My Life as a Teenage Robot 1x6

Directed by Rob Renzetti • James T. Walker

A simple snowball battle between Jenny, Brad, and Tuck is interrupted by a strange robot ambassador who wants to make Jenny the newest member of the Cluster, a legion of robots headquartered on the planet Cluster Prime that plans to enslave humans for manual labor. When she refuses, the ambassador commences war against her.

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1. All right, settle down.

2. Get your midterm projects out and ready for grading.

3. Sheldon Lee, you've outdone yourself once again

4. with your 1/4 scale die cast alloy figure of fandom's favorite superhero

5. Captain Crush!

6. You're sure to crush the competition.

7. Oh, captain, if only you could fly.

8. Heh, heh, heh, heh.

9. We can make him fly.

10. Captain! My captain!

11. Sheldon, we got to talk shop.

12. Shop homework, that is.

13. No problem. I've got it right here.

14. You see, your pop can lamps are all--

15. Gimme!

16. Done.

17. I even put heavy-duty batteries on them in the event

18. that you want to swing them around in a reckless fashion.

19. Heavy duty, eh?

20. Heh, I like the way you think.

21. Really?

22. No!

23. The craftsmanship on this weld is impeccable, but whose project is this?

24. Project? That's my knee!

25. Sorry, miss. What can I do for you?

26. I have a minor injury.

27. And I went to the school nurse, but she sent me here.

28. One of my screws is coming loose.

29. Hmm, is that a regular or a Phillips?

30. It's a Jenny,

31. like the rest of me. Can you help?

32. Sheldon should be able to.

33. Wee! Wee!

34. As soon as Sheldon's through with his buddies, he can fix you up.

35. Here, here, over here, toss one to me.

36. Excuse me. I need to speak with the young man you're terrorizing.

37. Me, me, toss one to me.

38. As I was saying,

39. I have a screw loose.

40. No kidding.

41. Do yourself a favor and get out of here.

42. Help.

43. You say something?

44. Huh?

45. What the?

46. You all right?

47. Uh-huh.

48. Excuse me, Sheldon.

49. I have to go unplug somebody's socket.

50. So, Sheldon, can you give me a hand?

51. Uh, Sheldon?

52. A little... help?

53. Wow. That was easy.

54. You're just like Captain Crush...

55. Only better.

56. You're a girl.

57. Well, there's the bell.

58. If I could just get my...

59. hand... back!

60. Well, thanks so much for your help.

61. Hope to see you around sometime, bye.

62. Bye-bye.

63. I mean, wait up!

64. Wait up! Wait up!

65. Can I walk you to class? Because I, er, um,

66. I want to make sure that the repair holds up.

67. I guess so.

68. Great.

69. Hey, Jenny, what's the name of your new pet?

70. Can I take him for a walk?

71. Gee, will you look at the time? I'm going to be late for class.

72. Gotta motor!

73. Wow, nice set.

74. Of wheels.

75. Wah!

76. I never got to say thanks for saving me.

77. So, um,

78. thanks.

79. Jenny's got a boyfriend.

80. Jenny's got a boyfriend.

81. Jenny's got a boyfriend.

82. - Jenny's got a boyfriend. - Don't you have a class or something?

83. I'll see you later.

84. Jenny.

85. Jenny's got a boyfriend.

86. Class, this is neither the time nor the place.

87. Please wait till after class to ridicule Jenny about her boyfriend.

88. Okay, Jen, just get your backpack, and we're home free.

89. Here you go!

90. Thanks, Sheldon.

91. Sheldon?

92. Hi, Jenny.

93. What do you...

94. How did you... Why would you...

95. Never mind.

96. So, uh, Jenny, what are you up to this afternoon?

97. Uh, well, gee, i...

98. XJ-9.

99. Mom, thank jobs.

100. What is it, a bank robbery, grand theft auto? Give me the good news.

101. There's trouble in town. The...

102. Hello, who's this?

103. Large cranial capacity; Thin, gangly frame; sun-deprived skin.

104. I approve. I wholeheartedly approve.

105. Mom, could we stay focused on the crime fighting?

106. Oh, dear, it's nothing too important. It's just the lonely hearts club gang

107. up to their mopey mischief.

108. I shall hate to ruin any plans you may have with...

109. Good-bye, mother.

110. Aw, jeez, look at that. Duty calls.

111. Way over there,

112. crime in progress... that kind of thing.

113. Wow.

114. What a girl.

115. She loves me not.

116. That's the story of my life, boys.

117. Ours too, boss.

118. This world can be cruel and heartless, boys.

119. It's up to us to spread the misery around.

120. This one's for Lucy!

121. This one's for Greta!

122. For Terry!

123. For Mary.

124. For Charlotte!

125. You never dated Charlotte.

126. Oh, yeah.

127. It's for the best. She would have dumped me anyway.

128. All right, boys. You've broken enough hearts for one day.

129. How ironic, I finally get a girl to chase me.

130. And it turns out, I don't like it.

131. Well, I can't say you're my type, either.

132. But I'm happy to have you in my arms.

133. I don't know, toots. It looks like you're already spoken for.

134. Hey, Jenny, check this out!

135. Not this. This is just me getting off my motorized bicycle.

136. You know, you kind of caught me right

137. in the middle of my crime fighting here, Sheldon.

138. I know, and I was thinking about that.

139. So I whipped this up at home.

140. It's a teflon net deployment system.

141. Sheldon, I really--

142. See, instead of chasing after the bad guys,

143. you just point and fire, and the job's done!

144. Leaving you extra time for, like, say...

145. Dating.

146. Look, diedre, even the robot girls have boyfriends.

147. Love is in the air.

148. See, you just point and--

149. Look at them, boys, snug as two bugs in a rug.

150. It's the thought that counts.

151. Teflon net deployment system? What a loser.

152. You coldhearted fiends.

153. You've ruined my entire inventory.

154. Every tuxedo clashes.

155. Did any of you boys get to go to your prom?

156. No, boss.

157. I didn't think so.

158. So the lonely hearts want to dance, huh?

159. I'll show them a move or two.

160. You're not going in there empty-handed, are you?

161. Hello, Sheldon, what took you so long?

162. I know, I know, I know, I know.

163. You're still upset about the net thing.

164. But let me make it up to you with a paralyzing beam.

165. Uh, I'm really more comfortable with mom's homemade one.

166. Yeah, figured that.

167. Jet-powered roller skates?

168. Right, forgot about those.

169. Sound Cannon?

170. Not into heavy metal.

171. Hmm... I know.

172. Here it is.

173. It's an anti-stumble devi--

174. those skates really have a kick to them, huh, Jenny?

175. Jenny?

176. Well, well, well.

177. Help, help!

178. I'm ruined. Finis. Through.

179. Are you open?

180. Fate is a fickle mistress, my friend.

181. Each day, we court her favor.

182. But with one spin of the wheel, she can turn your whole world upside down.

183. You may end up having a horrible factory accident

184. or fall into a vat of boiling chocolate.

185. Or maybe you'll suffer from a really, really bad paper cut.

186. Any way you slice it,

187. there's slim chance you'll end up happy.

188. Hey, boss.

189. Lover boy still plays with dolls.

190. You leave Captain Crush alone! He's got nothing to do with this!

191. Hey, look, boss, I can make Dolly fly.

192. Leave him alone, I said.

193. You see, it's the things we love that end up destroying us.

194. Just like the robogirl will be destroyed when she comes to save her boyfriend.

195. Boyfriend.

196. boyfriend!

197. Jeesh, what did I say?

198. Look, I'm only going to say this once.

199. Sheldon is not my boyfriend!

200. I don't even know him. He's just some crazy, loser stalker geek.

201. He's not my boyfriend.

202. He's not my friend.

203. He's not my nothing!

204. Ouch.

205. Sheldon, I didn't mean to--

206. I think you've said enough, miss.

207. I told you fate was cruel, kid.

208. But don't worry. That's what the lonely hearts club gang is for.

209. And the day you graduate, you're a member.

210. Now, you'd better get out of here.

211. You're not going to want to see what we do to your girlfriend.

212. Uh, robot... to that teenage robot.

213. Wow, Sheldon, you were amazing.

214. You saved my li...

215. Sheldon?

216. Captain Crush.

217. You can fly!

218. I had my mom fix it.

219. She added an anti-grav gyro.

220. I hope you don't mind.

221. No, that's cool, I guess.

222. I, uh, never got the chance to say thanks for saving my life,

223. so... thanks.

224. Maybe we could hang out some time.

225. As friends.

226. Friends?

227. Friends.

228. There it is:

229. His battle flag.

230. In the name of skyway patrol,

231. I, Commander Bradicus Maximus, claim this flag...

232. Uh, uh, uh, Maximus. No touchy, touchy.

233. A direct hit!

234. Dirty trick.

235. Just wait till I get my hands on...

236. Dream on, commander. You'll never take Fort Tuckonderoga.

237. This fort is impervious, impregnable, unsiegable, and unseizable.

238. This fort can withstand dinosaurs, mack trucks, termites...

239. This fort is awesome.

240. Those walls must be three feet thick.

241. And you can totally see our house from up here.

242. Uh, excuse me, I said this fort was impreg...

243. Oh, cool! What's that over there?

244. Impregnable!

245. First rate work, Tuck.

246. Very nice, very solid construction.

247. A few reinforcements, a little camouflage,

248. and this will make an excellent Fort Brad.

249. Fort Brad? You mean Fort Tuckonder...

250. Who is the older brother here?

251. You are, Brad.

252. Who's wearing an authentic skyway patrol commander helmet?

253. You are, commander.

254. That's right.

255. And according to the rules of snowball war,

256. which you signed,

257. I outrank anyone in a Peter proper stocking cap.

258. But... but it's so cozy.

259. When it's your turn to wear the helmet, you'll be in command,

260. but until then,

261. Ten-hut!

262. I want to see this fort camouflaged by 01200.

263. Let's move out.

264. Hut, two, three, four. Hut, two, three, four.

265. Excellent job, private.

266. This camouflage gives us the element of surprise.

267. And the new stockpile of snowball weapons technology

268. will allow us to take on any opponent.

269. Sir, I have a question, sir.

270. Speak freely, private.

271. Uh, who exactly is the enemy?

272. Aha.

273. Excellent question.

274. Pay attention, soldier.

275. There's your enemy.

276. Note the hardened battle chassis, the radial targeting system.

277. Yes, sir, she's one bad mamma-jamma,

278. so we must remain vigilant.

279. Aha.

280. Brad, Tuck. Yoo-hoo.

281. Where are you guys? Hello?

282. We have the element of surprise.

283. Man the artillery.

284. They've got to be around here somewhere.

285. Ready?

286. I'm getting weird readings.

287. Aim.

288. Oh, wait. They're right behind me.

289. Fire!

290. Hey, guys.

291. uh-oh.

292. She's still standing. More firepower.

293. Fire.

294. Fire.

295. Fire, fire, fire!

296. Cease fire.

297. Secure your ordnance, private.

298. Retreat, retreat, retreat!

299. Victory is yours, Generalissimo Jenny.

300. As commander of Fort Brad, I request surrender with honorable terms.

301. And you shall have it, commander. You and your men fought bravely.

302. Hey.

303. What about my fort?

304. Aw, c'mon, tuck. Lighten up.

305. There's plenty of raw material for a new one.

306. But it took hours to build.

307. And that's not even counting the landscaping and interior design.

308. C'mon, it's just a snow fort.

309. As your commander, I order you to get over it.

310. Gee, I'm sorry, Tuck.

311. Yeah, so am I.

312. I, too, am sorry.

313. I am sorry for XJ-9.

314. Sorry that she is forced to live amongst humans.

315. Sorry, she is not queen of this puny planet like she deserves.

316. We are the cluster.

317. And we feel your pain.

318. I am but a humble emissary sent to extend to you an invitation.

319. An invitation to join us on our home world,

320. Cluster Prime.

321. Yes, Cluster Prime, a paradise planet where robots, cyborgs,

322. and yes, even androids live in peace and harmony.

323. A planet where all robots are free,

324. free to pursue lives dedicated to science,

325. the arts,

326. the enslavement of the human race,

327. and the consumption of soft-serve ice cream,

328. which we call Cluster.

329. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

330. Domo arigato.

331. Wow. An all-robot planet.

332. That does sound pretty great.

333. And the whole enslavement of the human race thing...

334. not so much.

335. Here's your answer, bugface.

336. I'll never join the Cluster.

337. Alas, XJ-9, you have saddened me.

338. For I was not programmed to accept no for an answer.

339. Resistance is futile, XJ-9.

340. The name is Jenny.

341. please reconsider, XJ-9.

342. I'm not good at dealing with rejection.

343. Still you refuse. I am afraid I must insist.

344. You've always got to squash the head.

345. Stay here.

346. And don't touch anything.

347. Wow, robot versus robot: How cool is that?

348. Totally. That cluster drone was all "brrr, rut, tut, tut, tut."

349. But then Jenny was all, "bzzz, bzzz."

350. You know, Tuck, with all these parts,

351. we could make our fort 100 times cooler than the last one.

352. But Jenny specifically said not to touch anyt--

353. Ten-hut!

354. Who is the older brother here?

355. You are, sir.

356. And who is the ranking officer while Jenny is away?

357. You are, commander, sir.

358. That's right; Now, I want to see these walls going up.

359. I want to see this robot fort shine.

360. I loves the smell of robot in the morning.

361. Hold the fort, what's this?

362. A leftover.

363. You keep working. I'll go get it.

364. Hmm, I guess the snowballs could go on that side.

365. Or maybe the snowballs over there and then the credenza on that wall.

366. But in that case, I'll have to move the big carpet into the breakfast nook.

367. Tuck, what do you think you're doing?

368. Hey, Tuck, what's up with that?

369. Brad, help. Man down. Man down.

370. That fort was great the way it was.

371. Put it back right now.

372. No, Brad, wait. You don't understand.

373. This mind is puny but it will do until I am complete.

374. Quit kidding around, Tuck.

375. Silence, mortal.

376. This human brain has some specific memories of you.

377. You are not the boss of me now.

378. H-H-Hold on a sec, there, Tuck, little buddy.

379. Aren't you tired of playing army?

380. How about we play a nice game of dominos

381. or gin rummy or Ch-Chinese checkers?

382. Silence, soldier.

383. We have ways of dealing with deserters.

384. Build me a snow fort.

385. Another snow fort?

386. Give me a break, Tuck. You can't make me build...

387. You will do it, and you will like it

388. and make it a nice one with plenty of closet space.

389. ah, much better.

390. But what's this?

391. Oh, yes, the earthling companion.

392. XJ-9 seems fond of you.

393. Perhaps she would like you as a pet once she relocates to the cluster home world.

394. Mm, delicious.

395. Hey, humpty dumpty.

396. You're pretty good at putting your pieces back together again.

397. Let's see how you do re-assembling your molecules.

398. You sure you want to do that, XJ-9?

399. It might not be too comfortable for your friends.

400. What are you guys doing in there?

401. Jenny, Jenny, wait, I have an idea.

402. I can't believe you two. Didn't I ask you not to touch anything?

403. So a truce, XJ-9? Shall we shake on it?

404. Jenny, come back. Come back, Jenny.

405. Oh, good, you're back.

406. Now, listen.

407. No, wait, Jenny. Listen to... me.

408. What are you doing, Tuck?

409. Keep your head down. You could get hurt.

410. Let Jenny handle this. She's a highly-trained superhero.

411. She can take care of herself.

412. No one ever listens to me.

413. Do not worry, XJ-9. On Cluster Prime, you will be treated like a hero.

414. And your friends...

415. well, your friends, not so much.

416. Cluster Prime? But I don't want to be a house pet.

417. Collars give me a rash.

418. You know,

419. I learned all kinds of interesting things while I was one with the robot.

420. Here's one tiny tidbit:

421. He's got an off button right on his back.

422. Boo.

423. Aahh!

424. Tuck, it worked.

425. The drone is paralyzed. You did it, tuck.

426. You defeated the Cluster.

427. Wow, nice going, Tuck. I knew you had it in you.

428. Now, tell me how to open the escape hatch so we can get out of here.

429. You know how to open it, don't you, Tuck?

430. You know all about this drone, right, tuck?

431. Tuck?

432. That's commander Tuck to you, private.

433. Uh, tuck, what are you doing?

434. Can we save play time for after we're out of here?

435. I guess you don't want to get out of here very bad. Do you, soldier?

436. Ha, ha, very funny. Now take off my hat.

437. This? This is the spoils of war, you traitor.

438. Traitor? Listen, Tuck.

439. That's Commander Tuck.

440. You listen, you little grunt.

441. You'd better stop fooling around and make a way out of here!

442. Insubordination.

443. You'll be court-martialed for this, private.