Mr. & Mrs. Smith 1x5

Directed by Karena Evans

Ron Perlman as Toby Hellinger • Martinus Tocchi as Fisherman • Livia Massimi as Fisherwoman • Antonio Nicolai as Fisherman's Child • Lucia Ricalzone as Grandma

It’s summertime, and John and Jane can’t wait to spend more time together! Join them in glamorous Lake Como as they drive cars, dodge bad guys, and chase after slippery Toby, whose naughty criminal ways have put them all in danger. But as they're taking care of this baby man, the two of them can't help but wonder, John and Jane, DO YOU WANT KIDS? Mamma mia, Toby!

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Did you, um, apply

2. for high-risk?

3. I did. Did you?

4. Yeah.

5. Maybe one day, I'll trade it

6. all in, and-and go low-risk,

7. then deliver some packages.

8. - For the benefits, do you think you could go low-risk? - No.

9. Maybe.

10. Super high-risk is hardly any different,

11. except the money and the perks are way better.

12. The Company is here to take care of you.

13. All you have to do is ask.

14. That's a gun pressed against your head.

15. You move, I blow your head off.

16. "Hihi."

17. The fuck? You're American?

18. "Travel to Lake Como, Italy.

19. Secure high-value target, Toby Hellinger."

20. - Hey, hey, hey, hey. - Stop moving!

21. - Wait, wait, wait. - Calm down, all right?

22. - Who are you guys? - We're not gonna hurt you.

23. - Fuck is going on here? - Shut up. You got it on?

24. - Yeah. - Are you gonna kill me?

25. No. Just stay still, stay calm.

26. We're not gonna hurt you, okay?

27. Who are you guys?

28. What are you doing here?

29. - It's so fucking hot in here. - We're not gonna hurt you.

30. You came here to kill me, didn't you?

31. Just quiet. We're not gonna hurt you.

32. Oh, man. Oh, man.

33. All right, Toby, we're getting up.

34. - Where we going, guys? - Up.

35. - Where we going? - We'll move and talk.

36. - What are we doing? - You're coming with us, okay?

37. What are we doing?

38. Where are you taking me?

39. "Transport to designated safe house.

40. Await further instructions.

41. - Thanks." - If you're gonna kill me,

42. then fucking do it right here!

43. I'm already dead. I'm pretty much dead.

44. Oh, my God, stop working yourself up.

45. - Where are we fucking going? - Get in the fucking car.

46. - Just listen to her. - Hey, watch your head.

47. - This is bad. Ow! Oh. - Hey. Hey, hey.

48. - Listen. - I'm so fucked.

49. Listen to me. We are not here to hurt you.

50. We are here to help you.

51. Okay? I promise.

52. Okay.

53. I'm gonna put the seat belt on later.

54. It's really beautiful.

55. We should get a place here.

56. - You always say that. - I don't say it about everywhere.

57. Yes, you do.

58. - Where we going? - I didn't say it

59. in that Somali prison.

60. You said it when we were in Sydney.

61. Yeah, I said it in Sydney, yeah.

62. Nobody's gonna answer me?

63. - Monaco and Upstate. - I did say it in Mon...

64. - All beautiful places. - I just...

65. don't think we need to buy property

66. everywhere we think is beautiful.

67. But this place is different. This place feels...

68. - This feels like the one. - Okay.

69. Hello?

70. Can someone please tell me where we're going?

71. We're going someplace safe, Toby.

72. - How about you try resting your eyes, Toby? - Why?

73. I can't see shit in here anyway.

74. Look, you guys,

75. you guys are supposed to be here to help me, right?

76. I mean, why do I have to wear this hood? Huh?

77. Can someone please take this hood off, please?

78. Goddamn it. Take off the motherfucking hood!

79. - You know what? Fuck. - Hey. Hey, hey.

80. Toby? Toby? Don't.

81. - Stop it. Stop. - Fuck you!

82. - Fuck this shit! - Child locks are on.

83. Ah!

84. Oh, my... Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

85. I recently... I recently h-had a heart attack.

86. - Nope, don't buy it. - Think I might be...

87. I think I'm having another one.

88. We need to keep him alive.

89. All right, all right.

90. Okay.

91. You're fine, Toby.

92. Wow.

93. Looks like your breathing's fine now.

94. This where we're staying?

95. Yeah.

96. How long are we here for?

97. - Stop asking questions. - Can you undo my hands?

98. - 'Cause I really got to pee. - Toby, what...

99. Toby, stay low.

100. Get us out of here.

101. Toby, who were those guys?

102. - Why are they after you? - Hard to say.

103. On our six.

104. - You good? - Yeah, yeah.

105. I'm gonna try and shake 'em.

106. Toby, get down!

107. They are really after you, huh?

108. Babe, you think you can make some space for us?

109. On it.

110. Fuck.

111. You got him.

112. We got to get off this mountain.

113. Toby,

114. keep your head down.

115. You got this.

116. Be careful.

117. Fuck. Fuck.

118. - Nice one, babe. - Thanks, babe.

119. Hold on.

120. Nice job, babe.

121. Turn here.

122. - Go! - I...

123. think there's a wedding.

124. Yeah, well, then, speed up

125. and they'll get out of the way.

126. I need to get... How do you say "move" in It...

127. That works too.

128. Okay.

129. - Oh... - Shit.

130. Go.

131. Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop!

132. Get Toby!

133. We need you alive, Toby.

134. Out. Now.

135. Killing my fucking knees.

136. You're doing great, Toby.

137. Come on, we need to move a little faster, man.

138. - We're gonna be exposed on that bridge. - I have a plan.

139. What was the plan?

140. - Run! - Fuck.

141. In there.

142. Come on. Come on.

143. I have to take a leak.

144. Not right now you don't.

145. You okay?

146. John? You had a plan?

147. - We got to get to water. Now. - Okay, all right.

148. - Come on, get up. Come on. - What? What?

149. Wait. Wait! I can't catch my breath.

150. Hey, hey.

151. Okay. Stand up here.

152. Okay. Try and open your airways. Okay.

153. Stand up straight.

154. Open your airways.

155. Okay, breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth.

156. Cyclical, okay?

157. See, there you go. Try and calm down.

158. We need to go.

159. You good?

160. - Okay, now run. - Okay.

161. You're doing great, buddy. We're almost there.

162. Hey, hey, stop.

163. No, no, no, no, no. Same.

164. CIA. CIA. Same people.

165. No problema, okay? Okay.

166. Go!

167. Go, go! Move!

168. I can't do anymore stairs, man. No way.

169. Yes, you can. Come on. I'll help you.

170. It's okay.

171. No, no. No.

172. I'll check upstairs.

173. Oh, shit.

174. Scusi.

175. - We're gonna have to jump. - Okay.

176. - I can't make that jump. - You can do it.

177. - Yeah, you can do it. - It's easy. Just watch me.

178. Very slow. All right?

179. - You got this. - You can do it, Toby.

180. - Just get over. Hurry up. - One leg over slowly.

181. - We don't have a lot of time. - There you go.

182. - He-he knows we're in a hurry, right? - It's okay, John. Okay.

183. Boy, if you don't put your foot...

184. - Yup. - ... on the ground right now...

185. - Hurry up! - It's right there, right under you.

186. There you go.

187. - Yes. - Okay, one more.

188. Just, uh, it's easy. Just-just tuck and roll.

189. One more.

190. You can do it.

191. Fuck it. I'm not doing this.

192. John!

193. - There. - Are you okay?

194. Get off!

195. See? You jumped.

196. Come on, let's go.

197. Shit.

198. Jesus, Toby.

199. What do you expect?

200. You just pushed me off a fucking building.

201. - Hi. - Told you I had to go.

202. Can you please help us?

203. Aiutarci?

204. Mi... mi padre. Aiutarci? It's...

205. No, no, no. No.

206. - Uh, I-I'm scared for my baby. - No.

207. My...

208. P... Please.

209. Can you take us across the lake?

210. Please.

211. - Grazie. Grazie. - Grazie.

212. Come on, Papa.

213. Papa.

214. Be careful, okay?

215. - Thanks. - Hey.

216. Oh. Grazie. Grazie mille.

217. Ah, grazie.

218. Grazie a tutti.

219. Okay...

220. What is this place?

221. Huh.

222. Whose house is this?

223. Well, if it's a safe house,

224. I hope it's safer than the last one.

225. How do you know the code?

226. I feel sick.

227. You, you okay? You...

228. - Yeah. - Sick how?

229. I don't know. I think seasick from the boat

230. or something.

231. Uh, you didn't answer me.

232. How do you... how do you know the code?

233. John?

234. I know the code because...

235. this is our house.

236. What do you mean, ours?

237. - You mean you bought it? - I bought it.

238. You...

239. Yeah, I got us a house.

240. This is ours.

241. Cool, huh?

242. Are you joking?

243. No, I am not joking.

244. Yeah, I-I... I mean, it's-it's a good thing I got it, too,

245. 'cause now we have a... safe place to stay,

246. and no one knows we're here.

247. We got it for a steal. The guy left everything.

248. It actually looks better...

249. - Hmm. - ... than the, the pictures.

250. Looks better in person.

251. - Yeah. - Yeah.

252. Can I talk to you for a second?

253. Over here?

254. Yeah.

255. So, you, uh, you...

256. you purchased this property sight unseen?

257. I... I-I went to the market,

258. and there was this cute little real estate place,

259. and I-I saw the pictures and I-I just pulled the trigger.

260. John, you were supposed to get grapes and coffee,

261. not a fucking house.

262. Just, I-I thought it was...

263. I th-thought it was, like, a romantic gesture.

264. It's... it's nice. You don't like the place?

265. No, I... I like the place.

266. It's just, y-you bought a house

267. without talking about it to me first.

268. - That's a big decision... - It was a surprise.

269. - I wasn't gonna tell... - Listen, you know, it's none

270. of my business, but, um, I mean, you really got to be careful

271. when you're buying property in a foreign country.

272. As somebody who has a lot of money,

273. you still got to be careful how you spend it.

274. That's what I say all the time.

275. Thanks, Toby.

276. That's where we're getting our financial advice from?

277. - This... this guy? - John, I'm, I'm not wanting to fight

278. - with you about it, I just... - I-I-I understand.

279. I-I want you to see that it's kind of a big deal

280. - that you would make... - It's not a big...

281. Don't touch that!

282. It's dynamite, dummy.

283. Okay.

284. - Uh, let's-let's... - Did he just drop

285. - a piece of dynamite? - ... get you changed.

286. I'm, um...

287. I'm not mad. I-I think it's beautiful.

288. It's... it's nice.

289. Uh, keep watch.

290. No one knows we're here.

291. Come on.

292. Okay.

293. How about this?

294. This feels like it could fit.

295. Okay, let me see it.

296. Nah, it seems itchy.

297. Okay.

298. How about a T-shirt?

299. Good.

300. You know...

301. when you held that gun up to me back at the farm?

302. Man, I thought you were an angel...

303. coming to put me out of my misery.

304. Actually, Toby, you should stay away

305. from the window.

306. Your partner doesn't like me.

307. You don't need him to like you.

308. You just need him to protect you.

309. Stay away from the windows, okay?

310. It's not safe.

311. Yeah, well, you're nicer than he is.

312. He's... actually very nice.

313. I mean, he's even, like, nice to telemarketers.

314. Uh... you're just not his cup of tea.

315. You know, I've done some really fucked-up,

316. nasty shit in my life,

317. but I've never thrown an old man off a building.

318. What kind of shit have you done?

319. Nah, you-you wouldn't like me anymore if I told you.

320. Well, who says I like you?

321. Oh, you like me a little bit.

322. You like me.

323. Or maybe I'm just good at my job.

324. - What? - Goddamn.

325. What's wrong?

326. My stomach's killing me.

327. Okay, just stay here. I'm gonna get you some medicine.

328. - Come on. - Uh-uh.

329. Toby, come on.

330. - Take your medicine. - Mm-mm!

331. Toby, please.

332. This is good for you.

333. Smells good.

334. No!

335. This is ridiculous.

336. Toby, take the medicine, and I'll give you a cigarette.

337. - Great. - Ugh.

338. Hey. Hey!

339. I'll give it to you after dinner.

340. - What? - After we eat.

341. John.

342. Motherfucker.

343. Do you think they know where we are?

344. No.

345. If they did, they'd be here by now.

346. Who's "they"?

347. It's hard to say.

348. Could be the Russians.

349. Could be the Saudis maybe.

350. Small chance, the Brits.

351. Are you some kind of evil colonizer?

352. We had a long day. Uh, can we just eat our food?

353. Eh. Let's say,

354. on a scale of Mark Zuckerberg

355. - to Hitler... - Oh, my God.

356. how evil are you?

357. I mean, I'm not, I'm not Hitler evil.

358. - Okay. - Yeah.

359. Who happens to still be alive, by the way.

360. - No, he's not. - No. - All right, true story.

361. I'm down in Argentina... at a bar with some friends of mine...

362. What are we doing right now?

363. - Let him finish. - And I see

364. across the room this guy.

365. I just can't take my eyes off him.

366. You know, he's got the little...

367. Charlie Chaplin beard with the hair.

368. And I say to my friends,

369. "I got to check this out, man."

370. This is, like, whoa.

371. So I walk up to the guy

372. and I say, "Excuse me, I apologize.

373. I know I've been staring at you, but I got to ask you."

374. He's... "No, you don't have to ask me.

375. I'm telling you, you're right.

376. I am who you think I am.

377. And this is my wife Eva, and we are down here.

378. We're reorganizing.

379. We're gonna be bigger than ever.

380. This time we're going to kill 12 million Jews!

381. And six acrobats!"

382. And I say, "Why six acrobats?"

383. He says, "You see, Eva? I told you

384. nobody cares about the Jews."

385. This tastes like freezer.

386. Don't be rude, Toby.

387. Six acrobats.

388. Even you don't care about the Jews.

389. See anybody?

390. Still no one, Toby.

391. "Cat's enemy."

392. Six letters.

393. Um...

394. Canine.

395. Oh, yeah.

396. All right.

397. Done.

398. Finished.

399. Jesus Christ.

400. Look, I mean, I know this is some sort of twisted honeymoon

401. for you people, but, uh,

402. I'm bored out of my fucking brain here.

403. Hey, you!

404. Give me my cigarettes you promised me.

405. They're not good for you.

406. You said!

407. You can't smoke in the house.

408. I'll go outside.

409. You know you can't go outside.

410. I'll open a fucking window.

411. You know you can't go near the windows.

412. Give me my goddamn cigarettes, man!

413. We don't have any.

414. - What? - We told you we had some

415. so you'd take the medicine and stop whining,

416. and it worked.

417. - Hey. - Hey.

418. Sit down.

419. - Calm down. Sto... - Sit down.

420. Hey, John, stop it!

421. - Shoot me. - John, stop!

422. Shoot me, motherfucker!

423. Stop.

424. Are you fucking serious? Stop.

425. I'm going to bed.

426. This place sucks.

427. What?

428. What?

429. You know, you're a lot nicer than this.

430. It's something that I happen to look up to.

431. I'll go check on him.

432. Is he out?

433. Yeah.

434. Mmm.

435. This old nigga has been exhausting.

436. But we got one good thing out of him.

437. John, what?

438. I don't know. I don't know why I did that.

439. John.

440. I want to smoke it.

441. And give it to me.

442. Yeah, it's... That's all you.

443. You think we ruined that couple's wedding?

444. I think we may have ruined their lives.

445. Okay?

446. Hmm.

447. You think you'll ever do that?

448. What?

449. Have a wedding.

450. I don't know.

451. Vows make me uncomfortable.

452. You know, I thought about that, too,

453. and I think it's because they're in public.

454. - Yeah. - There's an audience.

455. Yeah, it's like a show.

456. Doesn't... I...

457. I think I would like vows

458. if it were private,

459. if it were just two people.

460. You know, 'cause it would feel real.

461. Yeah.

462. What would our vows be?

463. I could vow

464. to not judge you for how often you talk to your mother.

465. And... I want you to vow...

466. that you would take allergy medicine for Max.

467. Even when Max dies?

468. Max is never gonna die.

469. - Oh. - Okay?

470. I vow...

471. never to make you feel delusional

472. for thinking your cat's never gonna die.

473. And I vow never to kill you.

474. I can't tell if you're joking.

475. I like that.

476. Come here.

477. I want to make you come... so bad.

478. I want to put a baby in you.

479. Oh, what?

480. I'm sorry. Was that creepy?

481. - Shit! - Oh, my God.

482. Fu...

483. I think I threw up.

484. - Oh, fuck. - Scared me.

485. - I'll go. - No, no, it's, uh...

486. No, it's fine. I'll do it.

487. - You... - You sure?

488. Yeah, yeah, you... you stay there.

489. You okay, buddy?

490. Let's get you...

491. Oh, God.

492. Let's just, uh... let's get you...

493. Oh, God.

494. Hey.

495. Breakfast.

496. Hey. We need to go now.

497. Now.

498. Come on. Come on.

499. Oh. Come on.

500. You blew up my cottage.

501. Don't you mean "our cottage"?

502. How'd you do it?

503. It was a dynamite stick.

504. Popped it in the stove.

505. That for me?

506. I want to tell you what it is that I did.

507. I want to...

508. I want to confess.

509. I want to cleanse myself.

510. We don't need to know that.

511. That was a tough one.

512. You want some wine?

513. Uh, no.

514. I'm not really feeling good.

515. Are you pregnant?

516. What?

517. Are you pregnant?

518. - No, I'm not... I'm... - Are you sure?

519. - Yeah. - Are you sure you're not pregnant?

520. I'm not pregnant. No.

521. Why are you... why are you asking if I'm pregnant?

522. No wine, you told the family you were pregnant,

523. - you felt sick on the boat. - Ugh.

524. You were being...

525. being really maternal with Toby.

526. - No. - Really maternal.

527. I'm not. I-I...

528. Uh, you misread it. I'm, uh...

529. All right, then. You're not pregnant.

530. It would have... it would have been nice.

531. You know, it was... it was...

532. It was, it was fun to think about for a second.

533. You don't think it would be a good idea, or...?

534. I don't... I-I...

535. I don't think it would have been a good thing

536. if I was pregnant right now.

537. Uh... um...

538. Okay. Why?

539. Do I need to have a reason?

540. You kind of do, yeah.

541. John, you want to bring kids into this life

542. after a day like we had today?

543. We're not the first people

544. to raise kids in a dangerous situation.

545. It's called Detroit.

546. This is not just talking about life being dangerous.

547. We are literally spies that are getting shot at.

548. We are not in a place to have kids.

549. We'll do low-risk.

550. I'll-I'll do... I'll do low-risk.

551. Like, we'll... we'll deliver packages.

552. And we'll-we'll stack our money doing this, and then...

553. Seriously? You seriously want to be a mailman

554. and have kids and that's... that...

555. you would be happy with that?

556. 'Cause I-I-I don't think I would be happy with that.

557. That's not what I signed up for.

558. I don't want to go down, I want to keep going up.

559. I thought we could have higher risk eventually.

560. How...?

561. What about family? What are we...?

562. - What about...? - You know, I didn't think you were that...

563. I didn't think you were that simple-minded, like,

564. that traditional, like...

565. Don't call me stupid just 'cause...

566. I didn't call you stupid.

567. I know what you're saying.

568. It's from Hihi.

569. "Well done, Jane."

570. It's probably just a typo.

571. Typo? You really think I'm stupid. Like...

572. How did you log the mission?

573. Typed exactly what happened.

574. So you typed, "Blew up John's cottage,

575. saved the day again."

576. - Oh, my God. - "John drove some"?

577. Okay, so you're mad that I saved the day?

578. - That's what you're mad about? - No.

579. I'm-I'm mad that you take all the credit

580. - every time. - You... Stop saying that!

581. I take... I didn't take the credit.

582. You know, I'm gonna take a shower.

583. Do you... do you need to use it before me?

584. No.

585. Okay.