Mystery Science Theater 3000 4x23

1. - A one, a two, we know what to do.

2. - By Marx!

3. - Alright, the best thing about performing —

4. - Yeah, right there, right there.

5. Ah.

6. - Is having the rockin' wrap party afterwards.

7. - Yeah, alright.

8. - Alright, and then when you're done with him, Tom,

9. it's time for my back rub, and then we sauna.

10. - Yeah, yeah, I'll give you a back rub,

11. as soon as I'm done with Crow here.

12. - No, I'll give you both a back rub

13. when Tommy's done with me.

14. - Okay.

15. - I'm going to put on Bette Midler so we can dance.

16. - Yeah! - Aw, great idea.

17. Hey, and then we can all go down to the piano bar

18. at Nuys, and sing show tunes!

19. - Oh, the evil impresarios are calling, you guys.

20. - Well, Weenie-Buns, I think we've

21. really outdone ourselves this time.

22. Not only have we found a movie that'll make your toes curl,

23. but your shoes and socks, as well.

24. - Yeah, I thought the composting toilet had backed up.

25. As it turns out, it's this week's experiment.

26. - Woo!

27. - Hey, Joel?

28. - But first, let's have at that invention exchange, hmm?

29. - Ah, um, I'll be right back.

30. - Well, should we show 'em ours?

31. - Oh, yeah, good plan.

32. Hey, sirs, we have our own invention this time.

33. Cambot, move it in here —

34. - Right here in my hand, Cambot.

35. You see it?

36. - See?

37. - You see, it's a new long distance telephone transducer,

38. that operates at seven ohms, and nominal temperature

39. range of zero to 50 degrees, Celsius.

40. - Yeah, it's a marked improvement

41. over the old configuration, that often required

42. over 25 seconds to connect transcontinental signals.

43. It does so at half the cost.

44. - And it's completely solid state.

45. - Mm-hmm.

46. - You see, the chip sees a telephone signal

47. as a series of ones and zeroes, which are the —

48. - Hey, guys, I found out.

49. Here's the invention exchange, it's called the big head.

50. - Joel, we did the big head already.

51. - Really?

52. - Yep, uh-huh. - Uh-huh.

53. - Yes, well, let's press on, dingle-berry.

54. Our —

55. - Hey, who's that guy with the big head?

56. - Cork it, Larry.

57. Our experiment this week is in honor

58. of your horribly, stinky film.

59. We all remember and love the antics of comedian Joe Besser,

60. on the old Abbott and Costello Show.

61. Well, we can relive those moments with my new stinky bomb.

62. - Yes, now you can turn any friend into that

63. lovable buffoon, who was a lisping man-child,

64. long before it became fashionable.

65. - I think it would go something like this.

66. - Oh!

67. - Elegant, isn't it?

68. Yes, yes.

69. - I'll harm you.

70. - Well, Joel, it's time for me

71. to send you your own stink bomb.

72. This film makes The Unearthly look like Citizen Kane.

73. - I'll give you such a pinch, oh.

74. - Ow!

75. - It's called The Castle of Fu Manchu.

76. - Take a tall drink of gray water, Joel.

77. It'll help you get in the mood.

78. Send him the film.

79. - What if I don't want to.

80. I don't want, ow!

81. Oh, I'll harm you!

82. - Movie time, movie time!

83. I didn't know we had done that one already.

84. - Yeah.

85. - Yeah, we sure,

86. oh, look, it's filmed in Oakland.

87. - Hey.

88. - Oh, what a wonderful, lenten sky.

89. - This is Fu Manchu.

90. - And you're not.

91. - Once again, the world is at my mercy.

92. - Mercy!

93. - I have conquered, not only the mysteries

94. of the continent, but now, of the oceans, too.

95. - And the ancient secret of ventriloquism,

96. now you can too!

97. - In the tropical waters of the South Atlantic,

98. my hand stretches out to turn water into ice.

99. - Oh, he's a refrigerator.

100. - And transform safety,

101. into the deadliest peril.

102. - Kind of like a Corvair, huh?

103. - In a few moments,

104. the proof of my mastery will be complete.

105. - But first, this word from Maxwell House.

106. - Oh, they stole this from a Titanic movie.

107. Look.

108. - O, 73.

109. - We use children to grind our hops.

110. - Number three, yet?

111. - Three cherries!

112. - I wonder what this is.

113. It's a Chinese personal computer.

114. - Well said.

115. - Go portable.

116. - They must use ninja dolphin temps.

117. - There's no danger of overload.

118. - I didn't ask.

119. - One of the staff in the powerhouse make a mistake,

120. generate more energy than we need.

121. - I'm mixing my album, leave me alone.

122. - Installed his safety lock.

123. - Oh, he's cool Fu Mo-Gee.

124. - Oh, he's wearing David Byrne's big suit.

125. Check it out.

126. - Oh, how about that?

127. - Big pajamas.

128. - When this lever reaches the bottom of the groove,

129. we are at safety maximum.

130. - Then let your foot off the clutch.

131. - Take the lever, and move it down into the second groove,

132. before the auxiliary channels will feed in.

133. - Auxiliary?

134. - He's flat-lining!

135. - Phase two, coming in now.

136. - Any time, come on in.

137. Phase two, ladies and gentlemen.

138. - Jiggle the plug, sometimes you gotta kick it.

139. - The signal isn't getting through.

140. - Hmm.

141. - Strengthen the signal.

142. - No!

143. - Do as I say!

144. Strengthen it!

145. - Listen, my name is on your check, buddy.

146. - More!

147. - Oh, it's a quad system.

148. - We still have the safety lock.

149. - Hey, don't get your tie stuck in that thing.

150. - That's the biggest rock tumbler I have ever seen.

151. - Big wheel, keep on turnin'.

152. - Do we have to see this?

153. - No, we cannot!

154. - Do it, do it!

155. - No, no, no!

156. - Dammit, push the lever!

157. - I won't do it.

158. - Will you push the lever?

159. - I won't do it!

160. - It's Witness, all of a sudden.

161. - Lin Tang, slide that lever over.

162. Slide it over and hold it!

163. - That girl!

164. - Like this?

165. - Oh, yes, oh, yes.

166. Girth.

167. - Oh, she exploded.

168. Oh. - Oh.

169. - Thought she'd —

170. - Looks like my freezer.

171. - Ooh, gotta do something about that.

172. - Deploy the bread, deploy the bread.

173. Wonder bread.

174. - Lucy must be around here somewhere.

175. Ah, Ricky, I hit an iceberg.

176. Ah.

177. - Call it quits.

178. That pretty much screws up the shuffleboard.

179. Come on.

180. - Hey, the water got warmer in here.

181. - Thank you, Wang, that'll be all.

182. - Nose to the grindstone, you.

183. - Oh, somebody wet the bed.

184. - So, I called down the desk clerk.

185. I said, "I had a leak in the sink".

186. He said, "Go ahead, the customer's always right."

187. - Like Dave.

188. - Uh-oh.

189. - Women, children, spacemen, Indians,

190. and sort of idealized representations

191. of 16th century Flemish merchants first!

192. - Kathy Lee, no!

193. - Boy, these people really know how to party.

194. Woo!

195. It's a Carnival cruise.

196. - In a few moments, the entire ship

197. will have vanished beneath the ocean's surface.

198. - Bing, bing, bing.

199. - This is the destiny of Fu Manchu.

200. - And you are there.

201. - And now back to our Channel Nine movie,

202. the Poseidon Adventure.

203. - Ooh.

204. - Ah!

205. Ooh!

206. - Ah!

207. - Sliders.

208. - Huh?

209. - Oh, Gilligan.

210. Oh.

211. - Lin Tang, follow me.

212. - Come, let's have a quick one.

213. Cocktail.

214. Ah, wee!

215. - Waiter, waiter.

216. We'll have the Buddha Delight, pronto.

217. Yeah, mm-hmm.

218. - Lousy service.

219. And there she goes.

220. Yay!

221. - Well, that made no sense.

222. - Epilogue.

223. Well, Rocky, it turns out that Jimmy

224. was hiding in the Camaro.

225. - Now, it's Adventures In Paradise.

226. - I'll have the number six, the Christopher Lee.

227. It comes with egg roll, you know?

228. - Ooh.

229. - Yes? - Yeah?

230. - In what?

231. - Oh.

232. - Oh, Rohmer, he's in A Dead Man At Maude's,

233. falling on the beach.

234. - No, that's Eric Rohmer.

235. - Oh.

236. - Castle of Fu Manchu, where you eat

237. square hamburgers with chopsticks.

238. - Huh?

239. - You know, they should've stuck Martin up there

240. with Crawford, and everyone would have two names.

241. - Hey, look!

242. It's Howard and Marion from Happy Days, Richie's parents.

243. - Richard Greene is Nayland Smith.

244. Ba-dum-bum-bum.

245. - Role provided by Manuel Merino.

246. - Oh, Camilleri.

247. I love it with a light horseradish sauce.

248. - It's calamari.

249. - Oh, you're right.

250. Always make that mistake.

251. - Oh, come on.

252. We can't keep making fun of the names, get on with it!

253. - Titles by Peter Max.

254. Are these the same towers or?

255. Oh, look, even the towers got their own credits.

256. Last week on Grizzly Adams.

257. - Hey, it's Gadabout Gaddis, the flying fisherman.

258. - Before Babe Winkleman, there was Gadabout Gaddis.

259. - I've got a bite!

260. - Oh, cripes.

261. You need a lazy Ike on that there, I think.

262. - I've landed a real monster, this time.

263. - This isn't Loch Ness, Petrie.

264. You want a hand?

265. - No, I can manage.

266. This a tiny shrimp.

267. - Good job.

268. You caught a tree with that little fish.

269. That's not bad.

270. - Bravo, Petrie!

271. - Be quiet.

272. Yes, alright, I must say this is —

273. - It's amazing how these British blend in

274. with their natural environments, isn't it now?

275. - After landing that monster, you must be hungry.

276. Let's open the picnic basket.

277. - Oh, dad, your medication.

278. Did you take the pills from Monday's little container?

279. - Woo!

280. Look at this guy.

281. Who's dressin' him today?

282. - Hello, what's this?

283. - Probably fish, ham, and sandwiches.

284. - Iceberg In The Tropics?

285. - What do you say?

286. - Listen, liner strikes iceberg, hundreds drown.

287. - Good God, where?

288. - In the water. - In the Caribbean.

289. Icebergs in the Caribbean.

290. Paper's a week old.

291. - And so is this sandwich.

292. - Nayland Smith!

293. Petrie!

294. - Dish.

295. - Hello.

296. - Hello, Curt.

297. - Come here, Petrie, old man.

298. He's a lovely chap,

299. - Hello, Kessler, what brings you here?

300. - My bicycle.

301. - Looks rather urgent.

302. I thought I'd try and find you, before I got the thing.

303. - Thank you, Curt.

304. It was very kind of you to come.

305. - Well, I didn't mean to,

306. but the new seat covers —

307. - Joel, no!

308. - Fish aren't biting well today, Petrie, uh?

309. - Everybody can't be an Isaac Walton.

310. - Don't wave your little sizzler at me, dad.

311. - Not yet.

312. - Somebody may be joining you on the London train.

313. - I'm here for the old gringo audition.

314. - Sounds like he had a little shot

315. of testosterone there.

316. - Well, we've got another week yet!

317. - Holidays are over, Petrie.

318. This is from the Home Secretary.

319. We've been ordered back to London at once.

320. - Oh, well, that's our Home Secretary.

321. - Hey, now, it's Thomas the Tank Engine, man.

322. - This is symbolic of their return to London.

323. - Meanwhile, in downtown Ames, Iowa.

324. - In Chicago, I'm Grant Park, in Lakeshore Drive.

325. The Field Museum.

326. - Our lunch today will be toasted cheese sandwiches,

327. tomato soup, turkey tidbits, and tater tots.

328. - Stand by for an

329. important message from Fu Manchu.

330. - Mm-hmm.

331. - How long have these messages

332. been coming in, Sir Robert?

333. - Well, that's a rather personal question, isn't it?

334. - Over the past 24 hours.

335. At first, we didn't take them very seriously, but now —

336. - Is the wave length being monitored?

337. - Yes, of course.

338. - Mm, his finger went off.

339. - Bastard's speaking through our omelet pan!

340. - This is Fu Manchu.

341. - And I'm an alcoholic.

342. - Hi, Fu!

343. - In the Caribbean Sea —

344. I gave a demonstration of the new —

345. - What?

346. - And destructive weapon that I possess.

347. - Hello?

348. Hey, lights please!

349. - You know, it kind of looks like a Nova

350. special on conception, doesn't it?

351. - Yeah.

352. - Focus!

353. - Somethin'.

354. We're green!

355. They're green.

356. Hmm?

357. Not again.

358. - If disaster is to be avoided,

359. I shall insist on complete cooperation.

360. I shall give no further warning,

361. but unless the heads of state of the major powers —

362. - Looks like Fu shops at Ethan Allen.

363. - Tasteful.

364. - In 14 days from now, I shall strike.

365. - Does that start today?

366. Is that 14 business days, or would that be weekdays?

367. - Ah, Fu, this is the River Boat Queen.

368. We'll catch you on the flip flop.

369. Catch you later, good buddy.

370. HT at 10 four.

371. - Fu Manchu hasn't lost his cunning.

372. He's used at least four transmitters, impossible to trace.

373. He's threatened mankind with obliteration.

374. It sounded almost biblical.

375. - That's one book in which

376. you won't find Fu Manchu's name.

377. - Quite.

378. - I was thinking of the flood.

379. In some way, Fu Manchu's new weapon

380. involves water and its temperature.

381. - Staring contest on the left.

382. Check it out.

383. - You blinked.

384. - In a spot where he could control

385. great quantities of water.

386. Panama, Gibraltar, Suez.

387. - Ruby Falls.

388. - Or even Istanbul.

389. - Wisconsin Dells?

390. The Opa Dells.

391. - Ooh, let's go there now.

392. - Oh, sure.

393. Just barge right into Istanbul.

394. - No!

395. - Oh, that's terrible!

396. - Well, it's not Constantinople.

397. - Uh-uh.

398. - Rula Lenska as the Turkish lieutenant's woman.

399. - Gee, I don't recognize him,

400. but the fez is familiar.

401. - Either I'm weird, or that guy's really hot.

402. - Oh, it's Annie Hall.

403. - Bet he's smokin' a Camel, huh?

404. - Turkish and domestic blend.

405. - It's like a meeting of the Shriner Mafia.

406. - Do you like this pole?

407. - This water splits out.

408. - What?

409. - The search of the sun.

410. - I have been sent by Omar Pasha —

411. - There goes a spooky sub.

412. - Good, we have no time to waste.

413. - Yeah, whatever.

414. - Hey, look, Pac-Man's got his own flag.

415. - Oh.

416. - We're just two ships passing in the, uh, day.

417. - Catalina Caper, right?

418. Are you following me?

419. Quit following me.

420. Heel, I don't want you following me.

421. - All we are is dust in the wind, man.

422. - That's so true.

423. - Well, you see.

424. The theory is you're harder to see,

425. when you sneak around like that.

426. - Next, we travel to Istanbul with Robert Goulet,

427. as he hooks up with that non-co-sheggie.

428. - Janie?

429. - Master, I have brought the lady.

430. - Oh, wow, I'm so high.

431. - Excuse me, while I kiss the sky.

432. - Persistent lady.

433. Greetings.

434. Sit down please.

435. - I am sitting down.

436. - You have received my message?

437. - What have you to sell me?

438. - Opium.

439. - Hmm.

440. - I have enough opium.

441. - How about Chanel No 5?

442. - To control the trade of half of the world.

443. - You are starting to interest me.

444. - You are one of the few that passed the governor's castle.

445. - The proud, the Marines.

446. - Yes?

447. - The governor's castle contains the biggest reserve

448. of opium in the East, but the —

449. - What are we waiting for then?

450. Road trip, dude.

451. Whoa. - Woo!

452. - I'm interested.

453. - If you agree, we will share the opium.

454. - With her and her roommates.

455. - Explain to me your plans.

456. - You will send your men

457. up the river Bosphorus —

458. - We gotta go, guys.

459. Oh, this movie's bad.

460. - Leaving the way clear,

461. for me and my men, to approach on feet.

462. - Oh, are we on?

463. The Miss Saigon Syndrome, an editorial by Crow T. Robot.

464. Dear Miss, Sir, or Madame,

465. I can no longer sit idly by on my little robot haunches,

466. and watch Caucasian actors being

467. continually cast in non-Caucasian roles.

468. Christoper Lee's portrayal of Fu Manchu is a crystalline

469. example of the phenomenon I have tried,

470. titled, Bad Actors, Bad Decisions.

471. Sorry.

472. This insidious tradition of casting, has formed

473. a psychological backdrop, in which we play out

474. the insignificant comings and goings of our daily lives.

475. Let me, Crow T. Robot, pull back the curtain, to reveal

476. the lie, on which your life is based.

477. Sign post number one on your road to discovery,

478. George Pal's enchanting, The Seven Faces of Dr. Lao.

479. Would it shock you to know that all seven faces were played

480. by the white, musical theater actor, Tony Randall?

481. Wake up, people!

482. That's seven examples right there.

483. Now you're saying to yourself,

484. "Please, Mr. Robot, carrier of the gleaming sword of truth,

485. "don't spoil the shining obelisk

486. "of Sunday afternoon enjoyment, Charlie Chan."

487. Sorry, it's my job.

488. Charlie Chan is a Swede, named Warner Oland.

489. "Crow, stop now!

490. "You're woozy!"

491. No, the truth is a runaway train.

492. Who's that playing an Asian in

493. The Tea House of The August Moon?

494. It's your precious method actor, Marlon Brando.

495. Here's a bonus.

496. The Indian Chief on F Troop

497. was a grade-D actor, Frank Nakoa.

498. Dare I go on?

499. What's the point?

500. - Crow, buddy, control yourself.

501. You're getting off track.

502. The kids out there love your acerbic editorials.

503. Stick it to the man!

504. You can't let them down.

505. - But it hurts too much.

506. - Buck up, Crow.

507. Get out there and do it for the kids!

508. Come on!

509. - Okay.

510. Anyway, where was I?

511. So, in conclusion, Cameron Mackintosh, bite me!

512. Oh, wait.

513. There are so many examples I should give.

514. What about Joey Bishop in Sergeants 3?

515. Hey, wait a minute, I like Joey Bishop in that movie.

516. He's in a category by himself.

517. He's always good, no matter what role he plays.

518. Regis Philbin had no right to walk

519. off his show the way he did.

520. How could he do that?

521. Why?

522. Why?

523. Why?

524. - No.

525. Joel, help us.

526. - Look at what you've done to my little friends.

527. Are you guys happy now?

528. Come on, it's okay, buddy.

529. - Don't you care?

530. Don't you even care?

531. - Our data is showing deep, deep pain, all around.

532. Well, it looks like we could expect

533. to get a Nobel Prize for evil, Frank.

534. - Better send 'em a commercial.

535. - Oh, it's not that bad.

536. - It's pretty bad.

537. - Not more.

538. - Tell a joke.

539. - Oh, Laurel and Hardy are there.

540. - That's a good one.

541. - I have a pass to see the governor.

542. - I was in Victor Victoria.

543. - Here, let me see that.

544. "Please excuse Carol from," what is this?

545. - Open the gate!

546. - Now close it, real fast.

547. - That girl!

548. - Hmm.

549. - Oh, no!

550. Bob Hope is killing people!

551. - Take that you fez monsters.

552. - Pull!

553. - Oh, it's got flare.

554. - I guess that means come on.

555. - Oh, Mrs. Peel, we're needed.

556. - Two stairs diverge into a yellow wood.

557. - Looks like Graceland.

558. Graceland, Memphis, Tennessee.

559. - I see Elvis.

560. - Where?

561. Where?

562. - Carry me, carry me!

563. Hey, pile on Uncle Bob.

564. Tickle machine, tickle machine.

565. - Does this bug you?

566. I'm not touching you.

567. Does this bug you?

568. - Oh, bloodless guards.

569. - Thorazine guards.

570. - Yawn.

571. - It's the killer joke.

572. Sure glad I dressed to move.

573. You?

574. - Mm.

575. Jawbreaker?

576. - Chester A. Arthur?

577. Ooh, the press shot us a buffalo there.

578. - Mommy?

579. - Boy, could you tell me what day it is?

580. - Why, it's Christmas Day, sir.

581. - Mutt?

582. Mutt?

583. - Grover Cleveland?

584. - Oh, there you are.

585. - Hey, who hasn't had a nightmare like this?

586. - My lord.

587. Oh, oh, it's you guys again.

588. Hello.

589. - Oh, swords, smimatars.

590. Hmm.

591. - Guards!

592. - Alright, everybody, it's a B Major.

593. - He's being attacked by a swing choir.

594. - Kareem!

595. - Oh, he's standing on an office chair.

596. - Oh.

597. - Lin Tang?

598. - Yes, father.

599. - Hello, we are your new neighbors.

600. May we borrow some pesto?

601. - Proceed, daughter.

602. - Okay.

603. - If you don't look good, we don't look good.

604. Oops.

605. - Sorry, I missed.

606. - And now the cast of My Fair Lady.

607. - You have fought well.

608. We are grateful to you, for opening the doors to us.

609. - It was nothing.

610. - Nothing.

611. - We were able to approach unseen.

612. - We are very happy to serve you.

613. - Check please!

614. - Uh-oh.

615. - A rat-ta-tat-tat.

616. Rat-ta-tat-tat.

617. - Bob Hope is The Mechanic.

618. - Isn't she helpful?

619. - Over there.

620. He's strict, that one.

621. - Boy, let me tell ya.

622. Ooh.

623. - I'll be over here, if you need me.

624. - Bring them to my father.

625. - And bring me to an orthodontist.

626. - I'll say.

627. - She fights like a man.

628. - But she breaks, just like a little girl.

629. - We must kill her.

630. - You may serve us yet.

631. - I serve only one master.

632. - But I'm good at it.

633. - We shall see.

634. Take her away.

635. - Karen Valentine.

636. - She's a good egg.

637. - Why do you keep her alive?

638. She's dangerous.

639. - I have my reasons.

640. - Okay, Mr. CEO.

641. - Filmed in Ivana Trump's bathroom.

642. - Whoops, the King's on his throne.

643. - This will make an excellent headquarters.

644. - And Omar Pasha?

645. - The governor is still in residence.

646. I shall announce that the castle was attacked by bandits.

647. The attack failed, the bandits were liquidated.

648. - Along with some factory second Naugahyde furniture.

649. - We have one week.

650. - You mean starting the day, now.

651. You mean including the day, wait a minute.

652. - Meanwhile, on the

653. hallowed halls of Wossamotta U.

654. - Continue checking every hour.

655. Report to me anything unusual, anything at all.

656. Oh, Petrie.

657. - Don't call me Fifi at the office, dear.

658. - An imbecile, and an incompetent dolt.

659. - Did you come all the way to Scotland Yard to tell me that?

660. - You sweet talker.

661. - I'm terribly excited, but I just found this.

662. It's been on my old bookshelf for all these years.

663. - It's called Crazy Cop, can you believe it?

664. - Mm-hmm.

665. The world's top authority.

666. - Well, I dare say, Petrie —

667. - Dish.

668. - Would you explain why this book of yours

669. has suddenly become so important?

670. - Because his theory may give us the clue

671. that we are desperately searching for.

672. Well, you see, he has a theory that when the chemical

673. properties of ordinary water, as such that

674. they lend themselves to transformation —

675. - Bet this clown has his underwear on backwards.

676. - Mm-hmm.

677. - Tampered with.

678. He goes on to say here —

679. - Why are they dubbing the British?

680. - I don't know.

681. This is terrible.

682. - Let's see.

683. He grabbed her heaving breasts, oh, sorry.

684. My notes.

685. - Prepared by the letters, which are not as yet,

686. practicable to man, by dramatically changes temperature

687. to a cold so intense —

688. - Help me.

689. - Now, provided that you've got sufficient quantity

690. of water, the pressure will build up,

691. which will eventually, with the crystals —

692. - Really?

693. - But these crystals of which he writes,

694. what will they be composed of?

695. - Possibly a derivative of —

696. - What, are you Carol Burnett all of a sudden?

697. - Excuse me, Sir Dennis.

698. - What is it?

699. - From Istanbul, sir.

700. Attack on the headquarters of the governor

701. of Anatolia, they were all killed.

702. - I love you.

703. - What about the Bible now, Petrie?

704. The hand of providence.

705. - I don't understand.

706. - Anatolia —

707. - East of Java.

708. - Is the largest source of supply

709. in the world of the opium poppy.

710. - By heavens, I was right!

711. - I love opium!

712. - First of all, I want to have a word

713. with your Professor Heracles.

714. - I anticipated you'll try to get in touch

715. with Heracles through the University.

716. - He's gone on a trip to the Middle East in Turkey.

717. - Turkey!

718. - That's what I'm hungry for!

719. Turkey and Swiss!

720. - Anatolia, perhaps.

721. - Anatolia twice.

722. - Meanwhile, at Giro Castle.

723. - Just a typical morning for Burt Young.

724. - Oh, here comes Peter O'Toole and Albert Finney.

725. - When you're serious about weight loss.

726. - Hi, sunshine.

727. You look bright-eyed this morning.

728. - Read me a story.

729. - Once upon a time, there was

730. a very naughty man named Fu Manchu.

731. - You will come to the laboratory.

732. - And he had a spooky-wooky daughter.

733. - Ooh.

734. - I am perfectly well aware of the condition

735. of your heart, Professor.

736. However, I can keep you alive.

737. - Not forever.

738. I'm growing weaker.

739. In spite of your drugs, I'm going to die.

740. - There are ways of persuasion.

741. - I'm no use to you dead.

742. Within a week, perhaps before, I shall be dead.

743. - Ooh.

744. - We shall see.

745. - I'd like two espressos over here, please.

746. - Yes, my little friend,

747. Drew, sent these over for you.

748. - Wow, they make strong drinks there.

749. He just injected it into the mattress.

750. - Doh!

751. Here, now give this back to Sid and Nancy.

752. - You know, I'm learning a lot more about this

753. guy's nasal hair, than I ever really wanted to know.

754. - Yeah, me too.

755. - You are going to remain alive, Professor Heracles.

756. - And stoned off your flabby butt.

757. - I understand you consulted

758. a brilliant, young specialist last year.

759. What was his name?

760. - Howser.

761. Doogie Howser.

762. - He's in London, but he would never

763. help you, even to save my life.

764. - Indeed.

765. - Not even Kessler can save me.

766. Don't you understand?

767. My heart.

768. - Becky?

769. Tom?

770. Are you in there?

771. - It's died.

772. - Hmm?

773. Mosquito.

774. - There are other, younger hearts in the world.

775. - Dad, like I'm almost sure.

776. Gag me.

777. - Stronger hearts.

778. - Say, who's the new guy?

779. - Geez, he's had his nipples sanded off.

780. - Him again.

781. - Does he please you?

782. Does he bring you pleasure?

783. - Oh sure.

784. Go ahead and barge right into London.

785. It was funny the first time.

786. - We now return to those magnificent men,

787. and their jaunty jalopies, on your Channel Nine movie.

788. - Masterpiece Theatre continues

789. with the Jewel and the Crown.

790. - It's Audrey Hepburn in Charade.

791. - You know, personally,

792. I would've worn a slingback with those shoes.

793. - You would?

794. - Yeah.

795. - Did the director take his lessons

796. in walking scenes from Roger Corman?

797. - Look, nobody's following you!

798. - Huh.

799. - They switched to Tungsten, I think.

800. - I've been eatin' berries all day.

801. - Does she, or doesn't she?

802. - The Dutch Masters at home!

803. - Yes, yes, yes, Mrs. Ward.

804. - No, no, no.

805. - No. - Yes.

806. - No, no, no, no.

807. - Yes, it is.

808. - Every night, Ward.

809. - No. - Yes.

810. - Yes. - Yes.

811. - No, you don't say.

812. You don't say.

813. You don't say.

814. - Who was it?

815. - He didn't say.

816. - Thank you, thank you very much.

817. - You don't have any more patients, do you?

818. - No.

819. - No, I can't watch another frame.

820. - I'm afraid I can't come yet.

821. I'm expecting someone.

822. - Oh, someone important?

823. - Oh, yes.

824. One, a doctor I know slightly, from the Home Office,

825. and other's from Scotland Yard.

826. - So, they found you out at last?

827. - Oh, yes.

828. Right on time.

829. Ingrid, I sent Miss Lawrence home.

830. Would you?

831. - Of course.

832. - I'll also send Miss Lawrence home.

833. - Thank you, thank you very much.

834. - Now, time for a Bloody Mary.

835. - Yes, that would be the phone.

836. - Dr. Kessler.

837. Who?

838. - Not who, Fu!

839. - Oh, yes, Sir Charles.

840. No, no, no, no, I'm afraid I can't attend a dinner tonight.

841. - Right this way.

842. - An important case, yes.

843. - Very good now.

844. Now, just put on that paper gown,

845. and in get in the stirrups.

846. Thank you.

847. - Thank you very much.

848. Goodbye.

849. - We introduced ourselves.

850. Dr. Kessler, this is Dr. Petrie, Sir Dennis Nayland Smith.

851. - We're old friends, met on holiday.

852. We fished the same river.

853. - Balderdash.

854. There's no work to do.

855. - Dr. Kessler, we want some information

856. about Professor Heracles.

857. He is your patient, isn't he?

858. - Yes, patient and friend,

859. but he has a very severe cardio condition.

860. - So I don't like him anymore.

861. - Do you know where he is now?

862. - Well, here's a stab, Joe's Bar?

863. - He called me last week,

864. to tell me he's going to the continent.

865. - No, no, you fool!

866. He's incontinent.

867. - Some days ago I had a card from Athens.

868. - She turned into a mannequin.

869. - Look, I've go it here, somewhere.

870. If I can just find it.

871. - Hmm, not bad.

872. Later, later.

873. - Oh, no, that's disgusting.

874. A picture of you and Oliver Reed.

875. - What the devil is he doing so far from England?

876. - He mentions on the card that he's moving on to Istanbul.

877. - Istanbul?

878. What's he doing, the circular trip?

879. - Ingrid —

880. - Get some more actors in this scene, will you?

881. - Would you please tell them that I'm busy?

882. - Yes, yes, don't worry.

883. I'll send them away.

884. - Hey, let's not clue the audience in

885. on the plot yet, okay?

886. - Let's ditch her, huh?

887. - Would you like one of our watchtowers?

888. - Does this bug you?

889. Does this bug you?

890. I'm not touching you.

891. - Doggone, take me away.

892. - I know nothing about Heracles' experiments —

893. - Nothing!

894. Nothing!

895. - He would want to benefit mankind, not to destroy it.

896. - Fu Manchu is only interested in destruction.

897. - Hey, he's making a Xerox copy of his butt.

898. - Hey, what do you know?

899. - I believe it's a question

900. of saving the world, Dr. Kessler.

901. - Oh, that.

902. - Leave the specimens alone, please.

903. - I think it would be fun to go to Istanbul.

904. - Oh, that would be fun.

905. - Well then, if I may, I will come

906. with you, and maybe Ingrid, too.

907. - Good.

908. - Thank you.

909. - We'll make it a holiday, a camping holiday.

910. - Damn, this tobacco is really good.

911. - Only you can prevent desk fires.

912. - Land shark.

913. - Tickle-Ray.

914. - Miss Jane Pittman.

915. - Time for go to bed.

916. - I wonder what's keeping Kessler?

917. - Gee, this is the most action we've seen, so far.

918. - Smells like a dead monkey in here.

919. You?

920. - It's not funny anymore, guys.

921. I can't take this anymore.

922. I'm getting out of here.

923. Get me out of here please.

924. - Oh, geez, come on.

925. Okay, jeepers.

926. - This film is too terrible.

927. - Kessler didn't mean to leave a cigarette burn,

928. into a polished wood table.

929. - Ah, come in, Red Shriner Sergeant-At-Arms Joel.

930. This is Black Shriner Leader, Tom.

931. Come in boys, and cut the comedy.

932. I'm in trouble here.

933. Over.

934. - Ah, yeah, Shriner Leader Tom,

935. this is Red Shriner Joel, at your backdoor,

936. with Neon Peon Crow in tow.

937. What's your 20?

938. - What's my 20?

939. Sweet Sons of Norway, man!

940. My magic carpet's malfunctioned,

941. and I'm stuck in front of the Robert Hall store,

942. on the Main Street.

943. On top of that, I've run out of Jolly Rancher candy,

944. and the kids are startin' to look ugly.

945. Over.

946. - Ace to ya, good buddy.

947. This is the Neon Peon.

948. I'm in your rockin' chair.

949. Hold tight, Shriner Leader Joel and I,

950. about to do a flyover.

951. - Hurry up, man.

952. I'm running out of hard candy.

953. Condition red.

954. Send in the clowns.

955. What's the use?

956. - Aw, man, Joel.

957. He's totally off script.

958. There's nothing that says anything

959. about sounding like a broken man.

960. - Yeah, you're right.

961. Let's see, it says here, Tom says,

962. "Tighten formation, men, those kids are all over me.

963. "Argh."

964. It just says, "Argh," it doesn't say

965. anything about sobbing pitifully.

966. - I can't do it, guys.

967. I just can't do it.

968. I can't go through another sketch, loosely based

969. on some vague reference of the movie.

970. There are only a few kinds of fezzes in this movie,

971. and suddenly, we're the Sahara Shriners, riding flying

972. carpets on Maxwell Street Days.

973. Why?

974. Get me out of here.

975. - I don't understand.

976. How is this sketch any different

977. than anything else we do, during a movie?

978. - Well, Crow, it's not the sketch, it's this movie.

979. Look at him.

980. He's just a broken man.

981. - You're tellin' me.

982. There are absolutely no psychological

983. footholds in this film.

984. It's like trying to climb El Capitan.

985. There's something wrong with me!

986. There's something wrong with me!

987. Why!

988. Why!

989. - Better you than me.

990. - Oh, Crow, come on.

991. Look at what you've done to him.

992. - Me?

993. - Do you see what you've done to this guy?

994. Come on!

995. - You see, Frank, it feels good

996. to be with the winners, doesn't it?

997. - Oh, yes.

998. - Hey, let's order out.

999. Mongolian?

1000. - I was thinking more along the lines of one

1001. of those delightful, stuffed pesto pizzas from Eduardo's.

1002. - Hmm, you fly, I'll buy.

1003. - Solid, Jackson.

1004. Oh, bite me.

1005. It's fun.

1006. - Thank you, Frankie.

1007. Now, Joely, you and your scaredy-bots,

1008. up great, deep, drafts of the second half

1009. of this stink-burger, called The Castle of Fu Manchu.

1010. Ain't that a man?

1011. - We've got movie siren!

1012. Let's hit it, boys!

1013. Oh, it's okay.

1014. - In two copies.

1015. - Two coffees?

1016. - I know you will be able to follow, without any trouble.

1017. Goodbye, Melnik.

1018. - But I'm not leaving.

1019. Oh, I see.

1020. You don't have to knock me over the head.

1021. - Lieutenant, sir?

1022. - I feel a little bit better.

1023. - Go away.

1024. - Order lunch.

1025. That'll take a while.

1026. - Thanks, guys.

1027. - Oh, go.

1028. - What, do you need a ton of bricks to fall on ya?

1029. - Goodbye, Sergeant.

1030. - Meanwhile, in east Dubuque.

1031. - It's Nessie!

1032. - It's the Boss!

1033. It's Springsteen!

1034. - A boat approaches!

1035. - But keep it quiet!

1036. We got a super secret plan!

1037. - Methinks the King approaches.

1038. - Oh, darn escalator's out again.

1039. Got trapped on there once.

1040. - Lin Tang arrives with the prisoners.

1041. - They could use an extension line.

1042. - Very well.

1043. - I'm done tanning, thanks.

1044. - Under this robe, I'm naked as the day I was born.

1045. Riding free and easy.

1046. - You don't think there's much chance

1047. he'll fall down those stairs?

1048. - No.

1049. Wishful thinking.

1050. - Hi-kee-bah.

1051. - Suddenly, I have the urge to, um.

1052. - What are you looking at?

1053. - We'll be right back, after this.

1054. - Come back here!

1055. Where are you going?

1056. - To Scarborough Fair?

1057. - I must see your master.

1058. - Get out of here!

1059. - That guy's gonna be

1060. a sophomore for five years, man.

1061. - I bring you valuable information.

1062. - I bring tidings of great joy.

1063. - It's all lined up.

1064. - Start talking then —

1065. - And start chalking.

1066. - Well, once upon a time, there were three bears.

1067. - Cher's getting back with Gregg Allman.

1068. - Lin Tang was here today, in Istanbul.

1069. She took two prisoners away with her.

1070. - Justine Bateman has a new movie coming out.

1071. - Yes, yes.

1072. Of course, I do not know who,

1073. but I know which way they went.

1074. - Well?

1075. - The same road Lisa took, Master, to the other side.

1076. - You smell like a fresh cookie.

1077. - To Anatolia.

1078. - You're dripping sweat on me.

1079. - Ahmet!

1080. Reward him.

1081. - Oh, someone's got an oily t-zone.

1082. - Where's his reward?

1083. No, no, I meant give him a slice of pie.

1084. - I'm so wasted, I forgot what he said.

1085. - A waste.

1086. - No, never.

1087. - Oh, it's the Istanbul Orkin man.

1088. - I'd say this movie has less action than

1089. a Who's Life Is It Anyway?

1090. - I'm a sailor.

1091. - Will you help me?

1092. - What, what?

1093. What?

1094. - No.

1095. No!

1096. No!

1097. Oh.

1098. - Michael Caine and Nancy Kulp are vampires.

1099. - Shoot, roommates!

1100. - David Bowie, from The Hunger.

1101. - And he's all dewy.

1102. Dewy Bowie.

1103. - I hate jet lag.

1104. - Boy, I really racked up the frequent flyer miles though.

1105. - Yeah, frequent dyer miles.

1106. - Dece.

1107. You're feelin' better.

1108. - A little.

1109. - Kessler!

1110. Ingrid!

1111. - In color.

1112. - She's kinda overdressed for espionage.

1113. - Professor Heracles.

1114. - She had to sit next to the stinky guy.

1115. - Oh, I can't watch this.

1116. I mean, I can't see this.

1117. - It's kinda like a Metallica video, but slower.

1118. - Oh, come on, what is this, Kirlian photography?

1119. - Yeah, Moe, Larry, and Kirlian photography.

1120. - Geez, and I thought City of Hope was an underlit movie.

1121. They've been candied.

1122. Candide?

1123. - Candide.

1124. - Where are we?

1125. - You're one step away from never working again.

1126. - Anatolia.

1127. He had a boss for us.

1128. - They've turned us into Warhols.

1129. - It's incredible.

1130. Who were those people?

1131. - Who are these people?

1132. - They were kidnapped, by the men of Fu Manchu.

1133. - Fu Man —

1134. - Manchu.

1135. Spit it out, honey.

1136. - I can't move, but feel I'm paralyzed.

1137. - You'll be alright in a few minutes.

1138. They used my crystals against you.

1139. - This is the first color movie

1140. that needs to be colorized.

1141. - But in a small dose.

1142. - Professor!

1143. - Look, you're overtired.

1144. We'll talk to you later.

1145. - She could use a good clay pack.

1146. - Mm-hmm.

1147. Spores.

1148. - Come on.

1149. Meanwhile, in downtown Duluth.

1150. - It's not funny.

1151. - I went to Istanbul,

1152. and all I got was this lousy fez, huh?

1153. It's funny.

1154. - Hey, take a long walk off that thing.

1155. - Yeah.

1156. - Hi, we're the Boatniks.

1157. - Inspector Ahmet?

1158. - You inspect her, I'm busy.

1159. - Told that we'd expect you here.

1160. - An honor, sir, but I'm afraid that I have bad news.

1161. - What is the bad news, Inspector?

1162. - My hat.

1163. - The bandits, who attacked the castle,

1164. were Omar Pasha's men.

1165. - Omar Pasha?

1166. - He controls the opium trade.

1167. - Opium? - The perfume?

1168. - An informer called Melnik, appeared this morning, killed.

1169. - Tell me again, please.

1170. I need your help, please.

1171. - His last visit, yesterday,

1172. was to Omar Pasha's coffee shop.

1173. - I should have listened to him.

1174. - Why?

1175. - Omar Pasha has vanished.

1176. - Meanwhile, in, oh, forget it.

1177. - That he has gone to Anatolia,

1178. to rescue the girl, Lisa, and is camped opposite the castle,

1179. on the other side of the —

1180. - Looks like two seals waterskiing, doesn't it?

1181. - Uh-huh. - Kind of?

1182. - No.

1183. - Uh-oh.

1184. - Hey, it's the grand wizard himself.

1185. - What a burn, wow.

1186. - Come on!

1187. - Thank you, thank you.

1188. Next show at 10 o'clock.

1189. Thank you very much.

1190. - Hey, don't step on the guy.

1191. Come on.

1192. - All is clear, master.

1193. - Oh, geez, I thought Shriners helped people.

1194. - Rock the Casbah, dude.

1195. - Sharif don't like it.

1196. - Wouldn't it be great if we knew who they were,

1197. where they are, or what they were doing?

1198. - Pretty much.

1199. - Well, he looks like a Century 21 salesman.

1200. - Gandhi's back, and he's stuffed.

1201. - Fu Manchu.

1202. - Bring forth the two prisoners,

1203. Dr. Kessler and Dr. Ingrid Cox.

1204. - Yes, father.

1205. The guards are bringing them.

1206. - Oh, look, it's the original hand-hammered wok.

1207. - It looks like stainless steel from here.

1208. - Oh, yeah, you're right.

1209. - Love me.

1210. - I have brought you here to save the life

1211. of someone, whose knowledge I require,

1212. as a thirsty man needs water.

1213. - Tonight on, You Asked For It.

1214. - Crystal clear water, Dr. Kessler.

1215. - Crystal blue persuasion.

1216. - Ah, cripes, this again.

1217. - The name of the person to whom

1218. I refer, is Professor Heracles.

1219. - Uh, we're underwhelmed.

1220. You know, Burt Young has looked worse.

1221. - Mm-hmm.

1222. - Well, he's Burt Young alright.

1223. - He is dying.

1224. - Professor.

1225. - You will use your skill, doctor.

1226. You will make him live.

1227. - Dammit, fool!

1228. I'm a surgeon, not a doctor.

1229. - I am not a miracle worker.

1230. Besides, you took everything away, except my hands.

1231. - On the contrary, Dr. Kessler —

1232. - Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

1233. - You will find everything here, that you require.

1234. - Let's see what's behind door number one.

1235. - Ooh.

1236. - Here, I have everything you need.

1237. I threw in the hairy, naked man, just for kicks.

1238. - Nice touch.

1239. - What's wrong with that man?

1240. - Nothing at all.

1241. - There is nothing wrong with him, doctor.

1242. He is in perfect physical condition.

1243. - I'll say.

1244. - And unlike Professor Heracles,

1245. his heart is as sound as a bell.

1246. - Bong.

1247. - Do you not agree, doctor, that Professor Heracles

1248. should have that splendid heart?

1249. - If it comes with that beefy chest.

1250. - But that man is not dead or dying.

1251. - He's only mostly dead!

1252. - He is drugged.

1253. He will die for the sake of science.

1254. - And for your sake, also.

1255. - I need Heracles to complete my plans.

1256. I need him alive, conscious, coherent —

1257. - I wish this movie were conscious or coherent!

1258. - If I refuse?

1259. - I hadn't thought of that.

1260. Gosh, he's clever.

1261. - Then Dr. Ingrid Cox will die an extremely painful death.

1262. - No!

1263. - No fresh ground pepper with that?

1264. - The choice is yours, Dr. Kessler.

1265. - Well?

1266. - In order to convince you, I shall arrange a demonstration.

1267. - No!

1268. - No, no.

1269. What's goin' on?

1270. - Glenn Manning, get off that dam!

1271. - Bridge on the River Kwai.

1272. - Looks like it, doesn't it?

1273. - Biggest crack by a dam site.

1274. Yep, right there.

1275. - Hey, there's a little Dutch boy

1276. putting his finger in there.

1277. - Where?

1278. - Run!

1279. Run for you lives!

1280. - Run men!

1281. - The plot's starting to make sense.

1282. Run!

1283. - This dam scene.

1284. - Hey, don't forget to punch out!

1285. - You know, I suddenly have to go to the bathroom.

1286. - Really?

1287. - Yep.

1288. - Why, I wonder?

1289. - Funniest thing.

1290. - You know, they might need some

1291. Thompson's WaterSeal up there.

1292. - I think something to hold it back.

1293. Don't worry, men!

1294. It's the Egyptians who are gonna get us!

1295. Pharaoh and the gang.

1296. Yay, we're getting off early!

1297. Free day.

1298. - Force 10 from Navarone

1299. - Oh, quit grovelling.

1300. - Gravelling.

1301. Uh-huh.

1302. Yep, yep.

1303. You know, cutting it faster

1304. doesn't make it any more exciting.

1305. - Ah.

1306. - Oh, that's a relief.

1307. - I didn't think that dam would ever break.

1308. - Uh-uh.

1309. Oh, the Rolling Stones.

1310. Doesn't do much for me.

1311. It's kind of convulsive, isn't it?

1312. - You have got to be kidding me.

1313. - This isn't very good.

1314. - Prince of Tides.

1315. - The River, with Mel Gibson and Sissy Spacek.

1316. - You know, I miss the water slide at the Dells.

1317. - I wonder.

1318. Oh, look, rock made out of water.

1319. - Complete annihilation.

1320. - I am the god of hydrotherapy.

1321. - Even Nayland Smith cannot touch you now, father.

1322. - I wish that he would try.

1323. - We'll be back, after these messages.

1324. - Meanwhile, in Two Harbors, Minnesota.

1325. You must kill Kurtz.

1326. Terminate with extreme prejudice.

1327. - I wish this film had some news for me.

1328. - This is Asia.

1329. - Could we see specific sites in Asia?

1330. - I must leave you, gentlemen.

1331. - Thank you, Inspector, for all your help.

1332. I'm sorry, Petrie, but this is where we part.

1333. - Speaking of part, comb that hair.

1334. - It's better that way.

1335. You can be of more use to me in Istanbul.

1336. - Stuffed on a mantel. - How?

1337. - I want you to telegraph the

1338. Home Secretary's office in London.

1339. - Mm-hmm.

1340. - Use the standard code.

1341. Tell them that I intend to try

1342. to get into Fu Manchu's castle.

1343. - But how do you know that Fu Manchu captured the castle?

1344. Besides, there's nothing but guesswork to go on.

1345. - I have something here —

1346. - Wait, that's Robert Goulet!

1347. - This was found on a dead man —

1348. - Still guesswork, Petrie?

1349. - Dish?

1350. - Kessler's head cloth!

1351. - Curt, you mustn't do this.

1352. - Oh, well.

1353. Very well, then.

1354. I will use the toilet.

1355. - Well, can't be that bad.

1356. They put them in the same cell.

1357. - Yeah.

1358. - A doctor can't say no to saving a life.

1359. - Except when the patient has no insurance.

1360. - You cannot do this.

1361. If by saving Professor Heracles' life,

1362. you are helping this murderer in his plans.

1363. - Classic tragedy, eh?

1364. - Do you believe that Fu Manchu

1365. will let Heracles live, after he's used him?

1366. - I don't know.

1367. - Much about that, but I know what I like.

1368. - But we have to try everything.

1369. Nobody before tried to do such an operation.

1370. - You mean the goofy game for dopey doctors?

1371. - Yep.

1372. - Do you —

1373. - Love me?

1374. - Do I what?

1375. - Do you think you can do it?

1376. - In the road.

1377. - Yes.

1378. - Sorry.

1379. - Yes, I know we can do it.

1380. - Now that's lipstick that lasts, from Yardley.

1381. - Mm-hmm.

1382. - I hope.

1383. - I'm so ashamed.

1384. - Are you sure —

1385. - Bees can fly?

1386. - You're not doing all this for me, just to save my life?

1387. - Well, look.

1388. I just wanted to get to first base

1389. with you, and things snowballed.

1390. - What?

1391. Oh, were you talking?

1392. Sorry.

1393. - We have not a chance.

1394. In this moment —

1395. - You know, it's kind of like

1396. watching the Hollywood Squares.

1397. - Who matters to me.

1398. - You are every woman in the world, to me.

1399. - Have you been listening the whole time?

1400. I thought this was a private cell.

1401. Sneaky.

1402. - This scene is a real strain.

1403. - That's grate though, just grate.

1404. - No.

1405. - Yes, we know how long this has been on!

1406. Don't shove it in our face!

1407. - Tonight, on a very special Dr. Kildare.

1408. - You say ether, and I say either.

1409. Let's call the whole thing off.

1410. - Breathe deep, the gathering gloom.

1411. Watch lights fade in every room.

1412. - Oh, this is aromatherapy.

1413. I've seen this before.

1414. - Yep, more, more.

1415. Keep it comin', I can take more.

1416. - Don't look at me!

1417. Don't look at me, mommy!

1418. Frank Booth.

1419. - Suzy Wong was arraigned in Los Angeles

1420. County Court for impersonating Marlo Thomas.

1421. - I am Suzy Wong.

1422. - I am Suzy Wong.

1423. - No, I'm Suzy Wong.

1424. - Will the real Suzy Wong —

1425. - It's the world of Suzy Wong.

1426. - Okay, who wants a drum stick?

1427. I'm just kidding.

1428. - First, we split the top, and pour in real butter.

1429. - Take it easy, it's just tempera paint.

1430. - Okay.

1431. - Real blood doesn't bead like that!

1432. - Using cadmium.

1433. - Did I take the Hippocratic oath?

1434. - No, you took the hypocritic oath.

1435. - Oh, damn, I thought I did that one.

1436. - I'm a dermatologist, I have no idea what I'm doing.

1437. - He's playing hangman on this guy's belly.

1438. - Well, I see by the old clock on the wall,

1439. it's time for more boredom!

1440. - I'm Harold Lloyd.

1441. - Ooh! - Oh!

1442. - Ooh! - Oh!

1443. - Ooh! - Oh!

1444. - Ouch.

1445. - Ooh! - Ow!

1446. Look at this shot.

1447. They should never have let Shatner direct!

1448. - Sweating like Tom Jones.

1449. - That's not unusual.

1450. - What's new, pussycat?

1451. - Yeah, we would you like to try this?

1452. It's kind of fun.

1453. - Here, I've got to go check on the sauce there.

1454. - Oh, don't wet the forehead.

1455. The chest, the chest.

1456. - What, are you carving Pinocchio?

1457. - Tap hard once, tap hard twice.

1458. Oh, now you've gotta fix what you've done wrong.

1459. - What, are you clamping every individual cell?

1460. Got the whole Dremel kit out.

1461. - Man, this scene is so gross,

1462. even the lighting guy left.

1463. - He left awhile ago.

1464. - Oh, please!

1465. - It's just a gizzard!

1466. Save that for the cat.

1467. - Oh, Donald.

1468. - Ever operate before?

1469. - Nope.

1470. - Me neither.

1471. - Ooh, his ink pen blew up.

1472. - Yeah, look at his fingers.

1473. - Help me, somebody please help me.

1474. - I shouldn't have had that,

1475. Cobb salad, for lunch.

1476. - You know, they look totally different,

1477. when you open them up.

1478. There's no little numbers.

1479. - You know, I am completely off the manual right now.

1480. I have no idea what I am doing.

1481. It is wild in here.

1482. - What you rootin' around for, tubers?

1483. Close him up!

1484. - Crazy clock, a new novel by Henry.

1485. That was fantastic.

1486. You?

1487. - Was it disgusting for you, too?

1488. - Kind of looks like an Annie Leibovitz photo.

1489. - I'm spent, I feel so empty.

1490. - Well.

1491. Meanwhile, at Shakespeare In The Park.

1492. Hope they're doing Macbeth!

1493. - Gee, I never thought I'd be

1494. grateful to see this scene again.

1495. - A further warning —

1496. - Attention, camp,

1497. tonight's movie is My Darling Clementine.

1498. - When the governments of all

1499. the nations do not accept my terms —

1500. - I will be very put out.

1501. - In four day's time, I will bring desolation to mankind.

1502. - But first, a message

1503. for True Value hardware stores.

1504. - Meanwhile, Euell Gibbons hears the call of nature.

1505. - Incoming sentence!

1506. - That's easy for you to say.

1507. - You know, maybe there's some deep meaning

1508. to this movie, that we're just not getting.

1509. Or maybe not.

1510. - He's dying of Legionnaire's disease.

1511. - Shriners. - Shriners.

1512. - Oh, oh, yeah.

1513. - Don't you wish?

1514. - Typical Shriner.

1515. Smashed his midget Mustang into a pole.

1516. - Yep, sad really.

1517. Well, now this con's sneakin' into a petting zoo.

1518. - Heavy.

1519. - Alexander Monday, It Takes A Thief.

1520. - I'll take those boots, Mr. Bond.

1521. - How the devil did I do that?

1522. I couldn't do that again, if I tried.

1523. - Did you get close to the castle?

1524. - Close to Picasso?

1525. - Yes, master.

1526. - Jelly donut got away from you, huh?

1527. - Speak.

1528. - There are 50 men guarding the castle.

1529. - Oh, great.

1530. He's the only one who knows the plot, and he's dying.

1531. - Typical.

1532. - Their leader still lives...

1533. Says Fu Manchu's a prisoner.

1534. - It was Callahan!

1535. Callahan did it!

1536. I have my rights.

1537. I have my rights!

1538. - Fu Manchu's work is done.

1539. - Come on, put on a happy fez.

1540. - What a lovely tap pant.

1541. - Darkoy's headband.

1542. - Aykroyd's?

1543. - Bury this man with honor.

1544. - Right, sir.

1545. I'll put him in the dumpster.

1546. - No, no.

1547. Who are you?

1548. - Manix!

1549. - Hold, you fools.

1550. - Tell your men to drop their arms.

1551. Quickly!

1552. Don't move, any of you.

1553. - It could be a trick.

1554. He didn't say Simon says.

1555. - I am Omar Pasha.

1556. - And I'm Nayland Smith of Scotland Yard.

1557. - I thought I could smell a policeman.

1558. - It seems that, for once, you

1559. and I could be on the same side.

1560. - That would be fun.

1561. - I too seek Fu Manchu.

1562. - Well, gesundheit.

1563. - We now return to Burt Young in, The Mickey Rooney Story.

1564. I'm sorry I locked us in, okay?

1565. Look, I'm here, too.

1566. I'm not happy about it either!

1567. - You have done well, Dr. Kessler.

1568. - His recovery will take a long time.

1569. - We cannot afford to wait for complete recovery.

1570. - It's real pricey.

1571. - As soon as he regains consciousness,

1572. he will be made to talk.

1573. - And if Heracles refuses?

1574. - Need I remind you, doctor, that he has no alternative.

1575. - Oh, thanks, the new light helps.

1576. - If I refuse to help you any further?

1577. - Then you will sign this lady's death warrant.

1578. - Sure, got a pen?

1579. - Your help during the operation, was invaluable.

1580. We have no further use for you.

1581. - No!

1582. - I amuse me.

1583. - Look after your patient, doctor.

1584. - Please.

1585. - And watch him well.

1586. - Tonight, on a very violent Medical Center.

1587. - Curt!

1588. - Wait, wait, you guys got me all wrong.

1589. I'm a veterinary technician.

1590. - Father, the guards have caught —

1591. - That girl.

1592. - Omar Pasha.

1593. - Alone?

1594. - Yes, and unarmed, as if he invited capture.

1595. - Anything to end the pain.

1596. - Have the girl, Lisa, brought to me.

1597. - Yes, father.

1598. - I've got a crazy idea, but it just might,

1599. oh, forget it.

1600. - Let me out of here!

1601. - Let us out of here.

1602. Oh, it's Paloma Picasso, right where she belongs.

1603. - Who are you?

1604. - Anjelica Huston.

1605. - Lisa.

1606. - Did they do that to you?

1607. - No, she thought it would be cute.

1608. Of course they did it.

1609. - This movie is taking its toll on me.

1610. - Me too, let's get outta here.

1611. - I think this is the worst

1612. one they've ever managed to do.

1613. Wow, that one really stung.

1614. - Yeah.

1615. - It's a tough one, isn't it?

1616. - Yeah, whatever.

1617. - Boy, I'd hate to meet this movie

1618. in a dark alley, some night, huh?

1619. - Yeah, sure, whatever.

1620. - Hey, Tom, you got a little —

1621. - No, no, don't, don't —

1622. - No, really, you got a little —

1623. - No, just stop it okay!

1624. Just stop it!

1625. I won't see it.

1626. This is terrible!

1627. - Jeepers.

1628. - Oh, what's the deal with Fu Manchu anyways?

1629. It's not like he's really evil, he's just dull.

1630. It's like some twisted bureaucrat in silk 'jamas.

1631. - It's terrible.

1632. - I'm really glad you brought that up, Crow,

1633. because I happen to have some artist renderings.

1634. - Oh, no!

1635. - Oh, come on.

1636. Come on, it'll add a little levity, okay?

1637. This is the story of Fu Manchu, okay?

1638. - I don't care.

1639. - Fu Manchu was born Carl Ivanchu —

1640. - Ivan?

1641. Oh, that's terrible.

1642. - In Schenectady, New York, in 1916.

1643. His parents, David Wayne and Patricia Ann Chu,

1644. owned the Superior Skate and Blade Company.

1645. - Skate?

1646. - A thriving ice skate and cutlery business in 1931.

1647. - Not cutlery.

1648. - Young Carl's father became very ill,

1649. and they sold the business —

1650. - Did he die?

1651. - And moved the family to Appleton, Wisconsin.

1652. - Oh, no, not Appleton.

1653. - A move that broke his heart.

1654. Yeah, it's gets better though, it gets better.

1655. Okay, a short year later, ignoring the pleas

1656. of his heartbroken family, he moved, by himself,

1657. to New York City, the Big Apple.

1658. His dream, to make it on Broadway, the great white way.

1659. - Was his dream shattered?

1660. - You copied these off the New Yorker.

1661. - No, he began his career as most young hopefuls do,

1662. running cigarettes for Agnes de Mille.

1663. - Agnes de Mille!

1664. - Oh, no!

1665. - This kept him busy for 12 hours a day,

1666. and nearly broke his spirit.

1667. He was on one of his many trips to the store for a carton

1668. of Camels, that he hit upon what was —

1669. - Camels?

1670. - To become his favorite stage name.

1671. The story goes, that a panhandler

1672. asked him for a nickel to, "Get some food, man."

1673. - No, not the pun!

1674. - Well, Carl liked that, and that's all it took.

1675. His name was Fu Manchu, okay?

1676. - Oh, that's terrible.

1677. - After a brief stint running sandwiches

1678. for Fatty Arbuckle, he got a job,

1679. sweeping the streets in a clown outfit.

1680. - Not a clown outfit.

1681. - No, not a clown!

1682. - Okay, now, no, clowns are fun.

1683. The idea caught and soon, Fu Manchu was managing

1684. over a dozen clown street sweepers.

1685. He was now in a position to return

1686. to his first love, dinner theater.

1687. - Oh, I'm gonna be sick.

1688. - Okay, here we go.

1689. His first role was as the lovable Betty in,

1690. Let's Drink A Toast To Crazy Legs.

1691. A short-lived, off-Broadway musical,

1692. starring Danny Thomas and Charles Nelson —

1693. - No, no, no!

1694. - What's the use?

1695. Why am I up here?

1696. What are you doing to us?

1697. - Auntie Em, Auntie Em!

1698. - Way to go, doctor.

1699. - Woo!

1700. - Yes.

1701. - Well, we've finally got you on the run, eh, booby?

1702. Frank, there's some pie in the kitchen.

1703. Why don't you go slice us up a couple

1704. of nice, big slabs of French silk, huh?

1705. Don't skimp.

1706. - Yes, sir!

1707. - As for you, Macaulay Culkin, get back into that theater,

1708. after this message, of course.

1709. - Gonna make it?

1710. - They grabbed the girl,

1711. and turned her into a guy in a fez.

1712. - He's been eating spaghetti.

1713. Ian Cronin.

1714. - So, you didn't call a cab then, huh?

1715. - Is this the way —

1716. - To San Jose?

1717. - To greet a stranger in your house?

1718. - You are no stranger to me, Omar Pasha.

1719. - Only a friend I haven't met yet.

1720. - But I never thought you to be a fool.

1721. - Fools do not trade —

1722. - Fools rush in.

1723. - With lives.

1724. - Where has she been all my death?

1725. - Give her back to me, and I will

1726. give you the head of your enemy.

1727. - Alfredo Garcia?

1728. - Enemy?

1729. - Nayland Smith.

1730. - Release him!

1731. - And let him love again.

1732. - Heel!

1733. - My men are camped in the hills, on the other side —

1734. - The hills are alive.

1735. - Overlooking this castle.

1736. Nayland Smith is their prisoner.

1737. I want this woman.

1738. - Hey, who wouldn't?

1739. - She belongs to me.

1740. - I have the pink slip.

1741. - You shall have her, provided

1742. that you give me Nayland Smith.

1743. - You have my word.

1744. - Then you shall remain my guest.

1745. - For how long?

1746. - That I shall decide.

1747. - You fiend!

1748. You evil, diabolical, treacherous, wonderful man!

1749. - Good aims, you're not.

1750. - I was just testing the blade,

1751. I hope you didn't take it the wrong way.

1752. - Let her go, she cannot escape.

1753. - Not in those slacks.

1754. - Dad, can I borrow the car?

1755. Uh-oh.

1756. - Take him to the laboratory.

1757. - Feed him to the clam.

1758. - Now, where did I park, oh!

1759. The giraffe, no.

1760. - Boy, she's really in the dark now.

1761. - Sting, stung.

1762. - Who timed this print, Stevie Wonder?

1763. - Accepting the award for editing.

1764. - It's Evening At The Improv with Fu Manchu.

1765. - You are an obstinate man.

1766. - Thank you, sir.

1767. - How highly do you value your life,

1768. compared with that of Nayland Smith.

1769. - Try me.

1770. - Let's crack the party ball, man.

1771. - The entrance to eternity —

1772. - That's bigger than I thought it would be.

1773. - Which leads directly to the sea.

1774. Systems of water are poised above it.

1775. A touch of a lever will release hundreds,

1776. of thousands of gallons of water —

1777. - Do it.

1778. - Combined with Professor Heracles' crystals,

1779. this can transform the entire sea,

1780. into one gigantic block of ice.

1781. - Which'll be great for parties.

1782. - Now then, the Pirates

1783. of Penzance will help you into your chair.

1784. - It's Mrs. Sawfull.

1785. Chairman, Ow!

1786. - Inside the Comic Mind with Fu Manchu.

1787. - Where is Nayland Smith?

1788. - Who is Nayland Smith?

1789. - If you'll free me and Lisa.

1790. - When we find her.

1791. - But right now, she's doing a blackout sketch.

1792. - My men are camped in the park, four kilometers from here.

1793. - He's about to become a pencil neck geek.

1794. - Uh-oh.

1795. - Nayland Smith is with them.

1796. - He's really gonna needle him.

1797. Oh, wait, he wasn't done yet.

1798. - I had Jello today.

1799. - Oh, his gums are bleeding.

1800. He doesn't floss much, does he?

1801. - Next week, on The Castle of Fu Manchu.

1802. - Stop doing that.

1803. - Sorry.

1804. - They trying to sneak up on us?

1805. - Hey, just drop the ball, and take a stroke.

1806. - For cryin' out loud.

1807. - They'll never find it in that rough.

1808. - They're snipe hunting.

1809. Snipe!

1810. - At Hazeltine's.

1811. You, you get in the house, you're embarrassing me.

1812. - It's like the ninja version of Days of Heaven.

1813. - Ooh, stock footage.

1814. Oh, old, vile jelly, where is thy luster now?

1815. Oedipus.

1816. - Burt Young's wardrobe by Victoria's Secret.

1817. - He's awake.

1818. - Where'd you come from?

1819. I thought they killed you.

1820. - How you feeling now?

1821. - I feel like a hundred bucks.

1822. - I feel nothing, but I am alive.

1823. - You wish to remain alive, Professor?

1824. - Oh, geez, not him again.

1825. He can suck the air out of any room.

1826. - You will see that he stays

1827. conscious for a few more minutes.

1828. - Father, the attack was successful.

1829. Omar Pasha's men were all destroyed.

1830. - Man, your face could launch a thousand ships.

1831. - And Nayland Smith?

1832. - Dead.

1833. This man saw him killed.

1834. - I shall broadcast at midnight.

1835. - On the King Biscuit Flower Hour.

1836. - And Heracles?

1837. - He will talk.

1838. You have explained to him,

1839. the information I require from him?

1840. - Yes, of course.

1841. - Yes, yes, information, yes.

1842. - Your task is now completed, Dr. Kessler.

1843. - These guys.

1844. Come on, dummy.

1845. - And how are we feeling?

1846. - Go to bed, old man.

1847. - The formula, Professor.

1848. - No.

1849. - Hmm, didn't count on that.

1850. - Castle of Fu Manchu will be back, after this.

1851. - That's enough.

1852. - Huh?

1853. What?

1854. - Don't do that anymore, I'm sick of it.

1855. - Welcome to Swing Back with Jazzbo Collins.

1856. - It's hot in here!

1857. - Then take your clothes off.

1858. - Say!

1859. - A gentleman never takes his clothes off in public!

1860. - Well, you're no gentleman,

1861. and we're in private!

1862. - Oh, yes, so we are.

1863. - Fez headed, blah.

1864. - Hey, it's Waldo!

1865. They found Waldo, they found Waldo.

1866. - Yes, indeed.

1867. - My imitation of a lawnmower.

1868. - That was smooth.

1869. - This is my ultimatum.

1870. Within the next few hours —

1871. - Hot tomato?

1872. - The Bosphorus, and to the city

1873. of Istanbul, will be destroyed.

1874. - It's not true, it can't be true!

1875. - Dr. Petrie —

1876. - Dr. Peepee?

1877. - Petrie.

1878. - Oh. - Dish.

1879. - Nayland Smith.

1880. Nayland Smith is dead.

1881. - Long live Nayland Smith.

1882. - He's dead.

1883. Hey, she reached level three of Super Mario Brothers.

1884. - Master.

1885. - Let me see, what does this say?

1886. I'm bald, bite me, what does that mean?

1887. Wait a minute, after him!

1888. - The formula.

1889. With this, I can control all things, and all men.

1890. - But women, hey, who can control women?

1891. Are you with me on this, guys, huh?

1892. - Flash the signal.

1893. - Not the Fisher flash.

1894. - Hey, it's Spalding Gray,

1895. he's having his perfect moment.

1896. - Spalding, man.

1897. You're out too far.

1898. This is supposed to be like a triathlon.

1899. You swim, job, then appear in a boring movie.

1900. - Yeah, well, I'll have

1901. you know that Roger Ebert liked this film.

1902. - I'll have you know, the only thing

1903. Roger Ebert likes is big pans of lasagna.

1904. - Lots of them.

1905. Chafe, ooh, chafe ooh.

1906. Ooh, chafe.

1907. Oh, these corduroys.

1908. Oh, chafe, chafe.

1909. Ooh, ooh, ooh, chafe, ooh.

1910. - Bad dreams?

1911. - You just kissed the back of my head.

1912. - The worst dreams are better than reality.

1913. - Why?

1914. Think that maybe, without this awful adventure,

1915. we would never have realized that we were in love.

1916. - Now that we're going to die,

1917. I could tell you a thousand, wonderful hours.

1918. - I didn't see.

1919. - I didn't want you to see it.

1920. - Nobody can see.

1921. - I didn't want to distract you from your work,

1922. your experiments, your investigations,

1923. which were all so much more important than me.

1924. - You just kissed me, full on the eyeball.

1925. - You're exactly right, Ingrid.

1926. - I've got hair in my mouth.

1927. - Bump!

1928. Ooh, my toe.

1929. Boom!

1930. Oh, my face.

1931. - Thanks to those many hours of hard work,

1932. during the Professor's operation, I managed to gain access

1933. to some acid, which I can now use against Fu Manchu.

1934. - Why didn't you do this earlier?

1935. - He wanted to make time with a woman.

1936. - Oh.

1937. - Tony Blake is The Magician.

1938. Oh, the acid!

1939. Ow, it's stinging.

1940. - It looks like the opening of Mod Squad.

1941. Oops!

1942. - Keep quiet!

1943. I shan't hurt you.

1944. I'm from the —

1945. - I shall.

1946. - Fu Manchu intends to destroy Istanbul!

1947. - What?

1948. - Please!

1949. - Is there a radio transmitter?

1950. - Yes, I can guide you.

1951. Follow me!

1952. - Father!

1953. - Are they celebrating Hanukkah?

1954. - Father!

1955. Dr. Kessler and the girl, they have escaped.

1956. They have reached the tunnel.

1957. - I've been sitting too long.

1958. You know, he looks like Bill Wyman.

1959. - He does.

1960. - They will die.

1961. - Neat.

1962. - How is Booth?

1963. - No. - No?

1964. - No. - Oh.

1965. - Not with that Etch A Sketch, you won't.

1966. - We're through!

1967. - I don't love you anymore.

1968. - This is Nayland Smith,

1969. speaking from Fu Manchu's headquarters.

1970. Send a warning to the Bosphorus!

1971. - Yeah, right.

1972. Come on Mickey Mouse, broadcasting from Disneyland.

1973. - Nayland Smith.

1974. Come on!

1975. - Whoa, getting a little feedback.

1976. Those old tube amps are quirky.

1977. - Well, she gained a little weight.

1978. - Mm-hmm.

1979. - Uh-oh, it's after five, the gateway to eternity's closed!

1980. Yes, yes, dear, I'm doing it, dear.

1981. - Look!

1982. - You're wonderful, I could kiss you.

1983. - This way, through the door!

1984. - Remember to keep left through eternity.

1985. - Not that way, that's immortality!

1986. - It's lemon-y Rosco fog.

1987. - I love that stuff.

1988. Ah.

1989. - The professor.

1990. - And Maryann.

1991. - Come on, Professor.

1992. We must get out of here.

1993. - Oh, great bedside manner.

1994. - Hey, hey, I'm recovering here.

1995. Get off my bed!

1996. - We don't recommend this for heart patients.

1997. - Don't smoke.

1998. Ah, oh!

1999. - It's like one of those old Duran Duran videos.

2000. - He rolls with the punches.

2001. - I guess.

2002. - Nayland Smith is Mark,

2003. now I'm doing it.

2004. - Yep, see?

2005. - Oh, this is the worst.

2006. - Ah, geez, you still here?

2007. - Don't smoke, don't smoke!

2008. Oh!

2009. - Stop it, Crow.

2010. - Thank goodness they found plywood in that cave.

2011. - Come along, now.

2012. Time for your sponge bath.

2013. Crotch cam.

2014. Butt cam.

2015. - Come on!

2016. - Keep this scene going!

2017. Stretch it out!

2018. - Can't make it.

2019. - They have taken Heracles.

2020. - Come!

2021. - Mr. Clean, dead at 35.

2022. - Oh, yeah, like we believe this.

2023. The gate for immortality leads to the front yard.

2024. Sure.

2025. - Flood the tunnels.

2026. - All of a sudden, this is like Flashdance.

2027. - Sounds like the water's falling on a piano.

2028. - Don't give up.

2029. - Oh, go ahead, and give up.

2030. - Any excuse to get the girl wet.

2031. - Yep, mm-hmm.

2032. - By this time, my lungs were aching.

2033. Oh, who cares?

2034. - This is the trickle down theory of plots.

2035. - So the point of the movie was to save Burt Young?

2036. - I guess so.

2037. - Nice halter top.

2038. - I must go back for Omar!

2039. - Come back!

2040. - Omar!

2041. - Come back!

2042. - Women, huh?

2043. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

2044. I know, I hear ya.

2045. Let's go get some lunch.

2046. - Hey, hey, stay off the carpet

2047. with those dirty shoes!

2048. This is nice.

2049. - The film's in black face now.

2050. Mother!

2051. - This is really, really good.

2052. - Oh, she's relaxing

2053. in the green room, before the show.

2054. - I think I've figured out

2055. what this movie is about, guys.

2056. - What?

2057. - Dry ice, Rosco fog, and blood.

2058. - Mm-hmm. - You got it.

2059. Hey, it's a sewer system.

2060. Where's that noise —

2061. - Nope, nowhere to be seen.

2062. - I didn't quite catch that, could you repeat?

2063. - She said,

2064. - Oh.

2065. - Guys, I'd say this qualifies

2066. as the Dark Knight of the soul.

2067. - Why are we watching this?

2068. - What are we, oh.

2069. - Yes, it's Runaway with the Rich and Famous.

2070. - Omar!

2071. - Well, I'd say her resentments

2072. for Fu Manchu are all water under the bridge.

2073. - Oh, these guys are easy to kill.

2074. They're like mosquitoes, don't worry about 'em.

2075. - Manix.

2076. - We have Paula Abdul's

2077. new video comin' up next on MTV.

2078. Yes, you too can relax,

2079. in the new hydro-jet Whirlpool spa.

2080. - Classic Captain Kirk chop.

2081. - Known as a pork chop.

2082. - Giant urinal cakes!

2083. - Don't eat 'em.

2084. - Screamers.

2085. - Kessler must have got through, the systems have burst.

2086. - Oops.

2087. - Let's hide in the miniature golf course.

2088. - MacGuyver!

2089. - Wait, I've got muffins in the oven.

2090. - Father!

2091. - You know, if he was going to express an emotion,

2092. now would be the perfect time to do it.

2093. - It's too late.

2094. - Father!

2095. - Oh, come on!

2096. Things are blowing up that weren't even in this picture!

2097. - Greece, they just blew up —

2098. - Monticello.

2099. - Joel, this movie really isn't very good, is it?

2100. - No, it's not.

2101. I'm afraid it's not very good.

2102. - The movie sucks, Joel.

2103. It really stinks.

2104. Who's this clown?

2105. - The world shall hear from me again.

2106. - Come forward, Cowardly Lion!

2107. - The world shall hear from me again.

2108. - Fu Manchu will be back in Sweet, Sweet, oh, who cares?

2109. - Even the credits stink.

2110. I gotta get out of here.

2111. - Come on.

2112. - I am so depressed.

2113. - Okay, well I...

2114. Guess it's time to read a letter.

2115. - Oh, sure, go ahead.

2116. - Like anyone cares.

2117. - Okay, this letter is to Joel, Servo —

2118. - Huzzah.

2119. - And Crow.

2120. - I-key-bach.

2121. - Cambot, you want to put,

2122. oh, what's the use?

2123. - Well, we've got 'em on the run now, Frank.

2124. - I knew you could do it, Dr. F.

2125. - Here's to the evil of Fu Manchu.

2126. - No, to the evil of Fu Man-You.

2127. - Frank, you're the only man in

2128. my organization that'll talk to me that way.

2129. Put yourself down for honey glazed ham,

2130. and a box of steaks.

2131. - Well, actually, I'm a vegetarian.

2132. Don't know if I told you.

2133. - Nonsense, this is a time to celebrate.

2134. Put yourself down for two honey glazed hams.

2135. Well, Joely, you and your cyberpunks,

2136. should be ready to admit defeat right about now.

2137. - You haven't won, Dr. Forrester.

2138. You've lost.

2139. I feel sorry for you.

2140. You're nothing but a sad little man,

2141. in a hole in the ground,

2142. that can only feel power by hurting others.

2143. - Yeah.

2144. - Well, we've won, because we've survived.

2145. We survived because well, we're Robinsons, roughly,

2146. and that's what Robinsons do is survive, basically.

2147. Well, you know what?

2148. If you think it's so easy, you should give it a try once.

2149. Yeah, you should try to watch a movie sometime.

2150. - You're beginning to sound like a Hallmark card.

2151. Tell you what, maybe it's the Catuaba goin' to my head,

2152. but I'll beat you at my own experiment.

2153. - Heck, we come up with funnier lines than you guys do.

2154. - Yeah, how hard could it be?

2155. - I mean, you know, in school,

2156. I was something of a class clown.

2157. - Absolutely, let's get this —

2158. - You know, at Arby's, when I worked there,

2159. I was so funny, my nickname was Zeppo.

2160. - Let's just get the stuff set up, Frank.

2161. Alright?

2162. I should warn you, Joel,

2163. I used to be with the Toastmasters.

2164. I'm somewhat of a rye wit myself.

2165. - Ready when you are, CF.

2166. - Ah, right.

2167. Roll 'em, Frank.

2168. - Look at that building.

2169. - It's big.

2170. It's huge.

2171. - Here comes a car that

2172. you could say something about.

2173. - It's so old, it's an old car.

2174. - Yeah, look at it.

2175. Get a load of this lady, she's gonna get out of that car.

2176. Hi-chee-bah.

2177. - Yeah, I was gonna say that.

2178. - Well, I said it first, 'cause you can

2179. make comments about these things that are happening.

2180. - Look at her shoes.

2181. - Oh, get a load of those things.

2182. - I'm sure.

2183. I'm walking down the street.

2184. Now, I'm walking down the hallway.

2185. She's, what a dick-weed.

2186. - Oh yeah, bite me!

2187. Oh, there's somethings that are really,

2188. that you could make some comments about.

2189. - You certainly could.

2190. - Oh, and she's turning around.

2191. - Turn it off!

2192. Turn it off!

2193. Well, until next time, crazy Guggenheim.

2194. - You know, we could've made funny comments,

2195. but the movie wasn't that good.

2196. - Frank!

2197. - Gotcha!

2198. - Frank!

2199. Now, I'm going to have to put your head in a wood vice.

2200. - Already got it started.