Mystery Science Theater 3000 3x9

1. - Robot roll call.

2. Cambot.

3. Gypsy.

4. Tom Servo.

5. Crow.

6. - Hi, everybody.

7. Welcome to the satellite of love.

8. Uh, we'll be right back.

9. - No, no, no, Joel, no.

10. We're not starting again.

11. - Bless you. - Commercial side in 15 seconds.

12. - Oh, Crow.

13. - Oh, Crow, here, you got a little —Here, blow.

14. - Hey, Aqualung.

15. - Okay. A little more. Blow harder.

16. - Commercial side in five, four, three, two —

17. Commercial side now.

18. - We'll be right back.

19. - Oh.

20. - Oh, much better.

21. Whoa. - Wow.

22. It really works. - I feel great.

23. Hey, what did you put in that vapor stuff, anyway?

24. - This says "tetrahydrozoline, sodium t. lauryl sulfate, UB-40,

25. FD&C red 40, Simply Red, flavor, magnesium silicate,

26. a flowing agent, BHT, to preserve flavor, and Spackle."

27. - Oh.

28. - It says, "May cause drowsiness.Do not operate heavy machinery."

29. - Uh, Joel, we are heavy machinery, buddy.

30. - Cool, huh? - Good one.

31. And it says it may cause flashbacks.

32. - Hmm.

33. - Hey, Joel, the mad scientists are calling.

34. - Uh-oh.

35. - And he says, "That was number five."

36. - Oh, hello, Joel.

37. Ardy, here, suggested you gofirst on the invention exchange.

38. Have at it, space guy.

39. Deet.

40. - Ouch. Jeepers.

41. Well, my invention this week is for sign language.

42. I don't know sign language, so I invented this device.

43. It's a translator.

44. You speak into one end,

45. and it does International Sign Language on the other.

46. Let me show you what I mean.

47. Okay, uh, let's do something simple.

48. "I..."

49. see?

50. "... love...

51. you."

52. See how that works? - Aww. That's really sweet.

53. - Yeah, and I also can do a — I'd like to do a little —

54. do a little joke for our friendswho use sign language

55. who watch this show.

56. That's the number five.

57. You can do a lot of other thingswith it, too.

58. Like, it's a hearing aid.

59. Hearing aid.

60. Like that.

61. Voice amplifier.

62. Voice amplify.

63. And, uh, visor.

64. - Huh. Neat. - See? Pretty neat, huh?

65. What do you think, sirs?

66. Straighten up.

67. - What?

68. Your movie today, Joel, is...

69. - A biker film?

70. - Biker film.

71. Hey, how did you know that?

72. - Well, you're on bikes. I just sort of guessed.

73. - No!

74. - No!

75. - No!

76. - No!

77. - No!

78. - What are we saying "no" for?

79. - I thought you knew.

80. - I was following your lead, mama jama.

81. - Oh. Well, send them the movie, then, Frank.

82. - I don't think I'm sold, brother.

83. - I wonder why they didn't bury him in a sidecar.

84. You know, they're bikers.

85. - Hey, look, there's Yasser Arafat

86. in his teen days.

87. - Walk like an Egyptian, man.

88. - Yeah.

89. - Hair color by Bozo the Clown.

90. - Jackets from the Sonny Bono collection.

91. - Hey, here is a good space.

92. - Looks neat.

93. Let me help with that.

94. - I think this is the day the music died, guys.

95. Kind of late with that coat, aren't you?

96. - Oh, where was they when they needed it,

97. when they needed the coat?

98. - "Now, how much would you pay for this Ginsu switchblade?

99. Wait, there's more!

100. You get the bread knife, the Uzi automatic,

101. the love beads, a pair of gloves, some guy's keys.

102. You know, professional lowlife scum would pay $9.99

103. for this stuff. But wait, there's more!

104. You also get this foxy biker chick's Ginsu bra snappler."

105. - That thing is huge.

106. What's going on? - Where's she going?

107. - I don't know.

108. - Hmm? - Are you ready for that?

109. - Yeah.

110. - I wonder if those slobs would be as gentle with that box

111. if they knew that their dearly departed leader inside

112. was about to Rat Fink on them?

113. - Yeah, it's too bad Adrian got wise

114. just as we were getting close to him.

115. - What is this, Sergeant Exposition

116. and Detective Plot Point?

117. - ... smelled like a rose. - Well, no worry.

118. One of these days, he's gonna stretch things

119. just a little too wide, and then...

120. - I open my eyes. - ... we'll nail him.

121. - Well, we've been after him for about 6 months, now.

122. Nothing.

123. - We'll get him. - He's dead.

124. - You know what? - Isn't he?

125. - We'll get them, too.

126. - Hey, Ted Bessell has got nothing on that guy.

127. - Mr. Adrian?

128. Notice, uh, who came to join the party?

129. - Chapman. - Tracy Chapman?

130. - How can I miss him?

131. For the past 6 months, he's been like my shadow.

132. - But not as chunky.

133. - But I think the next funeral we attend might be his.

134. - Hey, the film guide said that that guy is the director.

135. - Have Dean tell Sheila the nextpickup is tomorrow at Scorpio's.

136. - Tell Scorpio to use his codename.

137. - Biking gang.

138. - Man, what are we gonna do now that Big Daddy is snuffed?

139. - "Oh, use slang as much as we can."

140. - Don't worry about it, Six Pack, we got us a new leader.

141. - Oh? - Yeah, man?

142. - Lee Iacocca?

143. - Me, baby.

144. Me.

145. - "Sorry I brought it up.

146. Jeepers."

147. - Alright. - Oh?

148. - Meanwhile, in outer space.

149. - Movie Cops presents...

150. - Gemini.

151. - Anthony Cardoza,

152. featuring rich Corinthian leather.

153. Backgrounds illustrated with a Technicolor yawn.

154. - Wow, they're really mean, but they've got a great theme song.

155. - Oh, no. Ross Hagen.

156. - Six Pack. That must be a biker, huh?

157. - Nah. That's his Christian name.

158. - Hey, Bro Beck.

159. Hope he plays Take Five.

160. - Candy Cave and her Romanian cousin Sucrose Spelunker.

161. - It's a Rorschach test, isn't it?

162. - What do you see?

163. - Uh, I see a dismal film ahead of us.

164. - Yeah, yep, yep.

165. - You know, it kind of looks like Jackson Pollock

166. did the background paintings.

167. - Yeah — after the car accident.

168. - Hey, Gus Trikonis is in charge of undercooked pork.

169. - Huh?

170. - Scab? How do you suppose they picked him?

171. - Hey, Davy Jones before The Monkees.

172. - Oh, no it's not. - Yes, it is.

173. It was before The Monkees. - He would've been about 14.

174. He spelled his name completely different.

175. - No way, fem bot. - Uh, yes way, space swish.

176. - Hey. I'm gonna shut you down.

177. - Shut down this. - Shut it up, you two.

178. Come on.

179. - Hey, look, "children" is spelled wrong, too.

180. That proves my point. - No, it doesn't.

181. - Yes, it does. - No, it doesn't.

182. - Does too.

183. - Oh, look, there's Tony Houston.

184. You know what he was? He wrote "Sidehackers," too.

185. - Oh. - Yeah.

186. - Houston, Hubbs, Prince, and Hong.

187. Which one of these doesn't belong?

188. - They're cops.

189. - Hey, Eric Lidberg, he flew from New York to Paris.

190. - Would you shut up?

191. - Motorcycles by Ford Puckett, Kirby Puckett's brother.

192. - Hey, Bill, your rear is done.

193. - Oh, geez. That's cruel.

194. Even if disagree, it's all in good making fun.

195. - Yeah, it sure is.

196. - Cemetery furnishings by Jiffy Tomb.

197. - Negative cutter. He says, "Oh, I hate my job.

198. Everything about it is bad."

199. - Fine Corinthian leather. - Cardoza.

200. - Oh, if this is a Slatzer film, it might get really bloody.

201. - That's "slasher."

202. - Scenic love canal.

203. - Wow.

204. - Hey, they're playing the girl from Ipanema, here.

205. - Long and cool and tan and lovely,

206. the boy from Ipanema goes biking.

207. And when he bikes, all the guys on their motor trikes go, "Ah."

208. - Hmm. Hellcats, terrorizing the desolate wastelands

209. for over half a century.

210. Man welded to machine.

211. - "Hey, fancy meeting you here."

212. - "Hmm, still a bike."

213. - Yep.

214. - "Here is your modeling clay.

215. Made a bunny."

216. - Oh, smart.

217. They're in the middle of nowhere,

218. but they make their drug deal out in the open

219. by the side of the road while a car passes by.

220. - Why do you think they call it "dope"?

221. - Yeah, you're right.

222. - "Remember, we got bridge club at 4:00."

223. - Yeah.

224. "Yeah, this thing will, uh — I get on this and the wheels..."

225. "I know this wiener dude.

226. He sells this wiener food.

227. He gives me everything from tire irons on down, hey.

228. I'd like to split his head open with a tire iron."

229. I made that up myself.

230. - Wow. - That's great.

231. Hey, his two-cycle has got some real

232. knocking and pinging problems.

233. - Yep.

234. "Now, I just turn right at the slag heap."

235. - Yeah, must be on the way home.

236. Yeah, looks like nice digs.

237. You know, it's not much, but it's centrally located.

238. No kids cutting across the lawn, or anything.

239. "Hey, old lady, I'm home."

240. - You been on a tour or something?

241. I've been waiting here for over 2 hours,

242. and Adrian's gonna be madder than hell.

243. - Ooh. - Easy, mama.

244. - "Here is the money I made."

245. - Snake was late running in from Mexico,

246. and I couldn't afford to get caught

247. with that powder in my pocket.

248. - "Ha-ha, nice read, Richards."

249. - "I'm a stranger to my own soul."

250. - "Oh, listen, there's a dance next Friday,

251. and I was thinking maybe — Oh, forget it."

252. - Wonder if she got her bra back.

253. - Hey, I remember her now.

254. She was the star of "Then Came Bronson."

255. - That was a guy. - No, it wasn't.

256. - It was too. - Was not.

257. - Was not was. There.

258. I made a meaningless pop culture reference.

259. Now, knock if off.

260. - Well, where is she going, anyway?

261. - I don't know. Nowhere in particular.

262. - Man, I sure envy her.

263. - Yeah, well, take it easy.

264. - For those of you playing along at home,

265. Joel and Crow just re-enacted the opening scene

266. of "Then Came Bronson." We'll be right back.

267. - Hmm.

268. - You're late. - "Don Fido is mad. "

269. - I don't like waiting.

270. What did you hear from the good detective Chapman?

271. - He's got us up tight.

272. - In that case, we'll have to loosen things up.

273. - "I'm the director.

274. I make the music louder when it's on me."

275. - "All done?

276. Shep, someday this will all be yours."

277. - What a neat bunch.

278. - "Meanwhile, on Route 66, James Dean takes a lazy spin."

279. - What's in store for these two lame brains, here?

280. - "I said, 'I'm pregnant.'"

281. - "Oh, I just love this Charles Ives music.

282. Got any Ralph Vaughan Williams?"

283. - "It's me, the director, again.

284. I use Vitalis."

285. - "Jimmy Huston, co-writer and AD.

286. I got the dry look."

287. - "Let's park the Barbie Mobile right here."

288. - "Let's park the Gangster Mobileright here."

289. - Do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

290. - "I need it now."

291. - "No. No."

292. - "Hmm?

293. Hey, Bob, that's me up there."

294. - "Hmm."

295. "Take my hand. I'm a stranger in paradise."

296. - She's wearing a Sunkist promotional pantsuit.

297. Must be one of the gold diggers.

298. - "Oh, boy, what a tough lie.

299. Glad I brought my light bag.

300. Thought I was playing the Wilson four."

301. - "Steve has a problem.

302. His problem is down there.

303. Now, he must tell Eliza."

304. - Tell me.

305. - "Well, I was in Guam, and they stuck bamboo under my nails.

306. Alright?" - You broke your promise.

307. Quote, "Let's take a long drive in the country."

308. - Unquote.

309. - "Maybe the fresh air will clear my head."

310. I'm beginning to feel more like a junkie than a narco cop.

311. - You're not supposed to take them, just confiscate them.

312. - I hope one day I won't be your yellow jacket, red, Benny H.

313. - Look, let's start over.

314. - Why do you think they call it "exposition"?

315. - Huh? - With a cigarette?

316. - They're in the car. - So?

317. - Hey, he's the guy from the beginning of the film —

318. Detective Plot Point.

319. - What I go through.

320. - Oh.

321. - "And get me a slug from a.30-06 when you're up."

322. - Hey. Hey, I remember this from "the Day of the Jackal," guys.

323. - "And now, Red in 'The Silent Spot.'

324. Red plays a guy about to get gunned down.

325. Let's watch."

326. - "Found this in a warehouse in Dallas.

327. I hope it works." - "You getting this, Zapruder?

328. Good."

329. And...

330. "Huh?"

331. - "Why, that sounds like Steve taking a slug from a.30-06."

332. - "Steve's dead now.

333. From here on in, Steve's death will be

334. represented by the oboe."

335. - "Oh, what a time to dress wrongfor a slaying."

336. - "It's not like Steve to run off and die."

337. No! - "My seat covers."

338. - Good scream.

339. - "Meanwhile, in Gordon Gekko's jet."

340. - "Ah, so that's how it works.

341. Alright."

342. - Ross Hagen. Oh, no. - Oh, man.

343. - "Captain Ross Hagen to you, pal."

344. - Thanks for the ride, Turner.

345. - We owe you much more than a ride, Sergeant.

346. - "You're a way of life, and a piece of work."

347. - "Uh, hey, Steve, mind if we getin on some of that action?"

348. - Senator Carter, Senator Lindfield,

349. this is my brother's fiance, Linda Martin.

350. - My pleasure, Ms. Martin. - "Ah, so she's available."

351. - Sergeant Chapman told us what happened.

352. You have the deepest empathy of both myself and...

353. - "The entire human race, including Red China."

354. - Thanks again, sir.

355. - "Thanks for the jet."

356. - "You know, these are great lyrics.

357. You've got real talent." - That's it.

358. All Dave had was the notebook.

359. - No names, no face, you never saw anyone?

360. - "Just elbows. It was dark."

361. - "Hellcats."

362. - Do, do, do, do.

363. - I wonder. - What?

364. - "Who wrote 'The Book of Love?'"

365. - If you hunt them like you hunt people?

366. - Yeah, you kind of do. Dig a 2-foot hole.

367. Put Crisco in it. Oh, that's bears, um, yeah.

368. - Uh, that's the closet.

369. - What are you planning to do?

370. - "Catch a show at the Copa.

371. Whenever a brother dies, they fly me in for free.

372. I like to take advantage."

373. - Uh, Ross, you're, uh, you're wearing her purse on your head.

374. - "I dare you to knock this battery off my shoulder.

375. Go ahead. I dare you."

376. - "Utah.

377. I can't believe I'm still in Utah."

378. "I'm filled with shame, I am."

379. - Then came moron.

380. - Eek, eek, eek, eek.

381. - Great song, huh?

382. - "Hi. I'm Shelley. Rub my belly.

383. - "Today's tough but tender youth

384. driving the big steamers across this great land."

385. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh.

386. Filmed in Zapruder vision, guys.

387. - Innuendo Freeway.

388. - Yeah, you don't have to be Fellini to figure that out.

389. What's the point?

390. - Yeah, I bet if the scientists sent us "Citizen Kane,"

391. it'd have a 20-minute sled sequence in it.

392. - Yeah.

393. - Hey, Joel, what are these filmstrying to teach us about life?

394. - Well, I guess they're trying to say that

395. we're born, and then we die,

396. and there's lots of padding in between.

397. - Hmm. - Yeah.

398. - Interesting.

399. Ooh, focus.

400. - Oh, couldn't they just have ordered out?

401. That's a long way to go for a taco.

402. - "Oh, wrong place.

403. We better start cruising again."

404. - Buh, bum, buh, buh, buh, dum.

405. - Go for the throat.

406. - Uh, maybe you should clear your throat first.

407. - Hmm.

408. Moonfire Inn, huh?

409. Looks like a nice country inn.

410. Maybe we'll see Bob Newhart.

411. - Whoa. What happened to his head?

412. - Oh, Linda Blair.

413. - Making a ship in a bottle?

414. - Ah, men, enjoying their manliness.

415. - Excuse me, that's illegal.

416. - Well, hi, ho.

417. - "Hi, ho." Is he a dwarf?

418. - Come to Little Daddy, do.

419. - Back off, Six Pack.

420. It's too early, and I'm too sober.

421. - "And my voice is dubbed incorrectly."

422. - I'm drunk enough for both of us.

423. You know I always like to start things off with a bang.

424. - Yeah, you do. - Back away, Pack.

425. - Get her, Pack.

426. - Yeah.

427. - Geek.

428. - Hey, baby.

429. - I don't mind telling you

430. he looks a lot like Gilbert Gottfried.

431. - I'll blast you.

432. - Oh, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

433. - "That better be beer." - Hey, man.

434. I didn't see you, man.

435. Let me buy you a beer. - Uh, you just did.

436. - "Oh, let me get out of some of these wet clothes,

437. and into a dry martini, huh."

438. - I'll be right back.

439. - Who does your decorating, Paul Revere and the Raiders?

440. - "I'm bemused but charmed by this plucky stranger."

441. - "I resent him."

442. - Hmm. It's a book-signing party for "150 Sex."

443. - Well, it looks like Jim Gardner

444. poked out Mariette Hartley's eye, there.

445. - "Hey, what's my motivation in this scene?

446. Okay, got it."

447. - Hey, yo, where you from?

448. - "Sidehackers."

449. - A ways north.

450. - That's cute, man, real cute.

451. He asked you where you're from.

452. - And I said "north." - Flying colors?

453. - Man, we've been busted so many times,

454. the only colors I fly are exhaust black.

455. - Ooh.-I never could run with a loser.

456. - Oh? - Oh?

457. - What are we talking about?

458. - This is the main mama.

459. - You hot?

460. - "Oh, it's just the humidity."

461. - But I say, take your old lady, and that hog, and you move.

462. - Huh? - I tell her "blue."

463. - What the heck are they saying?

464. It's like he's speaking in an ancient tongue.

465. - And they say, "Not here, you don't."

466. And they smack me five times on the wrist.

467. - Oh, he went to a Catholic school, probably.

468. Yeah.

469. - You sound like a preacher.

470. - Yeah, all mouth.

471. - Oh, he's a pushover.

472. - He's no fun. He fell right over.

473. - "Hey, you almost spilled my shamrock shake."

474. - You hit Daddy. - He hit Big Jake.

475. - Nicely done.

476. - Hmm.

477. - "I've got my eye on you."

478. - Back off.

479. - Let's get out of here, and back off ourselves.

480. Let's go, you guys.

481. - What are these people saying?

482. - Well, how about a couple more beers, man?

483. Huh?

484. - Let's see here,

485. "Dear diary. Call me Ishmael."

486. Just kidding,

487. Let's try that again. "Dear diary, June 10th.

488. This day started strangewhen Crow and I got into a fight

489. in the load pan bay. Period.

490. It all started when, unprovoked, Crow called me a, quote,

491. 'sweat-beetle dick-weed.' end quote. Period.

492. Then, all of the sudden, he jumped me,

493. and the next thing I know, I was winning.

494. When Joel discovered us, he had to steam hose us off.

495. It was a real mess. Period.

496. Uh, paragraph there.

497. Um — damn electric typewriters.

498. Oh. Okay. Here we go.

499. Joel says when Crow and I get into fights,

500. even if isn't my fault,

501. we should remember the good times we had together.

502. "Like the other day" — or maybe it was last year,

503. uh, before my voice changed.

504. Uh, Cambot, would you serve thatup for us, please?

505. Uh, perhaps it was 2 weeks ago, on my...

506. - Must get back to Galileo Seven.

507. Lives of 400 crew members hang in balance.

508. - Vision fading.

509. Must...

510. Must cut transponder from wrist,

511. fashion crude phaser device with bed slat and leg bone.

512. - Must control myself.

513. Must find pastel-colored native female.

514. Execute prime directive.

515. - Hands so young-looking.

516. Mrs. Berg, I thought you were dead.

517. - Throat scratchy. Ugh.

518. Hand so dry, can scratch name into it.

519. - Embarrassing cuticles on fingernails.

520. Must utilize emotional memory, and get to the...

521. - Stop it. Stop it.

522. - Stop? - No. Unh-unh.

523. - That was my big scene, Joel.

524. —Hey, yeah, we were just getting into it.

525. - This just isn't working.

526. I don't know how Shatner does itweek after week.

527. - I don't know why he does it, or who lets him do it.

528. - I think we should just be glad he does it.

529. - "... 3 months."

530. We'll be right back.

531. Okay. I got it.

532. "It was a fortnight ago, and it was a..." —

533. Hey — "... a dark and stormy night."

534. - Hey, what were you doing in there, anyway?

535. - Oh, not much. Just typing.

536. Cambot gave me an e-flashback.

537. - Oh.

538. - Let me see if you've got whooping cough. Sit.

539. - I doubt it. - Take a look at it.

540. - Yeah. - Appreciate it.

541. - "You want me to go right now?

542. I will."

543. "Nice guy. Kind of funny."

544. - You know, those glasses just don't disguise

545. the receding hairline, there, do they?

546. - If he drew eyes up on top.

547. - "Looks like an unsavory character.

548. I can't have any of that.

549. I better call Plot Stoppers."

550. - "Hello, Angels."

551. - Good boy.

552. Information never hurts, Jack.

553. Keep them open.

554. - Hilde? Hilde?

555. - "Mom?"

556. - How's panini sound?

557. - Mmm.

558. - I thought you'd like it.

559. - Her back looks like a Klingon's forehead.

560. - Time to move on?

561. - What do you call that?

562. - Illegal.

563. - "Oh, lunch coming up."

564. - It looks like every selection there is "Louie Louie,"

565. except for this one.

566. - Oh, did you know this cameraman got his first job

567. on "Midnight Special?" - Hey, Louise Lasser.

568. - Susan, dead at 21.

569. - "Kipper, sells lightly salted meat products."

570. - "Six Pack, currently working for 'Roseanne Barr Show.'"

571. - "Little Sally, Girl Friday to Susan St. James."

572. - "Slugger, found dead with CoorsParty Ball lodged in throat."

573. - "Spaz-y, broken neck shortly after filming at this movie."

574. - "Puck, co-founder of the Avant-Garde Dance Group."

575. - "Iggy Pop, we don't know why."

576. - "And Patches."

577. - "Squatter, took a baseball on the head in the third inning

578. at an Angels game."

579. - I hope that's beer. - Yikes.

580. - Oh, hey, Shields and Yarnell, working the crowd

581. with their famous sidewalk grope-out routine.

582. - "I can't stop doing this. You think I like doing this?

583. I can't stop." - "That was number nine."

584. - Somebody put a wallet under the guy's tongue, or something.

585. - "Bad. Bad girl. Naughty."

586. - "Timothy Hutton before the boat trip."

587. - "Shagster. Camouflage expert, can hide anywhere."

588. - And there's more.

589. There's Jingo, and Baby Burlap,

590. and Fleegle, and Beagle, and Jooper, and Snork, and —

591. Uh-oh, it's the stinky guy.

592. - Drew Barrymore. Hmm.

593. - Ooh.

594. - "And a man so mean he once shot himself

595. just for snoring too loud."

596. - Hey, Sally Kellerman.

597. Whoa. Looking hot.

598. - Well, I got to admit it.

599. It does look like a fun party.

600. - Mm-hmm.

601. - Hey.

602. - Oh. - Ew.

603. - "Ooh, Mama, Santa is home. Ooh."

604. - "More. More of the old guy. Whoo!"

605. - "There's Trembler and Weezer."

606. - That's sweet. - Isn't it?

607. - That's so tender. Young love.

608. - Hey, look. Flo & Eddie. - Wow.

609. - Hi and Lois.

610. "Because I can't take a chance.

611. I'm losing my dignity."

612. - Yeah. Everybody.

613. Oh, 3-D.

614. I'm losing my dignity.

615. - I'm hitting my head. - I'm getting carsick.

616. - Look at them.

617. - She's got really nice skin for a junkie.

618. - Hey, it's Buck Henry.

619. - Or Father Mulcahy.

620. - Hiney. - Hiney.

621. - Hiney.

622. - Hiney. - Hiney, Hiney.

623. - Oh, hey, guys, don't eat him.

624. - Hiney! - Oh, morning, Hiney!

625. - Hiney.

626. - "Hey, let's cut him in half, and count the rings."

627. - Yeah, these are the Manson Family home videos.

628. Here, Tex, Squeaky, and the ganglightheartedly tease Charlie.

629. - Ow!

630. - "Ow. My keys were in my back pocket."

631. - Humpty Dumpty Horny Hiney.

632. - "Hiney, gondy, kingy, pongy."

633. - Sit back.

634. - Ooh.

635. - "Beware of the dwarf."

636. - "Our minds are melded. We are becoming one."

637. - ... in this storm.

638. I... fell overboard.

639. - Because Pepperidge Farm remembers!

640. - You ready? - "Get off my chest."

641. - You had a bad cube, man.

642. - Man, you've been out for 2 days.

643. - "No, I been on for 2 days."

644. - Yeah, man, yeah.

645. - "Heavy." - Bad trip, man.

646. - I don't feel so good.

647. - "You don't smell so good, my compadre."

648. - better go get him some cocaine, or something.

649. - "Mommy?"

650. - Oh, good thing Cher is there towalk the guy around, you know?

651. - "Everything's grainy."

652. - "That's the inside of your eyeballs."

653. - "Everything's Archie." - You'll be alright, baby.

654. - "Get your hair off of my..."

655. - Man, what a drag.

656. - "Yeah, great way to ruin a party.

657. I hate it when people OD."

658. - "I'll just blend in with the crowd, here.

659. Fortunately, I'm wild on the inside.

660. I don't need these hippie threads."

661. - "Uh, so this isn't a meeting of the Young Republicans?"

662. - "Now to pick my girl."

663. - "So, you guys are the Hellcats?

664. I'm a corporate raider."

665. - Hi.

666. Got a card?

667. - "That square bugs me.

668. He really bugs me."

669. - Like a room, please.

670. - "Hip or unhip?"

671. "I brought you here so no one would notice."

672. - Tomorrow night, you're bringing in 2 pounds.

673. - "I want it very lean.

674. The boss is making Yankee pot roast."

675. - So, it's got to be like...

676. - Like... Well, you know.

677. - I know.

678. - Pick up at Scorpio's, 12:30.

679. - "The drive-up window."

680. - Take three bites.

681. - "And call me in the morning."

682. - I've got the action.

683. - Hold it, Tiger.

684. When we getting together?

685. - Never. - "Great. I'm free then."

686. - That's no way to be.

687. - That is the only way to be.

688. - I can give you more than these crazy bums.

689. - Can you give me body lice?

690. - You know what you are?

691. A hang-up.

692. - "That hurt." - Whoa.

693. - "Hey, pretty boy like to fondle?"

694. - "Hey, I'm working on the girl right now.

695. I'll be right with you."

696. - Nice cuffs. - "Better take a number."

697. - "Uh, I'll just let myself out then.

698. Uh-huh."

699. - Whoosh. Ping!

700. - Sex appeal.

701. - Real nice hair on that guy.

702. - This must be the stunt cast from "Room 222."

703. - This a love letter?

704. - "Uh, fan mail from some founder."

705. - I don't need your help.

706. - "Well, you misspelled 'skelter.'"

707. - "Bridget Loves Bernie."

708. - "Bridget loves burnout."

709. - There's just something about a girl in a flight helmet.

710. I don't know.

711. - "Hmm, 'Tiptoe Through the Tulips,' 'Fought the Hard Way.'

712. Is there anything by Hoyt Axton on this?"

713. - I'm not sure I can take this much longer.

714. - "Oh, I hate that song." - Just hang in there.

715. - "Hey, do you like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain?"

716. - What's a cyclops?

717. - You ask me that?

718. The silver cyclops of the sunny Alps —

719. the most beautiful animal in ancient Cartis,

720. second only to a unicorn. - Really?

721. - Ross, you got to stop doing drugs.

722. - I thought maybe you could help us out with our little problem.

723. - Well, I can get some Mary Jane.

724. - "Well, how about some pot?"

725. - Okay, group.

726. We're gonna run.

727. - "Time for notes, everyone. Gather round."

728. - Ah! It's off!

729. - "New vests for everybody! Hiney, change with Bongo.

730. Bongo, change with Cyclops. Cyclops, well, just change."

731. - "Scene's over. That's a wrap, everybody.

732. Thanks. Lunchtime."

733. - "We're going to Dairy Queen!"

734. - Whoo! - He was in "Pippin."

735. - Scarecrow, check it out. - Uh, no, Joel,

736. somebody's surrendering.

737. - Oh. - I think it's, uh...

738. Oh. Huh?

739. - Oh. - Oh, I hate to shoot

740. a butt like that.

741. - I'll do it.

742. - Hmm.

743. Some surrealist form — Oh.

744. - Steve Allen music, here. - That's probably Hummel.

745. - Yeah.

746. - "Uh, Lady, could you please move?

747. You're blocking my landscape."

748. - He's probably gonna paint her, like, her laughing,

749. or something like that. - Oh, yeah.

750. - Yeah.

751. See, that's better. - Gee.

752. - Hey. Hey!

753. - That's not very funny. - That's uncool.

754. - "Think, think, think, think, think, think."

755. - Oh, it's a King painting.

756. I thought the eyes were supposed to be big.

757. - "Think, think, think, think, think, think, think."

758. - Uh, I think her skin's a number two.

759. - Love this Steve Allen movie.

760. - Oh? - Uh-oh.

761. - Yep. That's Jesse Helms' Angels.

762. - Art police.

763. - "Give me that.I'll show you how to use color."

764. - "Are you guys working for David Hockney?"

765. - He's no fun. - "Hey.

766. Can we borrow your towel?

767. Our bikes hit a water buffalo."

768. - "What do you think of pointillism, Creek?"

769. - Ah.

770. - "Be on the lookout for art gangs."

771. - It's a "Benny Hill" sketch.

772. - "Neorealists."

773. - "Get away from the poster."

774. - Geez, they're too cheap to show a location shot.

775. They just show a poster.

776. - "It's the high-times corporate picnic at Kitschy-Koo Park."

777. - I'm so tired.

778. I don't think I'll ever be the same.

779. - Well, don't worry. The '60s will be over soon.

780. - Beautiful, huh? - Yeah, just like...

781. - "It's all too beautiful." - Ooh.

782. - What's the chance of a badge running in here?

783. - A badger? Oh.

784. Are they indigenous to the area?

785. - Here comes the gut wagoner!

786. - The gut wagon? - Oh.

787. - It looks like the Bad Humor Truck.

788. - "I want a Bomb Pop."

789. - "I scream. You scream. We all scream for ice cream."

790. - Oh, must be out of Fentoozlers.

791. - Oh.

792. "Burn the Good Humor man! He's out of Creamsicles!"

793. - Woody Woodpecker.

794. - Oh.

795. - What did he say? - I think he said —

796. - Wait a minute. Is this what I think it is?

797. - I think it may be.

798. - You're right. It's...

799. - The bike song!

800. This one has got an orange gas tank

801. This one has got shiny chrome

802. This one has got all you need

803. - This one has got - ♪ I watch construction men

804. Oh, this must be the heroin song.

805. - Well, it still works. - Okay.

806. This one is filled with speed balls

807. Keep the spoon above the candle and shoot

808. Hey, make sure you've got plenty of Kodak film

809. to catch the antics of those plucky teens.

810. - How low will she go? - Pretty low.

811. - Mass confusion. They're talkingabout the plot, Joel.

812. - Yes.

813. - Wow. I guess face injuries are popular with these women.

814. - They're all piano tuners.

815. - Oh. - Yeah.

816. - Oh, he's clearing his spit valve.

817. Who's drinking what, there?

818. - That guy's trashed.

819. - Oh, he's looking for the script.

820. - Oh. - Hey, he's a coaster.

821. Thanks for the drugs. - ♪ Mass confusion

822. - Yes.

823. - Oh, there's a CPR class, right there.

824. - "Tongue wrestling — We'll turn the metronome

825. into a giant mud pit."

826. - Yikes. - Looks like a tongue war.

827. - "Lots of things with I-O-N at the end."

828. - Eh, at least they bathe, you know?

829. - Look, it's Beer Blanket Bongo.

830. - Hey, Six Pack, two.

831. - Yeah. Right away, Daddy.

832. - "Oh, I love what you've done with the place.

833. It looks so great."

834. - Thanks a lot. - These are my specimens.

835. - Ooh.

836. - "Where do you want to be in 3 years?"

837. - "Side Actors 2"?

838. - "Oh, here is a pencil in your — uh, I mean, mud."

839. - "Joy to the world.

840. Good reigneth everywhere.

841. Let Earth receive"...

842. - This is the best Christmas ever.

843. - Three.

844. - One more girl, he's gonna have to juggle.

845. - Don't get swacked. You've got to work tonight.

846. - Sure, Sheila, sure.

847. Anything you say, baby.

848. - Hey, it's Donny Osmond.

849. Well, no wonder he has so many women.

850. He's a Mormon, you see.

851. - Ah.

852. - Church is changing.

853. - Arf, arf, arf! - Oh, let it lie. Come on.

854. Hey, he's getting better.

855. - Yeah. Doing scales.

856. - "Hi, funny face."

857. "What is it, boy?"

858. - Nowhere, man.

859. Everything is a big zero.

860. - He must be their accountant.

861. - Half nelson. - Sleeper hold.

862. - Oh, this has been fun, but let's move the plot along.

863. - Peace. - What do you mean by that?

864. - Like, no war.

865. - See you later, Monte.

866. - Well, she won't actually be seeing depth.

867. - Wow. She's an eyeful.

868. Is she Moshe and Diane's daughter?

869. - Tell me about it, lover. - Hmm?

870. - I just might.

871. So far, she's our best contact.

872. - Roses are green.

873. Violets are red.

874. - "I like to shoot heroin straight into my head."

875. - And I'm the big-nosed boar, big-nosed boar.

876. - Wow, it's Hipsy Dipsy Nipsey Russell.

877. - Big-nosed boar. - Hiney cubed it again.

878. - Hmm.

879. - Strange place for a living room.

880. - But what a view, huh?

881. Uh-oh.

882. - Hmm.

883. - Hmm?

884. - Oh, no.

885. - Comanches!

886. - And they're riding Indians.

887. - Wow.

888. - "Quick, everybody put the living-room furniture in a circle."

889. It's the neighbors. They've cometo borrow a cup of smack."

890. - "Uh, hi. We're the day shift.

891. Dolphin Temps sent us down."

892. - "I'm here for the staring contest."

893. - Oh, no fair. He's wearing glasses.

894. - Snakey boy, you having a picnic?

895. - Ease off, man.

896. - Why, Daddy?

897. I just want to join a fun game.

898. - Daddy? - Mm-hmm.

899. - Isn't that old Sheila, baby? - Kiss off,

900. - Ooh. - "I'm huge."

901. - "I'm not supposed to be in this film.

902. They lose me after the bunker sequence."

903. - Hey, Snake.

904. She run as good as this little pink skate?

905. - Would you like to find out

906. how this little pink skate runs, man?

907. - Okay, what does this have to do with anything?

908. - "Are you sure you want to go through with this?"

909. - "There's no turning back. The music already started."

910. - "Oh, wait.I can't get mine started. Wait."

911. - "Well, I won."

912. - "Bye."

913. So...

914. - Uh-huh.

915. - Well, then, uh, we'll just wait here then.

916. - Friends don't let friends drive pink motorcycles.

917. - Right. - Yeah.

918. - I'm completely mesmerized by this exciting race.

919. - "Yeah. We'll just, uh, wait.

920. We're still here, boss,

921. just enjoying the race that's over the hill.

922. Can't see."

923. - Ugh. - Splat.

924. Ew.

925. - Well, you know, they all look like rejects

926. from a Renaissance festival, don't they?

927. Good race.

928. - Hey, it's the Doublemint Twins.

929. - One has already been chewed.

930. - Whoa. That came right out of his eye.

931. He must be a magician.

932. - Must be a really good race,

933. all that zooming around, and stuff.

934. - I bet it is.

935. - Monte, how much longer? - Who knows?

936. - Split, guys. - Oh, we better get going.

937. - Couldn't we go back, and... - "How much longer" is right.

938. - Linda, Dave was my brother...

939. - Linda. - ... and your fiancé,

940. and we're gonna see it through.

941. - Let's see.How does this stupid thing work?

942. Record, and play. there we go.

943. Well, dear Kitty, you won't believe

944. what a jerk Servo was today.

945. - Off. No.

946. There. - ♪ Hellcats, oh, yeah

947. - Ugh.

948. I'm not good with this stuff.

949. Let's see. "Hold down record and play."

950. Oh, I get it. Okay.

951. Ah. There we go.

952. Ah. Well, like I was saying,

953. you won't believe what a jerk Servo was today.

954. Okay. Get this.

955. I'm down in the load-pan bay, minding my own business,

956. when, out of nowhere, Servo jettisons a stream

957. of purge fluid right at my spasmodic croffisator.

958. So, in self-defense — and only after every avenue of diplomacy

959. has been exhausted — I jump in, but only in self-defense.

960. Of course, uh, this is the only thing Joel sees,

961. and I get all the blame again.

962. I can't blame Joel, because finding out the truth

963. sometimes requires a spirited question-and-answer question.

964. Although this sounds like a lame segue into a flashback,

965. I remember with particular gusto...

966. - Now, I'm going to be floating some objects, here.

967. - Uh, with wire? - With wire.

968. and you're going to tell me if they're funny or not.

969. Alright? First, we start off with a coat.

970. Funny or not funny?

971. - Funny? - Right. Funny. Next.

972. Cambot, bring it over to the right, here, a little bit.

973. A wrench. Funny or not funny?

974. - Uh, I'd say "funny." - Right. Funny.

975. Finally, a harmonica. - Oh!

976. Oh, oh, oh! - Funny or not funny?

977. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

978. - Okay, Crow. Crow.

979. - Uh, um, I forgot the question.

980. - Funny or not funny?

981. - Uh, funny. - Are you sure?

982. - Uh, not funny. - It was funny.

983. Stick to your guns, Crow.

984. Now, I'm going to be showing yousome flash cards.

985. You'll be awarded 20 points for every correct flash card.

986. - Ooh. - These are objects

987. that are funny or not funny when they're floating.

988. Alright? Start things off — sand.

989. - Oh, not funny. - Right.

990. Okay. Orange juice. Funny or not funny?

991. - Uh, funny. - Right.

992. Next, a baseball.

993. - Uh, funny. - Wrong. Not funny.

994. Alright. Woodchuck.

995. Funny or not funny floating?

996. - Funny? - Extremely funny.

997. Next, funny or not funny floating — Sally Field?

998. - Uh, not funny. - Right.

999. Next, funny or not funny floating — Sebastian Cabot.

1000. - Funny.

1001. - Right. Extremely funny, but impossible.

1002. Finally — the rules get a little blurry here, guys —

1003. Christopher Reeves in "Superman."

1004. Funny or not funny floating?

1005. - Uh, not funny. - Right.

1006. Christopher Reeves in "Monsignor"?

1007. - Funny? - Right.

1008. Now, Christopher Reeves kissing Michael Caine in "Deathtrap"?

1009. - Oh, funny! - Right.

1010. Finally, Gallagher. Funny or not funny floating?

1011. - Not funny. - Extremely unfunny.

1012. Now, we go into the lightning round.

1013. Cambot, put it up on the screen.

1014. And, Magic Voice, let's have the password.

1015. - The secret password is "things which are funny floating."

1016. - Uh, you take your shoe off with this.

1017. - Uh, a piece of cheese, uh, a come-along, uh, a shoehorn!

1018. - Um, right.

1019. Uh, you, uh, keep meat in this.

1020. - Uh, your mouth? - Uh, right.

1021. Um, uh, a juggler.

1022. - Uh, boring things? - A juggler.

1023. - Uh... - Hackney.

1024. - Things at a Renaissance festival.

1025. - Uh, bad actor.

1026. - Uh, things you say to a bishop.

1027. - Uh, pass. Pass.

1028. - Thanks for the flashback, Cambot.

1029. Well, anyway, uh, that flashbackhad nothing to do with anything

1030. I was talking about.

1031. Hey, did I ever tell you about the time

1032. Joel dressed me up as Judy Garland,

1033. and forced me to sing show tunes?

1034. I got a lot of pain.

1035. Oh, and I got a movie sign all by myself!

1036. Ah!

1037. - Oh. - Hey, where's my tape deck?

1038. - Huh? - I said "deck."

1039. - Oh.

1040. - That's it, then.

1041. - Oh, so it's not really a skate, then, is it?

1042. - No. - Hmm.

1043. - Hey! - Oh, I get it.

1044. It's a triathlon — bike race, knife fight, then beer guzzling.

1045. - Whoa.

1046. - This fight was choreographed by Jerome Robbins.

1047. - A chain beats anYves Saint Laurent belt anytime.

1048. - Mm-hmm.

1049. - Pants him. He must be pantsed.

1050. - "I'm going to send you a chain letter, monkey boy."

1051. - "It's Bob Fosse versus Tommy Tune."

1052. - "Both of these competitors really

1053. came here to dance, folks."

1054. - Whoa! - Ooh.

1055. - They are not men.

1056. - "These are the chains I forged in life."

1057. - No. - Hey.

1058. This looks, to me, like the battle of the network scum.

1059. - Yep.

1060. "Biker rhubarb, biker rhubarb."

1061. - "Oh, red cam, oh, red cam,

1062. bottle, bottle of beer, bottle of beer."

1063. - "Chain, chain, chain of fools."

1064. - "Subhuman, I'm not human, subhuman."

1065. - Subgenius.

1066. - He's fighting the cameraman.

1067. Kill him! Kill everybody!

1068. - The crew, the cast, everybody.

1069. Oh.

1070. - Peace, brothers. No more war.

1071. - Who is he?

1072. - It's Ross Hagen, the prince of peace!

1073. - By the time the cock crows three times,

1074. chili peppers will burn his gut.

1075. Hey, your butt is dirty.

1076. - "I love you guys. Don't get no better than this.

1077. I don't know what I was thinking."

1078. - Like love, baby.

1079. - "My work is done here." - Over my body, baby.

1080. - I think that's "dead body." - Ain't wanting to fight.

1081. - Ross. - You losing guts, man?

1082. - He doesn't have any. - Fight him, man.

1083. - Come on, Ross. This is just peer pressure.

1084. Just say "no," please.

1085. - Yeah! - "Okay.

1086. That sounds good. My day is open."

1087. - I'm not with this dirt scene, you know?

1088. - Hey, man, it doesn't matter.

1089. When we say "drag," we don't mean drag.

1090. We mean, like, scrape.

1091. - Why don't you just say "scrape," then?

1092. - That's a word for "dumb."

1093. - Looks like a training center for carnies, doesn't it?

1094. - Yeah.

1095. - Oh, great, they're gonna go oat-skiing.

1096. - They're gonna plow.

1097. You know, they might just all be Amish.

1098. - No. No.

1099. - Amish bikers? - No.

1100. - Oh, I get it.

1101. You take a rototiller, and you hook a guy between the two,

1102. and therefore, avoid any plot.

1103. - Yep.

1104. - "I'd love to call you later, if I'm still alive."

1105. - "I know you loved my brother, but if you ever get lonely..."

1106. - 15 seconds, man.

1107. If you make it, you got no worries.

1108. Otherwise...

1109. - "Uh, you know, yeah, you just...

1110. No. You know what I mean?

1111. Yeah. It's just like..."

1112. - "I'll go put your coat back on the bathroom floor,

1113. where it came from."

1114. So...

1115. - "Well, we've taken a pretty long lunch.

1116. Uh, better get it back to the office."

1117. Uh, oh.

1118. - Maybe not.

1119. - Mm-hmm.

1120. Getting the idea.

1121. - Alright, fellows. Make a wish.

1122. - Go.

1123. - You know, he used to be a dwarf.

1124. - "Body by John Deere."

1125. - Obviously, kids shouldn't

1126. try this at home if they have rototillers.

1127. - No, kids shouldn't try this at home —

1128. shouldn't be watching this movie at home.

1129. We're seasoned professionals.

1130. - 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13...

1131. - They're counting how long he's getting in feet.

1132. - Ah!

1133. - "Oh, what a drag.

1134. But we do have some lovely parting gifts."

1135. - "Forward my mail!"

1136. - I've seen dogs do that on driveways.

1137. - "Calgon, take me away!"

1138. - Well, I don't know what I was supposed to learn by that.

1139. - What a day to forget my metal boxer shorts.

1140. - Hmm.

1141. - "It's the Ross Hagen actor pull

1142. with Go Go the Gorilla dragged behind a motorcycle."

1143. - Oh, no. He's backing up. How horrible!

1144. Oh, the humanity!

1145. - Oh, my lord. It's just his legs!

1146. Oh, no.

1147. He's gone!

1148. Oh, no! Doesn't anybody care?

1149. What's the matter with you?

1150. The only one concerned is the music!

1151. Listen.

1152. - Ah, great, Ross. Don't — Yeah.

1153. Take your jacket off.You wouldn't want anything thick

1154. and leathery between you and the road.

1155. - He's bright. - Except maybe his head.

1156. - Yeah.

1157. - Yeah.

1158. - You know, guys, this didn't have much success

1159. as an Olympic event, but it is in the Goodwill Games.

1160. - Oh. - It made it.

1161. - Think his medical covers this?

1162. - Uh, that one is loose. You want to tighten that?

1163. - Yeah.

1164. - "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Dirt Row.

1165. Please direct your eyes to center stage,

1166. where daredevil stuntman actor Ross Hagen

1167. is about to attempt a most dangerous stunt.

1168. To imagine what he's going through, picture yourself

1169. attached to over 500 wild horsesbeing stretched."

1170. - "If you think this is easy,

1171. try holding your breathfor the duration of this stunt."

1172. - "Oh, I seen a man pulled clean in half

1173. last week's state fair in Florida."

1174. - Oh, this is to stretch his arms,

1175. so he looks more Neanderthal.

1176. Oh, for fun.

1177. - "Yep, 15 feet, 4 inches."

1178. "The sun was in my eyes.

1179. They stretched my legs out, and they snagged on me.

1180. It's all hot, and hurts, and stuff."

1181. - "Well, same thing tomorrow?" - Yeah.

1182. - "Now, Ross can put the star on the tree."

1183. - Yeah.

1184. We're gonna have to let your sleeves out, Ross.

1185. - "I'm just gonna stretch out, here, on the couch."

1186. - "Home again, home again, jiggity-jig."

1187. - "I love him. He's so dumb."

1188. - "I'm going to get him a beer, a longneck."

1189. - Yeah. Now he's really a long arm of the law.

1190. Congratulations. You are now officially white trash.

1191. - Now you're talking, baby. That's the right word.

1192. Come on. Hey, again! Hey, come on!

1193. - They're jumping on the furniture.

1194. Come on. Don't mess up the living room.

1195. - Can't do it here.

1196. - Yeah, not in front of all these hoodlums.

1197. - Oh, wait a second!

1198. - "That's my man's brother!"

1199. - Oh, the love, and the fun,

1200. you know, it's just like that scene

1201. from "It's a Wonderful Life."

1202. "Hey. Hurry up with that blanket.

1203. George Bailey don't want to be looking at

1204. no busted bedsprings."

1205. - We all got to go sometime. Will it hurt?

1206. - Not if you do it right.

1207. - Hey, check it out. that guy's number 13!

1208. - There just wasn't anything left.

1209. - Go get it, then.

1210. - "You kids go off to bed.

1211. Your mother and I are busy."

1212. - You know, this is how my Mom and Dad met.

1213. I'm just kidding.

1214. - "Nummy, nummy, nummy. I'm eating you up.

1215. Nummy, nummy, nummy. Num, num."

1216. - "Time to go undercover."

1217. - Does this mean that you have to do something

1218. really stupid to get the girl?

1219. - Yep.

1220. - "I'm a widdle wabbit!"

1221. "Tickle, tickle, tickle."

1222. - Little mama...

1223. you're too yummy to be alone here.

1224. - Yeah, she comes in six flavors.

1225. - What do you say we make tracks with the motors?

1226. - Tractor mortars?

1227. - No need to act like that.

1228. - Yak like what?

1229. - Dean's gonna have a problem.

1230. - Pablum?

1231. - Pottery wheel? - I can help you.

1232. - Pottery wig?

1233. - Uh...

1234. - Yeah. - Huh?

1235. - Hmm.

1236. Oh, young love.

1237. - Oh. There's his pottery wheel, and there's his tractor motor.

1238. - Oh, and he was actually saying that.

1239. - Yeah. - And his hablem.

1240. "Oh, a human tooth. Huh. Neat."

1241. - "And the nerves are attached, still."

1242. - Uh, never give a woman a human molar on a first date.

1243. - Yeah. Nice dance, huh?

1244. - Creepy girl.

1245. - Whoa! Diana Rigg taught her that.

1246. Thank you, Emma Peel.

1247. - Oh, good, the paramedics.

1248. And they took CPR from Anheuser-Busch!

1249. - Hold up.

1250. - "Mm. Love is good.

1251. You taste like chili peppers."

1252. - Who was that dude bugging you last night?

1253. - That was you.

1254. - Oh, yeah.

1255. - Thought you went with Snake.

1256. - Off and on.

1257. - Mostly on, or mostly off?

1258. - You're mostly curious. - It's mostly magic.

1259. - A lot to be curious about, like that map of Mexico.

1260. - Matty, baby, I love you, but you ask too many questions.

1261. - He watches a lot of "Jeopardy!"

1262. - Can't help it. My mind is like a sponge.

1263. - "You can play in the sink with it."

1264. - If you don't want to bother your match.

1265. - Mmm.

1266. - Hope that's beer. - Need a water cooler.

1267. - "Hey, Adolph's found a girl. I think her name is 'Eva.'"

1268. - Oh, it's Annie Lennox.

1269. - "All the Hellcats in Whoville, they spank their denfanklers.

1270. They blew their fintuzlers, and cranked their grabflankers."

1271. - "They whizzed their gizfunklers,

1272. and shanked their wiz banklers.

1273. They tizzled, and wuzzled, and peanut-ed kurtanklers."

1274. - "Even little Wendy Lou Hellcat..."

1275. - "Went through..."

1276. - "My — my jaw hurts."

1277. - "Don't ask." - I hope you had fun.

1278. - Duty, kid, duty. - Double duty.

1279. - Well, while you were locked in combat with the enemy,

1280. I got the scab for this.

1281. - You got a scab in here? - Gross.

1282. - Oh, what'd you say that for? That's so disgusting.

1283. - Yuck. - Ew.

1284. You know the guy in the suit?

1285. - "Oh, uh, so, as I was saying, chili peppers burn my gut."

1286. - Tell me you've cooled Scab.

1287. - So? - So, that's good.

1288. You ride. You swing with it.

1289. I want you to come with me tonight.

1290. - "She asked me. She asked me."

1291. - Rita is bombed out, and I need a rider.

1292. - I'm ready.

1293. I'm not too fond of the company around here, anyway.

1294. - Wait, what are you — Oh, yeah, you don't...

1295. - "Pardon my boarding-house reach."

1296. - "We're not friends."

1297. "Bozo is so funny.

1298. No clothes on. I could look at it forever."

1299. - "Hmm, I see.

1300. Using the king's Indian defense against my classical variation.

1301. I see."

1302. - "Lee Meriwether in her first starring role."

1303. - I think that's her first camisole, too.

1304. - "Please stop the guitar playing.

1305. I hate flamenco."

1306. - "Football practice, I..."

1307. - Please. - "All done."

1308. - Please, Peter.

1309. Please.

1310. - I wonder what she wants. - Please.

1311. - Why castle when you could get a queen's pawn?

1312. - Zeke?

1313. - Could please play Yahtzee for a change?

1314. - Pete? - "Can I please use the bathroom?"

1315. - "No, come on. You know this is only the sixth day."

1316. Please.

1317. - "Now, look, there's a chicken potpie in the fridge,

1318. but I'm not gonna get you a Libby Lane dinner."

1319. - Nothing in life is free.

1320. - Only the best things.

1321. - Hey, how come these loser guys always get these

1322. really great lake homes?

1323. "Yeah, you're pretty good, Karpov."

1324. - "Yeah, you too, Kasparov."

1325. "Charo, knock it off."

1326. - You know, I can see why she loves him.

1327. - "You know, mixing dice with chess

1328. really speeds up the game, Karpov."

1329. - Maybe she just wants a glass of water.

1330. - "Ah, that must be Grandma. I'll get it."

1331. - Get me a Dove bar, and some smack.

1332. - Looks like they're being visited by a constellation.

1333. - It's Orion.

1334. - Or-Ida?

1335. - "You're late. I burned supper."

1336. - "Uh, hola, el trasho."

1337. - Make it fast. We're late.

1338. - "I know a wiener man. He owns a hot dog stand. There."

1339. - Uh, I haven't met you.

1340. - "I haven't met you, either. That would leave me one up."

1341. - I like blondes.

1342. - Look, don't touch.

1343. "I'll get a cart."

1344. - A fireball, eh?

1345. Hey, Pete, look what we got here.

1346. - "It looks like a fireball."

1347. - Nice.

1348. - Back off, slob, this isn't a game.

1349. - Whoa. - We're here to make a pickup,

1350. not act as entertainment for you crumbs.

1351. - "Now, here's the entertainment."

1352. - Come closer.

1353. Help me out, will you?

1354. - "I just don't get algebra, man."

1355. - I need some stuff.

1356. - "I need some bread, and an egg, and a wheat penny."

1357. - No, please.

1358. - Inside, okay? - No, no, don't make her watch

1359. "Cop Rock" again. - Oh, come on.

1360. It's actually gotten some good reviews.

1361. - I got to have it.

1362. Please, I got to have it, please.

1363. - "She's been sick."

1364. "Here, divinity. I made it myself."

1365. - Please, you got to help.

1366. - Get your hand stamped in this gang,

1367. so you leave, you can get back in.

1368. - Great music.

1369. - If I don't see you again,

1370. you can be sure I won't forget you.

1371. - "Your wind song stays on my mind."

1372. - The smell won't wash off.

1373. - "Uh, so, I guess a second date is out of the question."

1374. - "I wish I had said that.

1375. Stella!"

1376. - "Now, let's see about getting that young lady some heroin."

1377. - "I said, 'I know a wiener man.'

1378. Oh, forget it."

1379. - "He owns a hot dog stand?"

1380. - "He gives me everything."

1381. - Oh, my God.

1382. Wait until Andy hears about this.

1383. We're gonna have to nip it in the bud.

1384. - What, are we watching this from the Flubber-cam,

1385. all of a sudden? I don't get this.

1386. - I don't know.

1387. - Whoa. Uh-oh.

1388. - And that's why kids should not have minibikes.

1389. - Mm-hmm.

1390. - "Newsflash, biker wipes out.

1391. Film at 11."

1392. - "It was an eyewitness newsbreak."

1393. Oh, she smeared her makeup.

1394. What a mess.

1395. - "Oh, not the clown-suit reference again —

1396. not for four times in a row."

1397. - "Honey, I'm dead."

1398. - Where's Betty? - I don't know.

1399. Did you have any trouble?

1400. - What? - No.

1401. - Was this film recorded on 78 rpms?

1402. - Just heard it on the car radio.

1403. - "Wayland Flowers is dead."

1404. - Betty, she got backed up outside of Whole Sphere.

1405. - Oh, we've got problems.

1406. - "Yeah, I can see you're all busted up inside."

1407. - "Hello. I'd like to send a Candy Cave-gram."

1408. - They've dialed into "What's My Line?"

1409. "Is he known for his work in the theater?"

1410. - "No. I don't want to buy any light bulbs."

1411. - I don't care how. - "You must sink the Bismarck."

1412. - He must live in a target sales area.

1413. - Yeah, he's a "Flintstone" kid, too,

1414. and he's taking vitamins.

1415. - We've got to get our stash.

1416. - She's got a mustache?

1417. They're going to have to use hot wax to get that, I think.

1418. - Ouch.

1419. - Hmm. - Hmm.

1420. - "Sad times befall the scum of the Earth

1421. when bad things happen to bad people."

1422. - Why is he so sad? Come on.

1423. There's got to be more potbellied

1424. sac-breasted scum of the Earth

1425. with butts like leather pancakesfor him to love.

1426. - No. No. No.

1427. No, no, no, no No, no.

1428. - Take it easy, Hiney. Easy, man.

1429. - "She had my stash."

1430. - We've got to go into Whole Stone, and get our load.

1431. - What?

1432. - The cops probably have it.

1433. - Find out.

1434. Now, make it happen. - Make it happen.

1435. Be a self-starter. Come on.

1436. Your bike is.

1437. - Whoa.

1438. - Well, if she's back there, then...

1439. - Ah, she's on the bike.

1440. - Uh-oh, she's riding a black-tire BMW.

1441. - Hi. - "Eh, put his head back on.

1442. I got to go."

1443. - "Well, at least we have each other."

1444. - They look as confused by the film as we are.

1445. - Yep.

1446. - "Well, the old clock on the wall

1447. says it's time for jokes, riddles, and more,

1448. with Kooky the motorcycling clown."

1449. - "The oboe represents this slag heap."

1450. - "Let's watch as that disaster-prone

1451. do-it-yourselfer gets into his usual batch of mischief."

1452. - Whoa.

1453. - "Hmm, what gives?" says Kooky.

1454. "Ah. Kooky has got a plan, and this is part of it."

1455. - The old junkyard.

1456. Hmm.

1457. Oh, I get it, and so does Kooky.

1458. Kooky is in the clear.

1459. Or is he?

1460. - We think the joke will be on Kooky.

1461. - Uh-huh.

1462. - There it is.

1463. And there they are.

1464. - D'oh. - Hats off to Kooky.

1465. - What took you so long?

1466. - Oh, Kooky, you've done it again.

1467. - Those mothers.

1468. Such a simple thing, and they blow it.

1469. - "Now, read that back to me." - Better wrap this up.

1470. - Please do — right now.

1471. Let's get some paint, and paint "The End" real big.

1472. - Don't tell your mother where we're going, idiot.

1473. - I didn't mean to tell my mother.

1474. - "Union debts are due."

1475. - I didn't mean to do anything wrong, honest.

1476. - Uh-oh, Kooky is in trouble, as usual.

1477. - The guys just asked me to get something out of the headlight.

1478. - "Kooky, your mother and I are very disappointed in you."

1479. - "Meanwhile, in a Barbara Feldon movie..."

1480. - Would you believe Barbara Eden?

1481. - Nope. - How about Barbara Bel Geddes?

1482. - In the "Nude Barn."

1483. - Sounds kind of like music from "Playboy After Dark,"

1484. that old show.

1485. - A Mingus quality to it.

1486. - Okay, okay, you're riding your bike.

1487. We get the point.

1488. - Oh, great, and there's another guy riding a bike.

1489. We get the point.

1490. - Oh, is she still riding her bike?

1491. Good. For a minute, I was afraidthe director wasn't gonna

1492. make that clear enough!

1493. - And still riding her bike.

1494. Hey, a drive-through.

1495. - Ah!

1496. - Hey, look over here. Hi, sexy.

1497. - Hey, come on. Leave her alone.

1498. - It's a fireplug. - Yeah, sorry.

1499. - "Thought you might need help padding out

1500. the last 10 minutes of the film."

1501. - I just want to make sure I get my share.

1502. - What's the matter? Don't you trust me?

1503. - As a matter of fact, no.

1504. - As a matter of fact, who cares what happens

1505. in this stupid movie?

1506. - Kind of like courageous cat music.

1507. - Ooh. - Right on in.

1508. - Oh. - Nice trip.

1509. - Nice office.

1510. - She followed me.

1511. I'm gonna carve you.

1512. - Hey, we shake hands in this country, pal.

1513. - Tie her up in the shop.

1514. - Force her to watch "Cop Rock." - No. "Cop Rock"?

1515. Wow, that guy is mean.

1516. - "Well, send in the next applicant."

1517. - Go pack. Now.

1518. - Is that her name, "Go Pack"?

1519. - She's Chinese. - "Ooh, that was close.

1520. Last time, he was like this,

1521. he made me watch 'Doogie Howser.'"

1522. - "So, uh, what qualifications

1523. do you feel you can bring to our company?"

1524. - Just curious.

1525. - Again?

1526. - Oh, she's a good ventriloquist.

1527. - "This week at Sir Laughs A Lot,

1528. it's Undercover Biker Chick and Buddy."

1529. - "The hair is protein.

1530. Using Protein 21 religiously helps put back

1531. some of the protein shampoo takes out."

1532. - "Oh, he — he likes me. He really..."

1533. - "I move among the shadows.

1534. In the daytime, I'm Ross Hagen."

1535. We'll be right back.

1536. - Thrill as Rommel tries, in vain, to find the entrance.

1537. - "Poorly designed buildings burn my gut."

1538. "Is there a receptionist here?

1539. Do I need an appointment?"

1540. - Looks like a sound stage with paneling.

1541. - Yeah, there's no ceiling to speak of.

1542. - Oh, focus.

1543. - Focus. Focus.

1544. - "Oh, I'm tripping."

1545. - Come in.

1546. - "While dad is not looking, Kooky tokes up."

1547. - "That Kooky, what a character."

1548. - Uh, this is your court-appointed lawyer, Mr. Garber.

1549. - Have you been informed of your rights?

1550. - Hey, don't give into the man, Kooky.

1551. - Have you, or haven't you?

1552. - "Only Kooky's hairdresser knows for sure."

1553. - Dick?

1554. - Did you call me, Sheriff? - "No. I called you 'Dick.'"

1555. - Escort Mr. Jay Dalton Collins III to his quarters,

1556. so he can consult with counsel.

1557. - "Kooky, have you been putting on airs again?

1558. Well, that's our Kooky."

1559. - "It's King Richard,

1560. inviting you to the Renaissance Festival.

1561. Huzzah."

1562. - "Hang down your head, Tom Dooley."

1563. - You know, he's really multi-layered for a villain.

1564. - Hmm.

1565. Bum, bum, ba, bum, bum, bum

1566. Your chick was killed. Your chick was killed.

1567. - "Somber. Somber."

1568. - Man, like, somebody is gonna pay.

1569. - "Yeah, I'm not going to pay for the whole keg myself.

1570. I swear I'd never —" - You with me, Pack?

1571. - Oh. - I don't know, Hiney.

1572. - Oh.

1573. - It can happen, man, to anybody.

1574. - But it didn't.

1575. It happened to Betty.

1576. And some little scum is gonna pay.

1577. - Okay.

1578. "Dearest Sandy.

1579. Well, those bots are at it again.

1580. I just finished cleaning up their mess in the commissary.

1581. Then, I find out that those knuckle-knobs

1582. had trashed the load pan. Exclamation point.

1583. Sometimes, I wish I had programmed more maturity

1584. into their little ROMs,

1585. but, you know, Sandy, they can be

1586. the cutest little dickenses in spite of themselves.

1587. Smiley face. Okay.

1588. Well, like the time we all got together,

1589. and learned a little bit more about —

1590. Well, you'll see.

1591. Cambot, let's have that.

1592. - Okay, so, we'll just sit here, and act as the brunt

1593. of your little visual joke? - Yeah. That's right.

1594. - Okay. - Something like that.

1595. Okay, this one is called the binocular scope.

1596. - Hey, get us. We're a piece of stock footage.

1597. - Alright.

1598. And this one is the keyhole scope.

1599. - You know, you're the only man

1600. for me, Servo. - Oh, Crow.

1601. - Alright. This is the...

1602. - ... high-powered scope scope.

1603. - And so, the French Prime Minister

1604. shall receive the quad — Look out! Look out!

1605. - Okay. This is the periscope scope.

1606. - I don't care how you do it.

1607. You must sink the Bismarck.

1608. - And also, the "Driving Miss Daisy" scope.

1609. - We might as well be walking

1610. if driving this slow, Miss Daisy.

1611. - Just watch where you're going.

1612. - Okay. This, here, is the micro-scope.

1613. - Uh, go ahead, Crow.

1614. You can imitate a one-celled animal better than I can.

1615. - It's starting to look more likethe Sammy Davis Jr. scope.

1616. Okay. This is the Lucy scope.

1617. - Ah, Ricky, turns out I was never funny.

1618. - Okay. The small-intestine scope.

1619. - Ugh. I feel so funky.

1620. I need soothing and coating.

1621. - That's what we feel like.

1622. - This is the Jose Feliciano scope, there.

1623. - Huh? - Chico, don't get discouraged.

1624. - Alright.

1625. This is the "Family Circus" scope.

1626. - Okay, who broke my vase? - Not me.

1627. - Okay. Followed by the jack-o'-lantern scope.

1628. - Huh?

1629. - The glaucoma scope.

1630. - What?

1631. - And if you want to get really fancy,

1632. you add the "Family Circus" scope with the glaucoma scope,

1633. and get the Hubble scope. Okay?

1634. There's that. Alright.

1635. Followed by the Pope scope.

1636. - What? - Huh?

1637. - The Scopes Monkey Trial scope,

1638. otherwise known as Inherit the Wind-o-rama.

1639. - Oh. - Ah.

1640. - The ever-popular nope scope. - Oh, brother.

1641. - Come on.

1642. - "Oh, for fun.

1643. Turn around, and they are young.

1644. Turn around, and they've grown.

1645. Turn around, and they're old bots

1646. with young bots of their own.

1647. Your friend in space, Joel Robinson.

1648. Commercial sign."

1649. - Oh, man.

1650. - Guess this means Ross doesn't get the job, huh?

1651. - Oh. - Ouch.

1652. - "Next time, I can act."

1653. - You can't expect us to believe

1654. you just happened by here, now, can you?

1655. - "Because if you tell us that, we'll believe you."

1656. - I think I'm going to have to question

1657. your young lady privately.

1658. - You slob. - Good read.

1659. - "That's Mr. Slob to you."

1660. - "Now, as I was saying,

1661. it's a caring, nurturing relationship I'm looking for."

1662. - Well, he's got a thing or two to learn

1663. about tying people to furniture.

1664. - "We've heard about your kneecaps, Ross,

1665. and we don't want you to get away."

1666. - "Hey.

1667. Hey, it's me, the guy from —

1668. the girl from the mattress, remember?"

1669. - "You, uh, talking to me?"

1670. - You didn't tell me how much fun we'd have.

1671. - "I'm surprised."

1672. - Monte, are you alright?

1673. - Yeah.

1674. - Why did you follow?

1675. - "I'm falling in love with your bike."

1676. - ... horrible stupidity.

1677. - Let's get this place cleaned up.

1678. - "That means you leave.

1679. Here. Eat these."

1680. - I'll have the boat ready at 4:00.

1681. Here's the apartment key.

1682. - "Tell Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine

1683. I want them out."

1684. - We have to take care of them.

1685. - There's plenty of room in the harbor.

1686. - "They're big people."

1687. - Call Jack, and tell him to keepan eye on Sheila's bunch.

1688. - Who's Jack and Sheila? - I don't know.

1689. - How would like to go to Tahiti?

1690. - "That'd be great!"

1691. - My client has decided to sign a full statement.

1692. - His podiatrist? - No pressure? No coercion?

1693. - No, sir.

1694. Just time to pay back the takers.

1695. - Boy, not even Kooky knows what that means.

1696. - These cuts are making my pulse race.

1697. - Could I talk to you?

1698. - "Now, this is an ordinary wooden box."

1699. - Are you sure? - Out.

1700. - "Are you sure?" - "Out."

1701. - Thank you.

1702. - I can't hack this dungeon,

1703. so why don't you untie me, and talk this over?

1704. - Talk first.

1705. - I don't like being roughed up...

1706. - "Or overexposed." - You want action?

1707. That's okay by me.

1708. You pay. I play.

1709. - Oh, a pool player, huh?

1710. - "Will you take a check?"

1711. - Oh, my God. His head's gone.

1712. - "If only I could get to my utility belt, Batgirl."

1713. - Oh, thank goodness.

1714. They found a Dremel tool with a cutting blade.

1715. - Amazing. What a coincidence.

1716. - Oh, but it's three-prong, and they've got no adapter.

1717. - What are they gonna do?

1718. - Oh, I see.

1719. - If I could just reach...

1720. - Thank goodness she grounded it.

1721. - "Now, this is —

1722. I'm gonna have to cut your hand off, so it might hurt.

1723. Which one do you write with?"

1724. - "Oh! Oh! That was my tendon.

1725. That's okay. Thanks."

1726. - Ha! Take that, and this, and a little of that.

1727. Huh?

1728. - One of those, huh? No bullets, though.

1729. - "Still think I'm fat?"

1730. - "Oh, I got to get out of here.

1731. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

1732. I wish I had that bra now.

1733. Ow."

1734. - So, she ran, and she ran, and she ran, and she ran.

1735. They got it all on film.

1736. - Hip stuff.

1737. - Quick, call Gap Teen.

1738. - "Huh? Give me that.

1739. Hello, this is Gap Teen."

1740. - "Uh, speak up. I can't hear you."

1741. - Hang in there, mama. We're on our way.

1742. - "We're on our way."

1743. - Okay, troops.

1744. You got your wish, Hiney. Let's rumble.

1745. - "Let's go, team, go.

1746. Grab the Team-mobile."

1747. - Huh? - Uh-oh.

1748. - Hey, what's the action? Drop the steel.

1749. - Pack, the action is, old lump here is a corn spy.

1750. - A corn spy?

1751. - I've been called a lot of things in my life,

1752. but never a corn spy.

1753. - If she could only get to her —

1754. Ah, the Batwhip.

1755. - Welp, I'd say this movie is starting not to make any sense.

1756. - Yeah. - I got sucked right into it,

1757. and now, I don't know what's going on.

1758. - Yeah.

1759. - "Hey, have some potassium in your diet — not."

1760. - "Recess, everybody."

1761. - Ah, sting.

1762. - Hey, Joel, did you ride your bike to school?

1763. - Yeah. I did.

1764. - They're excited, aren't they?

1765. Bye.

1766. - Hello.

1767. It's Don Ho's sister, Heidi.

1768. Later, we'll meet his brother, Heave.

1769. Could get injured that way.

1770. - What's going on? - I don't know.

1771. I'm lost.

1772. - And so is she.

1773. Not a thought in her tiny little brain.

1774. - Hey.

1775. - It looks like she's into safe walking.

1776. - Mm-hmm.

1777. - "How do these work?"

1778. - Putting on her Jimmy shoes.

1779. - Yeah. - This is a — Jimmy stockings.

1780. - "Uh, ma'am, I believe this is my hotel room."

1781. Sounds like travelogue music.

1782. - "This is how we say 'hello' in Tahiti."

1783. - Whoa.

1784. - "There's a beer in the fridge for you."

1785. - Focus, please.

1786. - Hmm.

1787. - "Cut and print it.

1788. Beautiful, people. That's good.

1789. Let's break for drugs — lunch."

1790. - "Here's your, uh, Gideon bible.

1791. Don't forget it."

1792. - "300 CCs of high-test padding."

1793. - More Mingus music.

1794. - We're loaded. - Let's move.

1795. - "Like you've never moved before — even slower."

1796. - I love the attention to detail on the sets in this movie.

1797. Oh, brother.

1798. You know, a new musical style is introduced

1799. every 5 minutes in this film.

1800. - "Uh, sorry the car is such a mess.

1801. I kind of live out of it.

1802. Just throw that stuff in the back,

1803. and then move that sweater."

1804. - "Now, then, for Ross' next trick,

1805. he'll be tied up securely,

1806. and he'll be immersed in the chilly Atlantic waters."

1807. Let's watch.

1808. Ooh. - Ouch.

1809. - "And he'll be knocked out."

1810. - "If you think this is easy,

1811. try holding your breath for the amount of time

1812. Ross and his pal are underwater."

1813. - Packed in their own juices.

1814. - "Now, 12 pounds of rope are used to secure them."

1815. - You know, I never get tired of seeing bikers on the highway.

1816. - No, neither do I. - Nope.

1817. - This is what this movie is all about.

1818. - Eddie? Eddie?

1819. - Henney?

1820. - Buckle up this gal. Let's get out of here.

1821. - Yeah. - I'm working on the injection.

1822. - "Hitch your pony to a star."

1823. - Wait a minute. - Wow.

1824. - What is he? Oh, my God.

1825. It's Aunt Bee.

1826. - "Hey, Aunt Bee is looking fine."

1827. - Well, it, oh, it's not. - Oh, darn.

1828. - Expected him to hurl pickles at him or something, you know?

1829. - How much longer, Eddie?

1830. - Five minutes, Mr. Adrian. - Well, that's kind of personal.

1831. - Where'd he come from? - You sure took your sweet time.

1832. - Thank you. - Come on.

1833. - Hey, they're in a different city now.

1834. - What's going on?

1835. - Oh.

1836. - "Hey, Aunt Bee's here. There's gonna be a rumble."

1837. - Look out.

1838. - Okay, now, why are they here? To get revenge for the girl?

1839. - No. She died in an accident.

1840. - They're here to save their friends, is what's going on.

1841. - Oh. Altruism. Interesting.

1842. Did he have to park that there?

1843. I mean, I doubt it.

1844. - "Hey, throw that extension cordin the water."

1845. - "Excuse us. Got to do a rumble."

1846. - "Yeah, we'll be out of the way in a minute."

1847. - "Excused us." - "Oh, watch out."

1848. - "Coming through." - "Sorry to shake your camera.

1849. Oh. Sorry. Hope we're not in the shot.

1850. Oh. Sorry."

1851. - "Come on, teen gang! Monkey pile!"

1852. - "Monkey pile on the fat guy!"

1853. - "Hey, please, kids, take it easy.

1854. I'm reading for aJack Weston-type role tomorrow."

1855. - Oh. Oh. Whoo-hoo!

1856. - Nice. - I'm still fast.

1857. - Woo-hoo!

1858. - "Aw, come on, kids. Dad has got to go to work."

1859. - Yee-hoo! Looks like fun.

1860. - "Okay, you hit me. You made your point.

1861. There's no sense in — Ow. Thank you."

1862. - "So, they woozled their funklers,

1863. and wonked on their kooklers."

1864. - "The brugifizers, wanklers, and moof, and kinkanklers.

1865. They beat on his kidneys, and turned them to mush.

1866. They pounded his brain, and it started to dark."

1867. - "Hey, get my head out of there.It's in there somewhere."

1868. - And Ross is free! - Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

1869. - He's broken a new world record for boredom!

1870. - "Hey, kill that guy. He's a director."

1871. - "Get him!"

1872. - You know, guys, this kind of reminds me.

1873. I've been on a seafood diet lately.

1874. - Really? - Oh, yeah.

1875. I'm eating a lot of fish, and shrimp, and stuff like that.

1876. - That's great. Feel good?

1877. - He's probably trying to direct this as he's running, you know?

1878. - Yep. Yep. - "Alright.

1879. Track along with me. Now, pan up.

1880. Okay, get me in the car. We'll do a cutaway."

1881. - "Put it in Park, pal. You're coming with me."

1882. - Oh, hey. He really hit him.

1883. He's never gonna hire Ross again.

1884. - "I'll give you an emotional memory.

1885. Oh! Ugh!"

1886. - "And that's for putting me in the movie."

1887. - "Ah, for fun. I'm tired.

1888. But it's a good kind of tired."

1889. - Finally, the cops.

1890. - Cops?

1891. - Aha. So it was the disposal barge all along.

1892. - I get it. - I know what you mean.

1893. Sure, I'll come in.

1894. No, I've got to get back.

1895. - "I've got a war to fight."

1896. - Okay. Thanks for calling.

1897. - "No, thank you."

1898. - What was it?

1899. - "Uh, it's my brother. Turns out he never died."

1900. - I'm sorry.

1901. - Old Moongoose came out with the whole story.

1902. - Moongoose? - So, things might not

1903. get too bad with him.

1904. - I hope so. - Me, too.

1905. - "Yeah, we've had a lot of laughs."

1906. Well, it's been fun.

1907. - Hey, I like the new Barbie-mobile.

1908. - "Well, I guess that's it.

1909. Let me know if you're gonna marry

1910. another one of my brothers."

1911. - Give my love to your folks.

1912. - "They're dead. They were killed by bikers."

1913. - Yeah. - When do you leave?

1914. - Tomorrow.

1915. I have to sign some depositions and things in the morning.

1916. - "And they're going to film every minute of it."

1917. - Mama, be good.

1918. - "Be very good."

1919. - You, too, Papa.

1920. - Huh?

1921. - I don't get it.

1922. - Hey, what are you gonna do with that thing?

1923. - "Thought I'd make a lamp out of it."

1924. - Keep it. - The bike.

1925. - I like it. - "I like this bike thing."

1926. - Come back, Monte.

1927. - Hey, hear that?

1928. It's the bike song.

1929. - Huh? Oh.

1930. It was the bike song.

1931. - I wish I had a tambourine.

1932. Everybody, now.

1933. Hellcats, and little frilly strings.

1934. Hellcats, and little frilly things.

1935. Upside down

1936. When they get in a dressing gown

1937. Hellcats.

1938. Wearing Halston ensembles

1939. - Hellcats. - Losing all their marbles.

1940. - Hellcats - That was fun.

1941. - Wasn't that neat? - Yeah.

1942. - Okay, next. - Oh, no.

1943. They're gonna start it over again?

1944. - Ah! - Nah, we're not gonna

1945. sit through this twice. I'm sorry.

1946. - Let's blow them. I don't care.

1947. - Come with me. - Where's Jeff?

1948. Oh. Oh. - Okay. Here you go.

1949. - Thank you.

1950. Groovy music, though.

1951. - "Dear Richard, how are you?

1952. I am fine.

1953. Everyone is sad but me.

1954. Dear Richard, how are you?

1955. - Hey, what you working on, Pumpkin?

1956. - Diary. - Ow.

1957. - Oh, she's working on a diary, you guys.

1958. - Diary. - Hey, honey.

1959. You've got to type into the thing for the words

1960. to come out on the paper.

1961. - Paper. - Yeah.

1962. - Diary.

1963. Hey, what do you want to keep a diary for, you big femme?

1964. - Yeah. - Oh.

1965. - Hey, hey.-Hey, only ninnies keep diaries.

1966. - Ninny. - Guys, that's not fair.

1967. You know, I keep a diary.

1968. - Really? - Diary.

1969. - Yeah. I do.

1970. It's a good way to keep from making mistakes in the future.

1971. You know, see what you lived through,

1972. kind of like what Nietzsche says,

1973. eternal recurrence, that kind of thing.

1974. and stuff.

1975. - Well, I admit it. I keep a diary, too.

1976. - Yeah!

1977. - But only of the cool stuff that happened to me.

1978. - Yeah, me, too. - What?

1979. - Me, too, okay! I keep a diary, too!

1980. - I see. Alright. Come here, you guys.

1981. - Aww. - See?

1982. - Hey, Joel, what are you all of a sudden, Dick Van Patten?

1983. - Let's can this corn, and read a letter, you big mutt.

1984. - Letters. - Alright.

1985. This one is to everyone on the Satellite of Love.

1986. Let's put that up on , Cambot.

1987. "Thought you might like to know

1988. that you have fans in Italy."

1989. - Cool. - Pretty cool.

1990. - "Through the insight and effortof our friend, Chad, in Dallas,

1991. we receive recordings of MST3K.

1992. It is a brilliant switch from Italian TV,

1993. some of whose programsmight one day be forced upon you

1994. in an experiment."

1995. - Oh, yikes. - Ooh.

1996. - "If you are ever in the neighborhood, drop in.

1997. Arrivederci, Jacquelyn Micnolti."

1998. - Linguine. - Hiroshima, mon amour.

1999. Ah. - Come on, you guys.

2000. We got a pretty good thing.

2001. - Oh, I love you guys. - Feel the love.

2002. Come here, Crow. - Hey, let go.

2003. - What do you think, Forrest?

2004. - I think I am going to vomit.

2005. That is the most disgusting display of emotion

2006. I have ever seen.

2007. Get us out of this nightmare, Frank.

2008. Oh, the pathos, the joy.

2009. Why can't we know love the way they know love?

2010. - Would you push the button, please?

2011. - Come on. Give me a hug, you big galoot.

2012. - Would you get away from me? - Come on.

2013. Work the steps, Doctor. Give me a big hug.

2014. - You know, Frank, now you've got me doing it.

2015. - Well, what's so bad about feeling good?

2016. - Frank, oh.

2017. Let's push the button together.