1. ¦
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2. ALL RIGHT, PIOUS SCOUTS, TIME
TO BUILD A FIRE.
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3. NOW THE FIRST THING TO REMEMBER
IS ALWAYS PLACE A
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4. GOVERNMENT-CERTIFIED UNCLE TOXIE
LOG AS DEEP AS YOU CAN INTO THE
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5. PIT, FAR AWAY FROM YOUR LUNGS
AND GENITALS.
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6. NOW WHO REMEMBERS HOW TO LIGHT
THIS HANDY, LITTLE APPLIANCE?
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7. OREL?
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8. YOU SIMPLY START THE
FIRE WITH THE SPARK OF LIFE,
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9. WHICH GOD PUT INTO ALL OF HIS
CREATURES.
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10. VERY GOOD.
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11. YOU MAY DO THE HONORS.
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12. THERE WE GO, BOYS — HOT,
DELICIOUS FIRE.
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13. OOH!
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14. NOW WHO WANTS TO HEAR A GHOST
STORY?
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15. I DO, I DO, I DO!
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16. OKAY, HOW ABOUT I READ "THE
ATTACK OF THE TREE HUGGERS"?
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17. NO!
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18. "THE FLESH-EATING CATHOLICS"?
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19. NO!
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20. AH, I KNOW — "THE
SPINE-CHILLING LIES OF
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21. CHARLES DARWIN."
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22. YEAH!
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23. "ONCE UPON A TIME, ON A DARK,
DESOLATE ISLAND, THERE LIVED A
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24. HIDEOUS, UGLY, BLOODTHIRSTY
SCIENTIST"...
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25. OOH!
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26. "WHO SAID THAT MAN CAME
FROM APES.
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27. AND HE TRIED TO PROVE THIS BY
MAKING US BELIEVE THERE WAS AN
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28. UNSEEN CREATURE WHO WAS HALF
MAN, HALF MONKEY."
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29. GOSH!
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30. "THIS GROTESQUE CREATURE'S
NAME WAS... THE MISSING LINK."
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31. AAH!
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32. THE END.
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33. OREL, I THINK I JUST
EARNED MY "SCAREDY" BADGE.
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34. GREAT WORK, DOUGHY!
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35. OKAY, KIDS, TIME TO TURN OFF
THE FIRE AND HIT THE SACK.
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36. PUT ON YOUR ANTI-CANCER SHIELDS,
EVERYBODY.
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37. GOOD NIGHT, BOYS.
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38. HEY, DOUGHY, WAKE UP.
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39. WE BETTER HURRY IF WE'RE GONNA
GET OUR "CONQUERING NATURE"
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40. BADGES.
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41. GOOD
IDEA.
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42. I THINK THIS HIKE IS
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43. THE PERFECT WAY TO APPRECIATE
THE BEAUTY OF THE LORD'S EARTH.
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44. MAYBE, BUT I'M SCARED
OF WILD ANIMALS, OREL.
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45. GEE, I WOULDN'T WORRY
ABOUT — OH, LOOK.
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46. WOW!
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47. IT'S THE FICTIONAL MISSING LINK
FROM THE GHOST BOOK.
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48. SAY, THAT SHOULD TAKE CARE OF
OUR "COINCIDENCE" BADGES.
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49. AND OUR "MELTING"
BADGES.
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50. YIPPEE!
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51. HUH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW.
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52. IT'S BECOME A NICE DAY ALL OF A
SUDDEN.
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53. HMM.
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54. HEY, YOU TWO, GLAD YOU'RE BACK.
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55. WE'RE JUST ABOUT READY TO HEAD
HOME.
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56. LOOK WHAT WE FOUND,
MR. CARSON.
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57. IT'S THE MISSING LINK
FROM THE SPOOKY DARWIN STORY.
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58. NO!
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59. IT CAN'T BE.
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60. UH, HUB-BUB-A-BUB-BUB.
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61. D-DON'T WORRY, KIDS.
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62. THIS LOOKS TO ME LIKE SOME KIND
OF MONKEY WITH A MASK ON.
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63. OR — OR MAYBE A HIPPY OR AN
ALASKAN OR SOMETHING.
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64. UM, NOW GET.
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65. SHOO!
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66. SCAT, HIPPY.
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67. HERE.
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68. FETCH.
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69. BYE, HIPPY!
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70. Rev. EVERYBODY HAVING
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71. A GOOD TIME?
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72. GREAT WAY TO MINGLE, HUH?
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73. HMM... THOUGHT THERE'D BE MORE
WOMEN.
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74. PLENTY OF SWEETS!
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75. I DON'T KNOW HOW JESUS STAYED SO
SCRAWNY, YOU KNOW?
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76. OOH, LOOK!
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77. IT SAYS, "FAITH."
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78. HOW FUN FOR A COOKIE.
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79. Rev. IT'S NOT A
LIBRARY, MA'AM.
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80. MINE!
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81. REVEREND PUTTY, MAY I
HAVE TWO CHOCOLATE LEPER CAKES
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82. AND A CANDY "CAIN AND ABEL" FOR
MY, UM...
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83. Rev. OH, FOR YOUR
BROTHER?
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84. WELL, HE'S...
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85. Rev. YOU GOT EIGHT
BUCKS?
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86. SURE DO.
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87. Rev. THERE YOU GO.
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88. ENJOY.
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89. THANKS.
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90. LINK!
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91. Rev. YOU KNOW THIS
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92. INDIVIDUAL, OREL?
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93. SURE DO, REVEREND.
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94. HE'S MY FRIEND.
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95. OREL!
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96. AAHHH!
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97. THIS EUROPEAN... MAN
CANNOT BE YOUR FRIEND.
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98. YOU KNOW FULL WELL THAT YOU
SHOULD NEVER TRUST A FOREIGNER.
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99. GEE, DO YOU REALLY
THINK HE'S FROM EUROPE, MOM?
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100. OF COURSE.
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101. LISTEN TO THAT ACCENT.
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102. Rev. OREL, YOUR FRIEND
IS... NOT A PROPER CHRISTIAN.
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103. GEE, HOW DO YOU KNOW,
REVEREND?
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104. WELL, LOOK AT HIM, OREL.
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105. I MEAN, THIS THING — IT LOOKS
EXACTLY LIKE A...
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106. A WHAT, MISS SCULPTHAM?
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107. WELL, HE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T
BELIEVE IN "GENIUSIS."
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108. GENIUSIS?
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109. I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE,
FOLKS.
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110. THAT'S RIGHT, OREL — GENIUSIS.
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111. IT'S A CLEVER COMBINATION OF THE
WORDS "GENIUS" AND "GENESIS."
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112. HUH?
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113. OH, YEAH.
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114. GENIUSIS IS THE MOST
SIMPLISTIC WAY OF DISPROVING
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115. EVOLUTION WHILE AT THE SAME TIME
PROVING THAT THROUGH THE MIRACLE
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116. OF GOD'S PURE BRAINPOWER HE
WHIPPED UP THE UNIVERSE IN HIS
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117. HEAVEN-SHAPED LABORATORY
HUNDREDS OF HUNDREDS OF YEARS
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118. AGO.
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119. WOW!
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120. IN FACT, GENIUSIS IS SO
SIMPLISTIC THAT EVEN THE LOWEST
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121. FORM OF LIFE CAN UNDERSTAND IT.
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122. Rev. I DON'T THINK HIS
TINY BRAIN COULD HOLD AN IDEA
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123. ANY MORE CHALLENGING OR COMPLEX.
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124. WELL, THERE SEEMS TO
BE NO ALTERNATIVE.
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125. LET'S FORCE HIM INTO LEARNING
BEFORE HE RUINS EVERYTHING.
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126. BUT HOW CAN WE FORCE
HIM INTO LEARNING,
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127. PRINCIPAL FAKEY?
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128. IT'S SIMPLE, OREL.
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129. ALL YOU NEED IN ORDER TO TEACH
IS A LITTLE INTIMIDATION.
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130. AND FEAR!
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131. AAH!
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132. Rev. ALL RIGHT, LET'S
START WITH THE BASICS.
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133. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN THIS,
YOU GO HERE AND BURN FOREVER!
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134. AAH!
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135. AAH! AAH! AAH!
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136. Rev. FEAR OF GOD IN
2.3 SECONDS.
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137. THIS BOZO'S GONNA BE A CHRISTIAN
NO TIME FLAT.
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138. AND THAT'S NO THREAT.
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139. OH BOY.
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140. APPARENTLY, THERE'S A NEW CRAZE
CALLED "CONSERVATION."
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141. TSK-TSK-TSK.
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142. MNH-MNH.
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143. LEAVE IT TO THE
LIBERALS.
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144. THEY TAKE A PERFECTLY FINE WORD,
LIKE "CONSERVATIVE," AND RAPE US
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145. WITH IT.
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146. OH!
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147. MOM, DAD, IT'S 8:00.
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148. OH, BOY, MY NEW
FAVORITE SHOW.
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149. FROM A BLOCK OF ICE TO GOD'S
EARS, IT'S "THE LINK McMISSUNS
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150. SHOW."
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151. GOOD AFTERNOON, CITIZENS OF
MORALTON.
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152. I AM LINK McMISSUNS.
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153. MY GUEST TODAY IS
DR. CASTINGS PALPABLE.
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154. OUR TOPIC — EVOLUTION VERSUS
GENIUSIS.
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155. NOW, YOU BELIEVE IN
THIS CRACKPOT THEORY OF
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156. EVOLUTION.
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157. DON'T YOU, DR. PALPABLE?
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158. YES, OF COURSE.
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159. THERE IS EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE —
DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT,
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160. DOCTOR.
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161. EVEN YOU CAN'T IGNORE ALL THE
EVIDENCE THAT GOD MADE ADAM OUT
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162. OF DIRT AND EVE WAS A SPARE RIB.
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163. THAT'S JUST LOGIC, DOCTOR.
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164. COME NOW.
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165. THERE ARE FOSSILS —
FOSSILS, FOSSILS — YOU'RE
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166. LIKE A BROKEN RECORD.
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167. ANY RATIONAL MIND WOULD KNOW
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168. THAT GOD PLANTED DINOSAUR BONES
IN THE EARTH IN ORDER TO GROW
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169. DINOSAURS.
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170. WELL, INTERESTING THEORY.
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171. YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK OUT THIS
ARTIST'S RENDERING OF DARWIN'S
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172. PROPOSED MISSING LINK.
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173. WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?
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174. NOTHING LIKE THIS EVER EXISTED.
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175. IT'S PREPOSTEROUS.
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176. NOW TAKE A LOOK AT THIS
PICTURE OF YOU FROM SEVERAL
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177. WEEKS AGO.
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178. HUH?
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179. THAT'S ME?
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180. UH, YES, ALBEIT A SLEEKER,
SEXIER YOU, BUT YOU NONETHELESS.
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181. MR. McMISSUNS, HOW DO YOU
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182. ACCOUNT FOR YOUR JUTTING BROW
RIDGE AND YOUR STOOPED, APE-LIKE
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183. STATURE?
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184. HOW?
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185. YES.
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186. AND WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU
SAW A HOMO SAPIEN COMPLETELY
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187. COVERED IN FUR?
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188. WHEN?
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189. AND WHO ELSE DO YOU KNOW THAT
WAS THAWED FROM A HUGE BLOCK OF
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190. ICE?
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191. WHO? WHO?
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192. GOSH.
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193. KNOW-IT-ALL SCIENTIST.
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194. BOY, LINK REALLY RIPPED HIM A
NEW BRAIN HOLE, DIDN'T HE?
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195. MMM, YES.
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196. I DON'T KNOW, DAD.
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197. I'M A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT HIM.
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198. ABOUT LINK?
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199. OREL, HE'S A PROFESSIONAL
RIGHT-WING TALK-SHOW HOST.
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200. THAT MEANS HE'S GOD'S
MOUTHPIECE.
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201. AND EVERYONE KNOWS THAT IT'S,
UH, A SIN TO WORRY ABOUT GOD'S
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202. MOUTHPIECE.
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203. SON?
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204. OH, OKAY.
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205. WELL, I THINK I'LL GO
OVER TO FORGHETTY'S FOR A
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206. NIGHTCAP.
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207. BYE!
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208. HAVE FUN, DEAR.
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209. YAH-HA!
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210. HE'S NOT SO TOUGH.
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211. GRAB HIS LEGS.
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212. GRAB HIS LEGS.
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213. ALL RIGHT.
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214. HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.
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215. Rev. LOCK HIM IN THE
FREEZER WHILE WE DECIDE WHAT TO
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216. DO WITH HIM.
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217. I HOPE THAT FAT PIG DOESN'T EAT
ALL MY BAKE-SALE LEFTOVERS.
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218. ALL RIGHT, NOW WHAT?
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219. THAT THING IS DANGEROUS.
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220. I KNOW.
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221. LET'S GO DRINK ABOUT IT AT
FORGHETTY'S.
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222. GOOD IDEA!
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223. HOW MANY FROZEN CREAM PUFFS
DO YOU NEED, REVEREND FLASHWING?
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224. MAKE IT A DOZEN, ZOREL.
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225. I FEEL LUCKY TONIGHT.
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226. GEE!
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227. HELLO, GOODBYE!
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