Mystery Science Theater 3000 3x7

1. - Robot roll call

2. Cambot - Pan left.

3. - Gypsy. - Hi, girl.

4. - Tom Servo. - What a cool guy.

5. Crow. - What a wisecracker.

6. - Gypsy, I know. I know.

7. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the Satellite of Love.

8. Gypsy's feeling kind of depressed today, you know?

9. A lot of people don't realize this,

10. but she has a lotof responsibilities on the ship.

11. - Yeah, like we don't have any. - Yeah.

12. - Hey, now, listen, you guys.

13. You know, she's the one who keeps a lot

14. of the higher-system functions

15. running on the ship so you guys can galavant around, alright?

16. That's why sometimes she's kind of hard to understand.

17. - Yeah, that's why she sounds like Moms Mabley.

18. - Good one. - Oh, that's great.

19. Now, listen, you guys.

20. I'm gonna have to ask Gypsy

21. to shut down some of the higher functions

22. she's been slaving so she can free up her mind

23. and tell me what's bugging her, alright?

24. Now, I need — Now, I need you —

25. Now, would you guys look at me when I'm talking to you?

26. - Oh, sorry.

27. - Alright, now, I'm gonna need you guys to finally do some work

28. around here for a change, capiche?

29. Alright. - Commercial sign in 15 seconds.

30. Now, Tom Servo, I want you to godown to the maneuvering room

31. and keep those heat shields pointed towards the sun.

32. - Roger. - Crow...

33. - Yeah? - ... I need you to do

34. everything else, alright?

35. And stay frosty, you two.

36. - Cool. - Check, stud.

37. - Commercial sign in 5, 4, 3, 2. Commercial sign now.

38. We'll be right back.

39. - And so I guess I'm just feelingthe old ennui, you know?

40. It's nothing. I'm just a little depressed.

41. Look, you're busy. We'll talk about this later.

42. I'll re-initiate the estradicand phototic systems on my mark.

43. Re-initiate.

44. Oh, thanks, Gypsy.

45. I'm really glad we could have this little talk.

46. - Richard Basehart! - Right. Richard Basehart.

47. That's right. - Howdy, Captain.

48. - Hey, stud.

49. - You know, I had the nicest talk with Gypsy.

50. She's a really warm and wonderful person.

51. - Uh, Joel, the scientists are calling.

52. - Yes. I just feel like she's my new best friend.

53. I can't even describe it.

54. - Well, don't try 'cause the scientists are calling.

55. - Yeah. - Oh, okay.

56. - Uh, no.

57. Joel, the button's over there.

58. - I'll get it. - Huh?

59. - For crying out loud.

60. - Oh, hello, Joel-arini-weenie.

61. Is that funny, Frank? Have we used that one before?

62. - Uh, no.

63. - Well, Joel, it's time for the invention exchange.

64. You may wonder why we're dressed this way.

65. - I wonder. - Shut up.

66. We're dressed this way because I've lost my train of thought,

67. and don't you ever interrupt me when I'm on a roll again.

68. We're dressed this way because of the movie.

69. - We're dressed this way because of the —

70. - Anyway, Joel, as you know,

71. children have long looked up to cowboys

72. as role models and vice versa.

73. That's where we get the hobbyhorse from.

74. But today kids are looking for more sophisticated role models.

75. Uh, what's that thing, Frank?

76. - Cuckoo kids looking for cuckoo kicks.

77. Uh-yuck, goiii!

78. - Uh... yeah. Anyway.

79. - So, what we've done —

80. And since today's movie is kind of a biker movie,

81. what we've done is we've taken the whole hobbyhorse concept.

82. We've pared it down a bit, shot some paint on it,

83. and what we have here is the — the hobby hog.

84. Whoo! - That's right.

85. It's for kids who want to get into concert security.

86. But we haven't forgot the child.

87. The saddlebags are filled with zwieback,

88. and the tank's filled with Bosco.

89. Kick it down, mama jama.

90. - Hey, I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.

91. Uh, Cambot, could you bring it out a little bit?

92. Alright, there's nothing the fellas and me enjoy more

93. than a big, juicy, sloppy pizza before we head on in

94. for an experiment in the Mystery Science Theater.

95. Anyway, this is a thing I invented.

96. It kind of puts a high-tech spinon an old standard.

97. It's the 3D pizza.

98. I based it on the premise of the 3D chess

99. from the old "Star Trek" show.

100. - It's even better with the 3D glasses on.

101. I feel like I'm really here. - Let's see.

102. Uh, pepperoni to anchovy level 4.

103. Check. - Wow.

104. - I've got you now, Mr. Bond.

105. - If you've got extra, you can take...

106. - Ahh! - ... and use this neat

107. pizza lunchbox I invented

108. and carry it right into the Mystery Science Theater,

109. where we're going — - Joel, that's a trash can lid.

110. - Oh. Well, you can use it for that, too.

111. What do you think, sirs?

112. - I'm sorry, Joel. We couldn't hear you.

113. Your experiment today is called "Wild Rebels."

114. - It's a cool, swingin', heavy trip.

115. Uh-yuck, goiii!

116. - What is that noise?

117. - It's just a — It's just a sound. That's all.

118. - I know, but you do it all the time.

119. - Goiii! It's nothing, really. - What does it mean?

120. - It doesn't mean anything. - It's about me, isn't it?

121. - No. - Ahh! Movie sign!

122. - Movie sign! Aah!

123. - Nice and spicy!

124. That looks good. - Yeah.

125. - Hey, Steve "Lame-o." Geez.

126. Ooh.

127. - Hey, Pastrano — my favorite sammich.

128. Boy, I can hardly read this.

129. How about you? - Nah.

130. Nah. Uh... - ♪ We travel in a gang

131. - There's no way we can read them all.

132. - Ahh!

133. - And here's the people with the really bad agents.

134. - Uh-huh.

135. - That's impossible.

136. - Okay, is that better or worse? - Oh, that's a little better.

137. - Good one. - ♪ Wild rebels

138. - That's got to be better. - Yeah.

139. - How about this? - Ah, that's worse, yeah.

140. - Better one, better two? - Yeah.

141. Better one. - Okay. Good.

142. - Comet Pictures — a real flash in the pan.

143. - What's the extra "E" for? - Well, it's for ex—

144. Ixnay. - I'll tell you later.

145. - Hmm. Trouble with the car?

146. - I'm here, Steve.

147. - Tough break, Rod. - Oh.

148. - Man, there's nothing left.

149. - Uh, I don't think the scene's over yet, Rod.

150. Um, yeah.

151. - There goes two years of saving.

152. - Well, you shouldn't carry cash in the glove compartment, Rod.

153. - Nothing. Nothing.

154. - Come on, Rod. You can build another super.

155. - What, with chewing gum and spit?

156. - Uh, no, thanks. I just ate.

157. - By the way, who are you anyway?-I want to call it quits.

158. - Hey, Rod, it's all in the game.-And who are you?

159. - Some game. - Hmm.

160. - Okay. - Paint your house.

161. - How's my sandwich coming?

162. - Geez, what a lousy day.

163. What? What? What do you want from me?

164. - Down the trail of shame he goes.

165. - Yep. - Mm-hmm.

166. More like draggity-drag.

167. Poor guy.

168. Uh-oh.

169. Here comes the Sermon on the Gran Torino.

170. - Alright, come on over here quick, everybody.

171. - Uh, blessed are the grease monkeys, for they will lube...

172. - Hmm. What does he want?

173. I wonder what he wants over here.

174. Let's go over and see. Let's all wrap around here.

175. Get in the shot, everybody. - Got to stay on camera.

176. - You might get something you want.

177. - Hi. My name's Rod, and I'm a gasaholic.

178. - Hi, Rod! - Hi, Rod!

179. - This here's an official auction.

180. I got a new trailer over there...

181. - Hey, nice guitar.

182. - Yeah.

183. - ... late brand-new tires and rims.

184. What am I bid for it? - Hmm.

185. - Well, I'll take the gui— Huh?-Huh?

186. - Well, come on. Don't be bashful.

187. What am I bid? They're brand-new.

188. - Come on down from there, Rod. You don't want to sell out.

189. - I made this movie, didn't I? - Don't get it.

190. Alright, now...

191. - How about these Robert Culp "I Spy" pants?

192. - $1,000 rig, brand-new.

193. $100.

194. - Ohh. - You sure you can afford it,

195. man? - Okay, I can't, dickweed.

196. - Ohh. - That's alright, man. I get it.

197. - How about if I throw in dinner and a movie with me?

198. - 200 bucks. - $20.

199. - Now, that's more like it. - $250.

200. - Alright, $250.

201. Do I hear $300? - $400.

202. - You don't have to go that high, Walt.

203. - Bid $400. Bid $450. - It's worth more. $400.

204. - Because I love you. - $425.

205. Bless your stingy little heart.

206. - $450. - What does he mean by that?

207. - Alright, uh, $475? - Well, that taps me.

208. You sold it to yourself, Rod.

209. - What an idiot. - Uh, do I hear $500?

210. $450. Do I hear $500? - Mnh.

211. - Oh, now you're embarrassing them, Rod.

212. - Hey, "Alien Nation." - $475?

213. Alright, $450 once.

214. - Uh-huh. - That's it, huh?

215. - Yeah. - Poor, stupid dope.

216. - $450 once. - Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

217. Yeah. Yeah. Keep going. - $450 twice.

218. - $450, three times a lady?

219. - Alright, sold to my good friendWalt Simpson

220. for 450 United States dollars.

221. - Hmm. - Oh, uh, hey, did I tell you

222. I was bidding in pesos?

223. Here's your dollar.

224. - Get off that Batmobile, creep. - Look at that dent.

225. - Look at the bodywork they have to do on that now.

226. - You bought it fair and square for $450,

227. and that's all I'm gonna take.

228. - That's all I'm gonna give you.

229. - $450. Count it. Go ahead. - I trust you, man.

230. - Sucker! - Sucker!

231. - Sucker! - What are your plans?

232. - Get off this film.

233. - Well, I haven't got any, man.

234. I just shove off, man... - Shove off? Wh—

235. Oh, I know what you're saying.

236. - Well, maybe.

237. - Oh, there's my guitar, at least.

238. - Huh? - Hmm.

239. - Oh, there it is. - Yeah.

240. - Well, old buddy, take care of yourself.

241. Hey, let me out of here.

242. I'm a ventriloquist dummy in this bag.

243. Please help me! Aah!

244. Darn fool. Hey!

245. - Alright! - Hey!

246. Yeah! - Whoo!

247. - Whoo!

248. - Looks like some local color there.

249. - Yeah. White trash.

250. - Hey, those guys are marked clearly as poison.

251. Don't eat them. - Huh.

252. - "If you take these bikers internally,

253. do not induce vomiting."

254. - No, the movie'll do that for you.

255. It's like an ipecac. - An ipe—

256. Oh, that Genesis album?

257. - Hey, Tommy Lasorda.

258. Uh, thanks for the ride, Mr. Lasorda.

259. - Now, remember, just one delicious shake

260. in the morning and lunch and a sensible meal after.

261. - Yeah, whatever. Thanks for the ride.

262. Hey, good luck with the footballteam or whatever it is you do.

263. - Thanks for the ride, man. - Yeah. Now scram.

264. - Thank you.

265. - Huh. - Hmm.

266. - Nice place. - Yeah.

267. - Hmm. Open — kind of an open-concept place.

268. Oh, what are these? Uh...

269. Kind of funny. - They're bikes.

270. - Oh, this one looks like it's made out of rubber.

271. - What do you know? - Go figure.

272. What's this over here?

273. - Oh, it looks like it says, uh, "Kiss me, I'm Irish."

274. - Yeah. - Who'd know?

275. - Oh, would you just get in the door, please?

276. - It's kind of like the backyard of the "Brady Bunch" house.

277. - Mm-hmm.

278. Whoa! - Hey,

279. good thing we got a wide screen.-Yeah.

280. Ronald McDonald shaking his McBooty.

281. Whoo-hoo! - Whoo!

282. - Oh, yeah, I wonder what they're making butts

283. out of this year. - One, two, cha-cha-cha.

284. One, two, cha-cha-cha. One, two, cha-cha-cha.

285. - Hmm. Well, I'm not too sure, but it's possible

286. I just might be a little too hip for this room.

287. Let's just see.

288. - "Wild Rebels Cha-Cha."

289. - Hey, look, they turned the flying sub

290. from the "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea" show into a bar!

291. - Richard Basehart? - Ah, no, Gypsy.

292. Unh-unh. Sorry. - I'm sorry.

293. - Ohh! - Mnh. Poor girl.

294. - Alright. - Just come to town?

295. - Just passing through.

296. - Beautiful guitar you got. Can you play blues?

297. - Oh, just 'cause I'm white, you think I can play the blues?

298. - Nice. - What'll you have?

299. - Hmm. - Let me have a beer.

300. - Okay. What kind? - Cold.

301. - Now, remind me to hit you later.

302. - Hmm.

303. - What are those three guys doing, anyway?

304. - Oh, that's kind of... - Weird.

305. - Whoa! Look! - Whoa!

306. - Geez. - Where'd she come from?

307. - Ahh.

308. - Sorry. It got warm as I brought it over.

309. - Okay? - Jerk.

310. - Jeeter. - Hmm?

311. - Jeeter, dig the cat at the bar.-Mm-hmm.

312. - The one with the guit-fiddle. - Hmm.

313. Ring around the collar.

314. - Hmm. - I really like you,

315. but we could never wash our clothes in the same load.

316. - Hi, handsome. - Say.

317. - Does he got leprosy or something?

318. - He looks familiar, real familiar.

319. - Yeah, he was in the first part of the film.

320. - Okay. - Hey, Fats.

321. Would you believe Banjo's in love?

322. - Okay. Would you believe mildly infatuated?

323. How about a schoolboy crush?

324. - Let's try dancing first. - Mmm.

325. Hey, keep my beer cold, huh?

326. - Would you like a little pants with your belt?

327. - Ladies and gentlemen,

328. from England, the Femtones.

329. - Nice haircut. - Nice vests.

330. - Oh, brother. Joel, is this'Catalina Caper" all over again?

331. - I don't think so, but it's the same spirit, yeah.

332. - Blaaaaah! - Blaaaaah!

333. - Blah! - Blech!

334. - Hey, ladies and gentlemen, please,

335. for your viewing enjoyment, concentrate on the woman.

336. - Yeah, try not to listen to the music.

337. - Don't look at him, whatever you do.

338. - Okay, I can get you Bob Denver.

339. - As a romantic lead? I just don't see it.

340. - No, really.

341. I know the "Gilligan's Island" thing typecast him,

342. but you should see him dance.

343. - Oh, you're always trying to pawn off

344. your has-been TV talent on me.

345. Hold it. I got Bill Bixby on line one.

346. The press agent sketch, ladies and gentlemen.

347. - Pretty good. - We're working on it.

348. - Nice job, guys. - ♪ Can I do it?

349. Oh. - ♪ And I will

350. - I will. - ♪ And I will

351. - I will! I willkill you!

352. I willkill you! - ♪ And I will

353. - Hey, how did those guys do that?

354. How did they fade like that?

355. - Amazing.

356. - Hey, are you guys wearing Toughskins?

357. - Something for the lady? - Uh, yes. Just a beer.

358. That's all. - Cold.

359. - I got it. You know who that cat is?

360. - Rawr! - I'm breathless.

361. Pray tell, who? - That's Rod Tillman, man.

362. The hottest of the Detroit iron boys.

363. - Oh, a Teamster.

364. - A real pusher behind that wheel.

365. - A stockcar driver, huh? - Hmm.

366. - Mm-hmm. - How interesting.

367. - But stupid.

368. - Go hit on him.

369. - Aren't these places phony?

370. I don't usually come here, but...

371. - Sweetheart, go powder your nose.

372. - Can I borrow a mirror? - I beg your pardon!

373. - You heard the man, baby. Blow!

374. - Alright, you want me to blow,

375. or do you want me to powder my nose?

376. - You gonna let these creeps talk to me this way?

377. - Uh, yeah.

378. - Look, I don't know what's going on, but I don't like it.

379. - Hmm. - Sweetheart,

380. crawl back into the woodwork where the rest of you are.

381. I don't want to have to mess up that pretty little face.

382. - Oh, okay. Oh.

383. Oh, you're still talking to her.

384. - Oh, this must be taking on the new crotch cam.

385. - Mr. Tillman, I presume?

386. - Yes, Dr. Stanley? - That's the name.

387. - Well, uh, we are avid fans of yours.

388. - We like your early funny stuff.

389. - Thanks. It was fun while it lasted.

390. - Oh? Do I, uh, detect

391. a note of resentment in that statement?

392. Do I detect a noteof resentment in that statement?

393. - You were hot, baby. What happened?

394. - Chicken begin to cackle?

395. - Leave my chicken out of this. - No, man.

396. The bread ran out.

397. - Oh.So I couldn't bread the chicken.

398. - Mr. Tillman, Banjo meant no offense.

399. - Didn't sound that way to me. - Didn't smell that way, either.

400. - The name is Rod. - Of course, of course.

401. Rod. - Grr.

402. - I'm "Jeeter." - The fast land animal.

403. - Your friend over here is Banjo.

404. - He came from Alabama on my knee.

405. - And my gregarious follower over here is Fats.

406. - That's self-explanatory. - And this is...

407. - Hello, Betty. - Or I should say that is Linda.

408. - Cool it. Cool it, man. Cool it.

409. - He's not worth it.

410. - Now, where was I?

411. - I think you were stinking up the joint.

412. - What are you, uh, doing around here?

413. - Why does it concern — Ahh.

414. - Alright, take two. - Well, where you staying?

415. - Nowhere as of now. - Motel 6?

416. - Well, then, uh, may I give you an invitation

417. to share our humble chateau?

418. - Your hat? - It's not very much,

419. but it's, uh, what we call home.

420. - What you call home, Rambo calls hell.

421. - My invitation was by no means extended without reason.

422. - Mm-hmm. - You see, I have a business

423. proposition to offer you... - Hmm.

424. - ... which could mean a lot of bread

425. and, uh, an unlimited expense account could be yours.

426. - That means security for you and your loved ones.

427. - Go ahead. I'm listening. - No, no.

428. This is not the place, nor the time.

429. Please accept my invitation to share our humble pad.

430. - Uh, look, now, is it your pad or your hat?

431. - Okay. - Uh, will I have to sleep

432. with the stinky guy? - Fine.

433. Linda, baby, come here.

434. You rang?

435. - Baby, I want you to meet Rod Tillman.

436. Rod, say hello to Linda.

437. - You'll be playing the first round together.

438. Your category is World Geography.

439. - Listen, baby, take my bikeand ride Rod out to our chateau.

440. Now it's a chateau again.

441. - He's going to be spending a little time with us.

442. - Sure, Jeeter. - Hmm.

443. - Hey, what gives?-Well, aren't you going with us?

444. - We have, uh,

445. a little unfinished business to attend to.

446. - Yeah, they got to go past the LaBianca place.

447. - We'll be out shortly.

448. - Ooh, hey, you play that as well as he does.

449. - Nice guitar. Not!

450. - Uh-huh.

451. Hey, Rod, let me out of this suitcase!

452. Please! For God's sake, let me out!

453. Oh, I love meeting new people.

454. - Hey. It's Jason on the action cam.

455. - Yeah, hop on, baby.

456. - Okay. - We're gonna go.

457. - Alright. - Wango!

458. - Ze-Tango! - Hoo-hoo-hoo!

459. - You know, we got to find a way to sew up the copyright

460. on those Hells Angels logos.

461. These are going nowhere.

462. - I think we ought to teach those college creeps a lesson.

463. - Physics or trig?

464. - No. Semantical philosophy, butthead.

465. - Oh.

466. - Oh, metal shop. Yeah.

467. - Hey, hey, don't let 'em know we got beer, okay?

468. Be cool.

469. - No! Kill the band! - Yeah.

470. - Hey, creep. - Uh, it's "Brandon."

471. - You talking to me?

472. - You and your friends are the only creeps in this joint.

473. "In this joint."

474. - What's going on?

475. - Enjoy your dance with our little mama?

476. - That was your mom? - Look, I just danced with her.

477. There was no harm done. - Hey, you don't dig.

478. Our little mama's like a virgin goddess.

479. - Well, sorta. - And no creeps —

480. no creeps are allowed to touch her.

481. - Only union members and their families.

482. - Mm-hmm. - Hey, these cats are really

483. way out, aren't they? - They're totally bonkers!

484. - Let's just forget it and blow.

485. - Like I said, there's no harm done.

486. - No, baby, there's no harm done, none physically...

487. until now.

488. - Whoa! - Ohh!

489. - Check, please! - Ohh!

490. - Ooh!

491. - There's never a waitress around when you need one.

492. - Oh, definitely not gonna tip them now.

493. Ohh, shiny object. - Pshoo!

494. - I like it. Heh.

495. - Ahh. Let's savor the moment.

496. - Are you gentlemen ready for the road?

497. - Deh-heh-heh.

498. - Yeah, baby, yeah, anything you say.

499. - Uh, do we tip 15% or 20% on a rumble?

500. - Yeah. - Oh, my goodness.

501. Oh, somebody help him.

502. - Lead the way. - Not yet.

503. - Uh, uh, look, look.

504. - Look, he's got a red hat. - Ahh.

505. - Oh, that's a shame. - Tickle, tickle.

506. Does that bug you? Does that bug you?

507. - Somebody go get him. - I want my mama.

508. - You're nice. - We're here all week.

509. Enjoy the buffet.

510. - Man, did you see how... - Ohh, boy.

511. - I like my job too much. - I know.

512. That's the thing about a job like this.

513. I never think I have to go to work tomorrow.

514. I just love it that much.

515. - Uh, did we remember to punch out?

516. I — I can't remember. - Ah, life.

517. - Yeah. - Whoo!

518. - Mm-hmm. - Ahh!

519. - Artsy-craftsy.

520. - Wow, look at all those books up there.

521. - Yeah, "Leaves of Grass."

522. - "The Art of the Deal." - "Mein Kampf."

523. - "The Essays of Pat Buchanan." - Hmm.

524. - Hmm. - Bright lights bug me.

525. - Yeah.

526. - This makes everything much more cozy.

527. - So, how long you been working

528. on the David Dukes campaign, honey?

529. - Whoa! Those trees are loud!

530. - Yikes! - Oh.

531. - Yeah! - Whoo!

532. - Wow.

533. - Wow, it sure is dark out, isn't it?

534. - Two roads diverged into a yellow wood,

535. and sorry I could not take my hog down both,

536. and be one traveler, long I stood.

537. - You've beat the stuffing out of three preppies

538. and given away the girl, but before the day is through,

539. you'll take enough drugs to kill a horse.

540. Now it's Miller Time. - ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-bum

541. - Guys, it doesn't get any stupider than this.

542. Yow.

543. - Boy, you know, it's really dark.

544. - Really dark. Boy, is it dark. - Very dark.

545. - Pitch black out here. Can't see a thing.

546. - They got their sunglasses on. - Must be a new moon.

547. I don't know. It's so dark.

548. - Very bright for darkness.

549. - Mmm. Mmm.

550. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

551. - Oh, boy, you taste like Joseph Goebbels.

552. - If those three bosom buddies ofyours are due here any minute,

553. I want this place lit up like Broadway.

554. - They say the neon lights are brighter on Broadway.

555. - Fantastic. - Mm-hmm.

556. - Three on one is not much fun. - Says you.

557. - A poet yet.

558. - Orange Cappuccino? Suisse Mocha?

559. - Ahh.

560. Celebrate the moments of your life

561. with General Foods International Ripple.

562. - Alright, we better split, guys.

563. - Oh, yeah. - Okay.

564. - Oh, for fun.

565. - Gosh, Joel, that biker guy sure is sleazy,

566. but, boy, what a vocabulary.

567. - Yeah, he's quite eloquent for a piece of low-life scum.

568. - Oh, well, you guys might be surprised to find out

569. that a lot of the great thinkersof this century

570. actually rode in motorcycle gangs.

571. In fact, I've got a few drawings —

572. - Oh, don't tell me. You've prepared a presentation

573. using artist's renderings. - Right.

574. You know, you read me like a book.

575. And anybody who reads a lot of books will know

576. who the Algonquin Round Table was.

577. - Of course. Uh, Alexander Woollcott,

578. George S. Kaufman, Robert Benchley, Dorothy Parker.

579. - Right. Well, I've got this drawing here.

580. Bring it in a little bit, Cambot.

581. - Yeah. - Here's the group.

582. Here's their gang. It's called Satan's Sardonics.

583. Now, these guys terrorized the whole East Coast

584. until one day they were unexpectedly wiped out

585. in a rumble with the cast of "What's My Line?"

586. - Wow, I guess that Bennett Cerf is tougher than people thought.

587. - Yeah. Now, when you think of a tough,

588. macho writer who writes in a tense,

589. hard-boiled style, who do you think of?

590. - Uh, Truman Capote? - Exactly.

591. - Wow. - See?

592. His gang, Oscar's Wild Ones — they were leather boys —

593. were all the rage until Norman Mailer's gang,

594. Hells Egos, mixed it up

595. with Gore Vidal's gang, the Vidal Sassoons.

596. - Boy, sounds pretty messy.

597. If they don't look good, we don't look good.

598. - Yeah, there was gel and mousse for miles around.

599. The carnage didn't end until they all joined forces

600. and finally beat up...

601. Dick Cavett. Alright.

602. - Well, at least we know all that's in the past now.

603. - Oh, no. Are you kidding?

604. The intelligentsia's duking it out

605. on Harleys more even now. - No.

606. - Yeah, sure. Check it out.

607. Here's Ted Koppel's gang right there.

608. They're called the Bloods.

609. Yeah, he's finally the toughest of them all

610. 'cause they're riding with Stephen Hawking now.

611. - Wow. - They beat Bill Moyers' gang,

612. Moyers' Marauders, even though Bill rode with Joseph Campbell.

613. Everyone thought Joseph Campbellwas tough,

614. but that was just a myth.

615. - Joel, I hope you always let us ride in yourgang.

616. - Yeah. - Sure, no problem,

617. just so long as you don't mess with my old lady.

618. - Oh, fight us off with a stick, Joel.

619. - Aww.

620. - Oh, that's just great. Crow, you know she's —

621. - Way to go, Crow. - Crow, you know she's

622. especially sensitive right now. - I'm sorry.

623. - Geez, what a dickweed. - Dickweed.

624. - Oh, wow. So —

625. So, you see, there really are a lot of brilliant bikers.

626. - Yeah. - That's amazing.

627. - Like these guys.

628. - You know, I feel a little bit uncomfortable,

629. but I need to network. - Mm-hmm.

630. - Nothing like a little vino

631. to soothe the palate after a dusty road.

632. - And the wine is good, too, sir.

633. - Who's got to use the helmet?

634. - Hey, baby. - Hey, baby.

635. - You remember that little college banana

636. you were dancing with?

637. - Yeah, well, now he's a banana split

638. with nuts on top. Whoo!

639. - He's missing his face.

640. He's missing his face.

641. - Now, Banjo, such talk might upset our guest.

642. - Ahh, room temperature.

643. - We want nothing but pleasantries.

644. - Who the hell are you, Falstaff?

645. - Look, Jeeter, let's cut out all these formalities

646. and lay the chips on the table. What's happening?

647. - I love you!

648. - Huh?

649. - I like this guy. I really like him.

650. - He's too square, baby, a real square.

651. - Look, you just keep trying to put that square peg

652. in a round hole, and everything will be fine.

653. - Gentlemen, peace. - What did he mean by that?

654. - Peace.

655. If we're to be one big happy family,

656. we must live in tranquility.

657. - I love it when he talks this way.

658. - Okay, Jeeter.

659. What do you want from me?

660. - Sit down, Rod. Relax.

661. Sit a spell. Take your shoes off.

662. - You too, Banjo.

663. - Pbbbbbbbbbbbbt! Pbbt!

664. As you might have surmised,

665. my happy little group here is from California.

666. - Uh, Stanford, right? - We're strangers

667. to this Southern countryside.

668. We need a guide, a chauffeur, if you will,

669. to drive us around this countryside every so swiftly.

670. - It smells.

671. - Uh, you're the stinky guy, right?

672. - Let Jeeter finish his epilogue.

673. - Well, it's more of a monologue, really.

674. - You're right, Rod. We're bad.

675. Bad, bad people.

676. - Does he mean bad-bad, or good-bad?

677. - Sinbad.-We do all sorts of evil things.

678. - We're opening our own S&L. - Real kicks.

679. - Yeah. Lucky Charms. - And Honeycomb.

680. - They're very lucrative.

681. - Thanks, but, uh, no thanks. - Hey, let the man finish.

682. - There's a whole number he does at the end.

683. - We need you, man. Join us.

684. - We need you real bad.

685. Oh, we're — we're good on bikes,

686. but, uh, cars are a different tale.

687. - Apparently they have more wheels on them

688. or something like that. - Look, man, the newspapers

689. told a story how you got wiped out.

690. - It's not out yet, but I'm heavily connected.

691. - Driving stocks for someone else, you get peanuts.

692. - Yeah, but junk bonds, now, they're a different story.

693. - Bang. One flame-out, and that's it.

694. But with us, a couple of drives,

695. and it's Moneysville for a lifetime.

696. - Plus good benefits, medical, dental, 401[k].

697. - Hmm.

698. - Yeah, I could see you in the future

699. with at least four chains on your right shoulder alone.

700. - Wow.

701. - Hey, there's no smoking in here.

702. - Okay, what do you got in mind?

703. - An armored car... -An "armored dillo."

704. - ... bank. Just like the Roaring Twenties.

705. - Only, uh, many years later.

706. - None of that fancy James Bond stuff, no secret-agent jazz.

707. Just plain old-fashioned guts.

708. You know, like Dillinger, "Pretty Boy" Floyd.

709. - Michael Milken, Leona Helmsley, you know.

710. - Now, what if I refuse?

711. - Well, you get to keep the girl as our gift to you.

712. - I'll have kicks, baby, morekicks than I've ever dreamed of.

713. - So, that would be about four?

714. One question — what's with that boy?

715. - Oh, he's got a thyroid condition.

716. He can't help his weight.

717. - He used to be the Big Kahuna of the surfing pack,

718. and then one day he got wiped out.

719. The board caught him in back of the head.

720. He ain't never talked since.

721. - Ah, the brains of the operation.

722. - We love him just the same.

723. - But, uh, he can't love us back.

724. Don't we, Fats?

725. - Oh, shouldn't have had that Cobb salad.

726. Ohh. - You gonna join us?

727. We're a fun group. Join us.

728. - Sorry, friends.

729. But I like these clothes,

730. and I'm not about to exchange them for a suit of stripes.

731. - Oh, but at Foreman & Clark,

732. you can get a second suit for just a dollar.

733. - Easy, Banjo. Easy, baby.

734. - Banjo, de-tune your G-string, baby.

735. - Look, Rod... - He hasn't been the same

736. since The Nitty Gritty Dirt Bandbroke up.

737. - ... why all the picking of the brains?

738. - Well, I'm starting my own company.

739. - Let's just say I wanted to find out

740. if your offer was legit or not.

741. - You gonna let him get away with this?

742. - Uh, you sure it wasn't Banjo

743. that got the board in the back of the head?

744. - No. He was caught for six hoursin a transverse axle.

745. - I'm a very patient man. - But I hate bank lines.

746. They bug me.

747. - Well, if, uh, that's all,

748. I guess I'll be going.

749. - Ahem! Well, I had a great time.

750. You'll have to come to my shotgun shack sometime.

751. Take care of your head injuries, guys.

752. - Let's exchange cards. Contact my people.

753. - Banjo, baby!

754. Where's your manners?

755. If the man wants to go, let him.

756. - Please, baby...

757. - I'll cut your guitar, man. I will.

758. I'll cut you a new sound hole, man.

759. - He can go.

760. - Uh, well, uh, thank you, then.

761. It's, uh, been a pleasure.

762. - Well, let me just say I wish your business the best,

763. and thanks for all the wine

764. and the use of your chick and everything.

765. - That's, uh — That's the closet.

766. - I hate these curtains, man!

767. - Why'd you let this guy get away?

768. - You let him in our plan!

769. - I said quiet!

770. - What is this, "The McLaughlin Group"?

771. - Our intentions, not our plans. - Yeah.

772. - But why'd you let him go? - Because he'll be back.

773. - We got his keys. - Just give him a month.

774. No. Two weeks.

775. When he gets hungry, he'll be back.

776. - Hungry in two weeks? - Artsy-craftsy.

777. - Ooh. - Damn. What was I thinking?

778. I'll never get a second interview.

779. I should send them a thank-you letter, though.

780. Note to myself — never negotiate with bikers

781. hopped up on goofballs. - Hot damn.

782. - It's showtime!

783. - Just hold it right there. - We've got Moog synthesizers.

784. We could kill you from here. - Put it down real slow.

785. Now raise your hands. - Now play a G augmented.

786. Pat him down. He's probably packing a capo.

787. - What's going on here? - He's clean, Lieutenant.

788. - We're booking you for impersonating Trini Lopez.

789. - What's your name, kid? - They call me Mister Tibbs!

790. - Tillman. Rod Tillman.

791. - What are you doing up in that cabin?

792. - Oh, networking, you know.

793. - I met some characters at a dance,

794. and they asked me to come up, so I went.

795. - Why'd you leave? - Lousy benefits.

796. - We didn't see eye to eye on a few things.

797. - And if they jumped off a bridge, would you?

798. - What'd they want?

799. - Do you mind if I put my hands down?

800. - No. That's fine. Put them down.

801. - Now put them back up again.

802. Didn't say "Simon says." Whoo!

803. - Hey, nice caboose. - Mm-hmm!

804. - So, what do you want to hear? "Melancholy Baby"?

805. "Canadian Sunset"? - How about some coffee?

806. - Yeah, that sounds good. - Bavarian Mint?

807. You can keep the mug. - So, I'll continue.

808. What did they want you for?

809. - You got any of those little finger sandwiches?

810. I'm starved.

811. - I should say an ex-stockcar driver.

812. And it seems that they needed a wheel man.

813. - Hmm.

814. - They're smart, real smart.

815. - Yep. - Smart.

816. - They know we can spot those motorcycles before a robbery,

817. so now they're gonna switch to a car.

818. - Yeah, cars are harder to see. - Well, if you know

819. they're stealing, why don't you arrest them?

820. - Oh, we have. - Hmm.

821. - No witnesses, no evidence.-No jail, no handcuffs, nothing.

822. - How come?

823. - Well, as I say, uh, they're smart.

824. They get rid of their guns after each job.

825. - Oh, look, they're just really smart, okay?

826. - They certainly don't live big.

827. It's almost as though they're... -Smart.

828. - ... robbing just for the thrill of it.

829. - Kicks. - Hmm?

830. - Only for kicks. - What'd you say?

831. - It's a cereal, man. Really good.

832. - They're only in it for kicks.

833. - Do you think you could gain their confidence?

834. - Look, you're not a real cop, are you?

835. - Let's say that we didn't leave the best of friends.

836. - Did they seem, uh... - Smart?

837. - ... disappointed when you wouldn't drive for them?

838. - Oh, they're really close to the breast.

839. - Yeah, I think they needed me real bad.

840. - They cried. - Mnh.

841. - Look, Rod, I got a plan.

842. Now, if it works out,

843. would you be willing to work for us, work for the police?

844. - It's called Operation Weasel Snitch.

845. - Maybe.

846. Tell me more.

847. - Lieutenant, you have lovely feet.

848. - It's Joe Namath!

849. Uh — Oh, no. - Aw, no.

850. It's Marcia Brady, all grown up and back from college.

851. - Rrrr! - And she's wearing

852. her man's Van Heusen.

853. - Mm-hmm.

854. - And he's wearing a beer.

855. - Mnh. Oh, yikes.

856. It looks like Banjo exploded.

857. There's biker shrapnel everywhere.

858. - Ew. - Whoa.

859. - Uh, five minutes, Mr. Manson.

860. - No. No, Mommy, not the clown suit.

861. Well, I'm glad to see someone's getting a jump on the day.

862. - Ah, let's take a look here. Uh...

863. hmm.

864. Anaconda's up three and a half, American Can down a point.

865. Oh, look at this.

866. Zack Norman as Sammy in "Chief Zabu"?

867. - Sssst! - Hmm.

868. - Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. - Ahh.

869. - That's better.

870. - Boss hog. - Mm-hmm.

871. - That's right, fatty. Seize the day.

872. - Carpe diem.

873. - Buddy! Everybody "bup"!

874. - Everybody get up! - Get up!

875. Beat the day!

876. Rise and shine!

877. - The milkman's here. - Duh-buh-buh!

878. Early bird gets the worm. - I'm taking dump.

879. - Whee!

880. - Everybody up! Rise and shine!

881. - What is it, boy, huh? What do you see?

882. "Legs Diamond'got an excellent review.

883. - Wow. - Um...

884. - Oh.

885. - "The Lockhorns'" wife burns the dinner?

886. Husband gets drunk? I've seen it.

887. - How interesting. - Let me see here.

888. It's — Oh, I forgot. I can't read.

889. - Finally get to tear these chickens out.

890. - You just lost 10. - Are we going to the races?

891. - Ohh. - No. We're going to Disneyland.

892. - Going to the races.

893. I wouldn't miss that for anything.

894. - Unless I die.

895. - But first let's look at some footage

896. from some of the great races of yesteryear.

897. This 1951 race —... triggered a series of spins.

898. The cars attempt to weave their way through the pack.

899. Oh, one car lost a wheel

900. in what appears to be a survival of the fittest.

901. - But is really not.

902. Whoa! - Hey, the wheel's winning!

903. Get back on the track!

904. - Where are they going? - Car number 1 is over the wall.

905. That's Buck Shevrinton over the east wall.

906. - But it's far too expensive to show us.

907. - Mm-hmm.

908. - Uh-huh.

909. - Looks like Buck is pinned in his car.

910. It appears it will take a torch to free Buck Shevrinton.

911. - Or a really good, uh, pair of scissors

912. or maybe one of those hog-head droppers

913. they use in the, uh, meat-packing industry.

914. - Boy, that announcer's really smart.

915. - Ugh. A few nose doughnuts.

916. - Hey, what are you looking at, jerk? Huh?

917. Kids are just too damn smart these days.

918. Meh.

919. - Hi, Rod! Remember, you're undercover!

920. Don't talk to anybody! - Shh.

921. - Everything okay?-Everything's great, Lieutenant.

922. - Don't call me that. - Good. Rod's been briefed.

923. - And we pantsed him. - Make it look good, Dutch.

924. - Will do, Lieutenant. - Good luck.

925. - Forget I ever met you. I love you.

926. - Nice caboose there, huh?

927. Oh, he's smart, too. - I don't like this place.

928. Gives me the willies. Hey, look, it's Mount Rushmore.

929. - Hmm. Mount Trashmore.

930. - After a brief retirement,

931. Rod Tillman returns here to the speedway in a new number 57.

932. - "Old Blue Eyes" is back. - ... regain that old form.

933. Any racing fans will remember

934. how Rod narrowly escaped death...

935. - Gimme that. - Oh, that's not nice.

936. - ... crashed and burned just a few months ago.

937. - Hey, don't say hi. Geez.

938. - Well, the driver is missing, or he's gone.

939. - Bubblehead.

940. - Hey, two Nobel Prize winners and a Pulitzer.

941. What do you think? - The cars are now ready

942. for the start of this 100-mile main event.

943. - Hey, wait until he says, "Go"!

944. - Boy.

945. - Pbbt! - Vrrr!

946. - Well, the starter is ready, and off they go now

947. on that warm-up lap, getting into place.

948. - And off they go!

949. All speed records should be shattered today.

950. - Along with a couple of knees,

951. some femurs, and some skulls, too.

952. - Mm-hmm.

953. - Whoa!

954. - Hey, you got a little thing on your...

955. - Right there. Yeah. - Well, that's about it, yeah.

956. - Whoa! What happened?

957. - Kind of looks like they're shooting tungsten out there.

958. - Uh-huh.

959. - It's the green cam.

960. - For those of you watching at home,

961. we have no idea what the hell is going on!

962. Ah, it's an average day out here on the A1A,

963. going up the coast to Cocoa Beach.

964. - Grazing in the grass is a gas, baby.

965. Can you dig it? - So, whose girl is she today?

966. Ah, looks like Banjo's.

967. - Hm. - Car number 57, Rod Tillman,

968. is still having a rough time out there on the track.

969. - Oh! - Whoa!

970. - Hey! - ... off to the side!

971. 57 seems to be out!

972. No, he's alright! - Yowza!

973. - Yes, he's back on the track. - Unfortunately, he's alright!

974. - ... appears to be alright!

975. - Hey, did anybody see that Tom Cruise film this summer?

976. - Uh, no. - No.

977. - Eat it, boy! Eat it!

978. - Well...

979. - Ahh. - Oh!

980. - Ohh. - Mnh.

981. - Oh, oh. - I have the worst luck.

982. - Boy.

983. Get out of there! Come on!

984. It's gonna blow! - Quick! Quick! Go!

985. - Come on! - Take my hand!

986. - ... out of the car. He appears to be okay.

987. - Whoa. How fortunate!

988. This will simplify everything!

989. - Hot car in the old Rod tonight.

990. - That was fun. - Oh, yeah.

991. - Oh, what a day. - I love it.

992. - Oh, yeah, crown me fool. Crown me fool.

993. Everybody line up and take a big, steam—

994. Uh, thank you, sir. Merry Christmas.

995. So...

996. - Gee, Wally.

997. - Mm-hmm. - Tough luck, baby.

998. - It's Dondi! - Yeah.

999. - Yeah. Tough luck.

1000. What are you guys doing here, anyway?

1001. - We thought maybe you'd like to, uh, reconsider.

1002. - Unh-unh. No way I'm gonna be in a dumb biker film.

1003. - Look, I've had racing up to here.

1004. I'm sick and tired of every grease monkey

1005. who can climb behind a wheel running me over.

1006. Is your, uh, offer still open?

1007. - I think something can be worked out.

1008. - Fatty, get the surfboard.

1009. - We'll get you on medical and dental right away.

1010. - Let's split, man. - Okay, I'm with you.

1011. - Think they're talking about his head?

1012. - Mm-hmm.

1013. - Yeah, let's go. - We got to scram now.

1014. - Yeah. Give a hoot. Don't pollute.

1015. - Can't watch that. - Boy, they're smart.

1016. - Looks like they fell for it.

1017. - For Rod's sake, I hope so.

1018. - We'll be right back after this important message.

1019. Let's go.

1020. - Get the box. You ready? Cue. - Hey, kids!

1021. - Yee-hoo. - Whoo.

1022. - Two, one, two, three.

1023. - It's Wild Rebels cereal, the nutritious cereal

1024. that's like getting hit in the back of the head with a surfboard of flavor!

1025. - Look, Marshmallow Fatties! - Sugary Lindas!

1026. - I got tangy, twangy Banjos! - Crunchy Oat Rods!

1027. - And Jeeters, too. Die, Jeeter, die!

1028. - Kids? What are you doing in there?

1029. - Having a good breakfast, Mom!

1030. - Pour on the milk!

1031. One, two, one, two, three, four.

1032. - Wild Rebels cereal, part of this complete breakfast.

1033. - Hey, there's a cheap surprise inside!

1034. - I got a gun! - I got a sawed-off pool cue with a leather strap!

1035. - I got a chunk of hose filled with lead shot!

1036. - Alright, let's take it home!

1037. Just eat 'em. - Oh! We got a movie sign!

1038. - Wild, fruity, kooky pebbles.

1039. - Mm-hmm, nutty. - Here.

1040. - Huh.

1041. Hey, they're going to the turd museum.

1042. - Wow. World's largest.

1043. - World's largest. - Yep.

1044. - Ride 'em.

1045. - Remember, baby, don't signal usuntil he's beddie-bye.

1046. We don't — - Don't sweat it. I know what to do.

1047. - What, does she have a babysitting job?

1048. They gonna knock over a preschool?

1049. - Geez.

1050. - He's so strong.

1051. I love him. - Ooh.

1052. - Whoa. Hey, hey. Oh.

1053. Hi. Welcome to the 12th century.

1054. - Is this Bruce Wayne's house?

1055. - I don't know.

1056. - Say, he's not bad.

1057. Mmm. Oh.

1058. Oh. That's me. Oh, excuse me.

1059. - Are they robbing a bait shop? - Hmm.

1060. Winchester 408, 200-grain bullet

1061. with 2,400-feet-per-second muzzle velocity

1062. and an incredibly flat trajectory.

1063. Hmm. High-powered rifle. Like. Hmm. Neat. Good.

1064. - Hey, this must be where the South bought all the stuff for the Civil War.

1065. - And the Spanish-American War and the War of 1812 and...

1066. - Oh, Paul, have you ever robbed a bait shop?

1067. - Ah, I don't think so, Dave.

1068. - Good morning. May I help you? - Oh, why, yes, you may.

1069. We've been bothered by prowlers lately.

1070. - Mm. - And with my husband out of town,

1071. I feel I should have a gun.

1072. Nothing like the wily charms of an attractive woman

1073. to get an old man off his guard.

1074. - With all the unsavory people in the world today,

1075. you need protection.

1076. - Yes. Yes. Yes! - Alright!

1077. - What kind of a gun did you have in mind?

1078. - Oh, I'm going to leave that 100% up to you.

1079. - Wow, check out the Ray Kroc death mask up there.

1080. - Cool. - Here's one.

1081. - Ah, now, this is the one that Ruby used to shoot Oswald.

1082. - This is a very popular model with the ladies.

1083. - Oh, if you recommend it,

1084. I'm sure it will suit my purpose.

1085. - Mm. - Can you show me how it works?

1086. - Surely. - Okay. Stand against that wall.

1087. - First you insert the clip like this.

1088. - Thrusting it manfully into the chamber.

1089. - Then you pull back the slide, like this. - Yes.

1090. - See, this puts a bullet up in the chamber.

1091. Then all you have to do is pull the trigger.

1092. Here. You try it. - Try it on me.

1093. - And remember — this is the safety.

1094. - Oh. Well, let's see, now.

1095. Uh... - Uh-huh.

1096. - You put on the safety... -Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

1097. - ... then pull the trigger. - Wrong.

1098. - No. First you put in the clip.

1099. - Oh. First the clip. - Ooh. I see.

1100. - Well, you're putting it in backwards. Let me help you.

1101. - Uh-huh, uh-huh. - Oh, I see.

1102. - There you go. - Oh, wow.

1103. - What is this, a Shedd's Spread commercial?

1104. - I'll take it.

1105. - That'll be $79.95, plus tax.

1106. - I'll need some bullets.

1107. - Oh, this is my rifle. This is my gun.

1108. One is for retail. The other's for fun.

1109. - Yes. Yes. Yes! She likes me. She likes me.

1110. She's buying it. Oh, don't screw it up.

1111. Okay, calm, calm. She's buying it.

1112. Ooh! Ooh! - Here we are.

1113. I'll throw these in as a gift from the house.

1114. - And you get the sneaker phone, too! - Oh, how nice of you!

1115. Would you mind loading the gun for me?

1116. - Ooh. - How stupid of me.

1117. - Ah. - He's loading it.

1118. Ahh. - Very interesting.

1119. - Hogan!

1120. - Relax. - Schultz!

1121. - She's a born actress. - She's no Streep.

1122. - She's performing.

1123. - There we are.

1124. Always remember to keep the safety on.

1125. - And if you can't remember, name it after me.

1126. A little gun shop joke.

1127. - Let me get you a nice box to wrap that in.

1128. Crow.

1129. - Uh, I'd like to return thesebullets to their original owner.

1130. - Ha ha! First rule of gun safety —

1131. You never point a gun at anyone.

1132. - Not even if you're going to rob them?

1133. - No, not even if you're gon— Huh?

1134. - I beg your pardon? - Just do what I tell you,

1135. and you'll live to tell your wife this shocking experience.

1136. - Now, just a minute!

1137. - Sounds like she shot him with a staple gun.

1138. - Hmm. - Banjo, quite playing yourself.

1139. Come on.

1140. - Man, I wish these clowns would learn to wash.

1141. They always play the radio too loud, too.

1142. - I'll, uh — I'll just wait here then, huh?

1143. - My mother told me to... - Yee-hoo!

1144. - Hey, he looks like Michael Caine in "Zulu Dawn."

1145. - Mm-hmm.

1146. - This is gonna make us righteous, man.

1147. Look at it! - Yeah, baby.

1148. Oh!

1149. Wait till you see what I've got!

1150. - Uh, cleanup on aisle three, please.

1151. - Ohh. Ouch.

1152. Oh, you got to be careful doing that.

1153. - Oh! - Whoo!

1154. - Uh, we're gonna need a cart here.

1155. - Oh, look at this.

1156. - Now, let's watch as Benny Hill buys a gun.

1157. - I love you. I really love you.

1158. Yep.

1159. - Uh, they do have bullets there. Banjo!

1160. Hey, what do you got, Banjo?

1161. - Uh, it's called a gun, dear.

1162. - Unh!

1163. - You know, I think he's funnier than Benny Hill.

1164. - Yep. - Definitely.

1165. - Blue Light Special on chromosomes —

1166. extra ones.

1167. - Come on! Let's go! - Yeah.

1168. - Okay, come on. Let's get out of here.

1169. Come on. We can't play in here all day.

1170. - Not the hat. It makes you look stupid.

1171. - Ohh. - Come on. Let's go.

1172. - Move it. Come on. Let's go.

1173. Come on, baby. - Come on. 10 items or less.

1174. Let's go.

1175. - Well, at least they're not concealed weapons.

1176. - Yeah.-They'd get in trouble for that.

1177. A modest assortment.

1178. - Banjo, Fats, get some ammunition.

1179. - How they gonna remember what kind of guns they got?

1180. - This is the movies, Crow. Bullets are bullets. - Oh.

1181. - Just relax, baby. It'll only be a minute.

1182. - We need bullets. We need bul—

1183. How we gonna kill anybody without them, huh?

1184. - Uh-huh.

1185. - Kind of a pre-shooting shopping spree.

1186. - Looks like... lunch.

1187. - Wow! - Mmm. - Dynamite, dynamite.

1188. Red ones and red ones and, uh, red ones and...

1189. - Shake a leg, baby.

1190. Two, four...

1191. ♪ Love me Thank you very much.

1192. Uh, now I'm gonna have a peanut butter and 'nana sandwich.

1193. - I wonder if he knows'London Bridge Is Falling Down."

1194. - Yeah. And "The Girl from Ipanema."

1195. - Okay...

1196. - Thank you.I call that the devil's tritone.

1197. People go crazy for it.

1198. - Is this bugging you guys?

1199. I mean, just let me know if it's bugging you.

1200. It tends to annoy some people sometimes, and I find that I —

1201. I don't know. Is that bugging you?

1202. - I said quiet! - Ah.

1203. I don't know that one, but thisone's called "Put a Sock In It."

1204. - I think it's best if you both cooled it.

1205. - He's making me nervous with that guit-fiddle. - Sit down.

1206. - I mean, it's pretty and all, but quit it.

1207. - Sit down.

1208. - Hey, get that shotgun to sing a song.

1209. - Rod, can the music. - Canned music?

1210. No way. I'm an artist. I have values.

1211. - Mm-hmm.

1212. - Thank you.

1213. Look, cats, now that we got our arsenal...

1214. it's gonna be kicksville from here on out.

1215. - I'm being transferred to Kicksville? - Linda, baby,

1216. go get me those layouts you drew up.

1217. - On the laser printer.

1218. Ouch. Owie. Stingy. - Ohh.

1219. - That's got to hurt. - Ouch. Too tight.

1220. - Ee, ee, ee, ee. Ee, ee, ee. - Ohh, ow, ohh, ohh. Oh, oh.

1221. - Hmm.

1222. Oh, excuse me.

1223. - Gesundheit. - Gesundheit.

1224. - Oh, there's Don Ho's jacket up there.

1225. - Let's see. "We hold these truths to —"

1226. Wait a minute. This isn't right.

1227. - ... taking in all that psych time in the afternoon...

1228. - I've been taking a correspondence course.

1229. - ... I've had our little actress here out performing.

1230. - Mm-hmm. - She cased some pads

1231. that are filled with more bread than you ever dreamed existed.

1232. - Whoa, that's a lot of slang for one sentence.

1233. - You're out of sight, baby.

1234. - Yeah, well, you better put your bifocals in.

1235. - Real, real righteous.

1236. - Ugh!

1237. - Ahh.

1238. - Banjo, I believe you're next.

1239. Fatty, wait your turn.

1240. - Now, if my little flock will gather 'round...

1241. - ... I'll show you the scene for tomorrow.

1242. - Will I ever be as smart as that guy?

1243. I just don't think so.

1244. I don't think I'll do it.

1245. - Uh, boss. Um, I — I made some bars,

1246. but I can't get the oven to preheat.

1247. Can you help me?

1248. - He's out of sight, baby.

1249. He's okay. - Why take a chance?

1250. - He's in plain sight, I think.

1251. - You can brief him on the way tomorrow.

1252. He's only the driver.

1253. - Rod... - Uh, Rod, uh,

1254. we need a few more people nibbling on me here.

1255. Come on over.

1256. - Go out and serenade the moon.

1257. - Wear a necktie so I know it's you.

1258. - What's the matter? Don't you trust me?

1259. - Let's just say... - No! - No!

1260. - ... security precautions.

1261. - Okay. Security precautions.

1262. Give us another one. That's fun.

1263. Okay, it's your race.

1264. - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

1265. - White Nazi race.

1266. - But if I'm gonna be the driver,

1267. you're gonna have to tell me what's happening.

1268. - Well, there's a steering wheel and a pedal —

1269. Oh, would you just get out of here?

1270. Crazy kooky-head.

1271. - Ooh.

1272. - That scram bugs me.

1273. He really bugs me!

1274. - We're here, man. Let it out. - Don't let him bug you, baby.

1275. - Yeah. - See this shoulder? It's here for you.

1276. - We need him... for a while.

1277. - Eat. Eat, fatty. - Fats,

1278. go outside and keep your eye on him.

1279. - Which one?

1280. - Oh, Fats.

1281. On second thought... - "On second thought."

1282. - ... Linda, you go out and watch him.

1283. - It won't be so obvious, baby.

1284. - Just let me comb my hair,

1285. and I'll be on him like a bloodhound.

1286. - Hmm. - "Aqualung"!

1287. - "Free Bird"! - Whoo! "Free Bird"!

1288. - Whoo! - "Whipping Post"!

1289. - Whoo! - Whoo!

1290. - Hey, that's a pretty good G. Gordon Liddy impression there.

1291. - Mm-hmm.

1292. - Meanwhile, in Africa...

1293. - Oh, yeah.

1294. Oh, let's see.

1295. "If you are not wearing any underwear, smile."

1296. - Yeah.

1297. - Underwear?

1298. What...?

1299. - "Note to myself — get new agent."

1300. "Thank you."

1301. - What's he gonna do? - I don't know.

1302. - Fold it so no one can read it. - Yep.

1303. - Mm-hmm. - And then, uh — Huh?

1304. - Oh, he's sending it by carrier vole.

1305. - Uh-huh.

1306. - "I've hidden the note."

1307. - We'll be back with Peekaboo Siding Showcase,

1308. but first a little of her.

1309. - Hmm? - Huh?

1310. - Uh-oh. - Uh, quick.

1311. Think fast.

1312. Oh, this'll fool her. - Yeah.

1313. - There's the signal now.

1314. Run up and get the message, will you, Bob?

1315. - Ooh, it might be dangerous.

1316. - Ouch. Ohh. Ohh. - Stingy.

1317. - She must go through a lot of pants.

1318. - Ouch. - Hey.

1319. - Ee. Ee. Ee. Ee. Ee. - Ouch. Owie.

1320. - Hold it. Hold it, Bob.

1321. - Hold what? - Now, hold it up to the light.

1322. - Looks like Rod's got company.

1323. - Uh-oh. Uh...

1324. Thank you very much.

1325. Uh, Elvis has left the theater.

1326. - He's sending another message now.

1327. - It's a musical message of love.

1328. - Ahh.

1329. - You're quite the troubadour, aren't you?

1330. - Yeah, and I play guitar, too.

1331. - Just the roving minstrel at your service, m'lady.

1332. - Well, play on. - Macduff.

1333. - What would you like to hear? - Whatever strikes your fancy.

1334. - Personally, I like guys in clown suits.

1335. - Let me see here.

1336. - Ah, the Wango ze Tango, huh? - Mm-hmm.

1337. - Oh, nothing like a moonlit afternoon.

1338. - What a jerk.

1339. - Looks like Frank Sinatra's junior.

1340. - Thank you, brother squirrel, for the horn.

1341. - Special music by the Ant Farm Family Singers.

1342. - Ah, good thing the Nelson Riddle gang

1343. is in the next cottage.

1344. - Maybe I can kill him with a cigarette.

1345. - Do some backup. - ♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum

1346. - Take it, Chipmunks! - ♪ Bum, bum

1347. - Ah, I hope this isn't a long song.

1348. - Yeah.

1349. - This is a cover of an old Christy Weasel song.

1350. - New Christy Weasels? - Yep.

1351. - I thought it was Up with Weasels.

1352. - I don't know.

1353. - You talkin' to me?

1354. - Oh.

1355. Oh, got carried away.

1356. - My God, are you okay? - Ooh.

1357. - Ohh. A little B.J. Thomas there.

1358. - Oh, a little flat there, squirrels.

1359. - This must be the B-side of the 45.

1360. - Ha.

1361. - Next. Thank you. We'll call you.

1362. - You're out of sight, baby. Real righteous.

1363. - What does that mean? - I don't know.

1364. - Thank you. I'm flattered. - I think.

1365. - Tell me something, Linda.

1366. - Sure. What do you want to know?

1367. - Does light stand still on the edge of a black hole?

1368. - What's your game?

1369. Why do you hang around with guyslike Jeeter and Banjo for?

1370. - Hmm? - They're the greatest.

1371. With them, everything's cool.

1372. Never a dull moment.

1373. - Yeah, just like the Algonquin Round Table.

1374. - What do you expect to get out of this game except maybe 20 years?

1375. What are you looking for, the high living,

1376. the sports car, the — - You're not a very good judge

1377. of character, are you? - Nope.

1378. - You're square, baby, so square you look like a box.

1379. - Yeah, but there's a prize inside.

1380. Oh! - Oh!

1381. - Well, then why?

1382. - The kicks, baby, the kicks.

1383. - The cereal?

1384. - Yeah, kids like Kix for what Kix has got.

1385. Moms like Kix for what Kix is not.

1386. - Oh! - You're flirting with death.

1387. - Speech! Speech! - You feel alive.

1388. You feel like — like it's great to be young,

1389. to be free, no ring on your finger, no home...

1390. - No bell on your toe. - ... no snotty-nosed brats.

1391. - You make it sound so good. - Just you, alive.

1392. - A bike and a robbery aren't the same thing.

1393. - Oh, shut up! Shut up!

1394. - You get your kicks from that guitar, from singing.

1395. - Yeah. Why?

1396. - You used to get them from having 400 horses

1397. in front of you and death staring you in the face.

1398. - Yeah, but that's when he was in "Ben-Hur."

1399. - It's still not the same thing. - Oh, yes, it is.

1400. It's the same.

1401. When you look death in the face, whether it's

1402. from behind the wheel or lookingat a policeman's gun...

1403. - Or in the mirror. - ... it's all the same.

1404. - I don't dig you. - Do you dig this?

1405. - Well, I don't —

1406. - Are you looking for trouble?

1407. - Well, you won't find it in my dental work.

1408. - Just for kicks.

1409. - Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids.

1410. - Is that the signal?

1411. - Well, at least her three boyfriends aren't homicidal

1412. and looking for something like this.

1413. - You taste like wet leaves.

1414. - Their love can be dry-cleaned.

1415. - Now, what do you mean by "Mm"?

1416. - I'd like to ask her out, but I'm afraid of rejection.

1417. - They're neat. - Mm, mm, mm.

1418. - Ooh. - What does "Ooh" mean?

1419. - Huh?

1420. - Banjo!

1421. - No — stiletto.

1422. - Man, you're messing with private stock.

1423. - Okay, now, what the hell did he say?

1424. I never — I haven't understood a word this guy has said.

1425. - No! - Uh-oh.

1426. - You dirty... - Ooh!

1427. - Ohh, that had to hurt. - Banjo...

1428. - Banjo!-... you're just too high-strung.

1429. - Banjo and guitar together, and they're dueling.

1430. - I'll bust your face! - Ohh!

1431. - No, the guitar's gonna beat the banjo every time, I think.

1432. - You got to stop him. He's gonna kill him.

1433. - Maybe that's a good thing. - Mm-hmm.

1434. - Ohh! - Ohh. Owie.

1435. - Ohh. - Ohh. - They're rough.

1436. - Looks like Banjo's a little out of tune there.

1437. - Ugh! - Ohh.

1438. - Yeah, tell your friends.

1439. Oh, they're here.

1440. - Yep. - Eat it, boy! Eat it!

1441. - I oughta cut your throat. - Go ahead!

1442. Cut it! There's pain in my blood.

1443. - Kill him, baby. Kill him.

1444. Kill him, Rod. He's a loser, baby.

1445. - Ah, he's not worth killing. - Not worth killing?

1446. Now, don't you ever say that.

1447. - I assume we're getting up, uh, early tomorrow.

1448. Think I'll call it a night.

1449. - Or an afternoon or whatever. I can't tell by the light.

1450. Here's your guitar.

1451. - Here's your guitar, yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much.

1452. I think I'm gonna go write a song about this.

1453. - What was that all about? - Uh, he kicked my butt.

1454. Weren't you there?

1455. - Well, baby, did you enjoy it?

1456. - So you want me to vomit every time another man comes around?

1457. - Well, you do when I come around.

1458. - Don't mix business with pleasure.

1459. - Ooh! - Ow.

1460. - I thought you were supposed to be tough.

1461. Next time, act it.

1462. - Oh, I hate getting notes right after the performance.

1463. Ohh! - Okay, children,

1464. we got a busy day tomorrow.

1465. Let's get some sleep. - Yeah, come on.

1466. We got early mass.

1467. - Oh the shame, the shame. Oh, the pain and shame.

1468. - I'm wigging! - Whoa! - Whoa.

1469. Meanwhile, Napoleon Solo is in Hungary.

1470. - Open channel B.

1471. - Oh, I got to shake the dew off the old helmet there.

1472. There.

1473. - Hmm.

1474. - Thank you, magic night-vision binoculars.

1475. - Oh, I got to tinky.

1476. - I got to — Oh, I got to go see a man about a horse.

1477. - Ah, what a day. - Beautiful.

1478. - Ah, it's great.

1479. Look at that — Ah, you better lock up.

1480. There's a lot of creeps around here.

1481. - Thanks for the groovy charts, Mr. Squirrel, wherever you are.

1482. - Heavy, guys.

1483. I love this station wagon.

1484. - Okay, now. Everybody in? Buckle up.

1485. - Crunch.

1486. - Hey! How would you like someoneputting a cigarette out on you?

1487. - Killer spleef, man.

1488. - Hey, there's something about that guy that just screams,

1489. "I'm not really a cop."

1490. - Let's see what it says.

1491. It says, "Put me back, you idiot."

1492. - Hmm.

1493. - Hey, hey, I got to go tell a tree.

1494. - 312 to 507.

1495. - 312 to 507. - Ohh.

1496. - 312 to 507.

1497. - We were in the car the whole time.

1498. We weren't doing anything. - I read you.

1499. Go ahead, okay?

1500. - Suspects just drove off from house in gray wagon.

1501. - Thanks, Ben. We'll take it from here.

1502. - Yeah. - Okay, Charlie, let's go.

1503. - Bye-bye.

1504. - Hey, but we're on break.

1505. - Not anymore. - Darn.

1506. - Now, Rod, baby, here's the scene.

1507. As you can see, we're surrounded... - Scene 35.

1508. - ... by orange groves to the right

1509. and grapefruit groves to the left.

1510. Now, what does that spell? - Fruit salad.

1511. - You're the riddler. What?

1512. - Money, baby, lots of bread.

1513. - So, what are we gonna do — stop and pick an orange?

1514. - That's crazy. - Cracks me up.

1515. - You're really righteous, baby, really righteous.

1516. - Yeah. - I really dig him.

1517. - So I cracked a funny. - And you've got a funny crack.

1518. - Hey.

1519. - Well, Citrusville is... - Hmm.

1520. - ... about 20 miles down the road.

1521. It has this little old bank that's just loaded with bread.

1522. - Uh, I don't know, but I think you're talking about a bakery.

1523. - And it's just waiting for the five of us to slice it up.

1524. - Good job.

1525. - Sounds easy. How do we work it?

1526. - Well, Linda baby being the bestlittle actress I know...

1527. - Except for Streep. - ... will make everything easy for us.

1528. You wait in the car. Be ready to move.

1529. - The car?

1530. - We'll just go in and help ourselves

1531. to all of that wonderful...

1532. - There's something coming up behind us, baby.

1533. - That's the sun, you idiot.

1534. It happens every day at this time.

1535. - Oh. - Better play it cool, Rod,

1536. and slow down and see if they pass us.

1537. - It's Spiro Agnew and Spiro Agnew in "The Parent Trap."

1538. - Go ahead and pass them. - Good one.

1539. - Yes, sir.

1540. - 507 to all units, 507 to all units.

1541. - Lobe. - Big lobe.

1542. - ... Is now in effect.

1543. - Tikkita, tikkita, tikkita, tikkita, tikkita,

1544. tikkita, tikkita, tikkita.

1545. - That's "R" for rump. We're gonna moon them.

1546. Okay, drop trou there, Bob.

1547. - Those guys mooned us.

1548. - Smell like fuzz to me.

1549. - Oh, that's just me. Excuse me.

1550. - For the first time in your life, Banjo,

1551. I think you're right.

1552. - Looks like they're in a car wash.

1553. - Jeeter, if it is the man, what do we do?

1554. - Just play it cool, baby.

1555. Just play it cool. - Yeah.

1556. Hit the A.C. Play it cool.

1557. - ... And see what happens.

1558. - What do we do now, Lieutenant?

1559. - We can enter a biggest ear contest.

1560. - ... Into position. - He wins.

1561. - Go ahead and turn off into that side road.

1562. - We'll pick up some jams, jellies, some compotes.

1563. They look like they got some nice corn on the cob

1564. out this end of the woods.

1565. - Scones, cucumbers...

1566. Crenshaws. - Okay. Now what?

1567. - Uh, my guess is that the fuzz is staked out

1568. all along the main highway between here and Citrusville.

1569. - All — both of them.

1570. - They reported our position as we passed them.

1571. - Look, aren't you jumping to conclusions?

1572. - Yeah. - Uh-huh.

1573. - Just because two men passed us in a car...

1574. - Whoa! Whoa! Brake! - Brake!

1575. Whoa! - ... that doesn't mean we're being followed.

1576. - Hmm. Oh, it's just a camera move.

1577. - You'd like for us to walk into a trap, wouldn't you?

1578. For all we know, you may be working with the fuzz.

1579. - Mnh. - Cool it, Banjo. Cool it.

1580. Look, Rod's been with us every minute of the time.

1581. How could he contact the cops —by carrier pigeon?

1582. - Uh, no. By carrier vole.

1583. - What now, Daddy?

1584. - This is a map of London. - Hmm?

1585. - We can't go cross-country. - And we can't go straight up.

1586. Remember when we tried that? - If we use the secondary roads,

1587. we could only get to about maybe two miles of Citrusville.

1588. Then we'd be spotted.

1589. - Hey, why don't you forget the bank? - Yeah.

1590. - Forget everything, man. - Yeah.

1591. - Just go home.

1592. - You forgot the name of the game, Rod.

1593. - What's that? - It's kicks.

1594. - Oh, come on. - Oh, would you shut up about the kicks?

1595. - Please!

1596. - You didn't learn a thing last night, did you?

1597. - Well, I did, but I don't think we can use it rob a bank.

1598. - The first time we went this way, he was chicken,

1599. through and through.

1600. - No physical violence, please. - Mental violence.

1601. - Let's just be one big happy family, okay?

1602. - Yeah, the Mansons.

1603. - Whoo-whoo! - Huh?

1604. What is it, little fella?

1605. You workin' on your doctorate over there?

1606. What, a train? In Deadrock Canyon?

1607. Huh? - Whoo!

1608. - Fats, baby, I love you!

1609. - You finally figured out positive ion bonding!

1610. - Simply brilliant! - Amazing.

1611. - Look, what's he saying?

1612. - The railroad tracks.

1613. - Ooh. - Cross the railroad tracks.

1614. - Yeah. The railroad tracks. - We just simply follow the railroad tracks

1615. into Citrusville. - Ahh.

1616. The railroad tracks. - Rod, baby, move it!

1617. - Hey, there's a highway right next to the railroad tracks.

1618. They'll never find them there.

1619. - Hey, I hear a big, stupid ending coming, you guys.

1620. - Citrusville, city of progress, where everyone is juiced.

1621. - Citrusville — a great place to get some orange juice.

1622. Boy, you know, I bet they could score

1623. 80 to 100 bucks in this town. - Yeah.

1624. At least they haven't, uh, broken any traffic laws, either, you know?

1625. - That's good.

1626. If they're able to pull off the rob— robbery

1627. and — and kill somebody,

1628. I hope they at least get gas money.

1629. - Hey, look, you kids be quiet,

1630. or I'm gonna turn this car around.

1631. - Okay, baby. Pull once around the block.

1632. That'll be your time to look things over.

1633. - I've just seen the whole town.

1634. - You know, these guys just plain smell.

1635. B.O., big time.

1636. Icky.

1637. - Cute. - Mm-hmm.

1638. - 4, 5... dollars. You've broken the bank.

1639. - Thank you. - Okay. See you tomorrow.

1640. - It's always a pleasure to do service

1641. with our largest depositor.

1642. - Uh, Miss Hathaway,

1643. Mr. Drysdale's been looking for you.

1644. - 486. - $486 — that's what they've got in the vault.

1645. - That's what they're insured to.

1646. - Good morning. - Good morning. May I help you?

1647. - Why, yes. I'd like, uh, $500 in traveler's checks, please.

1648. - Oh, dream on, lady! - How would you like them?

1649. - $10s, $20s, or $50s? - Oh, $50s would be fine.

1650. - With your blood on them.

1651. - Shh.

1652. - Hey, I found a $5 under this drawer.

1653. We can stay open.

1654. Let's split, guys.

1655. - Oh, yeah. - Including your name and address...

1656. - We're gonna have to mail the money to you in six weeks.

1657. - Okay. Thank you. - Thank you.

1658. - I had no idea Gypsy had such a powerful brain...

1659. - Mm-hmm. - ... running all the working functions

1660. of the Satellite of Love and everything.

1661. I even found out she re-analogued my brain

1662. when I had that computer virus. - Yep.

1663. Joel must have not told us for a reason. - Yeah.

1664. - You know, it's funny how working outdoors

1665. makes you feel comfortable pondering such questions.

1666. - Yeah. I was gonna say how nice it was

1667. not always having to talk when we're together.

1668. - Yeah, that's neat. - Oh, here they come.

1669. Uh, Servo, do that cricket noiseyou do so well,

1670. and I'll run lights, okay?

1671. - Oh, for fun, yeah.

1672. Ah, I know exactly how it is.

1673. You know, we're pretty much the same that way.

1674. You just got to let out steam sometimes, you know?

1675. This looks like a nice place to rest, doesn't it?

1676. - It sure does, Joel. - Yeah.

1677. - You know, Joel? - What?

1678. - I feel so special. - Uh-huh. Good. Okay.

1679. Hey, uh, Cambot, I hope you're getting this.

1680. We'll want to use this in Gypsy's scrapbook later.

1681. - Ohh. - Anyway,

1682. I'm just a wandering minstrel at your service, m'lady.

1683. - Ah, play on, my liege.

1684. - Ohh.

1685. - Ooh.

1686. - About me.

1687. - You know, I feel kind of like Mac Davis on "The Muppet Show."

1688. - My ways.

1689. - So, so.

1690. - Aww, Joel, hold me.

1691. - Man, you messing with private stock.

1692. - Let's get him! - Get him!

1693. Aah!

1694. - I'm in it for the kicks.

1695. - I'm glad we cheered her up, anyway.

1696. - Mm-hmm. - Yep.

1697. - Sorry about beating you up and all.

1698. - Yeah, it's okay.

1699. You guys look cute in those outfits.

1700. - Thank you.

1701. Ahh.

1702. - Oh.

1703. Wait. What?

1704. She's gonna hold the place up with a syringe?

1705. - Anybody move, I get high.

1706. - Mm.

1707. - Oh, look, it's Scruffy, the lovable cop clown.

1708. - Yeah. - Thank you very much. - You're welcome.

1709. - Jimmy hat.

1710. - Unh! - Whuh! - Ohh!

1711. - Okay, babies, everything's set.

1712. Let's move it. - He must be psychic.

1713. - The guard's out of the way.

1714. - What do you mean? He's in the middle of the floor.

1715. - Move! I said move!

1716. Get in there fast! Move it fast!

1717. You, blondie, over here.

1718. - What, is he speaking in Sanskrit?

1719. Slow down!

1720. - Fats, you better go get the money.

1721. - It's code.

1722. - I want firm tummies and a nice, straight dance line.

1723. Come on.

1724. - You get this.

1725. - Oh, great. There's stamps and some paper clips

1726. and a Garfield sticker and —

1727. Hey, grab that statue that says "World's Greatest Grandma."

1728. - Hey, look — $10!

1729. Hey, we're set for the rest of our lives,

1730. unless we want to buy a 12-pack or something.

1731. - Hey, they play The Ventures at this bank.

1732. - Wow, they got everything —

1733. stadium blanket, calendar, Lincoln coin bank.

1734. - Mm. Oh.

1735. - Look at the bank sign.

1736. It's printed with electrician's tape on ceiling tile.

1737. - I'm thinking of growing a Van Dyke.

1738. What do you think, huh? Yeah.

1739. - Did you see "Cop Rock" last night?

1740. It sucked.

1741. - Hmm.

1742. Now, if I could just remember my Aldis code from the Navy.

1743. - Hey, what's with the lights?

1744. - What about them? - Hmm.

1745. Whoa. Your brights.

1746. - Hey, man, he's doing Aldis code.

1747. - Help. Help. - Hey, hey, help us.

1748. - Help. - Looks like he's trying to signal us.

1749. - Oh, no, he's just testing his lights.

1750. Let's go dunk a couple of spudnuts, eh, Phil?

1751. - Hey, is that their car?

1752. Sounds like they got a tappet loose.

1753. - Yeah.

1754. - That's better.

1755. - Eh, what's all this, then?

1756. I mean, what's going on here, boy?

1757. - Well, son, what's the lights for?

1758. - Uh, illuminating the road after dark, sir.

1759. - There's three men and a girl robbing that bank.

1760. - And a baby. - And a baby.

1761. - Jeeter, it's the gestapo, and they're talking to Rod.

1762. Let's split! - No. You'rethe gestapo.

1763. - Linda, Fats, stand up!

1764. Let's go! - This better not be a joke.

1765. - Well, it is a joke, but it's still true.

1766. - You stay put, kid.

1767. - Here we go. Hmm.

1768. - Whoa, that's a nice wide spread.

1769. He must have had a modified choke on that.

1770. Hmm. - Fats, we just hit a couple of the fuzz.

1771. - Huh? - What?

1772. - Oh.

1773. - Hold it, creep, or I'll blow your brains out.

1774. - Yeah. - Come on. Move!

1775. Linda, hurry up! - Linda!

1776. - In these heels? Are you crazy? - Fats, move it!

1777. - Ohh! - Okay, coming boss.

1778. - Nice tag.

1779. - Oh, school's out. Recess, everybody.

1780. - Okay, now, we all saw the Zapruder film.

1781. You be Kennedy. - He signaled the men.

1782. - Hmm?

1783. - What? - What?

1784. - Man, that wasn't a very nice thing to do.

1785. - If Banjo's telling the truth, why don't we just dump him now?

1786. - 'Cause this creep is gonnaget us away from the little men.

1787. - Mm. - He's gonna drive the race of his life.

1788. Put your foot to the floorboard, man. Move it.

1789. I said move it! - But remember your seat belt.

1790. Check your blind spot. Three-point check.

1791. That's better. Thank you. - No, not this way, man.

1792. My mom will see me. Ohh!

1793. - Come on, man! Earn your money. Faster. Faster.

1794. - Ohh.

1795. - Oh, you poor officer.

1796. Oh. Can I get you a doughnut?

1797. - Ugh. You're kneeling on my chest. - Help me to my car.

1798. - I'm sorry, but you're dead.

1799. No doughnuts.

1800. - Hmm. Poor guy.

1801. - Yep.

1802. - Mayday! Mayday!

1803. - He used to be a pilot. - I used too much rouge!

1804. - Four men and a girl just robbedthe Citrusville bank.

1805. - 507 to all units, 507 to all units.

1806. Whatever your location,

1807. proceed to roadblock stations around Citrusville.

1808. - Uh, we are all the units, sir.

1809. - Proceed to roadblock stations around Citrusville.

1810. - Heh. They're gonna put the squeeze on them in Citrusville.

1811. - Nelson Riddle and his Orchestra!

1812. - "Squeeze on them." See? - Yeah. We got it, bro.

1813. - What's, uh, Citrusville famous for, you suppose?

1814. - Uh, probably dairy products. - I wa— Huh?

1815. - Yeah?

1816. - Police cars courtesy of Grandma.

1817. - You're doing great, baby. - Don't call me that at work.

1818. - Hey, that looks like the car. - Naw!

1819. Couldn't be. They're miles away.-Get ready. Here they come.

1820. - Oh, no.

1821. - Ayyy-ahhhhh!

1822. - Ugh! - Ohh! - Ooh.

1823. - That'll teach 'em. Whoa.

1824. - Ooh! - Oh, Calgon, take me away!

1825. - I got one in my hair! Crawlers!

1826. - Yeah, man. - Stupid old bun.

1827. - I love it. Another one for me.

1828. - You know, this really is kind of fun.

1829. - Whoo-hoo.

1830. - I'm having a really good time. - Yeah.

1831. - I'll get a Kleenex, Bob. Stay there.

1832. - Officer down, officer down.

1833. I need bear claws — I mean, uh, backup.

1834. Send a jelly doughnut. Uh, I mean send help.

1835. - Gang headed East on Old Citrus Road.

1836. Just killed my partner. - And I'm all busted up inside.

1837. Over. - I'm in pursuit.

1838. - Here comes the fuzz!

1839. - Here comes the fuzz! Here comes the fuzz!

1840. - Da fuzz is comin'. - Yeah.

1841. - Yeah. Hey, he's doing really well.

1842. - Yeah, this is the longest he's driven

1843. without rolling and burning.

1844. - Another roadblock!

1845. Drive through it, man. Drive through it.

1846. - Yeah. Whoa.

1847. - Oh, you know, we really should have

1848. blocked the other road, too.

1849. What were we thinking?

1850. - Roadblock detour.

1851. - Down the Yellow Brick Road, man.

1852. - Guess we're not in Kansas anymore, dude.

1853. Go kill Dorothy.

1854. - Well, that's kind of like closing the barn door

1855. after the cows are out.

1856. Come on, dummy.

1857. - Uh, signal your turn, please.

1858. Uh — Oh, well.

1859. - What's he gonna do — shoot at oranges?

1860. - Looks like it.

1861. Oh, now, that's a fire siren.

1862. Come on.

1863. I'm huge. I'm immense.

1864. - Hey, look — Erik Estrada!

1865. - Slow 'em down, Banjo.

1866. - Two barrels from Banjo coming up!

1867. - Did he say "two bowels for Banjo?"

1868. - "Bedtime for Banjo"?

1869. - Would you get your arms and legs inside this car, please?

1870. - How am doing it? I don't know.

1871. - Whee, man, we were rolling.

1872. - Gonna get some... and some rolls and some...

1873. Hey, hey, hey.

1874. Every day, all my love away. - I'm huge.

1875. By this time, the old Duke boys

1876. had killed just about every cop in town. - Yee-hoo.

1877. - And Daisy had slipped into something more comfortable.

1878. - Oh, it's a squealing swamp. Oh, there's the exploding bush.

1879. - Hmm. - Earn your money.

1880. Drive, baby, drive!

1881. - What do you think I'm doing?

1882. Oh, look, I'm cranky and hungry.I'm sorry.

1883. - Back into the squealing swamp.

1884. - So, this is the point where the director said,

1885. "Use everything we shot."

1886. - What's wrong with the car? - Who's talking?

1887. - Oh, they must have hit the gas tank.

1888. - Who's talking?

1889. - I don't know. - You see the lighthouse?

1890. Stop there.

1891. - Lighthouse? They're in the woods.

1892. - We're going down. We've lost an engine.

1893. - Lighthouse?

1894. - Oh, it's for Winnebagos. - Mm.

1895. - Yeah. Lighthouse. - Well, it's up to the Navy now.

1896. It's out of our jurisdiction. - Whoa.

1897. - Come on, baby. Move it! - Whoa! That's too close.

1898. - Mm.

1899. - Stop calling me "baby."

1900. - Oh, great hideout.

1901. If they have to spend any time there,

1902. they can eat the bricks, I guess.

1903. - Oh, look, they're in a nautilus, you guys.

1904. - It's like "The Time Tunnel."

1905. - Don't shoot the car! We need that!

1906. - Ooh! Sorry. I accidentally shot a cop.

1907. Sorry. - Load it up, Linda.

1908. - It's just like shooting ducks in an alley.

1909. - I think it's "fish in a barrel,"

1910. but I know what you mean,

1911. and you'll know what we mean after this.

1912. - For the glory of the SLA, Tania!

1913. - I just got a thing about girls with guns.

1914. I don't know. - Yeah.

1915. - Hi.

1916. - Here you go, Hoss. Nice shootin', Little Joe.

1917. - Oh.

1918. Oh, my hair's stuck. Ohh, ohh.

1919. - I'm old enough to drive and drink but not be in a war.

1920. What do you think?

1921. - Hey, it's Diana Rigg.

1922. - Join us.

1923. - Getting enough kicks now, baby?

1924. Yeah.

1925. If you've got something to say, say it.

1926. - You killed a tree, Banjo.

1927. - Oh! Oh, oh! Oh, oh! Excuse me.

1928. - I got me one. I got me a man.

1929. - I'm happy for you. Now go shoot cops.

1930. - Quite a dance move there.

1931. - Oh! My head's trying to blow up!

1932. - You idiot! - He's wigging!

1933. - Yep.

1934. - Banjo, don't be a hero! - Banjo, come back, you idiot!

1935. - Come back, Banjo. - Ohh!

1936. - Whoa! Ouch! - Stupid old gun.

1937. - Cover him, Fats! Cover him!

1938. - Now, wait a minute. Banjo's about two feet away from —

1939. Look at that — two feet away from the cops.

1940. Criminy.

1941. Uh-huh. - He's over there. Yeah.

1942. - Whoa. Ooh.

1943. Uh-oh.

1944. - That's pretty good with a shotgun at that distance.

1945. - Must be using a full choke.

1946. - The lousy men got him.

1947. They got Banjo.

1948. - They torched his bike, too. - Fats, grab the rifle.

1949. Go upstairs as fast as you can, see if you can pick any of them off from upstairs.

1950. - Okay. - Hurry up, Fats! Move!

1951. - I'll be running upstairs now.

1952. - Long way up.

1953. - Ohh! They got my foot, Charlie. They got my foot.

1954. - Hey, it's a double helix.

1955. Thank you for the Crick and Watson joke.

1956. - You know, he's kind of an easy target —

1957. fat, drunk, and stupid.

1958. I wonder... - Ehh.

1959. He could never hit him, though. - No.

1960. - One if by land, two if by stupid.

1961. Ohh. - Well...

1962. Hey, I've always wanted that cool lid.

1963. - Philip Glass music. Cool.

1964. - Wow, I always thought only the good died young.

1965. - Live fast, die young, and leavea fat, bloated, ugly corpse.

1966. Heh, heh.

1967. Oh, here we go again with him. - Uh-oh.

1968. - Fats! Fats, he's coming your way!

1969. Kill him! Kill him!

1970. Hand me the shotgun. Hand me the shotgun!

1971. - Quick.

1972. - Yep.

1973. - Oh, I got to quit smoking.

1974. - N-Now — Now, wait a minute.

1975. Just — Just wait a minute here.

1976. - I will kill you!

1977. Ohh. - I'm getting dizzy.

1978. - Yeah, me too.

1979. Whoa! - Hey, that's not completely fair.

1980. - Nuh-unh.

1981. - Hey, mister, can you help me? I — I need some —

1982. - You know, in a more expensive movie, they would have tossed him over.

1983. - Or at least used him as a shield or something.

1984. - It's filled with Pez.

1985. - Mmm.

1986. - He's upstairs. - Thanks, Fats.

1987. You know, you're smarter dead.

1988. - It's like Johnny Cash music.

1989. - Kill, kill, kill, die, die, die!

1990. When will it end? - I don't know.

1991. - Oh, man, you got my windbreaker.

1992. This is a Members Only, too. It's not cheap.

1993. Oh, I'm no good at anything. I'm terrible.

1994. I can't drive, can't shoot.

1995. What the hell am I good at?

1996. Oh, jeepers, I'll never get in another movie.

1997. - Poor guy.

1998. - Huh?

1999. - At least the music's gone. - Ow.

2000. - Well, if it isn't Rod. - What?

2001. - Uh-oh. - Yeah, he's getting serious.

2002. He took his sunglasses off.

2003. - Whoa! - Servo, save yourself! Get out of the way!

2004. - He's pointing it right —

2005. - Whoa!

2006. - See ya later. - Alligator.

2007. Not!

2008. - Huh? - Huh?

2009. - What gives?

2010. - Aah!

2011. - Oh, he's all bendy and floppy and stuff.

2012. - Ooh! Well, that was kind of neat.

2013. - Sorry. - Heavy.

2014. - Yeah, kind of looks like the beginning of a Bond film,

2015. doesn't it? - Yeah.

2016. - Hey, there's the girl with the golden gun!

2017. - Yep.

2018. - Mm. It's been a big day.

2019. - I'm just not having a good week.

2020. - Here. A gift for you.

2021. - I didn't get you anything. - Thanks, baby.

2022. - Kicks, baby.

2023. - They're not for Trids.

2024. - Kicks.

2025. It w-was the wildest.

2026. - Kicks just keep getting harder to find.

2027. - Ugh. - Ohh.

2028. - Ew. - You still taste like fatty.

2029. Don't you brush?

2030. - Oh, she's crying. - Oh.

2031. - Charlie, go on up and check Fats.

2032. Take her away, Bob.

2033. - Are there kicks in prison, honey?

2034. - My.

2035. - I'm here, Bob.

2036. - Here we go again.

2037. And I like your Ralston Purina suit, too.

2038. - Mm-hmm. - ♪ Please me so

2039. - Check.

2040. Hey, it's God cam.

2041. - Hmm. - ♪ Oh, I like

2042. - I see.

2043. - Oh. - Hmm.

2044. - You know, I'm gonna miss her and all her murderous ways.

2045. - Mm-hmm.

2046. - She was neat.

2047. - Yeah. In a sick sort of way.

2048. - Mm-hmm.

2049. - Well, Rod, 13 dead cops, 6 dead innocent bystanders,

2050. a couple of dead bikers. Good work.

2051. I'd like to have you on my team again sometime.

2052. What do you think?

2053. - Uh, signal the God cam.

2054. Oh, wrong song. Sorry.

2055. - Louis, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

2056. - Man, when you were tryingto signal me, that was so funny.

2057. I thought you were kissing the girl.

2058. I thought that was the sign. Oh, boy.

2059. Well, we can laugh about it now, but...

2060. - Yeah. - Whatcha doing, now?

2061. Hmm. - Do you live alone?

2062. - Yeah, we should really go. - Yeah.

2063. - Come on. - Oh, it's the end.

2064. - You're getting heavy. You know that? Whoa.

2065. You know, guys, I feel great.

2066. I'm flying high. - Huh?

2067. - Joel, how can you feel good

2068. after that kidney stone of a movie?

2069. Ughhh. - Huh?

2070. - Yeah, I'm downright depressed.

2071. If I had wrists, I'd contemplateslitting them right now.

2072. - What? Huh? - This movie was like

2073. spending the weekend with your dentist!

2074. Ugh! - Oh, you guys.

2075. Listen, you got to take it easier.

2076. It's just a movie.

2077. Yes, it was like being pulled through a dark, tarry abyss.

2078. But it's only a movie.You got to use your intelligence

2079. to abstract yourself from the pain, you know?

2080. Like, yeah, the writer was only interested

2081. in shallow stereotypes of mid-'60s sociopaths.

2082. You just got to deal with it. - Oh, I see.

2083. The villains were so clichéd, they were laughable.

2084. - Right. That's it exactly. - Oh.

2085. And the hero was such a wimp,

2086. his only heroic act was to flash his headlights.

2087. That's funny. - Yeah!

2088. - Yeah, you guys.

2089. Keep in mind this is during the Otto Preminger,

2090. you know, time of film, you know, like antihero, uh,

2091. plots that didn't go anywhere, that kind of thing. - Oh!

2092. So, the hero was supposed to be unattractive and spineless.

2093. - Exactly. Now you're surfing on my wave. - I get it.

2094. - Take it, Tom Servo. - Oh, um, well,

2095. even though this was one of the ugliest

2096. extended families in movie history,

2097. they drove one of the finest station wagons on the market.

2098. - Hey, that was hysterical!

2099. - Whoo! You know, you're right, Joel.

2100. Looking at the movie your way makes me feel great!

2101. - Yeah! I really like this "Wild Rebel" thing!

2102. - Yee-hoo! - Yee-hoo!

2103. - What the hell is going on up there?

2104. - Really. I thought this film was supposed to be

2105. an emotional knee-capping for you guys.

2106. - Heh-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yee-hee-hee!

2107. - Oh, I don't believe it, Frank.

2108. This film had absolutely nothinggoing for it.

2109. - An ugly cast and an ugly scriptdoing really stupid, uh...

2110. I mean, wait a minute. Think about it, though.

2111. The Citrusville National Bank,

2112. the hypodermic needle putting the guard out.

2113. I mean, it was so stupid, it was kind of funny.

2114. It had wit. It had charm. It was quirky. It was off-beat.

2115. I'm gonna give this one my highest rating — five skulls.

2116. Whoo!

2117. - I really thought we had you this time, "Joely."

2118. Don't you have a letter to read or something?

2119. - Yee-hoo! - Whoo-hoo!

2120. - iArriba, arriba!

2121. - Alright, alright, okay.

2122. Back it off, you guys. Cut it out.

2123. Cut the music. Alright. Alright, it's ti—

2124. We got to read a letter, you guys, here.

2125. - Oh, letters! Great! Whoo-hoo! - Okay.

2126. Yeah. This is an interesting one.

2127. Um, it says, "Dear Joel, I am, in fact, a scientist —"

2128. - Whoa! - Whoa. Excuse me.

2129. "I am an PhD immunologist.

2130. I work at the Pittsburgh Cancer Institute

2131. and study natural killer cells."

2132. What a great term that would be in a science-fiction movie.

2133. - Yeah. Cool. - "Perhaps my background

2134. gives me a particular framework,

2135. but I am a devoted 'MST 3000' fan."

2136. - Aww. That's nice.

2137. - "The letters you read each weekare still from children.

2138. I guess a letter from a 30-year-old scientist

2139. without any drawings doesn't have a prayer

2140. in making it on the air, so perhaps I should

2141. come up with a drawing that's from a Rebecca P. Shell, PhD."

2142. - Oh. - Hey, neat!

2143. - And here's the drawing right there. - Cool.

2144. - Let's get that on still store there, Cambot.

2145. - Not bad for a 30-year-old, huh?-Yeah.

2146. - It says, "Who will win — the natural killer cell or Tom Servo?"

2147. - Oh, no contest. - Hey, give us some more music there, Cambot.

2148. - Alright! - Yee-hoo! - Hey!

2149. - Whoo-hoo! - Whee-hee-hee-hee!

2150. - Okay, we'll see you later. We're having a great time.

2151. Wish you were here, scientist. - Hey!

2152. - No, no, no, no. You win this time.

2153. As for me, I've got to put Frank down for the night.

2154. Until next time.

2155. - Yahhhhhhhh!