1. - I'm the wise-cracker
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2. - Well, you won't be needing this anymore.
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3. - Hey, hey, wait that's my body,
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4. that's got some of my favorite parts.
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5. - Oh come on.
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6. - I don't want to be part of this
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7. dumb, nightmare Doublemint ad, Joel.
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8. - Oh, bite me, you're
the thing with two heads,
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9. it's fun.
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10. - I call Ray Milland.
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11. - Oh great, that makes me Rosey Grier.
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12. - Oh, come on, a fella
could do a lot worse
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13. than be a star lineman for the L. A. Rams.
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14. - Yeah, but he just happens to be
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15. in touch with his feminine side.
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16. - Let me tell you something, pin beak,
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17. your mouthwash just ain't makin' it.
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18. - Oh yeah, well this body really stinks.
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19. Look at these tiny little arms.
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20. What are they good for,
eatin' corn on the cob?
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21. - Joel, I really, really hate
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22. this thing with two heads idea.
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23. - Yeah, stop us before
we kill again, Joel.
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24. - Well, how 'bout this,
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25. you're the Odd Couple 1999.
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26. - Say.
- Cool.
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27. Do-do-do-do-do-do
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28. Some time earlier, Crow's
body had thrown him out,
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29. requesting that he never return again.
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30. Can two heads live in the same body
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31. without driving each other crazy?
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32. - Felix.
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33. - No, Oscar, it's not
spaghetti, it's linguine!
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34. - Now it's good.
- Five, four,
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35. three, two.
- Oh, I don't think so.
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36. We'll be right back.
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37. - All right, come here
you little, awful stuffer.
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38. - Get him, get him, let him have it.
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39. Hey wait, that's me.
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40. Yeah, that's my body.
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41. - Look at my femital fireplug of a body.
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42. It's humiliating, Joel.
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43. - I know, you look like George Wendt.
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44. - Oh come on.
- Hey, you guys,
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45. he's just a little husky, that's all.
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46. - Oh, look at him run, the stupid jerk.
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47. Traitor, you'll get back here,
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48. say, look at the cute bun on me, will ya?
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49. It's not half bad, is it guys, woo!
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50. - Hey, you're gettin' into a
really weird area, now, Servo.
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51. - Yeah, Tom, I don't know
if that's natural, buddy.
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52. - Gentleman, can't a robot
admire his own back porch
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53. without being thought of
as a strange type of—
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54. - Cool it, Marky Mark and
the funky bunch are calling.
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55. - Well, I guess the big news around here
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56. is Dr. Clayton Forrester died, past away
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57. two, three days ago.
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58. As you could imagine,
it's a little hectic,
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59. what with the funeral arrangements
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60. and the business to attend to.
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61. The mole people have been
a great source of strength.
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62. - Wow, what happened?
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63. - He was, dead, I guess
that's what caused it all.
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64. You know, the upshot of all this is,
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65. I'm gonna be in charge
around here from now on.
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66. What a way to get a promotion, huh?
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67. Oh, hi.
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68. - Why don't you forge ahead
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69. with this week's invention exchange, Joel.
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70. I'm gonna be busy with Frank for a second.
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71. - Ooh, you think he'll kill him?
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72. - Hush, child.
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73. Well, sirs, our invention today looks like
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74. an ordinary prop radio,
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75. except that it's tuner
only picks up channels
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76. from old sitcoms and movies,
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77. like for example, this is set
up for the plot point channel.
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78. - We interrupt this broadcast
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79. to bring you a special bulletin.
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80. The Midveil bank has just been robbed
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81. by two armed hooligans.
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82. - And then there's the incredibly
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83. plot specific news channel.
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84. - This just in,
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85. apparently the Harlem Globetrotters
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86. are lost at sea and
thought to be washed up
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87. on an uncharted desert isle.
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88. - And of course, the generic
teen dance music station.
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89. This one song has been
playing on this one station
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90. for over fifty years.
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91. - Yeah, this was danced to by the likes of
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92. Chip Douglas and Marsha
Brady, even Jethro Bodine.
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93. What do you think, sirs?
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94. - Here, it's going to start hurting soon.
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95. Take one of these for pain,
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96. and the red ones should
reduce the swelling.
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97. - Thanks Steve.
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98. - Very clever, Holly Hobby.
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99. Now, taste the red hot steel of
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100. Dr. Clayton firebrand Forrester.
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101. The punching bag has always
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102. had a sound principle behind it; Frank.
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103. - Yes, that it's fun
to beat Baffo the clown
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104. savagely and repeatedly 'til
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105. that Baffo is bleeding from the ears.
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106. But then, alas, the thrill is gone.
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107. The fire goes out of your belly.
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108. You need something new to
stimulate your imagination.
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109. - That's right.
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110. That's why we've invented
these hateful punching bags
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111. with images of the characters
from the Renaissance festival.
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112. For instance, there's the rat catcher.
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113. Excuse me, sir, is that your head,
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114. or did your neck throw up?
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115. - Oh, bite me, Frodo.
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116. - And there's the ever
popular leather mug maker.
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117. Please sir, sample my wares.
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118. - Sample my fist you
community theater reject.
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119. - Lovable harlequin.
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120. I am harlequin.
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121. - I am your worst nightmare!
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122. $23 to get in.
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123. Hazzah my butt, you satin-suited,
Tolkien-reading loser.
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124. - That's enough, Frank.
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125. Well, Joel, your experiment this week
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126. is a sweet meat replete
with empty-headed teens,
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127. fast cars, and a cute little lizard.
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128. It's called "The Giant Gila Monster"
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129. and it will make you hurt,
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130. or my name's not Earl Shy.
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131. Enjoy!
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132. - Oh, head snapped
right on real nicely.
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133. - It hurts.
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134. I'm stiff.
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135. - Where no human ever goes.
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136. - Macy's?
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137. - And no light is ever seen.
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138. - Only you can prevent forest fires.
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139. - It is as
though the land had been
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140. roasted by God.
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141. - Roasted, it's
God-roasted for great taste.
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142. - Within these lonely areas
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143. of impenetrable forest and dark shadows.
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144. - Barnabas Collins.
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145. - The Gila
monster still lives.
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146. - Shelley Winters?
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147. - How large the
dreaded Gila monster grows,
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148. no man can say.
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149. (energetic, upbeat music)
- Hey!
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150. - ♫ Oranges poranges, who cares,
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151. - I usually don't touch
cheeks on the first date.
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152. - Richie, Potsi, no!
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153. - Rollin', rollin', rollin'.
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154. - Bad movie?
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155. You're soaking in it.
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156. - You know what
this kinda looks like,
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157. a modified, "I Dream of
Jeannie" intercept font.
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158. - No, no, no, no,
it's Bewitched sans serif.
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159. - No, I think you're thinking of
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160. Patty Duke Show bold condensed, actually.
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161. - You know, if it was italicized,
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162. I'd swear it was Jack Webb.
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163. - Good call.
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164. - It's Dom Casual, actually.
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165. - Tonight, K-E
double-L O double-dead!
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166. - And featuring
Jack no nickname Marshall.
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167. - Oh Don.
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168. - Oh look, Wee Willy Risser,
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169. my favorite John Ford film.
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170. - I have to do that.
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171. - I don't get it.
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172. - Oh great, the
Gila monster's fictitious,
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173. what a downer.
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174. - Oh, Ken Curtis,
Festus from Gunsmoke.
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175. Now, Matthew.
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176. - The best
to you each morning.
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177. - Not.
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178. - We now join Gila
monster, already in progress.
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179. - Oh, it's a
scene from Truth or Dare.
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180. Hey, the kids are
meetin' in a barber shop.
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181. - Hey, who
put their comb in my Coke?
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182. - Hey, it's
Katharine Hepburn's son.
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183. - Dear Liza, I'll get that
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184. door and roof fixed real soon.
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185. Thank you, love.
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186. - Hey gang!
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187. We'll be charging you
with an entertainment.
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188. - Hey, hey, one at a time,
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189. we've only got one boom mike.
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190. - Hey, how are the new tires on the bomb?
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191. - Hey, here come Sabrina
and the Groovie Goolies.
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192. - It's the magnificent
men and their jaunty jalopies!
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193. - Aaron, don't touch me,
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194. I'm all made up, please.
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195. - Hey gang, we're
past the room limit.
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196. Some of us have to move into the elevator.
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197. - Where's Pat and Liz,
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198. I thought we'd be the last one's here.
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199. - Yeah, they're probably out
spookin' around somewhere.
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200. - Poom!
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201. - Not in his beak.
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202. I worked on it myself.
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203. - That wouldn't make any
difference if he moved
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204. the speed shift or something.
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205. - Aw, shut up, pee wee.
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206. - Yeah.
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207. - What kept you so long, Lisa?
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208. - Mr. Willis smoked two cigars
at the table after dinner.
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209. And I couldn't get up.
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210. - Whoa, whoa, whoa,
honey, speak English, will ya?
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211. - Pat did not come home for this.
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212. That's why his father was upset.
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213. - Here, drink this,
it'll make you feel American.
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214. - There's old man Harris.
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215. - That fella has a jewel of a car.
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216. - Let me think about that.
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217. Okay.
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218. - Hoiman, wait here in the car!
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219. - Looks like this is
where old jalopies go to die.
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220. - It's TV's lovable Stringbean!
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221. - You wanna sell that deuce?
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222. - My little deuce coupe?
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223. You don't know what I got!
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224. - Why you fellers always
askin' me to buy my car?
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225. - That 32 is the ideal
stock to convert to a bomb.
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226. - Why do you guys
always throw me down
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227. and steal my wallet?
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228. - It's just like gettin' married.
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229. Or going to New York City.
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230. - [Joel, Tom, Crow] New York City!
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231. - Get the rope.
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232. Available for parties and barmitzvers.
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233. - I could get you a good price on that.
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234. - Again with the finger.
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235. - It's $695 for that car 26 years ago.
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236. 10 years ago, wasn't worth a dime.
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237. Last month, I turned down 100 for it.
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238. When it gets back up to
695 again, I'll sell it.
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239. Hey Spook,
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240. give me a snort of that there sody pop.
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241. - 'Scuse me, that
one just slipped out.
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242. - Hey gang, you know this will be Lisa's
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243. first trip to a drive-in?
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244. - Aw, we have drive-ins in France, too.
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245. - Wee, they
play Jerry Lewis movies.
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246. - I went with my brother
on his motor scooter.
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247. - Looks like
he's filling the bottle.
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248. - Who put sody pop in my sody pop?
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249. - Hey, let's go do some crimes, man.
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250. - If the road's clear, I'll
drag you to Bartinell's corner.
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251. - Drag me, I'll get the tow chain.
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252. - You still
runnin' on that old rubber?
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253. - Old rubber, no, no, no!
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254. - Hey Spook, when Pat and Liz get here,
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255. will you tell them we went to the drive-in
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256. and for them to catch up?
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257. Thank you.
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258. - We sure will.
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259. - And I'll give you 150 bucks.
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260. - To take acting lessons.
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261. - You're talking like my butchers.
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262. - Okay, 'nuff said, old timer.
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263. - What are you playin' with, kids?
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264. - Oh, it's red man juice.
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265. - That guy cracks me up.
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266. I don't know, do you?
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267. - One-Adam 12, one-Adam 12,
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268. what are you doing in Wisconsin?
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269. - Selznick International
Pictures presents.
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270. - I'm Sebastian Cabot,
and this is Ghost Story.
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271. - Well gel there program.
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272. - Pat didn't come home last night.
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273. - He didn't?
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274. - No, evidently he was
out with Liz Humphries.
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275. She didn't come home either.
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276. - When you due, Sheriff?
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277. - I want you to find out why.
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278. And don't leave a stone
unturned in doing so.
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279. Do I make myself clear?
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280. - I understand Mr. Wheeler.
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281. - That's a well fitting suit.
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282. - Wrecks reported last night.
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283. Your son, Pat, about 19 isn't he?
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284. - That's right.
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285. - As teens go, yes.
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286. - A year older than I
was when I got married.
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287. - You think they eloped?
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288. - No, they can't
elope, they're fruit, get it?
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289. - I didn't say that.
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290. But if they were out together all night,
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291. you better hope they have.
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292. - This is a missing person's report
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293. and I want to know what
you're going to do about it.
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294. - Well, I'll send in an APB
on both of them and the car.
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295. I don't think it'll do much good
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296. if they went off to get married,
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297. they'd already be across the state line.
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298. - Why, if he got married,
I'll ring his neck.
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299. - That Jerry
Lee, he's done it again!
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300. - If you ask me, it's that Chase Winston.
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301. He's older than the others.
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302. Sets them all wrong.
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303. Why he's got more influence
on Pat than I have.
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304. - Hooker's a good cop.
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305. - Chase Winston does more
about keeping them in line
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306. then getting them in trouble and I know.
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307. He's supported his mother and sister
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308. ever since his dad on
one of your drill rings.
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309. Your son could take a page
outta his book Mr. Wheeler.
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310. - Ooh, what a burn.
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311. - When I get through with my
son, he won't have a book left.
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312. Now you locate him, or I'll have your job.
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313. - If you want to be the only peace officer
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314. in 10,000 square miles
and 1,000 miles of road,
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315. you're welcome to it.
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316. - This is my
world and welcome to it.
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317. - I'll do everything I can
to locate both of them.
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318. - Go on home,
they're waiting for you.
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319. - Hi Sheriff.
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320. - Wish I were.
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321. - What is this, The
Misfits all of the sudden?
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322. - Yeah, new to me.
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323. That's the biker I am.
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324. I'd be chasin' bicycles a couple of days.
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325. - Aw, come on Sheriff.
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326. Outside of Pat Wheeler,
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327. we haven't had a ticket in
our gang in eight months.
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328. - I was just kidding.
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329. - How much for
the macaroni and cheese.
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330. - What's the mileage on it?
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331. - Oh, about 35,000.
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332. Tell him you bought it from the state.
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333. Those lucky stiffs on highway
get a new car every year.
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334. - Let me have it for a couple of days
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335. and I'll tune it up for you.
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336. - You'd joke it off so
I could never catch it.
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337. - You couldn't catch that
deuce of mine right now.
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338. Now let me have that patrol car.
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339. I'll turn it into a slingshot
that'll catch anything.
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340. - A Joe Namath netted slingshot.
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341. - What do you dream about?
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342. - Just between us, Liz
Humphries and Pat Wheeler
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343. didn't get home last night.
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344. - They were supposed to
meet us at the drive-in
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345. but they didn't show up.
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346. I wondered what happened.
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347. - Hec Ramsey!
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348. - Are they in any kind of trouble?
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349. - What do you mean?
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350. - You know.
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351. - You know, like Warren
Beatty and Annette Bening?
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352. - No, I don't think so.
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353. - Chase, level with me.
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354. - You think I'm pretty?
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355. - I'm almost positive they
weren't in any trouble.
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356. I'd know.
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357. - Mechanics intuition.
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358. - You think they might've
run off to get married?
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359. - They've been going
steady for over a year now.
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360. I know they talked about it.
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361. - Well sir, person's got urges.
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362. - Not for right now.
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363. - Did Pat have any money saved?
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364. - Jeez, what is
he, the Shell Answer Man?
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365. - Yeah, some.
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366. - Like how much?
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367. - Well, he was talkin'
about gettin' a new blower,
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368. and a mill.
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369. About 500 bucks.
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370. - Where did he get that kind of money?
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371. - Bake sale.
- Saved it.
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372. His old man gives him a good allowance
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373. when he's not mad at him.
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374. - What bank does he use?
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375. - Hooterville Savings and Loan, why?
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376. - Could've saved it to
get married, could he?
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377. - I guess he can do
whatever he wants with it.
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378. - Looks like the
garage of Doctor Caligari.
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379. - His old man put him down flat.
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380. - I know.
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381. But Pat's smart enough
to provide for himself
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382. 'til his old man cooled off.
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383. - Dong, dong, dong.
- Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
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384. - Did you check the hospitals?
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385. - Yeah.
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386. Where could I find the rest of the gang?
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387. - Gang land?
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388. - I don't know about Bob and Gordi,
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389. but Chuck and Rec went over to Easton.
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390. They wanted to check with the Wheel Cats
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391. about next Saturday night's platter party.
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392. - Next Saturday night?
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393. - Yeah.
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394. - You warn the gang I'll be cruising
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395. that pass that night.
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396. No draggin'.
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397. - Aw, and he just
bought those red, satin pumps.
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398. - You get any postcards
from those two, let me know.
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399. - Say, nice J. Crew barn jacket.
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400. - Meanwhile, at
Grandma's lake cottage
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401. in Frederic, Wisconsin.
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402. - Hi Sheriff!
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403. - Hey Mr. Douglas,
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404. I got those bodies buried just in time.
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405. - Were just waiting by the door?
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406. - Junior Samples!
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407. - Hello Sheriff.
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408. - She's a good girl, Sheriff.
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409. - God, you're ugly.
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410. - How come you drove around
the truck all night, then?
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411. - Well, let's just say
I'm acquainted with the night.
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412. - You don't think she might've eloped?
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413. - Could be.
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414. She's pretty closed-mouth
about her affairs.
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415. - Maude likes a Wheeler.
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416. He ain't marrying our kind.
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417. - Here's we're just
simple white trash folk.
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418. - Just dropped around to let you know
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419. I'm doing everything I can.
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420. - We know that Sheriff.
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421. We sure do appreciate it.
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422. - Never had any trouble
lookin' after kids.
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423. - Let me know if I can help, Sheriff.
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424. - Quit worryin' this way.
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425. Got to trust in the Lord.
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426. - Crazy Amish folk.
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427. - Morning Sheriff.
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428. - Let me smell your breath.
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429. - Nice uvula.
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430. - Okay, go ahead.
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431. - Set me free, booze, I need you.
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432. - Hi Chase.
- Hi.
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433. - Still got your knee up, I see.
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434. - Yeah, she's all set.
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435. - Good.
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436. My boy, that's one trip
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437. I'm glad I don't have to make very often.
Copy !req
438. - The stuff heavy?
Copy !req
439. I'll help you unload.
Copy !req
440. - Ready and up!
Copy !req
441. - Wheeler's takin' that oil well
Copy !req
442. and he's afraid of fire when he comes in.
Copy !req
443. - What the heck are you saying?
Copy !req
444. - Wants us to keep it
out back in store hours.
Copy !req
445. - Will Rogers Follies
will continue after this.
Copy !req
446. - I made $100 for that stuff.
Copy !req
447. Dad showed me how to use it.
Copy !req
448. - Mom told you not to use it.
Copy !req
449. - Well, I'm sorry I was late gettin' back.
Copy !req
450. With that cargo, I was afraid to do
Copy !req
451. five miles an hour.
Copy !req
452. - Was English your first language?
Copy !req
453. - It's not dangerous as long
as it's in a nitro case.
Copy !req
454. - But I took these outta the case.
Copy !req
455. - You're lucky to be
standing talkin' about it.
Copy !req
456. - Hey, don't go away sore,
Copy !req
457. let's talk it through.
Copy !req
458. - Oh, hi mom.
Copy !req
459. Hey, don't get up, here's
your chili and your water.
Copy !req
460. - Did we win the war son?
Copy !req
461. - Shut up, mom.
Copy !req
462. - Okay.
Copy !req
463. - My tax in the safe now?
Copy !req
464. - Get your knee up, boy, c'mon.
Copy !req
465. There we go.
Copy !req
466. - Is that nitro safe out there?
Copy !req
467. - If it decides to blow,
it's not safe anywhere.
Copy !req
468. - Is it safe?
Copy !req
469. - My knee's ringing.
Copy !req
470. - I'll get it.
Copy !req
471. - That's not our ring.
Copy !req
472. - No, it's the Sheriff's.
Copy !req
473. If there's been a wreck,
I get a tow job out of it.
Copy !req
474. - Oh wow.
Copy !req
475. - You work all the
angles, don't you, Chase?
Copy !req
476. - Mr. Compton, I have to.
Copy !req
477. - He's a geometry teacher.
Copy !req
478. Oh yes (panting).
Copy !req
479. What are you wearing?
Copy !req
480. I'm putting my knee up right now.
Copy !req
481. - Sweet erosion.
Copy !req
482. We've heard enough!
Copy !req
483. - I feel so dirty.
Copy !req
484. - There's been a wreck,
12 miles out of town.
Copy !req
485. Where's the wrecker?
Copy !req
486. - Oh, I used the A frame to
build a doggone rock garden.
Copy !req
487. Look, you take your car and
keep the city's records off.
Copy !req
488. I'll get our wreck and follow you.
Copy !req
489. - And we can clear away
Copy !req
490. the wreckage of our sordid past.
Copy !req
491. - N. Y. P. D.!
Copy !req
492. We know you're here.
Copy !req
493. There's no one else in the
county and you use your siren.
Copy !req
494. - They've got this
angled parking thing all wrong.
Copy !req
495. - Is there anything I can
put my knee up on here, boy?
Copy !req
496. - I wondered who was on
that party line a while ago.
Copy !req
497. - Cost me to get on that line with you.
Copy !req
498. I figured since it was on
your call station anyway,
Copy !req
499. you wouldn't care.
Copy !req
500. - There's a pretty good one.
Copy !req
501. - Yeah.
Copy !req
502. - Looks like a cat
climbed up on the grill, woof.
Copy !req
503. - This engine's still warm.
Copy !req
504. - Say, did you see the
skid marks out here?
Copy !req
505. They go at a direct right angle
Copy !req
506. than the direction of travel.
Copy !req
507. - Hey, sounds like
Robert Klein's around here.
Copy !req
508. - No digs in the mechanum either.
Copy !req
509. - Sad, really.
Copy !req
510. - Somebody was hurt in here,
Copy !req
511. there's blood all over the upholstery.
Copy !req
512. - Nothing scapes
you, oldie, does it?
Copy !req
513. - There's nobody here.
Copy !req
514. - Real good?
Copy !req
515. - Yeah, real good.
Copy !req
516. Well, maybe somebody came
by and picked them up.
Copy !req
517. Could've been the people that called in.
Copy !req
518. - No, they'd of said something.
Copy !req
519. - Then why didn't they wait?
Copy !req
520. - People who go to the
trouble to report an accident
Copy !req
521. but they won't stay around,
Copy !req
522. don't want to fill out the reports.
Copy !req
523. - Yeah, nobody likes a lousy snitch.
Copy !req
524. - Well, I'll take the license
number and engine number.
Copy !req
525. Call headquarters.
Copy !req
526. Maybe they've got
Copy !req
527. a line on 'em.
- You are headquarters.
Copy !req
528. - Hey, what are you looking at?
Copy !req
529. That's official police property.
Copy !req
530. - How are you headlights.
Copy !req
531. - I don't have head lice.
Copy !req
532. - Both of 'em burning?
Copy !req
533. How many times have I warned you
Copy !req
534. about gettin' that headlamp fixed?
Copy !req
535. - About a ka-jillion, sir.
Copy !req
536. - But the first time it
was just a suggestion.
Copy !req
537. - COB only costs four dollars.
Copy !req
538. - The tender headlight theme.
Copy !req
539. - Missy?
Copy !req
540. - The doctor said she'd be able
Copy !req
541. to start walking again pretty soon,
Copy !req
542. took all I had to make a part
down payment on her braces.
Copy !req
543. - Gosh, the moonlight
Copy !req
544. does crazy things to your hair, sir.
Copy !req
545. - Well, I think this
is a complete wash out.
Copy !req
546. - These folks are dead,
not much else we can do.
Copy !req
547. - You probably got a screwdriver.
Copy !req
548. - No, but I've
got a Singapore Sling.
Copy !req
549. - Ba-boons.
Copy !req
550. - I don't think the insurance company
Copy !req
551. would miss one of those headlamps.
Copy !req
552. - Yeah, that guy's not gonna miss
Copy !req
553. his credit cards either, you know?
Copy !req
554. - Hey, one, two, one, two.
Copy !req
555. - Come on, Crow, Lindy.
Copy !req
556. Ow, your beak.
Copy !req
557. - What about my beak?
Copy !req
558. - Big ol' beak.
Copy !req
559. - Hey, hey, you guys quiet down.
Copy !req
560. Hi, do you like to make money?
Copy !req
561. Sure, we all do.
Copy !req
562. Well, do you realize,
Copy !req
563. hey, move aside,
Copy !req
564. do you realize you might have a goldmine
Copy !req
565. sitting in that empty pantry
or linen closet at home?
Copy !req
566. Yeah, sure, just do what I do
Copy !req
567. and turn that empty closet
space into a gold mine
Copy !req
568. by turning it into a teen
pavilion slash barber shop,
Copy !req
569. just like in today's movie
The Giant Gila Monster.
Copy !req
570. - Silent gone, Jasper.
Copy !req
571. - Couple of freaks down here.
Copy !req
572. - Kids, will you step aside.
Copy !req
573. You guys and their teen lingo.
Copy !req
574. You know, all you gotta do is clear away
Copy !req
575. some of the more hazardous cleanser,
Copy !req
576. stock up on plenty of
health-licious and delicious
Copy !req
577. snacks and beverages and
then tune in your prop radio
Copy !req
578. into the appropriate teen dance tune.
Copy !req
579. - You make me sweat, Tommy.
Copy !req
580. - Me too, ha.
Copy !req
581. Let's go get something cool and slippery
Copy !req
582. from the stupid jerk.
Copy !req
583. - Oh, good idea.
Copy !req
584. - Stupid jerk here.
Copy !req
585. - Tom, it's soda jerk,
Copy !req
586. would you guys straighten up
and fly with me on this one?
Copy !req
587. Come on, this is my sketch.
Copy !req
588. - All right, pops.
Copy !req
589. Shoot us a couple of Blue Floyds.
Copy !req
590. - What's a Blue Floyd?
Copy !req
591. - Crammedy this guy.
Copy !req
592. - Okay, daddy, we'll talk you through.
Copy !req
593. Just put two scoops of
ice cream in a blender.
Copy !req
594. - No, three scoops, three scoops.
Copy !req
595. - Oh yeah, three scoops.
Copy !req
596. Add some malted milk.
- Three scoops
Copy !req
597. of ice cream.
Copy !req
598. - Then fill the top with
cool, menthol barber-cide.
Copy !req
599. - And garnish with a comb.
Copy !req
600. - Oh, come on you guys, that's it.
Copy !req
601. The fun time's over.
Copy !req
602. This is my sketch,
Copy !req
603. you guys never go along
with me on these things.
Copy !req
604. I stop, I quit it.
Copy !req
605. - Come on, Joel.
- Come on, baby.
Copy !req
606. We're just funnin' ya.
Copy !req
607. - Every time you guys the
robots come up with some
Copy !req
608. half-baked idea I try to go
along with it and be supportive,
Copy !req
609. but the minute Joel has an
idea for a presentation,
Copy !req
610. in run the baby Teddy
Ruxpins and spoil everything.
Copy !req
611. - Okay, fine, next time
you can get your precious
Copy !req
612. Gypsy to help you.
Copy !req
613. - Hey Gypsy, come here.
Copy !req
614. - Gypsy, no, it's too small.
Copy !req
615. - These two, nothin' but trouble.
Copy !req
616. Back after this.
Copy !req
617. - Just be quiet,
don't let it happen again.
Copy !req
618. - It's young Jimmy
Morrison as the lizard king.
Copy !req
619. - Here comes Fred Sanford.
Copy !req
620. - I'm feeling mighty peckish.
Copy !req
621. Snack time.
Copy !req
622. - Good afternoon, sir or madam,
Copy !req
623. I'd like to show you
Encyclopedia Britannica
Copy !req
624. if you just take a—
Copy !req
625. - Damn, I thought
selling door to door was hard.
Copy !req
626. - I just love dining al fresco.
Copy !req
627. - And that's the
guy's name, Al Fresco,
Copy !req
628. can you believe it?
Copy !req
629. - I can't get that tune
outta my head, I don't know.
Copy !req
630. - The road company
of Death of a Salesman
Copy !req
631. ladies and gentlemen.
Copy !req
632. - I'll eat him
with relish (laughing).
Copy !req
633. Lizard jokes.
Copy !req
634. - Fava beans.
Copy !req
635. - C. Everett Koop,
I've been meaning to quit.
Copy !req
636. It's a Montclair Moment!
Copy !req
637. - Hey, can I bum a smoke?
Copy !req
638. - And for killing that salesman,
Copy !req
639. you win this Samsonite luggage.
Copy !req
640. Oh, have an accident?
Copy !req
641. No thanks, just had one.
Copy !req
642. - Car was going out of state.
Copy !req
643. - Insured by Allstate.
Copy !req
644. - So whoever's
stole it is hurt or not
Copy !req
645. as long as they can navigate.
Copy !req
646. - I'm a poet and I don't know it.
Copy !req
647. - Is there anything else
I can do here, Sheriff?
Copy !req
648. If not, I'll get this back to the garage.
Copy !req
649. - Go ahead.
Copy !req
650. Chase, you give me a hand?
Copy !req
651. - No, cinch up
your own pants, Sheriff.
Copy !req
652. - Those skid marks.
Copy !req
653. You stand by them for scale.
Copy !req
654. - Skid marks, you're
a sick man, Sheriff.
Copy !req
655. - Wait, that's my car!
Copy !req
656. - Let's see, I
got tires, headlights,
Copy !req
657. now if I could just get a roof.
Copy !req
658. - Man, night
falls fast in Tennessee.
Copy !req
659. - I'm guessing a Northwest
flight passed overhead.
Copy !req
660. - Entrapment, I smell a frame up.
Copy !req
661. Luggage cake.
Copy !req
662. - Can I see your
claim check, please?
Copy !req
663. Yeah.
Copy !req
664. - Trouble Chase?
Copy !req
665. - Don't know, Sheriff.
Copy !req
666. Take a look.
Copy !req
667. - That's an easy
one, it's a suitcase.
Copy !req
668. - Probably fell off a car.
Copy !req
669. - No scratches on it.
Copy !req
670. - Well, maybe it landed in a bush.
Copy !req
671. - You know, a smart fella
Copy !req
672. could put his knee up on such a thing.
Copy !req
673. - Was it just like that when you found it?
Copy !req
674. - When I angled it two degrees to.
Copy !req
675. - Probably belonged to some hitchhiker.
Copy !req
676. - That's a leap of faith.
Copy !req
677. - Might've belonged to that fella
Copy !req
678. that stole that car and wrecked it.
Copy !req
679. - Go ahead, pick it up one of ya,
Copy !req
680. you know you wanna.
Copy !req
681. - Go on!
Copy !req
682. - Gotta say, look at this.
Copy !req
683. - Looks like Edward R.
Murrow's been through here.
Copy !req
684. - I specialize in
previously owned cigarette butts.
Copy !req
685. - Half a pack of cigarettes.
Copy !req
686. One unlit.
Copy !req
687. - I can't decide which one to eat,
Copy !req
688. they both look so good!
Copy !req
689. - That suitcase don't
belong to any car thief,
Copy !req
690. he was around here too long.
Copy !req
691. I'll take it in.
Copy !req
692. - I'll put it in the car for you.
Copy !req
693. - Somebody will be around to claim it.
Copy !req
694. See you later, son.
Copy !req
695. - Right, Sheriff.
Copy !req
696. - Son.
Copy !req
697. Wait, he called me son!
Copy !req
698. No wonder Mom cries when
I mention the sheriff.
Copy !req
699. - You know, when
I look at the human race,
Copy !req
700. I gotta laugh.
Copy !req
701. I got a chickpea for a brain
Copy !req
702. and I'm still smarter
than they are, go figure.
Copy !req
703. I'll be right back after these words.
Copy !req
704. - 1313 Mockingbird Lane.
Copy !req
705. - I'd say it looks like he's early
Copy !req
706. for the panty raid on the dorm.
Copy !req
707. - Oh, thank goodness the
IHOP's still open, you know?
Copy !req
708. - Pancakes are up for everybody.
Copy !req
709. - Well, it's just about
time for him to put his knee,
Copy !req
710. yup, called it!
Copy !req
711. - How'd you call that?
Copy !req
712. - Ooh-la-la, Rooty
Tooty Fresh 'n Fruity for me!
Copy !req
713. Were you putting your knee up again?
Copy !req
714. Aren't I enough for you?
Copy !req
715. - Hey.
Copy !req
716. - Hey, you're getting
Dippity-Do on my coat.
Copy !req
717. - I got your phone call.
Copy !req
718. - When I was serving
dinner to Mr. Wheeler,
Copy !req
719. he became very angry.
Copy !req
720. He said if I saw you again
Copy !req
721. he would have me sent back to France.
Copy !req
722. - He can't do that.
Copy !req
723. - Oh yes, he can.
Copy !req
724. He's my sponsor.
Copy !req
725. He put up the barn.
Copy !req
726. - That was to guarantee
Copy !req
727. that you wouldn't become
a warden of the state.
Copy !req
728. - Burt Ward?
Copy !req
729. - But we don't have to
worry about any of that.
Copy !req
730. You know how to speak English well enough
Copy !req
731. to get a job anywhere.
Copy !req
732. - Yeah, maybe at a seven 11.
Copy !req
733. - Doh!
Copy !req
734. - What's you worry 'bout?
Copy !req
735. - Nothing.
Copy !req
736. - I don't want to go with it.
Copy !req
737. (smacking)
- You won't have to, honey.
Copy !req
738. - He'll think it's your
fault Pat ran away.
Copy !req
739. - Well, he can think
whatever he wants to think.
Copy !req
740. - Here, let's go
rent The Errand Boy.
Copy !req
741. - We hadn't better take any chances.
Copy !req
742. You go back inside,
Copy !req
743. and look, don't worry.
Copy !req
744. Everything's going to be okay.
Copy !req
745. - What the.
Copy !req
746. French people sure do kiss funny.
Copy !req
747. - Transportation servitive
Copy !req
748. provided by catty limousine.
Copy !req
749. We get you there safe, or we don't pay.
Copy !req
750. In Hannah's Port and Palm Beach.
Copy !req
751. - It's a speed bump with no tongue!
Copy !req
752. - He's an excellent driver.
Copy !req
753. Definitely an excellent driver.
Copy !req
754. He's not wearing his underwear.
Copy !req
755. - Man, I've been
following you around for days
Copy !req
756. just hoping you might need a tow job.
Copy !req
757. - You all right?
Copy !req
758. - All right?
Copy !req
759. - All right, I'm
great, here, wait a minute.
Copy !req
760. I'll let you look at me full-size.
Copy !req
761. - I'm superb.
Copy !req
762. No corners, I'm a round here.
Copy !req
763. - Is there an
interpreter in there with you?
Copy !req
764. - Smith.
Copy !req
765. Horatio Alger Smith.
- Potato head.
Copy !req
766. - But you can call me sugar lumps.
Copy !req
767. - How'd you get in the ditch?
Copy !req
768. You fall asleep?
Copy !req
769. - Oh, no, no.
Copy !req
770. There was this big pink and black thing,
Copy !req
771. drove right in front of me.
- Uh huh.
Copy !req
772. - It had stripes this wide.
- Yeah,
Copy !req
773. alcoholism sure is a hoot.
Copy !req
774. - I'll get your car out.
Copy !req
775. - Okay, that sounds like.
Copy !req
776. - Lean on me, baby.
Copy !req
777. Yup, scene.
Copy !req
778. Get moody up here, yup.
Copy !req
779. What's he doin'?
Copy !req
780. - Hey.
Copy !req
781. - Hey, man, you can't drive this car.
Copy !req
782. Fender's cutting the wheel.
Copy !req
783. - Sure I can, the motor works, see.
Copy !req
784. But that's for everything, dad.
Copy !req
785. You're a cotton-pickin' prince.
Copy !req
786. - Okay, just a second.
Copy !req
787. I'll get out of the way.
Copy !req
788. - We thought it would be funny
Copy !req
789. to make a hopeless
drunk try to drive a car
Copy !req
790. while it's hooked to a tow truck.
Copy !req
791. Let's watch.
Copy !req
792. - What is it?
Copy !req
793. - It's a State Farm insurance scene.
Copy !req
794. You like it?
Copy !req
795. - This scene is funny.
Copy !req
796. - Wide track tires
stabilize your ride.
Copy !req
797. - What is it, now?
Copy !req
798. - Oh, it's the Aamco theme.
Copy !req
799. That's even better.
Copy !req
800. - Steering wheel won't work.
Copy !req
801. - This strikes me as humorous.
Copy !req
802. How can he drive when he's
hooked up to a tow truck?
Copy !req
803. The whole concept strikes me as absurd.
Copy !req
804. - I'm driving. (sputtering)
Copy !req
805. - Honk honk!
Copy !req
806. State Farm insurance.
Copy !req
807. - Get these spiders off me.
Copy !req
808. - Rhythm, huh?
Copy !req
809. - Huh, hold up.
Copy !req
810. - Oh, gee buddy,
Copy !req
811. I hate a cappella.
Copy !req
812. - Oh, so that's who I am.
Copy !req
813. - ♫ Swing and
sing and bells are ringing
Copy !req
814. - Do, do-do, do-do, do-do.
Copy !req
815. - ♫ My baby she
- Shut up!
Copy !req
816. Shut up, shut up! (whimpering)
Copy !req
817. - Say.
Copy !req
818. - I think I'll take
after him with that handle.
Copy !req
819. - Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Copy !req
820. Good afternoon, Mr. Smith.
Copy !req
821. - Did I do something last night
Copy !req
822. I'm not going to be proud of?
Copy !req
823. - Guys have had their heads
chopped off for less than that.
Copy !req
824. - For what?
Copy !req
825. - For singing,
a-singing, a-singing.
Copy !req
826. - So doggone good when I feel so bad.
Copy !req
827. How did I get here, anyway?
Copy !req
828. - I towed you in this morning, remember?
Copy !req
829. - I towed you, but I left the car.
Copy !req
830. - I remember very, very little.
Copy !req
831. - But don't worry,
you were a perfect gentleman.
Copy !req
832. - I didn't see any other cars.
Copy !req
833. - How'd you ever get
me in that bed, anyway.
Copy !req
834. - It was your cologne.
Copy !req
835. - I carried you in there and I sat on you
Copy !req
836. until you fell asleep.
Copy !req
837. - Oh, wow.
Copy !req
838. - Quite a chore.
Copy !req
839. - You wouldn't have gotten
very far in your condition.
Copy !req
840. - It was fun, I didn't mind.
Copy !req
841. - I appreciate it.
Copy !req
842. - Chase Winston.
Copy !req
843. - Chase.
Copy !req
844. Mind telling how much I owe you?
Copy !req
845. - Well, I bent the fender
out from the wheel.
Copy !req
846. Want me to fill it in
and touch it up for you?
Copy !req
847. - Uh, you've touched enough, Chase.
Copy !req
848. - I'll get that done when
I get back to the city.
Copy !req
849. - Yogurt?
- Coffee.
Copy !req
850. - Oh, great.
Copy !req
851. - How 'bout two bucks.
Copy !req
852. - Two bucks, that's outrageous!
Copy !req
853. I'm not paying.
Copy !req
854. - This coffee's worth
two bucks all by itself.
Copy !req
855. How 'bout the tow?
Copy !req
856. - No, I was coming this way anyway.
Copy !req
857. Missed out on a little studying time.
Copy !req
858. Make it three bucks?
Copy !req
859. - Kid, you're dumber
than a bag of hammers.
Copy !req
860. - Sort of, I take a correspondence
course in engineering.
Copy !req
861. - Line city vo-tech.
Copy !req
862. - I really feel indebted to you,
Copy !req
863. and I'd like to do
something to pay you back.
Copy !req
864. Next time you're in the
town, that's my card,
Copy !req
865. look me up, will you?
Copy !req
866. - Will do.
Copy !req
867. - Okay.
Copy !req
868. Oh, and by the way.
Copy !req
869. - Here's a Denny's coupon,
Copy !req
870. good any time after midnight, enjoy.
Copy !req
871. - Buy yourself a sponge rubber hammer man.
Copy !req
872. I'll see you, Chase.
Copy !req
873. - Thank you.
Copy !req
874. - No, thank you!
Copy !req
875. - Oh no, thank you.
Copy !req
876. - No, thank you.
Copy !req
877. - No, please, thank you.
Copy !req
878. - Steamroller Smith.
Copy !req
879. The disc jockey!
Copy !req
880. - Hey, I love your morning show,
Copy !req
881. especially when you make goofy
phone calls to celebrities!
Copy !req
882. - Two 20's!
Copy !req
883. - That makes $30, wow!
Copy !req
884. - Well, she
swings whenever she sings
Copy !req
885. whenever she sings, la da
dee da dee da dum dum dum.
Copy !req
886. - Sheriff.
Copy !req
887. - I think you're
seeing too much of me.
Copy !req
888. - Heard anything from Pat and Liz?
Copy !req
889. - No, nothing.
Copy !req
890. - Chase, I'm in a jam.
Copy !req
891. I need your help.
Copy !req
892. Wheeler swings a big enough
stick in this country
Copy !req
893. to make it rough.
Copy !req
894. And he's doing it.
Copy !req
895. - Are you lookin' on
a different script, Sheriff?
Copy !req
896. - I can understand his concern about Pat,
Copy !req
897. but I just don't have a big enough force
Copy !req
898. to comb this area inch by inch.
Copy !req
899. - Is he demanding that?
Copy !req
900. - There was a man killed in a wreck
Copy !req
901. in a small canyon in a big city last year.
Copy !req
902. And it took them 19 days to find him.
Copy !req
903. I don't know what they expect of me.
Copy !req
904. - Yeah, I remember that.
Copy !req
905. - I love your defeatist attitude.
Copy !req
906. - Look, Sheriff, maybe I
can get tomorrow off and
Copy !req
907. I'll get the gang and we can
go out and search that pass.
Copy !req
908. At least you can put that in your report.
Copy !req
909. - And smoke it.
- I was hoping
Copy !req
910. you'd say that.
Copy !req
911. I can start at the upper
end and work towards ya.
Copy !req
912. Can I have your help in another matter?
Copy !req
913. - Sure, what?
Copy !req
914. - You remember how those
skid marks just went
Copy !req
915. at right angles to the
direction the car would travel?
Copy !req
916. - Hey, would you
drop the skid marks.
Copy !req
917. - Really.
Copy !req
918. - Headquarters think I'm nuts.
Copy !req
919. - Well then they're nuts.
- Headquarters
Copy !req
920. be right.
Copy !req
921. - Didn't you send them that picture?
Copy !req
922. - I'm not the world's
greatest photographer.
Copy !req
923. Picture didn't come out.
Copy !req
924. Can't see the skid marks
Copy !req
925. on the blacktop.
- Would you forget
Copy !req
926. the skid marks!
Copy !req
927. - Well, that's what happened.
Copy !req
928. I even wiped up the rubber
dust with my fingers.
Copy !req
929. - You might have to sign a
statement to that affect for me.
Copy !req
930. - You got it.
Copy !req
931. Look, you can even see the
bald spots on the tires
Copy !req
932. where they went sideways.
Copy !req
933. - Oh, don't say
bald spot, I'm sensitive.
Copy !req
934. - But there's another
thing that puzzles me.
Copy !req
935. - Howie Mandel.
Copy !req
936. What's the appeal?
Copy !req
937. - How those tires got off of that car.
Copy !req
938. - Come on, don't tease us,
Copy !req
939. put your legs up, you know you wanna.
Copy !req
940. - And on my rod they
can prevent a blow out.
Copy !req
941. Maybe even an accident.
Copy !req
942. - Travolta in Blow Out.
Copy !req
943. - Well, take good care of 'em
in case the owner shows up.
Copy !req
944. - Right.
Copy !req
945. - See you tomorrow.
Copy !req
946. - Right.
(Crow laughing)
Copy !req
947. - What a dink.
Copy !req
948. - Hey, what gives,
Copy !req
949. we were gonna make out here.
Copy !req
950. - Let's call it a day.
Copy !req
951. We've covered half the
roads in this county
Copy !req
952. - Hello, I'm Larry
Miller, how are you?
Copy !req
953. - How 'bout that brook.
Copy !req
954. That runs along here
for about eight miles.
Copy !req
955. - Gee, we can
really pan out the movie
Copy !req
956. with that reveal.
Copy !req
957. - All right.
Copy !req
958. - As long as I
get to be Tige Andrews.
Copy !req
959. - No, we've decided
you're already Larry Miller.
Copy !req
960. - Sing whatever and eat the teens.
Copy !req
961. A sing (babbling).
Copy !req
962. I'm your boyfriend now (babbling).
Copy !req
963. - Darling, how does that go,
Copy !req
964. sing, when you sing with
the whatever the thing.
Copy !req
965. - Oh, never mind, hey,
Copy !req
966. honey Spalding Gray's performing
Monster in a Box down here.
Copy !req
967. - No, really?
Copy !req
968. Oh, I'm big, I'm really big.
Copy !req
969. There's no way to describe
just how enormous,
Copy !req
970. but thanks for your patronage.
Copy !req
971. Enjoy this next upcoming
event from out west, enjoy.
Copy !req
972. Notice they built the fort down here
Copy !req
973. and everything dear.
Copy !req
974. - Truss puppy,
Copy !req
975. hey cut that out.
Copy !req
976. - That'll hurt.
Copy !req
977. See honey, all this could be yours.
Copy !req
978. - Sure is beat down around here.
Copy !req
979. - Yup, yup.
Copy !req
980. - What is that?
Copy !req
981. - What is it, Chase?
Copy !req
982. - It's a bridge!
- Looks like an animal of some
Copy !req
983. sort walking around here.
- Taylor branch.
Copy !req
984. - You mean, it was animal here?
Copy !req
985. - Sure, could be anything,
even a mountain lion.
Copy !req
986. Oh come on.
Copy !req
987. - Kitty cat.
Copy !req
988. Now that was a huge log
I was hauling earlier.
Copy !req
989. I'm very immense and huge, believe me,
Copy !req
990. thanks a lot, enjoy the rest of the show,
Copy !req
991. and head out to the lobby and
enjoy a delicious bon-bon.
Copy !req
992. - Bon-bon?
Copy !req
993. - I don't make
this noise myself, folks,
Copy !req
994. it's called folly.
Copy !req
995. I'll be back later with another fun fact.
Copy !req
996. Thanks, and enjoy.
Copy !req
997. - Hey, he put on a
little weight for the role,
Copy !req
998. just like De Niro.
Copy !req
999. - No, that is De Niro.
Copy !req
1000. - He's dedicated.
Copy !req
1001. Very, very dedicated.
Copy !req
1002. - He's cute.
Copy !req
1003. - Thirsty?
Copy !req
1004. - Yes, but, haven't we
gone far enough, Chase?
Copy !req
1005. - Uh oh, don't
drink, that's my urine.
Copy !req
1006. I don't even do that.
Copy !req
1007. - Oh that's bitter.
Copy !req
1008. - What do you expect?
Copy !req
1009. - It's got an awful lot of mineral in it.
Copy !req
1010. - Come on, let's go.
Copy !req
1011. - Well wait a minute.
Copy !req
1012. Let's take a breather first.
Copy !req
1013. - Chase, I.
Copy !req
1014. - He's doing a Gap commercial.
Copy !req
1015. - Let's go back.
Copy !req
1016. - Are you afraid?
Copy !req
1017. Now you come on over here with me,
Copy !req
1018. sit in the shade.
Copy !req
1019. - Oh yeah.
Copy !req
1020. - Whoa, ow.
Copy !req
1021. - I like to watch. (babbling)
Copy !req
1022. No, do it like this.
Copy !req
1023. - Huh?
Copy !req
1024. - Come on, let's go already.
Copy !req
1025. - These kids today, I tell ya.
Copy !req
1026. - Sh! Come one.
Copy !req
1027. - (coughing) Hey
gang, I drank lizard urine.
Copy !req
1028. - It's Pat's car at
the bottom of the wash.
Copy !req
1029. Two or three miles back
by the old reservoir.
Copy !req
1030. - Were they in it?
Copy !req
1031. - No, nothing.
Copy !req
1032. - So, you called us up for that?
Copy !req
1033. Geez!
(Tom booing)
Copy !req
1034. - Did I ever tell you
Copy !req
1035. about the six levels of drinking.
Copy !req
1036. It's really fascinating.
Copy !req
1037. - Oh, here comes this guy.
Copy !req
1038. - Hello, Crow.
Copy !req
1039. - Oh, he got it wrong.
Copy !req
1040. - Hiya Tom Servo.
Copy !req
1041. I am Mr. Day here.
Copy !req
1042. - Hey, look at me.
Copy !req
1043. Isn't this something.
Copy !req
1044. - Crazy Guggenheim,
Copy !req
1045. one of the truly funny drunks.
Copy !req
1046. - You know, you just
don't see comical drunks
Copy !req
1047. like the ones in this week's
experiment anymore, do you?
Copy !req
1048. - What happened now?
Copy !req
1049. When did public intoxication
stop being funny?
Copy !req
1050. - Well, I think the '60's
were kind of the golden age
Copy !req
1051. of the funny drunk.
Copy !req
1052. Remember Otis, from Mayberry?
Copy !req
1053. - Oh yeah.
Copy !req
1054. Sandy, I'll just let
myself in to the jail.
Copy !req
1055. - What about Dean Martin?
Copy !req
1056. He was really funny when
he was drunk, wasn't he?
Copy !req
1057. - Yeah, he was also very cool, you know.
Copy !req
1058. I think it would be a good
idea if we each did our
Copy !req
1059. favorite funny drunk.
Copy !req
1060. - Me first, me first.
Copy !req
1061. I got one already.
Copy !req
1062. I'm gonna be the guy who calls you,
Copy !req
1063. who gets really drunk, calls
you at three in the morning,
Copy !req
1064. and tells you what a good friend you are.
Copy !req
1065. Joel, help me out on this.
Copy !req
1066. You can do the guy on the
other end of the phone.
Copy !req
1067. - Okay.
- I'll do the ring.
Copy !req
1068. - Hello?
Copy !req
1069. - Hi, you know what man?
Copy !req
1070. You're a really good friend.
Copy !req
1071. No, really, you're a good friend.
Copy !req
1072. I love you man, I love you,
Copy !req
1073. you're a beautiful person, I admire you.
Copy !req
1074. You made something of yourself man.
Copy !req
1075. You got out of this town.
- Joel?
Copy !req
1076. - I think that's great man.
Copy !req
1077. - Bail me out, buddy, will ya?
Copy !req
1078. - I'll never get out.
Copy !req
1079. - Crow, Crow, Crow,
Copy !req
1080. that's very good, very funny.
(Crow whimpering)
Copy !req
1081. Very poignant.
Copy !req
1082. Very bittersweet.
Copy !req
1083. - Thank you.
- Tom, you want
Copy !req
1084. to do yours?
Copy !req
1085. - Well, I'm gonna be everyone's
favorite funny drunk.
Copy !req
1086. I'm gonna be the life of
the party on New Year's Eve,
Copy !req
1087. if you know what I mean.
Copy !req
1088. Just imagine now, get this,
Copy !req
1089. I have either a lampshade or a
fez perhaps on my head there.
Copy !req
1090. Okay, here we go.
Copy !req
1091. Hey everybody, it's almost
midnight! (hiccuping)
Copy !req
1092. Guess I'll see you next year!
Copy !req
1093. - Oh my god, my only
friend is having a stroke.
Copy !req
1094. Tommy, Tommy (whimpering).
Copy !req
1095. - Hey Joel.
Copy !req
1096. - What?
Copy !req
1097. - Give your friend Gypsy a
big, sloppy red one, huh?
Copy !req
1098. - You guys, stop it,
this isn't funny anymore.
Copy !req
1099. - Guys, did we just do an
after school special, here?
Copy !req
1100. - Well, I don't think so,
Copy !req
1101. I haven't seen Scott Baio on the premises.
Copy !req
1102. - Well, actually, since
we've moved into that genre,
Copy !req
1103. I think it's time to do
Copy !req
1104. the poignant, thoughtful
ending, don't you?
Copy !req
1105. - Yeah, I guess so.
Copy !req
1106. - Rarely have we seen a person fail
Copy !req
1107. - [Joel, Tom] who has
thoroughly followed our path.
Copy !req
1108. - [Joel, Tom, Crow]
Our story is disclosed
Copy !req
1109. in a general way what happened.
Copy !req
1110. - What we were like,
and what we are like now.
Copy !req
1111. We got serenity saddle!
Copy !req
1112. Let's go!
Copy !req
1113. - Turn the motor on.
Copy !req
1114. The wince is already engaged.
Copy !req
1115. Now, if I yell, turn the key off.
Copy !req
1116. - Okay.
Copy !req
1117. - Now what's this guy doing?
Copy !req
1118. - No, no, no, the steering
wheel's on the other side.
Copy !req
1119. What are you from Europe or something?
Copy !req
1120. - Okay?
Copy !req
1121. Go ahead!
Copy !req
1122. - Should I go backwards?
Copy !req
1123. - Go ahead!
Copy !req
1124. - Um, I thought
you said go backwards.
Copy !req
1125. - That's right, go ahead!
Copy !req
1126. - Um,
- Yes?
Copy !req
1127. - But should I go left?
Copy !req
1128. - Right!
Copy !req
1129. - Tell me, should I go left?
Copy !req
1130. - Right!
Copy !req
1131. - That's what I'm asking.
Copy !req
1132. - Right!
Copy !req
1133. - So this?
- No left!
Copy !req
1134. Ladies and gentlemen, join us next week
Copy !req
1135. for another edition of Abbott
and Costello Playhouse.
Copy !req
1136. - Folks, I tried to get
them to rewrite this scene.
Copy !req
1137. Next time, I'll assist on final cut.
Copy !req
1138. Enjoy my special spring project.
Copy !req
1139. - That a girl, that a girl.
Copy !req
1140. Keep going.
Copy !req
1141. - Crawl it over on us, now.
Copy !req
1142. - Go five!
Copy !req
1143. - I really get a sense
of where that monster is,
Copy !req
1144. don't you?
Copy !req
1145. - Mmhmm, yeah.
Copy !req
1146. - You did fine, honey.
Copy !req
1147. - I'll be using
this condescending tone
Copy !req
1148. 'til the mid '70's.
Copy !req
1149. - Yeah, we'll meet you
back at the garage, okay?
Copy !req
1150. - Okay, let's go, Jenny.
Copy !req
1151. - Can't that woman use a door?
Copy !req
1152. - I sing whenever,
oh no, I'm doing it, oh.
Copy !req
1153. - Look, a cheese shredder.
Copy !req
1154. - Well, I'm getting really hungry.
Copy !req
1155. I've gotta stop letting
them get away, folks.
Copy !req
1156. Until next time, good night and God bless.
Copy !req
1157. - So, the entire town revolves
Copy !req
1158. around the towing business.
Copy !req
1159. - Pretty much.
Copy !req
1160. - See ya later.
Copy !req
1161. - He sings whenever
he sings whenever he sings!
Copy !req
1162. Ah, forget it.
Copy !req
1163. - Hi, you guys fixin' cars?
Copy !req
1164. Can I hang around some?
Copy !req
1165. - What did you find?
Copy !req
1166. - By the reservoir and William's wash,
Copy !req
1167. they weren't in it.
Copy !req
1168. No sign of blood or anything.
Copy !req
1169. I think they were thrown clear.
Copy !req
1170. - Search the area?
Copy !req
1171. - Isn't that your job?
Copy !req
1172. - Down the ravine for about a mile.
Copy !req
1173. Well, we looked beyond the wreck
for a couple hundred yards.
Copy !req
1174. Wouldn't you say, Gordy?
Copy !req
1175. - At least that far.
Copy !req
1176. - You see any footprints?
Copy !req
1177. - No, none.
Copy !req
1178. - Looks like Tige
Andrews in the middle there.
Copy !req
1179. - No, it's Larry Miller.
Copy !req
1180. - Larry Miller, huh?
Copy !req
1181. - Drives the same as that Sedan.
Copy !req
1182. Like it's been hit with
a 10 ton rubber mouth.
Copy !req
1183. - Is that a fantasy
of yours, Sheriff?
Copy !req
1184. - Rough trip down that
cliff, but could've done it.
Copy !req
1185. - Yeah.
Copy !req
1186. I'll have to go over
that area with a rake.
Copy !req
1187. - You are a rake. (laughing)
Copy !req
1188. - You know, I've been thinking,
Copy !req
1189. if Liz and Pat had eloped,
Copy !req
1190. they wouldn't have taken his car.
Copy !req
1191. 'Cause old man Wheeler would
have it traced right off.
Copy !req
1192. - Well, maybe he stored it, Chase,
Copy !req
1193. and then it was stolen.
Copy !req
1194. - Larry Miller, ladies
and gentlemen, Larry Miller.
Copy !req
1195. - Somebody parked it there.
Copy !req
1196. Well, the brakes could have
made it, rolled off the edge.
Copy !req
1197. - It would be a strange coincidence
Copy !req
1198. if they came back to
this part of the county.
Copy !req
1199. Possibility makes some sense.
Copy !req
1200. I'll get my gear and
dust for fingerprints.
Copy !req
1201. - Oh, Rochester,
will you dust the truck?
Copy !req
1202. - Gosh, I wish you boys
would have called me
Copy !req
1203. before you drug it out.
Copy !req
1204. I might've found some
clues to help us out.
Copy !req
1205. - (laughing) You could find a clue.
Copy !req
1206. - The hard part's telling Mr. Wheeler.
Copy !req
1207. I sure dread that.
Copy !req
1208. - Not like we found them there.
Copy !req
1209. - He's sure gonna raise Ned
Copy !req
1210. 'cause I didn't find this wreck sooner.
Copy !req
1211. - Ned? Raise Ned?
Copy !req
1212. - Where's Mr. Compton?
Copy !req
1213. - Oh, he we down to the field
with a load of fuel oil.
Copy !req
1214. Back in two or three hours.
Copy !req
1215. I'm gonna close up.
Copy !req
1216. - I'll see you later.
Copy !req
1217. - I know, I know,
that's what I'm afraid of.
Copy !req
1218. - Real change, folks.
Copy !req
1219. - It's the wages of fear.
Copy !req
1220. - I sing whenever
I sing whenever she sings.
Copy !req
1221. - Whoa!
Copy !req
1222. - Wow, the first
cool thing in the movie!
Copy !req
1223. - I just know I'm
gonna take the blame for this,
Copy !req
1224. and I wasn't even close!
Copy !req
1225. - Meanwhile, back
that the Joad house.
Copy !req
1226. - Hi Mom.
Copy !req
1227. Sign a plate.
Copy !req
1228. - Just a minute, not so fast, there.
Copy !req
1229. - What for?
Copy !req
1230. - Lean right guard mom?
Copy !req
1231. - Did you ever play football?
Copy !req
1232. - With the Green Bay Packers.
Copy !req
1233. - Hike!
(laughing)
Copy !req
1234. - That's not right,
Copy !req
1235. picking up your mom and
playing football with her.
Copy !req
1236. That's wrong!
Copy !req
1237. Crazy people.
Copy !req
1238. - Oedipus, you put me down.
Copy !req
1239. You'll poke your eyes out.
Copy !req
1240. - Keep 'em closed.
Copy !req
1241. - This is silly.
Copy !req
1242. - Uh oh.
Copy !req
1243. - Look what Lisa got me.
Copy !req
1244. Stay there, Chase.
Copy !req
1245. Watch.
Copy !req
1246. - Tugging at the heartstrings.
Copy !req
1247. This isn't fair.
Copy !req
1248. - I thought you meant
braces on your teeth, honey.
Copy !req
1249. - Take 'em back, they don't work.
Copy !req
1250. - I can get up.
Copy !req
1251. - This is so tender.
Copy !req
1252. Oh, it's so cute.
Copy !req
1253. - I can't take it.
Copy !req
1254. - Whoa, the braces
shorted out the house.
Copy !req
1255. - That was wonderful,
baby, just wonderful.
Copy !req
1256. - I've been practicing all afternoon.
Copy !req
1257. Ever since Lisa brought the braces over.
Copy !req
1258. And I walked all the way, twice.
Copy !req
1259. I want to do it right for you.
Copy !req
1260. - Uh huh, that's neat.
Copy !req
1261. Who's your friend?
Copy !req
1262. - Okay, back in the case.
Copy !req
1263. - Silly chatterbox,
they're on the wrong feet.
Copy !req
1264. - It's Raffi!
Copy !req
1265. Here he is.
- ♫ Sad little
Copy !req
1266. - He really did come
with a banjo on his knee.
Copy !req
1267. - I'm gonna go
listen to my cat scream.
Copy !req
1268. - ♫ Who was a tow truck operator
Copy !req
1269. - Ouch, tough room.
Copy !req
1270. - She's trying to wish him
Copy !req
1271. into the cornfields right now.
Copy !req
1272. - ♫ If it wasn't for the
Copy !req
1273. - ♫ blue tail fly
Copy !req
1274. - I have to smile, he's my brother.
Copy !req
1275. - He's improvising now.
Copy !req
1276. - Thanks for cheering us up.
Copy !req
1277. - Well, we assume that.
Copy !req
1278. - ♫ Wonderful laughter
Copy !req
1279. - Boy, you know, I
just love a Sammy Cahn lyric.
Copy !req
1280. - This is the Chapin
brother they don't talk about.
Copy !req
1281. - I'm gonna kill him.
Copy !req
1282. into his head voice.
Copy !req
1283. - Yup, smells like teen spirit.
Copy !req
1284. - Please.
Copy !req
1285. - No, not the coda.
Copy !req
1286. - [Crow, Tom, & Joel] No!
Copy !req
1287. - That's real nice,
but it doesn't help my legs.
Copy !req
1288. - Laughing's important, isn't it Chase?
Copy !req
1289. - It sure is.
(Tom yelping)
Copy !req
1290. And you know, I never felt
any more like laughing.
Copy !req
1291. - Thanks a lot.
Copy !req
1292. - I didn't think you'd be able
to do that good in a week.
Copy !req
1293. - Didn't you really?
Copy !req
1294. - Honest.
Copy !req
1295. But you know, you're gonna
have to work real hard.
Copy !req
1296. You mustn't be disappointed.
Copy !req
1297. Takes a long time, okay?
Copy !req
1298. - Now, scram, I got a dame here.
Copy !req
1299. - It's your bedtime.
Copy !req
1300. - Do I have to, Chase?
Copy !req
1301. - You sure do.
- Yup.
Copy !req
1302. - Show me how you can walk.
Copy !req
1303. - Get out before
he starts playing again.
Copy !req
1304. - Good night, Lisa.
Copy !req
1305. - Little grand-stander, you.
Copy !req
1306. You gotta love her.
Copy !req
1307. - Don't ever sing that song again.
Copy !req
1308. - That was a wonderful
thing for you to do, Lisa.
Copy !req
1309. - I wanted to.
Copy !req
1310. - Now you're broke, aren't you?
Copy !req
1311. - No, but my spirit is.
Copy !req
1312. - I was gonna pick 'em up in the morning.
Copy !req
1313. - I know.
Copy !req
1314. When you showed me that money,
Copy !req
1315. I was afraid that you'd get there first.
Copy !req
1316. (phone ringing)
- Well, I'm still
Copy !req
1317. gonna pay you for it.
Copy !req
1318. - No.
(phone ringing)
Copy !req
1319. - Yes.
(phone ringing)
Copy !req
1320. - No.
(phone ringing)
Copy !req
1321. - Yes.
Copy !req
1322. - Yes! (laughing)
Copy !req
1323. - Hello.
Copy !req
1324. - (laughing) How
are things at headquarters?
Copy !req
1325. - Well he should've been back an hour ago.
Copy !req
1326. - He's phoning in his lines.
Copy !req
1327. - Where?
Copy !req
1328. No, it couldn't be Mr. Compton.
Copy !req
1329. - You don't say.
Copy !req
1330. - All right.
Copy !req
1331. - You don't say.
Copy !req
1332. - At the garage?
Copy !req
1333. All right, I'm leaving now.
Copy !req
1334. - You don't say.
Copy !req
1335. - What is it?
Copy !req
1336. - He didn't say.
Copy !req
1337. - Honey, I'm awfully
sorry, but I gotta leave.
Copy !req
1338. - Here he comes now, Sheriff.
Copy !req
1339. - Hide the flask.
Copy !req
1340. - Come on.
Copy !req
1341. - Wait a minute, Sheriff,
you got a sore foot.
Copy !req
1342. - Aw son.
- What?
Copy !req
1343. Gotta shoot him.
Copy !req
1344. Oh.
Copy !req
1345. - Take my model ace,
it's all shiny bright.
Copy !req
1346. - No, we'll take my car.
- Shut up
Copy !req
1347. cookie pants, get in.
Copy !req
1348. - No, I didn't see it,
but I sure heard about it.
Copy !req
1349. - Can I open this thing up?
Copy !req
1350. - Yeah, go ahead.
- No, but I'm flattered.
Copy !req
1351. - Check your rims.
Copy !req
1352. - Let's get going.
Copy !req
1353. - Why don't ya do the
next scene down at the garage.
Copy !req
1354. - Hey, on three let's
throw the old guy out, huh?
Copy !req
1355. Ready, one, two, oh, we're here already.
Copy !req
1356. Chinese fire drill, everybody out.
Copy !req
1357. - Aw geez, absolutely
no salvage with this one.
Copy !req
1358. Aw, look at the poor guy.
Copy !req
1359. Let's stick some cloves in him.
Copy !req
1360. - Tires look good.
Copy !req
1361. - Be careful, it's pretty hot.
Copy !req
1362. - He's not in it.
Copy !req
1363. - The man get hurt and crawled away.
Copy !req
1364. - Sheriff face the fact
Copy !req
1365. the man's dead.
Copy !req
1366. - Just look for a burning guy.
Copy !req
1367. - Find anything, Sheriff?
Copy !req
1368. - Let's go over this again.
- Uh oh.
Copy !req
1369. - How did you get in?
Copy !req
1370. - Here comes
the vaudeville routine.
Copy !req
1371. - Tell me again.
Copy !req
1372. - What's on second?
Copy !req
1373. - Well, I was barreling
along in the mud lane,
Copy !req
1374. don't look like much now,
but she was a beauty when I—
Copy !req
1375. - The accident.
(Tom mimicking drumming)
Copy !req
1376. - Get up to sixty.
Copy !req
1377. - The accident.
Copy !req
1378. - Just the facts, man.
Copy !req
1379. - Well, I'll tell you.
Copy !req
1380. - I wish you would.
(Tom mimicking drumming)
Copy !req
1381. - What's on second?
Copy !req
1382. - Seen the headlights coming
up the way towards you.
Copy !req
1383. And all of the sudden,
they come at you going—
Copy !req
1384. - These two are
just glowing, aren't they.
Copy !req
1385. - Hey! She blew up.
Copy !req
1386. Well, seeing somebody
is a might of trouble
Copy !req
1387. so he come in the store talkin' about it,
Copy !req
1388. that's when I offered to call you.
Copy !req
1389. - Don't ever touch me.
Copy !req
1390. - Did he see anything else?
Copy !req
1391. - Nope.
Copy !req
1392. - Can you see me?
- Wanna wait in the car
Copy !req
1393. for us?
Copy !req
1394. - No.
Copy !req
1395. - Is there a point
to your little story?
Copy !req
1396. - Sheriff, okay.
Copy !req
1397. - I'm hungry.
Copy !req
1398. - Oh, now here comes Zeppo.
Copy !req
1399. - Aw, nothing.
Copy !req
1400. - Here comes this guy.
Copy !req
1401. - What's he about?
Copy !req
1402. - Compton oughta be around here.
Copy !req
1403. - Maybe he's in the hospital.
Copy !req
1404. - No, I checked there
before I left my place.
Copy !req
1405. Would Compton have any
reason to want to get lost?
Copy !req
1406. - No, none that I can think of.
Copy !req
1407. - You would have no
reason to know about this,
Copy !req
1408. but been a lot of
livestock missing lately.
Copy !req
1409. - Another plot, aw man!
Copy !req
1410. - That doesn't make headlines.
Copy !req
1411. But now, it's people.
Copy !req
1412. - You think there's a tie up?
Copy !req
1413. - I don't know.
Copy !req
1414. What we need is a criminal investigator
Copy !req
1415. and headquarters won't send.
- Do we maybe have
Copy !req
1416. a Sheriff in the vicinty!
Copy !req
1417. - Maybe they will now.
Copy !req
1418. - Yeah, maybe.
Copy !req
1419. Did you notice those skid marks?
Copy !req
1420. - [Joel, Tom, & Crow] Would
you forget the skid marks!
Copy !req
1421. - If he'd been hit with another vehicle
Copy !req
1422. the paint'd be knocked off.
Copy !req
1423. What batters a car
around like it was a toy.
Copy !req
1424. - My wife, good night everybody!
Copy !req
1425. Enjoy the veal.
Copy !req
1426. - How's the barn coming
along for the party?
Copy !req
1427. - All right.
Copy !req
1428. - By the way, the stove's on.
Copy !req
1429. - You ain't changed here, got out light.
Copy !req
1430. You took off this morning.
Copy !req
1431. You just been sitting around
here on your can all day long.
Copy !req
1432. That barn was the place to clean.
Copy !req
1433. - You get the hep I set up?
Copy !req
1434. - Yeah.
Copy !req
1435. - Well, you
steamboats, dreamboats.
Copy !req
1436. - That's the emoes now.
Copy !req
1437. - Steamroller here at KILT.
Copy !req
1438. Have any of you wild rocks.
Copy !req
1439. - Can't stand that teen slang.
Copy !req
1440. Turn it to Paul Harvey.
Copy !req
1441. - Night out of
Hardehay's barn on route 43.
Copy !req
1442. Drop in, I'll slap you.
Copy !req
1443. - Hey man, that's us.
Copy !req
1444. We got the Steamroller coming out.
Copy !req
1445. - That's where Chase's has been all day.
Copy !req
1446. Getting the Steamroller.
Copy !req
1447. - With James Taylor.
Copy !req
1448. - How 'bout that guy.
Copy !req
1449. - Was the Richard Speck
a popular haircut back then?
Copy !req
1450. - Other door's jammed.
Copy !req
1451. See, that's why it's got.
Copy !req
1452. - I love that door.
Copy !req
1453. Really works well.
Copy !req
1454. - Hey little man, you sure had a busy day.
Copy !req
1455. Gettin' me a paint job.
Copy !req
1456. And Steamroller Smith.
Copy !req
1457. - Snuffy Smith?
Copy !req
1458. - Now how'd you guys find
out about Steamroller Smith?
Copy !req
1459. - Well, he just said so on his program.
Copy !req
1460. Said it right out on the network.
Copy !req
1461. - I wanted it to be a surprise.
Copy !req
1462. Well, come on, don't spread it around.
Copy !req
1463. - Yeah, wash your hands.
Copy !req
1464. - Really.
Copy !req
1465. - How are the preparations coming?
Copy !req
1466. - That'll be finished in about 45 minutes.
Copy !req
1467. The gang won't start arriving from
Copy !req
1468. - You know, that's dirty weight.
Copy !req
1469. - Under the wire with time to spare.
Copy !req
1470. - No sweat.
Copy !req
1471. - We now return to
Three Jacks and a Jill.
Copy !req
1472. - Good, he's gonna get it.
Copy !req
1473. - He's drinking turtle wax.
Copy !req
1474. - Headed to Au Bar.
Copy !req
1475. - Oh no (shudders).
- ♫ Little darlin'
Copy !req
1476. - Grandpa Jones,
ladies and gentlemen.
Copy !req
1477. - I know you feel bad, Mr. Gower.
Copy !req
1478. - Please, kill him, please.
Copy !req
1479. - I feel good!
- Things make sense
Copy !req
1480. when you're all liquored up.
Copy !req
1481. It's fun!
Copy !req
1482. - Hepper chase.
Copy !req
1483. - Come on, tessy bell.
Copy !req
1484. Let's go.
Copy !req
1485. - Tessy bell?
Copy !req
1486. - Stupid man,
Copy !req
1487. more powerful than a locomotive.
Copy !req
1488. - I've seen this.
Copy !req
1489. This was the last scene from
Copy !req
1490. Crazy Larry and Dirty Mary remember?
Copy !req
1491. - Home alone!
Copy !req
1492. - [Joel, Tom, & Crow] Aw!
Copy !req
1493. - Look out, everybody,
Copy !req
1494. there's a forked tongue in the road.
Copy !req
1495. - Oops, that's
me, I did that, sorry.
Copy !req
1496. Billy goat, billy goat, get off my bridge.
Copy !req
1497. - It's the Soul Train!
Copy !req
1498. - ♫ We're traveling on the engine
Copy !req
1499. - ♫ On the Happy Day express
Copy !req
1500. - ♫ The letters on the engine say
Copy !req
1501. - I like butter,
look my chins yellow.
Copy !req
1502. That means I like butter.
Copy !req
1503. - Why's he driving in a river bed?
Copy !req
1504. - Beats me.
Copy !req
1505. - Hey look, a hand up there.
Copy !req
1506. - The director, folks.
Copy !req
1507. Ooh.
Copy !req
1508. - Nope, didn't
see it, never saw it.
Copy !req
1509. Nope, nope.
Copy !req
1510. - Not gonna get involved.
Copy !req
1511. I'll act like I'm in New York City.
Copy !req
1512. Turn around, get the heck outta here.
Copy !req
1513. Nope, by ned, nope.
Copy !req
1514. - Where's the
dining car? (laughing)
Copy !req
1515. - Hey, there's meat on the inside.
Copy !req
1516. Barbecue!
Copy !req
1517. - I don't know where to begin,
Copy !req
1518. it all looks so good.
Copy !req
1519. - Something real strange must
have happened down there.
Copy !req
1520. - If you'd like to make a call,
Copy !req
1521. please hang up and dial again.
Copy !req
1522. - You'll be him if you want it.
Copy !req
1523. - Yup, I'm rubbing
my belly right now.
Copy !req
1524. - Sit down, Harris.
Copy !req
1525. - Aw, crammety, pull
up your pants and sit down.
Copy !req
1526. - Watch the feet, ah.
Copy !req
1527. - Going down to the wreck, Sheriff?
Copy !req
1528. - No, that's not in my territory.
Copy !req
1529. - What is your territory?
Copy !req
1530. - Troopers will take care of that.
Copy !req
1531. Harris, tell me again
about the train wreck.
Copy !req
1532. - Just a minute, just a minute.
Copy !req
1533. I asked you what time it is,
Copy !req
1534. and you tell me how to build a clock.
Copy !req
1535. Just the facts about the wreck.
Copy !req
1536. - You got me.
Copy !req
1537. - I was driving along, quiet like.
Copy !req
1538. - The wreck.
Copy !req
1539. - Then I turned around and come back here
Copy !req
1540. and told you about it.
Copy !req
1541. - Give me your keys, Harris.
Copy !req
1542. - Keys, my keys?
Copy !req
1543. What for?
Copy !req
1544. - Spinning the yarn like that,
Copy !req
1545. driving while drunk.
Copy !req
1546. - Room 310, I'll
be there after nine.
Copy !req
1547. - I demand a soberty test.
Copy !req
1548. - That's nice of you.
Copy !req
1549. Go lock yourself in.
Copy !req
1550. - You're under arrest
for being bad comic relief.
Copy !req
1551. - I ain't been drinkin'.
Copy !req
1552. - Thank you, Senator,
Copy !req
1553. your statement has been duly noted.
Copy !req
1554. - Belief that I was not heavy.
Copy !req
1555. - Out, baby, out, out, out!
Copy !req
1556. - Whatever you think's right.
Copy !req
1557. Which way to the cell?
Copy !req
1558. - Don't you see
what you're doing to me?
Copy !req
1559. - Can't win 'em all, can you, Sheriff.
Copy !req
1560. - Is this your bottle?
Copy !req
1561. - That's the only wife I need.
Copy !req
1562. - Well, nothing
wrong with me having a bit.
Copy !req
1563. Little tittle here.
Copy !req
1564. - Blue cheese flavored vodka.
Copy !req
1565. - What do you mean topsoil's gone?
Copy !req
1566. What do mean the moot?
Copy !req
1567. - Well, ma.
Copy !req
1568. Lisa, I'm home!
Copy !req
1569. - [Joel, Tom, & Crow] No!
Copy !req
1570. outta that doily.
Copy !req
1571. I'm joining the circus.
Copy !req
1572. - I'm going to spend the
night with the Blackwells.
Copy !req
1573. Mama said it was all right.
Copy !req
1574. Will you take me over?
Copy !req
1575. - Well, I don't know, Missy.
Copy !req
1576. That's two or three miles out.
Copy !req
1577. - Before she couldn't walk,
Copy !req
1578. now she's haulin' furniture.
Copy !req
1579. - Oh, sure I will.
Copy !req
1580. - Chase, what in the world
have you done to that car?
Copy !req
1581. - It's a different fuel mixture,
Copy !req
1582. you like it?
Copy !req
1583. - I just barely touched the gas pedal
Copy !req
1584. and back wheels started to spin.
Copy !req
1585. - Oh Mom, watch the pizza.
Copy !req
1586. - Come on, Mom, I'm just trying to make
Copy !req
1587. a hot rodder outta you.
Copy !req
1588. - Hey, it's Oedipus on wheels.
Copy !req
1589. - I'll get that.
Copy !req
1590. - Is there a phone on every wall?
Copy !req
1591. - Hello.
Copy !req
1592. Yeah, hello Sheriff.
Copy !req
1593. The what?
Copy !req
1594. Book on reptiles?
- Sheriff,
Copy !req
1595. you're breathin' all funny.
Copy !req
1596. - Yeah, sure.
Copy !req
1597. - Got your leg up?
Copy !req
1598. - I have to take Missy
over by the Blackwells.
Copy !req
1599. I'll stop by on my way to pick up Lisa.
Copy !req
1600. Okay?
Copy !req
1601. - He's a queer duck.
Copy !req
1602. - Well, now I'm gonna tell
you something you don't know.
Copy !req
1603. - Your mother's a guy.
Copy !req
1604. - And the Gila monster's
size is controlled.
Copy !req
1605. - Say, beefcake fellas.
Copy !req
1606. - Thyroid or pituitary gland.
Copy !req
1607. Sometimes a change in diet
Copy !req
1608. can throw the balance all out of whack.
Copy !req
1609. Either the cells breakdown too fast
Copy !req
1610. or build up too slow.
Copy !req
1611. - I got the problem, too.
Copy !req
1612. - Makes either runts
or giants out of them.
Copy !req
1613. - Good, but, what's that mean to me?
Copy !req
1614. - Trouble.
Copy !req
1615. - Zoologist also told me about a doctor
Copy !req
1616. who just found some huge
animals down in Tanganyika.
Copy !req
1617. The theory was that
Copy !req
1618. they lived in kinda river delta.
Copy !req
1619. - You're really deep.
Copy !req
1620. - Certain salts had
washed into the valley,
Copy !req
1621. been absorbed by the plants,
Copy !req
1622. then transferred to the animals
Copy !req
1623. causing them to be giants.
Copy !req
1624. - All right.
Copy !req
1625. - I know.
Copy !req
1626. I probably sound a little bit like Harris,
Copy !req
1627. but let me tell the whole
thing in my own words.
Copy !req
1628. - Norman Rockwell, sheriff.
Copy !req
1629. - There was another report
out of Russia or the Ukraine.
Copy !req
1630. - And Brazil or something.
Copy !req
1631. - In the paper a couple of months ago,
Copy !req
1632. maybe you saw it.
Copy !req
1633. About a baby that weighed 130 pounds
Copy !req
1634. when it was 10 months old?
Copy !req
1635. Taller than his mother?
Copy !req
1636. - What, you think I'm illiterate?
Copy !req
1637. I read the Enquirer.
Copy !req
1638. - Must be a giant.
Copy !req
1639. - Yeah, and that same thing
could happen right here.
Copy !req
1640. Did you see any footprints
around any of those wrecks?
Copy !req
1641. - Well, Glen is 50 feet tall.
Copy !req
1642. - Gila monster footprints?
Copy !req
1643. - Yeah, a big one,
Copy !req
1644. about the size of a bus.
Copy !req
1645. - Loni Anderson's bust?
Copy !req
1646. - Are you serious?
Copy !req
1647. - I'm in Shane.
Copy !req
1648. - Harris saw it,
Copy !req
1649. some of the survivors of
the train wreck saw it.
Copy !req
1650. A giant lizard.
Copy !req
1651. - Train wreck, where?
Copy !req
1652. - 10 people in this
town and there's no grapevine?
Copy !req
1653. - Tonight, about an hour ago.
- Why?
Copy !req
1654. - Troopers were trying
to pass it off as shock
Copy !req
1655. or optical illusion.
Copy !req
1656. You can't always believe what Harris says.
Copy !req
1657. - I'll just let him ramble
Copy !req
1658. before I chop him off at the knees.
Copy !req
1659. - Black stripes.
Copy !req
1660. - Could be that peyote I had.
Copy !req
1661. - I towed a guy in the
other day and he said
Copy !req
1662. he'd been forced off the
road by something like that.
Copy !req
1663. I didn't believe him
because he'd been drinking.
Copy !req
1664. - We've all been drinking.
Copy !req
1665. - And another thing.
Copy !req
1666. When we were looking for Pat's car,
Copy !req
1667. we saw where something had
been drug down to wash.
Copy !req
1668. You know, if they could
have gotten that big.
Copy !req
1669. - Then, I can get that big!
Copy !req
1670. - Could have gotten him.
Copy !req
1671. - Oh, my thinker hurts.
Copy !req
1672. - Don't look at those,
there, they're not real.
Copy !req
1673. - I shouldn't have told you about this
Copy !req
1674. until after the party.
Copy !req
1675. I just thought you'd wanna know.
Copy !req
1676. - Then, we'd better warn everybody.
Copy !req
1677. - No.
Copy !req
1678. - That would be tellin'.
Copy !req
1679. - Troopers have got that staked
out for a couple of miles.
Copy !req
1680. Just keep it to yourself.
Copy !req
1681. It might cause panic.
Copy !req
1682. - Okay, Sheriff, whatever you say.
Copy !req
1683. - If I don't tell, I'll just bust!
Copy !req
1684. - Forget it for now, and
have some fun, will you boy?
Copy !req
1685. - Sorry about the train wreck.
Copy !req
1686. Go enjoy yourself.
Copy !req
1687. Live the high life, you know.
Copy !req
1688. - It's the annual
fire hazard dance.
Copy !req
1689. - Aw, heck, and we're
gonna miss the barn raisin'.
Copy !req
1690. Shame, really.
Copy !req
1691. - ♫ Doin' the butt
Copy !req
1692. - Well, hello.
Copy !req
1693. I'm so glad you could join me.
Copy !req
1694. I'm your host, Thomas Servo,
Copy !req
1695. and this is Servo on Cinema.
Copy !req
1696. This week, Director Ray Kellogg.
Copy !req
1697. Ray Kellogg, of course was a—
Copy !req
1698. - Cut, cut, excuse me Tom.
Copy !req
1699. We've only got the one
camera, Cambot, okay?
Copy !req
1700. - Oh, of course, thank you.
Copy !req
1701. Ray Kellogg, much like his
good friend Orson Wells,
Copy !req
1702. Kellogg's career was
short-circuited by his enormous ego
Copy !req
1703. and his difficulties
in holding to a budget.
Copy !req
1704. For example, in today's film,
Copy !req
1705. the Gila monster affect
Copy !req
1706. achieved at the use of a
normal sized Gila monster
Copy !req
1707. and detailed sets filled
with twigs and matchbox cars
Copy !req
1708. and it was enormously expensive
Copy !req
1709. and there was virtually no
money left for blocking.
Copy !req
1710. But Kellogg—
Copy !req
1711. - 'Scuse me, don't you
think you should say a word
Copy !req
1712. to the audience about
what blocking is, maybe?
Copy !req
1713. - Don't mind me, it's only my show.
Copy !req
1714. - Good, I'm glad you said that.
Copy !req
1715. People of Earth,
Copy !req
1716. blocking is a technique used by directors
Copy !req
1717. to tell his actors where to stand
Copy !req
1718. or maybe what to do with their bodies.
Copy !req
1719. - Yeah, like in today's film.
Copy !req
1720. You'll excuse me, Tom.
Copy !req
1721. - Sure, fine.
Copy !req
1722. - Well, the director just had the actors
Copy !req
1723. put their legs up on everything.
Copy !req
1724. - I was getting to that!
Copy !req
1725. You see, it's called the leg up position.
Copy !req
1726. - Maybe the leg up position is cheap,
Copy !req
1727. but for Pete's sake, they're unrelenting.
Copy !req
1728. They put their legs up on pipes,
Copy !req
1729. on benches.
- Stop it!
Copy !req
1730. Joel, tell him to stop.
Copy !req
1731. - This is his thing, you know.
Copy !req
1732. - Oh, sorry.
Copy !req
1733. - Thank you, Joel.
Copy !req
1734. Beat it, buddy.
Copy !req
1735. Well, I thank you.
Copy !req
1736. Without further adieu,
Copy !req
1737. a short film by Cambot.
Copy !req
1738. A tribute to the blocking techniques
Copy !req
1739. of director Ray Kellogg.
Copy !req
1740. Known for the firmness
of his leg up position.
Copy !req
1741. - Suitcases, on each other.
Copy !req
1742. - Crow!
Copy !req
1743. - Have you seen Point Break yet?
Copy !req
1744. - No, but I understand Swayze
Copy !req
1745. does just about all his own stunts.
Copy !req
1746. - Yeah, 100%, pure adrenaline.
Copy !req
1747. - What about next of kin?
Copy !req
1748. - You're ruining it, it's my show.
Copy !req
1749. I want my show!
Copy !req
1750. - What's up with him?
- I want my show!
Copy !req
1751. - All right, hold it,
Copy !req
1752. hold it all you jumping beans.
Copy !req
1753. - That wasn't very fun.
Copy !req
1754. - Now, I got a surprise for you.
Copy !req
1755. We got the king of the deejays.
Copy !req
1756. - Aw, man, I hate it
when seniors keep coming back.
Copy !req
1757. - On KILT.
Copy !req
1758. That's right.
Copy !req
1759. - Yeah, we're gonna
do a nutty wake-up call
Copy !req
1760. on Marty Ingels.
Copy !req
1761. - Sieg heil, everybody,
sieg heil. (laughing)
Copy !req
1762. - Okay, you're old dad here has tall words
Copy !req
1763. and some great records.
Copy !req
1764. I want you to have a ball tonight.
Copy !req
1765. Let's begin with one of
the top KILT survey stars.
Copy !req
1766. What do you say, now,
let's everybody dance.
Copy !req
1767. - This guy really
earns his salary, doesn't he?
Copy !req
1768. - When the caddy's rockin',
Copy !req
1769. don't bother knockin'.
Copy !req
1770. - Conrad Bain!
Copy !req
1771. - Do you mind telling me
what this is all about?
Copy !req
1772. - Have you been down to the train wreck?
Copy !req
1773. - I'm the sheriff, what
would I be down there for?
Copy !req
1774. - I talked to the trooper
about my son's car.
Copy !req
1775. - What, he's selling
his kid's car already?
Copy !req
1776. - Shouldn't have been
moved until a thorough
Copy !req
1777. investigation has been made
Copy !req
1778. and it had been photographed.
Copy !req
1779. - Wait a minute, Conrad,
Copy !req
1780. you wearing pants under that coat?
Copy !req
1781. - I thought not.
Copy !req
1782. That was removed and clues
lost without authority.
Copy !req
1783. You didn't put that in your
report, did you, Sheriff.
Copy !req
1784. - Duh, huh?
Copy !req
1785. - Of course, you didn't.
Copy !req
1786. And I'll tell you why.
- 'Cause you're
Copy !req
1787. Earl Warren.
Copy !req
1788. - You were protectin' that Chase Winston.
Copy !req
1789. Covering him regardless the speck
Copy !req
1790. it might have on others.
Copy !req
1791. - Chase Winston's a real booster.
Copy !req
1792. - He's your son's friend,
Copy !req
1793. probably the best one he's ever had.
Copy !req
1794. Of course it wasn't in the report.
Copy !req
1795. What good would it do.
Copy !req
1796. - Nobody reads those things.
Copy !req
1797. - Any kid can make a mistake, Mr. Wheeler.
Copy !req
1798. - Sheriff, it's my son that's missing.
Copy !req
1799. - Oh, throw that one up at me.
Copy !req
1800. Twist the knife, why don't ya, ouch.
Copy !req
1801. - Are you a real sheriff?
Copy !req
1802. - Have you heard the reports
about a giant lizard?
Copy !req
1803. - Yup, outta my jurisdiction.
Copy !req
1804. - You believe 'em?
Copy !req
1805. - I don't know, Mr. Wheeler.
Copy !req
1806. Doesn't seem possible.
Copy !req
1807. - Well why not?
Copy !req
1808. They've been giants before.
Copy !req
1809. - There might be giants.
Copy !req
1810. - How could anything that big
Copy !req
1811. go unnoticed in this area?
Copy !req
1812. - Have you ever walked the
length of William's wash?
Copy !req
1813. - No.
Copy !req
1814. - Not naked.
Copy !req
1815. - Know anybody that has?
Copy !req
1816. - No.
Copy !req
1817. - That area is so chocked with underbrush,
Copy !req
1818. it isn't even good hunting ground.
Copy !req
1819. And I say it is possible
for a giant lizard
Copy !req
1820. to have lived there for
years without being seen.
Copy !req
1821. - Well, you're high, Conrad.
Copy !req
1822. - Now.
Copy !req
1823. - This guy, he's like a puppet
Copy !req
1824. made by Sid and Marty Krofft.
Copy !req
1825. He hardly moves.
Copy !req
1826. - Yup.
Copy !req
1827. - I can't blame you for
what's happened in the past,
Copy !req
1828. but Compton's death is on your hands.
Copy !req
1829. - How did you come to that conclusion?
Copy !req
1830. - I'll tell you how.
Copy !req
1831. - I thought and I thought.
Copy !req
1832. - Two miles beyond Pat's car.
Copy !req
1833. And if you had investigated
that area thoroughly
Copy !req
1834. as you're paid to do,
Copy !req
1835. Compton might not have died.
Copy !req
1836. - Oh, quit funnin' me.
Copy !req
1837. - Now, come out here,
Copy !req
1838. I want to show you something else.
Copy !req
1839. - Uh oh.
Copy !req
1840. - You call this fixed?
Copy !req
1841. - Our subject may have hit this car
Copy !req
1842. but it didn't take the tires off.
Copy !req
1843. And where are those new white sidewalls
Copy !req
1844. on Chase Winston's hot rod come from?
Copy !req
1845. - The lizard runs a chop shop?
Copy !req
1846. - There was a towing charge against—
Copy !req
1847. - He presumed the bill wouldn't be paid,
Copy !req
1848. so he borrowed the tires in the meantime.
Copy !req
1849. - Perhaps.
Copy !req
1850. - That's thievery.
Copy !req
1851. Destroying evidence and
obstructing justice.
Copy !req
1852. Now, your last official act of office
Copy !req
1853. will be to arrest that
boy and bring him in.
Copy !req
1854. I'll go along
Copy !req
1855. to ensure that it's done.
- There's that
Copy !req
1856. powerful gesture again.
Copy !req
1857. - Got me on that one.
Copy !req
1858. - Sounds like a slow version of
Copy !req
1859. "These Boots Are Made for Walking."
Copy !req
1860. - Are you ready to walk, boots?
Copy !req
1861. I hate my life, it's (grunting).
Copy !req
1862. - Charo is playing.
Copy !req
1863. - Charo in charge? (laughing)
Copy !req
1864. - Yeah.
Copy !req
1865. - Barnaby Jones, epilogue.
Copy !req
1866. - It's a teen grope-fest.
Copy !req
1867. - Hey, the wallflower's here.
Copy !req
1868. - Now who invited Kim Curtis?
Copy !req
1869. - Must be related
to the producer Tim Curtis.
Copy !req
1870. - Hey kids, a fella dropped
in over at KILT the other day.
Copy !req
1871. - He offered me
coke to play his record.
Copy !req
1872. - A great new song.
Copy !req
1873. I thought it was just fine.
Copy !req
1874. I wanna play it for you.
Copy !req
1875. We got a little pick-up group together,
Copy !req
1876. and cut a demo disc on it.
Copy !req
1877. I wanna play it for you,
Copy !req
1878. and I'll see what you think about it.
Copy !req
1879. - It'll really
make you want a diary.
Copy !req
1880. - The first person who
identifies the singer
Copy !req
1881. on the record gets two free rides
Copy !req
1882. on my elephant in Bangkok, Siam.
Copy !req
1883. But you got to pay your
own over there and back.
Copy !req
1884. - Ooh, there's a stinger, ah.
Copy !req
1885. - Ouch (laughing).
Copy !req
1886. - It's Dionne Warwick.
Copy !req
1887. - The Dead Kennedys?
Copy !req
1888. - No, it's the
1910 Fruitgum Company.
Copy !req
1889. - Led Zeppelin?
Copy !req
1890. - No, no, nothing like that.
Copy !req
1891. - Whoa! Tige
Andrews, dancing up a storm
Copy !req
1892. - No, that's Larry Miller.
Copy !req
1893. - Larry Miler.
Copy !req
1894. - Hey, there's Jessica
Tandy in the back there.
Copy !req
1895. - She's dandy.
Copy !req
1896. - Hey, don't rush the stage.
Copy !req
1897. - Hold your tar and feathers, yet.
Copy !req
1898. I'm gonna play the rest of it.
Copy !req
1899. How do you like?
Copy !req
1900. (cheering)
- It's got a good beat
Copy !req
1901. and it's easy to dance to.
Copy !req
1902. - Who's the singer?
Copy !req
1903. - Elvis.
Copy !req
1904. - David Soul!
Copy !req
1905. - John Travolta!
Copy !req
1906. - Johnny Rivers!
Copy !req
1907. - Art Garfunkel!
Copy !req
1908. - Terence Trent D'Arby!
Copy !req
1909. - Johnny Thunders!
Copy !req
1910. - But you lose.
Copy !req
1911. Look, the same guy you
here singing on the record
Copy !req
1912. also wrote the song.
Copy !req
1913. Now, who is it?
Copy !req
1914. - Bobby Goldsboro?
Copy !req
1915. - It's gonna come out on
records in a couple of months
Copy !req
1916. and you can find his name on the label.
Copy !req
1917. - Aw, we can't read!
Copy !req
1918. - Come on!
Copy !req
1919. - I know it is.
Copy !req
1920. - Who?
Copy !req
1921. - (foreign language)
Gary Lewis and the Playboys?
Copy !req
1922. - Chase did it.
Copy !req
1923. [Joel, Tom, & Crow] Kill him!
Copy !req
1924. - Why didn't you say somethin'?
Copy !req
1925. - You didn't tell us.
Copy !req
1926. - Well, I didn't know there was anything
Copy !req
1927. I'd want to admit to.
Copy !req
1928. - Yeah, well
don't quit your tow job.
Copy !req
1929. - Aw, this is sweet.
Copy !req
1930. Just like when Vicki
Lawrence won the Grammy
Copy !req
1931. on The Carol Burnett Show.
Copy !req
1932. - Thank you, thank you very much.
Copy !req
1933. - Chase played me another little song.
Copy !req
1934. It's kind of different from this one.
Copy !req
1935. - Different?
Copy !req
1936. - But I imagine, with a little coaxing
Copy !req
1937. by hitting your hands together like this,
Copy !req
1938. he might give you a little preview of it.
Copy !req
1939. What do you say?
Copy !req
1940. (crowd applauding)
- You mean like this!
Copy !req
1941. - Clapping!
Copy !req
1942. - You should have
washed it in cold water.
Copy !req
1943. - It's a personal pan banjo.
Copy !req
1944. - Hey, see if you
can get your gun back
Copy !req
1945. from the bouncer.
Copy !req
1946. - And the Lord said
taste my lizard steel.
Copy !req
1947. - Tonight, on Night Gallery
Copy !req
1948. Lillian Hellman, Edward R. Murrow, and I
Copy !req
1949. will sneak a smoke behind the bar.
Copy !req
1950. - I'd say music hath
charms to annoy a savage beast.
Copy !req
1951. - So, Sheriff's ready to do-si-do?
Copy !req
1952. - Matchbox.
Copy !req
1953. Save 'em. Buy 'em all.
Copy !req
1954. Collect them all.
- No, those are
Copy !req
1955. Hot Wheels.
Copy !req
1956. - Corgis, maybe.
Copy !req
1957. - Sizzlers.
Copy !req
1958. - Boy, you brought
the party to a complete halt.
Copy !req
1959. - ♫ The Lord said laugh
Copy !req
1960. - I'm guessing this is
the extended, boredom mix.
Copy !req
1961. - ♫ Children laugh
Copy !req
1962. - We're from the committee
Copy !req
1963. to keep rock n' roll white.
Copy !req
1964. - Just a minute.
Copy !req
1965. - It gets better.
Copy !req
1966. - I just wanna
know if the Lord said it
Copy !req
1967. this many times in a row.
Copy !req
1968. - That's why
Deuteronomy is so long.
Copy !req
1969. (woman screaming)
- It's Jeff Ruby!
Copy !req
1970. - No, don't panic.
Copy !req
1971. - And the Lord
said die, children, die.
Copy !req
1972. - Hey, you forgot to stamp my hand.
Copy !req
1973. - Ow, quit
pushing back there, ouch!
Copy !req
1974. - Aw, he couldn't hit
the broadside of a barn dance.
Copy !req
1975. - Ow. Ow. Ow.
Copy !req
1976. Hey, leave me along, I paid the cover.
Copy !req
1977. I can take a hint.
Copy !req
1978. I don't need a bomb to fall on me.
Copy !req
1979. - Margaux Hemingway in Lipstick.
Copy !req
1980. - Yeah, I'm going
back to Jurassic Park.
Copy !req
1981. Phooey on you crummy townspeople.
Copy !req
1982. - Well, he plumb crawled
out of my jurisdiction.
Copy !req
1983. - What does it take to stop that thing?
Copy !req
1984. - I don't know, but I'm
going down to the trainwreck
Copy !req
1985. to get some troopers.
Copy !req
1986. If we pump enough lead into that thing
Copy !req
1987. we may hit a vulnerable spot.
Copy !req
1988. - Doh, whatta you want?
- You're gonna have
Copy !req
1989. to give me a hand.
Copy !req
1990. - But how?
Copy !req
1991. - Keep these kids here.
Copy !req
1992. I don't want anybody roaming around.
Copy !req
1993. - [Tom, Joel, Crow] ♫ Hey Wild rebels
Copy !req
1994. - You've been
after this, no you got it.
Copy !req
1995. - He pinned me.
Copy !req
1996. - Listen kids.
Copy !req
1997. Wheeler's my deputy, you'll
take your orders from him.
Copy !req
1998. Arrest anybody that tries to get away.
Copy !req
1999. - One hour deputizer (shooting).
Copy !req
2000. - All right, you're arrested.
Copy !req
2001. - Sheriff says
this is the place to stay.
Copy !req
2002. - Well, we're not staying here.
Copy !req
2003. - That's right.
Copy !req
2004. - I'll have to arrest anyone that leaves.
Copy !req
2005. - We now return to Bearcats,
Copy !req
2006. with Rod Taylor and Dennis Cole.
Copy !req
2007. - We'll try reasoning with him.
Copy !req
2008. - Oh, it's everything
you said it was and more.
Copy !req
2009. - Now you take these keys and
you wait inside the office
Copy !req
2010. until I get back.
Copy !req
2011. - You want a sandwich?
Copy !req
2012. A storage sandwich?
Copy !req
2013. Microwave burrito?
Copy !req
2014. Bagel dog?
Copy !req
2015. - Mom, how'd you
get the knot untied?
Copy !req
2016. - I leave the door open.
Copy !req
2017. Let me see light.
Copy !req
2018. - I told you to wait inside.
Copy !req
2019. Why don't you do what I tell ya?
Copy !req
2020. I haven't got much time.
Copy !req
2021. - You're not going to leave me, Chase.
Copy !req
2022. I'm going to help.
Copy !req
2023. - You know what's in here?
Copy !req
2024. Nitro-glycerin,
Copy !req
2025. enough to blow up half this town.
Copy !req
2026. - It doesn't matter.
Copy !req
2027. I'm still going to help.
Copy !req
2028. - But she can speak
English all of the sudden.
Copy !req
2029. - All right, now take these, hold 'em,
Copy !req
2030. and don't let them bump.
Copy !req
2031. And for heaven sakes don't drop them.
Copy !req
2032. - Mom, I'll be back
later to monkey out, okay?
Copy !req
2033. - Please leave the light on.
Copy !req
2034. Oh, it's the other leading brand of nitro.
Copy !req
2035. - Now hold those.
Copy !req
2036. - Hey, Joel, now he's driving
Copy !req
2037. a nitro-burning Funny Car!
Copy !req
2038. - Left, no wait, no.
Copy !req
2039. - So, how do you like Berkley?
Copy !req
2040. - This is Gila country,
Copy !req
2041. you (clapping) beware (clapping).
Copy !req
2042. - No, no, it's The Field.
Copy !req
2043. With Richard Harris!
Copy !req
2044. - He went through here all right.
Copy !req
2045. Now they generally travel
in a straight line.
Copy !req
2046. - Unless they're hammered!
Copy !req
2047. - That's where Missy is!
Copy !req
2048. - What does the
Lord say about that?
Copy !req
2049. - Can Gila come out and play?
Copy !req
2050. - Oh, this is the Escher house,
Copy !req
2051. he thinks he went all the way through.
Copy !req
2052. - Missy!
Copy !req
2053. - Mary, don't you know me?
Copy !req
2054. - Hold on to that nitro,
Copy !req
2055. we're cut to cross.
Copy !req
2056. - Fasten your seat belts,
Copy !req
2057. it's going to be a bumpy night.
Copy !req
2058. - N. Y. forget it.
Copy !req
2059. - Gotta drain the lizard.
Copy !req
2060. Gonna go drain the lizard.
Copy !req
2061. That's what I'm doing, yup.
Copy !req
2062. - You wanna blow us up?
Copy !req
2063. There they are.
Copy !req
2064. - Whoa, it's The
Evil Dead all of a sudden.
Copy !req
2065. - Look out.
Copy !req
2066. - It's all right, Missy.
Copy !req
2067. It's all right.
Copy !req
2068. Lisa, get Missy and hold her down.
Copy !req
2069. Both of you, lie flat.
Copy !req
2070. - Get in here with the nitro.
Copy !req
2071. It's safe.
Copy !req
2072. - If you're unsure and
it's the '50s—duck and cover.
Copy !req
2073. - I will prevail,
I'm a survivor, like Cher.
Copy !req
2074. It's go time, let's party (babbling).
Copy !req
2075. - Uh oh.
Copy !req
2076. - I saw this
coming a long way away.
Copy !req
2077. The horror, the horror.
Copy !req
2078. - Oh, they killed off
the only likable character.
Copy !req
2079. Golf shoes for everybody!
Copy !req
2080. - I dub this spot Luggage World.
Copy !req
2081. - I love the smell
of lizard in the morning.
Copy !req
2082. Smells like chicken.
Copy !req
2083. - I'm still here, hepper.
Copy !req
2084. You crap hound.
Copy !req
2085. - Oh, here comes Johnny
on the spot, now, great.
Copy !req
2086. Well, these are out of state boys.
Copy !req
2087. They arrested me,
Copy !req
2088. I was out of my
jurisdiction, don't you know.
Copy !req
2089. - Are you all right?
Copy !req
2090. - I'm bitter, mommy.
Copy !req
2091. - That's okay, honey.
Copy !req
2092. - I tore my new dress.
Copy !req
2093. - Oh, we can get you a new dress.
Copy !req
2094. - A hundred dresses.
- It's coming out
Copy !req
2095. of your allowance.
Copy !req
2096. - Everybody all right?
Copy !req
2097. - We make a nice warden.
Copy !req
2098. - Ow.
Copy !req
2099. - On the way back, we picked up his trail.
Copy !req
2100. Followed him across country.
Copy !req
2101. - Oh, good, Adlai Stevenson is here.
Copy !req
2102. - What did you hit him with?
Copy !req
2103. - Everything I had.
Copy !req
2104. - My brand new, 100% completed hot rod.
Copy !req
2105. - That too.
Copy !req
2106. - I had to start in the next county.
Copy !req
2107. - Hi, what did I miss?
Copy !req
2108. - Not with four quarts of nitro glycerin.
Copy !req
2109. - You rode across that
rough field carrying nitro?
Copy !req
2110. - Yes.
- Good job, McCloud.
Copy !req
2111. - Do you know what could
have happened to you?
Copy !req
2112. - It did.
Copy !req
2113. I lost my car.
Copy !req
2114. - Oh, don't worry about that.
Copy !req
2115. Railroad will be glad
to buy you a new one.
Copy !req
2116. - And the upholstery of course
Copy !req
2117. will be from Gila and
Ila of Beverly Hills.
Copy !req
2118. - Did I run, Chase,
Copy !req
2119. did you see it?
Copy !req
2120. - I sure did, Missy,
Copy !req
2121. you were really traveling.
Copy !req
2122. - Like Holly Golightly?
Copy !req
2123. - Hey, teeners,
we found a new place
Copy !req
2124. to park and party.
Copy !req
2125. - Keep those
kids up at the barn.
Copy !req
2126. - Well, how do you arrest a bunch of kids
Copy !req
2127. going in all different directions?
Copy !req
2128. - Easy, teargas.
Copy !req
2129. - Rubber bullets.
Copy !req
2130. - If that thing had turned back.
Copy !req
2131. - Same thing could happen to Pat.
Copy !req
2132. Sheriff, your job is a much
bigger one than I thought.
Copy !req
2133. - So is your gut.
Copy !req
2134. - That's a compliment, John.
Copy !req
2135. I guess Chase is out of a job.
Copy !req
2136. - That's right.
Copy !req
2137. - Would you make it a
point to make the boy
Copy !req
2138. come 'round and see me in the morning?
Copy !req
2139. - I'll bring
him around in the morning.
Copy !req
2140. - Next time on the
ABC Movie of the Week,
Copy !req
2141. Clint Howard in Killdozer.
Copy !req
2142. - The Sheriff
will be back in Gila two,
Copy !req
2143. the revenge, this time it's personal.
Copy !req
2144. - Chase, take us out with a song.
Copy !req
2145. - Bring it
down, a little more.
Copy !req
2146. - Two, two, two.
Copy !req
2147. Hey, check on the mike.
Copy !req
2148. Hey, Cambot, I need a
little more monitor on here.
Copy !req
2149. Two.
Copy !req
2150. - Two, two.
Copy !req
2151. Check two.
Copy !req
2152. - Hey, just a second, Tom.
Copy !req
2153. We're gonna go through
the song list now, okay?
Copy !req
2154. - Okay, Sure.
Copy !req
2155. Two, two two.
Copy !req
2156. - This is the way I see it,
Copy !req
2157. we're gonna start with the
stuff we know we're gonna do.
Copy !req
2158. That Eric Burdon,
Copy !req
2159. That's followed by
Copy !req
2160. Cold Blooded.
- Cold Blooded.
Copy !req
2161. - And Crow.
Copy !req
2162. - No, it's Newt.
Copy !req
2163. - I'm sorry Newt, but
we're not gonna be able
Copy !req
2164. to do Karma Chameleon for this show.
Copy !req
2165. Okay, so we do the line up as is.
Copy !req
2166. We start with the stuff we know,
Copy !req
2167. followed by the stuff we don't know,
Copy !req
2168. followed by Tom Servo's.
Copy !req
2169. - No, no, I'm the gecko!
Copy !req
2170. - By the gecko's touching,
heartfelt version of
Copy !req
2171. "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Copy !req
2172. Kinda like the way that
Buddy Rich did it on
Copy !req
2173. The Tonight Show.
Copy !req
2174. And then, finally, for the finale, Crow,
Copy !req
2175. I mean the Newt,
Copy !req
2176. will do the Gene Simmons tongue thing.
Copy !req
2177. - Say guys, I had to be the flat tire
Copy !req
2178. in your tour bus,
Copy !req
2179. I don't want you to think
I'm the aspirated dramatist.
Copy !req
2180. - What is your point, Crow?
Copy !req
2181. - Aren't we just doing
the same stuff we did
Copy !req
2182. when we were Spy Door?
Copy !req
2183. You know the glam rock power trio
Copy !req
2184. from Earth Versus the Spider,
Copy !req
2185. it's the same thing.
Copy !req
2186. - No way, man, we're going in a
Copy !req
2187. completely different direction here.
Copy !req
2188. The line up's different,
Copy !req
2189. the instruments are the same.
Copy !req
2190. - These helmets are new.
Copy !req
2191. - And the sign,
Copy !req
2192. and it's pretty lame, isn't it.
Copy !req
2193. We should just go ahead and read a letter.
Copy !req
2194. - Yeah, you're right.
Copy !req
2195. Okay, well, here we go,
Copy !req
2196. we got the letters.
Copy !req
2197. People always seem to like that.
Copy !req
2198. This is from, get that on still.
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2199. This is from Shannon, age four.
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2200. It says Shannon likes your show.
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2201. And it reads Gypsy, Joel, Tom,
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2202. and then Crow is Art.
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2203. - Art?
(Tom laughing)
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2204. - She thinks you're art.
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2205. And then we got another one here.
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2206. Let's put that on still story.
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2207. This one reads,
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2208. Dear Joe and bot.
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2209. - Bots, that's us, woo!
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2210. We're the bots!
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2211. - I just love you little guys.
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2212. I like that way Tom Serbo sings.
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2213. My favorite robot is Crow,
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2214. but Joe is funny, too
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2215. And it's signed, TV's Frank?
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2216. - Yes! Yes! (laughing)
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2217. - What a little kiss up.
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2218. Push the button TV's Frank.
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2219. - Oh little John, have you seen my arrow?
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