1. - Mystery
Science Theater, 3000,Copy !req
2. show 422, 301.Copy !req
3. - Alright, F-stop at 5.6Copy !req
4. for maximum depth of field.Copy !req
5. Okay, that looks good.Copy !req
6. Okay, 5.6, and let's see here, eight feet.Copy !req
7. That comes to roughly an ASA of 200.Copy !req
8. Okay, adjust lighting to
full lumens in a cone.Copy !req
9. Focus, that looks good.Copy !req
10. Okay.Copy !req
11. Bring around the backdrops,
stay cheery, everybody!Copy !req
12. Okay, hi, everybody, welcome
to the satellite, hello.Copy !req
13. I'm Joel Robinson, and I
just thought it would be niceCopy !req
14. to get a nice picture of the
boys to have around the house,Copy !req
15. so I'm taking their portrait,Copy !req
16. and I'll be with you in a minute.Copy !req
17. - Could we just go, please?Copy !req
18. - Booger!Copy !req
19. - Stop it, you two!Copy !req
20. They were like this all the way over!Copy !req
21. - You guys, listen.
(Tom hacking up phlegm)Copy !req
22. - Cut it out, fem-bot!Copy !req
23. - We are going to get
- Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
24. a nice picture of this
family if it kills us.Copy !req
25. Crow.Copy !req
26. - Hey.Copy !req
27. What?Copy !req
28. - Crow, where are those
nice pants I bought you?Copy !req
29. - I don't know.Copy !req
30. - You can't walk around
wearing a sport coatCopy !req
31. without your nice pants!Copy !req
32. - Can we just go!Copy !req
33. - Commercial
side in 10 seconds.Copy !req
34. Say cheese!Copy !req
35. Okay, now.Copy !req
36. Now, come on, you guys.Copy !req
37. Shape up, face Cambot.Copy !req
38. Come on, Gypsy, get in here.Copy !req
39. - Oh, my hair!Copy !req
40. - Hold it.Copy !req
41. - Where's the light meter, Joel?Copy !req
42. - Oh!Copy !req
43. - Joel!Copy !req
44. - Oh, snicker snack!Copy !req
45. - Joel!Copy !req
46. - Hey.Copy !req
47. - Joel!
- Chocolate milker!Copy !req
48. - Joel!
- You guys,Copy !req
49. would you please get back into position?Copy !req
50. Come on, knock it off!
(robots tussling)Copy !req
51. Gypsy, come on, speed
in chim-chimmer carts.Copy !req
52. Stop it!Copy !req
53. - Okay, thanks a lot!Copy !req
54. Sorry about the tip, I
left the money in my other,Copy !req
55. uh, pocket.Copy !req
56. Oh! Hi Joel!Copy !req
57. How you doing?Copy !req
58. We'll be with you in one second.Copy !req
59. Clayton!Copy !req
60. Here boy!
(kissing noises)Copy !req
61. Come here, Clayton, here, boy!Copy !req
62. Here, Clayton, here.Copy !req
63. - Give me one good reason
(man yelps)Copy !req
64. why I shouldn't kill you, Frank.Copy !req
65. - Well, the stuff is here.Copy !req
66. - Ah!Copy !req
67. - The stuff, that we ordered.Copy !req
68. - Just in time for the invention exchange.Copy !req
69. Uh, you go first, pumpkin pants.Copy !req
70. - Well, your ample ones,
(robots bickering)Copy !req
71. my invention exchange this weekCopy !req
72. dynamically blends martial
arts with snacking!Copy !req
73. It's called Snacktion,
and it makes snacking fun!Copy !req
74. Here's a Snacktion
favorite, the Wax Knuckles!Copy !req
75. Alright.Copy !req
76. And here's one, it's called a Pixie Staff.Copy !req
77. Oh! Huh!Copy !req
78. It's a pixie stick, filled
with delicious straight sugar.Copy !req
79. See?Copy !req
80. Okay, and, uh,Copy !req
81. Hey, Crow!Copy !req
82. Hey, Crow.Copy !req
83. What are these, what are these here?Copy !req
84. What are these?
- What?Copy !req
85. What are which ones?Copy !req
86. - What are these?Copy !req
87. - Oh, them are the Five
Lady Fingers of Death!Copy !req
88. - Mmm.Copy !req
89. Five Lady Fingers of Death, you get it?Copy !req
90. And this is based on a Chuck Norris movie,Copy !req
91. it's called the Everlasting
Octa-gomp-stomper.Copy !req
92. You get it?Copy !req
93. Oh, and these are ninjaCopy !req
94. throwing cookies.Copy !req
95. - Oh!Copy !req
96. Hey, those are delicious!Copy !req
97. - You see everybody
doesn't like something,Copy !req
98. but nobody doesn't like Bruce Lee!Copy !req
99. Ouch!Copy !req
100. - Oh.Copy !req
101. I broke him.Copy !req
102. - Oh, well, that's really great Joel,Copy !req
103. but we've got something going down hereCopy !req
104. that's really special.Copy !req
105. Tell 'em, Frank.Copy !req
106. - Well, Dr. Forrester has
taken the money from my 401kCopy !req
107. and sunk it into these
fast-food novelty items,Copy !req
108. which he's just sold
to a major, major buyerCopy !req
109. who shall remain nameless.Copy !req
110. - Well, actually that fell through,Copy !req
111. but I'm sure they're going to sell.Copy !req
112. You see, Joel, they're
called Unhappy Meals.Copy !req
113. - You took my money and
you haven't sold them yet?Copy !req
114. - Oh, quit whining, Frank.Copy !req
115. As an example, Joel, this
one comes from the restaurantCopy !req
116. with a cold hamburger sandwich
with a bite taken out of it.Copy !req
117. Some floor-sweeping compound,Copy !req
118. a couple of dead silverfish,Copy !req
119. and a rusty suture needle.Copy !req
120. - You took all my money, you son of a...Copy !req
121. - Watch it, Frank!Copy !req
122. Now, there are many
different styles, Joel.Copy !req
123. Uh, for instance, this
one comes with a maze,Copy !req
124. and you try to get the motorcade
past the book depository.Copy !req
125. And then, this one comes
with a, uh, used Q-tip.Copy !req
126. Oh, that is unhappy, isn't it?Copy !req
127. And then there's one with a roach motel,Copy !req
128. and, well, you get the idea.Copy !req
129. Whaddya think?Copy !req
130. - I think it's evil and it'll never sell.Copy !req
131. - Yeah, give Frank his money back!Copy !req
132. - Yeah!Copy !req
133. - Oh, blow it out your ex-perimentCopy !req
134. today is a Swedish fantasy called,Copy !req
135. The Day the Earth Froze.Copy !req
136. But first, a short, aptly titled,Copy !req
137. Here Comes the Circus!Copy !req
138. And I hope it goes down hard.Copy !req
139. Push the button, Frank.Copy !req
140. - No, I want my money back!Copy !req
141. - Forceps, Frank. Pain.Copy !req
142. - I don't care, I want my money!Copy !req
143. - Electroshock, Frank!Copy !req
144. - No!Copy !req
145. - Push the button!
- No!Copy !req
146. - The box, Frank!Copy !req
147. - Pushing the button.
- I'll put you...Copy !req
148. That's better.Copy !req
149. - We've got movies!Copy !req
150. - Aaah!Copy !req
151. - Oh, owie.Copy !req
152. - I think you broke my toe.Copy !req
153. - Here comes the Devil! Hahaha!Copy !req
154. - Beelzebub the clown!Copy !req
155. - Guys, can we be just a little less darkCopy !req
156. with this short, okay?Copy !req
157. - Dark?Copy !req
158. - There's
excitement everywhere!Copy !req
159. The circus is here!Copy !req
160. Everyone is headed for the big top,Copy !req
161. to thrill, boo, and cheer the fun-makers,Copy !req
162. daredevils, freaks, and
ferocious performing animals!Copy !req
163. - And here come the freaks now!Copy !req
164. Look at 'em, oh!Copy !req
165. - It's a dime for some candyCopy !req
166. and maybe a tummyache, tomorrow.Copy !req
167. - Num-num-num-num-num!Copy !req
168. - Chug it, chug it, chug it!Copy !req
169. - Peanuts for the elephants.Copy !req
170. Now, folks, step right this wayCopy !req
171. to the bigger, better,
more exciting sideshow!Copy !req
172. - Now here's a deal.Copy !req
173. Just four years, Christmas present comin'.Copy !req
174. - There's plenty
of time to see it all!Copy !req
175. - Get your red hot moms!Copy !req
176. - Your attention,
please, to the lovelyCopy !req
177. little lady on my right!Copy !req
178. - She performs her own tracheotomy!Copy !req
179. - She swallows
a lighted neon tube!Copy !req
180. - And she's cute, too!Copy !req
181. Heh, ooh!Copy !req
182. - The snake
charmer extraordinary!Copy !req
183. On the inside...Copy !req
184. - What the hell?Copy !req
185. - The event that
the kids and the grown-upsCopy !req
186. have been waiting for for months!Copy !req
187. - Nobody's gonna tell a Navy manCopy !req
188. when he's had enough to drink.Copy !req
189. - Old Brother
Circus proudly presentsCopy !req
190. the magnificent and
gorgeous inaugural pageant!Copy !req
191. - Oh, look, it's Thomas Edison
with his electric child!Copy !req
192. - And Americana!Copy !req
193. - Support is drummed up for
the Spanish American War!Copy !req
194. - Hey, wait a minute,Copy !req
195. Aren't the horses supposed
to go behind the band?Copy !req
196. - Oops!Copy !req
197. - Now make way for the Klu Klux Clowns!Copy !req
198. Whoo!Copy !req
199. - Yes, children of all ages
are confronted by forcesCopy !req
200. they can't begin to understand!Copy !req
201. - Sig Heil!Copy !req
202. - Please, guys, you're too dark,Copy !req
203. would you lighten up?Copy !req
204. - How bout this, hey look!Copy !req
205. It's Roma Clanahead!Copy !req
206. - Okay, there, that's...Copy !req
207. - It's Ezekiel, the Amish clown!Copy !req
208. No buttons.Copy !req
209. - Look, it's ice princess zebra!Copy !req
210. Ah, I like that.Copy !req
211. - Hey, it's Emmett Kelly.Copy !req
212. - Oh, that's good!Copy !req
213. - No, it really is!Copy !req
214. - Whatever, Joel.Copy !req
215. - Aah!Copy !req
216. - Geez.Copy !req
217. - Empress of
clowns, champion funmaker,Copy !req
218. - Aah!Copy !req
219. - It's Liza!Copy !req
220. - No!Copy !req
221. - Razor, no!Copy !req
222. - Aided by
the world-famous funny,Copy !req
223. Emmett Kelly.Copy !req
224. - See?Copy !req
225. Emmett changed management soon after this.Copy !req
226. - Oh, we love it when he eats!Copy !req
227. - Introducing Miss Betty Rich,Copy !req
228. queen of the air, in a sensational displayCopy !req
229. of breath-taking aerial feats!Copy !req
230. Without the net below,Copy !req
231. the first time in America,Copy !req
232. Miss Betty Rich!Copy !req
233. - Will someone give me a hand here?Copy !req
234. - Ooh! Betty got back!Copy !req
235. - I'll say!Copy !req
236. - It's a living...Copy !req
237. - Mother, please come home!Copy !req
238. - Yes, our Betty swings both ways!Copy !req
239. - Oh, stop it.Copy !req
240. - She does, look!Copy !req
241. - Listen, you hit the
floor a couple of times,Copy !req
242. you make sure you get it right.Copy !req
243. - There.Copy !req
244. - Ooh!Copy !req
245. - This takes care of unwanted
hair in the bikini area.Copy !req
246. - Oh, oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
247. - Oh, oh, oh, little sting!Copy !req
248. - Oh, do that again!Copy !req
249. - Ah, they take a licking,
and keep on kicking!Copy !req
250. - Women that love too much,Copy !req
251. and the feet that use them!Copy !req
252. - This one's on the rebound!Copy !req
253. - And now, the only girl to doCopy !req
254. a complete somersault, too high,Copy !req
255. to the feat of the balancer.Copy !req
256. - This act was outlawed
on several continents!Copy !req
257. - Yes, it's the man who
mistook his wife for a hat!Copy !req
258. - Hi, Rick!Copy !req
259. - Sarah.Copy !req
260. - Flipped her off.Copy !req
261. - Sorry, Wayne, this
is for the ladies only!Copy !req
262. - The
celebrated Ryfenoff troupe,Copy !req
263. bareback-riding marvels
whose equals do not exist!Copy !req
264. Base and beauty of equestrianism!Copy !req
265. - Turn your head if you're squeamish!Copy !req
266. - Yes, this act embodies
the sadness that is circus.Copy !req
267. - That is too dark, Tom, stop.Copy !req
268. - What? Sorry.Copy !req
269. What, what?Copy !req
270. - Is all he does is eat?Copy !req
271. - It's fun, he's good at it.Copy !req
272. - What?Copy !req
273. - The beautiful
bareback riding ballerina,Copy !req
274. Miss Lucy!Copy !req
275. - Could not be with us tonight,Copy !req
276. so we have this act.Copy !req
277. - You're next up there!Copy !req
278. - And now, ladies
and gentleman, we presentCopy !req
279. - Woo!Copy !req
280. Ooh, hoho, ho ha ha!Copy !req
281. Whoo! Oh!Copy !req
282. Whoo! Huh haha!Copy !req
283. Whoo!Copy !req
284. Whoo!Copy !req
285. - I thought there was another bar!Copy !req
286. - Oh!Copy !req
287. - Here come
the comics of the air,Copy !req
288. adventurers and hilarious featsCopy !req
289. high above the sand bar!Copy !req
290. - Store this image away
for a later nightmare!Copy !req
291. - I invented that move.Copy !req
292. - Yeah right.Copy !req
293. - Levi's loose-fitting clown jeans.Copy !req
294. - Huh?Copy !req
295. - Oh, no, no, no!Copy !req
296. They're doing it clown style!Copy !req
297. No!Copy !req
298. - And Madonna thinks she's innovative!Copy !req
299. - Oh, please tell me this isn't happening.Copy !req
300. Oh, no.Copy !req
301. - More, more, I'm a bad clown!Copy !req
302. - Yes, children's windows
of perception are openedCopy !req
303. for only a second, only
to take in the horrorCopy !req
304. that is the Circus.Copy !req
305. - High above the crowd,Copy !req
306. Dag Hammerskoljd takes to the trapeze!Copy !req
307. - Yes, it's Albert Speer
nude, donning a dance belts!Copy !req
308. - Ooh!Copy !req
309. - Thank you, Albert.
- Woah!Copy !req
310. - In the center ring,Copy !req
311. the only group of Pamolino
liberty horses in the world!Copy !req
312. Trained and presented by Adolph Del BasCopy !req
313. - We won't linger on this one, folks!Copy !req
314. There's not much to it, really.Copy !req
315. - Did you remember to punch in, Ed?Copy !req
316. - Neigh!Copy !req
317. - Oop, that is Siegfried!Copy !req
318. - Over here, Roy!Copy !req
319. - Hello, Siegfried!Copy !req
320. - Hello, Roy!Copy !req
321. - Ya, ya!Copy !req
322. - This is a Freudian dream!Copy !req
323. - Hey, kibble's brought in.Copy !req
324. - Hey, Mr. Douglas, I see you got a horse.Copy !req
325. Well, it's not really a
horse, it's more of a...Copy !req
326. - Oh, fellas, this is just wrong.Copy !req
327. - On the Hippodrome track,Copy !req
328. high-jumping horses!Copy !req
329. - Oooh!Copy !req
330. - And Emmett Kelly's still eating!Copy !req
331. - And it's still funny!Copy !req
332. Oh-ho-ho-ho!Copy !req
333. - And now,
the most daring riderCopy !req
334. in all the world, Miss Dorothy Herbert,Copy !req
335. blindfolded over a barrier of fire!Copy !req
336. - Oh, it's Blackened
Beauty, the Cajun horse!Copy !req
337. - Hey, C. Everett Kook!Copy !req
338. - Presenting Abhab and FreddyCopy !req
339. for the funniest prize
fight in circus history!Copy !req
340. - Bing Crosby's relationship
with his son GaryCopy !req
341. is re-enacted!Copy !req
342. - Hohoho, let the nightmare begin!Copy !req
343. - This is the strangest debate
format I have ever seen.Copy !req
344. - You know, don't laugh, but in a way,Copy !req
345. this is this town's passion play.Copy !req
346. - Oh.Copy !req
347. It's a full-contact Who's
Afraid of Virginia Woolf!Copy !req
348. - Don't talk about our clown, Martha.Copy !req
349. - Kitties!Copy !req
350. - Meow.
- And now,Copy !req
351. Sly Petey, the most fearless
man in all the world!Copy !req
352. Alone in a cage with a herd
of man-eating African lions!Copy !req
353. The greatest wild animal
trainer of all time!Copy !req
354. - Is not here!Copy !req
355. - For the
most ferocious of allCopy !req
356. jungle-bred animals!Copy !req
357. - John Tuturro?Copy !req
358. - Stella!Copy !req
359. - The Six Flying Brothers,Copy !req
360. daring to dare marvels
high over the center ring!Copy !req
361. A proof of absolutely
fearless and unrivaledCopy !req
362. - Looks like an ant farm.Copy !req
363. - Writhe
through the air performingCopy !req
364. spectacular and hazardous feats!Copy !req
365. - I know, you're not gonna
complete fifth-grade gymCopy !req
366. without doing this, right?Copy !req
367. - Come on, lemme hit you on the butt!Copy !req
368. - No!Copy !req
369. - How 'bout just a light tap?Copy !req
370. - Uh-uh, not now!Copy !req
371. - Oh, come on, please, right now!Copy !req
372. - Well later.Copy !req
373. - You're ruining it for me!Copy !req
374. - Stop it.Copy !req
375. - What?Copy !req
376. - What?Copy !req
377. - Sorry.Copy !req
378. - Pass the word, Ed's been
hitting the bottle today!Copy !req
379. - Oh, like that's a big improvementCopy !req
380. over what we've been doing.Copy !req
381. - Party in Susan's dressing room!Copy !req
382. - Already in Sarah's dressing room, pass.Copy !req
383. - Uh-oh!Copy !req
384. - Miss Jean Ellen,Copy !req
385. with a herd of ponderous pacoderms!Copy !req
386. - Speed Elm?Copy !req
387. - Their
trunks full of new tricks!Copy !req
388. - A rogue elephant snaps its
tether and kills a coolie!Copy !req
389. - Now who's getting dark?Copy !req
390. - I like it!Copy !req
391. - I'm taking this elephant
for a test drive, ooh-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
392. - Three elephants and a little lady.Copy !req
393. - The circus
with its thrills, fun,Copy !req
394. sawdust and spangles, brings
joy and merriment to everyone!Copy !req
395. - But me.Copy !req
396. - Here Comes
the Circus is alwaysCopy !req
397. a memorable event.Copy !req
398. A truly great and carefree day for all,Copy !req
399. from six to 60!Copy !req
400. - Do you think she's
working for peanuts too?Copy !req
401. - Oh, she enjoys this a little too much.Copy !req
402. - Um, don't blow any water right now!Copy !req
403. - Oh, my favorite part of the circus.Copy !req
404. - Oh, wait a minute,Copy !req
405. how can something be
American and international?Copy !req
406. - Let's watch and find out, shall we?Copy !req
407. - Oh, cripes, I remember that day.Copy !req
408. - Oh yeah, you've gotta dress for it.Copy !req
409. - Oh, ya hey, the temperature
got all the way downCopy !req
410. to about 14 below zero!Copy !req
411. - You don't know the half of it!Copy !req
412. - No, Pearl had to jumpstart
the Chevy that day.Copy !req
413. - Oh, ya hey, the snow was yay high,Copy !req
414. and you'd come up the
back way after, ya know?Copy !req
415. - Course I don't know nothing about that.Copy !req
416. - Oh, no.Copy !req
417. - Then we seen where all
the schools was closed.Copy !req
418. - Oh, yeah.Copy !req
419. - Course the kids enjoyed that
part, that was real, yeah.Copy !req
420. - It was just like the winter of '75,Copy !req
421. when it got down to 30 below.Copy !req
422. - Oh, yeah, but when you
consider the windshield,Copy !req
423. you know, when it's about 100 below.Copy !req
424. - Yeah, and you know, it
was a good thing I hadCopy !req
425. the snowmobile suit for to run
over by Evelynn's house here.Copy !req
426. - Oh, sure, yup, yup.Copy !req
427. - It was just so ding-dang cold,Copy !req
428. I'd go outside, the stuff in
my nose'd just freeze right up.Copy !req
429. - Ah, the standup movie in sketch.Copy !req
430. - Throughout
history, people have listenedCopy !req
431. to the storyteller.Copy !req
432. - Against their will.Copy !req
433. - Men who could
fashion myths and fairytales,Copy !req
434. make them live for his mysteries.Copy !req
435. - Sid and Marty Croft?Copy !req
436. - Such men
were the Brothers GrimmCopy !req
437. - in Germany.
- Oh.Copy !req
438. - Hans Christian
Andersen in Denmark,Copy !req
439. and such a man was Elias
Lonnrot in Finland.Copy !req
440. - Here he is on vacation.Copy !req
441. - He wrote the
story you are about to see.Copy !req
442. - Ah!Copy !req
443. - Long ago,
- They're golem!Copy !req
444. - in a faraway
place called Kalevala,Copy !req
445. there was a village of fisherman.Copy !req
446. The land they lived in
was large and beautiful.Copy !req
447. - As were the women.Copy !req
448. - It was blessed
with the great riversCopy !req
449. filled with fish.Copy !req
450. Wonderful forests with tall trees,Copy !req
451. - And pollution from the
nearby paper processing plant!Copy !req
452. - And the
people toiled very hard,Copy !req
453. - Hey, this is hard!Copy !req
454. - For they had been promisedCopy !req
455. that if they worked
the Earth and the seas,Copy !req
456. - Bye, Grandma!Copy !req
457. - one day they
would be given as their reward,Copy !req
458. - It's a documentary?Copy !req
459. - I'm here for the
Prince Valiant auditions.Copy !req
460. - One, two, three,Copy !req
461. I can't fall asleep countin' those guys!Copy !req
462. - They're goats!Copy !req
463. - Oh!Copy !req
464. - And salt.Copy !req
465. Such was the magic of the Sampo.Copy !req
466. - What?Copy !req
467. - Now it so
happened that the IlmarinenCopy !req
468. had a beautiful sister named Annikki.Copy !req
469. - She was tender and young,
- Annikki in the U.K.?Copy !req
470. and spent her days happilyCopy !req
471. - wandering in the forest.
- Your mother isCopy !req
472. long dead.Copy !req
473. - All the
people of the villageCopy !req
474. loved her dearly,Copy !req
475. - Hey, there's Burt
Lancaster, Walter Pidgeon,Copy !req
476. Robin Givens!Copy !req
477. - Chickarea!Copy !req
478. - That would be
sign, that the time had come.Copy !req
479. - For democracy!Copy !req
480. - That Sampo was to be born.Copy !req
481. - Escape to Wisconsin.Copy !req
482. - Ever since Annikki had
become a young woman,Copy !req
483. she remained by herself,Copy !req
484. and refused the attention of any young manCopy !req
485. who brazenly thought he might seize her.Copy !req
486. - Look at that! It looks
like Penny Marshall!Copy !req
487. - One man she had never met.Copy !req
488. - Gary Big Nerd!Copy !req
489. - He lived deep in the forest.Copy !req
490. His name was Lemminkainen.Copy !req
491. - Wine, Lemminkainen.Copy !req
492. - He was a woodsman.Copy !req
493. He was young, and simple.Copy !req
494. - And practiced
slash-and-burn agriculture.Copy !req
495. - He worked hard,Copy !req
496. - Woah!Copy !req
497. - but was
never noticed at all.Copy !req
498. But there was something about himCopy !req
499. that would someday, sooner
than you would think,Copy !req
500. - Oh, there goes the last spotted owl.Copy !req
501. - save the
village from the mostCopy !req
502. horrible, cruel misfortune
it would ever know.Copy !req
503. - The Reagan-Bush administration.Copy !req
504. - For these
good people did not realizeCopy !req
505. that all the time they worked the Earth,Copy !req
506. - Has anyone seen Timmy?Copy !req
507. - Tim, oh no!Copy !req
508. - A witch
plotted against them.Copy !req
509. - Hey, check it out, it's
Sting, and David Lee Roth,Copy !req
510. and Peter Noonan, Sammy Hagar,
and David Carradine, and,Copy !req
511. Santa?Copy !req
512. - Why don't you use an axe
on your hair, you hippie?Copy !req
513. - For three days, your
mother has not seen you,Copy !req
514. Lemminkainen.Copy !req
515. Go home and take a rest.Copy !req
516. - And take out the garbage,
and help your motherCopy !req
517. clean the garage, for crying out loud!Copy !req
518. - From the land of sky and water...Copy !req
519. - Water!Copy !req
520. Hey, check out my log.Copy !req
521. I got it for graduation.Copy !req
522. - Heh, it's my cigar boat.Copy !req
523. And a river runs through us.Copy !req
524. - Yes.Copy !req
525. - Hey, get me, I'm making
an Mountain Dew ad!Copy !req
526. - Let's go surfing now,
even Sven's learning how,Copy !req
527. - If everybody had a spruce
tree, across Finlandy ya!Copy !req
528. - I wish they all could
be Norwegian girls!Copy !req
529. - Hey, anybody call a cab?Copy !req
530. - The adventures of Fjord Fairlane!Copy !req
531. - Uh-oh, rush hour!Copy !req
532. - Now, wait a minute,
let me get this straight.Copy !req
533. Abba's gonna pay me to surf?Copy !req
534. - John Houston's The African Log.Copy !req
535. - White hunter, black heart.Copy !req
536. - Damn, crazy Swede!Copy !req
537. - Ancient Swedish secret, huh?Copy !req
538. - My baby takes, huh?Copy !req
539. Wow, look at that laundry!Copy !req
540. - Ah, hahahaha, ha.Copy !req
541. - Hey, I'm gonna go play
mini-golf at Cross Lake,Copy !req
542. you wanna go?Copy !req
543. - She's washing her Christo!Copy !req
544. - Don't walk on my laundry, Steve.Copy !req
545. - Yes, may I help you?Copy !req
546. - Whose gold is that?Copy !req
547. - Mine.Copy !req
548. - Could this be the daughterCopy !req
549. - of the rosy god?
- Agent Mark,Copy !req
550. he's just pulled up in a log!Copy !req
551. - Of the
radiance of the moon?Copy !req
552. - It's not the moon, nor is it the sun!Copy !req
553. I'm just a (indistinct)Copy !req
554. - You can say that again.Copy !req
555. - Annikki is my name!Copy !req
556. - Poker's my game!Copy !req
557. - Annikki?Copy !req
558. - I went to school with your brother!Copy !req
559. - Hey, my other log's a redwood!Copy !req
560. She's got a gun!Copy !req
561. - Ah!Copy !req
562. - If you don't like the way I'm driving,Copy !req
563. call 1-800-Bite-Me.Copy !req
564. - Well, it was nice meeting you!Copy !req
565. Lemminkainen, was it?Copy !req
566. - That was weird.Copy !req
567. - Do you want to be Finnish?Copy !req
568. Sure, we all do.Copy !req
569. - Poppies will make us sleep?Copy !req
570. - They're tulips!Copy !req
571. - Oh.Copy !req
572. - Ah yes, my little chickadee!Copy !req
573. - Hey, what's the pecking order here?Copy !req
574. - She's got an amazingly
dull life, doesn't she?Copy !req
575. - Ah, dinner!Copy !req
576. - Oh, no, after you!Copy !req
577. - No, after you, I insist!Copy !req
578. - No, I insist, age before beauty!Copy !req
579. - Pwn!Copy !req
580. - Eh, hello, Boo-Boo! Mmmhmm!Copy !req
581. - John Irving wrote the screenplay.Copy !req
582. - Ilmarinen!Copy !req
583. - Uh, busy!Copy !req
584. - Annikki!Copy !req
585. Sister of mine.Copy !req
586. - You shaved your beard!Copy !req
587. - What's the matter?Copy !req
588. - Oh, my dearest brother!Copy !req
589. His eyes sparkle like the sunlightCopy !req
590. shimmering on the sea foam!Copy !req
591. - Oh, hohoho, aw!Copy !req
592. - Yes!Copy !req
593. - Great!Copy !req
594. And then we swing back
and forth on the high wireCopy !req
595. while furiously spanking each other!Copy !req
596. - Great! I love it, it sings!Copy !req
597. It's got legs, it's got...
- Ah, it's magniferous!Copy !req
598. - Alright, listen, you guys, please.Copy !req
599. Remember I said I'd type in your ideasCopy !req
600. for a clown act, alright?Copy !req
601. I find what we're talking about hereCopy !req
602. just a little bit
derivative from what we sawCopy !req
603. the clowns do in the short.Copy !req
604. I think you should think
of your own ideas, okay?Copy !req
605. - Well, we're not paying you to think!Copy !req
606. Just take all those down
as we dictate it, Peggy.Copy !req
607. - Okay, where were we?Copy !req
608. Wait, I've got it!Copy !req
609. We're on a trapeze,Copy !req
610. - Yeah?Copy !req
611. - And you hang,Copy !req
612. from my tongue!Copy !req
613. - While I drive sheet metal
screws into your eyes!Copy !req
614. I love it!Copy !req
615. - It's good, I admit that,Copy !req
616. but maybe we gotta work
more butt in the act.Copy !req
617. - Wait!Copy !req
618. I've got it!Copy !req
619. - Yeah?Copy !req
620. - I grab you and squeeze
you till you hemorrhage.Copy !req
621. - No!Copy !req
622. How about I come out
dressed like a suture,Copy !req
623. you come out dressed as an appendix?Copy !req
624. - Eh, you're a P in appendix,
if you know what I mean.Copy !req
625. - Uh, fellas, can I remind you,Copy !req
626. you're gonna be clowns in a circus.Copy !req
627. There's gonna be kids watching.Copy !req
628. - Can I just remind you to bite me?Copy !req
629. Now, get back to work, Della!Copy !req
630. - Wait!Copy !req
631. I've got a brilliant idea!Copy !req
632. - Okay.Copy !req
633. - This routine starts out normal,Copy !req
634. you and me beating the
crap out of each other.Copy !req
635. - Yeah, yeah.
- Then I snap!Copy !req
636. I run into the audience
on a homicidal rampage!Copy !req
637. - Yes!Copy !req
638. Then I appear playing the part of Death!Copy !req
639. Funny Death, of course.Copy !req
640. - Hey, you know what
would be really funny?Copy !req
641. - What would be really funny?Copy !req
642. - If we could somehow
make the audience membersCopy !req
643. question their love for their spouses.Copy !req
644. - Yes, and here's the topper!Copy !req
645. We convince all the kids in the audienceCopy !req
646. that they were adopted!Copy !req
647. - Ah!Copy !req
648. - Alright guys, listen.Copy !req
649. I knew you would take
something like the circusCopy !req
650. and turn it into some
dark carnival of the soul.Copy !req
651. - Listen, Joel, for your information...Copy !req
652. - Hey!Copy !req
653. You didn't take down a word we said!Copy !req
654. You had Cambot program a typing effect!Copy !req
655. - You were just toying
with us, weren't you?Copy !req
656. - That's right, and you know why?Copy !req
657. - Why?Copy !req
658. - Because there's a little
bit of the clown in all of us.Copy !req
659. Goodnight, and may God bless.Copy !req
660. - D'oh!Copy !req
661. - Aaah!Copy !req
662. - Oh, come on, I couldn't resist!Copy !req
663. - This is before unions.Copy !req
664. Let it be a lesson to you!Copy !req
665. - Hey, Tom, could you punch out for me?Copy !req
666. - I'm not going into early retirement!Copy !req
667. - Ron Wood on any given morning.Copy !req
668. - Oh, come for the fire, soul.Copy !req
669. - Come on, a tour's coming through here,Copy !req
670. get to work!Copy !req
671. - How much longer do you expect meCopy !req
672. to put up with your absurd show?Copy !req
673. Can't you make a Sampo?Copy !req
674. You call yourselves wizards?Copy !req
675. - We've done the best, the labor's...Copy !req
676. - Cast him into the viper's pit!Copy !req
677. - Ah, bein' clean, Ma'am.Copy !req
678. - Let the snakes devour him!Copy !req
679. - Can't you just dock me?Copy !req
680. - No, Mistress, I beg of you!Copy !req
681. I know of someone who
will be able to help youCopy !req
682. build your Sampo!Copy !req
683. - Who?Copy !req
684. - Murray on third shift!Copy !req
685. - The fortuned blacksmith, Ilmarinen,Copy !req
686. in the land of Kalevala!Copy !req
687. He is the only one who
knows the right way!Copy !req
688. - You!Copy !req
689. Have longed boasted your power
over the secrets of nature!Copy !req
690. I demand that you show me now,Copy !req
691. the face of this Ilmarinen!Copy !req
692. - Mm, let's go check the files, honey.Copy !req
693. - Hehe, don't know what I'd do
without my right-hand troll.Copy !req
694. - Gesundheit, gesundheit, gesundheit.Copy !req
695. - Ilmarinen, come before us.Copy !req
696. Ilmarinen, stand before us.Copy !req
697. - Oh, they're Pentacostal.Copy !req
698. - Ilmarinen, come before us.Copy !req
699. - Ilmarinen, stand before us.
- Posture.Copy !req
700. - Stand before us!Copy !req
701. - It's leaking!Copy !req
702. - Ugh!Copy !req
703. - Ilmarinen, stand before us.Copy !req
704. - Ilmarinen, appear!Copy !req
705. - Help me, Obi Wan, you're my only hope.Copy !req
706. - Hey, don't sit so close to the set,Copy !req
707. you'll ruin your eyes.Copy !req
708. - I have fashioned a bracelet for you.Copy !req
709. - It's a padlock!Copy !req
710. - Annikki?Copy !req
711. - No, Precious Moments.Copy !req
712. - And she's Ilmarinen's sister!Copy !req
713. - Oh no way, I thought she
was Joanie Coslack's brother.Copy !req
714. - High ransom will he pay
for his pretty sister.Copy !req
715. - I wonder what kind of name
Lemminkainen is, Italian?Copy !req
716. Irish?Copy !req
717. Lemminkainen, very pretty, haha!Copy !req
718. I made a joke.Copy !req
719. - Go on swift wings to
the land of Kalevala!Copy !req
720. - For one hour, modernising!Copy !req
721. - To the foreign Annikki.Copy !req
722. If you find her alone,
bring her quickly back!Copy !req
723. So that she may become my prisoner!Copy !req
724. - Well she's one sheet to the wind.Copy !req
725. - Wait a minute, I forgot something, oh!Copy !req
726. - Grandma's been talking
to the bedding again.Copy !req
727. - You really get a lot of
use out of a good wool cape.Copy !req
728. - We'll be cruising today at an altitudeCopy !req
729. of about 60 feet or so.Copy !req
730. - Well, let's see now, what did she say?Copy !req
731. Go to something, and get something, uh,Copy !req
732. from, yeah.Copy !req
733. - Please remain seated until the capeCopy !req
734. has come to a complete stop, thank you.Copy !req
735. - Hmm?Copy !req
736. Oh, don't tell me
Hercules is in this movie!Copy !req
737. - Hercules is in this movie.Copy !req
738. - Oh, I asked you not to tell me that!Copy !req
739. - Oh, the cabin boy, the cabin boy,Copy !req
740. the dirty little birdie!Copy !req
741. - Hey, uh, how'd I do that?Copy !req
742. - Boy, kidnapping was
really easy back then!Copy !req
743. - Oh, Popeye!Copy !req
744. - He's large.Copy !req
745. - Dun, dun, dun, huh?Copy !req
746. The hell?Copy !req
747. - There's a roast in the oven!Copy !req
748. I don't know when I'll be back!Copy !req
749. - Oh boy.Copy !req
750. - The secret storm!Copy !req
751. - Da weather started gettin' rough,Copy !req
752. - the tiny ship was tossed!Copy !req
753. - There's a flash flood warningCopy !req
754. affecting Stonehenge region!Copy !req
755. - By the pricking of my thumb,Copy !req
756. something goofy this way comes.Copy !req
757. - Come on, doggy.Copy !req
758. - Geez, thanks for the lift!Copy !req
759. - Call the front desk
if you need anything!Copy !req
760. - I got one!Copy !req
761. - Hey, get me, I'm Swedish
and I've got rhythm!Copy !req
762. - I sing whenever I sing!Copy !req
763. - Ilmarinen!Copy !req
764. - It's three in the morning!Copy !req
765. - The evil witch Louhi
has stolen your sister!Copy !req
766. - Yeah, and?Copy !req
767. - Annikki!Copy !req
768. - Here, wait a minute,
let me put my sword out.Copy !req
769. There.Copy !req
770. - Give me the sword!Copy !req
771. I will go to Pohjola!Copy !req
772. - Ah, let me just finish up here.Copy !req
773. So there!Copy !req
774. Say hi to my sister!Copy !req
775. - I will go with you to
Pohjola, Lemminkainen!Copy !req
776. - Wait, I'll drive.Copy !req
777. Let me get my keys.Copy !req
778. There we go.Copy !req
779. - Vainamoinen!Copy !req
780. My sister has been stolen!Copy !req
781. - Well, was she insured?Copy !req
782. - By the evil witch, Louhi!Copy !req
783. - Looks kind of like a Bible story.Copy !req
784. - Tell us, Vainamoinen!Copy !req
785. Tell us how we can find our wayCopy !req
786. to the misty shores of Pohjola!Copy !req
787. - Go down to the third stoplight, and...Copy !req
788. - Ah, Pohjola, the edge of the world.Copy !req
789. If you want to go there,Copy !req
790. - Take the Santa Monica freeway.Copy !req
791. - It will carry you over
the waves like a white swan.Copy !req
792. - Tell us, mighty one.Copy !req
793. How can we build a boat such as that?Copy !req
794. - I'm glad you asked.Copy !req
795. I'm having a boat-building seminar.Copy !req
796. - In this ancient oak tree
you will find your boat.Copy !req
797. Whereupon you take it
out, and it will carry youCopy !req
798. across the sea to the shores of Pohjola.Copy !req
799. - Okay, how much is
this gonna set me back?Copy !req
800. - Oh, I'm a-chafin like me!Copy !req
801. Oops, did it again.Copy !req
802. - You're kidding me, a boat in here?Copy !req
803. - It's a chip-away game.Copy !req
804. - Is there another wise
man we could talk to?Copy !req
805. - Eight years later...Copy !req
806. - So anyway, that's what
really got me interestedCopy !req
807. in stamp collecting.Copy !req
808. Of course, I've always loved the theater.Copy !req
809. - Just shut up.Copy !req
810. - Hey, no boat!Copy !req
811. - That's my scratching tree, you jerks!Copy !req
812. - Not that tree.Copy !req
813. - Ah, Fred, did I mention
that I have a boat?Copy !req
814. Oh, now they're just showing off.Copy !req
815. - Oh, now what did they
chop the sail out of?Copy !req
816. - Oh, they cut the wood real thin.Copy !req
817. - Uh-huh.Copy !req
818. - May the sun light the way to
bring you safely home again.Copy !req
819. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, can
the balloon juice, Gramps,Copy !req
820. we're out of here.Copy !req
821. - Hey, shouldn't we
patch the bottom first?Copy !req
822. - I just pray there aren't no portages.Copy !req
823. - Oh boy.Copy !req
824. The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in chains?Copy !req
825. - Kinky.Copy !req
826. It's giant sweet breads.Copy !req
827. - It's body wars.Copy !req
828. - Someone has come to visit us!Copy !req
829. - Quick, pick up the place!Copy !req
830. Make yourself presentable!Copy !req
831. - Over here!Copy !req
832. It's me!Copy !req
833. - What, it's a bag of Homer Simpson?Copy !req
834. - Wait, one at a time, please, come on.Copy !req
835. - Yes!Copy !req
836. I am the South Wind!Copy !req
837. - Do you provide a service of some sort?Copy !req
838. - And
I, I am the East Wind!Copy !req
839. - Put your teeth in, I
can't understand you!Copy !req
840. - Are you the North Wind?Copy !req
841. - I am the Mists.Copy !req
842. - I'm relative humidity.Copy !req
843. It's not so much the heat as it is me.Copy !req
844. - I'm the summer wind
that come blowin' in.Copy !req
845. - And you!Copy !req
846. Which one are you?Copy !req
847. - Oh me? I'm just the laundry.Copy !req
848. - I am the North Wind.Copy !req
849. - Call me Sandy.Copy !req
850. - I was born among the ice.Copy !req
851. - Oh, that's fine, thank you, heh heh.Copy !req
852. - Please let me out!Copy !req
853. - Yeah, I didn't ask for a biography.Copy !req
854. - Very well, I will let you out.Copy !req
855. - So, this is where I find you!Copy !req
856. - Oh, we weren't kissing,
we were just talking!Copy !req
857. - It's something to amuse you.Copy !req
858. Just come with me, I'll
find something for you.Copy !req
859. - I've got one of those little pool tablesCopy !req
860. I bought at Brookstone.Copy !req
861. - Hold my prisoner in chains!Copy !req
862. - Alright, some orders we like to get!Copy !req
863. - Let me go!Copy !req
864. - Deep thoughts.Copy !req
865. - Oh, Walleye Chop!Copy !req
866. I'd better get out there!Copy !req
867. - Eric's small cigars.Copy !req
868. - Inconceivable!Copy !req
869. They're gaining on us!Copy !req
870. Oh, the keg's here!Copy !req
871. - Aye, he has come, as I said he would.Copy !req
872. Do you see his boat approaching our shore?Copy !req
873. Do you hear the waves bringing him nearer?Copy !req
874. Come, wake up!Copy !req
875. Run to the beach and welcome him!Copy !req
876. - You're the boss, you're
the queen of everything, ok.Copy !req
877. - Smiles, everyone, smiles!Copy !req
878. - Hey, do you have a dock or something?Copy !req
879. We'd really appreciate it.Copy !req
880. - Huh, look at that boat.Copy !req
881. What, did you carve it out of a tree?Copy !req
882. - Shut up, shut up!Copy !req
883. - Mistress!Copy !req
884. Oh, you were right!Copy !req
885. The boat is bringing Lemminkainen,Copy !req
886. and his friend, the immortal blacksmith,Copy !req
887. Ilmarinen!Copy !req
888. - Greetings for all!Copy !req
889. Who accepts the challenge
that I have brought?Copy !req
890. - Can't, got a bad knee.Copy !req
891. - I did the last challenge.Copy !req
892. - I have come to free the maid Annikki!Copy !req
893. I am here with her brother.Copy !req
894. - Uh, Tony.Copy !req
895. - You are no coward.Copy !req
896. - No coward?Copy !req
897. - Then fight!Copy !req
898. If your power can protect
you from my arrows.Copy !req
899. - Yes, my power is great.Copy !req
900. - Ah, it's not that fun
- Magics!Copy !req
901. going to Grandma's anymore.Copy !req
902. - And charms.Copy !req
903. And terrible spells
enough to drive you backCopy !req
904. into the boiling cove
from which you've come,Copy !req
905. you blundering fool!Copy !req
906. - That's enough of that.Copy !req
907. Do you imagine we've come hereCopy !req
908. to listen to an old woman raving?Copy !req
909. - That's why most people come!Copy !req
910. - Now, do you accept the challenge,Copy !req
911. or will you give up my sister without it?Copy !req
912. - Take the curtain, go for the box!Copy !req
913. - I will not give up Annikki.Copy !req
914. - Here she busts, the witch is brittle!Copy !req
915. - No, wait!Copy !req
916. - Let me take off my girdle!Copy !req
917. - I will give your maiden back to you,Copy !req
918. if you perform two simple tasks.Copy !req
919. - Aw, this bites, let's blow.Copy !req
920. - What tasks?Copy !req
921. - Pick up my dry cleaning
and call the vet.Copy !req
922. - I have a field overrun with snakes,Copy !req
923. and he must first plow it!Copy !req
924. - Alright.Copy !req
925. - It's weird, but...Copy !req
926. - Show me where your field is.Copy !req
927. - Come on, come on, good Lemminkaimen.Copy !req
928. - Don't wait up, Eric,
if you know what I mean.Copy !req
929. - Say, that is cold.Copy !req
930. - You see it before you.Copy !req
931. - You see an old grackle.Copy !req
932. - A field of snakes.Copy !req
933. - Hey, Kevin Costner's in that, isn't he?Copy !req
934. - No, this is the dirty version.Copy !req
935. - Oh.Copy !req
936. - I want a plow.Copy !req
937. And I must have a powerful horse with it.Copy !req
938. - Nay, I'm the cursed boss here.Copy !req
939. - Are you asking me to feedCopy !req
940. one of my horses to those snakes?Copy !req
941. - He needs a horse.Copy !req
942. I will build him a horse.Copy !req
943. - Oh, make it out of a tree!Copy !req
944. - Horse chestnut.Copy !req
945. - Oh, Mistress!Copy !req
946. - Don't call me that in public!Copy !req
947. - Come here!Copy !req
948. You must not allow Ilmarinen
to build that horse!Copy !req
949. He'll be sure to plow the field,Copy !req
950. and they will take Annikki!Copy !req
951. Ilmarinen will refuse to make us a Sampo!Copy !req
952. - Have patience!Copy !req
953. He won't be able to carry her away.Copy !req
954. - Now, slip into that stable boy suitCopy !req
955. and meet me later down by the...Copy !req
956. - Mistress of mine.Copy !req
957. - Oh, wow.Copy !req
958. - And the sculling crew takes to the lake!Copy !req
959. - We've got to get organized!Copy !req
960. - Attica! Attica! Attica!Copy !req
961. - It's the Oslo riots!Copy !req
962. - Hey uh, that's not very
smart when you're in the boat.Copy !req
963. - He is pounding the air there.Copy !req
964. - That's an air hammer.Copy !req
965. - Ooh!Copy !req
966. - Hey, we're going over
to Sven's after, huh?Copy !req
967. Want to?Copy !req
968. - Hmm?Copy !req
969. - Suddenly it's flash dance!Copy !req
970. - He's a steel town Sven
on a Saturday night!Copy !req
971. - Okay, okay, if he can make a horse,Copy !req
972. why'd he have to cut that tree down?Copy !req
973. - Yeah, well, now I just sit backCopy !req
974. and rake in the praise, pretty much.Copy !req
975. - Ooh, Daddy, ooh!Copy !req
976. - The Tri-star logo's ready!Copy !req
977. - He's...Copy !req
978. Safe!Copy !req
979. - They ran calling wild-fire!Copy !req
980. - Ooh!Copy !req
981. Ouch, ooh, stingy, that's still hot!Copy !req
982. - Tsst, haha, tsst!Copy !req
983. - Hello, I'm from the temp agency,Copy !req
984. I'm your horse for the day!Copy !req
985. - Ooh, must be the plow.Copy !req
986. - Hey, good timing!Copy !req
987. Boy, we work good together!Copy !req
988. - Could you rub some
Solarcane on me, please?Copy !req
989. - A horse?Copy !req
990. We didn't plan on that!Copy !req
991. - Will someone please turn the Wagner off?Copy !req
992. - Hey, I think he just
invented the Mobile logo.Copy !req
993. - Hmm!Copy !req
994. - Yech!Copy !req
995. Kind of a goofy Scandinavian double-dare.Copy !req
996. - Oh, man, it's a puppet, look.Copy !req
997. - He's being attacked by a woozle.Copy !req
998. - Yeah, they're, they're
all yelling, "Fake!"Copy !req
999. - And now, I'd like to do my
Nostowsya Kimski impression.Copy !req
1000. I'll just take off my clothes.Copy !req
1001. - I knew they'd worm
their way into the film.Copy !req
1002. - You know, I wonder if that horseCopy !req
1003. comes in any other colors.Copy !req
1004. - Well, he's the enemy,Copy !req
1005. but you gotta admire him.Copy !req
1006. - Yup, yup, tip your cap.Copy !req
1007. - Hey.Copy !req
1008. Get a look at this, huh?Copy !req
1009. - Now let's go in and see
if Mom's got dinner ready.Copy !req
1010. - Oh, great, we can plant more snakes now.Copy !req
1011. - Alright, I've finished
plowing your field.Copy !req
1012. - Planted now with care.Copy !req
1013. And may the grain grow
as high as my shoulder.Copy !req
1014. - Now where is she?Copy !req
1015. We want to take her back!Copy !req
1016. - I'll give you your Annikki,Copy !req
1017. but it won't do you much good.Copy !req
1018. There isn't very much left of your boat.Copy !req
1019. - Hey, that's below the belt.Copy !req
1020. - Yeah, I don't really get witches' humor.Copy !req
1021. - Come along, let me show you!Copy !req
1022. - Brother, she's got issues, huh?Copy !req
1023. - It's the Swedish dells!Copy !req
1024. The Dukes ride the Dukes.Copy !req
1025. - Hey, you wrecked our boat,
you freaked-out maniac!Copy !req
1026. - A great fish
swimming near the shore.Copy !req
1027. It flipped its tail once,
and smashed your boat!Copy !req
1028. - Well I suppose those
kind of things hap—what?Copy !req
1029. - Then I will make a new boat!Copy !req
1030. An iron one!Copy !req
1031. And tell your fish if he
tries to smash this one,Copy !req
1032. it'll break his teeth off!Copy !req
1033. - Well, you don't have to yell.Copy !req
1034. - Huh?Copy !req
1035. (Ilmarinen chanting)
- They're roasting Bullwinkle!Copy !req
1036. - Come forth!Copy !req
1037. - Feed me, Rocky, help me!Copy !req
1038. - Again?Copy !req
1039. - Oh, nobody ever helps this guy.Copy !req
1040. - Look! A boat!Copy !req
1041. - Uh-oh! Out of control.Copy !req
1042. - What's going to become of us now?Copy !req
1043. - Oh, everything's about you, isn't it?Copy !req
1044. - When log float rides go horribly wrong!Copy !req
1045. - You may get burnt on this ride.Copy !req
1046. - Uh, there's a flaming
moose blocking trafficCopy !req
1047. on I-35, W, Northbound.Copy !req
1048. - Would somebody please put me out?Copy !req
1049. I seem to be on fire!Copy !req
1050. - Protect us!Copy !req
1051. - Have mercy, dear mistress!Copy !req
1052. - Do something!Copy !req
1053. - Now, there's something you
don't see every day, Chauncy.Copy !req
1054. - Yeah, what's that, Edgar?Copy !req
1055. - KISS going bass-fishing.Copy !req
1056. - Quite a boat, wouldn't you say?Copy !req
1057. - Now that it's finished,
we'll be on our way,Copy !req
1058. the minute you give us Annikki.Copy !req
1059. - I demand that you make your boat stop!Copy !req
1060. - When you release my sister!Copy !req
1061. Your only excuse before was becauseCopy !req
1062. your fish wrecked our other boat!Copy !req
1063. - Ah, point well taken.Copy !req
1064. - You act like I'm the bad guy!Copy !req
1065. - I don't know if your
sister is ready for that.Copy !req
1066. - She's still upstairs dressing!Copy !req
1067. - I warn you, lady of Pohjola!Copy !req
1068. You better give us Annikki!Copy !req
1069. - Only he has performed
well what I gave him to do,Copy !req
1070. and you, what did you do?Copy !req
1071. - Yeah!Copy !req
1072. - I've heard you make magic too!Copy !req
1073. - Hell, I made the horse!Copy !req
1074. - What are you talking about, what magic!Copy !req
1075. - I mean, the Sampo!Copy !req
1076. - Dun dun dun!Copy !req
1077. - Have you anything in you heart...Copy !req
1078. - Forge a Sampo!Copy !req
1079. Or you'll never see the face
of your pretty sister again.Copy !req
1080. - Can we see the other parts?Copy !req
1081. - Crimeney, better look up Sampo quick,Copy !req
1082. I think she's serious.Copy !req
1083. - Louhi,
I'll do anything you ask,Copy !req
1084. - Only a Sampo!Copy !req
1085. - No, Tom, you're thinking of a sample.Copy !req
1086. S-A-M-P-L-E.Copy !req
1087. We're talking about a Sampo, with an O.Copy !req
1088. - Oh.Copy !req
1089. - Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.Copy !req
1090. So if a Sampo isn't a small
taste of no-fat cheeseCopy !req
1091. at the grocery store, then
what, I implore you, is it?Copy !req
1092. - Well I was
thinking that maybe a SampoCopy !req
1093. is a really good can opener.Copy !req
1094. - No, I think it's
a strapless evening gown!Copy !req
1095. - You think everything is
a strapless evening gown!Copy !req
1096. - I just think they're neat, is all.Copy !req
1097. What do you think, Joel?Copy !req
1098. - Uh, I think a Sampo's
like a hand-hammeredCopy !req
1099. conch belt with turquoise inlays,Copy !req
1100. used to accentuate an oversized blouse?Copy !req
1101. - I think it's that dent
between the nose and lip.Copy !req
1102. - Well, whatever it is,
that witch wants it moreCopy !req
1103. than anything, so it must be
some sort of wrinkle cream.Copy !req
1104. - Oh, no, I got it.Copy !req
1105. A progressive new corporationCopy !req
1106. with an eye towards the future.Copy !req
1107. Sampo is a corporation
for people, by people.Copy !req
1108. - I think it increases corn yields.Copy !req
1109. - I think it's a nasty
little rubber novelty item,Copy !req
1110. if you know what I mean.Copy !req
1111. - Well, maybe it's not tangible.Copy !req
1112. I mean, maybe Sampo is found
in the laughter of children,Copy !req
1113. or in the roar of the tide,Copy !req
1114. or in the capacity to love and be loved.Copy !req
1115. - No, I know.Copy !req
1116. I think Sampo is a new
high-energy prop comic.Copy !req
1117. You know, like, "Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1118. "The Funny Bone is proud to
present funny man Sampo!"Copy !req
1119. - Well, one thing's for sure, gentlemen.Copy !req
1120. The US of A still makes
the best damn SamposCopy !req
1121. on the market, and I mean
nobody is going to change that!Copy !req
1122. - I've got it.Copy !req
1123. It's fresh, it's sassy,
it's free, it's me!Copy !req
1124. It's an exciting new fragrance
by Prince Machipelli!Copy !req
1125. - Oh no.Copy !req
1126. - Maybe not.Copy !req
1127. - Well, to be honest, everybody,Copy !req
1128. we don't know what a Sampo is.Copy !req
1129. - Not a clue.Copy !req
1130. - If you know what a Sampo is,Copy !req
1131. write it down on a piece
of paper, throw it awayCopy !req
1132. and then try not to think about it.Copy !req
1133. You'll be glad you did!Copy !req
1134. - Sampo!Copy !req
1135. - Oh, movies!Copy !req
1136. - We've got movies, oh, let's go!Copy !req
1137. - Sampo!Copy !req
1138. - Ding! Sampo up!Copy !req
1139. - Oh, geez, what a day.Copy !req
1140. - You know, I really
admire how you stood firmCopy !req
1141. on the Sampo issue, your witchiness.Copy !req
1142. You didn't give an inch,
and I really admire that.Copy !req
1143. - We'd like to show you how
we maximized the warehouseCopy !req
1144. to increase Sampo shipments!Copy !req
1145. - Yes, it's really exciting.Copy !req
1146. I think you should come
and take a look at it.Copy !req
1147. - Well?Copy !req
1148. - I must have a wisp of lamb's wool,Copy !req
1149. a feather from a swan,Copy !req
1150. and a barley corn!Copy !req
1151. - You hear this guy?Copy !req
1152. - Get him the smallest of the flock,Copy !req
1153. and a swan, and whole bushel of barley!Copy !req
1154. - And some mini donuts!Copy !req
1155. - Um, can we get married?Copy !req
1156. We're in love.Copy !req
1157. - Nobody asked for a goose,Copy !req
1158. you take that right away!Copy !req
1159. - Aw, now somebody's sweater
is gonna have a big flaw!Copy !req
1160. - You put your feather in before the wool?Copy !req
1161. Hmm.Copy !req
1162. - With this wool will I clothe you.Copy !req
1163. - With these teeth will you bite me.Copy !req
1164. - With this barley will I nourish you.Copy !req
1165. - Oh, he's making Chex party mix.Copy !req
1166. - Ladies and gentlemen, the
magic of Ulysses S. Grant!Copy !req
1167. - The Sampo!Copy !req
1168. Sampo!Copy !req
1169. Sampo!Copy !req
1170. - Sampo means flavor!Copy !req
1171. - Now give meCopy !req
1172. the fire that burned in the clouds!Copy !req
1173. - How dare you!Copy !req
1174. Don't mention that!Copy !req
1175. - It's dirty!Copy !req
1176. - You want the Sampo?Copy !req
1177. That is the only fire I can forge it in.Copy !req
1178. It has to be the heavenly flame.Copy !req
1179. - Is it hot in here?Copy !req
1180. - I wonder if this is some trick,Copy !req
1181. to deprive me of the heavenly fire.Copy !req
1182. - But we won't have much use for thatCopy !req
1183. if he makes the mill!Copy !req
1184. Give him the fire!Copy !req
1185. - We'll be able to haveCopy !req
1186. as much flour as we want without grain!Copy !req
1187. - And we'll be able to have salt!Copy !req
1188. - And we'll be able to
make silver and gold!Copy !req
1189. - My spin doctors.Copy !req
1190. - Go and fetch the heavenly
flame for him, then.Copy !req
1191. - But someone stay here
to answer the phones!Copy !req
1192. - Boy, she's really broken
through the glass ceiling, huh?Copy !req
1193. - Yeah.Copy !req
1194. - Yeah, yesterday's soap.Copy !req
1195. We're trying to get rid of it.Copy !req
1196. - Oh, it looks like Caligula in here.Copy !req
1197. - How would you know that?Copy !req
1198. The soup has a escort?Copy !req
1199. - Good soup.Copy !req
1200. - Here, ditch this flaming skull for me,Copy !req
1201. I don't know how that got in there.Copy !req
1202. - Nice weight.Copy !req
1203. - Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1204. - Real good flame.Copy !req
1205. - Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1206. - Put all your idle people to work,Copy !req
1207. I'll need their help.Copy !req
1208. Tell them to work the bellows!Copy !req
1209. - You heard what he said!Copy !req
1210. - Saul Bellows, get to work!Copy !req
1211. - No, no, aw.Copy !req
1212. - Is it Sampo yet?Copy !req
1213. - Now, be careful, this plate is very hot.Copy !req
1214. - So how does this work?Copy !req
1215. - Hey, let me know when you need a break.Copy !req
1216. - Mark seven!Copy !req
1217. Mark seven!Copy !req
1218. Oh, mark seven, damnit!Copy !req
1219. Mark seven!Copy !req
1220. - Riam trolls, working for you!Copy !req
1221. - Where's a friggin' Sampo,Copy !req
1222. - Uh, Steve, honey, why don't
you go get Daddy a beer.Copy !req
1223. - You said you'd make
the mill, where is it?Copy !req
1224. - The men can't make the fire hot enough.Copy !req
1225. - Sure, blame my department.Copy !req
1226. - Keep working, you sluggards!Copy !req
1227. Pump the bellows, make the flames leap up!Copy !req
1228. - We're doing our best, Mistress.Copy !req
1229. - He's got a cocktail dress on!Copy !req
1230. - Ah, it's not done, must have
been frozen in the middle.Copy !req
1231. - He's got delusions of grandeur.Copy !req
1232. - Hey, it's like urban cowboy.Copy !req
1233. - Oh, boy.Copy !req
1234. How's that beer coming, Stevie?Copy !req
1235. - Work harder!Copy !req
1236. Get the heat up!Copy !req
1237. Faster, faster!Copy !req
1238. - Get off, Todd, come on, I'm serious!Copy !req
1239. Come on!Copy !req
1240. - Oh, they think I'm working,
that's the beauty part!Copy !req
1241. - Woohoo!Copy !req
1242. Oh, I hate this infernal routine!Copy !req
1243. - Burn, baby, burn!Copy !req
1244. Disco Inferno!Copy !req
1245. - Oh, the guy on top
must be the shop steward.Copy !req
1246. - Will someone please get the phone?Copy !req
1247. - Kids come running for
the rich taste of Sampo!Copy !req
1248. - Be careful, that's nitric
acid, we don't have very much.Copy !req
1249. - Oh, I hate this school lunch program.Copy !req
1250. - Water's considered a vegetable.Copy !req
1251. - This is why I don't make
Sampos except on holidays.Copy !req
1252. - Hey, can we help?Copy !req
1253. - You can help by setting the table.Copy !req
1254. - Sorry, Sampos off.Copy !req
1255. - Sampo!Copy !req
1256. - Ask for it by name.Copy !req
1257. - Sampo!Copy !req
1258. - Ask for it by name.Copy !req
1259. - Eh, that's a Sampo, huh?Copy !req
1260. - Sampo!Copy !req
1261. - You know.Copy !req
1262. - Ray Nitschke?Copy !req
1263. - Do you get wafers with it?Copy !req
1264. - You don't get bleeding wafers with it!Copy !req
1265. - It's very impressive.Copy !req
1266. But how do I know it works?Copy !req
1267. - Well, you just plug
it into the wall outlet,Copy !req
1268. and turn it on.Copy !req
1269. - Let there be gold, and flour,Copy !req
1270. and salt!Copy !req
1271. - Of course, I recommend
the service contract.Copy !req
1272. - Still, I think it would
look better by the couch.Copy !req
1273. - Sorry I doubted your Sampo.Copy !req
1274. - Boy, I thought there'd
be more people aroundCopy !req
1275. the gold part of this thing,Copy !req
1276. but the line's really
not that long, you know?Copy !req
1277. - This is what it would have been likeCopy !req
1278. if Perot would have won.Copy !req
1279. - Oh, great, rock salt!Copy !req
1280. We'll never slip on the driveway again!Copy !req
1281. - Makes you think, don't it, honey?Copy !req
1282. - Nice to see them so happy.Copy !req
1283. - Yup.Copy !req
1284. - The manual's in the box, and, uh,Copy !req
1285. first upgrade's free.Copy !req
1286. - Now give us back Annikki.Copy !req
1287. - Oh, she's home already.Copy !req
1288. - Alright, I will give your
pretty sister back to you now.Copy !req
1289. - I must warn you, she's aged some.Copy !req
1290. - Wait, that's the wrong sister.Copy !req
1291. - Help yourself a heapin'
helpin' of sweet Annikki.Copy !req
1292. - Annikki!Copy !req
1293. - Do I know you?Copy !req
1294. - Lemminkainen!Copy !req
1295. - You're not as cute as I remember!Copy !req
1296. On a clear day...Copy !req
1297. - Annikki!Copy !req
1298. My little sister!Copy !req
1299. - Take that creature away from my palace!Copy !req
1300. - Oh, killjoy.Copy !req
1301. - I want her gone with
all those nasty flowers!Copy !req
1302. - Don't worry, lady,
we're out of here, gosh!Copy !req
1303. - Oh hey, Missus, the
Sampo stopped working,Copy !req
1304. and we didn't get the service contract.Copy !req
1305. - Smash them, take them away!Copy !req
1306. - And I want them all inventoried, too!Copy !req
1307. - We don't want them here,
the evil stunning flowers!Copy !req
1308. - Man, I wonder what her
Myers-Briggs test was like.Copy !req
1309. - How were you ever able to rescue meCopy !req
1310. from that wicked creature?Copy !req
1311. - Well, I had to make this
boat all by myself, and...Copy !req
1312. - Hey, leave my sister alone.Copy !req
1313. - Your brother, Ilmarinen, made a Sampo,Copy !req
1314. and left it with the wicked witch,Copy !req
1315. in place of you.Copy !req
1316. - A Sampo?Copy !req
1317. - You mean one of those
big things that makesCopy !req
1318. gold and salt and stuff?Copy !req
1319. - Yeah.Copy !req
1320. - You mean the new '92 SampoCopy !req
1321. - with the leather interior?
- And because of me,Copy !req
1322. he deprived our people of
their rightful treasure?Copy !req
1323. - I am returning to Pohjola,Copy !req
1324. and I shall recover the Sampo.Copy !req
1325. - No, Ilmarinen!Copy !req
1326. I am going back for it, now!Copy !req
1327. - No, well, I think a
better plan would be to goCopy !req
1328. back and get supplies—hey!Copy !req
1329. - Hey, he's got pure wool on,Copy !req
1330. he's gonna shrink right up!Copy !req
1331. - Try the cleaning power
of new LemminkainenCopy !req
1332. in your rinse cycle!Copy !req
1333. - This is it, isn't it?Copy !req
1334. - Yeah.Copy !req
1335. Think so.Copy !req
1336. - Oh, really love the new Sampo!Copy !req
1337. No buyer's remorse here, witchy-poo!Copy !req
1338. - Who's hungry for salt?Copy !req
1339. - Oh, geez, I better plan this, let's see.Copy !req
1340. Oh, gotta take the Sampo, it's my dad's.Copy !req
1341. No, damn!Copy !req
1342. Sampo repair!Copy !req
1343. Might I just pop in and grab my Sampo?Copy !req
1344. No, darn!Copy !req
1345. - Oh no, they really like it.Copy !req
1346. I was hoping they wouldn't
be getting into the Sampo,Copy !req
1347. no such luck.Copy !req
1348. - Mmm, a good heft.Copy !req
1349. - I caught you, you filthy wretch,Copy !req
1350. trying to steal my gold!Copy !req
1351. - No, I wasn't!Copy !req
1352. - Catch him!Copy !req
1353. Don't let him get away!Copy !req
1354. Find him and throw him in the machine!Copy !req
1355. - Hey Tony, come on,
it's me, your roommate!Copy !req
1356. - Monkey pile.Copy !req
1357. Phew, ugh!Copy !req
1358. That was a mistake.Copy !req
1359. - That was the chile relleno wind.Copy !req
1360. - Ew!Copy !req
1361. - Ouch.Copy !req
1362. - Who let the mist out?Copy !req
1363. It blinds me, so I cannot see.Copy !req
1364. Back into thy bag, mist, I conjure thee,Copy !req
1365. back into thy bag.
(Joel coughing)Copy !req
1366. - Why did thee even have the mist,Copy !req
1367. if it bugs thee so much?Copy !req
1368. - It's kinda like a giant
Neo-Synephrine bag, isn't it?Copy !req
1369. - Ma'am?Copy !req
1370. - Where is the many-colored
dome of the Sampo?Copy !req
1371. - Ma'am, the dome is an
option that you did not order.Copy !req
1372. - After him, and bring him back here!Copy !req
1373. - Ah, I can never just sit
back and enjoy my Sampo!Copy !req
1374. - Hey, it's nice out here!Copy !req
1375. - Ah, there he is!Copy !req
1376. - Miss America!Copy !req
1377. - Destroy Ilamiren!Copy !req
1378. Destroy Lemminkainen's boat!Copy !req
1379. Release them!Copy !req
1380. Let the winds rush over
and destroy this fiend!Copy !req
1381. - Fly, monkeys, fly!Copy !req
1382. - Oh, now why does this always happenCopy !req
1383. at 4:30 on a Friday?Copy !req
1384. - Lemminkainen bold, exciting and new!Copy !req
1385. - Aguire, the wrath of God!Copy !req
1386. - I'm gonna get a bigger boat, right?Copy !req
1387. Yeah, we're gonna get a
bigger boat, definitely.Copy !req
1388. - Make the witch a Sampo,Copy !req
1389. what the heck was I thinking anyway?Copy !req
1390. - Wind, with Matthew
Muldeen and Jennifer Grey.Copy !req
1391. - Now on video.Copy !req
1392. - Hey, it looks just like
the statue of Iwo Jima,Copy !req
1393. if you cross your eyes and get the polesCopy !req
1394. with all of those guys.Copy !req
1395. - Hold on Buck!Copy !req
1396. Hold onto the boat, Bucky!Copy !req
1397. - Anybody got any Dramamine?Copy !req
1398. - Ladies and gentlemen,
the Swedish Moses of soul.Copy !req
1399. - There's got to be a morning after...Copy !req
1400. - The boat is wrecked!Copy !req
1401. - Don't get short with me, dope!Copy !req
1402. - It's wrecked!Copy !req
1403. - Yeah right, Madonna and her dancersCopy !req
1404. get along really good.Copy !req
1405. - You still can't let go
of the Sampo, can you?Copy !req
1406. Let it go, Sven.Copy !req
1407. - Um, Dad said I could use the car.Copy !req
1408. You got the keys?Copy !req
1409. - He will be coming home soon,Copy !req
1410. and I promise you I will dance with youCopy !req
1411. at your wedding feast.Copy !req
1412. - Oh.Copy !req
1413. Give me the good news now.Copy !req
1414. - Our father, who art,Copy !req
1415. Huh?Copy !req
1416. - Woe! Oh, woe!Copy !req
1417. Your brave son Lemminkainen
has met his death.Copy !req
1418. - It can't be true!Copy !req
1419. My son lives.Copy !req
1420. - Coo-coo, coo-coo, coo-coo.Copy !req
1421. - Oh, she is off the beam.Copy !req
1422. - I see a kidney.Copy !req
1423. - I do, yeah.Copy !req
1424. - Heathcliff! Catherine!Copy !req
1425. - Have pity on a mother's prayer.Copy !req
1426. Friend of the four winds of Heaven.Copy !req
1427. - Um, have we met?Copy !req
1428. - Can you tell me what's
become of my brave son?Copy !req
1429. - I have troubles enough of my own.Copy !req
1430. The men strip my bark for making baskets.Copy !req
1431. The children break my branches for brooms.Copy !req
1432. How should I know anything about your son?Copy !req
1433. - Geez, sorry I asked!Copy !req
1434. - Birch, birch, birch.Copy !req
1435. - Now get out of my office!Copy !req
1436. Miss Jenkins, I pay you
to screen these people!Copy !req
1437. - I see a past president
who shall remain nameless.Copy !req
1438. - Oh you mean,Copy !req
1439. - Chester Arthur.Copy !req
1440. - Hey, uh, lady!Copy !req
1441. I'm a nice big pine that
you could pray to, maybe.Copy !req
1442. Maybe?Copy !req
1443. - Tell me, old wandering road,Copy !req
1444. have pity on a poor mother's sorrow!Copy !req
1445. Do you know what happened to my son?Copy !req
1446. - Um, b-oh I'll put the
word out on the street!Copy !req
1447. Oh, I am the street.Copy !req
1448. - Excuse me, I'm kind of stuck in a rut.Copy !req
1449. - Mother Teresa, in a role
that will inspire you!Copy !req
1450. - You should have pity on me!Copy !req
1451. I am the road!Copy !req
1452. - I didn't appreciate what
Kerouac said about me!Copy !req
1453. - ... to find your wandering son.Copy !req
1454. - Oh, poor road.Copy !req
1455. You have everything, I have nothing!Copy !req
1456. - I have enough troubles of my own.Copy !req
1457. - Now I know what they mean when they sayCopy !req
1458. the road goes on forever.Copy !req
1459. - Do you know how many timesCopy !req
1460. men have trampled on me?Copy !req
1461. - She's praying to county
road D2, what does she want?Copy !req
1462. - How they make the hooves
of their horses kick me.Copy !req
1463. - What is it with the
inanimate objects today?Copy !req
1464. - Have you thought about praying to me,Copy !req
1465. God, the big G-meister?Copy !req
1466. - Dear Almighty refrigerator door,Copy !req
1467. oh.Copy !req
1468. - Oh glorious sun, you who look over all,Copy !req
1469. - Well, I do my best.Copy !req
1470. - Answer a mother's prayer.Copy !req
1471. Tell me where I can find
my son, my brave boy.Copy !req
1472. - Look for your sonCopy !req
1473. - She's praying to a Mills brother!Copy !req
1474. - Far in the north.Copy !req
1475. In the cold and craggyCopy !req
1476. land of Pohjola.Copy !req
1477. - You should do voiceovers.Copy !req
1478. - He is a prisoner of the evil witch,Copy !req
1479. Louhi.Copy !req
1480. - At least he was as of last Wednesday.Copy !req
1481. - That's a Richard Diebenkorn painting.Copy !req
1482. I think.Copy !req
1483. - Oh, great north deciduous forest,Copy !req
1484. oh never mind.Copy !req
1485. - Ever eat a pine tree?Copy !req
1486. Many parts are edible.Copy !req
1487. - What? Hey!Copy !req
1488. Somebody took my minnows!Copy !req
1489. - Oh, I think I'll just skip some rocks.Copy !req
1490. - Oh, dead, bloated carp,
floating in the shallows,Copy !req
1491. oh.Copy !req
1492. - Hey, it looks like one of
those Hamm's Beer clocks.Copy !req
1493. - Sea wheat.Copy !req
1494. It's...Copy !req
1495. I hate Mondays!Copy !req
1496. - Now wipe your feet before
you come into Finland!Copy !req
1497. - Morning.Copy !req
1498. This small mound is aliveCopy !req
1499. with the sound ofCopy !req
1500. - When Lemminkainen met Annikki.Copy !req
1501. - I pick myself up and dust myself off,Copy !req
1502. I start the day all over again!Copy !req
1503. - I can't believe it.Copy !req
1504. I'm David McCallum.Copy !req
1505. - Lemminkainen!Copy !req
1506. - No, I didn't get your flippin' Sampo.Copy !req
1507. - Lemminkainen!Copy !req
1508. - Oh, my son!Copy !req
1509. - Way to wreck the scene, Mom.Copy !req
1510. - Forgive me, dearest Mother.Copy !req
1511. - Okay.Copy !req
1512. - And you should forget me.Copy !req
1513. - Okay.Copy !req
1514. - I have no right to be happy,Copy !req
1515. for I have destroyed the Sampo.Copy !req
1516. - Jerk.Copy !req
1517. - Hey!
- Hey!Copy !req
1518. - Did you get the Sampo?Copy !req
1519. - How's it going!
- Where's the Sampo?Copy !req
1520. - We sure are excited about the Sampo!Copy !req
1521. Oh.Copy !req
1522. - I just wanted to hear how it
went with the Sampo, is all.Copy !req
1523. - How's the Sampo?Copy !req
1524. - An ashtray?Copy !req
1525. - Give me my sister back!Copy !req
1526. Here, I got one of these already.Copy !req
1527. - Sampo is no more.Copy !req
1528. - Well, I did bring the Sampo home game.Copy !req
1529. - It would cheer brave night,Copy !req
1530. - Hey! You're the road, aren't you?Copy !req
1531. - And you, my people, take heart!Copy !req
1532. - Time will come,
- We've hit bottom.Copy !req
1533. as you will see.Copy !req
1534. When even this, the fragment of the Sampo,Copy !req
1535. will bring much joy and happinessCopy !req
1536. to the people of Kalevala.Copy !req
1537. - No, a lot of good that does them now.Copy !req
1538. - Yugh.Copy !req
1539. - Kalevala, come before us.Copy !req
1540. Kalevala, stand before us.Copy !req
1541. - La la la la la la.Copy !req
1542. - Kalevala, come before us.Copy !req
1543. Kalevala, stand before us.Copy !req
1544. - This is my favorite bit he does!Copy !req
1545. Watch this, it's good, hoho!Copy !req
1546. - Good Mistress!Copy !req
1547. Come quickly!Copy !req
1548. - Something's coming in
on the urinescope, sir!Copy !req
1549. - Evil Lemminkainen lives!Copy !req
1550. - Oh, you got some on my robe.Copy !req
1551. - Now, let my cloak
bear me far to Kalevala,Copy !req
1552. to destroy the people who live there!Copy !req
1553. - It's the Von Trapps!Copy !req
1554. - Yeah, out for their morning run!Copy !req
1555. - Oh, say, everyone, did
you hear there is no Sampo?Copy !req
1556. - Yeah, it's really too bad.Copy !req
1557. - No Sampo, eh? Bummer.Copy !req
1558. - Let us be gay, for he is a dickweed.Copy !req
1559. - I'm so glad it's a dry celebration.Copy !req
1560. It's so much more fun than
the kegger would have been!Copy !req
1561. - Failed to bring back the SampoCopy !req
1562. - Sampo!Copy !req
1563. - We shall die of starvation!Copy !req
1564. - Sampo!Copy !req
1565. - What is this, Stalag 17 the musical?Copy !req
1566. - I think it's the Black Oak Arkansaw.Copy !req
1567. - Failure, failure,Copy !req
1568. he's such a failure, failure, failure.Copy !req
1569. What a real failure, failure, failure.Copy !req
1570. - Hey, it's Ravi Shankar.Copy !req
1571. - Failure, failure,Copy !req
1572. - Really loser, failure.Copy !req
1573. - Surrender Ilsa!Copy !req
1574. - Recon! Look out!Copy !req
1575. - I meant to do that!Copy !req
1576. - Marty Feldman, in a role
that won't surprise you.Copy !req
1577. - Failure!Copy !req
1578. He's such a stupid little failure!Copy !req
1579. - Oh, it looks like Rutherford B. HayesCopy !req
1580. just got out of the sauna!Copy !req
1581. - Stupid, stupid little failure!Copy !req
1582. - Ugh, hand over the bride.Copy !req
1583. I can't wait all day.Copy !req
1584. - Well, here's the keys.Copy !req
1585. She's a little slow to
start in the winter,Copy !req
1586. just give her some gas.Copy !req
1587. - Wait, my dears!Copy !req
1588. Just wait till you see the
gift I've brought for you!Copy !req
1589. - Guess they shouldn't
have registered in Hell.Copy !req
1590. - We still think he's a failure,Copy !req
1591. - What? She's marrying the Yale crew team?Copy !req
1592. - Bad news, they wanna water ski.Copy !req
1593. - Our old slave ship?Copy !req
1594. You shouldn't have!Copy !req
1595. - Hurry up, they're gonna consummate!Copy !req
1596. - Alright, hit it!Copy !req
1597. Hey, the kids look ripe!Copy !req
1598. 'Bout ready to drop!Copy !req
1599. - Plump.Copy !req
1600. It's a nice day for a wet wedding.Copy !req
1601. - And you know, the
kids planned the weddingCopy !req
1602. all by themselves, and I think
they've done such a nice job.Copy !req
1603. We're just so lucky
that the rain held out.Copy !req
1604. - Mmm, yeah.Copy !req
1605. - I thought we were gonna get a limo?Copy !req
1606. - Sure beats fooling around
in a nice hotel, eh, Honey?Copy !req
1607. - Come on, kiss him!Copy !req
1608. Here comes the failure.Copy !req
1609. - You know, this is considered
a riot in Scandinavia.Copy !req
1610. - Wild.Copy !req
1611. - He's a failure, la la la la,Copy !req
1612. What a loser, la la la la,Copy !req
1613. Total failure, total failure,Copy !req
1614. total failure, la la la!Copy !req
1615. - You know, this is the kind of musicCopy !req
1616. that Up with People rejected.Copy !req
1617. - Oh, they're gonna
honeymoon at a rest stop?Copy !req
1618. - Yup.Copy !req
1619. - Total failure, total failure,Copy !req
1620. Failure, failure, la, la, la!Copy !req
1621. - Okay, that's fine!Copy !req
1622. Please disperse!Copy !req
1623. - Failure, da da da!Copy !req
1624. He's a loser and a chump!Copy !req
1625. Failure, failure, total failure,Copy !req
1626. What a loser, la, la, la!Copy !req
1627. - Okay, oh, that's for fun, huh?Copy !req
1628. - Are you with the bride or the failure?Copy !req
1629. - Huh! Check out this guy.Copy !req
1630. He looks like something you could buyCopy !req
1631. in a gift shop up north.Copy !req
1632. - Now, why is he wearing a
Hershey's kiss on his head?Copy !req
1633. - Hey.Copy !req
1634. Sup.Copy !req
1635. - Brando's here!Copy !req
1636. - Brando!
- It's Brando!Copy !req
1637. - Hi, Mr. Brando.Copy !req
1638. - All rise, Santa is entering the lodge.Copy !req
1639. - What the hell is going on in here?Copy !req
1640. This is my room!Copy !req
1641. - Uh, just throw this on
the gift table, would you?Copy !req
1642. Didn't have time to wrap it.Copy !req
1643. - They never invite me to anything!Copy !req
1644. - May health and happiness be with you,Copy !req
1645. all the days of your life!Copy !req
1646. - Oh, no!Copy !req
1647. - He's drunk again.Copy !req
1648. - Uh-oh!Copy !req
1649. - Healthy with you, Vainamoinen.Copy !req
1650. You are kind to pay a visit
to our humble little cottage.Copy !req
1651. - Oh, thanks.Copy !req
1652. I see this coming in real handy.Copy !req
1653. - Heh heh, what am I?Copy !req
1654. I'm a moose!Copy !req
1655. - Grandpa, that's Aunt Essie's urn!Copy !req
1656. - Your beer is almost too
strong for an old man like me.Copy !req
1657. - Oh, coronary, oop!Copy !req
1658. - It's the jolly troll!Copy !req
1659. - Oh, she's calling the Batman!Copy !req
1660. - Maybe she's mad cause she
used to date Lemminkainen.Copy !req
1661. - Yeah, she's lots of
laughs, but not the kindCopy !req
1662. you'd settle down with.Copy !req
1663. - She's fine for junior
year, but you gotta move on.Copy !req
1664. - Ooh.Copy !req
1665. - That was the night that the
lights went out in Finland.Copy !req
1666. - The sun is gone!Copy !req
1667. - Oh, looks like she's, uh,Copy !req
1668. dragging a muffler there.Copy !req
1669. - Evil times have fallen
on happy Kalevala.Copy !req
1670. - Come on, it's just a
circuit breaker, Grandpa!Copy !req
1671. - Wicked Louhi has come,Copy !req
1672. she's stolen the sun.Copy !req
1673. - Golly, he's really calm in a crisis.Copy !req
1674. - Mmm.Copy !req
1675. Sorry about the failure.Copy !req
1676. - Farewell, good friend.Copy !req
1677. - Fare thee well, kind mistress.Copy !req
1678. Fare thee well. Thank you.Copy !req
1679. - Uh, I had the cut crystal bowlCopy !req
1680. that the dip was in.Copy !req
1681. Well, we'll come back.Copy !req
1682. - Pff! Great wedding.Copy !req
1683. Get half a buzz on and then
sent home with a torch.Copy !req
1684. - There can be no happiness,Copy !req
1685. without the sun.Copy !req
1686. - Oh, come on, Kirsten,
I'm a night person,Copy !req
1687. I love it.Copy !req
1688. - Keep for me my kantele.Copy !req
1689. - Take a hit if you want to.Copy !req
1690. - Now, it can only remain silent.Copy !req
1691. I must not play on it,Copy !req
1692. unless the sun is up.Copy !req
1693. - Oh, Mr. Particular!Copy !req
1694. Everything's gotta be just right!Copy !req
1695. - Yeah, it looks like they're trying toCopy !req
1696. take back the night over here.Copy !req
1697. - No, I think it's a Melanie concert.Copy !req
1698. - Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1699. presenting in her one-woman show,Copy !req
1700. Gyspy!Copy !req
1701. - Here we go!Copy !req
1702. - Shhhh!
- Oop, sorry.Copy !req
1703. - There's a big frontier
out there called lifeCopy !req
1704. I ain't nobody's daughter,
I ain't nobody's wife.Copy !req
1705. I'm gonna state my very own claim of land,Copy !req
1706. and you're gonna wanna know who I am.Copy !req
1707. I'm Gyspy!Copy !req
1708. Gypsy Rose Me!Copy !req
1709. Gypsy Rose, not you!Copy !req
1710. Not you!Copy !req
1711. Or you!Copy !req
1712. Gypsy Rose...Copy !req
1713. Me!Copy !req
1714. - Alright!Copy !req
1715. - Gypsy, yeah!Copy !req
1716. - Thank you!Copy !req
1717. Oh, thank you very much!Copy !req
1718. You know, we're all traveling.Copy !req
1719. You, me, that little gold guy over there.Copy !req
1720. We're traveling on the
big trip of life, and,Copy !req
1721. sometimes it turns out,Copy !req
1722. we haven't packed the right clothesCopy !req
1723. for our own personal journey.Copy !req
1724. I've been struggling to make ends meet.Copy !req
1725. The social worker stopped by today.Copy !req
1726. We'll get by, somehow.Copy !req
1727. Thank you!Copy !req
1728. Thank you, thank you.Copy !req
1729. I'm sick of fighting with you, boyfriend!Copy !req
1730. But I'm not going to walk out that door.Copy !req
1731. No, sir!Copy !req
1732. I'm going to run out that door!Copy !req
1733. (applause)
Thank you!Copy !req
1734. Thank you very much!Copy !req
1735. - She's a survivor!Copy !req
1736. - You bet!Copy !req
1737. You know, I've seen her before.Copy !req
1738. - Hey!Copy !req
1739. Is my act interfering with
your conversation, buddy?Copy !req
1740. You came three guys together, huh?Copy !req
1741. What, some sort of love
connection screw-up?Copy !req
1742. Thank you!Copy !req
1743. Oh, thank you, thank you!Copy !req
1744. What a night, everybody!Copy !req
1745. But before I go, I wanna
tell you a little story.Copy !req
1746. A story about a gal,Copy !req
1747. who ran the higher functions
of a little satelliteCopy !req
1748. in a synchronous orbit.Copy !req
1749. A gal,Copy !req
1750. that everyone thought was
perhaps a little slow,Copy !req
1751. a little naive, a little simple.Copy !req
1752. But let me tell you
something about that gal!Copy !req
1753. She had spirit!Copy !req
1754. She had guts!Copy !req
1755. And most of all, she had a huge heart.Copy !req
1756. That gal was on her journey, and,Copy !req
1757. when her luggage ended
up on another planet,Copy !req
1758. that gal picked herself
up, dusted herself off,Copy !req
1759. and wore the same outfit
two days in a row!Copy !req
1760. That plucky little gal...Copy !req
1761. Is...Copy !req
1762. Me!Copy !req
1763. Oh, thank you very much!Copy !req
1764. (applause)
Oh, thank you very much!Copy !req
1765. Oh, thank you, thank you very much!Copy !req
1766. - We've got commercial sign,Copy !req
1767. I'll be right back on down to meet you.Copy !req
1768. - I'll be here all week, thank you!Copy !req
1769. - Hey, look, it's Skylab!Copy !req
1770. - Heheh, Mommy's back
and I've got presents.Copy !req
1771. - Now, open the bag and
release the blizzard!Copy !req
1772. May the North Wind bring snowCopy !req
1773. to blanket the land of Kalevala!Copy !req
1774. Forever!Copy !req
1775. - And may you stay forever young!Copy !req
1776. - Meanwhile, in Frostbite
Falls, Minnesota...Copy !req
1777. - We have some school closings today,Copy !req
1778. including Stockholm, public and private,Copy !req
1779. Oslo, public and parochial,Copy !req
1780. Helsinki Votech, Solomid junior high.Copy !req
1781. - Boy, that looks cold!Copy !req
1782. - Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1783. On Plummus Bane, the annual
running of the goats!Copy !req
1784. - The Christmas that almost wasn't.Copy !req
1785. - It's not a fit night
out for man nor beast!Copy !req
1786. - The Day the Earth
became unseasonably cool.Copy !req
1787. - I guess everybody's gonna
blame me for this, too!Copy !req
1788. - Yeah.Copy !req
1789. - What? Oh, I thought I
caulked that thing, gah!Copy !req
1790. - It's like they moved
in with the Ingalls.Copy !req
1791. - Yeah, Little House on the Tundra.Copy !req
1792. - Geez, has to half and
half with her coffee.Copy !req
1793. Okay, dear, I'll wade through the blizzardCopy !req
1794. to get your half and half!Copy !req
1795. - The Shining.Copy !req
1796. - Actually, it looks kind of inviting!Copy !req
1797. - Moonlight in Vermont.Copy !req
1798. I'm gonna bury Gary in a pile of snow.Copy !req
1799. Doo doo doo.Copy !req
1800. - Merh, one little cup of coffeeCopy !req
1801. and she's gotta have her
friggin' half and half in it.Copy !req
1802. - Walking in my winter underwear.Copy !req
1803. - Hey, a penny!Copy !req
1804. - Watch out where the huskies goCopy !req
1805. and don't you eat that yellow snow!Copy !req
1806. - Uh,Copy !req
1807. Oh, hey, Aunt Roadie, the
old grey goose is dead!Copy !req
1808. - Rosebuuud.Copy !req
1809. - Rip Taylor's outside.Copy !req
1810. - Come on, I wanna come in!Copy !req
1811. Cause it's cold outside, ha!Copy !req
1812. I got a big prop I want to show you!Copy !req
1813. It's funny!Copy !req
1814. - It's true, first day of
marriage is the hardest.Copy !req
1815. - Hey, here's your damn dinner.Copy !req
1816. - I suppose you want me to clean that now.Copy !req
1817. - I'm not the pheasant plucker,Copy !req
1818. I'm the pheasant plucker's son.Copy !req
1819. I'm only plucking pheasants till theCopy !req
1820. pheasant plucker comes.Copy !req
1821. - I know, dear, I know.Copy !req
1822. Um, not on the good bench.Copy !req
1823. - Honey, it's a Swanson frozen dinner.Copy !req
1824. Oh, what's the use.Copy !req
1825. - We'll call it Trudy.Copy !req
1826. - Wait, she's wearing an
embroidery hoop on her head.Copy !req
1827. - One word: annulment.Copy !req
1828. - I'm afraid the poor thing is dead.Copy !req
1829. - Oh, the Sampo could have saved it.Copy !req
1830. - Oh, shut up with that Sampo!Copy !req
1831. - Soon we will all be like this poor bird!Copy !req
1832. - She's turning into a steak on legs.Copy !req
1833. - I can't even see your eyes, Annikki.Copy !req
1834. - Without thinking olives.Copy !req
1835. - That's the worst thing
about this twilight.Copy !req
1836. - You're in the house,
take your bike helmet off.Copy !req
1837. - I can't even remember
what color they are.Copy !req
1838. Let me look in your eyes again.Copy !req
1839. - Look, she's Swedish,
I'm guessing they're blue.Copy !req
1840. - Yeah, well I'm gonna eat.Copy !req
1841. - Honey, we got any
orange sauce in the house?Copy !req
1842. - Duck!Copy !req
1843. With orange, duck with
cherry, a duck surprise, haha!Copy !req
1844. Duck without orange or cherry.Copy !req
1845. - Ilmarinen!Copy !req
1846. - Hey, what's the deal
with your sister, man?Copy !req
1847. - Ilmarinen.Copy !req
1848. - Duh, hamburgers!Copy !req
1849. Oh, sorry, dozed off on the old anvil.Copy !req
1850. - This...Copy !req
1851. - Sucks.Copy !req
1852. - Cannot go on much longer.Copy !req
1853. You must make a new sun for us!Copy !req
1854. - I'll use the Sampo to make one!Copy !req
1855. Ooh, wait, we don't
have one, that's right.Copy !req
1856. - I will do what I can.Copy !req
1857. - Not as I do.Copy !req
1858. - Huh, Grandpa rioted and
got a week in the hole.Copy !req
1859. - The Great Escape: 30 Years Later.Copy !req
1860. - Hruh-hurr-uh.Copy !req
1861. Well, I'm turning in.Copy !req
1862. Big day.Copy !req
1863. - Hmm.Copy !req
1864. Why are they so bummed out?Copy !req
1865. - Oh, they just saw Captain Ron.Copy !req
1866. - Personally, I like Kurt Russell.Copy !req
1867. I love The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes,Copy !req
1868. but that's just me.Copy !req
1869. - No, no, the sun's bigger!Copy !req
1870. - Yes, we recall it being
quite large, really!Copy !req
1871. - And it's got, it's got spots!Copy !req
1872. - Mm-hmm, yes.Copy !req
1873. - What are you doing, Ilmarinen?Copy !req
1874. - He is forging a new sun for us.Copy !req
1875. - It is futile.Copy !req
1876. - No, it's fusion!Copy !req
1877. - To try to forge the sun anew.Copy !req
1878. The one thing left is to
release it from prison!Copy !req
1879. - Well then, you come up
with your own ideas, man!Copy !req
1880. - Take up your swords!Copy !req
1881. Your swords and spears!Copy !req
1882. Vainamoinen will lead us to Pohjola,Copy !req
1883. and we shall fight a
battle to release the sun.Copy !req
1884. - Not so, Lemminkainen.Copy !req
1885. - Have a seat, Lem.Copy !req
1886. - Against the wizards of
Louhi you cannot prevailCopy !req
1887. with a sword.Copy !req
1888. Of what use are your swordsCopy !req
1889. against their spells?Copy !req
1890. I will take all of you to Pohjola.Copy !req
1891. - A class trip?Copy !req
1892. - And each one of you must hold...Copy !req
1893. - A herring!Copy !req
1894. - In place of a spear,Copy !req
1895. - Oh.Copy !req
1896. - Or a blade,Copy !req
1897. - You're making this up, aren't you?Copy !req
1898. - A sweetly sounding...Copy !req
1899. - It's!Copy !req
1900. - Kantele.Copy !req
1901. - Or, I don't know, I'm just mad.Copy !req
1902. - A kantele?Copy !req
1903. - And if each of us carry one of them,Copy !req
1904. that's a thousand kanteles!Copy !req
1905. - More than that.Copy !req
1906. - 1200 at least.Copy !req
1907. - And we have them, here in
these ancient pine trees.Copy !req
1908. We'll cut them down,
make the harps ourselves.Copy !req
1909. - Great, we spend the winter making harps.Copy !req
1910. - What are you looking at?Copy !req
1911. - Come, boys,Copy !req
1912. take all the boats down to
the shores of the frozen sea.Copy !req
1913. - Whatever.Copy !req
1914. - And you, women.Copy !req
1915. - Back me up on this one.Copy !req
1916. - You must take all your
jewelry of silver and gold,Copy !req
1917. all your earrings, all your bracelets,Copy !req
1918. - All your naughty things.Copy !req
1919. - And cast them into the
crucible of Ilmarinen.Copy !req
1920. He must have clear-sounding
strings for our kanteles.Copy !req
1921. - Yeah, first he has us making boats,Copy !req
1922. then we gotta do the horse,Copy !req
1923. now it's the kanteles, oh!Copy !req
1924. - This is the old guy's neck!Copy !req
1925. This is his head!Copy !req
1926. And this is his ribcage!Copy !req
1927. - Oh, he's got the Farrah Fawcett
exercise stick over there.Copy !req
1928. - Okay, who wants a hot dog?Copy !req
1929. Still gonna be a couple
minutes on the Brats.Copy !req
1930. - Just keep this burnt
one for me to nibble on.Copy !req
1931. - Honey, why don't you go get
those marinated steaks ready?Copy !req
1932. - Al, come on, don't be too careful.Copy !req
1933. We just gotta knock out these kanteles.Copy !req
1934. - Ow! Carved my own leg into a kantele.Copy !req
1935. - Hey, uh, anybody care
if I turn on the radio?Copy !req
1936. - Huh, can you believe it?Copy !req
1937. Two weeks ago we were in shorts out here.Copy !req
1938. - Ladies and gentlemen,
the Mormon Tabernacle ChoirCopy !req
1939. and Mountain Boys!Copy !req
1940. - Crow, you are out there, man.Copy !req
1941. - Thank you.Copy !req
1942. - But German potato salad
takes a little longer.Copy !req
1943. - It's a boy!Copy !req
1944. - Oh, well the ice seems safe.Copy !req
1945. We shoulda brought the pickup.Copy !req
1946. - Oh, golly.Copy !req
1947. - Cigars, cigarettes,
cigars, cigarettes.Copy !req
1948. - We come bearing honey baked hams.Copy !req
1949. - Tell me, my seers and wizards,Copy !req
1950. - Okay, you're ugly and you smell bad.Copy !req
1951. - What have we here?Copy !req
1952. - It's an army of warriors from Kalevala.Copy !req
1953. - Kalalalala?Copy !req
1954. - They are coming this way!Copy !req
1955. And there's too many of them to count!Copy !req
1956. - The year my voice broke!Copy !req
1957. - Come on!Copy !req
1958. - We want
the sun! We want the sun!Copy !req
1959. - When kings go senile.Copy !req
1960. - I thought it was a costume ball!Copy !req
1961. - They're gonna launch
him from a catapult?Copy !req
1962. - What weapons do they carry?Copy !req
1963. - Harps!Copy !req
1964. - Harps!Copy !req
1965. - I wonder, do they think they'reCopy !req
1966. coming to a wedding feast?Copy !req
1967. - Ha, good one, your Hideousness!Copy !req
1968. - Liked it, liked it.Copy !req
1969. - Let's see.Copy !req
1970. Love, soft as an easy chair...Copy !req
1971. - Take up your spears,Copy !req
1972. the ones pointed with shark's teeth.Copy !req
1973. - Ah, sure, as soon as this tune is over.Copy !req
1974. - Brandish your swords,Copy !req
1975. steeped in serpent's venom,
and kill every one of them!Copy !req
1976. - Uh, did you hear that, sir?Copy !req
1977. - Kill them all!Copy !req
1978. - You know, the music kind of
adds to the drama, actually.Copy !req
1979. - It does.Copy !req
1980. - It's all skate.Copy !req
1981. Everybody on the ice all skates.Copy !req
1982. - Stalingrad, the standoff dragged on.Copy !req
1983. - Don't listen to that music!Copy !req
1984. Wake up, cover your ears,Copy !req
1985. cover them up with your hands.Copy !req
1986. That terrible music'll kill us all!Copy !req
1987. - Yeah, well, we put up with your Kenny G,Copy !req
1988. you cow.Copy !req
1989. - Welcome to the Moody Bible
Institute, prayer hour.Copy !req
1990. - Uh, Grandpa, try another chord.Copy !req
1991. - He's doing self-indulgent jam!Copy !req
1992. - We must stop them!Copy !req
1993. Get your swords out.Copy !req
1994. Here's your knife.Copy !req
1995. - For once, I'm on her side.Copy !req
1996. - Use your arrows!Copy !req
1997. Unsheathe your broadswords.Copy !req
1998. Attack them, attack them!Copy !req
1999. - Argh, but I love a
Prairie Home CompanionCopy !req
2000. anytime I can sit and listen, I love it.Copy !req
2001. - And that's the news from Lake Woebegone,Copy !req
2002. where the men are strong,
the women are good-looking,Copy !req
2003. and the children are above average.Copy !req
2004. Oh, Bush Thompson's gonna
come out with the band,Copy !req
2005. gonna do a medley of songs about cats.Copy !req
2006. Then Jeanette Pool will do someCopy !req
2007. cat sounds, and then another episode ofCopy !req
2008. watching paint dry.Copy !req
2009. Then Claudia Schmidt'll come out, andCopy !req
2010. try and fill the gap in her teeth.Copy !req
2011. And Pat Donohue and Peter
Ostroushko are gonna favor usCopy !req
2012. with the story of the Swede
(snoring)Copy !req
2013. who didn't like meatballs.Copy !req
2014. Then, uh...Copy !req
2015. - Argh!Copy !req
2016. It's so hard to get
good trolls these days!Copy !req
2017. - Ah, ah, ah!Copy !req
2018. - Oh, it's a Mapplethorpe photo.Copy !req
2019. - Go forth, North wind, go forth!Copy !req
2020. Freeze the people of Kalevala!Copy !req
2021. Shroud them in the mantle of death!Copy !req
2022. - Don't look at it, Marion!Copy !req
2023. Don't look!Copy !req
2024. - I said, pump faster!Copy !req
2025. - Let's kick into our grand funk medley!Copy !req
2026. - Um, um, um, sir?Copy !req
2027. Um, maybe it's time to
break out the bagpipes?Copy !req
2028. - Ooh.Copy !req
2029. - I say,Copy !req
2030. I hear they call it Mariah!Copy !req
2031. - Well, whatever it is,
it's flippin' freezing!Copy !req
2032. - Yup.Copy !req
2033. - Okay, uh, do you have a plan B?Copy !req
2034. - Alright, new tune, everybody.Copy !req
2035. A one, a two, a one, oh, forget it.Copy !req
2036. - It's Patton!Copy !req
2037. - You do not belong in
this place of honor.Copy !req
2038. - 'Twas a rock and roll creation.Copy !req
2039. - The cream of wheat
stays with you all day,Copy !req
2040. and that's nice.Copy !req
2041. - Kinda lilting, isn't it?Copy !req
2042. - Go forth, my cloak,Copy !req
2043. to the army of Kalevala.Copy !req
2044. - Kalavalalala, right.Copy !req
2045. - And strangle those wiresCopy !req
2046. - Yup, strangle, wires.Copy !req
2047. - Who still remain on their feet.Copy !req
2048. - And feet, right.Copy !req
2049. Okay, bye.Copy !req
2050. - Soundtrack by Spike Jones.Copy !req
2051. - Boing!Copy !req
2052. - Hey, throw me the cape, oof!Copy !req
2053. - Uh, uh, anyone wanna throw in here?Copy !req
2054. - This has gotta be embarrassing.Copy !req
2055. - Yeah, on top of the whole Sampo episode.Copy !req
2056. - Ha, ooh yeah.Copy !req
2057. - Cloak took advantage of me!Copy !req
2058. - We thought the cloak might
try something like this.Copy !req
2059. We were prepared.Copy !req
2060. - Oh, it's ruined, cause it said,Copy !req
2061. "Hand wash only in cold water", so.Copy !req
2062. - Stupid cloak, stupid
dumb old jerk cloak!Copy !req
2063. Just snap-stupid.Copy !req
2064. - I'm all ears, sir, sorry about that.Copy !req
2065. - Now, Lemminkainen, do you see?Copy !req
2066. Now you may go in and set the sun free!Copy !req
2067. - Oh, may I?Copy !req
2068. - Ah, this thing here?Copy !req
2069. - Yes!Copy !req
2070. - For the glory of Kalevala,Copy !req
2071. I am going to release the sunCopy !req
2072. - from prison!
- Oh, just do it,Copy !req
2073. and don't screw it up!Copy !req
2074. - Remember the Sampo, buddy.Copy !req
2075. - Oh?Copy !req
2076. What do you want?Copy !req
2077. Keep awaaaay, keep awaaay!Copy !req
2078. Ohhh, the pain, the pain!Copy !req
2079. - Oh, well, that makes it a lot easier.Copy !req
2080. - Hey, Mrs. Witch, can
your sun come out and play?Copy !req
2081. - Hey, you know, you don't
like the weather in Sweden,Copy !req
2082. just wait a minute, you know?Copy !req
2083. - Swede blanket Bingo.Copy !req
2084. - I'll take Sweden, wow!Copy !req
2085. - So they headed for
central Minnesota, you know,Copy !req
2086. to build Crystal, and Blaine and Fridley.Copy !req
2087. And they made bars, and
sought out church basementsCopy !req
2088. for refuge.Copy !req
2089. - Oh, let's see if the TurglesonsCopy !req
2090. want to have a luau tonight, eh?Copy !req
2091. - Yeah, that's a good idea.Copy !req
2092. - Welcome, Greg Allman!Copy !req
2093. - Hi.Copy !req
2094. - And welcome, Roger McGuinn!Copy !req
2095. - Howdy.Copy !req
2096. - This is the most emotion
ever expressed in Sweden,Copy !req
2097. you realize that?Copy !req
2098. - I did the sun thing okay?Copy !req
2099. Haha!Copy !req
2100. - Thank you, Leatherhead.Copy !req
2101. - Hehehe, hehehe.Copy !req
2102. - May there always be,Copy !req
2103. - It's you!Copy !req
2104. You brought the birds!Copy !req
2105. You're evil!Copy !req
2106. - It's the end of the world!Copy !req
2107. - There will always beCopy !req
2108. love in the world.Copy !req
2109. - D'awww, okay.Copy !req
2110. - Lemminkainen and
Annikki will be back in,Copy !req
2111. The Forests of Secrets and Lies!Copy !req
2112. - Neat, huh?Copy !req
2113. - Lemminkainen
was played by John Powers.Copy !req
2114. - Not very well, granted.Copy !req
2115. - Annikki, by Nina Anderson.Copy !req
2116. - Donations are being acceptedCopy !req
2117. at the Stockholm Spinal Research Hospital.Copy !req
2118. - Louhi the
Witch by Ingrid Elheart.Copy !req
2119. - A woman?Copy !req
2120. - Yes, a woman!Copy !req
2121. - Ilmarinen,
by Peter Sorensee.Copy !req
2122. - Know these faces, remember these names.Copy !req
2123. - Vainomoinen,
by Elgin Tanner.Copy !req
2124. - James, at 92.Copy !req
2125. - If you see any of these people,Copy !req
2126. please, for their own sakes, turn them in!Copy !req
2127. - Well said.Copy !req
2128. - Finland, Finland, Finland.Copy !req
2129. - You know, Gypsy, I
just wanted to tell yaCopy !req
2130. how much I enjoyed your
one-woman show earlier.Copy !req
2131. It was so confessional,Copy !req
2132. there were times I actually
felt kind of uncomfortable.Copy !req
2133. - Oh, great.Copy !req
2134. You know, if you hadn't,Copy !req
2135. I would've felt I failed.Copy !req
2136. - Yeah.Copy !req
2137. - Well, I gotta go rinse some things.Copy !req
2138. - Okay, see you later.Copy !req
2139. Hey!Copy !req
2140. What are you guys doing?Copy !req
2141. - Guess!Copy !req
2142. - Um,Copy !req
2143. - Give up?Copy !req
2144. - No, you're, uh,Copy !req
2145. you're the wind from today's movie.Copy !req
2146. - Nice, simplistic answer, Joel.Copy !req
2147. But we've gone beyond that!Copy !req
2148. We are delicately wafting scents,Copy !req
2149. gently borne by the wind,Copy !req
2150. and caressing your rosy cheek.Copy !req
2151. - Okay.Copy !req
2152. - For example, I'm
a lilac in the spring!Copy !req
2153. Aaaah!Copy !req
2154. - I'm a slice of pie!Copy !req
2155. - Nice, creative idea.Copy !req
2156. - Or I could be a pizza.Copy !req
2157. - Oh, yeah, with
onions and a kind ofCopy !req
2158. low-gradet budge sausage!Copy !req
2159. - Sure, sure.Copy !req
2160. - You know, I suppose
I could be the wind,Copy !req
2161. but I'd be the wind that
comes from your friendCopy !req
2162. who manages the Realto theater,
if you know what I mean.Copy !req
2163. - I'm the stench of bitter failure!Copy !req
2164. - I'm James Coco's
oldest pair of boxer shorts!Copy !req
2165. - I'm Dick Butkus!Copy !req
2166. - Oh, okay, okay, you two,Copy !req
2167. I think it's time for us
to read a letter, okay?Copy !req
2168. Let's just...Copy !req
2169. - Hey, what was that?Copy !req
2170. - Aah! It sounded
like fabric tearing!Copy !req
2171. - We're going down!Copy !req
2172. Mayday! Mayday!Copy !req
2173. - I'm just, no, I'm just,Copy !req
2174. I'm just opening the mailbag, okay?Copy !req
2175. - Oh, okay.
- Here's a letter,Copy !req
2176. let's put that up on still store, Cambot,Copy !req
2177. and there's a picture.Copy !req
2178. This one comes from a Donna Sweeney,Copy !req
2179. - Hello, Donna!Copy !req
2180. - And she says,
"I just want to tell youCopy !req
2181. "that my husband Brian
and I are the biggestCopy !req
2182. "MST3000 fans, and have
been so for many years.Copy !req
2183. "Currently my husband
and I reside in Germany.Copy !req
2184. - Ah, Germany!Copy !req
2185. - "My husband is an army
bomb disposal expert.Copy !req
2186. "I am enclosing a photo of
their bomb disposal robot,Copy !req
2187. "and I want to let you knowCopy !req
2188. "that he has been nicknamed Crow,Copy !req
2189. - Huh?Copy !req
2190. - "in honor of Crow T. Robot."Copy !req
2191. - Hey! Lemme see that.Copy !req
2192. - Wow, that's pretty neat.Copy !req
2193. No, I can't.Copy !req
2194. I think I should show this to Gypsy,Copy !req
2195. she's probably really like it.Copy !req
2196. - Hey, hey, help us down!Copy !req
2197. I'd like to see that! Joel, Joel!Copy !req
2198. - Can you give us a hand,Copy !req
2199. we'd really like to come down now!Copy !req
2200. - Oh...Copy !req
2201. - Joel, I, heh!Copy !req
2202. You might want to help us down,Copy !req
2203. cause we smell really good now.Copy !req
2204. I'm a T.J. cinnamon bun, mmmm!Copy !req
2205. - Oh, I'm not, I'm not interested.Copy !req
2206. - And I'm fresh applesauce!Copy !req
2207. Oh, he's gone.Copy !req
2208. - Think he'll be back?Copy !req
2209. - I don't know.Copy !req
2210. Hey, what's your bag smell like?Copy !req
2211. - Oh, you don't wanna know.Copy !req
2212. - Frank, are you alright up there?Copy !req
2213. - What do you care?Copy !req
2214. - Frank, I care a lot!Copy !req
2215. - Then give me back my money!Copy !req
2216. - All you care about is money.Copy !req
2217. Well, maybe you need some time aloneCopy !req
2218. to think about your priorities!Copy !req
2219. - Woaaah!Copy !req
2220. - Oh!Copy !req
2221. - What's going to become of us now?Copy !req