Mr. Show with Bob and David 4x6

Directed by

Tribute, Fat Intervention, Interventionist Intervention, Car Wash Change Thief Action Squad, The Men's Club of Allah, Kalunda, Taint Magazine.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Hey, uh...

2. Hey. Listen, everybody.

3. Listen, we had a real tragedy occur here

4. At mr. Show this past week.

5. His name was ed abrahms, and,

6. There's a picture of him.

7. Can we pull in on that, john?

8. Pull in...

9. Yeah, ed was a good guy

10. And we'd like to take a moment of silence

11. In honor of him.

12. So, we'd like to ask everybody to please stand.

13. Please stand, thank you.

14. And if everyone could please hold your breath

15. In honor of him, who cannot breathe.

16. Psst...

17. psst!

18. Not now.

19. Hey, you guys need some speakers?

20. No, speakers?

21. Yeah, man.

22. I got top quality shit, the works.

23. Sounds good. Let's do it.

24. Come on!

25. Hi.

26. These are actually on sale this week for $400.

27. Thank you.

28. Dudes, check it out.

29. I know this guy, his name is ron.

30. Yeah?

31. He can hook you up for $400.

32. Four fuckin' hundred.

33. We'll take 'em.

34. Um, yes, we'll take 'em.

35. Great.

36. You guys need some tires?

37. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

38. Well, thank you for shopping at tire town.

39. Thank you.

40. It's good.

41. All right.

42. Hey, you guys hungry?

43. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

44. Come on.

45. You guys want some potatoes?

46. Yeah!

47. She's got a line on some mashed.

48. Primo stuff, from idaho.

49. It's the shit, man.

50. Hook us up.

51. Alright, no problem.

52. Hey, mom, could you pass the potatoes, please?

53. Sure, dear.

54. Thanks.

55. Check it out! Yeah!

56. We should get some gravy. Yeah.

57. Dude, hook us up with some gravy.

58. No problem, no problem.

59. Hey mom, umm,

60. Could you pass the gravy, please?

61. That wasn't part of the deal,

62. You said potatoes.

63. Check it out, man, you guys, relax.

64. I'm your go-To guy.

65. Is my date here yet?

66. Am I early?

67. John, we didn't really set you up on a blind date.

68. But I wrote a song.

69. Look, we just needed everyone here.

70. We're having an intervention.

71. Look john, this isn't about you, okay?

72. We're here to help david.

73. Oh, now that's him.

74. Everybody? Okay.

75. Hey, guys.

76. Game's not on yet?

77. There's no game, david.

78. We're here to talk about your problem.

79. What problem?

80. Put down the pretzels so we can talk.

81. Can I just finish this one first?

82. Now I need a beer.

83. David!

84. Our problem is that

85. We all miss our very good friend, david.

86. Well, he's right here.

87. He is here, but you buried him

88. Under layers of disgusting fat.

89. Guys, look—

90. See, david, we care about you.

91. Well, not all of you.

92. I mean, who could cover that much territory?

93. Guys, all right, I'm aware

94. I've gained a little weight.

95. Of course you're aware of it,

96. that's a good one.

97. David, we don't hang out with you

98. Because of your personality.

99. Oh, there's a zinger!

100. Jeez, I'm crushed.

101. Oh, that's the topper!

102. And we have a new king of slams.

103. What?

104. All right, guys, that's enough.

105. Bob...

106. I'm not really fat.

107. John!

108. Bob, we're just tired

109. Of the way you run your interventions.

110. Yeah.

111. You know, interventions are supposed to be about

112. Concern and compassion.

113. Yeah, not about who has the best one-Liner.

114. But we've had so many laughs.

115. Ha, laughs!

116. At the expense of all your friends.

117. Yeah.

118. Or have you guys forgotten

119. How we helped becky at christmas.

120. Actually, john, we're not really here

121. To plan a high society jewel heist.

122. We're here for an intervention.

123. Okay, this isn't about you.

124. Becky has got to stop drinking so much.

125. I'll say, last week,

126. Remember?

127. And, do you guys remember

128. How we helped jill two summers ago?

129. Alright, I got the cocaine cut.

130. Whenever you guys are ready!

131. We're here to help jill.

132. Godammit!

133. Okay, right.

134. That's the last time, I swear it, all right?

135. Okay.

136. But jill...

137. I'm sorry, it makes total sense.

138. You have soil, worms live in soil.

139. Worms would have an apartment guide...

140. That's not my point.

141. I mean, we got paul to give up bedwetting.

142. My interventions have been funny and helpful.

143. And wait'll you guys catch the intervention

144. I got planned for next week.

145. Is he dead?

146. Yeah.

147. Thank god.

148. Oh, shit, you guys are gonna kill me!

149. Wow,

150. This isn't the way we wanted you to find out.

151. No,

152. We wanted you to find out by us killing you.

153. The body! What?

154. You guys gotta get rid of it or you'll all go to jail!

155. Oh my god, he's right.

156. Okay, don't panic.

157. Listen, there's kerosene underneath my shoes

158. And there's matches inside my socks.

159. Okay?

160. Alright, let's go!

161. I got the matches.

162. Oh man, it's all gone!

163. That guy!

164. Man, I knew he'd pull some shit.

165. Here, I brought some lighter fluid?

166. Uh, yeah, nice, nice.

167. Action squad headquarters,

168. Here's zack welch.

169. Good evening. In 1994,

170. I hid a video camera in the backseat of my car,

171. And took it to a car wash,

172. Leaving $2.32 in change on the dash,

173. To see what would happen.

174. The change was stolen.

175. After three months,

176. My station manager ordered me to let it go,

177. So, I quit,

178. Formed the car wash change thief action squad,

179. Set up the car wash change thievery hot-Line

180. And started this show.

181. Tonight, with the help of the car wash change thief

182. Buster computer,

183. The car wash change thief action squad,

184. And your phone calls,

185. We'll stop still more car wash workers,

186. Before they stop you

187. From having your change

188. That you left there.

189. The ambassador car wash in l.A.,

190. Lower, lower...

191. No, lower!

192. Down! No, lower!

193. Underneath a sweater in the backseat.

194. It was decided chuck and lisa

195. All right, let's do this. Let's go.

196. Then, $2.75 in change was left on the dashboard

197. As bait, and we were ready to go.

198. Charles and lisa pulled up

199. And were greeted by julio,

200. A service man we caught twice before

201. In a previous sting at the same car wash.

202. Was he still up to the same tricks?

203. Charles asked for a simple wash, no gas,

204. And walked away.

205. Would julio take the bait?

206. We'll show you what happened right after this message.

207. Car wash change thief action squad,

208. Too hot for tv!

209. These are the scenes the censors

210. Don't want you to see.

211. The pranks!

212. With the language you love to hear, but can't.

213. And the crazy other pranks

214. That'll make your friends laugh,

215. And you crack up!

216. Car wash change thief action squad too hot for tv video...

217. Order now!

218. We now return to car wash change thief action squad,

219. To find out if julio would take that bait.

220. So, how long, do you think?

221. It depends. If it's the part,

222. You'll have to special order it.

223. We can't show you the rest of the hidden video,

224. We, we taped are-Enactment.

225. You did this on your own?

226. Yes.

227. It's just 'cause this thing—

228. It breaks a lot.

229. Oh, okay, well, good deal.

230. Well, chuck, pop that into the video player

231. And lisa, you stay here and watch this repairman.

232. Make sure he doesn't steal any lose change.

233. Let's watch.

234. For a small fee, he agreed.

235. Great. I'll play julio.

236. I would play the same part I played,

237. We asked the manager if it was okay,

238. And hired julio, for a small fee,

239. To play the vacationing husband.

240. And we were off.

241. We pulled up and got out to order the car wash.

242. Then chuck, as the re-Enactment julio,

243. Went to work.

244. Chuck attempted to portray julio's recent crime

245. But was foiled by julio's even more recent crime.

246. Julio, in costume as the vacationing husband,

247. Had stolen the re-Enactment change,

248. Before chuck, the re-Enactment julio,

249. Could re-Enact julio's crime.

250. When we confronted him, julio denied it,

251. He refused to give us the change back

252. Or the payment he received for the re-Enactment.

253. And that "cars needed washing."

254. run away, run away.

255. On car wash change thieves,

256. Wash your car at home,

257. And please,

258. Let's all cut down on prank phone calls.

259. Security for loose change provided by

260. The men's club for allah.

261. Providing security for boxers,

262. Secret recipes,

263. And the insecure.

264. When you need security,

265. The men's club of allah.

266. Now, brothers,

267. Please, let's welcome, his high holiness,

268. The right reverend ralid kalunda.

269. Thank you.

270. Brothers, today we gather to clarify statements

271. Which I made at a previous rally.

272. The jew-Run media!

273. Bloodsuckers!

274. This generous appraisal,

275. Has been intricately,

276. Legends speak of the vampire

277. As a nocturnal creature,

278. Whose image is not seen in mirrors.

279. So far, so good.

280. Now likewise,

281. Those who own shops often find

282. That they have to work long hours,

283. And late into the night, and as a result,

284. Do not have time to reflect,

285. Upon their accomplishments.

286. Smoke screen!

287. Let us move on.

288. I just work here.

289. The beehive hairdo,

290. Listen, the beehive hairdo

291. Was a popular style back in the 50s and 60s.

292. It was a simple creation

293. Which quietly flattered, while elongating the figure.

294. Where ya' going with this one?

295. Now I was merely suggesting

296. That white women put their hair on their heads

297. In a beehive, or

298. "Bee-Head" themselves.

299. Let's move on.

300. That is all.

301. But in order that my words are not

302. Misinterpreted again,

303. I've simplified my message to the simple phrase,

304. "Be kind, rewind."

305. Be kind, rewind!

306. Be kind, rewind!

307. Be kind, rewind!

308. It's a simple gesture.

309. When you rent a video from a store,

310. Remember to rewind it before returning it!

311. That's it, that's why we're here today!

312. Now, let's rewind that statement, hmm?

313. Break it down.

314. To be kind is to be friendly,

315. But more than that, to help.

316. Who needs help? Society needs help.

317. Crime is rampant in the streets.

318. Crime occurs where something valuable is.

319. There's something valuable here in washington.

320. The mother of pearl diamond is being shown right here

321. At the gotham museum of valuable items.

322. Holy hebrews, reverend!

323. Hold on, young boy.

324. Let's look at the word, rewind.

325. Rewinding takes us back.

326. Who takes us back?

327. King tut!

328. King tut is in jail, my boisterous boy wonder.

329. Rewind...

330. Re-Wind?

331. Who fights the wind?

332. The windbreaker! Precisely!

333. Let's ride, my young friend.

334. ( Parody of batman theme song )

335. Reverend kalunda!

336. That's right, windbreaker.

337. And now it's time for you to blow away.

338. Let's get 'em!

339. Show me that attitude. That's it.

340. Yeah, plenty.

341. Oh, you're making me happy.

342. Oh, yeah, that's it!

343. Yes, you are a magical being.

344. You're getting me excited,

345. That's not supposed to happen.

346. Now open those legs for me, wider!

347. Wider!

348. Whoa, not that wide, kid!

349. That part of his body has more personality

350. Than his whole face!

351. But garry, we can already see his bing-Bong,

352. And his flabby-Habby-Babby.

353. I want that!

354. The taint.

355. It's beautiful.

356. That's what people want.

357. By sticking to convention.

358. I always knew he'd make something out of himself.

359. Because he thinks different.

360. He didn't care about the wing-Ding or the:

361. Nobody was showing what was in between.

362. That's why he started taint magazine.

363. Other people must have liked it, too,

364. Because it sold by the hundreds.

365. Pretty soon there were plenty of imitators

366. Flooding the market,

367. But garry kept ahead of them all.

368. Pretty soon, garry had it all:

369. Money, fame and money.

370. Plus, he was also famous.

371. Hey, this is it, welcome to taint mansion.

372. This is where it all happens.

373. How ya doing, sweetheart?

374. Want any aspirin?

375. Want to make a phone call?

376. Can if you want.

377. Hey, all right.

378. Have some more ice.

379. Yeah, these are the days, people!

380. These are the party days!

381. ( Psychedelic rock music playing )

382. Garry, more popcorn!

383. This is our latest discovery, max packer.

384. He's got something quite special.

385. I got a five-Inch taint.

386. It's insane, this guy's taint.

387. And this is the kid, the original, theo.

388. He was on the cover of our first issue.

389. You were also in a couple of my movies, huh?

390. See how shy he is?

391. Garry!

392. But I just call it my bread and butter.

393. You know, people everywhere

394. Are masturbating on my bread and butter

395. And it's delicious.

396. Let's get the kid high.

397. Spin, spin, spin!

398. look at you, theo!

399. You're on top of the world!

400. On top of the world!

401. But then, tragedy struck.

402. He was a pro-Wrestler

403. Who didn't cotton to garry's liberal ways.

404. Poor little garry was no match for him.

405. Dr. Welch, I came as soon as I heard.

406. I'm sorry, principal dr. Hayward,

407. But I've got some bad news.

408. I don't care if his head is in a fuckin' fish bowl,

409. Just tell me he's alive.

410. Oh, well then, it's good news.

411. Cool, we got no problem.

412. At first, I thought that you were gonna

413. Really freak out when you saw this.

414. It defies all medical logic, really.

415. First time it happened, I was like, huh?

416. Wow, these speakers sound great.

417. Yeah, I really feel like a dream is being woven.

418. Yeah.