1. HELLO, GOOD EVENING
AND WELCOME TO IT'S A LIVING.Copy !req
2. THE RULES ARE VERY SIMPLE.Copy !req
3. EACH WEEK WE GET A LARGE FEE.Copy !req
4. AT THE END OF THAT WEEK
WE GET ANOTHER LARGE FEE.Copy !req
5. IF THERE'S BEEN NO INTERRUPTION
AT THE END OF THE YEARCopy !req
6. WE GET A REPEAT FEECopy !req
7. WHICH CAN BE ADDED ON
FOR TAX PURPOSESCopy !req
8. TO THE PREVIOUS YEARCopy !req
9. OR THE FOLLOWING YEAR
IF THERE'S NO NEW SERIES.Copy !req
10. EVERY CONTESTANT, IN ADDITION
TO GETTING A LARGE FEECopy !req
11. IS ENTITLED TO THREE DRINKS
AT THE BBCCopy !req
12. OR, IF THE SHOW IS OVER,
SEVEN DRINKSCopy !req
13. UNLESS HE'S AN M.P.Copy !req
14. IN WHICH CASE HE CAN HAVE
SEVEN DRINKS BEFORE THE SHOWCopy !req
15. OR A BISHOP
ONLY THREE DRINKS IN TOTO.Copy !req
16. THE WINNERS WILL RECEIVE
AN ADDITIONAL FEECopy !req
17. A PRIZE WHICH THEY CAN FLOG BACKCopy !req
18. AND A SPECIAL FEE
FOR A GUEST APPEARANCECopy !req
19. ON LATE NIGHT LINEUP.Copy !req
20. WELL, THOSE ARE THE RULES,
THAT'S THE GAMECopy !req
21. WE'LL BE BACK AGAIN
SAME TIME NEXT WEEK.Copy !req
22. TILL THEN, BYE-BYE.Copy !req
23. WELL, IT'S FIVE PAST NINECopy !req
24. AND NEARLY TIME
FOR SIX PAST NINE.Copy !req
25. ON BBC 2 IT'LL SHORTLY BE
6½ MINUTES PAST NINE.Copy !req
26. LATER ON THIS EVENING,
IT'LL BE 10:00Copy !req
27. AND AT 10:30, WE'LL BE JOINING
BBC 2 IN TIME FOR 10:33.Copy !req
28. AND DON'T FORGET TOMORROW,
WHEN IT'LL BE 9:20.Copy !req
29. THOSE OF YOU
WHO MISSED 8:45 ON FRIDAYCopy !req
30. WILL BE ABLE TO SEE IT AGAIN
THIS FRIDAYCopy !req
31. AT A QUARTER TO NINE.Copy !req
32. IT'S 6½ MINUTES
TO THE BIG GREEN THING.Copy !req
33. YOU'RE A LOONY.Copy !req
34. I GET SO BORED,
I GET SO BLOODY BORED.Copy !req
35. THIS WAY, PLEASE.Copy !req
36. RIGHT-O, I'M COMING.Copy !req
37. YES, SIR...
THIS WAY, EH?Copy !req
38. BLOODY HELL,
WHERE ARE THE LIGHTS?Copy !req
39. OH, DAMN, WHERE ARE THEY?Copy !req
40. HOW DOES THIS TURN OFF?Copy !req
41. OH, I'M UNSTUCK.Copy !req
42. OH! AH! OH!Copy !req
43. WHERE ARE THE LIGHTS?Copy !req
44. OH! OH, HERE THEY ARE.Copy !req
45. OOH!Copy !req
46. YOU PROBABLY NOTICED
THAT I DIDN'T SAYCopy !req
47. "AND NOW FOR SOMETHING
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT" JUST NOW.Copy !req
48. THIS IS SIMPLY
BECAUSE I AM UNABLECopy !req
49. TO APPEAR IN THE SHOW
THIS WEEK.Copy !req
50. SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU.Copy !req
51. I'M TERRIBLY SORRY TO INTERRUPT,
BUT MY TOOTH'S HURTINGCopy !req
52. JUST AROUND HERE.Copy !req
53. GET OFF!Copy !req
54. OH, SORRY.Copy !req
55. I'M NOT SORRY TO INTERRUPT.Copy !req
56. I'LL INTERRUPT ANYTHINGCopy !req
57. IF IT GETS PEOPLE
LOOKING IN MY DIRECTIONCopy !req
58. LIKE AT MY OLD SCHOOL WHERE,
BY A COINCIDENCECopy !req
59. THE ANNUAL PRIZE-GIVING
IS GOING ON AT THIS VERY MOMENT.Copy !req
60. MY LORD MAYOR, LADY MAYORESS...Copy !req
61. IT GIVES ME VERY GREAT PLEASURE
TO RETURN TO MY OLD SCHOOLCopy !req
62. TO PRESENT THE PRIZES
IN THIS CENTENARY YEAR.Copy !req
63. THIS SCHOOL TAKES
VERY JUSTIFIABLE PRIDECopy !req
64. IN ITS FINE RECORD OF...Copy !req
65. SCHOLARSHIP
AND SPORTING ACHIEVEMENT...Copy !req
66. I'M... I'M AFRAID
THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.Copy !req
67. THE MAN WHO HAS BEEN SPEAKING
TO YOU IS AN IMPOSTOR.Copy !req
68. HE IS NOT IN FACT
THE BISHOP OF EAST ANGLIACopy !req
69. BUT A MAN WANTED
BY THE POLICE.Copy !req
70. I AM THE BISHOP
OF EAST ANGLIACopy !req
71. AND ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE
ME CAN LOOK ME UP IN THE BOOK.Copy !req
72. NOW THEN, THE FIRST PRIZE IS
THIS BEAUTIFUL SILVER CUPCopy !req
73. WHICH HAS BEEN WON BY ME.Copy !req
74. NEXT WE COMECopy !req
75. TO THE FAIRFAX
ATKINSON TROPHYCopy !req
76. FOR OUTSTANDING
ACHIEVEMENTCopy !req
77. IN THE FIELD OF
APPLIED MATHEMATICS.Copy !req
78. WELL, THERE WAS
NO ONE THIS YEARCopy !req
79. WHO REACHED THE
REQUIRED STANDARDCopy !req
80. AND SO IT GOES
IN MY SACK.Copy !req
81. AND BY AN OLD RULE OF THE SCHOOLCopy !req
82. ALL THE OTHER SILVER TROPHIES
ALSO GO IN MY SACK...Copy !req
83. VELLY SOLLY FOR HOLD-UP.Copy !req
84. NO PROBLEM NOW.Copy !req
85. ME, BISHOP OF EAST ANGLIA,
NOW PRESENT PRIZES.Copy !req
86. EYES DOWN FOR FIRST PRIZE...Copy !req
87. THE FYFFE-CHULMLEIGH SPOON
FOR LATIN ELEGIACSCopy !req
88. GOES TO...
PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA!Copy !req
89. GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY.Copy !req
90. MY NAME'S BRADSHAW...
INSPECTOR ELIZABETH BRADSHAW...Copy !req
91. OF THE SPECIAL BRANCH
SPEECH DAY SQUADCopy !req
92. BUT I'D LIKE YOU TO THINK OF ME
AS THE BISHOP OF EAST ANGLIACopy !req
93. AND I'D LIKE TO PRESENT
THE FIRST PRIZE...Copy !req
94. THE GRIMWADE GYNN...Copy !req
95. LORD MAYOR, LADY MAYORESS,
MR. CHAIRMANCopy !req
96. LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND BOYS,
PLEASE DO NOT PANIC.Copy !req
97. PLEASE KEEP YOUR HEADS
RIGHT DOWN NOWCopy !req
98. AND AT THE BACK, PLEASE KEEP
YOUR HEADS RIGHT DOWN.Copy !req
99. DO NOT PANIC, DON'T LOOK ROUND,
THIS BUILDING IS SURROUNDED.Copy !req
100. THERE IS NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.Copy !req
101. I AM THE BISHOP OF EAST ANGLIA.Copy !req
102. NOW, THE FIRST PRIZE ISCopy !req
103. THE GRANVILLE CUP
FOR FRENCH UNSEEN TRANSLATION.Copy !req
104. AND IT GOES TO FORBES MINOR...
FORBES MINOR.Copy !req
105. RIGHT, GIVE HIM COVERING FIRE.Copy !req
106. COME ON, FORBES, COME ON, BOY!Copy !req
107. COME AND GET IT, KEEP DOWN.Copy !req
108. WELL DONE.Copy !req
109. OH, BAD LUCK!Copy !req
110. THE NEXT PRIZE...Copy !req
111. MR. L.F. DIBLEY'S
LATEST FILM, IF.Copy !req
112. MR. DIBLEY, SOME PEOPLE
HAVE DRAWN COMPARISONSCopy !req
113. BETWEEN YOUR FILM, IFCopy !req
114. WHICH ENDS WITH A GUN BATTLE
AT A PUBLIC SCHOOLCopy !req
115. AND MR. LINDSAY
ANDERSON'S FILM, IFCopy !req
116. WHICH ENDS WITH A GUN BATTLE
AT A PUBLIC SCHOOL.Copy !req
117. OH, YES, WELL, I MEANCopy !req
118. THERE WERE SOME PEOPLECopy !req
119. WHO SAID MY FILM,
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEYCopy !req
120. WAS SIMILAR
TO STANLEY KUBRICK'S.Copy !req
121. I MEAN, THAT'S THE SORT
OF PETTY CRITICAL NIGGLINGCopy !req
122. THAT'S DOGGED MY CAREER.Copy !req
123. IT MAKES ME SICK.Copy !req
124. I MEAN, AS SOON
AS I'D MADE MIDNIGHT COWBOYCopy !req
125. WITH THE VICAR AS RATSO RIZZOCopy !req
126. JOHN SCHLESINGER RUSHES OUT HIS
VERSION AND GETS IT PREMIEREDCopy !req
127. WHILE MINE'S STILL
AT THE CHEMIST'S.Copy !req
128. WELL, WE HAVE WITH US TONIGHT
ONE OF YOUR FILMS, REAR WINDOWCopy !req
129. WHICH WAS TO BECOME SUCH
A SUCCESS FOR ALFRED HITCHCOCKCopy !req
130. A FEW WEEKS LATER.Copy !req
131. NOW, THIS IS A SILENT FILMCopy !req
132. SO PERHAPS YOU COULD
TALK US THROUGH IT.Copy !req
133. YES, WELL,
LET'S SEE, NOWCopy !req
134. THERE'S
THE REAR WINDOW.Copy !req
135. THERE'S THE MAN LOOKING
OUT OF THE WINDOW.Copy !req
136. HE SEES THE MURDER.Copy !req
137. THE MURDERER'S COME INTO
THE ROOM TO KILL HIMCopy !req
138. BUT HE'S OUTWITTED HIM
AND HE'S ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
139. THE END.Copy !req
140. I MEAN, ALFRED HITCHCOCKCopy !req
141. WHO'S SUPPOSED TO BE
SO BLOODY WONDERFULCopy !req
142. PADDED THAT OUT TO 1½ HOURS.Copy !req
143. LOST ALL
THE TENSION.Copy !req
144. JUST BECAUSE HE HAD
BLOODY GRACE KELLYCopy !req
145. HE MADE £3 MILLION
MORE THAN I DID.Copy !req
146. MIND YOU,
AT LEAST SHE CAN ACT A BIT.Copy !req
147. I COULD HAVE DONE WITH HER
IN FINIAN'S RAINBOW.Copy !req
148. THE MAN FROM THE OFF-LICENSE
WAS TERRIBLE.Copy !req
149. A REAL FAILURE THAT WAS...
TEN SECONDS OF SOLID BOREDOM.Copy !req
150. BLOODY TERRIBLE.Copy !req
151. MR. L.F. DIBLEY'S
FINIAN'S RAINBOW.Copy !req
152. AND NOW OVER TO ME.Copy !req
153. EXCLUSIVELY ON THE PROGRAM TODAYCopy !req
154. WE HAVE THE FOREIGN SECRETARY,
WHO HAS JUST RETURNEDCopy !req
155. FROM THE BITTER FIGHTING
IN THE GULF OF AMMAN.Copy !req
156. HE'S GOING TO TELL US
ABOUT CANOEING.Copy !req
157. THAT GIVES YOU JUST SOME IDEA
OF WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE.Copy !req
158. TODAY SAW
THE LONG-AWAITED PUBLICATIONCopy !req
159. OF THE PORTMAN
COMMITTEE'S REPORTCopy !req
160. ON INDUSTRIAL REORGANIZATION.Copy !req
161. IT'S TAKEN FIVE YEARS TO PREPARECopy !req
162. AND IT'S BOUND TO HAVE
AN ENORMOUS IMPACTCopy !req
163. ON THE FUTURE OF INDUSTRIAL
RELATIONS IN THIS COUNTRY.Copy !req
164. IN THE STUDIO TONIGHTCopy !req
165. LORD PORTMAN,
CHAIRMAN OF THE COMMITTEECopy !req
166. SIR CHARLES AVERY, EMPLOYERS'
REORGANIZATION COUNCILCopy !req
167. AND RAY MILLICHOPE, LEADER OF
THE ALLIED TECHNICIANS' UNIONCopy !req
168. AND THEY'RE GOING TO MAKE
A HUMAN PYRAMID.Copy !req
169. BRA-VO!Copy !req
170. NOW THE PRESIDENT
OF THE BOARD OF TRADE.Copy !req
171. GOOD EVENING.Copy !req
172. NOW HERE'S
THE VICE-CHAIRMAN OF I.C.I.Copy !req
173. GOOD EVENING.Copy !req
174. WELL, SO MUCH FOR POLITICSCopy !req
175. AND THE PROBLEMS OF BRITAIN'S
INDUSTRIAL REORGANIZATION.Copy !req
176. NOW WE TURN
TO THE LIGHTER SUBJECT OF SPORTCopy !req
177. AND REG HARRIS, THE FORMER
WORLD CYCLING SPRINT CHAMPIONCopy !req
178. TALKS TO US ABOUT
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMSCopy !req
179. OF BIG RACE PREPARATION.Copy !req
180. AND NOW THE WORLD OF SONG...
ANNE ZEIGLER AND WEBSTER BOOTH.Copy !req
181. WELL, ALL GOOD THINGS
MUST COME TO AN ENDCopy !req
182. AND THAT'S ALL FOR THIS WEEK,
BUT TO CLOSE OUR PROGRAMCopy !req
183. DAME IRENE STOAT, WHO CELEBRATES
HER 85th BIRTHDAY THIS MONTHCopy !req
184. READS ONE OF HER
MOST FAMOUS POEMS.Copy !req
185. "WHO SHALL DECLARE THIS GOOD,
THAT ILLCopy !req
186. "WHEN GOOD AND ILL SO INTERTWINE
BUT TO FULFILL THE VAST DESIGNCopy !req
187. "OF AN OMNISCIENT WILL.Copy !req
188. WHEN SEEMING GAIN
BUT TURNS TO LOSS..."Copy !req
189. "WHEN EARTHLY TREASURE
PROVES BUT DROSSCopy !req
190. "AND WHAT SEEMED LOST
BUT TURNS AGAINCopy !req
191. TO HIGH ETERNAL GAIN."Copy !req
192. WE HAD THE MOST
MARVELOUS HOLIDAY.Copy !req
193. IT WAS ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC.Copy !req
194. ABSOLUTELY
WONDERFUL.Copy !req
195. MICHAEL, YOU TELL
THEM ABOUT IT.Copy !req
196. NO, DARLING, YOU
COULD TELL IT BETTER.Copy !req
197. EXCUSE ME A MOMENT.Copy !req
198. DUNG, SIR.Copy !req
199. WHAT?Copy !req
200. WE GOT YOUR DUNG.Copy !req
201. WHAT DUNG?Copy !req
202. THREE HUNDREDWEIGHT
OF HEAVY DROPPINGS.Copy !req
203. WHERE DO YOU WANT IT?Copy !req
204. I DIDN'T ORDER
ANY DUNG.Copy !req
205. YES, YOU DID, SIR.Copy !req
206. YOU ORDERED IT THROUGH
THE BOOK-OF-THE-MONTH CLUB.Copy !req
207. BOOK-OF-
THE-MONTH CLUB?Copy !req
208. THAT'S RIGHT, SIR.Copy !req
209. YOU GET GONE WITH THE WINDCopy !req
210. LES MISERABLES BY VICTOR HUGOCopy !req
211. THE FRENCH LIEUTENANT'S WOMANCopy !req
212. AND WITH EVERY THIRD BOOK,
YOU GET DUNG.Copy !req
213. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT
WHEN I SIGNED THE FORM.Copy !req
214. WELL, NO, NO,
IT WASN'T ON THE FORM.Copy !req
215. THEY FOUND IT WASN'T GOOD
FOR BUSINESS.Copy !req
216. WE GOT THREE HUNDREDWEIGHT
OF DUNG IN THE VAN.Copy !req
217. WHERE DO YOU WANT IT?Copy !req
218. I DON'T
THINK WE DO.Copy !req
219. WE'VE NO GARDEN.Copy !req
220. IT'LL FIT HERE... IT'S
TOP-CLASS EXCREMENT.Copy !req
221. YOU CAN'T
PUT IT IN HERE.Copy !req
222. WE'VE HAVING
A DINNER PARTY!Copy !req
223. IT'S ALL RIGHT,
I'LL PUT IT ON THE TELLY.Copy !req
224. DARLING, THERE'S
A MAN HERECopy !req
225. WITH OUR BOOK-OF-
THE-MONTH-CLUB DUNG.Copy !req
226. WE'VE NO ROOM, DEAR.Copy !req
227. WELL, HOW MANY ROOMS
HAVE YOU GOT, THEN?Copy !req
228. WELL, THERE'S ONLY THIS ROOM,
THE BEDROOM, A SPARE ROOM.Copy !req
229. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.Copy !req
230. MOVE EVERYTHING
INTO THE MAIN BEDROOMCopy !req
231. THEN YOU CAN USE THE SPARE
ROOM AS A DUNG ROOM.Copy !req
232. YES?Copy !req
233. DEAD INDIAN.Copy !req
234. WHAT?Copy !req
235. HAVE YOU RECENTLY BOUGHT
A NEW COOKER, SIR?Copy !req
236. AH, WELL, THIS IS YOUR
FREE DEAD INDIAN, AS ADVERTISED.Copy !req
237. I DIDN'T SEE THAT
IN THE ADVERTS.Copy !req
238. OH, NO, IT'S IN VERY SMALL
PRINT, YOU SEE, SIRCopy !req
239. SO AS NOT TO AFFECT THE SALES.Copy !req
240. WE'VE NO ROOM.Copy !req
241. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
242. YOU CAN PUT
THE DEAD INDIANCopy !req
243. IN THE SPARE ROOM
ON TOP OF THE DUNG.Copy !req
244. YEAH.Copy !req
245. ME HEAP DIZZY!Copy !req
246. HE'S NOT DEAD!Copy !req
247. OH, WELL, THAT'S PROBABLY
A FAULTY COOKER.Copy !req
248. HAVE YOU READ
AND EN JOYEDCopy !req
249. THE FRENCH LIEUTENANT'S
WOMAN, THEN?Copy !req
250. NO.Copy !req
251. STILL, IT'S WORTH IT
FOR THE DUNG, ISN'T IT?Copy !req
252. DARLING, IT'S
THE MILK MARKETING BOARD.Copy !req
253. FOR EVERY TWO CARTONS OF SINGLE
CREAM, WE GET THE M4 MOTORWAY.Copy !req
254. ARE YOU MR. AND MRS. P. FORBES
OF 7, THE STUDIOS, ELSTREE?Copy !req
255. YES.Copy !req
256. RIGHT, WELL,
GET IN THE CAR.Copy !req
257. WE'VE WON YOU
IN A POLICE RAFFLE.Copy !req
258. YES, THIS COUPLE WAS
JUST ONE OF THE PRIZESCopy !req
259. IN THIS YEAR'S POLICE RAFFLE.Copy !req
260. OTHER PRIZES INCLUDE TWO YEARS
FOR BREAKING AND ENTERINGCopy !req
261. A CRATE OF SEARCH WARRANTSCopy !req
262. A "WHAT'S ALL THIS THEN?"
T-SHIRTCopy !req
263. AND A WEEKEND FOR TWO WITH
A SKINHEAD OF YOUR OWN CHOICE.Copy !req
264. AND THAT'S NOT ALL!Copy !req
265. THREE FABULOUS NEW PRIZESCopy !req
266. A FOUR-MONTH SUPPLY
OF INTERESTING UNDERGARMENTSCopy !req
267. A FULLY MOTORIZED PIGCopy !req
268. AND A HAND-PAINTED SCENE
OF ARABIAN SPLENDORCopy !req
269. COMPLETE WITH SILLY WALKER.Copy !req
270. FINALLY, ADD THE SLICED MEATCopy !req
271. GARNISH THE VEGETABLESCopy !req
272. AND VOILA... A MEAL FIT FOR A...Copy !req
273. PERSONALLY, I PREFER
MORE CLASSICAL DISHES.Copy !req
274. NIGEL, WONDERFUL
TO SEE YOU.Copy !req
275. SUPER, SUPER, SUPER.Copy !req
276. AM I A TEENY BIT LATE?Copy !req
277. WELL, A BIT...
AN HOUR.Copy !req
278. OH, SUPER.Copy !req
279. ONLY SNOWDON'S BEEN
RETOUCHING MY PROFILECopy !req
280. AND WE CAN'T UPSET
THE LOVELY SNOWDON, CAN WE?Copy !req
281. DAVID BLOGGS,
THE ONE AND ONLY...Copy !req
282. SUPER TO SEE YOU.Copy !req
283. WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?Copy !req
284. COME AND WORK FOR ME.Copy !req
285. I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.Copy !req
286. IT IS REALLY LOVELY TO HAVE
THIS LITTLE CHAT WITH YOU.Copy !req
287. WELL, I...Copy !req
288. IT IS SO NICE TO BE ABLE TO HAVECopy !req
289. THIS LITTLE TALK ABOUT THINGS.Copy !req
290. I HEARD A TEENY RUMORLETTE
THAT YOU WERE MARRIED.Copy !req
291. NOT QUITE, NO... MY WIFE'S
JUST DIED, ACTUALLY.Copy !req
292. OH, DEAR...Copy !req
293. BRIAN!Copy !req
294. WE MUST GET TOGETHER
AGAIN SOON.Copy !req
295. SEE YOU.Copy !req
296. BYE!Copy !req
297. PERHAPS WE COULD
DO A TRIBUTECopy !req
298. TO HER ON THE SHOW.Copy !req
299. WELL, NO...Copy !req
300. I'LL GET PETER,
WILLIAM, ARTHURCopy !req
301. ALEX, JOAN, TED,
SCOTT, WILF, JOHNCopy !req
302. AND RAY
TO FIX IT UP.Copy !req
303. BUT IT'S SO NICE
HAVING THIS LITTLE CHAT.Copy !req
304. ACTUALLY, TIMMYCopy !req
305. I'M GLAD TO GET
YOU ON YOUR OWN.Copy !req
306. YOU DON'T MIND IF PETER
JUST SITS IN, DO YOU?Copy !req
307. WELL, ACTUALLY...Copy !req
308. HE'S DOING AN ARTICLE ON MECopy !req
309. FOR THE MAIL.Copy !req
310. HE'S SUCH
A LOVELY PERSON.Copy !req
311. PETER, THIS IS ONE OF THE
NICEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD...Copy !req
312. NIGEL WATT...
W-A-DOUBLE-T.Copy !req
313. THAT'S RIGHT, YES.Copy !req
314. ACTUALLY, TIMMY, THE THING
IS, IT'S A BIT PRIVATE.Copy !req
315. OH, YOU DON'T MINDCopy !req
316. IF PETER JUST
SITS IN, DO YOU?Copy !req
317. PETER'S WRITING
A BOOK ON ME.Copy !req
318. PETER, YOU KNOW TONY
FROM THE MAIL, DON'T YOU?Copy !req
319. WE MET IN THE TURKISH
BATH YESTERDAY.Copy !req
320. SUPER, SUPER...
DID IT COME OUT WELLCopy !req
321. IN THE WRITING
YESTERDAY?Copy !req
322. GREAT, GREAT.Copy !req
323. YOU TOOK OUT THE TUMMY
REFERENCE, DIDN'T YOU?Copy !req
324. YES, I DID.Copy !req
325. SUPER, SUPER.Copy !req
326. JUST TO FILL YOU INCopy !req
327. THIS IS NIGEL WATTSCopy !req
328. AND WE'RE HAVING A
LITTLE HEART-TO-HEART...Copy !req
329. H-E-A-R-T.Copy !req
330. DO GO ON, NIGEL.Copy !req
331. WELL, THE THING IS, TIMMY, UM...Copy !req
332. DO CARRY ON...
IT'S THE TV TIMESCopy !req
333. ONLY THEY SYNDICATE THESE
PHOTOGRAPHS TO AMERICA.Copy !req
334. WOULD YOU MIND
IF WE JUST...Copy !req
335. SUPER, SUPER.Copy !req
336. ONE OVER HERE,
I THINK, BOB.Copy !req
337. A LITTLE
SMILE, PLEASE.Copy !req
338. SMASHING,
SMASHING.Copy !req
339. FEEL FREE, BOB, TO
CIRCULATE, WON'T YOU?Copy !req
340. DO GO ON... THIS IS
MOST INTERESTING.Copy !req
341. THE THING
IS, TIMMYCopy !req
342. I'M A BIT
EMBARRASSED.Copy !req
343. OH, MR. WILLIAMSCopy !req
344. IT'S SO NICE
TO SEE YOU.Copy !req
345. WILL YOU
SIGN THISCopy !req
346. FOR MY LITTLE
DAUGHTER, PLEASE?Copy !req
347. HELLO,
MARIO.Copy !req
348. SUPER,
WONDERFUL.Copy !req
349. JUST TWO LOVELY
COFFEES, PLEASE.Copy !req
350. SORRY.Copy !req
351. TIMMY, CAN
WE JUST GOCopy !req
352. FROM WHERE
MARIO COMES IN?Copy !req
353. WE'RE GETTING
BAD SOUND, OKAY?Copy !req
354. IT'S GERMAN
TELEVISION.Copy !req
355. ISN'T IT
EXCITING, NIGEL?Copy !req
356. THEY'RE DOING A PRIZEWINNING
DOCUMENTARY ON ME.Copy !req
357. THE WONDERFUL MR. WILLIAMS,
SCENE 239, TAKE 2.Copy !req
358. SPEED.Copy !req
359. ACTION!Copy !req
360. MARIO, HOW SUPER TO SEE YOU!Copy !req
361. HOW ARE THE LOVELY FAMILY?Copy !req
362. PLEASE GIVE YOUR
LITTLE DAUGHTER THIS.Copy !req
363. THANK YOU.Copy !req
364. AND JUST TWO LOVELY
COFFEES, PLEASE.Copy !req
365. YES, SIR.Copy !req
366. SUCH A LOVELY
WAITER!Copy !req
367. NOW, GO ON,
PLEASE.Copy !req
368. THIS IS MOST
INTERESTING.Copy !req
369. WELL, AS I WAS
SAYING, TIMMYCopy !req
370. MY WIFE'S GONE...Copy !req
371. GONE.Copy !req
372. I'VE GOT THREE CHILDREN,
AND I'M AT MY WITS' END.Copy !req
373. NO JOB, NO INSURANCE,
NO MONEY AT ALL.Copy !req
374. I'M ABSOLUTELY FLAT BROKE.Copy !req
375. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE TO TURN.Copy !req
376. I'M ABSOLUTELY
AT THE END OF MY TETHER.Copy !req
377. YOU'RE MY ONLY CHANCE.Copy !req
378. CAN YOU HELP ME, PLEASE, TIMMY?Copy !req
379. SORRY, I WAS ON
THE PHONE TO AMERICA.Copy !req
380. IT'S BEEN SUPER HAVING
THIS LOVELY LITTLE CHAT.Copy !req
381. WE MUST DO THIS
AGAIN MORE OFTEN.Copy !req
382. WILL YOU GET
THE COFFEES?Copy !req
383. I'M AFRAID I MUST DASH.Copy !req
384. I'M AN HOUR LATE
FOR THE ISRAELI EMBASSY.Copy !req
385. DID YOU GET THAT SHOT
ALL RIGHT, SOUND?Copy !req
386. YES, FINE.Copy !req
387. IT WASN'T A BIT
TOO WICKED, WAS IT?Copy !req
388. I MEAN, IT WASN'T
TOO CRUEL?Copy !req
389. NO, NO, NO.Copy !req
390. IT WAS GREAT.Copy !req
391. NO, SUPER...
WELL, I THINKCopy !req
392. IT SHOWS I'M HUMAN,
DON'T YOU?Copy !req
393. YEAH,
IT'S GREAT.Copy !req
394. WELL, THE
CHARABANC'S HERE.Copy !req
395. COME ON, EVERYBODY.Copy !req
396. BYE!Copy !req
397. TIMMY WILLIAMS COFFEE TIME
WAS BROUGHT TO YOU LIVECopy !req
398. FROM WOPPI'S IN HOLBORN.Copy !req
399. GOOD EVENING.Copy !req
400. I HAVE WITH ME IN
THE STUDIO TONIGHTCopy !req
401. ONE OF THE COUNTRY'S
LEADING SKIN SPECIALISTSCopy !req
402. RAYMOND LUXURY YACHT.Copy !req
403. THAT'S NOT MY NAME.Copy !req
404. I'M SORRY,
RAYMOND LUXURY YACH-T.Copy !req
405. NO, NO, NO.Copy !req
406. IT'S SPELT
"RAYMOND LUXURY YACH-T"Copy !req
407. BUT IT'S PRONOUNCED
"THROATWOBBLER MANGROVE."Copy !req
408. YOU ARE A VERY SILLY MAN, AND
I'M NOT GOING TO INTERVIEW YOU.Copy !req
409. ANTI-SEMITISM.Copy !req
410. NOT AT ALL.Copy !req
411. IT'S NOT EVEN
A PROPER NOSE.Copy !req
412. IT'S POLYSTYRENE.Copy !req
413. GIVE ME MY NOSE BACK.Copy !req
414. YOU CAN COLLECT IT
AT RECEPTION... NOW, GO AWAY.Copy !req
415. I WANT TO BE ON TELEVISION.Copy !req
416. WELL, YOU CAN'T.Copy !req
417. PSST!Copy !req
418. ALL CLEAR.Copy !req
419. WHOO, WHEE!Copy !req
420. HI, THERE, BIG BOY.Copy !req
421. WHOO, WHEE!Copy !req
422. HEY, CUPIE!Copy !req
423. HELLO, TIGER.Copy !req
424. WHOO, WHEE!Copy !req
425. TIGER!Copy !req
426. TIGER!Copy !req
427. WHOO, WHEE!Copy !req
428. TIGER.Copy !req
429. HEY, TIGER...Copy !req
430. EXCUSE ME, I WANT
TO GET MARRIED.Copy !req
431. I'M AFRAID I'M
ALREADY MARRIED, SIR.Copy !req
432. NO, I JUST WANT
TO GET MARRIED.Copy !req
433. I COULD GET A DIVORCE, I SUPPOSECopy !req
434. BUT IT WOULD BE
A BIT OF A WRENCH.Copy !req
435. NO, NO, THAT WON'T BE
NECESSARY, BECAUSE...Copy !req
436. SEE, WOULD YOU COME TO MY PLACECopy !req
437. OR SHOULD I HAVE
TO COME TO YOURSCopy !req
438. BECAUSE I'VE JUST
GOT A BIG MORTGAGE?Copy !req
439. NO, I WANT TO GET MARRIED HERE.Copy !req
440. OH, DEAR, I HAD MY HEART
SET ON A CHURCH WEDDING.Copy !req
441. LOOK, I JUST WANT YOU
TO MARRY ME TO...Copy !req
442. I WANT TO MARRY
YOU, TOO, SIRCopy !req
443. BUT IT'S NOT AS
SIMPLE AS THAT.Copy !req
444. YOU'RE SURE YOU
WANT TO GET MARRIED.Copy !req
445. YES, I WANT TO GET
MARRIED VERY QUICKLY.Copy !req
446. SUITS ME, SIR,
SUITS ME.Copy !req
447. I DON'T WANT TO MARRY YOU.Copy !req
448. THERE IS SUCH A THINGCopy !req
449. AS BREACH OF PROMISE, SIR.Copy !req
450. LOOK, I JUST WANT YOUCopy !req
451. TO ACT AS REGISTRAR
AND MARRY ME.Copy !req
452. I WILL MARRY YOU, SIRCopy !req
453. BUT PLEASE MAKE UP
YOUR MIND.Copy !req
454. PLEASE DON'T TRIFLE
WITH MY AFFECTIONS.Copy !req
455. I'M SORRY, BUT...Copy !req
456. THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SIR.Copy !req
457. I FORGIVE YOU... LOVERS' TIFF.Copy !req
458. YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST PERSON
TO ASK ME TODAY.Copy !req
459. I'VE TURNED DOWN
SEVERAL PEOPLE ALREADY.Copy !req
460. LOOK, I'M
ALREADY ENGAGED.Copy !req
461. YES, AND I'M
ALREADY MARRIED.Copy !req
462. STILL WE'LL
GET ROUND IT.Copy !req
463. GOOD MORNING, I
WANT TO GET MARRIED.Copy !req
464. I'M AFRAID I'M
ALREADY MARRYINGCopy !req
465. THIS GENTLEMAN, SIR.Copy !req
466. WELL, CAN I GET
MARRIED AFTER HIM?Copy !req
467. WELL, DIVORCE ISN'T
AS QUICK AS THAT, SIR.Copy !req
468. STILL, IF YOU'RE KEEN.Copy !req
469. I WANT TO GET
MARRIED, PLEASE.Copy !req
470. HEAVENS, IT'S MY
LUCKY DAY, ISN'T IT?Copy !req
471. ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
472. YOU'LL HAVE TO WAITCopy !req
473. TILL I'VE MARRIED
THESE TWO, SIR.Copy !req
474. WHAT, THOSE TWO,
GETTING MARRIED?Copy !req
475. NIGEL, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING MARRYING HIM?Copy !req
476. HE'S MARRYING ME, FIRST, SIR.Copy !req
477. HE'S ENGAGED
TO ME.Copy !req
478. COME ON,
HENRY.Copy !req
479. BLIMEY,
THE WIFE.Copy !req
480. WILL YOU MARRY ME?Copy !req
481. I'M ALREADY MARRIED.Copy !req
482. WELL, THINGS TURNED OUTCopy !req
483. ALL RIGHT IN THE ENDCopy !req
484. BUT YOU MUSTN'TASK HOW,
BECAUSE IT'S NAUGHTY.Copy !req
485. THEY'RE ALL MARRIED
AND LIVING QUITE WELLCopy !req
486. IN A COUNCIL ESTATE
NEAR DULWICH.Copy !req
487. TODAY I WANT
TO TELL YOU A STORY.Copy !req
488. ONCE UPON A TIME THERE
WAS AN ENCHANTED PRINCECopy !req
489. WHO RULED THE LAND
BEYOND THE WUBBLES.Copy !req
490. ONE DAY, HE DISCOVERED
A SPOT ON HIS FACE.Copy !req
491. FOOLISHLY, HE IGNORED IT.Copy !req
492. AND THREE YEARS LATER
HE DIED OF...Copy !req
493. GANGRENE.Copy !req
494. THE SPOT, HOWEVER, FLOURISHEDCopy !req
495. AND SOON SET OUT
TO SEEK ITS FORTUNE.Copy !req
496. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.Copy !req
497. BLAH, BLAH, BLAHCopy !req
498. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.Copy !req
499. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAHCopy !req
500. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.Copy !req
501. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAHCopy !req
502. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.Copy !req
503. AGNES, DID YOU SEE WHO
JUST MOVED IN NEXT DOOR?Copy !req
504. YES, BLACK AS THE ACE OF SPADES.Copy !req
505. OOH, THERE
GOES THE NEIGHBORHOODCopy !req
506. THEM AND THEIR SMELLY COOKING.Copy !req
507. AND THE NOISE.Copy !req
508. AND THEY BREED LIKE RABBITS.Copy !req
509. OH, YES.Copy !req
510. HELLO, AND WELCOME
TO ELECTION NIGHT SPECIAL.Copy !req
511. THERE'S GREAT EXCITEMENT
HERE AT THE MOMENTCopy !req
512. AS WE SHOULD BE GETTING
THE FIRST RESULT THROUGHCopy !req
513. ANY MOMENT NOW; WE DON'T
KNOW WHERE IT WILL BE FROM.Copy !req
514. IT MIGHT BE FROM LEICESTER
OR FROM LUTON.Copy !req
515. THE POLLING'S BEEN
QUITE HEAVY IN BOTH AREAS.Copy !req
516. OH, WAIT A MOMENT...
I'M JUST GETTINGCopy !req
517. A LOUD BUZZING NOISE
IN MY LEFT EAR.Copy !req
518. EXCUSE ME A MOMENT.Copy !req
519. ANYWAY, LET'S GO STRAIGHT OVERCopy !req
520. TO JAMES GILBERT AT LEICESTER.Copy !req
521. WELL, IT'S A STRAIGHT
FIGHT HERE AT LEICESTER.Copy !req
522. ON THE LEFT OF
THE RETURNING OFFICERCopy !req
523. YOU CAN SEE ARTHUR SMITH,
THE SENSIBLE CANDIDATECopy !req
524. AND HIS AGENT,
AND ON THE OTHER SIDE ISCopy !req
525. THE SILLY CANDIDATE,
JETHRO WALRUSTITTYCopy !req
526. WITH HIS AGENT AND HIS WIFE.Copy !req
527. HERE IS THE RESULTCopy !req
528. ARTHUR J. SMITH...Copy !req
529. SENSIBLE PARTY.Copy !req
530. 30,612.Copy !req
531. JETHRO Q. WALRUSTITTY.Copy !req
532. SILLY PARTY.Copy !req
533. 32,108.Copy !req
534. WELL, THERE'S THE FIRST RESULTCopy !req
535. AND THE SILLY PARTY
HAVE HELD LEICESTER.Copy !req
536. WHAT DO YOU MAKE
OF THAT, NORMAN?Copy !req
537. WELL, THIS IS LARGELY
AS I PREDICTEDCopy !req
538. EXCEPT THAT THE SILLY PARTY WON.Copy !req
539. BUT THEN, THIS IS MAINLY DUECopy !req
540. TO THE NUMBER
OF VOTES CAST... GERALD.Copy !req
541. WELL, THERE'S A SWING HERE
TO THE SILLY PARTYCopy !req
542. BUT HOW BIG A SWING
I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.Copy !req
543. WELL, IF I MAY, I THINK
THE INTERESTING THING HERECopy !req
544. IS THE BIG SWING
TO THE SILLY PARTYCopy !req
545. AND OF COURSE, THE VERY LARGE
SWING BACK TO THE SENSIBLE PARTYCopy !req
546. AND A TENDENCY TO WOBBLE
UP AND DOWN IN THE MIDDLECopy !req
547. BECAUSE THE SCREW IS LOOSE.Copy !req
548. I'M AFRAID I CAN'T
THINK OF ANYTHING.Copy !req
549. I CAN'T ADD ANYTHING
TO THAT... COLIN?Copy !req
550. CAN I JUST BUTT IN AT THIS POINT
AND SAY THIS IS IN FACTCopy !req
551. THE VERY FIRST TIME I'VE
EVER APPEARED ON TELEVISION?Copy !req
552. NO, WE HAVEN'T TIME
BECAUSE WE'RE GOINGCopy !req
553. STRAIGHT OVER TO LUTON.Copy !req
554. HERE AT LUTONCopy !req
555. IT'S A THREE-CORNERED FIGHTCopy !req
556. BETWEEN ALAN JONES,
SENSIBLE PARTY, IN THE MIDDLECopy !req
557. TARQUIN FIN-TIM-LIN-BIN-WHIN-
BIM-LIN-BUS-STOP-FTANG-FTANG- OLE-BISCUITBARREL...Copy !req
558. SILLY PARTY...Copy !req
559. AND KEVIN PHILLIPS-BONG,
THE SLIGHTLY SILLY CANDIDATE.Copy !req
560. ALAN JONES...Copy !req
561. ON THE LEFT, SENSIBLE PARTY.Copy !req
562. 9,112.Copy !req
563. KEVIN PHILLIPS-BONG...Copy !req
564. ON THE RIGHT, SLIGHTLY SILLY.Copy !req
565. NAUGHT.Copy !req
566. TARQUIN FIN-TIM-LIN-BIN-WHIN-
BIM-LIN-BUS-STOP-FTANG-FTANG- OLE-BISCUITBARREL...Copy !req
567. SILLY.Copy !req
568. 12,441.Copy !req
569. AND SO THE SILLY PARTY
HAS TAKEN LUTON.Copy !req
570. A GAIN FOR THE SILLY PARTY
AT LUTONCopy !req
571. THE FIRST GAIN
OF THE ELECTION... NORMAN.Copy !req
572. WELL, THIS IS A HIGHLY
SIGNIFICANT RESULT.Copy !req
573. LUTON, NORMALLY A VERY
SENSIBLE CONSTITUENCYCopy !req
574. WITH A HIGH PROPORTION OF PEOPLE
WHO AREN'T A BIT SILLYCopy !req
575. HAS GONE COMPLETELY GAGA.Copy !req
576. DO WE HAVE THE SWING AT LUTON?Copy !req
577. WELL, I'VE WORKED OUT THE SWING,
BUT IT'S A SECRET.Copy !req
578. ER... WELL, AH, THERE...Copy !req
579. THERE ISN'T THE SWING,
AND HOW ABOUT THE SWONG?Copy !req
580. WELL, I'VE GOT THE SWONG HERE IN
THIS BOX, AND IT'S LOOKING FINE.Copy !req
581. I CAN SEE THROUGH
THE BREATHING HOLESCopy !req
582. THAT IT'S EATING UP PEANUTS
AT A RATE OF KNOTS.Copy !req
583. AND HOW ABOUT THE SWANG?Copy !req
584. WELL, IT'S 29% UP OVER 600 FEETCopy !req
585. BUT IT'S A LITTLE BIT SOFT
AROUND THE EDGES ABOUT...Copy !req
586. WHAT DO YOU MAKE
OF THE NYLON DOT CARDIGANCopy !req
587. AND PLASTIC MULE REST?Copy !req
588. THERE'S
NO SUCH THING.Copy !req
589. THANK YOU, SPIKE.Copy !req
590. CAN I JUST COME IN HERE AND SAYCopy !req
591. THAT THE SWONG
HAS CHOKED ITSELF TO DEATH?Copy !req
592. WELL, THE ELECTION'S REALLY
BEGINNING TO HOT UP NOW.Copy !req
593. I CAN'T ADD ANYTHING TO THAT.Copy !req
594. CAN I JUST ADD AT THIS POINT
THIS IS IN FACT THE SECOND TIMECopy !req
595. I'VE EVER APPEARED
ON TELEVISION?Copy !req
596. I'M SORRY, SASHA, WE'RE JUST
ABOUT TO GET ANOTHER RESULT.Copy !req
597. HELLO, FROM HARPENDEN.Copy !req
598. THIS IS A KEY SEAT,
BECAUSE IN ADDITIONCopy !req
599. TO THE OFFICIAL SILLY CANDIDATECopy !req
600. THERE IS AN INDEPENDENT
VERY SILLY CANDIDATECopy !req
601. WHO MA Y SPLIT THE SILLY VOTE.Copy !req
602. MR. ELSIE ZZZZZZZZZ...Copy !req
603. SILLY.Copy !req
604. 26,317...Copy !req
605. JAMES WALKER...Copy !req
606. SENSIBLE.Copy !req
607. 26,318.Copy !req
608. THAT WAS CLOSE.Copy !req
609. MALCOLM PETER BRIAN TELESCOPE
ADRIAN UMBRELLA STAND JASPERCopy !req
610. WEDNESDAY
STOATGOBBLER JOHN RAW VEGETABLECopy !req
611. ARTHUR NORMAN MICHAELCopy !req
612. FEATHERSTONE SMITHCopy !req
613. NORTHGOT EDWARDS HARRISCopy !req
614. MASONCopy !req
615. CHUF, CHUF, CHUFCopy !req
616. FRAMPTON JONES
FRUITBAT GILBERT...Copy !req
617. WILLIAMS "IF I COULD
WALK THAT WAY" JENKINCopy !req
618. TIGER DRAWERS PRATT THOMPSONCopy !req
619. DARCY CARTERCopy !req
620. PUSSYCATCopy !req
621. BARTON MANNERINGCopy !req
622. SMITH.Copy !req
623. VERY SILLY.Copy !req
624. TWO.Copy !req
625. WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT...Copy !req
626. A SENSIBLE GAIN
HERE AT DRIFFIELD.Copy !req
627. NORMAN.Copy !req
628. WELL, I'VE JUST HEARDCopy !req
629. FROM LUTON
THAT MY AUNTIE'S ILL...Copy !req
630. POSSIBLY, POSSIBLY
GASTROENTERITIS... GERALD.Copy !req
631. WELL, IF THIS WERE REPEATED
OVER THE WHOLE COUNTRYCopy !req
632. IT'D PROBABLY BE
VERY MESSY... COLIN.Copy !req
633. CAN I JUST BUTT IN AND SAY HERE
THAT IT'S PROBABLY THE LAST TIMECopy !req
634. I SHALL EVER APPEAR
ON TELEVISION?Copy !req
635. NO, I'M AFRAID YOU CAN'T.Copy !req
636. WE HAVEN'T GOT TIME.Copy !req
637. JUST TO BRING YOU UP TO DATECopy !req
638. WITH THE FEW RESULTS
THAT YOU MAY HAVE MISSEDCopy !req
639. ENGELBERT HUMPERDINCK HAS TAKEN
BARROW-IN-FURNESS.Copy !req
640. THAT'S A GAIN FROM ANN HAYDON-
JONES AND HER HUSBAND PIP.Copy !req
641. ARTHUR NEGUS HAS HELD BRISTOLS.Copy !req
642. THAT'S NOT A RESULT,
THAT'S A BIT OF GOSSIP.Copy !req
643. AND ER... MARY WHITEHOUSE
HAS JUST TAKEN UMBRAGE.Copy !req
644. COULD BE A BIT OF TROUBLE THERE.Copy !req
645. AND APPARENTLY WALES
IS NOT SWINGING AT ALL.Copy !req
646. NO SURPRISE THERE.Copy !req
647. AND MONTY PYTHON
HAS HELD THE CREDITS.Copy !req