My Life as a Teenage Robot 1x20

Directed by Rob Renzetti • John Fountain

Looking to prove to Jenny that boy robots are jerks compared to him, Sheldon creates a mechanical suit and dubs himself the "Silver Shell". The plan backfires, however, when Jenny starts falling for Silver Shell.

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1. Mine!

2. The pip crystals.

3. Unimaginable power lost for centuries.

4. With the power of the crystals, earth will fall like a ripe melon.

5. Queen Vexus herself will declare me a hero.

6. No more Uggy Buggy Smytus or Smytey-pants Fat Bottom.

7. I will be Smytus, destroyer of worlds!

8. You laugh too.

9. Like you mean it.

10. That's it.

11. Shh.

12. It appears we have a cluster starship in the neighborhood.

13. And it looks like they're chasing something.

14. Hmm, spheroid object, crystalline composition.

15. Energy signature:

16. Unknown.

17. Well, whatever it is, if the cluster wants it,

18. it must be dangerous.

19. You'd better...

20. Hmm? Aha!

21. XJ-9, we meet at last.

22. Come to claim the pip crystals for yourself, huh?

23. Pip crystals, the most dangerous artifacts in the universe.

24. You can forget...

25. Now to find those crystals.

26. Oh, no, no!

27. These designs are all wrong.

28. None of these will do for our junior prom.

29. Our gowns must not only dazzle.

30. They must also shame and humiliate tinplated bumpkin XJ-9.

31. Is this the best you can do, Jean-Philippe?

32. But, my dears, I give you my entire spring collection,

33. which you reject as garbage.

34. You even pooh-pooh Mr. Biscuit's best efforts.

35. Whatever; You better find some inspiration and fast.

36. Or we're going to take our business elsewhere.

37. But where do I find this inspiration, my darlings?

38. From the air? From the clouds? The sky? Where?

39. Pretty, shiny, glittery!

40. Girls, brace yourselves.

41. This season, everything will be draped in crystals.

42. Jean-Phillippe international; Please hold.

43. Jean-Phillippe international; Please hold.

44. Jean-Phillippe international; Please hold.

45. Jean-Phillippe...

46. Bow to me, mortal, and tremble in fear.

47. Before you stands Smytus, lord of the Outer Rings.

48. mayor of Moonrovia, capo of the Crom Nebula,

49. and Destroyer of Worlds!

50. I have come to confront your master,

51. the one they call Jean-Phillippe.

52. Wow, where to begin?

53. Where to begin?

54. First of all, fatty, I'm not bowing to anyone.

55. Second, unless you're here for supermodel auditions,

56. you're not seeing anyone's master.

57. Third, shoo.

58. Jean-Phillippe international.

59. Oh, hi, Mary.

60. Go on now. Shoo.

61. But...

62. Shoo.

63. What's up, girlfriend?

64. Ellen said what?

65. You have got to be kidding...

66. Oh, I've got to go.

67. Hello, I am Smytelana, supermodel extraordinaire,

68. slim super girl, runway diva,

69. and destroyer of worlds!

70. I am from Ukrainia.

71. A Ukrainian supermodel. How exotique. Go right in.

72. Danke.

73. Supermodel Smytelana, this is Jean-Phillippe.

74. The crystals!

75. Jean-Phillippe, I have come--

76. No talking.

77. There is no talking in fashion.

78. Walking, that is what we want to see.

79. Walk? Like this?

80. Mm-hmm, now turn.

81. Good, and turn, and turn.

82. Now pout.

83. Now sneer.

84. Pout.

85. Sneer.

86. And strike a pose.

87. Mm-hmm.

88. Very nice.

89. What do you think, ladies?

90. She looks strong. I like her.

91. As do I. She's tall and exotic.

92. You mean you think I'm beautiful?

93. What you reckon it is, ma?

94. Why, it's one of them ufos, pa.

95. Let's crack it open and see if it has one of them

96. superpower orphan babies inside.

97. I always wanted one of them.

98. Ow. What happened?

99. Why, that's no U.F.O.

100. That's one of them extraterrestries.

101. Oh.

102. Oh, my gosh, the crystals.

103. Let's get your measurements.

104. Just slip this under your wings.

105. Stay away from him.

106. It's been trick. This is no glamorous fashion model.

107. He's a dangerous Cluster criminal.

108. He's only interested in stealing those crystals.

109. Oh, right.

110. The crystals.

111. Foolish XJ-9,

112. soon the crystals will be mine again.

113. Dream on.

114. After I send you back to Cluster in pieces,

115. I'll Bury those crystals where no one will ever find them again.

116. Silence!

117. Neither of you is taking our new dresses.

118. Brit, Tiff, get away from the crystals.

119. Give them to me. I'll protect you from their power.

120. Protect us?

121. Don't make me laugh.

122. Child, please. You just want to make your own crystal prom dress.

123. Well, that ain't happenin', loser.

124. Looo...

125. Ser!

126. Ooh.

127. Oh-Oo. Hello!

128. Very impressive.

129. But Smytus is no teenager.

130. Smytus is a soldier, a warrior,

131. a Vluster champion!

132. Puh-leeze.

133. You're nothing but an insect.

134. Not even an insect... a worm, a scurvy little worm.

135. I am a warrior!

136. I am a destroyer of worlds!

137. Ladies, please.

138. Please stop. I beg of you.

139. You are destroying my studio, scaring away my Ukrainian supermodel,

140. and you have terrified poor Mr. Biscuits.

141. I must ask you to leave.

142. And on your way out, return my crystal gowns.

143. Your gowns?

144. These designs were our idea. Without us, you are nothing.

145. Your designs are derivative.

146. Your stitches are shoddy.

147. And you're probably colorblind.

148. I am clashing.

149. Now we stand unopposed.

150. We can do whatever we want.

151. We goin' totally rule.

152. We goin' rule junior prom.

153. I guess that's fine as far as it goes.

154. But why stop with prom queens

155. when we can be queens of Tremerton!

156. We can remake this hicktown...

157. nothing but restaurants and shopping.

158. No more dentist's office.

159. No more library.

160. No more baseball diamond.

161. And speaking of diamonds,

162. I think it's high time the good people of Tremerton

163. to something useful with their lives...

164. like toiling in the diamond mines.

165. But not in rags, do you think?

166. Tacky.

167. I think perhaps evening wear would be nice.

168. Everyone will be slaves to fashion.

169. But the first thing we should do

170. is turn that robo-twit into a sewing machine.

171. Snap out of it!

172. The crystals are clouding your minds.

173. Cloudin'?

174. You need to get out more.

175. Looks like a beautiful night to me.

176. This is getting out of hand.

177. Give me the crystals before you hurt anything else.

178. Don't be ridiculous.

179. Why would we give this up?

180. Yeah? We like hurtin' things.

181. If you don't give them up...

182. I'll take them off you.

183. You need to relax, child.

184. Indeed.

185. Chill out.

186. Okay, no more kid stuff.

187. Let's see those crystals deal with extreme fire power.

188. Be careful, girl.

189. These things do have a tendency to backfire.

190. Hidin' from something?

191. What is it, sugar?

192. You feelin' okay?

193. Overwhelmed?

194. Dizzy?

195. Feeling surrounded?

196. Oh, dear, she seems quite confused.

197. Why don't we lend her a hand?

198. That's it. Now put her down gently.

199. Had enough, you cybernetic nerd?

200. Are you ready for a lifetime of sewing hemlines?

201. All right, you win.

202. I can't defeat the power of the crystals.

203. Not even the crystals can protect you from this.

204. No, it can't be!

205. It's horrible.

206. Oh, that ain't right!

207. Come on, we have to get off the streets before it's too late.

208. XJ-9, are you damaged?

209. Why aren't you pursuing the crystals?

210. Don't worry, mother.

211. I'm positive we'll never see those crystals again.

212. Good morning, Jenny.

213. Good morning, Sheldon.

214. Allow me, fair maiden.

215. Yes, sir, another glorious week filled with joyous learning.

216. And speaking of learning, I've learned of a wonderful social event this weekend.

217. They're having a grand opening celebration

218. for the new reptile haus at the zoo.

219. Everybody who's anybody is going to be there.

220. Well, I thought we could just...

221. Sheldon, are you okay?

222. Sheldon?

223. Anyway, it's going to be really fun.

224. And I'd like to take you, you know, like a date.

225. Gee, Sheldon,

226. I don't know if I want to spend all of Saturday with...

227. lizards.

228. Thanks anyway. See ya.

229. But everybody loves lizards.

230. Ancient tribes worshipped lizards as gods.

231. Sure, they all got wiped out in volcanic eruptions,

232. but, really, that's not the lizards' fault.

233. Real lizards eat small rodents or even big ones.

234. Rodents, that is, not lizards.

235. Big lizards can eat a whole buffalo.

236. Benjamin Franklin once said,

237. "give me lizardy, or give me death."

238. Maybe that was someone else.

239. It's still pretty profound no matter which way you slice it.

240. Did you know that lizards are cold-blooded?

241. Really, it sounds wacky. I know but it's true.

242. Sheldon!

243. Look, Sheldon.

244. You're a nice boy, and I like you as a friend.

245. So like a boyfriend?

246. She said, "boy" and "friend." I'm her boyfriend.

247. No, Sheldon, just a "friend" friend.

248. A "boyfriend" friend?

249. No, just a regular "friend" friend.

250. Is there someone else?

251. No, anything but that.

252. I simply could not bear it.

253. No, it's nothing like that. It's just...

254. I can change, Jenny.

255. How can I make myself datable to you?

256. I'm not sure that's possible.

257. I should probably date someone more like myself.

258. You know, a nice robot boy.

259. A robot boy?

260. Look around you, Jenny.

261. There aren't any.

262. If you're holding out for a robot boy,

263. you're going to have a lot of lonely Saturday nights.

264. What I mean is no robot could love you like I do.

265. Robots are cold and unfeeling.

266. No, wait!

267. I didn't mean all robots.

268. You're not cold or unfeeling.

269. Gee, thanks.

270. Oh, I'm so stupid.

271. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

272. Help!

273. Help me, please!

274. Yeah, yeah, I'm here. What's the deal?

275. He's trashing all my teacups.

276. Fear not, good citizens of tremerton.

277. I, the Silver Shell shall save you!

278. Oh, yeah?

279. Oh, yeah.

280. Stand aside, little girl.

281. This is a job for a real hero.

282. Those servos.

283. That shine.

284. That bumper.

285. What a dreamboat.

286. Ahh!

287. Get off me, get off me. Get off me!

288. Wow.

289. He's waving at me.

290. But that busybody bull is in the way.

291. A blast of hot, a blast of cold, and voila.

292. Another glorious victory for the Silver Shell.

293. Wow, you handled that mechanical bull like a real urban cowboy.

294. Gee, thanks.

295. Now, run along, missy.

296. A hero of my caliber has no time to dillydally with the likes of you.

297. Excelsior!

298. I'll never Polish again.

299. Ah, Jenny, judging by your blissful demeanor,

300. I'm guessing you've decided to attend the reptile haus opening after all.

301. Now, we should get there early

302. 'cause there's bound to be a line.

303. Lizards are hot right now.

304. Jenny? Are you okay?

305. I'm more than okay.

306. I've never been happier.

307. I've met the robot of my dreams,

308. the Silver Shell.

309. What?

310. Are you like him?

311. But he's a total jerk.

312. How would you know?

313. Have you met him?

314. What's he like? Did he mention me?

315. What did he say?

316. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me.

317. No, I haven't met him.

318. But I heard he's a real jerk.

319. Anyway, don't you feel threatened?

320. Another superhero could really steal your thunder.

321. He's stolen more than my thunder.

322. He's stolen my heart.

323. Sure, he's a little rough around the edges.

324. But it's nothing that couldn't be buffed out

325. by the right robot.

326. It's him.

327. Wow.

328. He's so commanding.

329. Hi, Silver Shell. It's me, Jen...

330. ny.

331. I don't know if you remember. But we met yester...

332. day.

333. So what kind of music...

334. do you like?

335. What's your favorite mo...

336. vie?

337. Didn't anyone ever teach you that it's impolite to interrupt?

338. That's all right, little lady.

339. I'll take it from here,

340. So, um...

341. have you heard about the grand opening gala

342. for the new reptile haus at the zoo?

343. Did you say, "reptile haus"?

344. Uh-huh. It's going to be really fun.

345. I thought maybe we could go together?

346. You know, like a date?

347. Oh, gee, I don't know

348. if I want to spend all of Saturday with...

349. lizards.

350. I got us tickets already. Here's yours.

351. I'll meet you there at 2:00 sharp, okay?

352. See ya Saturday!

353. I wonder where he is.

354. Oh, hello, Sheldon.

355. Jenny, come inside. You're missing all the fun.

356. I'm waiting for the Silver Shell.

357. We have a date.

358. Uh, Jenny, I'm pretty sure he's not going to show up.

359. He's not really a social type.

360. The only thing he's interested in

361. is crime-fighting.

362. Say, that gives me an idea.

363. These creatures are simply ghastly.

364. But the hors d'oeuvres are positively divine.

365. I say, old bean,

366. that woman had a Belgian garden snake wrapped around her digits.

367. Nonsense, that was a Cambodian river serpent, old chap.

368. I say, old chap,

369. you seem to have a Burmese frog-toad perched upon your scalp.

370. And you have a Tibetan trilling lizard on your dome, old bean.

371. People, people, remain calm.

372. These reptiles are harmless.

373. Release a few harmless reptiles; Cause a little innocent mayhem.

374. Silver Shell shows up, saves the day,

375. and we fly off into the sunset together.

376. Although he hasn't shown up yet.

377. Maybe we need a little bigger mayhem.

378. Come on, gramps. Join the party.

379. Come on; Come on.

380. Let's get you guys back in your tanks.

381. It was terrifying.

382. I never want to see another reptile as long as I live.

383. Hey, lady.

384. See; I told you they're harmless.

385. That one, however, is deadly.

386. Uh, Jenny. A little help would be most appreciated.

387. No, no, my intervention is unnecessary.

388. My silver wilver shelly welly will come.

389. Are you sure about that?

390. Any minute, he's going to burst through those doors and save the day.

391. Well, whatever you think is best.

392. Okay, Mr. Grumpy.

393. Playtime's over.

394. Jenny, no. He's a protected species.

395. Of course, he is.

396. See.

397. I made a poodle.

398. The other snakes are never gonna let me live this down.

399. Amazing.

400. She saved the day.

401. Hurrah!

402. I can't believe he didn't show.

403. I told you he was a jerk.

404. Now you can forget him and move on.

405. I'll never forget him.

406. I'll love that robot forever.

407. D'oh!

408. How can you love him?

409. You don't even know him.

410. For all you know, he's not even a robot.

411. Don't say that.

412. It would break my heart.

413. This is all your fault.

414. You were supposed to show her what a jerk a robot boy could be.

415. You blew it.

416. She still likes you.

417. And if I tell her the truth,

418. it'll break her heart.

419. Ow, ow, ow.

420. I've created a monster.