Monty Python's Flying Circus 2x7

Directed by Ian MacNaughton

Featuring the Attila the Hun Show, a rat catcher, a village idiot, some killer sheep and news for parrots.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. HORDES TO THE EAST.

2. ALARIC THE VISIGOTH,

3. IN A REIGN OF TERROR.

4. THE MIGHTYATTILA THE HUN.

5. LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, IT'S THE ATTILA THE HUN SHOW.

6. FOR MERCILESS SAVAGERY.

7. THE MIGHTY WARRIOR, ATTILA.

8. WITH HIS DEVASTATING ARMIES, HE SWEPT ACROSS CENTRAL EUROPE.

9. OH, DARLING, I'M HOME!

10. HELLO, DARLING.

11. AT THE OFFICE?

12. NOT AT ALL BAD.

13. ACROSS CENTRAL EUROPE.

14. WELL, I WON'T SAY I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU

15. BUT, BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU!

16. HI, DADDY.

17. HI, DADDY.

18. HI, JENNY, HI, ROBBY.

19. HEY, I'VE GOT A PRESENT

20. IN THAT BAG.

21. IN THAT BAG.

22. TO GET "A-HEAD."

23. YEAH YOU ARE, MISTER HUN.

24. HI, UNCLE TOM.

25. THERE'S A WHOLE HORDE O' DEM MARAUDIN' VISIGOTHS

26. TO SEE Y'ALL.

27. COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

28. IT'S...

29. MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS.

30. YES, IT'S ATTILA THE NUN!

31. A VOW OF ETERNAL BRUTALITY.

32. NURSE!

33. HELLO, MISS NORRIS, HOW ARE YOU?

34. NOT TOO BAD, THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

35. YES, WELL, I THINK I'D BETTER EXAMINE YOU.

36. UM, WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?

37. UH, IT'S ALL RIGHT

38. THEY'RE STUDENTS.

39. UM... LIGHT, PLEASE, NURSE.

40. OH, AND UH, MUSIC, TOO.

41. BREATHE IN... OUT.

42. IN... OUT.

43. IN...

44. THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

45. CHARLES CROMPTON, THE STRIPPING DOCTOR.

46. AND NEXT, GENTLEMEN AND LADIES,

47. FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME, A VERY BIG WELCOME, PLEASE

48. FOR COMMONWEALTH AFFAIRS.

49. GOOD EVENING.

50. TONIGHT I'D LIKE TO RESTATE

51. COMMONWEALTH RELATIONSHIPS.

52. NOW, ALTHOUGH WE BELIEVE,

53. AT A REALISTIC LEVEL.

54. FISCAL YEAR PRIOR TO THE ENTRY.

55. BUT I PLEDGE THAT,

56. WE WILL NEVER JEOPARDIZE,

57. WITH THE COMMONWEALTH COUNTRIES.

58. OF OUR COMMONWEALTH PARTNERS.

59. AND FOR WORLD PEACE.

60. THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.

61. WASN'T HE MARVELOUS?

62. FOR COMMONWEALTH AFFAIRS.

63. AND NOW, GENTLEMEN AND LADIES, A VERY BIG WELCOME, PLEASE

64. AND THE SOCIAL SECURITY.

65. YES, TODAY IN BRITAIN THERE IS

66. IN POLITICS AND POLITICIANS.

67. WELL, WE'RE IN IT FOR THE LOBBYING, YOU KNOW.

68. WE JUST LOVE LOBBYING.

69. AND THE DEBATES.

70. YOU KNOW, A GOOD DEBATE IS JUST FABULOUS.

71. WELL, I'VE BEEN GOING WITH

72. AND, UH, YOU KNOW, I THINK THEY'RE WONDERFUL.

73. OH, YES, I LIKE CIVIL SERVANTS.

74. OH, YES, THEY'RE NICE.

75. I... I LIKE THE SPEAKER.

76. OH, YEAH.

77. BLACK ROD.

78. WHAT DO THEIR PARENTS THINK?

79. WELL, SHE'S BROKEN OUR HEARTS, THE LITTLE BASTARD.

80. SHE'S BEEN NOTHING BUT TROUBLE

81. AGAIN, I'LL KICK HER TEETH IN.

82. TELEVISION AGAIN, DEAR?

83. YES, I BLOODY TOLD 'EM.

84. WHAT ABOUT?

85. I DON'T KNOW.

86. BOSANQUET?

87. NO, NO, NO.

88. HEAD ALL BANDAGED?

89. NO, IT WASN'T LIKE THAT.

90. OF THING.

91. OH, THAT'LL

92. FROM TOMORROW'S WORLD.

93. OOH, I PREFER REGINALD BOSANQUET.

94. THERE'S NOT SO MANY OF 'EM.

95. OH, THAT'LL BE THE RATCATCHER.

96. HELLO, MR. AND MRS. CONCRETE?

97. YES?

98. WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL

99. WELL, HOW VERY NICE.

100. ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

101. I'M LESLIE AMES, THE CHAIRMAN

102. AND I'M VERY PLEASED

103. AGAINST THE WEST INDIES.

104. REALLY?

105. NO, IT WAS JUST A LITTLE JOKE.

106. ACTUALLY I'M THE COUNCIL RATCATCHER.

107. OH, YES, WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU.

108. OH, I GATHER YOU'VE GOT

109. RODENTAL PROBLEM.

110. OH, BLIMEY! YOU'D THINK

111. BY THE WAINSCOTTING.

112. MMM, THAT'S AN INTERESTING WORD, ISN'T IT?

113. WHAT?

114. WAINSCOTTING.

115. WAINSCOTTING, WAINSCOTTING.

116. DORSET VILLAGE.

117. WAINSCOTTING.

118. WE'VE BEEN MENTIONED ON TELLY!

119. UH, WHERE IS IT WORST?

120. WELL, DOWN HERE

121. HEAR THEM.

122. SHH! SHH! SHH!

123. NO, THAT'S SHEEP YOU'VE GOT THERE.

124. NO, THAT'S DEFINITELY SHEEP.

125. A BIT OF A PUZZLE, REALLY.

126. IS IT?

127. YEAH, WELL, I MEAN IT'S "A," NOT GOING TO RESPOND

128. AND "B," IT ISN'T GOING TO FIT INTO A TRAP.

129. OH, WHAT YOU GONNA DO?

130. WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO LOOK FOR THE HOLE.

131. OH, YEAH.

132. UH... OOH...

133. HEY! THERE'S ONE HERE.

134. NO, NO, NO, THAT'S MICE.

135. OH! THIS IS WHAT WE'RE AFTER!

136. EXCUSE ME, IS THE THIRD TEST IN HERE?

137. NO, NO, THAT WAS A JOKE, IT'S A JOKE.

138. RIGHT! WELL, I'M GOING IN THE WAINSCOTTING.

139. THEY SAID IT AGAIN!

140. SHEEP POISON.

141. OOH.

142. OOH, IT'S GOT A GUN!

143. OOH! BLIMEY.

144. NOW, NORMALLY

145. A PLACID,

146. BUT YOU'VE GOT A KILLER!

147. IT'S AN ENTIRELY NEW STRAIN OF SHEEP... A KILLER SHEEP

148. A FIRST-CLASS SHOT.

149. COMING FROM, PROFESSOR?

150. THAT I DON'T KNOW.

151. I JUST DON'T KNOW.

152. I REALLY JUST DON'T KNOW.

153. I'M AFRAID I REALLY JUST DON'T KNOW.

154. I'M AFRAID EVEN I REALLY JUST DON'T KNOW.

155. I'M AFRAID EVEN I REALLY JUST DON'T KNOW.

156. I'M AFRAID I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT...

157. THANK YOU.

158. I DON'T KNOW.

159. PORTION OF WOLF'S CLOTHING

160. KILLER SHEEP...

161. WAS WEARING...

162. IN YESTERDAY'S RAID ON SELFRIDGES.

163. I'LL CARRY OUT

164. STRAIGHT AWAY, PROFESSOR.

165. HELLO, IS THE THIRD TEST IN HERE, PLEASE?

166. PROFESSOR, THERE

167. IN THE LABORATORY.

168. AT FIRST BEEN IMAGINING.

169. WHAT A STRANGE, STRANGE LINE.

170. THERE'S NO TIME TO WASTE!

171. COMMISSIONER OF POLICE.

172. YES, SIR.

173. NO, NO, ON THE PHONE!

174. LOOK OF FEAR!

175. ANOTHER STRANGE LINE.

176. LOOK OUT, MISS GARTER OIL!

177. PROFESSOR, WHAT IS IT?

178. WHAT HAVE YOU SEEN?

179. LOOK, THERE IN THE DOORWAY!

180. ARTHUR X, LEADER OF THE PENNINE GANG.

181. DON'T NOBODY MOVE.

182. ALL RIGHT, BOYS, WE'RE PUTTIN' PLAN "A" INTO OPERATION.

183. BUGSY, LOUIE, MOVE OUT.

184. NEXT... BASIL, YOU AND THE KID... MOVE.

185. OKAY, BOYS, THIS TIME WE GO FOR THE HEAVY STUFF.

186. WITH ITS STARTLING INTELLIGENCE.

187. TO ARRANGE MORTGAGES.

188. TO DESIGN SUPERMARKETS.

189. TELEVISION PROGRAMS.

190. IT'S 8:00 AND TIME FOR THE NEWS.

191. GOOD EVENING, HERE IS THE NEWS FOR PARROTS.

192. IN AN ACCIDENT ON THE M-1 TODAY

193. WITH A BOLLARD.

194. AND NOT A PARROT.

195. NO PARROTS WERE INVOLVED.

196. TO DISCUSS A £4 MILLION AIRLINER DEAL.

197. MILLET SEED... YUM, YUM.

198. THAT'S THE END OF THE NEWS.

199. FOR PARROTS BY JOEY BOY.

200. DR. MANETTE IS IN ENGLAND, AFTER 18 YEARS IN THE BASTILLE.

201. HIS DAUGHTER, LUCY, AWAITS HER LOVER, CHARLES DARNAY

202. THE MARQUIS de ST. EVREMONDE

203. MANETTE IN THE BASTILLE.

204. TENDING HER AGED FATHER.

205. 'ALLO, 'ALLO!

206. 'ALLO, 'ALLO, 'ALLO!

207. WHO'S A PRETTY BOY, THEN?

208. WHO'S A PRETTY BOY?

209. AND WHILE THAT'S GOING ON, HERE IS THE NEWS FOR GIBBONS.

210. NO GIBBONS WERE INVOLVED...

211. AND WHILE THAT'S GOING ON, HERE FROM WESTMINSTER

212. FOR HUMANS.

213. IN THE DEBATE, A SPOKESMAN

214. NOT AT ALL GOOD THINGS.

215. BUT DENIED THAT HE'D EVER BEEN NAUGHTY WITH A CHOIRBOY.

216. ANGRY SHOUTS OF "WHAT ABOUT THE WATERMELON, THEN?"

217. IN THE LAVVY.

218. AMONGST THE POOR.

219. FOR THE GOVERNMENT,

220. AND HE FANCIED A BIT.

221. FURTHERMORE, HE ARGUED

222. TO FARMERS, AND A LOT OF FUN

223. TO HIM, HIS FRIEND AND MISS MOIST OF KNIGHTSBRIDGE.

224. OF "POSTCARDS FOR SALE!"

225. OF "WHO LIKES A SAILOR, THEN?"

226. WITHOUT PORTFOLIO.

227. REPLYING,

228. WERE VERY HAPPY.

229. AND, IN ANY CASE, HE ARGUED,

230. IN A SAUNA BATH.

231. WERE NOT INVOLVED.

232. TO DISCUSS A £4 MILLION AIRLINER DEAL.

233. YUMMY EUCALYPTUS LEAVES.

234. YUM, YUM.

235. THAT'S THE NEWS FOR WOMBATS, AND NOW ATTILA THE BUN!

236. WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR ATTILA THE BUN.

237. AND NOW, IDIOTS.

238. AN IDIOT, A VILLAGE IDIOT.

239. AT THE IDIOT IN SOCIETY.

240. WELL, I FEEL VERY KEENLY

241. AND, AS SUCH, HAS

242. IN THE MODERN RURAL SOCIETY, BECAUSE, YOU SEE...

243. OOH, AR, OOH, AR!

244. OOH, AR, THANKEE, VICAR.

245. CAN LOOK DOWN ON AND RIDICULE.

246. AND THIS IS THE ROLE THAT...

247. THANK YOU, MRS. THOMPSON.

248. FOR THE PAST 400 YEARS.

249. AH, GOOD MORNING, MR. JENKINS.

250. I.C.I. HAVE INCREASED THEIR HALF-YEARLY DIVIDEND, I SEE.

251. YES, SPLENDID.

252. THAT'S MR. JENKINS, HE'S ANOTHER IDIOT.

253. AND SO, YOU SEE,

254. FOR THIS COMMUNITY.

255. OH, EXCUSE ME.

256. A COACH PARTY'S JUST ARRIVED.

257. OFF THE WALL, I'M AFRAID.

258. SERIOUSLY.

259. HE IS UP AT 6:00 EVERY MORNING

260. DESIGNED TO KEEP HIM SILLY.

261. AND, OF COURSE, HE TAKES GREAT PRIDE IN HIS APPEARANCE.

262. LIKE THE DOCTOR, THE BLACKSMITH, THE CARPENTER

263. MR. FIGGIS IS AN IMPORTANT FIGURE IN THIS VILLAGE.

264. LIKE THEM, HE USES THE LOCAL BANK.

265. YES, WE HAVE QUITE A NUMBER OF IDIOTS BANKING HERE.

266. IN IDIOTTING?

267. WELL, NOWADAYS, THE REALLY

268. ANYTHING UP TO £10,000 A YEAR

269. IF HE'S THE HEAD OF SOME BIG INDUSTRIAL COMBINE.

270. BUT, OF COURSE,

271. STILL REFUSES TO TAKE MONEY.

272. HE TAKES BITS OF STRING, WOOD

273. DEAD BUDGERIGARS, SPARROWS, ANYTHING.

274. BUT IT DOES MAKE THE CASHIER'S JOB VERY DIFFICULT.

275. BUT, OF COURSE, THEY'RE

276. IS ALMOST NEGLIGIBLE.

277. MR. BRANDO!

278. YES?

279. HOLLYWOOD ON THE PHONE.

280. I'LL TAKE IT IN THE OFFICE.

281. BUT MR. FIGGIS IS NO ORDINARY IDIOT.

282. OF EASTANGLIA.

283. OF THIRD-YEAR STUDENTS.

284. A HANDFUL OF MUD...

285. AND A KICK ON THE HEAD.

286. THE GRADUATE IDIOT.

287. I'M A COMPLETELY SELF-TAUGHT IDIOT.

288. I MEAN...

289. NOBODY DOES THAT ANYMORE.

290. OFF THE STREET.

291. NO, NOWADAYS, PEOPLE WANT SOMETHING WITTIER.

292. KEVIN O'NASSIS WORKS LARGELY WITH WALLS.

293. WHOA!

294. WELL, YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

295. I MEAN, SOME PEOPLE THINK I'M MAD.

296. THE VILLAGERS SAY I'M MAD, THE TOURISTS SAY I'M MAD.

297. WELL, I AM MAD, BUT I'M NATURALLY MAD.

298. I DON'T USE ANY CHEMICALS.

299. WHOA!

300. BUT WHAT OF THE IDIOT'S PRIVATE LIFE?

301. WITH WOMEN?

302. WELL, I MAY BE AN IDIOT, BUT I'M NO FOOL.

303. BUT THE VILLAGE IDIOT'S

304. WORLD OF THE URBAN IDIOT.

305. THESE CITY IDIOTS COME FROM?

306. UH... UH...

307. IS HERE IN ST. JOHN'S WOOD.

308. INSIDE, THEY CAN EN JOY

309. OF RITUAL IDIOTTING.

310. WELL LEFT.

311. WELL-PLAYED.

312. WELL, WELL.

313. WELL-BRED.

314. OF THE FIRST TEST.

315. SO FAR TODAY, WE'VE HAD FIVE

316. THEY'RE NAUGHT FOR NAUGHT.

317. COWDREY IS NOT OUT NAUGHT, AND NAUGHTON IS NOT IN.

318. IS NAUGHT FOR NOT OUT.

319. IN THE NETS LAST NIGHT, BUT IT'S NOTHING OF NOTE.

320. NEXT IN IS NAT NEWTON OF NOTTS.

321. NOT NUTTING... NUTTING'S AT NINE.

322. KNOCK... KNOCK...

323. ANYWAY, ENGLAND HAVE PLAYED EXTREMELY WELL FOR NOTHING...

324. NOT A SAUSAGE... IN REPLY

325. TO ICELAND'S FIRST INNINGS TOTAL OF 722 FOR TWO DECLARED

326. FAST IN ONLY 21 OVERS

327. OF RUBBISHY THINGS.

328. OUTSTANDING START SO FAR.

329. PETER?

330. SPLENDID.

331. TO THOSE THIGHS.

332. AND NOW IT'S THE NORTH EAST'S TURN WITH THE SAMBA... BRIAN?

333. RATHER I'M REMINDED

334. IN '32...

335. OH, SHUT UP OR WE'LL CLOSE THE BAR.

336. UP TO BOWL TO COWDREY.

337. HE RUNS UP, HE BOWLS TO COWDREY...

338. AND NO SHOT AT ALL.

339. NOT PLAYED THERE.

340. YES, BEAUTIFULLY NOT DONE ANYTHING ABOUT.

341. NO KIND WHATSOEVER.

342. BALL ALONE IN 1732.

343. OH, SHUT UP, LONG NOSE.

344. AND NOW IT'S BO WILDEBURG

345. TO BOWL TO COWDREY.

346. HE RUNS IN, HE BOWLS TO COWDREY...

347. AND NO SHOT AT ALL.

348. OF INERTIA THERE.

349. AND THAT'S THE END OF THE OVER, AND DRINKS.

350. GIN AND TONIC, PLEASE.

351. NO, NO, THE PLAYERS ARE HAVING DRINKS.

352. AND NOW WHAT'S HAPPENING?

353. I THINK COWDREY'S BEING TAKEN...

354. YES, COWDREY IS BEING CARRIED OFF.

355. WELL, I NEVER!

356. NOW, WHO'S IN NEXT?

357. IT SHOULD BE NUMBER THREE, NATT NEWTON OF NOTTS.

358. OFF MY THIGH, WEST.

359. NO, I DON'T THINK IT IS.

360. I THINK IT'S... IT'S THE SOFA... NO, IT'S THE CHESTERFIELD.

361. TO TAKE GUARD NOW.

362. HEADINGLEY IN 9 B.C.

363. AGAINST THE DARKIES.

364. OH, SHUT UP, ELEPHANT SNOUT.

365. AND, AH! ICELAND ARE PUTTING ON THEIR SPIN DRYER TO BOWL.

366. IT RUNS OUT TO THE WICKET, BOWLS TO THE TABLE...

367. A LITTLE BIT SHORT, BUT IT'S COMING IN A BIT THERE

368. AND IT'S HIT HIM ON THE PAD!

369. THERE'S AN APPEAL AND THE TABLE IS OUT... LEG BEFORE WICKET.

370. THAT IS ENGLAND NAUGHT FOR ONE.

371. GO OVER TO EPSOM FOR THE 3:00.

372. WELL, HERE AT EPSOM, WE TAKE UP THE RUNNING

373. WITH 50 YARDS OF

374. AND IT'S THE WASH BASIN IN THE LEAD FROM W.C. PEDESTAL.

375. WITH JOANNA SOUTHCOTT'S BOX

376. FROM HAT STAND ON THE RAILS.

377. BUT IT'S WASH BASIN DEFINITELY

378. BEING STRONGLY PRESSED BY W.C.

379. AT THE POST, IT'S THE WASH BASIN FROM W.C.

380. THEN SOFA, HAT STAND,

381. AND LASTLY, JOANNA SOUTHCOTT'S BOX.

382. OPEN THE BOX! OPEN THE BOX!

383. OPEN THE BOX!

384. OPEN THE BOX!

385. THE NEXT CONTENDER, PLEASE?

386. GOOD EVENING, MADAM.

387. AND YOUR NAME IS?

388. YES, YES.

389. AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

390. REGULARLY.

391. JOLLY GOOD, I SEE.

392. THIS EVENING?

393. OH, I'D LIKE THE BLOW ON THE HEAD.

394. THE BLOW ON THE HEAD.

395. JUST THERE.

396. JOLLY GOOD.

397. WELL, YOUR

398. TO PHYSICAL STATES?

399. I DON'T KNOW THAT!

400. WELL, HAVE A GUESS.

401. HENRI BERGSON.

402. IS THE CORRECT ANSWER!

403. OH, THAT WAS LUCKY.

404. I NEVER EVEN HEARD OF HIM.

405. JOLLY GOOD.

406. I DON'T LIKE DARKIES.

407. WHO DOES?

408. THAT PENGUINS EAT?

409. PORK LUNCHEON MEAT.

410. NO.

411. SPAM?

412. NO, NO, NO, WHAT DO PENGUINS EAT?

413. PENGUINS.

414. PENGUINS?

415. YES.

416. I HATE PENGUINS.

417. NO, NO, NO.

418. THEY EAT THEMSELVES.

419. NO, NO, WHAT DO PENGUINS EAT?

420. HORSES! ARMCHAIRS!

421. NO, NO, WHAT DO PENGUINS EAT?

422. OH, PENGUINS.

423. PENGUINS.

424. CANNELLONI.

425. LASAGNA, MOUSSAKA,

426. A L'ESTRAGON AVEC ENDIVES

427. GRATINEED WITH CHEESE.

428. NO, I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE.

429. AH! BRIAN CLOSE.

430. NO, NO.

431. BRIAN INGLIS, BRIAN JOHNSON, BRYAN FORBES.

432. NO, NO.

433. NANETTE NEWMAN.

434. NO, WHAT SWIMS IN THE SEA

435. IN NETS?

436. HENRI BERGSON.

437. NO!

438. GOATS.

439. SNORKELS AND FLIPPERS.

440. WITH AN AQUALUNG.

441. NO.

442. REGINALD MAUDLING.

443. YES, THAT'S NEAR ENOUGH, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.

444. RIGHT NOW, MRS. SCUM, YOU HAVE WON YOUR PRIZE.

445. THE BLOW ON THE HEAD?

446. YES, YES.

447. I'LL OFFER YOU A POKE IN THE EYE.

448. NO, I WANT THE BLOW ON THE HEAD.

449. IN THE THROAT?

450. NO!

451. ALL RIGHT THEN, A KICK IN THE KNEECAP.

452. NO.

453. MRS. SCUM, I'M OFFERING

454. UP THE STRAP.

455. ER...

456. TAKE THE BLOW ON THE HEAD!

457. NO, I'LL TAKE THE BLOW ON THE HEAD.

458. VERY WELL THEN, MRS. SCUM

459. TONIGHT'S STAR PRIZE...

460. THE BLOW ON THE HEAD!