1. AND NOW...Copy !req
2. IT'S...Copy !req
3. MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUSES.Copy !req
4. GOOD EVENINGCopy !req
5. AND WELCOME TO THE ARTHUR
LUDLOW MEMORIAL BATHS, NEWPORTCopy !req
6. FOR THIS YEAR'S FINALSCopy !req
7. OF THE ALL-ENGLAND
SUMMARIZE PROUST COMPETITION.Copy !req
8. AS YOU MA Y REMEMBER,
EACH CONTESTANT HAS TO GIVECopy !req
9. A BRIEF SUMMARY OF PROUST'S
A LA RECHERCHE DU TEMPS PERDUCopy !req
10. ONCE IN A SWIMSUIT
AND ONCE IN EVENING DRESS.Copy !req
11. THE FIELD HAS NOW NARROWED
TO THREE FINALISTSCopy !req
12. AND YOURJUDGES TONIGHTARECopy !req
13. ALEC AND ERIC BEDSER,
EX-SURREY CRICKETERS;Copy !req
14. STEWART SURRIDGE,
EX-CAPTAIN OF SURREY;Copy !req
15. OMAR SHARIF; LAURIE FISHLOCK,
EX-SURREY OPENING BATSMAN;Copy !req
16. PETER MAY, THE FORMER
SURREY AND ENGLAND CAPTAIN;Copy !req
17. AND YEHUDI MENUHIN,
THE WORLD-FAMOUS VIOLINISTCopy !req
18. AND THE PRESIDENT
OF THE SURREY CRICKET CLUB.Copy !req
19. AND RIGHT NOW IT'S TIME
TO MEET YOUR HOST FOR TONIGHTCopy !req
20. ARTHUR MEE!Copy !req
21. GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME.Copy !req
22. WHEREAS PROUST WOULD SAY,
"LE MALADE IMAGINAIRECopy !req
23. "DE RECONDITION
ET DE TOUTE SURVEILLANCECopy !req
24. EST BIENTOT LA MEME CHOSE. "Copy !req
25. REMEMBER, EACH CONTESTANT
THIS EVENINGCopy !req
26. HAS A MAXIMUM OF
15 SECONDS TO SUMMARIZECopy !req
27. A LA RECHERCHE DU TEMPS PERDUCopy !req
28. AND ON THE PROUSTOMETER HERECopy !req
29. YOU CAN SEE
EXACTLY HOW FAR HE GETS.Copy !req
30. SO LET'S CRACK STRAIGHT ON WITH
OUR FIRST CONTESTANT TONIGHT.Copy !req
31. HE'S LAST YEAR'S SEMIFINALIST,
FROM LUTON, MR. HARRY BAGOT.Copy !req
32. HELLO, HARRY.Copy !req
33. NOW, THERE'S
THE SUMMARIZING SPOT.Copy !req
34. YOU'RE ON THE
SUMMARIZING SPOT.Copy !req
35. 15 SECONDS FROM... NOW!Copy !req
36. PROUST'S NOVEL OSTENSIBLY TELLSCopy !req
37. OF THE IRREVOCABILITY
OF TIME LOSTCopy !req
38. THE FORFEITURE OF INNOCENCE
THROUGH EXPERIENCECopy !req
39. THE REINSTALLMENT OF EXTRATEMPORAL
VALUES OF TIME REGAINED.Copy !req
40. ULTIMATELY THE NOVEL
IS BOTH OPTIMISTICCopy !req
41. AND SET WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF
A HUMANE RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCECopy !req
42. RESTATING AS IT DOES
THE CONCEPT OF INTEMPORALITY.Copy !req
43. IN THE FIRST VOLUME, SWANN,
THE FAMILY FRIEND, VISITS...Copy !req
44. WELL TRIED, HARRY.Copy !req
45. A GOOD ATTEMPT THERECopy !req
46. BUT UNFORTUNATELY HE CHOSE
A GENERAL APPRAISAL OF THE WORKCopy !req
47. BEFORE GETTING ON TO THE STORY,
AND AS YOU CAN SEECopy !req
48. HE ONLY GOT AS FAR
AS PAGE ONE OF SWANN'S WAYCopy !req
49. THE FIRST OF THE SEVEN VOLUMES.Copy !req
50. A GOOD TRY, THOUGH,
AND VERY NICE POSTURE.Copy !req
51. HARRY BAGOT,
YOU'RE FROM LUTON?Copy !req
52. YES, ARTHUR, YEAH.Copy !req
53. NOW, HARRY, WHAT MADE
YOU FIRST WANT TO TRYCopy !req
54. AND START
SUMMARIZING PROUST?Copy !req
55. WELL, I FIRST ENTEREDCopy !req
56. A SEASIDE SUMMARIZING
PROUST COMPETITIONCopy !req
57. WHEN I WAS ON HOLIDAY
IN BOURNEMOUTHCopy !req
58. AND MY DOCTOR
ENCOURAGED ME WITH IT.Copy !req
59. AND, HARRY, WHAT ARE YOUR
HOBBIES OUTSIDE SUMMARIZING?Copy !req
60. WELL, THERE'S GOLF,
AND STRANGLING ANIMALS.Copy !req
61. WELL, THERE HE GOES...
HARRY BAGOT.Copy !req
62. HE MUST HAVE LET HIMSELF
DOWN A BIT ON THE HOBBIES.Copy !req
63. GOLF'S NOT VERY POPULAR
AROUND HERE.Copy !req
64. BUT NEVER MIND, A GOOD TRY.Copy !req
65. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MR. RUTHERFORD, FROM LEICESTER.Copy !req
66. ARE YOU READY, RONALD?Copy !req
67. YEAH, YEAH.Copy !req
68. RIGHT, AT YOUR
SUMMARIZING SPOT.Copy !req
69. YOU HAVE GOT
15 SECONDS FROM... NOW!Copy !req
70. ER... OOH!Copy !req
71. ER, OH, SWANN, SWANN!Copy !req
72. ER, SWANN.Copy !req
73. THERE'S THIS HOUSE...
THERE'S THIS HOUSE, ER, AND...Copy !req
74. IT'S IN THE MORNING,
IT'S IN THE MORNING.Copy !req
75. NO, NO, NO,
IT'S IN THE EVENING...Copy !req
76. IN THE EVENING,
AND THEN THERE'S A GARDENCopy !req
77. UH... AND, ER,
THIS BLOKE COMES IN...Copy !req
78. BLOKE COMES IN.Copy !req
79. WHAT'S HIS NAME?
WHAT'S HIS NAME?Copy !req
80. OH, GOD, JUST SAID IT,
JUST SAID IT.Copy !req
81. UH, BIG BLOKE... SWANN! SWANN!Copy !req
82. OH, OUT OF TIME.Copy !req
83. I'M SORRY,
WE'RE OUT OF TIME.Copy !req
84. AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I'D LIKE YOU TO WELCOMECopy !req
85. THE LAST OF OUR ALL-ENGLAND
FINALISTS THIS EVENINGCopy !req
86. FROM BINGLEY,
THE BOLTON CHORAL SOCIETYCopy !req
87. AND THEIR LEADER,
SUPERINTENDENT McGOUGH.Copy !req
88. ALL RIGHT, BINGLEY.Copy !req
89. REMEMBER, YOU'VE
GOT 15 SECONDSCopy !req
90. TO SUMMARIZE PROUST
IN THEIR ENTIRETYCopy !req
91. STARTING FROM... NOW!Copy !req
92. VERY AMBITIOUS TRY THERECopy !req
93. BUT IN FACT THE LEAST
SUCCESSFUL OF THE EVENING.Copy !req
94. THEY DIDN'T EVEN GET
AS FAR AS THE FIRST VOLUME.Copy !req
95. WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMENCopy !req
96. I DON'T THINK ANY OF OUR
CONTESTANTS THIS EVENINGCopy !req
97. HAVE SUCCEEDED IN ENCAPSULATINGCopy !req
98. THE INTRICACIES
OF PROUST'S MASTERWORK.Copy !req
99. SO I'M GOING TO AWARD
THE FIRST PRIZE THIS EVENINGCopy !req
100. TO THE GIRL
WITH THE BIGGEST TITS.Copy !req
101. MOUNT EVEREST...Copy !req
102. FORBIDDING, ALOOF, TERRIFYING.Copy !req
103. THE MOUNTAIN WITH
THE BIGGEST TITS IN THE WORLD.Copy !req
104. START AGAIN!Copy !req
105. MOUNT EVEREST...Copy !req
106. FORBIDDING, ALOOF, TERRIFYING.Copy !req
107. THIS YEAR, THIS REMOTE
HIMALAYAN MOUNTAINCopy !req
108. THIS MYSTICAL TEMPLECopy !req
109. SURROUNDED BY THE MOST
DIFFICULT TERRAIN IN THE WORLDCopy !req
110. REPULSED YET ANOTHER ATTEMPT
TO CONQUER ITCopy !req
111. THIS TIME BY THE INTERNATIONAL
HAIRDRESSERS' EXPEDITION.Copy !req
112. IN SUCH FREEZING
ADVERSE CONDITIONSCopy !req
113. MAN COMES VERY CLOSE
TO BREAKING POINT.Copy !req
114. WHAT WAS THE REAL CAUSE
OF THE DISHARMONYCopy !req
115. WHICH DESTROYED
THEIR CHANCES OF SUCCESS?Copy !req
116. WELL, PEOPLE WOULD
KEEP TAKING YOUR HAIRDRYERCopy !req
117. AND NEVER RETURNING IT.Copy !req
118. THERE WAS A LOT OF BITCHING
IN THE TENTS.Copy !req
119. YOU COULDN'T GET
NEAR THE MIRROR.Copy !req
120. THE LEADER OF
THE EXPEDITION WASCopy !req
121. COLONEL SIR JOHN
"TEASY WEASY" BUTLERCopy !req
122. VETERAN OF K2,
ANNAPURNA AND VIDALS.Copy !req
123. HIS PLAN WAS TO IGNORE THE
USUAL ROUTE ROUND THE SOUTH COLCopy !req
124. AND TO MAKE
STRAIGHT FOR THE TOP.Copy !req
125. WELL, WE ESTABLISHED
BASE SALON HERECopy !req
126. AND CLIMBED QUITE STEADILY
UP TO MARIO'S, HERE.Copy !req
127. FROM HERE, USING CRAMPONS
AND CUTTING ICE STEPS AS WE WENTCopy !req
128. WE MOVED STEADILY UP THE LHOTSE
FACE TO THE NORTH RIDGECopy !req
129. ESTABLISHING CAMP IIICopy !req
130. WHERE WE COULD GET A HOT MEAL, A
MANICURE AND A SHAMPOO AND SET.Copy !req
131. COULD IT WORK?Copy !req
132. COULD THIS 18-YEAR-OLD
HAIRDRESSER FROM BRIXTONCopy !req
133. SUCCEED WHERE
OTHERS HAD FAILED?Copy !req
134. THE SITUATION WAS COMPLICATEDCopy !req
135. BY THE IMMINENT ARRIVAL
OF THE MONSOON STORMS.Copy !req
136. PATRICE TAKES UP THE STORY.Copy !req
137. WELL, WE KNEW AS WELL AS ANYONE
THAT THE MONSOONS WERE DUECopy !req
138. BUT THE THING WASCopy !req
139. RICKY AND I HAD JUST HAD
A BLOW-DRY AND RINSECopy !req
140. AND WE COULDN'T GO OUT
FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.Copy !req
141. AFTER A BLAZING ROWCopy !req
142. THE GERMANS AND THE ITALIANS
HAD TURNED BACKCopy !req
143. TAKING WITH THEM
THE LAST OF THE HAIRNETS.Copy !req
144. ON THE THIRD DA Y,
A BLIZZARD BLEW UP.Copy !req
145. TEMPERATURES FELL
TO MINUS 3O CENTIGRADE.Copy !req
146. INSIDE THE LITTLE TENT,
THINGS WERE GETTING DESPERATE.Copy !req
147. WELL, THINGS HAVE
GOT SO BADCopy !req
148. THAT WE'VE BEEN
FORCED TO USECopy !req
149. THE LAST OF THE HEAVY
OXYGEN EQUIPMENTCopy !req
150. JUST TO KEEP
THE DRYERS GOING.Copy !req
151. CUP OF MILO, LOVE.Copy !req
152. OH, SHE'S A TREAS.Copy !req
153. BUT A NEW FACTOR
HAD ENTERED THE RACE.Copy !req
154. A TEAM OF FRENCH CHIROPODISTSCopy !req
155. WORKING WITH
BRAND-NEW CORN PLASTERSCopy !req
156. AND DR. SCHOLL'S
MOUNTAINEERING SANDALSCopy !req
157. WERE COVERING GROUND FAST.Copy !req
158. THE GLASGOW ORPHEUS
MALE VOICE CHOIR WERE TACKLINGCopy !req
159. THE DIFFICULT NORTH COL.Copy !req
160. ALTOGETHER 14 EXPEDITIONS
WERE AT HIS HEELS.Copy !req
161. THIS WAS IT.Copy !req
162. RICK HAD TO MAKE A DECISION.Copy !req
163. WELL, HE DECIDED
TO OPEN A SALON.Copy !req
164. IT WAS A TREMENDOUS SUCCESS.Copy !req
165. CHALLENGING EVEREST?Copy !req
166. WHY NOT DROP IN
AT RICKY PULE'S...Copy !req
167. ONLY 24,000 FEET
FROM THIS CINEMA.Copy !req
168. RICKY AND MAURICE OFFER
A VARIETY OF STYLESCopy !req
169. FOR THE WELL-GROOMED CLIMBER.Copy !req
170. LIKE SHERPA TENZING
AND SIR EDMUND HILLARYCopy !req
171. BE NUMBER ONE ON TOP
WHEN YOU'RE NUMBER ONE ON TOP.Copy !req
172. THIS CINEMA IS PROUD TO PRESENTCopy !req
173. 20th-CENTURY FROG'S PRODUCTION:Copy !req
174. OH, JAMES!Copy !req
175. OH, BEATRICE!Copy !req
176. OH... JAMES!Copy !req
177. OH... OH, BEATRICE!Copy !req
178. OH... OH, JAMESCopy !req
179. I COULD MAKE SUCH A FOOL
OF MYSELF OVER YOU.Copy !req
180. OH, BEATRICE, DO... DO!Copy !req
181. OH, YES, JAMES, YES!Copy !req
182. OH, JAMES!Copy !req
183. BEATRICE!Copy !req
184. OH... JAMES!Copy !req
185. BEATRICE!Copy !req
186. OH... JAMES, I COULD MAKE SUCH
A FOOL OF MYSELF OVER YOU.Copy !req
187. OH, BEATRICE, DO... DO!Copy !req
188. OH, YES, JAMES, YES!Copy !req
189. OH... JAMES!Copy !req
190. OH... BEATRICE!Copy !req
191. OH... JAMES!Copy !req
192. OH... BEATRICE!Copy !req
193. OH, JAMES...Copy !req
194. OH, SHUT UP!Copy !req
195. HELLO, IS THAT THE FIRE BRIGADE?Copy !req
196. NO, SORRY, WRONG NUMBER.Copy !req
197. THAT PHONE'S NOT STOPPED
RINGING ALL DAY.Copy !req
198. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
YOU'VE MIXED THE BATTER?Copy !req
199. DO YOU DICE THE HAM
WITH THE CORIANDER?Copy !req
200. NO, NO, YOU PUT THEM
IN SEPARATELYCopy !req
201. WHEN THE VINE LEAVES
ARE READY.Copy !req
202. OH, NO, NOT AGAIN.Copy !req
203. TAKE IT OFF
THE HOOK.Copy !req
204. I CAN'T GET
THE FIRE BRIGADE, MERVYN.Copy !req
205. HERE, LET ME TRY, DEAR.Copy !req
206. YOU GO AND
PLAY THE CELLO.Copy !req
207. OH, IT DOESN'T DO
ANY GOOD, DEAR.Copy !req
208. LOOK, DO YOU WANT THAT LITTLE
HAMSTER TO LIVE OR NOT?Copy !req
209. YES, I DO, MERVYN.Copy !req
210. WELL, GO AND PLAY
THE CELLO!Copy !req
211. HELLO?Copy !req
212. HELLO, OPERATOR?Copy !req
213. YES, WE'RE TRYING
TO GET THE FIRE BRIGADE.Copy !req
214. NO, THE FIRE BRIGADE.Copy !req
215. YES... YES...Copy !req
216. YES... YES... YES...Copy !req
217. YES... YES... YES...Copy !req
218. YES... YES... WHAT?Copy !req
219. SIZE EIGHT.Copy !req
220. YES... YES... YES...Copy !req
221. YES... YES... YES...Copy !req
222. NO, OF COURSE NOT.Copy !req
223. YES...Copy !req
224. HE'S GONE, DEAR.Copy !req
225. WHAT?Copy !req
226. HE'S SLIPPED AWAY.Copy !req
227. WHAT?Copy !req
228. THE SODDING
HAMSTER'S DEAD!Copy !req
229. OH, NO!Copy !req
230. WHAT WERE YOU PLAYING?Copy !req
231. SOME MOZART
CONCERTOS, DEAR.Copy !req
232. WHAT? HOW DID HE?Copy !req
233. HIS EYES JUST CLOSEDCopy !req
234. AND HE FELL INTO
THE WASTEPAPER BASKET.Copy !req
235. I'VE COVERED HIMCopy !req
236. WITH A COPY OF THE CHARLIE
GEORGE FOOTBALL BOOK.Copy !req
237. RIGHT, YOU HANG ON.Copy !req
238. I MUST GO AND SEE HIM.Copy !req
239. THERE WAS NOTHING
WE COULD DO, MERVYN.Copy !req
240. IF WE'D HAVE HAD THE WHOLE
PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA IN THERECopy !req
241. HE'D STILL HAVE GONE.Copy !req
242. I'M GOING UPSTAIRS.Copy !req
243. I CAN'T BEAR IT.Copy !req
244. THERE ISN'T
AN UPSTAIRS, DEAR.Copy !req
245. IT'S A BUNGALOW.Copy !req
246. DAMN!Copy !req
247. HELLO?Copy !req
248. OH, I'M SORRY
TO KEEP YOU WAITING.Copy !req
249. IT'S JUST THAT...Copy !req
250. SIZE THREE, YES.Copy !req
251. IT'S JUST, WE'VE LOST
A DEAR ONE, AND MY SON WAS...Copy !req
252. YES, THAT'S RIGHT,
SIZE EIGHT, YES, AND...Copy !req
253. OH, I SEE.Copy !req
254. YES... YES... YES...Copy !req
255. YES, YES...Copy !req
256. YES... YES, I SEE, UH...Copy !req
257. YES.Copy !req
258. YES, I... I...Copy !req
259. YES.Copy !req
260. OH, YES... NO!Copy !req
261. NO... YES... I SEE.Copy !req
262. THEY CAN'T GET
THE FIRE BRIGADE, MERVYN.Copy !req
263. WILL THE BOYS' BRIGADE DO?Copy !req
264. NO!
THEY'D BE USELESS!Copy !req
265. NO, HE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE
AT THE MOMENT, THANK YOU.Copy !req
266. NO... YES.Copy !req
267. YES... NO, THANK YOU FOR TRYING.Copy !req
268. YES.Copy !req
269. YES...Copy !req
270. NO, SAXONES.Copy !req
271. YES.Copy !req
272. YES, THANK YOU, BYE-BYE.Copy !req
273. MUMMY!Copy !req
274. OH, EAMONN!Copy !req
275. MERVYN, LOOK,
IT'S OUR EAMONN!Copy !req
276. OH, LET ME LOOK AT YOU.Copy !req
277. HOW WELL YOU'RE LOOKING.Copy !req
278. TELL ME, HOW IS IT
IN DUBLIN?Copy !req
279. WELL, THINGS IS PRETTY
BAD THERE AT THE MOMENTCopy !req
280. BUT THERE DOES
SEEM SOME HOPECopy !req
281. OF A CONSTITUTIONAL
SETTLEMENT.Copy !req
282. OH, DON'T TALK.Copy !req
283. LET ME JUST LOOK AT YOU.Copy !req
284. GREAT TO BE HOME, MUMMY.Copy !req
285. HOW ARE YOU?Copy !req
286. OH, I'M FINE.Copy !req
287. I MUST JUST GO UPSTAIRS
AND GET YOUR ROOM READY.Copy !req
288. IT'S A BUNGALOW, MUMMY.Copy !req
289. OH, DAMN, YES.Copy !req
290. MERVYN, MERVYN,
LOOK WHO'S HERE!Copy !req
291. IT'S OUR EAMONNCopy !req
292. COME BACK TO SEE US.Copy !req
293. HELLO, EAMONN.Copy !req
294. HELLO, MERV.Copy !req
295. HOW WAS DUBLIN?Copy !req
296. WELL, AS I WAS
TELLING MUMMY HERECopy !req
297. THINGS IS PRETTY BAD
THERE AT THE MOMENTCopy !req
298. BUT THERE DOES SEEMCopy !req
299. SOME HOPE OF A
CONSTITUTIONAL SETTLEMENT.Copy !req
300. HELLO?Copy !req
301. YES?Copy !req
302. YES.Copy !req
303. YES.Copy !req
304. YES.Copy !req
305. YES.Copy !req
306. WHAT?Copy !req
307. WHAT?Copy !req
308. SIZE SEVEN.Copy !req
309. YES.Copy !req
310. YES.Copy !req
311. YES, YES!Copy !req
312. YES.Copy !req
313. IT'S THE
FIRE BRIGADE.Copy !req
314. THEY WANT TO KNOWCopy !req
315. IF THEY CAN COME ROUND
THURSDAY EVENING.Copy !req
316. OH, NO.Copy !req
317. THURSDAY'S THE INDUSTRIAL
RELATIONS BILL DINNER DANCE.Copy !req
318. CAN'T THEY MAKE IT
ANOTHER DAY?Copy !req
319. UH, HELLO?Copy !req
320. NO, THURSDAY'S...Copy !req
321. RIGHT OUT!Copy !req
322. YES.Copy !req
323. YES.Copy !req
324. YES.Copy !req
325. YES...Copy !req
326. AND SO IT WASCopy !req
327. THAT THE FIRE BRIGADE EVENTUALLY
CAME ROUND ON FRIDAY NIGHT.Copy !req
328. I'M SO GLAD
YOU COULD COME.Copy !req
329. WHAT WOULD YOU
LIKE TO DRINK?Copy !req
330. GIN AND TONIC?
SHERRY?Copy !req
331. A DROP OF
SHERRY WOULD BE LOVELY.Copy !req
332. WE DO LIKE BEING CALLED OUT
TO THESE LITTLE PARTIES.Copy !req
333. THEY'RE MUCH BETTER THAN FIRES.Copy !req
334. YES?Copy !req
335. YES?Copy !req
336. YES.Copy !req
337. WELL, HOW WAS DUBLIN, EAMONN?Copy !req
338. WELL, AS I WAS TELLING
MUMMY AND MERVYN EARLIERCopy !req
339. THINGS IS PRETTY BAD
THERE AT THE MOMENTCopy !req
340. BUT THERE DOES SEEMCopy !req
341. SOME HOPE OF
A CONSTITUTIONAL...Copy !req
342. OH, LOOK AT THEM
EN JOYING THEMSELVES.Copy !req
343. YOU KNOW, I USED
TO DREAD PARTIESCopy !req
344. UNTIL I WATCHED PARTY
HINTS BY VERONICA.Copy !req
345. I THINK
IT'S ON NOW.Copy !req
346. HELLO.Copy !req
347. LAST WEEK ON PARTY HINTS
I SHOWED YOUCopy !req
348. HOW TO MAKE A SMALL PLATE
OF GOULASH GO ROUND 26 PEOPLECopy !req
349. HOW TO GET THE BEST
OUT OF YOUR CANAPESCopy !req
350. AND HOW TO UNBLOCK YOUR LOO.Copy !req
351. THIS WEEK I'M GOING
TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DOCopy !req
352. IF THERE'S AN ARMED
COMMUNIST UPRISINGCopy !req
353. NEAR YOUR HOME
WHEN YOU'RE HAVING A PARTY.Copy !req
354. WELL, OBVIOUSLY IT'LL DEPEND HOW
FAR YOU'VE GOT WITH YOUR PARTYCopy !req
355. WHEN THE SIGNAL
FOR RED REVOLT IS RAISED.Copy !req
356. IF YOU'RE JUST HAVING
PRELIMINARY APERITIFS...Copy !req
357. A DUBONNET, A SHERRY,
OR A SPARKLING WHITE WINE...Copy !req
358. THEN YOUR GUESTS WILL OBVIOUSLY
BE IN A FAIRLY FORMAL MOODCopy !req
359. AND IT'LL BE DIFFICULT TO TELLCopy !req
360. WHICH ARE
THE COMMUNIST AGITATORS.Copy !req
361. SO THE THING TO DO IS
TO GET SOME CLOTHCopy !req
362. AND SOME BITS OF OLD PAPERCopy !req
363. PUT IT DOWN ON THE FLOOR
AND SHOOT EVERYBODY.Copy !req
364. THIS WILL DEAL WITH THE RED
MENACE ON YOUR OWN DOORSTEP.Copy !req
365. IF YOU'RE HAVING CANAPES,
AS I SHOWED YOU LAST WEEKCopy !req
366. OR AN OUTDOOR BARBECUECopy !req
367. THEN THE THING TO DO IS
TO SET FIRECopy !req
368. TO ALL THE HOUSES IN THE STREET.Copy !req
369. THIS WILL STIR UP
ANTICOMMUNIST HATREDCopy !req
370. AND YOUR NEIGHBORS
WILL BE RIGHT WITH YOUCopy !req
371. AS YOU ORGANIZE
COUNTERREVOLUTIONARY TERROR.Copy !req
372. SO YOU SEE, IF YOU ACT
PROMPTLY ENOUGHCopy !req
373. ANY LEFT-WING UPRISING
CAN BE DEALT WITHCopy !req
374. BY THE END OF THE PARTY.Copy !req
375. BYE.Copy !req
376. AH, SHE'S FINALLY GONE AWAY.Copy !req
377. ALL RIGHT, COMRADES,
TIME TO GO TO WORK.Copy !req
378. HELLO, WE ARE SELLING
COMMUNIST REVOLUTIONS.Copy !req
379. WOULD YOU BY ANY
CHANCE BE INTERESTED?Copy !req
380. OH, YES, I'LL TAKE
A DOZEN, PLEASE.Copy !req
381. RIGHT.Copy !req
382. ONE DOZEN COMMUNIST
REVOLUTIONS COMING UP.Copy !req
383. I GET IT!Copy !req
384. COMMUNIST REVOLUTION!Copy !req
385. THAT'S A GOOD ONE.Copy !req
386. YOU DISGUSTING
LITTLE PIECE OF FILTH.Copy !req
387. GOD, I HATE YOU!Copy !req
388. YOU MAKE ME WANT
TO PUKE MY GUTS OUT!Copy !req
389. WASN'T THAT CUTE?Copy !req
390. REMEMBER, YOU TOOCopy !req
391. CAN GET YOUR OWN
PUTRID PETER DOLLCopy !req
392. IN TIME TO PACIFY
YOUR NEXT PARTY.Copy !req
393. BUT WHY STOP THERE?Copy !req
394. WHY NOT GET A BARRY
BIGOT DOLL, TOO?Copy !req
395. JUST WATCH THIS.Copy !req
396. BLACK PEOPLE, BLACK PEOPLE.Copy !req
397. RRRRHODESIAN.Copy !req
398. KILL THE BLACKS.
KILL THE BLACKS.Copy !req
399. RRRRHODESIAN.Copy !req
400. SMITH, SMITH.Copy !req
401. KILL THE BLACKS WITHIN
THE FIVE PRINCIPLES.Copy !req
402. I'M AFRAID I
CANNOT COMMENT ON THATCopy !req
403. UNTIL IT HAS BEEN
OFFICIALLY HUSHED UP.Copy !req
404. THIS IS OUR
POLITICIANS' BOOTH.Copy !req
405. WHILE THERE'S NO
UNDUE CAUSE FOR CONCERNCopy !req
406. THERE IS CERTAINLY
NO ROOM FOR COMPLACENCY.Copy !req
407. HA, HA, HA, HE, HE, HE.Copy !req
408. I'LL GO TO THE FOOT
OF OUR STAIRS.Copy !req
409. EE ECKY THUMP.Copy !req
410. PUT WOOD
IN 'OLE, MUTHER.Copy !req
411. YES, SORRY?Copy !req
412. EE ECKY THUMP.Copy !req
413. EE ECKY THUMP.Copy !req
414. EE ECKY THUMP!Copy !req
415. EE ECKY THUMP!Copy !req
416. EXCELLENT!Copy !req
417. IT'S A VERY QUICK
METHOD OF LEARNING.Copy !req
418. CAN YOU SMELL GAS,
OR IS IT ME?Copy !req
419. LOOKS
JOLLY GOOD.Copy !req
420. HELLO, BIG BOY.Copy !req
421. OO, VARDA THE OME.Copy !req
422. DO YOU WANT
A NICE TIME?Copy !req
423. VERY GOOD.Copy !req
424. THANK YOU
VERY MUCH, SIR.Copy !req
425. AND WE CONTROL
EVERYTHING FROM HERE.Copy !req
426. SUPERB.Copy !req
427. WELL, WHAT
SORT OF THINGCopy !req
428. WERE YOU
LOOKING FOR?Copy !req
429. WELL, REALLY
SOMETHINGCopy !req
430. TO MAKE ME A LITTLE
LESS INSIGNIFICANT.Copy !req
431. OH, I SEE,
SORT OF...Copy !req
432. "NOW, LOOK HERE,
YOU MAY BE CHAIRMANCopy !req
433. "BUT YOUR BLOODY
PUSILLANIMOUS BEHAVIORCopy !req
434. MAKES ME VOMIT!"Copy !req
435. THAT SORT
OF THING?Copy !req
436. NO, NO, NO,
NOT REALLY, NO.Copy !req
437. OH, I SEE,
WELL, PERHAPSCopy !req
438. SOMETHING
A BIT MORECopy !req
439. SORT OF
CLIVE JENKINS-ISH?Copy !req
440. "MR. SMARMY SO-
CALLED HAROLD WILSONCopy !req
441. "CAN CALL HIMSELF
PRAGMATICCopy !req
442. UNTIL HE'S BLUE
IN THE BREAST!"Copy !req
443. NO, NOT REALLY.Copy !req
444. I REALLY WANT
SOMETHINGCopy !req
445. THAT WILL
MAKE PEOPLECopy !req
446. BE ATTRACTED TO ME
LIKE A MAGNET.Copy !req
447. OH, I SEE, WELL,
YOU WANT OURCopy !req
448. "LIFE AND SOUL OF THE
PARTY" TAPE THEN, I THINK.Copy !req
449. WHAT'S THAT?Copy !req
450. WELL,
IT'S SORT OF:Copy !req
451. HELLO, SQUIRE!Copy !req
452. HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
FOR A BIT!Copy !req
453. HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
FOR A BIT EITHER, BERYL.Copy !req
454. TWO PINTS OF
WALLOP, PLEASE, LOVE.Copy !req
455. STILL DRIVING
THE JENSEN, THEN?Copy !req
456. CHEER UP, JACK,
IT MAY NEVER HAPPEN.Copy !req
457. WHAT'S YOUR
POISON, THEN?Copy !req
458. FANTASTIC, YES.Copy !req
459. RIGHT,
I'LL JUST SEECopy !req
460. IF WE'VE
GOT THE TAPE.Copy !req
461. START AGAIN.Copy !req
462. MOUNT EVEREST...
FORBIDDING, ALOOF, TERRIFYING.Copy !req
463. THE HIGHEST PLACE ON EARTH.Copy !req
464. NO, I'M SORRY,
WE DON'T GO THERE.Copy !req
465. GOOD MORNING.Copy !req
466. OH, GOOD MORNING.Copy !req
467. DO YOU WANT
TO GO UPSTAIRS?Copy !req
468. WHAT?Copy !req
469. DO YOU WANT TO GO UPSTAIRS?Copy !req
470. OR HAVE YOU COMECopy !req
471. TO ARRANGE A HOLIDAY?Copy !req
472. UH, TO ARRANGE A HOLIDAY.Copy !req
473. OH, SORRY.Copy !req
474. WHAT'S ALL THIS
ABOUT GOING UPSTAIRS?Copy !req
475. OH, NOTHING, NOTHING.Copy !req
476. NOW, WHERE WERE YOU
THINKING OF GOING?Copy !req
477. INDIA.Copy !req
478. AH, ONE OF OUR
ADVENTURE HOLIDAYS.Copy !req
479. YES.Copy !req
480. WELL, YOU'D
BETTER SPEAKCopy !req
481. TO MR. BOUNDER
ABOUT THAT.Copy !req
482. MR. BOUNDER,
THIS GENTLEMANCopy !req
483. IS INTERESTED IN
THE INDIA OVERLAND.Copy !req
484. AH, GOOD MORNING.Copy !req
485. I'M BOUNDER
OF ADVENTURE.Copy !req
486. MORNING,
MY NAME ISCopy !req
487. SMOKE-TOO-MUCH.Copy !req
488. WHAT?Copy !req
489. MY NAME IS SMOKE-TOO-MUCH,
MR. SMOKE-TOO-MUCH.Copy !req
490. WELL, YOU'D BETTER
CUT DOWN A BIT, THEN.Copy !req
491. WHAT?Copy !req
492. YOU'D BETTER CUT
DOWN A BIT, THEN.Copy !req
493. OH, I SEE.Copy !req
494. CUT DOWN A BITCopy !req
495. FOR SMOKE-TOO-MUCH.Copy !req
496. YES.Copy !req
497. I EXPECT YOU GET PEOPLECopy !req
498. MAKING JOKES ABOUT YOUR NAME
ALL THE TIME, EH?Copy !req
499. NO, NO.Copy !req
500. ACTUALLY, IT NEVER
STRUCK ME BEFORE.Copy !req
501. SMOKE... TOO... MUCH!Copy !req
502. ANYWAY, YOU'RE INTERESTED IN ONE
OF OUR ADVENTURE HOLIDAYS, EH?Copy !req
503. YES, YES, I SAW YOUR ADVERT
IN THE BOLOR SUPPLEMENT.Copy !req
504. THE WHAT?Copy !req
505. THE BOLOR SUPPLEMENT.Copy !req
506. THE COLOR
SUPPLEMENT?Copy !req
507. YES, I'M SORRYCopy !req
508. I CAN'T SAY
THE LETTER "B."Copy !req
509. "C."Copy !req
510. YES, THAT'S RIGHT.Copy !req
511. IT'S ALL DUE TO
A TRAUMA I SUFFEREDCopy !req
512. WHEN I WAS A SPOOLBOY.Copy !req
513. I WAS ATTACKED BY A BAT.Copy !req
514. A CAT?Copy !req
515. NO, A BAT.Copy !req
516. CAN YOU SAY THE LETTER "K"?Copy !req
517. OH, YES, KHAKI, KING, KETTLE,
KUWAIT, KEBLE BOLLEGE OXFORD.Copy !req
518. WHY DON'T YOU SAY THE LETTER "K"
INSTEAD OF THE LETTER "C"?Copy !req
519. WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
SPELL "BOLOR" WITH A "K"?Copy !req
520. YES.Copy !req
521. KOLOR.Copy !req
522. YES.Copy !req
523. OH, THAT'S VERY GOOD,
I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.Copy !req
524. WELL, I SAW YOUR ADVERT
IN THE PAPERCopy !req
525. AND I'VE BEEN ON PACKAGE TOURS
SEVERAL TIMES, YOU SEECopy !req
526. AND I DECIDED
THAT THIS WAS FOR ME.Copy !req
527. OH, GOOD.Copy !req
528. YES, I QUITE
AGREE WITH YOU.Copy !req
529. I MEAN,
WHAT'S THE POINTCopy !req
530. OF BEING TREATED
LIKE A SHEEP?Copy !req
531. I MEAN, I'M FED UP
OF GOING ABROADCopy !req
532. AND BEING TREATED
LIKE SHEEP.Copy !req
533. WHAT'S THE POINT OF BEING
CARTED AROUND IN BUSESCopy !req
534. SURROUNDED BY SWEATY,
MINDLESS OAFSCopy !req
535. FROM KETTERING
AND BOVENTRY?Copy !req
536. THEIR CLOTH CAPS
AND THEIR CARDIGANSCopy !req
537. AND THEIR
TRANSISTOR RADIOSCopy !req
538. AND THEIR
SUNDA Y MIRRORSCopy !req
539. BOMPLAINING
ABOUT THE TEA...Copy !req
540. "OH, THEY DON'T MAKE IT
PROPERLY HERE, DO THEY?Copy !req
541. NOT LIKE AT HOME."Copy !req
542. STOPPING AT MAJORCAN BODEGAS
SELLING FISH AND CHIPSCopy !req
543. AND WATNEY'S RED BARRELCopy !req
544. AND CALAMARES
AND TWO VEGCopy !req
545. AND SITTING IN
COTTON SUN FROCKSCopy !req
546. SQUIRTING TIMOTHY
WHITE'S SUN CREAMCopy !req
547. ALL OVER THEIR PUFFY, RAW,
SWOLLEN, PURULENT FLESHCopy !req
548. BECAUSE THEY
OVERDID ITCopy !req
549. ON THE
FIRST DAY!Copy !req
550. YES, ABSOLUTELY,
I QUITE AGREE.Copy !req
551. AND BEING HERDED
INTO ENDLESS HOTEL MIRAMARSCopy !req
552. AND BELLVUESES AND BONTINENTALSCopy !req
553. WITH THEIR
INTERNATIONALCopy !req
554. LUXURY MODERN
ROOMETTESCopy !req
555. AND THEIR
WATNEY'S RED BARRELCopy !req
556. AND THEIR
SWIMMING POOLSCopy !req
557. FULL OF FAT
GERMAN BUSINESSMENCopy !req
558. PRETENDING
TO BE ACROBATSCopy !req
559. AND FORMING PYRAMIDSCopy !req
560. AND FRIGHTENING
THE CHILDRENCopy !req
561. BARGING INTO
THE QUEUESCopy !req
562. AND IF YOU'RE NOT AT
YOUR TABLE SPOT ON SEVENCopy !req
563. YOU MISS YOUR BOWLCopy !req
564. OF CAMPBELL'S
CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUPCopy !req
565. THE FIRST ITEM ON THE MENU
OF INTERNATIONAL CUISINE.Copy !req
566. AND EVERY THURSDAY NIGHTCopy !req
567. THERE'S BLOODY
CABARET IN THE BARCopy !req
568. FEATURING SOME
TINY, EMACIATED DAGOCopy !req
569. WITH NINE-INCH HIPSCopy !req
570. AND SOME BIG,
FAT, BLOATED TARTCopy !req
571. WITH HER HAIR BRYLCREEMED
DOWN AND A BIG ARSECopy !req
572. PRESENTING FLAMENCO
FOR FOREIGNERS.Copy !req
573. YES, YES, QUITE...Copy !req
574. AND THEN SURROUNDEDCopy !req
575. BY ADENOIDAL TYPISTS
FROM BIRMINGHAMCopy !req
576. WITH DIARRHEA
AND FLABBY WHITE LEGSCopy !req
577. AND HAIRY, BANDY-LEGGED
WOP WAITERS CALLED MANUELCopy !req
578. AND THEN ONCE A WEEKCopy !req
579. THERE'S AN EXCURSION
TO THE LOCAL ROMAN RUINSCopy !req
580. WHERE YOU CAN BUY CHERRYADE
AND MELTED ICE CREAMCopy !req
581. AND BLEEDIN'
WATNEY'S RED BARRELCopy !req
582. AND THEN ONE NIGHTCopy !req
583. THEY TAKE YOU TO
A LOCAL RESTAURANTCopy !req
584. WITH LOCAL COLOR AND COLORING
AND THEY SHOW YOU THERECopy !req
585. AND YOU SIT NEXT TO
A PARTY OF PEOPLE FROM RHYLCopy !req
586. AND COMPLAINING
ABOUT THE FOOD.Copy !req
587. "OH, IT'S SO
GREASY, ISN'T IT?"Copy !req
588. AND THEN YOU GET CORNEREDCopy !req
589. BY SOME DRUNKEN GREENGROCER
FROM LUTON WITH AN INSTAMATICCopy !req
590. AND DR. SCHOLL SANDALS
AND TUESDAY'S DAILY EXPRESSCopy !req
591. AND HE DRONES ON AND ON AND ONCopy !req
592. ABOUT HOW MR. SMITH SHOULD BE
RUNNING THIS COUNTRY.Copy !req
593. QUIET, PLEASE.Copy !req
594. AND THEN
HE THROWS UPCopy !req
595. ALL OVER
THE CUBA LIBRES.Copy !req
596. WILL YOU BE
QUIET, PLEASE?Copy !req
597. POSTCARDS
OF PLACESCopy !req
598. THEY DON'T KNOW THEY
HAVEN'T EVEN VISITEDCopy !req
599. "TO ALL AT NUMBER 22,
WEATHER WONDERFUL.Copy !req
600. OUR ROOM MARKED
WITH AN 'X'..."Copy !req
601. SHUT UP!Copy !req
602. "FOOD VERY GREASYCopy !req
603. "BUT WE HAVE
MANAGED TO FINDCopy !req
604. THIS MARVELOUS LITTLE
PLACE HIDDEN AWAY..."Copy !req
605. SHUT UP!Copy !req
606. "... WATNEY'S RED BARREL
AND CHEESE AND ONION."Copy !req
607. SHUT UP!Copy !req
608. AND THE ACCORDIONIST PLAYS...Copy !req
609. SHUT YOUR BLOODY GOB!Copy !req
610. OH, I'VE HAD
ENOUGH OF THIS.Copy !req
611. I'M GOING TO RING
THE POLICE.Copy !req
612. NOTHING TO EATCopy !req
613. BUT DRIED
WATNEY'S SANDWICHES.Copy !req
614. OH, TAKE IT
OFF THE HOOK.Copy !req
615. AND THERE'S
NOWHERE TO SLEEP...Copy !req
616. HELLO, OPERATOR? OPERATOR?Copy !req
617. YES, OPERATOR, I'M TRYING
TO GET THE POLICE.Copy !req
618. YES, YES... THE POLICE!Copy !req
619. YES, WHAT?Copy !req
620. NINE AND A HALF...
NINE AND A HALF!Copy !req
621. WHEN YOU GET
TO MALAGA AIRPORTCopy !req
622. EVERYBODY'S
SWALLOWING...Copy !req
623. WHAT?Copy !req
624. SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING.Copy !req
625. WILL YOU COME THIS WAY, PLEASE?Copy !req
626. HERE THEY ARE.Copy !req
627. RIGHT.Copy !req
628. JUST HERE WILL DO FINE.Copy !req
629. BYE-BYE.Copy !req
630. GOOD EVENING.Copy !req
631. I HAVE WITH ME TONIGHTCopy !req
632. ANNE ELK,
MRS. ANNE ELK.Copy !req
633. MISS.Copy !req
634. YOU HAVE A NEW THEORY
ABOUT THE BRONTOSAURUS.Copy !req
635. CAN I JUST SAY HERE, CHRIS,
FOR ONE MOMENTCopy !req
636. THAT I HAVE A NEW THEORY
ABOUT THE BRONTOSAURUS?Copy !req
637. EXACTLY.Copy !req
638. WHAT IS IT?Copy !req
639. WHERE?Copy !req
640. I MEAN YOUR
NEW THEORY.Copy !req
641. OH, WHAT IS
MY THEORY?Copy !req
642. OH, WHAT IS MY
THEORY, THAT IT IS.Copy !req
643. WELL, CHRIS, YOU
MAY WELL ASK MECopy !req
644. WHAT IS
MY THEORY.Copy !req
645. I AM ASKING.Copy !req
646. GOOD FOR YOU.Copy !req
647. MY WORD, YES.Copy !req
648. WELL, CHRIS, WHAT
IS IT THAT IT ISCopy !req
649. THIS THEORY OF MINE?Copy !req
650. WELL, THIS IS
WHAT IT IS.Copy !req
651. MY THEORY
THAT I HAVECopy !req
652. THAT IS TO SAY,
WHICH IS MINECopy !req
653. IS MINE.Copy !req
654. YES, I KNOW
IT'S YOURS.Copy !req
655. WHAT IS IT?Copy !req
656. WHERE?Copy !req
657. YOUR THEORY.Copy !req
658. OH, WHAT IS MY...Copy !req
659. THIS IS IT.Copy !req
660. MY THEORY THAT
BELONGS TO MECopy !req
661. IS AS FOLLOWS.Copy !req
662. THIS IS
HOW IT GOES.Copy !req
663. THE NEXT THING
I'M GOING TO SAYCopy !req
664. IS MY THEORY.Copy !req
665. READY?Copy !req
666. MY THEORY,
BY A. ELK...Copy !req
667. BRACKETS, MISS,
BRACKETS...Copy !req
668. THIS THEORY GOES ASCopy !req
669. ALL BRONTOSAURUSES
ARE THIN AT ONE ENDCopy !req
670. MUCH, MUCH THICKER
IN THE MIDDLECopy !req
671. AND THEN THIN AGAIN
AT THE FAR END.Copy !req
672. THAT IS MY THEORY.Copy !req
673. IT IS MINE
AND BELONGS TO MECopy !req
674. AND I OWN IT
AND WHAT IT IS, TOO.Copy !req
675. THAT'S IT, IS IT?Copy !req
676. SPOT ON, CHRIS.Copy !req
677. WELL, THIS THEORY OF YOURSCopy !req
678. APPEARS TO HAVE HIT
THE NAIL ON THE HEAD.Copy !req
679. AND IT'S MINE.Copy !req
680. YES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR COMING ALONG TO THE STUDIO.Copy !req
681. MY PLEASURE, CHRIS.Copy !req
682. NEXT WEEK,
BRITAIN'S...Copy !req
683. IT'S BEEN
A LOT OF FUN.Copy !req
684. YES, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.Copy !req
685. SAYING WHAT
MY THEORY IS.Copy !req
686. YES, THANK YOU.Copy !req
687. AND WHOSE IT IS.Copy !req
688. YES, THANK YOU,
THAT'S ALL.Copy !req
689. I HAVE
ANOTHER THEORY...Copy !req
690. YES...Copy !req
691. CALLED MY
SECOND THEORYCopy !req
692. OR MY THEORY
NUMBER TWOCopy !req
693. WHICH I COULD EXPOUND
WITHOUT DOUBT.Copy !req
694. THIS
SECOND THEORY...Copy !req
695. YES?Copy !req
696. WHICH WITH THE ONE
THAT I HAVE SAID...Copy !req
697. I'M TRYING...Copy !req
698. WHICH ARE MINECopy !req
699. AND WHICH
BELONG TO ME...Copy !req
700. NINE AND HALF,
WIDE FITTING.Copy !req
701. GOES LIKE THIS.Copy !req
702. BALLEYS OF
BOND STREET.Copy !req
703. WHAT?Copy !req
704. NO, SORT OF BROGUE.Copy !req
705. THIS IS WHAT IT IS.Copy !req
706. EIGHT AND A HALF.Copy !req
707. THIS IS IT.Copy !req
708. MY SECOND THEORY...Copy !req
709. EXCUSE ME!Copy !req
710. HELLO,
YES, YES?Copy !req
711. PROMISES YOU THAT THE
RAGING CHOLERA EPIDEMIC...Copy !req
712. THE FIRE BRIGADE
ARE HERE!Copy !req
713. THEY'RE COMING!Copy !req
714. HELLO?Copy !req
715. NO, NO, I THINK
THEY'RE ALLCopy !req
716. PART OF THE BRITISH
SHOE CORPORATION NOW.Copy !req
717. CHRIS, THIS OTHER
THEORY OF MINE...Copy !req
718. THE SECOND
THEORY...Copy !req
719. MY SECOND
THEORY STATESCopy !req
720. THAT FIRE
BRIGADE CHOIRSCopy !req
721. SELDOM SING SONGS
ABOUT MARCEL PROUST.Copy !req
722. START AGAIN.Copy !req