Mr. Show with Bob and David 4x5

Directed by Jonathan Dayton • David Grossman

Rehersal Tape, In the Cage, Trainers to the Stars, Blind Love, Emergency Psychic Hotline, 18 Dalai Lama, Camp Monk Academy, and an In the Cage reprieve.

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!req Mr. Show with Bob and David 4x5 [02:32]
!req Mr. Show with Bob and David 4x5 [Mr. Show with Bob and David 4x5]
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For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Mr. Show with Bob and David 4x5 [10-11]; !req Mr. Show with Bob and David 4x5 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Hey, everybody.

2. I see bob and david in your future.

3. Oh, thank you.

4. Thank you, thank you.

5. Oh, thank you.

6. What a special night we have for you planned here tonight.

7. That's not the line. I know, yes.

8. No, you said planned again.

9. I'm sorry.

10. It's "planned for you tonight."

11. Applause, applause, applause and go.

12. Hey, we've got a great show for you tonight.

13. We certainly have. Dr. Bologna is back.

14. So that's it. I didn't say "planned."

15. You didn't say "planned" at all.

16. We'll put a super down at the bottom of the screen.

17. They'll think we're just making it up.

18. David, david!

19. Bob, in the cage right now!

20. Get in the cage! Get in there!

21. Keep it quiet! Keep it quiet!

22. Quiet down.

23. They're fine.

24. They like it.

25. They like to get hit.

26. Performers aren't like you and me.

27. They have thick skin.

28. They can hardly feel it.

29. no, cut.

30. Could you give me a better kiss?

31. Yeah, I know how to fix it.

32. Linda, face.

33. Todd, face.

34. To get the best out of them.

35. Stay.

36. great, thank you.

37. It's a good feeling when you get it right.

38. if I do my job right,

39. You can't even tell I was there.

40. Hello.

41. Hello.

42. Hello. Yes, doctor?

43. It's my personal dream that someday

44. You can train actors to be useful to society.

45. To help people perform simple tasks.

46. Maybe even to assist the elderly or the blind.

47. Yes, who is it?

48. Karen, it's me jonathan, I've come to read to you.

49. Jonathan, hi, sit down.

50. Here, look.

51. I've made some tea and some homemade cookies for you.

52. Oh, that's so sweet of you.

53. Oh, here.

54. No, no, wait. I'll do it, I'll do it.

55. Okay.

56. No, I can do it myself.

57. Okay.

58. Yeah, yeah. Oh, thank you. It's good.

59. I'm glad you liked it.

60. Yes, it's so nice.

61. It's so nice of you to come and

62. Read to a poor blind girl every night.

63. Oh, it's my pleasure.

64. Tonight I brought a novel by my favorite author,

65. D.H. Lawrence.

66. Oh, d.H. Lawrence, isn't that a little racy?

67. No!

68. Okay.

69. "Their succulent, hairless bodies

70. "Meshed moistly as they rolled

71. "Their nudeness through the grassy heather.

72. "They—" Karen?

73. Jonathan,

74. Make love to me.

75. What, is someone at the door?

76. Shoo, shoo, birdy.

77. Shoo, get out of here. Who are you?

78. Who am I? Who are you, man?

79. Is someone there?

80. No, it's just a whispering snowman, my sweet.

81. What?

82. Karen, it's me, steven.

83. Oh, steven.

84. Steven, this is jonathan.

85. This is the man who reads books to me.

86. What's up, man? Oh, baby.

87. You know you gots to give it to me.

88. Karen, karen, you know this guy?

89. This guy describes the sunset to you?

90. Yeah.

91. Well, if I knew it was that important—

92. Let me show you how a real man treats his woman.

93. Okay, the sun is setting

94. And it's turning this funny shade of,

95. I don't know, red-Dish.

96. I can do a better job than that.

97. As the star of phebus descends.

98. It turns all that it touches a glorious shade of crimson.

99. Oh, that was beautiful.

100. Yeah, I'll tell you what else is beautiful

101. Is the triple-Dipple rainbow effect that is now going on.

102. It's all rainbow-Y and shit.

103. There's no rainbow. No rainbow.

104. You're just jealous

105. 'Cause you couldn't describe it first, that's all.

106. Come here. An eclipse?

107. You know what he's not telling you about?

108. He's not telling you about the nuclear mushroom cloud.

109. No!

110. Yeah, we gotta get out of here.

111. I'll save you, come with me.

112. No, karen, you don't have to do that because

113. And now he's farting it out onto a leprechaun.

114. Yeah, well you're a fucking faggot.

115. Oh, stop it!

116. I'm not blind.

117. I'd understand.

118. That's okay with me. I still love you.

119. I guess I should say that

120. I am blind.

121. I didn't want to say anything 'cause blind girls hate it.

122. And I guess I just can't do that, can I?

123. Oh, oh, steven.

124. Well, uh, I'm blind too.

125. No, you're not, man.

126. You said I was bald, how would you know that?

127. Oh, well, if you're blind,

128. Than how do you know that I'm a homosexual?

129. I don't know.

130. Gay-Dar?

131. Later, man.

132. Karen?

133. Hey, karen.

134. Sayonara, sucker!

135. Hello!

136. Hello!

137. I need help.

138. Emergency psychic hotline.

139. This is mystique, may I help you?

140. Oh, yes.

141. Where psychics come to the aid of your crisis.

142. Now here are your hosts:

143. Janie path,

144. Audio psychic mystique,

145. And singer and two-Time winner

146. In the philadelphia regional grammies, maple syrup.

147. Well, your honor is perfectly understandishable.

148. Oh, my.

149. Can help them. Caller, you're on.

150. Caller, caller.

151. May I just say

152. That you have called the exactemefundo right place

153. For all your assistementary needs.

154. Please help me.

155. My baby fell in the pool, she can't breathe!

156. Slow down, caller.

157. First of all, I'm receiving a color image,

158. Sort of an aquamarine.

159. Does that sound familiar?

160. Oh, god.

161. Her face is turning blue.

162. That's exactly what it is.

163. Aren't you amazed at mystique?

164. How about you, maple syrup?

165. Oh, my, she's wonderfuricical.

166. Please, how do I help her?

167. What do I do?

168. Someone with the letter "j".

169. "J", I don't know,

170. Jamie?

171. That's my baby's name!

172. Oh, my god! How did you know that?

173. There's a real split coming between you and this jamie.

174. But don't worry. You can expect a big raise at work.

175. A raise, great!

176. I've only been working there six months.

177. Thank you, emergency psychic hotline.

178. Why don't you unlock your future?

179. A promotion!

180. Wedding bells?

181. I'll be re-Incarnated?

182. six years ago,

183. The seventeenth dalai lama, tibet's holy leader

184. Was laid to rest.

185. Tibetan monks searched tirelessly

186. For an eighteenth incarnation

187. Which could have come in any form or place,

188. Even this suburban home in whiting, indiana.

189. And the unlikely lama?

190. High school senior dougie bendall.

191. Hey, mom!

192. I don't understand. Where you guys taking me?

193. Dougie! Derek!

194. Hey, dude, you can't go. We've got kiss tickets.

195. Yeah, I could get used to this.

196. You'd like it.

197. Alls I know is

198. They treat me like a king and I gotta act real quiet.

199. Write back.

200. dear, dolly lama.

201. Dude, this town sucks without you here.

202. Sorry so sloppy, derek.

203. Derek, I am learning much.

204. Hey, bro, did you see the video awards?

205. Halen won!

206. P.S. I made out with patty matthews.

207. Dear derek,

208. It does my soul good to hear about patty

209. And it is good news about van halen.

210. Like the lotus,

211. They bloom for you again and again.

212. You must find time to visit.

213. Respect all of life.

214. From the lowly beetle bug to the nuclear reactor's core.

215. That is my teaching for today.

216. Kundun, you have a visitor from america.

217. Yo, dolly g! What up, nigga!

218. What's the dealy, dolly?

219. Derek, you are a fresh wind that blows from home.

220. All right.

221. Man, this place is swigity sweet.

222. Yes, derek. What brings you to tibet?

223. Here's the deal, yo.

224. Ten hours a week at the shrewdy mart.

225. You know?

226. Put me in charge of some of these bald motherfuckers.

227. Yes, derek.

228. Much has changed for me since our last encounter.

229. Yeah, yeah, change, yeah, I'm down, man.

230. I totally got into hip hop this year.

231. Hip hop?

232. Derek, the life of a monk is simple,

233. But it is also rigorous and challenging.

234. Look, your horniness,

235. Remember what you wrote in my yearbook before you left?

236. B.F.F.

237. Best friends forever.

238. Oh, derek.

239. You re-Incarnated asshole.

240. Kundun, is everything alright?

241. Everything is fine, li po.

242. I was just talking to your new shift supervisor.

243. All right! Fucking excellent!

244. Oh, but, derek. You must assure me,

245. Are you open to learning?

246. Fool, I'm all about learning.

247. Well, I guess my shit does stink after all.

248. Derek, I think you're funny.

249. It's just that, the monks,

250. They've been beat down for like 500 years and—

251. I'm out of here

252. Like richard gere.

253. Li po, ti prok, where are you going?

254. If derek leaves we go with him.

255. He has taught us the greatest lesson of all.

256. Derek, looks like you've done it again.

257. What can I say?

258. Okay, okay, cut the shit!

259. All right, we got our work cut out for us.

260. Tomorrow is the big

261. 500th summer olympican,

262. And we gotta figure out how we're gonna beat

263. Those rich snobs from the fat kids camp.

264. William van landingham!

265. The third, my dear boy.

266. Good luck tomorrow.

267. We've beaten you for the past 500 years

268. And tomorrow, we're making it 501.

269. All right.

270. Let's keep it clean this year.

271. On your mark, get set...

272. Relax, home slice.

273. The science of derekology

274. Is officially in effect.

275. This one's worth a hundred points

276. So it's still anyone's game.

277. It's the freestyle rap competition.

278. Fat kids, who will be representing?

279. Camp wannahabe is proud to present its newest member,

280. Professor murder.

281. A ringer!

282. Kundun, you have to do something.

283. What can I do? I can't rap.

284. Hip hop.

285. Where's derek?

286. ♪ yeah, check it out

287. Derek, what's wrong?

288. Laryngitis. Can't rap. You gotta do it.

289. I can't.

290. Guess we lose again this year.

291. Word.

292. Well, monks.

293. The winners for the 501st year in a row—

294. Wait!

295. Pass the mic, yo.

296. Damn, his science is too tight.

297. The winner of the—

298. I'm trying to— Oh, screw it.

299. Dougie, you did it, bro.

300. Hey, hey your voice.

301. You didn't have laryngitis.

302. What can I say?

303. Hey, duckie! Hey, duckie!

304. Get the fuck in here.

305. And that's how it happened.

306. After that, we drove to hollywood,

307. Changed our names to bob and david

308. And started the show with dr. Bologna.

309. Hey, what'd you think of the show, dr. Bologna?

310. All right! All right!

311. Let's go, back in the cage! C'mon, let's go, right now.

312. That way, over this way. Get over, right now!

313. Right now. In, get in!

314. Get in right now. Get in! Get in!

315. Get in, come on now!

316. Come on, come on!

317. Stay in there.