My Life as a Teenage Robot 1x18

Directed by Rob Renzetti • James T. Walker

Jenny becomes the star football player of the high school football team. At a championship game, she soon finds herself facing the former Tremorton High quarterback whom she replaced.

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1. So, Vexus, ready to surrender?

2. So you've dismantled a handful of my drones,

3. but we are legion.

4. One day soon, you will join us, and together,

5. we will enslave the human race.

6. Think again, evil robot queen,

7. because as there's a human being alive that needs my help,

8. I'll be there.

9. When you see a little kid trying to outrun a cannibal android,

10. I'll be there.

11. When you see some working guy trying to get his change back

12. from a demon-possessed snack machine,

13. I'll be there.

14. And when the day comes that crime-fighting robots

15. and plain folks can live together in peace,

16. laughin' and hootin' it up...

17. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it, already.

18. But your words are meaningless.

19. You will be a member of the Cluster before you know it.

20. Be seeing you.

21. What a... witch.

22. Yowch!

23. That was weird.

24. Crikey, I'm late for school.

25. ...and the axelockle, a primitive amphibian, is unique in its ability to...

26. Bo-ring.

27. So tell me again about how you kicked that battalion of Cluster butt.

28. Cripes, not again, Brad.

29. That story really loses its zip after the 100th retelling.

30. Come on! It's exciting.

31. My only battle today is between my urge to gorge on chocolate

32. and my desire to be zit-free for the school photo tomorrow.

33. Foul temptress.

34. That's one good thing about being a robot,

35. I never have to worry about breaking out.

36. Aahhh!

37. Okay, see you later.

38. Come here, you.

39. Aahhh!

40. Hey, Jen, what's with the tiny tears?

41. I-I tried to unscrew it, and it just got bigger.

42. Come on, it's nothing to freak about.

43. But I'm a hideous mutant.

44. Freaks? Mutants? Where?

45. Let me see! Let me see! Let me see!

46. Aahhh!

47. Sheesh, it is bigger.

48. XJ-9, time for your daily systems check.

49. No! Not now! I just can't!

50. Young lady, you open the door this instant!

51. No!

52. Ooh, so temperamental.

53. Why did I ever build a teenage robot?

54. You see, jenn? You're a teenager.

55. You're just suffering from... robopuberty.

56. It's perfectly natural.

57. You see, all teen folk reach a special time

58. when the mysterious broth of hormones starts to come to a boil.

59. Little Billy suddenly emerges from the cocoon of childhood as...

60. William, a promising young man.

61. While little Sally blossoms into...

62. Uh, big Sally.

63. Well, I've got my own theory, Mr. Health class.

64. I think you've been infected by some tiny alien machine,

65. a machine that is slowly changing you from within,

66. turning you into a monster.

67. A hideous monster!

68. You and your wild imagination.

69. One little pimple bolt does not a monster make.

70. Aaughh!

71. Hey, try some of this cover-up.

72. It always works to hide my zits.

73. Brad wears makeup.

74. It's cover-up, and there's no shame in it.

75. You really think this'll work?

76. Absolutely.

77. No, Brad, I can't! I changed my mind.

78. Oh, for crying out... nobody's gonna notice.

79. See?

80. Well, Brad.

81. Thanks for making me look like a complete...

82. Fool.

83. Whoa.

84. Oh, no, now my voice vocoder is malfunctioning too.

85. Great.

86. I'll have to wear this bag on my head forever,

87. and it smells like fish tacos.

88. Everyone goes through this, Jen. It's completely natural.

89. You're right. It's not so bad.

90. Hey, maybe this bag thing will become a new fad.

91. Fish taco bag heads.

92. That's the spirit.

93. This is all your fault.

94. You and your lousy cover-up!

95. Someone's having mood swings.

96. I'm sorry, sweet Brad.

97. Please forgive me!

98. Don't sweat it, Jen.

99. Hey, I bet you've already started to clear up.

100. Really? You think so?

101. Sure.

102. How do I look?

103. Uhhh...

104. Eeuw.

105. Huh?

106. Ohh.

107. I gotta go.

108. What's your hurry, Sally?

109. I-I mean, Jenny?

110. Me go school now.

111. Be productive, XJ-9.

112. Watch the birdie.

113. Smile.

114. Work with me, darling. Oh, that's it.

115. Friend.

116. Okay, maybe thereis something wrong with you.

117. Jenny, stop horsing around and get in line, young lady.

118. Everyone gets their school photo taken today.

119. You can't expect special treatment just because you're having body-image issues.

120. No photo! No photo!

121. Watch the birdie.

122. My, what a difference a day makes in a young robot's life.

123. One day, you're swearing eternal loyalty to the human race.

124. The next, you're my obedient pet.

125. Now finish destroying the school.

126. Once you've warmed up, we can take over your pitiful hometown

127. and then this whole puny planet.

128. Wait, Jenny.

129. It-it's me, Brad, your buddy, remember?

130. XJ-9 remembers only what the Cluster tells her to remember.

131. Namely, that she's first and foremost, a robot, like us.

132. Now destroy the nasty little vertebrate for me, won't you, darling?

133. Vexus.

134. I knew I smelled your stench on this,

135. especially when Tuck told me what was happening to XJ-9.

136. You're too late. She's mine now.

137. All right, Tuck, I need you to attach these to that power box over there.

138. Where?

139. There.

140. Oh.

141. Go!

142. Now, stop fooling around, XJ-9, and put these on.

143. The sooner we short-circuit you,

144. the sooner we can put an end to this Cluster nonsense.

145. Young lady,

146. you stop trying to take over the human race right now,

147. or you are grounded.

148. Goodness, I should never have stopped

149. my spinning classes.

150. Run, Tuck!

151. Tuck, keep going.

152. Gimme those, mammal.

153. Catch, Brad!

154. Tuck!

155. Aahhh!

156. Tuck?

157. Whoa!

158. Aahhh!

159. Aahhh!

160. Tuck?

161. Now, Brad!

162. Just as I thought:

163. The Cluster infected her with a tiny alien machine

164. that changed XJ-9 from within, turning her into a monster.

165. A hideous monster!

166. My wild imagination, huh?

167. What a disappointment to lose such a fine fellow robot

168. to such a pathetic bunch of creatures.

169. I'll just have to console myself by playing with this fleshy whelp.

170. You hurt one hair on his head, and your nanobutt is toast.

171. Mama.

172. Oh, my beautiful baby.

173. All right, we'll trade.

174. Foolish XJ-9.

175. Someday soon, you will join the Cluster family.

176. Well, now that Miss Moody's complexion is cleared up,

177. perhaps she'll allow us to take your picture.

178. Watch the birdie.

179. How embarrassing.

180. Stop lagging, Brad.

181. Tremorton high needs our skills.

182. But I don't want to try out for football.

183. The quakers haven't won a game in five years.

184. The only good player is Jacque, the quarterback,

185. and he's a supreme jerk.

186. Where's your school spirit, Brad?

187. You're gonna join the football team,

188. and I'm gonna be a cheerleader.

189. It's a great chance to increase our popularity.

190. Don't you want to be more popular?

191. Sure, you do.

192. Okay, guys.

193. I want to see some attitude out there.

194. I want you to be tigers, men of steel,

195. warriors, let me hear your war cries.

196. Looks like another great season...

197. For my ulcer.

198. Here you go, coach.

199. Football superstar, coming at ya!

200. Okay, Brad. Let's see what you got.

201. Owh!

202. Whoa!

203. I guess I didn't make the cut.

204. Did you black out?

205. No?

206. Great. You're on the team.

207. Okay, girls. Watch while Pteresa, Stephanie, and Jantrice

208. demonstrate one of our cheers.

209. Quakers, Quakers, rah, rah, rah.

210. Quakers, Quakers, la, dee, dah.

211. Go, Quakers.

212. Now let's see what you new recruits can do.

213. Gimme a "Q," "U," "A," "K,"

214. "E-R-S."

215. Go, quakers!

216. Ahh!

217. 54, 23...

218. hi, Jacque.

219. Oh, hi, girls.

220. You better get your act together, Jacque,

221. or you'll be off the team.

222. Please, coach.

223. Have you seen the rest of the team?

224. Somehow, I think you'll need me.

225. Brad, you look miserable.

226. Didn't you make the team?

227. No, worse. I did.

228. How'd you do?

229. Uh, not so good.

230. I don't understand it.

231. I even downloaded 120% more spirit.

232. Yo, a little help here.

233. That was amazing.

234. Congratulations. You're our new quarterback.

235. Hey, what about me, coach?

236. Think of it this way, Jacque:

237. You'll have more time to sign autographs, now that you're cut.

238. Cut?

239. Brad, I really need you to quiz me on the playbook at lunch.

240. You need to relax, Jenny.

241. You can't possibly make the team any worse.

242. I just don't want to let anyone down.

243. Too late for that, team wrecker.

244. It's your fault Jacque got kicked off the team.

245. Yeah, you show-off. No one's seen him all week.

246. Rumor has it that he transferred over to poly tech and joined their team.

247. Did you hear that, Brad?

248. If we're playing poly tech,

249. I really need to know those plays.

250. Don't listen to them, Jenny.

251. Poly tech is a technical school,

252. specializing in applied technology and electronics.

253. They don't even have a football team.

254. Brad, why do you have that pamphlet in your locker?

255. I picked it up at the poly tech bake sale.

256. What?

257. They have a great bake sale.

258. Good evening, and welcome to the first game of the season.

259. And now, boys and girls, your own Tremorton Quakers!

260. Suit up, Jenny. It's time to go.

261. And now, introducing this season's starting quarterback,

262. Jenny Wakeman!

263. - Boo! - We want Jacque!

264. Okay, team. Let's get out there.

265. So that's how these things go on.

266. Touchdown!

267. Quakers!

268. Hike.

269. Hey, Brad.

270. I gotcha.

271. Can you believe it, Brad?

272. Me, on the front of the paper.

273. I told you you'd do great.

274. I was pretty great, wasn't I?

275. Great job on Friday, Jenny.

276. Thanks!

277. All right, Jenny. Great game.

278. Thank you.

279. Looks like you're on your way to major popularity, Jenny.

280. 54, 92.

281. 54, 92, hut.

282. Hike.

283. Hike.

284. Go! Go! Go! Go!

285. Thanks, Jenny.

286. Right on, Jenny. You rule.

287. Thanks, Jenny. You the man.

288. Hey, thanks,

289. but I'm really just an electronic artificial female

290. with outstanding football skills, don't'cha know?

291. Well, Brad, I've finally made it to the right side of the popularity fence.

292. Did you see all my new friends?

293. Listen, Jenny, I don't mean to burst your bubble,

294. but these people are your fans, not your friends.

295. Their affections will only last as long as you keep winning.

296. Friends, fans... what's the diff?

297. Popularity is popularity.

298. Besides, I know I'll keep winning.

299. I got the skills... to pay the bills.

300. Don't count on it, Jenny.

301. You're playing poly tech in the championship,

302. and they're supposed to be unbeatable.

303. Yeah, this is their first season,

304. and they're kicking everyone's butt.

305. Oh, please. No one can stop me now,

306. especially a bunch of nerds.

307. Oh, yeah?

308. Well, the nerds' quarterback is Jacque.

309. Pft. Who cares about Jacque-itch?

310. Good evening, ladies and gents,

311. and welcome to the season's championship game.

312. Now turn your eyes to center field for this season's star QB, Jenny!

313. And now, the visiting team for tonight's championship game,

314. the Poly Tech Bulldogs.

315. Where are the Bulldogs?

316. 2.6.8.10.

317. Poly tech is here to win!

318. Resistance is futile.

319. And at quarterback, Jacque!

320. Well, well, robogirl.

321. Prepare for a taste of your own mechanized medicine.

322. Bring it on, Jacque strap.

323. Okay, guys. Huddle up.

324. Now, I know these guys look tough,

325. but I have total confidence in your abilities...

326. And, of course, my skills.

327. So let's get out there and kick some number-crunching nerd butt!

328. Break!

329. 54, 92.

330. 54, 92, hike.

331. Hike.

332. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

333. Aahhh!

334. Toss the ball.

335. Time out.

336. Okay, guys. Let's huddle up.

337. Now, I know things look rough,

338. but we only need one touchdown to win

339. if we all... pull... Together?

340. Are we the only ones left?

341. All that's left standing.

342. But what about Dominelli?

343. Broken scapula.

344. Thomas?

345. His lips off.

346. Sanchez?

347. Fractured toe.

348. Parkins.

349. Idislocation.

350. Lopez.

351. Real bad owie.

352. Cruz?

353. Comatose, but he wasn't much of a talker, anyway.

354. It doesn't make sense.

355. Nerds aren't supposed to know how to play football.

356. Well, there's no time to figure it out.

357. Let's give 'em the old sidewinder play.

358. Break!

359. 24, 92, hike.

360. - Come on! - What kind of play is this?

361. You might as well hit the showers, Brad.

362. It'll all be over soon.

363. That's okay, coach.

364. I'll just watch the game from here.

365. What the...

366. Ah-hah!

367. I knew it. That's how they're playing so well.

368. Hey, Jenny! Check out Jacque!

369. He's got an antenna microphone set up,

370. and he's feeding football instructions to the nerds from the sidelines.

371. Why, zat leetle...

372. All right, set up in blitz formation.

373. Hike.

374. This is it, Brad. Only seconds left.

375. I can't look!

376. Jenny, pull yourself together!

377. You're our last hope!

378. 2, 28. 2, 28.

379. Stop her.

380. Stop her, you nerds.

381. What'll we do?

382. I don't know.

383. Cast the dice from a force field.

384. Red dog right.

385. Red dog... huh?

386. Hike!

387. Oh, idiots.

388. I agree.

389. If they wanted a truly impregnable force field,

390. they should've used a positively charged ion beam.

391. Now we are in "beezness".

392. Okay, robogirl.

393. Let's see what you got.

394. Touchdown!

395. Tremorton wins!

396. Hey, Jenny, wait up.

397. Aren't you gonna stick around?

398. You sure have quite a few friends now.

399. Nah. Brad, you were right.

400. These people are fans, not friends.

401. Hey, robo-dweeb.

402. This game's about to go into sudden death overtime.

403. Hey, what are you doing, you stupid mutt?

404. Heel! Heel! Smash the girl, not the cat.

405. Christmas bonus, here I come!

406. What'd I miss?