1. WASN'T JUST ONCE A MONTH.
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2. I SURE DO LOVE SCIENCE.
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3. I GUESS IT'S JUST THE WAY IT
HAS TO BE, TOMMY.
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4. REVEREND PUTTY IS A VERY BUSY
MAN.
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5. ALL RIGHT.
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6. SETTLE DOWN, EVERYONE.
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7. WHO CAN REMEMBER FEBRUARY'S
LESSON?
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8. OREL?
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9. WE LEARNED THAT THE SOLAR
SYSTEM IS MADE UP OF 10% GAS,
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10. 20% SIN, AND 70% HEAVEN-FLAVORED
AFTERLIFE.
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11. VERY GOOD.
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12. ANY QUESTIONS ON THAT?
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13. DOUGHY.
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14. IS SIN RADIOACTIVE?
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15. YES. THAT'S WHY IT'S
DANGEROUS TO GET IT NEAR YOUR
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16. GROIN.
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17. YIKES.|
BUT, REVEREND PUTTY...
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18. YES, TOMMY?
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19. I THOUGHT 4% OF THE UNIVERSE
IS MADE UP OF ATOMS AND—
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20. TOMMY, CAN'T YOU LISTEN?
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21. BUT I READ IN A BOOK THAT—
WELL, I READ "DRACULA" IN A
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22. BOOK, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I
BELIEVE IN TRANSYLVANIA.
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23. HEE HEE!
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24. ATOMS?
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25. OK. THIS BAKING SODA
REPRESENTS ANGELS.
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26. THIS VINEGAR REPRESENTS GOD'S
WILL, AND THIS BOTTLE IS...
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27. THE HOLY GHOST?
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28. NO.
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29. THE HOLY SPIRIT.
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30. YES, AND WHEN THEY'RE MIXED
TOGETHER, WE SEE HOW GOD CREATED
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31. THE EARTH 6,000 YEARS AGO.
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32. WOW. SMELLS LIKE EASTER EGGS.
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33. THAT'S A LONG TIME.
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34. IN FACT, 6,000 YEARS IS THE
LONGEST TIME THERE COULD EVER
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35. BE.
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36. HMM.
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37. BUT THEN HOW DOES TIME KEEP
GOING?
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38. HERE'S HOW, AND I'LL SEE YOU
AFTER SCHOOL.
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39. HEY, TOMMY, WANT TO PLAY
SUPERGOD?
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40. I DON'T MIND BEING THE DEVILLER
THIS TIME.
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41. IT'S ONLY PRETEND.
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42. "DEVIL ME THIS, SUPERGOD."
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43. OREL, DO YOU THINK I'M
STUPID?
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44. WELL, I THINK THAT—
IT'S JUST—
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45. GOD IS PERFECT, RIGHT?
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46. AND GOD MADE YOU, SO YOU MUST BE
PERFECT JUST HOW YOU ARE.
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47. I DON'T KNOW.
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48. I TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT
REVEREND PUTTY TEACHES, BUT
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49. SOMETIMES IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE
SENSE TO ME.
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50. WELL, I CAN TUTOR YOU.
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51. HEY, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
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52. YOU SOAK IN EVERYTHING HE SAYS
LIKE A SPONGE.
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53. YEAH, AND I CAN MAKE YOUR
BRAIN A SPONGE, TOO.
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54. NOW LET'S PLAY.
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55. OK.
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56. AND ALL-POWERFUL CREATOR OF THE
UNIVERSE, BUT AT A MOMENT'S
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57. NOTICE, HE CAN BECOME...
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58. SUPERGOD—MORE POWERFUL THAN
ALL-POWERFUL.
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59. CAN CREATE A ROCK SO HEAVY THAT
EVEN REGULAR GOD CAN'T LIFT IT.
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60. WELL, QUITE FRANKLY, MR. AND
MRS. LITTLES, YOUR SON TOMMY
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61. SCORED POORLY ON HIS IQ TEST.
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62. OH, DEAR.
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63. I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
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64. HE'S ALWAYS STUDYING.
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65. STUDYING DOESN'T HELP WITH IQ
TESTS.
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66. THAT'S WHY IT'S THE PERFECT
MEASUREMENT FOR HOW STUPID HE
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67. IS.
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68. HOW STUPID IS HE?
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69. VERY. YOU SEE, THESE
QUESTIONNAIRES WERE DEVELOPED BY
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70. PROFESSORS AT MORALTON
UNIVERSITY.
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71. TAKE A LOOK.
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72. "COMPLETE THE PATTERN—
FLOWER, BUD, STEM, SEED..."
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73. GOD'S GIGGLES.
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74. PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD, EH?
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75. AND HE GOT THAT WRONG?
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76. WELL, HIS ANSWER WAS
POLLINATION.
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77. THAT'S MORONIC.
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78. NOW, NOW, "MORONIC" IS A
HARSH WORD AND NOT SOCIALLY
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79. ACCEPTABLE ANYMORE.
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80. WE PREFER TO CALL YOUR SON
RETARDED.
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81. OH, MY TOMMY.
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82. ALTHOUGH IT'S EXACTLY AS BAD
AS IT SEEMS, THE CONSOLATION IS
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83. THAT WE DO HAVE A CLASS HERE AT
DIORAMA ELEMENTARY THAT WILL
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84. GENEROUSLY CONDESCEND TO HIS
LACK OF MENTAL CAPABILITIES.
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85. WITH A QUALIFIED TEACHER?
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86. QUALIFIED? OH, NO, NO, NO.
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87. WE CAN'T WASTE THOSE...
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88. HMM, BUT WE CAN ASSIGN HIM A
BRAIN BUDDY TO KEEP HIM FROM
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89. SPAZZING OUT IN PUBLIC.
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90. OREL!
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91. YES, PRINCIPAL FAKEY?
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92. REPORT TO MY OFFICE
IMMEDIATELY!
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93. HOT DOG!
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94. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, TOMMY.
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95. WHAT KIND OF SANDWICH DO I
HAVE TODAY, MOM?
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96. BOLOGNA, AND I'M PACKING SOME
POTATO CHIPS, TOO.
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97. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
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98. WELL, WE DON'T WANT YOU TO
CHOKE NOW, DO WE?
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99. I'M NOT GOING TO CHOKE.
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100. GET READY.
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101. OREL WILL BE HERE SOON.
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102. OREL?
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103. HEY, I'M NOT TAKING MY BIKE,
MOM.
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104. OF COURSE NOT.
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105. YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO RIDE THAT
THING EVER AGAIN.
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106. MORNING.
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107. READY FOR SCHOOL, TOMMY?
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108. TAKE CARE OF HIM, OREL.
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109. WHAT'S GOING ON?
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110. BYE, MRS. LITTLES.
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111. BYE, TOMMY. I LOVE YOU.
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112. HERE WE ARE.
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113. OREL, WHAT'S GOING ON?
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114. THIS ISN'T OUR CLASS.
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115. NO, BUT IT'S YOUR CLASS NOW.
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116. I HEAR IT'S NICE.
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117. BUT—
WELL, WELL, WELL.
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118. THIS LITTLE SMARTY PANTS MUST BE
TOMMY, MUSTN'T HE?
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119. I AM YOUR NEW TEACHER MS.
STOOPDOWN, AND THESE WILL BE
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120. YOUR NEW ONLY FRIENDS FROM NOW
ON.
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121. SO YOU SEE, CHILDREN, GOD
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122. CREATED NUMBERS TO COUNT THINGS
FOR US WHEN OUR BRAINS GET
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123. TIRED.
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124. NUMBER TWO COUNTS TWO THINGS.
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125. NUMBER 8 COUNTS 8 THINGS.
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126. DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT NUMBER 6
IS GOOD AT COUNTING?
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127. VERY GOOD. 6 THINGS.
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128. OH, LOOK.
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129. THE BIG HAND HAS HIT ANOTHER
NUMBER.
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130. THAT MEANS I GET TO HAVE ANOTHER
BREAK.
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131. SEE YOU IN TWO NUMBERS.
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132. UM, I'M NOT RETARDED.
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133. YES, YOU ARE.
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134. YOU'RE RELIGIOUSLY RETARDED
LIKE US.
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135. YEAH. WE'RE CURIOUS.
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136. DON'T SAY THAT.
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137. IT'S TRUE. FACE IT.
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138. WE HAVE OPEN MINDS.
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139. YEAH. WE DON'T ACCEPT
ANYTHING ON FAITH.
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140. THE COAST IS CLEAR.
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141. COME ON. LET'S READ.
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142. OH, GOOD. COME ON.
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143. HURRY BEFORE SHE GETS BACK.
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144. HERE, TOMMY.
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145. OH, THANKS.
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146. HA HA HA! DUNCE!
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147. KNUCKLEHEAD!
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148. GODTARD.
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149. HA HA HA!
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150. SORRY I'M LATE, TOMMY.
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151. LET'S GO.
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152. HEY, OREL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HANGING OUT WITH THIS
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153. GOOFYTUNES?
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154. YEAH.
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155. I'M, UH—
HE'S TUTORING ME.
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156. TUTOR? YOU?
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157. YOU'RE A LOST CAUSE.
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158. WHY, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW
MANY 10 COMMANDMENTS THERE ARE.
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159. HA HA HA!
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160. HA HA! THERE ARE 10 OF THEM.
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161. TICKLE, TICKLE, OW!
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162. TICKLE, TICKLE, OW!
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163. TICKLE, TICKLE, OW!
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164. MOM, GOD IS PERFECT, RIGHT?
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165. YES. HE'S THE MOST HANDSOME,
UNDERSTANDING, AND SATISFYING
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166. MAN A WOMAN COULD EVER ASK FOR.
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167. OH, BUT WHAT ABOUT—
OREL, ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE
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168. ME FEEL INADEQUATE ABOUT MY
MARRIAGE?
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169. GOSH, NO.
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170. STINKING DEAD-END JOB.
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171. HELLO, SWEETHEART.
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172. THERE'S MY GAL.
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173. HEY, DAD, CAN I TALK TO YOU?
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174. SURE. IN MY STUDY.
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175. OK.
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176. YOU DON'T SEEM AT ALL
NERVOUS, YOUNG MAN.
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177. BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING
WRONG.
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178. OH. RIGHT.
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179. WELL, I GUESS MY BELT CAN HAVE
THE DAY OFF.
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180. DARN IT.
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181. DAD, I'M A LITTLE WORRIED
ABOUT MY NEW RESPONSIBILITY OF
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182. TAKING CARE OF TOMMY.
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183. THE HALF-WIT, EH?
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184. YEAH. I'M CONFUSED.
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185. GOD MADE HIM, BUT I CAN'T THINK
OF WHY HE'D DO A THING LIKE THAT
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186. TO TOMMY.
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187. CAN GOD MAKE MISTAKES?
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188. GLAD YOU ASKED, OREL.
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189. GOD MAKES TWO KINDS OF MISTAKES.
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190. THE FIRST KIND IS CALLED A
MIRACLE—YOU KNOW, BLEEDING
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191. STATUES, BURNING BUSHES,
EARTHQUAKES AND HURRICANES THAT
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192. DESTROY DISGUSTING FOREIGN
CULTURES.
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193. THOSE ARE ALL GOOD MISTAKES THAT
BACK UP OUR FAITH IN POSITIVE
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194. WAYS.
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195. THEN THERE ARE HIS NOT-SO-GOOD
MISTAKES—THE COMMON COLD,
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196. TRAFFIC JAMS, AND THE MENTALLY
RETARDED.
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197. THEY'RE CALLED GOD'S BLUNDERS.
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198. BUT HOW CAN GOD BE OMNIPOTENT
AND MAKE BLUNDERS?
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199. WELL, WHEN I SAY WORDS LIKE
"MISTAKES" AND "BLUNDERS," YOU
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200. MISS MY SLY LITTLE WINK.
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201. THAT WINK MEANS WE DON'T
UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING ABOUT GOD.
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202. ALL WE DO KNOW IS THAT WHEN HE
"GOOFS UP" LIKE THAT, IT'S JUST
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203. AN ILLUSTRATION OF THE SPOOKIEST
COMMANDMENT OF ALL—
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204. "THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS
WAYS."
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205. YIKES.
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206. SO THAT'S WHAT THAT MEANS.
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207. YOU BETCHA.
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208. THOSE MISTAKES TEST OUR FAITH.
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209. WOW. THANKS, DAD.
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210. YOU HELPED A LOT.
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211. HEH HEH HEH.
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212. BUT HOW IS THAT A
COMMANDMENT?
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213. SHH. SHH SHH SHH.
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214. YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO WALK
ME EVERY MORNING, OREL.
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215. LOOK, TOMMY. I LIKE IT.
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216. IT HELPS ME TEST MY FAITH.
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217. YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THE
BIBLE, STUPID.
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218. YEAH, LIKE "ABRAHAM BEGAT
ISAAC."
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219. OOH!
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220. OR "BLESSED ARE THE MEEK."
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221. OH!
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222. YEAH, OR "HE WHO IS WITHOUT
SIN."
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223. AAH!
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224. HEY, THEY'RE HURTING MY
FRIENDS.
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225. TOMMY, WAIT!
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226. YOU'RE A JERK. HA HA HA!
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227. NORMAL KIDS, NORMAL KIDS,
LISTEN TO ME.
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228. GET LOST, OREL.
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229. WE'RE PLAYING MISSIONARY.
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230. WAIT, EVERYONE, PLEASE.
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231. LISTEN UP.
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232. JUST BECAUSE THESE KIDS ARE
DIFFERENT, THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE
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233. SHOULD TREAT THEM BADLY.
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234. I MEAN, GOLLY, IF GOD LOVES THEM
FOR THEIR INADEQUACIES, THEN WE
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235. SHOULD, TOO.
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236. YOU SEE, GOD LOVES EVERYONE,
EVEN THE STUPID AND RETARDED
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237. LIKE THESE POOR CHILDREN,
BECAUSE, AS HARD AS IT MAY BE TO
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238. BELIEVE, GOD WANTS THEM THIS
STUPID.
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239. YES, THESE CHILDREN ARE NOT AS
LUCKY AS WE ARE, BUT WE
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240. SHOULDN'T RIDICULE THEM.
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241. WE SHOULD PITY THEM WITH ALL OF
OUR LOVE AND PATIENCE, FOR WE
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242. ALL KNOW GOD IS PERFECT, SO THEY
ARE PERFECT, PERFECTLY STUPID,
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243. PERFECTLY.
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244. SORRY, KID.
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245. YEAH. YOU'RE SAD.
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246. OH, YEAH.
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247. POOR GUY.
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248. OH, BOY.
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249. WELL, AT LEAST HIS HEART IS IN
THE RIGHT PLACE.
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250. POOR KID.
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251. HMM, POOR KIDS.
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252. HELLO. GOOD-BYE.
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253. SKULL!
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