1. Mate.
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2. I just had the best idea
for a new business.
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3. You know how people
like to make sex tapes?
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4. Right. Fuck. What's this shit?
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5. - Turn that shit off.
- (MUSIC STOPS)
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6. We go into business together,
right,
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7. making home porn.
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8. We go round to people's houses
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9. with a camera, lights
and all the gear
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10. and shoot sex tapes.
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11. Why would anybody
want to do that?
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12. Mate, people will love it.
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13. - I wouldn't.
- Yeah, but you're a prude.
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14. Mate, this is a great idea.
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15. You sure you don't want to
get in on this?
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16. I came up with a name
for the business.
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17. - (EXHALES) Mm-hm?
- You ready?
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18. - Mm.
- 'Home-o Erotic'. Right?
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19. But the 'homo' is spelt
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20. H-O-M-E-O.
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21. Home-o Erotic. Get it?
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22. Do you know
what 'homoerotic' means?
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23. Yeah.
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24. It means 'gay'.
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25. Like, gay sex.
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26. - Really?
- Mm.
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27. Oh, fuck. It took me, like,
an hour to come up with that.
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28. It's gotta be...
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29. .. Gary's...
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30. 'Gary's Glitter Productions'.
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31. Hmm?
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32. He was a pedo.
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33. Oh. Yeah.
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34. Mm-hm.
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35. Yeah.
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36. Yeah, that wouldn't work.
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37. - Here we are.
- Thanks a lot.
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38. - Have a great day.
- See you.
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39. 'Bye.
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40. Buy a new bag,
you cheap bastard.
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41. - Wow, look at you, eh?
- (LAUGHS)
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42. How you going, mate? Alright?
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43. What's this? When are you due?
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44. - Piss off.
- (LAUGHS)
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45. - You good?
- Oh, really good. Look at me.
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46. So, when are you gonna
come back and train?
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47. Eh, I've been training at home.
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48. So, how's Brucey?
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49. He passed, mate,
about a year ago.
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50. - Oh, shit.
- Yeah.
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51. Sorry, mate.
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52. Oh, I heard he wasn't too good.
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53. - Yeah, yeah, so...
- Ah, that's fucked.
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54. Yeah, what are you gonna do,
mate? You know...
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55. - You holding up alright?
- Not too bad, you know.
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56. Come on.
Hands up, hands up.
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57. - This place hasn't changed.
- Just how I like it.
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58. - How's Killy going? Alright?
- He's good. Really good.
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59. - Yeah?
- Yeah. So, what about you?
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60. You still cracking heads?
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61. - Every now and then.
- You're not getting any younger.
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62. What else am I gonna do?
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63. Start a gym?
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64. Yeah, but I gotta
make some money.
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65. There's more important things
than money.
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66. - Is there?
- Yeah.
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67. This place hasn't made me rich,
but I love what I do.
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68. I love coming in here every day.
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69. - It's my life.
- Mm.
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70. Do you love what you do,
aside from money?
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71. Come on!
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72. Not particularly.
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73. You've got to ask yourself,
"Why am I doing it?"
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74. - (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
- (LAIDBACK ROCK PLAYS)
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75. (CHANTS) Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi!
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76. Piu-piu! Piu-piu!
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77. Piu!
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78. Piu. (BLOWS)
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79. Thought you were pretty smart,
didn't you?
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80. Well, time to die.
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81. Oh, fuck.
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82. Oh, shit.
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83. - What's going on?
- Nothing.
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84. Couldn't get the passionfruit
yoghurt, alright.
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85. (SNIFFS) So...
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86. Hey.
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87. Come inside.
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88. - (EXHALES)
- 'Sup?
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89. You tell me.
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90. What?
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91. It's not mine.
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92. Cut the crap, princess.
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93. It's yours, not mine.
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94. Why are you such a smart-arse
all of a sudden?
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95. Why do you have a gun?
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96. Doesn't matter why I got a gun.
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97. What matters is you shouldn't be
playing with it.
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98. If you didn't have a gun,
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99. then I wouldn't be playing
with it, now, would I?
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100. - So, where's the hole?
- What hole?
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101. The hole you made
when you fired the pistol.
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102. How do you know I fired it?
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103. Smell the gunpowder.
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104. So, why have you got a gun?
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105. - Burglars.
- Burglars?
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106. Yeah, you know what
burglars are, don't you?
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107. Can we go shooting?
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108. - Nup.
- Why not?
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109. 'Cause I said.
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110. Please!
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111. Nup.
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112. If you took me shooting,
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113. then, you know,
you can teach me and stuff.
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114. Don't go in my room again,
alright?
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115. Huh? Don't eye-roll me.
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116. - Cut it out, I said.
- My eyes are closed.
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117. How can I eye-roll
when my eyes are closed?
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118. I don't know,
but I know you're doing it.
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119. - What a jerk.
- 'Scuse me?
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120. Nothing.
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121. How do I know your medicine
is true medicine?
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122. Very easy.
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123. Get some 20 hunters with me.
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124. When all is ready,
I will rob the base...
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125. oss-breeze
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126. here at the ground...
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127. Mm, Superman, right?
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128. He's flying around,
cruising around Metropolis,
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129. looking for bad guys, right?
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130. He's flying around,
flying around.
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131. And all of a sudden,
he looks down.
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132. - He sees Wonder Woman, right.
- Mm, mm.
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133. She's starkers.
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134. Buck naked, all oiled up,
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135. sunbaking on top of
this building.
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136. - Right?
- Mm-hm. Mm.
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137. Straightaway, instant boner.
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138. Cracks a fat. Super fat, right?
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139. He thinks to himself,
"With my super speed,
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140. "I could fly down there,
root her,
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141. "give her
a quick couple of pumps
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142. "and then be out of there before
she even knows what hit her."
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143. - Huh?
- Mm.
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144. So, he zooms down,
10,000 miles an hour,
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145. gives her a quick couple
of pumps, blows his load
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146. and he's gone in, like,
half a second, right?
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147. Yeah.
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148. Wonder Woman jumps to her feet
and goes,
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149. "What the fuck was that?"
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150. The Invisible Man goes,
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151. "I don't know, but my arsehole's
fucking killing me."
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152. - Fucked him up the arse.
- (CHUCKLES)
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153. .. beautifully,
right off the meat of the bat.
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154. Superman would be able
to see him, though.
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155. No, he wouldn't. He's invisible.
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156. Yeah, but, like, in real life,
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157. 'cause he's got that fuckin',
um, X-ray vision.
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158. Yeah, but X-ray vision
helps you to see through shit.
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159. It doesn't help you to see stuff
that's invisible.
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160. What about that heat vision
thing he's got?
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161. He sees infrared
and all that kind of crap.
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162. Oh, mate, it's a joke.
It's a joke.
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163. What does the Starship
'Enterprise' and toilet paper
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164. have in common?
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165. Don't know. What?
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166. They both search Uranus
for Klingons.
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167. - Eh.
- Don't like it?
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168. Eh, it's not bad.
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169. Superman joke's better.
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170. Mm.
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171. Oh, mate...
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172. ..I know you just got out,
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173. but I need you
to do me a favour.
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174. Here we go.
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175. I need you to go to my house,
grab something for me.
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176. What?
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177. - You know my stash spot?
- Mm.
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178. I need you to go in there
and grab the black plastic bag.
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179. What's in it?
Your pee-pee movies?
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180. - No, I've already got those.
- Oh, good.
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181. - Just grab the black bag.
- Alright.
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182. Thanks, mate. I appreciate it.
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183. In you come.
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184. ♪ And I don't know
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185. Hello, Ray.
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186. How you going?
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187. Where are these things you need?
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188. Basement.
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189. After you.
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190. You right?
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191. Are you right?
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192. Future's female, is it?
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193. Sure is.
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194. What's in the bag, Ray?
Your pee-pee movies?
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195. They were Gary's.
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196. - (DOOR CLOSES)
- How'd you go?
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197. Tat's new boyfriend's
a bit of a cunt.
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198. - Mm. Should have shot her.
- Yeah.
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199. So, what's this?
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200. Open it.
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201. What is it?
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202. - A Vajankle.
- A what?
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203. A Vajankle.
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204. - What do you do with it?
- You jerk off with it.
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205. You've had your cock in this?
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206. Yeah. Oi!
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207. Here, here, here, have a look.
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208. See? You put your cock in it.
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209. You put your cock in this part
with the vagina
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210. and then you play with the foot.
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211. What?
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212. Why would you put your cock
in a foot?
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213. 'Cause I've got a foot fetish.
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214. - You need help, mate.
- (RINGING CONTINUES)
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215. Don't knock it
till you try it, Ray.
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216. - Hello?
- RAFAEL: Hey, Ray, you free?
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217. Yeah, mate, what's up?
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218. - I've got a job for you.
- OK. What is it?
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219. UMS AND RATTLES)
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220. This way.
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221. Just down here.
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222. In here.
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223. Just gonna stand there,
are you?
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224. - What happened?
- Does it fuckin' matter?
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225. Look, get this bitch
out of here.
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226. My folks are gonna be home
in, like, an hour or so.
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227. She's somebody's daughter,
fuckhead.
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228. Get around that side.
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229. - Lift her up.
- Yep.
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230. Go around.
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231. - Get the door.
- OK.
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232. - RAFAEL: How'd you go?
- Yeah, good.
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233. What do you want me
to do with it?
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234. Take it out to Dural.
Bramble Road, lot three.
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235. There's a piggery out the back
of the farmhouse there.
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236. Feed it to the pigs.
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237. OK.
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238. Hey, Samantha C.
How are you tonight?
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239. Hello, Steve.
Thanks for taking my call.
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240. My pleasure, darling.
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241. Now, tell us all how you met
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242. your sweetheart, Lachlan C.
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243. Well, I was on
the train home one night
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244. and I was carrying
a big stack of stuff...
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245. .. between me and the groper
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246. and kind of protected me,
you know?
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247. And that was Lachlan.
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248. Your knight in shining armour.
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249. Yeah, we...
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250. Samantha, this is
a fantastic romantic story.
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251. I really hope
your fears are unfounded.
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252. Stay with us here at Radio 1128
for better music like this -
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253. 'Stay With Me (Baby)',
Lorraine Ellison.
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254. ♪ Where did you go
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