1. tonight's mr. Show
was filmed in a cabin
in the woods.Copy !req
2. it's our cabin.
it's our property.Copy !req
3. leave us alone.Copy !req
4. hey, everybody,
it's bob and david!Copy !req
5. Thank you very much.
Welcome to mr. Show.Copy !req
6. I am bob odenkirk.Copy !req
7. And i'm david cross.Copy !req
8. And... Thank you...Copy !req
9. We have an interesting
Show for you tonight.Copy !req
10. David, you're not backin'
Down on me, are you?Copy !req
11. No way, bob.Copy !req
12. Comtata mim miata.
Comtata mim miata.Copy !req
13. One country,
One nation,Copy !req
14. ( Both )
One singular sensation.Copy !req
15. That's right.Copy !req
16. As of tonight,
We are no longer partyCopy !req
17. To the de facto
Corporate prostituteCopy !req
18. Calling itself
"The united states."Copy !req
19. mr. Show is a
Sovereign nation!Copy !req
20. We are a sovereign
Nation!Copy !req
21. Yeah!
Ha, ha!Copy !req
22. Ok.Copy !req
23. All right.Copy !req
24. This is gonna be
A lot of fun, now.Copy !req
25. The fbi has surrounded
The building,Copy !req
26. And, uh, we've got
Some great scenes.Copy !req
27. And we've got a stockpile
Of food and biblesCopy !req
28. That should last
About 3 weeks.Copy !req
29. That's if we go easy
On the bibles.Copy !req
30. I think you know
What i mean.Copy !req
31. Oh, another thing.
Listen...Copy !req
32. If you're gonna
Go outsideCopy !req
33. And talk to the fbi
Or the jew-run media...Copy !req
34. Do us all
A big favor, ok?Copy !req
35. And wear a beard
And a beer belly,Copy !req
36. Just like david's
Putting on here.Copy !req
37. Ok, now we don't
Have enough bellies
For everyone,Copy !req
38. So we're asking you guys
To drink beer, ok?Copy !req
39. "D.I.Y.,"
"Do it yourself"--
That's our motto, you know.Copy !req
40. Ok, i will be a
Spokesman for the group,Copy !req
41. And i promise i will
Not be unrulyCopy !req
42. And i will not listen
To reason, ok? You know—Copy !req
43. Jill! Oh, my god!
What's happened?Copy !req
44. They shot tom!Copy !req
45. Bob, david, they
Shot tom! Why?Copy !req
46. Jill, tell us exactly
What happened.Copy !req
47. Tom was just shooting
At them, and then
They shot tom. Why?Copy !req
48. I'm going out there!Copy !req
49. David!Copy !req
50. Do, go!Copy !req
51. Get off my land!Copy !req
52. Get off my property!Copy !req
53. Leave me alone!Copy !req
54. Liberal
Jew-run media!Copy !req
55. Hbo—hebrew
Box office!Copy !req
56. Y'all leave me!Copy !req
57. That's the scene here
On day 16 of the
mr. Show -down.Copy !req
58. The facts remain as they
Have from the beginning—Copy !req
59. Very little
Has changed.Copy !req
60. We're still waiting for
Information from either side.Copy !req
61. All we know is
That federal agentsCopy !req
62. Have surrounded
This remote cabin.Copy !req
63. No word on how many
People may be involved,Copy !req
64. Or what their
Demands might be.Copy !req
65. There is a total
News blackout.Copy !req
66. It's a tense and unchanging
Situation. Brinks?Copy !req
67. Harmon,
This is brinks.Copy !req
68. How much longer
Do you think they
Can hold out?Copy !req
69. i don't know that.
we have no new information.
i just can't say.Copy !req
70. Can you take
A guess?Copy !req
71. At this time, that
Would be premature.Copy !req
72. Harmon, this is brinks.
How 'bout a guesstimate?Copy !req
73. ok, you want me
to guess?Copy !req
74. 100 million days,Copy !req
75. Or maybe 10 more minutes,
Somewhere in there.Copy !req
76. I just can't say.
Don't know.Copy !req
77. What do you know,
Though, for sure?Copy !req
78. Harmon, this is brinks.
Now, i've been asking—Copy !req
79. I know, i know,
I know. Look...Copy !req
80. What do you want?Copy !req
81. Are the federal agents
Planning on using force?Copy !req
82. i don't know!
maybe this tree knows!Copy !req
83. Tree, excuse me, uh,
Can you predict
The future for me?Copy !req
84. No? Can i check back
With you every
2 minutes for 16 days?Copy !req
85. Great, thanks!Copy !req
86. look, when i say
there's no
new information,Copy !req
87. that means there's
no new information.Copy !req
88. i'm not trying to hide
anything on you, ok?Copy !req
89. You didn't tell me
About that party.Copy !req
90. this is a national
news story.Copy !req
91. that was a bris.
it wasn't even a party.Copy !req
92. Ok, well, i guess
That's different
Then. Ok, fine.Copy !req
93. ok, good.
good-bye!Copy !req
94. thanks, you know,
check back
with me again!Copy !req
95. Don't wait for it,
'Cause maybe i won't.Copy !req
96. Who knows?
Maybe i won't.Copy !req
97. good, i'm glad!Copy !req
98. Good,
I'm glad, too!Copy !req
99. good, i'm glad
for you!Copy !req
100. Well, i'm gladder
Than you are.Copy !req
101. Man...Copy !req
102. Man, that guy
Is unbelievable.Copy !req
103. Well, there's
Your news.Copy !req
104. I'm brinks peterson,Copy !req
105. And this has been
The peterson family newscast.Copy !req
106. Trying to get
The news to youCopy !req
107. Without making a big
Production out of it.Copy !req
108. We leave you tonight
With that footageCopy !req
109. Of that
Thrilling miracleCopy !req
110. From sao paolo brazil,
"The spitting madonna."Copy !req
111. ( Announcer )
you're watching
Thrilling miracles,Copy !req
112. the show that gives you
the latestCopy !req
113. scientific and
technological breakthroughs.Copy !req
114. now here's your host,
pat franks.Copy !req
115. Hey, how are ya?Copy !req
116. Hey, oh, boy!Copy !req
117. Thanks for
Comin' out!Copy !req
118. Oh, boy, do we have
A thrilling miracleCopy !req
119. For you tonight.Copy !req
120. Ladies, are you
Sick and tiredCopy !req
121. Of constantly cleaning
All those pots and pans?Copy !req
122. And what about all
The space they take up?Copy !req
123. And what about all
The noise they make?Copy !req
124. It's too loud!Copy !req
125. Well, tonight we
Have a solution!Copy !req
126. Now let's meet our
Resident homemaker,Copy !req
127. Nancy gumphrey!Copy !req
128. Oh!Copy !req
129. Hi, pat, i'm really excited
About today's new miracle.Copy !req
130. Oh, nancy, you're
Gonna love it.Copy !req
131. Now, let's
Say helloCopy !req
132. To our excitable new friend
From across the ocean,Copy !req
133. Ernie!Copy !req
134. Oh, my!Copy !req
135. ( With english accent )
Allo, allo, pat!Copy !req
136. Good to meet
You, nancy.Copy !req
137. Are you ready
To hear aboutCopy !req
138. The most exciting
BreakthroughCopy !req
139. In kitchen technology
In this century?Copy !req
140. ( Pat )
I know i am!Copy !req
141. Great.Copy !req
142. It's the pantastic
New 8-in-1 super pan!Copy !req
143. Well, ernie, nancy,Copy !req
144. I had an opportunity to
Meet the pan backstage,Copy !req
145. And i can't wait for you
To show it to nancy.Copy !req
146. Now i'll be back in
About 10 minutes.Copy !req
147. I gotta go
Take a crap.Copy !req
148. Bye-bye!Copy !req
149. Bye, off you go!Copy !req
150. He's gone now,
Nancy.Copy !req
151. Now it's just
You, me and the pan.Copy !req
152. Nancy, come
Over here...Copy !req
153. Aah, look at all
These pans, nancy!Copy !req
154. Wow, oh!Copy !req
155. Look at this, you've got
A saucepan for hubby,Copy !req
156. And a fry pan
For granny,Copy !req
157. And a boiler pot
For auntie sue,Copy !req
158. And the pans
Won't shut up!Copy !req
159. Wow, there's
So many.Copy !req
160. That's right.Copy !req
161. That's exactly right,
Nancy, you're so smart!Copy !req
162. Now, it's time to
Throw them all away,Copy !req
163. Because look what
I've got right here...Copy !req
164. Wow, what's this?Copy !req
165. What are
You doing?Copy !req
166. The super pan!Copy !req
167. ( Mocking )
The super pan,
The super pan.Copy !req
168. I thought i said
It was time to throw
The old pans away,Copy !req
169. I'm not sure.
Did i? Yes, i did.Copy !req
170. Maybe she just
Doesn't listen.Copy !req
171. Throw them away!Copy !req
172. Do you want to meet
The super pan?Copy !req
173. Listen to this, folks.Copy !req
174. The super pan was
Developed by astronautsCopy !req
175. Who quit the space program
To devote their livesCopy !req
176. To developing pans!Copy !req
177. It bakes,
It boils,Copy !req
178. It fries,
It broasts,Copy !req
179. It brakes,
It froils,Copy !req
180. And it bribles!Copy !req
181. And the best part
Of it all...
The best part of it all...Copy !req
182. Nancy, do me
A huge favor...Copy !req
183. Shh!Copy !req
184. Listen.Copy !req
185. Quiet as a
Church mouse.Copy !req
186. It's not telling
You what to do.Copy !req
187. Pans don't tell
You what to do.Copy !req
188. Ouch!Copy !req
189. Don't worry
About that, nancy!Copy !req
190. Come along with me!Copy !req
191. Look at what
We've got here.Copy !req
192. I've got a
Super panCopy !req
193. That has been heating
Up on the stoveCopy !req
194. For over 9 hours.Copy !req
195. Wow.Copy !req
196. I'd say that's
Pretty hot.
Yeah.Copy !req
197. But do me a favor.Copy !req
198. Put your
Hand in it.Copy !req
199. It's hot, though.Copy !req
200. How do you know
If it's hot if you
Haven't touched it?Copy !req
201. Seems like
It would be!Copy !req
202. Do you want to see
Her touch the pan?Copy !req
203. Yes, you do!Copy !req
204. Come on, do it!
Come on, nancy.Copy !req
205. Come on, girl.
Come on.Copy !req
206. Oh, nancy, the super pan
Is not magical.Copy !req
207. It will burn you.Copy !req
208. You shouldn't
Listen to crowds,Copy !req
209. And you shouldn't
Listen to pans.Copy !req
210. Look at what we've
Get here, nancy!Copy !req
211. Another super pan—
This one's burning
With milk!Copy !req
212. No one likes burnt
Milk, do they?Copy !req
213. I don't think so.
Do they?Copy !req
214. I don't think so.
Do they?Copy !req
215. Do they? Do they?
Let's find out!Copy !req
216. Shh, shh, that
Man's gone now.Copy !req
217. That man's gone now,
That's ok.Copy !req
218. Shh, he's gone.
What happened to you?Copy !req
219. I don't know,
The super pan—Copy !req
220. Ah, duh, duh, duh—
You're not making
Any sense!Copy !req
221. Oh, my god, nancy.Copy !req
222. Oh.Copy !req
223. If you could only
See what i hear.Copy !req
224. Upon the night...Copy !req
225. Betwixt earth
And flesh...Copy !req
226. The grinding of souls
Whispers a taleCopy !req
227. Of how the
Dead do dance.Copy !req
228. Ernie!Copy !req
229. Be smart!Copy !req
230. How's it goin' ?Copy !req
231. Pat, i've been busy
Telling nancyCopy !req
232. All about the
Super-quiet super pan.Copy !req
233. Great!
Ahh!Copy !req
234. Nancy, wouldn't
You sayCopy !req
235. It makes work in the
Kitchen a lot easier?Copy !req
236. Nancy, what
Happened to you?Copy !req
237. I fell down
The stairs.Copy !req
238. Ok.Copy !req
239. Pat, it's true.
She fell down the stairs.
She's clumsy.Copy !req
240. Ernie...Copy !req
241. Ernie, come over here.Copy !req
242. What is it, pat?
Over here.Copy !req
243. I am here.
Right here.Copy !req
244. And bring the pan.Copy !req
245. Pat...Copy !req
246. She didn't believe
Me when i said the
Pan was super.Copy !req
247. She said
Pans talk to her—Copy !req
248. Shut up, ernie!Copy !req
249. Oh, pan, pan,
What are we gonna do?Copy !req
250. You were out here.
You saw everything.Copy !req
251. What do you think
We should do
With ernie, hmm?Copy !req
252. Pans don't talk—Copy !req
253. Shh!Copy !req
254. Uh, oh, ok.Copy !req
255. ( Laughing )
Ernie, the pan
Wants a kiss.Copy !req
256. ( Laughing )
Pans don't
Want kisses!Copy !req
257. Yes, it does.
Kiss the pan.Copy !req
258. Kiss it,
Kiss the pan!Copy !req
259. Kiss the pan!
Pan kisses you!
Kiss the pan!Copy !req
260. I don't want to—
Kiss the pan!Copy !req
261. Pan kisses you!
Kiss the pan!Copy !req
262. I don't want to!
Kiss the pan!Copy !req
263. Pan kisses you!
Kiss the pan!Copy !req
264. Nancy, come on,
We've got to
Get away! Fly!Copy !req
265. Kiss it!Copy !req
266. Come on, nancy, fly!
You can do it!Copy !req
267. He will kiss
The pan!Copy !req
268. Ooh! Oh, nancy,
You cannot fly.Copy !req
269. Only british people
Can fly.Copy !req
270. You shouldn't
Try to fly,Copy !req
271. And you shouldn't
Listen to british people.Copy !req
272. Come along, kids!Copy !req
273. Wow!Copy !req
274. Yay!Copy !req
275. Oh, no,
A british fella.Copy !req
276. Oh, man.Copy !req
277. Dougie?Copy !req
278. Hey! Get off my land!
Get off my land!Copy !req
279. It's ok, dougie.
You win.Copy !req
280. Yeah, he's right.
You won.Copy !req
281. The united states
Government recognizes
Your independence.Copy !req
282. Huh?Copy !req
283. Dougie, you
Wore us out.Copy !req
284. It's true, the governor
And the president
Were contacted,Copy !req
285. And they don't care.Copy !req
286. If you want to be a country,
It's fine with them.Copy !req
287. Really?Copy !req
288. Yeah, all you gotta do
Is sign here.Copy !req
289. Just sign this?
That's it.Copy !req
290. That's it?Copy !req
291. That's it.
We'll see ya.Copy !req
292. Take it
Easy, guy.Copy !req
293. President.
King.Copy !req
294. Well, 'bye.Copy !req
295. ( Agent )
Show's over, ladies!
We're pullin' out.Copy !req
296. Get off my land.Copy !req
297. ( Dougie )
it was hard at first,
sayin' good-bye,Copy !req
298. not havin' anybody
on my land.Copy !req
299. but i'd gotten what i wanted—
total freedom.Copy !req
300. i even called my new country
"newfreeland."Copy !req
301. i made my own money,
which i used to pay myselfCopy !req
302. for groceries, which i
gathered from the forest.Copy !req
303. i set up a legal
court of law.Copy !req
304. my dog was placed
under house arrest.Copy !req
305. i decided that my nation
needed an anthem,Copy !req
306. so i hired a lady
from the cityCopy !req
307. to come up
and write one for me.Copy !req
308. i didn't like it, but it was
nice to have a visitor.Copy !req
309. it was a quiet, hard life
and kind of lonely.Copy !req
310. so one day, i packed a bag,
closed up my country,Copy !req
311. and went off
to visit...Copy !req
312. america!Copy !req
313. america was truly
the land of plenty.Copy !req
314. everything a fella
could ever want...Copy !req
315. food stacked
high as a tree,Copy !req
316. sizzlin' steaks
and creamy cakes.Copy !req
317. and a friendly robot
that counted it up.Copy !req
318. i had the best time
of my life,Copy !req
319. and never
wanted to leave.Copy !req
320. and then, i made the boldest
decision of my life.Copy !req
321. All right,
Sir, let's get
This straight.Copy !req
322. Where are you
Coming from?Copy !req
323. Newfreeland.Copy !req
324. Where is that?Copy !req
325. Montana.Copy !req
326. So you're already
A u.S. Citizen?Copy !req
327. No, i told you,
I'm from newfreeland.Copy !req
328. I'm requesting asylumCopy !req
329. In this great country,
The united states.Copy !req
330. Look, i can't
Help you, sir.
I don't know—Copy !req
331. Please, here,
Take this. Here.Copy !req
332. What is this?Copy !req
333. It's everything i have.
It's everything
In the world.Copy !req
334. Ok, shut up, shut up,
Just move along.Copy !req
335. Thank you.Copy !req
336. All right,
Just go. Next?Copy !req
337. Passport.Copy !req
338. Oh, man!Copy !req
339. Bein' back in the u.S.
Is a bummer, man.Copy !req
340. Yeah.Copy !req
341. Bein' in amsterdam
Was awesome!Copy !req
342. Yeah, fuckin'
Cheap, legal weed!Copy !req
343. What more
Do you want?Copy !req
344. I know.
Hey, uh...Copy !req
345. Where did you
Put your stash?Copy !req
346. Oh, man,
Check it out.Copy !req
347. I put it
Inside baggies,Copy !req
348. And then put baggies
Inside my shampoo.Copy !req
349. That way, the dogs
Don't smell it.Copy !req
350. Foolproof plan,
I think.Copy !req
351. Wow, nice.Copy !req
352. Yeah. What did you do
With your stuff?Copy !req
353. Uh, i got it all
Under control.Copy !req
354. Next?Copy !req
355. Passport?Copy !req
356. Yup.Copy !req
357. Where you
Comin' from?Copy !req
358. Ah, england.Copy !req
359. I mean that's where
My flight was.Copy !req
360. 'Cause i missed
My other flight.Copy !req
361. But you know, a-a-all over
Europe, up and down.Copy !req
362. Up and down?Copy !req
363. Yeah, you know,
Up and down,Copy !req
364. All around,
You know.Copy !req
365. Upper places,
Take a train
To lower places,Copy !req
366. Like italy,
And then...Copy !req
367. Also, up, too.Copy !req
368. I see you went
To amsterdam.Copy !req
369. Amsterdam...
Oh, you mean holland?Copy !req
370. Right.
Oh, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
371. Oh, yeah, um...Copy !req
372. Yeah, i was in italy,
And i shampooed
Up to holland.Copy !req
373. I'm sorry,
You—you what?Copy !req
374. Took a train.Copy !req
375. You had a
Eurail pass?Copy !req
376. Yeah, i had
A shampoo... Pass.Copy !req
377. Ok, do you have
Anything to declare?Copy !req
378. What do you mean?Copy !req
379. Did you purchase
Anything overseas?Copy !req
380. Well, yeah, i mean,
You know...Copy !req
381. Just stuff i needed,
You know—Copy !req
382. Shampoo...
Baggies...Copy !req
383. I mean, you know,
Baggies for
The shampoo...Copy !req
384. To put inside
The shampoo—Copy !req
385. To put the shampoo
Inside the baggies,
You know,Copy !req
386. So i could have
It with meCopy !req
387. When i was out and about,
You know, to travel, and...Copy !req
388. But, you know, that, uh...
Was there anything else?Copy !req
389. No, that was it,
You know, just shampoo.Copy !req
390. All right, did you purchase
Any fruits or vegetablesCopy !req
391. Or perishables?Copy !req
392. Just shampoo.Copy !req
393. Ah, it's apple-scented.
That's why i said that.Copy !req
394. 'Cause, uh, um...
Does that count?Copy !req
395. I was wondering. Is an apple
A fruit or a vegetable?Copy !req
396. You know, you bite it,
Is that the seed rule?Copy !req
397. But i don't know...Copy !req
398. That doesn't count, sir.Copy !req
399. Great, shampoo.Copy !req
400. What?Copy !req
401. Ah...Copy !req
402. I just said "shampoo,"
Because, uh...Copy !req
403. It... Says that on
Your nametag there.Copy !req
404. No, it doesn't.
My name is keith.Copy !req
405. It—it—there—
There it is!Copy !req
406. Ha, ha!
Caught you lookin' !Copy !req
407. ( Laughing )
That's a game.Copy !req
408. I win!Copy !req
409. All right, so is this
All your luggage?Copy !req
410. Uh, yeah.
No, i mean...Copy !req
411. This is all i have.Copy !req
412. I don't know.
Why? Should i
Have more?Copy !req
413. I mean, you,
What's going on here?Copy !req
414. You're askin' me
A lot of questions,Copy !req
415. You know, i mean,
What is this,Copy !req
416. Some sort of
Shampoo court?Copy !req
417. I mean, i don't know
If you're watchin' this,Copy !req
418. But everybody's
Seein' this guy
Shampooin' me here,Copy !req
419. You know, i mean,
Last time i checked,Copy !req
420. It was ok to travel
Around europeCopy !req
421. And get as much
Shampoo as you wanted.Copy !req
422. What happened to
My shampoo rights?Copy !req
423. It's ok, sir,
It's all right.Copy !req
424. Don't try to shampoo
A shampooer.Copy !req
425. It's all right,
Sir. You can go.Copy !req
426. Shampoo!Copy !req
427. Next.Copy !req
428. Passport?Copy !req
429. Where you
Comin' from?Copy !req
430. I was in italy,Copy !req
431. And then i took a balloon
Up my ass to spain...Copy !req
432. Ahem.Copy !req
433. All right,
You can go.Copy !req
434. Next.Copy !req
435. ( Announcer )
have you seen
this man's ass?Copy !req
436. it's wanted for smuggling over
20 million pounds of narcoticsCopy !req
437. into america.Copy !req
438. if you've seen it, call our
crime-stopper hotline.Copy !req
439. also, have you
seen this man?Copy !req
440. he's wanted by
crooks everywhereCopy !req
441. for trying to stop crime.Copy !req
442. His name is... Me!Copy !req
443. Crime!Copy !req
444. Hello.Copy !req
445. I'm f.F. Woodycooks.Copy !req
446. On take back
the streets tonight,Copy !req
447. We're gonna shake
The crime stick!Copy !req
448. At 2 cuckoo birds who
Thought they could get pastCopy !req
449. A trained private
Security agent.Copy !req
450. ( Woodycooks )
on the night
of may 14, 1994,Copy !req
451. 2 goofs broke into
a storage facilityCopy !req
452. on the outskirts of chicago.Copy !req
453. We gotta take
This guy out.Copy !req
454. But we gotta
Do it quietly.Copy !req
455. this residential neighborhood
wouldn't take kindlyCopy !req
456. to a noisy ruckus,
or loud horsin' off.Copy !req
457. the security guard, an
ex-chicago police detectiveCopy !req
458. with over a year
of street smarts,Copy !req
459. was no lay-down sally.Copy !req
460. Ow!Copy !req
461. Ah—ow!Copy !req
462. Shut him up!Copy !req
463. in a flash,
the lion-hearted guardCopy !req
464. transformed himself
into a human alarm.Copy !req
465. Stop it, stop it!
This isn't working!Copy !req
466. Do you mind?Copy !req
467. Shh! Shh!Copy !req
468. it seemed as though the
guard had been subdued,Copy !req
469. when one of them made
a crucial mistake.Copy !req
470. Ow!Copy !req
471. The back of my
Hand, ow!Copy !req
472. Knock it off!Copy !req
473. We will!Copy !req
474. We will!Copy !req
475. No, no...Copy !req
476. It's ok, what's
The matter?Copy !req
477. He hurt me.Copy !req
478. I know he did.
He's mean, isn't he?Copy !req
479. It's ok.Copy !req
480. the guard knew he needed
to conserve his energy,Copy !req
481. and had had
a large dinner,Copy !req
482. and used his natural
drowsiness to his advantage.Copy !req
483. Shh!Copy !req
484. He's asleep!Copy !req
485. Oh, good, good!Copy !req
486. the 2 birdbrains were lulled
into a false sense of securityCopy !req
487. by the sleeping guard,Copy !req
488. who even then was
concocting his masterstroke—Copy !req
489. stroke—masterstroke.Copy !req
490. Jesus,
He's dreaming!Copy !req
491. Shut that baby up!Copy !req
492. We gotta
Wake him up!Copy !req
493. Ahh!Copy !req
494. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
495. the jig was up.
the guard had won the day.Copy !req
496. ( Guard )
They were hitting me
With their hands.Copy !req
497. That one was—Copy !req
498. That one said something
To me, also.Copy !req
499. Crimefighters,
Take note.Copy !req
500. The dunderheads'
Best friends are silence.Copy !req
501. By screaming
Loudly and often,Copy !req
502. And playing
The "nap card,"Copy !req
503. The guard had torn their
Plan into 2 pieces...Copy !req
504. Bad and worse.Copy !req
505. You said it,
Crime stick.Copy !req
506. Those two were
A couple of ding-a-lings.Copy !req
507. Oh, one more thing—Copy !req
508. That wily guard and i
Shared a name...Copy !req
509. Me!Copy !req
510. Now, who wants ice cream?Copy !req
511. If you want to learn
More about how to take
Back the streets,Copy !req
512. And how sweet
Ice cream is,Copy !req
513. Visit any one of
My 3 ice-cream
Precinct locations.Copy !req
514. ( Announcer )
f.F. Woodycooks
ice-cream precinctsCopy !req
515. are the official
ice-cream suppliersCopy !req
516. of the first annual
independent nations games.Copy !req
517. and now we return
to the opening ceremonies.Copy !req
518. And we are back with
The opening ceremoniesCopy !req
519. Of the independent
Nations games.Copy !req
520. This is exciting.Copy !req
521. Sure is.Copy !req
522. You know, the fbi's
New policy of
Conceding to separatistsCopy !req
523. Has led to the
Formation of so many
Little countries,Copy !req
524. And that's led to these
Wonderful games.Copy !req
525. They are
Wonderful, bob.Copy !req
526. These are new
Countries, they're
Small countries,Copy !req
527. Some of them
Have only 2
Or 3 people,Copy !req
528. But their
Competitive spirit
Surely looms large.Copy !req
529. Indeed it does.Copy !req
530. Joining us now
Is the ruler
Of newfreeland,Copy !req
531. And also a
Recent emigre to
These united states,Copy !req
532. Mountain dougie!Copy !req
533. Good to have
You, mountain.Copy !req
534. Good to
Have you.Copy !req
535. I love this
Country.Copy !req
536. So do we.Copy !req
537. All right,
Back to
The athletes.Copy !req
538. Representing
Freemania, that
Is chester hasbro.Copy !req
539. He'll be competing
In 3 events,
Chester hasbro—Copy !req
540. The discus,
The pole vault,Copy !req
541. And the common-law
Wife swap—Copy !req
542. Always a very
Important event.Copy !req
543. He's a
Good man.Copy !req
544. He is a good man,
I'm sure he is.
And next to him,Copy !req
545. We've got gary
"Better-be-wary"
Vendermeer,Copy !req
546. From the new
Republic of gary.Copy !req
547. See the "g" on
The flag?Copy !req
548. Gary's gonna
Be competing
In the tumbling,Copy !req
549. The threatening,
And the 400-meter
Food hoard.Copy !req
550. Hmm.Copy !req
551. Now, gary's from
The state
Of montana.Copy !req
552. Oh, they're
All from
Montana, bob.Copy !req
553. Oh, don't tell
Them that!Copy !req
554. Y'all are
Pretty funny.Copy !req
555. Y'all real funny.
Keep makin' jokes.Copy !req
556. I tell you what,
Let's go to
The competition,Copy !req
557. 'Cause it's already
Started, all right?Copy !req
558. With the uneven parallel
Bars competition.Copy !req
559. Yes, this looks to
Be hank dobson,Copy !req
560. From the
Brand-new countryCopy !req
561. Of "hank dobson's
Mini-mart and country."Copy !req
562. That country's
Open 24 hours.Copy !req
563. Oh, he looks
Primed to go.Copy !req
564. He looks good.Copy !req
565. Now, that country's only
Been around for a few daysCopy !req
566. And already has a rich
And storied history.Copy !req
567. They sure do,
And their tourism
Industry is booming.Copy !req
568. Look at him
Up there!Copy !req
569. He looks like this is
His 4th or 5th olympics.Copy !req
570. It's his first.
Watch the beard.Copy !req
571. What do you
Call that?Copy !req
572. Watch the beard.
That is a kubayachi.Copy !req
573. And that's a
Bounce-a-reeno.Copy !req
574. Watch out.
Look out for that.Copy !req
575. He knows he's
Doing well.Copy !req
576. Look at him go.
He's all alone.Copy !req
577. Doesn't need a government
To help him do that.Copy !req
578. That's right.
The problem at
These olympicsCopy !req
579. Is many of the athletes
Don't recognize the
Judges' authority.Copy !req
580. They just don't
Believe in it.Copy !req
581. That's a real
Problem.Copy !req
582. They judge
Themselves, i guess.Copy !req
583. They do, sometimes
Too harshly.Copy !req
584. Y'all don't know what
It's like to be judged.Copy !req
585. Y'all have no idea.Copy !req
586. You think you do,
But you don't.Copy !req
587. All right.Copy !req
588. Yeah, that's a
Good comment and,
I'm sure, pertinent.Copy !req
589. Look at that pistol,
He's probably—Copy !req
590. He is winding up
For that dismount now.Copy !req
591. Here he comes,
The big dismount—Copy !req
592. Look at him,
Look at him!Copy !req
593. This is gonna be...Copy !req
594. Oh!
Yes!Copy !req
595. I have not seen
Anything like that.Copy !req
596. Whoo, like a swan.Copy !req
597. Wow!Copy !req
598. Like a pregnant swan.Copy !req
599. ( Announcer )
day 4 of the standoff
at 3228 cranberry way,Copy !req
600. here in little
glen estates.Copy !req
601. it's now been 4 daysCopy !req
602. since this old man
went inside his home.Copy !req
603. he has yet to come out,
and nerves are frayed,Copy !req
604. as federal agents
stand watch.Copy !req
605. here now is an
earlier conversationCopy !req
606. between the chief negotiator
and the old man,Copy !req
607. along with a picture
of a telephone,Copy !req
608. so that you're
not confused.Copy !req
609. ( Operator )
please hang up,
and try your call again.Copy !req