1. ♫ Robot roll-callCopy !req
2. - Hey everybody.Copy !req
3. My name's Joel.Copy !req
4. Welcome to theCopy !req
5. Satellite of Love.Copy !req
6. - Woah, movie time, movie time!Copy !req
7. - He did it!Copy !req
8. He actually did it!Copy !req
9. - Hey, good one there, Cambot!Copy !req
10. Boy, we really fazed him.Copy !req
11. I didn't think he was that gullible!Copy !req
12. - Ah, what a maroon!Copy !req
13. - Control sign in five,Copy !req
14. four,Copy !req
15. three, two,Copy !req
16. control sign out.Copy !req
17. - Ah, hit the buzzer.Copy !req
18. - I can't!Copy !req
19. My arms are inoperable.Copy !req
20. - And my good ones are in the shop, oh.Copy !req
21. - Uh-oh, uh,Copy !req
22. it was all in fun, Joel!Copy !req
23. - We were just giving you the raz!Copy !req
24. - Yeah.Copy !req
25. - I'm just glad I programmed
you two knuckle-knobsCopy !req
26. to give me some occasional
good-natured ribbing.Copy !req
27. Ah, wait.Copy !req
28. It looks like it's time
for the invention exchange.Copy !req
29. - Mommy, mommy!Copy !req
30. Don't look at me!Copy !req
31. Don't ever look at me!Copy !req
32. - And don't drool this time!Copy !req
33. Well, hello, booby.Copy !req
34. This week's invention exchangeCopy !req
35. is an exciting foray into
the field of self-surgery,Copy !req
36. much in keeping with the
theme of today's film.Copy !req
37. All you need is a willing subject,Copy !req
38. a can of nitrous oxideCopy !req
39. and an oversized version of the gameCopy !req
40. Operation.Copy !req
41. Operation!Copy !req
42. The goofy game for dopey doctors!Copy !req
43. Remove wrenched ankle.Copy !req
44. - No, no!Copy !req
45. Why, why?Copy !req
46. Thank you.Copy !req
47. - And it's all in the
name of science, you know?Copy !req
48. But if you touch the sides...Copy !req
49. - Thank you!Copy !req
50. Well, you get the idea, don't you?Copy !req
51. Don't you?Copy !req
52. - And you used to
work with these guys?Copy !req
53. - Yeah, that's what I'm
talkin' about, you guys!Copy !req
54. Again, me and the scientists
are in direct dichotomy.Copy !req
55. They took Milton BradleyCopy !req
56. and turned him into Doctor Phibes,Copy !req
57. while I took this Day-Glo
x-ray fluoroscope,Copy !req
58. chopped it, channeled it,Copy !req
59. added some thrush pipes,Copy !req
60. and came up with a gameCopy !req
61. that teaches you about
your body as you play!Copy !req
62. - Hey, it's kinda like Twister!Copy !req
63. - Yeah!Copy !req
64. Everybody knows that food in your throatCopy !req
65. is called bolus.Copy !req
66. I call this game pin-bolus!Copy !req
67. Get it?Copy !req
68. Okay, as you can see, my
innards are all lit up.Copy !req
69. I take thisCopy !req
70. ordinary, Day-Glo bariumCopy !req
71. meatballCopy !req
72. and eat it.Copy !req
73. - Wow!Copy !req
74. - Okay, then, as you can see,Copy !req
75. I can move my kidneys here,Copy !req
76. and it's kinda like playing pinball!Copy !req
77. - This gives a whole new meaning
to playing with your food,Copy !req
78. doesn't it?Copy !req
79. - Hey, if you score enough points,Copy !req
80. do you get an extra ball movement?Copy !req
81. - Aw, good one!Copy !req
82. And, uh, does hopping aroundCopy !req
83. make it tilt or something?Copy !req
84. - No, but it will make you throw up.Copy !req
85. - Yeah.Copy !req
86. - And,Copy !req
87. there's the pin-bolus!Copy !req
88. Anyway,Copy !req
89. what do you think, sirs?Copy !req
90. - Oh, I'm feeling much better now.Copy !req
91. Say,Copy !req
92. could you give me a glass of juiceCopy !req
93. with one of those little
bendy straws on it?Copy !req
94. I love those things.Copy !req
95. - Can it, Frank!
- Just delightful.Copy !req
96. Well, Joel,Copy !req
97. today's film is a
plotless little peccadilloCopy !req
98. called Ring of Terror.Copy !req
99. It's about some of the oldest
medical students in history.Copy !req
100. Chomp on it, but don't choke!Copy !req
101. - Oh,Copy !req
102. what's that, Tom?Copy !req
103. It says—Copy !req
104. - "Centerville,Copy !req
105. "a real great place to
raise your kids up."Copy !req
106. - Hm.
- Wow.Copy !req
107. - Neat.Copy !req
108. Hey, where do you suppose
those arrows are leading to?Copy !req
109. - Hm, I guess we'll fi—Copy !req
110. - Playstar Productions?Copy !req
111. I gotta look this one up.Copy !req
112. Just a second, let's see.Copy !req
113. Um.Copy !req
114. Oh, here's the book.Copy !req
115. Uh, Ring of Terror,Copy !req
116. 1962.Copy !req
117. Bomb.Copy !req
118. Director Clark Paylow,Copy !req
119. starring George Mather, Esther Furst,Copy !req
120. Austin Green, Joseph Conway.Copy !req
121. "A medical student must confrontCopy !req
122. "a corpse as a fraternity initiation prankCopy !req
123. "in this low-budget moo-zer."Copy !req
124. Huh.
- Hm.Copy !req
125. - Well, can we go then?Copy !req
126. - I think this is the beginningCopy !req
127. of a long, hard ride here.Copy !req
128. - Oh, let's go, uh, that way.Copy !req
129. - No, wait!
- Hey!Copy !req
130. - We're supposed to go thatCopy !req
131. way.Copy !req
132. What gives?Copy !req
133. Hm.Copy !req
134. - Hey,Copy !req
135. hi, everybody.Copy !req
136. Oh, I see.Copy !req
137. - Yeah, it's one of those.Copy !req
138. - Look, Lyndon LaRouche's brother!Copy !req
139. They just bought drugs
from the Queen of England!Copy !req
140. - Shoes by Botany 500,Copy !req
141. body by Fischer.Copy !req
142. - He looks like Count Chocula.Copy !req
143. - Shouldn't they
have their high beams on?Copy !req
144. - It must be cold.Copy !req
145. - Okay, everybody on setCopy !req
146. for the big Cossack number!Copy !req
147. - Oh, the caterers are here.Copy !req
148. They must be serving Tombstone pizza.Copy !req
149. - Aw, look, she's madCopy !req
150. 'cause she just lost her
job on Petticoat Junction.Copy !req
151. Ah, get that camera outta my face!Copy !req
152. - Ah, The Funeral, by Henry Gibson.Copy !req
153. - Bocchia-cha-cha-chio,Copy !req
154. that's my favorite Italian wine.Copy !req
155. - Yeah, I'm the last guy in line.Copy !req
156. And I like being there.Copy !req
157. Go ahead and lay a,Copy !req
158. never mind.Copy !req
159. - A graveyard?Copy !req
160. What a coincidence?Copy !req
161. Then they can bury the
script for this thing.Copy !req
162. - From the graveyard
of motion pictures,Copy !req
163. comes Ring of Terror.Copy !req
164. - Funeral group?Copy !req
165. - Where'd they go?
- Funeral guys!Copy !req
166. - Hey!
- Funeral guys!Copy !req
167. - Where are they hiding?Copy !req
168. - Where are they?Copy !req
169. - I told Morris to
bury me in a mausoleum!Copy !req
170. - Hey!Copy !req
171. Funeral guys!
- Guys?Copy !req
172. - Oh, wait a minute.Copy !req
173. - Hey, guys.Copy !req
174. - Somebody open that?Copy !req
175. - That thing's
getting really close.Copy !req
176. - Ah, it's an automatic gate.Copy !req
177. It'll open.
- Gonna get crushed.Copy !req
178. - Hey, no, I don't think so!Copy !req
179. - Yeah!
- I'm gonna climbCopy !req
180. - Hey, hey!
- From over here.Copy !req
181. - That's not funny!Copy !req
182. - Hey open that gate!Copy !req
183. - Hey, do you mind?Copy !req
184. We're getting too close!Copy !req
185. We're gonna crash!Copy !req
186. Just please, oh!Copy !req
187. - Oh!Copy !req
188. - Thank you.Copy !req
189. - Hey, check it out!Copy !req
190. Bob Dobson,Copy !req
191. from the Church of the SubGenius!Copy !req
192. - The Almighty Bob!Copy !req
193. - Hm.Copy !req
194. - Hi, I'm the life of the party.Copy !req
195. - Good evening, friends.Copy !req
196. - I'm a lamp!Copy !req
197. - Let me invite you for a
stroll down Graveyard Lane.Copy !req
198. - Oh, it's Joel Franklin.Copy !req
199. - Where beauty and love abide.Copy !req
200. And in death,Copy !req
201. we are born to eternal life.Copy !req
202. - Mr. Magoo!Copy !req
203. What happened to you?Copy !req
204. - Gloomy Gus!Copy !req
205. - Ah, life!Copy !req
206. - All monuments, from the
simplest to the most elaborate,Copy !req
207. stand erect on the
closed books of the livesCopy !req
208. of our beloved departed.Copy !req
209. - Huh?
- What the?Copy !req
210. And each marker would hold many stories.Copy !req
211. Some filled with happiness.Copy !req
212. SomeCopy !req
213. filled with sorrow.Copy !req
214. - SomeCopy !req
215. filled with a creamy nougat center!Copy !req
216. - We'll just wait here, then, huh?Copy !req
217. Mister?
- Uh, hey there?Copy !req
218. - Behind your head?Copy !req
219. - Hey!Copy !req
220. - Here, yeah.
- Hi.Copy !req
221. - What would they doCopy !req
222. if they had the chance
to relive their lives?Copy !req
223. - Uh, I'd get out of here.Copy !req
224. - I'd buy Polaroid.
- Yeah.Copy !req
225. - What would you do?Copy !req
226. - Oh, we'd hunt you
down to the ends of the earth,Copy !req
227. buddy!Copy !req
228. Oh, hi!Copy !req
229. - Um.
- We're over here.Copy !req
230. - Uh, this way.
- Right here.Copy !req
231. - Right down here!Copy !req
232. Down here, guy!Copy !req
233. Down here!Copy !req
234. - Puma!Copy !req
235. - What?Copy !req
236. - Ah, Humor.Copy !req
237. You missed that section on the bookshelf.Copy !req
238. Hm?Copy !req
239. - Uh,Copy !req
240. we'll just, uh,Copy !req
241. stay here, then.Copy !req
242. - Yoo-ma, hoo-ma?Copy !req
243. - What's yoo-ma?Copy !req
244. Too-ma?Copy !req
245. Tumor!Copy !req
246. He dropped a tumor!
- Oh!Copy !req
247. He got a tumorCopy !req
248. and he can't find it.Copy !req
249. - Puma!Copy !req
250. Hm, I think that's what it's—Copy !req
251. - Let's try the yoo-ma!
- Puma!Copy !req
252. - Johnny Yoo-ma.Copy !req
253. - Ray gun?Copy !req
254. - Where are you?Copy !req
255. - Hm, I don't get it.Copy !req
256. - Puma!Copy !req
257. - Oh, yo-yo!Copy !req
258. Yo Yo Ma!Copy !req
259. It's his favorite cellist!Copy !req
260. - Ah.
- Oh!Copy !req
261. - In a graveyard?Copy !req
262. - Well—Copy !req
263. - Don't be afraid, Puma!Copy !req
264. Don't be afraid!Copy !req
265. - Ray Hay Ketchum's buried there.Copy !req
266. - No.Copy !req
267. - Puma!Copy !req
268. - Plot's around here somewhere.Copy !req
269. - Huma, I think.Copy !req
270. I think, oh—
- Oh.Copy !req
271. - There you are, Puma!Copy !req
272. - Look!Copy !req
273. - Ah, it's a little kitty!Copy !req
274. - Nice kitty.Copy !req
275. Yes.Copy !req
276. Nice Puma.Copy !req
277. - Nice kitty.Copy !req
278. - Yes, Puma.
- Yes.Copy !req
279. Now, let's you and I go
through the storm, huh?Copy !req
280. - Through the kitchen!Copy !req
281. - We'll make a nice burrito!Copy !req
282. - Oh, that's nice.Copy !req
283. I'm calling Betty White.
- I'm sorry, Puma.Copy !req
284. I didn't mean to step on you!Copy !req
285. - Sure.
- Yeah, right!Copy !req
286. - Run, run this way!Copy !req
287. - Puma!
- Fuma!Copy !req
288. Puma!Copy !req
289. - Isn't this a
little redundant, buddy?Copy !req
290. - Puma?Copy !req
291. - The way he's walking!Copy !req
292. - Puma!Copy !req
293. - [Crow} Think!Copy !req
294. Don't tell him where I am!Copy !req
295. Hide me!Copy !req
296. - Don't be afraid!Copy !req
297. - You're okay, little fella.Copy !req
298. - Caught.Copy !req
299. - There, Puma.Copy !req
300. Come toCopy !req
301. I didn't mean to step on you!Copy !req
302. - I meant to kill you!Copy !req
303. - Move your head.Copy !req
304. - Lewis B. Moffitt.Copy !req
305. - Sat on a toffit.Copy !req
306. - February third, 1933.Copy !req
307. November 17, 1955.Copy !req
308. - If the man is still alive.Copy !req
309. - I fear not.Copy !req
310. - I don't think so!Copy !req
311. - I remember him.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
312. I remember.Copy !req
313. - Yeah?Copy !req
314. Tell us about it!Copy !req
315. - Lewis B. Moffitt.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
316. - Hmm.Copy !req
317. Buy hand lotion.Copy !req
318. Hm, magazine.Copy !req
319. - Hm, cookie!Copy !req
320. - Try to get along with the others!Copy !req
321. - Hey, I'm goin' to the cafeteria!Copy !req
322. - To go get my forehead lengthened!Copy !req
323. - Just waiting for you!
- I'm ready!Copy !req
324. - Come on, dude!Copy !req
325. The girls will be there!Copy !req
326. - Huh?Copy !req
327. - Geez, Joel, he looks
old to be a college student!Copy !req
328. - To the cafeteria!Copy !req
329. - Come on!Copy !req
330. - Not now.Copy !req
331. Maybe later!Copy !req
332. - Say, when is your first
lecture in dissection?Copy !req
333. - It's any day now.Copy !req
334. - They haven't told us whatCopy !req
335. everybody's wondering.Copy !req
336. - Professor Rayburn is a terrific cut-up!Copy !req
337. - I love that joke.Copy !req
338. - And Gerald McLew?Copy !req
339. - Physically, I'm fine.Copy !req
340. But technically—Copy !req
341. - I'm all messed up inside.Copy !req
342. - I gotta keep hitting the books.Copy !req
343. - Betty might be at the cafeteria.Copy !req
344. - Well, I gotta
keep hitting her, too.Copy !req
345. - Ah, go on, let's leave him!Copy !req
346. Let's go, fellas!Copy !req
347. - Yeah, okay, I'm
not into chili peppers,Copy !req
348. you know?
- Yeah, let's all go.Copy !req
349. - Let's all go.Copy !req
350. - Hate chili peppers.Copy !req
351. Love hamburgers.Copy !req
352. - Oh, see, where was I?Copy !req
353. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
354. "See Dick.Copy !req
355. "See Dick make a lateral incision."Copy !req
356. - Quite frankly,Copy !req
357. I was never so bored in all my life.Copy !req
358. - Did you touch it?Copy !req
359. - He pulled back on the drive,Copy !req
360. and the first thing he did
was turn the car light on.Copy !req
361. - On?Copy !req
362. - That kooks me out!Copy !req
363. - Then he opened the glove compartment,Copy !req
364. took out some papers—Copy !req
365. - And rolled a big spleef!Copy !req
366. - And read me seven chaptersCopy !req
367. from a book he's writing!Copy !req
368. - What's the name of the book?Copy !req
369. - Tropic of Cancer.Copy !req
370. - Oh, I remember.Copy !req
371. He called it the Veet Evolution.Copy !req
372. - The beef evolution?Copy !req
373. - Alice, are you sure there
were no callers for me today?Copy !req
374. - Sorry, Sno-cone.Copy !req
375. - Who is she Janice Ian?Copy !req
376. - She looks like a modelCopy !req
377. for Resusci-Annie.Copy !req
378. - Gee, that's funny.Copy !req
379. When Lewis says he'll call,Copy !req
380. he's always right on the dot.Copy !req
381. - Yeah, a purple
micro-dot.Copy !req
382. - I wonder if anything's wrong.Copy !req
383. - Are you kidding?Copy !req
384. Nothing will ever happen to that one!Copy !req
385. - Why not?Copy !req
386. He's just like any other human being!Copy !req
387. - Well, he's got a prehensile tail.Copy !req
388. - Not from what I hear!Copy !req
389. - What do you hear, Alice?Copy !req
390. - Well,Copy !req
391. Jerry says he's got
nerves that won't quit.Copy !req
392. - My boyfriend Seymour says he likes him.Copy !req
393. - Alice, you were saying somethingCopy !req
394. I sure wish you'd finish.Copy !req
395. - It sounds like it was recordedCopy !req
396. in somebody's bathroom,Copy !req
397. doesn't it?Copy !req
398. - Well, you might not if you understood.Copy !req
399. - Do you understand it?Copy !req
400. - I think I do!Copy !req
401. Well, pretty well, anyway.Copy !req
402. I always get the feelingCopy !req
403. that there's a fight
going on inside of him.Copy !req
404. - Between male and female!Copy !req
405. - I can't quite sum it to you,Copy !req
406. but it's like there were
two people inside there,Copy !req
407. two separate personalitiesCopy !req
408. trying to gain control.Copy !req
409. - Glen and Glenda!Copy !req
410. - But I know how I feel when I'm with him.Copy !req
411. - Betty, I think you're in love with him!Copy !req
412. - I feel a song coming on!Copy !req
413. - It could be.Copy !req
414. If it weren't for one thing.Copy !req
415. - What's that?Copy !req
416. - I look like Resusci-Annie.Copy !req
417. - Nothing seems to shake him!Copy !req
418. He's not afraid of anything!Copy !req
419. It might hurt him someday.Copy !req
420. What do you think?Copy !req
421. - You're high!Copy !req
422. - I'd go crazy trying to
figure the answer to that one!Copy !req
423. - I'm going to call him!Copy !req
424. - Oh!Copy !req
425. Go!Copy !req
426. - Well, it's gonna start
getting pretty sticky in hereCopy !req
427. in a few minutes.Copy !req
428. - Let it lay, you guys!Copy !req
429. - Okay.Copy !req
430. - See you at the cafeteria!Copy !req
431. - Bye.Copy !req
432. - Come on, let's go to the cafeteria!Copy !req
433. - Did she say cafeteria?Copy !req
434. - Cafeteria?
- Wow!Copy !req
435. - Uh, could you get that, son?Copy !req
436. Oh, I forget that I am a college student.Copy !req
437. Sorry.Copy !req
438. - Hello?Copy !req
439. This is Lewis Moffitt.Copy !req
440. Betty!Copy !req
441. I missed you at the cafeteria!Copy !req
442. - I was at the hairdresser's.Copy !req
443. - Getting a punch job.
- Oh?Copy !req
444. On account of our date?Copy !req
445. - What else?Copy !req
446. - Well, you're
gonna be the slickest chickCopy !req
447. at that ever-lovin' hop!Copy !req
448. - 'Cause I'm gonna
What are you doing?Copy !req
449. coach you with bear grease.
- Waiting for you to ask meCopy !req
450. what I'm doing!
- I just did!Copy !req
451. - Well, the gang
have gone down to the cafeteria.Copy !req
452. Would you like to join 'em?Copy !req
453. - For some Wilding?Copy !req
454. - I'll bring it up.Copy !req
455. - Now that's what I call service!Copy !req
456. - Oo!
Send Mister Moffitt's carCopy !req
457. around to the door, James!Copy !req
458. - Oh, I love it
when he calls me James!Copy !req
459. - Aw, she's the ginchest!Copy !req
460. Life does begin at 40!Copy !req
461. - And let's see.Copy !req
462. Oo, that bursitis is
really acting up today!Copy !req
463. - I'm gonna have to take a sweater!Copy !req
464. My legs are old, my teeth are gray.Copy !req
465. - Oh, good brakes!Copy !req
466. - Gee, you must
have jets on this heap!Copy !req
467. - My launching pad is
only three blocks away,Copy !req
468. remember?
- Oo!Copy !req
469. - Yeah!Copy !req
470. - Yeah don't get me started.Copy !req
471. My missile's ready to fire!Copy !req
472. - The Shadow has cleared the tower!Copy !req
473. - To the moon!
- To the moon!Copy !req
474. - To the moon,Copy !req
475. Alice.Copy !req
476. - Can't we spend a quiet evening?Copy !req
477. Like, alone?Copy !req
478. - What do you mean?Copy !req
479. Alone aloneCopy !req
480. or metaphorically alone?Copy !req
481. - The fellas oughta all be
together in case he does!Copy !req
482. You know, the autopsy's being
conducted at City Morgue andCopy !req
483. John Does don't grow on slabs every day!Copy !req
484. - We wouldn't be gone long.Copy !req
485. - If I know you!Copy !req
486. - Okay, we go for a short drive,Copy !req
487. moonlightCopy !req
488. and then to the cafeteria!Copy !req
489. - Oh.Copy !req
490. The dump again?Copy !req
491. - It's not a dump!Copy !req
492. It's a sanitary landfill!Copy !req
493. Obviously, a joke.Copy !req
494. - Bob has a problem.Copy !req
495. Bob wasn't careful, you see,Copy !req
496. so he's paying the price.Copy !req
497. - I just love
these outdoor piano bars!Copy !req
498. - Aren't they lovely?Copy !req
499. - Uh, ow, eh!Copy !req
500. How would you like itCopy !req
501. if somebody picked apples off of you?Copy !req
502. - Have you ever been whippedCopy !req
503. with a magnolia frond, dear?Copy !req
504. - Uh, excuse me.Copy !req
505. Excuse me?Copy !req
506. - You forgot to
put your teeth in, Jim.Copy !req
507. - I wish you were studying
law or architectureCopy !req
508. or engineering or
anything except medicine!Copy !req
509. - My mother wanted me
to marry a street musician!Copy !req
510. - Just because your father was a doctor,Copy !req
511. doesn't mean you have
to carry on with a lifeCopy !req
512. that was set by someone else!Copy !req
513. - Betty, we've been over all that before.Copy !req
514. I'm studying medicine not
because Dad was a doctor,Copy !req
515. but because—
- I'm old!Copy !req
516. I've got a practice!Copy !req
517. I've been a respected doctor for 20 years!Copy !req
518. - I'm not afraid of any of it!Copy !req
519. I'm not afraid of the blood or the corpsesCopy !req
520. or the operations!Copy !req
521. - That's why I love you!Copy !req
522. - That's very important for a doctorCopy !req
523. to do his duties well!Copy !req
524. I'm sorry, Betty,Copy !req
525. if you're not interested in all that.Copy !req
526. - It's my fault, darling.Copy !req
527. I'll never bring up the subject again!Copy !req
528. - I'm that codependent!Copy !req
529. - Hi, I'm Satan!Copy !req
530. This is what happens when
you do the hanky pankyCopy !req
531. before you're married!Copy !req
532. Let's watch the fun!Copy !req
533. Really!Copy !req
534. - Oh Captain Spalding!Copy !req
535. - Cooking.Copy !req
536. Lucky for me,Copy !req
537. someone set a bale of hay by the door!Copy !req
538. What a hoot!Copy !req
539. Don't pollute!Copy !req
540. 'Scuse me, gotta get in here!Copy !req
541. Pardon me!Copy !req
542. 'Scuse me!Copy !req
543. Uh, just gettin' in here.Copy !req
544. 'Scuse me!Copy !req
545. Just be a moment.Copy !req
546. Pull in the tail section.Copy !req
547. Yup, that's a lot better.Copy !req
548. - Oh!
I hit somethin'!Copy !req
549. - Oh, Steve,
put my truss back on!Copy !req
550. - Slip of the tongue,Copy !req
551. that's what I do!Copy !req
552. - Huh?Copy !req
553. Uh-oh.Copy !req
554. Is that you?Copy !req
555. - Come on, old man,
let's mix it up a bit!Copy !req
556. What do you say?Copy !req
557. - It's a rattler!Copy !req
558. - I'm your worst
nightmare, old timer!Copy !req
559. Come on, mix it up!Copy !req
560. - What's he doin'?Copy !req
561. - Ah, come on!Copy !req
562. - Ooh! Stupid old snake!Copy !req
563. Ooh!
- I'm gonna turn youCopy !req
564. into a pair of boots!Copy !req
565. - Oh, think, yeah,Copy !req
566. you're a big man, huh?Copy !req
567. Had to use a stick!Copy !req
568. Come on!Copy !req
569. Man to man, me and you!Copy !req
570. Oh, yeah, don't oh!Copy !req
571. Thanks a lot!Copy !req
572. Ow, owie!Copy !req
573. Oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
574. - Stupid old snake!Copy !req
575. You ruined everything!Copy !req
576. - Welcome to America, snakie!Copy !req
577. Tell your friends!Copy !req
578. - He did the mamba mambo!Copy !req
579. - Now where were we?Copy !req
580. I believe I had my tongueCopy !req
581. down your throat!Copy !req
582. - Are you all right, Betty?Copy !req
583. - I'm all right, Lewis!Copy !req
584. - Oh, get me my
nitro pills, would you?Copy !req
585. - You're not afraid of anything!Copy !req
586. Not anything!Copy !req
587. - Except our intimacy.
- Hm.Copy !req
588. - Boy, I hate these 4:00 AMs!Copy !req
589. - Hey!Copy !req
590. Campus cafeteria!Copy !req
591. Snazzy name for a hot club, huh?Copy !req
592. - Yeah!Copy !req
593. - Hey, guys,Copy !req
594. it's the Dave Brubeck Quartet,Copy !req
595. appearing at the cafeteria tonight!Copy !req
596. - He looks more
like a Davey Brubeck.Copy !req
597. - Dave Junior and the Kids.Copy !req
598. That's a big sound for 16.Copy !req
599. - So that's when we frag 'em!Copy !req
600. What do you say?Copy !req
601. - I am Queasy.Copy !req
602. I can't stop turning my neck!Copy !req
603. See?Copy !req
604. Look!Copy !req
605. - I'm Wormy!Copy !req
606. I have rubbed armpits
and an extra big toe!Copy !req
607. - Hey, how is that guyCopy !req
608. playing a saxophone with his lap?Copy !req
609. - Hey, music kid?
- Use that jaw!Copy !req
610. - Let's go!Copy !req
611. Play!Copy !req
612. - Boy, I love
these toenail clippings!Copy !req
613. - Ugh.Copy !req
614. - Hey, six inches, everybody!Copy !req
615. Come on!Copy !req
616. - Sorry, split up!Copy !req
617. - Hi, Grandpa!Copy !req
618. - Well, here's your syrup, boys!Copy !req
619. Chug-a-lug!Copy !req
620. What about our pancakes?Copy !req
621. - Now these two have a problem.Copy !req
622. - Now, which one of the three
sodas did you like the best?Copy !req
623. - Oh, the next one!Copy !req
624. - I enjoyed 'em all!Copy !req
625. I'd like to try a raspberry!Copy !req
626. - Hm!Copy !req
627. - You'll have another
one with me?Copy !req
628. - Well, all right.Copy !req
629. Hey, Howard!Copy !req
630. Give me another one, will ya?Copy !req
631. - What is it, Tiny?Copy !req
632. - Pick me up.Copy !req
633. He's trying to hold—
- Can I walk?Copy !req
634. - Make us the raspberry,Copy !req
635. will ya?Copy !req
636. Hey, make it two!Copy !req
637. - Two raspberry sodas!Copy !req
638. For the last of the big time spender!Copy !req
639. - Hey, Cambot,Copy !req
640. could you run that music from the movie?Copy !req
641. Let's do that thing we worked out.Copy !req
642. I got the drawings here.Copy !req
643. - Okay.Copy !req
644. Is your college meeting your needs?Copy !req
645. Do you find you've plopped
down into the library'sCopy !req
646. cushy chairs and then
just can't get back up?Copy !req
647. - Do you often refer to the
head of the English departmentCopy !req
648. as "Young Man"?Copy !req
649. - Do you wish those
frat parties would ditchCopy !req
650. all that annoying funCopy !req
651. and serve you a nice hot
cup of chamomile tea?Copy !req
652. Then you should join us at the Old School.Copy !req
653. - Yes, it's the Old School.Copy !req
654. As seen on Playstar
Productions' hit movie,Copy !req
655. Ring of Terror.Copy !req
656. Now let's acquaint you
with some of the featuresCopy !req
657. at this fine university.Copy !req
658. Joel?Copy !req
659. - Why, thank you, Thomas!Copy !req
660. This campus sprawls
beautifully, but safely,Copy !req
661. over one tenth of a square mile,Copy !req
662. nestled between the Irene Rye Hip ClinicCopy !req
663. and the Royal Gear Institute
for Truss Research.Copy !req
664. Mister Crow?Copy !req
665. - Thank you,Copy !req
666. Sir.Copy !req
667. You just finished with
one of Doctor Rayburn'sCopy !req
668. fine lectures on blue rinses,Copy !req
669. and you and your walker
are spoilin' for fun!Copy !req
670. Hey, why not head down,Copy !req
671. slowly,Copy !req
672. to the athletic facility located just offCopy !req
673. War Story Park?Copy !req
674. The school team, the Larks,Copy !req
675. look forward to another terrific season!Copy !req
676. - Cheer them on from your
backa lounger in the bleachers,Copy !req
677. as you do the nod!Copy !req
678. Or belt out the school song,Copy !req
679. "It's a good day for a BM!"Copy !req
680. - You know,Copy !req
681. these kids really know
how to have a good time!Copy !req
682. It's not uncommon at allCopy !req
683. for the more excited winners
to dump a whole coolerCopy !req
684. of Gera on their unwitting coach's head!Copy !req
685. But, you know, it's not all fun and gamesCopy !req
686. for these oldsters!Copy !req
687. The curriculum's tough, tough, tough!Copy !req
688. - That's right!Copy !req
689. There's Napping 111Copy !req
690. with the fearsome Doctor Prowler,Copy !req
691. a man so mean, he once
expelled an entire classCopy !req
692. just for snoring too loud!Copy !req
693. - There is
upper-level soup slurping!Copy !req
694. And advanced Check-paying
and Tip-shorting!Copy !req
695. - Corn Sanding
and Bunion CounselingCopy !req
696. right on campus!Copy !req
697. - And when your
grandkids come to visit,Copy !req
698. you'll receive a fully-researched
dossier on each of 'emCopy !req
699. so you can tell them apart!Copy !req
700. - But that's not all!Copy !req
701. Last year, the lecture council brought inCopy !req
702. some amazing speakers!Copy !req
703. Among them is Estelle
Getty, Lawrence Welk,Copy !req
704. Laird Brooks Schmidt, Art Linkletter,Copy !req
705. and, inexpicably, Garrett Morris.Copy !req
706. - Huh?
- So, send for your freeCopy !req
707. catalog today!Copy !req
708. Join usCopy !req
709. at the Old School!Copy !req
710. Our motto:Copy !req
711. ,Copy !req
712. which means,Copy !req
713. "Let's get rid of those
annoying liver spots!"Copy !req
714. And remember, if you're over 50,Copy !req
715. you cannot be turned down!Copy !req
716. Hey, let's say we bust looseCopy !req
717. and get some nice hot basket!Copy !req
718. - Hey, let's look at the girls!Copy !req
719. - You'll stand up,Copy !req
720. not me, though.Copy !req
721. - Hey, quit movingCopy !req
722. those chairs around!Copy !req
723. - I'd tell that Moffitt.Copy !req
724. He rarely messes with anybody or anything.Copy !req
725. - Hm.Copy !req
726. Strange.Copy !req
727. - You're forgetting Betty Crocker!Copy !req
728. - Betty Crocker?
What she sees in him,Copy !req
729. I'll never know.Copy !req
730. She's beautiful.Copy !req
731. And smart, too.Copy !req
732. - And boy can she cook!Copy !req
733. - Yes, she's very devoted to him!Copy !req
734. Doesn't play the field!Copy !req
735. Like some girls I know!Copy !req
736. - What a burn!Copy !req
737. - Is the coming to the
house tomorrow night?Copy !req
738. - Yeah, with Lewis.Copy !req
739. - He won't be there!Copy !req
740. Not if the autopsy's for tomorrow night.Copy !req
741. - Him and 15 other guys!Copy !req
742. All of you will be dancing
with tears in your eyes,Copy !req
743. 'cause the boy in your arms is a girl!Copy !req
744. - Sounds good to me!Copy !req
745. - You doctors-to-be always
spoil our social lifeCopy !req
746. with your all-night studying routines!Copy !req
747. - All part of a doctor's training!Copy !req
748. Getting used to the irregular
hours of a doctor's life!Copy !req
749. - And just getting
used to being irregular!Copy !req
750. - Oh, here they come now!
- Hm!Copy !req
751. - Look, gang.Copy !req
752. - Gee, it looks like
she's just seen a ghost!Copy !req
753. - Or a snake!Copy !req
754. - Hey, we just finished making outCopy !req
755. our wills!Copy !req
756. - Hey, gang, what's new?Copy !req
757. - Not us!Copy !req
758. - We thought you
took her to the morgueCopy !req
759. to look at all the dad bodies!Copy !req
760. - I've just had a rendez-vous
with a rattlesnake!Copy !req
761. - Didja touch it?
- It crawled into the carCopy !req
762. while we were parked!Copy !req
763. But Lewis killed it!Copy !req
764. - Gee, no wonder she's pale!Copy !req
765. - I'd have fainted!Copy !req
766. - What?Copy !req
767. - Lou, I saw Professor
Rayburn on the way down.Copy !req
768. He said the coroner might
have a stiff ready for us—Copy !req
769. - Say, we took
care of that already!Copy !req
770. - That's great!Copy !req
771. - Yeah, soon as the City
Coroner confirms it!Copy !req
772. He'll let us know the exact time!Copy !req
773. - The guy's not dead yet.Copy !req
774. He's just really old.Copy !req
775. - It's getting better!Copy !req
776. - Hey, and maybe it won't
happen tomorrow night.Copy !req
777. - Let's eat!
- Mm-mm!Copy !req
778. - These are baked hams!Copy !req
779. And this Karen Fiddly sent them over!Copy !req
780. - Check?Copy !req
781. Hey, is this the price,Copy !req
782. or is that your telephone number?Copy !req
783. - It wasn't that, Tiny!Copy !req
784. I wrote that one about five years ago!Copy !req
785. - Chinese!Copy !req
786. - Come on, let's eat.Copy !req
787. - Hey, where's my diet cola?Copy !req
788. - Mm-mm.
- This is great!Copy !req
789. - Yeah.Copy !req
790. - Cy-form tablets.Copy !req
791. Help to keep the weight down!Copy !req
792. I gotta make that fraternity!Copy !req
793. - We've secretly
switched Tiny's coffeeCopy !req
794. with chicken-fried Brookline gravy!Copy !req
795. Let's watch and see what happens!Copy !req
796. - Let a whole
bunch of fat puns looseCopy !req
797. and it's still acceptable to laugh at it.Copy !req
798. - Hey!Copy !req
799. - You know what?Copy !req
800. I hear that music is a realCopy !req
801. fine form of exercise!
- Let's eat some!Copy !req
802. Especially dancing to it, too!Copy !req
803. You wanna?Copy !req
804. - Sure!Copy !req
805. - Finish it off, Joel.Copy !req
806. - Looks like a precursorCopy !req
807. to the monster truck rallies!Copy !req
808. - Yee-hoo!Copy !req
809. Oh that's real chubby!Copy !req
810. - Oh, no, that's me.Copy !req
811. Whoo!Copy !req
812. What's goin' on here?Copy !req
813. - Praying mantis!Copy !req
814. - Oh, even I've
gotta laugh!Copy !req
815. - An interpretive dance showingCopy !req
816. how plate tectonics works.Copy !req
817. - Chortle.Copy !req
818. Chortle.Copy !req
819. - We really are cool cats!Copy !req
820. - Yeah, they are.Copy !req
821. - Even the truck
driver and his chicksCopy !req
822. gotta laugh!Copy !req
823. - Okay, now who's
makin' a trumpet noise?Copy !req
824. I don't see no trumpet.Copy !req
825. - They're laughing
through their instruments!Copy !req
826. - I can tell.Copy !req
827. Ugh, look out.Copy !req
828. Thump.Copy !req
829. Yep, yep, yep.Copy !req
830. At least they're having
a good time, you know?Copy !req
831. - That's a good stroke candidate.Copy !req
832. Oh, you were enjoyed!
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
833. - Meanwhile in the Edith
Evans College for Grown-Ups.Copy !req
834. - The frosh look like
they're gonna provideCopy !req
835. a lot of kicks these year, Howard!Copy !req
836. - These year?Copy !req
837. He said these year.
- What are you gonnaCopy !req
838. cook up for them this year?Copy !req
839. - Well, the radiology
class has some new routinesCopy !req
840. worked out for the budding medics!Copy !req
841. - We're thinkin'
of takin' advantageCopy !req
842. of the freshmen's osteoporosis!Copy !req
843. - I even got a hold of some stuntsCopy !req
844. tried out at Yale and Cornell!Copy !req
845. Not to mentionCopy !req
846. jolly old Oxford!Copy !req
847. - They even have one from
the University of Naples,Copy !req
848. which dates way, way back!Copy !req
849. - Bella Napoli!Copy !req
850. So whatta ya gotta FaizaniCopy !req
851. - Shut up!Copy !req
852. - To tell you the truth,
it's pretty gruesome.Copy !req
853. I'd hate to be one of the fellasCopy !req
854. on the receiving end!
- Isn't that Don DeForCopy !req
855. from TV's Hazel?Copy !req
856. - Wow, that's terrific!Copy !req
857. Hey, what?Copy !req
858. - Nuh-uh, buddy.Copy !req
859. Not with meeting!Copy !req
860. 'Sides, we can't give the pledgesCopy !req
861. out their routinesCopy !req
862. until after I sit down and make outCopy !req
863. their first autopsy!Copy !req
864. - Probably hates them too!Copy !req
865. - You mean autopsy!Copy !req
866. - We'll meet tonight!Copy !req
867. - Kill that guy!
- Kill him!Copy !req
868. - Kill him!Copy !req
869. - Hey, come on, you guys!Copy !req
870. There's a fire at the mort sci building!Copy !req
871. - Hm.
- Get the marshmallows!Copy !req
872. - Professor Rayburn!Copy !req
873. - Hello, Moffitt!
- How's the toffit?Copy !req
874. - Professor Rayburn, may
I ask a favor of you?Copy !req
875. - Why certainly, what is it?Copy !req
876. - Uh, is it okay
if I kiss up to you?Copy !req
877. - to use a studentCopy !req
878. to assist you at your autopsies.Copy !req
879. - Yes, but that shouldn't concern you.Copy !req
880. I usually pick seniors!
- I never wantCopy !req
881. anyone that's older than me.Copy !req
882. - If I might help you.Copy !req
883. - That's odd!Copy !req
884. Most of the fellas try to dodge it!Copy !req
885. - Why, you
couldn't be a day over 40!Copy !req
886. - They give me all kinds
of lame-duck excuses!Copy !req
887. From a heart condition to athlete's foot!Copy !req
888. - Alzheimers to broken hips!Copy !req
889. - Well, may I, sir?Copy !req
890. - All right!Copy !req
891. I'll tell you what you do.Copy !req
892. You, uh, you go by the
morgue, just before class,Copy !req
893. and slip into a surgical gown.Copy !req
894. - And that's all.Copy !req
895. Then take a cold showerCopy !req
896. and hop up on a slab!Copy !req
897. - Well, thank you very much.Copy !req
898. I appreciate it, sir.Copy !req
899. - What a jerk.
- Oh, to be 40 again!Copy !req
900. - Idiot!Copy !req
901. - Hey,Copy !req
902. check it out you guys!Copy !req
903. Here comes the school activity bus!Copy !req
904. The prom queen probably
had a stroke or something!Copy !req
905. - Yeah, the school
song is called "Code Blue"!Copy !req
906. Yeah, that's Randolph Manters
behind the wheel there,Copy !req
907. and hope he's gettin' the moodCopy !req
908. in the Heimlich here.Copy !req
909. - You gotta get that
in every movie, don't you?Copy !req
910. - Yeah, I'm sorry.Copy !req
911. - Emergency 911.Copy !req
912. - Hey, look!Copy !req
913. Everything's madeCopy !req
914. by the Japanese!
- Japanese!Copy !req
915. Man.Copy !req
916. - Got Godzilla in
the back of the truck!Copy !req
917. Anna-Tommy,Copy !req
918. that must be where they do A-topsies.Copy !req
919. - They make toys there.Copy !req
920. - Hm, let's see.Copy !req
921. The hip bone is connected to the, um.Copy !req
922. Ah.Copy !req
923. Yes?Copy !req
924. - Hello?Copy !req
925. I'm calling from the other line!Copy !req
926. - This is Doctor Rayburn.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
927. - Oh, oh, yes, Carl!Copy !req
928. - Uh, hi, yeah, my name's Carl!Copy !req
929. - You have one ready?Copy !req
930. - Yeah, I have one ready.Copy !req
931. Definitely.Copy !req
932. - No, no!Copy !req
933. No, it's not too late!Copy !req
934. - No, it's not
too late, good hours,Copy !req
935. but I was wondering if you'd—Copy !req
936. I would rather have it tonight!Copy !req
937. - Oh, good, it's
not gonna be too late?Copy !req
938. - You see, tomorrow is Saturday, and—Copy !req
939. - Tomorrow's Saturday, sir.Copy !req
940. - There's no classCopy !req
941. until Monday!
- So, you would tellCopy !req
942. we need it soon.Copy !req
943. - Oh, that'll be fine!Copy !req
944. - Mm-hm, I'll get it to youCopy !req
945. right now.Copy !req
946. - Yes.Copy !req
947. - Right away.Copy !req
948. - Yes, yes, I'll notifyCopy !req
949. the class immediately!
- Hm.Copy !req
950. - Good, would you tell the class?Copy !req
951. - Thank you!
- That'd be great.Copy !req
952. - Hey, where, uh!Copy !req
953. Oh!Copy !req
954. Anyway, I wasn't done talking!Copy !req
955. I really would like to
finish up my conversation—Copy !req
956. - Oh, let's see here,Copy !req
957. one, nine, seven, six, corpse.Copy !req
958. Hello!Copy !req
959. - Right in the middle of Bonanza!Copy !req
960. - Better get that.Copy !req
961. It could be the phone.Copy !req
962. - Hello?Copy !req
963. - Uh, this is Professor Rayburn speaking.Copy !req
964. - Gene Rayburn!Copy !req
965. - When Stanley grabs
- Oh, Doctor Rayburn!Copy !req
966. his tools, he blanks.Copy !req
967. - Ah, will you notify the boysCopy !req
968. to be at the city morgue,Copy !req
969. 315 Broadway,Copy !req
970. at 8:45 tonight?Copy !req
971. - Wear loose-fitting clothesCopy !req
972. and have a two-minute song prepared.Copy !req
973. - The city morgue?Copy !req
974. 315 Broadway.Copy !req
975. - Now I know
that's a lot of numbersCopy !req
976. for you to remember.
- Thank you!Copy !req
977. - Right!Copy !req
978. - Hey.
- This is it fellas!Copy !req
979. - We're goin' to Broadway!Copy !req
980. - All right, yeah!Copy !req
981. - I'll go over to Morrison Hall—Copy !req
982. - Broadway!Copy !req
983. - And, Jim, you go to the North DormitoryCopy !req
984. and spread the word around!Copy !req
985. - Tom, you go long.Copy !req
986. You, put on that band uniform!Copy !req
987. You, grab those things!
- And you!Copy !req
988. - And you!Copy !req
989. And you!Copy !req
990. You know what to do!Copy !req
991. Hey,Copy !req
992. Morrison Hall.Copy !req
993. Break on through, dudes.Copy !req
994. - Mm, there's the doorCopy !req
995. of perception over there.
- Hurry up!Copy !req
996. - That's right.
We have to be overCopy !req
997. at the morgue in 15 minutes!Copy !req
998. Howard, can we use your station wagon?Copy !req
999. - It's one of the biggestCopy !req
1000. in the world!Copy !req
1001. - And Jerry,Copy !req
1002. you can take six, can't you?Copy !req
1003. - I always do!
- Yeah I can take six with me!Copy !req
1004. - Good!Copy !req
1005. We'll see ya there.Copy !req
1006. And remember,Copy !req
1007. 315 Broadway!Copy !req
1008. Come on, let's go!Copy !req
1009. - So all 55 students
crammed like clowns,Copy !req
1010. their aging, brittle bonesCopy !req
1011. carefully placed in the station wagon,Copy !req
1012. with not one head rising above the seat!Copy !req
1013. And they kept their blinker onCopy !req
1014. the whole way.Copy !req
1015. - Phew!Copy !req
1016. - Okay, look sharp, teen gang!Copy !req
1017. I want everyone to be
on their best behavior!Copy !req
1018. - And so the
students from clown collegeCopy !req
1019. arrive, pile out of the
car and enter the mortuary.Copy !req
1020. - Run upstairs, upstairs!Copy !req
1021. - Hurry!Copy !req
1022. - It's like the
dead guy can't wait.Copy !req
1023. - City Morgue, we deliver!Copy !req
1024. - Gentlemen,Copy !req
1025. this is your first
gastrovascular dissection!Copy !req
1026. - Or, at least, the
first one sanctioned by us.Copy !req
1027. - It is the threshold of
your future medical career!Copy !req
1028. - Uh-huh, yeah, go on.Copy !req
1029. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
1030. - Some of us may succeed,Copy !req
1031. and some of us may falter.Copy !req
1032. - But words will never hurt us!Copy !req
1033. - However strong we may feel—Copy !req
1034. - Our bones are very brittle!Copy !req
1035. - Some of us cannot overcomeCopy !req
1036. certain inner emotions.Copy !req
1037. - Like love.Copy !req
1038. - When we view an autopsy of this kind,Copy !req
1039. let me say to you to feel freeCopy !req
1040. to leave the class.Copy !req
1041. - To do the technicolor yawn.Copy !req
1042. - To blow chow!Copy !req
1043. - To chuck the chow on
the white porcelain throne!Copy !req
1044. - To summon the earl.Copy !req
1045. - Accustom ourselvesCopy !req
1046. to the callousness
- Of the script.Copy !req
1047. of what is to follow.Copy !req
1048. Mister Moffitt!Copy !req
1049. - Show the boys your toffit!Copy !req
1050. - Will you roll
in Mister John Doe, please?Copy !req
1051. - Oh, with pleasure, sir.Copy !req
1052. I'd be happy to do it!Copy !req
1053. - Kiss up.Copy !req
1054. - I'm queasy!Copy !req
1055. - I'm Nauseous!Copy !req
1056. - I'm Sickin'!Copy !req
1057. - I'm hungry, too!Copy !req
1058. - Bump-bump, bump-bump, bump-bump.Copy !req
1059. Oh, I forgot he's dead.Copy !req
1060. Hm.Copy !req
1061. - Okay, okay, let's go!Copy !req
1062. Let's go!Copy !req
1063. - It all looks so good!Copy !req
1064. - Hm!Copy !req
1065. - Mister John DoeCopy !req
1066. left this world with one possession,Copy !req
1067. one.
- Dibs, dibs!Copy !req
1068. A gold ring.Copy !req
1069. - Hey, check out that guy!Copy !req
1070. He's got a really cute wrist!Copy !req
1071. - Ah, not as cute as his down there!Copy !req
1072. - I know they're
lookin' at my wrist.Copy !req
1073. - We shall begin
- The begane!Copy !req
1074. with a pectoral incision!Copy !req
1075. - Bum, bum, bum!Copy !req
1076. Bum, bum!Copy !req
1077. - Ooh, I'm so ashamed!Copy !req
1078. - I've been living a lie!Copy !req
1079. - Oh, I want a
potato sandwich, too!Copy !req
1080. - Teacher's pet!Copy !req
1081. Now, earlier today,Copy !req
1082. I baked a corpse at 425 degrees.Copy !req
1083. - Dum, dum, dum.Copy !req
1084. - Then we follow
with an abdominal incision!Copy !req
1085. - And a light lemon-chiffon sauce!Copy !req
1086. With shallots.Copy !req
1087. - We have now exposedCopy !req
1088. the gastrovascular cavity.Copy !req
1089. - Which should be
stuffed with a sage dressing.Copy !req
1090. - We have cut through the epidermis.Copy !req
1091. And you see this yellow mass.Copy !req
1092. That's the fatty tissue.Copy !req
1093. - Which should be
whipped into stiff peaks!Copy !req
1094. - Oh, the fatty, oh!Copy !req
1095. Hm.Copy !req
1096. - We then proceed to the right!Copy !req
1097. And locate the dew-wattle.Copy !req
1098. - Oh, the da-wah, oh!Copy !req
1099. - Now, gentlemen,Copy !req
1100. please pay close attention!Copy !req
1101. - The show is down here, gentlemen!Copy !req
1102. - I'm about to show you.Copy !req
1103. - Uh, say, huh, doctor guy?Copy !req
1104. Uh, could we have some
of those tools up here?Copy !req
1105. We got another one up here!
- By the muscles.Copy !req
1106. - Now this is most
important in the human body.Copy !req
1107. - My boss.Copy !req
1108. He always goes on like this!Copy !req
1109. Now, on with the show!Copy !req
1110. - Uh, mic up, please?Copy !req
1111. Microphone!Copy !req
1112. - Audio!Copy !req
1113. - You come in here with
a corpse filled with mush,Copy !req
1114. and you leave vomiting profusely!Copy !req
1115. - Remind me to never
eat those Spaghetti-Os.Copy !req
1116. - One day, that'll be me.Copy !req
1117. - I just said remind me not to eatCopy !req
1118. any more Spaghetti-Os!Copy !req
1119. Now what do you need?Copy !req
1120. I'm talkin' to you!Copy !req
1121. I don't need—
- How's it goin'Copy !req
1122. so far?Copy !req
1123. I gotta eat soon.Copy !req
1124. I got a Grateful Dead concert to go to.Copy !req
1125. Hey, wait a minute!Copy !req
1126. - You do the hokey-pokey,Copy !req
1127. turn yourself around.Copy !req
1128. That's really what it's all about!Copy !req
1129. - It's really very simple!Copy !req
1130. Now that we've, uh, made
the pectoral incision,Copy !req
1131. I want you to noticeCopy !req
1132. all the fleshy tissue—Copy !req
1133. - Around my waist!Copy !req
1134. - This man must have led a
very full and active life.Copy !req
1135. - 'Cause there's a
squirrel in his stomach!Copy !req
1136. - But his muscle
structure up in his chest—Copy !req
1137. - Oh, cancel that
trip to the White Castle!Copy !req
1138. - Look, I said I'll
never eat Spaghetti-Os!Copy !req
1139. - Now, another indication!Copy !req
1140. Another indication, gentlemen.Copy !req
1141. - Another indication.Copy !req
1142. - Another indication.Copy !req
1143. - When you look at the—
- It's anotherCopy !req
1144. - indication.
- down here on the right,Copy !req
1145. you find, oh, all kinds of little things.Copy !req
1146. - Little things like
little cars and trucks,Copy !req
1147. little plastic army men.Copy !req
1148. Lots of fur.Copy !req
1149. - Check please!Copy !req
1150. - It's a kind of a dark,Copy !req
1151. bloody mass.Copy !req
1152. - Oh, this is my stop!Copy !req
1153. - Well, it's not
very pleasant to look at,Copy !req
1154. I must admit.Copy !req
1155. - But with rice
and the correct seasoning,Copy !req
1156. you've got a wonderful meal!Copy !req
1157. - They don't have nice wrists.Copy !req
1158. - As we look in the upper chest cavity—Copy !req
1159. - Oh, go, please!Copy !req
1160. I'm into this.Copy !req
1161. It's just the way I am.Copy !req
1162. - The aorta—
- The aortaCopy !req
1163. makes an excellent sock puppet,Copy !req
1164. and will, from hereon,Copy !req
1165. be represented by the timpani.Copy !req
1166. - It's 11:00 on the big FM.Copy !req
1167. Time for another fade.Copy !req
1168. - We now findCopy !req
1169. Mister Heart.Copy !req
1170. It's just a serving suggestion.Copy !req
1171. - Has rendered posthumouslyCopy !req
1172. a great service to medical science.Copy !req
1173. - What a showman,
ladies and gentlemen!Copy !req
1174. - He gave his all!
- Now he will be transferredCopy !req
1175. to the general mausoleum of
the Raven Hills Cemetery.Copy !req
1176. - Where we'll
meet for bars and punch.Copy !req
1177. - Where he will be storedCopy !req
1178. for about a weekCopy !req
1179. in the receiving vault.Copy !req
1180. - These are the battered facesCopy !req
1181. of men in their 40s.Copy !req
1182. - He will
probably be buried thereCopy !req
1183. in Potter's Field.Copy !req
1184. - You've been a wonderful audience!Copy !req
1185. Enjoy the buffet!
- Mister Dumont!Copy !req
1186. - You may escort Mister
John Doe to his drawer.Copy !req
1187. - The junk drawer?Copy !req
1188. - But first,Copy !req
1189. the saw-the-lady-in-half gag!Copy !req
1190. - Oh, no!Copy !req
1191. - It's horrible!Copy !req
1192. Look at those nails!Copy !req
1193. - You were enjoyed, friend!Copy !req
1194. - Meanwhile, at
the Amityville House.Copy !req
1195. - Not the clown suit, Dad!Copy !req
1196. No!Copy !req
1197. I'll take out the trash!Copy !req
1198. Go, Bob, get off of me!Copy !req
1199. Oh!Copy !req
1200. Oh.Copy !req
1201. No.Copy !req
1202. Curly.Copy !req
1203. - Oh, what's this?Copy !req
1204. The Psychology of Fear, huh?Copy !req
1205. - Hm.Copy !req
1206. - Got me.Copy !req
1207. Huh.
- Hm.Copy !req
1208. - What is it?Copy !req
1209. What's the matter?Copy !req
1210. - You were talkin' in your sleep.Copy !req
1211. What's wrong?Copy !req
1212. You havin' a nightmare?Copy !req
1213. - Oh,Copy !req
1214. - Did I say
anything about a clown suitCopy !req
1215. and my uncle?Copy !req
1216. - What are you doin' with my book?Copy !req
1217. - The Psychology of Fear.Copy !req
1218. What are you scared of?Copy !req
1219. - Give me that!Copy !req
1220. And go tell your mother to come to bed!Copy !req
1221. - Does that mean I gotta go?Copy !req
1222. - All right.Copy !req
1223. Get in.Copy !req
1224. - What's the matter with you?Copy !req
1225. - I was just thinking.Copy !req
1226. - Do you have to do it staring at me?Copy !req
1227. - It helps.Copy !req
1228. - You know, every time
you have a nightmare,Copy !req
1229. you always say the same words.Copy !req
1230. "Don't turn off the light."Copy !req
1231. - What are you doing now?Copy !req
1232. Taking notes?Copy !req
1233. - What does it mean, anyway?Copy !req
1234. - Ask a psychiatrist!Copy !req
1235. - Well, don't get touchy!Copy !req
1236. - Well, how do you think it feelsCopy !req
1237. to wake up and find
some guy staring at you?Copy !req
1238. - Makes my heart pound.Copy !req
1239. - I don't mean to bug you about it.Copy !req
1240. - It's the same nightmare I've been havingCopy !req
1241. ever since I was a kid.Copy !req
1242. It's got some meaning, I guess,Copy !req
1243. but I don't know what it is.Copy !req
1244. - I just like it.Copy !req
1245. - I may have been around
too many dead bodies.Copy !req
1246. Look, if it annoys you,Copy !req
1247. I can move to another room.Copy !req
1248. - Oh, no, I didn't mean that!Copy !req
1249. I just, well, you know.Copy !req
1250. I just wondered.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1251. - He's like totally down.Copy !req
1252. - Isn't he?
- Don't you get nightmares?Copy !req
1253. - After that autopsy, I'll
probably have plenty of 'em.Copy !req
1254. - Look,Copy !req
1255. it's 10 minutes after 4:00.Copy !req
1256. - And I'm not even wearing a watch.Copy !req
1257. - Hm.Copy !req
1258. - Well, good
night, Sergeant Carter!Copy !req
1259. - Hey, he's turning
the lights off with his mind!Copy !req
1260. - Wow.Copy !req
1261. It's the Old School,Copy !req
1262. where old values are nurtured.Copy !req
1263. - I don't know about you,Copy !req
1264. but that Irene Ryan is fine!
- Oo!Copy !req
1265. - So, we're waitin'
for the CDs to turn over,Copy !req
1266. you know?Copy !req
1267. Then we're gonna cash 'em.Copy !req
1268. - Hey, how's the hip, bud?Copy !req
1269. You got that cataract
operation comin' up, don't ya?Copy !req
1270. - Yep.Copy !req
1271. - Hey, speak up.Copy !req
1272. Come on.Copy !req
1273. That's better.Copy !req
1274. - Well, not exactly.Copy !req
1275. You know, I can't say
I blame them, though.Copy !req
1276. We did leave them stranded at the dance.Copy !req
1277. - Alice won't even look at me!Copy !req
1278. - Can you blame her, pug boy?Copy !req
1279. - I don't know how they have the nerveCopy !req
1280. to wanna speak to us
even, after last night!Copy !req
1281. - I'm tired of playing
second fiddle to a skeleton!Copy !req
1282. - Yeah, they'd rather be with
those dead bodies over thereCopy !req
1283. than with these live ones right here!Copy !req
1284. - Tell 'em, Brunhilde!Copy !req
1285. - Excuse me.Copy !req
1286. - Uh-oh.Copy !req
1287. The monkey boy's coming.Copy !req
1288. Excuse me.Copy !req
1289. - Ditch 'em.Copy !req
1290. - Betty?Copy !req
1291. Betty!Copy !req
1292. Wait!Copy !req
1293. - Oh.Copy !req
1294. She knows I can't make those stairs!Copy !req
1295. Gotta use the ramp.Copy !req
1296. - I was hoping they'd get over it,Copy !req
1297. before we do it again
to them Friday night.Copy !req
1298. - That's right!Copy !req
1299. The barbecue!Copy !req
1300. - What, they're gonna eat the body?Copy !req
1301. - When are we gonna get
our initiation assignments?Copy !req
1302. - The orders will be handed
to us in sealed envelopesCopy !req
1303. at 11:00 PM, after the barbecue.Copy !req
1304. - Zowie!Copy !req
1305. - That oughta be a ball!Copy !req
1306. - For whom?Copy !req
1307. I hear some pretty gruesome stories!Copy !req
1308. - After that autopsy,Copy !req
1309. what could be so tough?Copy !req
1310. - Watching the
fat people eat again?Copy !req
1311. - Yeah.Copy !req
1312. - Hey, you were the only guy
that didn't seem to mind it!Copy !req
1313. - Mister Moffit, you may
escort Mister John Doe in.Copy !req
1314. Hey, I know what your
initiation assignment should be!Copy !req
1315. - Joe.Copy !req
1316. - Say it!Copy !req
1317. You're thinking what I'm thinking!Copy !req
1318. - That makes me psychic!Copy !req
1319. - Don't say it!Copy !req
1320. We'll suggest it to the senior committee!Copy !req
1321. - Well, I'm game.
- Enough said.Copy !req
1322. - Just so long as I make the fraternity.Copy !req
1323. - Yeah.Copy !req
1324. Let's go, buddy.Copy !req
1325. - Yeah, we gottaCopy !req
1326. get to class, too.
- We're gonna be late.Copy !req
1327. - Let's go!Copy !req
1328. See you later!Copy !req
1329. - Gotta get to class.Copy !req
1330. - Kill that guy.Copy !req
1331. - Boy, if they only knew
what they're in for.Copy !req
1332. - Comes the dawn!Copy !req
1333. - Brother!Copy !req
1334. - All right, gentlemen and miss!Copy !req
1335. This is your first exposureCopy !req
1336. to the world of robotic anatomy.Copy !req
1337. Beneath this sheetCopy !req
1338. is a one, we will call Mister Hoover,Copy !req
1339. who, through no fault of his own,Copy !req
1340. is dead.
- Oh.Copy !req
1341. He left this world with one possession,Copy !req
1342. an upholstery attachment.Copy !req
1343. All right, now.Copy !req
1344. Keep in mind, this today's lessonCopy !req
1345. will lay the groundwork for yourCopy !req
1346. future careers inCopy !req
1347. medicine,Copy !req
1348. or should I say mechanics?Copy !req
1349. Some of you will succeed gloriously,Copy !req
1350. while others will fail miserably.Copy !req
1351. Now remember, today's
lesson is in anatomy.Copy !req
1352. There will be times whenCopy !req
1353. you wish to leave the room.Copy !req
1354. - Okay, okay.Copy !req
1355. - But don't.Copy !req
1356. - All right.Copy !req
1357. - All right, now by
examining Mister Hoover,Copy !req
1358. we can say he led a very richCopy !req
1359. and rewarding existence.Copy !req
1360. He inhaled deeply from the
fibers of the carpet of lifeCopy !req
1361. and left the world a little cleaner.Copy !req
1362. Now, I carry on a bit,Copy !req
1363. maybe if you let me go.Copy !req
1364. And you can see that...Copy !req
1365. It goes like this.Copy !req
1366. And it goes like this.Copy !req
1367. And leads us up to.Copy !req
1368. The abdominal bag.Copy !req
1369. An incision, okay?Copy !req
1370. When you ascend to the epel-dermal layer.Copy !req
1371. Using the zipper, so as not toCopy !req
1372. damage the soft innerCopy !req
1373. bladder!Copy !req
1374. All right.Copy !req
1375. Finally.Copy !req
1376. With a flip of the switch,
you're in business.Copy !req
1377. The pelvis.Copy !req
1378. - Oopsie!Copy !req
1379. - From which we drink lustfully.Copy !req
1380. From next we must probe Mister Hoover'sCopy !req
1381. vacuu-lar gastro cavity!Copy !req
1382. - Oh, that stinks!Copy !req
1383. - As we can see,Copy !req
1384. he probably cleaned a veryCopy !req
1385. dirty,Copy !req
1386. dirtyCopy !req
1387. carpet.Copy !req
1388. As we can see,Copy !req
1389. we have some pieces of hair,Copy !req
1390. um, some plastic things,Copy !req
1391. a few pennies here,Copy !req
1392. some Trix cereal,Copy !req
1393. some, uh, audio tape,Copy !req
1394. and something,Copy !req
1395. uh, looks like a piece of waxCopy !req
1396. with some dog food attached.Copy !req
1397. - Oh, look out!Copy !req
1398. Oh, yuck!Copy !req
1399. - Oh!
Gypsy's chunking!Copy !req
1400. - She's pooting all over the place!Copy !req
1401. - Right now, gentlemen,Copy !req
1402. please pay attention.Copy !req
1403. This is for your benefit.Copy !req
1404. Now we probe deeper into theCopy !req
1405. vacuu-lar gastro cavity.Copy !req
1406. Finding movie sinus majorus,Copy !req
1407. which we must expel!Copy !req
1408. Meaning movie starting.Copy !req
1409. - There, all done.Copy !req
1410. - That was pretty disgusting, Joel.Copy !req
1411. - Hello, Bob.Copy !req
1412. - Oh, hi!
- I'm a bush!Copy !req
1413. - Say, you handled
yourself like an old proCopy !req
1414. at the dissection last night!Copy !req
1415. - Well, I practice a lotCopy !req
1416. when I'm alone.Copy !req
1417. - How much does it take
to push a cart around?Copy !req
1418. - One with a dead body on it?Copy !req
1419. - Brother!Copy !req
1420. - It's not really a big deal.Copy !req
1421. - Hey, what's the story
on you anyway, Moffitt?Copy !req
1422. - I'm a serial killer.Copy !req
1423. - I mean, what are you trying to prove?Copy !req
1424. - Energy equals matter!Copy !req
1425. - What makes you think I'm
trying to prove anything?Copy !req
1426. - Eh, you're playing it bold andCopy !req
1427. fearless these days.Copy !req
1428. - And tan and beautiful!Copy !req
1429. - Why?Copy !req
1430. To impress the fraternity committee?Copy !req
1431. - Hey, look!Copy !req
1432. I've been lookin' all over for ya!Copy !req
1433. - You found me!Copy !req
1434. - You know Wayne Arnold?Copy !req
1435. - Yeah.Copy !req
1436. - He was killed last night.Copy !req
1437. - Oh, that's—
- You're kidding!Copy !req
1438. - That's great!Copy !req
1439. - Yeah, congratulations!Copy !req
1440. - Slammed right into a truck!Copy !req
1441. They said he wasCopy !req
1442. goin' over 100 miles an
hour when it happened.Copy !req
1443. - On his lark?
I'm goin' over to theCopy !req
1444. funeral parlor tonight.Copy !req
1445. Wondered if you want to come along.Copy !req
1446. - Gee, I'd like to, butCopy !req
1447. I'd better hit the books.Copy !req
1448. - Yeah, I'm all torn up inside.Copy !req
1449. - Why, you scared, Moffitt?Copy !req
1450. - You know, as a matter
of fact, I can make it.Copy !req
1451. - He's a tower of jello!Copy !req
1452. - Well, I gotta cut out.Copy !req
1453. I'll see ya then.Copy !req
1454. So long, Bob, so long.Copy !req
1455. - What a nut.Copy !req
1456. - We'll be right ba, hey!Copy !req
1457. - Grover's Corners after dark!Copy !req
1458. - Wow, Meyer's Funeral Home.Copy !req
1459. We cater!Copy !req
1460. - Ick.Copy !req
1461. - Oh, I shouldn'ta eaten
so much spaghetti.Copy !req
1462. - I'm Dickens.Copy !req
1463. He's Fenster.Copy !req
1464. We're cops.Copy !req
1465. - Hm.Copy !req
1466. - He's in mourning.Copy !req
1467. He's wearing his underwear at half mast.Copy !req
1468. - Yeah.
Definitely.Copy !req
1469. Half mast.Copy !req
1470. - I really like that
Larry Storch ensemble!Copy !req
1471. - Do you really thinkCopy !req
1472. we should have gone
through Walter's closet?Copy !req
1473. - Hello!Copy !req
1474. - Anybody home?Copy !req
1475. - Hey!
- Dead guy!Copy !req
1476. - Dead buddy?Copy !req
1477. Hello!Copy !req
1478. - Echo!
- Echo!Copy !req
1479. - Abra-cadaver!Copy !req
1480. - Got him, Joel.Copy !req
1481. Hm.Copy !req
1482. Fanta suite.Copy !req
1483. Hey.Copy !req
1484. - Ah, the buffet!Copy !req
1485. That spinach dip looks great!Copy !req
1486. - No, that's his head!Copy !req
1487. - Can't believe he's even wearingCopy !req
1488. his brat-house t-shirt!Copy !req
1489. I'm gonna go throw up!Copy !req
1490. - I love open casketsCopy !req
1491. when they've gone through the windshield.Copy !req
1492. - Yeah.Copy !req
1493. - Mommy, Mommy!
- The clown suit?Copy !req
1494. - Mommy?Copy !req
1495. Uncle Bob?
- Help!Copy !req
1496. - Don't panic, Lou!Copy !req
1497. I'll light the candle.Copy !req
1498. - It all goes to darkness!Copy !req
1499. - Wow.Copy !req
1500. - What's wrong?Copy !req
1501. - I gotta get out of here.
- Ooh.Copy !req
1502. Come on.Copy !req
1503. - What happened?Copy !req
1504. - It got dark.Copy !req
1505. - Yeah, the candle went out.
- I'm here, Bob.Copy !req
1506. - Do you remember that nightmare I had?Copy !req
1507. - About the clown suit?Copy !req
1508. - I said I didn't know what it meant.Copy !req
1509. - Yeah.Copy !req
1510. - Well, I didn't.Copy !req
1511. But I do now.
- Mm-hm?Copy !req
1512. When I was eight years old,Copy !req
1513. my grandfather died.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
1514. The coffin was in the living room.Copy !req
1515. - Let it out, buddy, let it out.Copy !req
1516. - The night before the funeral,Copy !req
1517. I begged my mother to leave the light onCopy !req
1518. in my room.
- That's it, let go.Copy !req
1519. She wouldn't do it.
- So I killed her.Copy !req
1520. And I cried.Copy !req
1521. And she told me if I didn't stop,Copy !req
1522. my grandfather would get
up and give me a licking.Copy !req
1523. - And then she
kept putting up postersCopy !req
1524. of Bruno Hauptmann.Copy !req
1525. - And she turned off the
light and she left me.Copy !req
1526. I lay there all night
- This was...Copy !req
1527. in the dark,Copy !req
1528. listening to all the sounds andCopy !req
1529. scared to death that body'd get up andCopy !req
1530. come into my room.Copy !req
1531. - And this was last year!Copy !req
1532. - Wow.Copy !req
1533. Well, now that you know
what the reason is,Copy !req
1534. it won't bother you anymore!Copy !req
1535. - I sure hope so!Copy !req
1536. - Me, too.Copy !req
1537. It's like you're not fun to be with.Copy !req
1538. - Look, do me a favor will ya?Copy !req
1539. - Sure?Copy !req
1540. - Don't tell anybody what happened.Copy !req
1541. - Don't worry.Copy !req
1542. I won't tell anybody.Copy !req
1543. - You know how it is, you,Copy !req
1544. you just don't want people
to think you're chicken.Copy !req
1545. - Well, nobody thinks that anyway!Copy !req
1546. - I sure hope not!Copy !req
1547. I don't want 'em to start.Copy !req
1548. Come on, let's get out of here.Copy !req
1549. - Let's go get a pizza.Copy !req
1550. - Meanwhile at the Colosseum,Copy !req
1551. the vomitoriums are cleanedCopy !req
1552. and readied for the day's activities.Copy !req
1553. - Hey, look!Copy !req
1554. It's Sammy Davis Junior!Copy !req
1555. - We have 18 assignments ready,Copy !req
1556. each in a separate sealed envelope.Copy !req
1557. - In a mayonnaise jarCopy !req
1558. under Funkle Randall's front porch.Copy !req
1559. - Gary, Tom Neely and Lewis Moffitt.Copy !req
1560. - Hey, I got a great idea.Copy !req
1561. Take this down.Copy !req
1562. - Okay.Copy !req
1563. - Why not have Jerry as Bacchus,Copy !req
1564. King of Wine?Copy !req
1565. - How old is that guy?Copy !req
1566. - Now, tomorrow we forbid
him to touch any liquidsCopy !req
1567. all day long.Copy !req
1568. Not a drop.
- Mm-hm?Copy !req
1569. And at the barbecue,
- Uh-huh, yeah?Copy !req
1570. we let him have all the liquid he wants!Copy !req
1571. - You mean give him the works
at Silver Lake Fire Fest?Copy !req
1572. - Cool!Copy !req
1573. - Tom Neely!Copy !req
1574. - Oh, yah!Copy !req
1575. The homely boyCopy !req
1576. in the chemistry glasses!
- Oh, nice guy.Copy !req
1577. - Kill him!Copy !req
1578. - I've got another great idea!Copy !req
1579. You got it?Copy !req
1580. - Yeah.
- Yup.Copy !req
1581. - You all know how
- He's so cool.Copy !req
1582. these things come out, don't you?Copy !req
1583. Sooner or later, every boy and girlCopy !req
1584. disappears in the shrubs.Copy !req
1585. - Right.
Why not have Neely now.Copy !req
1586. - Uh-huh, okay?Copy !req
1587. - And have Neely dressed as Cupid.Copy !req
1588. Flashlight, bow and arrow, the whole—Copy !req
1589. - Wait a minute,Copy !req
1590. Cupid didn't have a flashlight!Copy !req
1591. - Maybe he was a movie usher.Copy !req
1592. = Right in front of her date!Copy !req
1593. - self-protection!Copy !req
1594. - Huh?Copy !req
1595. - Okay now, Lewis Moffitt.Copy !req
1596. - Lewis Moffitt.Copy !req
1597. Hey, Clark, where have you been?Copy !req
1598. All of the assignments
are made except one!Copy !req
1599. - Exactly!
- Hate this guy.Copy !req
1600. - Yeah.
Lewis Moffitt.Copy !req
1601. We've got a great idea.Copy !req
1602. And it fits him to a T!Copy !req
1603. - Terrific!Copy !req
1604. Come on, tell 'em!Copy !req
1605. Listen to this, fellas.Copy !req
1606. It's good.Copy !req
1607. - Well, at the autopsy,Copy !req
1608. Moffitt acted as if he'd been
playing around with corpsesCopy !req
1609. all of his life.
- We're the young ones.Copy !req
1610. The entire procedure
didn't bother him a bit!Copy !req
1611. - A galvanized stomach, huh?Copy !req
1612. - Shut up!Copy !req
1613. - Professor Rayburn said
- Thank you.Copy !req
1614. that John Doe's body
would be transferred toCopy !req
1615. the Raven Hill General MausoleumCopy !req
1616. after the autopsy.Copy !req
1617. Now,Copy !req
1618. tomorrow night,Copy !req
1619. after the barbecue,Copy !req
1620. - It's when they're
really swingin' the,Copy !req
1621. hey, wait a minute!Copy !req
1622. Back at the institute.Copy !req
1623. - Oh, sans-a-belt jeans.Copy !req
1624. - Yeah.Copy !req
1625. - Hey.Copy !req
1626. Hey, buddy.Copy !req
1627. I'm in the bushes!Copy !req
1628. Help me!Copy !req
1629. - Psst, psst!Copy !req
1630. - Betty.Copy !req
1631. - If you'll excuse me.Copy !req
1632. - No I won't excuse you.
- No excuse for you.Copy !req
1633. - I'm gonna talk to you,Copy !req
1634. and you're gonna listen.Copy !req
1635. - I'm turning off my hearing aid!Copy !req
1636. - I don't care about anything
- Blah, blah, blah!Copy !req
1637. you have to say!
- I'm not listening!Copy !req
1638. - Was that your hip, honey?Copy !req
1639. - Will you please get out?Copy !req
1640. - Not until you listen to me!Copy !req
1641. - Okay, but
make it short, will you?Copy !req
1642. - First of all, why are you sore?Copy !req
1643. - You don't know?Copy !req
1644. - Well, I imagine it's about leaving youCopy !req
1645. at the dance, isn't it?Copy !req
1646. - You know perfectly well what it is.Copy !req
1647. - That retirement
dance meant a lot to me!Copy !req
1648. - I think that's a mighty poor reason.Copy !req
1649. You know we had to make that lectureCopy !req
1650. or flunk out automatically!Copy !req
1651. We had no say in it!Copy !req
1652. - I know that!Copy !req
1653. - Then why are you mad?Copy !req
1654. - I guess you really don't know.Copy !req
1655. - Well, I'd certainly
- Nope.Copy !req
1656. Like to find out,Copy !req
1657. if you don't mind telling me.Copy !req
1658. - And you could tell us, too.Copy !req
1659. - It isn't just the dance, Lewis.Copy !req
1660. It's the way you've been acting.Copy !req
1661. - Woodenly.Copy !req
1662. - You've been acting like
some sort of superman!Copy !req
1663. - Oh, thanks for noticing!Copy !req
1664. - And it is like what they say.Copy !req
1665. - They?Copy !req
1666. - They say you've been
showing how fearless you areCopy !req
1667. by wheeling dead bodies into classrooms.Copy !req
1668. - And eating them!
And they saidCopy !req
1669. that you've been acting like an oddball!Copy !req
1670. They say you won't even let them like you!Copy !req
1671. - They, again.Copy !req
1672. - Yeah.
- That's right.Copy !req
1673. - Yup, say it.
- You know what I thinkCopy !req
1674. about "they" every time I hear that word?Copy !req
1675. - They?Copy !req
1676. - I think of some big,
gray, shapeless monsterCopy !req
1677. - Like them!
with many facesCopy !req
1678. and a million voices!
- It!Copy !req
1679. And when you at us,
- The "the"!Copy !req
1680. nothing at all.Copy !req
1681. If you listen to they, Betty,Copy !req
1682. you'll be running around
in circles all your life.Copy !req
1683. It's you that I care about,Copy !req
1684. not they, what they say, what they think.Copy !req
1685. How do you feel?Copy !req
1686. - I feel like they.
- I don't know.Copy !req
1687. - How would you feel if you
heard strange things about me?Copy !req
1688. - I have!
- I wouldn't stop talkingCopy !req
1689. to ya until I found out
whether it was true or not.Copy !req
1690. - Well, is it true?Copy !req
1691. - I wouldn't let they
make any decisions for me.Copy !req
1692. - Hey, it's they!Copy !req
1693. - There they are!Copy !req
1694. - Oh, they have
fun at the bedsore dance?Copy !req
1695. - And now Emma,Copy !req
1696. wearing the Model 3000 plastic hipCopy !req
1697. with its slim tubular construction.Copy !req
1698. - And here's Opal,Copy !req
1699. voted most like Barbara Bell Geddes.Copy !req
1700. - Miss Cataracts.Copy !req
1701. - It's Divine in the early days!Copy !req
1702. - Hey, it's the Warren Commission!Copy !req
1703. - Miss Hot Flash,Copy !req
1704. gliding through that
change of life gracefully.Copy !req
1705. - Popcorn, Professor Rayburn?Copy !req
1706. - Yes it is, actually.
- No, no.Copy !req
1707. - Which way to the voms?Copy !req
1708. - Don't bury me!Copy !req
1709. I'm not dead yet!Copy !req
1710. - Now, this is my project.Copy !req
1711. Now let's go get some chow.Copy !req
1712. - Wow.Copy !req
1713. Did you find the Carlo?Copy !req
1714. - Ah, look, you made your pointCopy !req
1715. about 'em being fat.Copy !req
1716. Just stop it.Copy !req
1717. - Very humiliating.Copy !req
1718. - Come on, folks.Copy !req
1719. Give 'em here.Copy !req
1720. Come on, show's over, let's go.Copy !req
1721. - I knew our prehensile
tails would come in handy!Copy !req
1722. - Bacchus, the King of Wine!Copy !req
1723. - Bud, the King of Beer!Copy !req
1724. - Hail, thee, Bacchus!Copy !req
1725. Oh no, oh no,Copy !req
1726. you have two more minutes to goCopy !req
1727. and then you can have all you want!Copy !req
1728. - What is this?Copy !req
1729. A S meeting?Copy !req
1730. - I'm so thirsty,Copy !req
1731. it seems like I've been without waterCopy !req
1732. for a month
- Kill, kill him!Copy !req
1733. instead of just a day!
- Kill him!Copy !req
1734. - Kill him.
- Kill you.Copy !req
1735. - I'll kill you!Copy !req
1736. - His highness craves
to suckle yon nectar!Copy !req
1737. Are you ready?
- Kill him!Copy !req
1738. - Yeah!Copy !req
1739. - A tall, refreshing gobletCopy !req
1740. of coke nectar!Copy !req
1741. - And a bucket of battery acid!Copy !req
1742. - Just dumped
the big steamy bucket!Copy !req
1743. - It's even funnier than the trees!Copy !req
1744. - Funny, funny, funny.Copy !req
1745. - Oh, I deserved that!Copy !req
1746. The look on your face!Copy !req
1747. - Hey, look who's
wearing corrective pants!Copy !req
1748. - Yeah, it's
George S. Kaufman, guys!Copy !req
1749. - Didst thou get thy fill?Copy !req
1750. - It's coming out of his seams!Copy !req
1751. Well, did you spot any lovers?Copy !req
1752. - Yeah.
- Any what?Copy !req
1753. - Yeah, I'm afraid I did.Copy !req
1754. Oh!Copy !req
1755. - Joel, what is this?Copy !req
1756. - It's a hazing.Copy !req
1757. - What about the ring of terror?Copy !req
1758. What about the plot, Joel?Copy !req
1759. Am I the only one who cares?Copy !req
1760. - I really don't wanna tell 'em.Copy !req
1761. - I think the only plotCopy !req
1762. was back in the cemetery, Tom.Copy !req
1763. - Yeah, you're right, Crow.Copy !req
1764. - Be vewwy quiet!Copy !req
1765. I'm humiwiowating mysewf!Copy !req
1766. I'm shaming my famiwy fow years to come!Copy !req
1767. - Honey, you're for me!Copy !req
1768. - Look, I'm a guy!Copy !req
1769. It's not that dark!Copy !req
1770. - This guy later went onCopy !req
1771. to head an SNL.Copy !req
1772. - Stupid idiot.Copy !req
1773. - Lonely?Copy !req
1774. - Yeah.Copy !req
1775. Saturday night live.Copy !req
1776. - Uh, fantasy gram.Copy !req
1777. Bush division.Copy !req
1778. - Candy gram for Mongo!Copy !req
1779. - Oh, mama!Copy !req
1780. - Oh, come on!
- That's it!Copy !req
1781. - Look, you made your pointCopy !req
1782. - Look,Copy !req
1783. you made your point
- Yeah.Copy !req
1784. about the fatties,
- You made your point!Copy !req
1785. please!Copy !req
1786. - Geez!Copy !req
1787. - That's really sad.Copy !req
1788. - Do we have to watch this?Copy !req
1789. - She's got a gun!Copy !req
1790. - Oh, it's a sandwich.Copy !req
1791. - Could be loaded, though.Copy !req
1792. - Well, doll, let me ask you a question.Copy !req
1793. - What is it, Tiny?Copy !req
1794. - Is this foreplay?
- Did you add any mustard?Copy !req
1795. - Oh, I'm physically ill.Copy !req
1796. - This is like
nine and a half weeks!Copy !req
1797. - It's worse than the autopsy!Copy !req
1798. - This
movie should be calledCopy !req
1799. Onion Ring of Terror.Copy !req
1800. Hey, nice package there, huh!Copy !req
1801. - What a cute little chick!Copy !req
1802. - There's a million bushesCopy !req
1803. in this naked city,Copy !req
1804. and a million naked people behind 'em.Copy !req
1805. In the naked city.Copy !req
1806. - Uh,Copy !req
1807. oh, you've got my partial.Copy !req
1808. - You taste just like they!Copy !req
1809. - Okay now,Copy !req
1810. tilt my head back and
clear my air passage.Copy !req
1811. Now blow in my mouth 15 timesCopy !req
1812. and then push on my chest 15 times.Copy !req
1813. That's it.Copy !req
1814. Okay, I should be
breathing on my own, now.Copy !req
1815. - Oh, come on, Tommy!Copy !req
1816. - So maybe they justCopy !req
1817. pants him at the end,Copy !req
1818. is that it?Copy !req
1819. - Tommy, come on!Copy !req
1820. Come on!Copy !req
1821. - Tommy.Copy !req
1822. Can you hear me?Copy !req
1823. Oh, plenty to go around!Copy !req
1824. Now tongue me, tongue me!Copy !req
1825. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, you bad boy!Copy !req
1826. - My turn!Copy !req
1827. Come here, my little Puck!Copy !req
1828. My little man-woman!Copy !req
1829. - Ah, for fun!Copy !req
1830. - Well, I almost made 36 inches.Copy !req
1831. See?Copy !req
1832. - Good, now about your waistline.Copy !req
1833. - Pretty well, Tiny, considering!Copy !req
1834. - You mean I'm in?Copy !req
1835. I'm a brother?Copy !req
1836. - Well, not quite.Copy !req
1837. - What do you mean?Copy !req
1838. - Uh, here's your assignment.Copy !req
1839. - Let's see.Copy !req
1840. Hm.Copy !req
1841. - Become Jack Weston?Copy !req
1842. No problem!Copy !req
1843. - "For the next seven days,Copy !req
1844. "you will forgo all food whatever,Copy !req
1845. "with the exception of bread and waterCopy !req
1846. "at three regular intervals a day!"Copy !req
1847. Oh, no, that's too much!Copy !req
1848. I quit!Copy !req
1849. Here, you can have my saccharin bottleCopy !req
1850. and take back your assignmentCopy !req
1851. for I don't wanna be
anybody's brother that bad!Copy !req
1852. - Oh, that's rich!Copy !req
1853. - I already got me a brother.Copy !req
1854. And I got a sister, too!Copy !req
1855. - And they're both inside me!Copy !req
1856. - I'm gonna go find Rag Doll,Copy !req
1857. 'cause she likes me just the way I am!Copy !req
1858. - Now wait a minute, Tiny.Copy !req
1859. Wait a minute!Copy !req
1860. - What do you want?Copy !req
1861. - You passed!Copy !req
1862. - Yeah?Copy !req
1863. - I was just kidding ya.Copy !req
1864. You passed your initiation!Copy !req
1865. You're one of us!Copy !req
1866. - Yeah?
- Well thank ya, Kensie!Copy !req
1867. - Keep your feet on the groundCopy !req
1868. and keep reaching for the stars!Copy !req
1869. - Oh, boy!Copy !req
1870. Wait until I tell Rag Doll!Copy !req
1871. - It's almost 11:30.Copy !req
1872. My assignment.Copy !req
1873. - Should I decide to accept.Copy !req
1874. - May I read it?Copy !req
1875. - Sorry, darling.Copy !req
1876. Against the rules.Copy !req
1877. - And we're too oldCopy !req
1878. to be takin' any chances, love.Copy !req
1879. - Let's see, uh,Copy !req
1880. "Dear Sir,Copy !req
1881. "This is our third attempt
to reach you by mail.Copy !req
1882. "If you do not pay your bill
by Thursday, April 20—"Copy !req
1883. - You shall go
to Raven Hill Cemetery.Copy !req
1884. Enter the general mausoleum.Copy !req
1885. - Honey, you sound funny.Copy !req
1886. All modulated and reverbed.Copy !req
1887. - Should you or
any of your IM forceCopy !req
1888. be caught or killed,Copy !req
1889. the Secretary will disavow any knowledgeCopy !req
1890. of your action.Copy !req
1891. - To the president of theCopy !req
1892. senior initiation committeeCopy !req
1893. upon your return to the campus.Copy !req
1894. The senior committee will
later make proper restitutionCopy !req
1895. through the caretaker of Raven Hill.Copy !req
1896. - Mm-hm, mm-hm.
- Love.Copy !req
1897. - What's wrong, Lewis?Copy !req
1898. - It's taken 53 minutes
You're not scared, are you?Copy !req
1899. to get back to the plot!Copy !req
1900. - You are!Copy !req
1901. - I'm just a tower of jello, dear.Copy !req
1902. - For the first time in your life,Copy !req
1903. you're really scared!Copy !req
1904. - Don't be silly.Copy !req
1905. There's nothing to it!Copy !req
1906. I've gotta go.Copy !req
1907. - Please be careful, darling.
- Really bad.Copy !req
1908. - I'll see you when I get back.Copy !req
1909. - Billy, don't be a hero.Copy !req
1910. Gee, I like the cut of his trousers.Copy !req
1911. Oh, I love that manly man o' mine.Copy !req
1912. Well, off to find someone else.Copy !req
1913. - Hey, it's the carsCopy !req
1914. from Six Flags over Texas.
- Huh!Copy !req
1915. - Those go really slow.Copy !req
1916. - The good old days ride, right?Copy !req
1917. - It's a pedal car!
- Yeah.Copy !req
1918. - No, hey, look!Copy !req
1919. It's radio controlled!Copy !req
1920. - Huh!Copy !req
1921. - Back off, everybody.Copy !req
1922. - Bob, you seen Lou around?Copy !req
1923. - Yeah, he should be back any minute.Copy !req
1924. - Where'd he go?Copy !req
1925. - On his assignment.
- Hm.Copy !req
1926. Hey, what about you?Copy !req
1927. Did you finish yours?Copy !req
1928. - Yes, I asked everyone
who lives on Howard StreetCopy !req
1929. for penny.Copy !req
1930. - And?
- Mm-hm?Copy !req
1931. - I got 23 cents!
- Uh?Copy !req
1932. - 23 cents?Copy !req
1933. You were gone four and a half hours,Copy !req
1934. and all you got is 23 cents?Copy !req
1935. - Doh!Copy !req
1936. - It must be the recession.Copy !req
1937. - What kind of assignment did Lou get?Copy !req
1938. - He'll tell you.Copy !req
1939. If he's able to tell you,Copy !req
1940. when he gets back.Copy !req
1941. - You know, I heard you
guys gave an assignmentCopy !req
1942. that dates back to the 15th Century.Copy !req
1943. - About that—
- Discover America?Copy !req
1944. - The Spanish Inquisition?Copy !req
1945. - Break off from
the Catholic Church?Copy !req
1946. - Now why the curiosity?Copy !req
1947. - Well, I just wondered
if Lou's assignmentCopy !req
1948. was as weird as mine.Copy !req
1949. - Weird?
- Weird?Copy !req
1950. - Yeah, I guess that is the word for it.Copy !req
1951. - Weird.Copy !req
1952. - Weird.Copy !req
1953. - Weird.Copy !req
1954. Really weird.Copy !req
1955. - Can we get out of here?Copy !req
1956. No? Stay?Copy !req
1957. Mm-hm.
- You stay here.Copy !req
1958. - Hey, that's where
Fred Mertz dropped dead!Copy !req
1959. - Mm-hm, a bus stop,Copy !req
1960. a wet day,Copy !req
1961. she's there.Copy !req
1962. I say, "Please share my umbrella."Copy !req
1963. Bus stop.Copy !req
1964. Bus goes.Copy !req
1965. Let's dance.Copy !req
1966. - Man, that thing
looks like a bumper car!Copy !req
1967. - When cars ruled the world!Copy !req
1968. Page 22.Copy !req
1969. - Uh, your headlights, guy.Copy !req
1970. Boy, I'm dying to get in there.Copy !req
1971. Get me!Copy !req
1972. I'm scared and I'm
still making jokes, woo!Copy !req
1973. - Man, a mortuary locked at night?Copy !req
1974. What's the deal?Copy !req
1975. - Look!Copy !req
1976. Many a quaint and curious
vial of forgotten lore!Copy !req
1977. Pleep.Copy !req
1978. - That's it, I'm steamed.Copy !req
1979. That cuts it.Copy !req
1980. No fraternity's worth this!Copy !req
1981. - Oh, I know.Copy !req
1982. He's gonna go around
to the drive-in window.Copy !req
1983. - Yeah.Copy !req
1984. - Bring it in.Copy !req
1985. Yeah, right over there.Copy !req
1986. Oh, there's no way he
coulda walked that far.Copy !req
1987. - Mm-mm.Copy !req
1988. - Got a car that cool,Copy !req
1989. you gotta use it.
- That's right.Copy !req
1990. - Huh?Copy !req
1991. Oh!Copy !req
1992. Juliet!Copy !req
1993. Juliet?Copy !req
1994. I cometh hither, Juliet!Copy !req
1995. - Ow, owie, ow, ow, ow!
- Oh, this hurts!Copy !req
1996. - Well that really hurt.Copy !req
1997. - It'll be okay now!Copy !req
1998. Ah, wow.Copy !req
1999. - The nurse is coming.Copy !req
2000. - Damn Jerries almost got me!Copy !req
2001. - Kinch, LeBeau.Copy !req
2002. - Oh, I'm feelin'
the sting on that one!Copy !req
2003. Not a young man, anymore!Copy !req
2004. - Hm.
I got a few of those in me.Copy !req
2005. - I made it.Copy !req
2006. I'm in Switzerland!Copy !req
2007. Hey, look!Copy !req
2008. It's the Von Trapp Family!Copy !req
2009. Huh!Copy !req
2010. - Wow, everybody's buried here.Copy !req
2011. Jim Morrison.Copy !req
2012. The Unknown Soldier.Copy !req
2013. The Dead.Copy !req
2014. - Wow.
- Rock and roll heaven.Copy !req
2015. - Jimi Hendrix,
with a little bit of, uh.Copy !req
2016. - Oh I hate
those darn maple leaves!Copy !req
2017. - Hey, get off my grave!Copy !req
2018. - Hey, you tryna wake the dead?Copy !req
2019. Ow, that's gotta, hey!Copy !req
2020. Puma!Copy !req
2021. Puma!Copy !req
2022. Come here, Puma!Copy !req
2023. - Oh, come on.Copy !req
2024. We're riffing on the
same movie we're doing.Copy !req
2025. That's not—
- I'm going toCopy !req
2026. kill you all, oh.Copy !req
2027. - You're already dead.Copy !req
2028. - The whole Gambino crime family.Copy !req
2029. - Stone-hedge, and I
can't even tell what time it is.Copy !req
2030. How do you like that?Copy !req
2031. - So they just come here and die.Copy !req
2032. Neat!Copy !req
2033. - They die and then they come here.Copy !req
2034. - It's a biggun'
- Oh, that's better!Copy !req
2035. - Neat.Copy !req
2036. - Hm.Copy !req
2037. - Let's see here.Copy !req
2038. Uh, fiction.Copy !req
2039. Uh, literature.Copy !req
2040. Non-fiction.Copy !req
2041. Oh!Copy !req
2042. Sports.Copy !req
2043. - That's it!Copy !req
2044. I finally did it!Copy !req
2045. I finally broke my damn dirty hip!Copy !req
2046. - Nice way to land, Joel.Copy !req
2047. - Thanks.
- No problem.Copy !req
2048. - Wow, just one time,Copy !req
2049. I'd like to bogey this hole.Copy !req
2050. I mean, I really shanked that last oneCopy !req
2051. and now I can't find the ball!Copy !req
2052. - Ah, you're in the bunker, I think.Copy !req
2053. - Yeah, I'm playing a Slazenger 9.Copy !req
2054. - Mauso-lo-leum?Copy !req
2055. - Mauso-leum.Copy !req
2056. That's for making dead
people fresh and light.Copy !req
2057. - The hills are, ali,Copy !req
2058. oh, well, maybe they're not.
- Yeah.Copy !req
2059. - The hills are—Copy !req
2060. - No one will be admittedCopy !req
2061. during the breathtaking walking sceneCopy !req
2062. from Playstar Productions'Copy !req
2063. Ring of Terror.Copy !req
2064. - Jimmy crack corn,
and I don't care.Copy !req
2065. Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care!Copy !req
2066. Jimmy crack cornCopy !req
2067. and I don't care!Copy !req
2068. The miss has gone away!Copy !req
2069. - Thump!Copy !req
2070. - Maybe
Mister Lincoln can help us!Copy !req
2071. Let's ask him.Copy !req
2072. Hm.Copy !req
2073. - Nice.
Swell pad.Copy !req
2074. - Hm.
Cool.Copy !req
2075. - Oh, really nice workmanshipCopy !req
2076. on this gate!
- Mm-hm!Copy !req
2077. - Oh, this must be a prison.Copy !req
2078. Says, "The Come and Bury 'Em."Copy !req
2079. - Mm-hm.Copy !req
2080. - Please slip corpses
under the door after 10.Copy !req
2081. - Kind of a Louis Sullivan design.Copy !req
2082. Hey, listen guys!Copy !req
2083. All right!Copy !req
2084. It's Procol Harum doing a sound check!Copy !req
2085. - Cool.Copy !req
2086. - Skip the light fandango!Copy !req
2087. - Hm, they got a
Buddy Squirrel's Nut Shack.Copy !req
2088. One potato, two.Copy !req
2089. Hot Sam's, Radio Shack?Copy !req
2090. This mall's got everything!Copy !req
2091. - Wow, I wonder what
it costs to heat this barn!Copy !req
2092. - Verily, I shall sprintCopy !req
2093. through the valley of the
shadow of death.Copy !req
2094. - It actually says, "You stab 'em,Copy !req
2095. "We slab em!"Copy !req
2096. That's pretty funny!Copy !req
2097. At least they got a sense of humor!Copy !req
2098. - Yeah.Copy !req
2099. - Goin' to the chapel.Copy !req
2100. Gonna get buried.
- Buried.Copy !req
2101. - So the way I hear it,Copy !req
2102. if I smoke one of these things,Copy !req
2103. then I'll be able to
join these people, huh?Copy !req
2104. - Wow, looks
like the EC Escher room!Copy !req
2105. - MC Escher.Copy !req
2106. - MC Escher.Copy !req
2107. - Hey, get me!Copy !req
2108. I'm Edward R. Murrow already!Copy !req
2109. - It's the power station.Copy !req
2110. - Looks like a locker room.Copy !req
2111. - Ah, looks like HAL's brain.Copy !req
2112. - Oh, no, I think
it's George Romero's automat.Copy !req
2113. - Yup, look there.Copy !req
2114. There's Hot Hoagie of the Living Dead.Copy !req
2115. - Buck and quarter.Copy !req
2116. - Cato?Copy !req
2117. Where are you, my little yellow friend?Copy !req
2118. Cato?
- Cato!Copy !req
2119. Cato.Copy !req
2120. Oh, good, the kitchen.Copy !req
2121. Boy, I'm hungry.Copy !req
2122. - Smells like...Copy !req
2123. - Ah, corpse scat.
- Yeah.Copy !req
2124. - It's around here somewhere!Copy !req
2125. - Hm.Copy !req
2126. - Nice hush puppies.Copy !req
2127. - Well, Reece's Pieces.Copy !req
2128. ET must be on the premises!Copy !req
2129. Cato?
- Cato?Copy !req
2130. - Man, this has gotta beCopy !req
2131. the biggest place in the world!Copy !req
2132. - Let's see.Copy !req
2133. Bread, carrots,Copy !req
2134. toilet paper, shaving,Copy !req
2135. hey, wait a minute!Copy !req
2136. - Hm.Copy !req
2137. Aisle Three.Copy !req
2138. Spices, flour, rice,
corpses, rings of terror.Copy !req
2139. - Merv Griffin!Copy !req
2140. What are you doin' here?Copy !req
2141. - Whoa!Copy !req
2142. Who died in there?Copy !req
2143. - Clean up in Aisle Three!Copy !req
2144. - Let me tell ya!Copy !req
2145. Let's see, salted.Copy !req
2146. Blanched.Copy !req
2147. Ah, honey mustard, here we go.Copy !req
2148. - A to M.Copy !req
2149. Uh.
- 18.Copy !req
2150. - I hate the Dewey Decimal system!Copy !req
2151. - Oh, yeah, like
that's a big surprise!Copy !req
2152. - All right?Copy !req
2153. - S'okay.Copy !req
2154. - It's all right.Copy !req
2155. - Keeps 'em fresh, though.Copy !req
2156. - Fisher!Copy !req
2157. - Oh, God, it reeks!Copy !req
2158. - Oh, oh, my God, oh, oh!Copy !req
2159. Oh, his finger came off!Copy !req
2160. Oh, no that's mine!
- Gross!Copy !req
2161. - Get that cat outta here!Copy !req
2162. - What gives?Copy !req
2163. - Oh.Copy !req
2164. - What is it, girl?Copy !req
2165. Dad?Copy !req
2166. He's trapped?Copy !req
2167. Down in Dead Rock Canyon?Copy !req
2168. - Hey, you kids, get outta here!Copy !req
2169. - Let's see, uh, where was I?Copy !req
2170. Oh, yeah, I was about to, uh,Copy !req
2171. oh, yeah.Copy !req
2172. Oh, oh, God, it's awful!Copy !req
2173. Oh, I got my finger!Copy !req
2174. - He's melting!Copy !req
2175. - Never let 'em see you sweat.Copy !req
2176. - Nope.Copy !req
2177. - Whoa!Copy !req
2178. - Hello Kitty!Copy !req
2179. - Oh!Copy !req
2180. - Oh, remember him?Copy !req
2181. Uh-oh!Copy !req
2182. Uh, well,Copy !req
2183. I guess he won't try that again.Copy !req
2184. - Cat got your tongue?Copy !req
2185. - I'm Satan.Copy !req
2186. I did it and I'm proud!Copy !req
2187. - And they saidCopy !req
2188. those cat guards wouldn't work.Copy !req
2189. - Please don't haze.Copy !req
2190. I'm dead now.Copy !req
2191. Don't haze.Copy !req
2192. - He's 22.Copy !req
2193. Yeah, about that.Copy !req
2194. - Did you enjoy my little tale?Copy !req
2195. Good.Copy !req
2196. Kill him!Copy !req
2197. - Lewis B. Moffitt.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
2198. - I feared not.Copy !req
2199. - Not!Copy !req
2200. - That's rich!Copy !req
2201. - Yet fear dwells within all of us,Copy !req
2202. young and old alike.Copy !req
2203. - But mostly old.
- Yeah.Copy !req
2204. - Has terrifying fearCopy !req
2205. ever gripped your heart?
- That's,Copy !req
2206. - the Kraft tomb.Copy !req
2207. That's probably where Ed Herlihy's buried.Copy !req
2208. - Uh-oh, geez.Copy !req
2209. We've been down this road.
- It's that one thing.Copy !req
2210. Could somebody please open the gates?Copy !req
2211. - Put the brake on.
- I'll try to stop 'em!Copy !req
2212. - Ninja!Copy !req
2213. - Well, it looks
like callback time, guys!Copy !req
2214. Oh, yeah,Copy !req
2215. there he is.Copy !req
2216. Bob Dobson.Copy !req
2217. - Oh andCopy !req
2218. drive safely!Copy !req
2219. Good night!
- Sneaky.Copy !req
2220. - Let's get outta here!Copy !req
2221. It's freaky, man!Copy !req
2222. - No, it's stupid, man!Copy !req
2223. - Okay guys.Copy !req
2224. It's the end of another movie.Copy !req
2225. All you gotta doCopy !req
2226. is tell me a good thingCopy !req
2227. and get a juicy RAM chip.Copy !req
2228. All right?Copy !req
2229. - Oh, hold it, Joel!Copy !req
2230. This is unfair!Copy !req
2231. This film's a dog!Copy !req
2232. There isn't an upliftingCopy !req
2233. or good thing about it!Copy !req
2234. - He' right, Joel.Copy !req
2235. Now, for example,Copy !req
2236. did you see how degrading they wereCopy !req
2237. to overweight people?Copy !req
2238. Now it's bad enough they
showed the two fattiesCopy !req
2239. pounding malts in some desperateCopy !req
2240. shark-feeding frenzy,
and eating mountains.Copy !req
2241. But then they kept cutting
away to the skinny kidsCopy !req
2242. laughing as the two tugboatsCopy !req
2243. tried to tango on the dance floor!Copy !req
2244. RAM chip, please.Copy !req
2245. - Yeah, and, uh, while the other kidsCopy !req
2246. made out in the bushes,Copy !req
2247. our hefty heroes were forcedCopy !req
2248. to vacuum in a sandwich with RAM chips.Copy !req
2249. And in the very next scene they showedCopy !req
2250. them diving into a wheelbarrowCopy !req
2251. full of hot dogs!Copy !req
2252. And RAM chips.Copy !req
2253. - And it wasn't just
people, either, RAM chip!Copy !req
2254. The spooky guy from the beginningCopy !req
2255. purposely stepped on Puma the cat's tail.Copy !req
2256. I'd like my RAM chip now, please.Copy !req
2257. A crispy one.Copy !req
2258. - Yeah, and they weren't
using any stunt snakeCopy !req
2259. when they, guy did the tap danceCopy !req
2260. on the rattler's head!Copy !req
2261. Uh, RAM chip now?Copy !req
2262. - And what about that car crash victim?Copy !req
2263. Onion RAM chip!Copy !req
2264. The only two people,Copy !req
2265. only two people show up at his wake.Copy !req
2266. And then the only point of the sceneCopy !req
2267. was to show how our hero was reallyCopy !req
2268. a 'fraidy cat, RAM chip now!Copy !req
2269. - Yeah!Copy !req
2270. So they killed a character
just to advance the plotCopy !req
2271. and, oh, geez, Joel.Copy !req
2272. What was the deal?Copy !req
2273. Are all med students
so mean and frustratedCopy !req
2274. 'cause they haven't gotten RAM chips?Copy !req
2275. Or just the ones that have
been in school 40 yearsCopy !req
2276. without RAM chips?Copy !req
2277. - Well.
Cherry RAM chips.Copy !req
2278. - Listen you have to lighten upCopy !req
2279. because,
- Cherry, cherry.Copy !req
2280. hey, cut it out!Copy !req
2281. Because I can think of
an obviously good thing.Copy !req
2282. Even though people made
fun of the heavy people,Copy !req
2283. they still loved each
other for who they were.Copy !req
2284. Now I need something positiveCopy !req
2285. for you to get a RAM chip.Copy !req
2286. - There was tons of food for them to eat!Copy !req
2287. Like chocolate-y RAM chips!Copy !req
2288. - Yeah, and this movie provided workCopy !req
2289. for a bunch of senile old
codgers who eat RAM chips!Copy !req
2290. - Yeah, none of the
girls had to study lateCopy !req
2291. or watch dead bodies getting cut upCopy !req
2292. or get a degree, RAM chip, please.Copy !req
2293. - And all the freshmen
were publicly humiliatedCopy !req
2294. for everyone's enjoymentCopy !req
2295. by not getting RAM chips!Copy !req
2296. - You're still not giving meCopy !req
2297. the positive things I need.
- Oh, hm.Copy !req
2298. - Well, at least that guyCopy !req
2299. didn't have to marry Resusci-Annie.Copy !req
2300. - Yeah, and thank goodnessCopy !req
2301. the fat people were so stupid,Copy !req
2302. they didn't even realized they wereCopy !req
2303. the brunt of everybody's RAM chip jokes.Copy !req
2304. - Yeah.Copy !req
2305. Well, it was a good thing
that those mean parentsCopy !req
2306. locked up our heroCopy !req
2307. next to his dead grandad,Copy !req
2308. or there wouldn't be a movie,Copy !req
2309. or RAM chips.
- That's right.Copy !req
2310. For anyone.Copy !req
2311. - Well, listen.
- RAM chips.Copy !req
2312. - There's only one who gets the RAM chip.Copy !req
2313. And that's me.
- What?Copy !req
2314. And I give it to Gypsy.Copy !req
2315. There you go, girl.Copy !req
2316. All right.Copy !req
2317. - Oh, now why, why?Copy !req
2318. - Well, because I'll tell you what.Copy !req
2319. The only good thing about the movieCopy !req
2320. was that it was really short!Copy !req
2321. - Hey!
- Yeah.Copy !req
2322. - And we're done for the day!Copy !req
2323. - Yeah, we should get a letter.Copy !req
2324. Get one of those lettersCopy !req
2325. to read might be—Copy !req
2326. - Hold it!Copy !req
2327. Don't touch that letter!Copy !req
2328. It just so happensCopy !req
2329. we've cooked up another cinematic RAM chipCopy !req
2330. for you to digest!Copy !req
2331. The Phantom Creeps!Copy !req
2332. Part Three!Copy !req
2333. - But first,Copy !req
2334. a commercial.Copy !req
2335. - Gee, it looks like an eye chart.Copy !req
2336. Doesn't it?Copy !req
2337. - Yeah.Copy !req
2338. I don't think I'm ready for this.Copy !req
2339. Huh.Copy !req
2340. - Hey, Willis Cooper!Copy !req
2341. That's Alice's dad, man!Copy !req
2342. - No, he was killed in Vietnam.Copy !req
2343. - No, he was Eddie Haskell.Copy !req
2344. - Oh.Copy !req
2345. - Hey, what kind of a FordCopy !req
2346. do you think we'll have, you guys?Copy !req
2347. - I think we'll have a FordCopy !req
2348. - Beebe!Copy !req
2349. - Ford Beebe!
- Beebe!Copy !req
2350. - What kind of Saul do we have?Copy !req
2351. - Oh, the good
kind of Saul.Copy !req
2352. - To be or not to be!Copy !req
2353. Blah, blah, blah!Copy !req
2354. That's the question!Copy !req
2355. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!Copy !req
2356. - Would you get
my agent on the phone?Copy !req
2357. I wanna direct!Copy !req
2358. - And Madonna has a new look!Copy !req
2359. Come on, Vogue.Copy !req
2360. There's nothing to it!Copy !req
2361. Strike a pose!Copy !req
2362. - Steven, did you thinkCopy !req
2363. Grandpa seemed funny this trip?Copy !req
2364. - Punch it, Hale.Copy !req
2365. I wanna die with you!Copy !req
2366. - Dumpy and frumpy!Copy !req
2367. A good one!Copy !req
2368. - And, of course,Copy !req
2369. the boys in the back room.Copy !req
2370. - Vandegrift Generator!Copy !req
2371. - Dora Clementine!Copy !req
2372. - Hugh Chet Huntley!Copy !req
2373. - Anthony Averill Harriman.Copy !req
2374. - Frank Mayo Brothers.Copy !req
2375. - James Gnarly Farley.Copy !req
2376. - Rosebud.Copy !req
2377. Rosebud, rosebud.Copy !req
2378. - Trying to keep the credits down!Copy !req
2379. - Well, foreword is forwarned.Copy !req
2380. Doctor Zorka, not a real doctor,Copy !req
2381. but believed to be dead,Copy !req
2382. attempts to prevent the authoritiesCopy !req
2383. from discoveringCopy !req
2384. his scientific secrets,Copy !req
2385. the Helsinki formula,Copy !req
2386. by using a device which
makes him invisible,Copy !req
2387. a contract to appear on the
Comedy Channel.Copy !req
2388. I guess I'm outta here.
- Yeah.Copy !req
2389. - Now, Doctor MalloryCopy !req
2390. will be represented by the oboe.Copy !req
2391. And when you hear the scary oboe sound,Copy !req
2392. stomp your feet and go, "Boo!"Copy !req
2393. - Nancy's sister, Jean,Copy !req
2394. will look around.Copy !req
2395. - Hey, what's this?Copy !req
2396. - Get that frog outta here!Copy !req
2397. - Hey!Copy !req
2398. Huh, somebody left a mint.Copy !req
2399. - A welcome to the Embassy sweet.Copy !req
2400. - Heh, let's see.Copy !req
2401. - Take that.Copy !req
2402. - Checkin' the bush, boss!Copy !req
2403. - A coin.Copy !req
2404. A car.Copy !req
2405. - Joyride time!
- Yeah!Copy !req
2406. - Eat my dust!Copy !req
2407. - Hey,Copy !req
2408. it looks like an ear of corn!Copy !req
2409. Why, I think I heardCopy !req
2410. a floating ear of corn!Copy !req
2411. - Oof.Copy !req
2412. - Yup.Copy !req
2413. - Ooh, that had to hurt.Copy !req
2414. Yeah, you know.Copy !req
2415. They're always repeating these thingsCopy !req
2416. on America's Funniest
Home Videos, aren't they?Copy !req
2417. - Yeah.
- Well.Copy !req
2418. - Goodbye!Copy !req
2419. - [Tom ] So long!Copy !req
2420. Feeder-zane!Copy !req
2421. Don't forget to write!
- Don't forgetCopy !req
2422. to throw the kitchen sinks!Copy !req
2423. - Bye!Copy !req
2424. See you next fall!Copy !req
2425. - Does that mean the date's over?Copy !req
2426. - Well, that must be the partCopy !req
2427. they didn't show us there.Copy !req
2428. - Oh!Copy !req
2429. - Nice tag!Copy !req
2430. - I'm gonna try that, too!Copy !req
2431. I'm going to join himCopy !req
2432. in death!
- Okay.Copy !req
2433. - You just go really fast and—Copy !req
2434. - Go for it!
Oh!Copy !req
2435. Oh, yeah, he's okay.Copy !req
2436. - Always clownin' around.Copy !req
2437. - Come on.Copy !req
2438. Get in, dummy!Copy !req
2439. I'm sorry, Mom.Copy !req
2440. I'll take out the garbage next week!Copy !req
2441. I'm sorry!Copy !req
2442. - There's something over in those bushes!Copy !req
2443. - It's a frog.Copy !req
2444. - Keep down.
- Invisible frog.Copy !req
2445. - Did you see the driver of that car?Copy !req
2446. - Oh, good, Bob.Copy !req
2447. You killed a Sequoia.Copy !req
2448. - Whatever it is.Copy !req
2449. - I bet he misses you, too!Copy !req
2450. - Let's get to your car!Copy !req
2451. - Yeah, it's better than mine.Copy !req
2452. - That's one, shoot it!Copy !req
2453. - The itsy bitsy, whoa?Copy !req
2454. - Shoes don't lie.Copy !req
2455. That's one of Zorka's mechanical devices!Copy !req
2456. - Say!Copy !req
2457. - But it's poisonous!Copy !req
2458. - What are you going to do?Copy !req
2459. - Try and catch itCopy !req
2460. to take it to Mallory for analysis.Copy !req
2461. - Oh, he used a smoking jacket!Copy !req
2462. - It's not like our hard-boiled
chief for a girl to faint!Copy !req
2463. - I'm not a girl.
- No I'm soft-boiled.Copy !req
2464. - She's poached.Copy !req
2465. - I thought I'd
never get out of this field.Copy !req
2466. 'Scuse me!Copy !req
2467. That's Uncle Joe.Copy !req
2468. He's moving kinda slow.Copy !req
2469. - He has stylee-tick-thus!Copy !req
2470. - Please!Copy !req
2471. At least let me get the tie rod in!Copy !req
2472. - Next week, I go
to the ladies' locker roomCopy !req
2473. at the YWCA!Copy !req
2474. - They say I make a better doorCopy !req
2475. than a window!Copy !req
2476. Now I kill something for no reason.Copy !req
2477. - Don't worry, I will.Copy !req
2478. I have a hunch one of thoseCopy !req
2479. got to Jim Daly.Copy !req
2480. - Oh, that's why
he's doing show tunesCopy !req
2481. all the time.Copy !req
2482. - It's gone!Copy !req
2483. - Make sure you get
a dry cleaning receipt!Copy !req
2484. - Where'd it go?Copy !req
2485. - I don't know.Copy !req
2486. I wish I knew where it came from.Copy !req
2487. - You folks know?Copy !req
2488. - That may be Mallory now!Copy !req
2489. - No, it's the copper top.Copy !req
2490. - It is Mallory!Copy !req
2491. Two of my men!Copy !req
2492. - Two of my good strong men!Copy !req
2493. - Yes!Copy !req
2494. - You all right, Bob?Copy !req
2495. - Yeah, but my coat's wrecked.Copy !req
2496. - They arrived just in time!Copy !req
2497. Parker, check that car for ownership.Copy !req
2498. If there's enough left of it.Copy !req
2499. - Yeah, it's registeredCopy !req
2500. under the name Beelzebub.Copy !req
2501. - Miss Drew would like to go, too.Copy !req
2502. She'll take you back in her car,Copy !req
2503. won't you?Copy !req
2504. - But!Copy !req
2505. - A lot of this case has
to be kept off the record.Copy !req
2506. - Yeah, but it'll fit on the CDCopy !req
2507. on the extra bonus track.Copy !req
2508. - It's like we've left
something behind us,Copy !req
2509. even worse than dynamite!Copy !req
2510. - This film?Copy !req
2511. - Someone evidently got hold of it.Copy !req
2512. The wrong kind of publicity will hurt him.Copy !req
2513. - All right.Copy !req
2514. I'll be careful what I phone the paper.Copy !req
2515. - That's swell.Copy !req
2516. I knew I could count on you.Copy !req
2517. Check with me and Mallory tomorrow.Copy !req
2518. - Thanks, I will.Copy !req
2519. - What's the matter with your coat?Copy !req
2520. - One of the Doctor's mechanical spidersCopy !req
2521. disappeared under it.Copy !req
2522. I don't dare put it on.Copy !req
2523. - Why, how'd it get out here?Copy !req
2524. - I wish you'd tell me.Copy !req
2525. I chased that car from Zorka
and the driver got away.Copy !req
2526. - Try not to talk so fast!Copy !req
2527. - I'll look around for him—Copy !req
2528. - A bunch of auctioneers.Copy !req
2529. - No, it's too late.Copy !req
2530. He's probably miles away from here by now.Copy !req
2531. Let's get back to Zorka's!Copy !req
2532. - There's an extra mac in the car here!Copy !req
2533. - Oh, great, I'm famished!Copy !req
2534. - Hey, hey, where'd
you learn how to drive?Copy !req
2535. Those shocks are terrible!Copy !req
2536. - It's Monk!Copy !req
2537. - One of the jazz murders!Copy !req
2538. - This is a break!Copy !req
2539. The chief wants him!Copy !req
2540. Let's see if we can bring him, too.Copy !req
2541. Listen, Monk,Copy !req
2542. with Zorka dead, you're in a tough spot!Copy !req
2543. Now why don't you join up with our crowdCopy !req
2544. and tell us what's becomeCopy !req
2545. of Zorka's farmhouse!Copy !req
2546. - What makes you think I
know anything about it?Copy !req
2547. - Well, I oughta pop you!Copy !req
2548. - How would you
like a knuckle sandwich,Copy !req
2549. Mister Frank Mayo?Copy !req
2550. - Quit stalling!Copy !req
2551. You know what we're talking about!Copy !req
2552. - I can't even guess!Copy !req
2553. - All right.Copy !req
2554. We'll take him along and work him over.Copy !req
2555. - Great!Copy !req
2556. I've been wanting to drop some pounds!Copy !req
2557. - Oh!Copy !req
2558. Liston is down, Liston is down!Copy !req
2559. Cassius Clay is the new world champion!Copy !req
2560. - Get in the car quick!Copy !req
2561. Come on, you guys!Copy !req
2562. - Ghost car to the rescue!Copy !req
2563. - Yay!Copy !req
2564. - Oh, look, no jackrabbit starts!Copy !req
2565. Oh!Copy !req
2566. - Right.Copy !req
2567. Drive along this river junction!Copy !req
2568. Take a left at the cyclorama!Copy !req
2569. - They've taken their prisoner with them!Copy !req
2570. - Where do you suppose they are?Copy !req
2571. - Well, we're gonna find out!Copy !req
2572. - That's not what I asked!Copy !req
2573. Whoa!Copy !req
2574. - Gotta getaway, gotta getaway!Copy !req
2575. - We don't know who it is.Copy !req
2576. Let's just shoot all the tiresCopy !req
2577. and let God sort it out.Copy !req
2578. - Let God patch it.Copy !req
2579. - What!Copy !req
2580. Oh, guy!Copy !req
2581. You gotta know how to ease down!Copy !req
2582. This is a big car!Copy !req
2583. Come on!Copy !req
2584. - I woulda put on my belt,Copy !req
2585. but they hadn't been invented yet, boss!Copy !req
2586. - Coast Guard to the rescue.Copy !req
2587. Oh, let's have a picnic!Copy !req
2588. Come on!Copy !req
2589. Ooh!Copy !req
2590. Come here, you!Copy !req
2591. I love you, you're mine!Copy !req
2592. Quit tickling.
- Hey!Copy !req
2593. Cut it out!Copy !req
2594. - Yeah, eat it, boy, eat it!Copy !req
2595. Die, boy, die!Copy !req
2596. Eat it, swallow it!
- No don't drool on me!Copy !req
2597. - He's gonna snag on ya.Copy !req
2598. He's gonna snag on you!Copy !req
2599. - Now, who are ya?Copy !req
2600. What were you doing at Zorka's house?Copy !req
2601. - Um, uh.
Come on, talk up!Copy !req
2602. - Well, I—
- I, uh, uh...Copy !req
2603. - Oh!Copy !req
2604. I guess they didn't want
him to spill the beans, huh?Copy !req
2605. - He's always stunned.
- How come they,Copy !req
2606. - Joel, how come
they kill all these people,Copy !req
2607. but the credits don't get any shorter?Copy !req
2608. - Have you noticed all
these guys look the same?Copy !req
2609. How do they know who they're shooting at?Copy !req
2610. - Okay, you proved your point.Copy !req
2611. - Yup.Copy !req
2612. - Shall I go get 'em?Copy !req
2613. - No, it's too late.Copy !req
2614. We got one of 'em anyway.Copy !req
2615. You've been very good!Copy !req
2616. - No, he's our guy.Copy !req
2617. - They fixed this one so he won't talk.Copy !req
2618. - Sure is good shootin'
for this kinda light.Copy !req
2619. - Yeah, I gotta admire him.Copy !req
2620. - Are you men all right?Copy !req
2621. - Sure thing!Copy !req
2622. - We got him!Copy !req
2623. - We're trying to print
some measurements—Copy !req
2624. - It's kinda light.Copy !req
2625. - I'd like to shake his hand!Copy !req
2626. - I'll get the equipment out of the car.Copy !req
2627. - Yeah.Copy !req
2628. - We gotta find out all about this gang.Copy !req
2629. Who they areCopy !req
2630. and what they're doing in this business.Copy !req
2631. - Why do they shoot
each other all the time?Copy !req
2632. - Those men are who Zorka
is selling his formula to.Copy !req
2633. - That's what I'm afraid of.Copy !req
2634. - That guy's right!Copy !req
2635. He really does have a flat butt, boss!Copy !req
2636. - Hm, nice watch.Copy !req
2637. - So, you were going to sell me outCopy !req
2638. to, were you?Copy !req
2639. - No, boss!Copy !req
2640. I love you!Copy !req
2641. I swear!Copy !req
2642. Oh, you're kidding!Copy !req
2643. That's a... .Copy !req
2644. - Of course.Copy !req
2645. You wouldn't dare to betray me.Copy !req
2646. The police still want you, Monk!Copy !req
2647. They don't want me!Copy !req
2648. - Mong?Copy !req
2649. - They think I'm dead!Copy !req
2650. - You are.Copy !req
2651. - Now the government and the spyCopy !req
2652. are both determined to steal my secret!Copy !req
2653. It is necessary to share a very vitalCopy !req
2654. secret knowledge with you!Copy !req
2655. - I like to wear the mittens!Copy !req
2656. - The hiding place of the
source of all my power.Copy !req
2657. - The source!Copy !req
2658. - Cool, let me at it!Copy !req
2659. - Wow.Copy !req
2660. Hey, is that where you makeCopy !req
2661. those great baked beans?Copy !req
2662. - Whistleberries you
must never taste!Copy !req
2663. Uh, boss, I'm fine, really.Copy !req
2664. Uh,Copy !req
2665. I checked myself at home in the shower.Copy !req
2666. You don't have to, uh, oh.Copy !req
2667. - That was close.Copy !req
2668. - Yeah.Copy !req
2669. It's called the Rubics cube!Copy !req
2670. Don't screw it up!Copy !req
2671. There is power enough to seizeCopy !req
2672. or destroy the world!Copy !req
2673. And only I,Copy !req
2674. I know how to releaseCopy !req
2675. and control it!Copy !req
2676. - No brag,Copy !req
2677. just fact.Copy !req
2678. - Hey!Copy !req
2679. Shooters!Copy !req
2680. All right!Copy !req
2681. The source of all your power.Copy !req
2682. It's Cuervo!Copy !req
2683. Woo!Copy !req
2684. I'm gonna need a lime, boss.Copy !req
2685. My gag reflexes is right at the surface.Copy !req
2686. - Which would be fatal to open it!Copy !req
2687. - And you could keep drink.Copy !req
2688. Make it ahead of time!Copy !req
2689. Keep it in the freezer!Copy !req
2690. Makes bump-ups, too!Copy !req
2691. - It's a nice bouquet!Copy !req
2692. Good legs!Copy !req
2693. It's a real smoky single malt!Copy !req
2694. Slunge!Copy !req
2695. - Finish it!Copy !req
2696. - Bring her closer!Copy !req
2697. Reacts to her, definitely!Copy !req
2698. Or to something she's carrying!Copy !req
2699. - Squeeze her gently.Copy !req
2700. - Oh, so it's just a hold-up!Copy !req
2701. - I'll give you five dollarsCopy !req
2702. if you have a hard-boiled
egg in your purse!Copy !req
2703. - One of Zorka's disks!Copy !req
2704. Where'd you get it?Copy !req
2705. - At Doctor Zorka's house.Copy !req
2706. Under a withered plant.Copy !req
2707. - His wife?Copy !req
2708. - Yes, I remember.Copy !req
2709. I meant to take it.Copy !req
2710. - That's the thing it reacts to!Copy !req
2711. - And that's the clue for our antidote!Copy !req
2712. - And that's the thing that we,Copy !req
2713. hey wait!Copy !req
2714. - Oh,Copy !req
2715. hey, you gettin' a good drawCopy !req
2716. off of that thing?Copy !req
2717. - He's ours!Copy !req
2718. We're gonna have to brand him!Copy !req
2719. You hold him down, Hoss!Copy !req
2720. Little Joe,Copy !req
2721. keep those thing, get,Copy !req
2722. make it hot!Copy !req
2723. - Getting stronger with every beat!Copy !req
2724. - We're lucky last night
that we got one of you!Copy !req
2725. It's unfortunate the G-Men are on this!Copy !req
2726. - Well, they are in on it, Chief.Copy !req
2727. We gotta act quickCopy !req
2728. if we expect to beat
them to Zorka's secret!Copy !req
2729. Wherever it is.Copy !req
2730. - Do you think Monk's go it?Copy !req
2731. - Oh, sure.Copy !req
2732. He wrote around midnight, didn't he?Copy !req
2733. - Strange.Copy !req
2734. Almost as if he was
under a hypnotic spell.Copy !req
2735. - You now,Copy !req
2736. I like this hypnotic spell bit!Copy !req
2737. - Perhaps he is!Copy !req
2738. Has it ever occurred to youCopy !req
2739. that Zorka might be alive?Copy !req
2740. - No, what do you mean?Copy !req
2741. - I mean, Zorka might be alive!Copy !req
2742. - He has done some remarkable things.Copy !req
2743. He's never quite right to me either.Copy !req
2744. That he should die in
an ordinary accident.Copy !req
2745. - I'd always imagined himCopy !req
2746. doing something real splashy!Copy !req
2747. - Bring him to me!Copy !req
2748. Perhaps the sight of money
will loosen his tongue!Copy !req
2749. - Hey!Copy !req
2750. - I know some other ways, too!Copy !req
2751. - Like beating him over the headCopy !req
2752. with hedge shears!Copy !req
2753. - Our leader is expecting usCopy !req
2754. to get control of this great secret!Copy !req
2755. With it, we can conquer the world!Copy !req
2756. - Then we start thinking big.Copy !req
2757. - Mayberry!Copy !req
2758. My favorite town!Copy !req
2759. - Mm-hm.Copy !req
2760. Here he goes!Copy !req
2761. String in the door.Copy !req
2762. I saw it.Copy !req
2763. Cheap.Copy !req
2764. - You passed out 'cause you had the disksCopy !req
2765. we'd planted on Ann Zorka.Copy !req
2766. - Who'd wanna destroy her?Copy !req
2767. - Oh, I would!Copy !req
2768. - Me too!Copy !req
2769. - Can I take this along
to Zorka's laboratory?Copy !req
2770. It might lead to something.Copy !req
2771. - Certainly!Copy !req
2772. I'll assemble and analysisCopy !req
2773. of what is on that disk.Copy !req
2774. It might lead directly to Zorka's secret!Copy !req
2775. - Oh, don't get up!Copy !req
2776. - Come on.Copy !req
2777. - Lazy.Copy !req
2778. - There he doesn' go.Copy !req
2779. - Oh-ho, fun!Copy !req
2780. - the Zorka disks.Copy !req
2781. - I hope you get get
enough other informationCopy !req
2782. so that we can crack this case wide open!Copy !req
2783. - Yeah, before it cracks us!Copy !req
2784. - So, with grenadine,Copy !req
2785. or without, my dear?Copy !req
2786. - Now if I can just get this formulaCopy !req
2787. properly recorded—Copy !req
2788. - I can get a
contract with Dave Getham!Copy !req
2789. Oh, wait a minute.Copy !req
2790. He casts a shadow?Copy !req
2791. - Now, would you preferCopy !req
2792. a Long Island Iced Tea?Copy !req
2793. - Did he have a hairnet on?Copy !req
2794. With casting.Copy !req
2795. - Ooh!
- Clumsy oaf!Copy !req
2796. - What's the
matter Doctor Mallory?Copy !req
2797. - I'm having chest pains!Copy !req
2798. - First wordCopy !req
2799. sounds like—Copy !req
2800. - His doin' his Joe Cocker there!Copy !req
2801. Oh, he's wearing a hairnet.Copy !req
2802. - Hey, that's the closet!Copy !req
2803. - Dummy!Copy !req
2804. - That's his Annie.Copy !req
2805. - Hey, has he been hitting you?Copy !req
2806. - Nice watch.Copy !req
2807. Hey, whoa!Copy !req
2808. This is neat!Copy !req
2809. Huh, what are you doin' Saturday?Copy !req
2810. Uh, I'm movin' into a new place.Copy !req
2811. Okay, now drop and give me 20!Copy !req
2812. - Cool, a robot.
Mm-hm.Copy !req
2813. Uh, right face!Copy !req
2814. - Don't smoke.Copy !req
2815. Please don't smoke.Copy !req
2816. I'm dead now.Copy !req
2817. - Don't smoke.Copy !req
2818. - Now I'll try to rememberCopy !req
2819. to get out real slow.Copy !req
2820. We're trying to pad the film here.Copy !req
2821. - Hey,Copy !req
2822. why do we always have to get hereCopy !req
2823. just as the sun is setting?Copy !req
2824. - Oh.
- Those long shadowsCopy !req
2825. get on your nerves, hey, Jim?Copy !req
2826. - I hope to tell you, around this place.Copy !req
2827. - Uh, let's see what this can find for us.Copy !req
2828. - It's a Boy Scout compass.Copy !req
2829. - The chopper's fired.Copy !req
2830. - A Boy Scout?Copy !req
2831. - I'm going to take the little nip!Copy !req
2832. - Mm-hm.Copy !req
2833. - Yeah, not even chauffersCopy !req
2834. can resist the rich
taste of ultimate power!Copy !req
2835. - Dear John,Copy !req
2836. I have to tell you,Copy !req
2837. what I have to tell you is—
- Oh, never mind.Copy !req
2838. - He's almost jumped out the dial here.Copy !req
2839. Must be another disk around close.Copy !req
2840. - I'm gonna take this cubeCopy !req
2841. and I'm gonna sell it myself.Copy !req
2842. I've seen its power,Copy !req
2843. and you know it's not that good.Copy !req
2844. - Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
2845. - And I'll see you later!Copy !req
2846. - Oil can!Copy !req
2847. - Don't smoke!Copy !req
2848. Please.Copy !req
2849. Eh, these Game Boys are great.Copy !req
2850. I got Centipede!Copy !req
2851. - Yeah, it's strong here.Copy !req
2852. - I love that old thing!Copy !req
2853. - Oh.Copy !req
2854. - Now it's stronger.Copy !req
2855. This way, Jim.Copy !req
2856. - Oh, terrific,Copy !req
2857. I got the source of ultimate power,Copy !req
2858. and I'm trapped like a rat!Copy !req
2859. - Uh, landlord!Copy !req
2860. - I'm doing the dishes!Copy !req
2861. - I just wanna show the apartment.Copy !req
2862. Is that okay?Copy !req
2863. - Hello?Copy !req
2864. - Hello, pest control.
- Hello!Copy !req
2865. - We're spraying today!Copy !req
2866. Hello?Copy !req
2867. - Not so strong here.Copy !req
2868. - Hm, plot gets weaker over here.Copy !req
2869. - Now it's stronger!Copy !req
2870. - Yeah.
- Funny.Copy !req
2871. - Maybe I'll just sneak by here,Copy !req
2872. if you don't mind.Copy !req
2873. - Hey!Copy !req
2874. - Hey!Copy !req
2875. - What do you mean hey?Copy !req
2876. - Who is this mutt?Copy !req
2877. - He came with you.Copy !req
2878. What are you askin' me for?Copy !req
2879. - He may be one of the spies!Copy !req
2880. - Oh!Copy !req
2881. - What's the matter?Copy !req
2882. What was that?Copy !req
2883. - What, what?Copy !req
2884. - I didn't do that.Copy !req
2885. - He who smelt it dealt it.Copy !req
2886. - It slipped right from my hand.Copy !req
2887. And when it touched that box,Copy !req
2888. it went right up in smoke!Copy !req
2889. - Sure.Copy !req
2890. - There's something pretty hot in there!Copy !req
2891. - Don't open that!Copy !req
2892. - Aw, we need Doctor Mallory to open it!Copy !req
2893. - Yeah, I oughta.Copy !req
2894. - Well, we'll take him
to headquarters, first.Copy !req
2895. - Yeah, Paul Nunca!Copy !req
2896. Big old, uh.Copy !req
2897. That's what you getCopy !req
2898. for wanting to rule the world, buddy!Copy !req
2899. - I can't open this thing!Copy !req
2900. - Oh, crap, he's
gonna open that thing!Copy !req
2901. I gotta get a plan!Copy !req
2902. - What's the matter, Bob?Copy !req
2903. Can't you make it?Copy !req
2904. Maybe it's just as well,Copy !req
2905. after what happened with at meometer.Copy !req
2906. - Yeah, you're probably right.Copy !req
2907. Hey, let's climb aroundCopy !req
2908. on something we can't possibly understand!Copy !req
2909. - Hey, Bob!Copy !req
2910. What's the matter with this car?Copy !req
2911. The engine stopped running!Copy !req
2912. - Well, let's hope the
rear projection holds out!Copy !req
2913. - Whoa!Copy !req
2914. - Shocking, wow!Copy !req
2915. - Yup.Copy !req
2916. - Hey, neat!Copy !req
2917. It's blowin' up power lines!Copy !req
2918. Open up another one, Bob!Copy !req
2919. - Cool!Copy !req
2920. - Hey, keep it rolling!Copy !req
2921. - Whoa-oh.Copy !req
2922. - Zorka must be
a power line protester.Copy !req
2923. - So, I'll just get out here, okay?Copy !req
2924. Yeah, don't bother stop
and account for me.Copy !req
2925. And guess what time it is?Copy !req
2926. - Oh, we better get out of here.Copy !req
2927. - It's time to split.Copy !req
2928. Come on, let's go!Copy !req
2929. - Well, thanks for comin'!Copy !req
2930. Good night!Copy !req
2931. You've been a wonderful audience!Copy !req
2932. The Phantom Creep audiencesCopy !req
2933. are the greatest audiences in the whoa!Copy !req
2934. - Man, that was such an ordeal!Copy !req
2935. What a cool trick,Copy !req
2936. making us watch a whole other movie again!Copy !req
2937. - Yeah, with each episode,Copy !req
2938. that Phantom CreepsCopy !req
2939. gets more and more ridiculous!Copy !req
2940. - Yeah, I know!Copy !req
2941. Who did that chauffeur think he was?Copy !req
2942. Thinking he could rule the world!Copy !req
2943. - Yeah.Copy !req
2944. - Hey, it wasn't my faultCopy !req
2945. that we showed The
Phantom Creep at the end!Copy !req
2946. It's Doctor Forrester who calls
all the shots around here!Copy !req
2947. If you ask me, that
chauffeur had the right idea.Copy !req
2948. As a matter of fact,Copy !req
2949. I've prepared a little number!Copy !req
2950. - All the gorgeous damesCopy !req
2951. would worship at my feet!Copy !req
2952. Why, I could have any one of them I want!Copy !req
2953. Even Meryl Streep!Copy !req
2954. - That's enough, Frank!Copy !req
2955. - That's enough, Frank!Copy !req
2956. Frank!Copy !req
2957. - That's enough!Copy !req
2958. - That's enough, Frank!Copy !req
2959. - We think your song is fabulous!Copy !req
2960. - Push the button Judy Garland!Copy !req
2961. Push the button, Frank!Copy !req
2962. - You think the Ace Awards
people are watching right now?Copy !req
2963. - Oh, for crying out loud!Copy !req