1. oh, god, it's
bob and david!
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2. Thank you.
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3. And I'm david cross.
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4. Ho-ho.
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5. And we have a great
Show for you tonight.
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6. Ah, david.
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7. All right, well, we've
Got some great scenes,
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8. The cast members have
Learned their line,
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9. And you guys have
Been well paid.
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10. So, uh, let's
Get started.
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11. Indeed, let's get this
Wallypopper a-brighting.
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12. All right.
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13. Look, david, uh, just be
Yourself, all right?
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14. Right-o, robert.
Chim chim cheree!
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15. Ok, forget it. Guys,
Come on out here!
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16. Come on!
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17. It's about your
Faky british accent.
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18. It's really got
To stop, david.
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19. It's really
Annoying.
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20. Yeah.
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21. I don't hear it.
I don't— I mean...
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22. Hello. Hello, mum.
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23. That's it.
Right there.
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24. I don't hear it. I mean,
Perhaps I might have
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25. Picked something up
When I was in london
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26. A few whiffen's past.
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27. A few
Whiffen's?
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28. What's
That mean?
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29. Let's hit him.
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30. Can I be first?
Line up.
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31. No, no, no, jeez!
God!
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32. An affectation.
Well, david...
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33. That's
Pathetic.
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34. Yeah, it is.
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35. Well, what about
You guys?
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36. And, tom,
You got lice.
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37. And, john, you get
High all the time.
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38. And what about
You, bob?
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39. Using the slang.
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40. Well, that's me, david,
I'm from the street.
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41. Yeah.
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42. I guess I'm not
From anywhere.
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43. And I guess I have
No friends either.
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44. That's
Too bad.
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45. Correction...
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46. I swear, I'll
Go get high.
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47. Yes, there is,
I've seen him.
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48. Yeah, when? A few
Whiffen's past?
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49. Cheerio!
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50. C'mon.
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51. Yeah.
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52. Yeah, yeah.
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53. Hey, junkie!
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54. david, what's wrong?
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55. aren't you supposed
to be doing your show?
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56. I'm supposed to.
They won't miss me.
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57. And I got kicked
Out of school.
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58. I'm sorry, squirt.
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59. Ah, I just wanted some
Personality is all.
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60. oh, david, you do
have personality.
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61. you're hyper and
pushy and rude.
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62. Ok, ok, I get it.
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63. Hey, junkie,
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64. What if I got
A cool tattoo?
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65. well, I don't know.
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66. how's that cock
ring working out?
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67. And my boyfriend
Liked it,
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68. But my wife
Hated it.
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69. oh, david,
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70. sometimes the answer is
right in front of your face.
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71. You think I
Should do drugs?
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72. worked for me.
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73. Well...
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74. I don't know.
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75. this was a bad idea.
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76. Oh, look at him.
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77. I'm so happy.
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78. Oh, he's a scratcher.
He's a scratcher.
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79. Oh, someone's tired.
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80. Ooh.
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81. There's the door.
I'll get it.
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82. Hi.
Hi.
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83. There's the
Proud papa.
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84. Where's
That baby?
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85. Where's that
Baby, huh?
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86. Shh!
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87. What?
He's asleep?
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88. He's right
Here.
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89. Isn't he precious?
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90. Go on, say
Hi to him.
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91. He's big.
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92. His name is tyler,
And he's just perfect.
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93. Um...
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94. Yeah?
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95. Todd, rod and I
Are very serious.
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96. Any age, any color,
Any background,
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97. Go on, give
Him a chance.
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98. I don't wanna—
Go on!
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99. Come on.
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100. Hi. Todd.
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101. Hi.
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102. I'm ty.
Ty, uh...
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103. Mcginty.
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104. Ty mcginty.
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105. Just watching the
Game, you know.
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106. Yeah.
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107. Hey, I know that ring—
Penn state, huh?
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108. Yeah, nittany lions,
Man, class of '85.
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109. Pitt, class
Of '87!
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110. No shit.
No shit.
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111. You ever go to
The red barn?
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112. Ah! Yes!
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113. Uh! Uh!
Uh! Uh!
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114. Boo, bam, boom.
Boom, batty, boom.
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115. Oh.
Hi.
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116. Penn state.
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117. Well, hello.
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118. enchante.
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119. Mmm. Mmm.
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120. Todd?
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121. Ok, hey, that's
Enough of that.
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122. Take a load off.
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123. Later on, baby.
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124. Sorry.
Thanks, rod.
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125. Oh, so, hey...
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126. Is it cool to
Smoke in here?
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127. Well, we'd rather
You didn't smoke.
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128. Honey, um,
We should talk.
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129. Ok.
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130. Hey, son?
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131. Guess what?
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132. We're gonna do everything
Together, you and I.
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133. And we're gonna go to
A baseball-card show.
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134. Ok, first of all,
You're an architect?
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135. Well, you're a pussy.
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136. 2nd of all,
Baseball-card shows?
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137. Oh, they're for
Real big pussies.
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138. And 3rd of all, I'm
Not fixing your roof.
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139. Your roof,
Your hole.
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140. S'mores!
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141. Honey...
What?
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142. Listen, can we
Send this guy back?
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143. Send him back?
This is our new son!
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144. Tyler mcginty, turn
Off the television.
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145. Turn off the
Tv, dickweed!
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146. Oh, ty-ty!
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147. Ty, ty, ty!
No, no, let him go.
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148. You know
Something?
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149. You know, I've been
Adopted 43 times.
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150. That was my bad.
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151. You know,
Not this time.
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152. You fucked
This one up.
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153. I tried,
You didn't.
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154. Silver spoon,
The moon...
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155. All that.
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156. ♪ you've got to follow
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157. Hello.
Hi.
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158. Uh, can I get some
Change, please?
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159. Sure.
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160. For the balloon.
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161. Oh, I'm
Sure it is.
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162. Say, you're a
New face here.
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163. Are you feeling
All right?
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164. Yeah.
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165. Step over here.
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166. No warmer than
You should be.
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167. All right, see
You next week.
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168. Thanks, mrs. A.
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169. Good-bye, troy.
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170. Thanks, mr. A.
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171. Good kid.
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172. Fine boy.
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173. Goddamn it!
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174. Language!
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175. Jimmy!
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176. What the hell is
This, young man?
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177. I don't know.
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178. I'll tell you
What it is.
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179. It's a box of
Big, black dildos.
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180. I'll do it later!
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181. You'll do it now!
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182. Ow!
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183. Stupid dildos!
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184. Don't blame
The dildos!
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185. Morning,
Mrs. Applesway.
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186. Mr. Applesway.
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187. Mr. Tink.
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188. Suppose you know
Why I'm here.
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189. Mr. Tink, I've told you,
This shop is not for sale.
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190. You're gonna
Lose the shop.
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191. No, we won't.
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192. We have a petition.
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193. "L. Smith,"bill
Smith,"mr. Jones"--
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194. Fake names.
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195. Very clever, but
It won't work.
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196. Mr. Applesway, when
You change your mind—
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197. And you will—
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198. Give me a call.
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199. Uh, can I have some
Quarters, also?
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200. Oh, yes.
Give him some quarters.
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201. Of course you can.
I should have known.
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202. Thanks.
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203. Try booth 2—
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204. two chicks,
one dick.
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205. Oh, he'll
Love it.
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206. Done! I'm going
To ronnie's.
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207. Oh, oh, wait,
Wait, wait!
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208. Take this clean-shaven tape
Over to ronnie's dad for me.
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209. Would you care
To explain this?
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210. What's
That?
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211. One of those
X-rated cd-roms.
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212. I will not have this
Filth in my house.
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213. This stuff sickens me!
Sex with a computer.
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214. Mom, it's
Only porno.
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215. You watch
Your mouth!
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216. Ok, keep the
Stupid cd.
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217. I don't care. I hate
Porno. I'm sick of it.
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218. And lactating mommas
And all of it!
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219. Paid for that precious
Mountain bike of yours.
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220. Well, I
Don't care.
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221. Well, you should
Start to care!
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222. Well, I don't!
You should!
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223. Well, I don't!
Start!
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224. Oh, my god!
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225. Who speaks ill
Of pornography?
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226. Oh, my god!
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227. Who are you?
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228. I? Why, I
Started this shop
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229. With just a hole in
The side of a tree.
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230. Oh, my god! Great-
Great-great-grandpa!
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231. That's right!
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232. Young man, you say
You hate pornography...
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233. But pornography
Does not hate you.
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234. Pornography.
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235. You listen
To him, jimmy.
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236. You listen,
Too, father!
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237. Do you remember how
They laughed at you?
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238. They laughed at you
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239. Yes.
Yes!
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240. What did
They say?
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241. But now
Look! Look!
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242. An entire wall of nothing
But hard-core gay anal sex.
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243. If that doesn't bring
A tear to your eye,
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244. Then you're the
One who's inhuman.
Copy !req
245. Don't mention it.
Copy !req
246. And now I must depart
Your physical realm.
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247. Bye.
Bye.
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248. Bye.
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249. Could I get some, uh,
Quarters, actually?
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250. Oh, yes, of
Course you can.
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251. There
You go.
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252. Hey, I'm in here!
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253. Oh, I'm sorry. Terribly
Sorry. So long, now.
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254. Good-bye!
Good-bye!
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255. Good-bye!
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256. Oh!
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257. Mr. Tink.
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258. He's right.
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259. Oh, thank you.
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260. Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
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261. Oh, god
Bless you!
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262. You're wel— oh.
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263. Thank you.
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264. Good-bye.
Good-bye.
Copy !req
265. Good-bye.
Copy !req
266. Bye.
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267. Uh, can I have
Some quarters?
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268. Couple of pumps left.
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269. I'm going
To ronnie's.
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270. All right, be careful.
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271. Oh, those damn
Neighbors...
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272. Keep it down!
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273. There's people trying to
Masturbate down here!
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274. I can't take it!
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275. I can't take it anymore!
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276. This world is hard!
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277. I got no reason to live.
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278. Three times one
Minus one!
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279. What are you
Doing here?
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280. Three times one minus one's
Gonna make it a'ight.
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281. Damn.
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282. ewww, girl, ewww.
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283. On the w.P.C.B.C.N. !
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284. co-opting black
culture network.
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285. What's up?
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286. Yeah, yeah, I'm
Down with that.
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287. It's like, I'm
Sayin', brent b.,
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288. Who've been influenced
By black entertainers.
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289. You know?
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290. You know?
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291. It's like, I'm sayin',
The manhattan transfer.
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292. Had 'em on the show.
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293. All that,
All the greats.
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294. All the great ones.
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295. T.T.O.M.O.
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296. Damn.
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297. Yeah, man,
That's the bomb!
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298. Well, it's about
Literacy, you know?
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299. Damn!
Down with that?
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300. For, like, a
Pamphlet crime?
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301. Straight up, man.
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302. He's talkin'
About loiterin'.
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303. My man, pootie-t...
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304. Damn, damn!
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305. The cops came down on him
So hard, so hard, you know?
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306. They say he'd been loiterin'
And jaywalkin', you know,
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307. 'Cause he'd be walkin'
Across the street and that.
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308. My man, pootie-t,
Is from the street.
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309. He got to be able to
Walk across the street.
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310. I ain't got no
Flyin' shoes.
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311. Now, brent,
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312. It's like, I'm
Sayin', man,
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313. You know, it's, like, if
You're a white performer
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314. You know?
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315. "And you can
Go, but..."
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316. Yeah.
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317. Yeah, right
Over there.
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318. It's like, I'm
Sayin', you know.
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319. Yeah. Yeah.
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320. Of that latrocious
Vid-e-I-e-I-e-I-o
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321. With my boyz from
The t.T.O.M.O. !
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322. Damn.
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323. ♪ ewww, girl
Copy !req
324. Here's 308.
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325. This is the place,
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326. And it just
Became available.
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327. Damn.
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328. from london's west end,
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329. sir lloyd wilson webber's
Rap— the musical!
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330. for the entire family.
Copy !req
331. without all that rap.
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332. you'll want to experience
the magic again and again!
Copy !req
333. open up your heart
and let the rap shine in!
Copy !req
334. and now, back to
the homage awards.
Copy !req
335. live from the )
globo-chem arena,
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336. we return to the 3rd
annual homage awards,
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337. honoring excellence
in the field
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338. of borrowing black culture.
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339. yeah, this is
the new me.
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340. a'ight.
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341. the nominees
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342. Wanna freak you in
The ass by r.U. Da 1!
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343. a'ight.
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344. yeah.
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345. and ewww, girl, ewww
by three times one minus one.
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346. a'ight.
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347. yeah.
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348. a'ight.
Copy !req
349. and premium soulsonic
Megajive,
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350. the love theme
from brutal enigma,
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351. by 2 tru 4 u.
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352. yeah, all right.
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353. a'ight, a'ight.
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354. and another one
from my boys
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355. from three times
one minus one,
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356. Ewww, girl, ewww, girl.
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357. yeah.
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358. a'ight.
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359. and the winner is...
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360. man!
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361. oh, my boys from t.T.O.M.O.
a'ight, yeah!
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362. As-salaam alaikum.
Copy !req
363. and I wanna say to all my
black brothers out there—
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364. pootie-t, let's
take 'em out!
Copy !req
365. A'ight.
Copy !req
366. damn.
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367. damn.
Copy !req
368. damn.
Copy !req
369. damn, damn.
Copy !req
370. damn, damn, damn.
Copy !req
371. damn, damn,
damn, damn, damn.
Copy !req
372. damn, damn, damn.
♪ ewww, ewww, ewww
Copy !req
373. next, on hbo...
Copy !req
374. tonight, on hbo...
Copy !req
375. Creepy peeping
Videos 4.
Copy !req
376. to catch them in
embarrassing private moments.
Copy !req
377. it's all against the law,
and it's all on hbo.
Copy !req
378. a camera was placed
above the tv set
Copy !req
379. Ok, come
On in here.
Copy !req
380. We're gonna watch aunt helen's
Favorite show now. Come on.
Copy !req
381. Let's go.
Copy !req
382. I don't wanna
Watch soap operas,
Copy !req
383. The game's on.
Copy !req
384. Sit down!
Hey!
Copy !req
385. Jesus!
Look, lady—
Copy !req
386. I don't wanna watch
The soap opera!
Copy !req
387. Did you hear
What I said?
Copy !req
388. Those are
My fries!
Copy !req
389. Now you don't
Get anything!
Copy !req
390. Shut up!
Copy !req
391. Hey, I found
My balloon.
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392. Ahhh!
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393. You popped
My balloon!
Copy !req
394. Oh!
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395. Don't tell me
What I have to—
Copy !req
396. Ow, they're
Too tight!
Copy !req
397. What did I
Say to you?
Copy !req
398. What did I
Say to you?
Copy !req
399. Too tight!
Copy !req
400. You hear me?
Copy !req
401. You gonna behave?
Copy !req
402. Are you
Gonna behave?
Copy !req
403. Are you
Gonna behave?
Copy !req
404. Oh, I can't
Believe it.
Copy !req
405. I can't leave you
Alone for a minute.
Copy !req
406. You're getting
In the bath.
Copy !req
407. Come on!
Copy !req
408. Creepy peeping videos 4,
Copy !req
409. only on hbo.
Copy !req
410. we're naughty.
Copy !req