1. Hey, everybody, here's Bob and David!Copy !req
2. Thank you.Copy !req
3. Thank you very much. Good to see you.Copy !req
4. All righty. Well, thank you very much.Copy !req
5. We have got aCopy !req
6. David, hey, David, come
on, we've got to do the show.Copy !req
7. Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.Copy !req
8. Man, this is so wild.Copy !req
9. I know, ok, just bring the TV with you.Copy !req
10. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
11. He's been glued to that thing all day.Copy !req
12. Ok, I'm Bob Odenkirk.Copy !req
13. David cross.Copy !req
14. And, uh, welcome to Mr. Show.Copy !req
15. We've got a heck of a
show for you tonight...Copy !req
16. Some funny scenes,
some funny characters.Copy !req
17. Uh, some funny monkey's
who have been beaten.Copy !req
18. Uh, oh, forget I said that.Copy !req
19. You know, blah, blah,
blah, the usual, you know.Copy !req
20. I can't believe this.Copy !req
21. How does he think he's
gonna get away with this?Copy !req
22. I don't know, it's crazy.Copy !req
23. David, look.Copy !req
24. See? Everybody's watching it.Copy !req
25. Maybe we should just show it.Copy !req
26. That's what I'm saying.Copy !req
27. All right, ok, forget the show.Copy !req
28. Uh, put it on the big screen.
We'll just watch TV tonight.Copy !req
29. There it is, right there.
That is the pope mobile.Copy !req
30. Police are in pursuit.Copy !req
31. Absolutely incredible.Copy !req
32. It is fascinating.Copy !req
33. We can now confirm reports
that the pope is in there.Copy !req
34. No word yet on where
he may be headed.Copy !req
35. But we do know that the
pope is a suspect in the death...Copy !req
36. The death of bishop francois kurtoke,Copy !req
37. who was found brutally
excommunicated outside his front door.Copy !req
38. Just 2 nights ago.Copy !req
39. Let's look at a video now of
the crime scene... as you can see.Copy !req
40. A lot of blood.Copy !req
41. It's pretty gory.Copy !req
42. Police say they found
a broken staff similarCopy !req
43. to the one the pope uses.Copy !req
44. And also a large conical
hat, which police haveCopy !req
45. not yet confirmed is the pope's.Copy !req
46. With us tonight, for
some insight into all this,Copy !req
47. hopefully, is pope fan and
expert, Tim mccracken. Tim?Copy !req
48. Hello, Ron and Terry.Copy !req
49. Hello, Tim. Hi.Copy !req
50. Now, just for clarification for us here,Copy !req
51. you are not a catholic, right?Copy !req
52. Oh, no. Oh, god, no. No, no, no.Copy !req
53. No, I... i'm just a pope fan. I love
popes. I love popes. I love popes.Copy !req
54. All right. And you work at the
pope hall of fame. Now, what is that?Copy !req
55. Yes, it's located in canton, Ohio,Copy !req
56. in a wing of the football hall of fame.Copy !req
57. Um, you know, and we have
figurines and interactive displays.Copy !req
58. Uh, you know, you can
say a novena with the pope,Copy !req
59. you can damn a scientist
to hell for all eternity,Copy !req
60. uh, ask questions of any pope.Copy !req
61. Tim, what's your most
frequently asked question?Copy !req
62. "Who let you in here?"Copy !req
63. I don't understand.Copy !req
64. Oh, I thought you meant me,Copy !req
65. the question I always get... oh, no,Copy !req
66. oh, the question the pope
always gets. Oh, ok.Copy !req
67. Oh, all right, that's simple, um...Copy !req
68. That would be, um... "Hey,
what's the deal with the hat?"Copy !req
69. Yeah, what is the deal with that hat?Copy !req
70. Nobody knows.Copy !req
71. Well, it's very interesting.Copy !req
72. It started with the loss of a bet
in 1674 by pope Leopold nine.Copy !req
73. And nine was actually his last
name, he was the 3rd Leopold.Copy !req
74. He loved gravy. Right, right.Copy !req
75. Tim, we'd love to hear more,
but I'm getting a signal here.Copy !req
76. Will you stick around into the next hour?Copy !req
77. Oh, sure, should I just stay here?Copy !req
78. Well, you can stay there if you want,Copy !req
79. but we're going to be
telling more news stories.Copy !req
80. Once again, the police have
been pursuing the pope.Copy !req
81. For the past 2.5 hours.Copy !req
82. Oh, oh, oh, I know, I
know. Why don't I sit there,Copy !req
83. and you sit here, where I am?Copy !req
84. Switch it up.Copy !req
85. Tim, that doesn't work for us,Copy !req
86. for a plethora of reasons.Copy !req
87. That I can't go into now.Copy !req
88. No time.Copy !req
89. Oh, no, no, I got it. Ok, I got it.Copy !req
90. I'll... I'll sit back here,
so you can see me.Copy !req
91. Fine, ok, um...Copy !req
92. We now know that the pope
just made a cellular phone call.Copy !req
93. To his mother in Latvia
from inside the pope mobile.Copy !req
94. And, Terry, this is a
breaking story, the driver.Copy !req
95. Of that pope mobile has
definitely been identified.Copy !req
96. As 4-time olympic champion...Copy !req
97. Hello, ding-dong!Copy !req
98. Better idea, here we go.Copy !req
99. How about this?Copy !req
100. Under the desk!Copy !req
101. Jesus.Copy !req
102. Ahem. Uh, the pope, still blessing people.Copy !req
103. From inside the pope mobile...Copy !req
104. Ok! Wait, wait!Copy !req
105. Now, new idea, new idea.
You're gonna love thisCopy !req
106. Tim, goddamn it...Copy !req
107. Honey, we're live!Copy !req
108. Uh, Tim, ICopy !req
109. Tim, I'm sorry.Copy !req
110. Very sorry.Copy !req
111. Why don't you go wait
in the expert lounge?Copy !req
112. Guest experts of this newscastCopy !req
113. stay at the tantamount expert lounge,Copy !req
114. located in the heart of New York City.Copy !req
115. The terrified pope,
still fleeing Willy-nilly.Copy !req
116. Let's rejoin that chase,
already in progress.Copy !req
117. Dudes, this chase is classic.Copy !req
118. Awesome.Copy !req
119. No, dude, it's classic.Copy !req
120. No, dude, awesome.Copy !req
121. Dudes, you're both wrong, it's Gore.Copy !req
122. What? A half hour ago,
you agreed it was classic.Copy !req
123. Well, that was then, and this is now.Copy !req
124. It's Gore.Copy !req
125. Classic.Copy !req
126. What? Now you agree it's classic?Copy !req
127. No, dude, him switching over
is a classic move on his part.Copy !req
128. This chase is still awesome.Copy !req
129. Fuck you!Copy !req
130. Fuck you!Copy !req
131. Uh, who let you in here?Copy !req
132. Oh, uh, I'm here for my
music lesson. My name is Larry.Copy !req
133. Oh, yeah, yeah, your mom called ahead.Copy !req
134. Oh, yeah, so, sit down, man.Copy !req
135. Show me what you can do, you know?Copy !req
136. Oh, oh, I've never played before...Copy !req
137. Hey, no excuses. We
all suck when we start.Copy !req
138. Oh, ok. All right.Copy !req
139. Wait, wait. Wait, wait.Copy !req
140. Wait, wait. Wait, wait.Copy !req
141. Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
142. Whoa, dude, you're incredible.Copy !req
143. What?Copy !req
144. Play, play. Keep playing.Copy !req
145. Wait, wait. No.Copy !req
146. Sweet Jesus-Marie, what are
you, some kind of a guitar god?Copy !req
147. I don't know, I just...Copy !req
148. Nils, you sound great.Copy !req
149. It's not me, man. It's him.Copy !req
150. Play, play!Copy !req
151. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
152. I don't...Copy !req
153. That's it!Copy !req
154. That's it, I quit.Copy !req
155. I quit!Copy !req
156. I thought I was good.Copy !req
157. I thought I was good,
then I met you, dude.Copy !req
158. Then I met you.Copy !req
159. Play, play, man, play.Copy !req
160. Ok.Copy !req
161. Ok, hold on, man.Copy !req
162. Nil's guitar shop. Yeah.Copy !req
163. Yeah, he's here.Copy !req
164. Oh, that's good news. Ok, thanks. Bye.Copy !req
165. Hey, man, stop playing.
Hey, whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
166. Take it away from him.Copy !req
167. Huh, what's going on?Copy !req
168. Um, you know, before you came here,Copy !req
169. your mother called, and she said, like,Copy !req
170. you had only a few weeks to live,Copy !req
171. and we should try to make you feel good,Copy !req
172. but I guess they just got
some test results back,Copy !req
173. and you're going to be ok,
so we don't have to do that.Copy !req
174. Oh, cool.Copy !req
175. W-W-Wait, she thought
I was dying? Well...Copy !req
176. How 'bout the show tonight, man?Copy !req
177. Gonna kick the county-size ass!Copy !req
178. We're gonna rock a little bit.Copy !req
179. Hey, guys, what about my lesson?Copy !req
180. Yeah, lesson one... never
pick up a guitar, ever again.Copy !req
181. Well, yeah, but I can learn...Copy !req
182. No, you can't, you suck,
and you're wasting my time!Copy !req
183. Nil's guitar shop.Copy !req
184. Yeah. Huh? Yeah, he's still here.Copy !req
185. Huh? That is a screw up.
Hey, dude, stop him, stop him.Copy !req
186. Ok, thanks, bye.Copy !req
187. Hey, Larry, man, hey.
Um, play guitar again.Copy !req
188. No!Copy !req
189. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
190. Just, I dunno...Copy !req
191. Just see if it's on.
I can't tell if it's on.Copy !req
192. Unless you... somebody hit me.Copy !req
193. Holy! Whoa!Copy !req
194. You're incredible, man.Copy !req
195. Oh, come on, I'm dying, right?Copy !req
196. No, no, no, no. That
was just a joke, man,Copy !req
197. 'cause we're totally intimidated by you.Copy !req
198. Yeah, intimidated.Copy !req
199. Yeah.Copy !req
200. B-B-But the phone call...Copy !req
201. Part of the prank.Copy !req
202. Face it, dude, you got,
like, a natural tonality.Copy !req
203. That's what I noticed.Copy !req
204. You got an instinctual strum.Copy !req
205. Oh, the strum! I always thought
that'd be my strong point.Copy !req
206. Yeah.Copy !req
207. You were right. So this is a prank?Copy !req
208. So you guys are weird?Copy !req
209. Freaks, yeah. Sick in the head.Copy !req
210. Oh, man, you guys are a riot. Ok...Copy !req
211. Play.Copy !req
212. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
213. Guitar god!Copy !req
214. Waahh!Copy !req
215. ♪ Hey ♪ Clapton lives, man.Copy !req
216. Hold on a second.Copy !req
217. Hello, nil's guitar shop.Copy !req
218. Yeah? Huh? You got a chart mix up?Copy !req
219. An update?Copy !req
220. Oh, yeah. Ok. Oh.Copy !req
221. Oh, no.Copy !req
222. What's going on? Am I going to live?Copy !req
223. How do I know? I'm a guitar teacher.Copy !req
224. What?Copy !req
225. Oh, oh, ah, so do you still think I'm.Copy !req
226. That great of a guitar player?Copy !req
227. No. Yes!Copy !req
228. But you don't totally suck,Copy !req
229. so don't start celebrating.Copy !req
230. Oh, no.Copy !req
231. How good am I?Copy !req
232. You don't need many lessons.Copy !req
233. Oh, no, how many?Copy !req
234. A couple of month's worth,
depending on how you feel.Copy !req
235. But there's a 20 percent
chance that you totally suck,Copy !req
236. and you could practice for
years and not be any good.Copy !req
237. What?Copy !req
238. Oh, no.Copy !req
239. Ok, I'll be the one.Copy !req
240. All right, Larry, listen up, man.Copy !req
241. This is the truth, now.Copy !req
242. Everything up till now has just been part.Copy !req
243. Of a very funny prank, all right?Copy !req
244. You are the greatest guitar player.Copy !req
245. That I have ever heard, ever.Copy !req
246. Oh, god, why me? What did I do?Copy !req
247. I don't know, man. Maybe
you were born with this.Copy !req
248. Maybe you got it off a toilet seat.Copy !req
249. Ahh!Copy !req
250. I got to say goodbye to some people.Copy !req
251. No, man, you don't have time for that.Copy !req
252. What?Copy !req
253. No, you have to get ready...Copy !req
254. For the show, tonight.Copy !req
255. You're taking blackie's place.Copy !req
256. What? What?Copy !req
257. Is... is this a prank?Copy !req
258. No, no, no. That was a prank.Copy !req
259. That was a joke. This is real, man.Copy !req
260. But, all... joke's over?Copy !req
261. Dead. Totally.Copy !req
262. Really?Copy !req
263. You're great.Copy !req
264. I-I'm playing with you guys tonight?Copy !req
265. Yeah!Copy !req
266. I guess I'm just gifted or something.Copy !req
267. Yeah, a little bit.Copy !req
268. Guitar god!Copy !req
269. So I'll see you at the show. Yeah, see ya.Copy !req
270. So rock on. Rock on.Copy !req
271. Yeah, wow!Copy !req
272. Guitar god! Guitar god!Copy !req
273. Oh, man, what are we gonna do?Copy !req
274. Don't worry, man. He'll
never make it to the show.Copy !req
275. But, of course, they were wrong.Copy !req
276. That night, Larry played
for 3,000 screaming fansCopy !req
277. who'd been individually
called by his motherCopy !req
278. and agreed to not hurt his feelings.Copy !req
279. The next day, he confounded
his doctor by not dying,Copy !req
280. however, still on the brink of death,Copy !req
281. he expressed a wish to attend Harvard.Copy !req
282. The university, tipped off by his mother,Copy !req
283. was sympathetic to his conditionCopy !req
284. and awarded him a doctoral degree.Copy !req
285. This would be his last
victory, his doctor thought.Copy !req
286. But Larry surprised
everyone by remaining alive.Copy !req
287. He then told of a desire
to practice medicine.Copy !req
288. A Florida hospital, after
receiving a call from his mother,Copy !req
289. was sympathetic.Copy !req
290. Is he still alive? Yeah?Copy !req
291. You know, he's the best doctor ever...Copy !req
292. I-In the world.Copy !req
293. After extensive testing,Copy !req
294. Larry was diagnosed with I.D.S.,Copy !req
295. or, imminent death syndrome.Copy !req
296. Imminent death syndrome, or I.D.S.,Copy !req
297. isn't new, but it's rare.Copy !req
298. Uh, the victim is literally
on the brink of death.Copy !req
299. For 80 to 100 years... a full lifetime.Copy !req
300. And it puts others in a...Copy !req
301. Awkward position?Copy !req
302. No, uh, it puts them in a...Copy !req
303. Spot?Copy !req
304. No.Copy !req
305. It puts others in an awkward position.Copy !req
306. You see, they want to make
the victim's final days rewarding,Copy !req
307. but they feel taken
advantage of when no one dies.Copy !req
308. I.d.s. Makes us all victims.Copy !req
309. It truly puts us all.Copy !req
310. In an awkward position.Copy !req
311. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
312. Just as the poster says.Copy !req
313. Larry's not alone with
imminent death syndrome.Copy !req
314. Many famous people have had I.D.S.Copy !req
315. Uh, well, Juliette Lewis,
the actress, has it.Copy !req
316. Uh, the artists,
Leroy neiman and christo.Copy !req
317. Uh, Jerry Lewis struggles
with it every day.Copy !req
318. These people are all
very good at what they do...Copy !req
319. The best ever.Copy !req
320. They could go any minute.Copy !req
321. Uh...Copy !req
322. Novelist, Ann rice,Copy !req
323. uhCopy !req
324. Clarence Thomas, uh...Copy !req
325. Uh, Stephen Hawking,Copy !req
326. a "brilliant man."Copy !req
327. Uh, Quentin Tarantino...Copy !req
328. The actor, not the director...Copy !req
329. Uh, hootie,Copy !req
330. and 2 of the blow fish...Copy !req
331. Uh, the man who draws Ziggy,Copy !req
332. the man who draws the family circus,Copy !req
333. many famous cartoonists.Copy !req
334. Uh, hold on.Copy !req
335. Free horsy rides...
I mean, doctor's office.Copy !req
336. Yes? Oh, ok.Copy !req
337. Oh, uh, Larry's just passed away,Copy !req
338. so we don't have to do this.Copy !req
339. I'm just... I'm gonna go watch the trial.Copy !req
340. What about Jeff foxworthy?Copy !req
341. Good evening, another
exciting day in court.Copy !req
342. In the trial of the millennium.Copy !req
343. In a dramatic moment, the
now infamous bloody ring.Copy !req
344. With the papal insignia on it.Copy !req
345. Was removed from its protective bag.Copy !req
346. The pope attempted to wear the ring,Copy !req
347. but was only ableCopy !req
348. to slip it on about halfway.Copy !req
349. Certainly not far enough
to wear comfortablyCopy !req
350. while murdering someone,
I shouldn't think.Copy !req
351. The jury also heard from
papal staff manufacturer,Copy !req
352. Derrick hummries. Here's a highlight.Copy !req
353. Yes, that's one of our deluxe models.Copy !req
354. Um, it's called the "papal-lite."Copy !req
355. Uh, but we make 2 or 3 every
year so it's hard to pinpoint exactlyCopy !req
356. where they all end up.Copy !req
357. Well, besides the pope,
who else do you sell staffs to?Copy !req
358. Uh.Copy !req
359. Just siegfried and Roy.Copy !req
360. Devastating testimony
for the prosecution.Copy !req
361. It would seem so, but
a recent poll indicates.Copy !req
362. That 85 percent of the public
believe the pope didn't do it,Copy !req
363. even if he did.Copy !req
364. Numbers don't lie.Copy !req
365. They can't.Copy !req
366. Anyway, the judge has allowed for.Copy !req
367. The sequestered jury to
enjoy some entertainment.Copy !req
368. As you know, last week,
funnyman Tom Arnold.Copy !req
369. Came to their hotel rooms and.Copy !req
370. Entertained them with his
zany Vinnie barbarino impression.Copy !req
371. Tonight, they're slated to go to
a hip, happening coffee house,Copy !req
372. where a local performance
artist is said to, uh,Copy !req
373. do his thing.Copy !req
374. Well, better than
thinging his do, I suppose.Copy !req
375. You're bad, girl.Copy !req
376. All right, uh, let's give a
big coffee klutch welcome.Copy !req
377. To performance artist, uh, spank.Copy !req
378. Come on, man. Come on.Copy !req
379. And we don't need this. Ok.Copy !req
380. Give me your tired, your
poor, your huddled masses,Copy !req
381. yearning to be free to work
in sweatshops for pennies.Copy !req
382. From sea to shining-with-
a-topcoat-of-crude-oil sea.Copy !req
383. Statue of Liberty
rusting in a polluted harbor.Copy !req
384. Liberty? American Liberty?
How do I spell "america"?Copy !req
385. A-m-e-r-i-k-k-k-a.Copy !req
386. Chrysler k-car.Copy !req
387. Carcinogen.Copy !req
388. Gin and juice because you,
statue of Liberty, and you, america,Copy !req
389. and you, mother goose,
are nothin' but a fuckin',Copy !req
390. lyin' bitch whore!Copy !req
391. Oh, oh. I'm sorry.Copy !req
392. Is that a bad word to you?Copy !req
393. Did I offend you?
Is that a nasty bad word?Copy !req
394. Let me tell you some words
I think are badCopy !req
395. Iran contra, whitewater,
Watergate, gate-gate.Copy !req
396. America, you shit on us every day.Copy !req
397. You shit on us?Copy !req
398. Uh-uh, baby, guess what?Copy !req
399. I...Copy !req
400. Shit...Copy !req
401. On you.Copy !req
402. Yeah!Copy !req
403. Yeah, here it comes, baby.Copy !req
404. Here comes the shit storm.Copy !req
405. Artie. Artie.Copy !req
406. What? Come here.Copy !req
407. Get the blanket.Copy !req
408. Are you embarrassed?Copy !req
409. No, I'm just.Copy !req
410. I don't see anything. Are you...?Copy !req
411. Did you eat? Yeah.Copy !req
412. I had the... the chili. The, uh...Copy !req
413. The black-bean chili, like you said.Copy !req
414. Yeah, yeah, well you gotta
have fiber, too, you know.Copy !req
415. I had that Newton.Copy !req
416. Fig Newton?Copy !req
417. All right, get outta here.Copy !req
418. All right, all right. Ok, bitch,Copy !req
419. all right, all right, you asked for it now.Copy !req
420. Ok, you piss on us, huh?Copy !req
421. NoCopy !req
422. I piss...Copy !req
423. On you!Copy !req
424. Let it rain!Copy !req
425. Ahh.Copy !req
426. Here it comes!Copy !req
427. The golden piss...Copy !req
428. Of my people!Copy !req
429. Did you drink something?Copy !req
430. You gotta have caffeine, man.Copy !req
431. All right, all right. All right.Copy !req
432. I'll get some next time, you know.Copy !req
433. Some coffee... get outta here!Copy !req
434. All right, ok, lady,Copy !req
435. all right, that's all you wrote.Copy !req
436. That is all for now,Copy !req
437. because...Copy !req
438. This is it! Here it
comes! Ready? Here it is!Copy !req
439. All right, all right,
bitch, now, get ready.Copy !req
440. Get ready, lady.Copy !req
441. Lady america, open wide, bitch!Copy !req
442. Open that bitchy
mouth of yours, 'cause...Copy !req
443. Milk, milk, lemonade!Copy !req
444. Round the corner, the fudge is made!Copy !req
445. Ye olde fudge shoppe...
Open for business.Copy !req
446. And fudging on you!Copy !req
447. Goddamn it,Copy !req
448. I can't shit!Copy !req
449. This is wrong.Copy !req
450. How can you people.Copy !req
451. Just sit there and watch this injustice?Copy !req
452. I will not rest until
this flag is shat upon!Copy !req
453. In the name of my father,Copy !req
454. and in the name of truth,Copy !req
455. I will fight on!Copy !req
456. Objection your honor,
he's using an Irish accent.Copy !req
457. To evoke sympathy.Copy !req
458. Sustained.Copy !req
459. Mr. Spank, just use your
normal strident tone, please.Copy !req
460. Yes.Copy !req
461. I'm a taxpayer, who makes
a living... a good living...Copy !req
462. Shitting on things...Copy !req
463. Money, religious icons, what have you.Copy !req
464. But my rights have been trampled upon,Copy !req
465. and that flag is the cause,Copy !req
466. and it should be put in jail!Copy !req
467. Order!Copy !req
468. Your honor,Copy !req
469. I call to the stand.Copy !req
470. A leading flag expert.Copy !req
471. All right, I need a flag expert.Copy !req
472. And I need an expert
on donkey basketball.Copy !req
473. All right, and I need a hooker.Copy !req
474. I mean, I need an expert on hookers.Copy !req
475. Good, that's gonna do it, thank you.Copy !req
476. Sir?Copy !req
477. Hi, um...Copy !req
478. Have you got anything for me today?Copy !req
479. Sorry, kid. All full up.Copy !req
480. Please, please.Copy !req
481. I can be an expert on anything.Copy !req
482. Just give me a chance. ICopy !req
483. I work hard. My family is very hungry.Copy !req
484. I'm very hungry.Copy !req
485. Well...Copy !req
486. Can you handle "10
ways to please your man"?Copy !req
487. Come on.Copy !req
488. ♪ WellCopy !req
489. ♪ the expert truck's a-comin' ♪Copy !req
490. ♪ comin' to your townCopy !req
491. ♪ the expert truck's a-comin' ♪Copy !req
492. ♪ comin' to your townCopy !req
493. ♪ comin' to your townCopy !req
494. ♪ well the e-truck keeps a-rollin' ♪Copy !req
495. ♪ movin' them experts up and down ♪Copy !req
496. All right, here's the flag.Copy !req
497. Flag expert, let's go.Copy !req
498. Atta boy. Next stop.Copy !req
499. Movin' out. Bye-bye.Copy !req
500. You know what I mean?Copy !req
501. I knew it when I was 13 years old.Copy !req
502. That's when I knew, you know, I meanCopy !req
503. I mean it has nothing to do with... with...Copy !req
504. Greatness.Copy !req
505. Oh.Copy !req
506. Ha, ha.Copy !req
507. Here we go. Hi.Copy !req
508. Hello. Hello.Copy !req
509. Well, in my expert opinion,Copy !req
510. Mr. Spank was rendered constipated.Copy !req
511. By the combination of colors in the flag.Copy !req
512. Ha, ha, so...Copy !req
513. You're saying the flag was the cause...Copy !req
514. Because, as in, before,
as in, forefathers.Copy !req
515. Ha, ha. Not my fathers, man.Copy !req
516. No-ho-ho!Copy !req
517. Mr. Spank, could you say that
in the form of a question, please?Copy !req
518. Yes.Copy !req
519. Sir, would you please
tell the court your theory?Copy !req
520. Well, if you'll all take
the magic pills I've provided,Copy !req
521. I will show you my theory.Copy !req
522. The chair recognizes Thomas Jefferson.Copy !req
523. What about me?Copy !req
524. Fuck you, gwinnet!Copy !req
525. Who let you in here?Copy !req
526. Ahem, gentlemen,
about this flag business...Copy !req
527. A nation is its flag.Copy !req
528. And I will not stand by while some group.Copy !req
529. Of ye olde performance artists.Copy !req
530. Defecates upon it.Copy !req
531. Ideas?Copy !req
532. Mr. Franklin...Copy !req
533. Can't we just put the flag up on a pole,Copy !req
534. where no one could get to it?Copy !req
535. Lunacy! How would we ever get it down?Copy !req
536. Oh!Copy !req
537. Uh, let's make it against the law.Copy !req
538. For human beings to touch the flag.Copy !req
539. How would we carry it around?Copy !req
540. Well, all flags will be
transported by monkeys.Copy !req
541. Monkeys don't shit on anything.Copy !req
542. Visit the zoo, gwinnet.Copy !req
543. Oh, no. What if we have only one flag,Copy !req
544. and it's locked in a safe?Copy !req
545. What if people make counterfeit
copies of the flag and desecrated those?Copy !req
546. Wh... that...Copy !req
547. That's simple, we don't
tell anyone what it looks like.Copy !req
548. Oh.Copy !req
549. I like that.Copy !req
550. Gentlemen!Copy !req
551. What a collection of assholes!Copy !req
552. All right, listen.Copy !req
553. Everyone go home and think
about this. Come up with something.Copy !req
554. We meet back here in one week.Copy !req
555. Ooo-oh.Copy !req
556. Founding fathers-a! Founding fathers-o!Copy !req
557. Founding fathers,
founding fathers, go, go, go!Copy !req
558. Wonderful. Dogpile on gwinnet!Copy !req
559. One week later...Copy !req
560. There, that's done.Copy !req
561. Now...Copy !req
562. Let us hear what everyone
has come come up with.Copy !req
563. Mr. Lincoln...Copy !req
564. Oh, me, pretty please. I...Copy !req
565. All right.Copy !req
566. Button gwinnet from Georgia.Copy !req
567. I made this flag.Copy !req
568. It worked great. People shit all over it.Copy !req
569. You idiot!Copy !req
570. The opposite is what
we want, my dear button.Copy !req
571. What smells?Copy !req
572. Ah, ho-ho.Copy !req
573. My perfect flag.Copy !req
574. It's made of shit.Copy !req
575. Gentlemen, who would
shit on a flag made of shit?Copy !req
576. It would be an empty gesture.Copy !req
577. Hey, put your poo box away, all right?Copy !req
578. Gentlemen, I've done careful studies...Copy !req
579. And produced this.Copy !req
580. It mixes the colors red, white and blue.Copy !req
581. In such a combination
that a signal is sent.Copy !req
582. To the brain, cutting off
all lower g.I. Functions.Copy !req
583. My goodness, Lincoln, will it work?Copy !req
584. Just try it.Copy !req
585. Gentlemen, there you sit,
broken hearted.Copy !req
586. All right, Lincoln, you've made your point.Copy !req
587. It works.Copy !req
588. You're a genius.Copy !req
589. But tell me, why the 50 stars?Copy !req
590. Each star represents a
playmate that I've slept with.Copy !req
591. Anyway, this design makes
it virtually impossible.Copy !req
592. For a performance artist
to desecrate the flag.Copy !req
593. In any such manner.Copy !req
594. So that's how they chose the colors,Copy !req
595. because Lincoln helped.Copy !req
596. Um, so do I get the job?Copy !req
597. No. No, you don't get the job.Copy !req
598. How old are you?Copy !req
599. 17.Copy !req
600. No.Copy !req
601. 27.Copy !req
602. No, no.Copy !req
603. 33.Copy !req
604. Why do you want this job?Copy !req
605. Because it's easy.Copy !req
606. You don't have to know
anything about history.Copy !req
607. Yes, you do.Copy !req
608. You have to know
everything about history.Copy !req
609. Ok.Copy !req
610. Well...Copy !req
611. Good-bye.Copy !req
612. Cool.Copy !req
613. Museum of history, can I...Copy !req
614. Yes?Copy !req
615. He just left.Copy !req
616. What?Copy !req
617. His mother?Copy !req
618. Imminent death syndrome?Copy !req
619. Hang on a second. Hey, guy.Copy !req
620. Whoa, hold up. Hey, whoa.Copy !req
621. What?Copy !req
622. Museum of history, can I help you?Copy !req
623. No, you can't bring a
class of students down here.Copy !req
624. This is a museum,
not a baby-sitting place.Copy !req
625. New exhibits?Copy !req
626. Ok, well,Copy !req
627. we've got some pens and pencils,Copy !req
628. and, uh... a telephone,Copy !req
629. and, uh, an information sign,Copy !req
630. and a television set.Copy !req
631. We leave you now with
that gruesome footageCopy !req
632. of a double murder caught
on tape in Los Angeles.Copy !req
633. Cool.Copy !req
634. Oh, man, classic.Copy !req
635. Awesome. Look at that.Copy !req
636. That is so classic!Copy !req