1. YOU AND ME GOT A LOT IN
COMMON, PRINCIPAL FAKEY.
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2. I THINK OF MY ENTIRE PRODUCE
SECTION AS A CLASSROOM, AND
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3. IRONICALLY, THE EGGS ARE THE
DUMB ONES AND THE CABBAGES ARE
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4. THE EGGHEADS.
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5. REVEREND PUTTY,
TUNA CONE?
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6. Rev. NO, THANKS.
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7. OH, BUT IT'S A FUN
HORS D'OEUVRE.
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8. Rev. NOT FOR ME, IT
ISN'T.
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9. OH, COME ON,
REVEREND.
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10. IT'S DELICIOUS.
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11. Rev. BLOBERTA, I HAVE
ONE BITE OF THAT HORS D'OEUVRE,
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12. AND I GUARANTEE YOU THAT I WILL
GET EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA IN
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13. 13 SECONDS.
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14. OH.
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15. NO, YOU'RE BETTER
WHEN YOU DRINK.
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16. OH, DANIELLE.
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17. I MISS YOUR LITTLE FACE.
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18. THANKS FOR COMING TO
THE PREMIERE OF MY NEW FILM,
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19. EVERYONE.
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20. OREL, I HOPE THAT'S
NOT ONE OF MY CLEAN SHEETS
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21. YOU'RE USING.
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22. NOPE, I TOOK IT OFF
DAD'S BED.
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23. WHAT?
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24. OH, GOOD.
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25. HMM. HMM.
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26. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF
MORALTON, STATESOTA, THE LESSONS
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27. I HAVE LEARNED HERE IN THIS TOWN
HAVE BEEN SO INSPIRING THAT I
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28. HAVE BEEN MOVED TO REFLECT ON
THEM IN NOT ONLY AN EDUCATIONAL
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29. MANNER, BUT ALSO ARTISTICALLY.
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30. I DON'T KNOW IF MOST OF YOU ARE
FAMILIAR WITH THE PROCESS OF
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31. STOP-MOTION ANIMATION.
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32. BUT FEAR NOT.
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33. STOP-MOTION ANIMATION IS A HOBBY
OF MINE THAT HAS MADE IT
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34. POSSIBLE FOR ME TO IMMORTALIZE
ALL OF YOU HERE TONIGHT AND TELL
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35. THE STORY THAT YOU HAVE
PROFOUNDLY INSPIRED.
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36. AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DO THE
VOICES.
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37. NO WAY. I QUIT.
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38. THIS MOVIE IS STUPID AND UGH.
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39. OH, WELL.
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40. PLEASE SIT BACK AND ENJOY THE
PREMIERE OF MY FIRST FEATURE
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41. STOP-MOTION ANIMATED FILM
"CRACK, PASTRY BAGS, AND
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42. THE UNHOLY TRINITY!"
[ PROJECTOR CLICKS, WHIRRS ]
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43. [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
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44. CLOUDS ABOVE ♪
♪ OH, HERE COMES THE LORD
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45. CHURCH ♪
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46. HEY.
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47. HEY.
"HEY,
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48. OREL PUPPINGTON, MY SON.
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49. GLUG, GLUG, GLUG."
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50. "YES, CLAY PUPPINGTON,
MY FATHER WHO LOOKS LIKE A PUPPY
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51. BECAUSE HE IS LOYAL AND GOOD?"
"HEY, YOU DON'T HAVE
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52. TO HURRY.
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53. GLUG, GLUG, GLUG.
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54. GOD NEVER MINDS IF WE SHOW UP
DRUNK AND/OR LATE TO CHURCH."
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55. "YES, FATHER."
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56. "FRIENDS, BEING THE MOST
RESPECTED AND RIGHTEOUS MAN IN
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57. MORALTON, IT REALLY IS A
WONDERFUL RESPONSIBILITY TO BE
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58. SO IMPORTANT.
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59. I MEAN, I AM SO WONDROUSLY WISE
AND BLESSED THAT IT IS HARD TO
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60. FIND WORDS TO DESCRIBE THE
GOODNESS OF BEING ME, ALMOST AS
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61. WONDERFUL AS GOD, EXCEPT GOD IS
THE BEST THING EVER, AND HE GAVE
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62. US JESUS.
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63. I LOVE JESUS SO MUCH THAT
NOTHING ELSE MATTERS TO ME.
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64. I DON'T NEED GIRLFRIENDS OR
WIVES OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
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65. I'M HAPPY BEING ALL ALONE
FOREVER.
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66. AND HOW DO I STAY SO HOLY?
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67. I FOLLOW THE THREE MOST
IMPORTANT RULES — TREASURE
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68. GOD'S GREATEST GIFT OF LIFE,
GIVE TO THE POOR, AND NEVER
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69. WASTE MY SPERM.
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70. AMEN."
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71. "DOUGHY, LOOK.
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72. GOD LOVES LIFE MORE THAN DEATH.
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73. WE NEED TO RAISE YOUR DEAD
GRANDFATHER FROM THE DEAD."
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74. "OKAY.
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75. HOW, THOUGH, MORAL?"
It's "Orel."
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76. "OREL."
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77. "MAYBE I'LL HAVE AN
IDEA."
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78. "THERE'S AN IDEA OVER
YOUR HEAD THERE."
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79. "YOU'RE RIGHT.
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80. LET'S START DIGGING.
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81. LET'S STOP DIGGING."
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82. "GOOD IDEA.
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83. THERE'S THE COFFIN WITH MY
GRANPY IN IT, AND NOT UNDER THE
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84. GROUND."
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85. "IT SURE IS NOT.
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86. LET'S TAKE HIS CLOTHES OFF."
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87. "BUT WHY?"
"THERE, HE LOOKS GOOD
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88. AND NAKED NOW."
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89. "HALLELUJAH.
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90. BUT I'M NOT LOOKING."
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91. "I'M GONNA READ FROM
THIS BOOK THAT'S WRITTEN IN A
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92. DIFFERENT LANGUAGE.
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93. 'BONJOUR, ARRIVEDERCI, OOH, LA
LA, THAT'S ITALIAN.
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94. CHING CHING CHING CHONG.
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95. SPAGHETTI.
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96. TOP OF THE MORNIN TO YOU.'"
"I'M A SCAREDY-CAT."
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97. "BUT, LOOK, YOUR NAKED
GRANDFATHER IS NOT SINNING BY
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98. BEING DEAD ANYMORE.
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99. HOORAY, LOOK WHAT WE DID."
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100. "UH-HUH!"
"I'M THE POLICE, AND I THINK
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101. THIS IS ALL BAD."
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102. "RAR! I ONLY EAT BRAINS.
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103. RAARR!
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104. GOD BLESS YOU BOYS.
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105. GOD IS VERY PLEASED."
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106. "MY GRANPY NEVER LIKED BRAINS SO
MUCH WHEN HE WAS ALIVE, OR EVEN
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107. WHEN HE WAS DEAD."
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108. "YES, BUT WE SHOULD
STILL DO THIS TO EVERYBODY FOR
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109. GOD WHILE THIS SONG PLAYS."
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110. ♪ BOW DOWN
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111. TO JESUS' BIDDING ♪
♪ I KID YOU NOT —
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112. THE LORD IS NOT KIDDING ♪
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113. THE LORD IS
MY SHEPHERD.
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114. I SHALL NOT WANT.
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115. HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN IN
GREEN PASTURES, TO RESTORETH MY
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116. SOUL.
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117. "ALL DEAD PEOPLE NEED
THEIR CLOTHES OFF.
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118. I STILL DON'T REMEMBER WHY."
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119. "OREL, HI, IT'S YOUR
DAD.
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120. I NEED TO TEACH YOU WHAT YOU DID
WRONG BY BEATING YOU IN MY
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121. STUDY — GLUG, GLUG, GLUG —
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I DO IN THE
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122. STUDY... TO YOU.
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123. I BEAT YOU, AND THEN I LECTURE
YOU.
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124. AND THAT'S IT — NOTHING ELSE."
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125. "I KNOW."
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126. "COME HERE, OREL,
WHILE YOU'RE PULLING YOUR PANTS
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127. UP FROM MY SPANKING."
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128. IS HIS DAD MOLESTING HIM?
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129. WHAT?
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130. "I HAVE BOOKS IN MY
STUDY THAT EXPLAIN SOME THINGS
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131. ABOUT NAKEDNESS BEING BAD.
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132. NOW GET YOUR MOTHER SEWING
CLOTHES FOR THE ZOMBIES.
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133. IT'S WHAT LADIES DO."
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134. "HERE ARE YOUR
CLOTHES.
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135. TRY NOT TO GET BRAINS ALL OVER
THEM."
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136. "RAR!"
"THANKS, OREL.
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137. NOW YOU ARE SMART.
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138. NOW GO TO SCHOOL, OREL.
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139. I'M TIRED OF FATHERING FOR NOW."
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140. "BOY, SCHOOL IS FUN,
ESPECIALLY WHEN I GET TO GO TO
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141. THE BATHROOM AND MASTURBATE.
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142. MY MIND WANDERS IN FUN WAYS WHEN
I DO THIS."
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143. GIVE ME THAT.
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144. I'LL TAKE THAT ONE.
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145. GIVE IT BACK!
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146. HEY, OREL, THE REVIEWS ARE
IN — THIS MOVIES GETS
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147. 21/2 UGHs!
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148. LET ME READ THE LINES.
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149. AND HERE THEY ARE —
UGH, UGH, UG—
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150. OKAY, ALL RIGHT,
EVERYBODY.
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151. MY NAME IS JOE, AND I'M GONNA
DO ALL THE ACTING FOR THIS
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152. MOVIE, SO DON'T TURN THE PISSY
SHEET.
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153. DOUGHY, GO AND SAY
YOUR LINE.
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154. UM. YES.
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155. AND HERE'S A SNAKE.
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156. JOE!
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157. I HOPE IT EATS OREL.
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158. "YES, THAT'S FUN AND
GOOD, BUT NOT — MASTURBATING
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159. ISN'T."
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160. "OH, NO.
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161. THE REVEREND SAID THAT'S A WASTE
OF SPERM."
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162. "I ALWAYS PUT MY
SPERM IN PLACES THAT WILL NOT
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163. WASTE, HOPEFULLY."
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164. HEY, THAT ACTUALLY LOOKS
LIKE PRINCIPAL FAKEY, THE DUMB
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165. GUY IN SCHOOL.
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166. HE CHEATS ON HIS WIFE WITH THE
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167. DUMBEST GIRL EVER, NURSE BENDY.
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168. UGH.
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169. LET ME READ THE LINE.
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170. OKAY. ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.
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171. "HELLO, FATHER, IT'S OREL."
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172. "HEY, OREL.
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173. HOORAY FOR BEING DUMB.
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174. THREE CHEERS!
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175. HIP, HIP, WHO CARES?"
DOUGHY, SAY YOUR LINES.
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176. "YOU HAVE TO BE GOD'S
CHEF WITH A PASTRY BAG."
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177. BOY, THIS MOVIE EATS
UNDERWEAR, BECAUSE I JUST POOED
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178. IN EVERYONE IN THE WORLDS' PANTS
JUST NOW 10 YEARS AGO.
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179. JOE, DON'T DO THAT
WITHOUT THE —
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180. "OHH, HERE I AM IN A LADY'S
BEDROOM.
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181. REMEMBER WHEN I MADE ALL THOSE
LADIES HAVE BABIES?"
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182. JOE, READ THE SCRIPT!
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183. "OH, AND NOW I AM IN TROUBLE
WITH THE PALCIATED POLICE.
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184. I HOPE THEY HANDCUFF ME TO A FAT
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185. LADY FOREVER, STARTING 10 YEARS
AGO."
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186. STAY ON THE SCRIPT,
JOE.
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187. UGH, UGH, OHH!
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188. "IF YOU LET YOUR SEED
SPILL, YOU GO TO HELL.
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189. IF YOU PUT THEM IN A WOMAN WITH
A PASTRY BAG, YOU ALSO GO TO
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190. HELL."
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191. AND THEN I'M GONNA TAKE THESE
PIECES OF PAPER AND STICK THEM
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192. UP MY NOSE AND RUN AROUND LIKE A
CLOWN.
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193. HI, DAD."
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194. "WANT TO DRINK MY PEE?
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195. THAT'S WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING."
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196. "LOOK AT THIS GUY WITH ANIMALS
ALL OVER HIM.
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197. I WISH IT WAS ME, BECAUSE I MAY
BE THE STUPIDEST THING EVER, AND
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198. MY NAME IS OREL."
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199. "OR OREL'S DAD, SO THERE. UGH!
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200. THIS IS TOO DUMB, EVEN FOR ME.
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201. MR. FIGURELLI, YOU'RE AN EGG,
BECAUSE YOU CAME OUT OF A
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202. CHICKEN'S PEE-HOLE.
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203. AND NOW THEY'RE ILLEGAL BECAUSE
OREL IS MISS CENSORDOLL'S
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204. FAVORITE JERK.
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205. OOH, HI, I'M CLAY PUPPINGTON.
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206. AND I'M DRINKING STUPID JUICE,
AND, BOY, DOES IT WORK, RIGHT,
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207. JESUS?"
"YEAH, I'M JESUS, AND I AGREE
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208. YOU'RE STUPID."
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209. THIS MOVIE SURE DOES STINK.
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210. I HOPE IT DIES LIKE WE ALL DO
SOMEDAY.
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211. YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY SCARY.
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212. I'M NOT GONNA THINK ABOUT THAT
ANYMORE.
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213. "OH, THERE'S SOME MONEY.
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214. YAY! I'M GONNA BUY DRUGS,
BECAUSE NOW I'M DUMBER THAN
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215. EVER.
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216. NOW I'M GONNA SMOKE THE STUFF,
JUST CAUSE I'M A WEIRDO AND, UH,
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217. UGH!"
WHOA!
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218. THIS PART'S PRETTY GOOD.
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219. I-I'M JUST GONNA WATCH THIS.
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220. WOW, HOW'D YOU DO THAT, OREL?
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221. YOU RUINED MY MOVIE.
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222. SHUT UP.
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223. I HATE IT AGAIN.
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224. WHOA, UGH.
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225. HERE WE ARE AT MR. FIGURELLI'S
WORTHLESS STORE FULL OF BOOGERS
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226. AND EARWAX.
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227. NOW OREL'S BEATING UP
MR. FIGURELLI, WHICH IS GOOD,
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228. BECAUSE I HATE MR. FIGURELLI,
BUT BAD, BECAUSE I HATE OREL.
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229. HERE I AM AS OREL, BUYING MORE
DRUGS.
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230. OH, AND THERE'S A BUNCH OF
IDIOTS WITH OREL'S DAD.
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231. AND THIS MOVIE WINS AN AWARD
FOR SMELLING LIKE EVERYONE'S
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232. BUTT ALL AT ONCE.
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233. YAY! I'M TOTALLY GREAT! YAY!
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234. LOOK AT ALL YOU PEOPLE — YOU'RE
ALL DUMB.
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235. HEY, DR. POTTERSWHEEL, WANT ME
TO STICK OUT MY TONGUE AND SAY
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236. "AHH"?
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237. UGH!
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238. HEY, MR. FIGURELLI, WHY DON'T
YOU TAKE YOUR MUSTACHE AND PUT
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239. IT ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD?
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240. UGH!
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241. BLOBERTA PUPPINGTON, HI.
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242. ENJOYING THE SHOW?
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243. AND ME — I'M STUPID, TOO.
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244. UGH!
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245. GEE, JOE COMPLETELY
CHANGED THE MEANING OF
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246. EVERYTHING I WROTE.
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247. GOSH, OREL, THAT'S
TOO BAD.
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248. YEAH. I GUESS,
SOMETIMES, CERTAIN THINGS GET
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249. MISINTERPRETED.
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250. LIKE WHAT?
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251. HMM. NOT SURE.
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252. FOR WE ALL HAVE A VOICE ♪
♪ SO LET'S ALL SING A HYMN
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253. JESUS CHRI— ♪
[ RECORD SCRATCHES
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254. HELLO, GOODBYE!
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