Ms. Pat Settles It 2x16

1. - Hey, y'all. I'm Ms. Pat.

2. - All rise.

3. - And I know the inside of a courtroom.

4. I'm a convicted felon with a GED.

5. Now I'm sitting on this side of the bench.

6. Y'all are killing me.

7. These are real cases with real money on the line.

8. And I'm bringing my own friends to court as my jury.

9. - What is this, "Looney Tunes"?

10. - Y'all may have started this mess,

11. but I'm going to settle it.

12. - I love this courtroom!

13. - All rise, 'cause court is back in session.

14. - I want you to make sure your cell phones are off,

15. and make sure you tip your bailiff on the way out.

16. All rise for Judge Ms. Pat!

17. - Sit down.

18. All right.

19. Jury, my eyesight might be going,

20. but my side-eye is strong.

21. Go on, bailiff.

22. Start bailiffing.

23. - This is the case of Morgan versus Bishop.

24. - Plaintiff Cassandra Morgan is suing her boss

25. for $2,040 in back wages he unfairly

26. deducted from her paychecks.

27. - Wrong one.

28. Come on.

29. Hey, Ms. Pat.

30. I'm sorry.

31. - Defendant Corey Bishop says Cassandra's

32. been eating into his profits because she

33. eats food from Corey's shaved ice and sandwich

34. shop all damn day.

35. - We've got the sunshine and the clouds.

36. - He's just deducting what she owes.

37. —tell the truth, the whole truth,

38. and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

39. - I do. - All right.

40. Before we get started, I just want to let you know that this

41. is a jury of my peers, OK?

42. - Mm-hmm.

43. - Don't listen to nothing they say.

44. They here to catch me in case I fall,

45. because if I fall we all going to hell.

46. All right, Cassandra, tell me why we're here today.

47. - I'm here today—

48. - There we go.

49. —to sue my boss, Corey Bishop.

50. He owes me $2,040.

51. He's been chopping my check like he chops those sandwiches

52. at Twice as Nice Water Ice.

53. I'm here today to get my money.

54. - OK.

55. Corey, let me hear your side of the story.

56. - Sandy is suing me for no apparent reason.

57. She said I'm chopping her check, but guess what.

58. She ate $300 worth of food before we even opened up.

59. So I don't understand this.

60. - I would be on "My 600-lb Life" if I was

61. eating $300 worth of food every day,

62. and I've been there a year.

63. We open at 10:00.

64. I am preparing the food.

65. Of course I'm going to taste.

66. As you're cooking, you need to see

67. if you need to add a little bit more salt.

68. Maybe not too much salt. That's it.

69. - What's your responsibilities at work?

70. - My responsibilities started out just scooping water ice.

71. - And how much was you making an hour?

72. - $10 an hour. - What?

73. - That's why she got to eat at work.

74. - When he started incorporating the food,

75. he started chopping my check.

76. - What?

77. - How many hours did you work last week, Cassandra?

78. - I didn't work last week. I been off.

79. - Why? - Because I had surgery.

80. - What'd you have surgery for? - Crazy.

81. - Female problem. You know what?

82. I wish I could take these earrings off.

83. - You got no sick days?

84. - No, ma'am.

85. It ain't that type of job.

86. - So let me ask you something— is eating

87. your only problem with her?

88. - Not the food.

89. She ate the whole doggone ice machine.

90. You know the chipped ice that ladies like?

91. - Yeah. - The real chipped ice?

92. This lady ate the whole machine,

93. the first day we got it.

94. - Your Honor, I ain't got but 25 teeth.

95. I didn't do that.

96. - Oh my god, she ain't lying.

97. I think it's 24.

98. - So I didn't do that.

99. - If the teeth don't fit—

100. You must acquit.

101. - So when you see her do this, do you take

102. these things out of her check?

103. - Oh, yes, ma'am.

104. - Did you know he was taking this stuff out of your check?

105. - No, ma'am.

106. - How much are you eating a day?

107. - I don't— I buy my food.

108. - Bullshit.

109. - Bullshit, my ass.

110. - So Corey, do you have any proof?

111. - Yeah, of course we got proof.

112. - You got a video of it?

113. - Oh, it's video footage, yeah. - OK.

114. Well, let me see this video. - Uh-oh, Sandy.

115. - Honey, roll that. - I can't wait to see this.

116. - You see the ice in her hand, right?

117. - I'll be in there in just a second, OK?

118. Good to meet you.

119. - So why don't you just fire her?

120. - I fire Sandy every week, but she keeps coming back.

121. - I sure do.

122. - Have you ever fired somebody who won't quit?

123. I'm like, didn't I fire you yesterday?

124. She's like, I ain't got nothing to do today.

125. Come on in here.

126. - Well, I still don't understand.

127. How do he owe you $2,040?

128. I need a breakdown of— what did he take?

129. - OK.

130. Can you write this down?

131. OK.

132. We're going to start April 22nd.

133. - April 22.

134. - I got paid $143.

135. When he cut that check, it was $140.

136. I got paid April 29th— - Hold on.

137. He took $3 out? - $3.

138. Oh, it's going to add up now.

139. This is April of last year.

140. - Girl, I ain't got that much ink in this pen.

141. - Oh, all right, then.

142. - The evidence you should have brought in today

143. should have been this thick.

144. - Yeah. - Right.

145. - I mean, you didn't even bring us no cigarettes.

146. - Right. - I brought a lighter, though.

147. - OK.

148. Jury, what y'all think?

149. - I know exactly what's going on here.

150. My dad ran a business.

151. Corey, you don't want to fire her

152. because you don't want to pay the unemployment insurance.

153. - He ain't got no damn unemployment insurance.

154. Look at him.

155. - I finna tell her, we don't do that, no.

156. - So if you keep working there, you're going to have

157. to steal from the register.

158. - Anything you want to tell me to help your case

159. before I make my decision?

160. - He knows that I'm reliable, dependable,

161. and all I'm asking for is my money.

162. - OK.

163. Corey, your final remark?

164. - Sandy's a great person outside of Twice

165. as Nice Water Ice.

166. - All right.

167. I've come to my final decision, and I'm going to settle

168. this once and for all.

169. I'm ruling in favor of—

170. —the plaintiff, Cassandra Morgan.

171. Corey, you're ordered to pay Cassandra $400.

172. - Mm.

173. - And let me tell you why it's $400.

174. Because I'm giving you that $400 for that one week

175. you was out for surgery.

176. I calculated $10 an hour times 40 hours.

177. That's $400.

178. I wish you well, but he don't want you to work there.

179. - That's fine. I quit.

180. - Yeah. Did you hear that?

181. - I quit. - She quit on TV.

182. She'll be there tomorrow.

183. - I won't be there tomorrow.

184. I quit. - OK.

185. Well, I settled it. Bye-bye.

186. - Thank you. - Thank you.

187. - You are dismissed.

188. - She ain't trying to make it.

189. She's just trying to eat a meal every day.

190. - That's it. That's how she eat.

191. She put them old man money in her titties.

192. - I'm here today to sue my cousin,

193. Naomi Never Pays Nothing Back Jealous of Me Johnson,

194. for $600.

195. - Why you haven't paid the man the $600 back?

196. You got clothes.

197. - She has money.

198. She just don't have that $600.

199. - That part to pay me.

200. - How are you doing, bailiff?

201. - I'm good, I'm good. I'm ready.

202. - You look good, bailiff. - I mean—

203. - No, you don't.

204. Your shoes is shiny.

205. - His shoes can't be shiny?

206. - I mean, they can, but they like wrestling boots.

207. - They patent leather.

208. Ain't supposed to be dull.

209. - Can you turn them down some?

210. - His head's shiny, so his shoes got to match.

211. - Exactly.

212. I'm head to toe, you know what I'm saying?

213. - OK, bailiff, get to bailiffing.

214. - This is the case of Thompson versus Johnson.

215. - Plaintiff Charles Thompson is suing his cousin Naomi

216. for $600, the amount he loaned her

217. to unsuspend her driver's license

218. but was never paid back.

219. Defendant Naomi Johnson says her cousin's claim is crazy.

220. It was never a loan.

221. There's no way she'll pay.

222. —so help you God?

223. - Yes.

224. - OK, Charles, tell me why we're here today.

225. - I'm here today to sue my cousin,

226. Naomi Never Pays Nothing Back Jealous of Me Johnson,

227. for $600.

228. I was going to buy some plane tickets

229. to Texas for my birthday.

230. She like, well, if you're going to spend that much money

231. for the plane tickets, you might as well just

232. give me the $600 to get my license fixed,

233. and then we can just drive.

234. So I said, well, that would be actually cheaper, so OK.

235. And she said she was going to pay me back within a month,

236. and she has never paid me back.

237. Now it's been, like, two years, and—

238. - Two years?

239. —and that's why I'm here today.

240. - OK. Naomi?

241. - Charles did help me get my license, OK?

242. But Charles only helped me get my license

243. because he needed somebody to go with him for his birthday.

244. Charles don't have any friends, all right?

245. I didn't even want to go, OK?

246. He begged me to go for his birthday.

247. So I feel like I don't owe him anything.

248. I told Charles if I got some money after, that I would pay

249. him back, because I didn't—

250. I didn't have no job. - Lie.

251. - I was waiting on some taxes to come back,

252. and I told him if the money come, I will give it back.

253. I never got the money.

254. - Did you go on the birthday trip

255. after you got your license back?

256. - Yeah, we went on a trip.

257. - Why was your license suspended?

258. - My license was suspended because in the state

259. of Michigan, if you get parking tickets,

260. the governor make you pay $500 twice a year to get your—

261. or they'll suspend your license.

262. - For how long?

263. - Until you get— until you pay your money back.

264. - So you don't pay off the ticket.

265. You got to pay that fine.

266. - You got to pay the tickets and a fine.

267. - Damn.

268. - So you know, it was just hard for me at the time.

269. If I had the money, I would have gave him the money back.

270. - So are you doing better now?

271. - It's OK.

272. - That's how Black people do when

273. they don't want to pay you.

274. You doing better now? It's OK.

275. I mean, you look like you're doing OK to me.

276. Why you haven't paid the man the his $600 back?

277. You got clothes.

278. - I don't mind paying Charles back, you know?

279. It's just that I feel like we both did stuff for each other

280. and I never counted—

281. - What did you do for him that equaled up to $600?

282. - Well, I don't count, Ms. Pat.

283. - Give me numbers and items.

284. - Like, I mean— well, just— even just me going

285. down there for his birthday.

286. Like, when I took him shopping I think his outfit

287. was almost, like, $300.

288. That was just the mall. - Girl, it was $200.

289. And you could have kept it because I didn't even want it.

290. - It's not the fact that you didn't want it—

291. - It was a birthday gift.

292. - Right. That's what I'm saying.

293. - It was his birthday.

294. You can't— ma'am, stop it.

295. That's a birthday gift.

296. - She has money.

297. She just don't have that $600.

298. - That part to pay me. - No.

299. We spend money on each other.

300. I have receipts here.

301. - And what is this for?

302. - That receipt is for the stuff that I did for him

303. that he didn't want me to do. - OK.

304. - The outfit.

305. The outfit you got him. - The outfit.

306. OK.

307. - Were you happy to see her at all when she

308. came on that birthday trip?

309. I just wanna know.

310. - I will say when she did come, it was kind of like,

311. OK, I do got my cousin here.

312. But then we ended up getting into it.

313. - We got into it because he was jealous that I left.

314. - That trip was, like, completely ruined.

315. She disappeared with some dude.

316. - What?

317. - And that ruined my night because we was only

318. in Austin for two days, so—

319. - Why did that ruin your night that she went to go get laid?

320. You didn't get laid?

321. - Oh, I had options.

322. - No.

323. - I did have some options, for sure.

324. But I didn't partake in anything, because again—

325. - You was worried about her.

326. - That part.

327. - You was jealous that I left.

328. Girl, bye.

329. - Are you— are you mad because you didn't leave with nobody?

330. - Yes.

331. - No, I'm mad because she didn't

332. tell me that she was leaving.

333. - That's what it is.

334. He never leaves with nobody. That's the problem.

335. - All right, Karlous, let me hear from you, baby.

336. - Look, when you owe somebody, you don't have to wait

337. till you have all of it.

338. It's just that, hey, man, you need to acknowledge

339. that you owe me.

340. You need to be doing something about this.

341. She could have gave him $3 every time

342. she seen him in person.

343. - I would have even took food stamps.

344. - It's not that you owe him $600,

345. it's that you ain't made no effort to pay none of it back.

346. - She act like you got her license fixed for you.

347. That's your license.

348. That ain't got nothing to do with him.

349. - All right.

350. Now Charles, give me your final words on this.

351. - I just think that I'm overdue for the $600 that she hasn't

352. paid me, that she didn't want to pay me,

353. and I just need my money.

354. - And what do you have to say, Naomi?

355. - At the time, I thought he was just helping me out

356. because he knew I didn't have the money

357. and I didn't have a job.

358. I thought that I was going to get some money coming in.

359. The money never came in.

360. - OK.

361. Charles, you gave your cousin $600

362. for her suspended license to come go on a birthday trip

363. with you.

364. You haven't heard from her in two years

365. and she ain't even try to get you 10 of your dollars back.

366. Naomi, you say he gave you the $600

367. but you never promised to give it back.

368. So I've come to my final decision,

369. and I'm going to settle this once and for all.

370. I'm ruling in the favor of—

371. —the plaintiff, Charles Thompson.

372. - Mm-hmm. - Thank you.

373. - Thank you.

374. - Naomi, you are ordered to pay Charles $600.

375. That took you two years.

376. Two years and a relationship.

377. Y'all stop taking money so serious.

378. It's just a bunch of old dead white men on paper.

379. - Oh my lord. - All right.

380. I just settled it.

381. Get out of my courtroom.

382. - All right.

383. - You are dismissed.

384. - They need to call this bitch "Family Court,"

385. 'cause that's all I'm doing is putting people back together.

386. - After we took our detox tea on the way to St. Louis,

387. Correy Bell here defecated in my passenger seat.

388. - What? - Correy.

389. Girl, you better than that.

390. Shit happens.

391. - Today ain't the day, Karlous.

392. I'm in a bad mood.

393. - What happened?

394. - I caught my husband cheating on me with a buffet.

395. - You can get all you can eat at home.

396. - That's what I tried to tell him, Carmen.

397. With that said, bailiff, get to damn bailiffing.

398. - This is the case of Gamby versus Bell.

399. You may now enter.

400. - Plaintiff Joy Gamby is suing her friend Correy

401. for $500, the cost to detail her car

402. after Correy made a pit stop in the passenger seat.

403. But defendant Corey Bell says it's not her fault.

404. Nature called, and she called for Joy

405. to pull the damn car over.

406. She didn't.

407. And because of that, Correy doesn't

408. owe her fast-driving friend a dollar.

409. —swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

410. and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

411. - I do.

412. - I do.

413. - Joy, tell me why we're here today.

414. - Yourest of Honor, I'm suing my friend Correy Bell for $500.

415. We were on our way to St. Louis.

416. We took some detox tea.

417. We got a little friend.

418. Her name Tasha.

419. It's called De-Tasha, OK?

420. - That's hard.

421. - Mm-hmm.

422. - Support Black business.

423. We took that detox tea.

424. And after we took our detox tea on the way to St. Louis,

425. Correy Bell here defecated in my passenger seat.

426. - What?

427. Oh hell no.

428. - That's shitty.

429. Correy!

430. Girl, you better than that.

431. Shit happens.

432. - So—

433. - You deserve at least $500.

434. - Look, the detailing of the car—

435. I had to get that car detailed twice.

436. She disrespected me, she disrespected my car,

437. and I want financial recompense.

438. - Well, I don't know what "recompense" means,

439. but Correy, tell me why you're here.

440. - Your Honor, first of all, I can't believe Joy

441. would drag me all the way here and embarrass me.

442. Joy needs to understand that 20-year-old

443. guts and 40-year-old guts are not the same guts.

444. - They not.

445. No, they not.

446. - Oh my god.

447. - Baby, when my body say it's time to go, it's time to go.

448. And Joy didn't tell you that this

449. is a four-hour ride to St. Louis,

450. and she don't like to stop.

451. Now, I don't understand why she wasn't running like Jackie

452. Joyner-Kersee like I was.

453. She did not stop, so what you want me to do?

454. I do what my body tell it to do.

455. - So you shitted up her car?

456. - What did you want me to do, Judge?

457. - I wasn't there.

458. You did the right thing.

459. - Is this a rental car?

460. No!

461. - This is my car.

462. This is my car, Yourest of Honor.

463. This is my car that I paid for.

464. - Would you stop it with the Yourest of Honor?

465. It's only Your Honor. - Yourest to stay over there!

466. Thank you.

467. - Joy, why didn't you stop at a gas station?

468. - I was trying to.

469. - No, she wasn't.

470. - I didn't know she meant right on the expressway.

471. - You know what detox teas are like.

472. - We was four miles out.

473. Four miles out. - That's a long time.

474. - Please! - That's like 15 minutes.

475. - No, it's not! No, it's not!

476. Your Honor, I— forgive me, but I go fast.

477. - What kind of car was it?

478. - 2021 Chevy Malibu.

479. - It's a Mali-boo-boo now.

480. - Did you go to the gas station to clean it out?

481. - We did, and then we went to Dollar Tree.

482. She came out with some potions and stuff, but that ain't help.

483. - What did y'all do?

484. - She had to ride back in the back seat

485. because she had shit up the front seat.

486. - So how did you ride in the car

487. after she done pooped all over the front seat?

488. - In tongues.

489. I just prayed to the Lord the whole time.

490. - So y'all finished your road trip,

491. and then you went all the way back home and took it to—

492. - I took it to a detailing shop.

493. - Do you have any receipts?

494. - Yes, ma'am, I do.

495. I had to get that car detailed twice.

496. - You should have burnt that car up, you hear me?

497. - I— I really don't want to ask this—

498. do y'all have any evidence?

499. - Yes, ma'am, I do.

500. - I don't want to see.

501. - I don't want to see this. - Uh-uh.

502. That's not for me.

503. I'm a lady.

504. - This is crazy.

505. - Ah!

506. - She did shit in her car.

507. Damn, miss lady, how much of this tea did you drink?

508. You got shit on the headrest.

509. - Joy Gamby is suing her friend Correy Bell for $500

510. after she accidentally defecated in Joy's car.

511. Correy said Joy refused to stop when she needed to go,

512. so she doesn't owe her squat.

513. Ms. Pat is about to settle this crappy situation.

514. - I— I really don't want to ask this—

515. do y'all have any evidence?

516. - Yes, ma'am, I do.

517. - I don't want to see.

518. - I don't want to see this. - Uh-uh.

519. That's not for me.

520. I'm a lady.

521. - This is crazy.

522. - Ah!

523. - She did shit in her car.

524. - Oh, I'm going to throw up.

525. - That's the seat cover?

526. - Yeah, that's the seat cover.

527. - Damn, miss lady, how much of this tea did you drink?

528. You got shit on the headrest.

529. - After she used all the napkins—

530. —she decided to finish the deed with my scarf.

531. - What?

532. - My Gucci scarf.

533. - Oh hell no.

534. - Oh yeah.

535. Oh yeah.

536. - Why did you take her Gucci scarf

537. and wipe your hind with it?

538. - OK, let's be honest—

539. that Gucci scarf ain't even real.

540. All of the Gs must have been sewn closed, because they

541. looked like Os to me.

542. And to be fair, I helped her clean it up.

543. It ain't like I was like, oh, you made this happen.

544. So what.

545. - All right, I'm going to my jury.

546. Come on, Karlous.

547. - That lady is not your friend.

548. Anybody who would put that much boo-boo on your seat

549. is not your friend.

550. - I just can't believe you didn't pull over.

551. Like, it had to smell like an autopsy.

552. - $500 is not enough money for—

553. - No!

554. —me having to tell people about that smell forever.

555. - I don't even have nothing.

556. You can skip me because I got the boo-boo

557. after all of this shit.

558. Oh, my god.

559. - Joy, give me your final thoughts.

560. - I think I deserve the money from her.

561. I work really hard for all of the stuff that I have,

562. all of the stuff that I own.

563. At least some type of help, you know what I'm saying,

564. would rectify the situation.

565. - It was an accident caused by her negligence to stop.

566. We both agreed to take the tea.

567. We both agreed to take the drive.

568. I did not agree to shit in her car.

569. Joy should have let this go a long time ago.

570. - Like you did.

571. - Like you let it go.

572. - So I've come to my final decision.

573. I'm ruling in favor of—

574. —the plaintiff, Joy.

575. Correy, you're ordered to pay Joy $500.

576. I don't understand how you have a 20-year-old friend.

577. You just can't hang out with them.

578. They don't understand 40-year-old body functions,

579. ma'am. - Clearly.

580. - They really don't.

581. With that said, I just settled it.

582. Get out my courtroom with y'all shit asses.

583. - You are dismissed.

584. - You just can't take that kind of stuff

585. when you're about to get on the road.

586. - I'll be right back.

587. - You got to go to the bathroom?

588. - Oh yeah.

589. - By all means.

590. - Next time on "Ms. Pat Settles It"--

591. - Not only did he make my hair fall out,

592. he ruined my relationship, hollered at my man.

593. - You got to be more careful where you leave your man

594. at in Atlanta, I guess.

595. - You really got her a ten-wing combo after she almost

596. had to get her leg amputated?

597. - You know how much they are now?

598. Wings are like $300.

599. - You must have forgot when I gave

600. you $1,000 for your wheels.

601. - Them ten-speed wheels cost a stack?

602. - And do.

603. - Dang!

604. OK! OK!