1. Hey, everybody, it's Bob and David.Copy !req
2. Hey, hi, everyone, hi.Copy !req
3. Hi, indeed.Copy !req
4. No, seriously, hello.Copy !req
5. It's great to be here tonight.Copy !req
6. Yeah, you know it is, though.Copy !req
7. Honestly, you're here, I'm here,Copy !req
8. All these people are here.Copy !req
9. You know that's very cool.Copy !req
10. It's very cool.Copy !req
11. David, you're high.Copy !req
12. No, no.Copy !req
13. I smell marijuana on you.Copy !req
14. Check that.Copy !req
15. How about medical marijuana?Copy !req
16. You're not sick.Copy !req
17. It's for work related stress.Copy !req
18. "For stress related to
working with Bob Odenkirk..."Copy !req
19. Hey, you think it'll work for me?Copy !req
20. 'Cause I have to work
with me all the time.Copy !req
21. Sure, just take... shit, I'm out.Copy !req
22. Come on.Copy !req
23. There you are, my dear. Thank you.Copy !req
24. Hi, Mr. Fowler.Copy !req
25. Well hello there, David.Copy !req
26. Need a refill? Oh yeah, thanks.Copy !req
27. This will take a few minutes to fill.Copy !req
28. You fellows want to hang out?Copy !req
29. Yeah, sure. Come on, then.Copy !req
30. You've gotta hear this new song I wrote.Copy !req
31. I did it all on my 4-Track. Come here.Copy !req
32. You're a musician?Copy !req
33. Well, I wrote some stuff,
and Kenny Loggins heard it.Copy !req
34. So, you know.Copy !req
35. There we go.Copy !req
36. Man, what is going on?Copy !req
37. You got to do this, Bob.Copy !req
38. They want you to hang out with them.Copy !req
39. I've had to listen to that
bullshit song four times already.Copy !req
40. Yeah, what are you gonna do?Copy !req
41. I'm not even his friend.Copy !req
42. I just need marijuana for my glaucoma.Copy !req
43. Yeah, I know what you mean.Copy !req
44. My doctor says I need
marijuana to get high.Copy !req
45. Here you go Mrs. Montpelier,Copy !req
46. this is for your glaucoma.Copy !req
47. And here's some
creeper weed fudge brownies.Copy !req
48. They'll fuck your ass up.Copy !req
49. Man, that isn't right.Copy !req
50. Don't you take an oath or something?Copy !req
51. Police!Copy !req
52. Alright, you really crossed
the line this time, doc.Copy !req
53. Bummer!Copy !req
54. Thanks a lot, citizen.Copy !req
55. You're wearing a wire!Copy !req
56. Sure, David, it's cold out.Copy !req
57. And wires are like electric underwear.Copy !req
58. Speaking of the electric underwear,Copy !req
59. I got two tickets to their show tonight.Copy !req
60. Me, me, me, me, me...Copy !req
61. My wire will help me make a bootleg.Copy !req
62. Of a hot rock and roll show.Copy !req
63. And you can wear a wire to record
your favorite TV programs!Copy !req
64. Students can use it as a memory
helper to record boring lectures.Copy !req
65. You, out!Copy !req
66. Well, our first day and our first casualty.Copy !req
67. Welcome to law school.Copy !req
68. I am the dreaded professor Peens.Copy !req
69. You are no doubt familiar
with my reputationCopy !req
70. as a controlling,
sour-tongued, bitter crank.Copy !req
71. Rest assured it is entirely true.Copy !req
72. You come in here with
your minds full of mush,Copy !req
73. but you leave with razor sharp,Copy !req
74. double-edged, legal, dual-mind blades.Copy !req
75. Look to your right, look to your left.Copy !req
76. One of the people you just looked at will
not be attending graduation ceremonies,Copy !req
77. unless, of course, they come as a friend.Copy !req
78. Now then...Copy !req
79. Thank you, Lloyd.Copy !req
80. Oh, my, it seems as though Mrs. Peens'Copy !req
81. scarlet rubella is acting up again.Copy !req
82. Who's the student who's
been assigned to assist me?Copy !req
83. Gerald Hennesy.Copy !req
84. Yes, sir, right here sir.Copy !req
85. Very well, Mr. Hennesy will
take over while I'm gone.Copy !req
86. Please, Mr. Hennesy, carry on.Copy !req
87. Carry on, yes, I'll carry on.Copy !req
88. Welcome to law school.Copy !req
89. Law school.Copy !req
90. Law school will be very hard,Copy !req
91. for you.Copy !req
92. This is not a playgroundCopy !req
93. so leave your lunchboxes at home.Copy !req
94. As well as your games.Copy !req
95. And jokes.Copy !req
96. And balls and riddles.Copy !req
97. You come in here with
heads filled with soup!Copy !req
98. When you're done with law school,Copy !req
99. your brain will be like a steel trapCopy !req
100. with the bloody foot of law inside itCopy !req
101. crying out for its mommy!Copy !req
102. Look around you, look around you,Copy !req
103. Look around you, come on, do it.Copy !req
104. Look up, look up, look to your right.Copy !req
105. Look to me, look to your right again.Copy !req
106. A little bit more, a little bit more.Copy !req
107. Right here, a little bit more. There.Copy !req
108. Now you know what it's like
to look to the right.Copy !req
109. By the time this class is over,Copy !req
110. Two of you.Copy !req
111. Will be murdered.Copy !req
112. One of you Will commit suicide.Copy !req
113. One of you will get injured...Copy !req
114. In the leg.Copy !req
115. Two of you will quit law
school because it's so hard,Copy !req
116. And you'll go off to run
an apple butter farm.Copy !req
117. That's not gonna work out... Ahem!Copy !req
118. What is it young man?Copy !req
119. Young man?Copy !req
120. You shouldn't be doing this.Copy !req
121. It's a bit much.Copy !req
122. Didn't you guys hear professor
peens tell me to carry on?Copy !req
123. 'Cause if you didn't then I recommend.Copy !req
124. That an armada of q-Tips be
dispatched to your ear area forthwith!Copy !req
125. Come on guys, no, no, no.Copy !req
126. Come on, let me do this.
Come on, it's my one chance.Copy !req
127. You! Who are you?Copy !req
128. I'm Gerald Hennesy,
the student assistant.Copy !req
129. He beat me up and stole my clothes.Copy !req
130. So?Copy !req
131. There's no law against it.Copy !req
132. You bastard!Copy !req
133. No, Jerry, no!Copy !req
134. Damian, I'm doing this for you.Copy !req
135. What's wrong with you?Copy !req
136. I injured my leg.Copy !req
137. What have you done to us?Copy !req
138. He's told the truth.Copy !req
139. That's all.Copy !req
140. ♪ Promises of what's to be ♪Copy !req
141. ♪ of grand delights in store, you'll see ♪Copy !req
142. ♪ it starts with a simple country wish ♪Copy !req
143. ♪ apple butter from Hennesy ♪Copy !req
144. Hennesy brother's apple butter.Copy !req
145. The only apple butter still sold in.Copy !req
146. Old fashioned, breakable glass jars.Copy !req
147. Lately, you've seen them everywhere.Copy !req
148. In parks,Copy !req
149. In stores,Copy !req
150. In kitchens And
bedrooms around the world.Copy !req
151. At last spring has sprung.Copy !req
152. Hitlers seem to be
popping up everywhere.Copy !req
153. But where are they all coming from?Copy !req
154. Cloning.Copy !req
155. The united bio technical institute.Copy !req
156. Is at the forefront of
Hitler-Cloning technology.Copy !req
157. Financing from the committee
for holocaust reparations.Copy !req
158. Has produced clones of Adolf Hitler.Copy !req
159. By the hundreds of thousands.Copy !req
160. Upon hatching, Each Hitler
begins a life of servitude.Copy !req
161. To the relative of a holocaust victim.Copy !req
162. And quicker than you can say I'chaim,Copy !req
163. Hitlers have been become
a integral part of Jewish life.Copy !req
164. Bobby is so cute! I think he likes me.Copy !req
165. Yeah, right. In your dreams.Copy !req
166. Come on, girls, bedtime.Copy !req
167. Mom, no!Copy !req
168. Yes, and put your Hitlers away,Copy !req
169. They were up all night last night.Copy !req
170. Goodnight Hitlers.Copy !req
171. But what is life like for the Hitlers?Copy !req
172. It's impossible to get a date.Copy !req
173. Once they find out you're
Hitler forget it, it's over.Copy !req
174. The young ones are
always grumbling about.Copy !req
175. How we never asked
to be grown in a lab.Copy !req
176. Let me tell you something...Copy !req
177. We have a saying around here, alright?Copy !req
178. "Get used to it, Hitler."Copy !req
179. It's easy for him to say. His died.Copy !req
180. All right, that may be...Copy !req
181. In the rare instance when
their master dies before them,Copy !req
182. The Hitler is allowed to
pursue the life of a free man.Copy !req
183. I keep busy, you know, I have hobbies.Copy !req
184. I clip coupons, too.Copy !req
185. I watch my stories, which I love.Copy !req
186. And Wednesdays, I play
in a canasta league...Copy !req
187. Lazy man's wallpaper.Copy !req
188. I'm Hitler, I can't not be Hitler.Copy !req
189. So I want to be the best Hitler I can be!Copy !req
190. Eight days have passed.Copy !req
191. Since the hurricane sank our cruise ship.Copy !req
192. In the waters off the Florida keys.Copy !req
193. We are the only survivors.Copy !req
194. Derlin Whittier,Copy !req
195. His high school girlfriend,
Shawna Munsen,Copy !req
196. Tammy Munsen, Shawna's mother.Copy !req
197. And Derlin's secret lover,
who is having his baby,Copy !req
198. And one member of my studio audience,Copy !req
199. And me, Todd Linder flow man.Copy !req
200. Since that day I've wondered.Copy !req
201. If we ever should've taken
my talk show out to sea.Copy !req
202. For a week of shows about relationships.Copy !req
203. We are out of food and fresh water,Copy !req
204. And cannot last long.Copy !req
205. All right. Whose shift is it?Copy !req
206. Derlin, I think it's yours.Copy !req
207. Here, take the flare,Copy !req
208. I'm gonna try to grab some shut-Eye.Copy !req
209. So cold and hungry.Copy !req
210. We're all hungry.Copy !req
211. Don't you be putting words in my mouth.Copy !req
212. I'll put words wherever I want.Copy !req
213. Ladies, please, save your energy.Copy !req
214. Don't go there, please.Copy !req
215. Why you always gotta...
Don't be yelling in my ear!Copy !req
216. Don't you yell at him!
I got his baby in here.Copy !req
217. How you know it's his baby?Copy !req
218. Because he fucked me...!Copy !req
219. Derlin, hey! Do something.Copy !req
220. Shawn, baby,Copy !req
221. I love you, okay?Copy !req
222. But I'm also in love with
your mama, which is...Copy !req
223. See? He loves me.Copy !req
224. You bitch!Copy !req
225. Stop it, stop it!Copy !req
226. Todd, Todd, Todd. Can I say something?Copy !req
227. Of course you can, sure.Copy !req
228. Yeah, I just want to say she,Copy !req
229. The one in the t-Shirt, Shawna.Copy !req
230. Yeah, she need to respect her mama.Copy !req
231. And then, the one that's her mother.Copy !req
232. Tamara. Yeah.Copy !req
233. You need to respect the baby,Copy !req
234. 'Cause life is precious.
And god and the bible.Copy !req
235. And, Derlin, Man, you
should be looking for lights.Copy !req
236. And not starting fights.
And all y'all, including me.Copy !req
237. Ought to be figuring out how
we're gonna live without fresh water.Copy !req
238. Okay, okay.Copy !req
239. Sit down, sit down.Copy !req
240. Thank you.Copy !req
241. Those are some good thoughts.Copy !req
242. We should all remember
how precious life is.Copy !req
243. Derlin, you look like you
have something to say.Copy !req
244. Shawna,Copy !req
245. Sweet pea, I love you, okay?Copy !req
246. But I have something
I have to tell you, okay?Copy !req
247. Tammy,Copy !req
248. You are having my baby,Copy !req
249. And I'm prideful and honorable of that.Copy !req
250. Tammy, Would you be
my wife and marry me?Copy !req
251. Oh! Oh, Derlin!Copy !req
252. That's a lady of the manner
engagement broach,Copy !req
253. And a box of cherry-Covered chocolates.Copy !req
254. That's right, bitch.Copy !req
255. You dog-Ass motherfucking dog!Copy !req
256. Damn, damn!Copy !req
257. Where did you get those chocolates?Copy !req
258. Food!Copy !req
259. How could you hide that from us?Copy !req
260. How could you hide that?Copy !req
261. That's what I got to
deal with all the time.Copy !req
262. Fabian!Copy !req
263. I fucking loved you.Copy !req
264. I fucking loved you. I fucking loved you!Copy !req
265. Who he?Copy !req
266. This is Fabian.Copy !req
267. He was Derlin's super secret lover,Copy !req
268. And he was a surprise
guest on our show.Copy !req
269. Fabian, where have you been?Copy !req
270. I was on an island.Copy !req
271. Now give me them chocolates,
they're rightfully mine!Copy !req
272. Goddamn it! What island? You tell me!Copy !req
273. This could save us all!Copy !req
274. I ain't saving no three-Timing
ho of the universe!Copy !req
275. Get your head together!
Get your head together.Copy !req
276. Tell me about this island.Copy !req
277. Okay, I was eating a coconut.Copy !req
278. There's food there.Copy !req
279. And I saw him float by.Copy !req
280. With them two nasty-Ass
white trash stank bitches.Copy !req
281. You shut up! Stand up.Copy !req
282. Tell me where this island is
or you're a dead man!Copy !req
283. Derlin should have thought about that.Copy !req
284. Before he went for playing me like a fool.Copy !req
285. Goddammit!Copy !req
286. You stupid, petty prince-Looking,Copy !req
287. No island-Remembering motherfucker!Copy !req
288. My pin.Copy !req
289. Don't.Copy !req
290. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
291. What you looking at? Turn it around.Copy !req
292. Well, there it is.Copy !req
293. I guess if you think about it,Copy !req
294. We all live on a lifeboat.Copy !req
295. It's important to prioritize.Copy !req
296. What seems important in a trailer park.Copy !req
297. Might seem frivolous when
facing certain death at sea.Copy !req
298. Who you talking at?Copy !req
299. We all have to learn
to listen to each other,Copy !req
300. Remember the location of islands.Copy !req
301. With food and fresh water...Copy !req
302. And try to forgive ourselves.Copy !req
303. For squandering the precious gift of life.Copy !req
304. I'm Todd Linder flow man.Copy !req
305. That's probably my final thought.Copy !req
306. Yep, probably gonna die.Copy !req
307. I knew, man.Copy !req
308. I knew I'd never make it to 30,Copy !req
309. Because I'm a wild man.Copy !req
310. Because I party.Copy !req
311. Heaven better look out for me.Copy !req
312. Hell yeah, st. Peter-Looking
motherfucker, let me in!Copy !req
313. Yeah, before I die I'm
gonna fuck me a fish.Copy !req
314. That's probably my final thought.Copy !req
315. Well this is it.Copy !req
316. If you gotta go, go out with a bang.Copy !req
317. I'm getting on the news tonight.Copy !req
318. That's probably my final thought.Copy !req
319. We're back in five, four, three, two...Copy !req
320. Hello again, I'm Craig Mcque
With channel eight news.Copy !req
321. Here now with more on local
scams and flams is Yale Hadderity.Copy !req
322. You said it, Craig. Here I am with more,Copy !req
323. And boy, oh, boy is it ever.Copy !req
324. ♪ Scams and flams, scams and flams ♪Copy !req
325. ♪ scams and flamsCopy !req
326. ♪ oh, my scammy flammy mammy ♪Copy !req
327. How can today's consumers.Copy !req
328. Tell whether a business
is legit or a scam?Copy !req
329. Whether they're dealing
with a trusted vendor.Copy !req
330. Or a con artist running
some fly-By-Night rookery.Copy !req
331. Well, sometimes they just can't.Copy !req
332. As I learned chasing a tip.Copy !req
333. About a new store at
the Dayton's town mall.Copy !req
334. I'm standing in front of
Barnaby Hutchman's.Copy !req
335. Wishing well and such.Copy !req
336. Mr. Hutchman provides an
indoor wishing well service.Copy !req
337. Where a person can,
for a fee, make a wish.Copy !req
338. Is this a legitimate service.Copy !req
339. Or is it possibly a rip-Off?Copy !req
340. That's what we intend to find out.Copy !req
341. There it is.Copy !req
342. Keep it coming.Copy !req
343. The more you put in the stronger yourCopy !req
344. Mr. Hutchman, who are you?Copy !req
345. Yale Hadderity, channel 8
"scams and flams".Copy !req
346. Sir, will my wish come true?Copy !req
347. You know what? If it doesn't.Copy !req
348. You come back tomorrow
and wish some more.Copy !req
349. Keep it coming. That's fine,
thank you. You have to go now.Copy !req
350. Mr. Hutchman, is this
wishing well store a scam?Copy !req
351. No it is not, I'm trying
to run a business here.Copy !req
352. So it's not a scam?Copy !req
353. No, turn the camera off, let's go!Copy !req
354. Well thank you very much for
answering our questions today.Copy !req
355. We'll recommend
your store on the news.Copy !req
356. What? What did you say?Copy !req
357. I said since it's not a scam.Copy !req
358. We'll recommend
your store on the news.Copy !req
359. You will?Copy !req
360. Well, yeah, why wouldn't we?Copy !req
361. Do you have any other questions?Copy !req
362. Okay.Copy !req
363. Barnaby, or barn, as I call him,Copy !req
364. Explained in detail how the
wishing well service worked.Copy !req
365. Money is taken, and a wish is made,Copy !req
366. Which, if you put enough money in.Copy !req
367. Or have a pure heart,
will come true guaranteed.Copy !req
368. Barnaby also spends the shop's funds.Copy !req
369. Supporting other local businesses.Copy !req
370. Including ice cream purveyors.Copy !req
371. Thank you.Copy !req
372. "Wishing well and such",Copy !req
373. A local store that may
seem like a scam but...Copy !req
374. Excuse me, sir, I'm from
national news news service.Copy !req
375. Do you claim to investigate
local merchants?Copy !req
376. What?Copy !req
377. Do you claim to do investigations
about local merchants,Copy !req
378. Yes or no?Copy !req
379. I don't have to talk to you.Copy !req
380. Hold on a minute. There's
somebody I want you to meet.Copy !req
381. Barn?Copy !req
382. My name isn't Barnaby.Copy !req
383. This is chuck Timmons, he's an actor.Copy !req
384. The wishing well shop was
a front we've been operating.Copy !req
385. To find out how in-Depth your
in-Depth reporting really is.Copy !req
386. But, it's a scam?Copy !req
387. Yes.Copy !req
388. Barn?Copy !req
389. It's a scam that was perpetrated on you,Copy !req
390. To investigate weak, shallow,
spineless, fraudulent reporting.Copy !req
391. Masquerading as
investigative journalism.Copy !req
392. It is absolutely shameful,
sir It is exploitative.Copy !req
393. Okay, enough.Copy !req
394. But he's the... I know. But come on.Copy !req
395. Look at him.Copy !req
396. It's a scam?Copy !req
397. No, it's not true, okay? It's not true.Copy !req
398. We're just fooling around here.Copy !req
399. See? We're not investigating anyone.Copy !req
400. This is the fraud.Copy !req
401. Really? Yeah.Copy !req
402. Right?Copy !req
403. Yeah, right.Copy !req
404. I'm an actor.Copy !req
405. He's the actor.Copy !req
406. And this is my real hair.Copy !req
407. You guys!Copy !req
408. You guys, you really had me going.Copy !req
409. Oh, my god.Copy !req
410. So you have to be very careful.Copy !req
411. What seems like a scam
may not be a scam,Copy !req
412. But somebody may try
to turn it into a scam.Copy !req
413. But that in itself may be the scam.Copy !req
414. So things can get pretty tricky.Copy !req
415. Out there for consumers, Craig.Copy !req
416. And for investigative reporters.Copy !req
417. Oh!Copy !req
418. All right, now let's turn to the
weather with our own Turk finery.Copy !req
419. Turk.Copy !req
420. We've had quite a week.Copy !req
421. And we'll learn all about
the highs and lows.Copy !req
422. In our five day forecast.Copy !req
423. ♪ Here comes the weather report ♪Copy !req
424. ♪ when's it gonna rain,
when's it gonna snow ♪Copy !req
425. ♪ here's the guy to tell you
about the highs and the lows ♪Copy !req
426. That's me!Copy !req
427. All right, let's see what
we have headed our way.Copy !req
428. ♪ Hey everybody, listen to my story ♪Copy !req
429. ♪ it ain't no metaphor,
and it ain't no allegory ♪Copy !req
430. ♪ rain and snow is everywhere ♪Copy !req
431. ♪ you got to watch out
and you got to take care ♪Copy !req
432. ♪ you got to believe me,
please don't deceive me ♪Copy !req
433. ♪ I'm talking about the weather report ♪Copy !req
434. ♪ oh, yeah ♪ I'm talking
about the weather report ♪Copy !req
435. ♪ because it's highs and lows ♪Copy !req
436. ♪ and rains and sleet and snows ♪Copy !req
437. ♪ they're everywhere ♪
from here to herald square ♪Copy !req
438. ♪ you know that I'm talking about ♪Copy !req
439. ♪ can't you hear me talking about ♪Copy !req
440. ♪ talking about the weather report ♪Copy !req
441. ♪ that's no lie ♪ talking
about the weather report ♪Copy !req
442. ♪ please don't cry ♪ I'm talkingCopy !req
443. ♪ oh, yeah ♪ about the weather...Copy !req
444. ♪ report ♪Copy !req