1. Every 11 seconds
in Moonbeam City,Copy !req
2. 10,000 people get shot.Copy !req
3. Aghh!Copy !req
4. 8,000 people get stabbed.Copy !req
5. 2,000 people get stabbedCopy !req
6. then fall into a bucket
of knives and guns,Copy !req
7. which stab and shoot them.Copy !req
8. 300 people get shot...Copy !req
9. with novocaine.Copy !req
10. So it's less painful
when their teeth get stabbed.Copy !req
11. Agh!Copy !req
12. 80 people get stabbed
by a knifeCopy !req
13. shot from a gun.Copy !req
14. Some call this
getting "shabbed."Copy !req
15. Of course these facts
are incomplete,Copy !req
16. because every second
90 statisticians get shot.Copy !req
17. My statistics.Copy !req
18. In conclusion,
that's my report about murders.Copy !req
19. Next order of business,Copy !req
20. my birthday!Copy !req
21. Who wants a shot, shot?Copy !req
22. Shoot it.Copy !req
23. Whoo!Copy !req
24. Chrysalis, open wide.Copy !req
25. Ugh, no thanks.Copy !req
26. And this must be
the birthday boy.Copy !req
27. Chrysalis,
you chose a terrible stripper.Copy !req
28. Actually, Dazzle,
this is my dad.Copy !req
29. Commander Blade H. Tate,
26th Quasar Battalion,Copy !req
30. Order of the Neon Opal,
seaQuest DSV.Copy !req
31. He's a little out of it.Copy !req
32. Been through some
traumatic stuff.Copy !req
33. - Just be cool.
- Got it.Copy !req
34. So I hear you've seen
some gnarly.Copy !req
35. Ugh.Copy !req
36. Yes, I have spent more timeCopy !req
37. inside of explosions
than out of them.Copy !req
38. My body is
90% torpedo shrapnel.Copy !req
39. Wow.
That is gnarly.Copy !req
40. It's better than being
stuck in this officeCopy !req
41. like you two.Copy !req
42. Trapped like rats in some kind
of cage-shaped box.Copy !req
43. Hang on,
Chrysalis is a dullard,Copy !req
44. I'll give you that,Copy !req
45. but I lead
a very exciting life.Copy !req
46. That's cute.Copy !req
47. In my book,
a man ain't aliveCopy !req
48. until he's standing out
on the deck,Copy !req
49. dripping wet with
salt water and pirate blood,Copy !req
50. surrendering
to the warm embraceCopy !req
51. of the sea.Copy !req
52. Ooh, ooh.Copy !req
53. Eh?Copy !req
54. Okay, good speech, Dad.Copy !req
55. Hey, I'm gonna need
some time off this weekCopy !req
56. to take care of him.Copy !req
57. What do you mean
"take care of"?Copy !req
58. I'm a grown man.Copy !req
59. Of course.Copy !req
60. Enjoy Moonbeam City
as a family.Copy !req
61. Hey, I've got a bottle
of 400-proof Crystal MinotaurCopy !req
62. in my office.
Who wants in?Copy !req
63. 400-proof,
what is this, Mother's Day?Copy !req
64. Dazzle.Copy !req
65. Hello, Pizzaz.
Party's down the hall.Copy !req
66. Oh, wait,
no witches allowed.Copy !req
67. I wouldn't go to your party
if you paid me.Copy !req
68. Now let's go, it's time
for your CPR training.Copy !req
69. CP-what training?Copy !req
70. CPR training.Copy !req
71. What-PR whatting?Copy !req
72. Mandatory CPR training!Copy !req
73. Come on, it'll only take
15 minutes.Copy !req
74. But it's my birthday.Copy !req
75. And it'll still
be your birthdayCopy !req
76. in 15 minutes.Copy !req
77. Ugh.Copy !req
78. You are on my time,
my dime,Copy !req
79. and you will
fall in line.Copy !req
80. And breathe life
into your dead bodies?Copy !req
81. Sorry, Dr. Frankenstein, I don't
believe in the black arts.Copy !req
82. Folks, CPR
is serious business.Copy !req
83. But that doesn't preclude us
from a little funny business.Copy !req
84. Okay, now who can tell me,Copy !req
85. what did the pirate
say to the choking pirate?Copy !req
86. All right, I'll help you out
with this one.Copy !req
87. He said,
"Do you need any CP-ARRR?"Copy !req
88. That's so funny
I remembered to laugh.Copy !req
89. Hey, my first heckler.Copy !req
90. Ooh, comedy rite of passage.
Good for me.Copy !req
91. Now can anyone tell me,Copy !req
92. what robot
in the CPR Wars franchise...Copy !req
93. The warm embrace of the sea.Copy !req
94. The sea.Copy !req
95. The sea.Copy !req
96. Dad, stay off the intercom.Copy !req
97. I will do as I please.Copy !req
98. - This is inhumane!
- Excuse me?Copy !req
99. You've got us cooped up in here
like animals.Copy !req
100. We should be out there
swimming free,Copy !req
101. like animals.Copy !req
102. I've had enough
of your demeaning classCopy !req
103. and your disgusting
sex dolls.Copy !req
104. I'm sea-bound.Copy !req
105. Folks, do not listen
to that man.Copy !req
106. These are not sex dolls.Copy !req
107. Frankly, their mouths
aren't big enough.Copy !req
108. Not that I've tried.Copy !req
109. Of course,
you all understandCopy !req
110. I wouldn't try anything
on a—Copy !req
111. You gotta believe me,Copy !req
112. but there's nothing
to believe.Copy !req
113. I—uh, CPR—Copy !req
114. Hey, you know what,
I'm gonna stop talking.Copy !req
115. There must be some sea crime
I can investigate for a while.Copy !req
116. Mernapping, wavicide,Copy !req
117. carrying a concealed harpoon,
anything.Copy !req
118. Bingo.Copy !req
119. Out of the way.Copy !req
120. Clear the area, sir.
Police!Copy !req
121. Yes, cabana boy, I'll have
another winter smoothieCopy !req
122. with extra
"Dazzle sucks" juice.Copy !req
123. Rad Cunningham.Copy !req
124. The unwanted third testicle
on the dick of life.Copy !req
125. What brings you to the bay?Copy !req
126. Disposing of all
your pooped-in pants?Copy !req
127. Just cleaning up
the mess you've made.Copy !req
128. Well, I'm afraid
this case is closed.Copy !req
129. Female, mid 30s, drowned.Copy !req
130. Suicide.Copy !req
131. What makes you so sure?Copy !req
132. Did you check for shab wounds?Copy !req
133. Bam! Suicide note.
Read it and weep.Copy !req
134. I solved the case
in ten minutes,Copy !req
135. and I've been working
on my tan ever since.Copy !req
136. When I got here,
I was pale white.Copy !req
137. Now I'm a healthy ivory.Copy !req
138. Tough break, pal.Copy !req
139. Hey, if we leave now we'll make
the 6:15 CPR class.Copy !req
140. Never!Copy !req
141. Rad, I'm pulling you off
this investigationCopy !req
142. and putting you on
the "injest-igation,"Copy !req
143. of my balls in your mouth.Copy !req
144. Hey, my jumpsuit!Copy !req
145. This is real Italian pleather!Copy !req
146. Buzz off, rookie.Copy !req
147. I hereby declare
this case back open.Copy !req
148. Oh, how you gonna
prove me wrong?Copy !req
149. There were not witnesses.Copy !req
150. Correction.Copy !req
151. No human witnesses.Copy !req
152. And this is where I work.Copy !req
153. Your mother
would be so proud...Copy !req
154. of me if I scolded you
for your filthy workspace.Copy !req
155. Chrysalis, are you busy?Copy !req
156. Yes.Copy !req
157. Great.
We've got work to do.Copy !req
158. We're not in Kansas anymore.Copy !req
159. This ain't your daddy's
Kansas...Copy !req
160. anymore.Copy !req
161. Kansas, we have a problem.Copy !req
162. Can you stop?Copy !req
163. Hmm, of course I can...Copy !req
164. sas.Copy !req
165. Damn it!Copy !req
166. You ready?Copy !req
167. Born ready.Copy !req
168. Hold on to your flukes.Copy !req
169. There's a new dolphin in town.Copy !req
170. This is historic.Copy !req
171. The world's first
interspecies interrogation.Copy !req
172. So you're gonna
interrogate a dolphin.Copy !req
173. What, are you gonna use
a seashell as a lie detector?Copy !req
174. Don't be stupid.Copy !req
175. You use a jellyfish
as a lie detector.Copy !req
176. Oh, of course.Copy !req
177. Here we go.
Watch how I blend in.Copy !req
178. Good morning, all.Copy !req
179. My name isn't Dazzle,
it's Dorsal.Copy !req
180. And I am a dolphin,
like you.Copy !req
181. They're buying it.Copy !req
182. So you guys wanna frolic?Copy !req
183. There's gotta be a coral reef
castle around here somewhere.Copy !req
184. I don't think
they understand you.Copy !req
185. Shh, shh, shh. You don't know
how to communicate with them.Copy !req
186. Whoa!
Wait up.Copy !req
187. Dazzle, I'm losing you.Copy !req
188. I have to catch up.Copy !req
189. She may be the one
I saw in the bay.Copy !req
190. Dazzle, come in.Copy !req
191. Come in, Dazzle.
Dazzle?Copy !req
192. She's beautiful.Copy !req
193. Ma'am, I'm going to have
to hold you for questioning.Copy !req
194. So what does a magnificent
creature like youCopy !req
195. call yourself?Copy !req
196. No, wait, let me guess.Copy !req
197. Is it Splasha?Copy !req
198. Wow, Splasha.Copy !req
199. Got it on the first try.Copy !req
200. This must be your family,Copy !req
201. Delphon the Wise,Copy !req
202. your father and ruler
of the kingdom of Aquatica.Copy !req
203. Oh, it's your overprotective
brother, Finzo.Copy !req
204. When will you let Splasha
live her own life?Copy !req
205. Sure, she'll make mistakes,Copy !req
206. but what's what growing up
is all about!Copy !req
207. You are so calm
in the face of turmoil, Splasha.Copy !req
208. My boss could learn from you.Copy !req
209. She can be such a C-word.Copy !req
210. You know, a real crank.Copy !req
211. Not like you.Copy !req
212. You're different.Copy !req
213. You're special.Copy !req
214. Hey, wait up!Copy !req
215. Oh, God, stop it!Copy !req
216. Oh, you!Copy !req
217. Couple of fine specimens
over yonder.Copy !req
218. Keep an eye on 'em.Copy !req
219. Yes, Mr. Howligan.Copy !req
220. I love it down there!Copy !req
221. I thought my birthday
was ruined.Copy !req
222. Now I've been reborn,Copy !req
223. as a plucky young dolphinCopy !req
224. named Dorsal Finskipper.Copy !req
225. Okay, but what about
the drowning.Copy !req
226. Oh, I solved that.
It was suicide.Copy !req
227. Tell Rad he was right.Copy !req
228. Dazzle, if we're not going
to investigate anything,Copy !req
229. I need to look after my dad.Copy !req
230. Bring him along next time.Copy !req
231. There's plenty of room
in the submopod.Copy !req
232. Can't you use someone else,
just this once?Copy !req
233. I don't trust anyone else.Copy !req
234. I'd clone myself
and be my own partner,Copy !req
235. but the clone and I would have
too much sex with each otherCopy !req
236. to get any work done.Copy !req
237. That's why I need you.Copy !req
238. Really?Copy !req
239. That's actually kind of sweet,
Dazzle.Copy !req
240. It's straight from the heart.Copy !req
241. Oh, by the way,
can you hose down my suit?Copy !req
242. I swam through
some whale.Copy !req
243. Ugh.Copy !req
244. I do a lot
of CPR-based humor.Copy !req
245. - Dazzle!
- Aghh!Copy !req
246. I ask you to do
one thing for me,Copy !req
247. and you run away screaming
like a little girl.Copy !req
248. You are going
to finish this classCopy !req
249. sitting at your desk
under my supervision.Copy !req
250. I'll take a rain check.Copy !req
251. Rain checkmate.Copy !req
252. Rad, where are your clothes?Copy !req
253. Dazzle ruined my jumpsuit!Copy !req
254. Why are you all
such children?Copy !req
255. 15 minutes,
sign the form,Copy !req
256. and then we can all leave.Copy !req
257. Just to butt in, I could
probably get it down to ten.Copy !req
258. Stay out of this!Copy !req
259. Heed my words, Dazzle.Copy !req
260. Pass the class
or your ass is grass.Copy !req
261. Sorry, Pizzaz, I've got
more important things to doCopy !req
262. than saving lives.Copy !req
263. Ouch.Copy !req
264. So long, dicks!Copy !req
265. I will get that signature.Copy !req
266. Well, what CP-R
ya gonna do?Copy !req
267. Ah, the old submopod.Copy !req
268. You know, your mother and I
conceived youCopy !req
269. in a vessel like this.Copy !req
270. Dad, that—
that's inappropriate.Copy !req
271. No, no, no, no,
it's fascinating.Copy !req
272. How did you find the space?Copy !req
273. Well, she kinda shimmied up
the side.Copy !req
274. Can I—Can I—
Can I show you?Copy !req
275. Sure.
Am I you or your wife?Copy !req
276. - Ugh.
- No, I'm me.Copy !req
277. And then if you just scoot up
and spread eagle.Copy !req
278. - Ugh.
- Like this?Copy !req
279. Not quite.Copy !req
280. She had her leg
up on that panel.Copy !req
281. - And she—
- No, don't.Copy !req
282. Let me just
adjust your hips.Copy !req
283. Stop it!Copy !req
284. Not now, Chrysalis.
Daddy's busy.Copy !req
285. FYI, I'm very comfortable
with my body.Copy !req
286. So just really invade
my personal space.Copy !req
287. Dad, stop!Copy !req
288. Oh, my God!Copy !req
289. Agh!Copy !req
290. Look, Dazzle.
It's Splasha, your girlfriend.Copy !req
291. Thank God.Copy !req
292. Splasha, I've missed you
so much.Copy !req
293. I know!Copy !req
294. Every second we're apart
is like a million eternities.Copy !req
295. No, you try and keep up.Copy !req
296. This has been
an unbelievable day, Splasha.Copy !req
297. Splasha?Copy !req
298. Splasha!Copy !req
299. Damn, we only got one.Copy !req
300. Let me out of here.Copy !req
301. Hmm, he walk like a dolphin.Copy !req
302. But he don't talk
like a dolphin.Copy !req
303. So you see, I'm just
a simple dolphin enthusiast.Copy !req
304. That's why I collect 'em.
Hmm.Copy !req
305. What, and then sell them to that
crooked sea park in Moon Diego?Copy !req
306. No!
What cruelty!Copy !req
307. I run the city's
premier dolphin racetrack.Copy !req
308. You see, your little Splasha's
genetically built for racing.Copy !req
309. Like a smooth, blubbery
bullet what's alive.Copy !req
310. Mayhaps you could
slow her down, into a net.Copy !req
311. I'd make it worth
your while.Copy !req
312. I'm afraid I'm not ruled
by greed.Copy !req
313. Sorry, Howligan, no dice.Copy !req
314. Oh, there's dice all right.Copy !req
315. The biggest dice you ever seen,
with your name on 'em.Copy !req
316. My name is on big dice?Copy !req
317. Yes.Copy !req
318. My full name?Copy !req
319. The—uh, this—Copy !req
320. Your name's on the dice.Copy !req
321. But there's still dots
on the dice.Copy !req
322. It has nothing
to do with dice.Copy !req
323. It's a figure of speech.Copy !req
324. I don't understand
how that's a threat.Copy !req
325. Because!
Just—you—Copy !req
326. I'm threatening you.Copy !req
327. If you're gonna threaten me,Copy !req
328. you need to be
much more articulate.Copy !req
329. Okay, let me spell it out
for you.Copy !req
330. The big dice
are rolling over youCopy !req
331. and crushing your bones
and what-have-you.Copy !req
332. Now that's a threat.Copy !req
333. Hmm.Copy !req
334. Don't worry, Splasha.Copy !req
335. Howligan and his dice can't
get you while I'm around.Copy !req
336. Splasha,
what a devilish idea.Copy !req
337. Do we dare?Copy !req
338. Oh, no, I don't like
where this is going.Copy !req
339. Shh, don't spoil it for me.Copy !req
340. Chrysalis,
deploy the dolphin penis.Copy !req
341. What? The suit doesn't have
a dolphin penis.Copy !req
342. I took it to a dolphin penis
specialist.Copy !req
343. He added one.
Now deploy!Copy !req
344. Ew, no!
I'm not gonna do that!Copy !req
345. Chrysalis,
grow up already,Copy !req
346. and activate your friend's
dolphin's penis.Copy !req
347. Um, hello?
Can I help you?Copy !req
348. Listen, we're just trying
to get some privacy,Copy !req
349. if you could just
swim somewhere else.Copy !req
350. Stay back.Copy !req
351. I don't trust this orca.Copy !req
352. Look, that's enough!
You're scaring my girlfriend.Copy !req
353. - Go away.
- No!Copy !req
354. Rad?Copy !req
355. You guessed it,
Brine-stein.Copy !req
356. Drop the net.Copy !req
357. That bastard Howligan
got to you, didn't he?Copy !req
358. He seduced me
with the ultimate bribe:Copy !req
359. dolphin race tickets for life.Copy !req
360. There's lots of blackout dates
and I can't go on weekends,Copy !req
361. parking sucks,
but still, solid bribe.Copy !req
362. Damn it, Rad, let her out,
you black fish!Copy !req
363. Oh, I'd love to cheer you up,Copy !req
364. but this orca's gotta fly.Copy !req
365. Pew!Copy !req
366. Splasha, no!Copy !req
367. Aghh!Copy !req
368. Mr. Novak, I hate to say,
but you're a lost cause.Copy !req
369. If you ever tried CPR,
you'd probably kill someone.Copy !req
370. Jeez, now don't tell Pizzaz,Copy !req
371. but would you just sign
this form and get outta here?Copy !req
372. Oh, my shirt.Copy !req
373. I'm coming, Splasha!Copy !req
374. It's a beautiful day
for a race of creaturesCopy !req
375. to be forced to race.Copy !req
376. I'm Genesis Jones,
live at Periscope Downs.Copy !req
377. Here the dolph-men will be
separated from the dolph-boys.Copy !req
378. The losers will be eaten,Copy !req
379. while the winner
will be awarded $1,000,Copy !req
380. then eaten.Copy !req
381. Okay, I've got a plan.Copy !req
382. Chrysalis,
take your top off.Copy !req
383. Commander,
go start a fire.Copy !req
384. I'll start slicing necks.Copy !req
385. I love this plan.Copy !req
386. Wait!
We have to be careful.Copy !req
387. Howligan's got snipers
in the owner's box.Copy !req
388. Plus Orca Rad's
guarding the stables.Copy !req
389. And if I hear any sass,Copy !req
390. I will contact a shark
and ask him to eat you.Copy !req
391. Comprende?Copy !req
392. Chomp-chomp?Copy !req
393. Oh, God.
Oh, oh, oh, no, no, no.Copy !req
394. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
395. Guys, we might be out
of options.Copy !req
396. Not so fast.Copy !req
397. You civilians don't knowCopy !req
398. that every naval commanderCopy !req
399. with ten tours of dutyCopy !req
400. gets one of these
little beauties.Copy !req
401. It's not a medal.Copy !req
402. It's a tiny piece
of the Bermuda Triangle.Copy !req
403. When placed in water,Copy !req
404. it will open up a small
but powerful portal.Copy !req
405. Commander Tate,
you're a human miracle.Copy !req
406. Godspeed.Copy !req
407. Huh, must be expired.Copy !req
408. Okay, good try, Dad.
Follow me.Copy !req
409. Okay, if we aim
this thing right,Copy !req
410. it'll crash right into
that fuelling station.Copy !req
411. This whole place will blow
to kingdom come.Copy !req
412. Howligan's gonna hobble out here
carrying his own limbs.Copy !req
413. Hey, now there's that famous
Tate spunk.Copy !req
414. And they're off!Copy !req
415. Right away
it's Grey Beauty in the lead,Copy !req
416. followed by Fin and Dandy.Copy !req
417. Coming up from the back strong,
we got Landbiscuit,Copy !req
418. Secret Squid,
and I Named Myself.Copy !req
419. Boy howdy,
what a race!Copy !req
420. Let's lock and load!Copy !req
421. Damn it,
the trajectory's off.Copy !req
422. It's gonna miss
by seven and a half inches.Copy !req
423. Chrysalis,
deploy dolphin penis!Copy !req
424. Not again!
Please, don't make me.Copy !req
425. Chrysalis Zirconia Tate,Copy !req
426. I command you to deploy
the dolphin penis!Copy !req
427. I refuse to watch.
Just tell me how it goes.Copy !req
428. It's working!Copy !req
429. Good.
I'm so glad.Copy !req
430. Ah, freeze!
Police!Copy !req
431. Only one dolphin remains,Copy !req
432. and she got it!Copy !req
433. You're free now, girl.Copy !req
434. Not so fast-like.Copy !req
435. No, don't shoot!Copy !req
436. I ain't gonna shoot her,Copy !req
437. but I might shab her.Copy !req
438. Either way, don't do it.Copy !req
439. Come now, why would I kill
this valuable creature?Copy !req
440. She's gonna rebuild my track
with her bare fins.Copy !req
441. Then she's gonna race and race
till her blowhole falls off.Copy !req
442. What do you say to that,
Dazzle Novak?Copy !req
443. What was that?Copy !req
444. CPR.Copy !req
445. Something told me
if I tried itCopy !req
446. I'd probably kill someone.Copy !req
447. Hey you.Copy !req
448. It's funny,Copy !req
449. they say a dolphin
never forgets.Copy !req
450. But what they don't tell youCopy !req
451. is you never forget
a dolphin.Copy !req
452. Please, don't make this harder
than it is.Copy !req
453. We're from
two different worlds.Copy !req
454. I'm a mammal.Copy !req
455. You're a fish.Copy !req
456. Just know that next time
I see a can of tuna,Copy !req
457. I'll imagine there are
chunks of you in it.Copy !req
458. And I'll try my best
to get one lodged in my heart.Copy !req
459. Once again,
you have left a pathCopy !req
460. of gratuitous,
wanton destruction,Copy !req
461. displaying an utter contempt
for human lifeCopy !req
462. and personal property.Copy !req
463. You will replace
the CPR guy's shirt.Copy !req
464. You know, this is
a very dysfunctional workplace.Copy !req
465. It's funny,
I actually enjoyCopy !req
466. not being in that oxygen-free
robo-skeleton.Copy !req
467. Hey, what happened to Rad?Copy !req
468. I'm a human, man!Copy !req
469. I'm stuck in an advanced
robotic orca suit!Copy !req
470. Why isn't anybody
listening to me?Copy !req
471. (Rad)
Does anybody speak English here?Copy !req
472. Well, kids,
I'm shipping off.Copy !req
473. I guess you do have
some excitementCopy !req
474. in this place after all.Copy !req
475. I'll miss you, Dad.Copy !req
476. As will I.Copy !req
477. But while the sea
may wash away those we love,Copy !req
478. their memories still wadeCopy !req
479. in the gentle tide
of our minds.Copy !req
480. Hey, is that a penis?Copy !req
481. What are you talking about?
That's a second tail.Copy !req
482. Nope, it's a penis.Copy !req
483. Pretty big one at that too,
yeah.Copy !req
484. She's a dude.Copy !req
485. Chirp.Copy !req
486. Eh!Copy !req