Mystery Science Theater 3000 3x3

1. In the not-too-distant future

2. Next Sunday A.D.

3. There was a guy named Joel

4. Not too different from you or me

5. He worked at Gizmonic Institute

6. Just another face in a red jumpsuit

7. He did a good job cleaning up the place

8. But his bosses didn't like him

9. So they shot him into space

10. We'll send him cheesy movies

11. The worst we can find

12. La-la-la

13. He'll have to sit and watch them all

14. And we'll monitor his mind

15. La-la-la

16. Now, keep in mind Joel can't control

17. Where the movies begin or end

18. La-la-la

19. Because he used those special parts

20. To make his robot friends

21. - Robot Roll Call: - All right, let's go!

22. - Cambot! - Pan left!

23. - Gypsy! - Hi, girl!

24. - Tom Servo! - What a cool guy!

25. - Crow! - Oh, wisecracker.

26. If you're wondering how he eats and breathes

27. And other science facts

28. La-la-la

29. Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a show"

30. "I should really just relax"

31. For Mystery Science Theater 3000!

32. IBM, CBS, RCA, the CIA,

33. the FBI, the NBA, A&P, NBC, ABC,

34. R. Crumb, and C.P.O. Sharkey.

35. You see, they're all the same.

36. And what do I think?

37. I think, if life gives you lemons,

38. you make lemonade.

39. Good night, and may God bless.

40. Hey, that was great.

41. Hey, I didn't know you guys were there.

42. - Stop, thank... thank you. - I'd applaud if I could, but...

43. Well, it's a work in progress.

44. It's part of my one-man show called "Robot on the Run."

45. Wow, it's... Hey, look, we're on, everybody. Hi!

46. Hey, welcome to the Satellite of Love.

47. We're having our art Chautauqua today.

48. Cool.

49. Commercial sign in 15 seconds.

50. Anyway, Tom, you wanna do yours?

51. Let's do it.

52. I was born the son of a poor Filipino merchant.

53. I remember I would sit on the stoop of my tenement brownstone

54. on the Lower East Side.

55. I was... Uh, I was, uh...

56. Tom, your line is, "I was crying."

57. Thank you.

58. Commercial sign in five,

59. four, three, two...

60. Commercial sign now.

61. I was crying.

62. Now?

63. Mayo, I'm going to make a recommendation

64. that you be dropped from the program.

65. Don't you do it! Don't you do it!

66. I've got nowhere else to go!

67. I've got nothin'.

68. - Hey, pretty good. - Yeah, pretty good.

69. - Thank you. Huh, Cool. - Okay, anyway, I...

70. think it's time to do, uh, the invention exchange here.

71. What I've got isn't really a new invention,

72. but it's a new kind of guitar chord.

73. What you do...

74. It's for the dynamic endings of your rock show.

75. This is the Mel Bay, uh, chart right there.

76. It's an A minor augmented

77. with an Eddie Van Halen bolt action on the bottom.

78. Cool.

79. And so when you get to the big jams

80. at the end of the concert,

81. you can play it. Now...

82. It takes two hands to play this chord,

83. so at that point you have your dynamic front man.

84. I guess Crow will do it... will strum it.

85. Okay, on the count of three. One, two, three.

86. What do you think, sirs?

87. Oh, great, get Foghat on the phone.

88. Well, our experiment this week, Joel,

89. is going to be sweeping the country by storm.

90. Isn't that right, Frank?

91. That's right.

92. You know, all the fads with the young people today.

93. You know the kids today, with their loud music,

94. hula hoops, fax machines, but the biggest fad these days,

95. karaoke, whoo!

96. What we've done is we've invented a Karaoke machine

97. that exclusively plays public domain songs.

98. That's right. That means you can sing into your karaoke machine,

99. have as much fun as you want,

100. and not pay one cent in artist royalties.

101. That's right, Frank.

102. Now, what happens when you go into your favorite karaoke bar

103. and you want to hear "I Want to Know What Love is" by Foreigner?

104. People vomit?

105. No, Lou Gramm, songwriter and Chess King spokesmodel

106. gets a big fat royalty check,

107. and that means lots of money.

108. So, Joel, we've loaded our machine

109. only with public domain songs.

110. All free of copyright, all owned by you, the people.

111. That's right. You wanna hit the roll there, Jerry?

112. You get "The Battle Hymn of the Republic."

113. The immortal "Ba Ba Black Sheep."

114. The turgid and bittersweet "Gregorian Chant number 5."

115. The impish "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."

116. Mozart's the Magic Flute,

117. and there's so much more.

118. But your experiment this week, Joel, is called "Pod People".

119. It has nothing to do with pods.

120. It has nothing to do with people.

121. It has everything to do with hurting.

122. And we're going to sing you into it...

123. with our new public domain karaoke machine.

124. Hit it, Frank.

125. Ave

126. Maria

127. Boy, it's a good thing we got those... those new heads on.

128. Great experiment, Joel. Great, great invention there.

129. Oh, pod people got no reason to live.

130. Isn't that Nia Peeples' brother? Pod Peeple?

131. Mm-hm. No.

132. And she's married to Maury Povich, right?

133. No, you're thinking of Connie Chung. That's Cheston.

134. Sorry.

135. Ooh.

136. William Anton.

137. I think that's Susan Anton's half-brother.

138. Could be. Which half?

139. Huh? Better half?

140. Whoa, it's the Iron Maiden, dude.

141. Check him out. Hey! Whoo!

142. These...

143. I believe I'll use my putter for...

144. For what?

145. For... hittin', guys.

146. Oh, this is where the Swamp Thing

147. versus the sweet thang.

148. Ooh. Ah.

149. Ah, the tears of a clown.

150. Faruk Alatan? I went to school with Faruk Alatan.

151. Let's go skin it and eat it now.

152. That's not a Spalding.

153. It's a Piquer Simon-Jack Gray signature ball.

154. Huh.

155. I dare you to eat it.

156. No, you eat it.

157. Lick it first.

158. That one's hard on pants.

159. Boy, that guy's got some unfortunate skin, all right.

160. Mm-hm.

161. Really unfortunate skin. Yeah.

162. Emergency 911.

163. A man falls. Stunned by a monster.

164. My baby.

165. Oh, boldly backing away

166. from where no man has gone before.

167. Car sick.

168. Look. Between a rock and a hard planet.

169. Come on and dance.

170. I'm Curly Neal, to show you how.

171. It was a dark and stormy night.

172. I'd taken a creative writing course.

173. Daktari.

174. Oh, I love taking rides in the bog.

175. You sure this is the place?

176. Sure I'm sure.

177. I'm sure that you're sure that I'm sure I'm sure.

178. Sure? Sure.

179. Well, I think I'm sure.

180. Think you're sure I'm sure.

181. Hey, does he look dorky enough?

182. Dorky Park.

183. And you think you know it all, don't ya?

184. D'oh.

185. I just don't want to spend a night out in this crap

186. for nothin'.

187. For Christ's sake, will you keep your voices down?

188. There's rangers around here.

189. Let's grab the pic-a-nic baskets and scram, Boo-Boo.

190. Meanwhile, a few miles away.

191. Is this...?

192. Darren, did you just hear a comet?

193. Huh. Now, this guy's got Renaissance Festival

194. written all over him.

195. Huzzah!

196. Lions and tigers, and bears, oh, my!

197. Lions and tigers, and bears.

198. Oh, my!

199. Well, time to start camping.

200. You dress up as Oscar Wilde,

201. and I'll sing Noel Coward songs.

202. Camping!

203. This way.

204. Yeah, whatever.

205. Tonight on Music from Hearts of Space,

206. we'll go on a cosmic joyride with some space music

207. by various Bay Area artists.

208. But first...

209. There, that's the nest.

210. We'll make a fortune with that lot.

211. They're nightingale's eggs.

212. I'll believe that when they've hatched out.

213. Lay off. Will you, Matt?

214. Just lay off.

215. Here.

216. Perfect.

217. Go to the truck and bring a ladder, Sam.

218. I didn't get cast in the Lorne Greene role for nothin'.

219. There's something very strange going on in that light.

220. Look over there.

221. Didn't you hear me? Go get that damn ladder.

222. - Okay. - Move it!

223. Heil Hitler.

224. I'm going, I'm going. Jeepers.

225. First up on Hearts of Space,

226. John Tesh with "Whispering Firestorm."

227. Then it's Yanni with "Snoremaster of Trafalgamar."

228. Then comes Bay Area musician Del Mondo,

229. with his Sominex suite in D-flat.

230. Then a synthesized interplanetary salute

231. to Perry Como.

232. A the end of the hour,

233. we'll have information about the types of sedatives used

234. by tonight's artists... on Music from the Hearts of Space.

235. Uh, football practice.

236. Puma? Puma.

237. Spielberg?

238. Kitty.

239. Oh, Mittens, are you eating gerbils?

240. Naughty kitty.

241. Must be punished.

242. Wow, his room's becoming a disco.

243. Neat.

244. It's the ABC Movie of the Week.

245. Hmm, what pretentious crap.

246. Well, that guy's going to get

247. his presidential physical fitness award.

248. It's a done deal.

249. Come on, you wuss.

250. Come on, you gotta want it.

251. Hey, Dad hid the eggs good this year.

252. Whoa. That darn cat.

253. Huh?

254. Ooh! Next time on MacGyver.

255. I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks.

256. I do, I do, I do, I do, I do believe in spooks.

257. I do, I do. Good night.

258. Huzzah!

259. Ha! Did you see that?

260. Speak Middle English. - Did you see it?

261. What? What the hell are you talking about?

262. Looked like... like a huge ball of fire crashed over there.

263. - Probably a bolt of lightning. - It was no bolt of lightning.

264. I tell you something crashed back there.

265. What's going on?

266. - Well, I just saw something. - Nothing.

267. Here. Hold my purse.

268. I swear to you, I saw something crash back there.

269. I don't know, maybe a meteorite.

270. Oh, forget it, Sam. Just go and get...

271. Ready? Push him over now.

272. - ... the ladder, will you? Go on. Oh... I love that one.

273. And don't take all night.

274. Wish we brought Bill along instead of that crazy moron.

275. Bill? He's changed sides. Works for the rangers now.

276. Bill jumped the fence? - Bill on the side of the law?

277. - That's incredible. Swings both ways now.

278. Let's try that nest over there.

279. Hmm.

280. Hey, looks like Yoda's home.

281. Luke? Use the Force, Luke.

282. Hmm. Nah. Nah.

283. Ah, ah, it's clearing now.

284. With a name like Smuckers raspberry preserves,

285. you know it's good.

286. This inflamed tissue, the burning,

287. we'd better put some peroxide.

288. Smuckers brand peroxide.

289. I'll get a hanky.

290. Welcome to Laserium. Tonight, music by Rick Wakeman.

291. A ladder. That's a rope.

292. Idiot.

293. Oh, forget this. I'm gettin' out of here.

294. I'm no longer your whipping boy.

295. I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.

296. If you can't find 'em, grind 'em, right?

297. Grind a pound for me, man.

298. This Outward Bound is really broadening him.

299. Well worth the trouble.

300. Hey, let me have a look.

301. Good idea.

302. Hmm.

303. What have we here? These are kola nuts.

304. These are un-kola nuts.

305. These will pay the rent for a while.

306. - Where's Sam? He's paying the rent.

307. Hell, I don't know.

308. Should've been back by now, though.

309. Hey, what if the son of a... has run out on us?

310. And taken the truck, too.

311. Don't touch him there.

312. Come on.

313. Now Mr. Science is going to show us the white cells.

314. Put that down.

315. D'oh.

316. Oh, clean up on aisle 7.

317. It's a Gold'n Plump chicken!

318. Ugh.

319. Ooh, he should've checked the freshness date on those.

320. Over easy.

321. Oh, what is he, an L.A. cop?

322. Man exploring his territory here.

323. Ouch.

324. I guess we know which came first now, don't we?

325. Wanna make a movie, you gotta break some eggs.

326. Bawk, bawk, bawk. Cluck, cluck, cluck.

327. Oh, my goodness, it's the Easter Bunny,

328. and is he ever mad.

329. Hey, this guy looks like Norm Abram getting killed.

330. Hmm. Hear that?

331. Sounds like Norm Abram's getting killed

332. by a giant chicken.

333. I gotta walk off those eggs.

334. Hoo!

335. My cholesterol count's way up.

336. Morning comes to cheap white trash.

337. - Was this it? - Yeah.

338. Yeah.

339. I knew it. Son of a... ran out on us.

340. Ah, looks like we spend the night out here.

341. You feel comfortable, uh, sharing a sleeping bag with me?

342. Ooh.

343. All the camping equipment was in the pickup.

344. So what? Won't be the first time you've dropped it.

345. Come on.

346. D'oh.

347. Hey, it's White Fang.

348. And he's stealing those bifocals.

349. They came to Earth to steal bifocals.

350. Well, it's not his prescription, I don't think.

351. I've gone blind.

352. I'm looking at the back of my retinas.

353. No, it's just the movie. I'm blind.

354. The movie went blind.

355. Oh. Wish I had gone blind.

356. Luke, finish your training, you will.

357. Bambi, humans are basically good.

358. Uh, check that.

359. You know, Mom,

360. you never hear the one with your name on it.

361. See that?

362. Game around here isn't usually at all nervous.

363. My bloodlust cannot be sated.

364. The light trembling of a fawn

365. as it lay dying in my arms, you know.

366. Christ, you're beginning to sound like Sam.

367. Son of Sam.

368. why or what.

369. But I got a funny feeling, and I don't like it.

370. I've gotta kill something is what I gotta do.

371. How about you? Gino Vannelli?

372. Yee...

373. Needs a shave.

374. Ugh. Ooh. Right in the eye.

375. Ooh. Whoa!

376. Whoo.

377. The helpless cough of a squirrel with a crushed face.

378. that's what life's all about.

379. What's the big hurry?

380. The big hurry's I wanna get the hell out of here.

381. I'm doing a one-man show...

382. Leslie Nielson, Leslie Nielson, Leslie Nielson.

383. I can tell you this, something weird going on.

384. All right, look.

385. You stick around if you like. I'm moving.

386. Movin' on.

387. Hey, you may want to wax that bikini hair.

388. Oof!

389. Oh, you know, even the movie "The Fog"

390. didn't have this much fog.

391. Un-hunh.

392. You know, the entry wound of a shot is a kill.

393. Okay Please.

394. At least, we'd have four walls and a roof.

395. And a jail cell tomorrow.

396. Oh, yeah, guess you're right.

397. Eh, forget about that.

398. Give me some of that stuff.

399. Hi, God.

400. Look, there's Julie Andrews, and she's on fire.

401. Good.

402. Sorry, Jules.

403. You know, this scene

404. didn't originally appear in the movie,

405. but they, uh... they restored it. Aren't you glad?

406. Oh, thank you, AMC.

407. Huh. Mm-hm.

408. Aah! It's the camera man.

409. He's looking through the wrong lens.

410. Oh, that comb... used to belong to Keith Richards.

411. Look what I've got here, Uncle Bill.

412. Huh, centipede.

413. It's a lithobius forficatus.

414. To me, it's a centipede.

415. It's always been called a centipede.

416. He's a loving and giving caregiver.

417. What have you got there?

418. A lithobius forficatus.

419. Centipede.

420. Well, chuck the filthy thing away.

421. It's for my insect collection.

422. Then, take it up to your room, okay?

423. Can I go out and find some more specimens?

424. Later. You've got to help your uncle in the cellar.

425. Now, then, finish your breakfast.

426. Aw.

427. Oops, wrong bowl.

428. 3M today. A more vibrant future

429. for the plastic resin-based industries!

430. Ah, finally a movie for our generation.

431. Swingin'.

432. Whoo.

433. Get your bike ready, leather jacket on

434. Hey, it's Greg Brady! Cool.

435. Let the engine go. Oh, no, hold it. Hold it.

436. - It stinks. We agree.

437. Let's take it again from the top.

438. Here's your coffee. I made it special.

439. I'll be right over here. Bye.

440. You guys are all over the place.

441. Yeah, you're up in the mountains.

442. You're in the studio. You're in a cave.

443. You're in a shotgun shack.

444. You're in another part of the world.

445. You're on top of Old Smokey there.

446. Huh. You're all over the place.

447. We're just as confused as you are, folks.

448. Ah, the heck with this, Norm.

449. Let's go down to the suburbs

450. and crash through a school window.

451. Hey, okay. Hey, you hear about Phil?

452. He got hit by a truck last night.

453. Ooh, down by the salt lick?

454. Yeah. Oh, what a shame.

455. Ah, here they come.

456. Walkin' down the street.

457. They get the funniest looks from everyone they meet.

458. Wait, those aren't deer.

459. Well, let's shoot them. They're not wearing orange.

460. They're going to die in that Samurai Jeep anyway.

461. Uh, uh, you're still in first.

462. No... Mo... You don't know how to drive a stick, do you?

463. Oh, hell,

464. don't say they're going to have problems, not now.

465. They're going to have problems, not now.

466. Christ.

467. No. There they go.

468. They're okay.

469. Good riddance.

470. Now we can kill us some game in peace and quiet.

471. Do you realize what you just said?

472. Or maybe just go and rest in the cabin.

473. Huzzah.

474. I say we take a rest.

475. Aah!

476. kick her into gear

477. Steady as she goes Am I flying overdrive

478. Flying over trout? Heading down the highway

479. Hey, you think the mike's picking up their dancing?

480. All I wanna feel is the wind in my eyes

481. Lyrics by Mrs. Johnson's Kindergarten Class.

482. Wind in my eyes? - All systems ready to go

483. All victims ready to skull?

484. Hear the engines roar now Idiot control now

485. Hear the engines roar now.

486. Idiot control...

487. Hey, Greg Louganis is so talented.

488. Cute, too.

489. Young Republicans... They're so hip!

490. This may...

491. might be Mike CurbCongregation's best album ever!

492. Burning rubber tires

493. Whoo!

494. - That's nice. - Now they got it together.

495. Oh, yeah, they got it together now.

496. Hmm, hmm, hmm, ceiling needs painting.

497. He is really good.

498. Good? He's the best.

499. Oh, I could say...

500. Uh, just leave it like that.

501. Hear the engines roar now

502. Hear the young potato

503. Hear the engines roar now

504. Idiot control now

505. Hear the engines roar now

506. Hideous control now

507. Hear the engines roar now

508. Digging Minnie Pearl now

509. Hear the engines roar now

510. Wheels on fire Burning rubber tires

511. Whoo!

512. Hear the engines roar now

513. Nice song, but I think it needs a hook or something.

514. Hear the engines roar now

515. Get down, Crow.

516. Hear the engines roar now

517. I can't. Back up.

518. Hear the engines roar now

519. Whoo!

520. If these guys get any more soul,

521. we'll have to order out for greens.

522. - Okay - Hmm? Good.

523. Well?

524. Hmm?

525. - It stinks. D'oh.

526. Whah, whah, whah.

527. Well, what's the matter with it?

528. Who knows? It was great.

529. Hmm.

530. I hope you're joking.

531. I never joke about my living.

532. Well, I thought it was great this time.

533. Great? Yeah. Kathy was half-asleep,

534. and you, Tracy, you were blasting out like a foghorn.

535. What's wrong with him, then?

536. Did he get up on the wrong side of the bed?

537. You should know. Hey, shh.

538. - And you. - Me, what?

539. Come on, out with it.

540. You came in half a beat late.

541. Ooh.

542. What are you talking about, Rick?

543. Back in a minute...

544. I came in half a beat late?

545. I'm not going to argue, Sharon.

546. You came in late.

547. Come on, Rick, give me a break.

548. You're always early.

549. You're impossible to follow.

550. Yay. Fantastic, everybody.

551. Hey, it's Andy Travis from WKRP!

552. Gary's really excited about this take.

553. Why don't you ask him?

554. Hmm? - Hmm?

555. Hey, guys, the fun's over.

556. Well, I still say you were all fantastic. Really.

557. It's gonna be a hit for sure. You wanna hear it again?

558. No. No. - That's okay, Gary.

559. It's been a long day. We'll hear it on Monday.

560. Thanks. Have a nice weekend.

561. But it's Wednesday.

562. Long weekend.

563. And now, let's get out of here.

564. Let's get up into those mountains

565. and breathe a little fresh air.

566. After the atmosphere in here, it'll probably kill us.

567. Tracy, go pick up the scores.

568. And my leather clown suit.

569. - Me and my big mouth. - Place is really great.

570. You'll love it up there.

571. Hey, Gary, how about it. Huh?

572. Sorry, honey. Got a mess of work.

573. Oh, come on, Gary. You'll have a wonderful time.

574. I'll belong to you, soul and body.

575. No, I just ate. Thanks.

576. I'm sorry, Tracy, it's been a long week, and, well...

577. Okay, don't worry. I get the message.

578. I know I'm not your type.

579. What the hell? There's always Robert Redford.

580. Oh, we gotta go, guys.

581. - Come on, give me a break. That's what I was doing.

582. Oh.

583. Don't call us. We'll call you.

584. She should be more accessible, you know?

585. - So long, super stud. Yeah.

586. All right, all right, let's do it again.

587. You come in late, girls, again... you're out.

588. All right?

589. All right, from the top.

590. With a pickle mind We kick the nipple beers

591. Steady as a goat We're flying over trout

592. Ghetto down the highway At the speed of light

593. All I wanna feel now Is the wind in my eyes

594. Sack of monkeys In my pocket

595. My sister's ready to go

596. Hear the engines roar now

597. Hear the engines roar now

598. Idiot control now

599. Idiot control now

600. Hideous control now

601. Hideous control now

602. Ninny on the road now

603. Ninny on the road now

604. Minnie in control

605. Wheels on fire

606. Burning rubber tires

607. Whoo!

608. He's pretty good.

609. Good? He's the best.

610. Blurry jelly rolls now

611. Blurry jelly rolls now

612. Hiddy lets it go now

613. Hiddy lets it go now

614. Needy inches bow down

615. Needy inches bow down

616. Pitying a poor boy

617. Pitying a poor boy

618. Hear the engines roar

619. Bees on pie Burning rubber tires

620. Whoo!

621. Oh, great. Pretty good.

622. What do you think?

623. It stinks.

624. - Mom... Hear the engines roar now

625. Woof. That was a hot session, huh?

626. Oh, yeah.

627. Look, Sharon, honey, I'm sorry.

628. I got all uptight.

629. D'oh.

630. This is important to me, this LP, you know that.

631. Don't you?

632. Just forget it, will you?

633. You know I didn't mean anything.

634. Ah, kiss me, you big lug.

635. Mm-mm.

636. Hey, you got all weekend.

637. Oh, that's right. All for fun.

638. Oh, that's sweet, huh? Oh, neat. Let's go.

639. And they have Pringles.

640. You think the weather's going to hold?

641. No, I think it's just going to stop.

642. Hey, where did you say we were going?

643. To hell. - Cinder National Forest.

644. It's a fantastic place. So peaceful and so quiet.

645. Not a soul for miles, I suppose.

646. I'm not bringing mine.

647. It's really out of the way.

648. Just a few rangers and a lot of bears.

649. I guess I'll just have to find a ranger

650. or a bear to sleep with, then.

651. What are you saying?

652. Ooh. Oh, sorry, wrong movie.

653. I'm cold. I didn't bring my jacket.

654. Or your brain.

655. Do you mind if I put on one of yours, Rick, darling?

656. Look, Pocahontas, Rick's mine.

657. Somebody else needs warming up.

658. Who the hell is that?

659. Hi, y'all. I'm Laura Stapleton.

660. Maureen Stapleton?

661. Naw. Looking good.

662. Oh, Ricky, you were wonderful.

663. Marvelous. You were all great.

664. We're going to have such fun this weekend.

665. Uh-oh. - Yeah, great fun.

666. Ooh.

667. - Sharon! - What's got into that...?

668. Girl. - Are you all right, Rick?

669. All right in the bags? S'all right.

670. Open this door!

671. Who on Earth made you invite her along?

672. What's going on? - Forgot we met the other day.

673. I guess I must've told her about the weekend by accident.

674. Yeah, accidently on purpose.

675. Never thought she'd actually come.

676. Well, tell her to get lost.

677. I can't do that, can I?

678. Turns out she's the daughter of one of the bosses here.

679. Makes her part of the establishment, doesn't it?

680. And she happens to like the way I perform.

681. Anyway, an artist has to think about his public, doesn't he?

682. Can't argue with that. Ah, you make sense.

683. What's going on?

684. Especially if your public has boobs like that.

685. Uh, Joel, what are boobs?

686. You know, like Jethro Bodine?

687. Oh, boobs. Okay.

688. Sharon...

689. I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

690. Leave me alone. I'm going home.

691. To change, I hope.

692. Believe me, it's not what you think.

693. It's what you're wearing.

694. Of course not. It's probably worse.

695. Anyway, that's it. I'm finished with him.

696. Listen, Sharon.

697. Deep down, that guy is nuts about you.

698. Mm-hm.

699. Making out with chicks is part of his act as an artist.

700. Hmm.

701. One today, a different one tomorrow.

702. See, cheating is hip.

703. Accept the fact.

704. And if you love him, stand up and fight for him.

705. Enjoy being used.

706. There's no way you lose out.

707. Especially against some idiot like that.

708. So cool it. And relax.

709. Okay.

710. Brian's right, you know, Sharon.

711. Mm-hm. - Yes, isn't he always?

712. Mm-hm.

713. Why couldn't I fall in love with him?

714. And then they, oh... Come on, knuckleheads.

715. Still friends. Yeah.

716. Hey, try to be nice to your boyfriend's girlfriend...

717. boyfriend.

718. There, that'll keep 'em.

719. Uncle Bill? Jody?

720. Buffy? Mr. French?

721. Mrs. Beasley?

722. Chief? McCloud?

723. Boy, I hate Kenny. Oh, that's not Kenny.

724. We like this kid. Oh.

725. Hey, it's Desi and Lucy in "The Big, Big Trailer"!

726. It's neat, huh? Yeah.

727. Is this white Reggae?

728. What should I do?

729. It's getting late

730. I'm feeling blue

731. No, this is Morrissey.

732. Oh! I love it.

733. I sometimes think

734. It's one of the jokes

735. Ooga.

736. It's a kooky radio, isn't it?

737. Yeah, it goes in my ear.

738. Boy, you know, Ringo did some bad songs,

739. but this is really embarrassing.

740. Yeah.

741. - What should I do? Retire.

742. She hasn't come

743. I'm feeling blue

744. Hmm, this should fit over my head.

745. That you will come at the end

746. What?

747. Why you didn't call and tell me

748. Give me that. I'll scratch your eyes out.

749. found a worse road than this?

750. Fun. Levity.

751. Ah, the von Trapp Family Singers on the road.

752. Hope they find some Nazis.

753. Enjoy the good life in retirement.

754. Scene back roads,

755. Morrissey songs 24 hours a day.

756. And it really came together

757. when Mom sang along.

758. You call me to tell me you love me

759. You play the same game again

760. What do you want from me?

761. Oh, oh, Joel, Joel, Joel,

762. I'm tripping, tripping, tripping.

763. Talk him down, Joel. It's just an Echoplex.

764. Talk him down.

765. Oh. It's the Echoplex, buddy.

766. Whew. I was worried.

767. Hey, look, we paid for the van. We're gonna film it.

768. Paid for the song, too. Gonna use it all.

769. Oh, terrific, we're saved by the Gates of Hell.

770. Hey, what is it about the Gates of Hell

771. that compels people to wander into 'em?

772. It's because of Smuckers raspberry preserves.

773. Man, what's he going to do,

774. borrow a cup of sugar from Satan?

775. No, he's going to borrow

776. a cup of Smuckers raspberry jam.

777. It's most like real fruit.

778. Beastmaster? Ringo?

779. Axl? Sinead?

780. Chief? McCloud?

781. Wow, specimen jackpot.

782. Just, uh, put away his Dinty Moore.

783. Oh, that'll go great in his alien mutant hell beast

784. from space collection.

785. It says, "Don't laugh. It's paid for."

786. In Braille? Mm-hm.

787. Hey, one of you go and help Rick collect firewood.

788. I'll go. I wanna die.

789. Syntho birds.

790. Hmm. Hey, it's a Casio forest.

791. They parked next to a data stream.

792. Hmm.

793. Hmm.

794. Rick? Ricky, wait for me.

795. Hey.

796. Hey, put the Casio back in the van.

797. I don't think the others like me being here.

798. Duh.

799. They haven't said a word to me.

800. - Ignore them, then. - Oh, sure.

801. I would, but they dry-click their revolvers at me.

802. What brought you here? Me or them?

803. You, and you're right. I don't care.

804. Kiss me, Ricky.

805. Where?

806. Not now. Later. They're waiting for us.

807. I only asked you to kiss me.

808. - Don't you want to? No, I...

809. You got my gum.

810. Rick!

811. Where are you, Rick?

812. Mmph... over here.

813. Hold on!

814. I'm coming!

815. Mm-hm.

816. This is CNN.

817. Tommy.

818. Have you been playing with the gatekeeper again, Tommy?

819. Well... Mmm.

820. If nothing else...

821. Oh, you know, Steve tastes great.

822. - I wish everybody liked them. A little more pelvis?

823. What do you think, Laura, dear?

824. Mmm. Real good.

825. Hmm, you look like you're enjoying it.

826. My mother's just the best darn cook in the world.

827. She taught me to enjoy good eating.

828. Mmm.

829. Especially steaks, huh?

830. Not only. All kinds of meat.

831. Pelvis.

832. Sounds like a talented lady, your mother.

833. My mother was a saint!

834. you guys laughing at me all the time.

835. We're laughing with you, dear heart...

836. Oh, yeah, sure.

837. I know that you hate me.

838. You're jealous, aren't ya?

839. Because Ricky likes me.

840. Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles, honey.

841. Ooh.

842. Tell her what we did in the woods, Ricky.

843. She'd love to know. Right, Sharon?

844. Coffee?

845. Laura! You forgot your breakfast!

846. I think I better go after her.

847. No, leave her alone for a while.

848. Let her cool off.

849. Or get eaten by creatures.

850. Snap an ankle, die of exposure.

851. You know, we have been very hard on her.

852. Yeah, but it's a good chance to thin out the cast.

853. I don't even like coffee.

854. Only half a cup?

855. Mm-hm.

856. Don't you like the rich taste?

857. Mmm.

858. Dad? Mummy?

859. - Ricky? Is that you? Mr. Drysdale?

860. Mr. Eddie's father?

861. Don't play games with me, please.

862. Mr. Douglas. Mr. Haney.

863. Lisa? Chief?

864. McCloud?

865. - Please come out. Shaking the trees.

866. Ricky, I'm frightened.

867. Hey, look at the little birdie I caught.

868. It's a girl, you idiot.

869. You know what, Matt? You're a real blockhead.

870. You're just looking to land up in jail.

871. Come on. I can use you in my act. Huzzah.

872. I ain't doing nothing. You better run.

873. It's all forest that way. She won't get far.

874. D'oh.

875. Come on.

876. And there, on the handle, was...

877. You're not listening.

878. Great weather for a picnic.

879. I read it in my horoscope.

880. My horoscope said you'd be stalked by a leather mug maker

881. from a Renaissance Festival.

882. Run away!

883. Jesus, that little... Can run a lot faster than I thought.

884. Yeah, well, you're a jerk.

885. Ooh, touche. Very clever.

886. Next week on Mannix.

887. God, what was that?

888. Sounded like Laura leaping to her death.

889. Laura?

890. Jerk. You're a jerk.

891. Over there, jerk.

892. Come on, jerk. Such a jerk.

893. Come on.

894. Wait, did we leave the iron on?

895. Laura! Where are you, Laura?

896. Tell Laura I love her.

897. Laura!

898. Huh? Is your name Laura?

899. Nothing but trouble, Matt.

900. Let's get out of here fast.

901. Bitty-bitty-bitty. Wanna dance, Buck?

902. Oh, it's Laura Palmer.

903. Soupy Sales.

904. - This way. What, do you smell her?

905. Yeah, like a bloodhound. Yeah.

906. There she is.

907. Don't move. We'll come down.

908. Laura!

909. - Laura! - Jesus.

910. - She isn't dead, is she? - I don't think so.

911. But she's sure in bad shape. Get her legs.

912. Yeah, quick, move her spine around a lot.

913. Dope.

914. Laura! Rick!

915. Bosley? Angels?

916. Chief? McCloud?

917. Daddy, where are you?

918. Daddy? Leviathan?

919. Laverne? - Where are they?

920. Hello!

921. Over there.

922. Oh, my God, what happened?

923. I don't know.

924. She's claiming she's Anais Nin.

925. Things could get kind of tricky now.

926. This place is going to be swarming with rangers soon.

927. We better be on our way out of here.

928. We shouldn't have stole that pic-a-nic basket.

929. We'll make for the old hideout in the canyon, Big Bend.

930. Huzzah. - Christ, that's miles away.

931. Come on.

932. Quick, let's fold her.

933. Well, I'm so glad they turned her into a vegetable.

934. Give me one of the blankets.

935. Uh, no, that's okay. I'm not cold.

936. It's for her. Oh.

937. Here. This'll warm her up.

938. Uh, no thanks. I'm not thirsty.

939. It's for her, for her. For her.

940. Yes.

941. She obviously doesn't need it.

942. She's out cold. Yeah.

943. We've got to get her to a hospital.

944. Or a bar.

945. Hold on, Rick. It's more than 50 miles.

946. In this weather, in these roads, you wouldn't get very far.

947. We have to do something, Brian. We can't just leave her.

948. It's my fault. I forced her to run away.

949. Oh, Sharon, it wasn't you. It was me.

950. - She'll be all right. It's her fault.

951. Don't cry now.

952. What can we do, Brian?

953. Jam a sandwich down her throat.

954. refuge at Black Butte,

955. where there's a telephone, and they can help us.

956. Then, let's get out things. Come on.

957. Meanwhile, in another movie...

958. Ah, patience, gentle viewer.

959. This'll all make sense in the end.

960. Not.

961. I wonder when Flo and Alice are going to get here.

962. Mel, at home.

963. Let me out.

964. I said, let me out.

965. I said, let me out.

966. Ow, ow.

967. Shave and a haircut? Two bits.

968. Tommy.

969. Just tending the incubus, mother.

970. Why haven't you gone to bed yet?

971. I did, Mom, but kitty was meowing,

972. and I thought maybe he was hungry.

973. Oh, he's already eaten at least three times today.

974. Then, he certainly shouldn't have any more.

975. Okay, come on, into bed.

976. One of these days we're going to have trouble with you two.

977. In you get.

978. And remember, no wire hangers!

979. Settle down.

980. Now, go to sleep. All right?

981. Yes, Mom.

982. Good night.

983. Good night, mother. Good night, John-boy.

984. Good night, Hardcastle. Good night, McCormick.

985. Good night, Chief. Good night, McCloud.

986. You all just wait and see.

987. You're going to have a new friend soon.

988. That's really great, little kid.

989. Sad.

990. Spends a lot of time alone. Ugh.

991. Oh, he's trying to hatch the egg.

992. What is he, Horton?

993. Okay, so is this Movie A?

994. Beats me.

995. Well, let's see. The hunters are in Movie A.

996. The kid was in Movie B.

997. Ah, this is the Cowsills part. This is Movie C... C.

998. I shouldn't have had so much coffee.

999. I'll be right back.

1000. Ooh, enter the fog machine.

1001. Come on, honey. You're gonna love it here.

1002. Hello?

1003. Anybody home?

1004. What do you want at this time of night?

1005. We need help.

1006. Well, go and find it somewhere else.

1007. Wait a minute, please.

1008. Please, we need help.

1009. What's going on, Bill?

1010. Just a troublemaker.

1011. Nah, Jehovah Witnesses. - Please, we need help.

1012. Open the door, Bill.

1013. Go on.

1014. Open the door.

1015. Please, ma'am, can we use your phone?

1016. There's been an accident.

1017. She soiled herself.

1018. - What kind of trouble? Oh, please.

1019. - She fell. - Bring her in.

1020. Accident. - The telephone room.

1021. Follow me.

1022. Wakka-wakka?

1023. This phone isn't working.

1024. Give me that. I'll show you how to use a prop phone.

1025. - All right? - Yeah, fine.

1026. Eh, just a few more rooms, and you'll be there.

1027. Keep going.

1028. Ooh, nice.

1029. The line's dead.

1030. There's been a rock fall.

1031. The road's blocked.

1032. The phone lines are probably down, too.

1033. There's no way out of this film.

1034. God only knows how you got this far.

1035. Did you get through to the hospital?

1036. No, it's a prop phone.

1037. No way.

1038. The phone's screwed up.

1039. That's all we need.

1040. Man, if it's not one thing, it's another.

1041. Surely there must be some way of getting help.

1042. Hey, life stinks, man. Deal with it.

1043. Not now, there ain't.

1044. - You sure? - Of course I am.

1045. Come on. I'll make you some coffee.

1046. Don't worry. She'll be all right.

1047. Mm-hm.

1048. With a good night's rest, she'll be as right as rain

1049. in the morning.

1050. Yeah, that's what cures a crushed spine.

1051. Uh-huh.

1052. What's going on?

1053. Nothing. The phone's not working.

1054. The road back to town is blocked.

1055. Looks like there's no way out of here.

1056. But Laura needs help. There must be some way.

1057. Doesn't look like it. Not in this bloody wilderness.

1058. You and your out of the way places.

1059. D'oh. Come on now, Rick...

1060. Wow, a rock group staying at my house?

1061. Too much.

1062. I know. I'm not blaming you.

1063. It'll all be all right.

1064. I know where we can get help.

1065. - Please, Mrs., uh... - Stevens.

1066. - Thank you. - Molly Stevens.

1067. - Tell us, Mrs. Stevens. Molly Stevens.

1068. Just a few miles from here there's a forest ranger's cabin.

1069. They've got a radio.

1070. Then, what are we waiting for?

1071. Not now.

1072. You'll have to wait for daylight.

1073. At night you wouldn't make it.

1074. Anyway, since it's springtime,

1075. the rangers will be out searching for poachers.

1076. I'm right, Bill, aren't I?

1077. Oh, yeah, I'll give you that one.

1078. Bill knows where the patrols get to.

1079. He'll take you there tomorrow.

1080. Now you must get some rest. It's no good worrying.

1081. We've got plenty of space here.

1082. So as soon as you finish your coffee,

1083. I'll show you to your room.

1084. You're being very kind.

1085. Egg? Say, egg. There's a lot of people here.

1086. Have ya... Huh?

1087. Hey, uh...

1088. Ooh, we gotta go.

1089. Creamy living chocolate center.

1090. Ech!

1091. Oh, hiya, Crow.

1092. Oh, hi. Whatcha doin'?

1093. Oh, we were just inspired

1094. by the cool, new-age music of this movie,

1095. so we decided to use the wall of keyboards

1096. and make out own great new new-age music.

1097. You wanna help?

1098. Sure. Uh, what can I do?

1099. Well, I could teach you how to play the keyboards.

1100. Will it take long?

1101. No, of course not. Come on over here.

1102. Here, check this out.

1103. Okay, put your hand... Come on, put your hand over here.

1104. - Okay. - Put your finger down. See?

1105. - Like that? - Yeah.

1106. - Ah.

1107. Yeah, you got... you're playing a new-age chord now, okay?

1108. Hey.

1109. Just like Yanni. All right, now, put another finger down.

1110. - Okay. - See?

1111. Now you're playing a Yanni lick.

1112. - Now, hold it down for an hour. - Yeah.

1113. Now hold it down till you get a record contract

1114. from Windham Hill.

1115. - Oh, hey, cool. - See?

1116. Servo, check it out.

1117. It's my new new-age Yanni lick.

1118. Uh, Joel, hold on my new new-age Yanni lick.

1119. I've got to put my sandwich down.

1120. Okay. Got it.

1121. This music's kind of dull, isn't it?

1122. Yeah, but it's a good way to make a lot of money

1123. without a big initial investment.

1124. Okay.

1125. And now music from some guys in space.

1126. Tonight on music from some guys in space,

1127. more fine new new-age music and sounds

1128. from super progressive Bay Area new-age keyboardist

1129. Joel Robinson.

1130. Joel will be accompanied on the wall of keyboards

1131. by veteran minimalist Crow T. Robot.

1132. We invite you to sit back and enjoy

1133. more repetitive new-age music

1134. as we cruise the space ways.

1135. Come along, fellow travelers,

1136. and enjoy music from some guys in space.

1137. Hey, we got movie sign, you guys.

1138. It's movie sign, next time on Emergency 911.

1139. Tom, you're stuck in Shatner mode.

1140. A duck with an arrow through its neck.

1141. Come on, man, snap out of it.

1142. - Crow, wake up! - Movie sign!

1143. What?

1144. When I get a hold of that Sam, I swear I'll kill him.

1145. Standing us up here like this.

1146. Oh, it's not so bad.

1147. There's a connection I know

1148. who'll give us at least, I'd say...

1149. You awake, Crow?

1150. - ... 3,000 bucks for this lot. Yeah.

1151. How are we supposed to get back to tow, huh?

1152. On foot?

1153. Wait a minute, I'm...

1154. Yep.

1155. It wouldn't be the first time.

1156. Why don't we take the kids camper?

1157. Are you crazy?

1158. Uh, can I think about it?

1159. Haven't you screwed things up enough already? Huh?

1160. Well, he did write the script.

1161. Huzzah.

1162. What was that noise?

1163. Maybe it's the rangers.

1164. Hey, Boo-Boo.

1165. Eww.

1166. Mm-hm.

1167. What on Earth is that?

1168. Looks like a cross between a pig and a bear.

1169. A pear? - My god it's ugly.

1170. Hey, you're no prize yourself, Dan Folgelberg.

1171. Be careful. It could be dangerous.

1172. Ah, it may be ugly, but it appears harmless enough.

1173. Hey, it's Mr. Snuffleupagus.

1174. I see...

1175. Sure is a strange bird.

1176. Think it could be worth something?

1177. Queer kind of duck. Yeah, maybe.

1178. Maybe. - Keep him busy.

1179. Keep him busy? - Hey, uh, enjoying yourself?

1180. Take a little night stroll?

1181. Trouble is, the weather's a little bit rough for that.

1182. Isn't it?

1183. Stop the inane conversation.

1184. Go on talking.

1185. You live around here much?

1186. Eh, you must be hungry, huh?

1187. Have some.

1188. It's one of you, only gamier.

1189. Eww. It won't hurt ya.

1190. So you like Chinese food? - Don't be afraid. Come on.

1191. Help yourself.

1192. Huh? Mongolian barbecue?

1193. Ha. Oh.

1194. Matt, come on! Give me a hand!

1195. Get the drawn butter.

1196. Christ, he's strong. I can't... I can't hold him.

1197. Alf, no! No, Alf!

1198. Ooh. Big mistake.

1199. Hey, that long nose must be handy in hard-to-reach areas.

1200. Just pad out the scene here a little bit.

1201. Hey, what gives? I'm on the milk carton.

1202. Hmm.

1203. You're hungry again. Aren't you?

1204. There's no need to worry, Trumpy.

1205. You like that name. Don't you, Trumpy?

1206. I prefer Milky Bear. I'm your friend.

1207. And I won't let anyone hurt you.

1208. I named you after Donald Trump.

1209. Trumpy.

1210. Hello.

1211. Hey, look. Look what I got for you.

1212. Mucus.

1213. Oh, boy. You sure are greedy. Aren't you?

1214. Mm-hm.

1215. Wow, if you keep drinking milk like that,

1216. you're going to grow really big and strong.

1217. Then we can play together.

1218. You know what playing is, Trumpy?

1219. Yes, it's where I break you in half.

1220. No? I'll teach you.

1221. We're going to have such fun.

1222. Foreigner.

1223. Uh, meanwhile in Movie C.

1224. Uh, I think this is Movie D.

1225. Oh. D for dumb.

1226. Okay.

1227. Oh, great.

1228. Oh, boy, how you've grown.

1229. Yeah, during the cutaway anything's possible.

1230. Keep growing like that, and you won't fit any clothes.

1231. Then what are we going to do?

1232. Tommy, come on down and eat your breakfast.

1233. You've got to hide.

1234. You understand? You've got to hide.

1235. Tommy, did you hear me?

1236. Can you feel me near you?

1237. Oh, what a nightmare.

1238. Ooh, I dreamt I was a crappy actress

1239. in a horrible monster... film.

1240. Hey, wait a minute.

1241. Oh, no, she really does have combination skin.

1242. Eww.

1243. Oh. Oh, my goodness.

1244. Oh, bad. Big bad... Big bad thing.

1245. Help, everyone. Big bad.

1246. Rick!

1247. Hurry. Big sale on flannel.

1248. Everyone, come on.

1249. Flannel? Did she say, "Flannel"?

1250. Here, drink this coffee, kid.

1251. Hmm.

1252. Oh, he's stealing all the Nerf toast.

1253. Uh, hello, remember us, the audience?

1254. Uh, could we see, please?

1255. I think her perm didn't take.

1256. Eww.

1257. Aw!

1258. Well, come on, your breakfast is getting cold,

1259. and she's not getting any warmer.

1260. That means more oatmeal for everyone.

1261. Right.

1262. What happened, Mommy?

1263. It's nothing to do with you, dear.

1264. Go play with your tripping hell beast, darling.

1265. But I don't want you coming in here, understand?

1266. Have you finished your breakfast?

1267. Then, you know what you have to do now.

1268. Run along.

1269. Mmm. Delicious kitty.

1270. Oh. Ouch.

1271. Ooh, kitty's like a potato.

1272. Oh, so nice.

1273. Oh, where do I start? It all looks so good.

1274. Little winged potatoes.

1275. Ouch, that's my snout.

1276. Ow, let go.

1277. Hmm.

1278. This potato's got big ears.

1279. Yes.

1280. Mm-hm.

1281. It's a whole buffet.

1282. New potatoes, hmm.

1283. Whoa! Aah!

1284. Oh, it's a rogue robot.

1285. He's got the mange. He's gone rogue.

1286. We're gonna have to kill him.

1287. Speak to me, boy.

1288. Uh-oh.

1289. Ah, never seen one do that before.

1290. Whoa!

1291. Ooh, never seen one do that before.

1292. Oh, that's no good. Un-uh.

1293. He's going to have to house train 'em.

1294. He can't just keep hauling that stuff out.

1295. I told you to stay out of sight.

1296. Nobody must see you.

1297. He doesn't speak your language, dickweed.

1298. If you want to stay with me,

1299. you've got to do what I tell you.

1300. I don't think so.

1301. You don't want them to separate us, do you?

1302. Carbon scoring all over my droid.

1303. I've brought you something special to eat.

1304. Are you hungry now, Trumpy?

1305. Yes.

1306. Ooh, won't peanuts get caught in his snout?

1307. Oh, little potatoes.

1308. Ooh. Yeah.

1309. Now you try.

1310. Do you want some more?

1311. Oh, wait. Let me get the attachments.

1312. You can do the couch.

1313. You know, sooner or later,

1314. Mommy's going to notice all this food disappearing.

1315. Then, you'll have to kill her.

1316. These we'll put away for later.

1317. No, more.

1318. Now we can play.

1319. Like hell. More food. - You know how to play, Trumpy?

1320. What do you know?

1321. Food, eating, the theater.

1322. Nothing?

1323. Boy, I sure hope Trumpy doesn't sneeze

1324. and pistol-whip that kid with peanuts.

1325. Wow, never thought about that.

1326. I'll show you how to do a jigsaw, okay?

1327. Oh, that's exciting. - Here, come on.

1328. Pente, the ancient game of stones.

1329. Hmm?

1330. You see? The pieces go together.

1331. No, no, no, start with the corner pieces.

1332. Oh, if only this film were so lucky.

1333. You understand? It's easy.

1334. Why are you looking at me like that, Trumpy?

1335. Well, Trumpy, you get it?

1336. No.

1337. No, hmm?

1338. Well, let's try another game.

1339. Cheating. You must teach me one day.

1340. All right. Now, then, look at me.

1341. Can I eat it? It looks so good.

1342. Pay attention and repeat what I do.

1343. Like a potato?

1344. Uh, no, wait, wait. Let me try again.

1345. Are you watching? Damn.

1346. No, no, that's not... There, okay.

1347. Yeah, that's it.

1348. Oh, he stinks.

1349. Not very good. Is he? Un-uh.

1350. Yeah, that's great. Give me that.

1351. There, it's your turn.

1352. Huh?

1353. Huh? Oh, it's kooky.

1354. Hey. - Gee.

1355. Trumpy, you can do stupid things.

1356. Isn't this Gary Numan and the Tubeway Army?

1357. Yep. In cars

1358. In cars

1359. In cars

1360. In trucks

1361. I got a kooky idea for a new song.

1362. And now what are we going to do?

1363. Find the rangers and tell them what's happened to you.

1364. It's a bit late.

1365. It's more important now than ever before.

1366. You saw them, those marks on her face.

1367. Oh. - It's horrible.

1368. Oh, just go out and get yourself a new pair

1369. of disco camping boots there, dear.

1370. Warm up the Jeep.

1371. Molly, the road is in a terrible condition.

1372. Come on, Bill.

1373. If anyone can get through, you can.

1374. We've got to try.

1375. Listen, I'll come with you. I'll just get...

1376. No, I'll go. You stay with Sharon.

1377. Why don't we all go in the camper?

1378. Oh, just go! Somebody. Come on.

1379. What about the phone, then?

1380. Lines are still down. I just tried it.

1381. Well, that's it.

1382. What are we gonna do? Find the rangers?

1383. Pepperidge Farm remembers.

1384. Mm, mm, mm, mm.

1385. You're a good kid.

1386. Remind me to use you later.

1387. Hope she doesn't miss

1388. her Josie and the Pussycats audition.

1389. You know, I never liked him.

1390. Aloha.

1391. Auf wiedersehen.

1392. Mm-hm.

1393. Okay, you've drawn Siegfried. Now, where's Roy?

1394. That's my mommy.

1395. Aah! Ooh.

1396. Do you have a mommy?

1397. He was born of an omelet. Of course not.

1398. You don't know?

1399. Does she look like this?

1400. Ooh. No, no.

1401. Or like this?

1402. Any distinguishing marks or scars?

1403. Where is she, then?

1404. Where did he learn English?

1405. Oh, she's in a tree.

1406. Uh, I can tell by the expression on your face

1407. that you loved her so, Trumpy.

1408. What, she's from Rand McNally?

1409. On a star?

1410. Can she carry moonbeams home in a jar?

1411. Wow!

1412. With this you can see the stars.

1413. You want to look?

1414. This kid sounds like Georgette.

1415. Yeah.

1416. Kitty.

1417. Oh, they got "Wild Kingdom" on that telescope.

1418. Cool.

1419. Mm-hm.

1420. And drums, too?

1421. You can do magic things.

1422. It's called evil, kid.

1423. He's got his high beams on.

1424. Hmm?

1425. He's got Bette Davis eyes.

1426. Orphan Annie eyes.

1427. Oh, great, now we're in "Gumby".

1428. Whoo!

1429. I'm going to go walk through a book.

1430. Ooh, it's

1431. supercalafragilistic- expialidocious.

1432. D'oh.

1433. I love this. It's so spontaneous.

1434. Whoo!

1435. Oh, wow, we're in "Pee-Wee's Playhouse" now.

1436. Oh, yuck.

1437. It's a Peter Gabriel video.

1438. Yeah, somebody hit that kid in the head with a...

1439. sledge hammer.

1440. Wow. Oh, this alien makes student films, huh?

1441. What, did he come from Planet Goofball?

1442. Did he come here in a little clown car?

1443. Criminy.

1444. Great, now he can remake "Rudolph's Shiny New Year."

1445. Poor rabbit.

1446. Poor us.

1447. Trumpy? Where are you?

1448. Get me! I'm Lionel Richie!

1449. That's not right.

1450. Trumpy.

1451. Huh?

1452. Hey, come back down.

1453. Really looked like a ceiling. Didn't it?

1454. Oh, fun.

1455. Whew!

1456. Tommy, what are you doing?

1457. It's just my Spike Jones album, Mom!

1458. Tommy, now,

1459. you quit warping time and space this instant.

1460. Tommy. Did you hear me, Tommy?

1461. - Come on, quickly. Busted.

1462. Hide in there.

1463. Are you okay?

1464. Yes, Mom.

1465. What's going on here?

1466. - Little Joe got out. - What?

1467. My hamster Joe escaped.

1468. Well, try and be a little more careful.

1469. I told you a thousand times, I don't want you...

1470. I'd like some breakfast please.

1471. turning this house into a zoo.

1472. And stop fidgeting around like that.

1473. Yes, Mommy.

1474. All right. Now, come downstairs with me and behave yourself.

1475. I've got enough problems.

1476. Make that three hard-boiled eggs.

1477. I've got to get a series.

1478. Now, do you think those are blue contacts,

1479. or are his eyes naturally that color?

1480. Oh, you mean, like Whoopi Goldberg?

1481. Yeah.

1482. Get my head caught in the snout there.

1483. Now to find a herd of cattle to drain dry.

1484. Meanwhile in a winter movie somewhere.

1485. Gosh, that last scene was goofy.

1486. I'm glad we weren't in it.

1487. Ah, sometimes there is.

1488. I thought hunting wasn't allowed around here.

1489. It's not.

1490. Why are you carrying this rifle, then?

1491. For you.

1492. Well, if that friend of yours Laura had carried one,

1493. she'd still be alive.

1494. Hurts.

1495. Ooh.

1496. Hey, it's a matching shirt and sofa set.

1497. Hi, gang.

1498. Hmm, not bad.

1499. Oh, the new Vogue is here.

1500. Molly, is the television working?

1501. I think so, yes.

1502. Well, at least we won't miss "Dallas" this week.

1503. Oh great, your friend just died,

1504. and you're gonna watch "Dallas"?

1505. Tsst.

1506. Tracy, how can you kid around like this,

1507. things being the way they are?

1508. Thank you.

1509. Because if I didn't, I'd be in hysterics.

1510. - It doesn't work. I'm in hysterics!

1511. That's strange.

1512. It was working yesterday.

1513. I rerouted the power into Trumpy.

1514. The radio makes a funny noise, too.

1515. Uh, that's called music.

1516. Can I go back to my room, Mommy?

1517. Yes, you can.

1518. For the rest of your life.

1519. How is Sharon?

1520. She's gone to bed. She was shattered.

1521. This town's in tatters. Shadoobie.

1522. So peaceful, so quiet.

1523. Trumpy.

1524. Face it, kid. Trumpy never loved you.

1525. Boo! Gotcha!

1526. Trumpy, where are you?

1527. Were ties ever that wide?

1528. - Ah. Ah.

1529. All right. S'all right.

1530. Nothin'

1531. Hmm.

1532. Have you seen Trumpy?

1533. He tried to eat me. He's evil.

1534. Forget you.

1535. Boo!

1536. Cujo? Evil one?

1537. Supreme being? Alf?

1538. Chief? McCloud?

1539. Trumpy, come on. Where are you?

1540. He seeks him here.

1541. He seeks him there.

1542. He seeks that rascal everywhere.

1543. Ah, don't worry about him. He's moody and introspective.

1544. He's in a corner reading "Swimming to Cambodia".

1545. Hmm.

1546. Trumpy, are you in here?

1547. This is, like, the house of a million foyers.

1548. Dum, dum

1549. Dad?

1550. Dum

1551. Dad? Dum

1552. Don't go into the dining room.

1553. Here's Tommy!

1554. Trumpy.

1555. Sounds like music

1556. from the "High Plains Drifter", doesn't it?

1557. Mm-hm. Yeah.

1558. Has a Sergio Leone feel to it.

1559. Bad choice.

1560. Oh, those are ready to pop, I would say.

1561. Oh, thank goodness it's summer again.

1562. We've been driving for months.

1563. Doesn't look like anybody's in.

1564. But how can you tell from here?

1565. Oh, why don't you just go up to the door?

1566. You drove two seasons to get here.

1567. For crying out loud.

1568. Boy, he's really burning oil.

1569. Mm-hm.

1570. I'm going to let this do the talking.

1571. Charley? Jack? Is anyone there?

1572. He knows them, and he's bringing a gun?

1573. Oh, it's a little practical joke.

1574. He kicks open the door and plugs them with 30 rounds.

1575. It's kind of an inside family thing, you know.

1576. Housewarming gift.

1577. Mm-hm.

1578. Aah! Ooh.

1579. Oh, it's that guy.

1580. - What do you think you're...? - Shh.

1581. Hey, Bill, are those Haggar slacks you're wearing?

1582. Farah? Dad N' Lad?

1583. The Guys?

1584. Watch this. Little joke.

1585. Hi! We're the cast from "Straw Dogs".

1586. Sometimes it works.

1587. Watchtower! Oh, just kidding.

1588. That thing in the magazine.

1589. What the hell happened here?

1590. Hmm.

1591. Hmm.

1592. The radio's not working.

1593. Oh, nuts! I wanted to hear Shadoe Stevens.

1594. Charley? Jack?

1595. Biff? Happy? Anybody?

1596. You think they're in the other roo...

1597. After all this shouting, I sure hope not.

1598. Horse poster compliments Dynamite magazine. For teens.

1599. Turkey legs in the...

1600. He's dead, I think.

1601. His last words were, "Huzzah!"

1602. What's that?

1603. Same mark that... Laura had.

1604. Is he one of the rangers?

1605. No, but we could dress him like a ranger.

1606. No, he's a poacher, name of Matt Collins.

1607. Let's get the hell out of here.

1608. I don't know.

1609. Look out! Jesus!

1610. Aah!

1611. Alf's back, and this time it's personal.

1612. Ooh, Reagan's next.

1613. Pepperidge Farm remembers! Pepperidge Farm remembers!

1614. The heck with it. I'm getting out of here!

1615. Crackers or no!

1616. That is the frumpiest... monster I've ever seen.

1617. Yep.

1618. Hey, wait! You got coupons comin'.

1619. No hitchhikers. It's company policy.

1620. Ooh.

1621. Ah, enough of that exciting stuff.

1622. Meanwhile, in still yet another movie.

1623. What the...?

1624. You're a good cook, Tracy.

1625. Unusual with girls today.

1626. Well, my mother taught me.

1627. She always said that men like you for your meat

1628. and after, your dessert.

1629. You know how it is.

1630. If you haven't got a pretty face to begin with,

1631. there's nothing you can do.

1632. Well, I think your mother had a filthy mouth.

1633. including the 7-day beauty plan.

1634. Didn't work.

1635. Come on. It's not that bad.

1636. You've got a lot of good points.

1637. Yeah, and I know the ones men like.

1638. These and this.

1639. But you're very intelligent.

1640. Yeah, I don't know what threatens the guys more...

1641. my face or my intelligence.

1642. Yeah, E=mc2.

1643. Hey, I'm getting a bit worried about Brian and Bill.

1644. They've been gone now for hours.

1645. Oh, maybe they got held up.

1646. Or couldn't find the rangers.

1647. Oh, yeah, these rangers.

1648. Down, girl. Heel. Take it easy.

1649. All right, Molly. I know.

1650. Just in case, however,

1651. I'm going to get my makeup from the camper.

1652. - I forgot it last night. Take a cold shower.

1653. Now, what's going on, Tommy?

1654. You've been running in and out all day.

1655. What are you looking for?

1656. Nothing. Just getting some water for Joe.

1657. - Oh. - Joe?

1658. Are you hiding a man somewhere in this house?

1659. Joe is Tommy's hamster, Tracy.

1660. - Oh, what a shame. Geez, Tracy, stay away

1661. from the kid's animals.

1662. Ba-dump-a-dee Time to Armor All my pants.

1663. Oh, this is great.

1664. He's gonna do that Bob Newhart routine.

1665. Love that.

1666. Uh, Abner? Yeah, hello.

1667. Still isn't working.

1668. Where the hell have Brian and that old geezer got to?

1669. It's been seven hours since they left.

1670. Didn't have that far to go.

1671. Maybe something happened to them.

1672. Wouldn't surprise me.

1673. Bill's as thick as two planks.

1674. Is he green-sheeted? - How are Sharon and Kathy?

1675. They took sleeping pills and went to bed.

1676. They were absolutely scared out of their wits.

1677. Maybe you should do the same.

1678. TOM: Maybe you should do the same.

1679. Trumpy? I brought you a cup of treacle.

1680. Trumpy.

1681. Aww. - Where are you hiding?

1682. Hey, she's got her L.L. Bean disco survival boots on.

1683. Survive in style.

1684. Trumpy, bring me the girl.

1685. I desire to be read to.

1686. Neil Peart on drums.

1687. Hey, it's Craig Wasson, all of a sudden.

1688. Now Trumpy and I will do my version of "Rear Window".

1689. I think she found Trumpy.

1690. Whah, whah, whah.

1691. Hey, this is not healthy for a little boy.

1692. I can't watch.

1693. Trumpy, no. I told you no.

1694. Trumpy.

1695. When good pets do bad things, on "A Current Affair".

1696. That was neat.

1697. Trumpy, we hardly knew ye.

1698. Put out the van.

1699. Oh, so people are being methodically killed

1700. by the Banana Splits.

1701. There goes Drooper.

1702. Fleegle. Snork.

1703. Mm-hm.

1704. - Oh, my God. - Bill.

1705. So what, she's dead? Yeah, she is.

1706. What the hell's going on?

1707. - It was a damned animal. - What animal?

1708. The damned one. - Where's Brian?

1709. He's dead.

1710. Dead? Where?

1711. Back at the hut.

1712. Oh, take the Baretta hat off, old man.

1713. Aww.

1714. Faster, Trumpy, kill, kill.

1715. What the hell? What's happening?

1716. Answer me, you goat. What is this?

1717. What have you done, you old bastard?

1718. Stop it! Have you both gone crazy?

1719. I want to know who it was killed Brian and Tracy and why.

1720. - I told you. We have to go.

1721. Oh. - It was that weird animal.

1722. And if we stay here, it'll kill us all.

1723. What sort of fairy tale is this?

1724. Oh, listen, Rick. We'll sort this out later.

1725. Now help Bill carry Tracy inside.

1726. Bill.

1727. You are magic. Aren't you, Trumpy?

1728. Trumpy, you come down.

1729. I can't bring 'em down. I don't know how it works.

1730. I'm stuck! I'm stuck!

1731. Oh, we got commercial sign!

1732. I really don't know what kind of animal it was.

1733. All I know is I was very lucky.

1734. Whatever it is, it's already killed four people.

1735. And maybe more.

1736. Where are you going, Rick?

1737. - To wake up the girls. - Why?

1738. So we can get out of here.

1739. I ain't hanging about to find out who's next for the chop.

1740. - You can't leave now. - No? Why not?

1741. I made quiche.

1742. It's getting dark, 'cause the road's blocked,

1743. because that thing, that murderous animal

1744. is maybe waiting for us.

1745. Yeah, but give me a good reason.

1746. He's right, you know.

1747. We better wait till morning.

1748. Listen, I'm sick and tired of hearing the same old story.

1749. I'm sick and tired of being I'm sick and tired.

1750. How can you say that, Rick?

1751. Well, I'm getting out of here,

1752. and if I were you, I'd take the kid and leave.

1753. Kid? What kid? Oh, my God.

1754. Don't start with me, Martha.

1755. If you've got a bit of sense, then, you'll stay.

1756. He's right, Rick. He knows the forest.

1757. I'd better make sure

1758. that all the doors and windows are bolted.

1759. Now for some peach cobbler.

1760. Oh, George, get me a drink.

1761. Boo? Boo Radley?

1762. Dark One? Beelzebub?

1763. Chief? McCloud?

1764. Trumpage! Trumpazoid!

1765. The Trumpmonster!

1766. Trumparino!

1767. Stretching the premise.

1768. He knocked his block off,

1769. but you can press it back down again

1770. with the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots! By Marx.

1771. So, what can I get ya?

1772. Ouzo, vodka, Sambuca, Pernod,

1773. Frangelico, Blue Curacao, Glenmorangie, B&B, Hennessy,

1774. Tanqueray, hundred-year-old brandy?

1775. I've never needed a gun to defend myself.

1776. Yeah, right.

1777. You probably pay others to defend you.

1778. No, I use a woman as a shield.

1779. What the hell are you doing?

1780. Beer and a shot, like you said.

1781. All right, all right,

1782. I'll get the smoky 12-year-old scotch.

1783. Okay.

1784. What are you doing?

1785. He shot my Jim Beam pheasant decanter!

1786. He's gone crazy.

1787. Look. What is it with you two?

1788. Haven't we got enough trouble?

1789. I don't like anyone bugging me.

1790. Yeah.

1791. Mommy, open the door. Let me in.

1792. It's Tommy.

1793. I'll get him.

1794. Tommy, throw open the door and say "pull".

1795. Where did you spring from?

1796. From your loins, Mommy.

1797. Didn't I tell you to stay in your room?

1798. I went to pick some plants for all...

1799. Plants for all your animals, I suppose, right?

1800. That's it. Out they're going to go in the morning.

1801. Now, get to your room and don't move till I tell you to.

1802. Ooh.

1803. Wake up, Kathy.

1804. I think I got something to say to you.

1805. I heard a shot.

1806. Shot? You must've been dreaming.

1807. - Wake up. - What time is it?

1808. You know, I'm starting not to believe this movie.

1809. I believed it when Alf went on the killing spree,

1810. but now... I don't know.

1811. I don't know. I just hear voices from downstairs.

1812. Wow. Those pills sure are strong.

1813. I'm going to take a shower and try to wake myself up.

1814. - That's a good idea. Say.

1815. But don't take too long.

1816. Oh.

1817. Honey, I'm home. Oh, I'm a little kid.

1818. Nosy?

1819. Chirpy?

1820. Ratboy? Sondra Locke?

1821. Chief? McCloud?

1822. Now, for my wonderful experiment

1823. of joining a duck's body to a rabbit's head.

1824. There.

1825. I'm all alone in the world

1826. Hey, the evil one's back.

1827. Trumpy. Yay!

1828. Hey, it's like that scene in "Mac and Me"

1829. when Mac came back to life!

1830. No, stay there.

1831. Why did you kill that girl?

1832. Why did you do that?

1833. Now I can't be your friend anymore.

1834. Bad hell beast. Did it for the kicks.

1835. You're naughty, Trumpy. Very naughty.

1836. Where have you been, young man?

1837. This is not a hotel.

1838. You wouldn't kill me, would you?

1839. Trumpy, was it you?

1840. I like you, Tommy. I'll kill you last.

1841. Are you saying there's another one?

1842. Listen, Trumpy. Uncle Bill wants to kill you.

1843. My advice... don't let him.

1844. Looks real bad for you, man.

1845. What can we do?

1846. Oh, you could put on a play in the backyard.

1847. Trumpy could play Cyrano.

1848. You can't stay here anymore.

1849. And I don't want you to go.

1850. Listen. We'll go together and hide in the woods.

1851. No, wait here. I'll find you a disguise.

1852. What do you think he's going to dress him up as...

1853. Drew Barrymore?

1854. Henry Thomas he's not. - No.

1855. Oh, suddenly I feel like someone should be reading

1856. a Robert Frost poem.

1857. "Something there is that doesn't love a crummy monster film."

1858. That's from "Mending Monster Film" by Robert Frost.

1859. Neat. Mm-hm.

1860. Mint julep?

1861. Uh, no thanks. I've had 12.

1862. Sure hope the liquor holds out.

1863. I don't know.

1864. I'm in the shower

1865. Nothing will happen to me

1866. Norman? Norman?

1867. Important phone call!

1868. I wonder if Bobby likes me.

1869. I like him.

1870. Check it out. Product placement right there.

1871. Yep.

1872. "Die Hard 2" this is not.

1873. Hmm... Coke, Sprite, Pepto-Bismol,

1874. United Airlines, Steve Guttenberg.

1875. Uh-huh.

1876. There. Now you look like Admiral Peary playing the Elephant Man.

1877. Hold on a minute. I'll go and investigate.

1878. Trumpy felt scarred by his ugly hillbilly... nose.

1879. Looks like a baseball bat from Alaska.

1880. Oh, Velvet Hammer? Harvey Wallbanger?

1881. Pink Squirrel? Little hair of the alien that bit ya?

1882. I'm naked and all alone in the shower.

1883. I'm totally vulnerable and somebody could kill me.

1884. It's probably likely at this point in the film.

1885. My brain fell out.

1886. Say, I look just like fog.

1887. Hmm?

1888. Oh.

1889. You need a protein rinse.

1890. And you have dandruff.

1891. Uh, honey...

1892. What? What, what? What?

1893. Wait! Wait, I made you a special drink.

1894. Don't forget the coaster!

1895. Rick!

1896. Brian!

1897. Somebody!

1898. Kathy!

1899. Ooh.

1900. Don't look at me without makeup.

1901. Whoa. Oops.

1902. Open the door!

1903. But not with your skull. Molly!

1904. What's happened? It's Kathy.

1905. She's zestfully dead.

1906. Ow.

1907. Quickly, get her onto the bed.

1908. Uh, you know, this might sound crass,

1909. but we're getting really good at this.

1910. They're going to have to build an addition

1911. just to stack the bodies.

1912. What's happening here?

1913. How big is a cord of bodies?

1914. What was that thing?

1915. Depends on how you stack them.

1916. Some kind of weird animal.

1917. - Where are Brian and Tracy? What have I done?

1918. What have I done?

1919. Oh, my goodness.

1920. Trumpy, what are you doing here?

1921. - Go on. Killing people.

1922. - Tommy? Can you hear me?

1923. - Tommy! Can you feel me near you?

1924. We can't play now. Something's happened downstairs.

1925. You've gotta hide.

1926. You're my alibi, kid.

1927. They'll kill you. They'll kill you dead.

1928. This thing smells musty.

1929. Tommy. - What is it, Mom?

1930. - Are you all right, son? - Mm-hm.

1931. Well, relatively speaking, yes.

1932. Depends on what the norm is.

1933. Are you sure we ought to go after it now, Bill?

1934. Now's the time to finish the damn thing off.

1935. Once and for all.

1936. It's wounded, and we can follow its trail.

1937. Don't go, Rick.

1938. Isn't it better to wait till morning?

1939. I tell you, Molly. Now is the time to finish it off.

1940. But, Bill, why don't you leave it for the rangers?

1941. Isn't it their...?

1942. Molly, we can't just sit here

1943. waiting for it to come back and kill us all.

1944. Yeah, we got plenty of booze. Let's go ahead.

1945. And we gotta do it now.

1946. It's not a monster. It wants to be our friend.

1947. How can you say that after all that's happened?

1948. 'Cause it's true.

1949. They all want to be our friends, but we won't let them.

1950. That's enough talking...

1951. Oh, that's silly. Finish your tequila.

1952. Don't worry. We'll be careful.

1953. Don't go. There's been enough killing.

1954. Stop the madness!

1955. Last call, everybody. Finish them up.

1956. You coming or not?

1957. Ah, we'll take a bottle. Got a hip flask in the car.

1958. Hey, he's mixing his leathers now.

1959. Eww!

1960. Wonder what they wanted?

1961. Hmm?

1962. Sharon! Tommy! Both of you, quickly, come over here!

1963. Get away from it!

1964. Oh, my God!

1965. No, Mommy. Don't shoot him.

1966. Tommy!

1967. Trumpy is good. It wasn't him.

1968. What he's done is good.

1969. Tommy, get away from it!

1970. No, Mommy, don't shoot. Please.

1971. Don't make your mother kill him.

1972. Tommy, it's going to kill you!

1973. I know what you're thinking, Tommy.

1974. "Did mom fire six shots or only five?"

1975. Tommy!

1976. John Bonham. Moby Dick.

1977. Tommy! Tommy, come back! Shane! Come back, Shane!

1978. Come back! Tommy!

1979. Run, Rusty, run. Run, Eliza, run.

1980. You know, that Trumpy is one ugly...

1981. Shut yo' mouth!

1982. Hey, I'm only talking about Trumpy, can you dig it?

1983. We have to cross over to the other side.

1984. Let's go.

1985. Break on through to the other side, man.

1986. Buddy Rich on drums.

1987. Backed up by Bill Kreutzmann.

1988. Tommy! Tommy! Where are you?

1989. Fortunately, Molly was a LLRP in 'Nam

1990. and knows how to track a boy with a snout-nosed pal.

1991. I walked down stream in the water.

1992. It's a clever...

1993. We'll never find him now.

1994. Tommy!

1995. We must go faster.

1996. Yeah, yeah, keep your shirt on.

1997. I'm wearing a big stuffed suit.

1998. Not a trace.

1999. Who?

2000. We'll have to wait till daylight.

2001. Daylight looks like night anyhow.

2002. What's it now?

2003. Day for night, I think.

2004. Oh. Thank you, Truffaut.

2005. Well, let's go home. Our job is done here.

2006. Someone's coming. Get down.

2007. Splendor in the grass.

2008. Grazing in the grass is a gas.

2009. Can you dig it?

2010. High-weed surfin'.

2011. Ssh.

2012. Ssh. Would you... Would you...

2013. They mustn't find us.

2014. Vapor action. - Trumpy.

2015. Trumpy, where are you hiding?

2016. Boy, he's going to need that gas mask.

2017. Oh, Trumpy, gross.

2018. You stepped in some Trumpy-dumpy.

2019. You guys, come on.

2020. Whoops.

2021. TOM: I'm gonna batter fry you, kid.

2022. Come on, over the plate, man.

2023. Mommy!

2024. Come on, rocket it in, man. Over the plate. Come on.

2025. - Trumpy! Kid, you were set up.

2026. Mommy!

2027. Sounded like Tommy.

2028. No, it wasn't. It was "Mommy."

2029. It was an "M" sound. "Mmm," like Manhattan, Mimosa.

2030. Tommy!

2031. Tommy, where are you?

2032. This is, like, more intense

2033. than when Bobby Brady got lost in the Grand Canyon!

2034. Oh, no, wasn't that in Hawaii?

2035. No, that was where Peter found that Buddha thing.

2036. Oh, yeah. That was cool. Oh, yeah.

2037. Don't hurt me. I'm not like the others.

2038. Ouch.

2039. I'll help you. I'm not just one of them.

2040. That's all.

2041. Let me see.

2042. Stay away from that. It still hurts.

2043. I'm sorry. Don't worry.

2044. I'd just like to help you.

2045. I conspire against my own.

2046. No.

2047. I'll blast one. You take the other.

2048. No, please don't hurt them.

2049. Get out of the way, Tommy.

2050. Get out of the way!

2051. No, don't hurt them, please.

2052. Move it, kid. I'll have a banana daiquiri, please.

2053. Run, Trumpy. Run!

2054. No, Bill!

2055. Long Island iced tea.

2056. Hey, looks like he came from the Dumbo planet.

2057. Time to take the mask off and see who it is.

2058. Do you folks at home know?

2059. Tommy!

2060. Oh, my ankle. It's all bendy-wendy.

2061. Molly, we'll find him.

2062. We may find him dead, but we will find him.

2063. Boy, I hope he left the keys to the liquor cabinet.

2064. Poor sap.

2065. Oh, self-bury monster.

2066. Explain that.

2067. Soft beach.

2068. Oh.

2069. And he died as he lived, with his mouth wide open.

2070. Where's Tommy?

2071. He went that way.

2072. Wait, Molly! Come on.

2073. Trumpy, I'm sorry.

2074. Tommy!

2075. Tommy, answer me, please!

2076. State it in the form of a question.

2077. - Tommy! Where are you? Come to the mirror, boy!

2078. Mm-hm.

2079. It's just no good. No, Trumpy.

2080. They'll never let us stay together.

2081. You frighten them. You understand?

2082. For obvious reasons.

2083. I'll never forget you, Trumpy.

2084. The way you callously knocked off 15 people.

2085. I'll never forget that. Don't ever change, Trumpy.

2086. Aww.

2087. A tender moment.

2088. Now, please go and don't come back.

2089. Do you understand?

2090. Don't ever come back.

2091. Tommy, where are you?

2092. Go away, Trumpy.

2093. I hate you. Go away.

2094. Oh, boy, that kid's really having mood swings.

2095. - We're not friends anymore. That's not good.

2096. Go away.

2097. All right, Trumpy.

2098. I'll go, then.

2099. I'm over here, Mommy.

2100. Talkin' to Billy Barty.

2101. Mommy, I'm here!

2102. Uh-huh.

2103. Molly, he's here.

2104. No, he's over there.

2105. Tommy!

2106. Mom!

2107. Sorry, boy, your uncle's dead,

2108. but if there's a God and he tends bar,

2109. your uncle's bellying up right about now.

2110. Yes, Tommy, all the monsters are dead.

2111. Isn't that right?

2112. It's been seven

2113. Oh, never mind.

2114. Hey, don't leave me here. I was raised by a child.

2115. I can't survive in the wilderness.

2116. I'll... just... wait here, then.

2117. So...

2118. Hmm.

2119. Mm-hm.

2120. I've laughed with monsters

2121. I've cried with monsters

2122. I'll die with monsters from hell

2123. I'm getting out of here. This place sucks.

2124. Going back to my planet.

2125. Hmm, Marine?

2126. Send in the marines.

2127. Hey.

2128. Ah, isn't that Martin Sheen's son?

2129. Hey, who isn't?

2130. Yeah, got a point there. Yep.

2131. Ooh, that's a good Italian lunch wine.

2132. Very light.

2133. Smooth palate, a nice woody finish.

2134. Hey, Martin and Lewis were in this movie.

2135. Come on, Jerry,

2136. we've got the rest of the credits to get through.

2137. Wow, Dean.

2138. Aw, quit horsing around, boy.

2139. Ah, the fresh smell of Emanuel Pine.

2140. Long needle.

2141. I say both of those guys were in the Knights of Columbus.

2142. I think their Two Guys of the Rotten Union is what it is.

2143. Well, hmm.

2144. Oh, I thought I smelled basil.

2145. Basil!

2146. Yes, dear. I'm doing it, dear.

2147. How can I do it if you keep calling me?

2148. Great cow!

2149. Come on, let's get out of here.

2150. Oh, thank you.

2151. Chase me.

2152. Okay, ha ha ha.

2153. Well, guys,

2154. looks like it's time to pack it all in again.

2155. Yeah, we are the stuff dreams are made of.

2156. Oh, that's beautiful, Crow.

2157. - Shakespeare? - Uh, no, Burma-Shave.

2158. Oh, well, like... Huh?

2159. You know, guys, it always hurts to close it all up...

2160. - Yeah. - ... strike the set...

2161. - Oww! - ... wipe off the grease paint...

2162. Uh, napkin up the blood and entrails

2163. and move on to another town.

2164. Uh-oh, I smell a song.

2165. Mm-hm.

2166. Tell me, where does all the magic go

2167. When the curtain falls to end the show?

2168. Do the clowns always cry

2169. When they pack up the paper sky?

2170. When the champagne is being poured

2171. And the lock is on the old stage door?

2172. Will there still be a clown in the sky

2173. For me?

2174. No.

2175. Don't worry, buddy. There'll be other experiments.

2176. You really think so, mister?

2177. Yeah, take a verse. It'll cheer you up.

2178. Okay.

2179. When the harlequin is on the bed

2180. And the whisky haze surrounds his head

2181. William Holden's coming over

2182. - Tom Servo... - And he's got a fifth of...

2183. if you don't stop doing your Anthony Newley,

2184. I'm going to throw you against the wall.

2185. He'll do it, too.

2186. Will there still be a clown in the sky?

2187. Help us out, Crow.

2188. Still be a clown in the sky?

2189. Take it home, Joel.

2190. Tell me, where is that clown in the sky

2191. For... me?

2192. Oh!

2193. I love you, Tom Servo.

2194. - I love you, Joel. - I love you, Crow.

2195. You're not my real father.

2196. What do you think, sirs?

2197. It stinks.

2198. Well?

2199. It stinks.