
1261. - I would have a dewlap.Copy !req
1262. - Monster.Copy !req
1263. I just don't see how you
can call Torgo a monster.Copy !req
1264. - But he is!Copy !req
1265. He is a monster!Copy !req
1266. - No, he isn't.Copy !req
1267. - No, he isn't.
- He's a monster.Copy !req
1268. - Nuh uh.Copy !req
1269. Ha ha, cut it out.Copy !req
1270. Ha ha.Copy !req
1271. Cut it out!Copy !req
1272. - Oh no, we got movie sign!Copy !req
1273. - Mike, I'm scared.Copy !req
1274. The animals, this desert—Copy !req
1275. - Cut it out!Copy !req
1276. - What is that?Copy !req
1277. - A symbol for their love?Copy !req
1278. - Well, it's not
framed very well.Copy !req
1279. - Mm.Copy !req
1280. - There, there, honey.Copy !req
1281. We can have another daughter.Copy !req
1282. And a poodle, too.Copy !req
1283. He he, yes.Copy !req
1284. - Dear, come on.Copy !req
1285. You're soaking my
favorite golf sweater.Copy !req
1286. - Honey, when you look for
someone, what do you do?Copy !req
1287. - Debbie?Copy !req
1288. - Little Debbie?Copy !req
1289. - Debbie!Copy !req
1290. - Debbie knows it's
Prince Spaghetti night!Copy !req
1291. - Now, you be a good puppy.Copy !req
1292. - All right, freeze, Debbie!Copy !req
1293. Not another step.Copy !req
1294. Don't move!Copy !req
1295. - Mike, i-it's the dog
from the portrait.Copy !req
1296. - Stand back, Debbie!Copy !req
1297. Stand back!Copy !req
1298. - It's a devil and it's fun!Copy !req
1299. Ha!Copy !req
1300. - His name's Mephisto.Copy !req
1301. Can we keep him?Copy !req
1302. - Darling.Copy !req
1303. Baby, you could've been hurt.Copy !req
1304. - Kids worship the
darnedest things.Copy !req
1305. - But you should never
run away from us.Copy !req
1306. Debbie, don't ever
run away from us.Copy !req
1307. - And don't consort
with the Devil.Copy !req
1308. - Find my puppy.Copy !req
1309. - Where did you find
the new dog, baby?Copy !req
1310. - In a big place.Copy !req
1311. - In a big place?Copy !req
1312. Where, Debbie?Copy !req
1313. - The Northwest Territories.Copy !req
1314. - There was this
big, giant place.Copy !req
1315. It was so dark but I
wasn't afraid of the dark.Copy !req
1316. - Oh, she tells a
good story, huh?Copy !req
1317. - Mm.Copy !req
1318. - Yeah.Copy !req
1319. - Where is the place, Debbie?Copy !req
1320. - Over here, Daddy.Copy !req
1321. - Wait a minute, I think she
wants us to follow her, Laura.Copy !req
1322. - Ladies and gentlemen,
tonight, at the Copacabana,Copy !req
1323. Jules Podell proudly presents—
Pat Benatar and Tricia Nixon!Copy !req
1324. - Oh, Mike, it's horrible!Copy !req
1325. Let's get out of here.Copy !req
1326. - Let's go!Copy !req
1327. I'm Tom Bodett and we'll
leave a pyre on for ya.Copy !req
1328. - Ha ha, all for fun.Copy !req
1329. - Great dinner, too.Copy !req
1330. - I'm gonna find Torgo.Copy !req
1331. He's got some explaining to do.Copy !req
1332. - Hurry!Copy !req
1333. Please, hurry!Copy !req
1334. - Great hotel.Copy !req
1335. Really convenient to
the mouth of Hell.Copy !req
1336. - 29 buck a night.Copy !req
1337. For what?Copy !req
1338. - They've done a
lot with the place.Copy !req
1339. - Boss, I got the
ice machine fixed.Copy !req
1340. - Daddy, I need a drink of water.Copy !req
1341. - I want her.Copy !req
1342. She's mine!Copy !req
1343. Mine!Copy !req
1344. Mine!Copy !req
1345. Do you hear?Copy !req
1346. I want this one.Copy !req
1347. You have all the wives you need.Copy !req
1348. Look!Copy !req
1349. - And in a moment, the
results of that trial.Copy !req
1350. - I just wanted to know if you
could work for me Saturday.Copy !req
1351. - Oh, you pretty ones.Copy !req
1352. Let me see how good you are.Copy !req
1353. I won't need—Copy !req
1354. - He's doing "Macbeth."Copy !req
1355. - I'll have my own wife.Copy !req
1356. I won't have to
come in here to—Copy !req
1357. - It was Callahan, the big one.Copy !req
1358. He did this to me!Copy !req
1359. - You.Copy !req
1360. You're the worst.Copy !req
1361. You were his first wife.Copy !req
1362. He doesn't want you anymore.Copy !req
1363. Now even I don't want you.Copy !req
1364. - Uh, Torgo.Copy !req
1365. Don't burn any
bridges yet, buddy.Copy !req
1366. - Well, I've said my piece.Copy !req
1367. - Devil's comforter.Copy !req
1368. - So do you wanna get
some coffee or something?Copy !req
1369. - Itsy-bitsy spider
goes up the water—Copy !req
1370. - 'Scuse me.Copy !req
1371. 'Scuse me.Copy !req
1372. I realize this is
a little awkward.Copy !req
1373. - Oh.Copy !req
1374. - Well, his technique
has improved somewhat.Copy !req
1375. - Thank you for letting
me get this off my chest.Copy !req
1376. - Uh oh.Copy !req
1377. Ahh.Copy !req
1378. Oh.Copy !req
1379. Uh.Copy !req
1380. - Uh, let's just keep
this between you and me.Copy !req
1381. - I'm, I'm through
with all of you.Copy !req
1382. Through!Copy !req
1383. - Oh, my hernia.Copy !req
1384. - And there goes Torgo,
he's rounding the Master,Copy !req
1385. heading for the straightaway,
and there he goes!Copy !req
1386. - Oh, well, I don't know.Copy !req
1387. I guess it hasn't been
that good of a vacation.Copy !req
1388. - (SINGING) Torgo— I just
met a fella named Torgo.Copy !req
1389. - Marilyn Quayle in "Baby Doll."Copy !req
1390. - Hmm.Copy !req
1391. Mrs. Phyllis Torgo.Copy !req
1392. Guess I kinda like it.Copy !req
1393. - Oh!Copy !req
1394. Listen, you guys.Copy !req
1395. That's it.Copy !req
1396. This is not for your eyes.Copy !req
1397. I don't care.Copy !req
1398. - What is it?Copy !req
1399. What's going on, Joel?Copy !req
1400. - Shame on you, Doctor Forrester!Copy !req
1401. Have you no sense of decency?Copy !req
1402. - What, what, is Torgo juggling?Copy !req
1403. - Joel, we can handle this.Copy !req
1404. - Ha ho, it's the latest episode
of the Taster's Choice saga.Copy !req
1405. - Showers, anyone?Copy !req
1406. - Parents, now would be a good
time to talk to your children.Copy !req
1407. - Hmm?Copy !req
1408. - Va-voom, I'm gone!Copy !req
1409. - Where is Siegfried?Copy !req
1410. - Hello, Roy!Copy !req
1411. - Hello, Siegfried!Copy !req
1412. - Hello, Roy.Copy !req
1413. - Who was looking
at Maggie the cat?Copy !req
1414. - Ooh!Copy !req
1415. Got him right in the sweet spot.Copy !req
1416. - Oh, that's a spaceship.Copy !req
1417. - It's a flashlight.Copy !req
1418. - Oh.Copy !req
1419. - Oh, my leg, my leg, oh.Copy !req
1420. Oh my, my leg.Copy !req
1421. My other leg.Copy !req
1422. Oh.Copy !req
1423. - I'm sorry.Copy !req
1424. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1425. - Looks like a really
cheap Robert Bly workshop.Copy !req
1426. - Man, I hit a lot
of guys, buddy,Copy !req
1427. but you really take the cake.Copy !req
1428. Heh— tap, you're down.Copy !req
1429. - Oh, and the hell
of it is, he's neverCopy !req
1430. going to get that
cashmere sweater cleaned.Copy !req
1431. - Uh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1432. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1433. - Oh, Torgo, no!Copy !req
1434. Not— oh, now he's really
becoming unappealing.Copy !req
1435. Ew!Copy !req
1436. - You know, maybe Torgo should've
let him get closer to that poleCopy !req
1437. and then hit him.Copy !req
1438. - Ew.Copy !req
1439. - Oh, great.Copy !req
1440. Torgo's giving him a snuggy.Copy !req
1441. - That was "Manos—
the Hands of Fate"Copy !req
1442. on "Music Through The Night."Copy !req
1443. I'mCopy !req
1444. - Float!Copy !req
1445. - Ooh.Copy !req
1446. Oh, man.Copy !req
1447. I left a wake up call for 1953.Copy !req
1448. What year is it?Copy !req
1449. - Oh man, I don't
mind telling ya,Copy !req
1450. my bladder has
hit critical mass.Copy !req
1451. - Doggy go walkies?Copy !req
1452. Hmm?Copy !req
1453. Is that a good doggy?Copy !req
1454. Yes.Copy !req
1455. Good hell beast.Copy !req
1456. - He's not a morning person.Copy !req
1457. - Ohh, I get it.Copy !req
1458. - Aah.Copy !req
1459. - Oohh.Copy !req
1460. - Next week on "Manos."Copy !req
1461. - Something happens after this?Copy !req
1462. - (SINGING) So kiss
a little longer.Copy !req
1463. - Fresh!Copy !req
1464. - Some delicious A-1, my pet?Copy !req
1465. - Oh, Roy, you shouldn't have.Copy !req
1466. - Hey, this is Polo.Copy !req
1467. - Hey, that's a reason to kiss.Copy !req
1468. - Oh, geez, kissing,
I love this stuff.Copy !req
1469. Love it.Copy !req
1470. - Hey, come on, it's the '60s.Copy !req
1471. There's no getting your fingers
through a woman's hair, there.Copy !req
1472. - The tender love theme.Copy !req
1473. - Uh oh.Copy !req
1474. Officer Interruptus.Copy !req
1475. - Again?Copy !req
1476. How many times do
you have to be told?Copy !req
1477. - 12.Copy !req
1478. Heh heh.Copy !req
1479. - Have a heart, will ya?Copy !req
1480. - I do.Copy !req
1481. - Go chase that other couple.Copy !req
1482. - What other couple?Copy !req
1483. - Wanna handle this one, honey?Copy !req
1484. - Those idiots that went
deeper in the desert.Copy !req
1485. - Find them and chew
on them a while.Copy !req
1486. - We know that this
road goes nowhere.Copy !req
1487. So now, get.Copy !req
1488. No smart stuff.Copy !req
1489. We ain't trying to jump on ya.Copy !req
1490. Just get.Copy !req
1491. - We'll just go 10
yards up the road!Copy !req
1492. - The love vigilantes.Copy !req
1493. - It's the make out county line.Copy !req
1494. - Think we should try some
of that kissing, Burt?Copy !req
1495. No?Copy !req
1496. - Uh-uh.Copy !req
1497. - OK.Copy !req
1498. - They like kissing.Copy !req
1499. Go figure.Copy !req
1500. - Uh, want me to dri—
ok, I'll drive, I guess.Copy !req
1501. - Yup.Copy !req
1502. When there's a full
moon, I tell you,Copy !req
1503. that's when the crazies
come out, uh huh.Copy !req
1504. - Uh, Stephanie, bring me
some coffee and a Pop Tart.Copy !req
1505. And bring your steno pad.Copy !req
1506. - Oh, man.Copy !req
1507. I gotta get ten more minutes.Copy !req
1508. - Wait a minute.Copy !req
1509. Do I smell bacon?Copy !req
1510. Honey, I love you!Copy !req
1511. - O, Manos.Copy !req
1512. Thou of primal darkness.Copy !req
1513. - It's a Moody Blues song.Copy !req
1514. - Thou who dwelleth in
the depth of the universeCopy !req
1515. in the black chasms of night.Copy !req
1516. - You know who you are.Copy !req
1517. - Come on, Satan.Copy !req
1518. Pick up.Copy !req
1519. I know you're there!Copy !req
1520. - Bill Buckner!Copy !req
1521. - Mm, now that is
a cuteCopy !req
1522. - Oh my God, my
pants are on fire.Copy !req
1523. - "Manos— the Hands of Fate"?Copy !req
1524. - Mm.Copy !req
1525. - "Manos."Copy !req
1526. - Thou bestoweth the Mother
Darkness upon thy faithful.Copy !req
1527. - Go ahead, I'm going to
put you on speaker phone.Copy !req
1528. - Thou doth make him
most blessed forever.Copy !req
1529. - Michael Franks!Copy !req
1530. - And thou who doth curse
with eternal burning thyCopy !req
1531. soul who transgress
against thee.Copy !req
1532. Holy art thou, holy artCopy !req
1533. - Yul Brynner!Copy !req
1534. - Holy art thou.Copy !req
1535. Manos' will be done.Copy !req
1536. - Mammy!Copy !req
1537. - Thy priesthood
remains steadfast—Copy !req
1538. - Aw, you can see the zipper.Copy !req
1539. - Remains constant.Copy !req
1540. Thy priesthood
remains righteous.Copy !req
1541. Thou has taught us, O
Manos, and we have listened.Copy !req
1542. Give ear to our words,
O Manos, and hear us.Copy !req
1543. Hear us!Copy !req
1544. Hear us!Copy !req
1545. - OK.Copy !req
1546. - For we are faithful.Copy !req
1547. And thou art our god.Copy !req
1548. - The black and
red Moses of soul.Copy !req
1549. - Arise, my wives—Copy !req
1550. - And iron my work shirt.Copy !req
1551. - Give ear to the words of Manos.Copy !req
1552. - Arise, my wives, and
hear the will of Manos!Copy !req
1553. - OK, I'm up, I'm up!Copy !req
1554. - What was I thinking?Copy !req
1555. - I mean, who can afford
Lancome makeup, huh?Copy !req
1556. - One of these days, Alice!Copy !req
1557. - Alices.Copy !req
1558. - Women who lunch—Copy !req
1559. - And the Manos who love them.Copy !req
1560. Next Donahue.Copy !req
1561. - Why has the child
been brought here?Copy !req
1562. Why?Copy !req
1563. And a female child, at that.Copy !req
1564. - You can't just
buy the cleanser,Copy !req
1565. you have to buy
the whole package!Copy !req
1566. - I know, I know.Copy !req
1567. - You know, this scene is
strong enough for a Manos,Copy !req
1568. but made for a Woman-os.Copy !req
1569. I think.Copy !req
1570. - And now, back to,
"We Married Manos."Copy !req
1571. - I've never complained about
sacrificing a man, but a child?Copy !req
1572. - The woman is all we want.Copy !req
1573. The others must die!Copy !req
1574. They all must die!Copy !req
1575. We do not even want the woman!Copy !req
1576. - The child is a female.Copy !req
1577. She must not be destroyed.Copy !req
1578. She will grow up to be a woman.Copy !req
1579. - Oh, is that how that works?Copy !req
1580. - She must be killed!Copy !req
1581. - No!Copy !req
1582. - I am the oldest of the wives.Copy !req
1583. And it is my
privilege to say this.Copy !req
1584. - Enough!Copy !req
1585. Enough of this stupid bickering!Copy !req
1586. The child must die!Copy !req
1587. - Ohh, boo!Copy !req
1588. - If you persist in
this foolishness—Copy !req
1589. - I'll take your charge cards!Copy !req
1590. Thank you, good night.Copy !req
1591. - Say what you will, I will
have no part of this madness.Copy !req
1592. - OK, Betty's out.Copy !req
1593. - And I say she must die!Copy !req
1594. - Boy, they're having a very
spirited group, tonight.Copy !req
1595. - Yeah.Copy !req
1596. - Torgo should never have
allowed them in and I want—Copy !req
1597. - You have caused enough trouble.Copy !req
1598. I think perhaps your service
to us is at its end, now.Copy !req
1599. Silence!Copy !req
1600. - Is golden!Copy !req
1601. - Silence!Copy !req
1602. - Is golden!Copy !req
1603. - And now, my wives, I
shall deal with the one whoCopy !req
1604. is responsible for
the child being here.Copy !req
1605. - But first, funnyman
Morty Gunty.Copy !req
1606. - Torgo, he's the one.Copy !req
1607. Get Torgo!Copy !req
1608. - You are responsible
for this nonsense.Copy !req
1609. We shall dispose of you later.Copy !req
1610. - What do I pay you
people for, anyway?Copy !req
1611. You're all just sitting around.Copy !req
1612. - It's a terrible mistake.Copy !req
1613. The man, yes.Copy !req
1614. The child, no.Copy !req
1615. - Cheese, maybe.Copy !req
1616. - Maybe she's right.Copy !req
1617. Maybe we should spare the child.Copy !req
1618. - And spoil the rod.Copy !req
1619. - It is against our
will that we stay here.Copy !req
1620. Do not make the child
die to satisfy him.Copy !req
1621. He does not need any more wives.Copy !req
1622. - I'm calling a cab.Copy !req
1623. Yes.Copy !req
1624. He has no more time
for us older wives.Copy !req
1625. - Hair is burning in there.Copy !req
1626. - Jealousy is not part of us.Copy !req
1627. Why are you so jealous of me?Copy !req
1628. - You are a troublemaker.Copy !req
1629. You deserve to die!Copy !req
1630. - Next time, tell me when you're
wearing your white sheet!Copy !req
1631. - Die?Copy !req
1632. I may die.Copy !req
1633. But I do not care.Copy !req
1634. The child must live.Copy !req
1635. - Die, die, my darling.Copy !req
1636. - She's right!Copy !req
1637. We will not kill the child.Copy !req
1638. - But Manos would not approve.Copy !req
1639. - Just go over his head.Copy !req
1640. - The law of Manos
exists for us, only.Copy !req
1641. - Manos loves women.Copy !req
1642. She will grow up to be a woman.Copy !req
1643. But she must die!Copy !req
1644. - Let's hear Susan's
presentation,Copy !req
1645. and then let's break into
small groups and discuss this.Copy !req
1646. - Hey, and then you swing
your partners to and fro,Copy !req
1647. take her by the
arm and do-si-do!Copy !req
1648. Promenade.Copy !req
1649. - When the Master hears of
this, he will be furious.Copy !req
1650. - Yeah, you're lucky
my chick's here.Copy !req
1651. - You are all mad!Copy !req
1652. Mad, the whole lot of you!Copy !req
1653. The man, yes.Copy !req
1654. The child, no.Copy !req
1655. - Uhh— Moms, I think
you might want to takeCopy !req
1656. the kids out of the room, now.Copy !req
1657. - Yeah.Copy !req
1658. - Well, the talk's broke
down at this point.Copy !req
1659. - This is like the
Russian parliament.Copy !req
1660. - Next on ESPN— full-contact
nightgown wrestling.Copy !req
1661. - "Designing Women,"
the lost episodes.Copy !req
1662. - And now.Copy !req
1663. The Manos Women's
Guild will re-enactCopy !req
1664. the Battle of Pearl Harbor.Copy !req
1665. - You know, this was the
alternate ending to "Beaches."Copy !req
1666. - I see London, I see France—
I see everybody's underpants!Copy !req
1667. - You know, this
isn't Lysistrata.Copy !req
1668. I like it, but it
isn't Lysistrata.Copy !req
1669. - You know, after
this, they're gonnaCopy !req
1670. laugh and cry and pierce
each other's ears.Copy !req
1671. - Yep.Copy !req
1672. - It's the Wilson
Phillips break up.Copy !req
1673. - Kinda wish this was
shirts versus skins.Copy !req
1674. - Heey!Copy !req
1675. - Heh heh heh.Copy !req
1676. - Hoo hoo, zing!Copy !req
1677. - (SINGING) Sometimes
it's hard to be a woman.Copy !req
1678. - You know what this
movie really needs?Copy !req
1679. It's Mark Singer.Copy !req
1680. - Oh yeah.Copy !req
1681. - I'm guessing this is the whole
reason this movie was made.Copy !req
1682. Right here.Copy !req
1683. - Pow!Copy !req
1684. - Boff!Copy !req
1685. Smack!Copy !req
1686. - Biff!Copy !req
1687. - Oh, great.Copy !req
1688. I never wanted to see this.Copy !req
1689. - And I don't want to see
Torgo in something sheer.Copy !req
1690. - No!Copy !req
1691. Torgo, you're missing the fight.Copy !req
1692. Get your dress on
and get in there!Copy !req
1693. - Torgo, you're the
laziest man on Mars.Copy !req
1694. - Torgo, get up.Copy !req
1695. You're late for your route.Copy !req
1696. - Ooh!Copy !req
1697. Right in the store.Copy !req
1698. - Ouch.Copy !req
1699. - Hey, boy.Copy !req
1700. - How ya doing?Copy !req
1701. Hey.Copy !req
1702. Sit.Copy !req
1703. - Thanks for letting me
crash here last night, man.Copy !req
1704. - Did my legs really
get big last night?Copy !req
1705. - Oh, man, he has
got a Torg-over.Copy !req
1706. - Don't help me or
anything, boss.Copy !req
1707. - This is so awkward.Copy !req
1708. - Do something!Copy !req
1709. God!Copy !req
1710. - What are you doing here?Copy !req
1711. - Keep away from me!Copy !req
1712. Keep away!Copy !req
1713. - You have failed us, Torgo.Copy !req
1714. I know of your
visits to the tomb.Copy !req
1715. - What happened to the
bright young Torgo I hired?Copy !req
1716. - My visits?Copy !req
1717. - The women have told me.Copy !req
1718. - Well, you parked
in the yellow zone.Copy !req
1719. - They may not be able to say
anything or move when you'reCopy !req
1720. there, but they remember
everything you say to them.Copy !req
1721. - Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.Copy !req
1722. - And everything you do to them.Copy !req
1723. - Wha- what do you mean, boss?Copy !req
1724. - But Master, you have six wives.Copy !req
1725. Why can't I have one for myself?Copy !req
1726. - He makes a good point.Copy !req
1727. - You are not one of us.Copy !req
1728. Therefore you cannot
have one of them.Copy !req
1729. - Yes, but I have one now.Copy !req
1730. This one is mine!Copy !req
1731. You'll never get her.Copy !req
1732. - You have failed us, Torgo.Copy !req
1733. For this, you must die.Copy !req
1734. - Ooh, really strict boss, huh?Copy !req
1735. - Wow.Copy !req
1736. - Failed you?Copy !req
1737. No.Copy !req
1738. You have failed yourselves!Copy !req
1739. You never killed them!Copy !req
1740. I'll help them!Copy !req
1741. - You have failed
and you must die!Copy !req
1742. - You can't kill me, I quit.Copy !req
1743. - I'm— going to have to ask
for my last paycheck right now,Copy !req
1744. sir.Copy !req
1745. - What?Copy !req
1746. What?Copy !req
1747. Uh.Copy !req
1748. Oh.Copy !req
1749. - Is this your card?Copy !req
1750. - You know, as a boss, he should
be building them up right now.Copy !req
1751. - Does this bug you?Copy !req
1752. Does this bug you?Copy !req
1753. I'm not touching you.Copy !req
1754. - Cut it out, man.Copy !req
1755. - So he kills him by waving a
rusty tailpipe in front of him?Copy !req
1756. - Get that cat off the piano.Copy !req
1757. - Oh, I'm just kidding, Torgo,
I'm not going to kill you.Copy !req
1758. Get back to work, ya bum.Copy !req
1759. - I just remembered Family
Circus was really funny today.Copy !req
1760. - Manos.Copy !req
1761. God of primal darkness.Copy !req
1762. - Can you believe this?Copy !req
1763. - As thou hast decreed,
so have I done.Copy !req
1764. The hands of fate
have doomed this man.Copy !req
1765. - You know what?Copy !req
1766. I bet Torgo's
changing back there.Copy !req
1767. - Oh.Copy !req
1768. Hey-y—Copy !req
1769. - (SINGING) Never steal
anything we— huh?Copy !req
1770. Say, who's the new guy?Copy !req
1771. - Hey, who planted a man?Copy !req
1772. - Oh, I see you're kind
of tied up right now.Copy !req
1773. Ha ha, I'm dead,
but I'm still funny.Copy !req
1774. - Oh, I hope she doesn't make
like Jenny Fields, oh ho.Copy !req
1775. - No, I shouldn't, I—Copy !req
1776. - (SINGING) I don't
know how to love him!Copy !req
1777. - Let's see.Copy !req
1778. Honey, I was tied
up and unconscious.Copy !req
1779. There was nothing I could do!Copy !req
1780. - Is she telling him a secret?Copy !req
1781. - Mhm.Copy !req
1782. - All over him.Copy !req
1783. - Huh, I have the feeling
you're not interested in me.Copy !req
1784. - Don't you ever try that again!Copy !req
1785. Ever!Copy !req
1786. - It was a brief affair.Copy !req
1787. And it ended bitterly.Copy !req
1788. - Oh, I'm sorry, I thought
you were someone else.Copy !req
1789. - Uh, where was I?Copy !req
1790. Oh yeah, back to the supply hut.Copy !req
1791. - We return to "Girl Talk"
with Virginia Graham.Copy !req
1792. - Relax, it's a
natural exfoliant.Copy !req
1793. Just ease into it.Copy !req
1794. - Say uncle!Copy !req
1795. - (MUFFLED) Uncle!Copy !req
1796. - The women are fighting!Copy !req
1797. - Aw, again?Copy !req
1798. - When are you going
to kill me, boss?Copy !req
1799. - And the bench is clear!Copy !req
1800. - It's a rather gentle rumble.Copy !req
1801. - She's my sister!Copy !req
1802. She's my daughter!Copy !req
1803. She's my sister!Copy !req
1804. - Movie has kind of a Ken
Russell feel to it, I'd say.Copy !req
1805. - Carol Brady?Copy !req
1806. - The Maidenform woman.Copy !req
1807. You never know where
she'll turn up.Copy !req
1808. - Look, I think we were basically
all in agreement anyways.Copy !req
1809. - These clearance
sales are brutal.Copy !req
1810. - Huh?Copy !req
1811. Big knees!Copy !req
1812. Oh!Copy !req
1813. Oh.Copy !req
1814. - Hey, how come no one
invited me to the brawl?Copy !req
1815. - Michael?Copy !req
1816. Michael, where are you?Copy !req
1817. - Oh, I don't like
that neckline at all.Copy !req
1818. Oh now, say, this is cute.Copy !req
1819. - Salutations, imperfect one!Copy !req
1820. I am the Master, and you are
mysteriously drawn to me!Copy !req
1821. - Everything I say, you
must do right away,Copy !req
1822. without having to ask twice!Copy !req
1823. I am evil!Copy !req
1824. And mean!Copy !req
1825. And unforgiving!Copy !req
1826. In your brokenness you have
failed, and now must repent.Copy !req
1827. Bow down now before me!Copy !req
1828. Bow down!Copy !req
1829. - Oh, hi, Joel.Copy !req
1830. - Oh, come on, Tom.Copy !req
1831. I was just commanding
you to do my will.Copy !req
1832. Besides, look— (SHOUTING)
come to me, for I am the magnetCopy !req
1833. and you are steel!Copy !req
1834. - Well you look like Maude.Copy !req
1835. - Well, come on, I think
this cloak exudes powerCopy !req
1836. and manliness.Copy !req
1837. And, uh, hey look, I got
a horrifying hell beastCopy !req
1838. right here.Copy !req
1839. - That's pretty scary.Copy !req
1840. - You just look like
Maude with a hell beast.Copy !req
1841. - Oh, you mean Estelle Getty?Copy !req
1842. But Tom, look!Copy !req
1843. - Come on, Joel.Copy !req
1844. The cloak is grand, the
workmanship is superb,Copy !req
1845. but a neat caftan
doesn't automaticallyCopy !req
1846. qualify you as the
Devil's spin doctor.Copy !req
1847. - Oh, come on, look, it's lined.Copy !req
1848. I got inside pockets, I
got a little special oneCopy !req
1849. for my Mentos.Copy !req
1850. It's even got a cotton panel.Copy !req
1851. - Ah, Joel, uh— Tom's right.Copy !req
1852. It's just not working.Copy !req
1853. You're not the evil type.Copy !req
1854. - What do you mean?Copy !req
1855. - Well, for one thing, your,
your face is too friendly.Copy !req
1856. Second, your eyebrows,
they arc softly asCopy !req
1857. opposed to jutting inward.Copy !req
1858. And well, frankly, Joel, you
blush in the most adorable way.Copy !req
1859. - This is really embarrassing
Oh great, the Mads are calling.Copy !req
1860. - Uh, hi, fellas.Copy !req
1861. Look, I, uh, I, I
just wanted to letCopy !req
1862. you know, I know this
movie's a tough oneCopy !req
1863. and I just wanted to let
you know, I feel for ya.Copy !req
1864. - Doctor?Copy !req
1865. Caramel corn's ready.Copy !req
1866. Do you want it in your
"Little Mermaid" bowl?Copy !req
1867. - Uh— fine!Copy !req
1868. Sure.Copy !req
1869. Now you realize if you
tell Frank I've done this,Copy !req
1870. I'll have to kill him.Copy !req
1871. So let's not, OK?Copy !req
1872. Enough said?Copy !req
1873. All righty?Copy !req
1874. Buh-bye.Copy !req
1875. - It's cute, though.Copy !req
1876. - Ah, come on.Copy !req
1877. - Oh, please, God.Copy !req
1878. Where's Mike?Copy !req
1879. - Freddie Mercury!Copy !req
1880. - Jimmy Hoffa.Copy !req
1881. The last known photo.Copy !req
1882. - More of the same.Copy !req
1883. - Girls, girls,
you're all pretty!Copy !req
1884. Stop!Copy !req
1885. What foolishness is this?Copy !req
1886. - There!Copy !req
1887. - Manos must be served!Copy !req
1888. - There you are.Copy !req
1889. - I've served!Copy !req
1890. - She is the one.Copy !req
1891. She has upset all of our plans.Copy !req
1892. - This foolishness must stop!Copy !req
1893. - OK!Copy !req
1894. - (SINGING) All my bags are
packed, I'm ready to go.Copy !req
1895. I'm—Copy !req
1896. - Uh, uh, boss, I really need
to know about the execution.Copy !req
1897. Uh, have things—Copy !req
1898. - Wow, I used to go out
with all of these womenCopy !req
1899. and now they're all
here, Kodachrome.Copy !req
1900. - Well, we're going to
do some story time now.Copy !req
1901. Torgo, sit down.Copy !req
1902. - There's been enough trouble.Copy !req
1903. - Right here in River City.Copy !req
1904. - Our purpose must be served.Copy !req
1905. There will be no
further insolence.Copy !req
1906. - But I need my insulin.Copy !req
1907. - But the child!Copy !req
1908. - We cannot kill a child!Copy !req
1909. - Yes we can!Copy !req
1910. - Let's wrestle for it!Copy !req
1911. - You have caused enough trouble.Copy !req
1912. - Well, Cindy started it.Copy !req
1913. - No, I didn't.Copy !req
1914. - When we've disposed of Torgo,
we shall take care of you!Copy !req
1915. - Um, should Torgo
be at this meeting?Copy !req
1916. - Your power failed you.Copy !req
1917. - You know what
she's really saying.Copy !req
1918. - Seize her!Copy !req
1919. And prepare her for sacrifice!Copy !req
1920. - Well, I guess I'm just
a little too outspoken.Copy !req
1921. - The Amazing Tecnicolor Poncho.Copy !req
1922. - All right, now let's see, the
rabbit comes out of the hole,Copy !req
1923. goes around the
tree, that's it, OK.Copy !req
1924. - Now, remember, I like
to be lightly braised.Copy !req
1925. - Well done, my wives.Copy !req
1926. - Now, get the potatoes.Copy !req
1927. - The will of Manos
shall be served.Copy !req
1928. - Pull my finger!Copy !req
1929. - We are going to make
you look terrific.Copy !req
1930. - They're going to
wax his bikini area.Copy !req
1931. - He's got Earl Campbell thighs.Copy !req
1932. - Ohh.Copy !req
1933. Oof.Copy !req
1934. Oh, boy I'm exhausted.Copy !req
1935. Oh, my dogs are barking
today, let me tell you.Copy !req
1936. - Torgo, heh, that guy
can sleep anywhere.Copy !req
1937. - It is the will of Manos
that he be sacrificed.Copy !req
1938. - Oh, no.Copy !req
1939. Not liturgical dance.Copy !req
1940. - Hey!Copy !req
1941. Is he flipping us off?Copy !req
1942. - Kill.Copy !req
1943. Kill.Copy !req
1944. Kill!Copy !req
1945. - OK.Copy !req
1946. - Manos has decreed it.Copy !req
1947. Kill!Copy !req
1948. Kill!Copy !req
1949. Kill!Copy !req
1950. - Yes, dear.Copy !req
1951. I'm doing it, dear.Copy !req
1952. - Boy, would I wouldn't give
to be Torgo, right now.Copy !req
1953. - Look, I'm just a temp,
I really don't, uh—Copy !req
1954. - They're rolfing him to death.Copy !req
1955. - Does this make you cry?Copy !req
1956. Huh, baby?Copy !req
1957. Cry?Copy !req
1958. You gonna cry, huh?Copy !req
1959. - Mike!Copy !req
1960. Help us!Copy !req
1961. - You have to want
to help yourself.Copy !req
1962. - Oh, uh, this has been
a good night, honey.Copy !req
1963. Uh, uh, honey?Copy !req
1964. Honey?Copy !req
1965. - Mm, you know, I love
my Craftmatic Pole.Copy !req
1966. That was the most comfortable
sleep I've ever had.Copy !req
1967. - Oh, whoa.Copy !req
1968. Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.Copy !req
1969. - Hey, Dear Eveready, I was
tied to a post all nightCopy !req
1970. and left my flashlight on.Copy !req
1971. But the batteries—Copy !req
1972. - Don't play with your food.Copy !req
1973. - There!Copy !req
1974. Ha ha hah!Copy !req
1975. - Oh, wow.Copy !req
1976. - Oh, come on, die.Copy !req
1977. My arms are getting tired.Copy !req
1978. - Uh, Beth, do you
want to help out here?Copy !req
1979. Hmm?Copy !req
1980. - Whoops.Copy !req
1981. - You know, there are
certain flaws in this film.Copy !req
1982. - Margaret?Copy !req
1983. Open the door!Copy !req
1984. - I can't, I'm waiting for Mike!Copy !req
1985. - Margaret!Copy !req
1986. Open the door!Copy !req
1987. - No, I don't like you anymore!Copy !req
1988. - Hey!Copy !req
1989. - Enough!Copy !req
1990. The ceremony is done.Copy !req
1991. and punch
the fellowship hall.Copy !req
1992. - Uh, can I have the watermelons
that are in his pants?Copy !req
1993. - Oh, now.Copy !req
1994. You know, Torgo doesn't get
a lot of respect around here.Copy !req
1995. - Oh, great.Copy !req
1996. Where am I going to
find another Torgo?Copy !req
1997. - Hey.Copy !req
1998. (SINGING) Smoke on the weirdo.Copy !req
1999. - Come here.Copy !req
2000. - The new Pope has
not been chosen.Copy !req
2001. - Ugh.Copy !req
2002. Boss, you wanna give
me a hand, here?Copy !req
2003. I'm having a little
gravity problem.Copy !req
2004. - Wow, you know the hand
thing really works.Copy !req
2005. I gotta try it with
women next time.Copy !req
2006. - This is the tender side of
"Manos— The Hands of Fate."Copy !req
2007. - Oh, this is gonna be just
like in "The Grifters."Copy !req
2008. Only worse.Copy !req
2009. - (SINGING) Charred finger!Copy !req
2010. - Thanks, boss.Copy !req
2011. I'm off.Copy !req
2012. Buh-bye.Copy !req
2013. - Uh, the Jamaican
wings are ready.Copy !req
2014. - This doesn't really strike
me as a "ha ha" kind of funny.Copy !req
2015. - It's more of a
quiet kind of funny.Copy !req
2016. - Yeah, introspective.Copy !req
2017. - I'm hungry.Copy !req
2018. - Killing doesn't help anymore.Copy !req
2019. You're all finished!Copy !req
2020. - Hey!Copy !req
2021. I ordered it medium-rare!Copy !req
2022. - Your time will come as soon as
we have disposed of the others!Copy !req
2023. Go find the others!Copy !req
2024. Hurry!Copy !req
2025. Before the night gets away!Copy !req
2026. - That's a guy's hand, not a
sparkler, for crying out loud.Copy !req
2027. - I think he has the most
musical laugh I've heard.Copy !req
2028. - Light hand and get away.Copy !req
2029. - At the window.Copy !req
2030. I saw him at that window.Copy !req
2031. - OK, honey.Copy !req
2032. We'll leave, we'll leave.Copy !req
2033. - Put some clothes on.Copy !req
2034. - Now!Copy !req
2035. I can't stand it any longer.Copy !req
2036. Please, Mike.Copy !req
2037. - We really haven't given
this hotel a chance.Copy !req
2038. - We'll hide in the desert.Copy !req
2039. Someone will help.Copy !req
2040. - The gods will destroy you.Copy !req
2041. Your power failed!Copy !req
2042. - Oh, she's reading him
the Riot Act, huh boy?Copy !req
2043. Let me tell ya.Copy !req
2044. - Oh, right into a cow pie!Copy !req
2045. - Aw, man.Copy !req
2046. - Uh, honey, we should
really get going.Copy !req
2047. - Did Mommy come back
from another bar?Copy !req
2048. - I can't take it, Mike!Copy !req
2049. I can't make it!Copy !req
2050. - OK, honey, we'll
meet you there, then.Copy !req
2051. Bye.Copy !req
2052. - Save baby!Copy !req
2053. Save Debbie!Copy !req
2054. - A most dangerous game.Copy !req
2055. - You guys, come on!Copy !req
2056. You're ruining the sacrifice.Copy !req
2057. Guys.Copy !req
2058. - Heh, it's Mary Kay-KK.Copy !req
2059. - Julia Roberts?Copy !req
2060. - Seen it!Copy !req
2061. - I wish those hands
would just push him over.Copy !req
2062. - So, they're, um— looking.Copy !req
2063. - Mhm.Copy !req
2064. - So, "Manos—"Copy !req
2065. - "The Hands of Fate."Copy !req
2066. - Yes, exactly.Copy !req
2067. - No, Maggie.Copy !req
2068. We can make it.Copy !req
2069. We'll rest here for a minute.Copy !req
2070. We can make it.Copy !req
2071. - Daddy, I'm sitting
in poison ivy.Copy !req
2072. - They'll never think of
looking for us at the house.Copy !req
2073. - You know, you might
have a point there.Copy !req
2074. - Please, Mike.Copy !req
2075. Please, I can't go any farther!Copy !req
2076. - Listen, we can lock
ourselve in the kitchen.Copy !req
2077. I have my gun.Copy !req
2078. - What—?Copy !req
2079. Honey, I'm brilliant.Copy !req
2080. You could kiss me!Copy !req
2081. - OK.Copy !req
2082. I'm outta here.Copy !req
2083. - You tampered in God's domain.Copy !req
2084. - We'll have to go back.Copy !req
2085. - OK.Copy !req
2086. - So I'm am idiot.Copy !req
2087. - It might be the safest
place, especiallyCopy !req
2088. since they're out
here looking for us.Copy !req
2089. - Daddy, I'm scared.Copy !req
2090. Where's my puppy?Copy !req
2091. Please, Debbie.Copy !req
2092. Not now.Copy !req
2093. - Your puppy's compost, kid.Copy !req
2094. - (IRISH ACCENT) All
right, break it up.Copy !req
2095. Nothing to— ah, forget it.Copy !req
2096. - Hey, uh, is somebody
filming a bad movie out here?Copy !req
2097. - These guys have
the longest shift.Copy !req
2098. - Oh!Copy !req
2099. There you are, Ted.Copy !req
2100. Didn't see you over there.Copy !req
2101. - I'd like to dedicate this
next song to the little lady.Copy !req
2102. - That sure sounded like shots.Copy !req
2103. We'd better check.Copy !req
2104. - This hour of the night?Copy !req
2105. There can't be anybody out here.Copy !req
2106. This is the boondocks.Copy !req
2107. - Well, sound does travel
a long way at night.Copy !req
2108. It could be clear over in
Mexico, for that matter.Copy !req
2109. - Or even Europe.Copy !req
2110. Parts of Canada.Copy !req
2111. - Maybe we didn't hear it.Copy !req
2112. Ever think of that?Copy !req
2113. - Well, uh, you know what?Copy !req
2114. I'm— I'm not all that curious.Copy !req
2115. Let's go get some
hash browns, huh?Copy !req
2116. - Creamsicle?Copy !req
2117. - Phew!Copy !req
2118. I'm bushed after that.Copy !req
2119. - Red, ever feel like crying
and you just don't know why?Copy !req
2120. - You know, the
place looks prettyCopy !req
2121. cheerful without those
devil worshippers around.Copy !req
2122. - Sheesh, it's like
they're walkingCopy !req
2123. into a John Waters film.Copy !req
2124. - Surprise, surprise, surprise!Copy !req
2125. - Hey, Russ Weatherwax really
topped himself with this dog.Copy !req
2126. - Can— can you hold
that cue card up?Copy !req
2127. Um— what's that say?Copy !req
2128. Oh yeah.Copy !req
2129. Arf!Copy !req
2130. - (SINGING) At Beneficial.Copy !req
2131. - Focus.Copy !req
2132. F- oh, it's a stare down.Copy !req
2133. Focus.Copy !req
2134. - Oh, thank you very much.Copy !req
2135. A shot in the face, how nice.Copy !req
2136. - Focus.Copy !req
2137. - Meanwhile in Toledo.Copy !req
2138. - Uh, no, wait a minute.Copy !req
2139. Did this movie just lap itself?Copy !req
2140. - (SINGING) Riders on the storm—Copy !req
2141. - Another convertible,
another town, another movie?Copy !req
2142. - "Manos— The Hands of Fate"Copy !req
2143. - Sure is good to get away.Copy !req
2144. Damn the rain.Copy !req
2145. - Vacations are fine, but
this one should be great.Copy !req
2146. - Yeah, the gang's coming up
for the weekend, what a blast!Copy !req
2147. - What a blast!Copy !req
2148. - Hmm.Copy !req
2149. - Wha?Copy !req
2150. Oh, wait, there's
something gaining on us.Copy !req
2151. Uh, oh— never mind
it just the top.Copy !req
2152. I'm intensely stupid.Copy !req
2153. - Just take your half of the
road out of the middle, there.Copy !req
2154. That's right.Copy !req
2155. - This must be a weekly series.Copy !req
2156. - So, so I told Gary that I
was going on this vacation.Copy !req
2157. So he goes, well,
then, I'm goingCopy !req
2158. hunting with Jeff next weekend.Copy !req
2159. Well, that's when
we were at Knives.Copy !req
2160. And then Lou sang
"Fernando" and thenCopy !req
2161. Gary— oh he sings so good.Copy !req
2162. Oh, you should meet
Jeff some time.Copy !req
2163. Do you like Barry Manilow songs?Copy !req
2164. I know the farmers
need rain, but whenCopy !req
2165. it's damp like this my hair just
explodes, just ex-puh looodes.Copy !req
2166. Ooh, ooh, I'm
feeling kinda gassy,Copy !req
2167. McNuggets, you know
they make me so gassy,Copy !req
2168. all that grease and all.Copy !req
2169. It really helps if you
drink eight to ten glassesCopy !req
2170. of water a day.Copy !req
2171. Did you know that?Copy !req
2172. Sometimes I drink
five, sometimesCopy !req
2173. I drink nine just to make up for
the other three I didn't drink.Copy !req
2174. Coffee and diet
drinks don't count e—Copy !req
2175. You know, this is pretty
country, isn't it?Copy !req
2176. You know, it's really kind
of a blessing in disguiseCopy !req
2177. that I didn't get
accepted to college, eh?Copy !req
2178. You know, I'm gonna have
to revise my 20 year plan,Copy !req
2179. but— oh, did I tell you
about my 20 year plan?Copy !req
2180. OK, well, OK, listen here.Copy !req
2181. In year one, this
is the year whenCopy !req
2182. I'm going to take off
those extra seven pounds.Copy !req
2183. You know, that's equal to
seven pounds of butter, he he,Copy !req
2184. so it's like I'm wearing
seven pounds of butter!Copy !req
2185. Hah, and, uh, now—
oh, oh, where was I?Copy !req
2186. Oh, oh yeah, so my
aunt and uncle here,Copy !req
2187. they celebrated their
20th anniversary,Copy !req
2188. and my uncle wanted to
sing, uh, "Sunrise, Sunset."Copy !req
2189. He wanted me to sing
that, and I haven'tCopy !req
2190. sung that since Cindy's
wedding, and well, she neverCopy !req
2191. thanked me for that.Copy !req
2192. Well, I'm, still— uh,
well, she, you know,Copy !req
2193. she's probably really
busy and all, with—Copy !req
2194. - Still kissing.Copy !req
2195. Six straight days?Copy !req
2196. - A strange sounding door.Copy !req
2197. - Joan Kennedy?Copy !req
2198. - Welcome.Copy !req
2199. - The hell?Copy !req
2200. - Whoa.Copy !req
2201. This is blowing my mind.Copy !req
2202. - Oh, man.Copy !req
2203. - No!Copy !req
2204. - Where's Torgo?Copy !req
2205. We came to see Torgo.Copy !req
2206. - I am Michael.Copy !req
2207. I take care of the place
while the Master is away.Copy !req
2208. - Oh, it's over.Copy !req
2209. - I ain't gonna play Sun City.Copy !req
2210. - He has a kind face.Copy !req
2211. - It's starting over!Copy !req
2212. - No, no, no!Copy !req
2213. I can't take any—Copy !req
2214. - This really "bites."Copy !req
2215. - Titles by Keith Haring.Copy !req
2216. - This limited edition
suitable for framing printCopy !req
2217. is now on sale in lobby.Copy !req
2218. Along with the soundtrack to,
"Manos— the Hands of Fate."Copy !req
2219. - Starring— no one!Copy !req
2220. - (SINGING) Faded photographs.Copy !req
2221. - Which do you find
the most loathsome?Copy !req
2222. - Oh, Joel, there's a buffet of
loathsomeness in this movie.Copy !req
2223. - Do you think he was
proud of this role?Copy !req
2224. - Remember that, the
leaning scene, there?Copy !req
2225. - Yeah, heh, he went on to
do Torgo at Disney World.Copy !req
2226. - This was a heartwarming scene.Copy !req
2227. - Ben Vereen?Copy !req
2228. Why is he yelling at us?Copy !req
2229. - Ah, forget it.Copy !req
2230. - Jerk!Copy !req
2231. - Jerk!Copy !req
2232. - Jerk!Copy !req
2233. Ew.Copy !req
2234. - She was traumatized
for life after this.Copy !req
2235. - I bet.Copy !req
2236. - Oh, now this one.Copy !req
2237. She was good.Copy !req
2238. She was the glue that held
this picture together.Copy !req
2239. - No, I don't want
to be in this movie!Copy !req
2240. - They all wanted to be
Dean Martin's gold diggers,Copy !req
2241. you know.Copy !req
2242. - Make out, come on!Copy !req
2243. - Kiss her!Copy !req
2244. - (SINGING) Sing
around the campfire—Copy !req
2245. - And you know, these
are all outtakes.Copy !req
2246. This is the stuff
they didn't use.Copy !req
2247. film.Copy !req
2248. - Crew?Copy !req
2249. They had a crew?Copy !req
2250. I do not believe they had a—Copy !req
2251. - OK, whoa, everybody pick out
someone you want to punch.Copy !req
2252. - Where to start?Copy !req
2253. - Touch it.Copy !req
2254. Touch it, come on!Copy !req
2255. You want to.Copy !req
2256. - Oh, ho, and these two.Copy !req
2257. Like Allen and Rossi.Copy !req
2258. They were really—
they stole the show.Copy !req
2259. - Oh, they must be
dental technicians.Copy !req
2260. - Oh, look at that cavity.Copy !req
2261. Have you been flossing?Copy !req
2262. - Oh and who can forget
the nutty sorority rush?Copy !req
2263. - And the tender
"peeping Torgo" scene.Copy !req
2264. - A triple boo for Warren.Copy !req
2265. - If you'd like to
contact Harold P. Warren,Copy !req
2266. look in the Yellow Pages for
the Fertilizer CorporationCopy !req
2267. of Texas.Copy !req
2268. - The End?Copy !req
2269. Yes.Copy !req
2270. No!Copy !req
2271. I want to change my answer.Copy !req
2272. - Now I'll always wonder.Copy !req
2273. - Come on!Copy !req
2274. - Let's go.Copy !req
2275. - OK, thank you, El Paso.Copy !req
2276. Good night, we're outta here!Copy !req
2277. - Woo!Copy !req
2278. - We're going to
take a break, we'veCopy !req
2279. been "Manos— the
Hands of Fate."Copy !req
2280. - Crow, I still don't see how
dressing in diaphanous robesCopy !req
2281. and slapping each other around
is gonna make Joel happy.Copy !req
2282. - Well, don't hurt yourself
thinking about it.Copy !req
2283. Now shut up and
wrestle, spinach chin!Copy !req
2284. - Hey, hey, what the sam scrach
is going on around here?Copy !req
2285. - Uh, uh, well we're just playing
the Satan lady wrestling game.Copy !req
2286. Thought we'd cheer you up.Copy !req
2287. - Guys!Copy !req
2288. Gypsy!Copy !req
2289. I don't think this is
a good idea for you.Copy !req
2290. - Why?Copy !req
2291. We're wearing ear protection.Copy !req
2292. —I'll explain later.Copy !req
2293. What do you think, sirs?Copy !req
2294. Gypsy!Copy !req
2295. - Oh.Copy !req
2296. That's great, Joel.Copy !req
2297. Very amusing, uh.Copy !req
2298. Oh, by the way, did you
see Andy Capp today?Copy !req
2299. Heh, very funny.Copy !req
2300. Hehe, he came home after
being drunk all night and—Copy !req
2301. - Frank!Copy !req
2302. - Cheating on Flo—Copy !req
2303. - Where is our pizza?Copy !req
2304. It's been two hours
since you ordered!Copy !req
2305. - Well, I called Togo's Pizza.Copy !req
2306. They were busy, so
I ended up havingCopy !req
2307. to order from Torgo's Pizza.Copy !req
2308. - Come in!Copy !req
2309. - Large sausage and
mushroom thin crust?Copy !req
2310. - That's us.Copy !req
2311. - The total is $14.50, please.Copy !req
2312. - Here.Copy !req
2313. - Do you have anything smaller?Copy !req
2314. I only carry $20 in change.Copy !req
2315. - That's all I have.Copy !req
2316. - I have a $20.Copy !req
2317. - Well, why didn't you
give him the $20?Copy !req
2318. - I was saving it,
you know, for that—Copy !req
2319. - Would you please
give him the $20?Copy !req
2320. - OK, just— Oh.Copy !req
2321. - Well, thank you,
I'll get your change.Copy !req
2322. - Oh, keep it.Copy !req
2323. - Thank you very much, sir.Copy !req
2324. Let me get your
complimentary crazy bread.Copy !req
2325. - No!Copy !req
2326. No!Copy !req
2327. No, that's OK!Copy !req
2328. - That's quite all right.Copy !req
2329. Hey, what about our pop?Copy !req
2330. - I left it in the car.Copy !req
2331. I'll be right back.Copy !req
2332. - Until next time, Joel.Copy !req
2333. Push the button, Frank.Copy !req
2334. - Say, you know,
it's been two hours,Copy !req
2335. but it's still pretty warm!Copy !req
2336. - They always do that.Copy !req
2337. - Why don't you guys
leave us alone?Copy !req