My Name Is Earl 1x11

Directed by Ken Whittingham

Noah Crawford as Young Earl • Louis T. Moyle as Dodge • Trey Carlisle as Earl Jr. • Abdoulaye NGom as Nescobar-A-Lop-Lop • John Ducey as Bobby

When trying to enroll her children into the Right Choice Ranch for troubled youth, Joy is denied enrollment because of a barn burning incident at the hands of a younger Earl. Earl, Randy and Catalina travel to the camp to make amends for the barn burning by building a pen for the camp’s ostrich. Earl learns the real reason behind the barn burning incident and decides that every incident on his list after the fire should be shared by Randy.

Request examples:

!req My Name Is Earl 1x11 [02:32]
!req My Name Is Earl 1x11 [My Name Is Earl 1x11]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req My Name Is Earl 1x11 [10-11]; !req My Name Is Earl 1x11 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. The claw machine is a popular way

2. to pass time at the Crab Shack.

3. Especially when the rat gets in it.

4. A little more left.

5. You can't pick him up by a foot.

6. Go for the chunky part.

7. I know what I'm doing, Earl.

8. I've got to sneak up on him from the back

9. while he's humping that Grover.

10. Now.

11. Be careful when you pull him out of the slot.

12. He's going to be angry.

13. He's not going to be angry. I saved him.

14. Ow!

15. Maybe I should have let him finish his business

16. with Grover before I took him.

17. You know the kind of guy who does nothing

18. but bad things and then wonders

19. why his life sucks?

20. Well, that was me.

21. Every time something good happened to me,

22. something bad was always waiting around the corner.

23. Karma.

24. That's when I realized I had to change.

25. So, I made a list of everything bad I've ever done,

26. and, one by one, I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes.

27. I'm just trying to be a better person.

28. They are monsters, Darnell.

29. Those kids are two little monsters.

30. They used my going-out lipstick

31. to draw boobs on the car headlights again.

32. Joy, I'm trying to work.

33. Sweetheart, you're picking crab meat out of claws.

34. It's not like you're in a hospital

35. doing a kidney transplantation.

36. There were a few things I missed

37. about being married to Joy.

38. Her children were not two of them.

39. Boys get into trouble, Joy.

40. That's what they do.

41. Tell her, Earl.

42. Oh, I'm just, uh...

43. I'm getting a beer.

44. And the rat's back in the...

45. What are you asking him for?

46. He was worse at disciplining those kids than you are.

47. She was right.

48. I always found it best not to get too involved.

49. There you go.

50. Well, I'm sure if you put your two heads together,

51. you'll be able to, uh...

52. Good luck.

53. I felt bad for Darnell.

54. But I felt good for me.

55. Those kids were no longer my problem.

56. Those kids are beyond fixing.

57. They wouldn't even accept them

58. over at the rotten kids' camp.

59. I ran out of space

60. on the application.

61. How bad do they have to be?

62. Are you talking about the Right Choice Ranch?

63. Yeah.

64. Whose last name did you put on the application?

65. Yours— Hickey. That's their legal last name.

66. Dr. Crab Meat here hasn't come up with the $180

67. to change their names yet.

68. Seems like a waste.

69. I like Hickey.

70. Damn it.

71. That's when I realized what I thought wasn't my problem

72. actually was— #164:

73. "Burned down a barn at the Right Choice Ranch."

74. You see, as children, me and Randy

75. got into a little trouble here and there.

76. And our parents didn't seem to be

77. very entertained by our antics.

78. Eventually, they had no choice

79. but to take Randy and me to the Right Choice Ranch.

80. It was a nice little camp that helped troubled kids

81. turn their lives around.

82. However, their slogan

83. raised some eyebrows.

84. Over the years they tried new slogans...

85. but they never could get it right.

86. The right choice is hands on your head.

87. The right choice is hands on your knees.

88. The right choice is hands in the air.

89. Within a few hours,

90. we were already starting to learn

91. that you didn't have to be bad to have fun.

92. We also learned that Randy was afraid of birds.

93. Where is it? Where is it?

94. Then— which brings us back to the list—

95. there was an accident.

96. I'd only recently taken up smoking,

97. and properly disposing of my cigarette butts

98. was a habit I hadn't mastered.

99. They sent Randy and I packing.

100. Any chance of us being reformed went up in flames.

101. Now, Joy's kids shouldn't have to pay for my mistakes.

102. Hell, they're going to have plenty of their own to pay for.

103. You're going to a farm?

104. Shh. I'm not telling Randy. He's afraid of chickens.

105. And the Pope's big hat.

106. But mainly 'cause he thinks there's a chicken under it.

107. Can I go?

108. I worked on a farm growing up.

109. Oh, yeah? Where was it?

110. I don't know.

111. We were always blindfolded when they took us there.

112. But I know they shot my father in San Pasquale,

113. so it must have been north of the River of Blood.

114. Man, a surprise destination.

115. Give me a hint, Earl.

116. Like... "Has funnel cakes."

117. Okay, "Does not have funnel cakes."

118. Does not have funnel cakes... Okay.

119. I didn't like tricking Randy,

120. but I was hoping he might conquer his fear of birds.

121. He's never grown out of it.

122. Hey, Earl, did you see what that stupid bird...?

123. The Right Choice Ranch?

124. Yep. Does not have funnel cakes.

125. I'm going to cross that burned barn off my list.

126. You okay with that?

127. Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?

128. Earl, that was a rooster.

129. That's a man chicken.

130. They're the meanest of them all.

131. They got that red flappy thing under their mouth.

132. I don't even know what they make that out of.

133. I'm afraid of birds, and I don't care what you think of me.

134. It's okay.

135. We all have our fears.

136. I'm afraid of snakes and rape.

137. Come on, let's go

138. find the farmer.

139. I can't remember with chickens.

140. Are you supposed to play dead or punch them in the nose?

141. Well, I'll be.

142. Earl Hickey.

143. We've been telling

144. everybody around here you're dead.

145. No, not dead yet.

146. But my heart did stop briefly back in 1992

147. when I got stepped on at a Motorhead concert.

148. No, it's not that.

149. It's just that when we tell the kids

150. the legend of the Barn Burner, we think

151. it's kind of nice to finish it with you being dead.

152. Shot in the face, actually.

153. Really? Yup.

154. I have a legend?

155. And a plaque.

156. Ah.

157. You're the example

158. the counselors use for someone who made the wrong choice

159. here at the Right Choice Ranch.

160. Hey, Bud.

161. Little Hector said that seeing that baby lamb get born

162. has convinced him to laser off his teardrop tattoo.

163. Hey, okay, Hector.

164. Bueno, bueno.

165. Well, this here's Bobby.

166. He was probably

167. at the camp when you were.

168. He was brought here when he pulled out

169. all the teeth from his brother.

170. He's a successful

171. businessman now.

172. He comes here and volunteers on weekends.

173. Earl here's thinking of making up

174. for burning down our barn.

175. Yep, got to undo all the bad things I did

176. so I can have a better life.

177. Well, if you're looking to make up for burning the barn,

178. we sure could use a proper ostrich pen.

179. You guys have an ostrich?

180. Yeah. We got him for

181. the "Racism is having your head in the sand" bonfire.

182. We put a little KKK hood

183. on him and let him chase the kids around.

184. All right, then.

185. I'll build that racist ostrich a pen.

186. Maybe the campers will learn something

187. by seeing Earl Hickey do some good.

188. There you go.

189. Just do me a favor.

190. Don't mention to my brother

191. that there's an ostrich roaming around.

192. Ha! What are you going to do now, you stupid bird?

193. I'm behind a fence.

194. Stupid chicken...

195. I don't want to punch you in the nose, big chicken,

196. so I'm just going to lay down and die now.

197. Okay, here I am dying.

198. Call the police.

199. Call... call the police.

200. Building an ostrich pen actually felt pretty good.

201. But not as good as seeing all the faces of the campers

202. getting inspired by my positive example.

203. They couldn't keep their eyes off me.

204. Randy, give me the nail gun.

205. No, no, I need it.

206. For what? You're not doing a damn thing.

207. I think I got one in his McNugget.

208. You can have it now.

209. You know what, y'all don't stop fighting,

210. I swear to God I'll slap you

211. so hard, you'll both switch colors.

212. Hey, Earl.

213. Hey, Crab Man.

214. This place is crazy, huh?

215. It's like a farm or something.

216. What are you doing here? Well, you must be doing

217. something right, 'cause they called us up

218. and told us we could bring the boys up here.

219. Careful with that sander, honey.

220. You don't want to injure

221. you toilet-scrubbing hand.

222. Quiero agradecer a toda el publico Latino

223. que nos acompaña cada semana.

224. Y para los que no son Latinos,

225. les felicito por aprender otro idioma.

226. Sorry, sweetheart, I don't speak maid.

227. We're going to need Dodge's birthday.

228. June...

229. Wait, do me a favor. What's this say?

230. That's a Smurfette riding a skateboard.

231. No, under that.

232. Oh, "June 10."

233. Mm, that's it.

234. What about Earl Jr.?

235. Darnell.

236. April 3.

237. With Catalina's help,

238. I finished the ostrich pen a lot sooner than I thought.

239. Well, I think I can cross this one off.

240. I'll go get us some fresh water.

241. As a child, they wouldn't let us drink from the well

242. because of the bodies.

243. Look, Earl, they're playing Right Choice. Remember that?

244. Right choice is...

245. hands on your nose.

246. Right choice is stand on one foot.

247. Now punch your neighbor's arm.

248. I didn't say "right choice."

249. The trick is, you just watch what everybody else is doing

250. and do what they do.

251. I'm not sure why, but that's when it hit me—

252. I didn't just screw up my own future

253. by burning down that barn, I screwed up Randy's, too.

254. I'm putting you on the list.

255. What?

256. I'm putting you on the list.

257. When I got us thrown out of here,

258. I didn't just destroy that barn—

259. I destroyed your chance to be a better person.

260. I got to put you on the list.

261. No, no, Earl, I'm glad we got thrown out of here.

262. This place is total chaos.

263. I saw a pig eating his own poo.

264. But, Randy, if I didn't get us kicked out,

265. you could have had a completely different life.

266. Now, look at that guy Bobby over there.

267. Perfectly pleated khakis, having a good job,

268. flossing.

269. That could have been you.

270. I don't want to be that guy, Earl.

271. I don't want to floss.

272. It makes my tongue hurt.

273. Randy, give me the pen. No.

274. Ran... You're going on the list, Randy.

275. I don't wanna.

276. It's not up to you. It's up to Karma.

277. Mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother...

278. mother!

279. Pull it out. Pull it out.

280. Karma did this, Randy,

281. 'cause you're not on the list.

282. Put yourself on the list.

283. No! Do it!

284. Do it! No!

285. No! Do it!

286. I burned down the barn, okay?

287. I did it. It wasn't you.

288. Randy wasn't lying,

289. though he had been for quite a few years.

290. Hey, Earl, can I have a drag of that?

291. No, you're not old enough.

292. No smoking till you're ten.

293. Come on. Let's go inside.

294. We're going to play a game

295. of "Duck, duck, everyone's a winner."

296. But Randy didn't want to go inside that night.

297. He wanted to smoke.

298. Unfortunately, he wasn't alone in the barn.

299. There you go.

300. Now, if you do it to the other hand,

301. I want to take you to my church

302. so I can watch all the old ladies cry.

303. I'm sorry, Earl.

304. The good news is, you don't have

305. to put me on your list.

306. It's not your fault

307. that this place didn't turn me into a good person. It's mine.

308. No, no, it's not my fault

309. you didn't turn out like Bobby over there.

310. It's your fault.

311. It's also your fault that I didn't turn out like Bobby.

312. You want me to make a list of my own and put you on it?

313. No, I don't, Randy. You don't need to make a list.

314. Your list is right here.

315. This is your list.

316. Not anymore it's not. It's our list.

317. Seeing how this place could have turned me around,

318. I figure you're responsible for everything bad I did

319. since the summer of 1982.

320. And that's about 200 things. Good luck.

321. Stupid Carson Daly.

322. Wakey, wakey,

323. hands off snakey.

324. What are you doing?

325. Time to get up.

326. Got to get started on your list.

327. I chose the first one.

328. "Took donuts from a bank where I was not a customer."

329. I have to go now?

330. Randy, people don't want their donuts in the afternoon.

331. Oh, sure, they would.

332. Put gravy on them or meat inside

333. with that smart frog from Return Of The Jedi

334. on my back.

335. Randy, wake up.

336. Huh?

337. Can't I just leave them on the table with the other stuff?

338. Nope. You got to tell people what you did

339. and why you're here.

340. All of them?

341. All of them.

342. Everybody, listen up!

343. Drop the donuts! Just drop the donuts!

344. Randy spent the whole day crossing things off my list.

345. My name is Earl and I stole this birdbath

346. out of a pickup truck in the parking lot of this building.

347. Is it yours?

348. No.

349. This birdbath was stolen

350. out of the back of a pickup truck...

351. It is bad luck to accept a birdbath from a stranger.

352. My name is Earl.

353. What up, Nescobar-A-Lop-Lop?

354. It wasn't easy, but the hard things in life never are.

355. Randy was responsible for who I became,

356. and it was his job to make up for everything bad I did.

357. Sir, my name is Earl,

358. and I slept with your wife.

359. Was it in my own house?

360. In my own bed?

361. Um... I'll check.

362. It was in your own house, but it was on the couch,

363. the counter, the piano...

364. Wait. I've been married a few times.

365. Who are you talking about?

366. I'll find out.

367. It was Sherry.

368. Sherry?

369. That's fine.

370. If you had said Linda, that'd be another story.

371. Done.

372. He was okay with it so long as it wasn't Linda.

373. Check out #188.

374. It was relaxing to have Randy do my list for me.

375. Kind of like a vacation,

376. but then he came across something on the list

377. he couldn't do on his own.

378. I got one I can't do.

379. Too bad. Figure it out.

380. I can't.

381. "#98: Told Dodge and Earl, Jr. we would have

382. a father-son day at Mystery Fun Land and didn't take them."

383. I had promised the boys I'd take them to Mystery Fun Land,

384. but I'd also promised myself I'd go to an AC/DC concert.

385. Hey, boys!

386. You told us you'd take us to Mystery Fun Land.

387. Front row. They opened with "Money Talks."

388. Well, I would have probably taken them

389. if I didn't get kicked out of camp, Randy.

390. I would have probably had my own Mystery Fun Land

391. on my own private island— the Earl-hamas.

392. The Earl-hamas?

393. Yeah, maybe. Maybe I'd be rich and own a bunch of islands.

394. There'd have been an island for me?

395. Probably.

396. Damn it!

397. Well, I can't fix this one.

398. They won't let me

399. sign Dodge and Earl Jr. out of Bad Kid Camp.

400. They say either you or Joy or Darnell

401. have to do it.

402. Fine. I'll do this one.

403. But you got to do another one while I'm gone.

404. "#53:

405. "Put used gum under almost every table

406. I've ever sat at."

407. How am I supposed to know which ones are mine's

408. and which ones are yours?

409. You kids ready to have a good time?

410. Yeah! Yeah!

411. Me and the boys headed on down to Mystery Fun Land.

412. I figured after a couple hours of skeeball

413. and a handful of rides on the bumper cars,

414. I'd be able to cross them off my list

415. and get back to watching buildings fall down on TV.

416. However, there was a small problem with that plan;

417. Mystery Fun Land was gone.

418. It's gone.

419. What?

420. Mystery Fun Land, it's gone.

421. They tore it down.

422. I can't cross you off the list.

423. You mean your idiot list?

424. Is that what your mom calls it?

425. Yeah. She puts another word in front of "idiot,"

426. but I don't know what it means.

427. The guy on Scarface says it a lot.

428. I know what it means.

429. Yeah, my idiot list.

430. You guys are on here

431. 'cause I didn't take you to Fun Land.

432. You're #98.

433. But if there's no Fun Land,

434. there's no way to cross you off.

435. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

436. This has never happened before.

437. What if we just forgive you?

438. What?

439. When someone tells the truth and says they're sorry,

440. you forgive them. That's what we learned at camp.

441. That's when they made me realize something.

442. It's never too late

443. to make the right choices in life.

444. And forgiving people you love, well, that's a right choice

445. I still hadn't made.

446. If these little monsters could forgive me,

447. why couldn't I forgive my own brother?

448. Nicorette. That's yours, Joy.

449. Hey, doofus, if I wanted to see that again,

450. I wouldn't have put it up under the table.

451. Why don't you go get started

452. on the back of my headboard?

453. Anything that's grape was put there by Earl.

454. Randy, you can stop now.

455. I got to go start on the headboard.

456. No, it's okay. It's not your list anymore.

457. I forgive you.

458. What?

459. I know you're sorry for what you did back then,

460. and when somebody you love is sorry, you forgive them.

461. I am sorry I burned down that barn, Earl.

462. I know you are.

463. It's okay.

464. Oh, my God.

465. You two are a couple of fruits.

466. I think it's sweet.

467. Well, why don't y'all go have a three-way?

468. Pack of fruitcakes.

469. I don't care what she thinks.

470. I don't either, Randy.

471. My God, I'm going to vomit.

472. Hey, Earl...

473. Yeah, Randy?

474. Do you think an ostrich could get all the way here

475. from the Right Choice Ranch?

476. Yeah, I mean, it could probably walk that distance

477. if it really wanted to.

478. But I think the chances of it heading in the right direction,

479. getting up the stairs and finding this particular room

480. are pretty slim.

481. I'm gonna make sure the door is locked.