1. people of the
world, unite!
it's bob and david!Copy !req
2. Thank you very much!Copy !req
3. Thank you!Copy !req
4. We have a great show
For you tonight.Copy !req
5. Uh, but first
We have a special
Guest with us.Copy !req
6. Yeah, that's right—
Our daughter.Copy !req
7. Come out here,
Superstar!Copy !req
8. Come on!Copy !req
9. Daddy!Copy !req
10. Daddy!Copy !req
11. Aww.Copy !req
12. Isn't she
Great, folks?Copy !req
13. Hey, kids are our
Future. I just made
That up, just now.Copy !req
14. Yeah, we're gonna
Raise her right.Copy !req
15. Yeah, with lots of
Love and listening.Copy !req
16. Hey, show them how
You tap, superstar.Copy !req
17. Tap your way
Into their hearts.Copy !req
18. Oh, look at
Her go!Copy !req
19. Yeah!Copy !req
20. Oh, she is going
To be so, so
Well-adjusted.Copy !req
21. I know I won't
Make the same
Mistake with herCopy !req
22. That my mom
Made for me—Copy !req
23. You know, makin'
Me fight for
Attention and all.Copy !req
24. Hey, david. You
Want a flashback
About that?Copy !req
25. Hey, little davie!
Look at you! Ha!Copy !req
26. Ain't ya the
Cat's pajamas?
Look at him go!Copy !req
27. Yoo-hoo! There's
Someone up here,
Too, you know.Copy !req
28. Oh, honey—
Oh, look,
He's droolin'.Copy !req
29. Oh, drooly,
Drooly, drooly!Copy !req
30. So—so what?Copy !req
31. I can drool
Better than the
Dumb baby!Copy !req
32. Oh, come on,
Honey!Copy !req
33. That's no way for
A dame to act!Copy !req
34. Piss on it!Copy !req
35. Heh-heh, sweetheart,
Language!Copy !req
36. This family sucks!Copy !req
37. Heh-heh, honey,
It's the '20s.Copy !req
38. Suck my dick!Copy !req
39. Annie!Copy !req
40. Sugar plum! Baby drawers!
Edsel woman!Copy !req
41. Ahh.Copy !req
42. So you can see, bob,
It's pretty clear why
I came out the way I am.Copy !req
43. Yeah.
Knees up!Copy !req
44. So, bob, what's
Your excuse?Copy !req
45. Well, I, too, was driven
Into this business
By my parents,Copy !req
46. But for different
Reasons, david—Copy !req
47. Financial ones.Copy !req
48. Hey, little bobby,
Time for bed.Copy !req
49. I'm not tired!Copy !req
50. Oh, I bet you fall
Asleep by midnight!Copy !req
51. I don't wanna
Bet anymore!Copy !req
52. C'mon honey,
It'll give you a
Chance to break even.Copy !req
53. C'mon, pal. How
Much you bet me?Copy !req
54. $5 zillion!Copy !req
55. $5 zillion,
You're on!Copy !req
56. C'mon, midnight!Copy !req
57. Hello, sweet 12!
C'mon boxcars!Copy !req
58. Give it to me,
Snoozy! Give me
Some "z's!Copy !req
59. Yowza! This
Isn't your game!Copy !req
60. 11:06! You went
Down, my friend!Copy !req
61. Da win! Ha ha!Copy !req
62. You now owe me
And your motherCopy !req
63. $50 million octillion
Gazillion!Copy !req
64. We're rich!Copy !req
65. And, uh, well, david,
That's my story.Copy !req
66. I ended up owing my
Parents so much money,Copy !req
67. That the only way
I could pay them backCopy !req
68. Was to get a
High-paying job in
Show business...Copy !req
69. Which I'm still
Looking forward to.Copy !req
70. Hey, when did you
Grow that moustache?Copy !req
71. A few weeks ago,
I started, yeah.Copy !req
72. But, superstar,
You're never gonna
Have those problems!Copy !req
73. As long as you
Keep tapping!Copy !req
74. Tap!
Tap!Copy !req
75. C'mon, I wanna
See sparks fly!Copy !req
76. Tap! Go, go, go, go!
Let's go!Copy !req
77. Knees up!
Put a hole in that stage!Copy !req
78. Let's go!
Tap, tap, tap!Copy !req
79. And that's my flashback.Copy !req
80. That's why I'm so
Screwed up, 'cause
Of my 2 dads—Copy !req
81. Bob odenkirk
And david cross!
Dick lickers!Copy !req
82. Superstar,
Let's go!Copy !req
83. All right,
Bitch, shut up,
Ya fuckin' asshole!Copy !req
84. Oh, what precious
Little darlings!Copy !req
85. How old
Are they?Copy !req
86. This one's 24 months,
And this one's 8 months.Copy !req
87. How old
Are yours?Copy !req
88. This one's 1056
Months, and this
One's 1072 months.Copy !req
89. Shut up!Copy !req
90. Tap!
Tap away!Copy !req
91. Shut up!Copy !req
92. They're the reason
I'm like this,Copy !req
93. Because I was
Deprived shitless!Copy !req
94. I'll tap on your brain,
You son of a bitch!Copy !req
95. My parents were very
Thoughtful and warmCopy !req
96. And stable, and
That's why I grew upCopy !req
97. To be an accountant.Copy !req
98. I want better for her.Copy !req
99. We're teaching
Mr. Weathers toCopy !req
100. Deprive his daughter
Of just the right things.Copy !req
101. That way, his
Daughter can grow up
To be a doctor,Copy !req
102. An astronaut,
Even president of
The united states.Copy !req
103. We're depriving our son
Of attention for those
First few months,Copy !req
104. And then we will
Be unfairly
Rewarding him.Copy !req
105. And I'm mothering
Him too much.Copy !req
106. This will confuse
His sexuality.Copy !req
107. You're going to
Become a famous
Southern playwright,Copy !req
108. Aren't you, boy?
Aren't you, cole?
Aren't you?Copy !req
109. I was raised
In a log cabin,Copy !req
110. And my family moved
Frequently, plus...Copy !req
111. My father touched
My butt hole.Copy !req
112. That's why I'm
On your penny.Copy !req
113. My father touched
My butt hole.Copy !req
114. This made me thirst
For knowledge.Copy !req
115. Hey!Copy !req
116. My father touched
My butt hole.Copy !req
117. berlin, 1938...Copy !req
118. hitler reveals
to a stunned nationCopy !req
119. no one had ever
touched his butt hole.Copy !req
120. If we work
Together, people,Copy !req
121. We can return america
To her god-given glory.Copy !req
122. America first!Copy !req
123. America first.Copy !req
124. Ok...Copy !req
125. Here's what—
This is what america
Is gonna look likeCopy !req
126. After the mandatory
Relocation is enforced.Copy !req
127. New york city will
Become known asCopy !req
128. "Little israel."Copy !req
129. I figure all the jews
Will love that.Copy !req
130. Is that ok,
Ms. Shapiro?Copy !req
131. That's fine, ken.Copy !req
132. Ok, now, down here
Is gonna be your
"New africa."Copy !req
133. See, your coloreds
Keep to that.Copy !req
134. Uh, ken,Copy !req
135. I don't see
Virginia there.Copy !req
136. Oh, well, chris,
That was going to be
Part of "homorabia,"Copy !req
137. Which is over—Copy !req
138. See, them homos
Get to sodomizin'--Copy !req
139. Yeah, I'd kinda like
To be by the beach.Copy !req
140. Well, ok. I guess,
I guess the coloreds
Can have virginia, too.Copy !req
141. We'll annex that—Copy !req
142. Ah, ken, ken, ken.Copy !req
143. Where's
Homorabia now?Copy !req
144. Well, josey,
I was gonna give it—
Oh, I guess we could—Copy !req
145. How 'bout mississippi?
That's good.Copy !req
146. Ken, you had promised
The west coast?Copy !req
147. Well, yeah, but I'm
Gonna need that
For "new new delhi,"Copy !req
148. For them damn
Indians.Copy !req
149. Where will
You go, ken?Copy !req
150. Well, hell if I know,
Rejit. I mean,Copy !req
151. You know, I was
Going to be over here,Copy !req
152. But the gay's got it,
So I guess I'll annex
This, move this over,Copy !req
153. And make—
I'll be here, with the
Rest of the white raceCopy !req
154. In "new america" !Copy !req
155. Will you
Keep in touch?Copy !req
156. Of course
I will, rejit.Copy !req
157. You've been a dear
Friend, and I'll
Miss you terribly.Copy !req
158. All of you, ok?Copy !req
159. Let's all promise
To call and
Write often!Copy !req
160. And use the
Internet for once!
E-mail!Copy !req
161. I'll get a web-page
Site going.Copy !req
162. Ok, but let's
Stay focused,
People.Copy !req
163. Ok, now our next act
Will be called
"Operation hell on earth."Copy !req
164. This is it, people,
The time has come.Copy !req
165. The cleansing rain
Is nigh at hand!Copy !req
166. The cleansing rain!Copy !req
167. Ok, um, now,Copy !req
168. "Operation hell
On earth" will
Consist of placingCopy !req
169. A 300 pound
Homemade bomb in
A rented vanCopy !req
170. And explode it at
An undisclosed
Location.Copy !req
171. Now, ms. Shapiro,
You've got the
Explosive plastiques.Copy !req
172. Oh, I'm sorry, ken,
I didn't have
Time this week,Copy !req
173. I was preparing for
The yeshiva festival.Copy !req
174. Oh, I
Understand. Ok.Copy !req
175. I can't believe this!
Ken has time for you!Copy !req
176. That's ok, rejit.Copy !req
177. No! I seem to remember
2 weeks ago, when your
Car broke down,Copy !req
178. Ken drove you
Around for a week
Like a chauffer.Copy !req
179. I'm sorry, I was
Knitting the chupahs.Copy !req
180. I don't care!
Listen, everybody,Copy !req
181. This is ken's one thing,
"Operation hell on earth,"
The victory of the white race.Copy !req
182. You know? Let's
Make it happen!Copy !req
183. Ok, thanks, rejit.Copy !req
184. I'll pick up
The explosives, ok.Copy !req
185. Uh, now, john, you
Rented the van—Copy !req
186. Uh, I didn't
Get around to it.Copy !req
187. I don't
Believe this!Copy !req
188. Ken gets around
To helping you
Every 2 minutesCopy !req
189. When your basement
Floods with that damned
Sump pump of yours!Copy !req
190. You know? You have
Time for calling ken,Copy !req
191. But you don't have time
For calling to lend
The stupid van!Copy !req
192. Well, soon, rejit.Copy !req
193. Soon? Soon,
You're a balloon!Copy !req
194. All right, rejit.Copy !req
195. Hey, ken, I had an idea
On the van thing.Copy !req
196. Well, it's about
The bomb, actually,Copy !req
197. Because that
Will wreck the
Van, right?Copy !req
198. So let's do this—
Let's get a recordingCopy !req
199. Of a loud boom,
Play that over
Some speakers,Copy !req
200. And then
Scatter debris.Copy !req
201. Then it's like an
Explosion,
But the van's ok.Copy !req
202. I like that.Copy !req
203. Hey, suggestion—
Make the debris biodegradable
For the environment's sake.Copy !req
204. Yeah, but—Copy !req
205. Also, let's make sure
That it's after 8:00,Copy !req
206. So that none
Of our supper's
Are disturbed.Copy !req
207. Right, and could
We keep the
Speakers low?Copy !req
208. Ok, y'all—Copy !req
209. You know, maybe
It shouldn't be
A boom at all.Copy !req
210. Maybe it should
Be a song—Copy !req
211. you really dropped
a bomb on me
By the gap band, or—Copy !req
212. Oh, right!
Just a suggestion!Copy !req
213. Or something
By billy ocean.Copy !req
214. Ok, fine.Copy !req
215. We'll play
caribbean queenCopy !req
216. At 8:00 from
A rented van.Copy !req
217. Oh, um, 8:15.
We eat late.Copy !req
218. Ok, 8:15.Copy !req
219. Well, there's
"Operation hell on earth."Copy !req
220. Whatever.Copy !req
221. Yeah.Copy !req
222. We did good.Copy !req
223. Oh, what's
Wrong, ken?Copy !req
224. Oh, I just wanted
An explosion
Is all, rejit.Copy !req
225. Oh, I'm a failure!
This ain't a proper
Hate group.Copy !req
226. Y'all don't
Hate nobody.Copy !req
227. Yes, we do!Copy !req
228. We hate!
We hate!Copy !req
229. No, rejit,
No, you don't.Copy !req
230. See, you got to
Be taught to hate,
It don't come natural.Copy !req
231. You know, I mean...Copy !req
232. I may be a good hater...Copy !req
233. But I sure am
A lousy teacher.Copy !req
234. In fact, the only thing
I really hate right now...Copy !req
235. Is me.Copy !req
236. Ken, no,
Come back! Ken!Copy !req
237. I guess
That's it then.Copy !req
238. Ok, so now let's talk
About the chocolate
Sale and fun fair.Copy !req
239. No, we're not going
To talk about
The chocolate saleCopy !req
240. And fun fair!Copy !req
241. We are going to
Go through
With this.Copy !req
242. That man is
The greatest man
I have ever known!Copy !req
243. We are going to go
Through with "operation
Hell on earth" for ken!Copy !req
244. For ken!Copy !req
245. ♪ caribbean queenCopy !req
246. the world held hostage—
day one.Copy !req
247. one has to wonder how much
of this we can all take.Copy !req
248. Once again, it seems
As if the inmatesCopy !req
249. Have taken over
The asylum. Glen...Copy !req
250. Terry and rod...Copy !req
251. Bill, superstar...Copy !req
252. Burton...Copy !req
253. Famous mortimer,
I.P. Freely...Copy !req
254. Bo-bo, sleepy...Copy !req
255. Charlene,
Freddy...Copy !req
256. Tex-mex...Copy !req
257. Deltoid, from
The planet
Homunculus...Copy !req
258. The american dream...Copy !req
259. Heywood yablowme.Copy !req
260. You're probably
Wondering why I called
You all here today.Copy !req
261. Your mother and I
Are getting a divorce.Copy !req
262. I...Copy !req
263. I know, it's tough.
It's tough
On all of us.Copy !req
264. There's no reason
For people to stay
Together when...Copy !req
265. Maybe I could've been
More of a companion to
Your mother, and maybe...Copy !req
266. Been there more
For her, but...Copy !req
267. That's all water
Under the bridge now.Copy !req
268. But such is our world.
When we return,Copy !req
269. The president testifies
Before a senate
Subcommittee,Copy !req
270. And I found my keys.Copy !req
271. With more on how
I found my keys,
Here's channel 7'sCopy !req
272. Brick sprickly. Brick?Copy !req
273. This is brick sprickly
For lucky 7 news.Copy !req
274. number 7 in the community
for over 7 years.Copy !req
275. Boy, that divorce
Is gonna screw them
Kids up somethin' awful.Copy !req
276. That's too bad.Copy !req
277. You know, you gotta
Put the kids first.Copy !req
278. That's my moral
In this job—
Kids first.Copy !req
279. Andre, stay in school.Copy !req
280. All right.Copy !req
281. You get to know the boys,
And that's good.Copy !req
282. Yeah, you know.
I tell ya.Copy !req
283. It's a good feelin'.Copy !req
284. Some of these kids,
I'm like a surrogate
Father to 'em.Copy !req
285. Others, I'm more
Like an aunt.Copy !req
286. 2 boys, I'm legally
Recognized as
A great-aunt.Copy !req
287. You know, and that's
A good feeling.Copy !req
288. there's one kid in particular
I've had my eye on.Copy !req
289. young will hawkins.Copy !req
290. he's 5 years old.Copy !req
291. I guess ty
has the same idea.Copy !req
292. Well, ok, you know,
I don't have the moneyCopy !req
293. That a
Carter blanchard's got.Copy !req
294. I'm not with lafonte,
I'm not with loyola.Copy !req
295. I'm with indiana basin
Silt college.Copy !req
296. We have 2 buildings,Copy !req
297. And we play outdoors.Copy !req
298. But we mean well.Copy !req
299. You're nba
Material. You are.Copy !req
300. You got it
Goin' there.Copy !req
301. I'm tellin' ya.
You got a future.Copy !req
302. You decide what
Your route's
Gonna be.Copy !req
303. Come to indiana,
Or you freeze your
Butt off in, uh, chicago.Copy !req
304. Oh, yeah, 'cause—
'Cause indiana's hot
All year round.Copy !req
305. ( Ty )
yeah, I guess we're both
tryin' to sign will, you know.Copy !req
306. That's what's
So great aboutCopy !req
307. Indiana basin
Silt college,
All right?Copy !req
308. Because we got
Majors in
Everything.Copy !req
309. Well, have you
Declared a major
Yet, will?Copy !req
310. What you wanna
Be when you
Grow up, son?Copy !req
311. A fireman.Copy !req
312. Fireman! Bingo!
Well, we've got a
Great 2-year degreeCopy !req
313. To become a fireman
Or a policeman,Copy !req
314. Or you could
Become an astronautCopy !req
315. Or a cowboy.
We've got a 2-year
Cowboy degree.Copy !req
316. I understand you're
Talking to somebody
Tomorrow.Copy !req
317. Yeah.Copy !req
318. Who are you
Talking to?Copy !req
319. You talking to
The guy from lafonte?Copy !req
320. That's right.Copy !req
321. Is it carter?
Carter blanchard,
He's a fast talker.Copy !req
322. You gotta watch
Where he's coming from,Copy !req
323. He's a magician.Copy !req
324. You know, he says one thing
And his hands are over here,Copy !req
325. Watch his hands.Copy !req
326. Here I come,
And I'm bearin' gifts.Copy !req
327. I brought along some
Tokens of gratitude,Copy !req
328. To show you guys
My gratitude.Copy !req
329. What we got here?
For mom, some slippers.
Lafonte slippers.Copy !req
330. You wear those
On your feet and
Around the apartment.Copy !req
331. And, dad, what
Have we got for you?
It looks likeCopy !req
332. A lafonte university
Vest. I feel
Like santa claus.Copy !req
333. And for little
Will, I got
The little manCopy !req
334. The little
Lafonte ball.Copy !req
335. And, uh, for
The family, homemade
Potato soup, ok?Copy !req
336. Mom, this is about
What's best
For will, ok?Copy !req
337. Now, I know you're
Gonna be seein' other
People from other schools.Copy !req
338. The man from
Indiana basin...Copy !req
339. Silt.
Silt. He was here.Copy !req
340. Oh, mr. Keenan.Copy !req
341. Yeah, good man.
Good man, mr. Keenan.Copy !req
342. Small school,
No accreditation,
But a good man.Copy !req
343. See, mom, lafonte sees
Will as more than
A basketball player.Copy !req
344. Because we think
That will's got
The potentialCopy !req
345. To not only be a
Professional basketball
Player, but also,Copy !req
346. President of
The united states
And a movie star.Copy !req
347. Hey, you hear that?
A movie star!Copy !req
348. And a reverend,
Too, possibly.Copy !req
349. Don't quote me
On that one,
'Cause I don't...Copy !req
350. Right, yep,
Right there.Copy !req
351. Yep, and that'll hold
Will for 14 years.Copy !req
352. You don't... Ok.Copy !req
353. And, will,
If I can get you
To sign that for me.Copy !req
354. Declare your intent
Right there.Copy !req
355. Right where poppa
Put his old "john henry."
There you go.Copy !req
356. Will, congratulations,
You're a blue deacon.Copy !req
357. Now, how about
We all enjoy...Copy !req
358. Some soup.Copy !req
359. Ha, ha!Copy !req
360. Whoo!Copy !req
361. That's
Potato soup.Copy !req
362. I made it personally.Copy !req
363. I've got to get
the jump on the
big schools, you know.Copy !req
364. so I'm chasing
younger and younger kids.Copy !req
365. it's kind of hard, you know.Copy !req
366. You leanin' towards
Indiana basin?Copy !req
367. And, the, uh,
The full program,
We're a...Copy !req
368. Full 2-year
Program still, uh...Copy !req
369. All the things we
Were talking about—Copy !req
370. Suckers and toys,
And, uh, and all that
I promised to you.Copy !req
371. Well, ok,
He's obviously—
He's going to cry now.Copy !req
372. And I pushed him.
And, you know, I've
Been here 3 times.Copy !req
373. And I thought, you know,
You might be ready
To make a choice.Copy !req
374. But, uh, well,
He's got a
Thoughtful look.Copy !req
375. He's got the
Gemini t-shirt.Copy !req
376. He's all tired.Copy !req
377. Hey, you got
The shirt. And,
Uh, that's all...Copy !req
378. I've said all
I can say.Copy !req
379. And I thank you.
All right, I'm
Gonna cry, too.Copy !req
380. Goodbye, ok.Copy !req
381. ( Ty )
I like bein' the underdog,
but it's hard.Copy !req
382. I'm just checking
Your baby's ankles.Copy !req
383. Seein' if he's got
A good kick, you know?Copy !req
384. Kick for what?Copy !req
385. Oh, basketball.
If he's got a
Hook or a jump.Copy !req
386. Basketball?Copy !req
387. Can I just feel?Copy !req
388. No.Copy !req
389. Geez, ty, what was
The name of that kid,Copy !req
390. One kid from
East detroit,Copy !req
391. Got in that pickup
Game, had that
Stop-and-pop shot.Copy !req
392. You know, the
Kid with...Copy !req
393. What's wrong?Copy !req
394. Ty? What are
You doin' ?
What's wrong?Copy !req
395. I've been...
I've been thinking
About quitting.Copy !req
396. What? What are
You doin— what are
You talking for?Copy !req
397. I can't do
It anymore.Copy !req
398. What are you
Talking about?
Come on.Copy !req
399. I don't want them
To see this.Copy !req
400. W-well don't cry.
Take some crackers.Copy !req
401. I'm just going
To get out of
Here, and, uh...Copy !req
402. This is a rotten,
Rotten deal.Copy !req
403. I'm thinking about
Running awayCopy !req
404. From my
Grandma's house.Copy !req
405. Ty, come on, ty.
I'm sick of living there.Copy !req
406. I'll just take a bag,
A sleeping bag,Copy !req
407. And I'll just run
As far as I can,Copy !req
408. And I'll find food
Wherever I can.Copy !req
409. I don't like you
Talking like this.Copy !req
410. Come on, this
Is craziness.Copy !req
411. I'm out. I'm out.
I'll pay my bill later.Copy !req
412. I'll take care of it.
I'll send you money by mail.Copy !req
413. No, don't send me... No—
Where are you going, ty?Copy !req
414. Look at that, see?
That's what this job does.Copy !req
415. Look at him! Look
At this, would you?Copy !req
416. All right, listen to this.Copy !req
417. "Dear will hawkins,Copy !req
418. "We regret to inform you
That you are being droppedCopy !req
419. "From the
Athletic program.Copy !req
420. "You're family is invited
To in—keep—am—my...Copy !req
421. "Or any and all
Complimentary gifts awarded
While in the program.Copy !req
422. "However, a representative
Will be stopping byCopy !req
423. "To pick up
The potato soup.Copy !req
424. "Sincerely, carter blanchard,
Athletic representative."Copy !req
425. See that? See that?Copy !req
426. See, that's because you
Was a ball hog, see?Copy !req
427. Shootin' the
Ball too much.Copy !req
428. You're a point guard,
You're supposed
To distribute.Copy !req
429. It's your fault,
And you're just
Sittin' aroundCopy !req
430. Eatin' chocolate
And gettin' fat...Copy !req
431. Conditioning.Copy !req
432. Could've been something.Copy !req
433. "could've been something."Copy !req
434. "Could've been something."Copy !req
435. And there's my story.Copy !req
436. My father never
Forgave me for
Blowing that deal,Copy !req
437. But my love of chocolate
And basketball flourished.Copy !req
438. And I stand before
You today, the presidentCopy !req
439. Of the world's largest
Producer of little
Chocolate basketballs.Copy !req
440. So fuck you, dad.Copy !req
441. You negative prick!
I blame you for
My success!Copy !req
442. All right, give
It up for will.Copy !req
443. Good blame, will.Copy !req
444. Good blame!Copy !req
445. All right, it's hour 56
Of the blame-a-thon,Copy !req
446. And we're not
Stopping till we have
One million blames.Copy !req
447. Remember, our phone
Operators are standing byCopy !req
448. With their thumbs
Up their asses,
Waiting for you to call.Copy !req
449. So call.Copy !req
450. All right, we're gonna
Break up this begging
With a little entertainment.Copy !req
451. We're fuckin' lucky
To have this next act,
'Cause he's good.Copy !req
452. He just finished
A 40-week tour, opening
For ray fucking stevens!Copy !req
453. Give it up for
Fartin' gary!Copy !req
454. Hey, everybody,
I'm fartin' gary!Copy !req
455. And it's great
To be here at this year's
Blame-a-thon.Copy !req
456. Um, you know, folks,
I can do all kinds of farts.Copy !req
457. I can do little
Granny farts.Copy !req
458. Or great big, beer drinkin',
Truck driver farts.Copy !req
459. I can fart
Like a turtle.Copy !req
460. Or I can fart
Like an astronaut!Copy !req
461. Say, do you folks
Like impressions?Copy !req
462. Wh—Copy !req
463. Ok, here's john wayne
At a party where
He was honoredCopy !req
464. Oh, look, at
The same party,Copy !req
465. It's america's eternal
Teenager, dick clark!
Hey, dick!Copy !req
466. So that's your secret.Copy !req
467. Ok, let's go say hello
To some of the folks hereCopy !req
468. At the blame-a-thon.Copy !req
469. Hi, sir.
What's your name?Copy !req
470. Ben kather.Copy !req
471. Ben kather,
Don't you mean...Copy !req
472. Hi, ma'am, and what
Do you do for a living?Copy !req
473. I go to school.Copy !req
474. You go to school?
Don't you mean
You go to...Copy !req
475. School?Copy !req
476. Hi, sir. Where
Are you from?Copy !req
477. L.A.
Ha-ha, you mean more like...Copy !req
478. All right.Copy !req
479. Ok, folks, we've
Had a lot of fun,Copy !req
480. But now I'd like
To get a little serious
If I could.Copy !req
481. You know, there's a lot
Of kids out there
Who are hurting.Copy !req
482. And this next
Story is called
"Give peace a chance."Copy !req
483. One day, I went to
The united nations
Building.Copy !req
484. And when I was there,
I opened up a special door.Copy !req
485. And, folks,
Would you believe it?
There before meCopy !req
486. Stood a delegate
From every country
In the whole planet.Copy !req
487. It was amazing.
It sounded just like this!Copy !req
488. Uh, that wasn't me.Copy !req
489. Ma'am, ma'am, please.
What are you doing here?Copy !req
490. I'm trying to do
Something here.Copy !req
491. Oh, sir, I'm sorry,
That was me.Copy !req
492. I'm sorry,
You're wonderful.Copy !req
493. Isn't he
Wonderful, folks?Copy !req
494. He's so funny.Copy !req
495. Carry on, carry on.Copy !req
496. Ok, I went to
The u.N. Building,
And the door—Copy !req
497. Sir, please!
I have a wife and
Family to feed.Copy !req
498. I'm sorry, I had
Chinese for dinner. Oh!Copy !req
499. This is how—Copy !req
500. Oh, god!Copy !req
501. Oh.Copy !req
502. Oh, I'm sorry, come back.
I'm all done!Copy !req
503. In 1812.
I hope that helps you with
Your book report, carlisle.Copy !req
504. Thanks, rudy.Copy !req
505. Rudy, you've
Gotta help me.Copy !req
506. What is it,
Vaughanese?Copy !req
507. Well, my husband and I
Got a 3-bean casserole
From his boss's wife,Copy !req
508. And we threw
It away.Copy !req
509. But they think we
Ate it this afternoon,Copy !req
510. And they're coming
Over any minute now.
Can you help us?Copy !req
511. Well, what
Can I do?Copy !req
512. You can do an
Impression of my
Husband farting.Copy !req
513. I'll try.Copy !req
514. So, todd, you know
We're considering youCopy !req
515. For this big
Promotion, right?Copy !req
516. Yes, sir.Copy !req
517. Well...Copy !req
518. What did you
Think of my wife's
Casserole?Copy !req
519. Uh, it was good.Copy !req
520. Really?Copy !req
521. I don't hear
You farting.Copy !req
522. What kind of
Casserole was it?Copy !req
523. 3-bean.Copy !req
524. Come on,
Stop talking—Copy !req
525. Oh, superstar,
Stop watching
That crap!Copy !req
526. But the funny man
Was farting.Copy !req
527. You know, that
Kind of garbageCopy !req
528. Is what's ruining
The youth of america.Copy !req
529. Honey, you should
Be watching our show.Copy !req
530. Daddies, we don't
Get cable.Copy !req
531. You know, I
Think somebody's
Been spoiled.Copy !req
532. I think somebody needs
To tap until she learns
Not to talk backCopy !req
533. To daddy in
Front of daddy.Copy !req
534. Now, tap!Copy !req
535. You tap stage,
Motherfuckers!Copy !req
536. Older superstar!Copy !req
537. What the hell?Copy !req
538. Come here,
Little me!Copy !req
539. I think it's time
For daddies to tap.Copy !req
540. Start tapping!Copy !req
541. Now, start
The music!Copy !req
542. Don't stop!Copy !req
543. Bring the cast
Out here!Copy !req
544. Get them out here!Copy !req
545. What should
They do?Copy !req
546. Start tapping!Copy !req
547. Tap!Copy !req
548. Tap!Copy !req
549. Tap, dave!Copy !req
550. Tap!Copy !req
551. Tap!Copy !req
552. Tap, cindy!Copy !req
553. Tap, martha!Copy !req
554. Tap!Copy !req