My Name Is Earl 1x18

Directed by Chris Koch

Noah Crawford as Young Earl • Timothy Olyphant as Billy Reed • Dale Dickey as Patty • Nancy Lenehan as Kay Hickey • Beau Bridges as Carl Hickey

It's Mother's Day again when Earl remembers that he has never given his mother a Mother's Day gift Just as he and Randy are about to finish carrying out his long overdue gift his mother decides her repayment should include Earl doing something for his father.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things

2. and then wonders why his life sucks?

3. Well, that was me.

4. Every time something good happened to me,

5. something bad was always waiting around the corner...

6. karma.

7. That's when I realized I had to change.

8. So I made a list of everything bad I've ever done,

9. and one by one I'm going to make up for all my mistakes.

10. I'm just trying to be a better person.

11. It was nice to see Joy so happy to be with her kids,

12. but that's because they were leaving her alone for a week—

13. going with Crab Man to stay at his mom's.

14. Thank you, babies.

15. You boys leaving for a whole week

16. is the best Mother's Day gift a mom could ask for.

17. Here's some extra spending money.

18. Can you empty it out now?

19. I need the jar for Mr. Turtle,

20. so I don't have to buy him a seat on the bus.

21. Oh, yeah.

22. Here you go.

23. Bye, boys.

24. We promise not to call, Mommy.

25. I wouldn't even answer it if you did.

26. of a great Mother's day

27. was having a week of not being a mother.

28. And who could blame her? Being a mom is hard.

29. Who the hell thinks it's all right

30. to put Mr. Turtle in the toilet?

31. Who the hell thinks it's okay

32. to paint a peanut butter and jelly mural on my wall?

33. Who the hell...

34. Damn it! Who keeps putting Mr. Turtle in the toilet?

35. I didn't know it was Mother's Day tomorrow.

36. Earl, did you?

37. No. I forgot.

38. You going to do something for your mom, Catalina?

39. My mother is dead.

40. I'm sorry.

41. Oh, it's okay.

42. It was either her or me.

43. I felt bad we forgot about Mother's Day

44. 'cause this wasn't the first time we had to scramble

45. at the last minute to get her a gift.

46. Back when we were kids,

47. all we had to do was wait for someone smaller,

48. weaker

49. and more prepared for Mother's Day.

50. We knew we'd find something good

51. 'cause Kenny's backpack was the same place

52. we did our Christmas shopping.

53. Oh, did you wrap this?

54. It's so pretty,

55. I hate to tear it up.

56. We could save that for another day.

57. Oh, my, oh, Carl,

58. look what the boys made!

59. This is a little coupon book.

60. "Clean the house for Mom."

61. "Do the dishes for Mom."

62. "Breakfast in bed for Mom."

63. Oh, you know, I'm going to use this one right now.

64. I like marmalade on my toast.

65. Stolen coupons sure made Mom happy...

66. until she realized we'd never let her cash any of them in.

67. Those little jerks aren't coming back, are they?

68. Nope.

69. What are you doing?

70. I'm putting Mom on the list.

71. Can I write this one, Earl?

72. I want to practice cursive again.

73. If you do something for your mom,

74. won't you have to see your dad?

75. I thought he hates you.

76. He does, but I won't have to deal with Dad.

77. Tomorrow's all about Mom.

78. Meanwhile, Joy was preparing to enjoy her Mother's Day.

79. Here. Just keep bringing me drinks,

80. but make sure I have enough money

81. to grab myself a Kit Kat and a chalupa on the way home.

82. The next morning, we snuck into my parent's house

83. to surprise Mom with a Mother's Day breakfast in bed.

84. Shh!

85. What we didn't know at the time was,

86. my parents heard someone breaking in,

87. and Dad was trying to remember

88. the combination to his gun safe.

89. Try your birthday again.

90. I already tried my birthday, Kay.

91. When is our anniversary?

92. You don't know our anniversary?

93. You know, this is exactly what I meant the other day

94. when I was talking about

95. how you live in this little Carl bubble,

96. and the rest of the world is just... Now, Kay? Really?

97. We're gonna do this now?

98. May 3.

99. Nope. When is your birthday?

100. I can't wait to see her face.

101. Happy Mot...

102. Hey, Randy.

103. Hey, Dad.

104. After we explained we were there to give Mom

105. a good Mother's Day, she was thrilled.

106. Look what I found.

107. I can't believe you still have this.

108. These coupons are like 20 years old.

109. "Participate in

110. Hands Across America with Mom."

111. And so we spent the day doing

112. what we should have done a long time ago—

113. let Mom cash in all her coupons,

114. like plant flowers with Mom.

115. Hey, look, Earl, somebody buried a pair of shoes.

116. Randy, hold on.

117. Yuck! It's a cat skeleton.

118. I should name it Crackers after our cat

119. that used to sleep in the street.

120. Take a portrait with Mom.

121. And we even did the coupons that seemed a little strange

122. now that we were adults,

123. like "take a bath without being asked."

124. This is fun, Earl.

125. I miss being a kid.

126. You sure there's not room in there

127. for both of us if you just kind of move...

128. I'm sure, Randy.

129. Our day was going great,

130. and so far, I had managed to avoid dealing with Dad—

131. until Mom cashed in her "watch home movies" coupon.

132. Hey, it's that ramp you built for our bikes.

133. Out of the leaf from my mahogany dining table.

134. Aw...

135. Oh, look, Thanksgiving!

136. I should have gotten a smaller bird.

137. Look, there's that old car that you bought!

138. Look at me smiling.

139. I had absolutely no idea

140. my 11-year-old son would drive that car into the lake

141. only two months later.

142. Watching these movies,

143. it just amazes me

144. how you always had a way of ruining everything.

145. Dad, I didn't ruin everything, okay?

146. And that was the end of our home movies.

147. Come on, Dad.

148. We're just trying to have a good time here.

149. I'm sorry, Mom.

150. I wanted this to be a perfect day.

151. I just, I just wish you two could get along.

152. You know what you should do?

153. You should do something on that list for your father.

154. Yeah, I... Mom, I've tried that...

155. Well, try again.

156. You know what?

157. I've got one coupon left, Earl.

158. And it says,

159. "Mother's Choice,"

160. which means that I get to pick whatever I want,

161. and I want you to do something for your dad.

162. Mom, Dad hates me.

163. Oh, hate's a strong word.

164. Kay, I remembered the combination.

165. 3, 14, 89.

166. It's the day Earl moved out.

167. How about #42:

168. "Cut holes in all of Dad's shirts to show his nipples"?

169. Nah. His nipples have drooped down like six inches,

170. so that one kind of crosses itself off.

171. Now I wait.

172. How long do you have to wait?

173. Not long.

174. All right, we gotta do one of these. I promised Mom.

175. How about #108: "Lost Dad's Mustang"?

176. He was pretty mad when he saw it in that home movie today.

177. Maybe I should do that one.

178. But that car didn't have to be dragged out of a lake

179. like I'd told my dad all those years ago.

180. I'd lost it another way.

181. Is that thing fast?

182. You bet your ass it's fast.

183. Fastest car in Camden County.

184. I bet my dad's Mustang is faster.

185. We'd never seen him drive it,

186. but he says it's really fast.

187. Yeah, little man?

188. You want to put your money

189. where your little mouth is?

190. Huh? Race for pink slips?

191. Huh?

192. Huh? You scared?

193. You'd better be, 'cause I'm Billy Reed.

194. Do you know how many girls I've had sex with?

195. Four.

196. That was the day I learned I had trouble backing down

197. from a challenge.

198. Come on, Randy. Let's go get Dad's car.

199. I'll see you at the drag strip, Peewee.

200. ED: Who was the fourth girl?

201. I counted Trisha twice

202. 'cause I got her with and without her back brace on.

203. Less than an hour later,

204. I was about to have my first drag race ever.

205. Jackie! Kick his ass, brother!

206. You shouldn't smoke.

207. We watched a cartoon at school

208. where an owl told us

209. it was really bad for you.

210. It killed the owl's father at the end of the cartoon.

211. Do I look like a damn owl to you?

212. Okay, Patty, we're ready!

213. You ready, Peewee?

214. Let's do this.

215. As fast as that Mustang might have been,

216. it didn't change the fact that at 11 years old,

217. I didn't know how to get out of first gear.

218. At the time the thought

219. of my dad confronting Billy was humiliating,

220. so I lied and told him I drove his car into a lake,

221. but now it was time to get it back.

222. Earl Hickey!

223. All growed up!

224. Yeah, listen, I need to get that Mustang back.

225. How much you want for it?

226. What... I don't sell cars, I race 'em.

227. We race 'em! Whoo!

228. Jacki... Jackie.

229. That's just how that owl's dad coughed in the cartoon

230. before he fell out of the air and broke his neck.

231. He's lucky he's not flying.

232. That's a sweet El Camino you rode up in.

233. You want that Mustang back, I'll give you a rematch.

234. The 'Stang versus your Camino, mano why mano.

235. I don't want to race, Billy.

236. Besides, the Mustang looks like

237. it hasn't even been started in years.

238. Hey, Earl,

239. there's a long, skinny dog lying down in the backseat.

240. Oh, wait, he's standing up— he just doesn't have any legs.

241. Maybe it's a snake.

242. Do snakes have hair?

243. They do when they're ferrets.

244. You scared?

245. Is that it, growed up Earl?

246. You scared I'll take another car off you? Huh?

247. You scared?

248. You should be— 'cause I'm Billy Reed.

249. Do you know how many girls I've had sex with?

250. Five.

251. Randy, get in the car.

252. We'll see you at the drag strip.

253. Ed,

254. put the tires on the Mustang, get that hairy snake out of the backseat—

255. we got ourselves a race.

256. Less than an hour later,

257. I was about to have my second drag race ever.

258. And with their kids still out of town,

259. Joy hadn't stopped partying.

260. Hey, dummy.

261. Heard y'all was out here racing.

262. so I fit it into my Mother's Day Week schedule.

263. This is so the police don't know I'm out here drinking.

264. Let's do this!

265. And although the cars

266. had a lot of miles on 'em by now,

267. Patty had even more. All right, let's get this show on the road!

268. I got an appointment with a guy who likes to suck on my feet!

269. First car to pass the blue mailbox wins.

270. Let's do this! ED: Whoo, Jackie!

271. Whoo... Jackie.

272. We were neck and neck until we got both cars up to about 30.

273. Then they quit on us.

274. Ed!

275. Get out here and push!

276. Go, Ed, go!

277. Randy, come on and push!

278. Come on!

279. So the race turned out to be

280. less about horsepower and more about brother power.

281. Come on, Randy, you can do it!

282. Come on, Ed!

283. Push!

284. You got it, Randy! We're almost there!

285. I told you to give up them cigarettes, Ed!

286. And I had more brother power.

287. We did it, Randy!

288. Yeah, Randy!

289. I won, Billy!

290. The car is mine.

291. Fine, you get the car— but it was a close race,

292. I still got my dignity.

293. Hey, Billy!

294. Is it okay if I cancel your appointment to suck my feet?

295. I'm just not feeling it anymore.

296. Are you okay?

297. After over 20 years of lying to my dad

298. about what happened to his car, it was time

299. to tell him the truth.

300. It's not Mother's Day anymore, Earl.

301. Come back next year.

302. No, w-wait, Dad!

303. I-I'm here for you. Look.

304. I didn't lose your car in the lake.

305. I lost it in a race, but I just won it back,

306. so now I can cross you off my list like Mom wanted.

307. My car? Yeah, your Mustang.

308. Idiot. That car wasn't for me.

309. That was going to be your car when you turned 16.

310. What?

311. Yep. So I guess I'm not the one

312. who should be on that list.

313. Lost my own car

314. because I'm an idiot.

315. I can't believe I lost my own car.

316. Hey, look at this one— number 67.

317. "Ran over Crackers."

318. Hey, what kind of crackers did you run over?

319. Saltines? I bet it made a crunchy sound.

320. Finding out the car I lost was supposed to be for me

321. put me in a situation I had never faced before.

322. I'm on my own list— what the hell am I supposed to do about this?

323. Can't you just forgive yourself and cross it off?

324. I don't want to forgive myself, Randy.

325. I mean, my life would've been a lot better.

326. if I had that Mustang.

327. I wouldn't have lost my virginity in a public bus.

328. And I wouldn't have had to watch.

329. Hey, dummies.

330. What are you guys probably just sitting and saying

331. stupid stuff and doing stupid stuff?

332. I'm gonna fix up that car.

333. Really? Yeah. Why shouldn't I?

334. Everybody else on the list makes me do something for them.

335. Why should I be any different?

336. I'm gonna pay myself back.

337. Come on, Randy.

338. Hey, hold on.

339. I'm gonna come, too.

340. Hold on.

341. Maybe you should drive her home.

342. I don't know, she might be okay.

343. Damn it! Who threw that drink at me?

344. I'll drive her home.

345. So, while Randy got Joy home safe,

346. I went to my parents' house to fix up the car

347. that should've been mine

348. 20 years ago.

349. What the hell are you doing? Mom said I could fix the car here.

350. I can't work on a car at the motel.

351. Every time you slide under,

352. somebody tries to steal your shoes.

353. I told you, I don't want the car.

354. I'm not doing this for you, Dad.

355. I-I lost myself a car, I owe myself a car.

356. I'm doing this for me.

357. Yeah, well, fixing a car is a lot of work.

358. So let me know when you give up and I'll call the junkyard.

359. It was gonna be hard work.

360. But this was the list, so quitting wasn't an option.

361. See? I told you I drove just fine.

362. Oh, I drove— you were steering

363. with a paper plate in the passenger seat,

364. but you did get a couple of the turns right.

365. Randy, do you want to spend the night tonight?

366. It was an odd request.

367. Randy had never thought of Joy in that way.

368. I'm lonely, Randy.

369. I don't think I can go a whole week.

370. Randy gave her what she needed.

371. And much to Randy's surprise,

372. the next morning when Joy was sober,

373. she was hungry for more.

374. So much more that they didn't even notice

375. when Darnell and the kids came home early.

376. Joy?

377. Hey, boys!

378. Welcome home!

379. Cool! A sheet fort!

380. Cool!

381. You see, what Joy couldn't go a week without Well, get in!

382. was her kids.

383. Randy playing with that toy plane made her realize

384. how much she missed being a mom.

385. How much she missed someone innocent around

386. to liven up the house.

387. Someone who needed her to take care of him.

388. Someone to have fun with.

389. Because no matter how far she sent her boys away,

390. she was still a mom— there was no forgetting it,

391. and she didn't want to.

392. And the next morning, I was still making headway

393. on the Mustang.

394. At least I thought I was.

395. You're putting a 1970 carburetor in a '65?

396. It'll fit. Well, sure it'll fit.

397. That size four dress'll fit your mother, but I wouldn't take her out in it.

398. That's a matching numbers car there.

399. Well, it's gonna have to work,

400. 'cause it's all I have.

401. Where's this from?

402. 1965. Just put it on there.

403. Go on.

404. That's it, that's it. Easy.

405. No, no, no, no, you got to hold it down even so you don't cross

406. the threads.

407. Now, go to the cabinet, get the throttle plate.

408. We're gonna need that next.

409. Well, go on.

410. You know what a throttle plate looks like, don't you?

411. When I saw all those Mustang parts

412. my father bought over 20 years ago,

413. I realized this wasn't just the car

414. my dad had planned on giving me,

415. it was the car he had planned on us rebuilding together.

416. So that's what we did.

417. Over the next couple of days,

418. we got talking less about car parts

419. and more about other things.

420. So I was supposed to be named Carl?

421. Yep. After me.

422. But on your birth certificate, I've always sucked at cursive,

423. so I put an extra loop on the "C,"

424. so the "C" looked like an "E," and here you are— Earl Hickey.

425. And before I knew it,

426. I was having something with my dad

427. I never had before: a conversation.

428. And we kept on having 'em

429. for the next two weeks until the car was finished.

430. Looks great, huh?

431. It sure does.

432. And then it came to me—

433. what I had cheated myself out of all those years ago

434. wasn't a car.

435. It was a chance to have some quality time with my dad.

436. And now that I got that, I could cross myself off my list.

437. Well, here you go.

438. Now, the paint's not totally dry,

439. so don't let Randy slide across the hood like he always wants to.

440. Hmm...

441. Maybe I should just keep it here.

442. Here? Why would you want to do that?

443. Well, the motel's no place to store a nice car like this.

444. Plus, you'd get to drive it, too.

445. Let's go take it for a ride.

446. was an unselfish act.

447. But I wasn't doing it for him.

448. That car was the first good memory

449. my dad and I had together, and...

450. I didn't want him to forget it.

451. Somebody put a damn snake-dog back here!