1. HELLO, GOOD EVENING, AND
WELCOME TO ANOTHER EDITION
Copy !req
2. OF BLOOD, DEVASTATION,
DEATH, WAR AND HORROR
Copy !req
3. AND LATER ON
WE'LL BE TALKING
Copy !req
4. TO A MAN WHO
DOES GARDENING
Copy !req
5. BUT OUR FIRST GUEST
IN THE STUDIO TONIGHT
Copy !req
6. IS A MAN WHO TALKS
ENTIRELY IN ANAGRAMS.
Copy !req
7. TAHT SI CRREOCT.
Copy !req
8. DO YOU EN JOY THIS?
Copy !req
9. I STOM CERTAINLY OD
Copy !req
10. REVY CHUM SO.
Copy !req
11. AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
Copy !req
12. HAMRAG, HAMRAG YATLEROT.
Copy !req
13. WELL, GRAHAM, NICE TO
HAVE YOU ON THE SHOW.
Copy !req
14. NOW, WHERE DO
YOU COME FROM?
Copy !req
15. BUMCRELAND.
Copy !req
16. CUMBERLAND?
Copy !req
17. STAHT SIT SEPREICLY.
Copy !req
18. AND I BELIEVE YOU'RE WORKING
Copy !req
19. ON AN ANAGRAM VERSION
OF SHAKESPEARE.
Copy !req
20. SEY, SEY, TAHT SI CRREOCT.
Copy !req
21. UH... TA THE MNEMOT, I'M WROKING
ON "THE MATING OF THE WERSH."
Copy !req
22. "THE MATING OF THE WERSH,"
BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE?
Copy !req
23. NAY, BY MALLIWI RAPESHEAKE.
Copy !req
24. AND, UH... WHAT ELSE?
Copy !req
25. "TWO NETLEMEG OF VERONA"
Copy !req
26. "TWELFTH THING,"
"THE CHAMRENT OF VENICE."
Copy !req
27. HAVE YOU DONE "HAMLET"?
Copy !req
28. "THAMLE."
Copy !req
29. "BE OT OR BOT NE OT,
TATH IS THE NESTQUIE."
Copy !req
30. AND WHAT IS YOUR NEXT PROJECT?
Copy !req
31. "RING KICHARD THE THRID."
Copy !req
32. I'M SORRY?
Copy !req
33. "A SHROE! A SHROE!
Copy !req
34. MY DINGKOME FOR A SHROE!"
Copy !req
35. AH, "RING KICHARD," YES.
Copy !req
36. BUT SURELY THAT'S
NOT AN ANAGRAM
Copy !req
37. THAT'S A SPOONERISM.
Copy !req
38. IF YOU'RE GOING
TO SPLIT HAIRS
Copy !req
39. I'M GOING TO PISS OFF.
Copy !req
40. NOW...
Copy !req
41. IT'S...
Copy !req
42. TONY M. NYPHOT'S FLYING RISCCU.
Copy !req
43. MRS. SCAB, YOU HAVE 12 HOURS
TO BEAT THE CLOCK.
Copy !req
44. CORRECT!
Copy !req
45. I'VE DONE IT!
Copy !req
46. I'VE DONE IT.
Copy !req
47. HA, HA, HA!
Copy !req
48. HELLO?
Copy !req
49. AH, MR. VICTIM.
Copy !req
50. YES, I'M GLAD TO SAY
THAT I'VE GOT THE GO-AHEAD
Copy !req
51. TO LEND YOU
THE MONEY YOU REQUIRE.
Copy !req
52. YES, WE WILL OF COURSE WANT AS
SECURITY THE DEEDS OF YOUR HOUSE
Copy !req
53. OF YOUR AUNT'S HOUSE,
OF YOUR SECOND COUSIN'S HOUSE
Copy !req
54. OF YOUR WIFE'S PARENTS' HOUSE
AND OF YOUR GRANNIE'S BUNGALOW
Copy !req
55. AND WE WILL IN ADDITION
NEED A CONTROLLING INTEREST
Copy !req
56. IN YOUR NEW COMPANY
Copy !req
57. UNRESTRICTED ACCESS
TO YOUR PRIVATE BANK ACCOUNT
Copy !req
58. THE DEPOSIT IN OUR VAULTS OF
YOUR THREE CHILDREN AS HOSTAGES
Copy !req
59. AND A FULL LEGAL INDEMNITY
AGAINST ANY ACTS OF EMBEZZLEMENT
Copy !req
60. CARRIED OUT AGAINST YOU
BY ANY MEMBERS OF OUR STAFF
Copy !req
61. DURING THE NORMAL COURSE
OF THEIR DUTIES.
Copy !req
62. NO, I'M AFRAID WE COULDN'T
ACCEPT YOUR DOG
Copy !req
63. INSTEAD OF YOUR YOUNGEST CHILD.
Copy !req
64. WE WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST
A BRAND-NEW SCHEME OF OURS
Copy !req
65. UNDER WHICH 51% OF BOTH YOUR DOG
AND YOUR WIFE PASS TO US
Copy !req
66. IN THE EVENT OF YOUR SUFFERING
A SERIOUS ACCIDENT.
Copy !req
67. FINE... NO, NOT AT ALL.
Copy !req
68. NICE TO DO BUSINESS WITH YOU.
Copy !req
69. UH... MISS GODFREY, COULD YOU
SEND IN MR. FORD, PLEASE?
Copy !req
70. NOW, WHERE'S THAT DICTIONARY?
Copy !req
71. AH, YES, HERE WE ARE...
Copy !req
72. INNER LIFE.
Copy !req
73. INNER LIFE.
Copy !req
74. COME IN.
Copy !req
75. AH... MR. FORD, ISN'T IT?
Copy !req
76. THAT'S RIGHT.
Copy !req
77. HOW DO YOU DO?
Copy !req
78. I'M A MERCHANT BANKER.
Copy !req
79. HOW DO YOU DO,
MR., UH...
Copy !req
80. I FORGET MY NAME FOR THE MOMENT
Copy !req
81. BUT I AM A MERCHANT BANKER.
Copy !req
82. OH, I WONDERED WHETHER
YOU'D LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE
Copy !req
83. TO THE ORPHAN'S HOME.
Copy !req
84. WELL, I DON'T WANT TO SHOW MY
HAND TOO EARLY, BUT ACTUALLY
Copy !req
85. HERE AT SLATER NAZI WE ARE
QUITE KEEN TO GET INTO ORPHANS
Copy !req
86. YOU KNOW, DEVELOPING MARKET
AND ALL THAT.
Copy !req
87. WHAT SORT OF SUM
DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
Copy !req
88. WELL... UH... YOU'RE A RICH MAN.
Copy !req
89. YES, I AM, YES, YES...
VERY, VERY RICH.
Copy !req
90. QUITE PHENOMENALLY WEALTHY.
Copy !req
91. YES, I DO... I DO OWN THE MOST
STARTLING QUANTITIES OF CASH.
Copy !req
92. YES, QUITE RIGHT.
Copy !req
93. YOU'RE RATHER A SMART
YOUNG LAD, AREN'T YOU?
Copy !req
94. WE COULD DO WITH
SOMEONE LIKE YOU
Copy !req
95. TO FEED
THE PANTOMIME HORSE.
Copy !req
96. VERY SMART.
Copy !req
97. THANK YOU, SIR.
Copy !req
98. NOW, YOU
WERE SAYING
Copy !req
99. I'M VERY, VERY, VERY,
VERY, VERY, VERY
Copy !req
100. VERY, VERY, VERY RICH.
Copy !req
101. SO... HOW ABOUT A POUND?
Copy !req
102. A POUND... YES, I SEE.
Copy !req
103. NOW, THIS LOAN
WOULD BE SECURED BY...
Copy !req
104. IT'S NOT...
IT'S NOT A LOAN, SIR.
Copy !req
105. WHAT?
Copy !req
106. IT'S NOT A LOAN.
Copy !req
107. AH...
Copy !req
108. YOU GET ONE
OF THESE, SIR.
Copy !req
109. A BIT SMALL FOR A SHARE
CERTIFICATE, ISN'T IT?
Copy !req
110. LOOK, I THINK I'D
BETTER RUN THIS OVER
Copy !req
111. TO OUR LEGAL DEPARTMENT.
Copy !req
112. IF YOU COULD POSSIBLY
POP BACK ON FRIDAY...
Copy !req
113. DO YOU HAVE
TO DO THAT?
Copy !req
114. COULDN'T YOU JUST
GIVE ME THE POUND?
Copy !req
115. YES, BUT YOU SEE, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT IT'S FOR.
Copy !req
116. IT'S FOR THE ORPHANS.
Copy !req
117. YES?
Copy !req
118. IT'S A GIFT.
Copy !req
119. A WHAT?
Copy !req
120. A GIFT.
Copy !req
121. OH, A GIFT!
Copy !req
122. A TAX DODGE.
Copy !req
123. NO, NO, NO, NO.
Copy !req
124. NO?
Copy !req
125. WELL, I'M
AWFULLY SORRY.
Copy !req
126. I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
Copy !req
127. CAN YOU JUST EXPLAIN
EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT?
Copy !req
128. WELL, I WANT YOU
TO GIVE ME A POUND
Copy !req
129. AND THEN I GO AWAY
Copy !req
130. AND GIVE IT
TO THE ORPHANS.
Copy !req
131. YES?
Copy !req
132. WELL, THAT'S IT.
Copy !req
133. NO, NO, NO, I DON'T
FOLLOW THIS AT ALL.
Copy !req
134. I MEAN, I DON'T
WANT TO SEEM STUPID
Copy !req
135. BUT IT LOOKS TO ME AS THOUGH I'M
A POUND DOWN ON THE WHOLE DEAL.
Copy !req
136. YES, YOU ARE.
Copy !req
137. I AM.
Copy !req
138. WELL, WHAT IS MY INCENTIVE
TO GIVE YOU THE POUND?
Copy !req
139. WELL, THE INCENTIVE IS
TO MAKE THE ORPHANS HAPPY.
Copy !req
140. HAPPY?
Copy !req
141. YOU QUITE SURE
YOU'VE GOT THIS RIGHT?
Copy !req
142. YES, LOTS OF PEOPLE
GIVE ME MONEY.
Copy !req
143. WHAT, JUST LIKE THAT?
Copy !req
144. YES.
Copy !req
145. MUST BE SICK.
Copy !req
146. I DON'T SUPPOSE
YOU COULD GIVE ME
Copy !req
147. A LIST OF THEIR NAMES AND
ADDRESSES, COULD YOU?
Copy !req
148. NO, I JUST GO UP TO THEM
IN THE STREET AND ASK.
Copy !req
149. GOOD LORD!
Copy !req
150. THAT'S THE MOST
EXCITING NEW IDEA
Copy !req
151. I'VE HEARD IN YEARS!
Copy !req
152. IT'S SO SIMPLE
IT'S BRILLIANT.
Copy !req
153. WELL, IF THAT
IDEA OF YOURS
Copy !req
154. ISN'T WORTH A POUND
Copy !req
155. I'D LIKE
TO KNOW WHAT IS.
Copy !req
156. THANK YOU, SIR.
Copy !req
157. THE ONLY TROUBLE IS...
Copy !req
158. YOU GAVE ME THE IDEA
Copy !req
159. BEFORE I'D GIVEN
YOU THE POUND.
Copy !req
160. AND THAT'S NOT
GOOD BUSINESS.
Copy !req
161. ISN'T IT?
Copy !req
162. NO, I'M AFRAID
IT ISN'T.
Copy !req
163. SO... OFF YOU GO.
Copy !req
164. NICE TO DO BUSINESS WITH YOU.
Copy !req
165. ANYWAY.
Copy !req
166. AND OFF WE GO AGAIN.
Copy !req
167. UH... MISS GODFREY,
COULD YOU SEND IN
Copy !req
168. THE PANTOMIME HORSES, PLEASE?
Copy !req
169. NOW, I'VE
ASKED YOU...
Copy !req
170. NOW, I'VE
ASKED YOU...
Copy !req
171. SHUT UP!
Copy !req
172. NOW, I'VE ASKED
YOU IN HERE
Copy !req
173. TO SEE ME
THIS MORNING
Copy !req
174. BECAUSE I'M AFRAID
Copy !req
175. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO LET ONE OF YOU GO.
Copy !req
176. I'M VERY SORRY, BUT THE PRESENT
RATIONALIZATION OF THIS FIRM
Copy !req
177. MAKES IT INEVITABLE
THAT WE HIVE ONE OF YOU OFF.
Copy !req
178. NOW, YOU MAY THINK THAT
THIS IS VERY HARSH BEHAVIOR
Copy !req
179. BUT LET ME TELL YOU
THAT OUR MANAGEMENT CONSULTANTS
Copy !req
180. ACTUALLY QUERIED THE NECESSITY
Copy !req
181. FOR US TO EMPLOY
A PANTOMIME HORSE AT ALL.
Copy !req
182. AND SO THE DECISION HAS TO BE
MADE WHICH ONE OF YOU IS TO GO.
Copy !req
183. CHAMPION...
Copy !req
184. HOW MANY YEARS HAVE YOU
BEEN WITH THIS FIRM?
Copy !req
185. TRIGGER?
Copy !req
186. I SEE... WELL, IT'S
A DIFFICULT DECISION
Copy !req
187. BUT IN ACCORDANCE WITH OUR
TRADITIONAL PRINCIPLES
Copy !req
188. OF FREE ENTERPRISE
AND HEALTHY COMPETITION
Copy !req
189. I'M GOING TO ASK THE TWO OF YOU
TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH FOR IT.
Copy !req
190. NO, I'M AFRAID THERE'S
NO REDUNDANCY SCHEME.
Copy !req
191. IN THE
HARD AND UNRELENTING WORLD OF NATURE
Copy !req
192. THE CEASELESS STRUGGLE
FOR SURVIVAL CONTINUES.
Copy !req
193. THIS TIME ONE OF THE PANTOMIME
HORSES CONCEDES DEFEAT
Copy !req
194. AND SO LIVES
TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY.
Copy !req
195. HERE IN A COLONY OF SEA LIONS,
WE SEE A HUGE BULL SEA LION
Copy !req
196. SEEING OFF AN INTRUDING BULL
Copy !req
197. WHO IS ATTEMPTING
TO INTRUDE ON HIS HAREM.
Copy !req
198. THIS PATTERN
OF AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR
Copy !req
199. IS TYPICAL
OF THESE DOCUMENTARIES.
Copy !req
200. HERE WE SEE TWO LIMPETS
Copy !req
201. LOCKED IN A LIFE-OR-DEATH
STRUGGLE FOR TERRITORY.
Copy !req
202. THE HUGE BULL LIMPET,
ENRAGED BY THE ROCK
Copy !req
203. ENDEAVORS TO ENCIRCLE
ITS SPRIGHTLY OPPONENT.
Copy !req
204. HERE WE SEE AN ANT.
Copy !req
205. THIS ANT IS ENGAGED IN A LIFE-
OR-DEATH STRUGGLE WITH THE WOLF.
Copy !req
206. YOU CAN SEE THE ANT CREEPING UP
ON THE WOLF ON ALL SIXES.
Copy !req
207. NOW HE STOPS TO OBSERVE.
Copy !req
208. SATISFIED THAT THE WOLF HAS NOT
HEARD HIM, HE APPROACHES NEARER.
Copy !req
209. WITH GREAT SKILL,
HE CHOOSES HIS MOMENT
Copy !req
210. AND THEN, QUICK AS A LIMPET
Copy !req
211. WITH ONE MIGHTY BOUND, BURIES
HIS FANGS IN THE WOLF'S NECK.
Copy !req
212. THE WOLF STRUGGLES TO NO AVAIL.
Copy !req
213. A BATTLE OF THIS KIND CAN TAKE
ANYTHING UP TO 15 YEARS
Copy !req
214. BECAUSE THE TIMBER ANT
HAS SUCH A TINY MOUTH.
Copy !req
215. HERE WE SEE HEINZ SIELMANN
Copy !req
216. ENGAGED IN A LIFE-OR-DEATH
STRUGGLE WITH PETER SCOTT.
Copy !req
217. THEY ARE ENGAGED IN A BITTER
PUNCH-UP OVER REPEAT FEES
Copy !req
218. ON THE OVERSEAS SALES
OF THEIR NATURE DOCUMENTARIES.
Copy !req
219. NOW THEY HAVE BEEN JOINED
BY AN ENRAGED JACQUES COUSTEAU.
Copy !req
220. THIS IS TYPICAL
OF THE HARSH AND BITCHY WORLD
Copy !req
221. OF TELEVISION FEATURES.
Copy !req
222. HERE WE SEE A HONEYBEAR
Copy !req
223. NOT ENGAGED IN A LIFE-OR-DEATH
STRUGGLE ABOUT ANYTHING.
Copy !req
224. THESE HONEYBEARS ARE PLACID
AND PEACEFUL CREATURES
Copy !req
225. AND CONSEQUENTLY BAD TELEVISION.
Copy !req
226. HERE WE SEE A PANTOMIME HORSE.
Copy !req
227. IT IS ENGAGED
IN A LIFE-OR-DEATH STRUGGLE
Copy !req
228. FOR A JOB WITH A MERCHANT BANK.
Copy !req
229. HOWEVER, HIS RIVAL EMPLOYEE,
THE HUGE BULL PANTOMIME HORSE
Copy !req
230. IS LYING IN WAIT FOR HIM.
Copy !req
231. POOR PANTOMIME HORSE.
Copy !req
232. HERE WE SEE A PANTOMIME GOOSE
Copy !req
233. ENGAGED IN A LIFE-OR-DEATH
STRUGGLE WITH TERENCE RATTIGAN.
Copy !req
234. THE ENRAGED GOOSE FIRES.
Copy !req
235. POOR TERENCE...
Copy !req
236. ANOTHER VICTIM
OF THIS SILLY FILM.
Copy !req
237. HERE WE SEE AN ENRAGED
PANTOMIME PRINCESS MARGARET.
Copy !req
238. SHE IS LYING IN WAIT
FOR HER BREAKFAST.
Copy !req
239. THE UNSUSPECTING BREAKFAST
GLIDES EVER CLOSER TO ITS DOOM.
Copy !req
240. THE ENRAGED PANTOMIME ROYAL
PERSON IS POISED FOR THE KILL.
Copy !req
241. SHE RAISES HER HARPOON
AND FIRES.
Copy !req
242. PANG!
Copy !req
243. RIGHT IN THE TOAST.
Copy !req
244. A BRIEF STRUGGLE,
AND ALL IS OVER.
Copy !req
245. POOR BREAKFAST.
Copy !req
246. ANOTHER VICTIM OF...
Copy !req
247. OH, A PANTOMIME
PHRASE CAUGHT HIMSELF
Copy !req
248. A NICE LITTLE
DINNER, FRED.
Copy !req
249. I THINK THE DINING ROOM
WANTS HIS DIN-DINS, TOO.
Copy !req
250. YOUR TURN TODAY, DEAR.
Copy !req
251. ALL RIGHT, MR. BEDROOM.
Copy !req
252. YOU'LL GET YOUR DINNER, TOO.
Copy !req
253. POSTMAN.
Copy !req
254. OH...
Copy !req
255. WELL, THE 69's LATE AGAIN TODAY.
Copy !req
256. DO YOU HEAR
THAT, TIM?
Copy !req
257. YEP... COULD
JUST BE
Copy !req
258. THE HOUSE WE'RE
LOOKING FOR.
Copy !req
259. THIS, THEN, IS THE STORY
OF TWO DESPERATE MEN
Copy !req
260. HIRED BY THE GOOD PEOPLE
AT N.C.P. CAR PARKS
Copy !req
261. TO HUNT DOWN AND DESTROY
HOUSES TOO DANGEROUS TO LIVE.
Copy !req
262. WELL, WHAT
DO YOU THINK?
Copy !req
263. OH, THESE ARE HOUSE
DROPPINGS, ALL RIGHT.
Copy !req
264. OKAY, LET'S GO.
Copy !req
265. PST, OVER HERE.
Copy !req
266. THAT'S THE ONE.
Copy !req
267. COVER ME.
Copy !req
268. I'M GOING TO MAKE
A TRY FOR IT.
Copy !req
269. AND SO, THANKS ONCE AGAIN
TO THE UNCEASING EFFORTS
Copy !req
270. OF THE GOOD PEOPLE
AT N.C.P. CAR PARKS
Copy !req
271. THE WORLD IS MADE
JUST A LITTLE BIT SAFER.
Copy !req
272. "SKETCH JUST
STARTING, ACTOR WANTED."
Copy !req
273. G-GOOD MORNING.
Copy !req
274. MORNING, SIR.
Copy !req
275. I'D LIKE TO JOIN
THE ARMY, PLEASE.
Copy !req
276. I SEE.
Copy !req
277. SHORT SERVICE OR LONG
SERVICE COMMISSION, SIR?
Copy !req
278. UH, LONG
AS POSSIBLE, PLEASE.
Copy !req
279. RIGHT, WELL, I'LL JUST
TAKE A FEW PARTICULARS
Copy !req
280. AND THEN...
Copy !req
281. SHOVE OFF!
Copy !req
282. AND THEN THERE'LL BE
A FEW FORMS TO SIGN.
Copy !req
283. OF COURSE WE'LL
NEED SOME REFERENCES
Copy !req
284. AND THEN A FULL MEDICAL
EXAMINATION BY THE...
Copy !req
285. YES, I SEE.
Copy !req
286. I-I WAS JUST WONDERING
Copy !req
287. WHETHER IT WOULD
BE POSSIBLE
Copy !req
288. FOR ME TO... JOIN...
Copy !req
289. THE WOMEN'S ARMY.
Copy !req
290. THE WOMEN'S ROYAL
ARMY CORPS, SIR?
Copy !req
291. UH, YES, I WAS JUST
THINKING, YOU KNOW
Copy !req
292. IF IT WAS POSSIBLE
FOR ME TO HAVE MY CHOICE
Copy !req
293. I'D PREFER TO BE IN THE
WOMEN'S ROYAL ARMY CORPS.
Copy !req
294. WELL, I'M AFRAID THAT
THE PEOPLE THAT RECRUIT HERE
Copy !req
295. NORMALLY GO STRAIGHT
INTO THE SCOTS GUARDS.
Copy !req
296. WHICH IS ALL MEN, I SUPPOSE.
Copy !req
297. YES, IT IS.
Copy !req
298. YES.
Copy !req
299. ARE THERE ANY REGIMENTS
Copy !req
300. WHICH ARE MORE...
EFFEMINATE THAN OTHERS?
Copy !req
301. WELL, NO, SIR.
Copy !req
302. I MEAN, APART FROM THE MARINES,
THEY'RE ALL DEAD BUTCH.
Copy !req
303. SEE, WHAT
I REALLY WANTED
Copy !req
304. WAS A REGIMENT WHERE
I COULD BE REALLY QUIET
Copy !req
305. AND HAVE MORE
TIME TO MYSELF
Copy !req
306. TO WORK WITH FABRICS
Copy !req
307. AND CREATING NEW CONCEPTS
IN INTERIOR DESIGN.
Copy !req
308. WORKING WITH FABRICS
Copy !req
309. AND EXPERIMENTING
WITH INTERIOR DESIGN?
Copy !req
310. YES.
Copy !req
311. OH, WELL, YOU WANT THE DURHAM
LIGHT INFANTRY, THEN, SIR.
Copy !req
312. OH.
Copy !req
313. THAT'S THE ONLY REGIMENT THAT'S
REALLY DOING SOMETHING NEW
Copy !req
314. WITH INTERIOR DESIGN...
Copy !req
315. WITH COLOR, TEXTURE
AND LINE AND THAT.
Copy !req
316. I SEE.
Copy !req
317. OH, YES... I MEAN
Copy !req
318. THEIR USE OF COLOR
WITH FABRICS IS FANTASTIC.
Copy !req
319. I SAW THEIR PATTERN BOOK
THE OTHER DAY...
Copy !req
320. BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL.
Copy !req
321. SAVAGE TANS...
Copy !req
322. GREAT SLABS OF BLACK,
SET AGAINST AGGRESSIVE ORANGE.
Copy !req
323. IT REALLY MAKES YOU
WANT TO SHOUT OUT
Copy !req
324. "THIS IS GOOD! THIS IS REAL!"
Copy !req
325. REALLY?
Copy !req
326. OH, YES... I MEAN
Copy !req
327. THE INNISKILLIN FUSILIERS
Copy !req
328. AND THE ANGLIAN REGIMENT
ARE ALL RIGHT
Copy !req
329. IF YOU'RE INTERESTED
Copy !req
330. IN THE ART NOUVEAU
WILLIAM MORRIS REVIVAL BIT
Copy !req
331. BUT IF YOU REALLY WANT
A REGIMENTAL LINE
Copy !req
332. THAT IS REALLY SAYING
SOMETHING ABOUT INTERIOR DECOR
Copy !req
333. THEN YOU'VE GOT TO GO
FOR THE DURHAM LIGHT INFANTRY.
Copy !req
334. OH, I'VE HAD
ENOUGH OF THIS.
Copy !req
335. I'M HANDING IN MY NOTICE.
Copy !req
336. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
Copy !req
337. WELL, I MEAN, WHEN I
APPLIED FOR THIS JOB
Copy !req
338. I THOUGHT I'D GET
A FEW DECENT LINES
Copy !req
339. BUT YOU END UP
DOING THE WHOLE THING.
Copy !req
340. I MEAN, MY LAST FIVE
SPEECHES HAVE BEEN
Copy !req
341. "REALLY,"REALLY,"I SEE,"
"I SEE" AND "REALLY."
Copy !req
342. I WOULDN'T GIVE
THOSE LINES TO A DOG.
Copy !req
343. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, SONNY.
Copy !req
344. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
Copy !req
345. WE'LL DO
SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
Copy !req
346. I'LL BE A BUS CONDUCTOR,
AND YOU CAN BE
Copy !req
347. A REALLY FUNNY
PASSENGER ON A BUS.
Copy !req
348. ANY MORE
FARES, PLEASE?
Copy !req
349. I'VE GOT A CHAUFFEUR
Copy !req
350. AND EVERY TIME I GO
TO THE LAVATORY
Copy !req
351. HE DRIVES ME POTTY!
Copy !req
352. BOOM-BOOM!
ONE IN A ROW.
Copy !req
353. FIVE PENNY, PLEASE.
Copy !req
354. FIVE BEAUTIFUL PENNIES
GOING INTO THE BAG
Copy !req
355. AND YOU ARE
THE LUCKY WINNER OF...
Copy !req
356. ONE FIVE PENNY TICKET.
Copy !req
357. WHAT'S THE WELSHMAN
DOING UNDER THE BED?
Copy !req
358. HE'S HAVING A LEAK!
Copy !req
359. OH, THEY'RE ALL
IN HERE TONIGHT.
Copy !req
360. LOOK!
Copy !req
361. I AM LOOKING.
Copy !req
362. IT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN
KEEP MY EYELIDS APART.
Copy !req
363. BOOM-BOOM!
EVERY ONE A MASERATI.
Copy !req
364. LOOK, YOU SAID I WAS GOING
TO BE A FUNNY PASSENGER.
Copy !req
365. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
Copy !req
366. I MEAN, ALL I SAID WAS,
"FIVE PENNY, PLEASE."
Copy !req
367. YOU CAN'T CALL
THAT A FUNNY LINE.
Copy !req
368. WELL, IT'S THE WAY
YOU SAID IT.
Copy !req
369. NO, IT ISN'T.
Copy !req
370. NOBODY CAN SAY
"FIVE PENNY, PLEASE"
Copy !req
371. AND MAKE IT FUNNY.
Copy !req
372. FIVE PENNY, PLEASE.
Copy !req
373. MORNING.
Copy !req
374. NOT SO WARM TODAY,
EH, GEORGE?
Copy !req
375. GOOD MORNING.
Copy !req
376. GOOD MORNING.
Copy !req
377. GOOD MORNING.
Copy !req
378. GOOD MORNING.
Copy !req
379. COME IN, MR. HORTON.
Copy !req
380. MORNING, SIR.
Copy !req
381. DO, UH...
Copy !req
382. DO SIT DOWN.
Copy !req
383. THANK YOU, SIR.
Copy !req
384. NOW, THEN, HORTON.
Copy !req
385. YOU'VE BEEN
WITH US FOR 20 YEARS
Copy !req
386. AND YOUR WORK IN
THE ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENT
Copy !req
387. HAS BEEN IMMACULATE.
Copy !req
388. NO, NO... PLEASE
DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
Copy !req
389. AS I SAY, YOUR WORK HAS
BEEN BEYOND REPROACH.
Copy !req
390. BUT UNFORTUNATELY
Copy !req
391. THE EFFECT YOU ARE HAVING
ON YOUR COLLEAGUES
Copy !req
392. HAS UNDERMINED THE COMPETENCE...
Copy !req
393. HAS UNDERMINED THE COMPETENCE
OF THIS FIRM TO SUCH A POINT
Copy !req
394. THAT I'M AFRAID
I'VE GOT NO OPTION...
Copy !req
395. BUT TO SACK YOU.
Copy !req
396. I'M SORRY
TO HEAR THAT, SIR.
Copy !req
397. IT COULDN'T HAVE
COME AT A WORSE TIME.
Copy !req
398. THERE'S SCHOOL FEES
FOR THE TWO BOYS COMING UP
Copy !req
399. AND THE WIFE'S TREATMENT
COSTING MORE NOW, SIR.
Copy !req
400. I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE MONEY'S
COMING FROM AS IT IS.
Copy !req
401. AND NOW I DON'T
SEE ANY FUTURE.
Copy !req
402. I'D BEEN HOPING I MIGHT
BE ABLE TO HANG ON HERE
Copy !req
403. JUST FOR THE LAST
COUPLE OF YEARS
Copy !req
404. BUT NOW... I...
Copy !req
405. I JUST WANT
TO GO OUT AND END IT ALL.
Copy !req
406. THANK YOU,
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
Copy !req
407. AND NOW FOR THE FISH...
Copy !req
408. THE FISH
DOWN THE TROUSERS.
Copy !req
409. IT'S YOUR LAUGH, MATE,
IT'S NOT MINE.
Copy !req
410. IT'S YOUR TROUSERS, NOT MY TROUSERS...
YOUR TROUSERS.
Copy !req
411. AND NOW FOR
THE WHITEWASH.
Copy !req
412. THE WHITEWASH
OVER YOU...
Copy !req
413. NOT OVER ME,
IT'S OVER YOU.
Copy !req
414. YOU GET THE LAUGHS.
Copy !req
415. YOU GET ALL
THE LAUGHS.
Copy !req
416. AND NOW FOR THE CUSTARD
PIE IN THE MUSH.
Copy !req
417. IT'S NOT MY MUSH,
IT'S YOUR MUSH.
Copy !req
418. IT'S YOUR LAUGH...
Copy !req
419. IT'S YOUR LAUGH,
MATE, IT'S NOT MINE.
Copy !req
420. IT'S YOUR
BLEEDING LAUGH.
Copy !req
421. GOOD EVENING.
Copy !req
422. WELL, TONIGHT
WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT...
Copy !req
423. WELL, THAT IS,
I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT...
Copy !req
424. WELL, ACTUALLY,
I'M TALKING ABOUT IT NOW.
Copy !req
425. WELL, I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT IT NOW, BUT I AM TALKING.
Copy !req
426. I KNOW I'M PAUSING OCCASIONALLY
Copy !req
427. AND NOT TALKING
DURING THE PAUSES
Copy !req
428. BUT THE PAUSES ARE PART
OF THE WHOLE PROCESS OF TALKING.
Copy !req
429. WHEN ONE TALKS,
ONE HAS TO PAUSE.
Copy !req
430. UH... LIKE THEN.
Copy !req
431. I PAUSED,
BUT I WAS STILL TALKING.
Copy !req
432. AND AGAIN THERE!
Copy !req
433. THE REAL POINT
OF WHAT I'M SAYING IS
Copy !req
434. THAT WHEN I APPEAR
NOT TO BE TALKING
Copy !req
435. DON'T GO NIPPING OUT TO THE
KITCHEN, PUTTING THE KETTLE ON
Copy !req
436. BUTTERING SCONES
Copy !req
437. OR GETTING CRUMBS
AND BITS OF FOOD
Copy !req
438. OUT OF THOSE ROUND,
BROWN STRAW MATS
Copy !req
439. THAT THE TEAPOT GOES ON,
YOU KNOW.
Copy !req
440. BECAUSE IN ALL PROBABILITY,
I'M STILL TALKING
Copy !req
441. AND WHAT YOU HEARD WAS A PAUSE.
Copy !req
442. LIKE THERE AGAIN.
Copy !req
443. LOOK, TO MAKE IT
ABSOLUTELY EASIER
Copy !req
444. SO THERE'S NO PROBLEM AT ALL
Copy !req
445. WHAT I'LL DO IS I'LL GIVE YOU
SOME KIND OF SIGN, LIKE THIS...
Copy !req
446. WHEN I'M STILL TALKING AND
ONLY PAUSING IN BETWEEN WORDS.
Copy !req
447. AND WHEN I'M FINISHED ALTOGETHER
I'LL DO THIS, ALL RIGHT?
Copy !req
448. NO, NO, SORRY!
Copy !req
449. NO, NO.
Copy !req
450. SORRY, JUST DEMONSTRATING.
Copy !req
451. HAVEN'T FINISHED.
Copy !req
452. HAVEN'T STARTED YET.
Copy !req
453. OH, DEAR.
Copy !req
454. NEARLY FORGOT THE GESTURE.
Copy !req
455. HOPE NONE OF YOU ARE
NIPPING OUT INTO THE KITCHEN
Copy !req
456. GETTING BITS OF FOOD OUT
OF THOSE ROUND, BROWN MATS
Copy !req
457. WHICH THE...
Copy !req
458. GOOD EVENING.
Copy !req
459. TONIGHT, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT...
Copy !req
460. WE INTERRUPT
THIS PROGRAM TO ANNOY YOU
Copy !req
461. AND MAKE THINGS
GENERALLY IRRITATING FOR YOU.
Copy !req
462. WITH A LARGE PIECE
OF WET PAPER.
Copy !req
463. TURN THE PAPER OVER...
Copy !req
464. TURN THE PAPER OVER,
KEEPING YOUR EYE ON THE CAMEL
Copy !req
465. AND PASTE DOWN THE EDGE
OF THE SAILOR'S UNIFORM
Copy !req
466. UNTIL THE WORD "MAUDLING"
IS ALMOST TOTALLY OBSCURED.
Copy !req
467. WELL, THAT'S ONE WAY
OF DOING IT.
Copy !req
468. GOOD EVENING.
Copy !req
469. WE INTERRUPT
THIS PROGRAM AGAIN
Copy !req
470. "A," TO IRRITATE YOU
Copy !req
471. AND "B," TO PROVIDE WORK
FOR ONE OF OUR ANNOUNCERS.
Copy !req
472. GOOD EVENING.
Copy !req
473. I'M THE ANNOUNCER WHO'S JUST
BEEN GIVEN THIS JOB BY THE BBC
Copy !req
474. AND I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY
HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO THE BBC
Copy !req
475. FOR PROVIDING ME WITH WORK
Copy !req
476. PARTICULARLY AT
THIS TIME OF YEAR
Copy !req
477. WHEN THINGS ARE A BIT THIN
FOR US ANNOUNCERS.
Copy !req
478. UM...
Copy !req
479. I DON'T KNOW WHETHER
I SHOULD TELL YOU THIS, BUT...
Copy !req
480. WELL, I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH
A RATHER TOUGH TIME RECENTLY.
Copy !req
481. THINGS HAVE BEEN
PRETTY AWFUL AT HOME.
Copy !req
482. MY WIFE, JOSEPHINE...
"JOE-JUMS" AS I CALL HER...
Copy !req
483. WHO'S ALSO AN ANNOUNCER...
Copy !req
484. HELLO.
Copy !req
485. UH, HAS NOT
BEEN ABLE TO ANNOUNCE
Copy !req
486. SINCE OUR YOUNGEST, CLIFFORD,
WAS BORN, AND...
Copy !req
487. WELL, I'VE JUST GOT
NO CONFIDENCE LEFT.
Copy !req
488. I MEAN... I CAN'T GET UP
IN THE MORNING.
Copy !req
489. I FEEL THERE'S
NOTHING WORTH LIVING FOR.
Copy !req
490. HELLO, I'M ANOTHER ANNOUNCER.
Copy !req
491. MY NAME IS DICK.
Copy !req
492. JOE-JUMS JUST RANG ME
Copy !req
493. AND SAID JACK WAS HAVING A BAD
TIME WITH THIS ANNOUNCEMENT
Copy !req
494. SO I'VE JUST COME
TO GIVE HIM A HAND.
Copy !req
495. HOW IS HE, JOE-JUMS?
Copy !req
496. PRETTY BAD, DICK.
Copy !req
497. JACK, IT'S DICK.
Copy !req
498. DO YOU WANT ME
TO MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT?
Copy !req
499. NO.
Copy !req
500. NO, DICK, I MUST DO IT MYSELF.
Copy !req
501. IT'S MY LAST CHANCE
WITH THE BBC.
Copy !req
502. I CAN'T THROW IT AWAY.
Copy !req
503. I'VE GOT TO DO IT
Copy !req
504. FOR JOE-JUMS, FOR THE KIDS...
Copy !req
505. I'VE GOT TO GO THROUGH WITH IT.
Copy !req
506. GOOD MAN.
Copy !req
507. NOW, REMEMBER
YOUR ANNOUNCER'S TRAINING...
Copy !req
508. DEEP BREATHS, AND TRY NOT TO
THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
Copy !req
509. GOOD EVENING.
Copy !req
510. THIS IS BBC 1.
Copy !req
511. GOOD LUCK, JACK.
Copy !req
512. KEEP GOING, OLD BOY.
Copy !req
513. IT'S 9:00
Copy !req
514. AND TIME FOR THE NEWS
Copy !req
515. READ BY RICHARD BAKER.
Copy !req
516. YOU'VE DONE IT!
Copy !req
517. CONGRATULATIONS, OLD MAN!
Copy !req
518. WAS IT OKAY?
Copy !req
519. ABSOLUTELY TOP-O!
Copy !req
520. ABSOLUTELY MARVELOUS.
Copy !req
521. YOU KNOW YOU WERE!
Copy !req
522. FANTASTIC, DARLING!
Copy !req
523. YOU WERE BRILLIANT, REALLY.
Copy !req
524. IT'S SO
MARVELOUS TO HAVE YOU HERE.
Copy !req
525. FOR GOD'S SAKE, DRINK THIS...
Copy !req
526. YOU WERE ROCK SOLID.
Copy !req
527. THANKS VERY MUCH.
Copy !req
528. I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW MUCH THAT MEANS.
Copy !req
529. I THINK IT'S A TURNING POINT...
Copy !req
530. HELLO, REGGIE.
Copy !req
531. WHAT?
Copy !req
532. IS THAT GORDON?
Copy !req
533. YES... HANG ON, REGGIE.
Copy !req
534. UNTIL THE NAME MAUDLING
IS ALMOST TOTALLY OBSCURED.
Copy !req
535. THAT IS THE NED
OF THE NICLOE-NOCK WENS.
Copy !req
536. AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR THE LATE-NIGHT FILM.
Copy !req
537. OH!
Copy !req
538. OH, PANTOMIME HORSE,
THAT WAS... WONDERFUL!
Copy !req
539. WOULD YOU LIKE
ANOTHER GLASS?
Copy !req
540. OH, NO, NO, I MUSTN'T.
Copy !req
541. IT MAKES ME THROW UP.
Copy !req
542. OH, I'M SO
BLEEDING HAPPY.
Copy !req
543. OH, SIMONE.
Copy !req
544. OH, PANTOMIME HORSE.
Copy !req
545. THEN...
Copy !req
546. AND NOW THE
ENGLISH PANTOMIME HORSE
Copy !req
547. HAS VERY NEARLY CAUGHT UP WITH
THE RUSSIAN PANTOMIME HORSE.
Copy !req
548. I THINK HE'S GOING
TO TAKE HIM ANY MOMENT NOW.
Copy !req
549. BUT WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT IS THIS?
Copy !req
550. YES, IT'S THE PANTOMIME
PRINCESS MARGARET
Copy !req
551. AND THE PANTOMIME GOOSE
Copy !req
552. AND THEY'RE ATTACKING
THE ENGLISH PANTOMIME HORSE
Copy !req
553. AND THE RUSSIAN
PANTOMIME HORSE HAS GOT AWAY
Copy !req
554. BUT WHO IS THIS?
Copy !req
555. MY GOODNESS ME!
Copy !req
556. IT'S THE DUKE OF KENT
TO THE RESCUE.
Copy !req
557. HERE YOU SEE
Copy !req
558. SOME ENGLISH COMIC ACTORS
Copy !req
559. ENGAGED IN A LIFE-OR-DEATH
STRUGGLE
Copy !req
560. WITH A RATHER WEAK ENDING.
Copy !req
561. THIS IS TYPICAL OF
THE ZANY, MADCAP WORLD
Copy !req
562. OF THE IRRESISTIBLE,
KOOKY FUNSTERS.
Copy !req
563. THE ENGLISH PANTOMIME HORSE WINS
Copy !req
564. AND SO IS ASSURED
OF A PLACE IN BRITISH HISTORY
Copy !req
565. AND A STEADY JOB
IN A MERCHANT BANK.
Copy !req
566. UNFORTUNATELY, BEFORE
HIS PENSION RIGHTS ARE ASSURED
Copy !req
567. HE CATCHES BRONCHITIS AND DIES
Copy !req
568. ANOTHER VICTIM OF THE NEED
TO FINISH THESE SHOWS ON TIME.
Copy !req