1. ( Announcer )
tonight's mr. Show
with bob and davidCopy !req
2. is brought to you
by the g.V. Corporation.Copy !req
3. hey, ladies,
get a load of this!Copy !req
4. it's bob and david!Copy !req
5. Thank you!Copy !req
6. Hey, thanks
For coming out!Copy !req
7. Welcome to mr. Show,
I'm bob odenkirk.Copy !req
8. And i'm
David cross.Copy !req
9. And we thank you.Copy !req
10. We have a great
Show for you tonight,Copy !req
11. But before we start,
David, we have
Some business.Copy !req
12. That's right, bob.
Now, as you know,Copy !req
13. mr. Show is now
A publicly owned company,Copy !req
14. And many of you
Are shareholders.Copy !req
15. Yeah, so let's take
Some questionsCopy !req
16. From our
Shareholders—Copy !req
17. Our bosses. Anybody?
There you go. Sir?Copy !req
18. Hello, my name
Is cal peltin,Copy !req
19. And i am a
Shareholder.Copy !req
20. I have a question
For the gentlemanCopy !req
21. In the yellow hat.Copy !req
22. Uh, what about—Copy !req
23. What about these
Rumors of downsizing?Copy !req
24. ( Bob )
Downsizing, yes,
They're very true.Copy !req
25. Uh, david was fired
2 shows ago,Copy !req
26. And i will be fired
Soon after this joke.Copy !req
27. Downsizing.Copy !req
28. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
29. I'm barb shot,
Cleveland stockholder.Copy !req
30. I see that we
Have exceededCopy !req
31. The fda allotmentCopy !req
32. For allowable
Insect parts,Copy !req
33. Larvae and workers'
Hairs in your jokes.Copy !req
34. Is this a potential
Scandal?Copy !req
35. No, barb. Uh, we're
Not 100 percent.Copy !req
36. I mean,
Nobody can be.Copy !req
37. If you're going to
Write a comedy scene,Copy !req
38. You're going to
Have some rat
Feces in there.Copy !req
39. Thank you
Very much.Copy !req
40. Yes, sir.Copy !req
41. I have a question.
Sure.Copy !req
42. Why does mr. Show
Continue to illegallyCopy !req
43. Dump bad sketches
And jokes in the
Hanford river?Copy !req
44. ( Laughing )
Sir, there are no
Proven ill effects.Copy !req
45. Studies show that
That is the most
Most unfunny riverCopy !req
46. In north america.Copy !req
47. Ok, getting the signal.
Ok, question time is over.Copy !req
48. Wait, what about
Your writers?Copy !req
49. Who writes
The show?Copy !req
50. Thank you.
Sir, please.Copy !req
51. We have heard
Stories of illegal
Hiring practices!Copy !req
52. Sir, our lawyersCopy !req
53. Would be more than
Happy to talk to you.Copy !req
54. And now,
On with the show!Copy !req
55. So space dog...Copy !req
56. What are you
Hiding?Copy !req
57. What's behind
That door?Copy !req
58. Sir, you can't
Go back there.Copy !req
59. Oh, i can't?
You just watch me!Copy !req
60. Sir! Sir!
Stop him!Copy !req
61. Sir!
Stop him!Copy !req
62. Security!Copy !req
63. i wasn't sure
what i was looking for,Copy !req
64. and i wasn't prepared
for what i would find.Copy !req
65. hidden from view
in this dank,Copy !req
66. squalid back room,Copy !req
67. was an army
of children,Copy !req
68. sitting in their
own filth...Copy !req
69. writing comedy.Copy !req
70. What's going on?
Get out of here!Copy !req
71. it smelled like
poo-poo and pee-pee,Copy !req
72. and as i was thrown out,
i noticed, in the corner,Copy !req
73. a frail waif
with a tear...Copy !req
74. in his eye.Copy !req
75. Tough world,
Tough story.Copy !req
76. And it has to
Be tough on
Those children.Copy !req
77. It is. The child
In this picture is
Named bhopal,Copy !req
78. And he was sold
At an auctionCopy !req
79. By his family
In beverly hills.Copy !req
80. He makes 18 cents
A week,Copy !req
81. And his shoes are made
Of old milk cartons.Copy !req
82. John, why do
They do it?Copy !req
83. Well, milk cartons
Are porous,Copy !req
84. And they allow your
Feet to breathe.Copy !req
85. I see. Thank you
For the report,
John. Good job.Copy !req
86. My pleasure, tom.
Better luck next time.Copy !req
87. When we return,
Those sexy deaf people—Copy !req
88. They're hip,
They're hot—Copy !req
89. Wait, what do
You mean, "better
Luck next time" ?Copy !req
90. You gotta make
A big deal out of
Everything, come on.Copy !req
91. Jesus h. Christ,
Just let it go.Copy !req
92. We'll be right
Back after this.Copy !req
93. ( Announcer )
you've seen him
perform featsCopy !req
94. of unparalleled skill
on tv and radio.Copy !req
95. now, worldwide billiards
champion, van hammersly,Copy !req
96. presents a series
of videotapesCopy !req
97. designed to teach
as well as entertain.Copy !req
98. with his first tape,
I oughta be in pictures,Copy !req
99. van hammersly showcases his
incredible talent and passionCopy !req
100. for the golden age
of film.Copy !req
101. A lot of people want
To go to hollywood,Copy !req
102. See the stars they've seen
For lo, these many years.Copy !req
103. Why not take a
Trip on your ownCopy !req
104. Billiards table?Copy !req
105. Just pick out a few balls,
And say hello to the stars.Copy !req
106. Oh, look who we have
Here— marilyn monroe,Copy !req
107. Star of
the seven year itch.Copy !req
108. Next to her,
Humphrey bogart—Copy !req
109. "Judy, judy, judy."Copy !req
110. And next to him,
The 3 crack-ups—Copy !req
111. Moe, larry and curly.Copy !req
112. Stop it, gentlemen,Copy !req
113. You're going to screw
Everything up.Copy !req
114. All right, it's 1952,
And we're on a back lot.Copy !req
115. It's time for
The awards—Copy !req
116. The hollywood awards!Copy !req
117. First of all, marilyn monroe,
Nice to have you.Copy !req
118. Humphrey bogart,
"Judy, judy, judy!"Copy !req
119. Next to him, moe,Copy !req
120. Larry...Copy !req
121. And curly.
The 3 stooges!Copy !req
122. Get on down
There boys!Copy !req
123. ( Announcer )
then it's off
to the racesCopy !req
124. as van recounts the running
of the 1974 kentucky derbyCopy !req
125. the only way
he knows how—Copy !req
126. with a pool table!Copy !req
127. It's 1974, march 15,Copy !req
128. And horseracing historyCopy !req
129. Is about to be made.Copy !req
130. A hot, muggy day—Copy !req
131. All the horses
Are at their gates.Copy !req
132. Let's run the race,
Shall we?Copy !req
133. First of all,
"Mr. Fast horse"Copy !req
134. Comes down his gate
Real slow-like.Copy !req
135. Not like his
Name at all.Copy !req
136. "Papa's delicate condition"
And "krystallnacht"Copy !req
137. Almost trip
Over each other.Copy !req
138. Gets your bets in, gentlemen,
Because "batman, the horse,"Copy !req
139. Isn't waitin' around
For anybody.Copy !req
140. "Nice n' sticky" says,
"What about me, boys?"Copy !req
141. Next up, "stinkfinger."Copy !req
142. Next to her, "if mandy
Patankin was a horse" comes in.Copy !req
143. Bringin' up the rear,
"Ol' felcher" !Copy !req
144. And that's how
The race was won!Copy !req
145. tape number 3,
All aboard,Copy !req
146. teaches you the history
of mass transportation.Copy !req
147. 37 people diedCopy !req
148. In a massive triple
Decker bus accidentCopy !req
149. In london, britain,
New hampton, wales.Copy !req
150. and if you order
right away,Copy !req
151. you'll receive
Your g.E.D.Copy !req
152. simply viewing
this tapeCopy !req
153. qualifies you for
a high-school diploma.Copy !req
154. van teaches you
mathematics.Copy !req
155. You simply subdivide
Each part by its cosine.Copy !req
156. science.Copy !req
157. Bam bam...Copy !req
158. And that's why
We have nitrogen.Copy !req
159. american history.Copy !req
160. And that's when
Lincoln said,Copy !req
161. "Don't dis my homies!"Copy !req
162. you'll receive
one tape every year.Copy !req
163. your library will grow,Copy !req
164. as will your knowledge
of such diverse topics asCopy !req
165. renaissance painting,
oceanography,Copy !req
166. corn futures,
belly dancing,Copy !req
167. december 7, 1941,
billiards,Copy !req
168. rock lyrics,
and many, many more!Copy !req
169. these are simply the best
teaching-by-billiards tapesCopy !req
170. you can purchase.Copy !req
171. that's why they've earned
the tbd gold seal.Copy !req
172. I think that
Gentleman's gay.Copy !req
173. Well, more power
To him, mother.Copy !req
174. Mom, dad, look!Copy !req
175. I found these
All over town!Copy !req
176. Oh, god, no!Copy !req
177. Oh, tommy!Copy !req
178. Tommy, you weren't
Supposed to
See that, son.Copy !req
179. ( Crying )
Wh-why?Copy !req
180. This isn't how
We wanted you
To find out.Copy !req
181. Well, i guess
I-it's all out
In the open now.Copy !req
182. We still love you,
We support you,Copy !req
183. We're proud of you.Copy !req
184. You're gay, son.Copy !req
185. Yeah, we've known
For years.Copy !req
186. I feel like a
Great weight has
Been lifted.Copy !req
187. I'm not gay.
I have a girlfriend.Copy !req
188. A "beard," that's
What they call it.
Right, mother?Copy !req
189. Honey, honey,
We have confronted
Our homophobia,Copy !req
190. And so has everyone
Else in town.Copy !req
191. Well, thanks to
Your mother's
Tireless efforts,Copy !req
192. Spreading the
Word about your
Homosexuality,Copy !req
193. Calling people
And writing people,Copy !req
194. And putting your
Picture up on
Telephone poles,Copy !req
195. And buying bus
Stop bench ads, andCopy !req
196. Starting an on-line
Chat service—Copy !req
197. All about you
And your gayness.Copy !req
198. Ahh, shut up!Copy !req
199. I'm not gay!
You two—Copy !req
200. You two made
My lifeCopy !req
201. Miserable in this
Town! I hate you!Copy !req
202. Oh!Copy !req
203. You gay bastard!Copy !req
204. No gay son
Of mine is
A "not gay."Copy !req
205. You better get
Gay, or i'll
Make you gay!Copy !req
206. You just try it!Copy !req
207. My pleasure!
Rodrigo!Copy !req
208. Get in here!Copy !req
209. Tommy...Copy !req
210. Rodrigo is the best.Copy !req
211. Rodrigo,
Do what you do.Copy !req
212. Go on,
Gay him up.Copy !req
213. Hey!Copy !req
214. Hey, everybody!Copy !req
215. Hey, whee, ha, ha!Copy !req
216. Oh, that was fun!Copy !req
217. Greg, what are
You doing?Copy !req
218. Oh, i love to see a scene
About a gay coming out.Copy !req
219. That isn't what
The scene was about.Copy !req
220. We weren't done.Copy !req
221. Oh, robert, anything
Is possible,Copy !req
222. As long as you
Imagineer it!Copy !req
223. What are you
Talking—Copy !req
224. Folks, i'm sorry,
This is greg sniper,Copy !req
225. He's the principal
Stockholder of mr. Show.Copy !req
226. You know why,
Folks? 'Cause i
Love to laugh.Copy !req
227. You guys did
Such a great job,
Guess what?Copy !req
228. Tofutti break!Copy !req
229. No, greg,
We can't.Copy !req
230. We have to finish
The scene.Copy !req
231. No, you don't.
I'm the boss,
Robert.Copy !req
232. And the boss says,Copy !req
233. Tofutti time!Copy !req
234. Robert, blast off
With outer spaceCopy !req
235. Chocolate
Vanilla swirl!Copy !req
236. ( Announcer )
he's a boss who makes
his employeesCopy !req
237. eat dessert whenever
he feels like it.Copy !req
238. he's greg sniper,Copy !req
239. or, as he's known
to his employees,Copy !req
240. "grass valley greg"--Copy !req
241. the eccentricCopy !req
242. multibillionaire
computer whiz,Copy !req
243. who invented
the delete button.Copy !req
244. ( Greg )
thoughts just
come to me,Copy !req
245. and i make them happen.Copy !req
246. the wilder the better!Copy !req
247. ( Announcer )
he has a passion
for health foodCopy !req
248. and goats.Copy !req
249. Did you know that
The delete buttonCopy !req
250. Is used over
800,000 times a day,Copy !req
251. In over 62 different
Languages?Copy !req
252. That's a lot
Of mistakes—Copy !req
253. Or, as i like
To call them,Copy !req
254. "Oppurtunitystakes."Copy !req
255. Mr. Sniper?Copy !req
256. Oh, hey, tanya.Copy !req
257. Tanya, it's greg.Copy !req
258. Greg, your accountant's
On the phone.Copy !req
259. He says it's urgent.Copy !req
260. You know
What's urgent?Copy !req
261. Fun.Copy !req
262. Have a circus peanut.Copy !req
263. It's made of tofu
And spider sugar.Copy !req
264. Doesn't hurt the spiders.Copy !req
265. This is where
It all happens.Copy !req
266. Hey, darnette,
What you got there?Copy !req
267. That's not gonna
Work at all. Good job.Copy !req
268. These people
Are the best.Copy !req
269. Shit!Copy !req
270. They make mistakes
All day long.Copy !req
271. Goddamn it!Copy !req
272. That's what
We pay them to do!Copy !req
273. I fucked up!Copy !req
274. All right, jerry.Copy !req
275. Developing exciting
New mistakesCopy !req
276. For the next century
And beyond!Copy !req
277. You asshole computer!Copy !req
278. Hey, hey, bobby,
What's wrong?Copy !req
279. Well, i pressed this
Button twice by mistakeCopy !req
280. And it printed out
The letter "e" 3 times.Copy !req
281. Hey, that's great!Copy !req
282. Well, it's
Jerry's baby,Copy !req
283. I'm just working
The kinks out.Copy !req
284. Guys, i think we
Found a new mistake.Copy !req
285. Yeah!Copy !req
286. You know what that
Means, everybody!Copy !req
287. Tofutti break!Copy !req
288. Come on, everybody,Copy !req
289. You earned it.
Work is play.Copy !req
290. Have some tofutti.Copy !req
291. Come on, to
The cafe-torio!Copy !req
292. ( Announcer )
at grass valley greg's,
the philosophy,Copy !req
293. "work is play"Copy !req
294. means constantly
stoppingCopy !req
295. for ice cream breaks,Copy !req
296. an impromptu concert
from boz skaggs,Copy !req
297. or puppet shows
by the boss himself.Copy !req
298. some workers find it
hard to play so much.Copy !req
299. Clay, is everyting
All right?Copy !req
300. Yeah, it's fine.Copy !req
301. Really? Well,
Try explaining thatCopy !req
302. To this cup
Of tofutti.Copy !req
303. Liz said she saw
You take itCopy !req
304. And then just put
It on the table
And walk away.Copy !req
305. I did. I don't
Like tofutti.Copy !req
306. It just doesn't
Taste good to me.Copy !req
307. It tastes just
Like ice cream.Copy !req
308. No, it doesn't.Copy !req
309. It does.Copy !req
310. ( Announcer )
don't get on
greg's bad side,Copy !req
311. or you might find
yourself at his
personal ranch,Copy !req
312. nannadu,Copy !req
313. where he tends
and caresCopy !req
314. for over 200
special goats.Copy !req
315. Meredith,
Don't lick that.Copy !req
316. Don't lick that.Copy !req
317. Hi, nova.
Hi, nova.Copy !req
318. Oh, ron, i'm sorry.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
319. All these goats
Are retarded.Copy !req
320. Mitsy, mitsy,
Stay out of phineas
Scapegoat iii's space.Copy !req
321. Oh, poop.Copy !req
322. You know, a goat is the
Only animal with an innateCopy !req
323. Sense of democracy?Copy !req
324. That's why they're
Called "nature's president."Copy !req
325. Greg.Copy !req
326. Greg, we've
Got to talk, man.Copy !req
327. Oh, man,
It's my accountant.Copy !req
328. Heh, sorry.Copy !req
329. I'm not talking to
Clouds on a sunny day.Copy !req
330. We've gotta talk.Copy !req
331. No, it's playtime.
It's time to play.Copy !req
332. It's not
Playtime anymore.Copy !req
333. All right?
I'm serious.Copy !req
334. If you want me,
I'll be out
Funboarding.Copy !req
335. Greg,
Come on, man!Copy !req
336. You know,
You've lost it!Copy !req
337. He's broke.Copy !req
338. I hope you
Enjoyed it, goats.Copy !req
339. the thing you gotta
remember is that gregCopy !req
340. is not that bright.Copy !req
341. he had this
bizarre obsessionCopy !req
342. with tofu-based products.Copy !req
343. He spent $25 million
Shipping a productCopy !req
344. Called "tofulafel,"Copy !req
345. A falafel substitute,
To the middle east.Copy !req
346. In 1989, he hired
The country of canadaCopy !req
347. To sing happy birthday
To him, um...Copy !req
348. He spent $100 million
On a campaignCopy !req
349. To legalize tomatoes.Copy !req
350. Which i assume worked,Copy !req
351. Because i had a
Tomato yesterday,Copy !req
352. And i'm not
In jail, am i?Copy !req
353. And those goats,Copy !req
354. Those goats live better
Than you or i.Copy !req
355. Goats are stupid, mean,
And hardheaded animals.Copy !req
356. That's why they're called
"Nature's president."Copy !req
357. What should i do,
Mr. President?Copy !req
358. Yes, thank you.Copy !req
359. Ok, all right,
I got you.Copy !req
360. Jesus.
Send him in.Copy !req
361. Ah!Copy !req
362. Ahh! Ahh!Copy !req
363. Ooh.Copy !req
364. Flane?
Yes, mr. Twilt.Copy !req
365. Yes, sit down,
Please.Copy !req
366. Flane, i'm gonna
Call you "jerry."Copy !req
367. John.
Jimmy. Jim.Copy !req
368. John.
Jim-jim-jim-jom.Copy !req
369. Jim-jom, uh...Copy !req
370. I had a man, uh,
Look over your files,Copy !req
371. And talked to
A man who'd seen
Him, and he—Copy !req
372. He told me
What he thought,Copy !req
373. And i liked what
That man heard.Copy !req
374. Oh, great.Copy !req
375. Uh, you are currently
Making $47,000 a year.Copy !req
376. Yes, sir.Copy !req
377. Well, how would
You feel about a raiseCopy !req
378. Of $20,000 a yearCopy !req
379. And the use of
A company car?Copy !req
380. Oh, that is
Terrific, sir.Copy !req
381. A $20,000 raise
And a company car.Copy !req
382. Yes, that's what i wanted
To talk to you about...Copy !req
383. Um, flane, this company
Is downsizing and...Copy !req
384. Uh, todd, with your
Recent raise,Copy !req
385. And i understand
You got a car...Copy !req
386. Yes, sir.Copy !req
387. Well, we simply can't
Afford you anymore.Copy !req
388. I'm sorry, but
We're going to have
To let you go.Copy !req
389. I don't understand—Copy !req
390. I'm sorry,
We're downsizing.Copy !req
391. N-n-no, but you—
Downsizing!Copy !req
392. Here's a written
Recommendation.Copy !req
393. Best of luck
To you.Copy !req
394. Flane! Listen,Copy !req
395. Come back and
Sit down, please.Copy !req
396. ( Sighing )
Oh, jeez, listen...Copy !req
397. I know what you're
Going through.Copy !req
398. I know you're out
Of work, andy.Copy !req
399. Hell, it's all over
The office.Copy !req
400. Bill, you've
Got a lot of
Great qualities,Copy !req
401. Gary, you're a good
Listener, you're
Easy to fire, andCopy !req
402. Let's face it,
You're available,Copy !req
403. Archibald, i could
Get you $12,000Copy !req
404. If you stayed here.Copy !req
405. $12,000?Copy !req
406. Great, you got
Some kind of
Recommendation?Copy !req
407. Ah, mr. Twilt, well,
I'll just give
Myself a call.Copy !req
408. Don't worry,
I'll sweet talk
This asshole.Copy !req
409. Jag off
Isn't answering.Copy !req
410. Oh, hey, there
You are.
Say, listen,Copy !req
411. What do you know
About flane here?Copy !req
412. Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
413. Oh, good,
Thank you.Copy !req
414. I'll see you tuesday.Copy !req
415. What did he—you—
What did he say?Copy !req
416. Oh, we're going
Golfing on tuesday.Copy !req
417. N-no, about me—Copy !req
418. Oh, you're good.
Welcome to the firm.Copy !req
419. Thank you.Copy !req
420. Hey, between you,
Me and the wall,Copy !req
421. There's an umor-ay
About own-day
Izing-say.Copy !req
422. I don't know
What that means.Copy !req
423. It's pig language.Copy !req
424. Hello. Yes,
Flane's here.Copy !req
425. Oh, sure.
It's for you.Copy !req
426. Oh, uh...
Yes, hello?Copy !req
427. Fired?Copy !req
428. Ok, thanks.Copy !req
429. What did
They say?Copy !req
430. You're fired.
Fuck you, i quit!Copy !req
431. Damn it,Copy !req
432. You put in one week,
And look what
They do to you.Copy !req
433. Well, it's this
Damn downsizing.Copy !req
434. What're you
Gonna do about it?Copy !req
435. I don't know. You
Just go out and
Have a drink.Copy !req
436. Well, i'll
Join you.Copy !req
437. I'm goin' for
A double today.Copy !req
438. Oh, i'm
Joining you.Copy !req
439. ( Whispering )
Yeah.Copy !req
440. Oh, yes, hello?Copy !req
441. ( Man )
is this my new
distribution manager?Copy !req
442. Yes, sir, it is.Copy !req
443. you're fired.Copy !req
444. Well, that's it.
Fired everyone.Copy !req
445. No one left but me.Copy !req
446. That ought to
Boost profits, right?Copy !req
447. Right?Copy !req
448. Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
449. Am i the only
One left?Copy !req
450. Is there no other human
On the planet but i?Copy !req
451. No!Copy !req
452. Sir? Sir?Copy !req
453. Are you all right?Copy !req
454. Why, yes, joanne,
I'm fine. Thank you.Copy !req
455. Thank you.Copy !req
456. Oh...Copy !req
457. You're fired!Copy !req
458. Oh, shit balls.Copy !req
459. Now who's going to
Run the company?Copy !req
460. Think, think,
Take a drink. Yeah.Copy !req
461. Always helps.Copy !req
462. Mmm.Copy !req
463. Who can i get?Copy !req
464. Oh, of course.Copy !req
465. ( Announcer )
after massive layoffs,
the white collarCopy !req
466. workforce is being
replaced by child laborersCopy !req
467. such as bhopal,Copy !req
468. a 9-year-old
from pakistan.Copy !req
469. it's a move economists
are cheering.Copy !req
470. These kids work
18 hours a day,Copy !req
471. 7 days a week,Copy !req
472. No heating,
No air conditioning,Copy !req
473. Very little food,
No vacations.Copy !req
474. I mean, look
At the savings.Copy !req
475. Last year the, uh,Copy !req
476. Ceo of globo-chem
Made approximatelyCopy !req
477. $6 million for the
Fiscal year 1995.Copy !req
478. Bhopal stands
To make, uh,Copy !req
479. Well, let's see...Copy !req
480. 18 cents a day...Copy !req
481. Times 3-6-5...Copy !req
482. $65.52.Copy !req
483. So you can see,
That is, uh...Copy !req
484. I mean,
I'm no economist,Copy !req
485. But that is a
Load of dough.Copy !req
486. Jimmy!Copy !req
487. Jimmy!Copy !req
488. ( Announcer )
from the boardroom
to the fairway,Copy !req
489. this newfound elite
have steppedCopy !req
490. into corporate america's
patent-leather shoes.Copy !req
491. what's that you're
reading, bhopal?Copy !req
492. a book about work?Copy !req
493. oh, bhopal,
will you never rest?Copy !req
494. put that book down,
you'll miss the celebration!Copy !req
495. congratulations, america.Copy !req
496. it's 1996,Copy !req
497. and you're no longer
number one.Copy !req
498. then why the
funny parade?Copy !req
499. because we're talking
infant mortality rateCopy !req
500. in the industrialized world.Copy !req
501. sally's happy,
she'll have more friends.Copy !req
502. but she's not the only one
making a splash.Copy !req
503. rub-a-dub dub,
800 in a tub?Copy !req
504. they come
from all overCopy !req
505. to work in our sweatshops
for pennies.Copy !req
506. "oh, it's a sailor's
life for me,"Copy !req
507. says
lon-duc ti-po.Copy !req
508. that tanker's horn
means "ahoy" !Copy !req
509. but this tankerbell
means business!Copy !req
510. senator howel
tankerbell, that is.Copy !req
511. the dixiecrat
from georgiaCopy !req
512. made a big noise
on capitol hillCopy !req
513. with his bold
new proposalCopy !req
514. to raise money
for the deficit.Copy !req
515. Now, we've got
To solve this deficitCopy !req
516. Before it
Gets as bigCopy !req
517. As a new york
Jew in july.Copy !req
518. You know what
I'm saying.Copy !req
519. I have a solution,
By the way.Copy !req
520. Uh, i believe
That it's timeCopy !req
521. For a good
Old-fashioned yard sale.Copy !req
522. This country
Is as clutteredCopy !req
523. As my
Granny's attic.Copy !req
524. If you ain't usin' it,
Sell it off!Copy !req
525. New mexico—Copy !req
526. When was the
Last time anybodyCopy !req
527. Was in new mexico?
Be serious!Copy !req
528. Grand canyon, just sitting
Out there collecting dust.Copy !req
529. The great lakes,
Cluttered with water.Copy !req
530. San francisco,
Dirty city.Copy !req
531. Depraved, festoonedCopy !req
532. With criminality
And depravity.Copy !req
533. I believe it's time
To sell it.Copy !req
534. We're taking bids now.
Best offer gets it.Copy !req
535. ( Announcer )
ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
536. the new owners
of san francisco,Copy !req
537. globo-chem,Copy !req
538. present a messageCopy !req
539. from the chairman of
their theme-parks division.Copy !req
540. Hello, everyone.Copy !req
541. We're very excited
About our plansCopy !req
542. For the new family-
Friendly san francisco.Copy !req
543. We're relocating
The citizens,Copy !req
544. And we're
In the midstCopy !req
545. Of a $2 billion makeoverCopy !req
546. To turn this cityCopy !req
547. Into the
World's largestCopy !req
548. Family-friendly
Theme park city.Copy !req
549. When you see
The new san francisco,Copy !req
550. You'll say...Copy !req
551. "San frantastic."Copy !req
552. Oh, look...Copy !req
553. Here comes a typical
American family now.Copy !req
554. Mom, dad,Copy !req
555. I know where
We can go for
Vacation this year!Copy !req
556. Where honey?Copy !req
557. Let's go to
San francisco!Copy !req
558. Honey, we
Can't go there.Copy !req
559. It's too dangerous.Copy !req
560. Your mother's right.Copy !req
561. They've got hippies,Copy !req
562. Angry lesbians
And chinese!Copy !req
563. No, new
San francisco.Copy !req
564. Here, look at this
Magic pamphlet.Copy !req
565. ( All )
Wow!Copy !req
566. It says,
"Place on ground,Copy !req
567. "Stand in center,
And hold on!"Copy !req
568. ( All )
Whoa!Copy !req
569. This is
San francisco?Copy !req
570. But it's so clean!Copy !req
571. New san francisco!Copy !req
572. Mom, dad,Copy !req
573. Look,
It's a hippie!Copy !req
574. Careful, sissy.Copy !req
575. Don't worry, dad,Copy !req
576. Our hippies won't
Harass youCopy !req
577. Or expose your
Children to anyCopy !req
578. Anti-authority
Lifestyles.Copy !req
579. Our hippies
Are the kindCopy !req
580. The whole family
Can enjoy.Copy !req
581. Hey, man,Copy !req
582. My name's
Groovy gravy,Copy !req
583. And i want to
Be your friend!Copy !req
584. Hippie land
Will feature
Several attractions,Copy !req
585. Like woodstock—Copy !req
586. The movie, the ride.Copy !req
587. A 3-day roller
Coaster rideCopy !req
588. Featuring the
Original members
Of sha na na.Copy !req
589. Good-bye, man.Copy !req
590. Good-bye.Copy !req
591. Good-bye,
Groovy gravy.Copy !req
592. Peace.Copy !req
593. Say, that hippie
Was all right.Copy !req
594. He was fun!Copy !req
595. Yoo hoo!Copy !req
596. Why don't you
Join us?Copy !req
597. Come on, we're
Going antiquing!Copy !req
598. You 3 back off!Copy !req
599. I've got homophobia.Copy !req
600. We are sensitive
To the needsCopy !req
601. Of those who suffer
From homophobia.Copy !req
602. So in our new
San francisco,Copy !req
603. We got rid of
The dirt but
Kept the pansiesCopy !req
604. By creating
"Bachelor land."Copy !req
605. Whoo!Copy !req
606. While you're in
New san francisco,Copy !req
607. Be sure to visit
The restaurantsCopy !req
608. Of our redone
Chinatown.Copy !req
609. Chinese culture
Can be strangeCopy !req
610. And overwhelming.Copy !req
611. So we've remade it into
A fantastic place.Copy !req
612. Talk about your
Alien cultures,Copy !req
613. Here's new chinatown.Copy !req
614. Wow!Copy !req
615. Oh, look,
It's like
Another land.Copy !req
616. And it doesn't
Stink of fish.Copy !req
617. They're so cute.Copy !req
618. I love you!Copy !req
619. This is the best
Vacation we've ever had!Copy !req
620. Thanks, globo-chem!Copy !req
621. It's san frantastic!Copy !req
622. ( All )
♪ New san franciscoCopy !req
623. Stop the music!Copy !req
624. Sorry, cut it.
Cut now.Copy !req
625. Oh, that was
So much fun.Copy !req
626. What are
You doing?Copy !req
627. You interrupted our
Big closing number.Copy !req
628. Oh, robert, you can do a
Closing number any time!Copy !req
629. No, you can't!
You have to do it at
The end of the show!Copy !req
630. You guys want
To finish now?Copy !req
631. ( All )
No.Copy !req
632. Great.
You screwed it up.Copy !req
633. Well, sometimes
A screwupCopy !req
634. Can be a doorwayCopy !req
635. To imagineering
An imagination—Copy !req
636. Shut up!Copy !req
637. You know?Copy !req
638. You screwed it up,
Just get out of here.Copy !req
639. Yeah, see you, greg.
Bye.Copy !req
640. Goodbye, greg.
Later, you dumb shit.Copy !req
641. Greg, greg,
I'm sorry, listen...Copy !req
642. Look, i know that
You've lost more moneyCopy !req
643. In the last half hourCopy !req
644. Than any of us
Will ever see.Copy !req
645. I'll tell you what,Copy !req
646. We'll give you $5
If you clean
Up this mess.Copy !req
647. Hey, make it $6.Copy !req
648. Yeah.Copy !req
649. No, $5 is enough.Copy !req
650. Righto, robert.Copy !req
651. All right,
Get to work.Copy !req
652. This is it?
A guy sweeps
Up a spotlight?Copy !req
653. I'm not in
This! No! No,
I'm not in this!Copy !req
654. mr. Show with
Bob and david! Huh?Copy !req
655. Not just david!Copy !req
656. Faster! Funnier!Copy !req