Mr. Show with Bob and David 2x3

Directed by Troy Miller

Jack Black as Jeepers Creepers • Jeanne Tripplehorn as Stone Throwing Singer • Suli McCullough as NAMBLA Member / Member of the New KKK

A parody of "Jesus Christ Superstar"; and a takeoff on "Cops," involving drunken police officers. Also: the "new hate-free Ku Klux Klan."

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. yoo-hoo. Yoo-hoo.

2. it's bob and david!

3. Thank you. Welcome to mr. Show.

4. I'm bob odenkirk.

5. Thank you.

6. Thanks.

7. Whew. Sorry.

8. 3rd motherfuckin' time.

9. You know, i'm Glad he's late,

10. You know, because It proves my point.

11. Oh, my god, what If he's hurt?

12. Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry.

13. Sorry. Excuse me.

14. Oh.

15. Hey, everybody, I'm david cross.

16. No, no! Hold it.

17. Oh, no, no.

18. Don't encourage him. Don't encourage him, folks.

19. David, do you have any Idea what time it is?

20. What?

21. The audience and i have Been sitting here waiting.

22. This isn't Going to work.

23. What? 'Cause i Was a little late?

24. It's not just That, man.

25. You know, i was Raised in a time

26. When people Respected each other—

27. The mid-'70s.

28. You know, you Came of age

29. In a different Time— the late '70s.

30. We're from different Generations.

31. So?

32. So i don't get your movies Or your music, you know?

33. I was into star wars.

34. You were into the empire strikes back, you know?

35. I like bananarama, you Like that bangles shit.

36. No!

37. Hey, lay off, pops!

38. You know, it's people Of your generation

39. That wrecked Things for us,

40. The people of One year later.

41. You know, we're still Cleaning up your mess.

42. All right, you know, I'm sorry, folks,

43. We just don't relate.

44. I think this Show is over.

45. Oh, that's Good. Yeah, quit.

46. Just like your Generation, give up.

47. ( Cameraman ) Hey, guys.

48. If, uh...

49. If you're not Doing the show, then

50. I'm gonna split.

51. What?

52. Cool. I, uh... I'm still, uh...

53. Bummed out about the Dead breakin' up, and...

54. It's like i lost My best friends.

55. What are you talkin' About, you dumb hippie?

56. Well, bob, i can Relate. You know, uh...

57. I know my best friends Used to charge me

58. $35 to listen to 'em Dick around on guitar.

59. Come on, let's Kick his hippie ass.

60. Hey, man— hey, man, Keep on truckin', man.

61. Hey!

62. David! David, Wait, wait, wait.

63. Look what we're doing. We're working together.

64. Hey, yeah.

65. Bob, our mutual distrust And hatred of hippies

66. Has united us in A common cause.

67. Hey, man, i think We got a show to do.

68. You got it, buddy.

69. To the wigs!

70. Oh, bummer.

71. Hello. I'm dr. Ken thirby.

72. Straighten that camera out!

73. Hi, i'm dr. Ken thirby.

74. You know, teenagers Can be difficult

75. To communicate with.

76. Especially if you're Old fogies like us.

77. Hi, i'm lionel Winslow,

78. And this is my Wife catherine.

79. As parents, we know That kids only listen

80. To other kids.

81. That's right.

82. That's why we Got together

83. And created A program

84. Where 3 Terrific teens

85. Talk to you young People out there.

86. It's a lot of fun,

87. And you might just Learn something.

88. So say goodbye to us,

89. Because for the next Half of an hour, it's

90. ( All ) no adults allowed!

91. Hi, i'm kenny. I'm 14 years old,

92. And i love to play Those damn video games.

93. I'm kate. I'm 13.

94. I like to stay out till All hours of the night,

95. Just as long As i call home.

96. I mean, what Does it take?

97. Oh, hi.

98. I'm lionel. I'm 16.

99. I like to take Things for granted,

100. But that'll end soon.

101. Oh, yeah.

102. Welcome to no adults allowed.

103. We got the most Awesome show

104. Lined up for You today.

105. Hey, kate, i noticed You got your hair cut.

106. Yeah, i know a lot of Those girls are getting Those slutty hair cuts.

107. But i'm a beautiful Girl, i should let People see my pretty face.

108. You bet.

109. Hey, guys, summer's Here, and i'm psyched.

110. You know what That means.

111. Summer jobs! Yeah.

112. Ha-ho.

113. It'll be so great Not to have to rely

114. On mom and Dad for moola.

115. Yeah, plus, i can Buy that special Rock t-shirt

116. And album i want So damn much.

117. Right on.

118. Plus, you can buy gas.

119. Your dad's car Doesn't just magically Fill itself up, you know.

120. Oh, yeah.

121. Oh, man.

122. Guess what, gang? It's time for our

123. Learn-about Segment.

124. Oh, goodie. Cool jazz.

125. This is gonna be Totally grungified.

126. Oh, goodie. Ok.

127. Well, we're totally Going to have our old Friend craig come on

128. And teach us a few Skateboarding tricks.

129. He's good At it, yep.

130. Craig! Whoo! Craig.

131. Craiger.

132. Craig, honey.

133. Craig, goddamn it, Get out here!

134. Hey, hey. Calm down, Ken. Calm down.

135. Hell, that Fellow teen will Be the death of me.

136. Ken.

137. I tell ya, This generation

138. Is worse than The hippies,

139. The flappers and The nazis combined.

140. Oh, ken. It's true.

141. At least the hippies gave Us those fat watch bands,

142. And the flappers Could dance,

143. And the nazis Had that song 8 days a week.

144. No, no, ken. That Was the beatles.

145. What? Well, What did i say? Oh, who cares?

146. Oh!

147. I was on the 18th hole.

148. I don't care. Where were You, craig?

149. The show is shot!

150. This intercom— the Speaker, it fell— it Was wet, it fell—

151. Y-y-you're Nothin' but A slacker!

152. You know That? That's The word, right?

153. You're all one Big slacker.

154. Slackin' around, Slackin' off!

155. Slack-itty-slack Slack-slack!

156. You know, it's Attitudes like yours That are keeping us down.

157. You know, we try To be productive Members of your society,

158. With our Crocheting,

159. And our Homemade fudge For the blind...

160. But you won't let us.

161. And this has been going On for over 200 years,

162. And it has to end!

163. What are you Talking about?

164. Come on. I'll show you.

165. What? All right, I don't know.

166. What, are we Following?

167. ( Ken ) craig took us all on a heart-smart journey

168. into the hateful, hurtful belly of the beast

169. we call "discrimination."

170. ( Interviewer ) but why do you hate slackers?

171. Now there you go, i Don't hate anybody.

172. Play fair, now.

173. I don't have to Love everybody,

174. But, uh, these people, You know, they...

175. They don't seem to want To be part of anything, These slackers.

176. They hang around, Bleary eyed...

177. Messin' up the downtown Areas on their skateboards In ripped jeans, uh...

178. Don't know.

179. Just, don't— Don't dislike 'em,

180. Just don't want 'em.

181. The whole solution to the Generation x problem—

182. Round all these people Up, put 'em in buses,

183. Send 'em up to seattle.

184. Build a border around Seattle, washington.

185. They can have that.

186. ( Interviewer ) Don't you think That's a bit extreme?

187. We're not talkin' about Locking these people up.

188. We're talking About seattle,

189. Beautiful part Of the country.

190. They can have that. That's theirs. They love it.

191. They can stay up there.

192. We stay down here.

193. Everybody's happy.

194. ( Interviewer ) Well, sir, not to State the obvious,

195. But you yourself are black— African-american— i mean...

196. Isn't the kkk opposed To your race?

197. See, i knew you were Going to try that.

198. You haven't been Listening to me, son.

199. This is the New klan, ok?

200. Let me show You something.

201. ( Woman ) ♪ hey, check us out

202. ( Both ) ♪ the new kkk

203. that was The new kkk,

204. from the advertising firm of steinberg and goldstein.

205. and now we move on to our final nominee

206. in the category of "most improved image"--

207. from the firm wyman petricelli,

208. the campaign for the north american

209. man-boy love association,

210. N.A.M.B.L.A.-- We're not killers.

211. ( Announcer ) when you think of the north american

212. man-boy love association,

213. you probably think of killers like jeffrey dahmer.

214. fact—

215. he was never a member.

216. we at n.A.M.B.L.A. do not murder.

217. that's the n.A.M.B.L.A. Promise.

218. n.A.M.B.L.A. Members are productive,

219. nonviolent members of the community,

220. who admittedly like to molest boys,

221. but who would never kill anybody.

222. that's why we proudly say...

223. N.A.M.B.L.A.-- We're not killers!

224. and the awardee for "most improved image" goes to...

225. wyman petricelli, steve perfidi,

226. kermit hurtlyn, and trevor mcnish

227. for n.A.M.B.L.A.-- We're not killers.

228. uh, i just want you people to know

229. that i had nothing to do w-with this.

230. it was all trevor and steve.

231. No, that's not true. that is not true.

232. no, i had nothing to do with this either.

233. i had nothing to do with this.

234. uh, my beautiful wife, marlise, had nothing to do with this.

235. honey, i love you.

236. this was totally trevor's baby— uh, project.

237. thank you so much, and first of all

238. i want to thank my boss, jim bloor. Jim?

239. Don't thank me. You're fired!

240. thank you very much.

241. i also want to thank the people over at— over at n.A.M.B.L.A.

242. for believing in my abilities,

243. especially kosh mcveigh. Stand up kosh!

244. Leave me out of this.

245. and i want to thank god for believing in my abilities.

246. Come on!

247. Get him! Get him!

248. Monster! Monster!

249. This is a pretty Typical night.

250. Not a lot of— not a Lot of stuff going down.

251. Not a lot happens Here sometimes.

252. He's over there!

253. Hey.

254. What the hell Was that?

255. I hit a bump.

256. Oh.

257. Anyways, uh, This uh, family...

258. We've been Here before.

259. Yeah, these People are real Troublers— problems.

260. Tr—

261. Problem— Problems.

262. ( Announcer ) drunk cops— hammered in detroit.

263. Oh, shit.

264. ( Slurring ) Shut up!

265. Ok, one talks At a time.

266. Here we go. Let's Get started.

267. Come on, officer.

268. Ah. Ow!

269. Get up here. Come on, get up.

270. Sh-what are you Talkin' about?

271. Grabbin'...

272. ( Policeman ) Why you wanna fight?

273. Ask yourself that. Why you wanna fight?

274. Think for 2 Seconds, and wonder Why you wanna fight.

275. I'm sorry. I'm Sorry, man.

276. Work together, Come on.

277. Come here.

278. I smell bacon.

279. Come on. Come here!

280. I smell bacon.

281. Put your hands up.

282. I was kidding, man. I was kidding.

283. Hey kid, don't—

284. Hey. Hey, come on.

285. ( Man ) Sulu, get out.

286. Sulu, get out From the tv.

287. Stupid iguana.

288. Coming!

289. Hey, nathan, What's up?

290. Hey, alex.

291. ( Nathan ) Kelly, what's Goin' on?

292. Hey, check It out.

293. Got totally sold on Gettin' this iguana.

294. Wow.

295. Cool.

296. Yeah. His name is sulu. He's an australian hotneck.

297. And he totally knows His name. Check it out.

298. Sulu.

299. Sulu.

300. Huh? Yeah.

301. I've only had him A couple weeks,

302. But i can already Tell that he loves me.

303. Oh, man, he's Beautiful, man.

304. Yeah.

305. Hey, kelly, check It out. Touch him. Go Ahead. He likes people.

306. I don't know, kel— I don't know.

307. He looks Kinda scared.

308. Go ahead.

309. All right...

310. Don't worry About it.

311. He just gets Nervous, you know,

312. W-when he knows It's time to e-a-t.

313. Oh, yeah.

314. Isn't that right, Sulu, you big baby?

315. Sulu. Sulu.

316. Oh, man.

317. Sorry, don't worry About it, lady.

318. He's just trying To stay warm.

319. He's just trying To stay warm.

320. You know, Australian hotneck...

321. Gotta stay between 50 and 60 degrees.

322. In australia, That's easy, But, you know—

323. Hey, man, does he Change colors?

324. Is he one of Those kinds?

325. Oh, yeah.

326. Totally depends on his Emotional biorhythms.

327. Yeah, he's like a Mood ring iguana.

328. Sulu! Sorry, sorry.

329. Sulu, get back Here! Sulu, come On, what did i—

330. Oh!

331. Don't...

332. He's just showing Off, 'cause you Guys are here.

333. He knows exactly What he's...

334. Sorry about that. I'll clean it up.

335. Hey, nathan! I think he's mad.

336. N-no, kelly,

337. He's just Melancholy, ok?

338. Sulu, sulu, what Are the rules?

339. Answer me. I've Got the paddle.

340. Answer me.

341. Don't hit him.

342. What are The rules?

343. Tell me, what Are the rules?

344. Or i will hit You again.

345. Nathan!

346. Nathan, um, Don't you have a Potbellied pig?

347. Uh, yeah, but That fucker Never shut up,

348. And he shit all Over the place.

349. You know, it was like He had his own agenda Or something, you know?

350. But check it out, I totally got sold,

351. And this guy is hooking Me up with something Completely different.

352. Oh, man, are You gonna get That panda?

353. Better.

354. Check it out.

355. I'm gonna get Hooked up with a Real live albino.

356. No way.

357. Cool.

358. Yeah. Sulu!

359. Cut it Out! Yeah.

360. This guy's hooking Me up with a real Live albino boy.

361. Wait, is That legal?

362. Yeah, totally.

363. I mean, not in This country,

364. You know, but They put holes in The box and stuff,

365. And they send It over, and The guy's like—

366. Hey, whoa, whoa!

367. Hey, sulu. Whoa, watch out.

368. Sulu, not The bong!

369. Sulu! No, no. Don't, sulu!

370. No! Bongwater.

371. Sulu, you Stupid iguana.

372. ( Kelly ) Hey!

373. No, nathan, Don't hit him.

374. Oh, he's just Fakin' it.

375. Man, you guys, i can't Believe you're getting Suckered into this.

376. Oh, you really Hurt him!

377. Look at him Play-act.

378. He is such a Diva. Heh, heh.

379. Look at— world's Tiniest violin,

380. Playing iguana concerto number 3.

381. Fake spasm.

382. Oh, shit.

383. Oh, shit, I killed him.

384. Oh, nathan.

385. Oh, just like I killed bilbo

386. And the cockatiel—

387. With a book.

388. Ooh.

389. Oh, who am i now, Without an iguana?

390. I'm nothing.

391. I'm nothing Without an iguana.

392. Oh, hey, buddy.

393. Buddy, y-you're Albino boy's here.

394. Oh, hey!

395. Wow, look at you, You're so cute.

396. I'm going to Call you kurt.

397. You're so different. I'm so different.

398. Funeral!

399. Yeah, let's Have a funeral!

400. Clean him up. Bring him along. Put him in a shoebox.

401. Come on.

402. ( Man ) we are gathered here today

403. In memory of sulu,

404. Who lived life, And loved life,

405. To its fullest capacity.

406. Now he joins his Brothers and sisters,

407. Nathan's other Beloved pets—

408. Bilbo, the Potbellied pig,

409. Ted nugent, The cockatiel,

410. Frodo, the ferret,

411. Dr. Zaeus, the 3-toed sloth.

412. C3p0, the snake—

413. All very intelligent Creatures,

414. And all very Beloved of nathan.

415. For all creatures are good,

416. Except when They are bad,

417. And we should always Be kind and nice—

418. That is, most Of the time.

419. I mean, don't Quote me on that Unless you want to.

420. I'm not trying to Be judgy or bossy—

421. Jeepers creepers, Get to the point.

422. Don't you ever take The lord's name in vain.

423. I didn't. I said, "Jeepers creepers."

424. I heard what you said.

425. Let me tell you All the story...

426. Of jeepers creepers.

427. ( All ) Ooh!

428. ( Music pausing ) Stop dancing.

429. Or don't.

430. It's entirely Up to you.

431. Bye-bye, jeepers!

432. Jeepers creepers.

433. And that's the story Of jeepers creepers,

434. The biggest failure In broadway history.

435. It opened and closed On the very same night.

436. But they made A movie about It anyway?

437. No, jay, we did.

438. Well... Why, If it was so bad?

439. Well, john, we Thought it'd be funny.

440. But it wasn't funny.

441. You know, why don't You kiss my ass?

442. David's right.

443. Yeah.

444. Hey, everybody. Hippie pie is ready.

445. ( All ) Ooh!

446. Ha, ha. I got The braid!

447. Uh, i feel awful.

448. I know.

449. Oh, we did A bad thing.

450. Tonight's show Offended every

451. Racist, christian, Exotic-pet loving,

452. N.A.M.B.L.A. Card-carrying, Alcoholic cop in america.

453. I ated too much pie.