1. No more secrets, right?
Copy !req
2. So... Here's the rest of me.
Copy !req
3. What?
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4. I can't— It's a ship!
Lois, it's a spaceship!
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5. Look at the pointy boys!
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6. They're obelisks.
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7. They project holograms
and transport material—
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8. this is
the greatest day of my life!
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9. I know I lied.
Copy !req
10. - I can't erase that.
Then we start over.
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11. Hey, big guy.
I'm Lois Lane.
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12. What's your name?
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13. Uh, Clark Kent.
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14. Though sometimes
I go by Superman.
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15. Wow, that seems
like a great name,
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16. given to you by someone
especially talented.
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17. Where do you come from?
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18. Outer space.
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19. What planet or where,
I... I have no idea.
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20. What can you do?
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21. I'm still figuring
that out.
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22. Why did you
bring me here? Really.
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23. I brought you here
because there's no bad guys,
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24. no robots,
and absolutely nothing
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25. to interrupt me
when I ask you this,
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26. Lois Lane, will you go
on a date with me?
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27. Have no fear,
your wingman is here.
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28. Let's get ready
for tonight's...
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29. Okay, all right.
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30. So, what is
happening here, buddy?
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31. Jimmy! Great timing.
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32. You can help me
chart out the dates.
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33. - What?
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34. This is our first
official date.
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35. So I've plotted
a route and timed it,
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36. because I'm taking Lois out
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37. for the most
romantic evening of her life.
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38. I'll fly in
to pick her up at 6:45.
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39. The cherry blossoms
in the Park bloom
at exactly seven o'clock,
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40. so we'll have 15 minutes to get
to the romantic rooftop view,
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41. which we'll savor
for, uh, 31 minutes
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42. before flying to Lois's
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43. favorite restaurant at 7:50
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44. for our 8:00 p.m. reservation,
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45. then coffee at 9:30!
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46. So, you finally got a date
with the girl of your dreams,
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47. and your first move
is to make a flow chart?
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48. And a map.
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49. Seems like you're putting
a lot of pressure on this.
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50. Well, it has to be perfect.
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51. Lois deserves it.
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52. One night
with no talking gorillas,
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53. or freeze-ray bank robbers.
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54. Just me and her.
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55. Oh, I forgot
about the swans
taking flight at 7:45.
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56. - Oh, okay.
- Well, have fun
losing your mind.
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57. I'm going to go
hang out at Lois's
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58. where it's normal, and—
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59. Hmm, yeah.
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60. - Mmm-hmm.
- Nope. She's lost it too.
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61. Jimmy! Great.
I think I figured out
the perfect gift for Clark.
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62. Oh, a collection
of crazed notes
written on loose leaf paper.
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63. No, no, no.
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64. His past.
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65. Every time I've hit a block,
Clark's been there for me,
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66. you know,
in one form or another.
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67. And I wanna give him back
something in return.
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68. I can't fly or fight robots.
Copy !req
69. But investigating,
finding answers?
This is what I can do.
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70. I've started my research,
gonna crush it,
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71. and I'm ready
to meet Clark
ten minutes early.
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72. I'm perfect.
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73. Now, if you'll excuse me.
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74. Sweatpants!
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75. And there it is.
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76. Ugh! I left my dress
at the drycleaners.
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77. I'm gonna be late!
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78. Most of us own at least one
drycleanable item.
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79. Not all of us can wear
the same blue jacket every day.
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80. And done.
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81. I can do this.
It's just me and Lois,
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82. and no weird
Superman stuff
to ruin it.
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83. Superman.
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84. I'm Mr. Mxyzptlk,
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85. an interdimensional
peacekeeper,
and I need your help.
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86. Nope.
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87. I'm charged with the safety
of the multiverse, son.
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88. So I need you
to put on your suit
and come with me.
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89. Okay, look, I'm not Superman.
Copy !req
90. - I'm just, uh...
- Mild-mannered Clark Kent.
Copy !req
91. Wannabe reporter
with superpowers.
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92. Nice try, sport,
but Clark is Superman
in almost every reality,
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93. This Earth, Earth 12,
Earth 50, Earth 508,
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94. Weird Earth, the works.
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95. How did you... How did you...
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96. Was I a crab?
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97. There are
infinite universes
out there, pal,
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98. and infinite Supermen.
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99. But I'm here because
Lois Lane is in danger.
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100. Your Lois Lane.
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101. She's been kidnapped by a gang
of inter-dimensional criminals.
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102. These people,
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103. they're ruthless.
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104. But if you're sure
you're not Superman—
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105. Where is she?
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106. I can get you to their hideout,
but, uh, oh...
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107. It's got measures
to stop me from portaling in.
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108. You'll have to break
through their security.
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109. Whatever it takes to save Lois.
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110. I knew I could count on you.
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111. You're the Dependable Clark.
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112. Now let's go.
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113. Huh. No response.
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114. Good. That gives me
time to change.
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115. Lois Lane
and Jimmy Olsen of Earth 12,
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116. you need to come with us.
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117. Why? Who are you people?
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118. Lois Lane?
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119. I'm Lois Lane.
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120. That's Lois Lane.
And that's Lewis Lane.
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121. We are the
League of Lois Lanes.
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122. And your Clark Kent is
in danger.
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123. Huh?
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124. - Where are we?
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125. Hey! Are you okay?
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126. I'm fine. Just not
as strong as I used to be.
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127. And this is
the kidnapper's lair.
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128. They're... They're inside
and so is Lois.
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129. Quick, she doesn't
have much time.
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130. Huh? Whoa!
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131. Oops! Ow!
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132. You gotta look out
for their guard dog, too.
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133. What?
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134. Welcome to the flagship
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135. of the interdimensional
peacekeeping force,
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136. The League of Lois Lanes.
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137. We were founded
by Lois Prime,
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138. the first Lois
to discover the multiverse.
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139. We protect every dimension,
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140. recruiting only
the best Loises to help.
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141. Usually after
our first Pulitzer,
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142. around our 21st birthday.
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143. Oh, um, I'm... I'm 23.
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144. So... You were reporters
before then?
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145. Ooh, which Lois are you?
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146. - My name's Jalana Olsen.
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147. And unfortunately,
it seems I'm you.
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148. Many Olsens are also
a part of the league.
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149. This brings us
to why you're here.
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150. This is Mxyzptlk.
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151. He calls himself a "Chaos God."
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152. We managed to disarm him,
but as we were taking him in,
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153. a portal opened
to a previously
unknown universe, yours.
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154. He escaped into it.
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155. If I ever get my hands
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156. on the jerks
who helped that gorilla
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157. and the brain who
opened that stupid portal—
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158. Why do you need us
for this Mr. Mxyzptlk?
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159. Because your Clark
is helping him.
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160. What? Clark would
never help a bad guy.
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161. No one's saying that.
Copy !req
162. But we tracked Mxy here,
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163. and now your Clark
and Mxy are missing.
Copy !req
164. Lois, we need your help.
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165. To find him, of course!
I'll do what I do best,
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166. investigate. Ah!
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167. Excellent.
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168. Once the scanner analyzes
your dimensions' tachyons,
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169. we'll be able
to find your Clark.
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170. Oh. That's what you needed.
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171. Good. Great.
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172. If it helps Clark, then—
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173. You have no idea
what you're dealing with,
do you?
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174. Not now.
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175. Give us
a moment, will ya?
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176. - In the meantime,
make yourself at home.
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177. Just not in there.
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178. - Ah!
- Great.
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179. Now, you smash and I grab.
Copy !req
180. Wait. Are...
Are you robbing this place?
Copy !req
181. No. Of course not.
Copy !req
182. We're robbing this place.
Copy !req
183. - What? No.
- Hey, look,
there's the good stuff.
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184. Where is Lois?
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185. Metropolis, probably.
How should I know?
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186. Ooh, Cosmic Rod, Flight Ring...
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187. Ah!
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188. Here we go.
Copy !req
189. Lois was never
in danger, was she?
Copy !req
190. No. Lois was never in danger.
Copy !req
191. I deceived you. I lied.
Copy !req
192. Why?
Copy !req
193. Because portal-proof vaults
are a huge inconvenience,
Copy !req
194. and you are very strong.
Copy !req
195. But you're not the quickest guy
from planet Krypton, are you?
Copy !req
196. Wha... uh... Krypton?
Is... Is that where—
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197. Help me break this glass.
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198. - No!
- Oh, that's okay.
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199. I got it. Yeah.
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200. - Stop!
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201. You are going to put that back,
and I will turn you over
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202. to whatever authorities
deal with you,
Copy !req
203. and then Lois and I
are going on a perfect,
normal date!
Copy !req
204. Normal? You are never
going to be normal.
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205. I have seen countless yous,
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206. and it is your fate
to always be different,
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207. and weird, and alone.
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208. And you may be
stronger than me,
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209. but can you stop me?
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210. I think...
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211. You're not okay.
Copy !req
212. No. I lost something
dear to me.
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213. I'm less... than I was,
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214. but strong enough
for one last trick.
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215. No, no, no!
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216. Hey!
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217. I thought now would be
a perfect time to get
Copy !req
218. some footage
for my next Flamebird update.
Copy !req
219. This week's episode
is definitely gonna be
about the multiverse.
Copy !req
220. Wait. You're a Flamebird?
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221. Out of all the Olsens
in the multiverse,
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222. I've never met another one.
Copy !req
223. Oh, what's the coolest thing
you've seen?
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224. Mine's the decaying remains
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225. of the secret
government laboratory
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226. that definitely did not have
a gorilla or a brain in it.
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227. Telepathic Horse!
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228. I'll show you!
Copy !req
229. - Don't, don't make us watch.
- Not... Not again! Come on.
Copy !req
230. Ha-ha! It's time, bird-lievers!
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231. Equus Mensa. Hippos Telepathia.
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232. Comet.
Copy !req
233. The telepathic horse
has many names.
Copy !req
234. All right.
What are you hiding?
Copy !req
235. Lois, Earth 52, multiple
award-winning reporter.
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236. Earth 24, received key
to the city at 19.
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237. Lois, Earth 1,
"Ready to meet with Dad."
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238. Hmm.
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239. "Superman-File X. Redacted?"
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240. What does that mean?
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241. Restricted.
Access at headquarters only.
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242. So, where is headquarters?
Copy !req
243. Everybody downstairs!
Copy !req
244. Analysis complete.
Copy !req
245. We found Mxy and Clark.
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246. They just jumped to Earth 14...
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247. after robbing
Earth Prime's Space
and Superhero Museum.
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248. I knew it.
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249. No, this... this has to be
a misunderstanding.
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250. You know Clark.
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251. Your Clarks.
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252. You know he'd never do
something like this, uh, right?
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253. Maybe you don't know Superman
as well as you think you do.
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254. - Coordinates set.
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255. League, get ready.
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256. We go after them
in three, two...
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257. The scene is set.
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258. All we have to do...
is wait for them to show up.
Copy !req
259. Wait for who to show up?
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260. So what do we do?
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261. Uh, what are those?
Copy !req
262. Only thing
that'll take down a Clark.
Copy !req
263. What do you mean, take down?
Copy !req
264. Neutralize the Kryptonian.
Copy !req
265. He's too powerful
to give the benefit
of the doubt.
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266. No. I won't let you do this.
Copy !req
267. - We know.
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268. You didn't grab us to help you.
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269. Lois, you're not
league material,
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270. but you're enough
like us to cause problems.
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271. Keep 'em separated.
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272. No! Let me out!
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273. Don't do this!
Copy !req
274. - Watch Olsen.
He could be trouble.
Hmm.
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275. Well, well.
If it isn't Lois, Lois,
and what's his name?
Copy !req
276. But there's
something wrong
with this picture.
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277. All these Loises
and not one Clark.
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278. Got you.
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279. It's him. Fire!
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280. Ah!
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281. What is... this?
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282. - Clark!
- No, Jimmy.
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283. I thought we were Flamebros.
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284. I'm sorry.
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285. The Clark is neutralized.
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286. Now for you, criminal—
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287. What? Spread out!
Copy !req
288. He still has
some of his illusion powers!
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289. We don't stop until we find—
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290. Our Lois is still aboard!
Copy !req
291. No!
Copy !req
292. Lewis,
rig our gauntlets
Copy !req
293. to pierce the space
between worlds.
Copy !req
294. We can't let Mxy get away.
Copy !req
295. I'll keep an eye on Superman.
Copy !req
296. Yes!
Copy !req
297. And Mxy lived happily ever—
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298. You've got exactly ten seconds
to turn this ship around.
Copy !req
299. Oh, come on!
Copy !req
300. I went through
some really excellent lies
Copy !req
301. to avoid this exact scenario.
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302. Caught by
Participation Trophy Lois.
Copy !req
303. Coordinates requested,
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304. League Headquarters.
Copy !req
305. Master Key required.
Copy !req
306. Wait. League Headquarters.
Copy !req
307. - You know where it is?
- I don't.
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308. But Lois Prime did.
Copy !req
309. Which is why
I nabbed her recorder.
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310. You're not gonna try
to stop me.
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311. The other Loises
are hiding something
from me about Superman.
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312. So you're gonna take us to HQ
Copy !req
313. and I'm gonna
find out what it is.
Copy !req
314. You met a legion of yourself,
Copy !req
315. and the first thing you did
was suspect them of lying?
Copy !req
316. Lois Prime would've loved you.
Copy !req
317. And why is that?
Copy !req
318. Because she didn't trust
anyone either,
Copy !req
319. which is why she kept
a secret backup master key.
Copy !req
320. And now I know
which Lois you are.
Copy !req
321. You're the fun one!
Copy !req
322. This place is beautiful.
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323. Eh, it's a little pretentious,
in my opinion.
Copy !req
324. I know I can't trust
anything you say,
Copy !req
325. but I might as well ask,
Copy !req
326. what do you know about Clark?
Copy !req
327. Lots. But it'll be way more fun
to watch you figure it out.
Copy !req
328. Here you go.
The knowledge of the multiverse
Copy !req
329. at your fingertips.
Copy !req
330. This is a file?
Copy !req
331. How... How does...
How does it work?
Copy !req
332. What am I supposed
to do with this?
Copy !req
333. Ah!
Copy !req
334. Sorry, Fun Lois,
It's been real—
Copy !req
335. But it's now time
to take back what's mine.
Copy !req
336. I'm back!
Copy !req
337. Now, I'm going to need
to get you off my back.
Copy !req
338. All of you.
Copy !req
339. - So...
Copy !req
340. Oh, look.
It's the League of Loser Lanes
Copy !req
341. getting in my way.
Copy !req
342. - Lois.
- No, he's got the hat!
Copy !req
343. I'm so glad you're okay.
Copy !req
344. I'm sorry
I ruined our date.
Copy !req
345. No, Lois, this is my fault.
Copy !req
346. I wanted to give you
a normal first date
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347. without any Superman weirdness,
Copy !req
348. but I... I ruined it
before it even started.
Copy !req
349. No, no, no. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
350. I've seen the files.
I'm literally the worst Lois
Copy !req
351. - in the multiverse.
No.
Copy !req
352. You would be better off
with anyone else.
Copy !req
353. Lois...
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354. You're the only Lois for me.
Copy !req
355. I'm annoying.
Copy !req
356. You're dedicated. I'm weird.
Copy !req
357. You're amazing.
Copy !req
358. I love going on
adventures with you, Clark.
Copy !req
359. I love your brilliance.
Copy !req
360. I love your kindness.
Copy !req
361. I love...
Copy !req
362. I love...
Copy !req
363. Hey, not to be a bummer,
Copy !req
364. but could you stop
making out before
the Chaos God blows us up!
Copy !req
365. I have an idea!
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366. Huh?
Copy !req
367. Enough of this.
Copy !req
368. Ha!
Copy !req
369. Ha!
Copy !req
370. Goodbye, Dependable Clark.
Copy !req
371. Hello, Mxyzptlk, God of Chaos.
Copy !req
372. You're not strong enough
to best me.
Copy !req
373. for one last trick.
Copy !req
374. No, no.
Copy !req
375. Self-destruct, deactivated.
Copy !req
376. It's over, Mxy.
Copy !req
377. As for you three—
Copy !req
378. - Where did they go?
- Sorry, Captain.
Copy !req
379. They grabbed a gauntlet
while we were busy.
Copy !req
380. The computer's too fried
to find their universe's
coordinates again.
Copy !req
381. Ugh! Let's just put
this one in confinement
and call it a day.
Copy !req
382. Yes! You can always
trust the Flamebro
Copy !req
383. to have your back.
Copy !req
384. What time is it?
Copy !req
385. 9:30 p.m.
Copy !req
386. - Oh, I'm...
Copy !req
387. Uh, better go. Bye.
Copy !req
388. So, uh, Lois, um...
Copy !req
389. It's too late for dinner,
but I was thinking...
Copy !req
390. Treat me to coffee, Smallville?
Copy !req
391. Huh, how do you work?
Copy !req
392. What?
Copy !req
393. Have you figured it out yet?
Copy !req
394. Weren't you in jail?
Copy !req
395. I was! It didn't take.
Copy !req
396. Besides, your drama
is too fun to miss.
Copy !req
397. Is this some kind of trick?
Copy !req
398. Oh, no. It's the truth.
Copy !req
399. Just like not
every Lois wins a Pulitzer...
Copy !req
400. Not every Superman is good.
Copy !req
401. This just got interesting.
Copy !req
402. - What is it?
- Sorry.
Copy !req
403. It'll be much more fun
to watch you figure it out.
Copy !req
404. Ta-ta!
Copy !req