1. And now a messageCopy !req
2. from the National Entitilitus Foundation.Copy !req
3. Hi, I'm Ronnie Dobbs.Copy !req
4. By the time you see
this, I will have passed.Copy !req
5. The killer what took me is Entitilitus.Copy !req
6. No one knows where
Entitilitus comes from,Copy !req
7. or what Entitilitus is,Copy !req
8. but Entitilitus kills.Copy !req
9. So please,Copy !req
10. if y'all could sponsor
an Entitilitus volunteerCopy !req
11. on the annual
Talk-Backwards-for-One-DayCopy !req
12. to-Raise-Awareness-
about-Entitilitus Day,Copy !req
13. I'd greatly appreciate it.Copy !req
14. Also, if y'all are gonna be in a crowd,Copy !req
15. y'all wear condoms on both your ears.Copy !req
16. I think it's funny, heh.Copy !req
17. Hey, everybody, it's Bob and David.Copy !req
18. Hey, thank you.Copy !req
19. Thank you.Copy !req
20. Thank you.Copy !req
21. Hi, I am Bob Odenkirk.Copy !req
22. And I'm David Cross.Copy !req
23. Well, America, you asked for it.Copy !req
24. You told HBO... "We
wanna see a sketch show"Copy !req
25. "hosted by 2 people
we've never seen before."Copy !req
26. And that's us! So here we are.Copy !req
27. - Whatever.
- Now you're, uh...Copy !req
28. You're probably asking yourselves...Copy !req
29. "What is this show?" Well...Copy !req
30. It's whatever you want it to be.Copy !req
31. Yeah, so, let's start, um...Copy !req
32. We need a suggestion for a show.Copy !req
33. Anybody? A suggestion
for a show? Anybody at all?Copy !req
34. Yes, sir?Copy !req
35. Yeah, I have an idea.
Um "I have an idea."Copy !req
36. What if, for your show,
You guys, um, played...Copy !req
37. Beep, beep, beep! Ahh!Copy !req
38. Different characters?Copy !req
39. Thanks, good.Copy !req
40. Great suggestion, moron.Copy !req
41. - Bob.
- What?Copy !req
42. You can't insult people like that,Copy !req
43. Not right off the bat.Copy !req
44. I mean, they don't know who we are...Copy !req
45. Ok, all right, you're right.Copy !req
46. Well, let's show them why
HBO gave us this show.Copy !req
47. Let's... let's knock 'em on their asses.Copy !req
48. Yeah!Copy !req
49. You brought your asses, didn't ya?Copy !req
50. Ok.Copy !req
51. Let's do a little ass-knocking.Copy !req
52. You start. All right.Copy !req
53. Ok, a little taste. I
will now do a selectionCopy !req
54. from my one-man
show, Hitler Sings.Copy !req
55. ♪ When will I be special? ♪Copy !req
56. ♪ When will I be someone who's loved ♪Copy !req
57. ♪ For me? ♪Copy !req
58. ♪ If I stumble upon a me at the door ♪Copy !req
59. ♪ Will I open it wide ♪Copy !req
60. ♪ Or close it and look
through the peephole? ♪Copy !req
61. ♪ I want to be... ♪Copy !req
62. Folks, there's something you
should know about David Cross.Copy !req
63. He attended public schools, and, uh,Copy !req
64. He confuses Hitler with Anne Frank.Copy !req
65. David Cross, everyone!Copy !req
66. Thank you so much.Copy !req
67. Now it's my turn.Copy !req
68. All right.Copy !req
69. Now it is my turn.Copy !req
70. I would now like to recite
the names of all the statesCopy !req
71. in 18 seconds.Copy !req
72. You'll time me?Copy !req
73. You got it.Copy !req
74. Ok, you ready?Copy !req
75. I'll just wait for it to go back around.Copy !req
76. How much time have we got?Copy !req
77. Uh, about 55 seconds.Copy !req
78. Why don't you just start it on the 15?Copy !req
79. Go!Copy !req
80. Illinois, Indiana... Ugh...Copy !req
81. Wi-Winkechin, uh...Copy !req
82. T-T-T-Tassini, uh...Copy !req
83. Chim-Cham... Yeah,
got it! Bob, you did it!Copy !req
84. Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
85. Yeah!Copy !req
86. Yeah! Yeah! Go get 'em!Copy !req
87. Look at him go!Copy !req
88. All right, folks Bob missed
his first day of school,Copy !req
89. And he never really caught up,Copy !req
90. So he thinks there are
only 5 states, you know,Copy !req
91. And that one of them
is named Chim-Cham.Copy !req
92. So, it's... Yes! Yes!Copy !req
93. Yeah, all right! Way to go, buddy!Copy !req
94. Ha, ha, yeah!Copy !req
95. Congratulations.Copy !req
96. Um, yeah, um...
"Um, yeah, um..."Copy !req
97. Um, Bob and David, I had another idea.Copy !req
98. "I had an idea." Yeah, what is it?Copy !req
99. What?Copy !req
100. What if, um, instead of
making it up as you went along,Copy !req
101. You had a script for the show?Copy !req
102. And, um, you did, like,Copy !req
103. Tested material?Copy !req
104. Ow!Copy !req
105. What?Copy !req
106. You know what?Copy !req
107. You just wrote your ticket out of here!Copy !req
108. That's right, get him outta
here, and his friend, too!Copy !req
109. - Ow, hey, I didn't... Bye!
- Yeah, bye!Copy !req
110. I didn't do nothin'!Copy !req
111. Mr. Show? Mr. Blow is more like it!Copy !req
112. Stupid I didn't do shit!Copy !req
113. Bye.Copy !req
114. Wow, Bob and David
have really changed, huh?Copy !req
115. Aw, fuck that.Copy !req
116. Who wants to see their
dumb-ass show, anyway?Copy !req
117. I did, but not anymore.Copy !req
118. They used to be nice guys,Copy !req
119. But now that they got this Mr. Show,Copy !req
120. It's, like, gone to their head.Copy !req
121. Yeah, they think they're
Ronnie fuckin' Dobbs!Copy !req
122. Please don't swear.Copy !req
123. Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh!Copy !req
124. Hey, Stevie!Copy !req
125. All right, party time!Copy !req
126. Hey, see ya later,
you sack of shit!Copy !req
127. Boom!Copy !req
128. H-H-H-Hey!Copy !req
129. Pah-tay time!Copy !req
130. What about Ernie?Copy !req
131. Shut the fuck up, man!Copy !req
132. You want him to hear us? All right.Copy !req
133. Fuck you, asshole!Copy !req
134. Wow, he's really changed.Copy !req
135. He used to be a nice guy,
But now he's kinda mean.Copy !req
136. Wow, look at those leaves.Copy !req
137. Oh, they've really changed.Copy !req
138. Hey, a caterpillar.Copy !req
139. Oh, he's really changed.Copy !req
140. Now he's a butterfly,
he thinks he's so big.Copy !req
141. Oh, man, look at that traffic light!Copy !req
142. Oh, wow, it's really changed.Copy !req
143. - Hey!
- Hey!Copy !req
144. Hey, Father Jim, how are ya?Copy !req
145. - A cheese ball!
- Aw!Copy !req
146. - Geena!
- Hi.Copy !req
147. What a beautiful new apartment.Copy !req
148. Aw, thanks.Copy !req
149. Hey, Father Jim, You
allowed to drink seltzer water?Copy !req
150. After 5 p.m.Copy !req
151. Boy, it's so nice to know.Copy !req
152. A thoughtful, progressive priest.Copy !req
153. Honey, do you know that he tookCopy !req
154. the church youth group
to see Forrest Gump?Copy !req
155. Did he really?Copy !req
156. Yes, well, I think that
Gump is a role model.Copy !req
157. For teens and sweetly retarded people,Copy !req
158. And society as a whole.Copy !req
159. Well, you know what I say?Copy !req
160. Gump for President.Copy !req
161. What if that happened?Copy !req
162. Oh, my goodness!Copy !req
163. Shut up, man. You don't
know shit about Dick.Copy !req
164. Hey, come on.Copy !req
165. Sorry, guys.Copy !req
166. Gary overheard me
talking about the party,Copy !req
167. And I had to pick him up.Copy !req
168. Hey, hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
169. I'll bet any of you lame-ass.Copy !req
170. Motherfuckers a cigaretteCopy !req
171. I can eat all the butts in this ashtray.Copy !req
172. That's ok, Gary.Copy !req
173. Uh-huh, yeah.Copy !req
174. Bit of a character.Copy !req
175. So, what's this I hear
about a guitar mass?Copy !req
176. Oh, 2 of 'em... an
acoustic and a heavy metal.Copy !req
177. Oh, it's like Lollapalooza.Copy !req
178. Yeah, yeah! Did it!Copy !req
179. Pay up. You owe me a cigarette.Copy !req
180. All you had to do was ask.Copy !req
181. Hey, guess what? I don't
even smoke, dumb-ass.Copy !req
182. Gary, language?Copy !req
183. Sorry, Father.Copy !req
184. "Look upon the corn in the wheat,Copy !req
185. For even the chaff has its place."Copy !req
186. Oh, all right, this is it.Copy !req
187. You fuckers are gonna believe it now.Copy !req
188. Ok, $20 saysCopy !req
189. I can balance this glass
on my nose for an hour.Copy !req
190. Gary, what are you
doing? That's their glass.Copy !req
191. Oh, man! Thank you very much.Copy !req
192. Gary, what are you doing?Copy !req
193. I'm the hit of the party No, you're not.Copy !req
194. Everybody loves it. No, they don't.Copy !req
195. Alright, Gary,
just... All right.Copy !req
196. Gary!Copy !req
197. All right, here's the bet. Here's the bet!Copy !req
198. If I can eat.Copy !req
199. All this broken glass in my hand,Copy !req
200. Y'all have to be my
personal slaves for a year.Copy !req
201. No, get...Copy !req
202. Is he eating it.Copy !req
203. Yeah.Copy !req
204. Man.Copy !req
205. Oh, look at it.Copy !req
206. Stop looking at it!Copy !req
207. Whoo!Copy !req
208. Yeah!Copy !req
209. Yeah, I did it!Copy !req
210. I did it!Copy !req
211. Now y'all have to be my personal slaves.Copy !req
212. Are you ok?Copy !req
213. "Sir." "Are you ok, sir."Copy !req
214. Now get me a beer, slave.Copy !req
215. I'm not your slave!Copy !req
216. I never agreed to your stupid bet.Copy !req
217. I'll get him a beer.Copy !req
218. No, Father!Copy !req
219. Yes, actually, I think I'm obliged to.Copy !req
220. Gina, Len, Stevie...Copy !req
221. Earlier, when he bet us
that he could eat the ashes,Copy !req
222. No one agreed to his bet.Copy !req
223. But upon succeeding, He
was rewarded... one cigarette.Copy !req
224. No, I just... In doing so,
a precedent was set...Copy !req
225. An implicit agreement
that no direct negativeCopy !req
226. acknowledges acceptance of his bargain.Copy !req
227. Now get me a beer, slave.Copy !req
228. Yes, sir.Copy !req
229. Here you go.Copy !req
230. Ah, good little slave.Copy !req
231. All right. Now, let's talk about a
comedy massCopy !req
232. with you as the M.C.Copy !req
233. Wouldn't that be fun?Copy !req
234. Oh, slave, I'm hungry.Copy !req
235. I want a banana.Copy !req
236. They're right there.Copy !req
237. I'll... I'll get one.
No... No, slave.Copy !req
238. Pick me up and carry me there.Copy !req
239. Father, don't.Copy !req
240. Really, I must.Copy !req
241. Gary... "For the Samaritan
must fulfill his duty."Copy !req
242. Now, what about a puppet
mass for the kids, the little ones?Copy !req
243. Oh, slave, put me down.Copy !req
244. I'm kind of bored right now, slave.Copy !req
245. I wanna be entertained.Copy !req
246. Entertain me with this banana.Copy !req
247. No.Copy !req
248. It'll just be a moment.Copy !req
249. No.Copy !req
250. No, slave.Copy !req
251. Slave, not like that.Copy !req
252. I want you to take that bananaCopy !req
253. and stick it in your butt crack.Copy !req
254. Gary!Copy !req
255. And...Copy !req
256. Tell everyone you were
born out of Satan's ass.Copy !req
257. Oh, please don't make me do that.Copy !req
258. Hey, come on, say the words!Copy !req
259. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.Copy !req
260. I was born out of Satan's ass.Copy !req
261. Do a dance. Jig it up.Copy !req
262. Do a jig.Copy !req
263. ♪ I was born out of Satan's ass ♪Copy !req
264. ♪ I was born out of Satan's ass ♪Copy !req
265. Strip naked.Copy !req
266. ♪ I was... ♪Copy !req
267. Strip naked, slave.Copy !req
268. - Oh, slave, strip naked.
- What happened to your voice?Copy !req
269. Oh, Fuck!Copy !req
270. What's so funny?Copy !req
271. We had this great idea a
couple of weeks ago to makeCopy !req
272. you agree to be his
personal slave for one year.Copy !req
273. We got the whole thing
on video. Look up there.Copy !req
274. Let's watch it. Come on.Copy !req
275. Well, can I take the banana out?Copy !req
276. Guess I should be upset.Copy !req
277. But when life gives me lemons.Copy !req
278. I make lemonade.Copy !req
279. If I ask for a glass of water and
somebody hands me a glassful of sand,Copy !req
280. I turn it over, make a sandcastle,
and pretend I'm the king.Copy !req
281. If somebody throws a rock at my head,Copy !req
282. I pretend the bruise is a faded tattoo, andCopy !req
283. that I was once a sailor and
ran a sweatshop in Singapore.Copy !req
284. I'm not too proud of that
time in my imaginary life, butCopy !req
285. I'm comforted in the
knowledge that my friends,Copy !req
286. who made me stick a banana
in my crack,Copy !req
287. feel even worse.Copy !req
288. Strip naked, slave! Strip naked!Copy !req
289. Aww.Copy !req
290. Oh, man, that's great.Copy !req
291. Whoo! What else you got, man?Copy !req
292. Ahh, let's see.Copy !req
293. "2 murders."Copy !req
294. "Faces of people crying."Copy !req
295. "Defective cribs"?Copy !req
296. "Faces of confused elderly."Copy !req
297. Oh, check this one out.Copy !req
298. "Convenience store security cam 5."Copy !req
299. All right, so I just put the wax on.Copy !req
300. And then rip the hair right out, huh?Copy !req
301. All right.Copy !req
302. You know best.Copy !req
303. Why don't you take a
picture? It'll last longer.Copy !req
304. Jagoff!Copy !req
305. I just need change for $1.Copy !req
306. I just need quarters, I...Copy !req
307. I-I'll just go across the street.Copy !req
308. Next.Copy !req
309. W-What was all that
about? Are you closed?Copy !req
310. I was on my break.Copy !req
311. OK. I just need change for $1.Copy !req
312. Change for $1? Yeah.Copy !req
313. Hmm...Copy !req
314. Quarters, mostly.Copy !req
315. Quarters? You want quarters? Hmm...Copy !req
316. Let me think. Doo, doo, doo...Copy !req
317. Change, change, change,
change, change, change...Copy !req
318. Ch-ch-ch change, change, change...Copy !req
319. Tell you what.Copy !req
320. I'm gonna have to ask my boss.Copy !req
321. OK.Copy !req
322. Oh, what did he say?Copy !req
323. I went the wrong way.Copy !req
324. What the hell do you
mean, you're taking it away?Copy !req
325. Yesterday, I was the world's
greatest grandpa, today I'm not?Copy !req
326. Well, I've used the mug already.Copy !req
327. I... Hold on.Copy !req
328. What? What is it, Pete?Copy !req
329. Um, there's a man out frontCopy !req
330. who wants to know if
he can get change for $1.Copy !req
331. Change?Copy !req
332. Yeah, um, quarters, mostly.Copy !req
333. I'm gonna have to call you back.Copy !req
334. I got a situation
here... Huh? Hello?Copy !req
335. They hung up.Copy !req
336. Change?Copy !req
337. Yeah, for $1.Copy !req
338. Hmm...Copy !req
339. Hmm...Copy !req
340. Well...Copy !req
341. Uh.Copy !req
342. I'm gonna have to call Albany.Copy !req
343. Yo?Copy !req
344. Mr. Spivey, please.Copy !req
345. Hey, Danny. What's up? I'm in a hurry.Copy !req
346. I got a fella here who
wants change for $1.Copy !req
347. Whew, change for $1. Um...Copy !req
348. Wow, uh...Copy !req
349. Ohhh... No, no, no, no!Copy !req
350. Change, all right,Copy !req
351. Lemme think... Buh,
bah, bah, bah, bah...Copy !req
352. Uh...Copy !req
353. ♪ Ahh ♪Copy !req
354. Change, all right, all right,Copy !req
355. I'll tell you what, Danny.Copy !req
356. I'm gonna have to call the big guy.Copy !req
357. All right.Copy !req
358. Goddamn it.Copy !req
359. Damn it!Copy !req
360. What is it? I'm on vacation.Copy !req
361. I'm sorry, sir,Copy !req
362. but there's a man in our Worcester storeCopy !req
363. who wants change for $1.Copy !req
364. Oh, OK, all right, I'm
sorry I snapped at you.Copy !req
365. Change, huh?Copy !req
366. For $1.Copy !req
367. Damn it, it's too late to fly back.Copy !req
368. All right, I have to think.
Uh Phil, one second.Copy !req
369. Oh, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta,
ta... Ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta...Copy !req
370. Whoo!Copy !req
371. OK, uh I'm gonna have
to call you back, all right?Copy !req
372. President of the United States.Copy !req
373. Shithead, it's Kyle.Copy !req
374. Dumb-fuck, how's the golf?Copy !req
375. Stop needling me, you prick.Copy !req
376. Look, some ass-wipe
at my Worcester storeCopy !req
377. wants change for $1. What should I do?Copy !req
378. Hmm...Copy !req
379. - No.
- No?Copy !req
380. - Tell him no.
- Thanks, asshole.Copy !req
381. And fuck you.Copy !req
382. No.Copy !req
383. No. Yes.Copy !req
384. McGinty's, open 4
days... No. Tell him no.Copy !req
385. All right, no.Copy !req
386. No. Tell him no.Copy !req
387. All right.Copy !req
388. No.Copy !req
389. OK.Copy !req
390. I'm sorry, they didn't have any.Copy !req
391. Well, did you ask for
quarters, mostly quarters?Copy !req
392. I did. "Quarters mostly," I said.Copy !req
393. Well, I mean, did you
check with the manager?Copy !req
394. I did. The guy checked.Copy !req
395. He called someone.Copy !req
396. That don't do me no good, though.Copy !req
397. I... I ain't got no quarters anymore.Copy !req
398. Ronnie?Copy !req
399. Terry?Copy !req
400. I remember the
first time I met Ronnie Dobbs.Copy !req
401. At the time, I was a cameraman.Copy !req
402. For a popular TV show
about the coppers.Copy !req
403. ♪ Naughty boys, naughty boys ♪Copy !req
404. A lot of times, you get
there, and they're drunk...Copy !req
405. It's the 3rd time we've
been here this week.Copy !req
406. It's like arresting a
couple of 9-year-olds.Copy !req
407. She's a professional lie-ologist.Copy !req
408. Yeah, that's great.Copy !req
409. Well, you be a professional,
and move back 2 feet.Copy !req
410. Now, what's going on here?Copy !req
411. I gave him money to
go to the Food Circus,Copy !req
412. and get some macaroni and cheese.Copy !req
413. So what did he do?Copy !req
414. - Lyin' bitch!
- He goes drinking again.Copy !req
415. - Lyin' bitch!
- Did he hit you?Copy !req
416. Hold on, did he hit you?Copy !req
417. - Here it goes!
- Did he hit you?Copy !req
418. He was about to... But did he?Copy !req
419. How do you feel about that?Copy !req
420. Those are my plates!Copy !req
421. Nothing remarkable, really.Copy !req
422. But then, 3 weeks later
and hundreds of miles away...Copy !req
423. That's that Ronnie guy...
That Ronnie Dobbs guy again.Copy !req
424. That's all behind me. I'm cleaned up...Copy !req
425. Please calm down.Copy !req
426. I'm cleaned up, and I'm...Copy !req
427. What's that?Copy !req
428. Oh, Ronnie. Oh, Ronnie.Copy !req
429. Let me explain it, OK?Copy !req
430. Why is it in your pocket?Copy !req
431. I was standing here,
minding my own business,Copy !req
432. Doin' my work, and
a man came up to me.Copy !req
433. With a scar, he had a big ol' scar,Copy !req
434. And he came up to
me, and he was like...Copy !req
435. "Hey, man." He put that
in my pants and said...Copy !req
436. "Hold on to this for me."Copy !req
437. I was like, "What's all that about?"Copy !req
438. And he ran off before I could see.Copy !req
439. He had a scar, and... there he goes!Copy !req
440. There goes the perpetrator, officer!Copy !req
441. - Get in the car.
- You can catch him now!Copy !req
442. You are so stupid,
Ronnie. You are so stupid.Copy !req
443. I hope you're happy, bitch.
You stupid, dumb-ass bitch.Copy !req
444. Hey, y'all forgot y'all's cameraman.Copy !req
445. 2 weeks later, another
city... We got him.Copy !req
446. An increasingly familiar face.Copy !req
447. There he is, I got him!Copy !req
448. Y'all's unfair. Y'all's unfair.Copy !req
449. What's this white stuff?Copy !req
450. I was bakin' for my mama!Copy !req
451. Ronwell Quincy Dobbs
was like a magnet for policeCopy !req
452. a drunken, loud magnet.Copy !req
453. It was an innocent arm!Copy !req
454. OK, I'm sure it was, fellas.Copy !req
455. I put together a tape
of Ronnie's finest momentsCopy !req
456. and shopped it round Hollywood.Copy !req
457. A hungry producer convinced RonnieCopy !req
458. to get arrested exclusively for us,Copy !req
459. in a scene which the network deemedCopy !req
460. "not funny enough for you."Copy !req
461. Hence, this montage.Copy !req
462. Don't make me shoot you, sir.
Come on down.Copy !req
463. Don't make me shoot you.Copy !req
464. Ronnie was a natural-born drunk.Copy !req
465. Man's best friend is a
dog, and this is my dog,Copy !req
466. and I made my best friend a sweater.Copy !req
467. He never needed a 2nd take,Copy !req
468. and he soon got himself arrestedCopy !req
469. in every state in the Union.Copy !req
470. Come on.Copy !req
471. All I want's... We had to
take him out of the country.Copy !req
472. I can't even understand
what you're saying!Copy !req
473. Speak English, motherfucker!Copy !req
474. After that, the only place
left was outer space.Copy !req
475. We have one Ronnie
Dobbs... Y'all get off me!Copy !req
476. Ronnie's face was everywhere,Copy !req
477. and his name on everyone's lips.Copy !req
478. Trick or treat.Copy !req
479. But, Ronnie,Copy !req
480. weren't you actually going
to do a special where...Copy !req
481. Y'all are brutalizing me! Police brutality!Copy !req
482. ♪ Ronnie Dobbs, Ronnie Dobbs ♪Copy !req
483. ♪ Ronnie Dobbs, Ronnie Dobbs ♪Copy !req
484. He's guilty, yeah, but he knows it.Copy !req
485. I mean, we're guilty, you don't know it.Copy !req
486. So, you know, who's
really in jail? You know?Copy !req
487. Ronnie got himself
a new Hollywood house,Copy !req
488. and a new Hollywood wife,Copy !req
489. and then Ronnie forgot
what got him there.Copy !req
490. How y'all doin'? Y'all know Rhonda?Copy !req
491. Yes, we do. Hi, Ronnie.
How are you today?Copy !req
492. Arrest me, officer.Copy !req
493. For what?Copy !req
494. What did you do? What's goin' on?Copy !req
495. Wh.Copy !req
496. I'm not wearin' a shirt!Copy !req
497. So... Fuck you, pigs!Copy !req
498. That's very funny, Ronnie. Um...Copy !req
499. Would you mind signing
this for my nephew, Neil?Copy !req
500. I would really appreciate it.Copy !req
501. Ronnie couldn't get arrestedCopy !req
502. in this town or any other town,Copy !req
503. and I intended to find out why.Copy !req
504. Ronnie?Copy !req
505. Ronnie?Copy !req
506. Ronnie!Copy !req
507. Ronwell!Copy !req
508. Ronnie!Copy !req
509. Terry.Copy !req
510. I thought you was in Hawaii.Copy !req
511. A lot of people think a
lot of things about Hawaii.Copy !req
512. Ronnie, I'm going to put it to you bluntlyCopy !req
513. how long have you been not drinking?Copy !req
514. Terry, I drink all the time!Copy !req
515. You know me. Come on!Copy !req
516. No, you come on,
Ronnie! What's in this?Copy !req
517. Terry, come on, that's my cocaine.Copy !req
518. Bullshit, Ronnie.Copy !req
519. It's fucking baking soda!Copy !req
520. Ronnie, I'm going to read you a letterCopy !req
521. I received the other day.Copy !req
522. Terry, I... "Dear Mr. Dobbs,
my name is Lamar.Copy !req
523. "I am 8 years old. I am your biggest fan.Copy !req
524. "How come you are
not so drunk anymore?Copy !req
525. "What's wrong? Are you sick?Copy !req
526. "My daddy says you
were never really drunk,Copy !req
527. "but just a Hollywood phony.Copy !req
528. "I told him he was wrong,
and he beat the shit out of me."Copy !req
529. "Love, Lamar."Copy !req
530. "P.S. Please start drinking again soon."Copy !req
531. Ronnie, I've got 12 sacks
of these back at my office.Copy !req
532. Look in the mirror.Copy !req
533. What do you see?Copy !req
534. A monster!Copy !req
535. But I don't care!Copy !req
536. I don't care! People don't
know how hard it is, Terry.Copy !req
537. They don't know what it takesCopy !req
538. to put on these little shows.Copy !req
539. I mean, Jesus, Bob, look
at our working conditions.Copy !req
540. I mean, fuck, HBO spent
more money on Fraggle Rock.Copy !req
541. Look at this place.Copy !req
542. You know, this is
supposed to be a mansion?Copy !req
543. Look at this. Did Steve and Eydie
have a yard sale or something?Copy !req
544. Look at this.Copy !req
545. We're performing in a
restaurant, for Christ's sake.Copy !req
546. Here, show 'em. Here.Copy !req
547. Look at that. Look at this, everybody.Copy !req
548. There it is, right there.Copy !req
549. "Wingdings and Things. $3.50."Copy !req
550. Isnt the reason we're down hereCopy !req
551. and living in this shitty cityCopy !req
552. because there's studios everywhere?Copy !req
553. OK, good, all right.Copy !req
554. You know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Terry,Copy !req
555. but Ronnie Dobbs has to doCopy !req
556. what's best for Ronnie Dobbs.Copy !req
557. And if that means drying
out with Kelsey Grammer,Copy !req
558. then so be it.Copy !req
559. You know what you are, Terry?Copy !req
560. British?Copy !req
561. You're an enabler!Copy !req
562. You are an enabler!Copy !req
563. Now, get out of my house!Copy !req
564. Yeah, go on and leave, you British frog!Copy !req
565. We parted ways, and I was at a lossCopy !req
566. as to how I would make
more money off Ronnie.Copy !req
567. And then, a stroke of luck... he died!Copy !req
568. And I sold his life story to the movies.Copy !req
569. Ronnie?Copy !req
570. Ronnie Dobbs? Is that you?Copy !req
571. Terry Ronnie, I
can't believe this.Copy !req
572. It is you!Copy !req
573. How far we've fallen!Copy !req
574. Oh, we can still do it, RonnieCopy !req
575. you and I, together. Come on,Copy !req
576. we'll buy a bottle of cheap
wine, we'll raise a ruckusCopy !req
577. Terry, no!Copy !req
578. I did not want to have
to reveal this to you, but...Copy !req
579. What's this? A doctor's note?Copy !req
580. You're dying!Copy !req
581. I'm dying.Copy !req
582. I've got entitilitus!Copy !req
583. Damn this entitilitus!Copy !req
584. How serious is it?Copy !req
585. They say I could go at any minute.Copy !req
586. Oh!Copy !req
587. No, no,Copy !req
588. - I'm all right, I'm all right.
- I've got you.Copy !req
589. Oh!Copy !req
590. Actually, no, wait...Copy !req
591. Oh, oh, God!Copy !req
592. Oh.Copy !req
593. Ronnie?Copy !req
594. Ronnie!Copy !req
595. Ronnie!Copy !req
596. My scream went on for 2 hours,Copy !req
597. and I set a new world
record for screaming.Copy !req
598. I received a letter from the President,Copy !req
599. and a baked carrot from the
Society for Unpleasant Gifts.Copy !req
600. I opened a screaming
school in upstate New York,Copy !req
601. and time!Copy !req
602. Really?Copy !req
603. Yeah, the lady said 30 minutes.Copy !req
604. All right, let's check.Copy !req
605. Oh, my goodness.Copy !req
606. Aw!Copy !req
607. Oh, yay!Copy !req
608. Hey, guys, come on out!Copy !req
609. Yeah, check this out. Check it out.Copy !req
610. Hey, the pants worked.Copy !req
611. Aw!Copy !req
612. Man, those pants!Copy !req
613. The pants worked.Copy !req
614. Tonight's show was brought to youCopy !req
615. by O'Henderson's Incubation Pants.Copy !req
616. Dark, warm, with plenty of "egg room."Copy !req