Mystery Science Theater 3000 5x21

1. - Oh, Tommy, it looks all thick.

2. Can we eat it now?

3. - Patience, crow, proper aging is essential.

4. - Hi everybody, welcome to the satellite of love,

5. what's that smell?

6. - Well, Joel, we started out making a little snack

7. for today's movie.

8. - Sounds like a good idea, what is it?

9. - Fromage, (foreign language).

10. You know, cheese.

11. I was just trying to expand the realm of snacking

12. when I realized just how vital cheese is to a sound economy.

13. And from now on, we're going to see actual cheese

14. made right here on the premises.

15. - Here's the whey.

16. - Thanks, Gypsy.

17. - Thanks, girl.

18. It's not like our other projects, like when we were

19. raising veal.

20. Cheese is less sensitive to a volatile market.

21. We're in on the beginning of a big micro cheesery boom.

22. - Wow, let's check it out.

23. Whoa, looks good.

24. - Of course it's good.

25. America is leading on cheese.

26. - What?

27. - America is leading on cheese.

28. - Right.

29. - Now, understand Joel, this is just a mixing tank.

30. Now over here is where the starter is added,

31. and then of course, it gets pumped into the curring tank.

32. That smell you're experiencing is the enzymes,

33. the active cultures in cheese.

34. - Oh, this is just great, you guys.

35. You know, these sneakers are ruined,

36. I'm gonna have to throw 'em out.

37. - Geez, Joel, you sound really cheesed.

38. - Hey.

39. Don't even start with me.

40. - Joel, the kids in the hall are calling.

41. - Frank.

42. Well, Bezor, let's not waste any time.

43. You remember we agreed to a theme for this week's

44. invention exchange, and that theme was?

45. - Action figures?

46. - No, it was action figures.

47. Tell you what, we'll make it a competition.

48. You win and we'll all enjoy Local Hero.

49. You lose, and you'll be forced to watch a film

50. stinkier than your little pearl's cheese factory,

51. Monster A-Go-Go.

52. And Frank here can act as our impartial judge, 'K?

53. - You have got to be kidding me.

54. - We're gonna get burned, Joel.

55. We're gonna get roasted like nuts.

56. - Oh, come on, you guys, Frank's a square fella.

57. Besides, I think it'll be fun.

58. Shall we toss a coin, see who goes first?

59. - I did, we won.

60. Let 'em have it Steve.

61. - You know it, Frank.

62. All action figures have two things in common.

63. Merchandising and accessories.

64. But there's a fatal flaw in this philosophy that yours truly

65. and the monkey here have rooted up like the pussy scab

66. it is.

67. - The component factor.

68. Most kids can't be satisfied with just a simple startup kit.

69. One doll naked, alone and afraid.

70. You gotta have all the accessories.

71. But why stop with the doll?

72. Don't you see?

73. You sell a component doll.

74. - Introducing Johnny Long Torso, the doll who is

75. himself, sold separately.

76. - Now, you might want to start with the Long Torso

77. starter unit, and then add the action head.

78. Just look at the detail on this.

79. - Then accentuate the head with the right and left

80. eyeball action packs.

81. Plus, Johnny's perfect ears, sold separately.

82. - Now, get your hero up off the floor and give him

83. something to do with the left arm, right arm,

84. right leg, left leg, limb packs.

85. - Then, if you order now, you also get the high performance

86. right and left foot upgrades.

87. All for only $10 with this coupon.

88. - Not included.

89. - And then gear up for high adventure with the

90. hair kit, the rugged nose option,

91. the sleek and sassy butt portions, the realistic

92. action batch and so much more.

93. - Now, altogether, this hunk of rubber would go for

94. about eight bucks, but sold separately,

95. one Johnny Long Torso unit can bring in $300.

96. - It all adds up to merchandising, profit,

97. the American way.

98. - Well, Shmoe?

99. - Evil, you are evil.

100. Evil.

101. - Calm down, honey, it's OK, come on.

102. Let's show 'em what we got, come on.

103. I decided that this week my bots have what

104. it takes to take you on in the invention exchange

105. and they've come up with decidedly unevil line

106. of affordable, non-violent action figures.

107. Come on, let's show 'em what we got, guys.

108. - Well, my figure is called Action Oxford.

109. It's Edward Deveer, the 17th Earl of Oxford.

110. Well placed in the court of Elizabeth,

111. and revered by the crowned heads of Europe.

112. Why, it's been well argued that Action Oxford

113. was the real author of Shakespeare's plays and sonnets.

114. - Wow, cool, show 'em all the features.

115. - Well, he writes, and he's got a great fencing arm.

116. Oh, and he embodies that enigmatic sadness that was

117. prevalent among late Renaissance intellectuals and

118. courtesans, and he costs only 12 bucks complete.

119. - Wow, educational, fun, and historically accurate.

120. Good job, Tom.

121. OK, Crow, who's this cool guy over here?

122. - Oh, he's just the host organism, but hey,

123. look in his mouth.

124. (laughs) Yeah.

125. Introducing woodscrew tapeworm.

126. He lives out his life cycle in the entrails

127. of the host body until he's expelled or dies.

128. - Cool, a parasite, just look at the detail.

129. - Yeah, the digestive track's as exciting as the

130. Amazon jungle.

131. There's danger, adventure, and half digested food

132. around every curve.

133. - Wow, I want to play with this one right now.

134. OK, Gypsy, it's your turn.

135. Take us over the top, what you got?

136. - Yeah, well, it's world champion track sensation

137. Wilma Rudolph.

138. She does the 400 meter hurdles in under 115,

139. and she's a great role model to boot.

140. - Wow, now that's cool and inspiring.

141. Beat that, users, come on, beat Wilma Rudolph, come on.

142. - Frank? - We won.

143. - You lose.

144. I'm going to spit on you now, just a little spittle

145. called Monster A-Go-Go.

146. - Monster A-Go-Go, Joel.

147. - And because I'm gloating, I'm going to stick you

148. with a short, as well.

149. It's a flaming little sack of dog poopie called...

150. - Circus.

151. On ice.

152. - Circus on Ice?

153. - Oh.

154. Hey, you got your circus on my ice.

155. - You got your ice on my circus.

156. - Two bad things that go worse together.

157. - I'd like a slow gin circus.

158. - I'd like my circus straight up.

159. - Now you can have both.

160. - Is this a Max Fleischer cartoon?

161. - Looks that way.

162. - Sparling and Darling.

163. - Based on the actual case files of the

164. Toronto skating club.

165. - Well, gee, I've seen him in my nightmares.

166. - Step right up for the newest thing in show

167. business. - Karaoke.

168. - The circus on ice.

169. Today's glittering ice carnivals have come a long

170. way from the annual masquerades that once wound up

171. Toronto's skating season.

172. Yet, still today, they are the results of months

173. of practice, as typists and housewives—

174. - Hey, Bill Abzurg.

175. — glide from their work a day world

176. into the make believe wonderland of the theater.

177. - But they're soon returned to their lives of

178. quiet desperation. - Every branch

179. of show business is their inspiration.

180. - Woo, ho, ho.

181. - Of the circus, and no circus is complete

182. without pink candy floss.

183. - Stop it, Tom. - Candy on ice.

184. That's nice. - Oh, Mamma, you make

185. it sound so good. - Here comes a

186. herd of performing zebras.

187. There's probably nothing quite like them this side

188. of Africa.

189. Each one has been trained—

190. - Ew.

191. —precise teamwork at the crack

192. of their driver's whip. - We're getting

193. into a whole weird area here.

194. - Yes, it's sexist male fantasies on ice.

195. - Now, this is about when Donnie and Marie come out.

196. - Oh, I am not a zebra.

197. - And now the little bareback rider

198. exalts in her victory over the wild beasts.

199. - Uh huh. - Incidentally,

200. shows Olympic skating form as she does so.

201. - I can do that.

202. - Well, she can do this because she feels fresh.

203. - This way to the kill floor.

204. - In their galloping finale, the spritely

205. creatures show their pride in being the only troop

206. of trained zebras on ice.

207. - Yes, it's dehumanized, objectified circus on ice.

208. —changes as Jacquelyn DeBeer takes the

209. spotlight. - Jacquelyn.

210. - One of the world's great figure skaters,

211. the girl from Paris tells the story of a fawn's fight

212. for life.

213. - What's she doing? - The fawn plays

214. happily in the dim forest without a care.

215. - Prelude to the afternoon of a murder.

216. - You know, you guys, there's nothing sadder than

217. a gut shot fawn on ice.

218. Especially.

219. - Please, she's an artist, do not throw pennies at her.

220. - Hunters approach.

221. Frantically, the fawn tries to escape.

222. - Suddenly, she darts across the highway.

223. - The hunters close in, there is no escape.

224. - Unshaven, stinky, and boozed up on rumple mints

225. the hunters spray bullets into the woods.

226. - Mom, I don't want to live on the circus on ice,

227. anymore, I want to go home.

228. - Shut up and watch the deer get slaughtered, it's fun.

229. - Viscera is trailing from her stomach,

230. the meat will not be good.

231. - Venison, venison, venison.

232. - They shoot. - They score.

233. - Bullet finds its mark.

234. - Oh, she skates over her own intestines.

235. - Demonstrates the exquisite blend

236. of brilliant skating and interpretive dancing,

237. which won her the world's championship as she

238. plays out the last moments of the dying fawn.

239. - And now a clown will deliver the eulogy.

240. —always a spot in a skating carnival

241. for the little fellow.

242. - But not in this show. —brave army

243. of toy soldiers is called out to deal with

244. the only dragon in captivity.

245. - Operation Desert Ice Storm.

246. - The soldiers destroy the delicate balance of nature.

247. - A volley of shots bravely fired disintegrates

248. the menace. - Bravely?

249. The thing was grazing.

250. - Kill.

251. - And now the spotlight falls on a world

252. of delicate loveliness— - And kills them.

253. —the ballet, spinning the substance

254. that dreams are made of, the beautiful ballerinas

255. of the ice create a world of fairy make believe.

256. - Yeah, as long as you drop before you came to the show.

257. - Ballet skating is a comparatively new

258. development of the art.

259. It requires all the grace and control of the dancer,

260. combined with the rhythmic sweep of the skater.

261. - The Emmett Kelly girls do their famous spotlight routine.

262. - Vomit sprays out in a beautiful technicolor dream.

263. - You know, we should have worn our raincoats.

264. - Oh, yes.

265. - The girls with the bruised legs have to wear the

266. long dresses.

267. This little number's named

268. Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride.

269. - Individual artistry is blended into

270. brilliant choreography— - On Broadway,

271. but not here. —etches its

272. delicate patterns on the grassy stage

273. to interpret a moonlight concerto on ice.

274. - With a Filbert nut.

275. - Every circus has its acrobats.

276. - Except this one. —a thrill

277. a second in their breathtaking routine,

278. and when it's all done on skates,

279. these daring young performers are accomplishing

280. feats even more difficult than many an aerialist

281. in a real circus. - You know, even my mom

282. would be bored at this.

283. - Torn between two skaters.

284. - Yes, it's Jules and Jim on ice.

285. - As they perform their death defying spin,

286. the girls heads barely miss the ice.

287. - Women are pulled apart like fresh bread.

288. - It all adds up to a split second artistry.

289. - At the Civic Center, but not here.

290. —of an athlete, the precision of a juggler,

291. and the nerve of a test pilot.

292. - And the boredom of an accordionist.

293. - Today's great skating carnivals are

294. as sophisticated as bop, as spectacular as the

295. beurdoise boogie.

296. - And as dull as a beige room.

297. This is like watching paint dry.

298. - Oh, it's easy when you sit down.

299. - Girls.

300. - See if you can spot the men in this chorus line.

301. - Oh, she's got a sheep's butt.

302. - Suddenly mitosis takes place.

303. The DNA strand separates in a dazzling display of color.

304. - Hi pro phase.

305. - Hi, ana phase.

306. - I'm putting a stop to this. —age of style

307. in skating, of form, as well as acrobatics.

308. - Too bad it isn't the age of talent.

309. - Wow, really swinging, man.

310. - Hey, she's got a saggy type of them leaks.

311. - Can you imagine if you were the kind of person

312. who enjoyed this?

313. - The syncopated rhythm of the dance—

314. - Is not working tonight. —on skates.

315. The practice precision of the Pony Chorus brings

316. new excitement on steel.

317. - Yeah, taste my steel.

318. - All the color and pageantry of a stage

319. revue— - Is missing.

320. - Has been brought from behind the spotlights

321. into the spotlights of the modern skating carnival.

322. - The only conciliation is that they're all dead now.

323. —choose four men and women from

324. every walk of life, who come together each year,

325. for the fun of building a newer and more dazzling spectacle.

326. As the flashing blades whirl to a dizzy climax,

327. the skaters bring to an end no ordinary circus,

328. but truly a circus on ice.

329. - By (foreign language).

330. - We say goodbye to the vibrating circus train.

331. - Ah.

332. - I know this.

333. - Oh, I know.

334. - Wipeout.

335. - Elvis has staggered out of the building.

336. - It's Billy Pilgrim.

337. - Wow, that's a new LA club.

338. - Monster A-Go-Go?

339. I thought this was gonna be Monster Go Home, oh.

340. - You know what guys?

341. I have a feeling this is gonna be a tough one.

342. - No, it might not be too bad.

343. - No, I think Joel's right, this one has stinkburger

344. written all over it.

345. - Come on, you can't tell just from the credits.

346. - No, no, it's a feeling I have, my gut instincts tell

347. me this is gonna hurt real bad.

348. - Joel, it's not healthy to have such a negative attitude

349. right out of the gate.

350. - It's just common sense, Crow, there's a feeling

351. of incompetence already in the air.

352. - Yeah, we might as well face up to it.

353. - Well, I refuse to give in so soon.

354. I'm gonna riff away like it's nobody's business.

355. I can't think of anything now, but...

356. - Well.

357. The other th...

358. - Jeff Smith, the frugal screenwriter, no

359. write in for heaven's sake.

360. - Hey, didn't Sheldon Seymour write the Other Side

361. of Midnight?

362. - Hmm.

363. Hey, what a coincidence, there are two guys

364. named Bill Rebane, you know, because you see with the,

365. and the guys, this is gonna suck.

366. - What you're about to see may not

367. even be possible within the narrow limits

368. of human understanding.

369. - So let's forget it right now.

370. - A space capsule is rocketed into orbit.

371. It's mission, to observe new (humming)

372. objects circling the Earth.

373. Satellites, which no nation had launched.

374. As the capsules reached its orbit, communications

375. with it suddenly went silent.

376. Several days passed. (humming)

377. A search team headed by Colonel Steve Conners—

378. - Hi, Steve.

379. —intensive search of the entire area.

380. - This is Conners, go ahead, Control Two.

381. - Go ahead, Pump Three.

382. - Nothing in sight except trees.

383. Coming in, over.

384. - I'll need some extra jack sauce and some ketchup.

385. - Over and out.

386. - In a wooded area (humming)

387. not far from a space agency astrophysics laboratory

388. in Chicago, observers reported that a strange object

389. had fallen to Earth.

390. - A Coke bottle. - Patrol Two to

391. Conners, come in, over.

392. - OK, now you see that thing?

393. You push it down all the way to the floor there.

394. - Over. - This is Connors.

395. Come in, Patrol Two.

396. - Nag, nag, nag.

397. - I'm going down to have a closer look.

398. - Hey, good looking, we'll be back to pick you up later.

399. - Was it the space capsule?

400. - You have five seconds to answer.

401. - Ding, ding, ding, eh, I'm sorry, the answer was no.

402. - Traffic is heavy on the outbound 94,

403. you might want to take an alternate route.

404. - How does it look, Jim?

405. - This is so cool.

406. - Wait a minute, it looks like this is it.

407. - Take the kazoo out of your mouth.

408. - Yeah, that's it, all right.

409. Looks pretty bad from here.

410. Setting it down.

411. - Goodbye, Steve.

412. - I like it.

413. - It's nice they shot this film at such a pretty time

414. of the year, huh?

415. - Huh, well, I guess this means the helicopter's landing.

416. - Yep.

417. - There it goes, landing.

418. - I don't know what to say, Steve, I didn't know you

419. felt this way.

420. - We're talking to Charlie Brown's mom.

421. - He chunked, Steve.

422. - Captain Connors calling Patrol Two.

423. Connors calling Patrol Two.

424. - He's not home right now, can I take a message?

425. - Jim, do you read me?

426. Come in, Patrol Two.

427. - Wayne, pick up, I know you're there.

428. - What happened?

429. - It sounded like he was in trouble.

430. - No duh.

431. - We better take a look.

432. - Take a left by that bush.

433. - So the government drives stock Chevys?

434. - I think it's a Bisque.

435. - Oh, yeah, this is when NASA was just a car

436. and a helicopter, right?

437. - Store in a strip mall.

438. - Yeah and a vacant lot.

439. - OK, now, cut that out.

440. - Without question, this was the capsule

441. that had put Douglas into orbit.

442. Without question, Douglas was (laughter)

443. gone, without a trace.

444. - Douglas was pear shaped, very short, and stood the

445. whole way.

446. - Ray, look, it's filled with Schlit's cans.

447. - Oh, thank goodness Les Paul is backing them up

448. on guitar.

449. - Earl, it's not your break yet.

450. - The helicopter pilot who had discovered the capsule

451. was dead, horribly mangled in a way no one had ever

452. seen before. - Oh, quit playing with

453. his face, Aaron.

454. (doorbell ringing) - Meanwhile,

455. in a soap opera, not far away.

456. - What do you want?

457. - Oh, Laura, how are you?

458. - How's Jimmy?

459. - Oh, he's fine, I just sent him over to Mrs. Williams.

460. - Air kiss.

461. - Have some coffee?

462. - No, no thanks.

463. - Yes, please.

464. - Make it good this time.

465. - Usually keeps a bunch of M and Ms in that bowl.

466. - Oh, feel free to stink the house up, geez.

467. - Well, here's the witch's brew, I mean coffee.

468. - It's about Frank, isn't it? (spitting)

469. - Ruth, the capsule came back.

470. - This coffee's warmer than Frank is.

471. - What about Frank?

472. - I don't know, he had all the emergency equipment

473. he needed, but—

474. - He was just stupid.

475. - Well.

476. - What is it all about?

477. - Shot was a success, the capsule did come back—

478. - But Frank didn't.

479. - It's just that we don't know whether the

480. radiation repellent worked or not.

481. - Oh, I know I shouldn't feel this way.

482. It's his life, but, well, ever since Harry died,

483. Frank's been like a father to Jimmy.

484. - Harry, wait, slow down.

485. - Try not to even think about it right now.

486. - What am I going to tell Jimmy?

487. - Who's Jimmy?

488. - Would you like me to spend the night?

489. - Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

490. - I've got to get back to the lab now.

491. - I don't want to spend anymore time with this

492. than I already have.

493. - There's anything I can do.

494. - Thank you, Carl.

495. - Of course we'll be cutting off the pension,

496. you understand.

497. - Hi, Dr. Carl.

498. - Hi, ya space cadet. - Frank's dead.

499. - I thought you were over at Mrs. Williams.

500. - I had to get some more rocket parts.

501. When's Uncle Frank coming home?

502. - You'll have to make due with Uncle Bob and Uncle Jim

503. and Uncle Phil and Uncle Roy and Uncle Tim.

504. - Burned on reentry, huh?

505. —take me fishing. - Well, some trips

506. are longer than we expected.

507. - Make other plans, Jimmy.

508. - What's wrong with Mommy?

509. - Mommy's not feeling very well.

510. But suppose you went upstairs and when we're all through,

511. we'll have a nice big ice cream soda, huh?

512. - Now that solves everything.

513. - Hey, Timmy, my dad's dead again, can I come over for

514. dinner?

515. - Laura, I can't take anymore.

516. - Oh, look, let's not make a bigger deal out of this

517. than it really is. (phone ringing, yelling)

518. - Sheesh.

519. What's that, face like spinach dip? Horribly mangled?

520. No dental records? Too bad.

521. - All right, I'll be right over.

522. - Well, looks like he died in a state of sin.

523. - They've located the camper.

524. - Two word, closed casket.

525. - I'll let you know as soon as I find out.

526. - Wait, Carl, I want to go with you.

527. - Honey, he'll call if there's any news.

528. - No, I want to be with you.

529. - Hey. - Hi.

530. - Hello. - Yes?

531. - I don't get you. - Oh.

532. - Are you mad? - No, no.

533. - Good, because I want to like you, but I just

534. don't understand where you're coming from.

535. - Sure, what's not to get though, Gypsy?

536. I just am, I hang out.

537. - Oh, oh, I know, it's just that, you know,

538. I don't really get you. - Yeah, OK.

539. Maybe I can help.

540. To start with, I'm a robot, I use cyber based

541. bubble memory, is that what's confusing you?

542. - No. - Is it that I work

543. off Unix and can use a variety of operating systems?

544. - Well, I guess that's a start.

545. - Well, I've undergone a complex personal evolution

546. wherein painful confusion has given way to what I like

547. to think of as some degree of wisdom, culminating

548. in my current Zarathustrian sense of self,

549. is that it?

550. - No.

551. If that helps you it's good, but—

552. - Gypsy, I don't know what, is it that I often

553. panic while making sandwiches?

554. - Yeah, well, well, maybe it's that kind of thing.

555. - Is it that I smell conspiracy in everything and I

556. don't know what I mean most of the time?

557. - Well, that's perhaps a small piece of the puzzle,

558. but I...

559. - Gypsy, is it an odor?

560. - No, well, no.

561. Well, maybe it's Tom I don't get.

562. - Oh, brother, like a Zippo lighter without any flint,

563. I can't believe.

564. - Tom? - Yo.

565. - I don't get you.

566. - Nobody does, I'm the wind, baby.

567. - Geez, aren't there any roads in this town?

568. - It's a hover Bonneville.

569. - I think this is the movie version of Darkness Visible

570. by William Stylen.

571. - Wait, I want to come with you.

572. - No, Ruth, you stay here.

573. - Geez, you're high maintenance.

574. - Well, could I have the keys so I can listen to the radio?

575. - Yes.

576. - No, Jim Taylor, the helicopter pilot.

577. - How did it happen?

578. - We don't know, sir, we were having contact with it

579. from the ground car.

580. Suddenly, he let out a yell, and then went blind.

581. There was nothing we could do.

582. - You better take a look at the body, Carl.

583. - He said garp, then he said good, and then he died.

584. - I've never seen anything like it.

585. He shriveled up like a dried prune.

586. - Like a drag queen?

587. - Looks like some kind of a burn, but it didn't touch

588. his hair or his clothes.

589. - But he's horribly mutilated.

590. - That's what's left of him.

591. - They shaved his mustache, those animals.

592. - There's something else I want to show you.

593. - Rick, could I get a ride home?

594. - What do you make of this, Carl?

595. - Looks like a meadow muffin.

596. - They look like severe burns.

597. - What could have caused such burns?

598. - Mexican food?

599. - I don't know.

600. Probably some kid's prank.

601. - Yeah, kids are always mutilating people.

602. - Oh, good, now what about the capsule?

603. - The equipment's on the way now.

604. - All right, but I want you to stay here until it arrives.

605. I don't want anything disturbed until Dr. Logan

606. has had a chance to examine it carefully.

607. - All right, doctor.

608. - We'd better get back to the lab, there's nothing

609. more we can do here.

610. - Robert Goule and Martin Milner, they're cops.

611. - What are we gonna tell Ruth?

612. - What do you mean, we?

613. - Can we, Carl?

614. - What do you mean?

615. - There's no real proof that Douglas is dead.

616. There's no body.

617. - No bounce.

618. - Maybe we shouldn't tell her anything.

619. - Yeah, let's toy with her for a while.

620. - Nobody hopes for a miracle more than I, Henry.

621. - Pope does.

622. - But there's no sense grabbing at straws.

623. Even assuming he was blown clear of the wreckage before

624. the doctors had ran out.

625. - You're deep, Terry.

626. - The wreckage here is enough to tell the story.

627. - I'm not convinced.

628. The condition of that body.

629. Something's not right.

630. - We'll probably get the facts in the laboratory.

631. - Maybe you're right.

632. - Hungry?

633. - Couldn't even afford to hang the chalkboard.

634. - Still mad, Evan? Let's talk.

635. - I thought you went home.

636. - Too much on my mind.

637. - You've got a bit of toilet paper on your shoe.

638. - I've never been home, either.

639. Kept thinking about the body.

640. I've never seen anything like it.

641. Sure I've been, I'm trying to find an answer.

642. - Trying to find a microphone.

643. - Here I am. - Did you come up

644. with anything?

645. - Look, you know enough about these things.

646. - Hey, that's my wife.

647. - This is human tissue.

648. - Correct.

649. - But it's different, though.

650. Never seen anything quite like it.

651. - I took from Taylor's body.

652. He was literally cooked to death in a matter of seconds.

653. - That sounds delicious.

654. - Something so charged with radiated energy...

655. - You in front of the capsule came back with

656. radioactive energy?

657. - The capsule didn't kill Taylor.

658. Here.

659. - Look, could we get a miracle here or something?

660. - Tiny scraps of metal.

661. Seems normal.

662. - It is, no radioactivity.

663. - I don't like you. —something else.

664. - Remember the scorch mark on the ground near the body?

665. - Yeah, that was fine.

666. —kill Taylor stood, or was placed

667. right where the body was.

668. Analysis from the grass from that spot,

669. showed clearly the same effects upon Taylor's body.

670. - Henry, I know what you're driving at, but—

671. - Shut up. —but it's

672. impossible.

673. Douglas couldn't have survived.

674. - Why not?

675. The nosecone of the capsule did.

676. The chute opened.

677. - I'm aware of that.

678. Pass over our radio signal.

679. - Passover gradient?

680. - This fragrant blue bad?

681. - And why should he be radioactive?

682. - Washington's radioactive?

683. - The road apple?

684. - Answers to those questions yet.

685. But my brother and I are working on it.

686. - He's rather Dr. Bellows-esque.

687. - One, a capsule comes back.

688. - Want a cat in a bag?

689. - Two, a man is seared to death by an unknown force.

690. - Five.

691. - No, three, sir. —amount of

692. radiation came back with the capsule.

693. And four— - I'm Perthy

694. Dove Tonsils.

695. - The radiation is what bothers me.

696. - Did you tell Dr. Madding of this?

697. - No, not yet, and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't either.

698. At least until we have some more evidence.

699. - Do I need a shave?

700. - Well, it's entirely up to you, Henry.

701. Take as much time as you need.

702. - Bacon as much time...?

703. - Something else doesn't happen.

704. - Starting now, go.

705. - Good night.

706. - Good night.

707. - Dear diary, well, you wouldn't believe who waltzed back

708. into my life today.

709. - You know what, this is like the blob.

710. - No, the thing.

711. - No, it.

712. - Maybe them.

713. - No, it's three coins and a fountain.

714. Sort of thing.

715. - So, guess we're through, then.

716. —beat the invisible member of this project?

717. - Yeah, strange feeling working three years with

718. a man you've never met.

719. - He must be talking about his agent. (laughs)

720. - We will return to George Kennedy and Airport 75.

721. - Geez, I hate having to drive my friends to the airport.

722. Gah.

723. - Eh, sorry, I broke the ladder.

724. - Early in 1965, President Johnson visited Saigon,

725. he was visited by General Wess Morlin.

726. - The episode was considered important enough

727. for the civilian head of the project, Dr. Chris Manning,

728. to make an emergency visit.

729. - Hi, Chris.

730. - Carl.

731. It isn't often we have such a short time between visits.

732. How are you, Connor?

733. - Fine, thank you, general.

734. - He's the sky cap, you dope.

735. - Dr. Shriver, Captain Connors.

736. - Looking forward to meeting you for a long time.

737. - Pleasure's mine, doctor.

738. - I've been impressed with some of your theories.

739. I'd like to discuss them with you one day.

740. - Over cocktails.

741. - I'd like that.

742. - I pulled Chris off of vacation to come down here

743. with me.

744. - And his secretary.

745. —told me about the pilot, I decided it was time

746. to break security and bring you two together.

747. - I would like to examine the body as soon as possible.

748. - They should be finished with the report by now,

749. we can go to the hospital—

750. - His face is gone.

751. - Fine.

752. - I'll fill you in on the details on the way over.

753. - It's a drive by shooting!

754. - So, beef and barrel?

755. Barnaby's then, Barnaby's.

756. Yeah, Barnaby's, that'd be good.

757. - Hey, General, minus size it, huh?

758. - Rattle, rattle, clutter, clutter, boom, boom, boom.

759. - Weird, it gets quieter when you close a door.

760. - Why, General.

761. - Oh, they decided to go to Shakey's.

762. - Hello Laverne.

763. - Hello Shirl.

764. - It's the Patty Duke Show.

765. - Well there's Lenny Bruce over there.

766. - Must be dancing at the Slipped Disc.

767. - A sullen jack hero pulls on a J in the middle of the

768. room.

769. - Chad, the sensitive teen.

770. - Hey, you put your cigarette out in my black cow.

771. - So, this is what goes on in the teacher's lounge, huh?

772. - I'll have a little of this balsamic vinegar here.

773. Not good really.

774. - I'm pretty sure this is where the movie really takes off.

775. - This is the a-go-go part.

776. Whoa, he's got an action torso there.

777. - I'm dancing.

778. - What is this, the Lloyd Thaxton show?

779. - Kinda.

780. Not him, honey, he's got action hips.

781. - The alpha male dominates the herd.

782. - Come on back here and fight like a girl.

783. Come on.

784. Aw.

785. - That's a strange car alarm.

786. - Jango Reinhart tunes up his guitar.

787. - The thin, blue line.

788. - Well, I guess introductions are in order.

789. - Yeah.

790. —the delicate interlocking of fates

791. that determines life or death?

792. A series of ifs— - Ands or buts.

793. —if the girl had danced with her

794. boyfriend instead of the other boy, and they had stayed

795. later, if the two of them hadn't parked to kiss

796. and make up.

797. But that is not what happened, and fate and history

798. never deal in ifs.

799. - I'm hearing your internal monologue, honey.

800. - He made her bark.

801. - I have to let that dog out of the trunk.

802. - It's Creepy the Clown. (screaming)

803. - Thank goodness my Allstate man was on the scene.

804. - Are we awfully fast or was that a jumpcut?

805. - He's mangled in another horrible way I've never

806. seen before, that guy's creative.

807. - God. - Jump back,

808. kiss myself.

809. - From the looks of him, General, I'd say the same thing

810. that happened to the helicopter pilot.

811. - Could you turn down your reverb, Chris?

812. - One of the search party.

813. - Did he see anything?

814. - No, Doctor, not a thing.

815. - Ah, you two.

816. - A nice car, if nobody wants it, I'll take it.

817. - Wow, look at all the Butane cans.

818. - General.

819. - What was that?

820. - General, stay with the tour, General.

821. - Always doing that.

822. - Tom, Bill, where is everybody?

823. - Over here, Chris.

824. - I'm a fugitive from a chain gang.

825. - Geez, productive night, this guy's got 30 bucks

826. on him.

827. - Did he just crack her knuckles?

828. - Hey, look, he can move her contact around, it's funny.

829. - She's in shock.

830. - Good, let's get her right back to the lab.

831. - Oh, yes, it's good, I'll take her to the lab,

832. my personal lab, just tests.

833. - She's gonna look great in a petri dish.

834. - Is he playing her?

835. - No, Ravi Shamcar is tuning up somewhere.

836. - I took the grill out, I think there's room in the trunk

837. now. - We shoved Mr. Hoffa

838. over there.

839. - What is this, Chinese music torture?

840. - In the southern provinces, the rice patties

841. are flooded in the spring as they have been

842. for thousands of years. (twanging)

843. - Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it.

844. Thank you.

845. - Boy, is it ever a white day, it must be the

846. whitest day yet.

847. - Dr. Logan, puzzled by the laboratory

848. analysis— - Blew up.

849. —made his own exploratory trip back

850. to the landing area.

851. - He's listening to books on tape.

852. - His theory was proved right, and it was

853. proved right so unexpectedly, and so violently,

854. that he'd never live to record it.

855. - Poor, ridiculous sap.

856. - Hey, he's good at that, he should be on Carson.

857. - You should hear him do his crested greeb,

858. really good.

859. - He brought a bottle of TJ Swan.

860. - It's Mr. Hobbes takes a vacation.

861. - I'm never gonna find a plug in for my hairdryer.

862. - Now there's a man out standing in his field.

863. - The young Gramassian brother scouts locations.

864. - Now I can take my clothes off and run around.

865. - A lone bull human seeks a worthy mate.

866. - As I mentioned earlier, there is tremendous

867. horror out here. Somewhere.

868. - Dawn on the Serengeti.

869. - How not to be seen.

870. - Oh, well, this is where Van Gogh painted his famous

871. Crows in Corn.

872. - Crows in Corn?

873. - Any moment now, unspeakable horrors, stay with me.

874. - He's looking for Nolan Ryan so he can clock

875. his fastball.

876. - I see, I think I know whose woods these are,

877. no, no, whose woods are these anyway, no, damn, no.

878. - Hmm, long skinny turd, two, three days old.

879. - Fresh.

880. - OK, perhaps I was mistaken.

881. The horror must be in a later scene.

882. - Now with the Wagner Power Painter, you can paint

883. the whole forest in a day.

884. - Well, I guess nobody cares but me.

885. - Hey, you got a can of pop?

886. - Hey, give me some of that.

887. - Hey, pass that over here.

888. - I don't have a can of pop, you know you're not

889. supposed to bring anything into the theater.

890. - What's that then, what do you got?

891. - Give me sips.

892. - Come on.

893. - It's my medicine. - Medicine, come on,

894. share.

895. - No.

896. - Designer Carl Leggefield.

897. - Just drop the ball, take the stroke.

898. - Oh, so this is what happened to Robert Vesco.

899. - There, your announcer feels vindicated.

900. This is extremely horrible.

901. - No, you don't.

902. - What, what?

903. - Well, that didn't make me happy.

904. - You remember that song?

905. - What song?

906. - Would you like to dance?

907. - No.

908. - Not without music, that would be wrong.

909. - You know, Chris, that dash of gray is very

910. distinguished.

911. - Cut the crap, Lorraine, what do you want,

912. half my income?

913. - You'd think we were getting older.

914. - (laughs) Aren't we?

915. - Oh, waiter.

916. - My date is ice cold.

917. - With two anchovy olives.

918. - I'm cutting loose tonight.

919. - Now how did I happen to forget that?

920. - That's very easy, how many years has it been?

921. - You mean since we ordered?

922. Geez.

923. - Too flipping many.

924. - I've got the most peculiar feeling that something's

925. terribly wrong.

926. - Oh, that's the scotch eggs.

927. - Ever since Frank was lost, maybe it's nothing,

928. call it feminine intuition, but—

929. - Or gas.

930. - When Carl told me the capsule had been back,

931. I almost expected it.

932. - Barkeep, could you freshen my date?

933. - And now another death.

934. I keep telling myself there's nothing to fear

935. but I can't quite make myself believe it.

936. - You two want ham in that omelette?

937. - There's a call for you.

938. - Oh, thank you.

939. - Oh, an invisible waiter.

940. - My, he's got a bladder the size of a juice glass.

941. - Aha, that's what she'd like to do to him.

942. - Stir his olive?

943. - Yeah.

944. - Ruth, do you know where Port Line Road is?

945. - Near Bourbon Street? - Mile to the site.

946. Why? - Where the bathroom is?

947. - Maybe your intuition was right—

948. - Well, let's go. - Another strange

949. accident. - Oh no.

950. - Bourbon Street, Bourbon Street.

951. - Come on, throw it to me, throw it to, come on,

952. hey, hey, throw it to me.

953. - OK, OK, OK, Crow, you know what?

954. I think Tom and I are all done with it.

955. Face. (laughs)

956. - Come on, I'll be your best friend, come on.

957. - A friend who can't catch?

958. I don't think so.

959. - Your limbs don't even work.

960. - Well, I happen to be propelling the ball

961. with my hoverskirt, thank you very much.

962. - Here it comes, Tommy.

963. - Alley oop.

964. Pepper, pepper.

965. - OK, OK, I don't even want to play, you know what,

966. I don't even care, I hate balls.

967. Do what you want, I don't care, I don't care.

968. Ha, I got it.

969. Hey.

970. Oh, I'm gonna get in the theater early.

971. - Hey, Tommy, go long for the hail Mary, go, go, go,

972. we got a movie.

973. - I got it, I got it, no, no, it's coming to me,

974. it's coming to me.

975. - Hey, here's a Snickers for being a good sport.

976. - He looks so peaceful.

977. - Absolutely unbelievable.

978. - Called me away from dinner for this?

979. - He looks worse than the others.

980. - He started out worse than the others.

981. —wasn't anybody around who saw anything?

982. - It's New York.

983. - One of our men recognized Logan's car

984. on his way to town this morning.

985. The car was still there when he came back

986. this afternoon, so he stopped to investigate.

987. - Thank you, little white cabby.

988. - Oh, here comes that boat again.

989. - Snipe, snipe, snipe.

990. - Comb shack, you out there?

991. - Oh, haven't you people done anything since I left?

992. - What do you think brought him out here?

993. - Great selection, low prices.

994. - Must have been a good reason.

995. - He had the counter with him.

996. - Great place to die though, real spooky.

997. - Captain, would you boys take Logan's body

998. back to the lab, we'll join you there.

999. - All right, Doctor, I'll go with you,

1000. they can bring my car later.

1001. - Well, thank you, Pinky.

1002. - We'll just field strip him and get out of here.

1003. - You have any idea where Logan was going this morning?

1004. - Well, when we get out of bed—

1005. - Get out of town to pick up some personal things.

1006. - He was on a wifely errand.

1007. —any special plans he had.

1008. - Mentioned something about the horror.

1009. - We can find out what brought him to this particular

1010. place, we might have something to go on.

1011. - Good idea.

1012. - You know, we work good together, Chris.

1013. - I'll just wait here then.

1014. Rot, decompose, rot, decompose, decompose.

1015. - Poor sap.

1016. - Sky can.

1017. - Highest roost.

1018. - Tonight on Wings, the beach craft bonanza with its

1019. revolutionary V tail.

1020. - Thank you, Thing.

1021. - Hey, it's Sununo going to get a haircut.

1022. Because he spent a lot of money on planes.

1023. - God darn, Bert.

1024. —tragedy.

1025. - What do you mean?

1026. - Well, for the last eight weeks, nothing has happened.

1027. - This is like a totally other movie.

1028. - You speak in riddles, Sahib.

1029. - I thought this was gonna be a lock up.

1030. Thought this was just leg work when Manning

1031. turned it over to me.

1032. - Leg work?

1033. - Who are these guys?

1034. —details stuff, trivia.

1035. - There's nothing trivial about three deaths.

1036. - That's for sure, now I can understand Chris's concern.

1037. So, let's get with it.

1038. - Well, where do we start?

1039. - He looks like Babe Ruth.

1040. - I'd like to see Dr. Kramer.

1041. - Well, she's probably in her lab.

1042. - She work alone?

1043. - She started with Dr. Logan, but now she works

1044. with Conrad, his brother.

1045. - Let's go.

1046. - I'm glad we had this talk, I feel much closer

1047. to you now.

1048. - Well, he's impotent.

1049. And he's impotent, good.

1050. - I'm Chad, from Park Davis.

1051. - Dr. Brent, Dr. Kramer.

1052. - Dr. Moe.

1053. - I'm glad to know you.

1054. - I filled Dr. Brent in on the details,

1055. but let's get to the larger issue.

1056. - Me.

1057. - Did you run a blood count on Taylor?

1058. - Yes we did, actually, there was no blood.

1059. It all turned to powder, and we think that

1060. counts for the shriveled effect.

1061. - Like shrinky dinks.

1062. - How long was Taylor dead before his body

1063. was found?

1064. - It was just a moment of—

1065. - Doctor?

1066. Doctor, if you could look at this slide.

1067. - We think—

1068. - Doctor, polio vaccine, Dr. Sock, doctor I think I found—

1069. - Capsule.

1070. - Doctor, if you'd just, oh.

1071. - It's true, we have a radioactive something or other—

1072. - Thingy.

1073. - Tall, 400 pounds.

1074. - Well, that's a keeper.

1075. —we sent an astronaut up, we got him back.

1076. - That's please, it's definitely the polio vaccine.

1077. Oh forget it, I'll take credit for it.

1078. - That's impossible, with a perfect two man capsule?

1079. Easy control—

1080. - Ooh, what a gesture.

1081. - Unless I missed my guess, Douglas is back.

1082. - The monster?

1083. I don't know.

1084. - Apathetic scientists.

1085. - What about this antitium could be one to be taking

1086. the radiation propellant?

1087. - Yes, we actually gave him lots more of these injections.

1088. So that he could withstand all kinds of raids.

1089. - We've been working on big gobs of neat stuff.

1090. - Well, did Dr. Logan keep a log?

1091. - Certainly.

1092. - May I see it?

1093. - Fine, geez, weird, weird, weird.

1094. - OK, let's see, there's my journal,

1095. this is my coin collection book, and then my book of

1096. green stamps.

1097. - This is Dr. Logan's log, you'll find it very correct.

1098. - Let me see here.

1099. Rumple tweezer, the good fairy lived under the dum dum

1100. tree, what?

1101. - Regular Adelin Wood, isn't he?

1102. - You keep a log?

1103. - Sure.

1104. - May I see it, please?

1105. - Yes, I'll get it.

1106. - Sure, I'll just shelve my cancer research.

1107. - Hmm.

1108. - Bullwinkle is a—

1109. - Not that lesson, this lesson.

1110. - Ew, mayonnaise.

1111. - Sure is thorough.

1112. - That's why he's here.

1113. - He's thorough, yet gentle.

1114. - Why did you change matidium 50 to 51 six months ago?

1115. - Speaking of tedium.

1116. —more effective.

1117. - But 50 was very effective, it was tested on animals.

1118. For a two year period, the other for only six months.

1119. - I didn't know that, why wasn't I told?

1120. - Listen, I'm feeling a little picked on here.

1121. - Dr. Logan was so sure it would be all right.

1122. - Shame based science.

1123. —doctor, Dr. Logan states this final injection with

1124. Douglas was 100 CCs.

1125. According to your log, as compared to his,

1126. yours says 200 CCs— - We keep two

1127. sets of books.

1128. - Who's correct, Doctor?

1129. - I am only an assistant in this laboratory,

1130. I simply work here and I take my orders.

1131. - Dr. Brent didn't mean that.

1132. - Well, yes, I did, actually.

1133. - Security must be upheld.

1134. - Where's Dr. Logan?

1135. - He's either in the commissary or perhaps he's back

1136. in the other laboratory.

1137. - Oh, let's go see him.

1138. - Perhaps we can have drinks sometime, hmm?

1139. - Thank you.

1140. - Later, over lunch with Whirley Sean.

1141. - I cross checked your logs with Dr. Kramer's.

1142. - That's proper, you're head of the project.

1143. - Well, why wasn't I informed about the switch

1144. from antedium 50 to 51?

1145. - Because we hate you.

1146. - They're almost identical.

1147. - Well, then, why not call it 50A?

1148. - I said almost identical.

1149. - Or Heinz 57.

1150. - Doctor, antedium 51 can stand one half times more

1151. radiation.

1152. - You mean the subject can stand more.

1153. - Precisely.

1154. - Hey, this ain't rocket science, you know?

1155. —other experiments worked out?

1156. - Perfectly. - Fantastic.

1157. - Six months.

1158. - What would happen with overdose?

1159. - An overdose of anything, candy with a child,

1160. has a bad effect, if it isn't corrected.

1161. - Where's our pizza?

1162. - I just want to go, let's go.

1163. —200 CCs instead of their customary 100 CCs.

1164. Or was that your brother's order?

1165. - No. - It was a joke.

1166. - Dr. Kramer's very efficient, and very observant.

1167. I did give him an extra 100 CCs for added protection.

1168. That was my reason.

1169. - Did you ever overdose on atimum?

1170. - Oh, I smoked too much rabbit once.

1171. —absorbed great quantities of radiation.

1172. - The results please?

1173. - The winner in Los Angeles is...

1174. - So, every one it touches.

1175. - Is that all?

1176. - No.

1177. - Whoever you are.

1178. - To twice its normal size.

1179. My brother developed an antidote.

1180. - My brother's antidote can beat your brother's antidote.

1181. - The animal died.

1182. - Because of what, Doctor?

1183. - The heart couldn't stand the violent transition

1184. back to normal.

1185. - And Douglas?

1186. - He's alive out there.

1187. - So, another liney?

1188. - Meanwhile, at Lens Crafters.

1189. - Yeah, bad movies in about an hour.

1190. - Working late, aren't you?

1191. - Don't you start on me, baldy.

1192. - I just have to finish this up.

1193. - I'm sorry, Mr. Galo, please don't hit my sore ear.

1194. - Geez, you break a beaker over there? Phew.

1195. - This is fun working on our projects here,

1196. yet working together.

1197. - What do you think of that Dr. Brent?

1198. - He's a pig, why?

1199. - He's a good man.

1200. Why?

1201. - I don't know.

1202. Really sort of scares me with his acting.

1203. You should be aware of your responsibilities.

1204. - The hell?

1205. - He's got a job to do, I wouldn't want it.

1206. - Got any chloroforo carbons over there?

1207. - He's kind of strange, though.

1208. You would think those quiet—

1209. - You're making impostor fragrances.

1210. - Hope it stays that way.

1211. - Yeah.

1212. Now death, monster reports.

1213. - I'm sorry, you say something? Oh.

1214. - I see you've made another batch of antidotes.

1215. - Pencils down.

1216. - Here's your brother's last order.

1217. - So, it was a good Martin last night.

1218. What up, I love that part.

1219. - Good God, did you launch a sulfur bomb back there, huh?

1220. - Hey, I figured it out, he's got his

1221. script taped to the floor.

1222. - Well. - Let's play with

1223. phosphorous.

1224. - That does it.

1225. - Going home?

1226. - Look, I'm working late.

1227. - I do.

1228. - This is what happens when you get trapped in

1229. an Ian Esko play.

1230. - He's not mad at her anymore.

1231. - It looks like the experiment was a success. (laughs)

1232. - I don't get it, why is she changing lab coats?

1233. - Oh, she's got a night shift at Fermi Lab.

1234. - Damn, she loosened my script.

1235. - Hey, I think you got page 25 on your shoe.

1236. - I'm gonna snoop in her sock drawer. (laughs)

1237. - Dr. Logan (yelling)

1238. didn't know where the giant was.

1239. In the store room, in that very building.

1240. Logan had learned that massive does of the antidote

1241. brought about an almost human appearance.

1242. - I did not, quit lying.

1243. —unpredictable side effects that enough

1244. tranquilizer to subdue 10 ordinary men had to be given

1245. each day—

1246. - On an empty stomach. - This day,

1247. it was late.

1248. Logan knew that each passing minute might mean

1249. a return to violence.

1250. He was too late.

1251. - We was too late. - Like his brother

1252. the scientist, had an intuitive knowledge

1253. of the situation, plus an extraordinarily bad

1254. sense of timing.

1255. - Like he laughs when bad things happen to his friends.

1256. - Oh, that can be embarrassing.

1257. - Oh, look, the musical stairs from the science museum.

1258. - He's sneaking past Robert Frip's room.

1259. - Hey, would somebody get the cat off the

1260. Fender roads please?

1261. - From there he looks like Sketch Henderson.

1262. - Oh, we don't need to see this shot.

1263. - I guess I didn't have to go.

1264. - I love hanging out after school, nobody around,

1265. go in the girl's room.

1266. - Everything used to make the antidote

1267. was in wreckage by the time Logan returned.

1268. Any chance that might have existed, any hope

1269. that sufficient antidote might be compounded to

1270. have a lasting effect, all this vanished with one

1271. sweep of the monster's arm.

1272. - Or any hope that the film would end soon.

1273. - Oh, man, he got my Compuserve magazine and

1274. Computer Gamer Weekly.

1275. - It might have been nice to show that scene with

1276. the monster, but use your imagination, it was true horror.

1277. - Oh, man, I need a smoke, I'm dying for a cigarette,

1278. I really need a smoke.

1279. - Hello.

1280. - If you'd like to make a call.

1281. —Laboratory D.

1282. - If you'd like, are you listen, I said,

1283. if you'd like, listen to me, if you'd like,

1284. oh, can it.

1285. - Put him on.

1286. - Oh, great, I'm dead, it's the end of the world,

1287. I'm dead.

1288. - I'll be right over.

1289. Yes.

1290. It's urgent.

1291. - The call is coming from within the laboratory.

1292. - Great, I'm dead.

1293. I'm a dead man, a dead man and walking and talking

1294. in my clothes, that's how dead I am, I'm dead.

1295. I'm dead.

1296. - On a dare, I invented Gainsburgers and I didn't

1297. even mean to.

1298. - Ah, here to borrow more test tubes?

1299. Can't keep your own stock up?

1300. - What do you mean was here?

1301. - I hid him in my radiation lab for weeks.

1302. I've been giving him injection of antidote.

1303. - Well, it was dumb, Jerr.

1304. - Why weren't we informed?

1305. - Blame it on my state of shock or—

1306. - Blame it on a Bossanova.

1307. —condition.

1308. I could only think to help him first.

1309. - Kiss that Nobel goodbye.

1310. —do any good.

1311. - Yes, he became normal, except for size.

1312. - He was huge, but normal.

1313. - Why weren't we informed then?

1314. - I can only think of logging what I'd witnessed.

1315. - All right, so you logged it, why didn't you tell us then?

1316. - I don't know, I was trying to help.

1317. - I was just trying to help.

1318. - Help? You've jeopardized this whole project.

1319. - What the hell do you want from me, Dr. Brent?

1320. I don't have a precision mind like yours.

1321. - I'm only a scientist.

1322. - But the fact is, Frank Douglas is gone with the antidote.

1323. - Hey, you came into my lab, you know.

1324. - You're the jerk.

1325. - Huzzah.

1326. —Dr. Brent.

1327. - Go ahead, spank me.

1328. - We can laugh about it now, buddy.

1329. - We're both a little bit edgy.

1330. I was just thinking one mistake—

1331. - But I can't stay mad at you.

1332. - It's the group.

1333. - I'm in love, Jim.

1334. - This is like Vanity Fair by Sam Peckinpaw.

1335. - Whoa, that guy's got a weird shape.

1336. - No, Crow.

1337. - Now that's science.

1338. - Connect the dots. - Science.

1339. - Hello, ladies, which way to the beach?

1340. - Geez, he's kind of a lumpy fella.

1341. - In all the wrong places.

1342. - Duracell, the copper top battery.

1343. - Hi, I'm from the boys' camp across the lake,

1344. the backup generator exploded.

1345. - Is it the Bangles? - The Go-Gos?

1346. - The Lo Quartet?

1347. - Well?

1348. - Libido!

1349. - This is the A-go-go part here.

1350. - No one's going to tell you you need Clearasol.

1351. - Damn, damn, stupid, stupid, what was I thinking?

1352. Oh, damn.

1353. - Hey, a whole bottle of see and ski.

1354. - Unbelievable. (laughter)

1355. - General Connors, yes?

1356. - I made that phone noise.

1357. - Where?

1358. - They panicked.

1359. - So you were saying it was my fault?

1360. —still in shock.

1361. - Was anyone seriously hurt?

1362. - No, thank God.

1363. But he's got to be stopped before anything else happens.

1364. - Washington called. - He did?

1365. - They put me completely in charge.

1366. Now they want results and they want them fast.

1367. I need to know some answers.

1368. - Please phrase it in the form of a question.

1369. - Is there anything else I should know?

1370. - Your fly's open.

1371. —done all I can. - It's not enough.

1372. - I don't need you busting my butt.

1373. - They want answers, they want 'em now.

1374. Now, don't mince words.

1375. - All right, but understand this is just a theory.

1376. - But I'm Coco Channel.

1377. - Douglas is much worse.

1378. - And?

1379. - And if my theory is correct, he gets progressively worse.

1380. - Quit kidding a kidder. - What do you mean?

1381. - Well, when I first hid him in the other lab,

1382. I gave him an injection of the antidote my brother

1383. and Nora developed.

1384. - John Lilly called for the prescription.

1385. - And he became almost normal, but the condition lasted

1386. only five days.

1387. Then— - He left for

1388. the weekend.

1389. - With each following injection, the effect

1390. of the antidote wore off more rapidly.

1391. - What are you trying to say? - I'm Coco Chanel.

1392. - The last injection was only effective for a few hours.

1393. - Are you trying to tell me—

1394. - Precisely. - There's your punch.

1395. —that if he is using the antidote he escaped with,

1396. as his body needs it, there is no telling how bad

1397. he will get after each injection wears off.

1398. - Good read. - That's a wrap.

1399. - No, he doesn't get larger, the radius of his

1400. danger zone does. - Isn't that always the

1401. way, though? —doesn't have

1402. any antidote?

1403. - I'm not sure.

1404. But it's conceivable— - Inconceivable!

1405. —that within 10 hours, he could contaminate

1406. everything and everybody within a radius of 50 miles.

1407. - That does it.

1408. He's got— - Sausage burp.

1409. - Alert the entire division, civilian forces,

1410. anything else that's available.

1411. He's got to be kept out of populated areas.

1412. - Or it will be bonkers. —want you with me

1413. every minute. - Yes, sir,

1414. thank you, sir.

1415. - That was fun.

1416. Thanks, Kyle.

1417. - As the giant became bolder, his whereabouts

1418. were more easily tracked, and the army was called out

1419. in force because this was, after all, an American astronaut.

1420. - Oh, right.

1421. - Official orders were not to fire.

1422. But one nervous soldier is all that is ever needed

1423. to start a panic. - Oh, blame it

1424. on the little guy.

1425. - Let me go.

1426. (gunshots) - Lower, aim a

1427. little lower.

1428. - So the army's on maneuvers on Maple Street, huh?

1429. - And in Econoline vans.

1430. - Acceptable losses everybody, come on.

1431. - Hey, they're gonna frag the director.

1432. - Good.

1433. I'm guessing this is a night scene?

1434. Ah, good.

1435. - Yeah, let's see if we can—

1436. - Oh, wait, oh.

1437. - Huh, something's going on.

1438. - That comes to 12.90, you want any pop with that?

1439. Hello?

1440. Hello?

1441. - Johnny Carson.

1442. - Douglas is at the house.

1443. - Your mother's very upset.

1444. - It's like shooting at a wall.

1445. - Not a very big wall.

1446. - Now what, Doctor?

1447. - Well, first, let me finish my tolido.

1448. - I don't know. - What are they doing

1449. at a laundromat?

1450. - Well, he can't get very far.

1451. - The map isn't that big.

1452. We have the entire area surrounded.

1453. We'll have him within an hour.

1454. - Yes, but then what?

1455. - Jackie O?

1456. - Boy, smooth ride, hardly looks like she's moving.

1457. Oh, she's not.

1458. - Hmm, must be the car.

1459. - Well, the door still works.

1460. - That's good.

1461. - Oh, this is like It Happened One Night,

1462. except it makes me want to kill myself.

1463. - Luckily the Schwans guy came.

1464. - My car broke down.

1465. - Well, call the automobile club.

1466. - Hey, I thought truck drivers were the gentlemen

1467. of the road.

1468. - Where'd you hear that crap?

1469. - Yeah, well, I'd say lately, a lot of town here,

1470. let's see.

1471. - I see the front torpedo bays are loaded.

1472. - Can't be a generator, how'd it stop like?

1473. - I don't know what you mean.

1474. - I mean, did it stop— - Tom Arnold,

1475. road repair.

1476. - Oh, yeah, lady.

1477. - Hey, where you going?

1478. - I'm gonna get you some gas.

1479. - Oh, is that all?

1480. - It's funny, you see, because women

1481. don't know anything about cars.

1482. That's so humor.

1483. - Oh, I just keep an open can of gas behind the seat.

1484. - Hey, he's putting ginseng tea in her car.

1485. - Big tea kettle.

1486. - Lady, could you move your—

1487. - I'm gonna watch closely so I can do this myself next time.

1488. - Would you mind going and sitting in the car?

1489. You're making me nervous.

1490. - Yes, sir.

1491. - Dear Easy Rider magazine, I never believed

1492. your stories were true. (laughs)

1493. - Well, she's facing the wrong way, no wonder

1494. the car's not working.

1495. - Oh.

1496. - Now.

1497. Open up your hood.

1498. - Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

1499. - Can I check the windows for ya?

1500. - The heck, there's a thing wrong with the

1501. whatchamacallit here.

1502. - There we go.

1503. Move over, lady, I'll start it for ya.

1504. - Because women know nothing about cars.

1505. - Nothing, so it's funny.

1506. - Yeah.

1507. - What'd he do, light the pilot?

1508. - There you are, ma'am.

1509. For God's sake, next time, drive on a full tank of gas.

1510. - Thank you, Lancelot.

1511. - Shelly's the name, ma'am, Shelly.

1512. - Show him the can, Andy.

1513. - What's this for?

1514. - My way of appreciation.

1515. - Thanks would have been enough, lady.

1516. - Now you wrecked it.

1517. - Driver— - I need love.

1518. - Ma'am?

1519. - She stalls, then kills, black widow.

1520. - Oh, wow, what a smoothie.

1521. - Third time today. (laughs)

1522. New hairstyle's really working. (spits)

1523. - OK.

1524. Change furnace filters, done.

1525. Jettison dry cleaning, check.

1526. OK, young fresh fellows, I've got the rest

1527. of the afternoon off to talk about some of the

1528. questions of the universe, so any question you

1529. might have, ask me, you have my undivided attention.

1530. - Oh, no, we meant to prepare for this.

1531. - Please, Crow, let's not make it like last week

1532. when you asked what was the deal with Jane Pauly's hair, OK?

1533. - OK, not Jane Paul... (whispering)

1534. Well, then, you do it, OK, you do it, you.

1535. - Joel, the Pina Colada song.

1536. - Could you phrase it in the form of a question?

1537. - OK, Joel, what's the deal with the Pina Colada song?

1538. Oh, and I have a follow up.

1539. - OK, you mean, if you like pian coladas, getting

1540. caught in the rain, if you're not into health food,

1541. and you have half a brain, if you like making love

1542. at midnight, on the dunes of the—

1543. - That's the one.

1544. - Well, OK, all right, in the early 1980s,

1545. Rupert Holmes wrote the Pina Colada song because

1546. pina coladas and personal ads were on the forefronts

1547. of the American consciousness and, you know,

1548. pop song writers do just that, they write about

1549. pop culture, you know, like you know, there's

1550. Ray Stevens, the Streak, Henry Gross's Junk Food Junkie,

1551. CW McCall's Convoy and others.

1552. - Oh. - Not so fast there,

1553. neon peon, OK, so this man and woman are in this

1554. relationship for all, let's say, eight months,

1555. that's the average national length of a dating

1556. relationship of males 18 to 34, and they don't even

1557. know that each other likes pina coladas?

1558. What, would they always panic and order Manhattans

1559. or something? - Yeah, and wouldn't

1560. they probably already have been caught in the rain

1561. together and then one of them at least mentioned

1562. that they liked getting caught in the rain?

1563. - And if this couple, we'll call them Rick and Julie

1564. for the purposes of this argument.

1565. If Julie and Rick have been together for any amount of time,

1566. well, doesn't each of them have a responsibility to

1567. communicate to the other his or her dissatisfaction

1568. with the relationship?

1569. - Yeah, because by responding to the personals ads,

1570. not only are they cheating on each other,

1571. they're cheating on each other with each other.

1572. - Yeah, and since 72 percent of the population of

1573. North America lives in a landlocked state or province,

1574. in actuality, this couple has no idea whether they

1575. like loving on the dunes on the cape.

1576. - And it's probably one in a kazillian chance that

1577. Rick and Julie would actually answer each other's ad.

1578. - Bingo, and although the song tries to paint a rosy

1579. picture of a relationship reborn, it is human nature

1580. that neither Rick or Julie, maybe both, I don't know,

1581. would harbor at least a fragment of resentment

1582. that the other set out to cheat on him or her,

1583. which would unleash itself in fits of passive aggressive

1584. behavior and bitter recrimination.

1585. - OK, listen, all I'm saying is that Rupert Holmes

1586. wrote a song about a couple of popular trends, all right?

1587. - It doesn't make the hurt go away.

1588. - We don't blame you, Joel.

1589. - Hey, Rupert Holmes wrote Timothy, that was about

1590. cannibalism, when was that popular?

1591. - Listen, Crow, it's a well known fact that Timothy

1592. was a duck.

1593. - Wait a minute, let's review. - A duck?

1594. - Gets hungry as hell, gee that leg looks swell...

1595. Duck, my word.

1596. - In the city?

1597. - Yes sir, he got there in a truck,

1598. the driver had radiation burns.

1599. - How the hell are we going to find him now?

1600. - Beetle Bailey the motion picture.

1601. - You realize there's over 5,000,000 people in the city?

1602. - And this is one of them.

1603. —danger zone should be 20 to 25 feet.

1604. - Nora, how long would it take to mix up 3,000 CCs

1605. of the antidote?

1606. - Not too long. - But I'd need

1607. a blender.

1608. - Do it, and get it to me immediately.

1609. - OK. - But you won't like it.

1610. - We'll need an air gun, and a tranquilizer dart.

1611. - A string and a picture of Eve Arden.

1612. - We'll track him down with dagger guns.

1613. - That means we'll have to get within 20 or 25 feet.

1614. - It means you'll have to get off your butts and

1615. do something.

1616. - He takes one step and we're in the danger zone.

1617. - Hey, a new angle.

1618. - Wait a minute.

1619. There may be another way.

1620. - Nah, forget it, we don't have another room.

1621. —strategic locations, surrounding the entire area

1622. where the truck driver's body was found.

1623. We could then connect the counters to a centralized

1624. oscelliscope.

1625. - You know, you look good without your glasses.

1626. —exact position, without endangering any more lives.

1627. - You like Jell-O with fruit suspending in it?

1628. - Could work.

1629. - Let's try it.

1630. - Nah.

1631. - What would be as ready as the danger within the hour?

1632. - Reguvic.

1633. - Oh, about 100 feet or more.

1634. - Oh, 100, that's nice, sure.

1635. - It's hard to say.

1636. - Let me say it in a song.

1637. - Wait.

1638. - Dear diary, the general yelled at me today.

1639. Up, out of time, gotta go more later.

1640. Love, Bunny.

1641. - I can't go on like this.

1642. - Your blood tests came back.

1643. —antidote at this range.

1644. We better make the first shot count.

1645. - Come on, perk up, Bill.

1646. - I'm fully aware of the consequence.

1647. - Slower, slower.

1648. Oh, slower.

1649. - The cason is making its way past us now.

1650. The rate of this horse float is made of 10,000 carnations

1651. and clowns are pouring out of the casket, it's a lovely

1652. sight.

1653. - Hey, it's the Good Humor cop.

1654. - Mm, dreamsicles.

1655. - I'm up, I'm up.

1656. - Hmm, so.

1657. So, oh.

1658. - Here comes Roasty and Toasty, the firemen clowns.

1659. - They're ice fishing. (laughing)

1660. - You know, these cable guys always come when it's

1661. least convenient.

1662. It's a joke.

1663. - Abbot and Costello in Butt Privates.

1664. - We're getting cable 'cause this movie's so bad.

1665. - The city of 5,000,000 people

1666. became a huge tomb. - Like St. Paul?

1667. - The civil defense units swung into action.

1668. - Refestive gitnies ran down the streets of vanilla.

1669. - Ah, exact change only.

1670. - City streets were cleared of all

1671. but official personnel, with the realization that even

1672. seeing the monster might mean that an individual was

1673. close enough to absorb a lethal dose of radioactivity.

1674. - How ya doing, Steve? - Oh, not bad,

1675. how about you? - Oh, pretty good.

1676. - Right now, join the auto show at McCormick Place.

1677. - The long wait began.

1678. - And you're gonna see every minute of it.

1679. - Isaac Hayes is truck turner.

1680. - Thanks, Mom, we'll walk from here.

1681. - Now, I'll be back to pick you up after fireman practice.

1682. - Whatever. - OK.

1683. - Watch out for the first draft.

1684. - Bad news, you're not in this scene.

1685. - So, why'd you bring the leaf blower, Walt?

1686. - Hello, hello, anything going on?

1687. Hello?

1688. Hello?

1689. - Darkness on the edge of town.

1690. - Cute.

1691. - Hey, Outer Limits is starting.

1692. - Hey, that guy's got an action torso.

1693. - Boy, you know, it sure doesn't feel like a Tuesday.

1694. - Yeah, it's Dave's birthday, we're passing the card,

1695. let me finish here.

1696. Year older.

1697. - Huh?

1698. - Oh, looks like the monster rented a loft apartment.

1699. - Listen, Billy Pilgrim has become unstuck in time.

1700. - It's his 12 step program, (laughs) 'cause it's steps.

1701. - Ladies and gentlemen, KMOJ Radio presents Bootsie Collins.

1702. - Look, he's got gaut, poor guy.

1703. - What are we supposed to do if something happens?

1704. Just stand here?

1705. - Ah, take your lunch break.

1706. - Look, look, we're getting something.

1707. - It's Major Dad, look.

1708. - It's only a few blocks from here.

1709. - Better make that call now.

1710. - Would you cut that out?

1711. - Look, look it's going crazy.

1712. - They finally realized that the monster had

1713. tickets to see Loggins and Macina at the Area Crown Theater.

1714. - Oh, they're stopping at the Billy Goat for a cheeseburger.

1715. - Coke?

1716. - No, Pepsi.

1717. - If I didn't know better, I'd think this

1718. were a security camera.

1719. - All right, three dollars special event parking.

1720. - OK, back, back, that's fine, back a little,

1721. that's perfect.

1722. - Lazlo Covacks my butt, this is great photography.

1723. - Still early, probably a lot of people coming after church.

1724. - Hey, this is so weird, you're here, too.

1725. We're going to Wayne's after this, are you on?

1726. - Hey.

1727. - Hey, freakin' ripped off the French Connection

1728. sequence from this movie.

1729. - You know, four movies went into the making of this film.

1730. - Huh?

1731. - Who's winning?

1732. - Sir, I'm losing him.

1733. - Maybe you should have been more sensitive to his needs.

1734. - I've lost him, I can't get him anywhere.

1735. - Well, remember why you got together with

1736. him in the first place.

1737. —Connor right here.

1738. - Mm, cookie. (smacking)

1739. - Anyone know how to read this thing?

1740. - Give me a counter.

1741. - We decided we needed the help of a housewife and

1742. a balding guy.

1743. - You have a go?

1744. - Ah, go clean your laboratory.

1745. - Geez, flipping scientists wrecked our thing.

1746. - Yep, my can down, Chicago is.

1747. - Chicago's the windy city, right?

1748. - It's the city by the lake, city of big shoulders,

1749. or city that works.

1750. - Are you scared, Sarge?

1751. - Of course I'm scared.

1752. Anyone who isn't scared is either a coward or a liar.

1753. - Every time I aim a whammo air blaster at a sidewalk,

1754. I get scared.

1755. - Yeah, what about now?

1756. - I'm scared, I'm scared.

1757. - Well, our research is over, it's pavement.

1758. Time to go home.

1759. - Laverne and Shirley and the National Guard.

1760. - Sarge, ever worry that you don't have a face?

1761. - These pants?

1762. - Is there any other way in?

1763. - To your pants?

1764. - The north venture is blocking outside.

1765. - Man, if you can't out act a post.

1766. - The Bookmobile is called in.

1767. - Boy, I hope they still have Curious George.

1768. Riff.

1769. - Oh, here you go, you'll lose 10 pounds in this suit.

1770. - Ow, ow, watch that, my crack, ouch.

1771. - OK, Major, do you dress to the right or to the left?

1772. Oh, don't say no right away, oh, that's so nice,

1773. here, let's belt that up and see what the final look

1774. will be.

1775. - Pull the helmet off, get it off me.

1776. - This is the most dramatic asbestos suit scene

1777. I've ever seen.

1778. - Oh, that tickles, don't touch the armpits.

1779. - OK, now put your arms together in front.

1780. Pull the pants up a bit, there you go.

1781. - Wow, dual overhead dressers.

1782. - Geez, is there anything else I have to put on?

1783. My brother and I look like woodticks ready to pop.

1784. - Hi, I know.

1785. - Look at me, I'm a Stuart sandwich with a rifle.

1786. - Don't laugh, here they come, be cool.

1787. - Don't say it, it wasn't my idea.

1788. - There is one terrifying word in the world

1789. of nuclear physics. - Oops.

1790. - Radiation.

1791. As the trail grew hot, so did the level of contamination.

1792. Here was a problem the civil defense authorities

1793. had never before faced, and might never see again.

1794. - How to end this film.

1795. —never tested under actual emergency

1796. conditions— - A tiller.

1797. —was brought in.

1798. The mouth of the sewer tunnel became the center of action.

1799. - Oh, I'm out of here.

1800. - Sorry, we should have had this cleaned before

1801. you got here. (laughs)

1802. - It's not like I'm tasting my own sweat in this suit,

1803. would you hurry up?

1804. - Would you look, all the canned peaches you could want.

1805. —radiation is a decontamination spray.

1806. Which reduces the level of radiation—

1807. —that were all that man could use against forces

1808. too large for him to comprehend.

1809. - Tune in tomorrow.

1810. - In the director's cut, they eliminated the narration.

1811. - Come on, dummy.

1812. - If we don't find Grandma, can we come up?

1813. - Think I should tell him his zipper's down?

1814. - Nightmare the Clown, he's coming to your town, hey.

1815. - Time for your medication, Mr. Taylor.

1816. No, she's not one of the Germans, Mr. Taylor.

1817. - So I said to the kid, "Either get a job or get a haircut,"

1818. no kid's gonna live in my house like that.

1819. - I know what you mean, what are you gonna do?

1820. - So, lunch?

1821. - OK.

1822. - It's American Gothic on a rampage.

1823. - He's not bad, he's just misunderstood.

1824. - So, what do you want to do when we're done?

1825. - Let's go to Gino's.

1826. - Hey, how hot is your suit, Bob?

1827. - Sweating BBs.

1828. - As if a switch had been turned,

1829. as if an eye had been blinked, as if some

1830. phantom force in the universe had made a move

1831. eons beyond our comprehension—

1832. - As if we cared. —there was

1833. no trail.

1834. There was no giant, no monster, no thing called Douglas

1835. to be followed, there was nothing in the tunnel

1836. but the puzzled men of courage who suddenly found

1837. themselves alone with shadows and darkness.

1838. - There was no dignity for anyone who worked on this film.

1839. - Well, this was a bust, let's get out of here.

1840. - Come on, let's call the movie on account of darkness.

1841. - That's a wrap, everyone, strike the set.

1842. - Turned out to be an alien snipe hunt, go figure.

1843. - This was a test, had this been an actual movie,

1844. you would have been entertained.

1845. - Phil Silvers tries to flee the set.

1846. - This is a note from the director, thank you,

1847. everybody, the film is over.

1848. Not everybody will get paid tonight, you'll have to

1849. check the sheet, OK.

1850. - What the?

1851. - It says, "Sell the house, sell the car, sell the kids,

1852. "I'm never coming back"?

1853. - And another descends.

1854. Astronaut Frank Douglas rescued alive, well,

1855. and of normal size, some 8,000 miles away in a lifeboat.

1856. - Wait a minute.

1857. - Lame.

1858. —or how he was separated from his capsule,

1859. then who, or what, has landed here?

1860. - I thought we covered that.

1861. - Is it here yet or has the cosmic switch

1862. been pulled?

1863. - You make the call.

1864. - Case in point, the line between

1865. science fiction and science fact—

1866. - And science crap.

1867. —microscopically thin.

1868. You have witnessed the line being shaved even thinner.

1869. - Golly, the joke's on us.

1870. - Boo.

1871. - Oh.

1872. - I've got an idea to cheer us up.

1873. OK, I knew this movie might get ya down, Tom,

1874. so, wala, you're a happy king.

1875. - Great little song there, Joel, real dignified.

1876. I think I'll go throw myself out an airlock.

1877. - Come back here, Tom, come on.

1878. Every, you know, every kid on Earth dreams

1879. of becoming a happy king.

1880. - Yeah, fine, Joel, whatever, I just rolled off

1881. the turnip truck.

1882. - And Crow T. Robot, by the power vested in me by

1883. the kingdom of Cookieville, I know pronounce you

1884. Sir Giggles von Laughs a Lot.

1885. - Joel, I beg you, not pronounce me Sir Giggles von

1886. Laughs a Lot.

1887. - Your job, Sir Giggles, is to make sure that King Tom

1888. remains a happy and cheerful king.

1889. What's wrong?

1890. - Joel, it's this movie, it was really depressing.

1891. It was like, it was like being a little kid and eating

1892. dinner at your Aunt Ruth's apartment in the suburbs,

1893. and it's hot in there, and she's got a local Christian

1894. radio station on, and there's nothing to do or look at,

1895. 'cause all she's got in the apartment are Good Housekeeping

1896. magazines and linen doilies.

1897. - Yeah, and then they send you out to play with the

1898. strange neighbor kids and they're all big and their

1899. skin is pink and they have big pores and a big

1900. eighth grader makes you look at really upsetting pictures

1901. and so you go back inside and sit down and they're all

1902. just talking and there are big pauses in their conversation

1903. and you can hear the clock ticking on the wall.

1904. - Yeah, yeah, so you dig into your seat cushion, and you

1905. find a really old peanut, and you're so bored, you eat it,

1906. and then you just feel bad and a little sick,

1907. and then you think you're about to go, but then

1908. Aunt Ruth takes out a photo album filled with black

1909. and white photos of kids with squinty eyes and they're

1910. supposed to be your uncle and aunts or something

1911. and then your parents force you to look at them.

1912. - OK, OK, come on, come on, we're tougher than that,

1913. you guys, come on.

1914. Let's think of something good about the movie.

1915. Come on, Sir Mixalot.

1916. - It's Sir Giggles von Laughs a Lot.

1917. - Sir Giggles von Laughs a Lot.

1918. - Oh. - Come on.

1919. - What?

1920. Oh, you couldn't hear the dialogue.

1921. - All right, now that's a good one.

1922. What about you, King Tom?

1923. - OK, OK, don't tell me.

1924. No one involved with this dung heap

1925. ever went on to do anything else.

1926. - Right, all right, that's a good thing, you see,

1927. you can throw us any crummy movie you got and we

1928. can take it, so my name's not Joel Robinson.

1929. - Yeah, my name's not Tom, it's King Servo.

1930. - Yeah, and my name's not Crow T. Sir Giggle von

1931. Laughs a Robot whatever.

1932. - Yeah, and I'm not even Gypsy.

1933. - Yeah.

1934. - That's fine, Joel, have your petty little

1935. insurrection, just remember you're trapped in space

1936. dressed like happy kings and Frank and I are down

1937. here on Earth free to do whatever we want.

1938. - Hey, Dr. F, there's a Matlock marathon

1939. on tonight, you in?

1940. - Push the button, Frank.