Mystery Science Theater 3000 5x14

1. - Hey, all right you two.

2. I've had just about enough.

3. It's time to come down.

4. - No, we're going to stay up here

5. where you can't bother us.

6. - Yeah.

7. - Well hi everybody.

8. Welcome to the satellite, I'm Joel Robinson.

9. It looks like Tom Servo and Crow T Robot

10. have set up housekeeping in that ventilation duct up there.

11. - Sorry Joel, we love you,

12. we just can't live with you.

13. What Servo?

14. Use your words Servo, use your words.

15. - I have to go.

16. - Why didn't you think about that

17. before we got up here?

18. - I got to go.

19. I'm really scared, it's making me feel real funny

20. and I got to go really bad.

21. - Here, come on up here.

22. Hey, Crow.

23. - Hell no, I won't go.

24. - Hey Crow, Tom and I are going to go over

25. to Burger King, get us a Shamrock Shake.

26. - It's better at McDonald's.

27. - Hey you guys, really neat floors.

28. - Oh no.

29. Gypsy no, you're too quick, climbing around.

30. - Uh-oh, whoops.

31. - Again, again, again, that was fun.

32. - Aw Gypsy you shouldn't fall on us.

33. You're getting too big for that.

34. - Yeah, my mom says you can't come over anymore

35. because you play too rough.

36. - Uh-oh, Crook and Chaser calling.

37. - Hello, Joel, Crow, Tom Servo, the big one.

38. I'm in a decidedly good mood today.

39. The Mariner's won, I received a gift certificate

40. for having my drapes clean, and Frank took a nasty fall

41. down the stairs today.

42. Why don't you show me what you've got?

43. - Hey check this out.

44. Okay, okay, get going.

45. - Aw Gypsy.

46. - Oh the events have changed.

47. Well this is based on the popular See and Say toy

48. that helps teach kids about the animal kingdom.

49. - Right, only ours helps kids to sort through

50. the maze of family reunions by matching their relatives

51. faces, names, and voices on this colorful and amusing toy.

52. - Yeah, it's called the Aunt Catherine Wheel.

53. Why don't you show them how it works Joel?

54. Which one's Uncle Carl again?

55. - Oh okay, I just line it up on Uncle Carl here,

56. Pull the lever...

57. - Uncle Carl says, hey, won't you grab

58. your uncle another beer huh?

59. - (laughing) Hey Joel, is Grammy Fisher the one

60. who smells weird?

61. - No, oh no, here's Grammy Fisher right there, okay.

62. - Grammy Fisher says, well this will probably

63. be my last Christmas with you kids.

64. - Well, what do you think sirs?

65. - Aunt Ethel says, you're on the goofballs

66. aren't you?

67. - Well?

68. - Not bad, I bet Frank would really like one of those

69. and here's Frank now wearing my invention for

70. this week's exchange.

71. Everyone has a smoking jacket and now for the lush

72. there's my new drinking jacket.

73. Large pockets really hide the booze

74. and it comes with the DT's of course.

75. - (yelling) Oh my god, help me, help me, help me.

76. Nurse, nurse, nurse.

77. - Perfect for a naked lunch over any lost weekend

78. or take it under the volcano for those days

79. of wine and roses.

80. Who's afraid of Virginia war, not my little barfly

81. with his new drinking jacket from Old English Botney 500,

82. will remind you that booze really heals.

83. - That is the sickest thing you guys have ever done.

84. - Two words, get over it.

85. - And speaking of sick, this weeks experiment

86. is from the mixed up files of from one Burt I Gordon.

87. I give you, tormented, and watch for me in the Blay

88. Community Theater production of Butterflies are Free.

89. - Well, neat huh.

90. Tormented, I have a feeling this is aptly named.

91. - The Secret Store.

92. - It sounds like the horn section is stuttering.

93. - Forever in Lugenes.

94. - As six?

95. Oh.

96. - Boy, boy, crazy boy.

97. - Gordon and Steinberg

98. wherever fine films are sold.

99. - Mr. Laszlo, your papers of transit.

100. Scognamillo, I think that's a triple word score

101. in Scrabble.

102. - Always the great George Worthing Yates

103. writing the screenplay.

104. - Ah geez.

105. - Additional modern jazz sequences

106. by Calvin Jackson, genius.

107. - Oh, special visual effects,

108. Burt have you seen The Travelling Mat?

109. - Not Bill Forsyth, no not the...

110. - I have a sinking feeling.

111. - Honey West, directed by Bert I. Gordon, yeah.

112. Tormented by Topper.

113. - Peace, quiet.

114. The peace of waves were ever breaking on the shore.

115. The quiet of tranquil moonlight on the sea.

116. - Hawaiian eye.

117. - Then fingers of bog steal in.

118. They say you can hear voices.

119. They say it's the dead growing restless

120. and calling to the living.

121. - What are you Graham Ex from the Moody Blues?

122. - Until that evening, Vi came looking for me.

123. - Boy, crappy house.

124. - I never lied to you.

125. - But I always thought that.

126. - Look Vi, whatever you thought

127. is your business, but it's all over,

128. it's finished.

129. You should never have come here and you'll be doing

130. yourself a favor if you take the first boat back.

131. - It's over Ivonna.

132. - I can't go back without you.

133. Please, come back with me Tom.

134. Just tell her you changed your mind.

135. Nobody even knows I'm on the island.

136. I chartered a private boat over.

137. I won't even go back to the club, I'll quit right now.

138. - Geez, did you have garlic earlier?

139. - Realize when a good thing is over.

140. - They're the only ones on the island,

141. why are they whispering?

142. - A singer like Rita, fit in the picture anymore.

143. I hear she's quite young and has money too.

144. - Please understand.

145. - I'm a magic man, doom doom.

146. - I need you Tom.

147. No one will ever love you more than I do.

148. - There's something about an act with

149. all the men.

150. - I'm sorry for everything.

151. - Especially putting worms in your bed.

152. - Good night Vi.

153. - I still have your letters.

154. - Whoa, someone gave her a bra snuggie.

155. - No honey, no.

156. - Hold on.

157. - I've never been in a lighthouse before.

158. Show me the light darling.

159. - Got to think.

160. - Now this could be the nursery,

161. you got the bassinet over by the fernelands.

162. - What about the letters Vi?

163. - Oh I never throw anything like that away.

164. You never know when they might come in handy.

165. I wonder how she'd feel if I read them to her.

166. Putting in pertinent foot notes of course.

167. - Like Mad Libs.

168. - And maybe I have to show them to a lawyer.

169. I'm sure he'd know what to do with them.

170. How would a lawsuit fit in with your music career, Tom?

171. How would the piano genius of jazz feel about

172. that kind of publicity?

173. - Oh, like there's never been a sex scandal

174. in jazz before.

175. - Darling, you look as if you're ready to kill me.

176. - Bingo.

177. - Now you get this straight, I'm marrying Meg.

178. - And you get this straight Tom Stewart,

179. no one will ever have you but me.

180. - Scared straight.

181. - Help me, please Tom, help me.

182. - What huh?

183. Brring, brring, oh honey, telephone's ringing.

184. I got to go.

185. - Save me Tom, please.

186. - Well that's what she gets for railing

187. against him, ouch.

188. - Hold on, I've decided to save you.

189. Oh, shoot.

190. - Note to myself, never date in a lighthouse.

191. - Ms. Johnson, send in another fiancee.

192. - Next week on Tormented.

193. Tonight's episode, Jonathan Livingston murder.

194. - I'm Bill Beruit for World of Adventure.

195. - Whoa, geez she really came apart

196. on the rocks.

197. - Ew.

198. - No, that's not her.

199. - Sporting old man.

200. - Hey it looks like the dad from Flippers.

201. - Yeah.

202. - Oh, oh ow, owie, oh.

203. - Well now he's body surfing literally.

204. - Oh, nothing like an invigorating swim

205. with a corpse in the morning.

206. I got to make this my daily ritual here.

207. - (singing) Catch a wave and you're sitting

208. on top of a girl.

209. - Tonight on a very special Baywatch.

210. - Look, I'm really sorry about last night,

211. can I make it up to you?

212. - Here folks, you take her.

213. - Here you be Deborah Kerr,

214. I'll be Burt Lancaster.

215. - She's turning into a ceasar salad.

216. - It's sort of an herbal wrap isn't it?

217. - What no croutons?

218. Somebody kelp me, (laughing), even in death I'm funny.

219. - Who is it?

220. - It's me Sandy.

221. - You're little conscience.

222. - Sandy.

223. - What are you doing?

224. - Sandy look, do me a favor will you

225. and run out and play somewhere, I'm busy.

226. - Oh, I see another corpse turned into seaweed.

227. - Don't you like me anymore?

228. - Well you're assuming I liked you in

229. the first place.

230. - Sure I like you, I love you.

231. I just want to be by myself.

232. - Where were you last night?

233. - Oh, killing someone...

234. - We had a beach barbeque and everyone on the island

235. was there.

236. - Except half.

237. - Ned was looking all over for you.

238. - Sandy, please run along.

239. - Okay, sorry to disturb you.

240. I almost forgot, the wedding announcements came

241. and mommy wants you to look at one before

242. we send them out.

243. There's only a week til the big day.

244. - Okay, okay.

245. - What's that?

246. Look what I found?

247. - I think it's a piece of brain.

248. - Gilligan, give me that.

249. - And it's still ticking, I'm John Cameron

250. Swayzee for Timex.

251. - No, I'll take care of it.

252. - Oh, geez, Haley Mills gets the Parent Trap,

253. I get stuck in the lousy...

254. - I'd better take it easy.

255. I didn't find any dead woman, only seaweed.

256. I know what's the matter with me, I'm seeing things.

257. I'm letting my imagination run wild.

258. - You're also doing voiceovers

259. for crappy movies.

260. - Why should it bother me?

261. I didn't do anything to Vi, I didn't kill her.

262. It's her own fault she's dead.

263. - It's her own fault I didn't save her.

264. - I love myself unconditionally,

265. I love myself unconditionally, I love myself

266. unconditionally.

267. - I need a vacation, something urban,

268. the Quad Cities or Davenport.

269. - Think I'll return to the scene of

270. the crime to cheer myself up.

271. It worked.

272. - Honey, I'm home, oh yeah, you're dead.

273. - (singing) The long and winding stairs.

274. - Boy you know, a pair of pants

275. would feel real good right about now.

276. - I'm going to pad out the film

277. starting now.

278. - Oh geez, her butt must have weighed a ton.

279. - Locks in place, ready for my next victim.

280. - Like Colombo's not going to figure this out.

281. - Now cut that out.

282. - She came out here of her own accord.

283. - No, it was a camera.

284. - It wasn't my doing she fell.

285. Wasn't my fault if it gave way.

286. Why should I be blamed, I have nothing to do with it.

287. Anyway, nobody ever needs to know.

288. Nobody will even connect me with her.

289. Why should they?

290. Except for this watch of hers.

291. - Three skips.

292. - That's the end of you.

293. - You're going to die you evil man.

294. - I know it, I'm living it.

295. - Oh, I hate Mondays.

296. - Oh, the bridge club will be here any minute

297. and I'm not ready.

298. - Oh geez, days like this I just feel

299. like having a shower, a sandwich, and straight to bed.

300. - Is that you Bert I. Gordon?

301. - Ah, my 10 o'clock, I'll be right with you.

302. - She's wearing today's paper.

303. - Meg, I will come back to you.

304. - Meg, it's you.

305. - This is the greatest chick trap

306. ever invented.

307. - Oh no, no, it's just that I wasn't expecting anyone.

308. - Anyone alive anyway.

309. - What are you doing up here?

310. - Looking for you.

311. What are you doing up here in this old lighthouse?

312. - Well I...

313. - I live here.

314. - I like its quiet.

315. I wanted to think.

316. I guess I'm worried about that Carnegie Hall thing

317. next month.

318. I wonder if I'm good enough.

319. - Yeah, being an usher's a big responsibility.

320. - You're the best jazz pianist in the world.

321. - Oh yeah, much better than Art Tatum,

322. Bud Powell, Bill Evans.

323. - I never loved anyone before in my life.

324. - Not that survived anyway.

325. - Nor did I.

326. - Eclipse, it's here.

327. - Do you smell perfume?

328. - I like to wear Chanel Number Five.

329. - I wanted to smell pretty for you.

330. - It's sort of cold and gloomy in here.

331. I'm getting the creeps having that big lamp

332. staring at us.

333. - I hate the prying eyes of furniture.

334. - Locked it up here since the light stopped working.

335. Glad they're going to tear it down.

336. Come on, let's go outside til the sun's warmer.

337. - What a morning.

338. - Aye, yay, yay.

339. - Coming?

340. - I didn't kill her, oh, oh.

341. - Her swimsuit looks like it's made out

342. of SNH green stamps.

343. - Thanks a lot Vi.

344. - Tonight from the crypt,

345. I want to bury a lighthouse keeper (evil laugh).

346. - Sessions presents soft rock classics,

347. Leo Sare.

348. And Marie, and many more.

349. - I'm sending the gown tomorrow.

350. Oh, you're going to love it Tom.

351. Oh, I was supposed to see about a tie for dad

352. and I forgot.

353. I'll be so glad when this whole thing's over with,

354. won't you?

355. - Honey, shut up.

356. - It'll only be a week more.

357. We can wait that long can't we?

358. - No, I want to kill you now.

359. - Wait a minute didn't Vi die in pumps

360. and she's barefoot again.

361. - Honey are you carrying a pock of Theramin?

362. - I love you so much Tom.

363. You love me don't you?

364. - My braces.

365. - Wait a minute, were you just walking

366. on all fours?

367. - Did you see anything?

368. - What there's nothing to see?

369. - Right there.

370. - Water, source of all life.

371. It's wet, why?

372. - There's nothing there.

373. What's been there?

374. - Why you fib?

375. - Babe, I've got to get out of here.

376. Right away.

377. - I need air.

378. - Let's elope, we can catch a boat to the mainland

379. and be married this afternoon.

380. - What about the wedding?

381. - I was never for a big deal anyway.

382. I only agreed to it because you wanted it.

383. - Does it matter that I still want it?

384. - Please Meg, please, do this for me.

385. Just go away with me right now.

386. - I told you that's impossible.

387. I want my mother and father to think well of you.

388. - I'll have to go by myself.

389. - Elope by yourself?

390. - What about the wedding?

391. - What about it babe?

392. - If you go there won't be one though?

393. - Elope by himself.

394. What's he going to do?

395. Carry himself over the threshold?

396. Men.

397. - Sand.

398. - Sessions presents David Sole.

399. - (singing) Don't give up on us babe.

400. - Now I will perform the greatest of all magic

401. accomplishments ever performed on this island.

402. The secret cabinet.

403. - Don't you have your own family kid?

404. - The cabinet is empty.

405. Tom, Tom, you're not paying any attention.

406. - Oh, I'm waiting for the waitress.

407. - Don't you want to see the secret cabinet?

408. - Oh sure I do, I wouldn't miss it, go ahead.

409. - If I close the doors to this magic cabinet

410. and say the magic word and tap it with my magic wand.

411. - I saw her do this in Vegas,

412. where's my drink?

413. - It is now filled with jellybeans.

414. Tom Stewart.

415. - Firm, huh?

416. - Fine one you are.

417. - Sandy.

418. Sandy, if you hate me for the rest of your life

419. I deserve it.

420. - I couldn't hate you no matter what you did.

421. - I killed someone.

422. - No matter what I did?

423. - No matter what.

424. - Even like fighting with your sister?

425. Meg's mad at me you know.

426. - She'll get over it, besides if she doesn't,

427. you'll be free to marry me.

428. - Okay, from now on, you're the other woman in my life.

429. - Put her down Jerry Lee.

430. Oh we got to go.

431. - Run along now, I've got some practicing to do.

432. I'll clean up your magic stuff.

433. Bye.

434. - Bye Tom.

435. - Kennedy would have won even without Texas.

436. He didn't need Johnson.

437. - True, true, but still it must have been nice

438. to win Texas.

439. It probably made him feel real good.

440. Now what's going on up there?

441. - It's me Joel, I'm cleaning up.

442. You guys left crunch berries everywhere up here.

443. - Ah, that's great, try to keep quiet will ya?

444. We're talking here.

445. - Oh great, you guys just relax while

446. I clean up your mess.

447. - Okay great, let us know if we can help.

448. Anyway Servo, Johnson Smonson, you can't save it...

449. Oh, oh, hey, Joel, what are you doing?

450. Do you have any self control at all?

451. - I fell, I'm hanging here by one arm.

452. You guys have to help me.

453. - Oh Tom, did you hear that?

454. We have to help Joel.

455. - Yeah, as a general rule I don't like being told

456. what I have to do.

457. Something about it just gets to me.

458. - Yeah, well I guess the cat's on the other foot now huh?

459. Maybe we should at least consider helping him though,

460. he does owe me two space credits.

461. - Oh I'm willing to consider it.

462. - Come on you guys.

463. - There may be a few changes around here though Joel.

464. For instance, how late can we stay up tonight?

465. - 8:30, same as always.

466. - Oh, okay.

467. Joel, your arm getting tire?

468. - Okay nine.

469. Hey come on.

470. - You know Joel, I think I'd like to be taller than you

471. and more popular.

472. - Look at that, what a pathetic figure (laughing).

473. - Oh Joel, I'm very sorry it's just that

474. you've put us in a rather unusual situation.

475. Hey, okay let's have a nice smoked duck

476. and goat cheese pizza tonight.

477. Huh, what do you think?

478. - Come on you guys really expect me to make that?

479. - No, no Mr. Robinson, I expect you to die (laughing).

480. - Come on you have to help me.

481. - There he goes again, boy that makes me angry,

482. and hungry.

483. Hey, let's dig into those Super Mario fruit chunks okay?

484. - Great idea, we have a date with Mrs. Butterworth.

485. - Sounds delicious.

486. - Oh man I've got an Indian jumpsuit.

487. - You have nice calves.

488. - Let's see, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

489. - Oh I feel so bad.

490. (singing) I'm going to kill me a girlfriend

491. and marry the girl I need.

492. - Testify.

493. - (singing) Going to kill me a girlfriend,

494. she'll turn into seaweed.

495. It's a blue shimmy whale cause of my dirty deed.

496. That faulty lighthouse railing baby, oh.

497. - What is this a Better Home

498. and Gardens video?

499. - Oh baby.

500. - Suddenly he's writing a Charles Ives piece.

501. - It's a pencil sharpener on the end there.

502. - By sessions.

503. Milton Bradley presents Tormented, You're the Killer,

504. woman not included.

505. - Hey.

506. - Wonder if this is on CD?

507. - Tormented, now it's a coaster.

508. Where was I?

509. - Hey, now I do have the blues.

510. - Now cut that out.

511. - All right Allen Funt, where are you?

512. - Oops.

513. - Aw cripes, I just remembered I borrowed this

514. from the library.

515. - Who's there?

516. - Tom.

517. - Hi ya Mr. B.

518. - Hey it's a blind lemon pledge.

519. - I brought you some flowers.

520. - Ah yeah, just put that in the goldfish bowl.

521. - Something the matter, Tom?

522. - What makes you say that?

523. - You sound upset.

524. - Perhaps I better check you another time.

525. - Oh no, no Mrs. Ellis.

526. No come here and sit down.

527. Thank you for the flowers, they're lovely.

528. - Watch out Mr. Buckle.

529. Watch out honey, look out.

530. - Mrs Ellis, I want to ask you something.

531. - How many fingers am I holding up?

532. - Stop it.

533. - Sounds kind of silly but would you believe

534. the spirits of the dead can come back

535. to haunt the living?

536. Do you believe in ghosts?

537. - Do you believe in peanut butter?

538. - What makes you ask a thing like that?

539. - You haven't answered Mrs. Ellis.

540. - Nobody believes in ghosts nowadays.

541. - Do you?

542. - If anybody was to ask me seriously

543. I would have to say no.

544. - What if I asked you in a clown suit?

545. - Of course, a real estate agent runs into many

546. strange things in an empty house sometimes.

547. - What kind of things?

548. - Well, there was a family named Samuels.

549. They lived in that last house down the beach.

550. - On the left?

551. - One day their little boy took his dog

552. and went fishing.

553. They never came back and nobody knows what happened

554. to them.

555. - Coincidence, read the book.

556. - After the Samuel's moved away

557. I signed three tenants during that first month,

558. but not one of them would stay more than a few days.

559. - Believe it or not.

560. - That doesn't prove anything.

561. - They complained about an unseen dog

562. whining and scratching at the door,

563. but that wasn't what made them break their lease.

564. - The dog puddled the carpet

565. and I evicted them.

566. It was the cold up in the boys' rooms

567. You could feel it in your bones, a deathly cold.

568. The walls were always damp and stained with sea water.

569. Whatever caused it, the thing came back every night.

570. - Did you ever see it Mrs. Ellis?

571. - It's been many years since I've seen anything.

572. - Oh he deserves that.

573. - Sorry I keep forgetting.

574. Did anybody see it?

575. - You keep forgetting?

576. - People say they found wet seaweed on the boy's bed.

577. - You can't call wet seaweed a ghost can you?

578. - Tom, what's wrong?

579. - Well I pushed this wo, I mean nothing.

580. - You're running away from something.

581. - You read me like a cheap novel.

582. - Well Tom?

583. - Well the truth is I'm a crappy

584. jazz musician all right?

585. - Something I can't believe exists myself.

586. - If it does exist you can't solve anything by running.

587. - Well how about speed walking?

588. - Then on the other hand, if it doesn't exist,

589. there's nothing to run from.

590. - Did you read that in a fortune cookie?

591. - You're a very wise women Mrs. Ellis.

592. - Yeah, it's just too bad you've got

593. green and pink on.

594. - Oh and thanks for the flowers, they're beautiful.

595. Thanks honey.

596. - Look out.

597. - Sessions presents April Days.

598. - (singing) Tonight Chicago died.

599. - No go away.

600. - I pledge allegiance to the flag,

601. hallowed it be thy name.

602. - No, leave me alone.

603. - Typical lazy musician, get up.

604. - Suddenly it's a song of Bernadette here.

605. - Where's my watch?

606. - Help me Obi Wan, you're my last hope.

607. - Seems refreshed.

608. - Help me Tom, help me.

609. - I thought I'd change for the dream sequence.

610. - What do you know?

611. - Now I'm in the Seven Year Itch.

612. - Con dios.

613. - Oh man, I've got a headache this big

614. and its got Birdeye Gordon written all over it.

615. - Oh, I got to get back to bed.

616. Wait a minute, I'm in bed.

617. - She's so transparent.

618. - No, go away, you're dead leave me alone.

619. - I'll never, I'll always be.

620. Always, always.

621. - Oh terrific, I killed the Lander's sisters.

622. I can't decide which one of you scares me more, bye.

623. - Said left there, is everywhere.

624. - Save me darling, save me.

625. - Get a life, oh sorry.

626. - It's Haley Mills and Haley Mills

627. in The Death Trap.

628. - Damn, I'm still a crappy musician.

629. - Oh great, 60 Minutes is after me.

630. - This belonged to V-I Warshowski.

631. - All right Louis, come out with your hands up.

632. - Oh great, I left the house on again.

633. - Sessions presents Hamilton, Joe Frank,

634. and Reynolds.

635. - (singing) Don't pull your love out on me

636. honey.

637. - Commadores.

638. - (singing) You're once, twice,

639. three times a lady.

640. - Sandy Johns.

641. - (singing) Made love in my Chevy van

642. and that's all right with me.

643. - Hey there's a big band up in the lighthouse.

644. Cukoo.

645. - Hey, could you turn it down?

646. Some of us have to work in the morning.

647. - You know, he's going to have huge calves

648. by the end of this movie.

649. - Stair master.

650. - Nelson Riddle, keep it down.

651. - Look, it can make huge shadows on the ocean.

652. - Vi?

653. - Vi ask Vi?

654. - You can't hear me can you, because you don't

655. even exist.

656. - Chuck Norris in Octagon.

657. - Grey shadow perhaps, light perhaps.

658. - A bit of beef, 100% potato.

659. - Perhaps.

660. - But Vi, just in case you can hear me,

661. I've come to tell you this.

662. - You smell bad and you broke my railing.

663. - I'm not going to pay any attention to you anymore.

664. - And where'd you put my dress shoes?

665. - I'm going to live my life right here.

666. - Okay.

667. - I'm going to stop running and I'm going to marry,

668. Meg, Vi.

669. I'm going to marry Meg.

670. - Vi.

671. - That's all I came to say.

672. - Vi, come on, pick up.

673. I know you're there Vi come on.

674. - You never existed.

675. I'm going to marry Meg.

676. - Really I am.

677. - Ever notice there's no bugs around

678. that light?

679. - It's yellow.

680. - Just in case you can hear me Vi, good night

681. and good bye.

682. - I'll be making your life a living hell,

683. good night.

684. - No one will ever have you but me.

685. - Can't hear you, I left the lighthouse,

686. can't hear you.

687. - Of all the lighthouses in all the world,

688. she had to fall off of mine.

689. - Yeah, that's a good idea.

690. The music will drive her away.

691. - It's driving me away.

692. - Oh hi, there's Coke in the refrigerator, help yourself.

693. - Okay.

694. - And there's a mirror on the table,

695. razor blade.

696. - (singing) I'd like to teach the world

697. to sing, hey.

698. - Hey, that's the same Paulie girl,

699. put that down.

700. - Mrs. Ellis said you wanted to see me, what about?

701. - I, sit down.

702. - I need some help with autumn leaves.

703. - I wondered if you'd talk to your sister Meg for me,

704. tell her how sorry I am?

705. - Okay.

706. - You tell her I behaved like a little boy

707. and I'm ashamed of myself.

708. - I'll tell her.

709. She didn't call anything off.

710. - She didn't?

711. - Uh-uh, guess she's ready to make up.

712. - Buy her something from Victoria's Secret.

713. - Are you ready?

714. - Yeah I'm all ready.

715. - You've got the ring and everything?

716. - Uh-huh.

717. - Let me see it.

718. - How come you're not wearing any pants?

719. - Did she write that, it's fantastic?

720. - Tom, it's gorgeous.

721. - But things are moving too fast.

722. - Meg's sure lucky.

723. Can I try it on?

724. - On what, you're wrist?

725. - What I really want is one of my own.

726. - Well you might be just a little bit young.

727. - I know, dear little Sandy, she's just a child.

728. Well do you know how old I am?

729. I'm practically nine.

730. In China, in Borneo, and India in places like that,

731. girls already have husbands at my age.

732. I'd get married tomorrow if I could find

733. someone like you.

734. - Well let me call Bill Wyman.

735. - Can't I please try on the ring?

736. - I just put it on your finger.

737. - What on my finger?

738. - The ring.

739. - I don't have the ring.

740. - That's what I said.

741. - Third base.

742. - Oh thank you thing.

743. - Give me five, give me five.

744. - It's the ghost of Senior Winsess.

745. - What's the matter, did you drop it?

746. It couldn't fall far.

747. It's got to be here somewhere.

748. - Jazz hands, jazz hands.

749. - Sandy, Sandy don't touch it.

750. - What Tom?

751. - That right there.

752. - Sit thing, sit.

753. - There's nothing there.

754. - Could I have another St. Paulie Girl?

755. - On my summer vacation I babysat

756. for paranoid psychotic.

757. - Sandy, tell me the truth, didn't you see anything

758. right there?

759. - There wasn't anything to see.

760. I'm so hurt.

761. - You need some downtime Uncle Tom.

762. - I'll find the ring later.

763. You run along now Sandy, I've got to finish my practicing.

764. - Gilligan.

765. - Bye Sandy, I'll see you later.

766. - You'll be all right Uncle Tom.

767. - That hand was a nice touch Vi.

768. - I know now you've come back.

769. - Guy.

770. - But it won't do you any good, because I'm going

771. to marry Meg.

772. What'd you do with the ring Vi?

773. Vi, what did you do with that ring?

774. - Sessions presents, Summer Hits, Terry Jacks.

775. - (singing) We had joy we had fun.

776. - Mark Whimsy.

777. - (singing) In the end, wants me.

778. - Paul Inca.

779. - (singing) Having my baby.

780. - Barry Manilow.

781. - (singing) No I can't smile without you.

782. - Vicki Lawrence.

783. - (singing) The night that the lights

784. went out in Georgia.

785. - Rupert Homes, (singing) if you like

786. pina colada.

787. Donovan.

788. - (singing) Way down upon the ocean.

789. - Olivia Newton John.

790. - (singing) I honestly love you.

791. - Bobby Goldsburrow.

792. - (singing) And honey I miss you.

793. - And many more.

794. - They want us to move closer.

795. - What?

796. - Let's go somewhere quiet like the bus station.

797. - I don't understand what you're going to...

798. - Going to say because it's really loud here.

799. - No more questions.

800. You know what's wrong with you?

801. - What?

802. - You've been working too hard getting ready

803. for your concert.

804. - You've been murdering too hard.

805. - Only light here on the island away from all your

806. musician friends.

807. I'm getting you down.

808. But I'll think of all that once we're married.

809. - Maybe you better tell your mother

810. that the wedding's on again.

811. - He's marrying her mother?

812. - You're pretty sure of yourself aren't you?

813. - You know the first thing you're going to do

814. is have a long vacation.

815. - In hell.

816. - A whole month's honeymoon in Europe.

817. - Uh-uh, you know how many hit records I'd have

818. to sell to pay for that?

819. - More than Elvis or the Beatles.

820. - Dad's splitting the bill.

821. His wedding present to us, he wanted to tell you himself

822. but he won't be here til right before the wedding

823. and when we get back I'm going to have a big party

824. so I can get to know all your friends.

825. - Before you kill them all.

826. - A party, we'll be living in a three room apartment.

827. - Mother and daddy won't mind if we use their house

828. in Bel Air.

829. They say now that I'm getting married

830. it's too big for them anyway, so they'll be turning

831. it over to us for good one of these days.

832. - Are you trying to spoil me?

833. - Kind of like Vi's body is spoiling?

834. - Come on up to the house a minute,

835. I want you to see something.

836. - Yes.

837. - My wedding gown.

838. - You're not supposed to be that light.

839. - You're not superstitious about things like that

840. are you?

841. - No, no course not, account for that hand

842. though, whatever you do.

843. - (singing) The snow bird sings a song he always sings.

844. - Hey Joe, what's going on?

845. - Oh well Crow, in today's experiment, the main character

846. allowed a singer to plummet to her death

847. and I thought it'd be interesting if we were to take

848. some of today's singers and...

849. - And make them plummet to their death?

850. What a great idea.

851. - Joel Robinson, I could kiss you.

852. - Whoa wait a minute, nobody is going to plummet to

853. their death here.

854. You know we'll put a trampoline down there,

855. attach a bungee cord.

856. - To their necks (laughing).

857. - No, nobody's going to get killed,

858. we just want to put the fear of God into them

859. for a little bit okay?

860. So which of today's pop singers would you like

861. to see drop from a tall lighthouse?

862. - Oh, well my first choice would be Kenny Rogers.

863. I'd like to watch him hang by his beard for a while

864. til he pleaded for mercy and finally admitted that he

865. was the coward of the county.

866. (laughing).

867. - You know I'd like to see the Manhattan Transfer

868. all plunge to their doom.

869. Instead of singing scat they'd just be scat.

870. - Do, do, dah, dah, die, die, die.

871. - Oh, fun.

872. - Hey, don't forget Kenny Loggins.

873. - Oh no, he's too skinny, he'd just float.

874. - Oh, well then Jim Macina.

875. - Okay, think I'm going to have a Sunday.

876. Let's try Kenny Loggins anyway.

877. Ah, falling into the danger zone.

878. He fell good.

879. You know, now remember, we're not killing anybody.

880. - Oh yes we are.

881. What about Dr. Hook?

882. Physician, heal thyself.

883. - Johnathan Edwards.

884. - Donovan.

885. The Lionel Ritchie.

886. Michael Bolton.

887. - Ben Cidrin.

888. - Michael Franks.

889. - Ah Popsicle toes.

890. - New Kids on the Block.

891. Star Land Vocal Band, afternoon to die.

892. - Ah carnage.

893. - Okay, that's pretty fun, you guys mind if I try one?

894. - Sure.

895. - Okay, how about Peter Himmelmen.

896. That felt good.

897. Okay, time's running out, you each get one more choice okay?

898. - Ann Murray.

899. - Here's a tiny way.

900. Classic choice Crow.

901. - Okay, okay Kenny Rogers.

902. - Oh well you picked him already.

903. - I know but I'm still mad about Six Pack.

904. - Good point, down you go.

905. - No man, don't take your love to die.

906. - You know guys, this whole exercise was really

907. kind of juvenile.

908. - Yeah, pretty destructive and negative.

909. - Yeah I thought it'd be kind of cathartic,

910. but it really wasn't, was it?

911. - Darn right it was.

912. - Hey, hey, all right.

913. - Hello strangers, where have you been keeping yourself

914. lately?

915. Some beautiful gifts have arrived

916. and you haven't seen any of them.

917. - Hey look at this.

918. - But you're here any way.

919. - Hey look at me, I won the Stanley Cup.

920. - Aw geez, she's into the excelsior again.

921. - Look, another one.

922. - Oh there's my girl.

923. - Just who is he marrying?

924. - Hi pal.

925. - Hi.

926. - Lolita.

927. - Is everything made up with you and Meg?

928. - I'm working on it.

929. - Don't tell anybody about my tripping out.

930. - Nice girl.

931. - Hi Ms. Ellis.

932. - Tom.

933. - Another pair.

934. - I know.

935. - People must think newlyweds live on riddles

936. by candlelight.

937. This makes nine pairs of candlesticks and 12 salad bowls

938. and more coming every time the mail boy arrives.

939. Meg got her wedding gown today and Tom...

940. - Ah, that voice, ugh.

941. - What a bride goes through to make herself attractive

942. for you men.

943. - Ladies back me up on this.

944. - Three fittings to get the bodice right

945. and three layers of mesh to make the skirt going up.

946. - Well, it might be worth it, after all I'm only...

947. - Don't look now but Arthur Murray's here.

948. - Sandy, see if there's a window open.

949. There's a cold draft all of a sudden.

950. - Aw gee, I could go for a cold draft right now.

951. Sandy check the door, Sandy do this, I have

952. to do everything.

953. Change the oil on a car, maybe I should chill

954. the champagne huh, how about that?

955. - You know booze is your best drug value.

956. - That sweet smell?

957. - Jagermeister honey.

958. - It must be the fresh roses.

959. - My roses never smell like that.

960. - Than it must be you.

961. - It's a women's perfume.

962. - Help me make room for these dear.

963. In my day it wasn't candlesticks it was teaspoons.

964. - Shut up.

965. - I received no less than 78 of them

966. when we were married.

967. - Let's ditch her.

968. - When he went back to the main one

969. he said he was going to go right to the office

970. and stay there until our wedding.

971. I'm sure you'll never treat your wife like that,

972. will you Tom?

973. - You cleared the room grandma.

974. - He isn't here mother.

975. - Where is he?

976. - I think Meg took him to look at her dress.

977. - Next.

978. Guess she didn't like it.

979. - My wedding dress.

980. - Now it's garbage.

981. - What is it?

982. What did she find?

983. - Seaweed.

984. - Well she did ask for the mermaid cut.

985. - Well we'll change the bridesmaid

986. dresses to green.

987. - Tom?

988. - Yes, Mrs. Ellis.

989. - No, I wasn't pretending I was a playmate.

990. - I brought you some honey.

991. - Or it might be motor oil.

992. - Don't get up, I'll just put it on the bar here.

993. - Let's wrestle now.

994. - I really brought the honey only as an excuse

995. because I knew you were upset.

996. Tom, there's nothing supernatural about what happened

997. to Meg's dress?

998. There must be a logical explanation.

999. - I know, I know.

1000. - Maybe she was rolling sushi on it.

1001. - Seaweed, it's just like that Samuel's boy.

1002. - There have been no recent deaths Tom.

1003. - Ha ha, define recent.

1004. - Any way, I'm sure of one thing.

1005. - I'm a turtle.

1006. - I've had enough of her.

1007. - Who are you talking about?

1008. - Oh a friend I used to have, a girl named Vi.

1009. - That I don't have any more.

1010. - She came over here to the islands.

1011. - Fell down off the island.

1012. - Off the lighthouse.

1013. - She died.

1014. - Well at any rate, she went back to the mainland.

1015. - It's a girl thing.

1016. - Are you sure that's what happened?

1017. - What do you mean am I sure?

1018. - Well maybe she didn't go back to the mainland.

1019. Maybe this girl Vi is still here and is playing

1020. tricks to get even.

1021. - Hey check out Pierre Lupas.

1022. - Now where do you suppose a woman could hide

1023. on this island?

1024. - Who's hiding?

1025. - Never mind Sandy.

1026. - Aye, aye sir.

1027. - Things will work out, you'll see.

1028. - Turn, turn, right, good.

1029. - Hello, hey a kitty (barking).

1030. - And Bee Davis as Mrs. Longstreet.

1031. - Mrs. Ellis, Mrs. Ellis.

1032. - It sure isn't you.

1033. - Why are people always saying never mind?

1034. - Because there are some things that grown ups

1035. don't want children to know about, Sandy.

1036. - Those are always the most interesting things.

1037. - And because you're a bad person Sandy.

1038. - Why is Tom upset?

1039. - Never mind.

1040. - What is she, Liz Smith?

1041. - Daddy's looking for it at the lighthouse.

1042. He's always hanging around there.

1043. - The lighthouse is a very dangerous place, Sandy.

1044. - Go play there Sandy.

1045. - It'll soon be torn down.

1046. - That doesn't keep people from going there.

1047. - But you mustn't go there Sandy, not ever.

1048. Run along home now.

1049. - Gee you're a spooky old dame.

1050. - Left, left, oh honey look out.

1051. - Clunk.

1052. - The dark's playing a cruel joke on her.

1053. - I guess what I'm saying is I don't want

1054. to go in there.

1055. - I'm surprised at you.

1056. You're being as silly as Tom.

1057. - Don't ever say that.

1058. - All right, I'll go alone.

1059. - Young lady, young lady?

1060. - Young hello Lady, Mrs. Lady Thing.

1061. - Why it's Mrs. Butterworth.

1062. - I love the perfume you're wearing.

1063. It's no use, I know you're in here somewhere.

1064. I can hear you too.

1065. Don't you think it's ridiculous to hide?

1066. - Just a second, I'm in the bathroom.

1067. - There's something I want to say to you.

1068. - Grab something out of the fridge,

1069. I'll be right down.

1070. - If you won't, then I'll go up and find you.

1071. - Well better unpack another body bag.

1072. - Is she wearing a life jacket under

1073. that sweater?

1074. - No she's Mrs. Michelon Man.

1075. - Listen to me please.

1076. - Listen to me please.

1077. - I don't usually give people advice,

1078. but Tom is a dear friend and I want to ask you

1079. to leave him alone.

1080. Are you listening to me?

1081. You might at least have the politeness to answer.

1082. Why that's a nasty laugh you have.

1083. - You see I'm dead then.

1084. - What tricks are you up to now?

1085. Wait, listen to me.

1086. - An aging Kin Novak re-creates

1087. this scene from Vertigo.

1088. - This place sounds real nice,

1089. I love what I think you've done with it.

1090. - You've been frightening Tom half to death.

1091. - What's the point of being a ghost?

1092. - I know Meg doesn't concern you,

1093. but you wouldn't want to make an innocent person

1094. suffer, would you?

1095. - Well sure, that's the most fun.

1096. - I wish you'd speak more clearly.

1097. - What do you want, I'm dead?

1098. My larynx is rotten.

1099. - You're trying to make me sorry for you I suppose

1100. but I can't help thinking how foolish you are,

1101. playing this absurd game.

1102. - I can't help thinking how foolish

1103. she is climbing up that ladder.

1104. - You have to let me talk to you please.

1105. - Hey, I can't see my house from up here.

1106. - People all the unhappiness you need to.

1107. It's time you stopped.

1108. - I mean it's fun, but...

1109. - You don't belong here you know.

1110. Why don't you leave Tom and Meg alone

1111. and go back?

1112. What are you saying?

1113. - She's saying watch that first step.

1114. - I can't hear you.

1115. - On the 50 meter board.

1116. - Yeah, the dog's downstairs checking

1117. the Want Ads right now.

1118. - What a fiend you are.

1119. - I hate these one woman shows.

1120. - You're not fooling me.

1121. I know exactly what you are.

1122. - You're a superstar, that's what you are.

1123. - (singing) Tormented, tormented, tormented,

1124. tormented, tor-men-ted.

1125. - Oh, John Cage.

1126. - Not fair.

1127. You're getting the party, presents, the husband.

1128. I get nothing.

1129. - Be nice to me peanut, in two more days I'll be

1130. a married woman and you'll miss me.

1131. - I'll miss Tom more.

1132. - Sandy.

1133. - Oh, what a beautiful crystal chamber pod.

1134. - How's my family?

1135. - Wrong family.

1136. - Daddy.

1137. - Am I too early or too late?

1138. - I'm so happy you made it in time.

1139. - You don't think I'd let my daughter marry

1140. without her favorite father being around now do you?

1141. - Well roll up your sleeves and pitch in,

1142. the party's right after tomorrow's rehearsal.

1143. - Hi honey.

1144. - Do I live here?

1145. - Where's the groom?

1146. - Where's my scotch?

1147. - He's not feeling well.

1148. - What's the matter with him?

1149. - He's been over working.

1150. - Are you a human?

1151. - At the piano I suppose.

1152. - Please don't start that again.

1153. - It's bad enough to accept a musician

1154. into this family, but a jazz musician

1155. is asking too damn much.

1156. - Why don't you go to bed dear?

1157. You must be tired.

1158. - Yeah stay there for 10 years.

1159. - What's the matter with a jazz musician?

1160. - Be still brat.

1161. - Poor Tom.

1162. - I think there's enough napkins there,

1163. thank you.

1164. - Out for more napkins,

1165. ran out of napkins, need lots of napkins.

1166. - Aw, this is where they make

1167. Cape Cod potato chips, I think I'll check it out.

1168. - Trick-or-Treat for Unicef.

1169. - Hi.

1170. - She sounds like a seal.

1171. - Well she's like the Gordon's Fishermen babies.

1172. - Okay, I'll come back later.

1173. Stupid hat tricks.

1174. Hey, two years sobriety.

1175. My name is Vi, I'm a schnauzer, I belong to Tom Stewart.

1176. - What do you know, Vi's fixed

1177. the windows and the railings.

1178. - You call a cab?

1179. - You live here kid?

1180. - Just move away.

1181. Don't make me use this thing.

1182. - Can't you hear or something, I asked if you lived here?

1183. - In the lighthouse?

1184. - No, on the island?

1185. On the island?

1186. - Hey I'm just a little kid.

1187. - Look kid I really don't care.

1188. - I'm a New York method actor,

1189. give me a break.

1190. - I'm looking for a guy called Tom Stewart.

1191. You know him?

1192. - What do you want him for?

1193. - It's Lou Reed.

1194. - He won 200 thou in a sweepstakes ticket

1195. and I'm here to give him the money.

1196. - I don't believe you.

1197. - Okay I'm from a land of leprechauns dig?

1198. - Do you know where he lives?

1199. - I seem to be having a memory problem.

1200. Grease my palm with a saw buck.

1201. - Fight or flight, fight or flight.

1202. - I should have whacked him.

1203. Speak to me oh magic pendent.

1204. - Aw gee, the kid's singing like a bird.

1205. - Sessions presents looking glass.

1206. Brenda, you're a fine girl.

1207. - What you looking for dad?

1208. - And the colored girls go do, do, do.

1209. - Oh wow, crazy pad.

1210. - Aren't you lost buddy?

1211. - Man this sure is.

1212. - Really, come on in.

1213. Can I get you anything?

1214. - Now wait a minute.

1215. What is this?

1216. - Look I don't want nothing from you dad,

1217. I really don't.

1218. She owes me a fin that's all, and I thought it'd

1219. be nice to have.

1220. - And the colored girls go do, do, do.

1221. - Don't sweat dad, I don't want nothing from you.

1222. She owes me a fin that's all.

1223. - In English please, I don't dig with you

1224. freaky lactose man.

1225. - Wow, you sure have a nice pad, dad.

1226. - Now look, I don't mean to be rude

1227. but you either have to tell me what you're talking about

1228. or get out of here.

1229. - The blonde, the one with the...

1230. - Buick?

1231. - She owed me some bread that's all.

1232. It's nothing to get bugged about.

1233. What she does here is your business.

1234. I can see you dig me dad.

1235. Look, I motored this chick Vi Mason over to the island,

1236. I got a boat.

1237. - A gravy boat.

1238. - Now when she asked me if I'd take her

1239. well I say okay, but she said she doesn't have

1240. the change, this is what she said.

1241. Okay, so we make a deal, five bucks over,

1242. and five bucks back.

1243. - So you placed the woman in your automobile?

1244. - I haven't the faintest idea who or what

1245. you're talking about.

1246. - Look dad, all I want is the bread.

1247. When she didn't show by morning I figured

1248. I'd been had and I know she didn't go back

1249. on the regular run because I asked the putt putt chuck.

1250. - Look, no hablo bead neck okay?

1251. - Now I'm a real square dad.

1252. I didn't remember the name of the guy she said.

1253. - Did not.

1254. - Today I remember, how do you like that?

1255. Tom Stewart.

1256. - Murderer.

1257. - That's the name of the guy she said

1258. when we made the run.

1259. So enough of this jazz dad.

1260. Come on.

1261. - I have to leave, get out.

1262. - Well maybe I better wait around til the chick shows.

1263. - You'll do nothing of the...

1264. - Kind, type, sort.

1265. - All right.

1266. Maybe it's worth the $5 just to get rid of you.

1267. Here.

1268. - There you go.

1269. - Five bucks, I'm set for life.

1270. - What you do is your business dad.

1271. All I want is what's coming to me.

1272. - Well it was nice meeting you Mr. Hep Cat

1273. was it?

1274. - I'm coming down the road wild man,

1275. keep on trucking I think.

1276. - I think the dog wants to eat.

1277. - Yeah I want an omelette,

1278. they make a great one here.

1279. - Hey, you're Merit Stone,

1280. that's Merit Stone.

1281. - Merit Stone?

1282. - Merit Stone.

1283. - Please, two boiler makers and a gravy train

1284. with a beer back bartender.

1285. - Ah, some light beach fair.

1286. - There you are?

1287. - Plenty of pickles?

1288. - Yes, siree, plenty of pickle.

1289. - Hey we're dressed alike.

1290. - So how's life in the merchant marine

1291. little girl?

1292. - Here we are, tumbler of scotch

1293. and a menu.

1294. Anything else?

1295. - How are you Mrs. Ellis?

1296. - Hello Mr. Nelson.

1297. It's a very warm day.

1298. I think I'll have something light.

1299. - Like pork ribs.

1300. - Egg salad sandwich and a glass of ice tea with lemon.

1301. Don't like sugar in my tea but plenty of lemon.

1302. - Well how about a nice hamburger

1303. or tuna fish salad?

1304. - What's the matter with your eggs?

1305. - Oh, there's nothing the matter with them,

1306. I just don't have any.

1307. I've been out of eggs for almost a week now.

1308. Framer's hens just stopped laying.

1309. It's a funny thing.

1310. Nothing like this ever happened before, except once.

1311. About the time the Samuel's boy died.

1312. - Eh, eh, eh.

1313. - Can I buy you a tuna fish salad?

1314. - Just the ice tea.

1315. - Do you charge extra for the plot point?

1316. - Aw, this is real gone daddio.

1317. - Hey dad, can I have a Coke?

1318. - Hey pops, catch you on the ching chang.

1319. - The harborers had to send over to the mainland special

1320. to get some eggs for their party.

1321. Can't bake a cake without eggs.

1322. - Speaking of the wedding are you still there Sandy?

1323. - Yes ma'am.

1324. - Shouldn't you be at the rehearsal?

1325. - Holy cow, change it Mr. Nelson.

1326. - No Mr. Nelson, I wish I could have my sight back,

1327. long enough to see Tom and Meg marry.

1328. They must be a lovely couple.

1329. - Lady, you're scaring my customers.

1330. - I'd give anything to see them.

1331. - They're a handsome couple all right.

1332. Tom Stewart's marrying a beautiful gal.

1333. Nice as the family.

1334. - Tom Stewart.

1335. - Hey dad, what did you see the hand of the guy

1336. getting spliced was?

1337. - Tom Stewart.

1338. Girl's name is Meg Hubbard.

1339. - This cat's onto my hip lingo too quick.

1340. I am out of here.

1341. - And little Sandy will be standing here

1342. to my right next to the bride.

1343. - It's not fair.

1344. - And of course to her right you'll be standing here.

1345. The parent's will be in their pews...

1346. - And then the milkman will enter

1347. from the back.

1348. - May I help you?

1349. - Yeah, I want to speak to Tom Stewart.

1350. - Oh, ah, ah, something about some

1351. half and half for the wedding.

1352. What, what do you want?

1353. - Hey really gone wedding Papio.

1354. Forgive me Tom for I have slanged.

1355. - You're interrupting a wedding rehearsal in there.

1356. - Like I said dad, what you do is your business.

1357. I mean it's crazy with me if you want to marry

1358. one chick and keep another one on the side for kicks,

1359. wow, but I feel sort of a responsibility

1360. seeing as how I brought your broad over on my tug.

1361. See what I mean?

1362. - What are you driving at?

1363. - Come on dad, don't you know?

1364. - I gave you the money you're after, what more

1365. do you want?

1366. - Three more bucks.

1367. - It seems that our deal is in line for some renegotiation.

1368. - Tom, hurry, we're waiting for you.

1369. - Yeah, go ahead back.

1370. We'll pick it up later.

1371. Time, I've got plenty of.

1372. Okay then, sorry I was

1373. the wrong Tom Stewart.

1374. Hope you find the right Tom Stewart.

1375. - Mistake.

1376. - Seems like a really nice guy,

1377. just wish he wasn't blackmailing me.

1378. - Not these four to five Normandy

1379. and waited in their beach houses.

1380. - Wait a minute, he's pulling a shift

1381. a his own party.

1382. - Tomorrow night I'll be Mrs. Stewart.

1383. Isn't that right Mr. Stewart?

1384. I'll be right back.

1385. - Deviled eggs, no.

1386. - All right, come on, you aren't paid

1387. to mingle.

1388. - I wanted to get a drink.

1389. - Here, I'll get it for you.

1390. Just one more number, I want to show you off.

1391. - You played it for her, you can play it for me.

1392. - Hey, quit talking about me.

1393. - Oh, nice of Edward Teller to drop by.

1394. - Well you know, shouldn't wear buffalo checks,

1395. no one should.

1396. - It's a jazz musician's party

1397. and there's not one black person here.

1398. - I need booze, now.

1399. - Drink it, drink it all.

1400. - Sorry I startled you Tom, but candids are the best kind.

1401. - I had my mouth open and my eyes closed.

1402. - What else is new?

1403. - If you don't like it I can take another.

1404. - No.

1405. - Photographs do add 10 pounds.

1406. - No this is fine.

1407. - Are you sure?

1408. - I'm sure.

1409. - How do I look?

1410. - No darling, you're really kind of

1411. ugly in it.

1412. - Get a drink.

1413. - I hate photo collage.

1414. - Just have a bottle of ketchup here.

1415. - Tom what's the matter with you?

1416. - Nothing.

1417. - It's only a picture, why are you so upset?

1418. - I'm not upset.

1419. - Something's bothering you.

1420. - It's not as if you've killed someone.

1421. - Shut up, shut up.

1422. - It's another girl?

1423. You can tell me, I'll try not to be jealous.

1424. - Well okay, there's a huge disembodied head

1425. floating around your living room.

1426. - It's just Vi.

1427. She's dead, she doesn't exist, she's a perfume,

1428. she's a footprint, she's a hand,

1429. she's a face in a picture.

1430. Who could be jealous of Vi?

1431. - You're talking crazy Tom.

1432. Let me see the picture?

1433. - No.

1434. - You're not making any sense.

1435. - Look I'm a musician, what do you want?

1436. - It's her face between the two of us.

1437. - That's great Tom.

1438. - I don't see anything.

1439. - Except for a huge disembodied head.

1440. - Except you and me.

1441. - And a dog named Eyo.

1442. - So who's Vi?

1443. - Uh-oh.

1444. - So a girl named Vi, he didn't want

1445. to tell me about her.

1446. - Did you put out the lights?

1447. - Did you make tinkle?

1448. - What's the matter?

1449. - You don't look too happy.

1450. You ought to be, you're getting married tomorrow.

1451. - Ding dong the bells are going to chime.

1452. - I sometimes wonder the way Tom's been acting lately.

1453. - Anything Tom does is all right.

1454. - He's perfect in your eyes anyhow isn't he?

1455. Don't worry Sandy, I love him.

1456. - But his touch repulses me.

1457. - Every girl has a few last minute doubts.

1458. - Because he's always around the lighthouse.

1459. - Because he imagines things that aren't so.

1460. - Oh, like Macbeth.

1461. - Everything will be all right.

1462. It's late.

1463. - I'm going to stay up and watch Arsenio.

1464. - I'll get the window.

1465. - Oh hi Tom.

1466. - There's a light up there.

1467. I wonder who it could be.

1468. - A boy and a girl probably,

1469. you wouldn't understand.

1470. - Try me.

1471. - They used to go there to neck.

1472. Not anymore, everybody says it's too cold

1473. and damp and smelly.

1474. - How did you know that about Tom?

1475. - Does Tom go there with anybody

1476. or does anybody meet him there?

1477. - Now who's imagining things?

1478. - Now who's asking questions?

1479. - Why that's probably only a reflection of the moonlight

1480. on a loose pane of glass.

1481. - Or the devil.

1482. - Sessions presents.

1483. (singing) I write the songs that make the something,

1484. something.

1485. - [Vi] Tom, Tom.

1486. - Vi, listen, if you're going to haunt me

1487. you haunt me on my terms.

1488. - [Vi] Tom?

1489. - Tom, play Freebird.

1490. - Where are you?

1491. - [Vi] I'm over here.

1492. - Okay, put your hands behind you.

1493. Now slowly put your wallet on the piano.

1494. - Vi, where...

1495. - Vi, you've lost a lot of weight.

1496. - Here let me put a coaster under you.

1497. - What do you want?

1498. - My body.

1499. - I want you Tom.

1500. I want to save you from your own mistake.

1501. - My only mistake was in knowing you.

1502. - And the only way you could correct it

1503. was for me to die, wasn't it?

1504. - It's not my fault you're dead.

1505. - You're in charge of your own destiny sister.

1506. - I couldn't have saved you.

1507. - Couldn't you?

1508. Maybe you can make yourself believe that, but not me.

1509. I was there, remember?

1510. You had to shut me up so you could marry, Meg.

1511. You got away with it all right,

1512. but now what are you going to do?

1513. - Ghostbusters.

1514. - I'll never let you marry Meg.

1515. You belong to me Tom.

1516. You belong to a girl.

1517. - Can I get you a beer or anything?

1518. - You have to go from bad to worse to keep it quiet.

1519. - They have a nice hair stylist

1520. in the after life.

1521. - What would you do if Meg gets wise to you?

1522. Stop her the same way you stopped me?

1523. - I didn't kill you Vi.

1524. I never killed anybody and I never will

1525. and once I'm married I'm going to live

1526. a very happy, very normal life with Meg

1527. and with our friends.

1528. - And your head.

1529. - And there's really nothing you can do about it.

1530. - Isn't there?

1531. You may have noticed I found my voice now.

1532. I pick things up fast.

1533. I'm going to use it to tell the world about you.

1534. I told you Tom, no one will ever have you but me.

1535. - Stop it Vi.

1536. - Try and make me.

1537. Tom Stewart killed me.

1538. - Tom Stewart killed me.

1539. Everybody, Tom Stewart killed me.

1540. Now just the ladies.

1541. - Tom Stewart killed me.

1542. - Come on join in.

1543. - Tom Stewart killed me.

1544. - Come on, we're going bowling.

1545. - [Vi] Tom Stewart killed me, Tom Stewart killed me.

1546. - It's just like Burton Fink now.

1547. - To-m, Stewart, kil-led, me-e.

1548. - Hey nice head, I'd say that's about

1549. a four, five pound head.

1550. - Don't be in such a hurry dad, you're always

1551. in a hurry, you shouldn't be like that.

1552. - Give me that.

1553. - I just want to talk to you chum,

1554. a nice, friendly talk, that's all.

1555. - Give me that.

1556. - And shazam, well there's another trick

1557. I can't do.

1558. - I got these for you.

1559. - You look sick dad.

1560. Something's wrong.

1561. Look are you going to talk to me or not?

1562. - Quit picking your nose.

1563. - Let's get this thing over with.

1564. - Okay I need two quarts of two percent.

1565. - Milk extortion.

1566. - What is it you want?

1567. - Like I said dad, all I want is what's coming to me.

1568. You know, the way it looks to me, we should be

1569. sort of partners.

1570. I help you and you help me.

1571. - Hey Tom, Crow, do you guys want to... (screaming).

1572. - It works, hey Gypsy.

1573. - Told you, we're downright terrifying.

1574. Okay how about this, Joel Robinson killed us,

1575. Joel Robinson killed us.

1576. - Joel Robinson killed us.

1577. - Hey you guys?

1578. What in the world happened over there?

1579. I saw Gypsy running away like she'd seen

1580. a ghost or something.

1581. - That's probably because she did.

1582. Joel Robinson killed us.

1583. Joel Robinson killed us.

1584. - Hey, hey, I did not.

1585. - You did too.

1586. - I did not.

1587. - Then why are we dead?

1588. - Well you're not dead and you're certainly not ghosts

1589. and even if you were ghosts I wouldn't be afraid

1590. of you because I've seen you this way

1591. about a million times before.

1592. - This time it's different Joel.

1593. This time we really died and now must spend eternity

1594. tormenting the very man who gave us life.

1595. - Tormented.

1596. - To escape this heinous living hell,

1597. you have only one option, you must offer Gypsy to us

1598. in a pagan earth ceremony which we hold

1599. every Tuesday at eight.

1600. - It's the only thing that makes any sense any more.

1601. - Yeah, well listen, you guys aren't funny any more,

1602. you deserve each other.

1603. I'm going to take your bodies and get going okay.

1604. - Hey, Joel, we're sorry, we're just having a little fun.

1605. Joel, hey, don't turn the lights off.

1606. It's the only thing that makes sense any more.

1607. That's what really made him mad you know.

1608. - Oh, like he was going along with the sacrifice idea

1609. until then.

1610. Face it Crow, we used poor judgement, scared Gypsy,

1611. irked Joel, and now we're stuck here in the dark

1612. with no bodies.

1613. I'm not scared though.

1614. - Me neither.

1615. - I mean not one little bit.

1616. - I know, Servo.

1617. Servo?

1618. Servo?

1619. - I'm right here.

1620. - I bring your play girl over to the island...

1621. - Thanks for our heads back, Joel.

1622. - Yeah, sorry.

1623. - It's okay.

1624. - The word you're reaching for is blackmail.

1625. - That's not it at all dad, we should be sort of pals.

1626. I've done you a favor, now you can do me one.

1627. - In other words if I don't pay you blackmail

1628. you go to my fiancee and expose my life of sin,

1629. is that it?

1630. - Gee I was just going to have you buy

1631. me lunch.

1632. - Nothing to prove dad, but you gave me the idea.

1633. - But it won't do you any good.

1634. I'm not going to pay you one lousy cent.

1635. In the first place I don't know a girl named Vi

1636. and even if I did, it wouldn't do you any good

1637. because unfortunately I'm not sharing my cottage

1638. with any one.

1639. If it would make you feel better, you can look

1640. for yourself.

1641. - That's not necessary dad, not at all.

1642. You see I already have.

1643. - Well then you know she's not here.

1644. - Well yes and no.

1645. You see when you were so eager to come up

1646. with that five spot I figured you were well,

1647. anxious to keep everything so quiet like.

1648. - Welcome to dialogue dumping ground.

1649. - Well the story's getting even better to read.

1650. Now here comes the part I like the best.

1651. - Okay.

1652. - I do a little snooping when you're not around,

1653. and what do you think?

1654. - I just thought of a new jazz tune.

1655. - You still with me dad?

1656. - Go on.

1657. - You see that's the punch line.

1658. - There's your punch.

1659. - That's the gimmick.

1660. This doll Vi isn't hiding in your cottage

1661. and she isn't any place else on the island

1662. and she never left the island.

1663. Now what do you suppose could have

1664. happened to her, huh?

1665. - You tell me.

1666. - I asked you first.

1667. - Ah a comedian.

1668. Uh-uh, you're the one that has the rest of the answers.

1669. - You know something, everything you just said

1670. is all bluff.

1671. You don't know a damn thing.

1672. - That's not friendly dad.

1673. Not friendly at all in fact I thought you'd take up

1674. a wrong about me so I sort of filed something.

1675. - Oh that's the key to my heart.

1676. - A friend of yours.

1677. - Gypsy's is trapping please.

1678. - Let's get out of here.

1679. - I can see that you finally dig me dad.

1680. - Hey wait a minute, isn't that

1681. Tom Stewart, Tom Stewart.

1682. I forgot why I was coming this way.

1683. - What's my boyfriend's name?

1684. - Yeah, Gorm Zegluster, we make fish sticks

1685. the old fashioned way, we freeze them.

1686. - What'd we come up here for?

1687. - So I can kill you Mr. Vonde.

1688. - So that you and I can have a little talk

1689. in peace and quiet.

1690. - I suggest you order the cod.

1691. - Just what do you want?

1692. - Five thou.

1693. - Sand dollars.

1694. - Five thou?

1695. - Sand dollars.

1696. - Don't tell me you don't got, your future father-in-law

1697. is loaded.

1698. - [Vi] Tom, Tom.

1699. - Offer him 3,500.

1700. - Who are you talking to?

1701. - Sam.

1702. - You didn't hear anything?

1703. - I didn't hear anything, I'm waiting to hear something

1704. from you.

1705. - Okay I'll sing Nights in White Satin.

1706. - They're closing in on you Tom.

1707. You better take care of him right now.

1708. - No.

1709. - That's your final answer?

1710. - How much did you wager?

1711. All of it, oh I'm sorry.

1712. - He's so easy, Tom.

1713. Just as easy as I was.

1714. - I do believe in spooks,

1715. I do believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do believe in spooks.

1716. - One good blow is all it takes.

1717. - So do I.

1718. - You got rid of me but you'll never get rid of him.

1719. He'll bleed you of every penny Tom.

1720. - She's pretty long-winded for a ghost.

1721. - Will find out.

1722. What if Meg finds out?

1723. You can't let him do it Tom, you'll lose everything.

1724. - The condo, the car, and the vacation

1725. to Puerta Vallarta.

1726. - Look you've had enough time.

1727. - Put your pencils down please.

1728. - Do I get the money or don't I?

1729. - Yeah Tom does he get paid?

1730. - To take Visa?

1731. - No.

1732. - All right, you know what's best.

1733. See what your chick has to say about this.

1734. - No more yogurt.

1735. - Now Tom.

1736. - Wait.

1737. - Change your mind?

1738. - [Vi] Get him Tom.

1739. - No.

1740. - Yes, no, yes, no, no.

1741. Yes, the original dead milkman.

1742. - He'd dead Jim.

1743. - Either this man is dead or my watch

1744. has stopped.

1745. - At least he's tidy.

1746. - Tonight's episode I've seen the best minds

1747. of my generation murdered.

1748. - (singing) I saw Tommy killing Bee Mare.

1749. - See that the Rockford problem

1750. was taken care of permanently.

1751. - Jim Hensen's witness babies.

1752. Racket squad.

1753. - Oh, that's where she left her shoes.

1754. - She's really kind of flat, oh, oh.

1755. - Tom told me the meaning of lost last night.

1756. Sandy come here.

1757. - Sandy, did you hear your mother call you?

1758. - What is it?

1759. - Stop whatever you're doing and come here

1760. at once.

1761. - I'm harboring a horrible secret

1762. which I'm supplementing into my own conscious.

1763. Mom?

1764. Have you found my Kill Waldo books?

1765. - Oh Sandy, we have to be at the church in 20 minutes

1766. and you're not even dressed yet.

1767. - Never mind that now, Meg snagged her hem.

1768. Come and hold it while I take it up.

1769. - You'll make a lovely wife Meg.

1770. - Paul Freeze.

1771. - Thanks.

1772. - Meg, do you really love him a whole lot?

1773. - Why whatever makes you ask a thing like that?

1774. - He's a killer, he's a killer.

1775. - Last night you said you weren't sure.

1776. - Well I'm sure now.

1777. You'll remember to take the bouquet when I hand it

1778. to you won't you?

1779. - I'll remember.

1780. - If we're not all dead.

1781. - Suppose he's done something awful bad.

1782. - The way I feel now I'd marry him no matter what.

1783. - Can you say denial?

1784. - Don't forget, you stand close behind me,

1785. but not too close.

1786. There, that's done and you young lady get into

1787. your gown this instant.

1788. - I'm going to wear my black dress.

1789. People don't fear the reaper.

1790. - Souther loaned us her ring in place of

1791. the one you lost, so that's okay.

1792. I've got the minister's fee here in my pocket

1793. and everything's under control, so snap out of it.

1794. - Okay, okay I'll be all right.

1795. - And get that funeral look off your face.

1796. This is a wedding man.

1797. - Come on let's swing.

1798. - Cheer him up honey.

1799. - Kind of like having Silvia Plath

1800. cheer you up.

1801. - You can buy my silence Tom.

1802. - That's a real pretty dress Sandy.

1803. - You're really going to marry my sister, aren't you?

1804. - Yep.

1805. - Aw don't feel like that.

1806. - I can't help it.

1807. Suppose you love somebody, somebody who did something bad

1808. and only you knew, would you keep it secret?

1809. - Why yes I would, I would tuck it deep into

1810. my sub-conscious.

1811. - Good friends generally try to stand by one another.

1812. - But what if it were something real, real bad?

1813. - Then keep it real, real secret.

1814. - Real bad like what?

1815. - Murder.

1816. - (singing) In a god de vita baby.

1817. - Comments roll, tug boat coming through.

1818. - And once again there is no smoking

1819. in your metro dome.

1820. - Dearly beloved.

1821. - And the rest of you.

1822. - We have gathered together here.

1823. - And tucked there.

1824. - In sake of God and in the peace of his company

1825. to join together this man...

1826. - And this victim.

1827. - They're getting married in a nursing

1828. home chapel.

1829. - Which is an honorable estate, instituted of God,

1830. signifying unto us the mystical union

1831. that is between Christ and his church.

1832. Which holy estate finds to dawn and beautified...

1833. - Quit padding your part Pardre.

1834. - First miracle that he wrought and came out galloping.

1835. - Now suffering.

1836. - And is commended to St. Paul, to the honorable

1837. among all men and therefore is not by any to be entered

1838. into unadvisedly.

1839. - They did it, I do, I do, I do.

1840. - Discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in

1841. the fear of God.

1842. - Hi murderer.

1843. - Into this holy estate, these two person's present

1844. come now to be joined.

1845. - Hey a twister dress.

1846. - Right hand red.

1847. - Not be joined together, let him now speak

1848. or else hereafter, forever.

1849. - Five thou or I sing like a canary.

1850. - Elaine.

1851. - Are you on the bride's side

1852. or the groom's side?

1853. - (singing) Well I'll be damned,

1854. here comes your ghost again.

1855. - Ew, BO.

1856. - BO.

1857. - Phew I'd hate to have to sit next

1858. to that ghost.

1859. - You paid 50 for that?

1860. - The masses and let us go in peace.

1861. Let's get out of here.

1862. - Reception to follow at the lighthouse.

1863. - RSV, RIP.

1864. - Aw, he's got to get the match books

1865. and the napkins now.

1866. - There we go.

1867. I'm getting married in the morning, dum, dum, dum.

1868. - Thank you Vi, just because you couldn't find

1869. anything to wear to the wedding didn't mean

1870. you had to ruin it for everybody.

1871. - Open the door for your mystery date.

1872. - Vi?

1873. I've come to tell you you've won.

1874. - And here's what you've won,

1875. tell him Johnny.

1876. - I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that.

1877. I'm going away Vi and I'm not coming back.

1878. - I got a wife and kids in Baltimore Jack.

1879. - Mom and dad are going to send you

1880. to military school.

1881. - Vi, I'm running out on Meg.

1882. I'm not coming back.

1883. - Sandy's back and she's pissed.

1884. - Sandy?

1885. What are you doing here?

1886. - Favorite time.

1887. - Why did you have to kill him?

1888. - Thomas Dewey.

1889. - I knew something would happen, I was against

1890. the marriage from the beginning.

1891. - I'm leaving for another 10 years.

1892. - Let me help you with your gown dear.

1893. - Don't bother mother, Sandy will help.

1894. - Sandy, help your sister.

1895. - She's out interrogating Tom.

1896. - Where is Sandy?

1897. - I thought she came home ahead of us.

1898. - Well if she did, she's not here now.

1899. - Wish you hadn't seen it Sandy.

1900. Now I'm afraid you would tell everybody

1901. and I don't know what to do.

1902. - I'm wearing a wire Tom.

1903. - How can I be sure of that?

1904. - Good friends protect each other.

1905. - Yes, but sometimes they can't help themselves,

1906. things leak out.

1907. Police hear about it, do you know what would happen

1908. if the police heard about this?

1909. - You're going to fry Stewart.

1910. I'm not going to be there when they flip the switch.

1911. - Sandy.

1912. - You're going to have to take the fall Sandy.

1913. - Sandy, why did you have to see it?

1914. - Oh blame me.

1915. - No, nobody could help any of it except me.

1916. I could have saved Vi, I could have put my hand

1917. out to her.

1918. - But the sun was in my eyes.

1919. - Instead I killed her.

1920. - Sandy, how'd you like to bungee jump

1921. without the bungee?

1922. - Sandy, you know I love you very much, don't you?

1923. - Look Tom, I've got a friend

1924. at the DA's office.

1925. If I don't show up they open my lunch box.

1926. - Thank you Reverend, she isn't there.

1927. I can't imagine where she could have gone.

1928. - I checked every bar in town.

1929. - Where's Tom?

1930. The least he could do is be here when Meg needs him.

1931. - Can't you leave him alone?

1932. - Just because he ruined our lives.

1933. - There's a light in the lighthouse.

1934. - Sandy could be there.

1935. She talks about the place all the time.

1936. - Hey how many dalmations died for that dress?

1937. - 101.

1938. - We'd better make sure.

1939. - After I knock back a Rob Roy or three.

1940. - Why are we going up there?

1941. - That's where we can look at the sea?

1942. You're not afraid of me are you?

1943. - I never used to be.

1944. - Come on then.

1945. - Alfred Hithcock's Vertigo Babies.

1946. - This is one dark mama jamma of a movie guys.

1947. - He better hurry up.

1948. He's got to return that tux.

1949. - When the moon shines, you can see the whole island

1950. from up here.

1951. - Look if I disappear there's a crayon drawing

1952. that will go to my lawyer.

1953. - Diahrrea is like a storm raging inside you.

1954. - You didn't tell anyone we were coming up here,

1955. did you?

1956. - Yes I did, I papered the city with fliers.

1957. - Good, good.

1958. - Let's go back.

1959. - You afraid?

1960. - Yes.

1961. - Sandy, Sandy, why did you have to see it?

1962. - Because the critics gave it a good review?

1963. - [Vi] Tom.

1964. - Vi, this isn't a good time.

1965. - Sandy has grown up a lot this week.

1966. - Thanks for coming into our lives Tom.

1967. - So does this make Meg a widow?

1968. - Yep, widow maker.

1969. - Yeah, it's technical.

1970. - Suddenly people live here.

1971. - Sessions presents faces of death.

1972. - Oh stop it.

1973. - It's a keeper.

1974. - It's not Tom, its a woman.

1975. - Where did you find her?

1976. - Planted in the rocks.

1977. She's been down there a week I say.

1978. - Rob, make him stop.

1979. - Sammy Khan is the doctor.

1980. - Oh (crying).

1981. - He's cheating on me even in death.

1982. - If you could see what I hear.

1983. - I have been equated with the night.

1984. - Tom (crying).

1985. - I now pronounce you man and death.

1986. - Charles Moffett.

1987. - Or is it, whoa?

1988. - It's only a movie, it's only a movie.

1989. - It's only a movie, it's only a movie (crying).

1990. - It's only a crappy movie by Bert I Gordon

1991. that he made to massage the market place.

1992. - Simply nurturing ones basis instinct

1993. in trying way too hard to be film.

1994. - Geez Joel, I'm riding such a major bummer,

1995. I feel like I just spent a couple of hours

1996. at Liquor Lyle's talking to Neil Young.

1997. - Hey wait, I know what let's do.

1998. Wait a minute guys.

1999. We could think happy thoughts and about good things

2000. and those happy thoughts and good things will shoo

2001. away all those dark, smelly images

2002. that are canerping for moisture.

2003. - Oh, like the way sunshine chases away clouds.

2004. - Yeah.

2005. - Like the way Lysol spray erases bathroom odors

2006. without heavy perfume.

2007. - Yeah.

2008. - And kills household germs in empty garbage cans.

2009. - Empty hampers, toilet areas, under sinks,

2010. pet areas, diaper pails, sick room.

2011. - Yeah.

2012. - Yeah, yeah.

2013. - Exactly, come on you guys.

2014. (singing) Oh there's a marshmallow rainbow

2015. waiting for you with kitties and doggies too.

2016. - (singing) And a Super Soaker 202.

2017. And I just got $10 from grandma

2018. and I don't have to share it with no one.

2019. - (singing) And we all get to go to the Valley High

2020. Drive in our pajamas and watch the Star Wars

2021. triple feature dusk to dawn.

2022. - (singing) And my dad just became really good friends

2023. with Mike Connors of Man and he's got the triple decker

2024. tree house and I'll swing down on my vine

2025. to my own zoo.

2026. - (singing) I'm having Linnie Land dinners for breakfast

2027. and King Vitamin for dinner.

2028. And the Good Humor truck rolled over in front of

2029. my house too.

2030. - (singing) And I'm left in the world of

2031. Super Mario Brothers and we captured Rummel

2032. and gave him to the president and he gave me my own

2033. half hour sitcom following Cheers.

2034. - (singing) And there's no such things as girls.

2035. - Oh wait I think you want to think about that.

2036. What do you think sirs?

2037. - (singing) And Mr. Doctor Clayton Forester will switch

2038. trains at the train yard and there will be a horrible

2039. accident for which Dr. Forester will be blamed,

2040. posthumously of course.

2041. And then the robots and I will become

2042. really good friends and we'll be roommates with

2043. triple bunk beds and we will stay up all night

2044. talking about really cool stuff and they'll think

2045. I'm really neat.

2046. And then I'll invite them over to my house

2047. and we'll camp out and poopie.

2048. - Tom Stewart killed me, Tom Stewart killed me.

2049. - This has been a presentation from

2050. Comedy Central.