Mystery Science Theater 3000 4x6

1. HEY, HEY, HELLO, WELCOME TO THE SATELLITE OF LOVE.

2. I'M JOEL, THESE ARE MY ROBOTS

3. AND, UH, YOU KNOW, IT'S BASEBALL SEASON

4. UP HERE ON THE SATELLITE OF LOVE,

5. AND IN SPACE THAT MEANS ONE THING— MILWAUKEE.

6. I MEAN TEE-BALL.

7. COMMERCIAL SIGN IN 15 SECONDS.

8. ALL RIGHT, CROW, I WANT YOU TO GO LONG.

9. COME ON, BUDDY, WAY OUT THERE, BUDDY, WAY OUT THERE.

10. JOEL, JOEL, IS THIS GONNA HURT?

11. ARE YOU SURE IT'S NOT GONNA HURT?

12. QUIT BEING SUCH A PANTYWAIST.

13. JUST HOLD STILL AND NOTHING WILL GET HURT.

14. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, I HOPE!

15. OH, THANKS, GYPSY, YOU PATCHED UP THE HOLE, THANKS A LOT.

16. I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU KIDS NOT TO PLAY BALL IN THE HOUSE!

17. - OH, WE'RE SORRY. - SORRY, GYPSY.

18. WE'RE SORRY, WE WON'T DO IT AG—

19. THE COAST IS CLEAR.

20. CROW, GO LONG, BUDDY.

21. ALL RIGHT.

22. ALL RIGHT, BUDDY, THIS ONE'S COMING OUT TO YOU.

23. SHAG IT LONG, JOEL, SHAG IT LONG.

24. GO WAY LONG, WAY LONG— OKAY.

25. I'M OPEN, I'M OPEN!

26. OW, OW, OW!

27. I CAUGHT IT!

28. - YES, YES!

29. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, EXCELLENT!

30. ANOTHER TRIUMPH OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT!

31. UH-OH, YOU GUYS—

32. I CAUGHT IT—

33. I KNEW READING THAT GEORGE WILL BOOK WOULD PAY OFF.

34. HEY, THE MAD STEINBRENNERS ARE CALLING

35. AND YOU'RE LOSING YOUR GLOVE.

36. YES, YES, YES!

37. DR. FORRESTER, LET'S DO THE WAVE— WHOO... OH!

38. STOP PLAYING AROUND UP THERE

39. AND GET TO THE INVENTION EXCHANGE, VAN LINGLE MUNGO.

40. HEY, NICE MUG!

41. OH, OKAY, SIRS, I CAN SHOW YOU MY INVENTION EXCHANGE.

42. THIS IS MY NEW INVENTION— IT'S CALLED THE CELLULITE PHONE.

43. IT REMINDS PEOPLE THAT THEY SHOULD STOP DIALING

44. AND START DIETING.

45. AND THAT'S NOT ALL—

46. THE CELLULITE PHONE FEATURES A SPEED-DIALING SYSTEM

47. THAT PUTS YOU DIRECTLY IN TOUCH WITH RICHARD SIMMONS.

48. YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU WERE CARRYING AROUND ALL THAT WEIGHT

49. AND THE KIDS USED TO SHOW MOVIES ON YOUR SHIRT AND YOU WERE SO UNHAPPY AND—

50. USE DEAL-A-MEAL AND—

51. AND THE CELLULITE PHONE GENTLY REMINDS YOU WHAT COULD HAPPEN

52. IF YOU ORDER OUT FOR THE WRONG KIND OF FOOD.

53. UH, HELLO, DOMINO'S, YEAH, I'M HERE WITH, UH, A COUPLE OF FRIENDS, A GROUP OF FRIENDS,

54. AND WE'D LIKE TO ORDER YOUR LARGE PIZZA, YEAH,

55. AND I'D ALSO LIKE THAT WITH EXTRA BREAKFAST CEREAL AND SOME FRUIT BATS—

56. NO OLIVES.

57. —AND SOME A-1 SAUCE ON TOP OF THAT—

58. AND FOR TRAVELING, THE CELLULITE PHONE CAN BE STORED IN, UM,

59. THIS SPECIAL PINK NYLON STRETCH PANTS CARRYING CASE.

60. WHAT DO YOU THINK, SIRS?

61. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT KIND OF NONSENSE.

62. FRANK AND I HAVE STARTED OUR OWN GIZMONIC DAYCARE CENTER HERE AT DEEP 13,

63. AND FRANK'S DEVELOPED A NEW BABY FORMULA THAT'S GOING TO BE VERY LUCRATIVE FOR US.

64. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, FRANK?

65. OH, THAT'S RIGHT, I JUST FED THIS LITTLE FELLA HERE

66. SOMETHING I LIKE TO CALL "MIRACLE BABY GROWTH WONDER FORMULA."

67. IT HELPS BUILD STRONG BODIES IN 12 WAYS.

68. OH, YES, YOU LOVE ME, THAT'S RIGHT.

69. HERE, THAT'S OKAY...

70. OH, NEVER MIND.

71. LOOK, BOOBY, YOUR EXPERIMENT THIS WEEK

72. IS CALLED "TIME OF THE APES" AND IT'S REALLY IMMATURE.

73. WE ASKED ALL THE KIDS HERE AND THEY SAID IT—

74. I DID IT!

75. IT WORKED BETTER THAN I THOUGHT!

76. I'M THE DAD, I'M THE DAD!

77. TELL ME—

78. MOVIE SIGN! MOVIE SIGN!

79. OH, NO, IT'S A SANDY FRANK THING.

80. NEAT! LOOKS LIKE A "SESAME STREET" SEGMENT.

81. IT DOES, DOESN'T IT?

82. I'LL TAKE THE KAZUE TAKITA, BUT HOLD ON THE NOROBU THERE.

83. "HELP ME! HELP ME!

84. I'M TRAPPED IN THIS COPYRIGHT, I WANNA LIVE, I WANNA LIVE!"

85. OOH, MORE SEDATE.

86. ORIGINAL STORY BY SASQUATCH, ADAPTED FROM A PLAY BY KOKO AND A NOVEL BY CHUCKLES.

87. HEY, THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE ON A PLAYGROUND— THEY MUST BE "RECESS" MONKEYS.

88. - DOH! - I WILL PULL OFF THAT ARM...

89. DON'T HURT ME.

90. I LOVE THE TENDER LOVE THEME FROM "TIME OF THE APES."

91. ISAAC ASIMOV?

92. "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?"

93. HEY, WHERE'S B.J.?

94. OH...

95. I DON'T KNOW WHY I KEPT DUPLICATES OF THIS SHOT.

96. WHO TOOK THESE PHOTOS ANYWAY, DIANE ARBUS?

97. HUH?

98. I'M STARVING.

99. "FOR ATTENTION."

100. "BUTTER, MMM..."

101. —SO DON'T DISTURB THEIR WORK.

102. I WON'T, MOTHER.

103. "AND DON'T DUB WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!"

104. JOHNNY, YOU KNOW YOUR UNCLE CHARLEY HAS MADE SOME MAJOR DISCOVERIES.

105. YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF HIM.

106. "HE DISCOVERED YOU'RE JAPANESE."

107. THAT'S CAROLINE.

108. HURRY, IT'S TIME TO GO.

109. SAY... SHE'S— OH...

110. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

111. - OKAY, I'M READY. - HELLO, CAROLINE.

112. - GOOD MORNING. - HELLO, DEAR.

113. JOHNNY, YOU LOOK AFTER CAROLINE TODAY.

114. I WILL, DAD.

115. "OH! WHAT WAS IN THAT OATMEAL?"

116. A TREMOR.

117. NO...

118. JOHNNY, DON'T GO, IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.

119. I DON'T CARE.

120. COME ON, CAROLINE.

121. "OFF TO MEET MY DOOM, MOM, SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL."

122. ENJOY YOURSELVES.

123. HEY, IT'S JAME GUMB'S VAN.

124. IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN.

125. I THINK THAT'S CUTE.

126. GOOD MORNING, CHILDREN.

127. WE'RE NOT TOO LATE, ARE WE?

128. "OH, WE HIT HER."

129. - GOOD MORNING. - HELLO.

130. AT THE MOMENT WE'RE DOING SOME EXPERIMENTS ON COLD SLEEP.

131. COLD SLEEP?

132. YES, WE'RE TRYING TO PRESERVE VARIOUS CREATURES

133. FOR EXTENDED PERIODS.

134. HIYA, FRED.

135. HI, SALLY.

136. BYE.

137. AND ARE THEY STILL ALIVE?

138. OH, YES, THEY AWAKEN WHEN WE THAW THEM OUT.

139. THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

140. WHAT'S IN HERE, CATHERINE?

141. IN THIS ROOM WE HAVE SOME MONKEYS.

142. SURPRISE! THAT'S WHERE THE TITLE OF THE FILM CAME FROM.

143. ACTUALLY, HE WAS ASLEEP FOR OVER 20 YEARS UNTIL THIS MORNING.

144. "NOW HE'S GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE"

145. WE CALL THAT ONE KING KONG.

146. 'CAUSE HE'S SO SMALL, GET IT?

147. OH, IT'S FANTASTIC!

148. IT SURE IS.

149. IT'S CARDBOARD.

150. IS THIS THE CONTROL CENTER?

151. WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME.

152. IT'S ABOUT SPACE—

153. GOOD MORNING, CAROLINE.

154. LOOK AT THE MOUNTAIN.

155. WE HAD A WARNING FROM THE SEISMOLOGICAL INSTITUTE TODAY.

156. THERE'S SEEMS TO BE SOME SUBTERRANEAN SHIFTING.

157. YOU MEAN AN EARTHQUAKE.

158. IT LOOKS SERIOUS— MAYBE AN EARTHQUAKE.

159. YES, BUT NOTHING'LL HAPPEN SUDDENLY.

160. WELL, CAROLINE, IS IT INTERESTING?

161. OH, YES, ESPECIALLY THE COLD SLEEP EXPERIMENT.

162. DR. LEE, THE CHILDREN ARE VERY CONCERNED ABOUT OUR MONKEYS.

163. YES, YOU GET THE FEELING THEY'RE REALLY DEAD.

164. ARE YOU SURE THEY'LL LIVE AGAIN?

165. WHY, OF COURSE THEY WILL.

166. COME, I'LL SHOW YOU SOMETHING FASCINATING.

167. FOR A CHANGE.

168. HMM...

169. "I LOVE YOU, MARGARET."

170. "FRANK, NOT NOW!"

171. SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF WORK TO GO THROUGH TO MAKE AN EGGO FROZEN WAFFLE.

172. "PLAY 'MISTY' FOR ME."

173. RADIO SHACK PARTS.

174. KITTY!

175. IT'S SNOWBALL!

176. HOSTESS SNOWBALL—

177. HMM, SOMEBODY'S CARPET.

178. AND IT'S BEING STEAM-CLEANED.

179. RUG DOCTOR— STEAMIN' MAD AT MONKEYS.

180. YECH—

181. OH, THEY CAUTERIZED HER.

182. EWW...

183. THEY'RE USING GRECIAN FORMULA— NEAT.

184. OOH, GOOD GOD A-MONKEY!

185. "A LITTLE HORSE FOR A LITTLE MONKEY."

186. HEY, HE'LL HAVE HIMSELF ON HIS BACK.

187. "HMM, MY STOCKS ARE UP."

188. AH...

189. "AW, SHOOT, AM I TIRED, OH..."

190. "NOW TO SHAVE HIS BUTT AND PUT COSMETICS ON IT."

191. "OH, I'M NOT GOOD UNTIL I GET A CUP OF COFFEE, CAN YOU—"

192. - OH, HE'S ALIVE! - YES!

193. THERE, AS GOOD AS NEW.

194. "AND NO FREEZER BURN."

195. IS IT ALL RIGHT? THE FREEZING DIDN'T HURT IT?

196. NO, HE WAS ONLY SLEEPING.

197. IT'S WILLIAM BURROUGHS.

198. WE COULD HAVE LEFT HIM FROZEN FOR A HUNDRED YEARS—

199. OR EVEN A THOUSAND— WITHOUT CAUSING HIM ANY DAMAGE.

200. YOU SEE, WITH OUR NEW PROCESS—

201. WE CAN PRESERVE LIFE ALMOST ETERNALLY.

202. "GO AHEAD, BITE HIM."

203. WE'VE EVEN EXPERIMENTED WITH HUMAN BEINGS.

204. REALLY? HUMAN BEINGS?

205. "YES— THIS IS WALT DISNEY."

206. WE HAVE HERE A VERY WEALTHY MAN, JAMES BEDFORD.

207. IN HIS WILL, HE REQUESTED THAT HIS BODY BE FROZEN IMMEDIATELY AFTER DEATH.

208. WE GAVE HIM VARIOUS COMPOUNDS TO REVERSE THE DECAYING EFFECTS OF OLD AGE.

209. "YEAH, WE TURNED HIM INTO A HUMMEL— CHECK IT OUT."

210. —AT 196 DEGREES BELOW ZERO.

211. AND SO WE HOPE THAT WHEN HE AWAKENS,

212. HE'LL BE EVEN YOUNGER AND HEALTHIER THAN BEFORE.

213. IT SEEMS WRONG TO TAMPER WITH THE LAWS OF NATURE.

214. "HEY, I KNOW."

215. - HERE.

216. THIS ROOM IS FOR VERY SPECIAL EXPERIMENTS.

217. JOHNNY, DON'T TOUCH ANY OF THE EQUIPMENT.

218. "I DON'T CARE."

219. THIS CAPSULE IS USED FOR PEOPLE, RIGHT?

220. AND THEY'RE FROZEN IN THERE?

221. ONCE THEY'RE INSIDE, ALL THE CONTROLS ARE SET FOR OUR TEST

222. AND A COMPUTER TAKES OVER AUTOMATICALLY.

223. "IT'S GLORIOUS."

224. WE TRANSMIT OUR FINDINGS TO THE WORLD'S LEADING SCIENTISTS.

225. BUT WHEN THEY'RE FROZEN AT HUNDREDS OF DEGREES BELOW ZERO,

226. IT'S JUST LIKE THEY'RE REALLY DEAD.

227. - YES. - ONLY THEY'RE NOT.

228. "BUT THEIR SOULS ARE."

229. DON'T THEY FEEL ANYTHING?

230. WE FIRST PREPARE THEM WITH A SPECIAL INJECTION LIKE AN ANESTHETIC.

231. "WANT SOME?"

232. AND THEN IT'S LIKE THEY'RE SLEEPING.

233. SOME EVEN TELL US THAT THEY WERE DREAMING.

234. "OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS?"

235. IT'S REALLY INCREDIBLE.

236. JOHNNY, DON'T GO IN THERE.

237. "I DON'T CARE."

238. COME ON OUT.

239. WE HAVEN'T COMPLETED THOSE EXPERIMENTS.

240. I JUST WONDER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE FROZEN.

241. NOW GET OUT— OR I'LL GET VERY ANGRY.

242. "SEE?"

243. AN EARTHQUAKE!

244. - UH-OH! - WHOA!

245. OH... NELLY! OOPS.

246. JOHNNY, GET OUT! JOHNNY! JOHNNY!

247. "JOHNNY, BE GOOD... AAH...!"

248. GO, JOHNNY, GO!

249. OH, THE PEOPLE UPSTAIRS ARE DANCING AGAIN.

250. OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

251. ROCKIN' AND A— ROLLIN'.

252. GET IN HERE!

253. "IT KEEPS THE HOT SIDE HOT AND THE COLD SIDE COLD!"

254. "HOW DO IT KNOW?"

255. - WHOA... - WHOA!

256. KRAKATOA!

257. OH, NO, IT HIT THE PLOT CONTRIVANCE SWITCH!

258. "OH, WOW..."

259. ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?

260. THEY'RE GONNA END UP BEING AN IRWIN ALLEN PRODUCTION.

261. - MM-HMM. - HERE WE GO.

262. I LOVE THE SOUND OF BREAKING GLASS.

263. - ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M LONELY. - YEAH.

264. OH, BUT I HATE THESE MINNESOTA WINTERS.

265. LOOKIT— THEY'RE SHELLACKED, THEN DECOUPAGED,

266. THEN SOLD AT AN ART STORE.

267. NEAT.

268. HMM.

269. IF A TREE FALLS IN JAPAN AND NO ONE IS THERE—

270. JOHNNY'S CARSON'S MALIBU HOME.

271. - NOT ANYMORE. - SORRY, JOHNNY.

272. DID THE EARTH MOVE FOR YOU TOO?

273. NO, BUT THE MODEL DID.

274. YOU KNOW, I BET JOHNNY CARES NOW, HUH, FELLAS?

275. I FEEL THE PLOT MOVE UNDER MY FEET.

276. WHOA!

277. I WAS AT A PARTY LIKE THIS ONCE, YOU KNOW.

278. WHOA, SUDDENLY WE'RE AT THE FILLMORE!

279. OH, BOY, IT'S THE CREDITS AGAIN!

280. NO...!

281. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ADJUST YOUR TV SET.

282. WOW, SHE'S GOT FREEZE-PROOF MASCARA.

283. "WHOA, I REALLY TIED ONE ON LAST NIGHT.

284. I GOT THE SAKE GOGGLES BIG-TIME."

285. IT'S THE DALEKS!

286. EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE, EXTER—

287. WHERE ARE WE?

288. UNCLE!

289. DOES THAT MEAN GIVE UP?

290. THE EARTHQUAKE...

291. IT'S JUST A DOOR.

292. WHAT A PANTYWAIST, GEEZ.

293. HOW STRANGE.

294. UNCLE CHARLEY!

295. AH, WHAT DO YOU WANT, KID?

296. CHIP, ERNIE— WHERE THE HECK IS PRESTON STURGES?

297. IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE INSTITUTE.

298. "THE ONE THAT I WAS COMMITTED TO."

299. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY UNCLE?

300. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR PANTS?

301. HELLO?

302. HELLO!

303. WHAT NOW?

304. LET'S GO AHEAD.

305. "HEY, OPENED IT—"

306. UNCLE!

307. NOT!

308. - "DO I WORRY YOU?" - "LOVE ME!"

309. "HI, HOW ARE YA?"

310. "OH, I GOT MY HAND ON THE DOOR

311. AND IT'S STUCK AND I'M FRIGHTENED AND— HO..."

312. "HUMAN ALERT!"

313. "HUMAN!"

314. "AH!"

315. "AH!"

316. IT'S A WHOLE PLANET OF RON PERLMANS! WHOA...

317. LOOK THERE!

318. "MAKE MY DAY!"

319. AH, YOU— YOU LET US GO OR I'LL KILL YOU!

320. JOHNNY, STOP THAT!

321. "DON'T TALK TO MONKEYS, JOHNNY."

322. WHERE ARE WE?

323. YOU'RE TIED TO A TREE.

324. WHERE'S MY UNCLE CHARLEY?

325. I DON'T KNOW, JOHNNY.

326. IT'S ALL SO STRANGE.

327. CATHERINE, I'M SCARED!

328. IT'S LIKE A DE PALMA FILM.

329. DON'T BE AFRAID, WE'RE WITH YOU.

330. "WE'RE DOOMED BUT WITH YOU."

331. WHY ARE THERE ONLY APES HERE?

332. OOH, I'M GETTING DIZZY.

333. WHY AREN'T THERE ANY HUMAN BEINGS?

334. READ THE BOOK.

335. "DO YOU LIKE LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH?

336. CHINESE FOODS? MUSHING UP YOUR BANANAS?"

337. "I COULD DO WONDERS WITH THIS HAIR, YOU REALIZE."

338. CATHERINE, I'M SCARED!

339. WE HAVE TO TRY AND STAY CALM, CAROLINE, UNDERSTAND?

340. "IF THEY EAT US NOW, THEY'LL BE HUNGRY IN AN HOUR."

341. OH—

342. OH, GOOD THING HE SUDDENLY EVOLVED.

343. HEY, HERE COMES THE SCOPES MONKEY TRIAL GUY.

344. OOH— PSYCHEDELIC.

345. "OH, WHY, I OUGHTA— OH, YOU'RE NOT WORTH IT, OH—"

346. NEAT.

347. "NOW, YOU MAGNIFICENT SON OF BITCH—"

348. OH, WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO WITH US?

349. "I HOPE THEY LOWER YOUR VOICE."

350. IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE GONNA TAKE US SOMEWHERE.

351. THE COMPANY PICNIC?

352. THEY'RE GONNA KILL US!

353. NO! I DON'T WANNA BE KILLED BY A MONKEY!

354. "I WANNA DIE AT MY OWN HAND!"

355. WE MUSTN'T DO ANYTHING TO ANGER THEM.

356. "COME ON, GIRLS, WE'RE GONNA GIVE 'EM A MAKEOVER

357. THEY WON'T BELIEVE."

358. "SHE'S FIRST."

359. MYSTERY GUEST, ENTER AND SIGN IN, PLEASE.

360. MAKE HER WALK THE PLANK, YOU SALTY DOG.

361. "SLAG HEAP," RATED "R".

362. TODAY ON "INVOLUNTARY CLIFF DIVING,"

363. WE'VE GOT THREE CONTESTANTS.

364. THEY'VE ENTERED THE VALLEY OF THE FUZZ-TONE GUITAR.

365. OOH...

366. "A BOWLING BALL!"

367. THEY'RE HUMAN BONES!

368. THEY'RE GONNA KILL US!

369. NO!

370. "I DON'T CARE— MAYBE JUST A LITTLE."

371. "I LIKE YOU— I'M GONNA KILL YOU LAST."

372. "SO, WE PUT UP WITH CENTURIES OF BELLHOP COSTUMES,

373. "LITTLE T-SHIRTS THAT SAY 'ZIPPY' ON THEM,

374. "BADMINTON ON ICE, ROLLER SKATES, CIGARS IN OUR MOUTHS...

375. LANCELOT LINK ALONE SET US BACK A HUNDRED YEARS!"

376. "NOW YOU!"

377. LET'S RUN, CATHERINE!

378. WHOA!

379. "RUN FOR IT!"

380. - "SERPENTINE!" - "SERPENTINE!"

381. - "SERPENTINE! DODGE THE BULLETS!"

382. OOH!

383. OH— MEANWHILE, IN THE EMERALD FOREST...

384. WHERE'S JOHN BOORMAN?

385. DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY!

386. KILL THEM!

387. GOOD PLAN.

388. I LOVE THE JAW HARP.

389. AFTER THEM!

390. WHERE'D THEY GO?

391. THIS WAY!

392. OH, LOOK UP THERE— NED BEATTY!

393. "YOU'RE A FAT OLD HOG, HEH-HEH."

394. SORRY.

395. AH!

396. THERE'S A BRIDGE THERE!

397. NICE BRIDGEWORK.

398. LET'S TRY AND CROSS IT, COME ON!

399. BUT STAY TOGETHER.

400. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT AL GREEN SAID— I AGREE.

401. - I HEAR YA. - YEAH.

402. - "WHOA!" - "WHOA!"

403. DID YOU SEE THEM?

404. THEY DISAPPEARED!

405. COME ON, THIS WAY!

406. "LET'S HAVE OUR PICNIC OVER HERE!"

407. "PREPARE TO MEET KALI— IN HELL!"

408. YOU KNOW, IT'S GOOD TO HAVE THUMBS.

409. YEAH— HUH?

410. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?

411. I DON'T KNOW.

412. YOU SAID "BOWLING BALL" EARLIER.

413. WHAT DID THAT MEAN?

414. I DON'T KNOW, IT'S JUST—

415. THAT'S IT, JUST A LITTLE MORE TO GO.

416. "MUST... GET TO... MY UTILITY BELT."

417. - "MORNING, RON." - "HI, PHIL."

418. - "HOW'S THE WIFE?" - "GOOD, THANKS FOR ASKING."

419. "SAY, NICE BOOTS YOU'RE WEARING THERE."

420. LOOK, IF YOU CAN'T WORK OUT 30 MINUTES A DAY,

421. YOU DON'T DESERVE A HOT DATE.

422. SHEENA CROW.

423. "MY PIECE OF WOOD!

424. IT DIED SO THAT WE MIGHT LIVE."

425. - "OH, IT'S JUST SOME KIDS DOWN THERE." - "OH."

426. DID YOU SEE THEM?

427. "I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING THROUGH THIS MASK."

428. WE COULDN'T FIND THEM ANYWHERE.

429. THEY MUST HAVE CROSSED TO THE OTHER SIDE.

430. THIS WAY, THIS WAY.

431. "SO LET'S JUST HANG HERE FOR A WHILE."

432. "OOF— AREN'T YOU GLAD YOU USE DIAL?"

433. TICKLE, TICKLE.

434. "DON'T YOU WISH EVERYBODY DID?"

435. THAT WAS LUCKY.

436. NOBODY SAW US— KEEP GOING.

437. TICKLE, TICKLE.

438. THAT'S MEAN, JOEL.

439. HEY, HEY, IT'S KEN KESEY AND THE MERRY PRANKSTERS!

440. "DANG TOURISTS."

441. LET'S GO, THIS WAY!

442. OH, LIKE YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

443. AH, A HOUSE!

444. LOOK, THERE'S A HOUSE!

445. YES!

446. MUST YOU SCREAM EVERY OBSERVATION?

447. CAREFUL— WE DON'T KNOW WHO LIVES THERE.

448. "HI, I'M WILLIAM CONRAD FOR FIRST ALERT.

449. "DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.

450. "PAPER WINDOWS JUST AREN'T SAFE.

451. "UH, USE THE DOOR.

452. THANK YOU."

453. THERE'S NO ONE INSIDE.

454. "TIME FOR YOUR ORIGAMI LESSONS."

455. "HEY, LET'S FIND A REFRIGERATOR AND FREEZE OURSELVES BACK!"

456. "IT'S ROOMY— I LIKE IT."

457. DON'T MAKE ANY NOISE.

458. SHH...

459. HEY, KEITH RICHARDS AT HOME.

460. NO, DON'T—

461. OH, NAKED APES!

462. - NO, DON'T! - NO, NO!

463. IT'S A MONKEY MIME!

464. "HI."

465. HEY, YOU CAUGHT HIM RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS FACIAL.

466. IS THIS YOUR HOME?

467. YES.

468. AH! IT SPEAKS!

469. I HOPE IT'S ALL RIGHT, OUR ENTERING LIKE THIS.

470. I DON'T MIND.

471. YEAH, NOW TELL HIM ABOUT THE TORN WINDOW.

472. THIS WAY!

473. OVER HERE!

474. CATHERINE!

475. HERE! LET'S RUN!

476. JOHNNY, DON'T GO, IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.

477. I DON'T CARE.

478. "WHY DOESN'T JOHNNY CARE?"

479. A FILM BY BELL LABS.

480. JOHNNY LIKES TO SIT NEXT TO HIS GIRLFRIEND SALLY HERE ON THE BUS,

481. BUT SHE'S GOT OTHER FISH TO FRY.

482. STRIKE ONE AGAINST JOHNNY.

483. HEY, THAT BUILDING UP AHEAD IS JOHNNY'S SCHOOL, TARKUS BRAINLAB 4,

484. AND HERE IS JOHNNY'S INNER SANCTUM HELPMATE, MRS. REESE.

485. TO JOHNNY, THE HALLS OF TARKUS BRAINLAB 4 ARE FILLED WITH DARK, SHADOWY FIGURES.

486. A FEW WHISPERED WORDS, THE STING OF A NEEDLE AND THEY'RE GONE, GONE, GONE.

487. NO ONE STAYS TOO LONG IN JOHNNY'S WORLD— WOULD YOU?

488. WHAT LOOKS LIKE A NORMAL PLAYGROUND TO YOU OR I

489. TAKES ON A HIDEOUS SIMIAN APPEARANCE IN JOHNNY'S MIND.

490. IMAGES LEAP AND DANCE LIKE MELTING COLORED CARAMEL CANDIES.

491. JOHNNY'S HEROINE IS ON LOAN FROM THE BOBBY GOLDSBORO INSTITUTE—

492. FROM THE SNIDE MUSEUM.

493. HERE IN JOHNNY'S FUN LAB, HE CAN MANIPULATE OBJECTS AT WILL

494. AND NO ONE DARES TO STOP HIM.

495. JOHNNY CONCENTRATES HARD TO MAKE THE HURTING STOP.

496. HERE'S BLUE DIRECTOR 4, DR. TODD AMBROSIUS, JOHNNY'S REAL DAD.

497. UH-OH, TIME FOR A HEART-TO-HEART, JOHNNY.

498. YOU SEE, IT'S ALL BECAUSE JOHNNY DOESN'T CARE.

499. DO YOU CARE?

500. BECAUSE A MIND LIKE JOHNNY'S IS A TERRIBLE THING TO UNLEASH.

501. I'M TOM SERVO ANNOUNCING FOR BELL LABORATORIES.

502. GOOD NIGHT AND COMMERCIAL SIGN—

503. WHAT DO WE DO?

504. THEY'RE ALL AROUND THE HOUSE!

505. THERE'S A BACK DOOR THERE!

506. THANK YOU.

507. THAT WAS FUN, HUH?

508. NOW WE KNOW WHY JOHNNY DOESN'T CARE.

509. THERE'S A KNIFE! HURRY!

510. OOH, THEY SAVED THE SHOES.

511. "WHAT DID THEY WANT?"

512. TRADITION!

513. AFTER THEM, AFTER THEM!

514. NO, NO, FORGET THE BEACH CHAIR, YOU'RE IN A HURRY!

515. STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS.

516. IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE SCARED.

517. YES, YOU'RE RIGHT.

518. PICASSO?

519. THEY'RE AFRAID OF THAT SHRINE!

520. THEY'RE AFRAID OF TRIPE?

521. NO, "SHRINE," SHRINE.

522. OH.

523. LOOKS LIKE TRIPE THOUGH, DOESN'T IT?

524. COME ON, RUN, TRY AND MOVE FASTER THAN THE PLOT.

525. HEY, THE CHEESE PHONE IS RINGING.

526. YES, MR. COLBY.

527. MEMBER ON LINE 2.

528. IT'S ME— GEBAR.

529. WHAT'S THAT?

530. THEY WENT TOWARDS GREEN MOUNTAIN?

531. VERY WELL, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

532. OSCAR WILDE? HMM?

533. DON'T WORRY, SIR, THEY'LL BE CAUGHT SOON.

534. THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS SITUATION.

535. THEY MUST NEVER BE ALLOWED TO CROSS THE BORDER

536. AND ENTER GREEN MOUNTAIN!

537. SMOKING A CIGAR...

538. WE MUST CALL OUT ALL OUR TROOPS.

539. WAS THAT BONZO THE MAGICIAN?

540. I'LL GET THEM BEFORE THEY REACH THE FRONTIER.

541. "UH, GIVE ME DAVY CROCKET, KING OF THE WILD FRONTIER— THANK YOU."

542. THIS IS THE DISTRICT LEADER.

543. WE MUST HAVE REINFORCEMENTS.

544. "I RESENT HIM."

545. OH, JOHNNY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

546. "I DON'T CARE."

547. WE MUST KEEP GOING!

548. HOLD IT!

549. HO, HO, HO, HOLD THE BUS!

550. IT'S THE BANANA SPLITS SHOW!

551. FLEEGLE, DREEGLE, DROOPER AND SNORK!

552. ABOUT FACE!

553. "UH-OH, IT'S PRINCE!

554. HIS ROYAL PURPLENESS!"

555. THOSE INVADERS MUST BE CAUGHT!

556. AND THIS TIME YOU MUSTN'T LET THEM GET AWAY OR I'LL HAVE YOU ALL SHOT!

557. IT IS PRINCE.

558. WE UNDERSTAND, SIR, BUT NO ONE WANTS TO GO INTO GREEN MOUNTAIN.

559. YOU COWARDS!

560. THOSE INVADERS MUST NEVER BE ALLOWED TO CROSS THE BORDER

561. INTO GREEN MOUNTAIN— GET GOING!

562. YES, SIR! FORWARD!

563. AND GET THEM!

564. "A BIRTHDAY PRESENT— I LIKE THEM."

565. RUN THROUGH THE JUNGLE.

566. BARBED-WIRE FENCES!

567. "I DON'T CARE."

568. GREEN MOUNTAIN.

569. WHOA, HIGH-GRADE WEED!

570. - COOL! SINSE! - OOH!

571. WE CAN'T STAY HERE LIKE THIS.

572. I WONDER WHY THE FENCE IS HERE.

573. THERE MUST BE A WAY AROUND.

574. TO MAKE GOOD NEIGHBORS.

575. "OKAY, SIZE, PLACE, GET A BUDDY! PAIR OFF."

576. "LET'S DIG TO CHINA."

577. THEY'RE GETTING CLOSE!

578. "I FOUND A TRUFFLE!"

579. GO ON, HURRY THROUGH!

580. GO ON AND KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN—

581. "IN SHAME."

582. THEY WENT THATAWAY.

583. JOHNNY, WATCH OUT!

584. "I DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE!"

585. BET YOU CARE NOW, DON'T YA?

586. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, JOHNNY?

587. YOU'RE NOT HURT?

588. IT'S SOME KIND OF A TRAP.

589. IT'S DESIGNED TO KILL ANYONE WHO ENTERS HERE.

590. NO...

591. OH, OH, THE TREE'S HAVING A SEIZURE!

592. AH-CHOO!

593. COME ON!

594. "RAGWEED— AAH...!"

595. OOP, SAW THAT COMING.

596. "OOH, FRESH COCONUTS, AAH...!"

597. OH, THEY GOT A LOVELY BUNCH.

598. "I'M ALLERGIC TO IT."

599. OH, CATHERINE...!

600. YOU MUSTN'T CRY.

601. WITH THIS KNIFE, I'M NOT SCARED OF ANYONE.

602. WELL, YOU'RE DUMBER THAN THOSE ROCKS, KID.

603. HURRY, HURRY!

604. DON'T LEAVE ME!

605. HELP ME, HELP ME, CATHERINE!

606. OH, NOW THAT'S FUN.

607. CAROLINE!

608. HELP, HELP!

609. IN THE BAG.

610. STAY CALM, CAROLINE.

611. I'LL CLIMB UP AND GET YOU!

612. LET'S PRETEND SHE'S A PIÑATA.

613. OLÉ!

614. YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT!

615. OR NOT.

616. A LITTLE MORE!

617. HUH?

618. STEVEN SEAGAL IN "SHOOT THE MONKEY."

619. OH...

620. CATHERINE!

621. "WHAT? WHAT?"

622. IT'S MIKE NESMITH!

623. HE WAS A MONKEE, TRUE.

624. THAT'S ME ON THE BASS THERE.

625. "NICE... GUN."

626. YOU'RE HUMAN, AREN'T YOU?

627. SHE'S VERY DISCRIMINATING.

628. YOU ARE— A HUMAN?

629. ARE YOU A HUMAN?

630. YES, I AM— WE ALL ARE.

631. "AND WE'RE LITTLE KIDS!"

632. HEY, JUST LIKE ED AMES ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW."

633. CATHERINE!

634. WE MET A NICE GUY AT LAST.

635. THE APES AREN'T THE ONLY ONES HERE, RIGHT, CATHERINE?

636. "DAMN, WE GOT US A FAMILY!"

637. —AFRAID TO FOLLOW US HERE.

638. I GOT IT— THE APES DIDN'T SET THE TRAPS.

639. HE DID IT— DIDN'T YOU?

640. "MAYBE."

641. HOW DID YOU GET TO THIS COUNTRY?

642. "OUR MOM DROPPED US OFF."

643. WELL, UH, YOU SEE—

644. OH, I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO ASK YOU.

645. WE CAME HERE IN A VERY STRANGE WAY.

646. "BY REFRIGERATOR."

647. WHERE ARE WE? WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

648. "LOVE ME!"

649. YOU'RE ON GREEN MOUNTAIN.

650. THIS IS GREEN MOUNTAIN?

651. "ARE YOU A HATFIELD OR A McCOY?"

652. HAVE YOU FOUND THEM?

653. NOT A TRACE.

654. THIS WAY— THEY MUST BE NEAR.

655. "LET'S CRAP IN OUR HANDS AND THROW IT AT PEOPLE.

656. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW YOU EVOLVE, IT'S STILL DAMN FUNNY."

657. LOOK!

658. "THERE'S SOME NOW."

659. HEADQUARTERS, HEADQUARTERS.

660. THIS IS POLICE CHIEF GEBAR— WHAT IS IT?

661. - "I CAN'T MOVE MY LIPS!" - THE BARBED WIRE HAS BEEN CUT!

662. THEY MUST HAVE CROSSED THE BORDER!

663. - IDIOTS! - "WHO HIRED THEM?"

664. HOW DID THEY GET AWAY FROM YOU?

665. THIS MEANS THEY'LL JOIN FORCES WITH GODO!

666. GO-GO?

667. YOU MUST FIND THEM!

668. GORDO?

669. "WELL, IT'S NOT MUCH, BUT IT'S CLOSE TO THE BUS LINES

670. AND I KINDA LIVE HERE DURING THE OFF YEARS."

671. "YOU CAN MAKE FIRE?"

672. OH...

673. IS THIS WHERE YOU LIVE?

674. "NO, IT'S MY SUMMER HOME— WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

675. I WAS BORN HERE.

676. GEEZ.

677. OH— DO YOU, DO YOU LIVE HERE WITH YOUR PARENTS?

678. "NO, THEY'RE DEAD— DEAD, DEAD!"

679. NO— THEY DIED A LONG TIME AGO.

680. OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

681. YOU LIVED HERE ALL ALONE?

682. THEN YOU HAD NO ONE TO LOOK AFTER YOU WHEN YOU WERE SICK.

683. "OH, RUB IT IN, KID."

684. THEN WHY DON'T YOU JOIN US?

685. LEAVE THE MOUNTAIN WITH US.

686. - "JOIN US..." - NO, IT'S MUCH SAFER HERE.

687. "JOIN US..."

688. AND THIS IS MY HOME.

689. COME WITH US.

690. LOOK, WATER!

691. JOHNNY!

692. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

693. THAT JOHNNY IS A WALKING FAUX PAS.

694. "GULP, GULP— BURP."

695. MMM, TASTES GOOD— HERE.

696. MY NAME IS JOHNNY.

697. "YEAH, LIKE I CARE— WHO'S YOUR SISTER?"

698. THIS IS CATHERINE, SHE WORKS WITH MY UNCLE.

699. "AS A GEISHA."

700. AND THIS IS MY SISTER CAROLINE.

701. "SHE'LL DRINK ANYTHING."

702. MY NAME IS GODO.

703. GODO? A FUNNY NAME.

704. "YEAH? WELL, BITE ME, KID."

705. ALL THE APES SEEM TO BE AFRAID OF YOU.

706. GODO, I WAS JUST THINKING.

707. IF YOU SAY THAT YOU WERE BORN HERE,

708. THEN THIS COUNTRY IS NOT INHABITED ONLY BY APES.

709. "WELL, THERE'S ME TOO."

710. AND THERE MUST BE OTHER HUMANS HERE NEAR THE MOUNTAIN,

711. DON'T YOU THINK SO?

712. UM, I DON'T KNOW.

713. DON'T YOU REMEMBER ANY OTHER PEOPLE LIVING HERE?

714. "SHOULD I SHAVE MY MUSTACHE?"

715. SOME BOOMBAS.

716. BOOMBOX?

717. WHAT DID YOU SAY?

718. I DON'T REMEMBER.

719. OH, NO SHORT-TERM MEMORY, HUH?

720. I THINK WE OUGHT TO TAKE CARE OF CAROLINE'S WOUND.

721. "SHE DOESN'T HAVE ONE"

722. "WELL, LET'S GIVE HER ONE."

723. THOSE CLOTHES ARE VERY TORN.

724. "THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO COME OFF."

725. WE HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING FOR YOU.

726. I'LL LOOK AROUND.

727. FASTER, FASTER, GO ON!

728. GO ON OR I'LL KILL YOU!

729. OH, THERE GOES SHERIFF LOBO!

730. RIGHT ON HIS HEAD.

731. FORWARD! I SAID FORWARD! YOU COWARDS!

732. "UH, COULD YOU TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE SIDES,

733. LIKE WHAT HE'S GOT, YEAH."

734. "MORE, MORE— THANK YOU, SIR."

735. THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO DISOBEY ME!

736. IS THERE ANYONE ELSE WHO REFUSES TO FOLLOW MY ORDERS?

737. "YOO-HOO DOWN HERE— I NEED SOME DISCIPLINE— YOO-HOO!

738. NUTS, HE DIDN'T HEAR ME."

739. FASTER, FASTER!

740. HEY, STEVE TYLER FROM AEROSMITH.

741. LOOK, THERE HE IS.

742. COME ON!

743. "BRING ALONG THOSE FURNACE DOORS BACK THERE."

744. "MAN, IT'S STARTING TO SMELL LIKE A ZOO AROUND HERE!"

745. WHY ARE YOU STOPPING?

746. KEEP GOING, KEEP GOING!

747. UH, YES, SIR.

748. "S-SORRY, SARGE."

749. YOU, THAT WAY!

750. THE OTHERS FOLLOW ME!

751. "I WANT A TASTE OF THAT WHIP."

752. OH, THE MIME IS BACK.

753. OH, GREAT, IT'S A PLANET OF OWLS.

754. AND THEY ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEM.

755. - MM-MM. - GET IT?

756. I HEARD ONE CALL MY NAME.

757. EDDIE MUNSTER!

758. YEAH!

759. "THE INVADERS," IN COLOR.

760. HMM? WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?

761. "CORN DODGERS! I LOVE 'EM!"

762. "WHAT A PIG!"

763. IT'S DELICIOUS, ISN'T IT?

764. "YUP!"

765. STRANGE FOOD.

766. YOU LIKE IT?

767. OH, HE SHAVED THE BACK OF HIS HANDS TOO.

768. DO I LOOK MORE CIVILIZED NOW?

769. "NO."

770. WHAT'S THIS— IT'S A FUNNY-LOOKING VEGETABLE.

771. YES.

772. IT TASTES GOOD, HMM?

773. IT TASTES LIKE MASHED POTATOES.

774. WHAT IS IT, PEPE?

775. GODO, THE APE TROOPS ARE COMING HERE!

776. THEY'VE SET FIRE TO THE MOUNTAIN!

777. WHAT?

778. "OH, THAT'S GREAT, BUT— WHO ARE YOU?"

779. DON'T MOVE FROM HERE!

780. PEPE, WHAT IS GODO LIKE?

781. HE'S STRONG AND VERY CLEVER.

782. "AND A SNAPPY DRESSER."

783. HOW DID YOU MAKE FRIENDS WITH GODO?

784. A LONG TIME AGO, I CAME TO THIS MOUNTAIN JUST TO PLAY.

785. THEN MY MOTHER CAME LOOKING FOR ME BUT SHE WAS CAUGHT IN A TRAP.

786. "AN OOEY-GOOEY SNAPPY TRAP."

787. AND THEN GODO CAME AND RESCUED YOU, RIGHT?

788. YES, THAT'S WHY I LOVE GODO.

789. "I LOVE HIM TOO, MY LITTLE FRIEND."

790. START ANOTHER FIRE THERE, HURRY, HURRY!

791. THERE'S GODO!

792. KILL HIM, KILL HIM!

793. GO, GO, GODO, WATCH HIM GO, GO, GO.

794. GODO, GODO, WATCH HIM GO, GO, GO.

795. NO, NO, GODO WILL KILL US— NO, NO!

796. KILL HIM! KILL HIM!

797. HEY, YOU COULD KILL HIM BY SHOOTING HIM.

798. "USE THE GUNS!"

799. KILL GODO! SHOOT HIM, SHOOT HIM!

800. FIRE!

801. IT'S REALLY HARD TO DRAW A BEAD THROUGH THOSE MASKS, YOU KNOW.

802. THIS MUSIC SOUNDS LIKE IT'S FROM "SKETCHES OF SPAIN."

803. OR "SKETCHES OF SPAM!"

804. "OOH, THAT'S GOOD WEED— MM-HMM... OH-HO!"

805. THE SMOKE'S TOO THICK, WE CAN'T STAY HERE!

806. LET'S GO— HURRY, HURRY!

807. "OUT HERE WHERE THE PLOT IS THINNER!"

808. NICOLAS CAGE IN "WILD AT HEART."

809. GODO!

810. GODO, HELP!

811. GO TO HELL?

812. HEY, HE FEEDS YOU, HE TAKES YOU INTO HIS HOME

813. AND THAT'S THE THANKS—

814. NO, "GODO, HELP."

815. —NEEDS YOUR HELP, AND CATHERINE'S HURT TOO!

816. CATHERINE, HOLD ON!

817. OH, GODO, PEPE IS— PEPE, DON'T MOVE!

818. PEPE, DON'T BE A HERO!

819. NO, DON'T COME HERE— RUN, RUN— AAH!

820. PEPE! GODO!

821. - GODO! - PEPE!

822. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

823. - PEPE! - GODO!

824. HE'S A CRISPY CRITTER, KID.

825. MM-HMM... IMAGINE WHAT THAT FUR SMELLS LIKE BURNING?

826. WHOO-HOO...

827. "WOW, THERE WAS A BEAR WITH RANGER HAT ON

828. AND HE KEPT SCREAMING, 'ONLY YOU—'"

829. PEPE!

830. GIVE ME YOUR HAND!

831. I'VE GOT IT!

832. OOH, THAT'S NOT MY HAND!

833. HEY, JOEL, HE'S GOT A MONKEY ON HIS BACK.

834. I HEAR YA, I HEAR YA...

835. PEPE...

836. HUH?

837. OOPS.

838. THEY WORSHIP A GOOFY OWL?

839. HALT!

840. PRESENT— ARMS!

841. "CRAP IN— HAND!"

842. READY...

843. GODO, ARE YOU READY TO DIE?

844. "UH, FRANKLY, NO."

845. "'TIS A FAR, FAR BETTER THING I DO THAN I HAVE EVER DONE."

846. AIM!

847. UH-OH, IT'S THE PRODUCER...

848. OH, I HOPE HE DOESN'T SEE THIS.

849. ATTENTION!

850. SOUNDS LIKE PRES' AND HIS HORN SECTION THERE.

851. YOUR EXCELLENCY.

852. "COLONEL SANDERS, WHAT HAPPENED?"

853. "WELL, THERE WAS A GREASE FIRE, YOU KNOW.

854. I HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE WITH THE FRIES THERE."

855. AND LOOK, HERE'S PETER NOONE!

856. YOUR EXCELLENCY!

857. POLICE CHIEF GEBAR'S ACTING ON HIS OWN INITIATIVE.

858. I TRIED TO STOP HIM, I TRIED TO STOP HIM...

859. "BUT HE WAS ALL OVER ME LIKE UGLY ON AN APE!"

860. RELEASE THEM!

861. YES, YOUR EXCELLENCY!

862. HEY, WHO'S THAT VECTOR ON THE STAKE—

863. JOHN OF ARC?

864. YOUR EXCELLENCY, YOUR EXCELLENCY,

865. I REQUEST PERMISSION TO KILL GODO!

866. HE MUSTN'T BE ALLOWED TO GO FREE!

867. HE IS OUR ENEMY!

868. "SO, THAT'S NO, THEN, HUH?"

869. OOH...

870. "MONKEYS... I HATE 'EM... UH."

871. GODO!

872. JOHNNY!

873. "I'VE MISSED YOU SO!"

874. GODO!

875. GODO, DON'T DIE!

876. "OKAY."

877. "YOU NEED TO WASH YOUR HANDS."

878. IT'S GAMERA!

879. OH, NO, NO, NO, NO...

880. NOT REALLY.

881. IT'S A KITCHEN LAMP.

882. JOHNNY!

883. PLEASE, HE'S JUST A LITTLE BOY!

884. "I KNOW."

885. OH, PLEASE, DON'T HURT HIM!

886. SILENCE!

887. "OF THE LAMBS."

888. TAKE HIM AWAY!

889. NO...

890. OSCAR WILDE?

891. TO HEADQUARTERS!

892. YOUR EXCELLENCY, YOUR EXCELLENCY, YOU CAN'T DO THIS!

893. I HAVE FOUGHT AGAINST GODO AT THE RISK OF MY LIFE!

894. NOW THAT WE HAVE HIM, HE MUST BE PUNISHED!

895. I REQUEST YOUR PERMISSION TO KILL HIM!

896. "ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU'RE RIGHT OF COURSE.

897. CAN I HAVE A NEW DESK?"

898. YOUR EXCELLENCY!

899. SILENCE!

900. "OF THE LAMBS!"

901. IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN...

902. MEANWHILE, ON "C.H.I.M.P.S."--

903. HEY, IT'S A SHRINER.

904. "HEY, YOU KIDS BEHAVE OR I'LL TURN THIS PLOT AROUND."

905. "HEY, HE'S NOT HALF-BAD."

906. YOUR EXCELLENCY, PLEASE LET THE CHILDREN GO—

907. JUST THE CHILDREN.

908. DO NOT BE AFRAID.

909. I WILL NOT HARM YOU.

910. I DO NOT HURT INNOCENT PEOPLE.

911. "I HAVE ASSISTANTS FOR THAT."

912. BUT IF YOU CAUSE TROUBLE, I WILL KILL YOU.

913. HAVE YOU UNDERSTOOD THAT?

914. "YOU WILL KILL ME!"

915. YES, YOUR EXCELLENCY.

916. "THIS BITES."

917. CATHERINE!

918. BETHLEHEM... SORT OF.

919. THE KING OF THE APES RIDES IN STYLE IN THE NEW BUICK SKYLARK.

920. HE'S GOT A MONKEY BAR ON IT TOO.

921. UH-OH, DON'T LET THOSE RAMP APES HANDLE YOUR LUGGAGE, GUYS.

922. ATTENTION!

923. "FLING... CRAP!"

924. OH, THEY'RE GONNA GIVE HIM A 21-TURD SALUTE.

925. YOU KNOW, THEY MAY HAVE EVOLVED BUT THEY STILL HAVE A LOUSY PAINT JOB— LOOK AT THAT.

926. LOOK AT THAT CAR.

927. GET OUT!

928. IT'S A MASONIC TEMPLE.

929. YEAH, WE GOT A SPECIAL HANDSHAKE.

930. OH, WE BETTER GO.

931. SURE WISH WE COULD GO WITH YOU, GODO.

932. HELLO, THIS IS OUR DRAMATICIZED PAGEANT

933. OF THE SCOPES MONKEY TRIAL PIVOTAL INTERPRETATION OF LAW

934. WHICH HAS A VERY THIN CONNECTION TO TODAY'S FILM.

935. I'M YOUR HOST, F. LEE BAILEY.

936. SCENE ONE, 1925, DAYTON, TENNESSEE.

937. JOHN SCOPES TAUGHT THE THEORY OF EVOLUTION IN SCHOOL.

938. THIS WAS AGAINST STATE LAW.

939. MAN EVOLVED FROM APE.

940. ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.

941. COME WITH ME, TELL IT TO THE JUDGE.

942. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

943. SCENE TWO, A SWELTERING COURTROOM SOMEWHERE IN TENNESSEE.

944. DID MAN EVOLVE FROM APE OR DID MAN COME FROM THE BIBLE?

945. THIS IS THE PLAINTIFF, WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN, PLAYED BY OUR OWN TOMMY SERVO.

946. NOTICE HIS RESEMBLANCE TO FREDRIC MARCH.

947. THANK YOU.

948. YOUR HONOR—

949. UM, HE'S NOT HERE YET.

950. REPRESENTING THE DEFENSE, CLARENCE DARROW,

951. FICTIONALLY PLAYED BY SPENCER TRACY,

952. RECREATED HERE BY CROW T. ROBOT.

953. UH, I OBJECT.

954. NOT YET.

955. UM, PLAYING THE PART OF HONORABLE JUDGE HARRY MORGAN

956. WILL BE THIS CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF JUDGE WAPNER WE GOT IN THE MAIL,

957. WITH THE VOICE OF ME, F. LEE BAILEY.

958. OKAY, GO.

959. NOW, WHAT'S ALL THIS HORSE HOCKEY ABOUT MAN EVOLVING FROM MONKEYS?

960. WELL, THEY DID.

961. UH, THE DEFENSE RESTS.

962. - THAT'S IT? - YEAH.

963. WELL, THAT WAS A VERY ELEGANT, ELOQUENT,

964. ALMOST OSCAR-WINNING PERFORMANCE, MR. DARROW.

965. YOUR HONOR AND ESTEEMED COLLEAGUES OF THE BAR—

966. - BORING, BORING. - SHUT UP, CROW!

967. JOEL, TELL HIM TO STOP!

968. PERHAPS YOU OUGHT TO CUT TO THE CHASE, COLONEL.

969. HEY, I WANNA BE A COLONEL TOO— THAT SOUNDS NEAT.

970. COME ON, YOU GUYS, YOU'RE GETTING MIRED IN THE BORING SUBPLOT.

971. JOEL, JOEL, WHERE'S THE DEFENDANT?

972. UH, SHE'S STILL CHANGING.

973. OH, FOR CRYING OUT— OH, THERE SHE IS.

974. MAN EVOLVED FROM APE.

975. YEAH, BUT WHICH MAN?

976. YEAH, WHAT ABOUT WOMEN?

977. AND WHAT ABOUT SCARECROW'S BRAIN?

978. UH, LET'S SNAP THIS UP, PEOPLE, WE'RE STARTING TO LOSE 'EM.

979. I FIND THE PLAINTIFF, MR. SCOPES, YOU'RE GUILTY.

980. THE FINE IS A THOUSAND— A HUNDRED DOLLARS.

981. HAVE THIS STAMPED BY THE BURSAR.

982. SHYSTER!

983. HEY...

984. AND SO THE TRIAL ENDS IN CONFUSION— NEAT, HUH?

985. OH, AND WILLIAMS JAMES BRYANT SUCCUMBED TO THE MORTAL STRAIN AND DIED FIVE DAYS LATER.

986. ARGH... OH... OH!

987. CLARENCE DARROW WENT ON TO GREATER THINGS

988. LIKE HIS ROLE IN "PAT AND MIKE"

989. AND THE STUNNING "IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD," THEN DIED.

990. ARGH— OOP.

991. IF YOU WANT TO READ MORE ABOUT IT,

992. ASK YOUR LIBRARIAN FOR THE FOLLOWING BOOKS.

993. "PICTURE BOOK OF TENNESSEE,"

994. "WELCOME TO THE MONKEY HOUSE" BY KURT VONNEGUT, JR.,

995. THE COMIC BOOK VERSION OF "PLANET OF THE APES,"

996. AND "CURIOUS GEORGE RIDES A BICYCLE."

997. WE HAVE MOVIE SIGN.

998. MOVIE SIGN!

999. OH...!

1000. LET GO!

1001. FLY, JUDGEY, FLY!

1002. WHEE— THERE HE GOES.

1003. DOWN IN FRONT!

1004. OOH!

1005. NO ONE CAN ESCAPE FROM THIS CELL.

1006. "FROM NOW ON, YOUR NAME IS ZIPPY."

1007. A LITTLE THUMB-IN-CHEEK HUMOR THERE— VERY LITTLE.

1008. "OOH, TOO MANY WHITE CASTLES LAST NIGHT— ."

1009. AAH! A BUG ZAPPER!

1010. I CHECKED IN BUT I CAN'T CHECK OUT!

1011. NOW GET IN THERE AND TEST THAT LUGGAGE— HA!

1012. WHAT IS THIS, "PLANET OF THE FOPS"?

1013. NOW, REMEMBER— IF YOU ARE GOOD, NO HARM WILL COME TO YOU.

1014. UNDERSTAND?

1015. YES.

1016. "MMM... MONKEY EATS."

1017. "MMM— REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER— OW!"

1018. WE DO NOT EAT LIKE BARBARIANS.

1019. YOU MUST SHOW RESPECT FOR THE CUSTOMS OF OUR COUNTRY.

1020. "REGURGITATE, THEN EAT."

1021. FIRST YOU THANK THE GODS BEFORE YOU SIT.

1022. THEN YOU RAISE YOUR FOOD AND EAT WITH DIGNITY, UNDERSTAND?

1023. "THEN YOU DO THE HOKEY-POKEY AND TURN YOURSELF AROUND.

1024. "THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

1025. I'M OUTTA HERE."

1026. OH, THANK YOU, HANUMAN, CAN WE EAT NOW?

1027. "LET ME SEE IF I'VE GOT THIS RIGHT.

1028. YOU PUT YOUR RIGHT SHOE IN AND YOUR LEFT SHOE OFF AND— AW..."

1029. OH, NO.

1030. THAT NEVER WORKS.

1031. HEY, HE'S MAKING LINOLEUM ANGELS.

1032. "TRICK OR TREAT FOR UNICEF."

1033. THIS IS WHEN BEING A MONKEY REALLY COMES IN HANDY.

1034. ARE THOSE MONKEY BOYS JEANS YOU'RE WEARING?

1035. NO, HE SAT ON A CANDY BAR.

1036. OH, GRATE.

1037. YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY HOW FILM DIRECTORS

1038. ALWAYS MAKE AIR VENTS BIG ENOUGH TO CRAWL THROUGH.

1039. YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S AFRAID OF?

1040. HE'S AFRAID HE'S GONNA RUN INTO DAVID HEDISON GOING THE OTHER WAY.

1041. JOHNNY, IT'S ME!

1042. OH, PEPE!

1043. "GIVE A HOOT, DON'T POLLUTE."

1044. JOHNNY—

1045. "OH... OH, YEAH, YOU GOTTA LAY OFF THE PANCAKES, KID."

1046. OOH, HOT PANTS!

1047. IS THERE A SCREWDRIVER?

1048. NO, HOW ABOUT A BLOODY MARY?

1049. HERE'S ONE.

1050. OH, I GOT IT, PEPE.

1051. I ALWAYS CARRY ONE.

1052. OH, GREAT— WELCOME TO "PLOT CONVENIENCE PLAYHOUSE."

1053. NOW, IT'S RIGHTY-TIGHTY, LEFTY-LOOSEY.

1054. AW, LUCY, I NEED A SCREWDRIVER, AAH...

1055. OKAY, I CAN GET THROUGH.

1056. BE CAREFUL NO ONE SEES YOU.

1057. I'LL FIND GODO AND WE'LL COME BACK FOR YOU.

1058. "OH, JOHNNY, DO YOU NEED TO BE CHANGED? WHEW..."

1059. I CAN GET THROUGH TOO.

1060. EVERYONE CAN GET THROUGH EXCEPT FOR BULKY CATHERINE.

1061. YOU'D BETTER STAY

1062. AND YOU JUST PRETEND I'M STILL INSIDE THE CELL.

1063. IT'S MUCH SAFER.

1064. "AND IT'S FUN TOO!"

1065. "BYE-BYE, KEEP IN TOUCH!

1066. SCREAM IF YOU GET KILLED."

1067. TONIGHT ON "CRIME DOG"...

1068. DON'T STRAIN YOURSELF.

1069. THAT'S GREAT.

1070. GODO!

1071. "AM I ON A WALL? OH."

1072. GODO!

1073. NO, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

1074. "NOT UNLESS I TURN MYSELF INTO A BOILED POTATO."

1075. VEG-O-MATIC ACTION.

1076. OH...

1077. FAR-OUT TRAILS, MAN... OOH...

1078. HE LOOKS LIKE TEDDY RUXPIN UP CLOSE.

1079. "SIMIAN NIGHT FEVER."

1080. OH, STUPID KID, DON'T DO THAT!

1081. "SO, YOU'VE BEEN TO COST CUTTERS AGAIN."

1082. GODO! AT LAST I HAVE LIVED TO SEE THE DAY WHEN I WILL KILL YOU.

1083. WELL, IT'S NICE TO HAVE GOALS.

1084. IT'S TAKEN A LONG TIME.

1085. FOR YEARS I HAVE THOUGHT OF THE PLEASURE IT WOULD GIVE ME.

1086. "TO MOVE MY JAW."

1087. THIS TIME YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE ME!

1088. "THAT TRICK NEVER WORKS."

1089. VERY WELL, DO JUST AS YOU LIKE.

1090. I WANT TO ASK YOU ONE QUESTION.

1091. "IS IT OKAY TO PET ON THE FIRST DATE?"

1092. WHAT'LL YOU DO WITH THOSE THREE?

1093. I DON'T KNOW YET.

1094. TAR? YOU'RE SOAKING IN IT.

1095. LOOK AT THOSE HANDS.

1096. KILL ME, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

1097. JUST LET THOSE THREE HUMANS ALONE.

1098. "YOU CAN KILL ME, BUT IT'S OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

1099. "YOU KNOW, YOU STILL HAVE SAUSAGE LINKS FOR FINGERS, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO."

1100. LOOK, HE'S POINTING A DUCK CALL AT HIM.

1101. I'M ASKING YOU, LET THEM GO— THEY ARE INNOCENT!

1102. SILENCE!

1103. WHA... WHA... WHA...

1104. SUDDENLY THE FILM EDITOR GOES FOR AN OSCAR.

1105. TRY PUNCHING HIM.

1106. NO, HARDER.

1107. OH, IT'S A GOOD THING HE GOT THAT BOY OFF HIS BACK.

1108. "BEDTIME FOR BONZO! COME ON, KIDS."

1109. "UH, I NEED TO GET A DRINK OF WATER, OKAY, SO JUST WAIT THERE."

1110. WHERE ARE THEY, CAROLINE AND CATHERINE?

1111. THIS WAY.

1112. "HEY, WHO PLAYED THAT CYMBAL?"

1113. SOMEONE'S THERE!

1114. "CAN JOHNNY COME OUT AND PLAY?"

1115. OH... IT'S JUST A KID.

1116. WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

1117. "ARE YOU KNOWN FOR YOUR WORK IN THE THEATER?"

1118. GODO'S ESCAPED! KILL HIM!

1119. IT SOUNDS LIKE THE ALARM'S UNDERWATER.

1120. HEY, APES, I THINK YOUR SPEAKER'S BLOWN— IT'S THE WOOFER.

1121. OH, I GET IT— THEY'RE GONNA GO CATCH THE "F" TRAIN.

1122. GOIN' UPTOWN.

1123. "WE'RE GONNA HIDE IN THIS JIFFY LUBE STAND."

1124. GODO HAS ESCAPED! AFTER HIM! KILL HIM!

1125. "OW, OW, OW, MY FINGERS! OW, OOH, MY FINGERS, OOH!"

1126. YOU FOOLS!

1127. I TOLD YOU TO BEHAVE YOURSELVES—

1128. DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT?

1129. YES— I'M VERY SORRY.

1130. YOU WILL REGRET YOUR BEHAVIOR.

1131. "THERE WILL BE MORE ZOOMS LIKE THIS!"

1132. - MAJOR! - YOUR EXCELLENCY!

1133. FIND THAT BOY!

1134. I WANT GODO AND THE BOY ALIVE!

1135. IF THESE THREE PRISONERS ARE KILLED,

1136. THEN THEY WILL BE WORTHLESS TO US!

1137. YES, YOUR EXCELLENCY!

1138. - FOLLOW ME! - YES, SIR!

1139. "I'M THE BOSS— PRETTY MUCH."

1140. YOU MEAN GODO HAS RUN AWAY TOO?

1141. WE WILL FIND HIM AGAIN.

1142. YOUR EXCELLENCY, I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY OWN LIFE,

1143. ONLY THE CHILDREN.

1144. THEY HAVE DONE NOTHING, THEY ARE INNOCENT.

1145. LET THEM GO.

1146. IF YOU HAD NOT DISOBEYED

1147. AND FOLLOWED MY INSTRUCTIONS, THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT.

1148. "NOT BETTER, JUST DIFFERENT."

1149. WE'LL WAIT TILL NIGHTFALL.

1150. THEY MIGHT FIND US BEFORE THEN.

1151. OH, NO, WE'VE MADE IT THIS FAR.

1152. I'M STARTING TO GET HUNGRY.

1153. - COVER ALL THE EXITS! - YES, SIR!

1154. "UH, YOUR OIL'S DONE."

1155. - OH. - OH.

1156. THEY MUST BE HERE SOMEWHERE!

1157. JOHNNY— WE'LL GET IN THE TRUCK.

1158. YEAH...

1159. "I CAN SEE FROM HERE THEY NEED A NEW OIL FILTER THOUGH."

1160. "LOOK, FAMOUS POTATOES."

1161. OKAY.

1162. EASY.

1163. "HARDER..."

1164. GET IN.

1165. "I SMELL A RAT— OH, IT'S YOU, PEPE."

1166. "HI, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK— ENJOY THE FILM."

1167. "SMELLS LIKE A MAN AND A LITTLE BOY IN HERE— WHO BATHED?"

1168. - "NOT ME." - "WASN'T ME, NO WAY."

1169. "YOU CRIED EARLIER, CARL— YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT IT?"

1170. "OH, COVER YOUR KNEES, HONEY— I MEAN, SERGEANT."

1171. "COME ON, EVERYBODY."

1172. HMM?

1173. OH, SHE'S WAY OVERDUE.

1174. "HEY, I SAW THIS IN A THREE STOOGES MOVIE ONCE, COME ON."

1175. NYUK-NYUK-NYUK.

1176. "IT'S— I GOT A BAD BACK— IT'S THIS LUMBAR, IT'S OUT.

1177. "HE WAS— GONNA HAVE TO, UH— OH...

1178. I'LL HELP YOU, HERE."

1179. "YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT I SMELLED AQUA VELVA."

1180. "LATER, WHEN WE'RE OFF DUTY? OKAY."

1181. "HEY, WHO'S WALKING ON MY BRIDGE?"

1182. WE'RE FAR AWAY.

1183. HOW DO WE FIND CAROLINE AND CATHERINE?

1184. "I FOUND THEM QUITE PLEASANT, AND YOU?"

1185. WHERE ARE THEY HIDING?

1186. HEY, HOW DID HE GET HIS OPPOSABLE TOE IN THAT BOOT?

1187. I TELL YOU, I DON'T KNOW.

1188. WHY DO YOU INSIST ON PROTECTING THEM?

1189. AFTER ALL, DIDN'T THEY RUN AWAY AND LEAVE YOU HERE TO DIE?

1190. "HEY, GOOD POINT— GIVE ME A BANANA, I'M JOINING YOU."

1191. ISN'T IT? THEN WHY HAVEN'T THEY COME FOR YOU?

1192. "UH, THE LIGHTS WERE AGAINST THEM?"

1193. I'M SURE THEY'RE GOING TO COME BACK FOR US.

1194. IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY.

1195. IT'S A DONOVAN VIDEO!

1196. HUH?

1197. OH, LOOK OUT FOR THE FLOATING PITH HELMET.

1198. WHAT THE...

1199. THEY'RE GOING TO BLOW-DRY EVERYONE NOW.

1200. "UM, SMILE, PLEASE— THANK YOU.

1201. "AND NOW THE JUNIOR CLASS— THANK YOU.

1202. "AND NOW THE SENIORS— THANK YOU.

1203. I'LL HAVE THESE BACK BY THE END OF THE TRIP— THANK YOU."

1204. PEPE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

1205. A LITTLE TIRED.

1206. HE'S NOT PEPE ANYMORE.

1207. WE'LL REST FOR A LITTLE BIT.

1208. I WAS WONDERING— THAT FLYING SAUCER SEEMS TO BE EVERYWHERE,

1209. LIKE IT WAS FOLLOWING US.

1210. MM-HMM.

1211. DO YOU THINK THERE'S A SPECIAL REASON IT'S DOING THAT?

1212. MAYBE TO PROTECT US.

1213. "YEAH, WE NEED IT FOR THE THIRD ACT."

1214. COULD BE FROM A FRIENDLY PLANET.

1215. "MAYBE IT'S RUTH BUZZI AND JIM NABORS."

1216. WHY DON'T THEY TRY TO SIGNAL US?

1217. IT'S A MYSTERY— WHO DO YOU THINK THEY ARE?

1218. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

1219. YOU LOOK LIKE A HOSTESS CUPCAKE, PEPE."

1220. PEPE, ARE YOU OKAY NOW?

1221. YES.

1222. ALL RIGHT, COME.

1223. "AH, GEEZ, KID, YOU'RE SWEATING LIKE A BEAR—

1224. OR SHOULD I SAY LEMUR?"

1225. NO, NO, I KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.

1226. HE LOOKS LIKE A WOODCHUCK THAT GOT NAILED BY A SPLAT BALL.

1227. MM-HMM.

1228. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

1229. "I'M A TRAITOR TO MY SPECIES."

1230. YOUR FATHER IS STATIONED HERE?

1231. YES, HE'S AN OFFICER.

1232. "AND A GENTLEMONKEY."

1233. WELL, GO ON.

1234. YOU SHOULDN'T HANG AROUND HERE.

1235. GOODBYE— NICE MEETING YOU.

1236. THERE'S SOME GOOD SECURITY.

1237. IS THIS WATERGATE?

1238. OH, THERE ARE GUARDS EVERYWHERE!

1239. "IT'S BEAUTIFUL."

1240. WHY, THAT'S CAROLINE!

1241. "AND HER PNEUMATIC DRAPERY."

1242. IS CATHERINE THERE TOO?

1243. I DON'T KNOW— I COULDN'T GET ANY CLOSER.

1244. "DIDN'T HAVE ANY CERTS."

1245. HERE'S THE BACK DOOR TO THE BUILDING,

1246. AND THEY'RE IN A ROOM ON THE SECOND FLOOR,

1247. OVERLOOKING THE YARD.

1248. BUT THERE ARE GUARDS POSTED ALL OVER.

1249. "IS THIS TO SCALE?"

1250. HERE IS AN EMERGENCY EXIT,

1251. BUT WE CAN'T GET TO IT UNLESS WE USE THE OUTSIDE STAIRS.

1252. GODO?

1253. WELL, HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO.

1254. "WE'LL BANG OUR HEADS TOGETHER AND WALK AROUND IN A DAZE."

1255. TODAY WE'VE GOT THREE SEPARATE VIEWS OF LOVE, MONKEY STYLE.

1256. —LOAD AS MUCH STRAW IN IT AS YOU CAN.

1257. WE'LL MEET BACK HERE.

1258. "JUST ROLL THAT CART AROUND FOR ABOUT EIGHT HOURS, THEN HEAD BACK."

1259. THEN WE'LL TRY TO GET INTO THE BACK DOOR OF THE BUILDING.

1260. BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO BE CAREFUL SO THE GUARDS DON'T SUSPECT ANYTHING.

1261. "WOULD YOU SHUT UP BACK THERE?"

1262. HMM, CHILD LABOR— NEAT.

1263. WE'RE THERE.

1264. PEPE, YOU'RE TERRIFIC.

1265. HEY, YOU THERE!

1266. GODO, HE'S COMING.

1267. OKAY.

1268. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

1269. YOU CAN'T LEAVE THAT THERE.

1270. I GOT TIRED.

1271. OKAY, I'LL HELP YOU.

1272. IT'S AGAINST REGULATIONS TO STAY HERE.

1273. "AND I'M NOT A GOOD SOLDIER."

1274. ALL RIGHT NOW, PULL— WHOA!

1275. GIVE HIM A RUG BURN!

1276. MONKEY PILE!

1277. YAY!

1278. MONKEY IN A BLANKET.

1279. - PEPE, KEEP WATCH. - RIGHT.

1280. THAT KID LOOKS LIKE ROSEANNE.

1281. COME ON.

1282. IS HE GONNA TELL PEOPLE HE SPILLED NAIR ON HIS FACE?

1283. NEIL PEART ON DRUMS.

1284. HE'S STILL THERE.

1285. HE SHOULD REALLY LEARN THE LYRICS TO THAT.

1286. OKAY, NOW.

1287. HMM, KID TALKING TO HAY— NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

1288. "SEE HOW I DO THAT?"

1289. JOHNNY, YOU WAIT THERE.

1290. MMM.

1291. SOUNDS LIKE A LOVIN' SPOONFUL SONG.

1292. - IT KINDA DOES. - THE GOOD TIME.

1293. OOH, HE REALLY SHOCKED THE MONKEY.

1294. JOHNNY, ALL CLEAR— COME ON.

1295. THE WEATHER BALL FLASHES GREEN—

1296. NO PLOT FORESEEN.

1297. "HOWDY, MA'AM, HOWDY."

1298. SOUNDS LIKE JOHNNY ONE-NOTE ON HIS EMENEE MAGIC KEY ORGAN.

1299. - "♪ HELLO... ♪" - "♪ HELLO... ♪"

1300. "WHERE'S THE OTHER GUY?"

1301. - HELLO. - OH.

1302. PREPARE THE PLANE FOR COMBAT.

1303. CAN'T IT WAIT TILL TOMORROW?

1304. "WE DON'T HAVE PLANES— WE'RE APES."

1305. VERY WELL, I'LL SEE THAT IT'S DONE.

1306. "DICKWEED."

1307. WHAT, DOESN'T ANYBODY HAVE PERIPHERAL VISION IN THIS MOVIE?

1308. I DON'T KNOW.

1309. OH, THERE'S A GUARD THERE.

1310. ELITE REPUBLICAN GUARD.

1311. THAT'S THE ROOM.

1312. WHAT DO WE DO?

1313. LITTLE JOHNNY'S GOT BAGS UNDER HIS EYES.

1314. "THAT'S DIRTY!"

1315. "HEY, COVER YOUR MOUTH, KID."

1316. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? HALT! HALT!

1317. "OOH, THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE.

1318. THANK YOU, HAVE A NICE DAY, THANKS FOR SHOPPING WALMART."

1319. LET'S GO.

1320. "THIS IS THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.

1321. "THEY'RE SHOWING THAT FILM WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE— HUH?"

1322. IT'S ME, CATHERINE!

1323. "YOUR NAME IS CATHERINE?"

1324. JOHNNY!

1325. "HUH?"

1326. JOHNNY...

1327. "OOH, YOU SMELL LIKE A PRIMATE HOUSE."

1328. - CATHERINE! - JOHNNY!

1329. "NOW HOW ABOUT A LITTLE SUGAR FOR GODOT?"

1330. GODO, GODO.

1331. CATHERINE...

1332. RICKY SCHRODER IN "THE CHAMP."

1333. JOHNNY...

1334. YOU'RE GNAWING ON MY ARM, JOHNNY.

1335. YOU'RE SAFE— WE WERE SO WORRIED.

1336. "MY HAIR'S ALL WET."

1337. NICE TEETH.

1338. "ALL DONE?"

1339. GODO!

1340. LET'S HURRY, WE CAN TALK LATER.

1341. WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.

1342. GODO, THERE'S NO REASON TO RUN AWAY.

1343. WHAT?

1344. THE COMMANDER IS VERY NICE

1345. AND HE SAID WE WERE UNDER HIS PROTECTION.

1346. HIS PROTECTION— IT SOUNDS LIKE SOME KIND OF TRAP!

1347. IT MUST BE.

1348. WE MUST GET GOING.

1349. NO— I'M STAYING.

1350. NO, YOU'RE COMING WITH ME!

1351. DON'T FORGET, WE SAW TRACES OF HUMAN BEINGS.

1352. THEY HAVE TO BE NEAR HERE AND WE MUST TRY TO FIND THEM.

1353. GODO...

1354. YES, WE'LL ALL GO TOGETHER.

1355. "HUH, WHO DUBBED YOU?"

1356. CAROLINE!

1357. I WANT TO FIND OTHER HUMAN BEINGS!

1358. CAROLINE, YOU SAW HOW HE TREATED US.

1359. THE COMMANDER HAS BEEN VERY KIND TO US.

1360. HE'S NOT LIKE THE OTHERS.

1361. AN APE IS STILL AN APE!

1362. "AN APE BY ANY OTHER NAME WOULD SMELL AS BAD."

1363. WE MUST GET GOING!

1364. CATHERINE, PLEASE, COME WITH US.

1365. GODO, I TELL YOU IT'S THE TRUTH!

1366. THE COMMANDER WAS REALLY TRYING TO PROTECT US.

1367. AND I TELL YOU IT MUST BE A TRICK.

1368. COME ON, WE'RE LOSING TIME.

1369. DO SOMETHING!

1370. COME ON, CAROLINE, HURRY!

1371. "THE BLUE AND THE GRAY."

1372. THE APES OF THE OLD WEST.

1373. THAT'S JOHN WESLEY APE—

1374. HE ONCE FLUNG CRAP AT A MAN JUST FOR SNORING TOO LOUD.

1375. AFTER THEM, AFTER THEM! FORWARD!

1376. "APES" IS FILMED LIVE ON LOCATION IN DEADWOOD, SOUTH DAKOTA.

1377. WE'RE SURROUNDED!

1378. THEY'VE GOT US!

1379. GODO! LET'S SEE YOU ESCAPE NOW!

1380. LOOK, THE FLYING SAUCER!

1381. "WHERE?"

1382. FROM SHOOTOUT TO SPACE-OUT.

1383. IT'S THAT FLYING SAUCER AGAIN!

1384. SHOOT IT DOWN!

1385. YES, SIR!

1386. YEAH, RIGHT.

1387. "ALL RIGHT, MEN, PUT YOUR FACE DIAPERS ON!"

1388. "DEPENDS READY, SIR.

1389. DON'T THESE GO OVER OUR RED BUTTS?"

1390. GET READY TO FIRE THE NUCLEAR GUNS!

1391. THIS TIME I'LL SHOW THEM— FIRE!

1392. DOH... HUH-HUH, GO FIGURE.

1393. MINE'S GONE TOO.

1394. "THESE ARE NO GOOD."

1395. FIRE!

1396. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? SHOOT IT DOWN!

1397. IT'S "THE WACKIEST WAR IN THE CONGO!"

1398. "McHALE'S NAVY GOES TO THE PLANET OF THE APES!"

1399. ON TODAY'S MATINEE MOVIE.

1400. HEY, LOOK, "CADDYSHACK."

1401. OH, NO, NO, THAT'S PEPE.

1402. GODO, LOOK, A GUARD.

1403. "NO..."

1404. "CAN I BORROW YOUR STYLING GEL?"

1405. "HALT, WHO GOES THERE?

1406. "WHO PLAYED DR. ZAIUS IN 'PLANET OF THE APES'?

1407. "THAT'S WRONG.

1408. YOU'RE RIGHT."

1409. COME ON!

1410. WELL, IT'S ABOUT THIS TIME THAT THE OLD APE BOYS

1411. GOT THEMSELVES INTO A HEAP O' TROUBLE OVER AT COOTER'S PLACE.

1412. SEE, THEY WERE PICKIN' NITS OFF EACH OTHER AND, WELL—

1413. JOHNNY, HURRY!

1414. WHERE'D THEY GO?

1415. "WELL, THEY COULD BE IN ONE OF THOSE TRUCKS DRIVING AWAY."

1416. SHOOT THEM! SHOOT THEM, SHOOT THEM!

1417. OUR GUNS STILL AREN'T FIRING!

1418. "THROW YOUR GUNS AT THEM!"

1419. JOHNNY, WHAT'D YOU DO?

1420. I TOOK THE KEY FROM THE TRUCK— THERE!

1421. "THAT'S OUR TRUCK!"

1422. JOHNNY, YOU'RE A PRETTY SMART GUY.

1423. "IT'S FUN WHEN YOU'RE SMART!"

1424. SHALL WE WAIT FOR THE FLYING SAUCER?

1425. YES.

1426. GEBAR MIGHT CATCH UP TO US.

1427. ZSA ZSA GEBAR?

1428. OH, NO, NO, NO, SHE'S STILL DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE.

1429. IF WE ONLY KNEW WHY THEY'RE FOLLOWING US.

1430. MAYBE THEY THINK WE'RE FOLLOWING THEM.

1431. "HEY, THAT WOULD BE A SWITCH."

1432. I NOTICED IT ALWAYS COMES FROM THE EAST.

1433. MAYBE THEY'RE TRYING TO FOLLOW THE PLOT!

1434. IT'S A LITTLE OLD DEVO HAT!

1435. THOSE SPUD BOYS ARE EVERYWHERE.

1436. IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S SIGNALING.

1437. - YES. - WELL, LET'S GO.

1438. NO, WAIT A SECOND!

1439. I'M BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND NOW.

1440. UNLESS I'M WRONG, THE ORGANIZATION KNOW AS UCOM

1441. IS NOW TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE APE COUNTRY.

1442. IT WANTS US TO LEAVE.

1443. MAYBE THEY'RE GETTING READY TO ATTACK.

1444. UCOM HAS NEVER ATTACKED HUMAN BEINGS.

1445. WE SHOULD CONTACT THEM AND SEEK THEIR PROTECTION

1446. OR THE APES'LL GET US.

1447. IT COULD BE DANGEROUS.

1448. SHALL WE TRY IT?

1449. ANYTHING TO MOVE THE PLOT!

1450. IT'S OUR ONLY CHANCE.

1451. I'M FOR IT!

1452. "YES! TO OUR DEATH, THEN! WHEE!"

1453. CAREFUL! THE COMMAND CAR IS APPROACHING!

1454. "PUT THOSE DICE AWAY AND GET YOUR ROLLER SKATES ON."

1455. "HEY, WHERE'D YOU GET THE BEAMER, MONKEY DUDE?"

1456. "I, UH, FELL IN A COW PIE— I HOPE NOBODY NOTICES."

1457. STOP HIM, STOP HIM, HE CAN'T COME IN HERE!

1458. HE'S NOT THE COMMANDER ANYMORE!

1459. LOSAR IS OUR NEW LEADER!

1460. WE HAVE ORDERS NOT TO LET HIM IN!

1461. "IT'S A MADHOUSE!"

1462. LET US THROUGH, LET US THROUGH!

1463. "OSWALD'S BEEN SHOT!"

1464. DON'T LET ANYBODY IN!

1465. THE COMMANDER IS COMING!

1466. IT'S LIKE TRYING TO GET TO THE BATHROOM AT A FRAT PARTY.

1467. HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

1468. "I'M WITH THE BAND, I'M OKAY, LET ME THROUGH."

1469. THE COMMANDER IS HERE!

1470. HOW DARE YOU COME IN HERE?

1471. KEEP 'EM OUT, KEEP 'EM OUT!

1472. OH, YOUR EXCELLENCY!

1473. SO, YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME.

1474. ARREST HIM, ARREST HIM!

1475. ARREST HIM, I SAID!

1476. LOWER YOUR WEAPONS.

1477. CHECK THIS OUT, THIS IS GOOD.

1478. OOH, REALLY UNFORTUNATE SKIN.

1479. YOU ARE TOO WEAK!

1480. YOU PROTECT OUR ENEMIES!

1481. WE WANT TO FIGHT AND KILL THOSE INVADERS!

1482. THAT IS YOUR PLAN?

1483. YES, IT IS.

1484. I GAVE ORDERS TO HAVE THEM KILLED.

1485. I GIVE THE ORDERS HERE.

1486. YOU ARE NOT OUR COMMANDER ANYMORE.

1487. I'LL GIVE YOU ONE LAST CHANCE TO CALL OFF THIS REBELLION.

1488. BUT YOUR EXCELLENCY...

1489. AND I GIVE YOU MY WORD OF HONOR, OUR ENEMIES SHALL BE PUNISHED.

1490. VERY WELL, YOUR EXCELLENCY.

1491. GODO, WHERE ARE WE GOING?

1492. "DO THE WORDS 'SHALLOW GRAVE' MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?"

1493. I'M TAKING YOU HOME.

1494. "HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHTS ESCAPE ME?

1495. HOME, WHERE I COMB MY FACEY?"

1496. AW, SHE'S GONNA BE GROUNDED UNTIL SHE'S 30.

1497. IT'S A SHE?

1498. HMM...

1499. LOOKS LIKE SHE'S BEEN ROOTING FOR TUBERS.

1500. "LASSIE!"

1501. MAMA!

1502. PEPE! OH! PEPE!

1503. I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

1504. I LOOKED EVERYWHERE FOR YOU.

1505. I EVEN WENT AS FAR AS GREEN MOUNTAIN!

1506. OH... BUT YOU'RE HOME NOW.

1507. EXCUSE ME, MA'AM, BRAWNY WANTS HIS SHIRT BACK.

1508. PEPE... I COULDN'T IMAGINE WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO YOU.

1509. "I'VE BECOME A MAN, MOTHER."

1510. "THEY ARE CUTE, BUT THEY SMELL."

1511. PEPE, AT FIRST I EVEN THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE KILLED

1512. BY ONE OF THOSE NAKED APES.

1513. "I EVEN RENTED OUT YOUR ROOM."

1514. DON'T BE AFRAID.

1515. PEPE, PEPE!

1516. IT'S ALL RIGHT, MAMA, THESE ARE MY FRIENDS.

1517. THEY'RE THE ONES WHO SAVED MY LIFE.

1518. "AND THEY SPEAK MONKEY!"

1519. I'VE BEEN TRAVELING WITH THEM A LONG TIME.

1520. I CAN EXPLAIN.

1521. WE WERE FORCED TO TAKE PEPE.

1522. I'M VERY SORRY.

1523. WE DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE HER ALONG, BUT WE HAD NO CHOICE.

1524. WE WERE BEING PURSUED BY TROOPS.

1525. "THAT TRUE, HONEY?"

1526. I KNOW HOW WORRIED YOU MUST HAVE BEEN.

1527. ARE YOU LEAVING ME NOW?

1528. YES, TO GO BACK TO OUR COUNTRY.

1529. YOU UNDERSTAND?

1530. NO, NO, PLEASE, TAKE ME WITH YOU!

1531. PEPE, YOU HAVE TO STAY AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR MOTHER.

1532. I WANT TO GO WITH YOU.

1533. PEPE, I ENVY YOU BECAUSE YOU FOUND YOUR MOTHER AGAIN.

1534. BUT I WANT TO GO WITH YOU!

1535. PEPE, YOU HAVE TO STAY WITH YOUR MOTHER!

1536. BUT I— I WANT TO GO WITH JOHNNY AND CAROLINE.

1537. BE QUIET!

1538. DO YOU WANT YOUR MOTHER TO BE SAD?

1539. "UM... CAN I THINK ABOUT IT?"

1540. OH, IT'S TOOTS THIELEMANS ON THE MOUTH HARP.

1541. PEPE, JOHNNY IS RIGHT.

1542. WE'LL SEE YOU AGAIN.

1543. "NOT."

1544. JOHNNY!

1545. PEPE... YOU MUST BE A GOOD GIRL AND STAY HERE WITH YOUR MOTHER.

1546. "STAY... STAY, PEPE."

1547. "SIT... STAY."

1548. PEPE... YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT?

1549. "WE'LL GET YOU A TICK BATH AND A RAWHIDE CHEW."

1550. GOODBYE, PEPE, GOODBYE!

1551. GOODBYE, JOHNNY!

1552. I'LL MISS YOU!

1553. COME BACK SOON!

1554. SHOULD WE HAVE SHOT HER THAT MANY TIMES?

1555. OH...

1556. THERE'S ONE GOOD THING— WE MET PEPE.

1557. I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER FORGET HER.

1558. I DON'T THINK YOU'LL EVER GET THE SMELL OUT OF THE SEATS, EITHER— WOOF!

1559. THAT'S GEBAR'S JEEP!

1560. - HE MUST BE NEARBY. - YES.

1561. "B.J.? HAWKEYE? TRAPPER JOHN?"

1562. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU, GODO!

1563. "I MADE SNACKS! I HOPE YOU LIKE PIZZA ROLLS!"

1564. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

1565. DON'T WORRY, GODO, I'VE NO SOLDIERS.

1566. IT'S JUST YOU AND I.

1567. I'M IN A HURRY.

1568. I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOU TODAY.

1569. I HAVE MORE URGENT BUSINESS.

1570. WHEN I'VE FINISHED, THEN I'LL SEE YOU.

1571. "MAYBE BRUNCH ON SUNDAY?"

1572. SILENCE!

1573. "WELL, WE COULD RESCHEDULE.

1574. MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH MY SECRETARY OR SOMETHING."

1575. I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!

1576. I DESERTED MY POST AND CAME HERE JUST TO KILL YOU!

1577. I MUST AVENGE MY WIFE AND MY SON!

1578. IT'S DON KNOTTS IN "THE SHAKIEST APE IN THE WEST"!

1579. I'LL TAKE CARE OF GEBAR, CATHERINE.

1580. TAKE THE CHILDREN UP TO THE CLIFF AND WAIT FOR ME THERE.

1581. GODO!

1582. NO, NOT PLUTO— THAT'S TOO FAR.

1583. GODO, YOU CAN'T ESCAPE NOW.

1584. COME ON OUT!

1585. "UH-OH..."

1586. "GET BACK TO THE PONDEROSA AND TELL HOSS WE'RE IN TROUBLE

1587. AND GET ME SOME CHICKEN-FRIED STEAK."

1588. GODO!

1589. I'VE FINALLY GOT MY REVENGE!

1590. YOU WANTED TO GO TO GREEN MOUNTAIN

1591. BUT INSTEAD YOU'LL GO TO YOUR DEATH!

1592. GEE, IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY.

1593. LISTEN TO ME— YOUR THIRST FOR REVENGE IS AGAINST ME!

1594. BUT THE OTHER THREE ARE NOT INVOLVED— LET THEM GO FREE!

1595. OH, COME ON...

1596. I CAN'T BELIEVE THE CLOTHES THOSE GUYS ARE WEARING.

1597. "MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA!"

1598. GODO— NOW PREPARE TO DIE!

1599. —AND THE OUTLOOK FOR FRIDAY, MORE OF THE SAME.

1600. RAIN, RAIN, RAIN, RAIN, RAIN.

1601. SO, UH, IT'S A GOOD IDEA THAT WE KEEP OUR SCUBA GEAR FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS?

1602. OVER TO YOU, JOEL.

1603. THANKS, TOM SERVO.

1604. ANYWAY, UP NEXT IS OUR FASHION EDITOR, CROW T. ROBOT,

1605. WITH THE FASHION MINUTE— CROW?

1606. THANK YOU, JOEL.

1607. HELLO, HELLO, HELLO!

1608. THIS SPRING'S APE IS DASHING, DARING AND ABSOLUTELY SHAMELESS IN PARAMILITARY GARB

1609. AS THE HOUSE OF PRIMATES UNVEILED ITS TARZAN COLLECTION

1610. TO THE DAZZLED DESIGNERS ASSEMBLED IN MILAN,

1611. AND, OH-HO, LUCKY ME, I HAVE THE FOOTAGE.

1612. UH, ROLL THAT FOOTAGE, CAMBOT.

1613. HERE COMES ENNUI, PATROLLING THE BYWAYS OF FASHION

1614. IN A BREEZY STREET-LENGTH HEAVY WOOL DRESS,

1615. SMARTLY ACCENTED BY AN ORANGE ASCOT WITH WHITE SHOULDER BAG AND MATCHING BELT.

1616. KOKO'S A CLASSIC IN THIS CHANEL.

1617. SHOULDER PADS, LEGGINGS AND JAUNTY GOLD BUTTONS PUT ALL EYES ON THIS SOLDIER.

1618. TEN-HUT! COLORS SCREAM FOR ATTENTION

1619. IN THESE FUN, FUN, FUN, ONE-PIECE ACTION JUMPSUITS BY DICKER AND DICKER.

1620. ALTHOUGH THEY CAN FLY SOLO, JUST ADD A BROACH, WHITE LACQUER SKULLCAP AND JACKBOOTS

1621. AND YOU'LL SOAR TO NEW FASHION HEIGHTS.

1622. BACK ON THE HOME FRONT, YOU'LL WAIT FOR YOUR KING KONG

1623. WITH THIS INDIGO PRINT KERCHIEF BY DR. ZAIA.

1624. BUT HOLD ONTO IT— THIS LITTLE NUMBER'S RED-HOT AND LOOKS GREAT ON ANY SPECIES!

1625. HALT, WHO GOES THERE?

1626. WHY, IT'S JACQUES IN THE TIMELESS COLONEL SANDERS TOPCOAT.

1627. NOTED THE RAISED BRASS BUTTONS AND VELVET COLLAR.

1628. THIS ENSEMBLE MAKES ANY APE KING OF HIS JUNGLE.

1629. OFF DUTY? THEN BIVOUAC IN THIS OH-SO-SOFT, RICH VELOUR DINNER JACKET

1630. FROM THE CORNELIUS COLLECTION.

1631. JUST ADD A RIDING CROP, BLUE TAFFETA ASCOT,

1632. AND YOU'LL BE THE CINDERELLA OF ANY LIBERTY.

1633. INCOMING FASHION!

1634. OUR MILITARY PARADE ENDS WITH A SALUTE TO THE MEDICAL CORPS.

1635. THESE GAUZY WHITE LINEN SURGICAL MASKS BREATHE LIFE INTO ANY WARDROBE.

1636. ONE OF THIS YEARS MOST VERSATILE ACCESSORIES,

1637. THE SURGICAL MASK DOUBLES AS A RED-BUTT COVER.

1638. WELL, THIS IS ONE REPORTER WHO IS READY TO ENLIST

1639. IN ANY "GORILLA" WAR THAT LOOKS THIS GREAT,

1640. SO THIS YEAR, UNCLE CORNELIUS WANTS YOU!

1641. BACK TO YOU, JOEL.

1642. THIS IS CROW— BYE-BYE FOR NOW!

1643. AROUND THE EARTH IN 30 MINUTES, THIS IS COMMERCIAL SIGN.

1644. OH, WE HAVE FUN, DON'T WE?

1645. "DARN LIGHTER— OUT OF FLUID."

1646. THAT FLYING SAUCER AGAIN!

1647. WHOEVER YOU ARE UP THERE...

1648. TELL ME, WHY DO YOU PREVENT ME FROM CARRYING OUT JUSTICE?

1649. HE'S DOING A SCENE FROM "LEAR"!

1650. —KILLED MY WIFE AND SON!

1651. YEAH, YEAH...

1652. I MUST HAVE MY REVENGE!

1653. YOU MUST HAVE YOUR VALIUM TOO, BUDDY— CALM DOWN.

1654. YOU MUST LET ME KILL HIM!

1655. OH, THAT'S HOW BIG IT IS.

1656. GODO KILLED MY WIFE AND SON!

1657. HE'S WAITING FOR GODO, I THINK.

1658. GODOT.

1659. HEY, IT'S THE HOUSE ON THE ROCK.

1660. YOU MUST LET ME KILL GODO!

1661. JUST LET ME DO THIS ONE THING—

1662. BOY, THAT MONKEY SURE CAN EMOTE.

1663. JUST LET ME DO THIS ONE THING.

1664. UCOM HAS ORDERED

1665. THAT THERE SHOULD BE A STOP TO ALL FURTHER KILLING—

1666. "OR YOU WILL BE KILLED."

1667. BUT GODO KILLED MY WIFE AND MY CHILD!

1668. HE DESERVES TO DIE!

1669. WHY DO YOU WANT TO SAVE GODO'S LIFE?

1670. - HUH? - HUH?

1671. OH, YOU KNOW THE PARTY'S OVER WHEN THEY BRING OUT THE VACATION SLIDES.

1672. ABSOLUTELY— I'M READY TO GO.

1673. HELP ME, HELP ME!

1674. IT'S BABU— IT'S MY SON.

1675. OH, I'VE SEEN THIS ONE.

1676. HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

1677. BOY, THE COLOR IS TERRIBLE— THINK YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT?

1678. TRY TO CATCH THIS— OH!

1679. "OH, THERE'S THAT ROPE I USED TO HAVE— I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THAT."

1680. OH...

1681. OOH!

1682. YOU KNOW, THOSE TWO APES PROBABLY NEVER DID VERY GOOD IN GYM.

1683. THEY CAN'T CLIMB THE ROPES AT ALL.

1684. OH, HE SHOULDN'T HAVE SHAVED HIS MUSTACHE.

1685. —I'LL TRY TO PULL YOU UP.

1686. I CAN'T HOLD ON ANY LONGER!

1687. GODO, TRY TO SAVE MY SON! SAVE MY SON!

1688. YOU KNOW, IN FILMS, THIS IS WHERE GETTING FINAL CUT REALLY PAYS OFF.

1689. "LIVE, DAMN IT, LIVE!

1690. COME ON, YOU NEVER GAVE UP ON ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE— NOW LIVE..."

1691. "OH, BOY, IS MY FACE RED!"

1692. THAT'S NOT THE ONLY THING—

1693. THAT'S RED.

1694. COME ON!

1695. HE'S AN APE AND HE CAN'T HANG ON TO A ROPE?

1696. SOMETHING'S WRONG.

1697. A LITTLE MORE! THERE!

1698. "GODONKO, COME BACK!"

1699. OH, IT'S EARL WARREN'S SINGLE-APE THEORY HERE.

1700. HELLO, THERE— HOPE YOU'VE ENJOYED TODAY'S MATINEE MOVIE.

1701. MY SON... I KILLED MY OWN SON!

1702. IT WASN'T GODO— I KILLED MY OWN SON!

1703. "HURTS, DON'T IT? BYE..."

1704. GEEZ...

1705. "I DID IT, I FINALLY DID IT... DAMN ME ALL TO HELL!"

1706. MEANWHILE, AT THE FORD FALCON WITH THE VIBRASLAP OPTION—

1707. IT'S THE COMMANDER!

1708. "OH— HANG ON, JUST A SEC— DON'T SAY ANYTHING YET—

1709. WAIT, I GOTTA GET THIS DOOR— OKAY."

1710. "HOW MUCH DO I OWE YA?

1711. TOLD YOU NOT TO COME BY WAY OF THE EXPRESSWAY— IT'S ALL TORN UP OVER THERE."

1712. "SORRY, SORRY, SORRY."

1713. "HURRY IT UP, I GOTTA DO LINCOLN AT THE GLOBE THEATER."

1714. YOUR EXCELLENCY, UCOM'S BEEN SIGNALING US.

1715. BE CAREFUL— IT MUST BE A TRAP TO KILL YOU.

1716. BUT THE FLYING SAUCER ALWAYS USED TO HELP US,

1717. AND IT'S AN AGENT OF UCOM.

1718. IT'S A TRICK!

1719. GEBAR?

1720. "HO-HO-HO, I JUST HEARD THE FUNNIEST JOKE..."

1721. YOUR EXCELLENCY, I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE.

1722. I'VE DONE A TERRIBLE THING.

1723. I'M A MURDERER!

1724. I'VE NO RIGHT TO LIVE ANYMORE.

1725. I— I KILLED MY WIFE AND MY SON.

1726. WHAT'S THAT?

1727. YES, I KILLED MY WIFE AND MY SON.

1728. "COME AGAIN?"

1729. "GEEZ, YOU ARE A SICKO."

1730. AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT GODO HAD KILLED THEM.

1731. GEBAR, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

1732. YOU HAVE A GOOD HEART—

1733. "BUT YOU GOT REALLY BAD BREATH."

1734. OH, YOUR EXCELLENCY...

1735. GEBAR, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

1736. - K-MART? - THE SAVINGS PLACE?

1737. - OH... - "I DON'T FEEL VERY GOOD, I'M GONNA GO RENT 'FACES OF DEATH.'"

1738. GODO... I ACCUSED YOU WRONGLY.

1739. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

1740. "YEAH, WELL, SORRY DON'T FEED THE BULLDOG, PAL."

1741. OH...

1742. "OH, LOU, LOU..."

1743. OH, THE POOR THING— TO HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT.

1744. "SO, LUNCH, EVERYONE?"

1745. NO, WE'RE GOING TO CONTACT UCOM.

1746. YOU ARE BEING FOOLED.

1747. YOU DO NOT REALIZE THE DANGERS THAT LIE DEEP IN GREEN MOUNTAIN.

1748. UCOM CAN BE VERY TREACHEROUS— STAY HERE WITH ME.

1749. CATHERINE, LET'S GO.

1750. JUST A MOMENT, PLEASE.

1751. THE REBELLION IS OVER.

1752. WE CAN HAVE A PEACEFUL LIFE.

1753. LET US GO BACK TOGETHER.

1754. I CAN'T.

1755. I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE BEEN KIND.

1756. ONLY WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS AND THIS IS AN APE COUNTRY.

1757. "AND IT STINKS TO HIGH HEAVEN."

1758. PLEASE UNDERSTAND.

1759. "THINK OF THE CHILDREN."

1760. AMONG STRANGE CREATURES, IN A STRANGE COUNTRY,

1761. AWAY FROM OUR HOMES—

1762. "A STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND."

1763. SHE'S NOT GONNA START TO SING "EBONY AND IVORY," IS SHE?

1764. - NO. - I HOPE NOT.

1765. WAIT A MINUTE, IT'S DARREN McGAVIN.

1766. I KNEW IT.

1767. "I'M HUNGRY."

1768. "YOU REALLY ARE DIFFERENT."

1769. I UNDERSTAND.

1770. YES, BECAUSE WE ARE DIFFERENT,

1771. YOU'D BE AFRAID TO LIVE AMONG US.

1772. BUT THAT WILL CHANGE SOON.

1773. ONE DAY, DIFFERENT PEOPLE WILL LEARN TO LIVE TOGETHER—

1774. MESSAGE! THIS IS THE MESSAGE! MESSAGE, PEOPLE, MESSAGE.

1775. I WISH YOU WELL ON YOUR JOURNEY.

1776. THANK YOU, SIR.

1777. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS OUR GRATITUDE FOR ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR US.

1778. "HOW ABOUT A HICKORY FARMS GIFT BOX?"

1779. - CAPTAIN. - YOUR EXCELLENCY.

1780. "A COUPLE OF THOSE CIGARS YOU HAVE ON YOUR SLEEVE."

1781. "FRUIT IS GOOD, SIR."

1782. YOU MIGHT NEED THIS.

1783. "NEAT."

1784. IT'S BEEN A GREAT PLEASURE KNOWING YOU.

1785. I HOPE YOU WILL THINK OF US ONCE IN A WHILE.

1786. "YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU DRIVE PAST A BLOODY RACCOON ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, THAT KIND OF THING."

1787. TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY FRIENDS.

1788. "UM, I'D WASH THAT HAND IF I WERE YOU— THAT'S MY THROWING HAND— YEAH."

1789. GOODBYE, GOODBYE.

1790. "I GOTTA GET THIS OUTFIT BACK TO PRINCE."

1791. "I, UH, PUT A TIME BOMB IN THEIR CAR— WATCH THIS."

1792. ANY OF YOU GUYS EVER BEEN TO THE DELLS?

1793. THIS KINDA REMINDS ME OF IT.

1794. YOU RIDE THE DUCKS.

1795. WE'RE VERY CLOSE.

1796. THE ENTRANCE MUST BE SOMEWHERE BEHIND THE MOUNTAIN.

1797. WELL, THAT'S NARROWING IT DOWN, ISN'T IT?

1798. LOOK, THERE'S THE FLYING SAUCER!

1799. "THERE'S THE FLYING SAUCER"

1800. WELL, PUT YOUR THUMBS OUT, MAYBE YOU CAN HITCH A RIDE.

1801. GODO, WHERE'S IT LANDING?

1802. BEHIND THAT ROCK FORMATION.

1803. I DON'T KNOW THIS PLACE.

1804. I WASN'T ALLOWED TO PLAY HERE AS A CHILD.

1805. THEN UCOM'S CERTAINLY THERE.

1806. BE CAREFUL.

1807. OH, LOOK!

1808. "IT'S A U-STORE-IT!"

1809. THIS MUST BE THE ENTRANCE.

1810. HOW DO WE GET IN?

1811. "TRY KNOCKING."

1812. AGAIN WITH THE FEET!

1813. THAT WAS EASY.

1814. WELL, LET'S GO.

1815. MILES DAVIS IS IN THERE.

1816. BEWARE OF THE BALROG...

1817. ISN'T THAT FROM "LORD OF THE RINGS"?

1818. WE ALL OF A SUDDEN HAVE LEATHER LACE-UP BOOTS AND EIGHT-SIDED DICE?

1819. HEY, GIVE ME A BREAK.

1820. YOU KNOW, IF YOU LOOKED AT THOSE LACE-UP BOOTS,

1821. I'D HAVE TO KILL YOU?

1822. OOH.

1823. HMM... HMM... HMM?

1824. THIS WEEK ONLY, AT THE OMNI THEATER...

1825. THE JOSHUA LIGHT SHOW!

1826. WE MUST HAVE COME INTO THE FUTURE.

1827. OOH, BOY...

1828. ARE WE IN THE LEFT VENTRICLE?

1829. "I'M FRANCES FARMER!"

1830. JOHNNY?

1831. NOPE, CATHERINE'S VIVIEN LEIGH AND JOHNNY IS JOHN BERRYMAN NOW.

1832. FASHIONS BY ISSEY MIYAKE.

1833. AND IT SHOWS.

1834. THAT WAS EASY.

1835. NOW SHE'S ON THE INSIDE.

1836. FOCUS!

1837. PLEASE!

1838. FOCUS!

1839. HEY, FOCUS!

1840. HEY, IT'S A SCENE FROM "THE MIRACLE WORKER."

1841. - LA. - LA.

1842. OH, NO, IT'S ANTHONY BRAXTON AND DON CHERRY, RUN— NO...!

1843. IT'S VERY SURREAL.

1844. "HI."

1845. IT'S WILLIAM CONRAD FOR FIRST ALERT!

1846. CATHERINE...!

1847. THIS IS LIKE AN OBSESSION COMMERCIAL.

1848. "IF I'M AN APE, THEN PRONOUNCE ME GUILTY."

1849. "BETWEEN APES AND MEN... LIES OBSESSION."

1850. I THOUGHT I'D LOST YOU...

1851. LOST YOU... LOST YOU... LOST YOU... LOST YOU...

1852. LOST YOU...

1853. CAROLINE!

1854. RUN LIKE A DUCK!

1855. CAROLINE!

1856. SHE PASSED OUT FROM THE SHEER LENGTH OF THE FILM.

1857. CAROLINE, CAROLINE!

1858. UH, SHE WAS AWAKE ABOUT TEN SLAPS AGO.

1859. "MY BROTHER LIVES IN FLORIDA."

1860. CATHERINE!

1861. CAROLINE!

1862. YOU KNOW WHERE JOHNNY IS?

1863. "DO YOU KNOW WHERE BUFFY AND CISSY ARE?"

1864. WE'RE STILL IN THE APE COUNTRY!

1865. I JUST SAW APES!

1866. CAROLINE, CALM YOURSELF.

1867. I SAW APES, CATHERINE!

1868. CALM DOWN, CAROLINE.

1869. I DID SEE THEM, I DID!

1870. THEY'RE COMING, THEY'RE COMING AFTER US!

1871. WE'LL TALK TO THEIR LEADER, THE COMMANDER.

1872. CATHERINE!

1873. JAMES BOND.

1874. CATHERINE!

1875. HEY, IT'S THE GUYS FROM "CLOCKWORK ORANGE," THE DROOGS.

1876. OH, YEAH.

1877. OH, NO, NO, NO, I THINK IT'S A GROUP OF CASTRO IMPERSONATORS.

1878. PLEASE DON'T HURT US!

1879. DON'T HURT US!

1880. HUH?

1881. THEY SEEM TO BE IN A STATE OF SHOCK.

1882. UH, SO ARE WE.

1883. OUR MYSTERY GUEST IS...

1884. WHO'S THAT?

1885. DR. LEE!

1886. WELCOME BACK HOME.

1887. "THE MUSIC IS GOOFY HERE TOO."

1888. WE'RE BACK WHERE WE STARTED!

1889. CATHERINE!

1890. ANY MORE GASPING AND WE'RE GONNA RUN OUT OF AIR IN THIS ROOM.

1891. "AAH! IT'S AN APE!"

1892. DOCTOR, THEY'VE HAD QUITE AN EXPERIENCE.

1893. I DON'T THINK THEY'LL FORGET IT FOR A LONG TIME.

1894. - YES. - "THAT OUGHTA TEACH 'EM."

1895. AND NOW, PART TWO OF "TIME OF THE APES."

1896. DR. LEE, WHERE ARE THE OTHER TWO?

1897. HMM, TWO?

1898. YES, JOHNNY AND—

1899. JOHNNY IS OVER THERE.

1900. WE PUT THE THREE OF YOU IN DIFFERENT ROOMS.

1901. BUT WE WERE FOUR.

1902. THE THIRD CAPSULE WAS EMPTY.

1903. NO, IT CAN'T BE!

1904. GODO WAS WITH US, A YOUNG MAN!

1905. FACE IT, SISTER, HE BLEW YOU OFF.

1906. YOU MUST HAVE HAD SOME KIND OF HALLUCINATION.

1907. THE CAPSULE IS STILL HERE?

1908. IT'S IN THE LABORATORY, THE DOOR ON THE RIGHT.

1909. "TAKE IT OUT FOR A TEST DRIVE.

1910. I GOTTA GET BACK TO THE MEAT COUNTER."

1911. CATHERINE!

1912. RUN LIKE A DUCK AGAIN!

1913. "I SWEAR HE WAS IN ONE OF THESE."

1914. OH!

1915. GODO'S A PENDANT?

1916. MAYBE HE'S IN THERE.

1917. CATHERINE!

1918. HE "IN DE PENDANT."

1919. SORRY.

1920. "UH, YOUR LOAN'S BEEN APPROVED."

1921. ROSEANNE!

1922. - MOTHER! - MOTHER!

1923. JOHNNY!

1924. "HEY, BUDDY! BUDDY, BUDDY BOY! WHERE ARE MY GOLDFISH?"

1925. IT'S SO GOOD TO BE BACK.

1926. JOHNNY.

1927. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE YOU AGAIN.

1928. "WE WERE HOPING."

1929. "IT'S DONE— TURN UP THE VOLTAGE, HANK."

1930. WELL, THAT WAS REALLY GOOD, LET'S GET GOING.

1931. YEAH, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

1932. I LIKED THAT ONE.

1933. THAT WAS FUN, THAT WAS REALLY COOL.

1934. WHAT?

1935. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

1936. IT'S STILL ON?

1937. OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

1938. SEVEN DAYS?

1939. FORTUNATELY, ONLY A LIMITED AREA WAS DAMAGED—

1940. HOW MANY ENDINGS ARE WE GONNA GET?

1941. THE RESCUE TEAM WORKED AROUND THE CLOCK.

1942. IT STILL TOOK SEVEN DAYS TO DIG YOU OUT.

1943. ONLY SEVEN DAYS?

1944. IN MAY.

1945. YOU'VE HAD AN INCREDIBLE ADVENTURE, I KNOW,

1946. BUT TIME IS RELATIVE.

1947. "YOU MEAN, LIKE MY DAD?"

1948. NO ONE WILL BELIEVE THAT YOUR EXPERIENCE OF SIX MONTHS

1949. ONLY LASTED SEVEN DAYS.

1950. BUT IT'S THE TRUTH!

1951. "YEAH, RIGHT."

1952. I KNOW IT'S THE TRUTH AND I HAVE EVIDENCE.

1953. - MM-HMM? - YEAH?

1954. I HAVE DATA THAT CORROBORATES YOUR STORY.

1955. HE'S NOW WORKING FOR "STAR TREK."

1956. I NOTICED CERTAIN DEVIATIONS IN THE TIME SCALE.

1957. IT SHOWS 3.714 YEARS.

1958. "YEAH, I CAN SEE IT."

1959. AND THE THERMOMETER SHOWS AN INCREDIBLY LOW TEMPERATURE.

1960. "NEAT."

1961. WE THOUGHT 273 DEGREES BELOW ZERO WAS THE LOWEST TEMPERATURE,

1962. BUT THESE READINGS INDICATE—

1963. "UM, ARE YOU CALLING ME FRIGID?"

1964. AND THAT COULD HAVE ELONGATED THE TIME SCALE.

1965. HELL, IT'S A SHOT ANYWAY— LET'S JUST END THIS THING.

1966. DR. LEE, THE CAPSULE WAS IN SUCH A LOW TEMPERATURE ZONE—

1967. HMM...

1968. WHERE THE UNIVERSAL COMPUTER WAS.

1969. HMM...

1970. - HMM. - MM-HMM.

1971. HEY, ISN'T THIS SCENE LIKE CLOSING THE BARN DOORS

1972. AFTER THE COWS ARE OUT?

1973. I UNDERSTAND NOW— IT'S ALL VERY CLEAR.

1974. - IT'S SMOKING. - IT'S A BIG JOKE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE HIGH!

1975. YOU REVERSED INTO THE PAST.

1976. KEEP STRETCHING...

1977. BUT THERE WAS ANOTHER FACTOR.

1978. EXTREMELY LOW TEMPERATURE, WHICH CAUSED THE TIME SCALE TO WARP,

1979. AND THEREFORE THE DEEP FREEZE CAPSULE ACTED AS A TIME CONVERTER.

1980. OH... THIS MOVIE'S EVEN STUPIDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS.

1981. OH, GODO...

1982. OH, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?

1983. HE ENJOYS LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH AT HIS MALIBU RETREAT.

1984. HE MUST HAVE TAKEN A WRONG TURN AT ALBUQUERQUE.

1985. HMM...

1986. WELL, THAT'S THE SAND.

1987. CATHERINE, THERE'S SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU.

1988. ME TOO.

1989. I KNOW WHAT IT IS.

1990. YOU WANT TO ASK ME ABOUT GODO.

1991. "NO— WHY DOES MY ICE CREAM TASTE LIKE A BURGER

1992. AND WHY ARE WE NOW LITTLE KIDS?"

1993. IT'S NOT EASY TO EXPLAIN.

1994. WE CAME BACK TO WHERE WE STARTED—

1995. WE RETURNED TO THE PRESENT.

1996. MM-HMM?

1997. GODO HAD A DIFFERENT JOURNEY.

1998. HE'S IN ANOTHER TIME ZONE.

1999. DID HE GO TO THE PAST OR THE FUTURE?

2000. WHERE DO YOU THINK HE IS?

2001. "I'M MY OWN GRANDFATHER!"

2002. I DON'T THINK WE'LL EVER KNOW.

2003. HMM?

2004. "SO, MORE ICE CREAM?"

2005. BUT ONE THING I DO KNOW, AND I KNOW FOR CERTAIN.

2006. GODO, WHEREVER HE IS NOW, HE'LL ALWAYS BE IN OUR HEARTS.

2007. OH, YES.

2008. OH, YES, DEFINITELY.

2009. IN OUR HEARTS.

2010. "WE'LL ALWAYS FORGET HIM FOREVER."

2011. OH, IS THERE GONNA BE ANOTHER ENDING NOW?

2012. HEY!

2013. YAY!

2014. COME ON, EVERYBODY, LET'S DO THE SANDY FRANK SONG!

2015. SIR, UH, BETTER CHECK THIS OUT.

2016. THEY'RE GADDING ABOUT AGAIN.

2017. OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE,

2018. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS KIND OF NONSENSE.

2019. DON'T YOU HAVE A LETTER TO READ?

2020. AND QUIT CAMPING IT UP UP THERE— BABIES ARE SLEEPING.

2021. OH, YEAH, WE COULD READ THE LETTER, I DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT, DO YOU?

2022. WELL, THIS LETTER WE PICKED OUT IS FROM A GUY—

2023. WELL, I'LL JUST READ IT TO YOU.

2024. LET'S PUT THAT ON STILL STORE, CAMBOT.

2025. IT SAYS, "DEAR JOEL, CROW AND TOM SERVO,

2026. "MY NAME IS VLADIMIR LOPEZ, I'M 15 YEARS OLD

2027. AND A DEVOTED FAN OF MST3000.

2028. "IT IS MY ABSOLUTE NUMERO UNO A-1 FAVORITE SHOW.

2029. "I LIVE IN TIJUANA, MEXICO, AND NEVER MISS A SHOW.

2030. "I JUST LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT,

2031. "ESPECIALLY THE SONGS AND PLAYS YOU COME UP WITH DURING THE BREAKS.

2032. "HOWEVER THERE'S ONE PART I HATE,

2033. "AND THAT IS WHEN THE MAD SCIENTISTS PUSH THE BUTTON.

2034. I WISH IT WOULD GO ON LONGER."

2035. WE TOO.

2036. AND THEN HE ADDED A REALLY COOL—

2037. OH, NOW, THAT'S COOL.

2038. LET'S PUT THAT UP THERE, CAMBOT.

2039. GOOD WORK, VLADIMIR!

2040. LET'S TELL 'EM ABOUT THE MST INFORMATION CLUB, TOM SERVO.

2041. ALL RIGHT— SEND YOUR LETTERS

2042. OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU CAN

2043. DO IT TODAY.

2044. I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID

2045. THAT THING ABOUT THE MAILBOX.

2046. WHAT DO YOU THINK, SIRS?

2047. UH, I'D BETTER PUSH THE BUTTON, SIR.

2048. YOU BETTER CHANGE HIM.

2049. UH, TELL YOU WHAT, FRANK.

2050. I CHANGED HIM THE LAST TIME.

2051. I'LL PUSH THE BUTTON AND YOU CHANGE HIM.

2052. WELL, I ALWAYS PUSH THE BUTTON.

2053. I KNOW, AND I— YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO.

2054. I'LL PUSH THE BUTTON THIS TIME.

2055. NO, IT'S FINE, I'LL DO IT, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

2056. YOU GO AHEAD AND CHANGE HIM, I'LL PUSH THE BUTTON.

2057. NO, I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE THIS EXPERIENCE.

2058. YOU CAN CHANGE HIM SO YOU'LL KNOW—

2059. OH, I'LL PUSH THE BUTTON.

2060. HIS FIRST WORDS!

2061. JOHNNY, DON'T GO, IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.

2062. I DON'T CARE!