1. In the not too
distant future, next SundayCopy !req
2. A.D., there was
a guy named Joel,Copy !req
3. not too different
from you or me.Copy !req
4. He worked at Gizmonic
Institute, just another faceCopy !req
5. in a red jumpsuit.Copy !req
6. He did a good job
cleaning up the place,Copy !req
7. but his bosses didn't like him,
so they shot him into space.Copy !req
8. We're sending him cheesy movies.Copy !req
9. The worst we can find.Copy !req
10. La la la.Copy !req
11. He'll have to sit
and watch them all.Copy !req
12. And we'll monitor his mind.Copy !req
13. La la la.Copy !req
14. Now keep in mind,
Joel can't controlCopy !req
15. when the movies begin or end.Copy !req
16. La la la.Copy !req
17. Because he used
those special partsCopy !req
18. to make his robot friends.Copy !req
19. Robot roll call— Cambot!Copy !req
20. Pan left!Copy !req
21. Gypsy!Copy !req
22. Hi girl!Copy !req
23. Tom Servo!Copy !req
24. What a cool guy!Copy !req
25. Croooow!Copy !req
26. He's a wisecracker.Copy !req
27. If you're wondering how
he eats and breathesCopy !req
28. and other science facts, La la
la, then repeat to yourself—Copy !req
29. it's just a show.Copy !req
30. I should really just relax.Copy !req
31. For Mystery Science
Theater 3000.Copy !req
32. - Huh?Copy !req
33. Listen, are sure
you guys want to go?Copy !req
34. The experiments
just about to start.Copy !req
35. - Ah, The experiment's bite.Copy !req
36. It's all so dull
and so— uh— banal.Copy !req
37. - Yeah, Joel This place is
for losers and squares.Copy !req
38. Stick around here and
you're headed for nowhereCopy !req
39. in a rocket sled, baby.Copy !req
40. Uh, no offense, of course.Copy !req
41. - Oh no.Copy !req
42. Oh, hi everybody.Copy !req
43. Welcome to the
satellite of love.Copy !req
44. I'm Joel Robinson— still
stuck up here in space.Copy !req
45. And— Uh— this Gypsy.Copy !req
46. - Hi.Copy !req
47. - And— Uh— my other two
robots— Tom Servo, and Crow—Copy !req
48. have decided to run away from
home and go live on the otherCopy !req
49. side of the ship.Copy !req
50. - All right— Uh— we're
gonna get going then Joel.Copy !req
51. Uh— and please, don't embarrass
yourself by following us, OK?Copy !req
52. - Oh, no, I won't.Copy !req
53. This is your deal.Copy !req
54. I could see you got everything.Copy !req
55. Uh— what's this right
here, Tom, in your hand?Copy !req
56. - Oh.Copy !req
57. Made a boomerang to
hunt wild animals.Copy !req
58. - Oh.Copy !req
59. Smart.Copy !req
60. Uh — Well, see you later.Copy !req
61. - OK.Copy !req
62. Buh-bye.Copy !req
63. - (SINGING) I was
born under a warm—Copy !req
64. - They'll be back.Copy !req
65. - Yeah.Copy !req
66. Hey, uh, Magic Voice,
you wanna give usCopy !req
67. a status report on
how they're doing?Copy !req
68. - They are 50 yards away.Copy !req
69. They have stopped.Copy !req
70. They appear to be arguing.Copy !req
71. Crow has set down
his pack and isCopy !req
72. hitting Tom Servo
on the shoulder.Copy !req
73. Tom is crying.Copy !req
74. They're headed back.Copy !req
75. Commercial sigh now.Copy !req
76. - You were right, Gypsy.Copy !req
77. We'll be right back.Copy !req
78. - We're back.Copy !req
79. We forgive you.Copy !req
80. - Yeah, what's for lunch?Copy !req
81. - I thought you guys were
gonna runaway and liveCopy !req
82. on the other side of the ship.
- Yeah.Copy !req
83. - Oh, we did.Copy !req
84. We— we're done.Copy !req
85. It got way too
built up over there.Copy !req
86. - Yeah.Copy !req
87. So what's the movie today?Copy !req
88. - I don't know.Copy !req
89. Oh, Shari Lewis and
Lamb Chop are calling.Copy !req
90. - Well, Joel, we're introducing
a new feature here today.Copy !req
91. Here's a hint—
remember Lost Continent?Copy !req
92. Remember Rock Climbing?Copy !req
93. - Oh, who could ever forget
Rock Climbing, huh, Clay?Copy !req
94. Well now, along
the same lines, weCopy !req
95. have come up with
something new, somethingCopy !req
96. we like to call Sandstorm.Copy !req
97. Sandstorm.Copy !req
98. - It's all part of a new
program we like to callCopy !req
99. - (IN UNISON) Deep
Hurting, Deep Hurting.Copy !req
100. - But that's for later.Copy !req
101. You run along and do your
invention exchange, Joel.Copy !req
102. - Sandstorm.Copy !req
103. - Our invention
exchange is Freak Out.Copy !req
104. - Freak Out, huh?Copy !req
105. Cute.Copy !req
106. But it hardly qualifies
as an invention.Copy !req
107. - Oh, did I forget to mention
it's all part of the kitCopy !req
108. and with refill
sets you can make—Copy !req
109. - (IN UNISON) Super Freak Out!Copy !req
110. - Well, we're not much
for freaking out.Copy !req
111. Are we Frank?Copy !req
112. - Trails.Copy !req
113. Beautiful trails.Copy !req
114. - No man is outside looking in.Copy !req
115. He'll take you up,
he'll take you down.Copy !req
116. - Freak Out and Super Freak
Out by 4 Dead and Ohio Arts.Copy !req
117. - Tin soldiers, Nixon,
coming sold separately.Copy !req
118. - What do you think, sirs?Copy !req
119. - I'm a scientist.Copy !req
120. I don't think— I observe.Copy !req
121. - See me.Copy !req
122. Feel me.Copy !req
123. Touch me!Copy !req
124. - Oh, great.Copy !req
125. You've triggered a
Freak Out in, Frank.Copy !req
126. Anyway, Rock Climbing was
a cool groove compared to—Copy !req
127. - Sand Storm.Copy !req
128. Sand Storm.Copy !req
129. - That's right, Joel.Copy !req
130. What Wishbone Ash
here is trying to tellCopy !req
131. you is that our invention
exchange this week—Copy !req
132. - (IN UNISON) Deep Hurting.Copy !req
133. - It's so beautiful.Copy !req
134. So insidious.Copy !req
135. SoCopy !req
136. - That's right.Copy !req
137. That it's actually
woven into the tapestryCopy !req
138. of today's experiment.Copy !req
139. - Hercules Against the Moon Men.Copy !req
140. - And it all culminates in—Copy !req
141. - (IN UNISON) Deep Hurting.Copy !req
142. - But we don't want to
give too much away.Copy !req
143. You run along, Joel.Copy !req
144. Push the button, Frank.Copy !req
145. - I am the button.Copy !req
146. - Big Alan Steel brings it home.Copy !req
147. - Alan Steel is Steve
Allen's pen name.Copy !req
148. - You know, Herc is just
flat against any Moon men.Copy !req
149. - Herc's going up against the
Unification Church I think.Copy !req
150. - The boon men.Copy !req
151. - Filmed against
the heart muscle.Copy !req
152. - Well, hold the pastels.Copy !req
153. - Man, all these
people are foreigners.Copy !req
154. - Hey.Copy !req
155. - Oh.Copy !req
156. - Carlo's been stealing
tone posts from Stravinsky.Copy !req
157. - Sounds like it, doesn't it?Copy !req
158. - (RAPPING) NC
Stu— Stu— Studio.Copy !req
159. NC Stu— Stu— Studio.Copy !req
160. Uh.Copy !req
161. - Nike, just film it.Copy !req
162. - That's Larry Mondello's
uncle by the way.Copy !req
163. - Free Luigi Mondello.Copy !req
164. - Centilomo, I abhor you.Copy !req
165. Please, don't make this film.Copy !req
166. - That fateful night, a fiery
mass dropped from the skyCopy !req
167. onto earth, causing
the mountain of SamarCopy !req
168. to erupt and burn
everything around it,Copy !req
169. leaving nothing but a wasteland.Copy !req
170. - Really made a mess.Copy !req
171. - Sad really.Copy !req
172. - Within the bowels
of the mountain,Copy !req
173. a new and monstrous
life was formed.Copy !req
174. - Oh, gross.Copy !req
175. - From that day on, the people
of Samar, in order to survive,Copy !req
176. were forced to offer their
children as a sacrificeCopy !req
177. to the hungry mountain of death.Copy !req
178. - Hey, you got change
for an eight-year-old?Copy !req
179. - I'm kidding, ouch.Copy !req
180. Ow.Copy !req
181. - War comes to the
land of Dairy Queen.Copy !req
182. - (IN UNISON) Hi-ho Hi-ho,
it's off to death we go.Copy !req
183. - Thank you, sir.Copy !req
184. May I have another?Copy !req
185. - Eh, We don't wanna
get sacrificed, today.Copy !req
186. - You kids quit whining or
I'll turn this thing around.Copy !req
187. - Ah, early Disney employees.Copy !req
188. - Oh, not through the puddles.Copy !req
189. That's not nice.Copy !req
190. - Not that way R2.Copy !req
191. You'll be breaking
down in no time.Copy !req
192. - Jim Henson's exodus babies.Copy !req
193. - I am the mighty Pavog.Copy !req
194. - Please enter your pin number.Copy !req
195. - Oh, they're taking
their slaves for a drag.Copy !req
196. - No, we don't wanna
see Siegfried and Roy.Copy !req
197. No, No!Copy !req
198. - Behind the green door.Copy !req
199. - Boy, those kids are
really bad at tug-of-war.Copy !req
200. - I'll say.Copy !req
201. - Ended all screwed up.Copy !req
202. - Shouldn't they have a
better loading system.Copy !req
203. I mean, you know.Copy !req
204. - You'd think so.Copy !req
205. - OK, people, come on.Copy !req
206. Two, three and step
and struggle and step.Copy !req
207. All change and struggle.Copy !req
208. Two, three, four and death
hands, people, death hands!Copy !req
209. Come on!Copy !req
210. Step, struggle, step and change.Copy !req
211. - Go into the light!Copy !req
212. - Hey, If you think this is
bad, this is only Purgatory.Copy !req
213. - Ooh.Copy !req
214. - No, you know, personally, I
think they're in the limbo.Copy !req
215. - Rush Limbo?Copy !req
216. - Doh, no.Copy !req
217. - That would be more like hell.
- Come on.Copy !req
218. Move ahead.Copy !req
219. You pay at the second window.Copy !req
220. Come on.Copy !req
221. - Uh, uh oh, mom's here.Copy !req
222. Run.Copy !req
223. - Aaah.Copy !req
224. - There they go.Copy !req
225. - Queen Samara your poor
people can no longerCopy !req
226. endure the endless human
sacrifice you impose on them.Copy !req
227. - Man, she has huge legs.Copy !req
228. - You know that I am your
most faithful subject.Copy !req
229. - I seeCopy !req
230. - And that before you I
served your later fatherCopy !req
231. with the same devotion.Copy !req
232. - Check it out.Copy !req
233. It's a life-size
achievement award.Copy !req
234. - Listen to the desperate
cries of the mothersCopy !req
235. of some of Samar.Copy !req
236. The screams of the
innocent victims.Copy !req
237. - But don't listen
to Neil Diamond.Copy !req
238. - Queen Samara, you
cannot— you mustCopy !req
239. not allow this wanton slaughter.Copy !req
240. - OK, next!Copy !req
241. - You are old, Gladio.Copy !req
242. Old enough to
remember what happenedCopy !req
243. during my father's reign.Copy !req
244. Long before I was born.Copy !req
245. - Hey it's Jody from Family
Affair all grown up.Copy !req
246. - I remember.Copy !req
247. - Hi, Keepa.Copy !req
248. - The fate that overtake
those who dared to rebelCopy !req
249. is even worse than
the destiny we face.Copy !req
250. But this just changed.Copy !req
251. - Changed.Copy !req
252. - Yes.Copy !req
253. There exists a man.Copy !req
254. One who's so marvelous—
whose courageCopy !req
255. and whose strength and
allowed him to overcomeCopy !req
256. any danger that threatens.Copy !req
257. - And do you think he'll
be able to conquer thoseCopy !req
258. who reign on the
mountain of death?Copy !req
259. - Yes.Copy !req
260. If he were to lead
us, your peopleCopy !req
261. could succeed in annihilating—Copy !req
262. - Silence, you old fool.Copy !req
263. You'll only destroy yourself.Copy !req
264. - Samara, my queen,
I beseech you.Copy !req
265. - I explore you.Copy !req
266. - He is the only hope we have.Copy !req
267. So don't take it away.Copy !req
268. - I command you to stop.Copy !req
269. - Send for this man.Copy !req
270. He lives in Charen.Copy !req
271. Send for him before
it's too late.Copy !req
272. - OK, what's his number?Copy !req
273. - Your people are tired.Copy !req
274. - You dare to make threats.Copy !req
275. - Uh-oh.Copy !req
276. - Get out or for you
it'll be too late.Copy !req
277. - He's a chest of drawers.Copy !req
278. - OK.Copy !req
279. - Is that my puddle?Copy !req
280. - Oh.Copy !req
281. - Fine, jerk-face.Copy !req
282. - What was that?Copy !req
283. - Nothing.Copy !req
284. - OK, you're shapely.Copy !req
285. - Hi, I'm a chocolate bar.Copy !req
286. Break off bits of me
and enjoy me all day.Copy !req
287. - Wow, she looks
like she was carvedCopy !req
288. to go on the bow of a ship.Copy !req
289. - Gladio has lied to you.Copy !req
290. The man from Charen
is about to arrive.Copy !req
291. They must be meeting secretly.Copy !req
292. - What's his name?Copy !req
293. - Hercules.Copy !req
294. - Yup, that's my cue.Copy !req
295. Big Alan Steel.Copy !req
296. Splash me on in the morning.Copy !req
297. Wear the great smell
of me all day long.Copy !req
298. - He's riding on
the horse's neck.Copy !req
299. That's gotta hurt.Copy !req
300. - (SINGING) I'll be coming
round the mountain when I come.Copy !req
301. - Huh, it's a living.Copy !req
302. Huh.Copy !req
303. - His body makes me feel funny.Copy !req
304. - I know, I know.Copy !req
305. - In the big country,
dreams stay with you.Copy !req
306. - Now this next part's
here's a little tricky.Copy !req
307. Gotta go between
some trees here.Copy !req
308. - Hey, He took the
good tablecloth.Copy !req
309. - (SINGING) Oh, who's the guy and
he's got big pecs and they callCopy !req
310. him Herc— Ho!Copy !req
311. - What?Copy !req
312. I musta missed the exit.Copy !req
313. Huh?
What?Copy !req
314. No?Copy !req
315. I don't see the highway.Copy !req
316. - (IN UNISON) Hercu-lee,
Hercu-laa, Hercu-lee,Copy !req
317. Hercu-laa-ha-ha-ha,
Hercu-lee, Hercu-laa,Copy !req
318. my backpack's filled
with pecs.Copy !req
319. - You know the best
scenic overlooksCopy !req
320. are the scenic
overlooks that aren'tCopy !req
321. marked as scenic overlooks.Copy !req
322. - It's true.Copy !req
323. - You know, it all starts
looking the same after a while.Copy !req
324. - Pretty much.Copy !req
325. - I hate Mondays.Copy !req
326. Hah.Copy !req
327. - Ohh, sorry, Herc.Copy !req
328. I tripped.Copy !req
329. - I meant to do that.Copy !req
330. Hah.Copy !req
331. - Hey, he's got his
thong on upside-down.Copy !req
332. - No, no.Copy !req
333. - Not the twins.Copy !req
334. - Oh, Rob Reiner, no.Copy !req
335. - There he goes.Copy !req
336. - It's a scrum.Copy !req
337. - Oh, he's wearing
his swim trunks, eh?Copy !req
338. - Seize himCopy !req
339. - Father Murphy, no.Copy !req
340. - When you agree to
a Greek all the wayCopy !req
341. from your last cigarette.Copy !req
342. - Gymkata.Copy !req
343. - Ha ha.Copy !req
344. Meet semi-spear
in his orchestra.Copy !req
345. Hahaha.Copy !req
346. - I enjoy being a guy.Copy !req
347. Yeah!Copy !req
348. - Clean-up on aisle five.Copy !req
349. Ha ha.Copy !req
350. I love that one.Copy !req
351. - Well, time for my Snickers.Copy !req
352. What took you so long?Copy !req
353. I'm only kidding, Herc.Copy !req
354. - It's not nice to
fool Mother Nature.Copy !req
355. Hm.Copy !req
356. Oh no.Copy !req
357. The smoke alarm again.Copy !req
358. Every time I heat a glazed
donut in the microwave—Copy !req
359. - Huh?Copy !req
360. Oh.Copy !req
361. - It's Hamlet's dad.Copy !req
362. Wrong film.Copy !req
363. - Oh, that's right it's Thursday.Copy !req
364. - It's a vision of
a Mexican wrestler.Copy !req
365. - El Santo, I'm glad you're here.Copy !req
366. - The ghost of Christmas Cuckoo.Copy !req
367. - Samara, you have failed.Copy !req
368. Hercules is alive.Copy !req
369. He escaped from the
trap you set for him.Copy !req
370. - He chewed his leg off.Copy !req
371. - Alive?Copy !req
372. But how could he avoid death at
the hands of my best soldiers?Copy !req
373. - You underestimated that man.Copy !req
374. - As long as he stays
alive he remains a threatCopy !req
375. to that destiny
written in the stars.Copy !req
376. We will not be able
to leave the mountain.Copy !req
377. - We will not be undersold.Copy !req
378. - And you will not become the
most powerful woman on earth.Copy !req
379. - I promise you.Copy !req
380. He will die.Copy !req
381. - Billis.Copy !req
382. - My love.Copy !req
383. - Say—Copy !req
384. - Hey, who told him
that was a good look?Copy !req
385. - When are we going to meet
openly in front of everyone?Copy !req
386. I'm going to speak
to your sister.Copy !req
387. - Not in that, you're not.Copy !req
388. - No, don't go.Copy !req
389. - Why are you so frightened?Copy !req
390. After your own, my family
is the most noble on Samar.Copy !req
391. - I've tried many times.Copy !req
392. - Oh, cross your legs, please.Copy !req
393. - To speak to her of my
future and of our love.Copy !req
394. But I've always found
Samara strangely hostile.Copy !req
395. - Yeah, but what a bod.Copy !req
396. - Your sister brings only
sadness to everyone.Copy !req
397. That's not fair to her.Copy !req
398. - Face the facts.Copy !req
399. The people are suffering.Copy !req
400. They want to free
themselves from fear.Copy !req
401. They want to destroy the
monsters of the mouth, mountainCopy !req
402. and now they might
be able to do it.Copy !req
403. - Is he a drum major?Copy !req
404. - We could wipe them out.Copy !req
405. But the queen is
still opposed to it.Copy !req
406. - To fight against the mysterious
power of the monsters—Copy !req
407. No one has ever
dared to do that.Copy !req
408. I'm frightened Darix.Copy !req
409. - Don't worry.Copy !req
410. - I'm frightened, Darix, two too.Copy !req
411. - I don't intend to lose you.Copy !req
412. I love you and I
intend to marry you.Copy !req
413. As soon as possible.Copy !req
414. - After I finish school.Copy !req
415. - I'll speak to Samara.Copy !req
416. - She'll hear me out to the end.Copy !req
417. I swear it.Copy !req
418. - And if she doesn't
give her consent?Copy !req
419. - Oh, Darix.Copy !req
420. - This is my little
friend, Gorgon.Copy !req
421. Say hello to the folks, Gorgon.Copy !req
422. - Hello, folks.Copy !req
423. - Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow.Copy !req
424. - Are you Hercules?Copy !req
425. - I could be.Copy !req
426. - Yes, who are you?Copy !req
427. What do you want?Copy !req
428. - I'm to lead you to the
man who sent for you.Copy !req
429. - She's a smurf.Copy !req
430. - All right, up with you.Copy !req
431. - I think I'm sitting
on the saddle horn.Copy !req
432. - As a boy, you weren't
very convincing.Copy !req
433. - I'm Agar, daughter of Gladio.Copy !req
434. - What makes your father
send a girl to meet me.Copy !req
435. And a child at that.Copy !req
436. - I've no brothers and
my father trusts in me.Copy !req
437. - Stop talking so fast.Copy !req
438. - For the cause of
liberty and justiceCopy !req
439. I'm ready to do anything.Copy !req
440. - Even to fight?Copy !req
441. - That too.Copy !req
442. If it's necessary.Copy !req
443. - Would you fight me?Copy !req
444. - Let's go.Copy !req
445. I'll take you into Samar by
a route that only I know.Copy !req
446. - By the way, do you ever bathe?Copy !req
447. - Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow.Copy !req
448. - Pizza, pizza.Copy !req
449. - It is bassoon.Copy !req
450. - Hey, this is my nice.Copy !req
451. - It's the queen.Copy !req
452. We must hide.Copy !req
453. - Duhhh— OK.Copy !req
454. - This is wild.Copy !req
455. I swear.Copy !req
456. Hey, how long
do I have to hide back here?Copy !req
457. Oo—
- Shh.Copy !req
458. Shut up.Copy !req
459. - I saw you leaving the
city at daybreak, Agar.Copy !req
460. - I'm greatly honored
that my queen shouldCopy !req
461. take the trouble
to watch over me.Copy !req
462. - If I do so it's
for your own good.Copy !req
463. - And you were young.Copy !req
464. So young.Copy !req
465. You should be more prudent.Copy !req
466. Wow, smells
like Gold's Gym in here.Copy !req
467. - Witch rhymes with—Copy !req
468. - What was that?Copy !req
469. - Nothing, nothing, nothing.Copy !req
470. - Look, It's a Mike
Douglas show set.Copy !req
471. - Hercules, she's gone.Copy !req
472. You can come out now.Copy !req
473. - I knew that.Copy !req
474. - I'm writing a spec
script for Aristophanes.Copy !req
475. - Let me thank you, Hercules—
For answering my prayer.Copy !req
476. - It was my father's friendship
for you that brought me here.Copy !req
477. - Did anyone see you?Copy !req
478. - Gotta go, gotta go,
gotta go, gotta go.Copy !req
479. Sorry.
Bye.Copy !req
480. - But a few weeks in Samar, I was
ambushed by a band of ruffians.Copy !req
481. They must have mistaken
me for a rich merchantCopy !req
482. with sacks of gold.Copy !req
483. I changed their minds for them.Copy !req
484. - Bandits.Copy !req
485. - Hajji, Johnny, Race.Copy !req
486. - That's strange.Copy !req
487. All the roads that lead to Samar
are always carefully guarded.Copy !req
488. Did you get a chance to
see who their leader was?Copy !req
489. - Was it a guy with a big hat?Copy !req
490. - He had a thick
black beard and thereCopy !req
491. was a long ugly scar
running down his cheek.Copy !req
492. - Ah, Aphtali?Copy !req
493. - Who is he?Copy !req
494. - One of Mogol's soldiers.Copy !req
495. And the right arm of the queen.Copy !req
496. - The queen?Copy !req
497. - Is she against you?Copy !req
498. - Yes.Copy !req
499. I'm afraid so.Copy !req
500. Uh— Sarah, could
you get us some coffee?Copy !req
501. - When her father, the
late king was dying,Copy !req
502. the last thing he
said to me was—Copy !req
503. - Watch over Samara.Copy !req
504. Guide her— Council her.Copy !req
505. At the time I thought my
task would be an easy one.Copy !req
506. However, full of arrogance,
and limitless pride.Copy !req
507. I hate that woman.Copy !req
508. But even with
unrestrained ambition,Copy !req
509. I tried to induce her
to rebel against the—Copy !req
510. - Oh, sure, but—Copy !req
511. - That for years
has hung over us.Copy !req
512. - You lost me.Copy !req
513. - Everything third
new moon, our youthCopy !req
514. is decimated by a sacrifice
that's barbaric and inhuman.Copy !req
515. The next sacrifice
takes place tomorrow.Copy !req
516. Hercules—Copy !req
517. - Let's have cookies outside.Copy !req
518. - That's why I sent for you.Copy !req
519. You've always been
a great fighterCopy !req
520. in the cause of justice.Copy !req
521. And you've always
been the victor.Copy !req
522. Will you lead the
people of Samar?Copy !req
523. - No!Copy !req
524. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
525. I mean, yes.Copy !req
526. Of course.Copy !req
527. - That's what I'm
here for Gladius.Copy !req
528. - That and I want to
get a kick-ass tan.Copy !req
529. - But you won't be alone.Copy !req
530. You will have every
courageous man in the city,Copy !req
531. beginning with the young
prince Darix with you.Copy !req
532. The cousin of the queen.Copy !req
533. - Wow, she cleaned up real nice.Copy !req
534. - Your daughter's as courageous
as she is beautiful.Copy !req
535. - Will Leona win the
heart of Hercules?Copy !req
536. - Let go, Daddy.Copy !req
537. That's enough, please.Copy !req
538. - I would have chosen a
more tranquil life for her.Copy !req
539. Without fear.Copy !req
540. - Have no regrets, Father.Copy !req
541. Think of all the innocent lives
we'll save if we win our fight.Copy !req
542. Oh— Uh— Yes, Hercules.Copy !req
543. Still here?Copy !req
544. - In leaving the palace
it wouldn't be wiseCopy !req
545. for you to take the same
route by which you entered.Copy !req
546. - Oh, out the back door
for the Herc, huh?Copy !req
547. - I'll show you the way.Copy !req
548. Through the secret tunnel.Copy !req
549. Follow me.Copy !req
550. - Could you put some
lotion on my back.Copy !req
551. - There we go.Copy !req
552. Like it?Copy !req
553. I just had it put in.Copy !req
554. Don't know how I got
along without it.Copy !req
555. - Bear care is a grill
in the open fireplace.Copy !req
556. - Hm, I miss him.Copy !req
557. Well, maybe not.Copy !req
558. - A film crew!Copy !req
559. - Porky's 2.Copy !req
560. - This is the moment.Copy !req
561. - Shave your head and
work your way north.Copy !req
562. Oh, what's that code again?Copy !req
563. Ohhh.Copy !req
564. - Looks like they're
on a Doctor Who set.Copy !req
565. - So it just goes on
and on like this, huh?Copy !req
566. - My things are
really rubbing today.Copy !req
567. - I hate this mall.Copy !req
568. You can't find anything.Copy !req
569. - And then I put in the shed.Copy !req
570. I got bumper pool in the back.Copy !req
571. Of course, Vernon's put up
some jam jellies and compotes.Copy !req
572. - You ever get silver
fish down here?Copy !req
573. - We're almost there.Copy !req
574. - Good.Copy !req
575. Where?Copy !req
576. - They should have put the
restrooms closer to the diningCopy !req
577. room.Copy !req
578. - Hey, well it's not hard to find
once you know your way aroundCopy !req
579. and of course it's— Oh,
I forgot I put that there.Copy !req
580. Dagnabbit.Copy !req
581. - That too.Copy !req
582. Watch the fall— oh, shoot.Copy !req
583. Sorry.Copy !req
584. - Darn, kids!Copy !req
585. - Well, let's go.Copy !req
586. - Oh, no.Copy !req
587. Archie just flushed.Copy !req
588. - Kinda looks like they're
in a Starburst ad.Copy !req
589. - It's not July yet.Copy !req
590. - And now, ladies and
gentlemen, the most mystifyingCopy !req
591. and mysterious
booby trap illusion.Copy !req
592. - The Malaysian
booby-trap illusion.Copy !req
593. - The most mystifying
booby-trap of all.Copy !req
594. - The biggest
booby-trap ever made.Copy !req
595. - That's right.Copy !req
596. It's the biggest,
bouncingest, booby-trapCopy !req
597. that ever bounced a booby.Copy !req
598. - Booby!Copy !req
599. - Booby oobly!Copy !req
600. - OK, you two.Copy !req
601. Hey.Copy !req
602. I need your attention.Copy !req
603. Two lovely assistants.Copy !req
604. Please, let's try
to keep it togetherCopy !req
605. and present this
major stage illusion.Copy !req
606. - Please forgive us.Copy !req
607. We're behaving like
a couple of— boobs.Copy !req
608. - Oh, come on.Copy !req
609. Be mature.Copy !req
610. Come on.Copy !req
611. Let's go.Copy !req
612. - Come on It's just
the name of a bird.Copy !req
613. - OK, OK.Copy !req
614. We will now perform
the amazing illusionCopy !req
615. whose name we're
not allowed to say.Copy !req
616. OK, OK.Copy !req
617. As you can see these are
real steel walls with, uh,Copy !req
618. razor sharp, uh, knives
set in and poisedCopy !req
619. and ready to pierce
Joel's tender skin.Copy !req
620. Let her rip.Copy !req
621. - Booby-trap illusion.Copy !req
622. The amazing booby.Copy !req
623. Ta-dah!Copy !req
624. Now we lift back the walls.Copy !req
625. - OK.Copy !req
626. - Ta-dah.Copy !req
627. Pretty good.Copy !req
628. Yeah, I actually
feel not too bad.Copy !req
629. You know, from my experience
what with those steelCopy !req
630. knives penetrating
my flesh and all.Copy !req
631. You know, it could get—
it could be a lot worse.Copy !req
632. - Joke has passed
the yellow markerCopy !req
633. and is cleared for
landing on runway 32.Copy !req
634. - Yeah, you know
when a person goesCopy !req
635. through an experience
like that, youCopy !req
636. imagine something to go wrong.Copy !req
637. I mean, you know,
I'm only human.Copy !req
638. But with those knives
coming in and all,Copy !req
639. not really even
hurting me in least,Copy !req
640. you'd think something
would wrong but it didn't.Copy !req
641. Funny really.Copy !req
642. - Gears locked and joke should be
touching down in just a moment.Copy !req
643. - Are you sure about that, Joel?Copy !req
644. Is there anything you need?Copy !req
645. - Not really.Copy !req
646. I mean I went through
the experienceCopy !req
647. with the knives and all.Copy !req
648. And well, maybe a glass of waterCopy !req
649. - Joke is now landing.Copy !req
650. - By all means.Copy !req
651. - The joke has landed.Copy !req
652. Please remain seated with your
seat in the upright positionCopy !req
653. until the seat-belt
light is turned off.Copy !req
654. This has been the
satellite of love invitingCopy !req
655. you to laugh at
least once a day.Copy !req
656. It's fun.Copy !req
657. We'll be back after this
word from Louise Headypowder.Copy !req
658. - I gotta take a leak.Copy !req
659. Deep Hurting.Copy !req
660. Deep Hurting.Copy !req
661. - Yes.Copy !req
662. - OK.Copy !req
663. I get the hint.Copy !req
664. I'll bathe more.Copy !req
665. - Trog, with Joan Crawford.Copy !req
666. - Nice.Copy !req
667. There she is.Copy !req
668. - Irish spring.
Manly?Copy !req
669. Yes.Copy !req
670. But demi-gods love it too.Copy !req
671. - Hey, fur kills, I guess.Copy !req
672. - Dino, no!Copy !req
673. - Ohh, Hercules, he likes you.Copy !req
674. Who's just a good
monkey monster?Copy !req
675. Who's a goodie monster?Copy !req
676. - Oh.Copy !req
677. - Huh?Copy !req
678. - Big tooth.Copy !req
679. - Get your paws off me,
you damn dirty ape!Copy !req
680. Or whatever you are.Copy !req
681. - Young monster, you're
going to the orthodontistCopy !req
682. whether you like it or not.Copy !req
683. - Chompy, you're angry.Copy !req
684. - Oh, brother.Copy !req
685. This guy smells worse than I do.Copy !req
686. - Take it back.Copy !req
687. Take it back.Copy !req
688. - Ow.Copy !req
689. - Oh, now what?Copy !req
690. Look at this.Copy !req
691. Pfah.Copy !req
692. If it's not one
thing it's another.Copy !req
693. - Will Hercules be
able to bend the bars?Copy !req
694. Will the ape regain
consciousness?Copy !req
695. Tune in again next week.Copy !req
696. - You know, if he wasn't
so into that frontal shotCopy !req
697. he probably could slip through
sideways— if he just turned.Copy !req
698. - Yeah, you're right.Copy !req
699. - Ah, must be those new
hardened steel bars.Copy !req
700. - Heard a lot about them.Copy !req
701. - You know, I think this
exercise is working.Copy !req
702. I can feel it here and here.Copy !req
703. - Well, he's strong— bar-none.Copy !req
704. Get it?Copy !req
705. Bar-none?Copy !req
706. Sorry.Copy !req
707. - Boy, it's a lot
easier this way.Copy !req
708. - Super Bob Vila.Copy !req
709. Whoa.Copy !req
710. It's my manager.Copy !req
711. Better hide.Copy !req
712. - Damn.Copy !req
713. Sounds kinda like Eraserhead.Copy !req
714. Man-made chickens.Copy !req
715. But they're new!Copy !req
716. Agar.Copy !req
717. - Hi, wanna go to snow days?Copy !req
718. Just wondering if— Uh— Oh.Copy !req
719. - It's not like he was
your dad or anythi— Oops.Copy !req
720. Oh.Copy !req
721. Awkward.Copy !req
722. - I couldn't do
anything to save him.Copy !req
723. I'll never forgive
myself for it.Copy !req
724. - You think it's easy to
find skin bronzer in here?Copy !req
725. - There was nothing you could do.Copy !req
726. We were being spied
on by Queen Samara.Copy !req
727. I ran after you to warn
you, but we were too late.Copy !req
728. - I think you got
a deer tick there.Copy !req
729. - I only got hear in time to hear
the last words of my father.Copy !req
730. - Now dad's a kebab!Copy !req
731. - He ordered me to lead
you to the rendezvousCopy !req
732. where he'd intended to take you.Copy !req
733. You must join the
others so that they'llCopy !req
734. know you're still alive
and won't abandon us.Copy !req
735. - You know better than that.Copy !req
736. I could never abandon Agar.Copy !req
737. - Thank you, Hercules.Copy !req
738. On your shoulders rest the
future of the people of Samar.Copy !req
739. - I know.Copy !req
740. - I have great
admiration for you.Copy !req
741. - I will show you a way
out of the palace thatCopy !req
742. will lead us into open
country beyond the city walls.Copy !req
743. We must be very
careful not to be seen.Copy !req
744. As soon as night falls we
can come back to the city.Copy !req
745. - He looks like a loaf of
split-top bread, doesn't he?Copy !req
746. - Yuck.Copy !req
747. - Uh— Uh— Can I
tell my story now?Copy !req
748. I was in a big, wet
hole and I battled a—Copy !req
749. - That's OK, Herc.Copy !req
750. - Just traveling along,
singing a song, side by side.Copy !req
751. Come on, sing.Copy !req
752. - It looks like she's in Deep 13.Copy !req
753. - It's a Heart video.Copy !req
754. - Doo-do-do-doo.Copy !req
755. - Well, around about
this time the old skunkCopy !req
756. had gotten into the pepper pot.Copy !req
757. - Uh— Don't light the lantern
on fire— Uh— Conrad Janis.Copy !req
758. - Yuck.
Boys.Copy !req
759. - He broke his way
out of that chamberCopy !req
760. as if it was made of clay.Copy !req
761. The monster's been killed and
the iron bars are torn apart.Copy !req
762. But there isn't any
trace of Hercules.Copy !req
763. - But no one has ever gotten
out of these caverns alive.Copy !req
764. - That man is superhuman.Copy !req
765. With such strength we'll
never overpower him.Copy !req
766. - I quit.Copy !req
767. - Of course we will.Copy !req
768. But it's necessary
to get him alone.Copy !req
769. With none of his friends around.Copy !req
770. - What friends?Copy !req
771. - I know who they are.Copy !req
772. - Dilly Fausis.Copy !req
773. - Tomorrow I'll arrange to
send away Prince Darix.Copy !req
774. - There's quite a spark
between those two, huh?Copy !req
775. - Do you have men you can trust
to follow orders implicitly?Copy !req
776. - Yes.Copy !req
777. - Fine.Copy !req
778. - Can I borrow a couple?Copy !req
779. - They'll accompany you.Copy !req
780. - Where?Copy !req
781. - What does it matter.Copy !req
782. - Only one thing I— Ow!Copy !req
783. - The essential thing is to
keep him from coming back.Copy !req
784. And as for Hercules, I
want him taken alive.Copy !req
785. He'll pay dearly for all
the trouble he's caused me.Copy !req
786. - Good night now.Copy !req
787. - The queen wouldn't deny
her sister anything.Copy !req
788. - I know.Copy !req
789. And I'm here to ask her for
the greatest favor of my life.Copy !req
790. - Everyone at court knows the
only favor that will satisfyCopy !req
791. the princess Billis—Copy !req
792. - Guys, I am so
homesick right now.Copy !req
793. - Uh-huh.Copy !req
794. - What is it?Copy !req
795. - Or what?Copy !req
796. - I must talk to you, Samara.Copy !req
797. - Get out.Copy !req
798. - OK, I'll come back later.Copy !req
799. - Hey, it's a Flintstone phone.Copy !req
800. - I want you to promise
that you'll hear me out.Copy !req
801. - I'll hear you out that
door is what I'll do.Copy !req
802. - Haven't I always done so?Copy !req
803. - Marlow Thomas is that queen.Copy !req
804. - Don't you really
believe I'm fond of you?Copy !req
805. - Don't say that, Samara.Copy !req
806. Even if we didn't
have the same mother,Copy !req
807. you've always been
a good sister to me.Copy !req
808. And I'm grateful.Copy !req
809. - I want it to be perfectly clear
that my attitude is dictatedCopy !req
810. solely by my affection for you.Copy !req
811. - Of course.Copy !req
812. And because of
that affection youCopy !req
813. could make me the happiest
woman in the world.Copy !req
814. Samara, Prince Darix loves me.Copy !req
815. And if you'll only
give your consent,Copy !req
816. we'll be married immediately.Copy !req
817. - Looks like this movie's
equipped with airbags.Copy !req
818. - Booo.Copy !req
819. - Sorry, sorry.Copy !req
820. - Ow.Copy !req
821. - You can't refuse.Copy !req
822. - Of course not.Copy !req
823. How could I refuse you?Copy !req
824. - No, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
825. - In fact, I want you to marry.Copy !req
826. But not as soon
as you would like.Copy !req
827. - Oh, Samara, why are
you making us wait?Copy !req
828. - It's been my intention
for a long time nowCopy !req
829. to send Prince Darix
to the court of CorrumCopy !req
830. to conduct secret negotiations.Copy !req
831. - Back in the frame, please.Copy !req
832. - On a matter of the
greatest delicacy.Copy !req
833. - Toilet paper.Copy !req
834. - But he'll be back soon.Copy !req
835. And you'll live
happily ever after.Copy !req
836. - The endCopy !req
837. - Oh, thank you.Copy !req
838. Thank you, dear sister.Copy !req
839. - Um— Leave the ring, please.Copy !req
840. - He'll be leaving first
thing tomorrow morning.Copy !req
841. Though he'll be away from you,
it won't be for very long.Copy !req
842. - Do-si-do with an evil queen!Copy !req
843. - Are you satisfied?Copy !req
844. - Oh, I'm so happy.Copy !req
845. - Not for long.Copy !req
846. - Gladius is dead.Copy !req
847. Hercules has disappeared.Copy !req
848. - And I'm outta here.Copy !req
849. - The two of them were
the only hope we had.Copy !req
850. There's nothing left to do.Copy !req
851. - You can talk that way because
you don't have children.Copy !req
852. But if you had a
daughter like my childCopy !req
853. you'd understand the
anguish that a mother feelsCopy !req
854. then the moon is
full and you knowCopy !req
855. they're coming to take
her away to the sacrifice.Copy !req
856. I know what it is.
- It's Lee Merriweather.Copy !req
857. - My wife is right.Copy !req
858. We can't bear living this way.Copy !req
859. - Mickey— Mickey RourkeCopy !req
860. - Anthrias, you're
the only one who'sCopy !req
861. been to the top of
the mountain of death.Copy !req
862. Tell them what
happened to you there.Copy !req
863. Speak out.Copy !req
864. Tell us whether ordinary men
can overcome the monsters.Copy !req
865. - I saw the mountain
open up miraculouslyCopy !req
866. and I was bathed in a
blinding green light.Copy !req
867. - It was greatCopy !req
868. - Then huge, deformed
rock-like creatures appeared.Copy !req
869. And at the same
time I was deafenedCopy !req
870. by a weird sound
that seemed to comeCopy !req
871. from the depths of the earth.Copy !req
872. After that I don't
remember anything.Copy !req
873. I was so terrified I
was robbed of my senses.Copy !req
874. I came to after a while.Copy !req
875. And I found I was alone.Copy !req
876. - You experience only
confirms the factCopy !req
877. that it will not be
easy for us to win.Copy !req
878. - I think it's useless.Copy !req
879. - Harvey Korman.Copy !req
880. Only Hercules can
fight the monstersCopy !req
881. with any chance of surviving.Copy !req
882. - All I can say is this.Copy !req
883. I'm the cousin of the queen—Copy !req
884. - Roddy McDowall, Hey!Copy !req
885. - Whose attitude
seems to indicateCopy !req
886. she's in love with our enemy.Copy !req
887. I swear to you that
I'm not influencedCopy !req
888. by any personal ambition.Copy !req
889. The only thing I want
is to liberate SamarCopy !req
890. from the nightmare
that's oppressing us.Copy !req
891. - And to direct.Copy !req
892. - Then my wife and
I will go away—Copy !req
893. asking nothing—
expecting nothing.Copy !req
894. - Lee Majors, ladies
and gentlemen!Copy !req
895. - My name is Timor.Copy !req
896. And it's on the
list of those who'veCopy !req
897. been selected as victims
for the sacrifice.Copy !req
898. - Yeah, boohoo.Copy !req
899. - But I'd prefer to die in
combat with the monsters,Copy !req
900. if my death will help
to liberate Samar.Copy !req
901. - Robert Stack!Copy !req
902. - Quiet.Copy !req
903. Don't let them hear you.Copy !req
904. - Ex-nay.Copy !req
905. Uh— we were doing nothing.Copy !req
906. It's Clevious.Copy !req
907. He's doing it all.Copy !req
908. - Paul Sorvino!Copy !req
909. - Who is it?Copy !req
910. - It's I, Agar— with a friend.Copy !req
911. - Agarn?Copy !req
912. - Hm?Copy !req
913. - Marlow Thomas,
ladies and gentlemen!Copy !req
914. Marlow Thomas!Copy !req
915. - It's Hercules.Copy !req
916. We're saved!Copy !req
917. - Welcome Hercules!Copy !req
918. - Oh, it's Herc and
he's got the keg.Copy !req
919. - I'm glad you're with
us safe and sound.Copy !req
920. Our worries are over.Copy !req
921. With you leading us we will win.Copy !req
922. - Let me present Prince Darix.Copy !req
923. - Prince.Copy !req
924. —Gladius thought very
highly of you, prince.Copy !req
925. We'll get along well together.Copy !req
926. - Uh— Herc, you got hat hair.Copy !req
927. - I know of the tragic
destiny that hangs over you.Copy !req
928. But what would happen if
one day the people of SamarCopy !req
929. were to refuse to send
the sacrificial victimsCopy !req
930. to the monsters in the mountain?Copy !req
931. - I think it would go
something like this.Copy !req
932. - I never thought
the time would comeCopy !req
933. when I would greet
you with such joyCopy !req
934. and in the same breath
have to say goodbye.Copy !req
935. - Watch and you will
see that my horseCopy !req
936. will fly on the
wind like Pegasus.Copy !req
937. - Take care of yourself
and come back soon.Copy !req
938. When can I hope
to see you again?Copy !req
939. - In a few days.Copy !req
940. - Soon.Copy !req
941. - Have you spoken of
us to Queen Samara?Copy !req
942. - Yes, when she was giving
me the instructionsCopy !req
943. for the mission I'm to
carry out for her in CorrumCopy !req
944. she made several references
to our marriage plans.Copy !req
945. - Pssst.Copy !req
946. Hey, Chuck you getting this?Copy !req
947. - But the way your sister spoke
it seems she has no objections.Copy !req
948. They're sending me
off as her ambassadorCopy !req
949. with such good faith.Copy !req
950. - Well now you're the
most important relativeCopy !req
951. of the queen.Copy !req
952. - Hah, you really think so?Copy !req
953. - You're right.Copy !req
954. It's late and I must go.Copy !req
955. - Kiss her!Copy !req
956. Kiss her!Copy !req
957. Kiss her— Come on.Copy !req
958. Why doncha kiss her instead
of talking her to death.Copy !req
959. - Can we have a platonic
relationship before Plato?Copy !req
960. - Not a minute longer.Copy !req
961. - She's all gassed up, sir.Copy !req
962. I vacuumed the inside too.Copy !req
963. - Oooh!Copy !req
964. - Ooh!Copy !req
965. - I have regular saddles with
blankets sewn over them.Copy !req
966. - Have fun storming the castle.Copy !req
967. - Is it true that Darix
has been sent awayCopy !req
968. on orders from the queen?Copy !req
969. - Yes.Copy !req
970. - I might have known she'd
do something like that.Copy !req
971. - What are you trying to say?Copy !req
972. - He's toast.Copy !req
973. - I don't wish to
alarm you, Billis.Copy !req
974. But I think it's
necessary you be told.Copy !req
975. The queen's aware that Darix is
taking part in the conspiracy.Copy !req
976. - But you think he's in danger?Copy !req
977. - Yes, I think he's
walking into a trap.Copy !req
978. - Oh, Agar.Copy !req
979. - Don't give up hope, princess.Copy !req
980. Come with me.Copy !req
981. I know a man who's powerful
enough to help us both.Copy !req
982. And I'm sure he
won't refuse you.Copy !req
983. - He's really reasonable and
won't charge for the extras.Copy !req
984. - Oh, Rick's playing
cartoon tag over there.Copy !req
985. - They're devolving.Copy !req
986. - Oooh.Copy !req
987. - Isn't he worried
dirt's gonna skipCopy !req
988. to all that oil he's got on?Copy !req
989. - Along that road they take
the victims to the sacrifice.Copy !req
990. Beyond those woods and
rivers, the mountain of death.Copy !req
991. - Let's buy a pass so we
can go on all the rides.Copy !req
992. - Hercules!Copy !req
993. - I thought you were out
of town this weekend.Copy !req
994. Zeus is on line three.Copy !req
995. You wanna take him?Copy !req
996. - They told me at the
tavern you'd be here.Copy !req
997. The Princess Billis
needs your help.Copy !req
998. - At your service.Copy !req
999. - The queen has sent Darix
away on a mission to Corrum..Copy !req
1000. - It's only a pretext.Copy !req
1001. She found out that Darix
is one of the conspirators.Copy !req
1002. - TImor, get my horse— fast.Copy !req
1003. - Get my fast horse.Copy !req
1004. - Darix is already on the
on the road to Corrum?Copy !req
1005. - Yes, he left about an hour ago.Copy !req
1006. - Well, oh hi.Copy !req
1007. - You had better go back
to the palace, princess.Copy !req
1008. Don't be afraid.Copy !req
1009. Even if it costs me my
life, Darix will be saved.Copy !req
1010. - Hercules.Copy !req
1011. - Please don't go to
any trouble for us.Copy !req
1012. - I give him three months.Copy !req
1013. - Herc, would you help us move?Copy !req
1014. - Even if it costs my life.Copy !req
1015. - I trust you to get them
safely back to the city.Copy !req
1016. - Even if it costs you my
life— oh, never mind.Copy !req
1017. - Yeah, now Herc'll go
to a bar for a few hoursCopy !req
1018. and say he couldn't find them.Copy !req
1019. - (SINGING) She was
calling wild fire.Copy !req
1020. Wild—Copy !req
1021. - Ow— Ow— Owie Owie— Ow— Ow—
Ouch— Ow— Ouch— Ow— Owie—Copy !req
1022. Ouch—Copy !req
1023. - Ahh, then Corcorpium showed up.Copy !req
1024. - Hey— Whoa.Copy !req
1025. - Sergei, keep it down, will you?Copy !req
1026. Jiminy.Copy !req
1027. - Hey, there's a lot of them
little guys down there.Copy !req
1028. - Thundering hoof-beats
and a mighty Hi-Ho Silver.Copy !req
1029. - Nooo, it's a cliff.Copy !req
1030. - (IN UNISON) Hey,
it's the underseaCopy !req
1031. kingdom for young and it's fun.Copy !req
1032. - Whoa, an apple tree!Copy !req
1033. - Oh, hi.Copy !req
1034. - Lawrence, of Arabia.Copy !req
1035. - Lawrence.Copy !req
1036. - So— Um— would you
call this a light trot.Copy !req
1037. - No it's really more of a
canter, but not quite a gallop.Copy !req
1038. - It's trottish though, I think.Copy !req
1039. And kind of light.Copy !req
1040. - Who— Whoa.Copy !req
1041. Should get four-wheel
drive next time, Tom.Copy !req
1042. - What're you doing?Copy !req
1043. - Oh, I see.Copy !req
1044. Got it.Copy !req
1045. - It's an arrow
shirt he's wearing.Copy !req
1046. - Just a flesh wound.Copy !req
1047. - Bet that horse has no name.Copy !req
1048. - Hey, come back with my arrow.Copy !req
1049. - (SINGING IN UNISON) Marvelous
days, almost for you.Copy !req
1050. Sons of Hercules—
Sons of Hercules.Copy !req
1051. - Just drop me anywhere.Copy !req
1052. - Ouch.Copy !req
1053. - I'm a Grimwald warrior.Copy !req
1054. - Pizza, pizza,
pizza, pizza, pizza.Copy !req
1055. - Stop hurting him.Copy !req
1056. He's my friend.Copy !req
1057. - Ow.Copy !req
1058. - Crazy bread, crazy bread.Copy !req
1059. - Doh-hohoho.Copy !req
1060. Doh-hoho.Copy !req
1061. - I arrived just in time, prince.Copy !req
1062. - That's a matter of opinion.Copy !req
1063. - Don't worry about that.Copy !req
1064. We've got to think
about your wound.Copy !req
1065. - I can't think of anything else.Copy !req
1066. - That arrow was really in deep.Copy !req
1067. - You think so?Copy !req
1068. - At nightfall I'll get
you safely into the city.Copy !req
1069. Please.Copy !req
1070. - Was that a traveling mat?Copy !req
1071. - No, it's a crappy
special effect.Copy !req
1072. - I'm a traveling mat.Copy !req
1073. I've made a lot of stops.Copy !req
1074. - Forgive me, Father.Copy !req
1075. For all I think
about is sinning.Copy !req
1076. - We're ready to fight.Copy !req
1077. - Abe Vigoda, ladies
and gentleman.Copy !req
1078. - And my sister?Copy !req
1079. - Sleeping like a baby after that
draft you had prepared for her.Copy !req
1080. The horses are already.Copy !req
1081. No one will see us.Copy !req
1082. - Let us go.Copy !req
1083. - Billis.Copy !req
1084. - Schlafly.Copy !req
1085. - Billis is in danger.Copy !req
1086. - This man is missing a nipple.Copy !req
1087. - Don't drip on the carpet.Copy !req
1088. - Save her.Copy !req
1089. - Now this stain's
not gonna come out.Copy !req
1090. We're gonna have to
go to the dry cleaner.Copy !req
1091. - The night of the
sacrifice— the—Copy !req
1092. - Am I gonna make it, doc?Copy !req
1093. Will I still be
able to play piano?Copy !req
1094. - The queen— watch out for her.Copy !req
1095. - The dwarf.Copy !req
1096. - He's delirious.Copy !req
1097. Leave him to me, Hercules.Copy !req
1098. I know certain herbs that can
cure even a wound like this is.Copy !req
1099. - Herb Edelman?Copy !req
1100. Herb can.Copy !req
1101. - Are you absolutely
sure that he wasCopy !req
1102. attacked on orders
from the queen?Copy !req
1103. - Yes, I am.Copy !req
1104. They were her soldiers.Copy !req
1105. - What is it that's
turned her against evenCopy !req
1106. her most faithful subjects.Copy !req
1107. - I think she's been
reading the op-ed pages.Copy !req
1108. - And explain why she's
so anxious to get me.Copy !req
1109. The queen didn't even know me.Copy !req
1110. She didn't know I
was coming here.Copy !req
1111. - But then she saw
your press pack, Herc.Copy !req
1112. But still she tried to have
me murdered on the highway.Copy !req
1113. And then she nearly caught me.Copy !req
1114. - Wait— he's putting
Crisco on the wound.Copy !req
1115. Yuck.Copy !req
1116. - How could she always
guess where I'd be.Copy !req
1117. - The people say she has
powers that are supernatural.Copy !req
1118. She possesses a
magic powder, whichCopy !req
1119. causes any man who
takes it to lookCopy !req
1120. at her through the eyes of love.Copy !req
1121. They say she's never without it.Copy !req
1122. She carries it in a gold
locket around her neck.Copy !req
1123. - Well.Copy !req
1124. - That's useful to know.Copy !req
1125. When I eventually come face
to face with Queen Samara.Copy !req
1126. - OK, you're all done.Copy !req
1127. Now, listen— don't
take any food or waterCopy !req
1128. for the next three
hours, all right?Copy !req
1129. - Wow.Copy !req
1130. Rico E. Suave over there.Copy !req
1131. - Why thank you, my
good fellow, sayCopy !req
1132. you're looking rather Jean
Claude van Damme yourself.Copy !req
1133. - Oh?Copy !req
1134. You really think so?Copy !req
1135. You know, inside
every servo is an AlanCopy !req
1136. Steel waiting to get out.Copy !req
1137. OK, OK, Joel.Copy !req
1138. Ask me which way to the beach.Copy !req
1139. - Just hold it a
second, my beefy bots.Copy !req
1140. You need one more accessory to
really augment your ensemble.Copy !req
1141. - Huh?
What?Copy !req
1142. Say what?Copy !req
1143. - Yeah, you need
a new name that'sCopy !req
1144. as big and brawny as your
new upper body implants.Copy !req
1145. - Oh right.Copy !req
1146. Well, what good is a tough
guy without a tough guy name?Copy !req
1147. - Yeah exactly.Copy !req
1148. You know, the
general rule of thumbCopy !req
1149. is that you take a— have a real
virile first name, like Alan,Copy !req
1150. and then a second
name that soundsCopy !req
1151. like some kind of hard
surface like steel—Copy !req
1152. Alan Steel— you get it?Copy !req
1153. - Oh, I get it.Copy !req
1154. OK, my new name is
the Drake Tungsten.Copy !req
1155. - Good.Copy !req
1156. - And you have call me that too.Copy !req
1157. - OK.Copy !req
1158. - OK, OK.Copy !req
1159. I dub me, Russ Tile Floor.Copy !req
1160. - Well, you know, I don't
know if that reallyCopy !req
1161. works because that makes
your middle name TileCopy !req
1162. and you'd have to put
in quotation marks areCopy !req
1163. parentheses or something.Copy !req
1164. - Oh.Copy !req
1165. - Yeah, and then that would make
your last name Floor, whichCopy !req
1166. really is not all that great.Copy !req
1167. - OK, OK.Copy !req
1168. How about this?Copy !req
1169. Ric, R-I-C, Drywall.Copy !req
1170. Ric Drywall.Copy !req
1171. - Well, Drywall
really isn't that— ICopy !req
1172. mean it's not like
concrete or something hard.Copy !req
1173. - Yeah, Crow's right.Copy !req
1174. - Uh, Drake.Copy !req
1175. - Uh, Drake's right.Copy !req
1176. - OK, Fine, fine.Copy !req
1177. - Uh, hey, Tom how
about Adam Plexiglas.Copy !req
1178. - Yeah, or Vic Kevlar.Copy !req
1179. - Nick Pig-iron.Copy !req
1180. - Look, just forget it, OK?Copy !req
1181. - Jim J. Bullock.Copy !req
1182. - Now that's not funny.Copy !req
1183. Just drop the whole thing
Just drop it now, OK?Copy !req
1184. - Well, listen, maybe you could
be one of those tough guysCopy !req
1185. without a tough guy
name like SylvesterCopy !req
1186. Stallone or something.Copy !req
1187. - Oh, don't patronize me, Joel.Copy !req
1188. - Oh, ah, Tom, I hate to
tell you but you justCopy !req
1189. rejected your donor limbs.Copy !req
1190. - I know that.Copy !req
1191. Don't you think I know that?Copy !req
1192. I'm living it.Copy !req
1193. I know it.Copy !req
1194. I'm here I'm living it.Copy !req
1195. - Hey, Servo, I just thought
of a good name for you.Copy !req
1196. - Really? what?Copy !req
1197. - Danny No Arms.Copy !req
1198. - Lemme at him!Copy !req
1199. - Freddy Fireplex.Copy !req
1200. - Shut up, bro.Copy !req
1201. - Tommy Torso.Copy !req
1202. - I ain't seen my
arms back, Joel.Copy !req
1203. - Hercules, they're here.Copy !req
1204. - You in there.Copy !req
1205. Can you hear me?Copy !req
1206. Open up, I said!Copy !req
1207. - I'll move the dead guy.Copy !req
1208. You get the door.Copy !req
1209. - Open.Copy !req
1210. - Sesame.Copy !req
1211. - My daughter.Copy !req
1212. - Your daughter what?Copy !req
1213. - Stay calm.Copy !req
1214. Go on.Copy !req
1215. Go on.Copy !req
1216. - Bako?Copy !req
1217. - Who is it?Copy !req
1218. I'm doing the dishesCopy !req
1219. - Caesar, Caesar.Copy !req
1220. - Don't attempt to resist.Copy !req
1221. We're here to take
your daughter.Copy !req
1222. Where is she?Copy !req
1223. - No!Copy !req
1224. - I think she's over
there somewhere.Copy !req
1225. - Seize the girl.Copy !req
1226. - All right, help yourself.Copy !req
1227. - OK, but you have to
have her home by 11.Copy !req
1228. - Let go of that girl!Copy !req
1229. - Watch me rock.Copy !req
1230. - Ooh.Copy !req
1231. Good thing they made everything
out of balsa wood back then,Copy !req
1232. huh?Copy !req
1233. - Ohh, right in the store.Copy !req
1234. - Oh— owie.Copy !req
1235. - It's a barrel of fun.Copy !req
1236. - Barrel of Hun.Copy !req
1237. - Gilligan, no!Copy !req
1238. - Gilligan, yes.Copy !req
1239. - Behold, the only thing
greater than yourself.Copy !req
1240. - Now there's two guys in there.Copy !req
1241. - Aikiba!Copy !req
1242. - Uh— batter up.Copy !req
1243. Gymkata.Copy !req
1244. Boss Martin.Copy !req
1245. - Gymkata.Copy !req
1246. - Oh, neat.Copy !req
1247. - Ah, a flamer.Copy !req
1248. - I love my job.Copy !req
1249. - Pizza, pizza this.Copy !req
1250. - Hercules.Copy !req
1251. - Here.Copy !req
1252. - There's no time to be wasted.Copy !req
1253. They'll be returning
with reinforcements.Copy !req
1254. You must find a safe
place but Darix.Copy !req
1255. - I know a place
where he can hide.Copy !req
1256. - That one was just for me.Copy !req
1257. - Hm.Copy !req
1258. Someday that's gonna be a mall.Copy !req
1259. - Yup, nice one.Copy !req
1260. - Hercules.Copy !req
1261. - Oh, that's me.Copy !req
1262. Here, hold this guy, will you?Copy !req
1263. I'll be right back.Copy !req
1264. - Listen, I know I said
I'd call but I wasCopy !req
1265. attacked by guards and then oh—Copy !req
1266. - Billis has been taken.Copy !req
1267. I saw her in chains with
the other prisoners.Copy !req
1268. - Go on ahead.Copy !req
1269. They're on the march?Copy !req
1270. - Yes, but don't go now.Copy !req
1271. You can't do anything alone.Copy !req
1272. I beg you, wait for the others.Copy !req
1273. - No.Copy !req
1274. That might be too late.Copy !req
1275. - What would become of me, if
anything should happen to you?Copy !req
1276. - Don't worry.Copy !req
1277. - There are other
demi-gods out there.Copy !req
1278. - Hello, Laverne.Copy !req
1279. - Hi, Shirl.Copy !req
1280. bum— bum— bu— bum— bum—
bum— bum— bum— bum— bu—Copy !req
1281. bum— bum.Copy !req
1282. - On your left.Copy !req
1283. - Oh, Looks like they bagged
their limit today, huh?Copy !req
1284. I guess what they say
about lemmings isn't true.Copy !req
1285. Really forced busing.Copy !req
1286. - (SINGING) Chain— Chain—
Chain— Chain of fool.Copy !req
1287. You know it's never as fun
as it looks in the brochures.Copy !req
1288. - I hate these cattle calls.Copy !req
1289. - Ooh— yeah.Copy !req
1290. It looks like somebody
got beer on the film.Copy !req
1291. - Ooh.Copy !req
1292. - So I said, why don't
you try pushing the rope?Copy !req
1293. OK, I'll be the slave.Copy !req
1294. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1295. - Isn't this a drag, folks?Copy !req
1296. - A little pun there
for the chain gang.Copy !req
1297. - Hey, I'm not enjoying this.Copy !req
1298. It's my job.Copy !req
1299. - Dun— dun— dun—
dun— do-doo— do-doo—Copy !req
1300. - Tri-star— Oh,
I'll try it again.Copy !req
1301. Tri-star Pictures.Copy !req
1302. There good one.Copy !req
1303. - OK, sit.Copy !req
1304. Stay.Copy !req
1305. That's a good horse.Copy !req
1306. Oh, such a good horse.Copy !req
1307. Oh yes.Copy !req
1308. - Ooh.Copy !req
1309. - I coulda gone my whole
life without seeing that.Copy !req
1310. - (SINGING) Little genie.Copy !req
1311. Dun— dun— dun— Wanna
dance with somebody.Copy !req
1312. I feel—Copy !req
1313. - Ah, Herc, they're all dead.Copy !req
1314. - Ohh.Copy !req
1315. - Oh, come on.Copy !req
1316. You've been resisting for
300 miles— now, come on.Copy !req
1317. - We're planning to
move the sacrificeCopy !req
1318. area closer to the city.Copy !req
1319. - Those toroks are rather
harsh, aren't they?Copy !req
1320. - I'm— Uh— starting to
feel like Bob Mantell.Copy !req
1321. - Boing— Boing—
Boing— Boing— Boing—Copy !req
1322. - Man, I'm stuck jelly
tight in this thing.Copy !req
1323. - Here they come.Copy !req
1324. - (IN UNISON) Surprise!Copy !req
1325. - Happy birthday.Copy !req
1326. - So they're dragging
them along, eh?Copy !req
1327. - Ah, yesCopy !req
1328. - Geez, these guys are
getting harder to pull.Copy !req
1329. - The bad news Is the
chief wants to water ski.Copy !req
1330. - Ooooh.Copy !req
1331. - Oh— Oh— my spine.Copy !req
1332. - Come here.Copy !req
1333. - Leave him alone
you big bullies.Copy !req
1334. - Come, princess.Copy !req
1335. - But you're not Billis.Copy !req
1336. - Well you're not Steve Reeves.Copy !req
1337. - Oh no it's a giant
netted slingshot.Copy !req
1338. - Now wait.Copy !req
1339. He— He can bend steel but
he can't break through a net?Copy !req
1340. - We've got you at last.Copy !req
1341. - Ah, Hercules.Copy !req
1342. - Next week on Hercules
versus the Moon Men.Copy !req
1343. - Please do not
touch the exhibit.Copy !req
1344. - It's Kim Cattrall.Copy !req
1345. - No.Copy !req
1346. - Where?Copy !req
1347. - There is nothing wrong
with your television set.Copy !req
1348. - Hm.Copy !req
1349. - And there's Marcia Brady.Copy !req
1350. - I'm next to the mud bath.Copy !req
1351. - You see?Copy !req
1352. - Oh, not this guy again.Copy !req
1353. I was having a moment.Copy !req
1354. - They're absolutely, identical.Copy !req
1355. - That is why I ordered you
to bring the princess here.Copy !req
1356. - Looks like the great
rootbearer, doesn't it?Copy !req
1357. - Our queen, Selena, will
awaken from her long sleepCopy !req
1358. and will live again through
the blood of Billis.Copy !req
1359. —(IN UNISON) Ewww.Copy !req
1360. - You're my own sister— you
brought me here to kill me.Copy !req
1361. How could you be such a monster?Copy !req
1362. - Oh, come on.Copy !req
1363. We've never been that close.Copy !req
1364. - But it isn't true.Copy !req
1365. Samara!Copy !req
1366. - Look into your heart.Copy !req
1367. - Samara— Samara.Copy !req
1368. - (SINGING) I love you, Samara.Copy !req
1369. - No!Copy !req
1370. - Hakiba.Copy !req
1371. - Hm.Copy !req
1372. Whoa.Copy !req
1373. - No!Copy !req
1374. - The monsters of rock tour.Copy !req
1375. - Wanna get stoned?Copy !req
1376. - (SINGING) Everybody
must get stoned.Copy !req
1377. - Stud?Copy !req
1378. - It's the inhumanoids.Copy !req
1379. - Sorry you had to
see that there.Copy !req
1380. - The sacrifice will take
place tomorrow night.Copy !req
1381. Behold.Copy !req
1382. - Bring a dish to pass.Copy !req
1383. - When the planet Saturn comes
into conjunction with Mars,Copy !req
1384. and under the evil
influence of Uranus—Copy !req
1385. - Oh, he means Tuesday.Copy !req
1386. - Then will occur
unimaginable disasters.Copy !req
1387. The oceans will rise.Copy !req
1388. The mountains crumble.Copy !req
1389. And inexorably, our moon
will draw near the earth.Copy !req
1390. - Oh, they woulda
done that anyway.Copy !req
1391. - Yeah.Copy !req
1392. - Through this cataclysm, only
our form of life can survive.Copy !req
1393. - Huh.Copy !req
1394. - After the long nightCopy !req
1395. - I can see his lips move.Copy !req
1396. - Yeah.Copy !req
1397. - We shall become the
masters of the earth.Copy !req
1398. - Does that make me Mrs.
Master of the earth?Copy !req
1399. - But how shall I live then?Copy !req
1400. - Yeah, I'll check the manual.Copy !req
1401. - You will have the
reward you have earned.Copy !req
1402. - It's a new car!Copy !req
1403. - Your beauty will never fade.Copy !req
1404. And your power will
be equal to ours.Copy !req
1405. You will possess all
the riches of the world.Copy !req
1406. - Hm, cool.Copy !req
1407. - But remember,
that there is stillCopy !req
1408. one task you must carry
out— kill Hercules.Copy !req
1409. - Oh.Copy !req
1410. - Have no fear.Copy !req
1411. - Underdog is here.Copy !req
1412. - Hercules is
already in my hands.Copy !req
1413. He will die.Copy !req
1414. - Hm.Copy !req
1415. Hi.Copy !req
1416. Oh.Copy !req
1417. - I do this all the time.Copy !req
1418. It doesn't hurt at all.Copy !req
1419. Hi, Hercules.Copy !req
1420. Aren't you gonna wave to me?Copy !req
1421. - Oh, hi— uhh!Copy !req
1422. - Don't wave.Copy !req
1423. - Good thing they left
space for his hands.Copy !req
1424. - Come on.Copy !req
1425. Uh— Ah— There you go.Copy !req
1426. That's the way.Copy !req
1427. - Not to the face.Copy !req
1428. - It— It's still falling.Copy !req
1429. I'm still smiling.Copy !req
1430. Hah.Copy !req
1431. You see?Copy !req
1432. —(SINGING) Dang me.Copy !req
1433. Dang me.Copy !req
1434. I'm about to take
a rope and hang me.Copy !req
1435. - Come on.Copy !req
1436. Sing.Copy !req
1437. - Break time.Copy !req
1438. - Gregory Pecks.Copy !req
1439. Oooh.Copy !req
1440. - Oh.Copy !req
1441. So the spikes are gonna stab him
if he let's go— I just got it.Copy !req
1442. Oh.Copy !req
1443. - Hm.Copy !req
1444. - Ah, nipple cam.Copy !req
1445. - Ooh.Copy !req
1446. - Bonnie Raitt.Copy !req
1447. She's a survivor, you know.Copy !req
1448. - So he's really strong?Copy !req
1449. - Mhm.Copy !req
1450. - Huh.Copy !req
1451. - A piercing problem.Copy !req
1452. Will Hercules escape?Copy !req
1453. Tune in next week.Copy !req
1454. Same Herc time.Copy !req
1455. Same Herc channel.Copy !req
1456. - Uh.Copy !req
1457. Could somebody scratch my nose?Copy !req
1458. - Trailers for sale or rent.Copy !req
1459. Rooms to let.Copy !req
1460. - Bet those things
are hard to clean.Copy !req
1461. - Well actually no.Copy !req
1462. They fold down.Copy !req
1463. There's a nice,
convenient brush.Copy !req
1464. - Oh really?Copy !req
1465. - Well, you know the machine
doesn't see Hercules the wayCopy !req
1466. you or I do.Copy !req
1467. The machines sees Hercules as
a series of ones and zeros.Copy !req
1468. - I was wondering.Copy !req
1469. - Mhm.Copy !req
1470. - Boy, it's getting close.Copy !req
1471. Woo.Copy !req
1472. - It's indicating his pecs.Copy !req
1473. - Bronzer.Copy !req
1474. Check it out.Copy !req
1475. - Hm.Copy !req
1476. - Oh, yes.Copy !req
1477. Oh.Copy !req
1478. Yes.Copy !req
1479. Yes.Copy !req
1480. - Pl- Please, God.Copy !req
1481. I'm— If you get me out of this
I promise I'll do anything youCopy !req
1482. want.
I promise.Copy !req
1483. - Tickle, tickle.Copy !req
1484. - Tie me kangaroo.Copy !req
1485. - You know if you
squint real hard itCopy !req
1486. looks like he's being stuck with
several Transamerica moments.Copy !req
1487. - Headache tension.Copy !req
1488. - I'm sending you
good vibes, Herc.Copy !req
1489. I am.Copy !req
1490. - Yes.Copy !req
1491. - Hey.Copy !req
1492. I'm gaining on them.Copy !req
1493. Hah.Copy !req
1494. - (IN UNISON) Whee.Copy !req
1495. - Stop.Copy !req
1496. - In the name of love.Copy !req
1497. - So lunch?Copy !req
1498. - Conduct him to my quarters.Copy !req
1499. - Oh, look.Copy !req
1500. A smokey.Copy !req
1501. - Very funny guys.Copy !req
1502. - All of you go.Copy !req
1503. - But why are you
laying like tha— Oh.Copy !req
1504. - Mhm.Copy !req
1505. - Oh.Copy !req
1506. - Huh.Copy !req
1507. - Cheap cuffs.Copy !req
1508. Here let me just—Copy !req
1509. - A hundred lances
pointed at your heart.Copy !req
1510. Just one little
gesture from me and youCopy !req
1511. would have been lying
at my feet— a dead man.Copy !req
1512. - Well, I could still lie at
your feet if you want me too.Copy !req
1513. - But I prefer the
challenge you offer alive.Copy !req
1514. - I know that you're
strong enough to crush me.Copy !req
1515. - I'm Hans Christian Anderson.Copy !req
1516. - But it's worth the risk.Copy !req
1517. Why all you'd have to
do is reach out a hand—Copy !req
1518. Ow, just kidding.Copy !req
1519. - And break my neck the way you'd
break the stem of a flower.Copy !req
1520. - You are one spooky chick.Copy !req
1521. - Why don't you do it.Copy !req
1522. - You have nothing
to fear from me.Copy !req
1523. - But fear itself.Copy !req
1524. - Now that I've seen you, I can
no longer rebel against you.Copy !req
1525. - Sorry?Copy !req
1526. - I want to stay with you.Copy !req
1527. It's Hercules who asks this.Copy !req
1528. No slave is as
faithful as I would be.Copy !req
1529. - Hm.Copy !req
1530. - It's daddy.Copy !req
1531. Come on, me— Herc.Copy !req
1532. - Let me close the drapes, sir.Copy !req
1533. Put on the stereo.Copy !req
1534. - I am always getting
into these situations,Copy !req
1535. Call it Life of Riley.Copy !req
1536. - Hm?Copy !req
1537. - Plot point— plot point—
plot point— plot point.Copy !req
1538. - Come, Hercules.Copy !req
1539. Come and drink to
our friendship.Copy !req
1540. - Hm, now you would
assume that I wouldCopy !req
1541. think that the poison
was in this cup.Copy !req
1542. - We'll toast our union— the
strongest force in the world.Copy !req
1543. - I want the Garfield cup.Copy !req
1544. - We don't know what the
future has in store for us.Copy !req
1545. But you'll never be
sorry that you'veCopy !req
1546. taken your place at my side.Copy !req
1547. - Hm, his lips are strong too.Copy !req
1548. - My queen.Copy !req
1549. - Get out.Copy !req
1550. - I'm sorry, majesty
but it's urgent.Copy !req
1551. - Wait outside.Copy !req
1552. - Aren't we gonna find
her irresistible now?Copy !req
1553. - Ohh, Herc's been
working with Uta Hagen.Copy !req
1554. I guess.Copy !req
1555. - Good, Herc.Copy !req
1556. Good.Copy !req
1557. - Hm, Herc very sleepy.Copy !req
1558. Must get shut-eye.Copy !req
1559. - I'm so sleepy I can
barely keep awake.Copy !req
1560. - Hm, now I think I'll
dress him up a bit.Copy !req
1561. Hm.Copy !req
1562. - Well, who's next on my list?Copy !req
1563. - Darix Is alive.Copy !req
1564. - And well and living in Vegas.Copy !req
1565. - He was rescued by Hercules
who who fell upon usCopy !req
1566. and massacred the entire escort.Copy !req
1567. - Where's Darix now?Copy !req
1568. - I don't know, my queen.Copy !req
1569. I was badly wounded.Copy !req
1570. But I managed to
drag myself here.Copy !req
1571. - To tell her you
failed in your mission?Copy !req
1572. Execute him.Copy !req
1573. - No— No— No!Copy !req
1574. - Harsh.Copy !req
1575. - Darix free means
trouble for us.Copy !req
1576. We must capture him.Copy !req
1577. - That's not difficult.Copy !req
1578. All we have to do
is follow Agar.Copy !req
1579. - And follow our bliss.Copy !req
1580. - Hm.Copy !req
1581. - Oh yeah, it's a buffet.Copy !req
1582. - You thought you could trick
Samara, but I'm too clever.Copy !req
1583. - When at last you wake up you'll
be my most faithful slave.Copy !req
1584. - You know, all these movies
revolve around Herc sleeping.Copy !req
1585. - Mhm.Copy !req
1586. It's because he can
remember how to do it.Copy !req
1587. - Why's he laying on a
big cupcake wrapper?Copy !req
1588. - He's cream-filled.Copy !req
1589. - Ohh.Copy !req
1590. - Herc, you scamp.Copy !req
1591. - Doh-ho-ho.Copy !req
1592. - You know, I've
been to paradise,Copy !req
1593. but I've never been to me.Copy !req
1594. Hm, nice— nice digs.Copy !req
1595. - Fluff these up— sit back.Copy !req
1596. Just wait for the
chicks to roll in.Copy !req
1597. - Life of Riley—
yup, Life of Riley.Copy !req
1598. It's good.Copy !req
1599. - He's there to
conspire against me.Copy !req
1600. You've helped our
enemies and you'veCopy !req
1601. fallen in love with Hercules.Copy !req
1602. - Good job, McLeod.Copy !req
1603. - I ought to punish you
with death for this.Copy !req
1604. But too much blood
has already been shed.Copy !req
1605. And now that Hercules
is in my power,Copy !req
1606. you no longer represent
any danger to us.Copy !req
1607. - Get out.Copy !req
1608. I banish you from Samar.Copy !req
1609. Leave my kingdom forever.Copy !req
1610. - You're fired.Copy !req
1611. Clean out your dress.Copy !req
1612. - Now, way to banish her.Copy !req
1613. Huh.Copy !req
1614. You're great.Copy !req
1615. - (SINGING) It's the
shiny little hineyCopy !req
1616. with the fringe on the top.Copy !req
1617. - I must dress.Copy !req
1618. - No, you mustn't.Copy !req
1619. Your wound hasn't healed.Copy !req
1620. And where would you go?Copy !req
1621. The minute you go outside
they'll catch you.Copy !req
1622. - Timor, you've already
taken great risks.Copy !req
1623. And I'm very grateful.Copy !req
1624. - Iron my pants, will you?Copy !req
1625. - But I cannot wait any longer.Copy !req
1626. - Oh, please, here
put your top on.Copy !req
1627. You'll feel better.Copy !req
1628. - Billis has completely
disappeared,Copy !req
1629. Hercules is in the dungeons
and there's no news from Agar.Copy !req
1630. - There— Doesn't
that make it nice?Copy !req
1631. - Perhaps she's also in
the hands of the queen.Copy !req
1632. - Well, who hasn't been in
the hands of the queen.Copy !req
1633. - Soon it will be night and
I must talk to our friend.Copy !req
1634. - Now cough.Copy !req
1635. - See how weak you are?Copy !req
1636. I'll go myself.Copy !req
1637. Just tell me what to say.Copy !req
1638. - Timor, it's Agar.Copy !req
1639. Open up.Copy !req
1640. - Ah, lousy Jehovah's witnesses.Copy !req
1641. Hey, For wait a minute.Copy !req
1642. I'll get rid of them.Copy !req
1643. - Yeah.Copy !req
1644. - Uh— Hi, look.Copy !req
1645. We just sat down
to breakfast— Oh.Copy !req
1646. - Agar.Copy !req
1647. We thought you were—Copy !req
1648. - Yes.Copy !req
1649. But I was sent into exile.Copy !req
1650. We must try to save Hercules.Copy !req
1651. - And Billis?Copy !req
1652. - She wasn't among
the other victims.Copy !req
1653. - Where is she?Copy !req
1654. - I don't know.Copy !req
1655. Hercules was trying
to find her.Copy !req
1656. - Don't run.Copy !req
1657. LAPD.Copy !req
1658. - Ooh.Copy !req
1659. Is this 926 Maple?Copy !req
1660. Aw, geez.Copy !req
1661. We got the wrong address.Copy !req
1662. Sorry.Copy !req
1663. - Meanwhile, in Heff's grotto.Copy !req
1664. - (SINGING) Come
here, young childrenCopy !req
1665. and bring me your wine.Copy !req
1666. Ohhh, bitter dregs.Copy !req
1667. - Send them away.Copy !req
1668. - Now to bring them back.Copy !req
1669. I love it when you do that.Copy !req
1670. - Fine.Copy !req
1671. - Is that a polar bear rug?Copy !req
1672. Oh, no.Copy !req
1673. It's his horse.Copy !req
1674. - Why did you ride
here to do that?Copy !req
1675. - Because I wanted to
be alone with you.Copy !req
1676. - Because I want to know what
makes you, Queen Samara, tick.Copy !req
1677. Hey, you
taste like Steve Reeves.Copy !req
1678. Yeah.Copy !req
1679. Mhm.Copy !req
1680. - Samara.Copy !req
1681. You told me many
marvelous things.Copy !req
1682. - You told me a fabricated story
that wouldn't convince a child.Copy !req
1683. - You said that at
your side I wouldCopy !req
1684. become the most powerful
man in the world.Copy !req
1685. Yet, you never explained
how these thingsCopy !req
1686. would come to pass.Copy !req
1687. - Hey, Herc.Copy !req
1688. James Brolin wants
his beard back.Copy !req
1689. - After tonight, you'll
know the answer.Copy !req
1690. - I don't understand how in
the space of a few hoursCopy !req
1691. you can change our destiny.Copy !req
1692. What can happen of
such great importance?Copy !req
1693. - You must have faith in me.Copy !req
1694. Tonight you'll be at my
side and you'll know.Copy !req
1695. You'll be able to see
with your own eyesCopy !req
1696. that I've told you the truth.Copy !req
1697. - I saw it with my own eyes.Copy !req
1698. What a dumb expression.Copy !req
1699. - The important thing now is
that you tell me you love me.Copy !req
1700. - On our first date?Copy !req
1701. Ouch.Copy !req
1702. - I love you, Samara.Copy !req
1703. - And you've never loved
anyone else as much?Copy !req
1704. - Well, I had a dog once, but—Copy !req
1705. - Do you think I wear
too much makeup?Copy !req
1706. - Oh, JP Morgan gonged her.Copy !req
1707. - Ooh.Copy !req
1708. - My blankie.Copy !req
1709. - You know them?Copy !req
1710. - Yes.Copy !req
1711. - They were the ones who
tried to set me against you.Copy !req
1712. - And she?Copy !req
1713. Wasn't she your friend?Copy !req
1714. - Friend?Copy !req
1715. She's just a girl who took
me in, like the others.Copy !req
1716. - How can you betray us?Copy !req
1717. - I told you that you were
completely in my power,Copy !req
1718. didn't I?Copy !req
1719. And I also ordered you
to get out of my kingdom.Copy !req
1720. - And Isaac Hayes
wants his vest back.Copy !req
1721. - What sentence shall
I decree for them.Copy !req
1722. - Hmm.Copy !req
1723. Something crunchy.Copy !req
1724. - The death penalty.Copy !req
1725. - All around.Copy !req
1726. On the house.Copy !req
1727. - A slow death.Copy !req
1728. Let them die of starvation.Copy !req
1729. Give them plenty
of time to regretCopy !req
1730. having taken up
arms against you.Copy !req
1731. - This isn't you.Copy !req
1732. It's not possible.Copy !req
1733. - He's right.Copy !req
1734. Take them away.Copy !req
1735. And see that the
orders are carried out.Copy !req
1736. - Right.Copy !req
1737. Two slow deaths coming up.Copy !req
1738. - Hey, Bob, We need
two slow deaths.Copy !req
1739. Rack them.Copy !req
1740. - Snaggletoothy.Copy !req
1741. - Listen to me.Copy !req
1742. I understand your doubts
because I share them.Copy !req
1743. Did you think I was
naturally a war-like spirit?Copy !req
1744. - Well, yes.Copy !req
1745. - I am only a tavern-keeper.Copy !req
1746. But also I know that this is
the moment for us to stand upCopy !req
1747. like men or we'll
never know whatCopy !req
1748. it is to be free men again.Copy !req
1749. - And just what do
you expect us to do?Copy !req
1750. They know who we
are and soon they'llCopy !req
1751. be coming here to arrest us.Copy !req
1752. - Timor's been killed.Copy !req
1753. Darix is in the
hands of the queenCopy !req
1754. and we don't even know
whether Hercules is alive.Copy !req
1755. - Hercules isn't a
man to let himselfCopy !req
1756. be put out of the
way that easily.Copy !req
1757. - I agree with Thersius.Copy !req
1758. I have a son.Copy !req
1759. I don't know whether
he's dead or alive.Copy !req
1760. But that doesn't
change anything.Copy !req
1761. - Let me in, I say.Copy !req
1762. - Orders are orders.Copy !req
1763. - Soldiers.Copy !req
1764. - You can let him in, Reinon.Copy !req
1765. - Chong.Copy !req
1766. - An officer of the royal guards.Copy !req
1767. - Can we get some service here?Copy !req
1768. - Rubio.Copy !req
1769. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1770. - I know just what you and your
companions are plotting to doCopy !req
1771. and it would have been very
easy for me to have taken youCopy !req
1772. by surprise and had
you put to death.Copy !req
1773. - It's John DeLorean!Copy !req
1774. - Instead I'm asking
to let me join you.Copy !req
1775. The Army is with me.Copy !req
1776. We must fight together against
Mogol and the household guard.Copy !req
1777. - Are you serious?Copy !req
1778. You who have sworn
a military oath?Copy !req
1779. - No man of honor can
be tied by an oath thatCopy !req
1780. requires that he cover
himself with shame.Copy !req
1781. - Certainly not.Copy !req
1782. Certainly not.Copy !req
1783. - What's more, my soldiers are
men of the people like you.Copy !req
1784. - We're men of the people.Copy !req
1785. - And they also have women
and children to defend.Copy !req
1786. - He's right.Copy !req
1787. Come on, men.Copy !req
1788. Let's storm the palace.Copy !req
1789. - Killing's OK.Copy !req
1790. Yeah!Copy !req
1791. - Come here, Hercules.Copy !req
1792. Look at that.Copy !req
1793. - A ceiling fan?Copy !req
1794. - Oh, come on.Copy !req
1795. Let's love.Copy !req
1796. - It's from the moon
that my power will come.Copy !req
1797. - From the moon?Copy !req
1798. What do you mean?Copy !req
1799. - Now that I'm really
sure of your loyalty.Copy !req
1800. - I'm able to tell youCopy !req
1801. - You're greasy.Copy !req
1802. - For many years,
my ancestors wereCopy !req
1803. sorcerers to monsters
of the mountain.Copy !req
1804. But I've gone even further.Copy !req
1805. I'm their ally.Copy !req
1806. - Geez, and I made love to you?Copy !req
1807. - You?Copy !req
1808. Allied with them?Copy !req
1809. - Yes.Copy !req
1810. They are powerful, Hercules.Copy !req
1811. But despite their power,
without me they're helpless.Copy !req
1812. - What help could you give them?Copy !req
1813. - 401K, health plan, the usual.Copy !req
1814. - I gave them Billis.Copy !req
1815. - Yikes.Copy !req
1816. - What?Copy !req
1817. - I can just imagine
what you've given me.Copy !req
1818. - In the hands of the stone men.Copy !req
1819. Her sacrifice will revive
Selena, their queen.Copy !req
1820. - Where is Billis?Copy !req
1821. - In the mountain of death.Copy !req
1822. - Perfect.Copy !req
1823. That's exactly what
I wanted to find out.Copy !req
1824. - What are you saying?Copy !req
1825. - You thought you had
me under your spell.Copy !req
1826. But your magic's filter
didn't work on me.Copy !req
1827. I knew what I was
doing all the time.Copy !req
1828. And now I must liberate
Darix and Agar.Copy !req
1829. - Yes.Copy !req
1830. Oh, she got one of those, huh?Copy !req
1831. I hate that.Copy !req
1832. - Aw, crap I sang like a bird.Copy !req
1833. - Grab the gusto of
life Herc's way.Copy !req
1834. - Now back to what I love.Copy !req
1835. This is what I was built for.Copy !req
1836. Not figuring out
secret passages.Copy !req
1837. Good old-fashioned
violence, yup.Copy !req
1838. back in town.Copy !req
1839. - Me next, me next.Copy !req
1840. Twirl me, twirl me.Copy !req
1841. - Pizza, Pizza my
ass.Copy !req
1842. - You've been gonged.Copy !req
1843. - Now this— this is
something I'm good at.Copy !req
1844. Let's face it, this
is my strong suit.Copy !req
1845. I'm no Rhodes scholar
but I have a real knackCopy !req
1846. for this sort of thing.Copy !req
1847. I'm glad I chose kicking butt
as a career. NowCopy !req
1848. back to some fun, huh?Copy !req
1849. Come on, join me.Copy !req
1850. Ah, there we go.Copy !req
1851. Let's dance, hah.Copy !req
1852. - He's doing the hay-maker.Copy !req
1853. Doh.Copy !req
1854. - Well, I guess you
won't be needing that.Copy !req
1855. - He's going into the dungeons.Copy !req
1856. - Hm?Copy !req
1857. - Do-doo— do-doo— do-doo.Copy !req
1858. Ouch.Copy !req
1859. - There he is,Copy !req
1860. - Sorry, you can't get in
without a backstage pass, haha.Copy !req
1861. - Uh, do you have a bobby pin?Copy !req
1862. I can't— Uh.Copy !req
1863. - Wilma!Copy !req
1864. - I knew you weren't a traitor.Copy !req
1865. - Let's roll.Copy !req
1866. - Hurry.Copy !req
1867. - He mustn't get out
of the palace alive.Copy !req
1868. Kill him.Copy !req
1869. - Joel, I hate movies
where the men wear shorterCopy !req
1870. skirts than the women.Copy !req
1871. - Boy, don't you know it?Copy !req
1872. I can just imagine
a common sceneCopy !req
1873. from the days of
ancient Greece—Copy !req
1874. Oh, hi, Hercules have a seat.Copy !req
1875. No!Copy !req
1876. No, no, no.Copy !req
1877. - You are so right little lady.Copy !req
1878. But hey Cambot,
Queue up the music.Copy !req
1879. That's why we put together a
little musical presentationCopy !req
1880. honoring one of our
favorite garments.Copy !req
1881. It's a little thing
we like to call pants.Copy !req
1882. - (SINGING) Pants.Copy !req
1883. Pants.Copy !req
1884. Sing the praises of pants.Copy !req
1885. Nothing better shows
my taste than whatCopy !req
1886. I wear below my waist.Copy !req
1887. Say, pants.Copy !req
1888. Pants.Copy !req
1889. Sing the praises of pants.Copy !req
1890. They help me suck in my gut.Copy !req
1891. They always cover up my butt.Copy !req
1892. Pants.Copy !req
1893. Pants.Copy !req
1894. Sing the praises of pants.Copy !req
1895. Wear them and you're a cool guy
as long as you zip up your fly.Copy !req
1896. Zip pants.Copy !req
1897. Pants.Copy !req
1898. Saving upgrades in the pants.Copy !req
1899. That's right, ladies
and gentleman.Copy !req
1900. Consider the pants.Copy !req
1901. You know, the Pants
Association urgesCopy !req
1902. you to wear your pants at
least three times a day.Copy !req
1903. - The great men of
our time have allCopy !req
1904. worn pants— Roosevelt,
Churchill, DeGaulle, Gandhi.Copy !req
1905. - Well, almost all of them.Copy !req
1906. - Dolphins, one of the
smartest mammals on earth.Copy !req
1907. Do they wear pants?Copy !req
1908. No.Copy !req
1909. But they wish they did.Copy !req
1910. That's how smart they are.Copy !req
1911. - What keeps our legs
all warm and hot?Copy !req
1912. - Pants.Copy !req
1913. - What prevents a buffalo shot?Copy !req
1914. - Pants.Copy !req
1915. - What have they got
that I ain't got?Copy !req
1916. - Pants.Copy !req
1917. - Ha, you can say that again.Copy !req
1918. - Huh?Copy !req
1919. - Pants, mm, pants.Copy !req
1920. Pants.Copy !req
1921. Deep Hurting.Copy !req
1922. Deep Hurting.Copy !req
1923. - Go ahead and sing, panty waist.Copy !req
1924. In a moment, you're going
to be knee-deep in sand.Copy !req
1925. And then it'll be
Joe Robinson, R.I.P.Copy !req
1926. - Rest in pants?Copy !req
1927. - You're locking
it from your side.Copy !req
1928. Wait.Copy !req
1929. I'll open it in a minute.Copy !req
1930. Gee.Copy !req
1931. - Call in Stanley, the
garage door opener.Copy !req
1932. Ho.Copy !req
1933. - How about a little
fire, Scarecrow?Copy !req
1934. - Oh, come on.Copy !req
1935. You're only making it
worse for yourself.Copy !req
1936. I'm Hercules.Copy !req
1937. - Owie.Copy !req
1938. - My name is Inigo Montoya.Copy !req
1939. You killed my father.Copy !req
1940. Prepare to die.Copy !req
1941. - You die, Joe.Copy !req
1942. Ha ha.Copy !req
1943. - Ah geez, that was really dumb.Copy !req
1944. What was I thinking?Copy !req
1945. - Good one, Hercu-loser.Copy !req
1946. - Hey.Copy !req
1947. This is wild.Copy !req
1948. I've never killed a
guy like this before.Copy !req
1949. Neat.Copy !req
1950. - Oh, they want an encore.Copy !req
1951. - Oh, it's the open auditions
for Torch Song Trilogy.Copy !req
1952. - Hercules is already on the way.Copy !req
1953. Let's go.Copy !req
1954. - Well, guys, you know,
this movie is pretty badCopy !req
1955. but it's nothing
we can't handle.Copy !req
1956. - Yeah.Copy !req
1957. I don't know what that whole
"Deep Hurting" stuff was about.Copy !req
1958. - Yeah.Copy !req
1959. - Oh no.Copy !req
1960. - Oh.Copy !req
1961. - It's a sandstorm scene.Copy !req
1962. Oh, help me.Copy !req
1963. - It's OK.Copy !req
1964. Be cool.Copy !req
1965. It's just now there's a scene.Copy !req
1966. Let's just riff like normal.Copy !req
1967. Nothing to worry about.Copy !req
1968. I'll lead.Copy !req
1969. - Dorothy.Copy !req
1970. Dorothy.Copy !req
1971. - What was that?Copy !req
1972. - It was after the apocalypse.Copy !req
1973. They had to get to
the power station.Copy !req
1974. They weren't prepared for that.Copy !req
1975. Robot holocaust.Copy !req
1976. - How about this?Copy !req
1977. - Dune.Copy !req
1978. Desert planets.Copy !req
1979. - Mhm, mhm.Copy !req
1980. - We're doing it, OK.Copy !req
1981. - Oh boy, she could
really use a DustBuster.Copy !req
1982. Oh ho.Copy !req
1983. - And it looks like downtown
St. Paul after 5 o'clockCopy !req
1984. in the afternoon.Copy !req
1985. - Oh, she's wearing hair
epoxy because it's windCopy !req
1986. tunnel tested.Copy !req
1987. - (SINGING) Everyone
knows it windy.Copy !req
1988. Bum bum bum.Copy !req
1989. - You know, this is kind of like
seeing bad performance art.Copy !req
1990. - Oh, like seeing performance
art, in other words.Copy !req
1991. - Oooh.Copy !req
1992. - Ouch.Copy !req
1993. - Stingy.Copy !req
1994. - Oh, so what's the
Pope doing here?Copy !req
1995. - Redolphis.Copy !req
1996. Redolphis.Copy !req
1997. - Red rover, red rover,
let moonmen come over.Copy !req
1998. - Redolphis, save me.Copy !req
1999. In a moment, Hercules
will be here.Copy !req
2000. - You betrayed us.Copy !req
2001. - You be forty, you be blake.Copy !req
2002. - It's clobbering time.Copy !req
2003. - No.Copy !req
2004. No.Copy !req
2005. No, don't kill me.Copy !req
2006. I didn't betray you.Copy !req
2007. I'm the one who's betrayed.Copy !req
2008. No.Copy !req
2009. No.Copy !req
2010. - (SINGING) We will,
we will rock you.Copy !req
2011. - No, Redolphis, stop them.Copy !req
2012. Help.Copy !req
2013. Save me.Copy !req
2014. No.Copy !req
2015. No.Copy !req
2016. - It's Stonehenge on ice.Copy !req
2017. - No.Copy !req
2018. Help.Copy !req
2019. Save me, Redolphis, stop them.Copy !req
2020. No.Copy !req
2021. No.Copy !req
2022. - Oh no, not the Rock
'Em Sock 'Em Robots.Copy !req
2023. They're gonna
knock my block off.Copy !req
2024. - How humiliating— she's
being killed by a patio.Copy !req
2025. - Oh.Copy !req
2026. Well, those things
are great because youCopy !req
2027. can hose them right off.Copy !req
2028. - Oh no.Copy !req
2029. - Joel, I'm getting nervous
about this sandstorm thing.Copy !req
2030. - Don't worry, little buddy.Copy !req
2031. Just keep the quips coming.Copy !req
2032. We'll be OK.Copy !req
2033. - OK.Copy !req
2034. - Oh, this is like a
bad Antonioni movie.Copy !req
2035. - Like an Antonioni
movie, in other words.Copy !req
2036. - Ba-boom.Copy !req
2037. - Boy, geez, I wish I
had my shirt on now.Copy !req
2038. My nips are burning.Copy !req
2039. - Jingle bells, jingle
bells— oh, pardon me.Copy !req
2040. - Selene, Selene.Copy !req
2041. - Wanna get up?Copy !req
2042. We're going to grandma's now.Copy !req
2043. - At last, your hour has come.Copy !req
2044. - I've got to go lend my
outfit to Amon or David Bowie.Copy !req
2045. - Oh, he's cutting her
with a pizza knife.Copy !req
2046. - Pizza, pizza.Copy !req
2047. - Alvin.Copy !req
2048. - Chicago style.Copy !req
2049. - Ouch.Copy !req
2050. - Ew, I hate that part of my job.Copy !req
2051. - What?Copy !req
2052. Aw, cripes, I should really
get that leak fixed up there.Copy !req
2053. - Well, the chibi pop's done.Copy !req
2054. - And I don't care.Copy !req
2055. - Ew.Copy !req
2056. - Yuck.Copy !req
2057. - Oh wow.Copy !req
2058. - Drop, by drop, this
blood will bring you backCopy !req
2059. to life, my Queen.Copy !req
2060. - Oh, she's packing excelsior.Copy !req
2061. - Follow me.Copy !req
2062. - Oh, Joel, it's a sandstorm.Copy !req
2063. - Sandstorm, guys.Copy !req
2064. - Sandstorm.Copy !req
2065. - Yep, sandstorm.Copy !req
2066. - Couldn't just one person
have gone and reported back?Copy !req
2067. - This is what they get
for going to KansasCopy !req
2068. during tornado season, huh?Copy !req
2069. - Right.Copy !req
2070. - And do the locomotion with me.Copy !req
2071. - But the Berenstain Bears could
find nowhere to picnic, so—Copy !req
2072. - Back with the others.Copy !req
2073. - Quick, before the
film starts again.Copy !req
2074. - Move.Copy !req
2075. - Come on, keep moving.Copy !req
2076. - Hurry, we're losing
all the top soil.Copy !req
2077. - They're goes Nebraska.Copy !req
2078. - I tell you, when Herc breaks
wind, everybody suffers.Copy !req
2079. - Oh.Copy !req
2080. - Sorry.Copy !req
2081. - We should've checked
the weather channel.Copy !req
2082. - Well, you know, this
is really killing time.Copy !req
2083. I could figure we
can do three or fourCopy !req
2084. more minutes, what do you think?Copy !req
2085. Huh?Copy !req
2086. Maybe?Copy !req
2087. - I hope so.Copy !req
2088. - I'm an axe-wielding maniac.Copy !req
2089. - (SINGING) And he's dancing
like he never danced before.Copy !req
2090. - Right, moon over parador there.Copy !req
2091. - So this is Chicago, huh?Copy !req
2092. - Uh, oh shoot.Copy !req
2093. I lost my contact.Copy !req
2094. Everybody stop where you are.Copy !req
2095. Don't step.Copy !req
2096. - Somebody's having their
blood pressure checked.Copy !req
2097. - Ew.Copy !req
2098. - Vroom.Copy !req
2099. - It's icky.Copy !req
2100. - Oh, Louise Brooks.Copy !req
2101. Manolovich.Copy !req
2102. - I think there's a
short in the fan.Copy !req
2103. - Welcome to the crypt.Copy !req
2104. I've got a bone
to pick with you.Copy !req
2105. Ha ha haCopy !req
2106. - Shut up.Copy !req
2107. - Kind of like a freaked
out View-Master.Copy !req
2108. - Yes.Copy !req
2109. - We now return to
endless summer.Copy !req
2110. - I think I'm gonna break
this for the heck of it.Copy !req
2111. There we go.Copy !req
2112. - Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
2113. - Oh, I lost my retainer.Copy !req
2114. - This is like an Outward Bound
weekend gone horribly wrong,Copy !req
2115. isn't it?Copy !req
2116. - Well, this is what they
get for trying a shortcut.Copy !req
2117. - Ah, these are the outtakes
From Here to Eternity I think.Copy !req
2118. - No, Joel.Copy !req
2119. This is just eternity.Copy !req
2120. - You're right.Copy !req
2121. - It's like True Grit.Copy !req
2122. Boy, imagine what
it would be likeCopy !req
2123. if something were happening.Copy !req
2124. It'd be—Copy !req
2125. - Look, all the hair's been
blasted off Herc's chest there.Copy !req
2126. - Mm hm.Copy !req
2127. - What do you know?Copy !req
2128. - OK, that's enough.Copy !req
2129. We've had it with the
sandstorm sequence.Copy !req
2130. - Easy, Joel, easy.Copy !req
2131. - Oh, for crying— they're up
there on the same set again.Copy !req
2132. - You know, the Mads said
this was going to be bad,Copy !req
2133. and you know what?Copy !req
2134. - Hm?Copy !req
2135. - They're right.Copy !req
2136. This sucks.Copy !req
2137. Damn you.Copy !req
2138. Come on.Copy !req
2139. Get— This is—Copy !req
2140. - Come on, buck up.Copy !req
2141. - Hey.Copy !req
2142. None of us can go
on any further.Copy !req
2143. - We'll meet you there.Copy !req
2144. We'll get a table.Copy !req
2145. We'll order you a sandwich.Copy !req
2146. - Please end this scene.Copy !req
2147. Oh please, oh please.Copy !req
2148. - It's OK.Copy !req
2149. Let it out.Copy !req
2150. Let it out.Copy !req
2151. That's good.Copy !req
2152. - We got problems, too, lady.Copy !req
2153. - Help the bombardier.Copy !req
2154. - I am the bombardier.Copy !req
2155. - Well then, help him.Copy !req
2156. - Guys, I think I'm giving
in to Deep Hurting.Copy !req
2157. - No, no, no, Joel.Copy !req
2158. No.Copy !req
2159. I got an idea.Copy !req
2160. Let's sing songs, OK?Copy !req
2161. - OK, uh huh.Copy !req
2162. - (SINGING A ROUND) Row,
row, row your boat,Copy !req
2163. gently down the stream.Copy !req
2164. Merrily, merrily,
merrily, merrily, lifeCopy !req
2165. is but a— come on, sing.Copy !req
2166. - I don't want to.Copy !req
2167. - Oh come on, sing.Copy !req
2168. - (SINGING) Life is but a dream.Copy !req
2169. - I said sing, damn it, sing.Copy !req
2170. - (SINGING AND CRYING)
Row, row, row your boat,Copy !req
2171. gently down the stream.Copy !req
2172. - Come on, you
guys, knock it off.Copy !req
2173. Come on.Copy !req
2174. We can make it if we
can resume, come on.Copy !req
2175. - OK.Copy !req
2176. I never should have
gone to the Sands Hotel.Copy !req
2177. - Good, good.Copy !req
2178. Keep it coming.Copy !req
2179. - There's gonna be rock climbing.Copy !req
2180. No.Copy !req
2181. No.Copy !req
2182. - Please, don't.Copy !req
2183. Don't.Copy !req
2184. Don't.Copy !req
2185. Herc, don't bend
over, don't bend over.Copy !req
2186. Please, don't.Copy !req
2187. - Phew.Copy !req
2188. - Thanks for turning around.Copy !req
2189. Herc you're a real gentleman.Copy !req
2190. Appreciate it.Copy !req
2191. - We're gonna make it, guys.Copy !req
2192. - Oh yeah.Copy !req
2193. Yeah.Copy !req
2194. That's the spot.Copy !req
2195. That feels good.Copy !req
2196. - This is taking kind of a
Herculean effort, isn't it?Copy !req
2197. - Boy, I shouldn't
have ever takenCopy !req
2198. that week off from the gym.Copy !req
2199. - It's getting hotter.Copy !req
2200. - Please.Copy !req
2201. - The burning, the itching.Copy !req
2202. Try Cruex.Copy !req
2203. - Ooh.Copy !req
2204. It's a Dali painting.Copy !req
2205. - I could watch that all day.Copy !req
2206. - Here comes someone
who can help you.Copy !req
2207. - Why is he wearing oven mitts?Copy !req
2208. - See you on the dull
side of the moon.Copy !req
2209. - Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.Copy !req
2210. Doo-do— doo-do.Copy !req
2211. - (SINGING) Mr. Yuck is green.Copy !req
2212. - I'd say a little more blush and
a little less brownser for her.Copy !req
2213. Kind of a fall look.Copy !req
2214. - Meanwhile two hours later.Copy !req
2215. - No!Copy !req
2216. No!Copy !req
2217. No!Copy !req
2218. No!Copy !req
2219. Not more sand.Copy !req
2220. No.Copy !req
2221. - This is like the planet
of 98 pound weaklings.Copy !req
2222. Everyone gets sand
kicked in their face.Copy !req
2223. - Mhm.Copy !req
2224. - Perhaps we'll find her
on the mountain of death.Copy !req
2225. Come on.Copy !req
2226. - Come on, even
though he's gone weCopy !req
2227. can still make this movie dull.Copy !req
2228. Come on.Copy !req
2229. He would've wanted it that way.Copy !req
2230. Who're they talking about?Copy !req
2231. - I think they should just
call the school picnic off,Copy !req
2232. don't you?Copy !req
2233. - This your brain on drugs.Copy !req
2234. Any questions?Copy !req
2235. - As a matter of fact—Copy !req
2236. - (SINGING) Let's go surfing now.Copy !req
2237. Everybody's learning how.Copy !req
2238. - Yeah, I was looking
for the ultimate waveCopy !req
2239. and I found it on Death
Mountain— Perfect wave.Copy !req
2240. - Oh, Steven mad at this movie.Copy !req
2241. - It's a gas.Copy !req
2242. - Yeah.Copy !req
2243. - (SINGING) The weather
started getting rough.Copy !req
2244. The tiny ship was—Copy !req
2245. - Least we don't have
sandstorm anymore.Copy !req
2246. - I've seen dogs do
that on the driveway.Copy !req
2247. - Ewww.Copy !req
2248. - Oh, I should have
brought my totes.Copy !req
2249. - Oh my goodness.Copy !req
2250. It's the great urinal cake.Copy !req
2251. - Nein.Copy !req
2252. - Dianetics, by L. Ron Hubbard.Copy !req
2253. - Why do I hurt inside?Copy !req
2254. Page 54.Copy !req
2255. - When will this
stupid movie end?Copy !req
2256. Page 38.Copy !req
2257. - How much money can we
get out of Tom Cruise?Copy !req
2258. Page 25.Copy !req
2259. - Neat.Copy !req
2260. - Ah, I told you you'd come
crawling back to the Herc.Copy !req
2261. - Eww.Copy !req
2262. - The world is having
a Maalox moment.Copy !req
2263. - I guess so.Copy !req
2264. - Well I gotta hand it
to those mad scientists.Copy !req
2265. This was one of worst
sequences and oneCopy !req
2266. of the worst movies
we've ever seen.Copy !req
2267. - Just set myself anywhere.Copy !req
2268. Hm.Copy !req
2269. - Oh you know, this is
like the scene in Dune.Copy !req
2270. You know when the imperial
copter comes crashing downCopy !req
2271. and Paul and
Jessica are strandedCopy !req
2272. and Jessica says Yueh, Yueh
and are not enough for YuehCopy !req
2273. and then they gotta
get the drums inCopy !req
2274. and the fact that— never mind.Copy !req
2275. - It's a woman in the dunes.Copy !req
2276. - It's a cowgirl in the sand.Copy !req
2277. - Oh, I'm gonna make a castle.Copy !req
2278. That's what I'll do.Copy !req
2279. - Hoo.Copy !req
2280. Really long, pointless
scene back there.Copy !req
2281. Whoa.Copy !req
2282. Staggering.Copy !req
2283. - Finally.Copy !req
2284. - All right.Copy !req
2285. - Get a piece of this rock.Copy !req
2286. Sorry.Copy !req
2287. - Sticks and stones.Copy !req
2288. Hahahah.Copy !req
2289. - Right in the stones.Copy !req
2290. I like that.Copy !req
2291. Hahah.Copy !req
2292. - Kinda like he's trapped in a
giant foosball table, isn't it?Copy !req
2293. - Gumby, no!Copy !req
2294. - Yeah.Copy !req
2295. Hah.Copy !req
2296. How about a martini
and Rossi on the rocks.Copy !req
2297. Yeah, I'm funny.Copy !req
2298. - (SINGING) Here we come,
walking down the street—Copy !req
2299. - Eww.Copy !req
2300. - Is that his butt?Copy !req
2301. - Hey, I'm thinking.Copy !req
2302. I'm actually thinking.Copy !req
2303. - Well.Copy !req
2304. - Hey, she's lying
in Gains-Burger.Copy !req
2305. - Stop him.Copy !req
2306. Kill him.Copy !req
2307. - In that order?Copy !req
2308. - You guys are rock stupid.Copy !req
2309. I slay me.Copy !req
2310. - Whatever you do, don't let
him pick you up over his head.Copy !req
2311. - It all looks so good.Copy !req
2312. I don't know where to start.Copy !req
2313. - Gymkata!Copy !req
2314. - Don't make me
laugh, Woodsy Owl.Copy !req
2315. Get outta here.Copy !req
2316. - My name is Hercules
and I'm a rock-a-holic.Copy !req
2317. - Hi, Herc.Copy !req
2318. - Crunchy.Copy !req
2319. - There we go.Copy !req
2320. - Help me great rootbear.Copy !req
2321. - It's like they're being
attacked by Mount St. Michel.Copy !req
2322. - Could you hold
up a minute, guys?Copy !req
2323. I'll be with you in a second.Copy !req
2324. - I'm still awake.Copy !req
2325. - Yeah, I am too.Copy !req
2326. Whatcha thinking about?Copy !req
2327. - Hey, that's obscene.Copy !req
2328. - Oh, why?Copy !req
2329. Mm.Copy !req
2330. - Ladies and
gentlemen, Stonehenge.Copy !req
2331. - This film has aged me.Copy !req
2332. - I know she feels,Copy !req
2333. - Billis!Copy !req
2334. - It sure isn't you.Copy !req
2335. - Backdraft.Copy !req
2336. - Epilogue.Copy !req
2337. - Hm.Copy !req
2338. - Springtime In Washington
DC means cherry blossoms.Copy !req
2339. - Glad that's over.Copy !req
2340. - Do you really have
to leave us, Hercules?Copy !req
2341. - Mhm.Copy !req
2342. - Yes, Prince.Copy !req
2343. I may be needed in some
other part of the world.Copy !req
2344. - You know how it is
being the Herc and all.Copy !req
2345. - Billis and I hope that Agar
can persuade you to stay.Copy !req
2346. - Can I persuade Agar
to share the risksCopy !req
2347. I will surely encounter.Copy !req
2348. - Touche.Copy !req
2349. - Oh, yes.Copy !req
2350. For the rest of my life.Copy !req
2351. - But they're not married— Oh.Copy !req
2352. - Gee, her dress is filthy.Copy !req
2353. - Yeah.Copy !req
2354. It's gonna get
uncomfortable up there.Copy !req
2355. - Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.Copy !req
2356. - Hercules be back in
Herc goes bananas.Copy !req
2357. - Oh, I hope not.Copy !req
2358. - Hm.Copy !req
2359. Hm.Copy !req
2360. Nice.Copy !req
2361. - You know, Joel, it bothers me
when they switch actors on us.Copy !req
2362. Hercules Unchained
had Steve ReevesCopy !req
2363. and now Hercules Against
The Moon Men has Alan Steel.Copy !req
2364. What happened?Copy !req
2365. - I know.Copy !req
2366. You kind of have to squint
and tilt your head a littleCopy !req
2367. to make Alan Steel
look like Steve Reeves.Copy !req
2368. - Steve's more shiny.Copy !req
2369. - Right.Copy !req
2370. That's exactly right.Copy !req
2371. - Well, actually it
happens quite often.Copy !req
2372. You know, the movie industry
is so bloated and sluggish,Copy !req
2373. it takes years for a sequel
to even a popular movieCopy !req
2374. to get made.Copy !req
2375. - Ouch.Copy !req
2376. - Yeah and what happened
was Steve Reeves didCopy !req
2377. so well in Hercules
Unchained, he probablyCopy !req
2378. came back to the studio
asking for a lot more money.Copy !req
2379. They couldn't meet his
price— enter Alan Steel.Copy !req
2380. - Yeah, we call that the
Wayne Rogers Syndrome.Copy !req
2381. - The Wayne Rogers huh?Copy !req
2382. - Yeah, exactly.Copy !req
2383. It's an old adage in Hollywood.Copy !req
2384. When you're doing a remake
of a movie for televisionCopy !req
2385. and you can't get the film actor
to do it you call Wayne Rogers.Copy !req
2386. - Oh.Copy !req
2387. You mean like when
he replaced ElliotCopy !req
2388. Gould for the TV
version of MASH.Copy !req
2389. - Exactly.Copy !req
2390. - Right.Copy !req
2391. Or when he replaced Donna
Reed in the TV version of It'sCopy !req
2392. a Wonderful Life.Copy !req
2393. - Oh, yes.Copy !req
2394. Of— Huh?Copy !req
2395. - Uh— It's complicated.Copy !req
2396. When you're older.Copy !req
2397. - Don't forget him
trying to eraseCopy !req
2398. the memory of Walter Matthau in
the TV remake of House Calls.Copy !req
2399. - Oh yeah.Copy !req
2400. - And then he grew up and
became Purnell Roberts.Copy !req
2401. - Ok.Copy !req
2402. That's it.Copy !req
2403. Gypsy, did you realize
that Walter PigeonCopy !req
2404. was the original Admiral Nelson
in the film version of VoyageCopy !req
2405. to the Bottom of the Sea—
not Richard Basehart?Copy !req
2406. - No!Copy !req
2407. No!Copy !req
2408. - Crow, you are so cruel.Copy !req
2409. - So, letters?Copy !req
2410. - Terrible, huh?Copy !req
2411. - All right, all right.Copy !req
2412. Listen, this one is from Leslie.Copy !req
2413. And it doesn't really
have a return addressCopy !req
2414. but it's a really
nice picture of Uh—Copy !req
2415. me and Crow and Tom Servo.Copy !req
2416. - Not really very good.Copy !req
2417. - Doh.
- That's it.Copy !req
2418. Come on.Copy !req
2419. You're coming with me.Copy !req
2420. Come— ah!Copy !req
2421. - Ooh.Copy !req
2422. So, I'll just read this
other letter here, OK.Copy !req
2423. Hi, Cambot, put that up
on still store would ya?Copy !req
2424. Yeah, well, sorry about this.Copy !req
2425. Didja know I can't
hold up the picture.Copy !req
2426. Can't really hold up anything.Copy !req
2427. Hah.Copy !req
2428. Arms don't work, you see.Copy !req
2429. They just kind of hang there.Copy !req
2430. Hah.Copy !req
2431. Sad really.Copy !req
2432. So, this is from Mike
Liggett of Beaverton, OregonCopy !req
2433. and it says— I have reason
to believe that you are notCopy !req
2434. really in space broadcasting,
but really broadcastingCopy !req
2435. from Minnesota or
somewhere in the US.Copy !req
2436. Hm.Copy !req
2437. And your robots are
nothing but puppets.Copy !req
2438. Huh.Copy !req
2439. Real nice.Copy !req
2440. Takes all kinds to
make a world, huh?Copy !req
2441. I'm Tom Servo reporting.Copy !req
2442. - Mommy Ow!Copy !req
2443. - Ooh.Copy !req
2444. I didn't know he
could bend that far.Copy !req
2445. What do you think, sirs?Copy !req
2446. - I don't understand it, Frank.Copy !req
2447. This movie should have
broken their will.Copy !req
2448. It should have reduced
Joel's braincase to a peapod.Copy !req
2449. Encouraged the bots to
rip their own heads offCopy !req
2450. and yet they thrive on it.Copy !req
2451. They're growing
larger— more confident.Copy !req
2452. - You know, sometimes I wish I
was one of those little guysCopy !req
2453. up there.Copy !req
2454. Quipping away,
gadding about— hm.Copy !req
2455. I wonder how you go to
the bathroom up in space.Copy !req
2456. - Frank, hand me my microphone.Copy !req
2457. Deep Hurting.Copy !req
2458. - Poopy.Copy !req
2459. - Deep Hurting.Copy !req
2460. - (SCREAMING) No.Copy !req
2461. - Ah.Copy !req